Latest / Crafted Connections / EP 9: Unlearning, Rising, & Killing the Chameleon Reflex with Sarah Khan

Transcript

EP 9: Unlearning, Rising, & Killing the Chameleon Reflex with Sarah Khan · Crafted Connections

• 0:04
  SPEAKER_01: Hello, welcome to Crafted Connections.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_01: I'm Kayla Calhoun, and this is a podcast all about storytelling and building genuine community.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_01: Here we'll dive into the art of storytelling, unpack strategies for making meaningful connections, and hear from incredible humans who are using their story to create impact.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_01: So grab your favorite beverage, settle in, and let's craft some connections.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_01: Hey, hey, welcome back to Crafted Connections.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_01: I am so excited for today's guest, Sarah Khan.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_01: Sarah and I connected a few years ago, and anytime she speaks, I'm like, please don't stop talking.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_01: I think you'll really enjoy this episode.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_01: Sarah helps multi-talented women through speaking and business growth advising, but what I really love about this episode is we don't dive into that too much.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_01: It's about the why.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_01: This podcast is about the why.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_01: It's digging into people's stories, and not only am I trying to encourage people to connect with others through storytelling, but I also want people to do what they love and do it from a place of really deep purpose.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_01: And I think Sarah's stories today do a great job of giving you an example of that.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_01: She has multiple times in her life that have led her to the point of helping women today and doing the dang thing that she does.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_01: And so just let's dive in, uh, enjoy these stories, enjoy Sarah's journey to find her purpose, Sarah's journey to find herself and show up in rooms completely unapologetically.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I've heard that word a lot, showing up unapologetically, but to actually embody it is a whole nother experience.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_01: And I think, oh, gosh, Sarah is an inspiration for me to do that more.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_01: So yay, yay, yay.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_01: Let's talk to Sarah.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_01: Sarah Khan, thank you so much for joining us on Crafted Connections.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_01: How are you?
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_01: Absolute pleasure.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_01: I'm good.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_01: I'm good.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_01: I'm a solid okay.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_00: We got up today.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, we did.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: Watch out.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, we did.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: I got my big girl pants on.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_00: I've brushed my teeth.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: It's all good.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: I'm good.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_01: And this is on Zoom, so you didn't even have to put on your big girl pants if you didn't want to.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I had to because I had to go out and do like a thing, and I had to go people today.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm not in my pajamas, which is like a first for a lot of people.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: You're welcome.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_01: So just to kind of like kick us off, can you give the listeners a little bit about you in a few words?
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: A few words.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_00: I mean as many as you need.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_00: They removed brevity from me when I was born.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_00: Like I was born without it.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_00: I am Sarah Khan.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_00: I am a strategic growth advisor and leadership consultant.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_00: That's the official official.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_00: I am somebody who is incredibly passionate about deprogramming women from believing that their value is in being valuable and building businesses, building careers where the doing is not where their value is found, stuck.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_00: Like that's not what they're measuring it by.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_00: So it's all about building sustainable scaling of businesses through self-leadership.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_01: Awesome.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_01: The way that I've read you phrase it is getting people out of hesitation hell.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_01: And I love that.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I just one of the things that kind of hit me in the head a little while ago, because I too am the person that I try to help.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_00: When you are like high capacity, high functioning, high uh ambition driven, like all of the highly whatever words, right?
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_00: When you live a life of service, when you do things for other people, trying to make decisions, simple decisions for yourself is incredibly difficult, right?
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_00: I liken it to a gourmet chef who does this for a living.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: They cook all day these incredible meals, five star meals.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_00: And then they come home and they're like, we're either gonna order pizza or I'm gonna make craft dinner because fuck this shit.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_00: I'm allowed to swear, yes.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_00: Totes, totes, totes, totes.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_01: I will just click that expletive check mark in the upload.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_01: It's funny, the one I just published today, I didn't have to do that.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, oh, what a what a Quaker he was.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_00: Like, not many of those.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_00: I know.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I just want to make sure because like I swear in my house, but your house, different rules.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_00: I find that women are like that too.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: When you're when you're making decisions all day long for for people on behalf of people, moms especially, like how many times a day do you have to decide what your kids are, you know, or your spouse, when when you have to make decisions for yourself, it gets really, really hard because especially the way we're conditioned, if you've had like a corporate career or if you've been in any kind of traditional workplace, there's always this feeling of like, what if it's the wrong choice?
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_00: What if I don't get it right the first time?
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: And a lot of the time the work that I do revolves around that piece.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_00: Like, listen, you're never going to get it right because there is no right.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: And so moving out of that, I'm just looking for clarity.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just taking a pause, I'm just waiting for, waiting for, waiting for.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_00: It's like, no, make the decision.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_00: So a lot of the work is really around understanding what that decision needs to be, why you're making it.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_00: Because that's what makes it easier, right?
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_00: So the hesitation, hell, yeah, I totally get it.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_01: I love that.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_01: Gosh, I want to dig into that and like go down that thing so much.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_01: But the premise of the pod is very much sharing people's stories and their background and along the way, right?
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_01: Like we are both deeply passionate people about the work we do.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_01: So that's going to be deeply woven into the fabric of our conversation today.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_01: But can you give a little background of your life experience, where you're from, and maybe some of the stories that have gotten you so passionate about helping women?
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I was born on a dark and stormy night, like for real, for real.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_01: It all adds up.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_00: I was born on a dark and stormy night.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_00: So I I grew up in in a very small town in northern Canada.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_00: Like we're talking 15,000 people at its peak.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_00: Like, not, you know, and now apparently the murder capital of Canada.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_00: I don't even know what to tell you about that.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_00: But everything's just tracking.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_00: We're out of stone.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_00: It's like it explains so much about Sarah.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_00: It was an interesting upbringing.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_00: I had these incredibly wonderful, loving parents.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_00: And so my home life was great in the sense that, you know, my parents were present.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_00: I had like a little brother and a little sister.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_00: Like it was, it was really like a Brady Bunch kind of upbringing.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_00: But the town itself was incredibly racist.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_00: So majority, I mean, I would say it was probably an even split between uh Caucasian people and indigenous people.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_00: And then there was me.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_01: Since we're audio only, can you give our listeners a little bit of your ethnic background, right?
