Latest / Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler / Back by Popular Demand: Julianna Margulies

Transcript

Back by Popular Demand: Julianna Margulies · Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Okay, so my stand up dates. I have some dates
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: coming up in California in Long Beach, I'm performing on Friday,
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: aft and then I'm in Bakersfield October, and then October one,
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: I'm in Passa Robels, and then I'm in Vegas at
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: the Mirage Saturday October and then Wheatland, California October. And
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: then you can go to Chelsea Hamler dot com for
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: more dates when I'll be performing, and uh yeah, that's
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: pretty much what's happening right now. Hi Catherine, Hello, Chelsea,
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: good afternoon, Good afternoon, Good afternoon. I have such a
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: funny story. So well, it's not that funny, but Juliana
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: Margulie's who any avid listeners should this podcast know that
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: when she was on, she was so great and I
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: was texting with her after telling her how great she
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: was in the response I had gotten, and then she
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: was like, if anyone ever falls out, will you please
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: let me know I would like to come on again.
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: And then someone fell out this week and I was like,
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: you know what, let me text Julietta. Then she was like, yes,
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: I'm down, And so how cute is that? That's our
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: guest today, You guys, and that's how it transpired. Julianna
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: Margut Liz is our special guests back by popular popular demand. Yes,
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: by her demand. Also by her demand, We're open. And
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: she's also going to be in the third season of
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: the Morning Show, reprising her role, so you can look
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: forward to that. If you miss The Good Wife, e
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: Er and everything else that she's ever been in, you
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: can tune into the Morning Show on Apple TV. She
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: also has a great book out that I've read, which
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: I'm going to read again, Sunshine Girl. Yeah, Sunshine Girl
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: and Brandy Carlyle's book. Those are two great books that
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: I read autobiographies. Please welcome Julianna Margut lese Hi, Hi, Hi,
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: without any further ado, We're gonna hop right into it.
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: Back by popular demand. Julianna Margut lies is back with
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: us today because we had such fierce responses. Right, yes
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: we did. I got so many emails about that EPI yes,
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: I got so many, Julianna. So many people are like,
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: oh my god, Julianna Margutis, like, you guys are so connected.
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: I said that to Julianna, I go, I feel very
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: connected to you. Especially after the podcast. I just felt
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: like your openness. It was just so infectious and people
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: really responded to it, and I think you really were
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: able to help so many people. Oh that makes me happy.
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: I love it. I love it, I really do. I'm sorry.
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: I'm on zoom and a mess, but I've been out
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: in the depths of the woods to old day to
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: day with contractors trying to get lime disease. What were
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: you up to? I stay away from that. No. Um,
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: We're trying to build something in our house and I
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: have to meet with contractors. And here's my problem. I
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: know you're in the middle of a renovation. I'm always
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: in the middle of a renovation. Always in the middle
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: of a renovation. I'm always homeless. I kind of love
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: it because I love the creative process of it. But
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: like meeting contractors, I love them all. I don't want
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: to say no to one because I feel bad. And
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: that's my problem. And I literally looked at the architect
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: and I was like, I don't know what to do.
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: He was like, wait till the bids come in, blah
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: bah blah. But so my my problem. These are champagne problems,
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: I know, but my problem is always saying no to people. Yeah,
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: I have that problem too, whenever I'm like, I remember
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: hiring directors, meeting with directors. I was doing a documentary
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: series for Netflix, and I was meeting with all these
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: directors and I was just like, Okay, let's hire that woman.
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: And then the next guy, I was like, oh, I
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: like him too, very good too. Yeah. And my cousin
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: always like, you have no discernment like between people, and
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: I was like, what, that doesn't seem like it goes
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: with my personality. But it does for some reason. You know,
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: after reading your last book. I've read all, but after
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: reading the last one, I feel this tremendous connection to
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: I feel like you aren't that person. Yeah, well maybe
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: I worried about you do worry about everybody. I see
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: how you take care of your family and how you
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: do that's sweet. How has your summer been going, Julianna,
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: My summer has been going very well. My son came
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: off the bus from camp an inch taller and his voices, no, oh,
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: that's so bitter. You know, my whole his whole life,
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: I've looked down at him when I tell him to
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: do something, and now I'm like, um, and that's just
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: the beginning. So he's fourteen and a half. So it's
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: been it's been nice having him back home, and it's
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: been good, gentle gentle summer. Yeah, yeah, pretty good. We
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: are going to take a quick break so you can
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: hear and add and then we'll be right back. How
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: was your vacation? How is your Oh? My god, I
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: had so many vacations. They've been so great and like
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: healing and friends and family and strangers and people. I've
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: new people. I love meeting new people. I always love
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: meeting new people, especially British people. I have an affinity
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: for British people. So in Greece it was my friends
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: sisters getaway, she and all of her British friends and
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: their couples and their kids. I'll go to this island,
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: Left Cotta, and I had never been to Left Cotta.
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: I had also never flown on easy Jet. I don't
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: know if you guys are familiar with that, but it
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: is something to avoid for the entire world because it
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: sounds like a cheap ticket. It's yes, it's like being
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: airlifted in a I don't even know why they have seats.
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: You should just be standing because that's how uncomfortable it is.
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: And my friend was like, it's a three and a
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: half hour flight back to London, and I had my
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: own plane ticket booked, but they were leaving a day
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: early and they had gotten their tickets confused. And she goes, okay,
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: I have some bad news. You're gonna have to fly
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: with us. That's the good news. The bad news is
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: we're going to uneasy jet and you're not gonna like that.
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: And I was like, okay, I go, you know what,
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: just give me an edible. I can handle anything, you know,
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: and we got on it. I read an entire book,
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: Daisy Jones and the Six By the way, Julianna, if
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: you're looking for a good quick fiction read, that's really
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: really good. I love when I finish a book, you know,
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: in a couple of days, when I get sad I
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: missed them. Yeah. I have always had a rule in
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: my house not to have a TV in the bedroom
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: because I'll just watch it rather than read before I
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: go to sleep. Yeah. I mean, of course, it's also
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: better for a relationship. But nothing makes me more depressed
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: than someone falling asleep to the TV in their own
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: bed and then waking up at three in the morning
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: the TV than But when you have a book you
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: like read, your dreams are better. There's no none of
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: that the rays of the television going into your head.
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: I always say to my kids, the best gift we
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: ever gave you was your love for reading. Yeah. A friend.
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: No matter where you are in the world, a book
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: is a friend. A book is a happy, safe place.
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: Yeah yeah. And you know what I've realized recently is
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: that I'm reading too much serious shit. Like I love
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: to be like analytical and think about things and have
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: things that provoke my thinking. But at the same time,
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: I'm like, no, it's an escape also, and I deserve
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: to read fun things. That's why this book, Daisy Jones
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: and the Six was like a departure from what I
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: normally read, and it was such a welcome reprieve because
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: I was like, oh, this is like being in a
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: fun different world, you know. No, it's so important. Disappearing
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: into a normal is my favorite thing to do. Yeah yeah.
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: The idea is to go into someone else's world and
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: not have to be in your own. I love a memoir,
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: and I love but it's hard because whatever you read
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: when you're reading really tough stuff, I'm reading a memmore
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: right now. Called Unraveling, which is actually fascinating. It's not
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: out yet. I'm reading it to give her a blurb.
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: But it's by Peggy Ornstein and it's called Unraveling, and
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: it's about She's a huge author, New York Times bestselling
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: author who writes about um, sex for girls and sex
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: for boys. She she talks about gender and children. And
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: she was a journalist. But in the pandemic she's a knitter,
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: and I think, I guess. She said, I don't know
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: how people know ship, but I knit. I've always knitted.
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: I don't have a knit in a while, but I
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: used to be a big knitter. Anyway, she decided she
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: wanted if she was gonna knit, she has to learn
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: how to share a sheep and the whole store. And
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: I thought, are you fucking kidding me? I said yes
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: to this, and I'm gonna be on a farm like
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: sharing sheep. It is so fascinating the rabbit holes because
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: she's a journalist and because she's an author and a
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: great writer. It's all about her experience sharing the sheep
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: is unbelievably difficult. And also she goes into what we're
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: doing to our planet with all these bad you know,
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: all the cheap, easy clothing that's like the landfills. And
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: then she goes and she said, once I saw it,
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: I couldn't unsee it. I think that's what's hard about
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: reading really realistic books, is that once you go there,
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: you have to change because now I literally was like,
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: I'm just gonna run into this store and buy it,
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: and I thought, is that going to be landfill? I'll
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: just buy vintage? Then, oh my god. And and and
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: the way I used to joke about sheep, Actually, if
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: you're ever looking for a different job, we're in need
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: of sheep shears, and sheep need to be sheared, and
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: they actually can help global warming. Like I didn't know
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: any of this, so I didn't know. Oh yeah, it's fascinating.
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: Everyone says cheaper stupid. They're not. They're some of this.
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: They're so smart. The reason their eyes are slanted is
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: so they can see behind them, and you always think like, oh,
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: they have such little funny eyes. You know, they're just stupid,
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: little cheep. I'm learning so much that I want to
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: know and that I don't want to know because now
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: I have to change the way I live. No, I
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: think reading is I don't read that book before I
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: go to sleep, I read a novel be well. I
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: think that's probably so true for so many things right
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: that we don't even know about in our environment that
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: are actually helping us live and breathe clean air and
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: helping put oxygen out into the atmosphere. Like we are
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: constantly surrounded by these things, but until you read a
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: book like that, you don't even know. You're like, oh, wait,
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: this is a contribution to the environment that we could
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: be using in a much more mindful way, exactly, Like
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: I never knew that a lot of clothes are made
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: with plastics in them, all the stretchy stuff. It's all
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: all of it, and and by the way, and and
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: and you know, and they're like, well, but we send
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: all the used closed Africa after saying we don't wear them,
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: we don't want them. Stop sending like it is anyway,
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: I digress, But literally, I do think that reading is
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: important to educate, but it's also really important to disappear
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: and and go into someone else's world and think outside
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: of yourself. Yeah, there is no comfort like a good book.
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: What are some of you? If you can think of
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: one or some of your favorite books to recommend to listeners.
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: Did you ever read that book Sarcy by Madeline Miller. No,
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: that's a beautiful book and it's like fantasy. I mean
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: it's about Greek mythology, but it's so beautifully written. I
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: mean I had to read that. That was one of
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: those books where you read, you read a paragraph and
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: you put the you put the book down and just
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: think about how she wrote that. It's so impressive. But yeah,
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: that was one of my favorite books. Did you ever
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: read The Red Tent? Yeah? Yeah, yeah, that was a
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: great book. Interesting about that book, that book. I was
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: in Ireland doing a film and it was right after
• 10:59
  Speaker 1: nine eleven and someone had told me to read that
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: book and I started it and they were so men.
