Latest / Do You F*cking Mind? / 359. The Neural Basis Of Low Self Esteem

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359. The Neural Basis Of Low Self Esteem · Do You F*cking Mind?

0:12
Speaker 1: Hello, my beautiful beans, and welcome to the episode of Twoday.
0:18
Speaker 1: So this episode I'm actually pretty excited about because ages ago,
0:23
Speaker 1: because well, this is coming out today as you're listening
0:26
Speaker 1: to it, but I'm recording this weeks in advance, and
0:29
Speaker 1: I started planning this episode a little bit earlier, and
0:32
Speaker 1: I even put on my socials. I was like filming
0:36
Speaker 1: the computer, like of all the studies that I was doing,
0:38
Speaker 1: being like, I'm going to do an episode on the
0:40
Speaker 1: neural basis of self esteem and low self esteem and
0:43
Speaker 1: what that looks like in the brain, and the amount
0:46
Speaker 1: of DMS that I got people being like, this is
0:48
Speaker 1: so interesting. This is exactly what I want to hear
0:51
Speaker 1: and what I love about this particular episode. And I
0:54
Speaker 1: try to bring this into as many episodes as possible,
0:56
Speaker 1: but sometimes I get caught up more in the psychology
0:58
Speaker 1: over the neuroscience. Is that this one is quite neuroscience
1:02
Speaker 1: heavy in the sense that I talk a lot about
1:06
Speaker 1: regions of the brain. And also I'm going to remind
1:08
Speaker 1: you guys, will give you a refresher if you haven't
1:10
Speaker 1: already about gray matter and white matter in the brain
1:13
Speaker 1: and how what is physically happening in the brain can
1:17
Speaker 1: have an impact on our moods and primarily, well what
1:21
Speaker 1: we're talking about in this episode, how it can have
1:23
Speaker 1: such a big impact on your self esteem. And what
1:26
Speaker 1: I love so much about the brain and what we're
1:29
Speaker 1: learning from neuroscience is that there's so many things that
1:32
Speaker 1: can contribute to making changes neuroplastic self directed neuroplastic changes
1:38
Speaker 1: in the brain that will then have a positive impact
1:41
Speaker 1: on your mood. And then it's like kind of this
1:44
Speaker 1: flow on effect. The better your mood is, the easier
1:46
Speaker 1: it is to make these changes in the brain which
1:48
Speaker 1: then positively impact your mood, and then it goes on
1:50
Speaker 1: and on and.
1:50
Speaker 2: On, kind of like what happens in reverse.
1:52
Speaker 1: You know why, sometimes you can feel like you're in
1:55
Speaker 1: this kind of pit that you can't climb out of
1:57
Speaker 1: because you've spiraled down in kind of the opposite direction.
2:01
Speaker 1: But the beauty is, in almost every case, there can
2:05
Speaker 1: be changes that you can make in the brain through
2:09
Speaker 1: what I call self directed neuroplasticity. Now, before we get
2:11
Speaker 1: into the episode, I just because I've already just mentioned it.
2:14
Speaker 1: When we talk about neuroplasticity, there's you want to look
2:17
Speaker 1: at it as two kind of versions of it. Neuroplasticity
2:22
Speaker 1: just means that the brain is plastic and that it
2:25
Speaker 1: can change itself. So it can rewire, it can strengthen
2:28
Speaker 1: new connections, it can weaken other connections. It can do
2:31
Speaker 1: programs sell death, which is it's called apoptosis, which is
2:35
Speaker 1: where like cells on urins, a program to die because
2:38
Speaker 1: they're not being used or because of whatever. So you're
2:41
Speaker 1: always seeing changes within the brain. You're always seeing certain
2:44
Speaker 1: regions that are hyper connected others that are not. That's neuroplasticity,
2:48
Speaker 1: and neuroplasticity can.
2:50
Speaker 2: Be to benefit you, like you're.
2:52
Speaker 1: Growing new connections, you're expanding the networks in the brain.
2:56
Speaker 1: But neuroplasticity can also serve to hinder you. So for example,
3:00
Speaker 1: if you get into unhealthy patterns, if you get into
3:02
Speaker 1: really addictive behaviors, if you all everything that I've spoken about,
3:06
Speaker 1: like mood disorders as well, your brain goes through neuroplastic
3:10
Speaker 1: changes that actually can.
3:11
Speaker 2: Hurt you or that are not helpful.
3:13
Speaker 1: To put it lightly or to put it broadly, what
3:17
Speaker 1: I talk about a lot in this podcast is something
3:20
Speaker 1: called self directed neuroplasticity, and that is where you have
3:24
Speaker 1: an idea of where you want to be, or the
3:26
Speaker 1: changes that you'd like to make, or the kind of
3:28
Speaker 1: thoughts that you would like to have, or all kinds
3:31
Speaker 1: of things like I want to be more driven. I
3:32
Speaker 1: want to be someone that you know has better tenacity,
3:35
Speaker 1: better will power, more grit, and through practice, through behaviors,
3:39
Speaker 1: through sleep patterns, through what you eat, through all this everything,
3:44
Speaker 1: when you do that, it actually creates what is called
3:47
Speaker 1: self directed neuroplasticity, where you choose how your brain begins
3:52
Speaker 1: to rewire itself. So that when we talk about neuroplasticity
3:56
Speaker 1: for the good, I want you to think of it
3:58
Speaker 1: as self directed neuroplastic And when we talk about neuroplasticity
4:02
Speaker 1: in general, it's a very broad term which can encompass
4:05
Speaker 1: the good and definitely also the bad. So it's not
4:08
Speaker 1: always good when you hear neuroplasticity. However, ideally self directed neuroplasticity,
4:13
Speaker 1: that's kind of where it's at, and that's what we're
4:16
Speaker 1: going to be touching on today in this episode. Now,
4:18
Speaker 1: I don't have a specific brain fact, because the whole
4:20
Speaker 1: thing is pretty much a brain fact really in this episode,
4:22
Speaker 1: but one thing that I do want to touch on
4:24
Speaker 1: before I get into kind of the weeds of this
4:28
Speaker 1: episode is gray matter and white matter within your brain,
4:32
Speaker 1: and it's really important to understand the difference between the two.
4:35
Speaker 1: I think I've brushed on this relatively recently, but hey,
4:38
Speaker 1: we're all here to consolidate information in our brain and repetition,
4:42
Speaker 1: is it fine?
4:43
Speaker 2: So gray matter.
4:44
Speaker 1: If you look at brain scans, you'll sometimes see a
4:46
Speaker 1: bit of a contrast in like images of a brain scan.
4:49
Speaker 1: And you know, even if you don't study in neuroscience,
4:52
Speaker 1: I'm sure you've seen it either on TV or in whatever,
4:54
Speaker 1: where you see like the dissection of a brain, and
4:58
Speaker 1: it's obviously quite ring in whatever, but you've got gray
5:01
Speaker 1: and white that makes up this image of the brain.
5:05
Speaker 2: So the white is fat. It's called myelin, and it's.