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_01: Oh yes.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_00: I'm a brown girl.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_00: I'm uh I'm a beautiful mix of uh Pakistani and Middle Eastern heritage.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: The brown girl in the ring.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_00: Like I I I'm visibly a minority.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_00: In that town, I was the most visible of visible minorities because even though we had a few families dotted around, at my school, I was the only one who looked like me.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: And that made me an easy target.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_00: And so most of my life, actually right through high school, I was bullied pretty terribly.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_00: Not just verbal, I was physically assaulted on a number of occasions.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, for somebody who's like, what am I doing wrong?
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_00: Like, because my parents, I didn't realize until much later that they were going through their own journey of like racism because they were immigrants and they were trying to find their own place in the town.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_00: And we forget that our parents are doing it for the first time as well.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_00: And and I didn't realize that because I would, I would like complain about stuff at home, and it was always like, well, just just suck it up or just, you know, do like be a better person kind of thing, you know.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_00: And like I was really resentful at the time, but now I understand like my dad was going through his own journey, my mom was going through her own journey.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_00: So you got this little brown girl in this school where everybody's hating on her.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_00: And I remember one particular incident, and this is actually the I would call this the catalyst moment of my life.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_00: I was eight years old, and I was, you know, lined up outside the school, getting ready to go in one morning.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_00: I think it was like September, and this group of older kids, I think maybe they were grade seven or eight, and they always picked on me.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_00: And this one morning, one of them like kicked my legs out from under me, and the other one grabbed a handful of like dirt, mud, whatever, and just like shoved it in my face and like ground it into my face.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_00: And I didn't know what the heck was going on.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_00: Like then the bell rang and I heard footsteps, and it was a few minutes before someone came picked me up, walked me to the nurse's office, and I sat there.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_00: And I mean, I was on a first name basis with the nurse.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I'd been in there a lot before you've been there, yeah.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_00: I got a stomach ache, I got a stomach ache, you know.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_00: And so she's washing the mud out of my eyes, and I just have this vivid memory of like mud dripping down onto my little butterfly collar shirt because it was like the 80s.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_00: And I just stopped and I was like, why do they hate me?
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_00: And God bless her, she cut my chin, she kind of tilted me up to look at her, and in a very matter-of-fact way, she goes, Sweetheart, you must be doing something they don't like.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_00: And in that moment, I was like, Oh.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm sitting there, a little eight-year-old me, I'm like, what am I doing that they don't?
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just being me.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, so I'm the problem.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_00: And so that moment for me was like, well, shit, I need to be a better person.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I really need to change who I am because if me is the problem, then I need to be somebody better.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_00: And so that was really kind of like the start of this decades-long journey of me conforming to whatever the room required, right?
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_00: And I can look back on it now and say that, but I was literally like, okay, I became hyper aware, I became hyper-vigilant about like who are these people, what do they need, who do I have to be to be accepted in this room?
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_00: I spent my entire life being a chameleon, and I'll be honest with you, it got me into rooms.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_00: It was, I think, solely responsible for a lot of the opportunities that I had because I was able to conform to whatever people expected or needed.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_00: So 30, 35 years of my life, I was whoever you needed me to be.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_00: And that's too long.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_00: It is, it's far too long because the unraveling then is like a lot more intense.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_01: But even a moment, but yeah, like the fact that it was so long and so ingrained.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_01: And I I know, like, even though you've done so much work, it's still like it just it prevails.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_00: It does because I still catch myself doing it, you know, even knowing.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_00: But it was having kids.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_00: I had my first little girl when I was 32.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_00: And for the first few years of her life, I'll be honest, I was like, she needs to be a certain way if she's gonna be accepted.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_00: Like she need, and I was like, for the first couple of years, kind of hard on my kid.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_00: Like, you need to conform, you need to do this.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_00: There was a pivotal moment, maybe about five or six years in, where I can't even remember what it was, but I just remember having the thought of like, I don't know who I am.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I have no idea who I am.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_00: And that started the journey of who the heck is Saricon?
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_00: And long story short, it's gotten to the point where I understand now.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_00: I see so many women doing it.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_00: I see so many women conforming, so many women like bought into this belief system that the only way to be accepted is to be who people need you to be.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_00: And the only way to succeed is to like drink the Kool-Aid.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that's why I'm so vehemently, like almost viscerally opposed to any space that requires you to shrink, to curb your enthusiasm, to show up in a in a different way.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_00: Like I'm really aware now of people's response to me when I show up as me.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_00: And whereas before I would like, oh, okay, I need to adjust.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_00: Now I've gotten to the point where it's like, oh, I need to leave.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_01: It's almost like you're allergic to that, like a space that doesn't have space for you, right?
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_01: Like all in air quotes, but still, like you get in there and you're like, it hurts to even be in this energy for like 30 seconds.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, we gotta go.
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_01: We gotta go.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_01: And because I truly deeply believe, and I think you seek these things out as well, that there is a space for you that will accept you, that will let you be you.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_01: And so, how do we make sure that you can have those?
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_01: Hey y'all.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I love telling stories, gathering stories, and finding a way to help people connect their story with the people that will get it.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_01: And that's what my story strategy sessions are all about.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_01: So over at Calhoun Creative Consulting, my strategic storytelling firm, we do one-on-one and or facilitated workshops in relation to really honing in the strategy around your story.
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_01: It's a bit of messaging meets content creation, meets storytelling, and then how do we put that out in the world?
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_01: How do we show up regularly?
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_01: There's a bit of mindset work around it, right?
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_01: To actually tell your story, whether you're launching something new or trying to rework your brand or just feeling a little foggy on how to communicate with your people.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_01: This is how to get clear.
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_01: We'll dig into things like your narrative, how to uncover what matters most, maybe map out a few content pillars while we're at it.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_01: You'll also get a recording of our session so you can revisit the conversation anytime you like.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_01: Let's shape a story that actually feels like you.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_01: So book yours today.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_01: There is a link in the show notes.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_01: And hey, while you're at it, use the code podcast, all caps, podcast for 25% off your session.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_01: I would be honored to spend time with you and suss out your story.
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_01: Let's dive back into the episode, shall we?
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_01: You said 35 years of getting in rooms, pivoting, tweaking to like make sure that you fit.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_01: What was the like, I'm not gonna do this anymore?
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_01: Oh shit, I'm doing this.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_01: Like, what was that moment?
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_01: You know, maybe just the awareness, right?
