Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / Thanksgiving With a Narcissist! What Should You Expect? | The Narcissists' Code

Transcript

Thanksgiving With a Narcissist! What Should You Expect? | The Narcissists' Code · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  Thanksgiving with a narcissist, That's what we're talking about
• 0:06
  today. Y'all, 'cause you know,
• 0:07
  Thanksgiving is coming up, holiday season is coming up and
• 0:11
  everybody who's dealing with that narcissist is already
• 0:13
  probably on edge. You know what I mean?
• 0:16
  Holiday season is narc season and it just doesn't start with
• 0:20
  Thanksgiving. Them near source with with
• 0:22
  Memorial Day and Halloween and stuff like that.
• 0:26
  So today we're talking about handling or dealing with a
• 0:30
  narcissistic person during Thanksgiving.
• 0:32
  Like what should you do, What shouldn't you do?
• 0:35
  Should you reach out? And if and if you are not
• 0:38
  together, if you're not together with this person watching out
• 0:43
  for the Hoover, y'all know the the old narcissistic Hoover.
• 0:49
  This is the perfect time of the year.
• 0:52
  We're going to start with the Hoover.
• 0:53
  The perfect time of the year for your narcissistic, toxic
• 0:57
  partner, ex, parent, friend, whoever it is to reach out to
• 1:03
  you to give thanks to. Give thanks for being there or
• 1:09
  thanks for always being such a good person even though I didn't
• 1:12
  deserve it. Thanks for always treating me
• 1:15
  with kindness, caring and compassion even when I didn't
• 1:18
  deserve it. Thanks for everything, thank you
• 1:20
  thank you thank you please. This is a hoovering season
• 1:25
  y'all. What do you got?
• 1:26
  You got to watch off you dealing with a narcissist doing this
• 1:28
  time of year. You got to be on guard and I
• 1:33
  don't think I, I don't think I need to reiterate that, but I'm
• 1:36
  going to because I care about y'all.
• 1:37
  I want y'all to win. I want you to win Thanksgiving.
• 1:42
  So if you're dealing with this type of person and you've got
• 1:44
  them blocked or they've been rejected, y'all broken up, y'all
• 1:48
  divorced, separated, whatever the case may be, watch out for
• 1:51
  the Hoover. They could be trying to reach
• 1:53
  out to you. They could use this time of high
• 1:56
  emotions because you know, the holiday season is a time of high
• 1:59
  emotions. They could use this time of the
• 2:02
  year to try to get back into your life.
• 2:04
  They absolutely could, right? Especially if, especially if
• 2:08
  y'all have kids or mutual friends together.
• 2:10
  Especially if y'all will be entered, like if y'all, your
• 2:14
  lives will cross, your paths might cross during this time of
• 2:17
  the year, even though you haven't seen them or heard from
• 2:18
  them. So you have to be very careful.
• 2:20
  And sometimes, you, you rascally little survivor, you'll be the
• 2:25
  one to reach out to them because you don't want to be rude during
• 2:28
  the holidays. Even though they treated you
• 2:30
  horrible, even though they did you wrong.
• 2:33
  You don't want to be rude during the holiday season.
• 2:35
  So guess what? You do, you rascally Rascal.
• 2:38
  You reach out to them, you contact them.
• 2:40
  You wish them a happy Thanksgiving.
• 2:43
  You want to give thanks. And then guess what ends up
• 2:45
  happening to you? You give thanks.
• 2:47
  Thanks. And they take it and they run
• 2:51
  with it because some of them will draw you back in.
• 2:55
  They'll get a mess. Look, they'll get a message from
• 2:57
  you and say, well, didn't expect to hear from you.
• 3:00
  It was so nice hearing your voice.
• 3:01
  Well, maybe we should sit down and talk.
• 3:03
  Maybe we can't have the maybe we can't make this work.
• 3:06
  And then you get real back in and the cycle starts over.
• 3:09
  And then you end up abused, used, lied to, cheated on,
• 3:12
  whatever the case may be again, right?
• 3:14
  You have to look. It doesn't make you a bad person
• 3:16
  to not reach out to them during this time of the year.
• 3:18
  It doesn't make you a bad person to not respond to a text message
• 3:22
  or a call. It doesn't make you a bad person
• 3:23
  to not respond to your abuser, to not reply to your abuser.
