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Complaining at Work: Healthy Venting or Career Sabotage? · Unspoken Career Truths

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  Welcome to Unspoken career Truths.
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  I'm Lauren Levec Gilbert. And I'm Cara Wood.
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  And we're here to be the coworkers you can trust.
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  Hello everyone, Lauren, we are queuing up the Britney Spears
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  track because we're spending another episode talking about
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  something toxic. Do you have complainers at your
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  office, Lauren? Yes, A. 1000%.
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  All right, how badly does observing the downside pointing
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  out pit balls hurt your career? So I feel like there is a range
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  when it comes to complaining. If you are a negative Nancy and
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  you're like constantly complaining, constantly talking
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  about the negative, constantly pointing out everything that's
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  wrong like that can be super detrimental to your career.
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  One, because it creates a terrible environment.
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  Then you also become like the naysayer in the meetings where
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  it's like, no, that's not good or no, I don't like that.
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  So there's definitely a negative to it, but I do think there is a
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  place sometimes in complaining in a setting where you're trying
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  to build a relationship with like a Co worker or teams.
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  I'm so glad you brought that up. And I think one of the things
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  that you're talking about is if you have a reputation for being
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  a complainer, that is problematic if you are the
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  person that everyone expects negativity from.
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  And let's talk about optimist, pessimist, because I think there
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  are people who naturally sort of see the downside of things.
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  And in some scenarios that person is actually viewed as
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  like the smart critical, hey, they're cynical, they're hard to
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  please. In some environments, that's
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  actually like the smarter interesting person.
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  And then in other environments, you're shutting down creative
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  ideas or you're missing, you know, you're expecting negative
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  outcomes. And so you're sort of a self
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  fulfilling process prophecy. I feel like people sometimes
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  disguise it as like, I want to play devil's advocate here, like
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  and come up with another solution.
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  There's totally a way that you can do that in a positive
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  respect. But if you're always the person
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  that's coming in and being like, well, I think this or I don't
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  think that or like that's not possible.
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  We can't do that. And like kind of putting up the
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  guardrails all the time. It gets kind of really
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  frustrating because it just feels like for your team, you're
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  just hitting a wall. Yeah, I find negative in the
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  workplace, like really draining. Draining is a really good word.
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  It really it like drains the creativity, the excitement, the
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  innovation, because it just becomes the example.
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  I work with legal departments a lot.
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  And when the legal department is like, we don't want to be the
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  department of no because like a lot of times they're like no,
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  no, no, you can't do that. You can't do that.
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  And they're like, we need to kind of change our messaging
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  because if you become a department of no or a person of
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  no, people just won't come to you.
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  And that's a bigger problem. Yeah.
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  And I think that happens a lot with legal departments, that
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  happens a lot with HR departments, that happens a lot
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  with anyone who maybe controls the budget.
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  Or regulatory. But then I also think there are
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  sometimes when you're personally in a rut, you kind of stop
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  seeing the forest for the tree is you've become the person
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  who's only seeing the downside of something and you are missing
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  out on like the positive side. I was going to say I'm often
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  actually accused of the opposite where people get annoyed with
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  like my Pollyanna view of everything.
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  I'm like, but this is here's here's why this is going to
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  still work. People do like to kind of be
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  heard when they're upset. I find myself to be a very
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  practical person. So like a lot of sometimes I
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  approach things like with a pragmatic view.
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  I think that is perceived well sometimes.
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  But like I will be someone who stands up and like, I don't
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  think this is a good idea or like no, or like, hey, this
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  could be great, but like, let's kind of bring it down to
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  reality. I'm also the kind of person who
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  sometimes gets shaded by all the pragmatic where I'm like, I'm
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  just too real. Where I could kind of open some
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  of those up and be like, OK, well what is the art of the
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  possible kind of thing? Yeah, I was going to say,
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  Lauren, you saying pragmatic? I had this instant reaction.
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  Me and my optimist self had this instant reaction.
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  But then you're not thinking big, then you're not dreaming.
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  If you don't think of the impossible project, then how in
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  the heck are you going to get the really extraordinary project
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  done? You got to shoe for the moon,
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  man. And that's why you need
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  everybody's perspective, right? I struggle with sometimes the
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  pie in the sky because I'm like, well, if I'm the one who has to
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  execute this, I don't think it's going to be possible, right?
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  But that's why it's a good combo.
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  Well, if you are someone who's either, if you're describing it
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  as pragmatic like Lauren, or you're someone who sort of sees
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  immediately, hey, I've noticed all these problems, Other people
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  aren't seeing them. I need to speak up about them.