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: You know, it's it's biblical, right, So there were so
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: many names, and I was like, I always give a
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: book fifty pages before I sam out. I remember turning
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: page fifty. I was getting frustrated with it because there
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: were so many characters and I couldn't keep track of everyone.
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: Page fifty turned it. I never put the book down.
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: I couldn't wait till they were like, we have ten
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: minutes for lighting. I'd run back to my dressing room
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: and read the book. Those are the kind of things
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: there's there's another book. Oh, this is why I write
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: things down in my notes on my phone. That's no,
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: no offense. Really, that's why everybody writes things down in
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: their notes. You're not the only You're not the only one. Oh.
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: In that realm of the red Tent, there's a book
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: called Pope Joan. Did you ever read it? Know? What's that? Oh?
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: My god? So Pope Joan. Let me just write that
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: down in my notes section one second? Yeah, right, session.
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: Hope Joan is about a lot of people feel that
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: it's complete falsehood. You just go into the story, but
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: it's basically the first pope that was elected that was
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: actually a woman, and there's there's historical evidence showing, for example,
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: did you know that when someone is elected pope now
• 12:19
  Speaker 1: because of Pope Joan, when they found out she was
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: a woman and they killed her she was masquerading as
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: a man. In thirteen whatever it was, they have basically
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: a ball throne where the pope elected pope has to
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: sit on it and someone goes under his robes to
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: make sure he has pesticals. Oh wonderful. And that's because
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: of Pope Joan. It is such a fascinating read. And
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: some producers sent it to me when I was on
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: the Good Wife and said, we want to make this
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: into a movie and we think you'd be a great pope. Joan.
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: It was like, you know, eight hundred pages and I want, guys,
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: I'm on set fourteen hours a day. You're insane if
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: you think I'm going to read this in two weeks
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: to get be my answer. So, and they said, take
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: all the time you want. I read it in a week.
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: I could not put the book down. It was absolutely fascinating.
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: I love those kind of because you also learned about
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: history and you learn about you know. Anyway, so you
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: didn't end up doing the project? Oh so, so I said, yes.
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: I was like, I'm in this is I was just
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: unbelievable character. And they couldn't get a greenlit anywhere. Oh so,
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: you know, I mean, I've been attached to so many
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: of those. But you know, you keep throwing it at
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: the wall and whatever sticks sticks. You know, you gotta
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: make lemonade exactly. But anyway, it's a great read. I
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: just read The Latecomer. I'm going down a gene Hans
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: Corlett's sort of rabbit hole because I've always loved her writing.
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: And then she had read my memoir and actually asked
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: she has all these book events, and she said my name.
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: I knew who she was because I had read her
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: books before, but she just came out with a book
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: called The Latecomer and that was so much fun because
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: while it's very New York story, but it's about these trips,
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: splets who came into existence from a petri dish because
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: their mother couldn't get pregnant. And it is a fascinating,
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: fabulous fund read. And I love triplets. I like anything
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: where there's twins, triplets or sisters. Those are my three.
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: Have you ever seen that show The Split? Do you
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: have you? Ever? My god? I love it? Oh my god,
• 14:20
  Speaker 1: it's my favorite. I haven't I haven't a show for you. Okay,
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: So here's what happened last night. I drove up up
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: I'm up state and for the first time by myself,
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: no dog, no kid, no husband. Like I walked into
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: my house. There's no food. I'm like, okay, I'll figure
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: it out. There's some eggs, Like what can I do?
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: Like you, Chelsea, I'm one technically challenged, like the Pact
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: that I'm on this zoom with you and no one's
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: gonna help me. It is talking. And I've never actually
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: turned my television on up here because my kid or
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: my husband are always here and they know how to
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: do it. And it's got like, I'm like, what is
• 14:56
  Speaker 1: eight m one? So I don't want to be I
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: just wait till they're here. So I had just finished
• 15:03
  Speaker 1: watching Catastrophe. Have you seen cats Awesome? I love it
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: and I love her, Sharon Horgan. I'm obsessed with the
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: actress the way I was with Nicola Walker in The Split.
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: She's genius. Oh that show is awesome, awesome, just like
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: In fact, when I watched that show, I emailed Robert
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: Michelle King, who created The Good Wife, and I was like, um,
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: do you think maybe this was born out of the
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: Good Wife? Because there's way too many similarities, right, She's
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: having the affair with the guy at the law firm,
• 15:35
  Speaker 1: blah blah blah. And they said, oh, we heard about it.
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: And the Washington Post said, if you're missing The Good Wife,
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: watched The Split, So anyway, this show. So after I
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: watched Catastrophe, I heard that Sharon Horrigan, I'm sure I'm
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: saying her name wrong, but she writes, directs, produces, and acts,
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: and I I just love women who do that. I
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: don't know if I could ever. I can produce an act,
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: but I don't know if I could do any of
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: the other things. She has a new show called Bad Sisters,
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: and I immediately thought of you, Chelsea, you have to
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: watch Oh my god, I saw it, you know what.
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: I saw it, and I was about to no, no,
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: I was about to watch it, and then my assistant said, oh,
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: you should watch Severance, I think because they're both on Apple, right,
• 16:13
  Speaker 1: and yeah, Severance is on Apple with Adam Scott, who
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: I love. I love that show. Oh yeah, you watched
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: that show Severance? Oh yeah, I mean I have to
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: say at one point, like by episode three, I was
• 16:26
  Speaker 1: getting so angst. I was watching with my husband. I said,
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: you know, by the next episode, if it doesn't get
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: a little bit lighter, I don't know if I can
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: handle it anymore. Because we watched it together before we
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: go to bed. And then in Walks, I mean, I
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: loved all of it, but but the characters were so
• 16:41
  Speaker 1: sad and brutal and also frightening. Patricia Arquette is a genius,
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: but she scared the ship out of me. And then
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: in walks Christopher walking with John Turo and I like,
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: I was like, oh my god, it's the sweetest thing
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: I've ever seen. I know, Christopher walking. Any time he
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: walked into a room, You're like, first all, Patricia Arquette
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: is the fucking best. She's Oh my god. Every time
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: when you see her, you're like you feel dehydrated from
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: missing her. You're like, hey, I need her and more ship.
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: She is one of those actresses I've always admired because
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: she is unapologetically that character. Yeah you know what I mean,
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: Like she just goes in there and you're like, wait,
• 17:22
  Speaker 1: wait seriously this is and you believe everything, Like she's crazy.
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: Sever Yeah, well she's crazy, Okay, I definitely. Well, I
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: love Sharon Horrigan. I'm gonna watch Bad Sisters. We should
• 17:33
  Speaker 1: have Sharon on the podcast. Also, she's I think she
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: is truly talented on every level. She's funny. She's funny.
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: Catastrophe was so good. I started watching Severance. I'm not
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: to the end because I also found it slightly depressing.
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: I'm just like, this is hark. I'm not good at
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: like television analysis. Like when there's a bigger kind of
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: metaphorical thing going on. It's not always easy for me
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: to identify, you know, like even in in a Bear
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: Did you watch that, Julie, I've watched three episodes of it.
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: That's a great show, and that I watched it, and
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: then I read a review of it and in the
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: New York Times. I'm sure because those reviews are like
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: I might as well be talking to somebody who speaks French,
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: and I'm like, wait what. I was like, toxic masculinity, Okay,
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: I could see that, but then they listed like all
• 18:19
  Speaker 1: of the things that the show was about, and I'm like, wow,
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: I'm a real dummy, Like I didn't pick up on that.
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: I'm late to the game on a lot of things.
• 18:28
  Speaker 1: But I just finished watching the entire four seasons of Ozark,
• 18:33
  Speaker 1: which was brilliant. Laura Linney is another she just deserved
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: another level. But in the beginning, I was like, I
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: don't understand money washing. Wait what? And I'm a fairly
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: educated person with you know, a medium sized brain. But literally,
• 18:53
  Speaker 1: as the show went, I went, thank you for not
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: you didn't talk down to your audience. I love a
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: show that allows me to learn what they're talking about
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: through time, because writing a pilot is really difficult, and
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: any network you want to set up everything within that
• 19:09
  Speaker 1: first show to keep the audience coming back. But it's like, no,
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: if you really believe in the work you're doing, then
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: let the audience learn with you. Yeah. So, like by
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: the end, I felt like, oh, I understand Cartel and
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: wondering it. But the one show I couldn't keep watching
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: because I just they talked too fast and I was
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: on it was Billions because I would look over to
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: my husband and be like, I don't understand. What does
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: that mean? What are they trading in? I don't get
• 19:36
  Speaker 1: I didn't. It was a lingo that went over my head. Well,
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: Billions is like red Bull, Like that's tell red Bull television,
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: you know what I mean. Billions is like two. It's
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: high octane, and that's like it's it's like out of
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: pace where there's Yeah, I know exactly what you mean
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: by that. Ozark is one of the best shows ever.
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: That and Jason Bateman is so boad and so is
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: good Julia Garner. She's a badass. Yeah, it was fantastic.
• 20:03
  Speaker 1: So it's been fun catching up. I know it was
• 20:05
  Speaker 1: on like years ago. But well, I think a lot
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: of people are gonna be surprised to hear that you
• 20:08
  Speaker 1: are not money washing and upstate New York, Julianna, because
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: that's what this podcast were supposed to be about. I'm
• 20:17
  Speaker 1: watching other things all the time, but not money. Okay. Well,
• 20:20
  Speaker 1: now that we've done our television round up, television book, book,
• 20:25
  Speaker 1: and television review and entertainment corner, Yeah, we're gonna have
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: this is gonna be a regular thing the next time
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: we have to call on Julianna. Okay, Katherine some Well,
• 20:34
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna make us take a little bit of a
• 20:36
  Speaker 1: break and then we'll be back with some colors and
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: we're back. What do we got going on today, Katherine?
• 20:47
  Speaker 1: So many things. Well, our first question is a sister question,
• 20:52
  Speaker 1: or rather a sister in law question. This comes from
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: less dear Chelsea. I'm not sure what to do about
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: my sister in law. The problem is is that she's
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: been purchasing things that I own to an extent that
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: is extremely uncomfortable for me, and I feel like I'm
• 21:06
  Speaker 1: being stripped of my identity when I'm with her. I
• 21:09
  Speaker 1: don't even like to wear things that are special to
• 21:11
  Speaker 1: me around her in fear that she'll ask where it's
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: from and buy it multiple pairs of shoes, jewelry, coats, sweaters, pants, art,
• 21:20
  Speaker 1: et cetera. It may be partially my fault because sometimes
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: I share links with her when she asks where did
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: you get those pants? I'm getting increasingly upset when I
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: see her wearing things I own, and she dresses almost
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: exactly like me. Now I'm extremely close with my brother,
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: her husband, and I'm afraid confronting her will cause us
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: to get in a fight. Please help less. Oh boy,
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: I have so many You go first, Julianna, I have
• 21:45
  Speaker 1: so many. Well, my first reaction when hearing that is
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: imitation is the best form of flattery. And agreed, Chelsea.
