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Criminals of Isla Numus - Episode 20 - Dead Men Talk Too Much · Session Zero Heroes | TTRPG Actual Play Adventures & Improv Storytelling

• 0:00
  [MUSIC PLAYING]
• 0:02
  Hello, weary traveler.
• 0:12
  I'm not sure what strange magic must have brought you here,
• 0:15
  but you have stepped into a realm of my creation,
• 0:19
  a sprawling city filled with danger and glory,
• 0:22
  and most importantly, lots of gold.
• 0:25
  I call it, Ilanumis.
• 0:28
  Who am I?
• 0:28
  You might ask.
• 0:30
  The name is Jarjim, and I'm the patron deity of gambling.
• 0:34
  Long story short, this group of idiots,
• 0:37
  or as you may call them, heroes, made a bet with me
• 0:41
  that they had when it took to make a mass trove of gold.
• 0:44
  But let some of the key details blank.
• 0:47
  So I filled them in myself.
• 0:50
  I sent them to this pocket dimension,
• 0:52
  into the city I had created with brand new bodies
• 0:56
  they have to attune to.
• 0:58
  Can these fools pass my test, or will they
• 1:00
  be trapped here forever?
• 1:03
  So experience my world of trials and tribulations,
• 1:07
  and join alongside this posse of pitiful people,
• 1:10
  or as I like to call them, the criminals of Ilanumis.
• 1:16
  Welcome back, everybody, to another episode
• 1:19
  of the Session Zero Heroes Presents,
• 1:21
  Criminals of Ilanumis.
• 1:23
  I don't know why I keep saying that.
• 1:24
  I just need to say, criminals of Ilanumis.
• 1:26
  That way, you know what you're listening to,
• 1:27
  even though you probably already do.
• 1:28
  Anyways, with me today, we've got Dave, Plamaki.
• 1:32
  We've got Fatty Lumpkin's playing Keto.
• 1:34
  We've got Quinn over in the corner,
• 1:36
  playing the corner.
• 1:38
  Just kidding.
• 1:38
  Little sauce.
• 1:39
  There he is, represent.
• 1:41
  On the other side of the table, we got Jackson.
• 1:44
  He's playing Dedez, and Cameron, who's playing Rorik.
• 1:49
  And we're going to jump right back into things,
• 1:51
  because I'm pretty stoked to see what you guys are going
• 1:54
  to do to mess with this court trial.
• 1:56
  So here we go.
• 1:56
  [AUDIO OUT]
• 1:58
  Welcome back.
• 2:03
  So when we last left off, you guys,
• 2:05
  we're on your second to last day of just messing with this court
• 2:11
  trial for Little Sauce, trying to mess with all kinds
• 2:14
  of the various evidence, witnesses, and details
• 2:17
  to hopefully get an unfair trial for your individual that
• 2:23
  will hopefully, by unfair, I mean, swing in your favor.
• 2:25
  So you guys found out some details last time.
• 2:28
  You found out some things that the prosecution is planning
• 2:30
  to use, and you are planning on following those up.
• 2:34
  Rorik, you are planning on messing with the horses that
• 2:38
  allegedly are going to be part of the witness stand.
• 2:42
  Dedez is planning on probably setting fire to,
• 2:46
  it seems to be his focus, to wherever the cart is being held
• 2:49
  that was found at Little Sauce's house,
• 2:51
  and is a primary piece of evidence.
• 2:53
  We've got Maki.
• 2:54
  We've got Keto.
• 2:55
  And then we got Little Sauce are all banding together
• 2:59
  to go to the morgue and see what trouble they can
• 3:01
  cause to the alleged dead witnesses that
• 3:05
  may make an appearance on the witness stand.
• 3:08
  So from there, we will start with the crazy undead side
• 3:14
  of things at the morgue.
• 3:16
  So you guys know where the morgue is located at.
• 3:19
  The state has a morgue.
• 3:20
  It is guarded, though, of course, by both guards
• 3:24
  and especially because situations like this,
• 3:26
  where there's a court trial coming up in there,
• 3:27
  a necessary piece, which is pretty often actually
• 3:30
  in a world full of magic.
• 3:31
  Also, the staff inside that work with these bodies.