5:09
Speaker 1: Created by these particular cells, and the fat serves to
5:13
Speaker 1: protect basically in a nutshell, the fat serves to protect
5:16
Speaker 1: the cells, and it also serves to conduct information and
5:20
Speaker 1: electricity or electrical impulses or action potentials a lot faster
5:25
Speaker 1: in a more efficient way. So if you have good
5:27
Speaker 1: levels of fat in your brain, and of course good
5:31
Speaker 1: levels of fat in your diet, we're talking Omega three
5:33
Speaker 1: in particular, dha Omega three, which is in like fatty
5:37
Speaker 1: fishes and all of that. And I've spoken about this
5:38
Speaker 1: in a recent Brain Fact episode about dha Omega three.
5:43
Speaker 1: You can get it in algae, you can get it
5:45
Speaker 1: in I think eggs as well. There's a whole bunch
5:47
Speaker 1: of things. Or you can supplement with that as well.
5:49
Speaker 1: When you have these healthy fats, it actually contributes to
5:52
Speaker 1: having healthy fats within the brain. Okay, so we're talking
5:55
Speaker 1: about that. That's basically the white matter in the brain.
6:00
Speaker 1: The rain matter in the brain is your neurons, your dendrites,
6:05
Speaker 1: your acces, everything that's not basically not the fats, but
6:08
Speaker 1: also not blood or not cerebral spinal fluid. So gray
6:11
Speaker 1: matter is the cells within the brain. Now, when you
6:15
Speaker 1: see scans of really old brains, you will see that
6:19
Speaker 1: there's a reduced volume of gray matter in the brain.
6:23
Speaker 1: The lumpy parts of the brain if you look at
6:26
Speaker 1: these scans, look like a skinnier and that's due to
6:29
Speaker 1: something called atrophy. So it's where it wastes away. The
6:32
Speaker 1: cells basically die off. You get connections that die off,
6:36
Speaker 1: and you get actual neurons and glile cells that die
6:39
Speaker 1: off as well. So basically your brain is made up
6:42
Speaker 1: of neurons, which is, you know, what's responsible for everything
6:45
Speaker 1: that we do, our thoughts, everything, And then up there
6:48
Speaker 1: the brain cells. And then for every one neuron that
6:51
Speaker 1: we have in the brain, we have ten up to
6:53
Speaker 1: ten glile cells, and glile cells workers supporting cells and
6:58
Speaker 1: structures and do fucking everything other than thoughts and behaviors
7:04
Speaker 1: and all of that.
7:04
Speaker 2: So that's all gray matter.
7:06
Speaker 1: Now what you're going to realize when I talk about
7:09
Speaker 1: when I'm talking about self esteem in this episode, I'm
7:11
Speaker 1: going to be referring to gray matter and gray matter
7:13
Speaker 1: volume quite a bit. So it's really important that I
7:14
Speaker 1: talk about the difference between gray and white matter. So
7:17
Speaker 1: when you think about gray matter and a reduction in
7:18
Speaker 1: gray matter volume, we're talking about a reduction in neural
7:21
Speaker 1: connections in synapses. When you talk about synapto plasticity, you're
7:26
Speaker 1: talking about the ability the brain's ability to create new
7:30
Speaker 1: connections from cell to sell that's a synaps a connections signaps.
7:35
Speaker 1: And then also we're talking about neurons themselves. So if
7:38
Speaker 1: neurons die, and if you get a big loss of
7:40
Speaker 1: neurons throughout the brain, then you're going to see a
7:42
Speaker 1: lot of atrophy and that's a reduction in gray matter
7:46
Speaker 1: within the brain. Okay, so that kind of summarizes what
7:48
Speaker 1: I'm pretty much trying to talk about.
7:50
Speaker 2: In this entire episode.
7:52
Speaker 1: But let's talk about self esteem to start with. So basically,
7:58
Speaker 1: also before I get into it, if you're interested in
8:01
Speaker 1: doing further reading and want to read more of a
8:02
Speaker 1: scientific journal paper, there's a really good one that I
8:04
Speaker 1: came across while putting this episode together, and it was
8:07
Speaker 1: published in Nature, and it's called The Hippocampus Underlies the
8:10
Speaker 1: Association between Self esteem and Physical Health. That's a great
8:13
Speaker 1: paper to read if you're into that kind of shit.
8:33
Speaker 2: To the topic of today, I did.
8:35
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8:38
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8:54
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9:02
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9:04
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9:07
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9:09
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9:12
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9:16
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9:20
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9:22
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9:25
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9:30
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9:38
Speaker 2: So what is self esteem?
9:40
Speaker 1: So self esteem, to put it easily or basically or whatever,
9:44
Speaker 1: it's the extent to which we feel negatively or positively
9:47
Speaker 1: about ourselves.
9:48
Speaker 2: Okay. So it represents the individual, the person's self evaluation
9:54
Speaker 2: of their own worth and what their attitude toward themselves is. Okay.
10:00
Speaker 1: So people with high self esteem are going to have
10:03
Speaker 1: higher resilience. And this is resilience when it comes to
10:06
Speaker 1: dealing with stresses, stress on their mental health and stress
10:10
Speaker 1: on their physical health. Their resilience is just higher. In general,
10:13
Speaker 1: people with high self esteem are more comfortable making decisions.
10:16
Speaker 1: They're more comfortable backing themselves. They can stand up for themselves.
10:20
Speaker 1: They are better at taking rejection, copying rejection. And they're
10:23
Speaker 1: also more focused when it comes to problem solving when
10:27
Speaker 1: issues arise in their lives, so they are more kind
10:30
Speaker 1: of proactive looking for a solution, seeing where a solution
10:34
Speaker 1: can be made. They are really good at just having
10:37
Speaker 1: their own back when the chips are down.
10:39
Speaker 2: They have an appreciation for themselves.
10:42
Speaker 1: And it also self esteem and high self esteem low
10:46
Speaker 1: also has to do with your beliefs around your worthiness
10:50
Speaker 1: to be happy, which is really interesting, I think because
10:53
Speaker 1: I think we don't really we don't really think about
10:56
Speaker 1: this consciously that often, but do we ever really question
10:59
Speaker 1: how worthy we are to feel happy? And I think
11:02
Speaker 1: a lot of people who have low self esteem maybe
11:04
Speaker 1: haven't questioned themselves on that. But it's really interesting to
11:08
Speaker 1: ask yourself that kind of question because then it gives
11:11
Speaker 1: you a gauge of where you're at you with your
11:13
Speaker 1: self esteem. Now, people with low self esteem are likely
11:16
Speaker 1: to doubt themselves, not necessarily in every area of their life,
11:20
Speaker 1: but there is that level of self doubt. So you
11:22
Speaker 1: might be really, really good at your job, at your career,
11:25
Speaker 1: at you know, and you're not getting you know, so
11:27
Speaker 1: you don't doubt yourself in that area. But then maybe
11:30
Speaker 1: in other things you doubt yourself. Maybe you're quite critical
11:33
Speaker 1: on just your physicality and how you talk, and you
11:37
Speaker 1: feel awkward and you are constantly analyzing yourself. So in
11:41
Speaker 1: other areas of your life. But in general, they doubt themselves.
11:44
Speaker 1: They struggle to set boundaries, and they struggle to say no,
11:48
Speaker 1: so they kind of allow people potentially to walk all
11:50
Speaker 1: over them and don't do much about it. They're people pleases.
11:55
Speaker 1: Not to say that all people pleasers have low self esteem,
11:58
Speaker 1: but people with low self esteem in general are likely
12:01
Speaker 1: to be people pleasers. They seek approval from others regularly.