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  Another thing that often, like complainers miss out on is you
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  can minimize your own wins or you can sort of set yourself up
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  for like sandbag goals. I also think it's a good check
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  in if you find yourself complaining a lot or like
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  seeming jaded. Have you been at the company for
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  too long? Is it time for a refresh?
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  Is it time for a new role or switching something up or a new
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  project or like we can all get in that where like we've been in
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  a job or a culture, we've done a project for so long that we're
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  just kind of jaded by it. Yeah.
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  And I find that sometimes when I do notice it, it's often when
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  you're in a like the same situation.
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  So either you're always complaining with the same set of
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  Co workers. Like it becomes this ritual
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  where you're like, it's lunchtime, let's all say what's
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  bothering us. And that can be cathartic, but
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  also just reinforces negativity around the office.
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  So yeah, I'm glad you brought that up.
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  And you also have to be careful where you do the complaining.
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  So like, if you're a leader and you have a team like, you
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  shouldn't be complaining to your direct reports.
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  Another good rule is to try to focus your complaints not on a
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  person at all. This can be really difficult.
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  And again, I think there's some bonding level when you've got
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  this, you've all got the same manager and there's things to
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  complain about. But if you can at least pin it
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  to their behavior or decisions and not just complain about an
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  individual. Because people remember that as
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  soon as a person complaints about one individual, I almost
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  assume that they're going to be complaining about others and me
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  and I let like them less. 100% If someone's talking badly about
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  someone else, they're more likely to talk badly about you.
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  Yeah. And it makes you feel bad.
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  Then you then then you like erode the trust that you might
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  have with that person. 100%. So there are a couple of
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  scenarios that I feel like we can talk people through.
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  One we're kind of talking about, hey, if you're the person who's
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  sort of already on the negative, what do you do Lauren, when you
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  kind of just notice that you've got a complainer Co worker or
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  complainer culture? Oh, good question.
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  Well, first I try to identify the person that is the
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  complainer and I try to make sure I understand, like, what is
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  the root of it? Like, is it really that they're
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  complaining about the thing or are they unhappy with something
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  else and try to address kind of the root cause?
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  They're probably having a reaction to something else or
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  they feel slighted or something happened in the past.
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  So I try to kind of tackle it from the source and then make
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  sure that I like have a conversation with that person
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  about it. And are you like direct talking
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  to them about their complaining or are you talking to them about
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  like what you've identified as the root cause?
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  More of like the root cause. So it won't be like I've noticed
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  you complained a lot, but it like for example, I had someone
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  on my team who was like really unhappy about something.
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  They were like new to my team and I was just starting to
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  manage them and they were complaining all the time.
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  And I just kind of went to them was like, listen, I get a sense
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  that you're kind of frustrated. And I really don't understand
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  why. Can we just have like an open
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  conversation? And once we kind of dug in, I
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  understood that like he was frustrated that he had it, that
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  he'd been moved to the team and that he hadn't gotten a
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  promotion. And he was super unclear.
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  And I was like, all right, cool. Like I can handle this.
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  Like, let's have a conversation about it.
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  So that's what I mean by kind of like addressing it directly.
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  Yeah, moving on to a solution as soon as possible.
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  You're reminding me of I had a great boss he used just say I
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  thought never complain, never explain.
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  Which when I first heard that I it struck me as very odd.
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  But it's actually a really useful framework, because
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  instead of complaining or explaining your rationale when
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  something goes wrong, you're showing up as someone who has
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  already thought through the problem, has already made their
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  decision, and is just bringing leadership the solution.
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  I don't know if I've said this on the podcast yet, but I was
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  thinking about it the other day. This is an analogy I have.
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  Stay with me, car. I promise it is relevant.
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  Work life is kind of like high school and it's like we never
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  kind of grow out of high school. And from a complaining
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  perspective, you don't want to be caught in a high school
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  complaining situation where you're in a workplace.
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  I'm in the workplace. I'm not in high school.
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  Like let's have an educated conversation about this.
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  But let's be honest, complaining can be really cathartic and just
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  find in the. Right setting 100%.
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  Find people who you can safely complain with outside of the
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  office setting. I have a group chat with like
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  friends where we can complain about stuff.
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  So there is benefit to it. We all need to do it, to vent,
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  to get it out. But like, there's a time and a
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  place, yeah. Well, I hope this helped
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  everyone bring us your complaints or your way that you
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  turn them into wonderful dreams. Yeah, let us know if you've
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  experienced anything or someone on your team is complaining a
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  lot and you they don't stop complaining even if you address
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  it and how you handled it. Thanks everyone.
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  Thanks everyone. And that's a wrap.
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  Thanks for joining us on Unspoken Career Truths.
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  Don't forget to follow us on Spotify and Instagram.
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