• 3:34
  What is your-- I'm going to keep things kind of general,
• 3:37
  not like super detailed with like, oh, you guys sneaking in.
• 3:40
  But just like, what is your guys' approach in this situation?
• 3:43
  How are you guys going to get inside it?
• 3:45
  We'll start with getting inside the morgue.
• 3:46
  Well, they're posing as my lawyers, obviously,
• 3:50
  which they are my lawyers.
• 3:51
  They want to see the evidence.
• 3:52
  They should have a right to go see the evidence.
• 3:55
  And as they do that, I'm going to sneak in somehow and--
• 3:59
  OK, OK.
• 4:00
  You know what I mean?
• 4:00
  Yeah, OK, we'll start from the bottom.
• 4:01
  Just saying, let's go.
• 4:02
  Isn't that kind of a slippery slope, though,
• 4:04
  because if we claim to be the lawyers--
• 4:07
  No, you are my lawyers.
• 4:09
  --as we are the lawyers, going to see the witnesses,
• 4:12
  them being the dead corpses.
• 4:14
  And then they're healthy before we see them.
• 4:18
  We go see them.
• 4:19
  And then after we see them, they seem
• 4:21
  to have lost their heads.
• 4:23
  Do we not fall under suspicion at that point?
• 4:25
  Dez has a point to make.
• 4:29
  And he writes down the fine print of the Speak with Dead spell.
• 4:34
  And in the fine print of Speak with Dead,
• 4:36
  it said that it cannot be used within 10 days
• 4:41
  after using it the first time.
• 4:44
  So--
• 4:45
  Do any of you have Speak with Dead?
• 4:47
  If anyone has Speak with Dead, do it now.
• 4:51
  Then it can't be used again for another 10 days.
• 4:53
  Well, would they just push the trial back?
• 4:56
  They might, but it would give you more time to do more crying.
• 4:59
  Do the crime, get more time.
• 5:01
  All right, so I got Fog Cloud.
• 5:03
  That's what I like to say.
• 5:04
  I got Fog Cloud.
• 5:05
  It's not Speak with Dead.
• 5:06
  I got Spider Climb.
• 5:07
  Nope, that's not Speak with Dead either.
• 5:09
  And I got Lunge Renews.
• 5:10
  I'm not talking about that.
• 5:11
  That's also not Speak with Dead.
• 5:13
  OK, yeah, no, sorry, sorry.
• 5:15
  So--
• 5:16
  What areas this morgue in?
• 5:19
  That's a good question.
• 5:19
  Are there multiple morgues in this?
• 5:22
  I mean, it's a big city.
• 5:23
  So yeah, it's probably multiple.
• 5:25
  So here's the way it works.
• 5:26
  So any hospital, like full on hospital,
• 5:31
  will have a morgue underneath of it.
• 5:32
  In this situation, there is the hospital
• 5:35
  that is at or nearest the town hall and the courthouse
• 5:40
  and everything like that.
• 5:41
  And that is where the city has a contract with them
• 5:45
  to store bodies specifically for this purpose.
• 5:50
  So they essentially have two morgues at this hospital.
• 5:53
  One is for bodies used in courthouse
• 5:56
  or for any investigative purposes or whatever the case.
• 5:59
  And then the other one is used for their typical hospital
• 6:02
  purposes.
• 6:03
  So I can hit someone with enlarge and reduce.
• 6:07
  I do hope you use that at some point.
• 6:08
  That would be very interesting.
• 6:09
  I do plan on it here.
• 6:10
  Good.
• 6:11
  I want to make someone really tiny.
• 6:13
  Can I carry them in my pocket?
• 6:14
  OK.
• 6:15
  Or actually, can I do it to myself?
• 6:19
  I think so, yes.
• 6:20
  OK, I wasn't sure.
• 6:21
  I'm going to do it to myself.
• 6:23
  I'll hop in a pocket.
• 6:24
  And then when I'm in there and they're inspecting the bodies,
• 6:27
  they can just distract.
• 6:28
  Because I'm assuming it'll be one doctor in there
• 6:30
  or one person in there.
• 6:31
  OK.
• 6:32
  I can just distract them.
• 6:34
  I can hop in the mouth and cut the tongue out.
• 6:37
  I was really nervous that you were talking about the ant man
• 6:40
  in Thanos' butt hole idea.