• 21:55
  Speaker 1: You know I think she's your agent. But my best
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: friend Blair Cohen from college is truly one of the
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: most fashion forward people I've ever met. Like, everything she
• 22:05
  Speaker 1: puts on, I'm like, oh my god, just got style
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: up the Jesus You're just like, what the fun is?
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: You're like, are those shoes? Are they milk cartons? And
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: somehow she's more just stylish person and and I am
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: not ashamed to tell you that I now have half
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: her wardrobe, and she takes it as a compliment. She
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: really does like she She was in town a couple
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: of weeks ago and I was wearing these niarly low
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: tan pants that I had seen on her first and
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: she was like, oh girl, you look great. Like I
• 22:37
  Speaker 1: understand what family. It might be different because you suddenly
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: you're both showing up. But if you could look at
• 22:41
  Speaker 1: it from a different angle, which is that you're inspiring
• 22:44
  Speaker 1: somebody your taste. I mean, nothing makes me happier than
• 22:48
  Speaker 1: when someone comes into my home and says, oh my god,
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: where did you get that lamp? I have to have it,
• 22:52
  Speaker 1: And I think, oh, I did good. Yeah, I look
• 22:55
  Speaker 1: at it as a compliment unless it's that single white
• 22:59
  Speaker 1: female thing where she is trying to become you. I
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: wouldn't look at it as anything except she likes your
• 23:05
  Speaker 1: style and take it as a compliment. That's my feeling.
• 23:08
  Speaker 1: But yeah, what do you think, Katherine. I think she
• 23:10
  Speaker 1: should start sending her affiliate links so she can make
• 23:12
  Speaker 1: a little money on the side when she clicks commission.
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: I mean, you could do the old oh this old
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: thing and tell her you don't remember, or tell her
• 23:23
  Speaker 1: it's vintage. I mean, I do agree it's flattering. Yeah,
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: I think it's flattering, and I think you need to
• 23:28
  Speaker 1: adjust your mindset and perspective on it. It's a compliment
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: and you should take it as such, like she's never
• 23:34
  Speaker 1: going to steal your identity. If it's really crossing a
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: line and she's acting like you and making you, then
• 23:41
  Speaker 1: that's a separate issue and then that would call for attention.
• 23:43
  Speaker 1: But somebody who's just dressing like you is a huge compliment.
• 23:47
  Speaker 1: And again, Julianna, like when people come over to my
• 23:49
  Speaker 1: house and say, oh my god this or that, I'm like,
• 23:51
  Speaker 1: oh yeah, right on, nailed it. You know, I always
• 23:54
  Speaker 1: take it as a compliment. I take it as a
• 23:55
  Speaker 1: compliment when people show up at my shows wearing jumpsuits
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: like I wear. I started in jumpsuits because of Chelsea
• 24:03
  Speaker 1: I did, and then I did her first. The first
• 24:05
  Speaker 1: podcast I did with her, I was wearing a jump
• 24:07
  Speaker 1: the homage to Chelsea. It was a compliment. Thank you,
• 24:12
  Speaker 1: That's sweet. I would feel complimented if someone showed up
• 24:16
  Speaker 1: wearing something. You know, it's it's about your identity, So
• 24:20
  Speaker 1: I say, stay who you are. If you start feeling
• 24:22
  Speaker 1: like she's talking like you or is different when there's
• 24:26
  Speaker 1: trying to She's married to your brothers, so it's not
• 24:28
  Speaker 1: like she's going to try and date the same person
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: as you or you know. I just whenever someone was like,
• 24:34
  Speaker 1: oh what do you eat? Because I love the way
• 24:35
  Speaker 1: you look at what, I'm like, Oh, let me, I'm
• 24:37
  Speaker 1: so happy to share. And also remember this, I'm a
• 24:41
  Speaker 1: child of the eighties, like that was when I was
• 24:43
  Speaker 1: could afford fashion or or cared. We all were the
• 24:46
  Speaker 1: same thing, right when you're in middle school in high school,
• 24:50
  Speaker 1: you're you're wearing this, you wear with each other wears
• 24:53
  Speaker 1: because you're around each other and you like each other,
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: you know, and you want to be cool. So you're
• 24:57
  Speaker 1: probably really cool to her, and she wants to be
• 25:00
  Speaker 1: like you because a your brother is married to her,
• 25:04
  Speaker 1: and she probably knows you're really close with your brother
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: and maybe you know what I mean. Like it could
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: be so many different psychological things. If it gets creepy,
• 25:11
  Speaker 1: you can say, hey, babe, I love that you love
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: what I'm wearing, and I love that you buy the stuff,
• 25:15
  Speaker 1: but can we just talk? Are you okay? Because I
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: feel like you're a little bit coming into my orbit
• 25:21
  Speaker 1: too much. And you can say it sweetly if you're
• 25:24
  Speaker 1: feeling out. Yeah, yeah, and you could even suggest, say
• 25:27
  Speaker 1: you're wearing something in yellow and she loves it, be like,
• 25:30
  Speaker 1: you know, what would look great on you is the
• 25:32
  Speaker 1: blue one? You know that's not exactly the same. That's perfect.
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: You're absolutely right. Yeah, these aren't big problems. You just
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: have to be a little bit more gracious about it
• 25:42
  Speaker 1: and just remember that that's cool. That's a compliment, period,
• 25:46
  Speaker 1: it's a compliment. Turn it around. Well. Our next question
• 25:50
  Speaker 1: comes from Chandra Dear Chelsea. I'm a twenty four year
• 25:54
  Speaker 1: old transman and recently started living alone in my two
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: bedroom apartment. My partner of three and a half years
• 25:59
  Speaker 1: and did things with me back in March. This was
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: an incredibly difficult adjustment, as I had just moved to
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: Pennsylvania and left my family to be with them to
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: find work out there. I ended up working under my
• 26:10
  Speaker 1: partner in our grooming salon. Since then, I've moved up
• 26:13
  Speaker 1: to co managing the salon with my now ex partner.
• 26:16
  Speaker 1: Less than two months after they broke up with me,
• 26:18
  Speaker 1: they started dating our friend slash coworker. I will admit
• 26:22
  Speaker 1: this is hard to witness and I had a lot
• 26:24
  Speaker 1: of friends tell me to get up and leave my
• 26:26
  Speaker 1: job to get away from that hurt. It's been an
• 26:29
  Speaker 1: overwhelming loss, but my X and I still maintain a
• 26:31
  Speaker 1: distanced but respectful friendship. Here's the deal. I'm now reaching
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: a pivotal moment in my life, and I'm stuck, frozen
• 26:38
  Speaker 1: in fear of which choice to make. I've always dreamt
• 26:41
  Speaker 1: of living in Germany, but I'm too afraid to make
• 26:43
  Speaker 1: that leap, and my German needs a lot of work.
• 26:45
  Speaker 1: I've also had friends offered to have me stay with
• 26:47
  Speaker 1: them in Chicago until I figure things out. I don't
• 26:50
  Speaker 1: know what I want to do or where to go,
• 26:52
  Speaker 1: but I do know I want to start learning to
• 26:54
  Speaker 1: listen and trust myself to make decisions. Any advice, Chandra, Hey, Chandra, Hi, Chandra,
• 27:01
  Speaker 1: how are you? This is Julianna, And of course you've
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: spoken to Catherine already. Hi were here to help you here?
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: Thank you? I need it right now at this point. Okay,
• 27:13
  Speaker 1: So how long have you been working together with your ex?
• 27:17
  Speaker 1: We broke up in March, and so I've been working
• 27:20
  Speaker 1: with all of them together for the last six months.
• 27:23
  Speaker 1: And I've been working with my ex for the last
• 27:26
  Speaker 1: three years and you obviously feel like you need to change, right, Yeah,
• 27:33
  Speaker 1: I mean every if I I've given it a lot
• 27:35
  Speaker 1: of thought. And I'm twenty four and basically every major
• 27:39
  Speaker 1: life choice I've made has been around a partner. I
• 27:43
  Speaker 1: left Michigan and went to college for somebody who was
• 27:45
  Speaker 1: going to the same university. That didn't end out well.
• 27:49
  Speaker 1: And then I moved to Pennsylvania for my ex and
• 27:52
  Speaker 1: that didn't work out well. I mean, I really thought
• 27:54
  Speaker 1: this last relationship was gonna be it for me. I
• 27:57
  Speaker 1: mean I thought I met my life partner because I've
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: never been in such a supportive, non judgmental relationship. I mean,
• 28:04
  Speaker 1: we were open the whole time. And it was because,
• 28:06
  Speaker 1: like my partner believed that I should experiment with what
• 28:09
  Speaker 1: men and because my partner, my ex is female but
• 28:13
  Speaker 1: non binary. So it's still transfer relationship. What was the
• 28:18
  Speaker 1: last word you use? Trans for trans relationship? For trans? Okay? Good?
• 28:22
  Speaker 1: I need. I need to make sure I'm up on
• 28:23
  Speaker 1: all the lingo. Okay, it doesn't matter, But what sex
• 28:26
  Speaker 1: is this person that she's having a relationship with. It
• 28:28
  Speaker 1: is the same sex or is in another non binary
• 28:31
  Speaker 1: or male? They took a huge leap. He's as head
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: conservative male. Wow. Well, first and foremost, I want to
• 28:40
  Speaker 1: say that you're twenty four years old, and I am
• 28:43
  Speaker 1: here to tell you that you are probably going to
• 28:45
  Speaker 1: fall in love and have your heartbroken multiple times from
• 28:49
  Speaker 1: now on, and that is part of the way of
• 28:50
  Speaker 1: the world. And the sooner that you can get on
• 28:52
  Speaker 1: that train and accepting of it, the more emboldened and
• 28:56
  Speaker 1: empowered you're going to feel. Because relationships do not find you,
• 29:00
  Speaker 1: the way you handle relationships defines you, you know what
• 29:03
  Speaker 1: I mean. So like you saying I thought I'm at
• 29:06
  Speaker 1: the love of my life. Of course, we all want
• 29:08
  Speaker 1: to meet that person and we all want to feel
• 29:10
  Speaker 1: that way, but the chances of that happening at your
• 29:14
  Speaker 1: age are just not you know what I mean. To
• 29:16
  Speaker 1: the time, your age is not on your side. You're
• 29:18
  Speaker 1: here to explore and to learn and to have multitude,
• 29:22
  Speaker 1: a multitude of experiences, not just one, not just two,
• 29:26
  Speaker 1: not just three. You want to be a full person, right,
• 29:29
  Speaker 1: So I really don't want you to even think about
• 29:32
  Speaker 1: I know it's easier said than done, but don't think
• 29:34
  Speaker 1: about something as it has to be forever. There is
• 29:37
  Speaker 1: no forever. All of that is hogwash anyway, Just think
• 29:40
  Speaker 1: about you right now. Just think about what is going
• 29:43
  Speaker 1: to make you the most productive, happiest version of yourself.