• 3:28
  It doesn't make you a bad person to not say thank you to someone
• 3:32
  who says happy Thanksgiving after they abuse you.
• 3:35
  That doesn't you're not a bad person.
• 3:37
  It doesn't make you a bad person, doesn't make you
• 3:38
  horrible. It doesn't make you evil,
• 3:39
  doesn't make you any of those things right there.
• 3:42
  So do not get hoovered during this time of the year because
• 3:45
  you will ruin this time of the year.
• 3:48
  You could ruin, yeah. You could set yourself back and
• 3:50
  ruin your life for and for what? What?
• 3:53
  What would you be getting out of this?
• 3:56
  What are we getting out of this? What are you getting out of
• 3:57
  this? You see what I'm saying?
• 3:59
  So Thanksgiving is the time of the Hoover.
• 4:02
  It is they they will try to reach out to you.
• 4:04
  Some of them might not. And you do not reverse Hoover or
• 4:07
  reach out to them. Don't reverse Hoover yourself
• 4:09
  back into toxicity. Do not do that to yourself
• 4:12
  because other because after that you just end up in a toxic
• 4:15
  relationship for a very long time.
• 4:16
  You'll be sad as hell, mad as hell at yourself.
• 4:19
  OK good it got it good. Also, holiday season for
• 4:25
  narcissists are going to be tough anyway and this is not me
• 4:31
  trying to get you to feel bad for a narcissist.
• 4:33
  This is me just trying to wake you up to the mindset of the
• 4:35
  mentality of a narcissist during this time of the year.
• 4:38
  Right? Because I've said this before.
• 4:40
  Y'all know I do a Thanksgiving video every year but my mindset
• 4:42
  shifts I get more detailed into it right?
• 4:45
  I said this before but most narcissistic people during this
• 4:48
  time of the year don't like this time of the year.
• 4:51
  Notice I said most, because some do like it, there are some
• 4:55
  narcissistic people that absolutely do like this time of
• 4:58
  the year. They enjoy it, right?
• 5:00
  They enjoy this time of the year because it benefits them.
• 5:02
  They can use that to Hoover. They can use that to give and
• 5:05
  get. They can use that to get
• 5:06
  narcissistic supply. That's one of the big things.
• 5:09
  So most of them do not like this time of the year though because
• 5:12
  it's a time of high emotions. Thanksgiving gratitude, you get
• 5:17
  a lot of narcissistic people and including myself.
• 5:20
  I've struggled with gratitude for so long in my life.
• 5:26
  Being able to be grateful is a is a gift.
• 5:30
  The ability to experience gratitude is a gift.
• 5:33
  Do not waste your gift y'all. If you have the ability to
• 5:36
  experience gratitude, do not waste your gift.
• 5:39
  And honestly, this is too far back for y'all do.
• 5:42
  Do not waste the gift you have of gratitude.
• 5:46
  Because narcissist, it's damn near impossible for us to feel
• 5:49
  grateful for stuff sometimes, right?
• 5:51
  And because we we can't feel grateful a lot, we tend to just
• 5:55
  short circuit during this time of the year and lose our minds.
• 5:59
  We retreat a lot of time. I know a lot of people will
• 6:02
  mistake like just being an avoiding person, right?
• 6:06
  For being narcissist during this time of the year because like
• 6:09
  avoiding people, people with autism, ADHD, whatever case may
• 6:13
  be, y'all like to retreat and be by yourself sometimes during the
• 6:16
  holidays. Those do not make you
• 6:17
  narcissistic. The it's the intent that
• 6:20
  matters. If if you go into a room to be
• 6:24
  by yourself because you're it's too much, too much stuff going
• 6:27
  on because you just want to cool down and be by yourself.
• 6:30
  That's different than going in the room by yourself to
• 6:33
  aggravate people and have people looking for you just to make
• 6:36
  yourself the center of attention.
• 6:37
  You something, the intent that it's the intent that matters.
• 6:41
  And a lot of narcissists during this time, their intent is to
• 6:44
  absolutely just be the center of attention.
• 6:46
  How do I get the attention on me?
• 6:51
  Oh disappear, Oh cause a scene. Oh refuse to go, refuse to eat,
• 6:59
  refuse to cook, change my diet up, disappear, don't even show
• 7:03
  up at all. I'm missing.
• 7:05
  Turn my phone off, stop sharing my location, Do all of this
• 7:10
  stuff just to get the attention on me.