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_01: Because change takes a long time.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_01: And awareness is first step.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_01: So when was like the awareness kind of starting to come up for you around the fact that you were making yourself fit into rooms?
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_00: I think it kind of happened, I want to say 2016-ish.
• 13:51
  SPEAKER_00: Wow.
• 13:51
  unknown: Okay.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_00: I and I had been doing personal development work for at least five or six years before that, mindset work, et cetera.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_00: Like that's when I really kind of got into it.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_00: But I think the realization came in 2016.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_00: There were a group of people that I was working with.
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_00: I had been working solo up until that point.
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_00: And then suddenly I was given a team of people to work with, and they had all been working together before.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_00: Is this in a corporate space, working for yourself?
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_00: It was at an organization.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_00: So I was like the boss of the team, but they had all been working together before.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_00: So I was kind of like the odd person out.
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_00: And I just remember avoiding hanging out with them as long as I could.
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_00: And then one day it was like, come on, come with us, do it, like, do it.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, okay.
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_00: And just their dynamic was so interesting.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_00: And I found myself conforming to that dynamic.
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_00: I ingratiated myself with them.
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_00: They absolutely loved me.
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_00: And I just remember one of the guys would tell like a sexist joke or a racist joke, and I would be like, ha ha ha ha, that was amazing.
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_00: Like, you know, yeah.
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_00: As you do.
• 14:49
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 14:49
  SPEAKER_00: And inside, I'm like, that is so freaking inappropriate.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_00: Like, oh my, I can't believe they're saying.
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_00: But I found myself at odds.
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_00: Like, oh my gosh, I've got friends.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_00: This is also really weird.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_00: I started to see myself having this weird double life almost.
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_00: Where you're like, I am two people right now.
• 15:06
  SPEAKER_00: I am two people, yeah.
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_00: And then I had a car accident at the end of 2016, and I had a really bad concussion.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_00: So I had I was off work.
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_00: And not a single one of them, not a single one of them, down to a person, checked in on me or called me or anything.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_00: I was just like gone from their life, right?
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_00: And for me, it was like, so I've invested all of this time being the person they needed me to be, they wanted me to be.
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_00: And that was what I thought like loved by all of them.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_00: And the moment I disappeared, crickets, right?
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_00: And I started to think to myself, because I had a lot of time to think.
• 15:43
  SPEAKER_00: Because you know, you're you're right, you're in bed.
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_00: I can't be on screens.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_00: It was like I had a lot of things.
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_00: Just gotta heal your brain.
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_00: Just gotta heal your brain.
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_00: And I I started to think to myself, like, if I'm bending over backwards to be who people want me to be so that they can love me and I'm still not good enough.
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_00: I'm still not really a part of the group.
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_00: What the fuck am I doing?
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm not gonna say that that was like the moment that changed everything, but that's when the awareness happened.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and it started growing from there, I imagine.
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_00: So, like, you know, I had my second baby and blah, blah, blah.
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_00: And then I was like, and then COVID hit, and I was like moving my stuff online and I left corporate.
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_00: And then I started coming into these groups online because we were so isolated during lockdown.
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_00: We all know that, right?
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like craving community, and I'm coming into these communities, and same sort of thing was happening, right?
• 16:31
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I was the token brown girl in a lot of communities.
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_00: It was so freaking annoying.
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_00: But having to like shrink myself, having to like not swear, having to censor myself.
• 16:42
  SPEAKER_00: You'll probably know this, but like you know what my quote unquote brand is like.
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, right.
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_00: I spit fire, I'm very honest, I'm very whatever.
• 16:49
  SPEAKER_00: But the number of people who have told me time and time and time again over the last five years, that's gonna turn people off.
• 16:57
  SPEAKER_00: You need to be more of this, you need to be more of that, you need to tone it down a little bit, you need to not say those kinds of words.
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, there's so much pressure all the time to be who you're not because it makes other people uncomfortable.
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_00: And there's a lot of like, yeah, yeah, girl, be you, be authentic, be big, when you know, but it's so hard when all you want is for people to love you.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_00: So my my youngest.
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 17:27
  SPEAKER_00: So my youngest uh was diagnosed a couple years ago with um autism and ADHD.
• 17:39
  SPEAKER_00: And not to make it all about me, because it's not but I think that diagnosis was probably the most liberating moment of my life.
• 17:49
  SPEAKER_00: Because I don't know if it's like a maternal instinct or like there's that dragon mama kind of kind of thing, but almost instantly I was like, she is going to be treated differently her whole life, and I will not fucking allow her to change because of it.
• 18:04
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, like it was just this visceral reaction, right?
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_00: Of I'm not gonna tell her to be quiet in, you know, when we're out, I'm not gonna tell her to to to censor herself or calm down.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_00: Like she gets to be who she is.
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 18:22
  SPEAKER_00: And she gets to be however she is, and I'm never going to make her feel like who she is is unacceptable.
• 18:30
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 18:30
  SPEAKER_00: Because that's really what it comes down to, right?
• 18:32
  SPEAKER_00: This idea of if you don't fit whatever norm this group has has decided is the the status quo, yeah, you are unacceptable.
• 18:41
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_00: And that for me was like, it was almost like a liberation for me too.
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 18:47
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 18:47
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_01: I love those moments where we see the correlation between how we've been allowing people to treat us and how we don't want our loved ones to be treated.
• 18:57
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_01: They're, yeah, wow, that was that's so powerful.
• 19:02
  SPEAKER_01: When I, you know, I've I've had employees in the past, this that and the other.
• 19:05
  SPEAKER_01: And I remember when I was first bringing employees on, it was really hard because I was always going, you know, 12 plus hour days and then hiring people.
• 19:15
  SPEAKER_01: You can't just make like that doesn't that doesn't work, right?
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_01: Like you can't have these unruly expectations.
• 19:20
  SPEAKER_01: And and it really hit me that I was I was allowing myself to like let clients walk all over this and but but it to see, oh, it's that's not okay.
• 19:29
  SPEAKER_01: That's not okay for your daughter to be treated that way, and then realize that you've not been letting yourself fully take up space.
• 19:37
  SPEAKER_01: Wow, that's amazing.
• 19:39
  SPEAKER_00: Ugh Well, it it it becomes one of those moments of like do as I say, not as I do.
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_00: Like if I'm gonna tell my kids to be comfortable who they are, but all they do is watch their mom conform to every space she's in, like what kind of a message does that send?