• 29:47
  Speaker 1: And when you think of that, what comes up. That's
• 29:51
  Speaker 1: the hard part is I have to basically retrain my
• 29:54
  Speaker 1: brain to make me the person I'm taking care of
• 29:57
  Speaker 1: instead of a partner or a family member. Do you
• 30:00
  Speaker 1: feel you're worth is more valuable to you when you're
• 30:02
  Speaker 1: taking care of someone else other than yourself. I've always
• 30:06
  Speaker 1: felt like I'm valuable when I'm useful, and yet you're
• 30:09
  Speaker 1: not useful to yourself. Not at this moment in time. No.
• 30:13
  Speaker 1: I got back into therapy, so a lot of this
• 30:16
  Speaker 1: past six months have been like basically creating who I
• 30:20
  Speaker 1: am from the ground up and trying to figure out
• 30:22
  Speaker 1: what I like. And I bought a bike and trying
• 30:25
  Speaker 1: to find out hobbies so I can be around other
• 30:27
  Speaker 1: people that aren't connected to my X and stuff like that.
• 30:31
  Speaker 1: So here's what I want to say to you right now,
• 30:34
  Speaker 1: You're exactly where you're supposed to be. You're at the
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: age where you're exactly where you're supposed to be, but
• 30:41
  Speaker 1: you don't realize that the world is your oyster. Because
• 30:45
  Speaker 1: when you're twenty four, you don't see that. When you
• 30:47
  Speaker 1: said something that really struck me in your letter was
• 30:51
  Speaker 1: that you want to go to Germany. I can tell
• 30:53
  Speaker 1: you as someone who went there once for twenty four
• 30:56
  Speaker 1: hours and fell so in love with Berlin, and I
• 30:59
  Speaker 1: really like I can say three words in German. You
• 31:02
  Speaker 1: go to the country to learn the language, you don't
• 31:04
  Speaker 1: learn the language and then go to the country. My
• 31:07
  Speaker 1: biggest thing when I hear what you're saying is you've
• 31:12
  Speaker 1: already said I went to college for someone, then I
• 31:16
  Speaker 1: moved here for someone. Where are you going to move
• 31:19
  Speaker 1: for you? And when you say I would love to
• 31:21
  Speaker 1: go to Germany and I would love to speak German,
• 31:24
  Speaker 1: you're opening up a whole new world, like the whole point.
• 31:27
  Speaker 1: And by the way, when you get there, because you
• 31:29
  Speaker 1: will after Chelsea and I are done with you, You're
• 31:33
  Speaker 1: totally going to Germany. Um I can say this. There's
• 31:38
  Speaker 1: I bet you dollars to donuts. You're going to write
• 31:41
  Speaker 1: into Chelsea and say, had I not gone through those
• 31:45
  Speaker 1: experiences where I was in so much pain, I would
• 31:49
  Speaker 1: not have found the path I'm on now. And that's
• 31:51
  Speaker 1: just life, right. So instead of looking at it like
• 31:55
  Speaker 1: an obstacle, look at it like a challenge and an
• 31:58
  Speaker 1: opportunity and an opportunity, right. My challenge to myself is,
• 32:02
  Speaker 1: can I take care of me first? When you know
• 32:05
  Speaker 1: it's putting the mask on the plane, the parent has
• 32:07
  Speaker 1: to put it on before they do the kid otherwise
• 32:09
  Speaker 1: they die, right, and then they're no good to the kid.
• 32:12
  Speaker 1: So you have to put your own oxygen mask on
• 32:14
  Speaker 1: before you can be in a relationship with anybody, because
• 32:17
  Speaker 1: you'll lose yourself again. Yeah, I've been there. I've lost
• 32:20
  Speaker 1: myself and then spend years going why did I do that?
• 32:23
  Speaker 1: And therapy and blah blah blah. It's all good, and
• 32:27
  Speaker 1: I'm so grateful I had that terrible relationship because I
• 32:30
  Speaker 1: definitely wouldn't have what I have now, and I wouldn't
• 32:32
  Speaker 1: know who I am now. Don't live your life regretting.
• 32:36
  Speaker 1: Live your life well of an open road, because you
• 32:40
  Speaker 1: never know what's behind each door or a left, instead
• 32:42
  Speaker 1: of all right, where is that going to take you?
• 32:45
  Speaker 1: You know? I remember a friend of mine was we
• 32:47
  Speaker 1: were both moving back from l A to New York,
• 32:49
  Speaker 1: and he was really wanting to drive across country because
• 32:53
  Speaker 1: he wanted his car in New York. He didn't have
• 32:54
  Speaker 1: a lot of money, and he was nervous about it
• 32:57
  Speaker 1: because he's gay, and he was like, I don't know
• 32:59
  Speaker 1: the Midwest. You know, when you're from either l A
• 33:00
  Speaker 1: or New York, you think like nobody's going to accept
• 33:02
  Speaker 1: you anywhere else in the world. And he was nervous
• 33:05
  Speaker 1: about it. And I said, you'll never know unless you
• 33:07
  Speaker 1: do it. M hm. And to this day he says
• 33:10
  Speaker 1: it was the best experience of his life and it
• 33:12
  Speaker 1: gave him so like he was more confident when he
• 33:15
  Speaker 1: came home. When he came back to New York, he
• 33:17
  Speaker 1: was like, I did that. I did that by myself,
• 33:20
  Speaker 1: and then he could conquer the world. And he did.
• 33:23
  Speaker 1: And he's been married now twelve years to an amazing guy,
• 33:25
  Speaker 1: and he has an incredible career. Like you can create
• 33:28
  Speaker 1: your own path, don't wait for someone else to create
• 33:31
  Speaker 1: your path. And by the way, if you can get
• 33:34
  Speaker 1: the hell out of that job, because I don't think
• 33:39
  Speaker 1: it's healthy to have to walk into that every day.
• 33:41
  Speaker 1: Why why would you want to put yourself through that.
• 33:43
  Speaker 1: It's the best job I've ever had. And I'm having
• 33:47
  Speaker 1: a crappy day, I can grab a dog and feel better.
• 33:50
  Speaker 1: And the departments are separate enough and we're respectable enough,
• 33:53
  Speaker 1: and I can find fifty million reasons to talk myself
• 33:56
  Speaker 1: out of it, you know, but it hurts you, right,
• 34:00
  Speaker 1: that's when I heard in the letter that you're working
• 34:02
  Speaker 1: with them hurts you. It does, because it's at this
• 34:05
  Speaker 1: point they have just completely shut off the emotional understanding
• 34:11
  Speaker 1: of the situation and just seeing it from like a
• 34:13
  Speaker 1: logical choice. I guess I'm a very emotional, hopeless, romantic person.
• 34:18
  Speaker 1: They're very clinical and logical person, so it's easy for
• 34:21
  Speaker 1: them to just move on or they're just cut off
• 34:24
  Speaker 1: from their feelings. Oh, they're trust me. That's the hardest
• 34:28
  Speaker 1: part is knowing that they need way more help than
• 34:31
  Speaker 1: I do, because at least I know my feelings. Yes,
• 34:34
  Speaker 1: but here's something that I can just tell by looking
• 34:35
  Speaker 1: at you. Your aura and your energy is a little defeated,
• 34:41
  Speaker 1: and you've been a little depleted by this experience. While
• 34:44
  Speaker 1: it was honorable to continue to do the job and
• 34:46
  Speaker 1: show up and kind of face that, that would be
• 34:49
  Speaker 1: hard for a lot of people and be a deal breaker.
• 34:51
  Speaker 1: I know I would probably be like out the door
• 34:53
  Speaker 1: and be like, there's no way I'm going to face
• 34:55
  Speaker 1: my ax with their new person every day. Why would
• 34:57
  Speaker 1: I put myself through that hell, even if they're are physical,
• 35:01
  Speaker 1: like you're not on top of each other all day,
• 35:03
  Speaker 1: you're away departments whatever. I don't know. I've never worked
• 35:06
  Speaker 1: inside of building, so I don't know even know what
• 35:07
  Speaker 1: I'm talking about. But what I do want to say
• 35:10
  Speaker 1: is you are a little bit your energy sad, and
• 35:13
  Speaker 1: that is a result of putting yourself in a situation
• 35:16
  Speaker 1: that is going to make you sad. And it is
• 35:18
  Speaker 1: up to you to get yourself out of that situation.
• 35:21
  Speaker 1: The idea that you're even thinking about Germany is the
• 35:23
  Speaker 1: only answer you need. Go You need to go to Germany.
• 35:27
  Speaker 1: Don't worry about learning the language. Exactly what Juliana said.
• 35:30
  Speaker 1: You go there to learn the language. Do you know
• 35:32
  Speaker 1: how empowering and the build of self esteem that you
• 35:36
  Speaker 1: will acquire by actually being immersed in a culture that
• 35:40
  Speaker 1: is foreign to you, by learning the language, learning the
• 35:43
  Speaker 1: idiosyncrasies of a completely different culture and vibe and the
• 35:48
  Speaker 1: energy that comes with Germany. People love Berlin, people love
• 35:51
  Speaker 1: what's the other city that everybody loves in Germany? Munich? Yeah,
• 35:55
  Speaker 1: people love Munich too, I mean, and West Germany I've visited.
• 35:58
  Speaker 1: I mean, it's beautiful, all all of it is beautiful,
• 36:01
  Speaker 1: and you have people that are very open, incredible energy there.
• 36:06
  Speaker 1: You need different energy around you. Well, I mean that's
• 36:08
  Speaker 1: that was the first time I ever felt connected to
• 36:10
  Speaker 1: myself was when I was nineteen and I lived in
• 36:13
  Speaker 1: Berlin for four months straight, Like I literally did something
• 36:16
  Speaker 1: on my own, pushed myself to that and did a
• 36:19
  Speaker 1: program that let me live there on my own for
• 36:22
  Speaker 1: the first time in my entire life. And I just
• 36:26
  Speaker 1: there's always been something keeping me like going back to
• 36:28
  Speaker 1: it as an option. And I don't know, I think
• 36:31
  Speaker 1: I just staying here is just playing it safe, and
• 36:33
  Speaker 1: I'm really tired of doing the same thing that makes
• 36:36
  Speaker 1: me feel like ship but it's comfortable, it's actually more damaging.