12:05
Speaker 1: They struggle within their relationships. Again, this is a generalization.
12:10
Speaker 1: It doesn't apply to everyone. It's not saying that if
12:12
Speaker 1: you have low self esteem you've got unhealthy relationships. But
12:15
Speaker 1: it can be a struggle because you struggle to set boundaries,
12:18
Speaker 1: so therefore it can represent issues within a relationship. They
12:21
Speaker 1: engage in negative self talk, and they often will compare themselves.
12:26
Speaker 2: To other people.
12:26
Speaker 1: Okay, now, what causes low self esteem? There's so many
12:30
Speaker 1: fucking factors that can cause low self esteem now one
12:33
Speaker 1: of the major, major, major, major, major ones, but it
12:35
Speaker 1: is not exclusively. This is certain things in your upbringing.
12:40
Speaker 1: So if you were raised in an environment where maybe.
12:43
Speaker 2: Your parents were really really critical, if.
12:45
Speaker 1: You where they made you feel self conscious about your body,
12:50
Speaker 1: about your appearance, about your abilities, that will make you
12:54
Speaker 1: potentially that might manifest as.
12:58
Speaker 2: Low self esteem.
12:59
Speaker 1: Also, so you might have had a great upbringing in
13:01
Speaker 1: the household, but you were bullied at school and you
13:04
Speaker 1: were rejected and left out and abandoned by your peers,
13:08
Speaker 1: that also can cause self esteem issues even though you
13:11
Speaker 1: might have had a really healthy upbringing within the household,
13:14
Speaker 1: just abandonment in general. Are some people whose you know,
13:17
Speaker 1: parents weren't really there for them, or one parent who
13:20
Speaker 1: leaves and you know, they felt this massive void in
13:24
Speaker 1: their life that may contribute to this. Always comparing yourself
13:28
Speaker 1: in general, or being compared to somebody else, If you
13:31
Speaker 1: grew up always being compared to somebody else, so you
13:34
Speaker 1: didn't even start doing it, it was other people that
13:36
Speaker 1: were doing it that can cause it. Mental health conditions
13:39
Speaker 1: like mood disorders such as depression.
13:41
Speaker 2: That also contributes to low self esteem, and it can
13:44
Speaker 2: also be something that happens when.
13:46
Speaker 1: You're older as well. It doesn't have to be in
13:48
Speaker 1: your upbringing. So it could be you could be cruising
13:50
Speaker 1: through life everything's fine to have great self esteem, and
13:52
Speaker 1: then you could have like a really big heartbreak that
13:55
Speaker 1: absolutely like crumbles you, and then all of a sudden
13:58
Speaker 1: you start doubting yourself. It impacts you in all these
14:01
Speaker 1: different ways. Or maybe you had really unhealthy relationship and
14:04
Speaker 1: that's kind of fucked with your head. Another thing that
14:07
Speaker 1: will contribute to low self esteem, according to science and psychology,
14:12
Speaker 1: is a big, ongoing, stressful event later on in your life.
14:16
Speaker 1: So this is things like financial trouble, the breakdown of
14:19
Speaker 1: for business, not able to find employment, the breakdown of
14:22
Speaker 1: for relationship where you're left heart broken so and then
14:26
Speaker 1: also unhealthy controlling relationships where you are made to second
14:29
Speaker 1: guess yourself and you feel that you've lost your independence.
14:32
Speaker 1: Those are all contributing factors to potentially having low self esteem. Now,
14:37
Speaker 1: like I said, a lot of these things do stem
14:39
Speaker 1: from childhood, but there's many many factors that can cause
14:41
Speaker 1: it later on in life.
14:42
Speaker 2: Like I can personally say.
14:44
Speaker 1: That overall growing up I had, you know, great upbringing,
14:48
Speaker 1: really healthy, secure attachment, all of that. But and while
14:51
Speaker 1: I consider myself quite confident in general, definitely the times
14:55
Speaker 1: where my confidence suffered the most and where I would
14:58
Speaker 1: doubted myself and my ability well after like big heart
15:02
Speaker 1: breaks and or like during unhealthy relationships, because you kind
15:06
Speaker 1: of made to second guess yourself even if it's not
15:08
Speaker 1: related to the relationships. So there were times where I
15:11
Speaker 1: would doubt my intelligence and my ability to return to university,
15:16
Speaker 1: my ability to do this certain things because I was
15:18
Speaker 1: feeling low about myself in the relationship setting. So I
15:22
Speaker 1: think it's really important to think that just because you've
15:25
Speaker 1: got one stressor in this area, it doesn't stay kind
15:28
Speaker 1: of exclusive to that. It can actually bleed into other
15:31
Speaker 1: areas if your life and impact other areas of your life.
15:33
Speaker 1: So just be aware of that and pay attention because
15:36
Speaker 1: we're very like holistic beings. Okay, so it's we've got
15:40
Speaker 1: to kind of look at the bigger picture to understand
15:42
Speaker 1: what's going on in our brains. Okay, now let's talk
15:44
Speaker 1: about what it looks like in the brain. I'm going
15:46
Speaker 1: to talk about what it looks like in the brain,
15:48
Speaker 1: and then I'm going to talk about how you can
15:50
Speaker 1: start to turn around your low self esteem. So you
15:55
Speaker 1: have high self esteem, Okay, because it can. There's always
15:58
Speaker 1: work that can be done. And no matter where you
16:00
Speaker 1: start off, if you do these things that I tell you,
16:02
Speaker 1: some will be things that you can do on your own,
16:04
Speaker 1: some may need to be guided with a therapist, but
16:07
Speaker 1: in general, if you do it, you.
16:09
Speaker 2: Will see some changes, okay, if not huge changes.
16:13
Speaker 1: Okay, So how does it look like in the brain,
16:14
Speaker 1: So reachers, researchers have found that self esteem was related
16:19
Speaker 1: to hippocampal volume, both in young and older adults. Okay,
16:26
Speaker 1: so this gray matter now we're talking about gray matter
16:30
Speaker 1: in the brain. This gray matter volume was basically positively
16:33
Speaker 1: correlated with self esteem. And this region was larger in
16:37
Speaker 1: people with high self esteem, and then that region, that
16:40
Speaker 1: same region of the brain was smaller or more atrophied
16:43
Speaker 1: in people with low self esteem. Now, the hippocampus, I've
16:47
Speaker 1: spoken about the hippo campus probably like at least fifty
16:50
Speaker 1: five billion times on the history throughout the history of
16:52
Speaker 1: this podcast. But the hippocampus is in charge of many
16:56
Speaker 1: fucking things memory, memory, consolidation, emotions, processing of emotions. So
17:05
Speaker 1: that's a big one. Processing of emotions and then learning
17:08
Speaker 1: as well. So you're seeing that this particular region of
17:12
Speaker 1: the brain, you see a size difference based on people's
17:18
Speaker 1: levels of self esteem, and it correlates small, smaller volume
17:22
Speaker 1: hippo campus lower self esteem, bigger volume gray matter volume
17:26
Speaker 1: in the hippocampus higher levels of self esteem. So basically
17:31
Speaker 1: this region of the brain above all other regions as
17:35
Speaker 1: far as the science shows what we are seeing, it
17:40
Speaker 1: seems to have the highest correlation with self esteem. Now,
17:42
Speaker 1: people with low self esteem how to reduce levels of
17:47
Speaker 1: regional gray matter volume in areas in the brain responsible
17:50
Speaker 1: for self regulation in response to threatening and stressful events
17:54
Speaker 1: and stressful experiences, which means that if you've got low
17:57
Speaker 1: gray matter volume in that particular region, it means that
18:00
Speaker 1: there's less activity, there's less resources in the brain being
18:05
Speaker 1: used in that area, so there's more atrophy or there's
18:08
Speaker 1: less kind of energy being spent on keeping that part
18:10
Speaker 1: of the brain as active as maybe somebody that would
18:13
Speaker 1: have high self esteem with more volume there. So, if
18:15
Speaker 1: you're seeing reduced gray amount of volume in the areas
18:18
Speaker 1: that are responsible to being able to self regulate your
18:22
Speaker 1: emotions around threatening and stressful events, what does that mean.