• 19:52
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 19:52
  SPEAKER_00: Because you your inherent feeling of safety comes from the people that care for you.
• 19:59
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 19:59
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 20:00
  SPEAKER_00: And if they don't feel safe, yeah, you don't feel safe no matter what they say.
• 20:04
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 20:04
  SPEAKER_01: And then even, you know, like you said, like the do as I say, not as I do, being a very contradictory way to live.
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_01: Recently, I I just for fun, I took a level one improv class.
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_01: And one of the women in my class, the first day we all had to share why we were there, why we decided to take class.
• 20:19
  SPEAKER_01: And she said, My husband and I told our son that he had to have more hobbies.
• 20:23
  SPEAKER_01: And he said to us, Well, you don't have hobbies, and so I'm here at class now to do that, right?
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_01: It's like, how do we how do we infuse the best for ourselves and then therefore, you know, live in an example that that we want our loved ones to to experience as well.
• 20:40
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for sharing that.
• 20:41
  SPEAKER_00: That is thank you for the space to share it.
• 20:45
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
• 20:46
  SPEAKER_01: I would love, I think you have a very honest, interesting take on community.
• 20:50
  SPEAKER_01: I think it, you know, it is this gag me with a spoon buzzword uh that can really and I use it all the time.
• 20:57
  SPEAKER_01: So it's like so, but but your take on it just was very enlightening.
• 21:01
  SPEAKER_01: And when you hear community, would you mind speaking to that?
• 21:04
  SPEAKER_01: What did I say about community?
• 21:06
  SPEAKER_01: I don't remember.
• 21:06
  SPEAKER_01: I kind of like you were just like, uh, people need to stop bullshitting when it comes to community.
• 21:11
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I just loved it.
• 21:13
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 21:14
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, people need to stop bullshitting.
• 21:16
  SPEAKER_00: So people need to stop bullshitting when it comes to community.
• 21:18
  SPEAKER_00: I was having this conversation with see, this is so this is my my problem.
• 21:22
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know if it's my brain injury or I'm just old or if it's menopause or it's all of the above, but I can't I can't remember like details about a lot of things in my life, but I remember their most random shit.
• 21:32
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 21:33
  SPEAKER_00: Like I know exactly what Jamie said to Cersei in season seven of Game of Thrones, but anyway, yeah.
• 21:39
  SPEAKER_00: So we were having a conversation, and it was just this idea that especially in the business space, people use the guise of community to sell.
• 21:48
  SPEAKER_00: It's a it's a bit of a catch 22 because obviously, in a business relationship, yeah, you bring people together in this community, and obviously you are going to sell them things because.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: Because that is literally the whole point of bringing people into your community, right?
• 22:03
  SPEAKER_00: It's like a captive audience to sell them.
• 22:05
  SPEAKER_00: But what I'm finding now, I mean, first of all, you shouldn't be using the term community if that's the case.
• 22:09
  SPEAKER_00: It should be like a lead group or a like whatever.
• 22:12
  SPEAKER_00: Like it, like let's be honest and transparent about what it really is.
• 22:14
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 22:15
  SPEAKER_01: Because people in there are not necessarily mad that you're gonna be offering them things that will help them with whatever problem, right?
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 22:21
  SPEAKER_01: And if you're transparent about it, yeah.
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_01: Like you we're a community until like your car doesn't run, you know?
• 22:26
  SPEAKER_00: And it's like, yeah, but are we and like I get it because like I've heard people say that, oh, this coach was only interested in me until I stopped paying her.
• 22:34
  SPEAKER_00: Like, obviously, right?
• 22:36
  SPEAKER_00: If you're paying a coach to be interested in you, when you stop paying them, they have other customers, clients, whatever to look after.
• 22:42
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I get that I do.
• 22:43
  SPEAKER_00: But what I'm seeing a lot of in the last couple of years is that sales community being sold as friendship and connection.
• 22:53
  SPEAKER_00: And there is a market difference, right?
• 22:57
  SPEAKER_00: Like that I have been to a couple of communities that were marketed as friendship and connection.
• 23:04
  SPEAKER_00: And they were neither of those things.
• 23:06
  SPEAKER_00: And in an increasingly disconnected society, because we are moving more and more online, we're not traveling as much anymore for a lot of reasons.
• 23:15
  SPEAKER_00: But like someone like me, for example, that's one of the biggest things right now at this season of my life, at this stage of my business that I'm looking for.
• 23:23
  SPEAKER_00: I'm looking for connection.
• 23:24
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I want friends, I want people who I can call up and not talk about business.
• 23:29
  SPEAKER_00: And we're lacking that because especially when you're an entrepreneur and you're online and 99% of your day is like, how am I gonna find people to pay me because I've got a mortgage, right?
• 23:39
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 23:39
  SPEAKER_00: It's really hard to just make friends without this feeling of it's transactional.
• 23:45
  SPEAKER_00: And so we join these communities hoping for connection.
• 23:49
  SPEAKER_00: And it's really disheartening when all it is is transactional.
• 23:52
  SPEAKER_00: When the minute you stop paying them, they don't give a shit about you.
• 23:55
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 23:55
  SPEAKER_00: I see so many people, and I'm myself included in that, who were just like floating around disconnected because, first of all, time is a flat circle, right?
• 24:04
  SPEAKER_00: You can talk to somebody and then you reconnect with them.
• 24:06
  SPEAKER_00: You're like, it's been seven months, like what the heck happened?
• 24:08
  SPEAKER_00: You know, but also we're busy, we have lives.
• 24:11
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I get it.
• 24:12
  SPEAKER_00: I posted something in a group anonymously because I knew it was gonna get all kinds of like whatever, but I'll share it here.
• 24:18
  SPEAKER_00: I posted in a group, I was like, is it just me or is making friends when you're an adult really, really freaking hard?
• 24:22
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, right?
• 24:23
  SPEAKER_00: And I had some people who were like, Yeah, girl, it's hard.
• 24:26
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm sorry you're going through that.
• 24:28
  SPEAKER_00: And I could have written this post and blah blah.
• 24:30
  SPEAKER_00: But let me tell you, the number of people who ran to the fucking comments to sell me on their program was astonishing.
• 24:38
  SPEAKER_00: Like astonishing, like everything has been commoditized.
• 24:43
  SPEAKER_00: Let me sell you friends, yeah.