• 36:40
  Speaker 1: It's not playing it safe staying there. Yeah. Yeah, I
• 36:43
  Speaker 1: have to say, just hearing you and Chasea, You're right,
• 36:46
  Speaker 1: You're you're very deflated, You're very there's a sadness, right,
• 36:49
  Speaker 1: but there's such a sweetness. And so when I hear
• 36:52
  Speaker 1: you say, first of all, when you say this is
• 36:54
  Speaker 1: the best job I've ever had, your twenty four how
• 36:55
  Speaker 1: many jobs have you had? Um? Four or five? Please?
• 37:02
  Speaker 1: You don't know the best job even you'll ever have,
• 37:04
  Speaker 1: Like you're you're fine. So don't live to work, work
• 37:07
  Speaker 1: to live? Right? Did I say that? Right? Yes, you don't.
• 37:12
  Speaker 1: You don't want to be a slave to something that
• 37:14
  Speaker 1: isn't bringing you joy. And and also it's it's like
• 37:20
  Speaker 1: you're inside this box when even when the way you
• 37:22
  Speaker 1: described the building, like you're inside this box and they
• 37:26
  Speaker 1: and they're there. That's energy. Whether you communicate with them
• 37:29
  Speaker 1: or not, they're there, and so you're feeling it. And
• 37:34
  Speaker 1: just from someone who who once had a horrible breakup
• 37:37
  Speaker 1: with someone I had only really dated, like I don't know,
• 37:40
  Speaker 1: six months, but I was crazy about him and he
• 37:42
  Speaker 1: broke it off with me. I would go everywhere I
• 37:44
  Speaker 1: knew he'd be just see and what I was torturing myself.
• 37:49
  Speaker 1: It was ridiculous, but of course I was. I just
• 37:52
  Speaker 1: wanted him. I wanted to see him. I wanted to
• 37:55
  Speaker 1: be in his around him, even though he was a
• 37:57
  Speaker 1: fucking asshole, you know. And I look back now and
• 38:00
  Speaker 1: I'm like, oh my god, what was I thinking? Go
• 38:03
  Speaker 1: find someone else, Go go let yourself be loved by
• 38:08
  Speaker 1: other people. Love other people. Berlin is the perfect place
• 38:12
  Speaker 1: for it. And you already are familiar with it. It's
• 38:14
  Speaker 1: not like you're gonna need a map, you just need
• 38:17
  Speaker 1: a plane ticket and and the inspiration to go. Yeah, yeah,
• 38:21
  Speaker 1: a good prush. I don't regret you. Do you know
• 38:25
  Speaker 1: you're going to Germany? Or do you have a place?
• 38:27
  Speaker 1: Do you have a place to live or do you
• 38:29
  Speaker 1: have somebody to live with? What's the situation on that front?
• 38:32
  Speaker 1: The family that I lived with, they said that I'm
• 38:34
  Speaker 1: welcoming back any time. If I'm there again, I might
• 38:38
  Speaker 1: actually have a couple of classmates in Berlin. Basically everybody
• 38:41
  Speaker 1: that I know that's gone to Berlin has gotten drunk
• 38:43
  Speaker 1: on Berlin and needed to go back. Yeah. Sorry, Can
• 38:46
  Speaker 1: I just say this one thing, because I don't want
• 38:47
  Speaker 1: it to feel like like if you say I'm moving
• 38:49
  Speaker 1: to Berlin that that almost sounds too much, like it's
• 38:52
  Speaker 1: too much of a challenge. That can be really disorienting, right,
• 38:56
  Speaker 1: But if you say, why don't you just go for months?
• 38:59
  Speaker 1: Go for months and and take your family, that family
• 39:02
  Speaker 1: up on it, you know, and don't overstay your welcome,
• 39:05
  Speaker 1: but feel it out, seek it out, look at it
• 39:08
  Speaker 1: as a journey, and then if you love it, you stay,
• 39:11
  Speaker 1: and if you don't, you find something else. But you
• 39:14
  Speaker 1: don't have a mortgage, do you. No, you don't have children,
• 39:18
  Speaker 1: and you don't have a partner. No. Go, you're twenty four.
• 39:25
  Speaker 1: If you didn't go in ten years, you would sit
• 39:28
  Speaker 1: there and go, I fuck. I wish I had gone
• 39:30
  Speaker 1: when I was twenty four, when I was thinking about it.
• 39:32
  Speaker 1: So where you're You called us for a reason. This
• 39:34
  Speaker 1: is the universe telling you you need to go. You
• 39:37
  Speaker 1: need to go explore the world, and you are going
• 39:40
  Speaker 1: to forget about all of this in a very short
• 39:42
  Speaker 1: period of time. I promise you that if you change
• 39:45
  Speaker 1: your surroundings, you will change. This is the time in
• 39:48
  Speaker 1: your life for big moves, make big moves. You're not
• 39:52
  Speaker 1: going to have the energy to do it when you're
• 39:53
  Speaker 1: fifty four. You're twenty four. Yeah, I mean, that's my
• 39:57
  Speaker 1: biggest fear is waking up a little too late realizing
• 39:59
  Speaker 1: I could have done this, I could have done that.
• 40:01
  Speaker 1: And it's cool. It's also cool because you're gonna look
• 40:04
  Speaker 1: back and be like, you know what I did When
• 40:05
  Speaker 1: I was twenty four, I went to Berlin. I was
• 40:07
  Speaker 1: in a situation that was pathetic, and then I had
• 40:09
  Speaker 1: to get myself out of You have to extract yourself
• 40:12
  Speaker 1: from this situation. You have nothing keeping you here, so
• 40:15
  Speaker 1: go have a thirst for the world, and I guarantee
• 40:17
  Speaker 1: you're going to find exactly what you're looking for. And
• 40:20
  Speaker 1: there are dogs in Berlin as well. Yeah, they're really
• 40:24
  Speaker 1: nice with their dogs. They have laws where like if
• 40:26
  Speaker 1: it's a good dog and it passes a class, it
• 40:28
  Speaker 1: can be in public off leash, and you can be
• 40:30
  Speaker 1: in a cafe and some dog will go up into
• 40:32
  Speaker 1: your lap. I'm telling you, well, you supposed to be
• 40:34
  Speaker 1: there taking care of those dogs. Well it's an hour
• 40:38
  Speaker 1: or ever. I guess at this point you have nothing
• 40:41
  Speaker 1: to lose, right, you have nothing to lose. No, I
• 40:43
  Speaker 1: mean I did just give myself a year here. I
• 40:46
  Speaker 1: have to move out and real the lease with a roommates,
• 40:49
  Speaker 1: so I'm have a year here, but I am definitely
• 40:51
  Speaker 1: gonna be planning a trip to Germany at least to go. Okay, good, okay,
• 40:55
  Speaker 1: we'll do that and plan and plan on going for
• 40:57
  Speaker 1: a longer than a trip, you know what I mean.
• 41:00
  Speaker 1: Do a month or do three months or whatever sounds
• 41:02
  Speaker 1: good to you, but start planning it. You have that
• 41:04
  Speaker 1: on your side too, and then you have the anticipation
• 41:06
  Speaker 1: of going and the excitement of going, and you're gonna
• 41:09
  Speaker 1: have something to look forward to. I really yeah. And
• 41:11
  Speaker 1: you can outreach, you know, on social media to people
• 41:14
  Speaker 1: that are in Berlin and start cultivating friendships. It's a
• 41:17
  Speaker 1: good preparation for you. But I want you to get
• 41:20
  Speaker 1: that ticket and then send us a picture of it. Please,
• 41:24
  Speaker 1: you got it? Yeah, you'll get your little receipt, okay.
• 41:28
  Speaker 1: And also don't be fooled that you need to like
• 41:30
  Speaker 1: finish out a lease, find somebody to take over your lease.
• 41:33
  Speaker 1: If you're ready to go in two months or a
• 41:35
  Speaker 1: month or a week, you will figure it out, okay. Yeah, okay,
• 41:39
  Speaker 1: So Chandra, what's the plan. I'm gonna hang out and
• 41:42
  Speaker 1: then probably look at plane tickets to Germany and plan
• 41:45
  Speaker 1: for next summer because that gives me enough time to
• 41:48
  Speaker 1: plan and get my passport updated because it still says female,
• 41:52
  Speaker 1: and send you guys a picture of the ticket and
• 41:55
  Speaker 1: just walk around in Berlin for a while. Yeah. Absolutely, absolutely,
• 42:01
  Speaker 1: you won't regret it. Yeah, I deserve some fun, I think. Yeah,
• 42:06
  Speaker 1: we're sending you Chandra, and have your own little mantra.
• 42:09
  Speaker 1: Every morning just wake up and say today I'm gonna
• 42:11
  Speaker 1: take care of me. I think it helps to have
• 42:13
  Speaker 1: a mantra about you come first. It's it was always
• 42:17
  Speaker 1: really hard for me, but and then I realized that
• 42:19
  Speaker 1: no one wants to be around a martyr, and if
• 42:21
  Speaker 1: I don't take care of me, then no one else
• 42:23
  Speaker 1: actually gets taken care of. So I have a nentrepree
• 42:26
  Speaker 1: to start meditating on that. Yeah, I started to like
• 42:28
  Speaker 1: basically tell myself that I am my partner. Like everything
• 42:32
  Speaker 1: that I missed out on my last relationship, I'm guaranteeing
• 42:35
  Speaker 1: that I'm making it happen for myself. When you're a
• 42:38
  Speaker 1: man now, so you should be putting yourself first, the norm, dude,
• 42:45
  Speaker 1: an adjustment that must be. It's like, well, you know what,
• 42:49
  Speaker 1: I actually am right, and I'm going to tell you why. Yeah.
• 42:53
  Speaker 1: Actually I need you guys more around when I get
• 42:56
  Speaker 1: questions from my coworkers because I really just backed down
• 42:59
  Speaker 1: all the time. Yeah yeah, well, just start with your mantra.
• 43:03
  Speaker 1: Don't forget it. It's really important. That stuff is really important.
• 43:06
  Speaker 1: It's very subliminal and it seeks seeps into your brain
• 43:09
  Speaker 1: and it permeates throughout your whole life. So you have
• 43:12
  Speaker 1: to value yourself more. Okay, the next time I see you.
• 43:15
  Speaker 1: I want to see a big, bright, shining light coming
• 43:17
  Speaker 1: out of your head because you've made such great decisions. Okay,
• 43:21
  Speaker 1: you got it. Okay, awesome, good luck, Thanks Chandra. I bye.