18:26
Speaker 1: It means that someone with low self esteem struggles to
18:29
Speaker 1: self regulate their emotions. And a big one if that,
18:31
Speaker 1: like a big example, if that is avoidance, someone who
18:34
Speaker 1: just avoids.
18:34
Speaker 2: Doesn't face their emotions, avoid of wort.
18:36
Speaker 1: Avoid and then because they're avoidant or because they can't
18:39
Speaker 1: regulate at all, of course that Bradon region starts to
18:42
Speaker 1: atrophy more and more and more or not even atrophy,
18:44
Speaker 1: but it's just not being grown. You're not seeing new
18:47
Speaker 1: connections being made there, like someone with high self esteem
18:51
Speaker 1: who can regulate their emotions. I'm going to talk about
18:53
Speaker 1: emotional regulation a bit more in depth a little bit
18:56
Speaker 1: later on. So these results of that region gray matter volume,
19:01
Speaker 1: they are consistent with a whole ton of research that
19:05
Speaker 1: they already is on neuronal structure, basically showing that neural
19:10
Speaker 1: atrophy in those same areas is present in effective disorders.
19:16
Speaker 2: So effective disorders, an example, if that is depression.
19:18
Speaker 1: Okay, so we're seeing this really close link between reduced
19:23
Speaker 1: volume in certain brain regions in low self esteem and also.
19:27
Speaker 2: In mood disorders such as depression.
19:29
Speaker 1: Now the hippocampus, Now there's other neuroanatomical evidence that suggests
19:34
Speaker 1: that the anterior singular cortex, the ACC plays a really
19:38
Speaker 1: large role in emotional regulation, so it's really important to
19:42
Speaker 1: help you self regulate your own emotions. And reduced gray
19:47
Speaker 1: matter here is also found to contribute to difficulty in
19:50
Speaker 1: regulating negative emotions and ruminating. Ruminating is very present in
19:56
Speaker 1: people with low self esteem and also in people with depressions.
20:00
Speaker 1: Seeing another brand region and another example of lower gray
20:03
Speaker 1: matter volume in the anterior anterior singular cortex. Okay, on
20:08
Speaker 1: the flip side, high levels of gray matter in this
20:11
Speaker 1: ACC area is attributed to cognitive reappraisal. So basically, cognitive
20:17
Speaker 1: reappraisal is this. It's a strategy that you can use
20:21
Speaker 1: that helps you regulate your emotions. And people with high
20:24
Speaker 1: self esteem are very good at implementing this cognitive reappraisal.
20:28
Speaker 1: Some people just do it subconsciously, they don't realize that
20:31
Speaker 1: they're doing it. Other people who don't know to do
20:34
Speaker 1: it subconsciously. When they learn about it, you can start
20:36
Speaker 1: to do it consciously and you're going to start to
20:38
Speaker 1: really reap a lot of benefits from this cognitive reappraisal. Okay,
20:42
Speaker 1: so I will be talking about that in a second
20:44
Speaker 1: as well. But basically, in a nutshell, what this reappraisal
20:47
Speaker 1: is reinterpreting the meaning of an event that has occurred
20:51
Speaker 1: after the fact.
20:52
Speaker 2: So it is this adaptive behavior that you can do.
20:55
Speaker 1: For example, a really basic example is you're walking down
20:59
Speaker 1: the street, you see someone you know, you wave at them.
21:02
Speaker 1: That person kind of looks in a different direction and
21:04
Speaker 1: walks off. Someone with low self esteem is like, oh
21:07
Speaker 1: my god, this person has avoided me. That what the
21:10
Speaker 1: fuck have I done? I fucking cooked it, I've done something,
21:13
Speaker 1: and then you start spiraling. Then you start looking at
21:16
Speaker 1: their instagram have they like what.
21:18
Speaker 2: Could have what?
21:19
Speaker 1: And so you're going nuts being like I'm now spiraling.
21:22
Speaker 1: Someone with high self esteem would be like, oh, they
21:23
Speaker 1: must have been on the phone.
21:25
Speaker 2: Oh they must have been distracted.
21:27
Speaker 1: Like they just instantly think they could have fucking palmed
21:30
Speaker 1: me off.
21:30
Speaker 2: But the likelihood is probably that they just didn't see me,
21:34
Speaker 2: or maybe they saw me, but they're so in the
21:37
Speaker 2: zone and stressed. But then they didn't react fast enough,
21:40
Speaker 2: they didn't respond, and by the time they turned around,
21:41
Speaker 2: being like, oh, actually I know that person, you've turned
21:44
Speaker 2: the corner and didn't see them. So that's a very
21:47
Speaker 2: very basic example.
21:49
Speaker 1: Of cognitive reappraisal, where an event occurs and it could
21:52
Speaker 1: be relatively you could be interpreted as negative. But someone
21:55
Speaker 1: with high self esteem is just gonna benefit of the
21:58
Speaker 1: doubt kind of situation. I'll I'll just presume that this
22:01
Speaker 1: person was busy or whatever.
22:02
Speaker 2: It's not gonna affect me. I'm not carrying this with
22:04
Speaker 2: me throughout the day.
22:04
Speaker 1: I'm sure it's fine whatever, you know, especially if there's
22:07
Speaker 1: no evidence to support that this person was angry with you.
22:10
Speaker 2: So that's one of the examples.
22:12
Speaker 1: So basically, one thing that we are saying is that
22:14
Speaker 1: this not being able to regulate your emotions or avoid
22:18
Speaker 1: your emotions altogether is very heavily linked with low self esteem.
22:21
Speaker 1: And it's this inability to regulate your emotions. And when
22:25
Speaker 1: I talk about an inability to regulate your emotions, I'm
22:27
Speaker 1: not saying that you're someone that flies off the handlebi was.
22:29
Speaker 1: I think a lot of people think if I say
22:31
Speaker 1: you can't regulate your emotions, it means you snap, or
22:33
Speaker 1: you get angry, you go crazy, not at all. One
22:36
Speaker 1: of the major signs of someone who can't regulate their
22:38
Speaker 1: emotions is someone who is not willing to face and
22:41
Speaker 1: experience and feel their emotions, so they will shut down, suppress,
22:46
Speaker 1: push it away. If you were raised in a way
22:49
Speaker 1: that you don't cry, boys don't cry, you know, you know,
22:53
Speaker 1: up you go like it's fine, it's fine, you're fine,
22:54
Speaker 1: You're fine, don't worry about it. You know, you know,
22:56
Speaker 1: you need to be stronger. I get a backbone.