• 24:45
  SPEAKER_00: Wow, no, the the new thing is friendship coaching, and I get it.
• 24:49
  SPEAKER_00: This new generation of people, because they've been brought up online, they do lack certain social skills and the ability to interact.
• 24:55
  SPEAKER_00: And I see it in my own kids, like not being able to order, like I make my kids order their own meals when we're out because you need to talk to people.
• 25:00
  SPEAKER_00: I get it.
• 25:00
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, but seriously, I'm 49 years old.
• 25:04
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Generation X.
• 25:05
  SPEAKER_00: Do not come at me telling me you're gonna teach me how to be a friend.
• 25:08
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, right.
• 25:09
  SPEAKER_00: I was so pissed.
• 25:10
  SPEAKER_00: You're like, I've made friendship bracelets, I know what I'm doing.
• 25:12
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
• 25:13
  SPEAKER_00: Out of those little plastic.
• 25:14
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I mean, I I was like, everything is being monetized right down to connection, and you can't do that.
• 25:20
  SPEAKER_00: And so I had this weird realization the other day that maybe I'm not meant for community.
• 25:25
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, maybe I'm meant for smaller connections, right?
• 25:28
  SPEAKER_00: Like you and me.
• 25:29
  SPEAKER_00: We're connected directly, yeah.
• 25:31
  SPEAKER_00: I don't need like uh all 12 of us are going to Cancun because we've been friends since high school type of thing.
• 25:36
  SPEAKER_00: I need one-on-one connections with people that are actually meaningful.
• 25:42
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe we don't talk like all the time, but when we do reconnect, it's genuine, it's thoughtful, and we give a shit about each other.
• 25:50
  SPEAKER_00: And it's not about okay, so you've been on this call with me for 25 minutes.
• 25:55
  SPEAKER_00: Can I give you my affiliate link?
• 25:56
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, right?
• 25:57
  SPEAKER_01: Uh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 25:59
  SPEAKER_00: Or what can you do for me?
• 26:00
  SPEAKER_00: And if you can't do anything for me, then I don't want anything to do with you.
• 26:03
  SPEAKER_00: Like, there's so much of that in quote unquote community now.
• 26:05
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 26:06
  SPEAKER_00: That I've just I've decided I'm not joining anything anymore.
• 26:08
  SPEAKER_01: So she's shut she's shutting it down.
• 26:11
  SPEAKER_01: I'm shutting it down.
• 26:12
  SPEAKER_01: Well, and that's I I do uh, you know, because I've been in my fair share of like online communities and not a big commenter or like active typer in those groups.
• 26:22
  SPEAKER_01: Because why?
• 26:23
  SPEAKER_01: Uh I mean, like ultimately, like there's reasons and the other, but like my my business thus far and this, that, and the other has been built like through these, these one-on-ones, if you will.
• 26:34
  SPEAKER_01: But there's even something about that, right?
• 26:35
  SPEAKER_01: Some of the business communities I've been in, they're like, hit these numbers, do this thing, blah, blah, blah.
• 26:40
  SPEAKER_01: And then I found myself like that seeping into those one-on-one coffees where I'm like, in my head, while this person is sharing an intimate story or or just sharing about their day, I'm just like, make the ass, make the ass, make the ass.
• 26:52
  SPEAKER_01: And it's like, that's not connection.
• 26:53
  SPEAKER_00: Like, it's not.
• 26:54
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 26:55
  SPEAKER_00: But but that's how we're conditioned, right?
• 26:56
  SPEAKER_00: Like, we are conditioned to see everything as a monetization opportunity.
• 27:00
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 27:00
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 27:01
  SPEAKER_00: Even if you're not in business, it's always like, well, what are you gonna get out of it?
• 27:04
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 27:05
  SPEAKER_00: Like, can we not just go and have a fun conversation and be like, all right, thanks for your time.
• 27:09
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 27:10
  SPEAKER_01: Nice to know you in a sarcastic way.
• 27:13
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 27:13
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 27:13
  SPEAKER_00: And I mean, it's like, why do you why does everything have to have an outcome?
• 27:17
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 27:17
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 27:18
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
• 27:19
  SPEAKER_01: I don't have the answer, but I love the question.
• 27:22
  SPEAKER_00: We're here to solve it, aren't we?
• 27:23
  SPEAKER_00: No one no, no, you know what?
• 27:25
  SPEAKER_01: We're really not.
• 27:26
  SPEAKER_01: The smarter people can solve it.
• 27:28
  SPEAKER_01: Going back to like, it's not that you don't know how to make friends, it's just being an adult is hard.
• 27:33
  SPEAKER_01: And you have children and you have like a long-term partner that you have to like invest in, you know?
• 27:38
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 27:38
  SPEAKER_01: Like you said, a mortgage, like making sure that there are like clients in the door.
• 27:43
  SPEAKER_01: Like, there are so many things then to also be like, I'm exhausted, and friendship requires listening and receiving.
• 27:50
  SPEAKER_01: And both of those things can be hard.
• 27:52
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just speaking for myself, but also we don't have infinite capacity, right?
• 27:57
  SPEAKER_00: You have to prioritize, it's the only way you survive in this weird world.
• 28:01
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 28:01
  SPEAKER_00: And like years ago, I used to love that quote: stop watering dead plants.
• 28:06
  SPEAKER_00: And then as I grew and I realized like that's a really selfish statement, right?
• 28:12
  SPEAKER_00: Because the plants you water are the plants that'll grow.
• 28:15
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 28:16
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe instead of trying to always invest in plants that need constant attention, you buy a succulent.
• 28:22
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 28:22
  SPEAKER_00: Or you buy a cactus, right?
• 28:24
  SPEAKER_00: Something that's going to survive on just very little water, but is always going to be there.
• 28:28
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 28:28
  SPEAKER_00: Because you're giving it the attention that you have the capacity to give it.
• 28:32
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 28:33
  SPEAKER_00: True grown-ups understand that.
• 28:34
  SPEAKER_01: That gives me two thoughts.
• 28:35
  SPEAKER_01: One, I'm terrible with succulents.
• 28:37
  SPEAKER_01: And two, get you a succulent friend.
• 28:39
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, you know what?
• 28:40
  SPEAKER_00: I like that.
• 28:40
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe I'll monetize that and create a program about get a succulent friend.