• 43:28
  Speaker 1: Oh what a sweetie pie. I love him. Oh yeah,
• 43:32
  Speaker 1: I'm so glad I'm not twenty four. I feel I
• 43:35
  Speaker 1: I could feel his angst. I know, but it's like
• 43:38
  Speaker 1: twenty four. Oh my god, I don't even remember what
• 43:42
  Speaker 1: I mean. I knew I would end up like this
• 43:44
  Speaker 1: because everyone's like, oh, youth is wasted on the young,
• 43:47
  Speaker 1: and yet it's so true. It's so true, and I
• 43:50
  Speaker 1: hate I used to hate hearing that when I was younger,
• 43:53
  Speaker 1: and now I'm like, god, I just I didn't know,
• 43:57
  Speaker 1: because didn't you know what the thing is is the
• 43:59
  Speaker 1: suffering you put yourself through, so much suffering that is
• 44:03
  Speaker 1: so unnecessary. We care so much about other people and
• 44:07
  Speaker 1: their perception of us and all of that, and we care.
• 44:11
  Speaker 1: We're just it's like the struggle is so unnecessary, the
• 44:14
  Speaker 1: pain unnecessary, but we don't know that. We have to
• 44:17
  Speaker 1: learn it. Everyone has to learn it at their own time.
• 44:19
  Speaker 1: And for me, it was always like the idea of
• 44:21
  Speaker 1: being alone was just horrific and so I under I
• 44:24
  Speaker 1: could feel in him, like I knew that he was
• 44:27
  Speaker 1: going to that job every day because he wanted to
• 44:29
  Speaker 1: be at least somewhere in their orbit. I just could
• 44:33
  Speaker 1: see that, and it's so toxic. You can feel it
• 44:36
  Speaker 1: through a cement wall, like it's you know, even though
• 44:39
  Speaker 1: we're in separate floors whatever. No, they're in the building. Yeah,
• 44:42
  Speaker 1: there's nothing good that's going to come from that. Yeah. Well,
• 44:49
  Speaker 1: our next question is from Heidi. Heidi runs an animal rescue,
• 44:54
  Speaker 1: I believe, but also has another job. She says, Dear Chelsea,
• 44:59
  Speaker 1: I've had to ushi and my whole adult life started
• 45:01
  Speaker 1: antidepressants at one. I suspect I've actually suffered from it
• 45:05
  Speaker 1: since childhood but was undiagnosed. I'm tired of the way
• 45:09
  Speaker 1: I always feel and the lows that make me want
• 45:11
  Speaker 1: to hide away in my home. I started fostering dogs
• 45:14
  Speaker 1: to help me get through the stress of the pandemic.
• 45:16
  Speaker 1: As I was an icy you nurse. I also changed
• 45:18
  Speaker 1: my career and left bedside nursing to see if that
• 45:21
  Speaker 1: would help my depression. My anxiety improved, but it's a
• 45:24
  Speaker 1: constant struggle every day. I recently started online therapy, but
• 45:28
  Speaker 1: my brain then told me this is self indulgent. I'm
• 45:32
  Speaker 1: single without children, but I do have several dogs and
• 45:35
  Speaker 1: a cat. My brain says, what's the point. You don't matter.
• 45:38
  Speaker 1: Your struggles only affect you, so get over them and
• 45:41
  Speaker 1: shut up. Other people have real problems and have people
• 45:45
  Speaker 1: who depend on them. Any advice to help me get
• 45:47
  Speaker 1: back into therapy. It's hard to fight your own self. Thanks, Heidi. Hi. Hi.
• 45:53
  Speaker 1: We have Juliana here today as our special guests because
• 45:56
  Speaker 1: she gives great advice. And you know Catherine, Oh, hi, yes,
• 46:00
  Speaker 1: how are you okay? So talk to us? So you
• 46:03
  Speaker 1: are did you say you're on medication or you're not
• 46:06
  Speaker 1: on medication? Yeah? I've been on medication off and on
• 46:10
  Speaker 1: since my mid twenties. I'm thirty four now. I always
• 46:13
  Speaker 1: have to think about it. We all do. Don't worry.
• 46:17
  Speaker 1: And and these are you're talking about antidepressants? Yeah, yeah,
• 46:21
  Speaker 1: I've been on lexeprol. My increased my dose recently. I
• 46:27
  Speaker 1: know a lot of people on lexaprome. It helped my
• 46:30
  Speaker 1: mom tremendously. And she's a she would never take a
• 46:33
  Speaker 1: drug in her life, and she's like, oh my god,
• 46:34
  Speaker 1: why didn't I know? Yeah? Changed your life? Yeah, And
• 46:38
  Speaker 1: you're on it now or you're not on it now. No,
• 46:41
  Speaker 1: I am on it, And yeah, it was a life
• 46:44
  Speaker 1: changer for me. I've always had I think a little
• 46:46
  Speaker 1: bit of depression. It runs in my family. My mom
• 46:49
  Speaker 1: was diagnosed when actually I was the first one to
• 46:53
  Speaker 1: be diagnosed, and then by me kind of working on it,
• 46:58
  Speaker 1: my mom decided to see a therapist and psychiatrist and
• 47:02
  Speaker 1: she also was diagnosed and she actually has a little
• 47:05
  Speaker 1: bit of social anxiety disorder, so she's on some different medications.
• 47:09
  Speaker 1: And then my sister has also started going to therapy
• 47:14
  Speaker 1: and she was diagnosed with depression in her early twenties
• 47:17
  Speaker 1: as well. So I don't know if it's familial or
• 47:20
  Speaker 1: we're just sad people, or I don't know. Well, it's
• 47:22
  Speaker 1: pretty it's pretty genetic, by the way. Well, first of all,
• 47:24
  Speaker 1: it's pretty common. I mean, I think one of the
• 47:27
  Speaker 1: three people are on antidepressants, just like one of three
• 47:30
  Speaker 1: people have herpes. But don't don't connect that. That's that's
• 47:33
  Speaker 1: a personal story. But everyone's onto something, So don't even
• 47:37
  Speaker 1: judge yourself about that, you know what I mean? My
• 47:39
  Speaker 1: question is why do you go on and off of it? Well,
• 47:42
  Speaker 1: insurance because recently is when you've been able to get
• 47:47
  Speaker 1: antidepressant sent to you from home. But I was a
• 47:51
  Speaker 1: travel nurse for a while, and when you're not working
• 47:54
  Speaker 1: for the company or the hospital, you get kicked off
• 47:58
  Speaker 1: the insurance. And you know, you're in your twenties and
• 48:01
  Speaker 1: you're young, and you're I at least didn't take my
• 48:04
  Speaker 1: health too seriously in my twenties. It wasn't until I
• 48:08
  Speaker 1: kind of settled like one and I realized, Okay, we
• 48:12
  Speaker 1: gotta stop messing around. And that's when I started seeing
• 48:15
  Speaker 1: a regular doctor and started taking care of myself. And
• 48:18
  Speaker 1: but yeah, there's really no reason. It was just I
• 48:22
  Speaker 1: think a little bit of shame, and I felt like,
• 48:26
  Speaker 1: let's try to fix this just with courage, with working out,
• 48:30
  Speaker 1: with this and that. But then I slowly came to realize, like, no,
• 48:33
  Speaker 1: it's just chemistry. It's brain chemistry. It's nothing to be
• 48:37
  Speaker 1: ashamed of, which all makes sense up here. But it's
• 48:43
  Speaker 1: hard for me to do the therapy part of it
• 48:47
  Speaker 1: because so many things I've read have said like the
• 48:50
  Speaker 1: medicine will help, but the therapy helps you realize how
• 48:55
  Speaker 1: it can be exacerbated and at whatnot. And so I
• 48:59
  Speaker 1: recently went through kind of a bad spell of my
• 49:02
  Speaker 1: depression and it was really bad. It was like I
• 49:06
  Speaker 1: didn't want to get out of bed, I didn't want
• 49:09
  Speaker 1: to clean myself. And I listen to a lot of
• 49:14
  Speaker 1: podcasts and everyone's always talking about like better help and
• 49:17
  Speaker 1: all those online ones, and I so I started it,
• 49:21
  Speaker 1: and then after a couple of sessions, I just I
• 49:25
  Speaker 1: felt like, who are you to complain about anything? And again,
• 49:28
  Speaker 1: I probably the chemistry stuff, but it's hard for me
• 49:33
  Speaker 1: to justify the expense and and the talking about myself.
• 49:37
  Speaker 1: And that's the biggest issue I have. I don't like
• 49:41
  Speaker 1: to talk about myself. Right, Okay, Well, first of all,
• 49:45
  Speaker 1: you have to stop judging yourself. That's your judging yourself.
• 49:49
  Speaker 1: Saying therapy is self indulgent is a judgment. It's not
• 49:53
  Speaker 1: self indulgent, it's self help. You're helping yourself. You know. Um,
• 49:57
  Speaker 1: I had a friend who always be like, it's navel gazing,
• 49:59
  Speaker 1: it's naval amazing. And then guess who ended up in
• 50:01
  Speaker 1: therapy for three years because she needed to be nagel gazing.
• 50:05
  Speaker 1: So we always have these two voices in our head.
• 50:07
  Speaker 1: We have the real us and then we have our shadow, right,
• 50:10
  Speaker 1: who kind of says, oh, don't eat that, or you're stupid,
• 50:12
  Speaker 1: or you're not funny, or did you do that right
• 50:13
  Speaker 1: or did it da. That's poking us on the shoulder.
• 50:16
  Speaker 1: And as soon as you give that little person power,
• 50:20
  Speaker 1: then that person has power over the real us. And
• 50:24
  Speaker 1: that's not the way it goes. It goes the other
• 50:26
  Speaker 1: way around. We have power over that voice of when
• 50:28
  Speaker 1: to say, shut up, voice, you don't know what you're
• 50:30
  Speaker 1: talking about. You want to be a healthy person, You
• 50:33
  Speaker 1: want to feel good about yourself, and the best way
• 50:36
  Speaker 1: to do that is, you know, when you have clinical
• 50:38
  Speaker 1: depression is a to be taking medication and be to
• 50:42
  Speaker 1: supplement that medication with information about your condition and why
• 50:48
  Speaker 1: you feel this way, and how to actually articulately grasp
• 50:54
  Speaker 1: what is happening with you, so you have a language,
• 50:56
  Speaker 1: you know what I mean, with yourself that you can say, oh,
• 50:59
  Speaker 1: I'm feeling like this right now because of what happened
• 51:02
  Speaker 1: to me over here, or this brings up, this triggers
• 51:05
  Speaker 1: me because of something that happened when I was eight
• 51:08
  Speaker 1: that I'm not even cognizant of, but my body might. Remember.