22:58
Speaker 2: All of that. Where you weren't taught to feel your feelings.
23:02
Speaker 1: And allow you weren't allowed to have a safe space
23:04
Speaker 1: to cry and all of that, then maybe you're someone
23:06
Speaker 1: that is really good at bottling it up and not
23:09
Speaker 1: going through your emotions. That is an example of someone
23:12
Speaker 1: that can't regulate their emotions because you are scared to
23:15
Speaker 1: feel your emotions. You're scared to sit in them, and
23:19
Speaker 1: you're scared to kind of like see what comes up,
23:22
Speaker 1: what crops up. Because you don't want to be faced
23:24
Speaker 1: with that, you just keep suppressing it. But the problem
23:27
Speaker 1: with that, of I mean, other than the obvious problems
23:31
Speaker 1: that's going to cause, is that it will always manifest
23:34
Speaker 1: in another way.
23:36
Speaker 2: The body. There's a book by this title, and I
23:38
Speaker 2: love it, but the body keeps the fucking score.
23:40
Speaker 1: So if that's not the book is called the body
23:42
Speaker 1: keeps the score, not the fucking score.
23:43
Speaker 2: But it's so true.
23:45
Speaker 1: So when you bottle something up, it manifests in another way.
23:48
Speaker 1: So it could be it could manifest in chronic stress,
23:51
Speaker 1: it could manifest well in this case, in low self esteem.
23:53
Speaker 1: It could manifest in physical problems not healing better, having
23:58
Speaker 1: emotional problems later on in life, depression, all these things.
24:02
Speaker 1: So when you bottle up your feelings, they're not going away.
24:05
Speaker 1: They're staying inside you, but going somewhere else. That's how
24:08
Speaker 1: you have to look at it. So someone who can't
24:09
Speaker 1: regulate their emotions, it doesn't mean they're someone that snaps
24:12
Speaker 1: and goes crazy. It means that they I mean, it
24:14
Speaker 1: could but in general that they're not dealing with their
24:17
Speaker 1: emotions in a healthy so pretty much, if there's one
24:20
Speaker 1: thing that I've banged on about, especially lately in the
24:23
Speaker 1: episodes of Late, is that it is so important for
24:26
Speaker 1: your mental health to feel and experience your emotions. Because
24:32
Speaker 1: while everything I do is geared to being overall happier,
24:36
Speaker 1: to having a really healthy relationship with yourself, part of
24:38
Speaker 1: being a happy person entails feeling all your emotions and
24:43
Speaker 1: allowing yourself to feel the lows, feel the anxiety, feel
24:46
Speaker 1: the stress, become acquainted, become well fucking acquainted with your emotions.
24:51
Speaker 1: And then when you have, when you allow yourself to feel,
24:54
Speaker 1: you allow yourself to be there for yourself, you trust
24:56
Speaker 1: yourself more and it actually makes you happier. Rule So,
25:01
Speaker 1: being a happy person doesn't mean that you have to
25:02
Speaker 1: be happy in every single moment or every single day,
25:05
Speaker 1: but it means that in order to be happy, you
25:09
Speaker 1: have to go through all the emotions that are there
25:12
Speaker 1: that you need to be feeling basically.
25:14
Speaker 2: So now let's talk about how to change this.
25:17
Speaker 1: I think I've got four points how you can start
25:20
Speaker 1: turning around your self esteem.
25:22
Speaker 2: If you've got low self esteem, let's get straight into.
25:24
Speaker 3: It, Okay, So the first one we're going to talk
25:48
Speaker 3: about is something called affect regulation.
25:51
Speaker 2: So this is your ability to manage.
25:54
Speaker 1: And appropriately respond to your experience of emotions. So, if
25:59
Speaker 1: you've not been taught growing up or just in general
26:03
Speaker 1: how to sit with or cope with your emotions, if
26:06
Speaker 1: you've basically been taught to suppress your emotions, then you're
26:09
Speaker 1: likely to fear when emotions are going to crop up,
26:12
Speaker 1: and that then that fear is going to bring on anxiety, distress, insecurities,
26:18
Speaker 1: and then you want to avoid it at all costs.
26:20
Speaker 1: You think it's you think feeling your feelings is going
26:22
Speaker 1: to be worst case scenario. I'm not going to be
26:24
Speaker 1: once I go down that by call, I'm never going
26:25
Speaker 1: to be able to climb out. That's what you think,
26:27
Speaker 1: even though that's not the case. So, like I was
26:29
Speaker 1: mentioning earlier, if you've been taught that you always have
26:31
Speaker 1: to suck it up or you'll be fine. You'll be fine,
26:33
Speaker 1: You'll be fine when you're in a crisis, then maybe
26:36
Speaker 1: you're someone that's because of that, not learned to deal
26:39
Speaker 1: with your emotions in a way that doesn't scare you,
26:42
Speaker 1: in a way that doesn't make you spiral. Like I really,
26:45
Speaker 1: it grinds my gears when someone is going through a
26:47
Speaker 1: really fucking terrible time and people are like, you'll be fine,
26:51
Speaker 1: you'll be fine, you'll be fine, because it's like, cunt,
26:54
Speaker 1: of course, you're going to be fine, you're not going
26:55
Speaker 1: to die. But they only to be told that right now,
26:58
Speaker 1: because by saying you'll be fine, you're dismissing the fact
27:01
Speaker 1: that they need to allow themselves to have a safe
27:04
Speaker 1: space to experience these emotions.
27:06
Speaker 2: Don't try and hurry.
27:07
Speaker 1: Them up like quick, get better, get better, get better.
27:10
Speaker 1: It's important that people can sit with their emotions because
27:13
Speaker 1: when you tell yourself, I'm having an emotion, but I'm
27:15
Speaker 1: letting myself sit with it, you are telling yourself, I
27:18
Speaker 1: can control my emotions, i can regulate. I'm allowed to feel.
27:22
Speaker 1: I'm allowed to go to the depths of this moment
27:26
Speaker 1: in whatever I'm feeling and learn about myself, learn about
27:31
Speaker 1: my needs, learn about what's made me sad, learn about
27:34
Speaker 1: what I value in this situation, what I've lost, what
27:36
Speaker 1: I've learnt these emotions. The depths as to your emotions
27:40
Speaker 1: teaches you a lot about yourself, and you don't want
27:41
Speaker 1: to be skimming over them. Yeah, if you're always this
27:44
Speaker 1: kind of persons like, you'll be fine, You'll be fine,
27:46
Speaker 1: Come on quick, snap out of it. That's actually quite unhealthy.
27:49
Speaker 1: And if people have always done that to you, then
27:52
Speaker 1: you're probably going to repeat the same thing and do
27:54
Speaker 1: it to yourself later on. The ability to sit with
27:57
Speaker 1: your emotions, to process your emotions, to accept all your emotions,
28:00
Speaker 1: has a really strong link to self esteem and self love.
28:04
Speaker 1: If basically, it's saying like if you're accepting of your emotions,
28:07
Speaker 1: you are accepting of yourself. So if you're avoiding your emotions,
28:11
Speaker 1: you're avoiding yourself or you're basically saying, I can't you know,
28:15
Speaker 1: I'm not I'm flawed, I'm not good.
28:17
Speaker 2: Enough on all of that.