• 7:13
  It's toxic as hell, it's manipulative as hell.
• 7:16
  It's horrible. It is an awful way to live your
• 7:20
  life if you're dealing with a narcissist.
• 7:22
  It's an awful way to just go about having your existence with
• 7:26
  this type of person, right? It's just overall awful.
• 7:30
  It really, truly is. And if you say if you're dealing
• 7:33
  with a narcissist during the time of year and they disappear,
• 7:35
  y'all enjoy your day without them.
• 7:37
  Look, I'm going to be real. If they refuse to go, if they're
• 7:40
  hiding, don't go looking for them.
• 7:42
  Believe they get mad at me when I don't go look for them.
• 7:44
  Yeah, yeah, they're going to get mad when you do.
• 7:48
  If you go find them, they're going to get mad, right?
• 7:52
  If you go and find them, they're going to go get mad.
• 7:56
  You see what I'm saying? If you go find them, they're
• 7:58
  going to get mad. If you don't look for them,
• 8:00
  they're going to get mad. You're damned if you do and
• 8:02
  you're damned if you don't. Pick and choose the damned that
• 8:06
  you can live with, right? If they don't yell at me for
• 8:10
  coming to find them, to hell with them.
• 8:12
  I'm going to go up here and chill with my family, my friends
• 8:14
  and my kids and eat at least if I'm gonna get yelled at, at
• 8:18
  least I'm gonna get yelled at on a full stomach around my family
• 8:21
  and friends. You bout to go have me hunt you
• 8:23
  down 'cause you hiding in a closet wanting me to come find
• 8:26
  you so you can put the attention on you and now you're yelling
• 8:28
  the screaming at me. Get the hell out of here.
• 8:30
  Hell no, hell no. Don't do that.
• 8:33
  Y'all do not do that to yourselves.
• 8:35
  This this holiday season, if they keep disappearing or they
• 8:39
  turn their phones off, they want you to hunt them down.
• 8:41
  This is, look, we're not playing Thanksgiving hide and seek.
• 8:44
  That's all I'm saying. This is not Thanksgiving hide
• 8:47
  and see, it's time for giving thanks to showing gratitude.
• 8:50
  It's not the time to go hunt down your manipulative, toxic
• 8:54
  partner or parent or friend or kid, whoever it is in your life,
• 8:58
  right? You see what I'm saying?
• 9:00
  That's what happens right there. This is what happens.
• 9:03
  You see what I'm saying? That's what happens They're
• 9:07
  they're they're going to cause a scene anyway.
• 9:08
  If you're going to be in this relationship, you got to learn
• 9:10
  how to deal with them right? So you got to deal with them in
• 9:13
  a way that benefits you the most.
• 9:15
  It doesn't make you feel certain look selfish to go not go look
• 9:18
  for them. I'm also if I wouldn't look, I'm
• 9:20
  going to give thanks and not cuss this episode.
• 9:22
  I'm about to say F them. I'm about to say F them.
• 9:25
  They want to go hide and make a scene or yell at you later on.
• 9:28
  Man, hell no, we're not doing it this year.
• 9:30
  Y'all going, you going to your parents house and they refuse
• 9:32
  them to go leave their asses at home.
• 9:35
  We'll leave. They're going to yell at me when
• 9:36
  I get back. You look arm yourself, strap up,
• 9:39
  get a weapon. You might have to go fight.
• 9:41
  I'm just don't want to go fight. Call the police, right?
• 9:45
  They're going to do it anyway. That's what I'm trying.
• 9:47
  That's the mess I'm trying to convey.
• 9:49
  They're going to do it anyway. Regardless of how you feel,
• 9:55
  regardless of how you decide you want to handle the situation,
• 9:58
  they are going to do it regardless.
• 10:02
  So because they're going to do it regardless, the power is in
• 10:05
  your hands to choose to be, to engage with them or to not
• 10:08
  engage with them. That's the power right there.
• 10:11
  You have more power than you think you do, right?
• 10:14
  You have more power than you think you do.
• 10:16
  Because some of them, I say, I can say they're absolutely going
• 10:18
  to try to ruin Thanksgiving others.
• 10:20
  Now others, let's go to the other side of the thing about
• 10:23
  here. I talked about the I talked
• 10:24
  about the Ruiners, right? But some narcissists are going
• 10:28
  to try to make this the best time of the year because the
• 10:31
  rest of the year has been shitty.