• 51:11
  Speaker 1: There's so many interfaces that are going on in our
• 51:14
  Speaker 1: bodies between our brain and our stomach and our heart
• 51:17
  Speaker 1: we all have. We have brains throughout our body that
• 51:19
  Speaker 1: are communicating with each other. And if you don't have
• 51:22
  Speaker 1: the toolkit to understand that messaging, then you're basically just
• 51:26
  Speaker 1: jumping into the water with no raft, you know what
• 51:28
  Speaker 1: I mean. You want to set yourself up for success,
• 51:31
  Speaker 1: and therapy leads to success, and if you didn't have
• 51:35
  Speaker 1: the right person, then maybe you need to find another
• 51:37
  Speaker 1: person and try better help again with another person. If
• 51:40
  Speaker 1: you can afford to go to a therapist on your own,
• 51:43
  Speaker 1: whatever you can afford in your lifestyle, but you have
• 51:47
  Speaker 1: to make the effort to get yourself to a healthy spot.
• 51:50
  Speaker 1: You have to. I'm always so amazed when someone says
• 51:54
  Speaker 1: I don't deserve to go to therapy to too self indulgent,
• 51:58
  Speaker 1: especially someone I mean, anyone who's suffering through any kind
• 52:01
  Speaker 1: of depression. If you had a broken leg, you go
• 52:05
  Speaker 1: to the doctor, right, It's like it's that simple, And
• 52:09
  Speaker 1: as human beings were all slightly broken inside. Without therapy,
• 52:13
  Speaker 1: I definitely would not be where I am today, which
• 52:16
  Speaker 1: is a very calm place. And I thought I remember
• 52:20
  Speaker 1: being judgmental and thinking, oh my god, this is so
• 52:22
  Speaker 1: self indulgent. Really, Julianna, you had a shitty relationship now
• 52:25
  Speaker 1: twice a week. You know, this is ridiculous, but you
• 52:28
  Speaker 1: know what, I had to do it, and it was hard,
• 52:30
  Speaker 1: and it's hard to go in there. It is hard
• 52:33
  Speaker 1: to go in there and figure it out. But just
• 52:36
  Speaker 1: what Chelsea said is like, once you have the tools,
• 52:39
  Speaker 1: when you have that feeling coming on, you know exactly
• 52:42
  Speaker 1: what tool to take out of the box to stop
• 52:44
  Speaker 1: the feeling. And it's not actually just about you. It's
• 52:48
  Speaker 1: about the people around you too. Right when you are
• 52:51
  Speaker 1: fully in a good mental, healthy state, you're paying it
• 52:56
  Speaker 1: forward to other people that you let out an energy
• 52:59
  Speaker 1: that other people can take into. I always thought, you know,
• 53:03
  Speaker 1: it was just about me. It's not. It's about everyone
• 53:05
  Speaker 1: you cut And I think you need to think of
• 53:08
  Speaker 1: it more because you're in r N. You take care
• 53:10
  Speaker 1: of people, right, like, that's that's what you do. Yeah,
• 53:14
  Speaker 1: and yet and yet you're having a hard time taking
• 53:17
  Speaker 1: care of yourself because you feel it self indulgent. If
• 53:20
  Speaker 1: you look at it more in just Layman's terms rather
• 53:22
  Speaker 1: than you know, sort of like trying to understand the
• 53:25
  Speaker 1: pseudo psycho whatever. If you just look at it. Like.
• 53:29
  Speaker 1: One thing I always say to myself is why would
• 53:34
  Speaker 1: you treat any of your friends, or your child or
• 53:36
  Speaker 1: your husband this way? Why are you treating yourself this way?
• 53:39
  Speaker 1: It's a mantra I play all the time because I'm
• 53:41
  Speaker 1: so hard on myself, and it has become so normal
• 53:44
  Speaker 1: now for me that I almost don't do it anymore
• 53:46
  Speaker 1: to myself. But it took therapy, it took tools, it
• 53:49
  Speaker 1: took work, and now I'm a lot nicer to be around,
• 53:52
  Speaker 1: to be honest, But I know my kid and my
• 53:54
  Speaker 1: husband appreciate it because I'm not. I'm not always taking
• 53:58
  Speaker 1: on the world and like, I can't do that. Guy's
• 54:00
  Speaker 1: so let's order in. It's that easy. Yeah, no, that's
• 54:05
  Speaker 1: a good perspective. I didn't think about your right. I mean, sorry, Hi,
• 54:10
  Speaker 1: it's good to cry. Let's let it out for me.
• 54:14
  Speaker 1: The reason I felt in my mind why it self
• 54:18
  Speaker 1: indulgent is because I don't have a partner. I don't
• 54:20
  Speaker 1: have a family. I have my pets and everything. But
• 54:24
  Speaker 1: but you know, I do have my sister, my nieces,
• 54:26
  Speaker 1: my family. I see them often. I have friends, and
• 54:30
  Speaker 1: you're right, my behavior affects them and my moods and
• 54:33
  Speaker 1: I think I almost the first two sessions of therapy
• 54:37
  Speaker 1: were so hie opening that I almost think that I
• 54:42
  Speaker 1: got scared. You know, you did, of course, and that's
• 54:48
  Speaker 1: gonna be good for me to remember. But you know,
• 54:51
  Speaker 1: even though I don't have people in my home, I
• 54:53
  Speaker 1: still people in my life. So thank you where you
• 54:57
  Speaker 1: needed yourself in your home? Right, Yeah, Ultimately it's yourself
• 55:03
  Speaker 1: that you owe it to. Yeah, sorry, your tears are
• 55:08
  Speaker 1: welcome here. And also you're talking about being a nurse.
• 55:12
  Speaker 1: You're you're taking care of others. It's just what Juliano
• 55:14
  Speaker 1: is saying about the mask you know that you put
• 55:16
  Speaker 1: on a plane. You have to take care of yourself.
• 55:18
  Speaker 1: In order to be a value to other people, you
• 55:20
  Speaker 1: have to be a value to yourself. And that is
• 55:23
  Speaker 1: the most important part of growth and and and learning
• 55:27
  Speaker 1: about yourself is to know to have to take care
• 55:29
  Speaker 1: of yourself and get yourself in a healthy place. And
• 55:32
  Speaker 1: there's just there's nothing that is ever going to top that.
• 55:35
  Speaker 1: Can I ask you something, Heidi, was that the first
• 55:38
  Speaker 1: time you'd ever done therapy. No, I had a medical
• 55:44
  Speaker 1: malpractice with my eye revision, and it left me with
• 55:48
  Speaker 1: a lot of anger, and so I had therapy for
• 55:51
  Speaker 1: that three or four years ago, but then I purchased
• 55:55
  Speaker 1: a home, and as a single person, I didn't have
• 55:58
  Speaker 1: the economics to continue, or I felt like I didn't,
• 56:02
  Speaker 1: And then COVID happened and I worked. I see you.
• 56:07
  Speaker 1: I don't remember if I put in the letter, and
• 56:09
  Speaker 1: that was very difficult, very isolating. So it's almost been
• 56:14
  Speaker 1: like a slow build since my previous therapy, and you know,
• 56:18
  Speaker 1: with a lot of accelerants, and then I think it's weird.
• 56:23
  Speaker 1: But like, since my life has calmed down, you know,
• 56:25
  Speaker 1: I left bedside, which has helped a lot with my anxiety,
• 56:28
  Speaker 1: and I'm doing things I enjoy. I'm fostering animals. I'm
• 56:32
  Speaker 1: trying to take better care of myself. It's almost like
• 56:36
  Speaker 1: there was this one part of everything that was lacking
• 56:39
  Speaker 1: that I guess I had been ignoring for so long
• 56:42
  Speaker 1: that it's almost like it shot. I don't know if
• 56:45
  Speaker 1: I can describe, like it's a yelling in my brain,
• 56:47
  Speaker 1: like a shout in my brain that's like you're skipping something,
• 56:50
  Speaker 1: like you know what you need to do. And and
• 56:54
  Speaker 1: so that's why I finally tried to face it again,
• 56:57
  Speaker 1: because I did that therapy and it helped me get
• 56:59
  Speaker 1: over the anger of you know, all the medical stuff,
• 57:02
  Speaker 1: but there's issues from childhood and just anxiety, and there's
• 57:09
  Speaker 1: probably issues you don't even know yet I found out.
• 57:12
  Speaker 1: So it's a long road. Nothing's going to fix it
• 57:14
  Speaker 1: in two sessions, you know, and it's hard. But yeah,
• 57:18
  Speaker 1: like I said, I think I scared myself because I
• 57:22
  Speaker 1: you know, my grandmother recently passed, and I think that
• 57:24
  Speaker 1: was a precipitous. She was a big cheerleader for me
• 57:28
  Speaker 1: and she had dimension Alzheimer's. Sorry I'm telling you guys
• 57:32
  Speaker 1: my whole life story, but she had dementia during all
• 57:37
  Speaker 1: of COVID and we couldn't visit her because you know,
• 57:40
  Speaker 1: the lockdown and everything. And she was always a cheerleader
• 57:42
  Speaker 1: of mine, and I think losing her presence my brain
• 57:46
  Speaker 1: was just like now you have to be your own cheerleader.
• 57:52
  Speaker 1: And I don't know if I know how to do that.
• 57:54
  Speaker 1: It sounds so silly. Well, here's an exercise for you.
• 57:57
  Speaker 1: Your your grandmother is still with you. Remember that her energy.
• 58:00
  Speaker 1: She can never be you know, eradicated or erased or anything.
• 58:03
  Speaker 1: Your grandmother's around you, and she doesn't have dementia anymore
• 58:06
  Speaker 1: because she's not here anymore, So she's your cheerleader. And
• 58:10
  Speaker 1: when you're talking to yourself, you can pretend you're your grandmother,
• 58:13
  Speaker 1: telling yourself that you deserve to go to therapy, that
• 58:16
  Speaker 1: you deserve to figure out all of your ship. As
• 58:18
  Speaker 1: difficult as it, maybe it is the most rewarding endeavor
• 58:22
  Speaker 1: that you'll ever encounter in life, is to have the
• 58:24
  Speaker 1: gift of self awareness and self understanding and self love.