28:18
Speaker 1: So it's really important to ask yourself how am I
28:21
Speaker 1: dealing with my emotions when they come up? Because if
28:24
Speaker 1: you are always like suppressing, then that's going to cause
28:29
Speaker 1: you know, all these emotional insecurities along the way, and
28:32
Speaker 1: that's things like well, obviously low self esteem, but then
28:36
Speaker 1: it also causes mood disorders, feelings of inadequacy, low self esteem, depression, anxiety,
28:41
Speaker 1: basically the list goes on. But if you're someone that
28:44
Speaker 1: has really really low self esteem, there is therapy that
28:47
Speaker 1: you can do where you work with It's called like
28:50
Speaker 1: affects regulation therapy. There might be other names for it,
28:54
Speaker 1: but that's kind of when I was doing my research,
28:56
Speaker 1: that's what it seems to be called. And it's you
28:59
Speaker 1: work along side a therapist in something where you work
29:02
Speaker 1: with this kind of thing called the window of tolerance
29:05
Speaker 1: and you learn where your emotional tolerance window is and
29:09
Speaker 1: you're learning to kind of widen that window of tolerance
29:12
Speaker 1: and also learning to come back from when your hypo
29:15
Speaker 1: or hyper aroused emotionally. But that's often done with a therapist.
29:20
Speaker 1: So if you're thinking that maybe you want to explore
29:23
Speaker 1: this further with a therapist, look into that window of
29:25
Speaker 1: tolerance and affect regulation therapy and you might find some
29:29
Speaker 1: really really good resources there and people that can help
29:31
Speaker 1: you deal with your emotions. Get really good at regulating
29:34
Speaker 1: your emotions, which will have a very positive and very
29:37
Speaker 1: direct link and impact on your self esteem for the good. Now,
29:42
Speaker 1: the next thing that's really interesting is pride and pride
29:46
Speaker 1: in the good way, because you can be like too
29:48
Speaker 1: proud and all of that, but we're taught. I'll explain
29:50
Speaker 1: it in a second, but pride pays a plays a
29:53
Speaker 1: really big role in self esteem, So noting things that
29:58
Speaker 1: you are proud of within your self. It's not about
30:01
Speaker 1: having too much pride, but it's like, what can you
30:03
Speaker 1: look back on what you've achieved or what you are
30:07
Speaker 1: as a person, or how you contribute to others and
30:10
Speaker 1: feel proud. So there's a lot of evidence to back
30:13
Speaker 1: that showing self pride, healthy self pride is a really
30:18
Speaker 1: big reflector of high self esteem. So there is this
30:22
Speaker 1: joy that's derived from achievement, from your own appraisal of yourself.
30:28
Speaker 1: This like, I've got a positive appraisal of myself because
30:32
Speaker 1: I just completed this task or I've done that thing,
30:35
Speaker 1: or I've helped this.
30:36
Speaker 2: Person or blah blah blah blah blah.
30:38
Speaker 1: But then also there's a lot of joy that's derived
30:41
Speaker 1: from other people who you care about, like people that
30:45
Speaker 1: are close to you, that give you positive appraisals through
30:48
Speaker 1: positive feedback. So I think it's really important that there's
30:51
Speaker 1: two things you want to do here. Number one, you
30:52
Speaker 1: want to be identifying your strengths and think of how
30:57
Speaker 1: you can play into those strengths. For exsh, I'm actually
31:01
Speaker 1: a really good friend. How can I think of times
31:02
Speaker 1: that I've been a really good friend to people? You know?
31:04
Speaker 2: How can I?
31:05
Speaker 1: So you start to think of how you play into
31:07
Speaker 1: those strengths. It could be career wise, but you're trying
31:09
Speaker 1: to think of what can I be proud of within myself?
31:12
Speaker 1: And then interestingly enough, and this sounds counterintuitive because we
31:16
Speaker 1: talk about not caring what people think, but often when
31:18
Speaker 1: we think about what people think of us, it's for
31:20
Speaker 1: the negative. This exercise is trying to put yourself in
31:24
Speaker 1: the perspective of someone who's viewing you in a positive light.
31:28
Speaker 1: So a really good example of that is, think, how
31:31
Speaker 1: have I helped other people or contributed to someone else
31:33
Speaker 1: in a way that I know they're viewing me in
31:36
Speaker 1: a positive way. So you could think, well, my best
31:39
Speaker 1: friend would really love that I do X y Z
31:43
Speaker 1: for them, or my friends would really appreciate me as
31:46
Speaker 1: a member of our group because we have so much
31:48
Speaker 1: fun together and I make them laugh and this. So
31:51
Speaker 1: for someone who's got low self esteem, it might be
31:53
Speaker 1: quite a challenge to do that. And for someone with
31:55
Speaker 1: really healthy levels of self love and high self esteem,
31:58
Speaker 1: they could probably rattle off a thousand things that they
32:00
Speaker 1: contribute to the friendship group, and without being a cock,
32:03
Speaker 1: they could be like, well, yeah, I do contribute to
32:06
Speaker 1: this friendship group. I am a fucking great friend, I
32:08
Speaker 1: am really helpful. My friends would value having me there,
32:11
Speaker 1: They would really appreciate me, just like I appreciate my friends.
32:15
Speaker 1: So trying to view yourself through a positive lens through
32:19
Speaker 1: the eyes of someone.
32:20
Speaker 2: Else who loves you or who enjoys.
32:23
Speaker 1: Your company is a very very good exercise to make
32:26
Speaker 1: you feel prouder within yourself of what you have to contribute,
32:30
Speaker 1: what you have to offer, how you can make yourself
32:32
Speaker 1: useful to other people and to yourself. That is a big, big,
32:35
Speaker 1: very helpful exercise that you can do that's going to
32:38
Speaker 1: help your overall self esteem. Because we're very fucking good
32:43
Speaker 1: at thinking what will people think of us?
32:45
Speaker 2: For the negative?
32:46
Speaker 1: But why don't you try and exercise what you think
32:48
Speaker 1: what will people think of me?
32:49
Speaker 2: In the positive? Especially people that actually like you? Okay?
32:54
Speaker 2: The third one is self talk.
32:56
Speaker 1: So, like I said, people with low self esteem, they
32:58
Speaker 1: engage in negative self talk, but people with high self
33:01
Speaker 1: esteem are likely to engage in or not even likely,
33:04
Speaker 1: they in general engage in positive self talk. So your
33:07
Speaker 1: words reflect in general your feelings, and your feelings have
33:14
Speaker 1: a massive impact on how you're going to experience the world.
33:17
Speaker 1: And if you're feeling low about yourself, it's going to
33:20
Speaker 1: impact your behavior that day, It's going to impact how
33:22
Speaker 1: you interact with people, it's going to impact the level
33:25
Speaker 1: of interaction you have with people and with strangers.
33:27
Speaker 2: If you are talking down to yourself, I'm not confident,
33:32
Speaker 2: I'm not this, I'm not.