• 10:33
  I couldn't hold that with any. I'm sorry.
• 10:36
  The rest of the year has been bad.
• 10:39
  The rest of the year has not been, it has not been a
• 10:42
  Goodyear. They've been treating you
• 10:45
  horrible the whole year, but Thanksgiving, it's going to be
• 10:49
  their time to shine, right? Thanksgiving, it's going to be
• 10:51
  their time to put that work in, to show you that they can be
• 10:54
  better, to show you that they can't be a good person, that
• 10:56
  they are a good person, right? That's what Thanksgiving for,
• 10:58
  giving thanks. Thanks, thanks, thanks, thanks,
• 11:01
  thanks. That's what it's all about.
• 11:03
  You see how they react, you react.
• 11:05
  You see how they react. You see how they behave.
• 11:07
  I was going to say behave and react.
• 11:09
  You say I came out as react. My mind is getting hit.
• 11:11
  Look, my mouth is getting hit in my brain sometimes.
• 11:13
  Y'all but old reactions, Yeah, that's my, that's my name.
• 11:20
  My my reaction channel is called Lee Actions.
• 11:23
  But yeah, yeah, the podcast launched last week and hardly
• 11:26
  any of y'all went and looked at the episode between me and
• 11:28
  Natalie and like a 3% click through rate.
• 11:31
  I'm doing podcast interviews on this channel.
• 11:33
  The thumbnails are going to be different.
• 11:35
  The thumbnails are going to look a little different guys.
• 11:38
  So you look at the check the thumbnails off of my interview
• 11:40
  series. It's got it's got the mental
• 11:41
  illness podcast. It's different than the
• 11:44
  narcissist code. This is the narcissist code
• 11:46
  right here. This is me just talking to you,
• 11:47
  right? This is my own solo podcast type
• 11:49
  stuff. The mental illness podcast.
• 11:51
  Part of it is going to be the interviews.
• 11:55
  Mental illness podcast, y'all. But yeah, some of them will make
• 11:58
  this time the best of the year for you, right?
• 12:00
  And it's going to be sometimes you, you'll be happy.
• 12:03
  A lot of y'all will be grateful to at least this day will be
• 12:05
  good. But tomorrow got to come black.
• 12:08
  They call it Black Friday for a reason.
• 12:10
  It's going to be black Thursday is light, right?
• 12:13
  They they behaved on Thursday. Friday they back to normal.
• 12:17
  I hope you don't get used to this.
• 12:18
  Don't get used to these good behaviors because tomorrow I'm
• 12:21
  on your ass. That's crazy.
• 12:24
  That's great to me to think like that.
• 12:25
  Yeah, it's crazy to talk like that.
• 12:27
  But that's the mentality of narcissistic people.
• 12:30
  They're going to talk like this. They're going to behave like
• 12:32
  this. They're going to act like this
• 12:33
  because most of them don't know what it's like to be ever held
• 12:35
  accountable for their actions. You know what I'm saying?
• 12:38
  If you continue to stay with them, I'm not telling you to
• 12:40
  leave. But if you continue to stay with
• 12:42
  them, they think that this is part of your relationship now
• 12:45
  because is it not? How's it?
• 12:47
  How's this not a part of your relationship?
• 12:49
  If you continue to stay in here and deal with me and talk to me
• 12:51
  and battle with me, even though I've shown you who I am through
• 12:54
  all these holiday season as we've that we've been together.
• 12:57
  You know what I'm saying? That's just a little something
• 12:59
  to think about y'all? ANYWAYS, y'all, my website is
• 13:03
  still open. My coaching, my courses are
• 13:06
  still available. You can find my coaching, my
• 13:08
  courses at mentalillness.net. Look for the rest of the holiday
• 13:11
  season you can enter the code Mental 15 MENTA L15 for 15% off
• 13:18
  my coaching, my one on ones and then you can enter the code
• 13:20
  mothers and Fathers for 50% off my courses.
• 13:24
  I think it's 50% off of the group entry to the enter to join
• 13:27
  the support group, which is only $10 anyway, but you can get in
• 13:30
  the support group for $5 at mentalillness.net.
• 13:33
  Into the code mothers or fathers groups is good.
• 13:36
  All kinds of connections in there.
• 13:37
  Y'all hit the subscribe button, I'm out.
• 13:39
  Peace.