• 58:28
  Speaker 1: Thank you, You are worthy. Yes, yes, And I want
• 58:32
  Speaker 1: you to remember that. Think about your grandmother every single
• 58:34
  Speaker 1: day because she would want this for you, and you
• 58:37
  Speaker 1: can do it in her honor. Yeah, you have such
• 58:40
  Speaker 1: a beautiful energy to you, like you are so just
• 58:43
  Speaker 1: the fact that you're asking these questions you know, and that,
• 58:46
  Speaker 1: and you're so gentle. You have this beautiful speaking voice,
• 58:50
  Speaker 1: the way you're speaking, and I feel like you're already
• 58:52
  Speaker 1: halfway there because you're obviously asking those questions. Your brain
• 58:56
  Speaker 1: is way to those questions. Right. So we're so hard
• 59:01
  Speaker 1: on ourselves. Just give yourself a great and and and
• 59:04
  Speaker 1: and think like if your sister were going through this,
• 59:06
  Speaker 1: what would you say to her? Yeah? I always think
• 59:09
  Speaker 1: about that, like what would someone tell me to do?
• 59:12
  Speaker 1: Because I know I'm going to be too hard to
• 59:14
  Speaker 1: tell myself to do the right thing or the thing
• 59:16
  Speaker 1: that will help me to do. I want to say,
• 59:18
  Speaker 1: you're your own worst enemy type deal. Yeah, a little bit.
• 59:22
  Speaker 1: I mean until you get the tools to recognize it,
• 59:25
  Speaker 1: you know, but you're not going to learn that in
• 59:26
  Speaker 1: two sessions of therapy, or quite frankly, maybe a year.
• 59:29
  Speaker 1: Might you might need two years. I mean I've had
• 59:32
  Speaker 1: friends through therapists have been like, it's been ten years,
• 59:34
  Speaker 1: You're good, you can go. What are you gonna do, though, Heidi?
• 59:39
  Speaker 1: What do you what's your next move going to be? Well,
• 59:43
  Speaker 1: we're going on a family trip next week for Labor Day,
• 59:46
  Speaker 1: so I'm hoping to I'm gonna set my appointment for
• 59:51
  Speaker 1: therapy before I go away. Yes, that's hard. It's something
• 59:56
  Speaker 1: that I know I needed. I think I just I
• 59:58
  Speaker 1: appreciate you kind of giving me the push. It's almost
• 1:00:01
  Speaker 1: so silly, but act feel like I needed an approval. Yeah,
• 1:00:05
  Speaker 1: I don't know, No, that makes sense. Sure, and do
• 1:00:09
  Speaker 1: me another favor. Also, download of meditation app like Headspace
• 1:00:12
  Speaker 1: or Chopra or Sam Harris or Sam Harris. Yeah, ten
• 1:00:16
  Speaker 1: percent happier any of those, and just give yourself five
• 1:00:20
  Speaker 1: or ten minutes each morning starting out with there's all
• 1:00:23
  Speaker 1: these little classes and series they all have different ten
• 1:00:26
  Speaker 1: sessions of something. Find one that speaks to you and
• 1:00:29
  Speaker 1: that resonates with you. Just by the titles. And it
• 1:00:32
  Speaker 1: could be happiness, it could be calmness, it could be
• 1:00:34
  Speaker 1: sleeping better, whatever it is. Just find that and start
• 1:00:37
  Speaker 1: that practice, because you need to get into a practice
• 1:00:39
  Speaker 1: of taking care of yourself. And it doesn't matter whether
• 1:00:42
  Speaker 1: you're doing it right or not. It just matters that
• 1:00:43
  Speaker 1: you're giving yourself that amount of time each day to
• 1:00:46
  Speaker 1: say I care about my day and I care about
• 1:00:48
  Speaker 1: myself and practice self love and so add that with
• 1:00:52
  Speaker 1: your therapy session and just start doing that. And I
• 1:00:55
  Speaker 1: bet you're going to feel the effects of that in
• 1:00:56
  Speaker 1: no time because you seem very open. Yeah, yeah, I'm trying.
• 1:01:02
  Speaker 1: You're gonna be okay. Just say that you're already asking
• 1:01:05
  Speaker 1: the right questions. It's when you can't ask the right
• 1:01:08
  Speaker 1: questions that's when I really worry about people. I'm like,
• 1:01:11
  Speaker 1: oh boy, they're still closed down, but you're already asking
• 1:01:14
  Speaker 1: the questions right. Thank you so much, a pleasure to
• 1:01:20
  Speaker 1: meet you. You're wonderful. Enjoy let go. Oh, I'm so
• 1:01:27
  Speaker 1: excited a little getaway and even told my family, was like,
• 1:01:34
  Speaker 1: I'm going with you guys, but I need my own
• 1:01:36
  Speaker 1: time as well. Yeah for you, I'm going to try
• 1:01:42
  Speaker 1: that with my family. Thanks, h take care. That's like
• 1:01:48
  Speaker 1: the opposite when I go away with my family, They're like,
• 1:01:50
  Speaker 1: you're going to need a time out. Send you to
• 1:01:53
  Speaker 1: your room. That was so sweet and meaningful. What a
• 1:01:56
  Speaker 1: meaningful episode. Absolutely love it. I don't think she's alone though.
• 1:02:01
  Speaker 1: I think so many people after COVID are going through
• 1:02:03
  Speaker 1: what she's going through too, And so I had a
• 1:02:06
  Speaker 1: question before or not. I just I talked to so
• 1:02:08
  Speaker 1: many people who are like I cannot move forward. I
• 1:02:12
  Speaker 1: think there was a lot of that going on. She's
• 1:02:14
  Speaker 1: gorgeous anyway, this fun. Thank you so much for joining
• 1:02:18
  Speaker 1: us again. Yeah. I told Julianna she doesn't have to
• 1:02:21
  Speaker 1: ask me the exit question. That's too much pressure. She's
• 1:02:24
  Speaker 1: already been on the podcast, so we're gonna we're gonna
• 1:02:26
  Speaker 1: skip that part. Although I didn't have one. Oh okay,
• 1:02:30
  Speaker 1: well hold on, let's do our break, right. We're gonna
• 1:02:32
  Speaker 1: take a break and we'll be right back to close
• 1:02:34
  Speaker 1: out this episode with Julianna and Catherine. I like the
• 1:02:37
  Speaker 1: way that I say Julianna in a different way each time.
• 1:02:39
  Speaker 1: Sometimes it's Juanna, sometimes it's Julianna. Which one do you
• 1:02:43
  Speaker 1: perfever you're feeling it's just Julianna. I mean, honestly, I
• 1:02:48
  Speaker 1: love hearing someone say Julianna or Julianna, whatever you want.
• 1:02:51
  Speaker 1: But it's almost never that I hear that because everyone
• 1:02:54
  Speaker 1: calls me Jewels. Okay, everyone like and and sometimes Keith
• 1:02:59
  Speaker 1: will be like me and rules Field like Keith, that's
• 1:03:01
  Speaker 1: your bit, like I don't know him. My nickname with
• 1:03:04
  Speaker 1: an email Jules but but yeah, but either but Julianna
• 1:03:08
  Speaker 1: is the name doesn't matter for me. Okay, and we're back. Yes,
• 1:03:19
  Speaker 1: that was a little bit heavy. That was heavy episode today, um,
• 1:03:23
  Speaker 1: and I really hope it helped a lot of people.
• 1:03:25
  Speaker 1: So I'm gonna ask a lighter question, Okay, Okay. Even
• 1:03:28
  Speaker 1: though I told Julianna that she does not have to
• 1:03:31
  Speaker 1: ask me a question, she is insisting about it. I
• 1:03:34
  Speaker 1: am because I like, I I really appreciate your advice,
• 1:03:36
  Speaker 1: and I like how your brain works, Chelsea. I find
• 1:03:39
  Speaker 1: it it stimulates my mind. So here's my question. To you.
• 1:03:43
  Speaker 1: What do you do, Chelsea when you go to see
• 1:03:46
  Speaker 1: a play or a performance or a stand up whatever
• 1:03:51
  Speaker 1: it is of a friend of yours and you have
• 1:03:53
  Speaker 1: to go backstage. But it really was awful. So as
• 1:03:58
  Speaker 1: someone who has been on stage and then heard all
• 1:04:01
  Speaker 1: of it, I've heard all of it. I've heard I'm
• 1:04:04
  Speaker 1: going to tell everyone about this, which means they hated it,
• 1:04:07
  Speaker 1: and that's their way of or how do you feel?
• 1:04:11
  Speaker 1: How do you feel about your perform I want to
• 1:04:13
  Speaker 1: kill them. I want to shoot them dead. I want
• 1:04:15
  Speaker 1: to be that supportive friend. And I was once in
• 1:04:18
  Speaker 1: an acting class where the teacher would let us comment
• 1:04:21
  Speaker 1: on the scene study we were seeing. But it could
• 1:04:23
  Speaker 1: only be positive, even if the scene was awful. You
• 1:04:27
  Speaker 1: could be like, I love how you dressed, and I
• 1:04:29
  Speaker 1: loved your voice, and that you know, and that's how
• 1:04:32
  Speaker 1: you give a comment. What do you do, Chelsea when
• 1:04:34
  Speaker 1: you go back staging? I do that. I just lie.
• 1:04:36
  Speaker 1: That is not obviously the time to be honest. And
• 1:04:39
  Speaker 1: when somebody they can't change the performance, So no, I
• 1:04:42
  Speaker 1: just think of something positive that I saw, or a
• 1:04:45
  Speaker 1: character that I loved, or wasn't that girl amazing? Or
• 1:04:48
  Speaker 1: your performance I loved it. When you do this, I
• 1:04:50
  Speaker 1: find that being specific with things to deflect from an
• 1:04:53
  Speaker 1: actual review, people are really drawn to that. They want
• 1:04:56
  Speaker 1: to hear about their performance as a performer more than
• 1:04:59
  Speaker 1: any thing else. And if you can just give him
• 1:05:02
  Speaker 1: a couple of like kernels of that, that's just the
• 1:05:04
  Speaker 1: best way to go about it. There's no reason to
• 1:05:06
  Speaker 1: tell the truth in those situations. No, that's what I
• 1:05:10
  Speaker 1: thought you'd say, And I'm glad. I'm glad I've heard
• 1:05:12
  Speaker 1: it from you from your mouth. I've definitely been in
• 1:05:15
  Speaker 1: that situation. Alright, guys, thank you, you have a great day.
• 1:05:22
  Speaker 1: I'll be in touch about we love it well. Thank you. So,
• 1:05:28
  Speaker 1: if you'd like advice from Chelsea, just send us an
• 1:05:31
  Speaker 1: email at Dear Chelsea project at gmail dot com. Dear
• 1:05:35
  Speaker 1: Chelsea is a production of I Heart Radio. Executive produced
• 1:05:39
  Speaker 1: by Nick Stuff, produced by Catherine Law, and edited and
• 1:05:42
  Speaker 1: engineered by Brad Dicker.