• 28:44
  SPEAKER_01: I love that.
• 28:45
  SPEAKER_01: What a concept.
• 28:46
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 28:46
  SPEAKER_01: We are a little bit solving the world's problems, one little bit at a time.
• 28:49
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, yeah.
• 28:51
  SPEAKER_00: When you're not under the pressure to solve the world's problems, you come up with solutions really easily.
• 28:57
  SPEAKER_00: I love that.
• 28:57
  SPEAKER_00: I love that.
• 28:58
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so we dove in a little bit to like kind of where the awareness of your growth into making sure that when you're in a room, you are fully Sarah Khan.
• 29:07
  SPEAKER_01: Where has that progressed since that aha, since your experience with your daughter?
• 29:11
  SPEAKER_00: How's that feeling today?
• 29:13
  SPEAKER_00: Like I said, I still do catch myself from time to time censoring because I mean I think you're gonna do that your whole life, right?
• 29:18
  SPEAKER_00: Like I'm about 80% Sarah.
• 29:19
  SPEAKER_00: Like if I was 100% Sarah, it's so fucking unhinged.
• 29:23
  SPEAKER_00: You would be like, geez.
• 29:24
  SPEAKER_00: She would break down the house.
• 29:26
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's a little intense.
• 29:28
  SPEAKER_00: But let me caveat that before I answer your question.
• 29:30
  SPEAKER_00: When I say I'm 80% Sarah, I think it's less that I'm censoring and more that I'm just really hyper aware of who actually deserves my fullness.
• 29:38
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 29:39
  SPEAKER_01: Because why put that energy?
• 29:40
  SPEAKER_01: We're talking about the succulent friends, we're talking about like the random acquaintances who are gonna teach you how to make friends and you're like, don't need that.
• 29:46
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
• 29:47
  SPEAKER_01: Like who actually deserves it?
• 29:48
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 29:49
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 29:49
  SPEAKER_00: Or the people who do see the fullness of who you are and try to make you feel bad for it.
• 29:54
  SPEAKER_00: Like you get to like vet the room and then decide how much of you you give.
• 29:59
  SPEAKER_00: And there's a difference, right?
• 30:00
  SPEAKER_00: Like you're deciding how much of you you're giving versus I'm gonna change who I am in order to be here.
• 30:06
  SPEAKER_00: There's a huge difference.
• 30:07
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that's what I've learned to do.
• 30:09
  SPEAKER_01: The second one has a sacredness to it.
• 30:12
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 30:12
  SPEAKER_01: The idea of where full you will be accepted, loved, and treat you like the sacred human that you are fully and unapologetically is a beautiful thing.
• 30:23
  SPEAKER_01: And making sure that you protect that so you don't revert back to the first one, who is the one who needs to become small, ship-shaped, blah, blah, blah.
• 30:31
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 30:32
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 30:32
  SPEAKER_00: The chameleon, right?
• 30:33
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 30:33
  SPEAKER_00: Kill the chameleon.
• 30:34
  SPEAKER_00: But since I've been doing it, like since I've really kind of embraced who I am and what I want and why I'm here, and whose opinion of it all I actually care about, things have changed a lot.
• 30:46
  SPEAKER_00: So much more at ease in myself.
• 30:49
  SPEAKER_00: Like that level of anxiety that I just didn't even realize was there, has started to dissipate because I'm not constantly hyper aware of like, okay, I'm in the room.
• 30:59
  SPEAKER_00: I gotta read it.
• 31:00
  SPEAKER_00: You know, who do I need to be before I even take a step into it?
• 31:03
  SPEAKER_00: Like that's gone now, which I really like.
• 31:05
  SPEAKER_00: I find I'm quieter more, which seems counterintuitive, but like I'm more of an observer now than somebody who's like, I'm in the room and I have to prove that I'm supposed to be here.
• 31:13
  SPEAKER_00: And so I'm gonna, do you know what I mean?
• 31:14
  SPEAKER_00: Like the energy.
• 31:15
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, totally, totally.
• 31:16
  SPEAKER_01: And you can feel that energy when someone's doing that.
• 31:18
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, like the whole you you try too hard.
• 31:21
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
• 31:22
  SPEAKER_01: Especially when you're quiet and observing.
• 31:24
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 31:24
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 31:24
  SPEAKER_01: How am I trying too hard?
• 31:25
  SPEAKER_01: I'm just being like, no, you really are trying too hard.
• 31:27
  SPEAKER_01: Like, stop trying.
• 31:28
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 31:28
  SPEAKER_01: And and when you're doing it, you don't know you're doing it, but others can feel it and read it.
• 31:32
  SPEAKER_01: And like, I mean, we've all been there.
• 31:34
  SPEAKER_01: Or at least I believe from what you're sharing and also from my own experience, we've both been there.
• 31:39
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah, yeah.
• 31:40
  SPEAKER_00: But I think the biggest thing is like the stuff that I have wanted has started to come easier for me.
• 31:45
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm gonna give you an example.
• 31:46
  SPEAKER_00: I've been pitching TED Talks for two years.
• 31:50
  SPEAKER_00: Two years.
• 31:51
  SPEAKER_00: And I worked with coaches, like high-ticket coaches, speaking coaches, blah, blah, blah.
• 31:55
  SPEAKER_00: And we crafted the most incredible talks that could then be used as keynotes.
• 32:00
  SPEAKER_00: And I've got like my my Google graveyard is full of these talks that on paper look phenomenal, right?
• 32:07
  SPEAKER_00: Like I followed this person's framework and that person's framework, and I got rejected every single time.
• 32:13
  SPEAKER_00: And last year, I was like, fuck it.
• 32:15
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like in a really bad place last year.
• 32:18
  SPEAKER_00: Like I had lost a good friend and client that I had been with for four years.
• 32:22
  SPEAKER_00: It was a bad breakup.
• 32:24
  SPEAKER_00: And then I was in a community that I learned that we had all been gaslit and scammed.
• 32:29
  SPEAKER_00: Like it was a bad thing.
• 32:30
  SPEAKER_00: And then we sold our house, and then the buyers, they were a nightmare to deal with, and it was just a lot.
• 32:36
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 32:36
  SPEAKER_00: So we had moved and I saw the TEDx thing come up in an area close to me.
• 32:41
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, fuck it, I'm just gonna submit something.