33:32
Speaker 1: That, Then what do you think your interaction is going
33:35
Speaker 1: to be with strangers that day, versus someone who's saying
33:38
Speaker 1: I have really good interactions with strangers. In general, people
33:41
Speaker 1: are really nice. I expect the best from people like
33:43
Speaker 1: an your So you're going in with a completely different
33:45
Speaker 1: attitude and you're likely to have much stronger, better connections
33:48
Speaker 1: when you interact with people out there. So your self
33:51
Speaker 1: talk really does determine your experience day to day. So
33:58
Speaker 1: I think it's really important to basically find things that
34:03
Speaker 1: you can say to yourself that is backed by belief,
34:08
Speaker 1: and that is what's strongly correlated to high self esteem
34:11
Speaker 1: because I am very big on affirmations, but affirmations that
34:15
Speaker 1: feel right to you, okay. So it's important that your
34:20
Speaker 1: words are important, especially when they align with your feelings,
34:23
Speaker 1: with your emotions. If a word and an emotion are aligned,
34:27
Speaker 1: that's basically what you're subconsciously going to be putting out.
34:30
Speaker 2: Okay.
34:31
Speaker 1: So if you want to improve your self talk and
34:34
Speaker 1: you think, well, there's not one positive thing I can
34:36
Speaker 1: say about myself right now where I feel confident in myself,
34:40
Speaker 1: then the best next step is to find a neutral thought.
34:44
Speaker 1: So if positive affirmations feel too far fetched for you,
34:47
Speaker 1: then think, how can I neutralize this thought?
34:49
Speaker 2: And so it feels really real. So my feelings correlate
34:53
Speaker 2: with my words.
34:53
Speaker 1: The moment you feelings correlate with your words, you begin
34:56
Speaker 1: to make changes in your brain every fucking time. So,
34:59
Speaker 1: for example, if you say I'm a failure, I always
35:03
Speaker 1: fucking fail at everything.
35:04
Speaker 2: I'm a fucking I.
35:05
Speaker 1: Just can't how do we neutralize that? Because maybe you're
35:08
Speaker 1: not going to turn around and say I'm a winner.
35:10
Speaker 1: I'm a winner, I win at everything, because you could
35:11
Speaker 1: say that and if you believed it, great, it's going
35:13
Speaker 1: to be great. But if you say that and you're like,
35:16
Speaker 1: I feel like a fuck wit sitting on my bed
35:19
Speaker 1: saying I'm a winner when I've literally just failed at
35:21
Speaker 1: like three things in a row, I'm not a pack
35:23
Speaker 1: of So then you start spiraling again.
35:25
Speaker 2: It almost makes it worse. So what's a neutralizing thought?
35:27
Speaker 1: You can say, I am capable of succeeding at what
35:32
Speaker 1: I put my mind to. And an example of this
35:35
Speaker 1: is and you pull out something in your past where
35:37
Speaker 1: you have completed a task, or you have won something,
35:40
Speaker 1: or you have gotten to the finish line of something.
35:42
Speaker 1: So then you're like, okay, I'm being a bit universal
35:45
Speaker 1: with my negative language. I'm not a failure. I failed
35:47
Speaker 1: at this one thing. Now is it possible for me
35:50
Speaker 1: to return and do better and prepare differently on whatever
35:53
Speaker 1: and do well. It's possible. Okay, so that's neutralizing thoughts.
35:56
Speaker 1: You're saying this is possible. Here's an example of where
35:58
Speaker 1: I've done well. I'm really being very universal with this language.
36:02
Speaker 1: Need to be a bit more specific. That's neutralizing. And
36:05
Speaker 1: then you talk yourself down off the ledge. And the
36:06
Speaker 1: beautiful thing about neutralizing thoughts is you're bringing into You're
36:11
Speaker 1: bringing your prefrontal cortex into the fucking arena where you
36:15
Speaker 1: can basically regulate your thoughts and your emotions. This is
36:19
Speaker 1: the logic mind, the mind that can step in and
36:22
Speaker 1: say wait a minute, sit down, can't like, calm the
36:27
Speaker 1: fuck down to the amigdal Olympic system, the emotional part
36:30
Speaker 1: of the brain. And it's kind of saying, just take
36:32
Speaker 1: a seat. This is actually like you're taking it too far.
36:35
Speaker 1: Let's calm down your being too. What's it called catastrophic
36:38
Speaker 1: with your language. We're going to reword that in this way.
36:42
Speaker 1: Once you feel that you accept that neutral thought, then
36:44
Speaker 1: it's a whole lot easier to be like, Okay, I
36:46
Speaker 1: don't have that anxiety anymore.
36:48
Speaker 2: It is true I could do better. I could.
36:50
Speaker 1: And once that sits comfortably, then you'll notice that when
36:53
Speaker 1: you say something like I'm having a really good day today,
36:55
Speaker 1: Today's going to be a winning day. Good things are
36:57
Speaker 1: going to happen to me today. That doesn't feel so
36:59
Speaker 1: far fetched. And then you are primed for good things
37:01
Speaker 1: to happen to you that day. You are looking for
37:03
Speaker 1: good things to happen to you that day. You feel
37:05
Speaker 1: worthy enough for good things to happen to you that day,
37:08
Speaker 1: and therefore you're going to experience better things that day. Okay,
37:12
Speaker 1: so your self talk, and it's not just me banging
37:15
Speaker 1: on about it.
37:15
Speaker 2: It's not just you know.
37:17
Speaker 1: There is a lot of scientific evidence to back the
37:20
Speaker 1: importance of positive self talk on your neural networks, on
37:24
Speaker 1: gray matter volume, on levels of self esteem, on increasing
37:28
Speaker 1: the levels of self esteem, depression, anxiety, all of that.
37:31
Speaker 1: All of these things start to turn around and get
37:33
Speaker 1: better when you start engaging in positive self talk. But
37:36
Speaker 1: remember it has to align with your emotions. So it's
37:39
Speaker 1: all well and good to say shit twenty thousand times
37:42
Speaker 1: a day, but are you saying it, thinking about it,
37:45
Speaker 1: and aligning it with your emotions.
37:47
Speaker 2: That's the key. That's the key.
37:49
Speaker 1: And if it doesn't align with how you're feeling, then
37:51
Speaker 1: just scale it back a bit to neutralize it until
37:53
Speaker 1: you're like, this feels real, I can roll with this,
37:56
Speaker 1: I can sit with this, feel comfortable with this. Okay,
37:59
Speaker 1: And then the last this one, and this sounds pretty obvious,
38:02
Speaker 1: but unfortunately for many people we get stuck in this.
38:05
Speaker 1: The last one is to pay very close attention to
38:08
Speaker 1: your adult relationships. Okay, adult relationships are one of the
38:13
Speaker 1: main causes for low or high self esteem.
38:16
Speaker 2: That is so important to remind yourself of me.
38:18
Speaker 1: It is so fucking important to remind yourself that your
38:22
Speaker 1: adult relationships are a direct indicator if you're going to
38:26
Speaker 1: have high self esteem or low self esteem. The people
38:29
Speaker 1: you surround yourself with. If you fucking sleep with dogs,
38:32
Speaker 1: you're gonna get fleas. If you hang around with kunts,
38:35
Speaker 1: you're going to have low self esteem. Okay, So when
38:40
Speaker 1: you're a child, there's nothing you can do about it.
38:42
Speaker 1: But now you're an adult and now you can be picky,
38:45
Speaker 1: and it's hard. If you grew up where you have
38:48
Speaker 1: low self esteem, but that's no reason for you to
38:50
Speaker 1: not do the hard work to give.
38:51
Speaker 2: Yourself a chance now at having high self esteem.
38:54
Speaker 1: Okay, so I want you to do a bit of
38:55
Speaker 1: an inventory on your adult relationships, especially the close ones.