• 32:44
  SPEAKER_00: And I submitted an idea that was what I really wanted to talk about because I was so burnt out and so angry and just so fed up with everything.
• 32:52
  SPEAKER_00: And so I put together a really shitty pitch, I'll be completely honest with you.
• 32:56
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 32:56
  SPEAKER_00: But here's my idea.
• 32:57
  SPEAKER_00: I hope it makes sense.
• 32:58
  SPEAKER_00: Boom, went off it went.
• 32:59
  SPEAKER_00: Shitty but genuine.
• 33:00
  SPEAKER_00: Shitty shitty but genuine, right?
• 33:02
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, no, no holds barred.
• 33:04
  SPEAKER_00: I'm a gen X.
• 33:04
  SPEAKER_00: I love dragons.
• 33:05
  SPEAKER_00: Here's my idea.
• 33:06
  SPEAKER_00: And lo and behold.
• 33:08
  SPEAKER_00: Three things you need to know.
• 33:09
  SPEAKER_00: Gen X, dragons, idea.
• 33:11
  SPEAKER_00: Get off.
• 33:13
  SPEAKER_00: And they called me back and they said we'd like to have you pitch this live.
• 33:18
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, cool.
• 33:19
  SPEAKER_00: Here's the date.
• 33:19
  SPEAKER_00: Put it in my calendar.
• 33:20
  SPEAKER_00: We're in an Airbnb.
• 33:22
  SPEAKER_00: We're trying to get, you know, the paperwork done on our new house, blah, blah, blah.
• 33:26
  SPEAKER_00: Completely forgot about the interview.
• 33:29
  SPEAKER_00: My cell phone alarm goes off like 15 minutes before.
• 33:32
  SPEAKER_00: I've since adjusted my alarms to go off an hour before, but 15 minutes before the alarm goes off.
• 33:37
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, oh shit.
• 33:39
  SPEAKER_00: I'm in my pajamas.
• 33:40
  SPEAKER_00: I haven't washed my face.
• 33:41
  SPEAKER_00: Like my hair is a mess.
• 33:42
  SPEAKER_00: So I just very quickly put on a shirt that looked like I hadn't eaten in it and like put my hair down.
• 33:46
  SPEAKER_00: And I did this interview and I was just answering questions, honestly.
• 33:50
  SPEAKER_00: Like I didn't prepare for it, nothing.
• 33:52
  SPEAKER_00: They gave me my spot right there and then.
• 33:56
  SPEAKER_00: They were like, you're in.
• 33:58
  SPEAKER_00: Here you go.
• 33:58
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, oh my God.
• 34:00
  SPEAKER_00: Seriously?
• 34:00
  SPEAKER_00: They're like, yeah, but don't tell anybody because we have to like make it official in a couple of weeks.
• 34:04
  SPEAKER_00: And I turned my computer off and I just started bawling.
• 34:08
  SPEAKER_00: Like I was a puddle of goo.
• 34:10
  SPEAKER_00: And my kids came in, they're like, oh my god, mom, what's wrong?
• 34:13
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, I got my TED talk.
• 34:15
  SPEAKER_00: They're like, what?
• 34:15
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, I got my TED talk.
• 34:17
  SPEAKER_00: And it was that moment where I was like, oh, being me is actually pretty cool.
• 34:22
  SPEAKER_00: Like I can I can actually talk about what I want.
• 34:24
  SPEAKER_00: And it doesn't have to be put through all of these filters of what is quote unquote right and acceptable because the people who want to hear it, they're out there.
• 34:34
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 34:34
  SPEAKER_00: And then I did my TED talk in January.
• 34:36
  SPEAKER_00: I'm still waiting for this stupid thing to come out.
• 34:38
  SPEAKER_00: Like it's still being edited, or goodness knows what.
• 34:40
  SPEAKER_00: But I did this TED talk and the whole journey was crazy.
• 34:43
  SPEAKER_00: You're supposed to memorize them.
• 34:45
  SPEAKER_00: And I have my head injury, which I was very honest about.
• 34:48
  SPEAKER_00: And I was very fortunate to have a speaker coach.
• 34:51
  SPEAKER_00: We, you know, we both know her, Megan.
• 34:53
  SPEAKER_00: The best.
• 34:54
  SPEAKER_00: She's an incredible human.
• 34:55
  SPEAKER_00: And she is such an incredible advocate for accommodations and other things.
• 34:59
  SPEAKER_00: But she was like, look, if you can't memorize it, you can't memorize it.
• 35:02
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 35:02
  SPEAKER_00: It's fine.
• 35:03
  SPEAKER_00: So she advocated for me to have a music stand where I had my notes.
• 35:07
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 35:07
  SPEAKER_00: And so you'll see it on the TED Talk, right?
• 35:09
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm waiting I'm ready for the commentary, but like whatever.
• 35:12
  SPEAKER_00: But she allowed me to have that on there and it just changed how I was able to show up and deliver it.
• 35:15
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 35:16
  SPEAKER_00: And the whole time I was like super conscious about the fact that I had my notes and that I had to look at them from time to time.
• 35:22
  SPEAKER_00: But then when the talk was over, because here's the thing, too, right?
• 35:25
  SPEAKER_00: One of the speakers was like this young woman who's doing incredible things with like small farmers in Kenya.
• 35:30
  SPEAKER_00: And we've got another guy from like Silicon Valley.
• 35:32
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm talking about fucking dragons and unicorns, right?
• 35:35
  SPEAKER_00: So I was like the closer.
• 35:37
  SPEAKER_00: I felt super conscious about the whole thing.
• 35:39
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, they wouldn't have put you there if I had to keep telling myself that.
• 35:42
  SPEAKER_00: Like you wouldn't have got it if it wasn't, you know, worth listening to.
• 35:44
  SPEAKER_00: But you do have that imposter syndrome of like these people are talking about important things, and I'm talking about unicorns.
• 35:50
  SPEAKER_00: And after the talk was over, like a dozen, maybe more, young women like rushed the stage and came up to me and were like, thank you.
• 36:00
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for talking about all the things that we're told we're not allowed to talk about.
• 36:05
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 36:06
  SPEAKER_00: And when I tell you that that was the moment, like that was the moment where I reimagined everything in my business.
• 36:13
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 36:14
  SPEAKER_00: I reimagined everything in my personal life and where I want to start showing up and what I want to do and who I want to serve.