38:58
Speaker 1: I'm not talking about that one that you work with
39:00
Speaker 1: that's really painful. Okay, there's going to be people in
39:02
Speaker 1: your life that you can't ultimately avoid in general, but
39:06
Speaker 1: we're talking about the people that you hold close to
39:08
Speaker 1: your heart.
39:09
Speaker 2: What do these relationships look like?
39:10
Speaker 1: And a good rule of thumb is that do you
39:14
Speaker 1: the people that are close to you, do you feel
39:16
Speaker 1: that you could open up about your feelings and they
39:19
Speaker 1: will be there as a sounding board for you. And
39:22
Speaker 1: if the answer is like, oh God, I would never
39:24
Speaker 1: open up to them like that, I would never, then
39:26
Speaker 1: what's that saying? I'm not comfortable enough around these people.
39:29
Speaker 1: I feel like I'd be judged, I'd feel like this.
39:30
Speaker 1: I feel like that if you're closest to quote unquote
39:34
Speaker 1: closest friends are people that you couldn't even open up
39:38
Speaker 1: about your deepest emotions or your fears or your insecurities
39:41
Speaker 1: and how that's making you feel and like cry to
39:43
Speaker 1: them or whatever, then maybe that's an indicator as to
39:47
Speaker 1: why you might have low self esteem because you're like,
39:49
Speaker 1: if I don't feel comfortable doing it in front of
39:51
Speaker 1: these people, then I'm saying that I can't do it,
39:54
Speaker 1: that I shouldn't be doing it, that they're not going
39:55
Speaker 1: to accept me, that they're not going to accept my emotions,
39:58
Speaker 1: that they you know, I'm be rejected, might be laughed at,
40:01
Speaker 1: or whatever.
40:02
Speaker 2: I don't feel comfortable.
40:03
Speaker 1: So I think it's really important that you, Yeah, if
40:06
Speaker 1: you're scared to raise things with people around you, if
40:09
Speaker 1: you're scared to show your true emotions with people around you,
40:11
Speaker 1: that's a bit of.
40:12
Speaker 2: A red flag.
40:13
Speaker 1: Secure relationships should make you feel secure. And when we
40:18
Speaker 1: talk about security, we're talking about good emotions and bad
40:22
Speaker 1: emotions and happy and sad and everything in between. A
40:25
Speaker 1: secure relationship means I feel secure enough to be myself
40:30
Speaker 1: and if I'm not feeling good today, I can be
40:32
Speaker 1: that version of me. If I'm you know, if I'm
40:34
Speaker 1: having a bad day, I can be that version. A
40:36
Speaker 1: secure relationship makes you feel that you will be loved okay,
40:42
Speaker 1: and like within the parameters, if you're not being an
40:44
Speaker 1: absolute horrible person, but if you are a decent person,
40:48
Speaker 1: you can go through these waves of emotions and you
40:50
Speaker 1: will be loved. That is a secure relationship. So ask yourself,
40:53
Speaker 1: do I have secure relationships as an adult?
40:55
Speaker 2: Not just romantically. We're talking about friends, we're talking about family,
40:58
Speaker 2: And if you don't, then that's maybe a clear indicator
41:01
Speaker 2: as to why you might be struggling with self esteem
41:03
Speaker 2: and maybe start to look at And I'm not going
41:05
Speaker 2: to go into the how, because I've got episodes on
41:07
Speaker 2: making friends as adults and all of that, and teach
41:09
Speaker 2: people how to treat you. There's a whole bunch.
41:11
Speaker 1: Of episodes that I could point you to, But I
41:14
Speaker 1: think your relationships. Start taking a good, hard look at
41:16
Speaker 1: your relationships and get stingy with the people that you
41:20
Speaker 1: hang out with.
41:20
Speaker 2: Get clear on what you will and will not accept.
41:23
Speaker 1: Okay, because if you're going to surround yourself with clowns,
41:26
Speaker 1: you'll fucking become a clown, one of those sad clowns. Anyway,
41:30
Speaker 1: that is the episode of today. I hope that that
41:33
Speaker 1: opens your eyes when it comes to self esteem and
41:36
Speaker 1: how much you know, like you can look at it
41:38
Speaker 1: from a science perspective, and how much like you can
41:41
Speaker 1: do from a behavioral standpoint another thing which I didn't
41:43
Speaker 1: mention in these points, but that is very good on
41:46
Speaker 1: helping increase levels of gray matter volume in the brain
41:50
Speaker 1: is well, of course adequate sleep, a good diet, but
41:55
Speaker 1: high intensity exercise is really, really, really good for increasing
42:00
Speaker 1: gray meta volume within the brain. And also when you
42:04
Speaker 1: do high intensity exercise, I feel like this has to
42:06
Speaker 1: be a brain fact, so I will delve into it deeper.
42:09
Speaker 1: You actually release a neurotrophon called brain derived neurotrophic factor,
42:13
Speaker 1: and this particular neurotrophin is released in abundance in dan
42:18
Speaker 1: Dana the fucking hippocampus, which is the place where we
42:20
Speaker 1: see atrophy with people with low self esteem. And if
42:22
Speaker 1: you're releasing this brain derived neurotrophic factor in that area,
42:26
Speaker 1: it is neuroprotective.
42:28
Speaker 2: It helps.
42:28
Speaker 1: It's basically it encourages synaptic plasticity, so that's more connections
42:33
Speaker 1: between from cell to cell, and it is neuroprotective in
42:36
Speaker 1: the cell sense that it protects against atrophy. It protects
42:39
Speaker 1: against the breakdown of cells unnecessarily within the brain. So
42:44
Speaker 1: if on top of all of that, if you can
42:46
Speaker 1: include good sleep, good diet, high intensity exercise, meditating as well,
42:51
Speaker 1: helps increase neural connections and like activity between the regions
42:55
Speaker 1: of the hippocampus and the prefrontal cortex. All of that combined.
42:59
Speaker 1: You're looking at it from a fucking holistic situation. You're
43:02
Speaker 1: going to find massive changes in your brain. And not
43:05
Speaker 1: that you can scan it. I mean maybe you can.
43:07
Speaker 2: I don't know who you are. Maybe you have a fucking.
43:09
Speaker 1: Brain scanner it your disposal, but you will have an
43:12
Speaker 1: increase in the gray matter volume within the brain, which
43:15
Speaker 1: then correlatees to higher self esteem. So that I think
43:18
Speaker 1: is really really, really really really cool. I loved everything
43:22
Speaker 1: about I was what I was reading when I was
43:24
Speaker 1: putting this episode together, so I hope you guys loved
43:26
Speaker 1: it as much.
43:27
Speaker 2: Guys, thank you so much for listening.
43:28
Speaker 1: Please do me the biggest favor and rate five star,
43:31
Speaker 1: obviously review it saying that it's just fabulous.
43:34
Speaker 2: And share, share, share the podcast.
43:37
Speaker 1: I want to get as many people as possible changing
43:40
Speaker 1: their relationship with themselves for the better. Love you guys
43:42
Speaker 1: so much and shout out to my global beans, and
43:45
Speaker 1: as always, remember be kind to yourself, be kind to
43:47
Speaker 1: your brain, don't take shit from anyone, and especially don't
43:50
Speaker 1: take shit from yourself. Dugga