• 36:21
  SPEAKER_00: Like everything changed, and all it took was being me.
• 36:26
  SPEAKER_01: That's all we need.
• 36:27
  SPEAKER_01: That's all we need.
• 36:28
  SPEAKER_01: I love that.
• 36:28
  SPEAKER_01: That's such a mic drop moment.
• 36:30
  SPEAKER_01: I'm so excited.
• 36:31
  SPEAKER_01: As soon as it is live, I can edit the show notes.
• 36:34
  SPEAKER_01: I would love to add it in there.
• 36:35
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 36:35
  SPEAKER_01: So we can we can because right, it's like a public video.
• 36:38
  SPEAKER_01: That's how TEDx is.
• 36:39
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it'll be on the it'll be on the TED site.
• 36:40
  SPEAKER_01: So on the internet.
• 36:42
  SPEAKER_01: Love that.
• 36:42
  SPEAKER_01: We can share that.
• 36:43
  SPEAKER_01: Anything else you want to share with the audience before we skedaddle?
• 36:46
  SPEAKER_01: Like what?
• 36:47
  SPEAKER_01: Like your book.
• 36:48
  unknown: Oh!
• 36:49
  SPEAKER_01: I got you, girl.
• 36:51
  SPEAKER_00: I got you.
• 36:52
  SPEAKER_00: So terrible at stuff like that.
• 36:54
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 36:54
  SPEAKER_00: So, okay.
• 36:54
  SPEAKER_00: Hi.
• 36:55
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna keep in there.
• 36:56
  SPEAKER_01: Like what?
• 36:58
  SPEAKER_01: That's so good.
• 36:59
  SPEAKER_00: But that's the thing, right?
• 37:00
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I'm not here with the intention of like, I'm going to sell you all of my stuff.
• 37:04
  SPEAKER_01: Because it's a great conversation.
• 37:05
  SPEAKER_01: And honestly, I've been keeping these, like the episode I just published today.
• 37:09
  SPEAKER_01: One of my many mentors, I consider a lot of people just like mentors slash friends, right?
• 37:13
  SPEAKER_01: Because everybody's so smart.
• 37:14
  SPEAKER_01: And he and I were literally just like while we were promoting his stuff, we were also just giggling.
• 37:18
  SPEAKER_01: And so it's like it's a long promotional portion, right?
• 37:21
  SPEAKER_01: But it's like it's also genuine.
• 37:23
  SPEAKER_01: And it's like, if you want to tune out, you can tune out.
• 37:25
  SPEAKER_01: Whatever.
• 37:25
  SPEAKER_01: It's in the show notes, you know?
• 37:27
  SPEAKER_01: But uh yes, share the things.
• 37:28
  SPEAKER_01: Where can people have more of Sarah?
• 37:30
  SPEAKER_00: Have more of my rants and my yeah.
• 37:32
  SPEAKER_00: So I have a podcast.
• 37:33
  SPEAKER_00: It's called Business Blasphemy.
• 37:35
  SPEAKER_00: We're in season four.
• 37:36
  SPEAKER_00: It's a lot of fun.
• 37:37
  SPEAKER_00: And from Business Blasphemy came the book, Bite-sized blasphemy.
• 37:42
  SPEAKER_00: And it is an unapologetic guide for women who want to build a sustainable business.
• 37:46
  SPEAKER_00: And it's a hundred mini essays.
• 37:49
  SPEAKER_00: And when I say mini, it's like one page, like very small.
• 37:51
  SPEAKER_00: But it's snippets from the podcast that I thought were like, oh, these are actually really insightful things that have been said, and then kind of deconstructing them and explaining them.
• 38:01
  SPEAKER_00: But the book has been getting incredible reviews.
• 38:02
  SPEAKER_00: It's on Amazon.
• 38:03
  SPEAKER_00: If you're not an Amazon supporter, totally cool.
• 38:06
  SPEAKER_00: It's on any bookseller website.
• 38:09
  SPEAKER_00: So you can just go and look for that.
• 38:11
  SPEAKER_01: But it was a labor of love.
• 38:12
  SPEAKER_01: I believe that.
• 38:13
  SPEAKER_01: Is this all in conjunction with I mean it's a bit like Sarah, but also you still have corporate rehab, right?
• 38:18
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I still have corporate rehab, so I still work one-to-one with women.
• 38:20
  SPEAKER_00: That's one of the realizations I had was like, I really want to work one-to-one because I don't want to give women a templated roadmap of something.
• 38:28
  SPEAKER_00: Like again, I don't want to have to have them conform to fit into my ecosystem.
• 38:33
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, totally.
• 38:33
  SPEAKER_00: Because that's also not even you.
• 38:35
  SPEAKER_00: It's not.
• 38:36
  SPEAKER_00: Like I want to know what you want, and let's figure out how to get it.
• 38:39
  SPEAKER_00: Because that's where my genius is, right?
• 38:41
  SPEAKER_00: Let's figure it out.
• 38:41
  SPEAKER_00: I cut the bullshit, we go straight for the goods.
• 38:44
  SPEAKER_00: So connect with me, come follow me on social media.
• 38:46
  SPEAKER_00: It's a little bit unhinged most of the time, but it's always a good unhinged.
• 38:49
  SPEAKER_00: Buy the book, listen to the podcast.
• 38:50
  SPEAKER_00: Like, come and be my friend because I'm always open to real, real friendships and connections.
• 38:57
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm not gonna pitch slap you so you don't have to worry about it turning into like, you know, a sales call.
• 39:01
  SPEAKER_00: I just like people and I want to help them and I want to make sure that they do it in the most real, sustainable way possible.
• 39:08
  SPEAKER_00: Because we also do not believe in having to kill yourself to get ahead and be successful.
• 39:12
  SPEAKER_00: That's not what it's about.
• 39:13
  SPEAKER_01: I love it.
• 39:14
  SPEAKER_01: I love being in your pure unfiltered energy, Sarah.
• 39:17
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you so much for your time today.
• 39:19
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
• 39:23
  SPEAKER_01: Crafted Connections is lovingly produced by Calhoun Creative Consulting, a strategic storytelling firm dedicated to helping people and brands tell their stories in a way that resonates.
• 39:34
  SPEAKER_01: If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and connect with us on Instagram at Crafted Connections Pod.
• 39:41
  SPEAKER_01: Keep creating, keep connecting until we meet again.