• 6:42
  And I was getting really nervous.
• 6:43
  But again, I feel like that would come right back to--
• 6:46
  what?
• 6:46
  Who was it?
• 6:47
  Who's saying they were concerned about the idea?
• 6:49
  Well, they're not going to know I'm even in there.
• 6:51
  And if I cut it out, if I just cut it and hop out,
• 6:54
  and it's still cut, it's not going to reattach.
• 6:56
  OK.
• 6:58
  And we have to do that with how many people?
• 6:59
  I just want to clarify, because I did say this previously.
• 7:03
  And I think it's only fair that I re-mentioned it again,
• 7:06
  because Jackson literally rolled for it.
• 7:09
  And that is, it said, the corpse must still have a mouth
• 7:13
  and cannot be undead.
• 7:15
  You would have to take its hold that are.
• 7:17
  Yeah, I was going to say, the tongue doesn't matter,
• 7:20
  which is why I went, hey, guys, none of this guy let.
• 7:23
  And this is needy toughening without moving the tongue.
• 7:26
  Like, you can still kind of understand.
• 7:28
  You cannot talk without a tongue.
• 7:31
  You did just move your tongue.
• 7:32
  You cannot talk without a tongue.
• 7:34
  So this smorgasbund is in a hospital.
• 7:36
  It's under hospital, yes.
• 7:38
  I'm thinking that we don't want to just go say that.
• 7:41
  We're here to see the bodies.
• 7:43
  Yeah, I think it's got to be more covert.
• 7:45
  Maybe we pose as orderly, somebody poses as a body.
• 7:50
  Des writes on his slate.
• 7:53
  It says, convince morgue guy to use spell.
• 7:58
  He wouldn't know the fine print?
• 8:00
  Well, you would think maybe the mortician
• 8:04
  might know the speak with dead spell.
• 8:08
  But he wouldn't know the fine print.
• 8:09
  And you could convince him, you could be like,
• 8:11
  we're cross referencing witnesses,
• 8:14
  because that's a thing you do in law, right?
• 8:18
  I would just like them not to be,
• 8:19
  'cause I don't want them to push a trial back.
• 8:21
  We'll claim mistrial.
• 8:23
  I think one of us pretends to be dead.
• 8:27
  (laughing)
• 8:29
  I'm intrigued, I'm intrigued.
• 8:31
  Him, little sauce, does anybody have a deep sleep spell?
• 8:36
  Oh dude, there is a spell like that.
• 8:39
  Why are we doing this?
• 8:40
  It's feigned death.
• 8:41
  Why are we doing this whole rig of morgue
• 8:43
  when we could just fake little sauce's death
• 8:45
  and be done with it?
• 8:46
  That's actually a great idea.
• 8:49
  I mean, you know they're gonna want to either bury
• 8:52
  or burn the body pretty quick.
• 8:54
  That is when we make a replica scarecrow
• 8:57
  and that's what they bring.
• 8:59
  And then it becomes a festival.
• 9:00
  And again, and I had to think about the trial itself
• 9:04
  and how that would work from the point of view
• 9:06
  of magic as a normal thing in this world.
• 9:09
  I feel like with a spell commonly used, feign of death,
• 9:13
  people check.
• 9:14
  Like if Romeo and Juliet was a thing
• 9:17
  that every teenage couple was doing
• 9:19
  across all of the whatever time period that happens in,
• 9:23
  I think people would be like,
• 9:25
  "Hey guys, let's just drip a little bit
• 9:27
  "of the antidote in them.
• 9:28
  "I mean, why not?
• 9:28
  "Just to see what happens,
• 9:30
  "so just to make sure."
• 9:31
  All right, at least step one.
• 9:33
  Sneak into the hospital
• 9:35
  or just go into the hospital.
• 9:37
  Step two.
• 9:39
  Light the room on fire.
• 9:40
  Find some hospital uniforms.
• 9:43
  Ah, scrubs.
• 9:45
  Yeah, we could be janitors, yeah.
• 9:47
  Step three.
• 9:49
  Wait for the morgue people to go to lunch.
• 9:53
  Question mark, do they eat?
• 9:56
  Question mark.
• 9:57
  Step four.
• 9:59
  Profit.
• 10:00
  (laughing)
• 10:03
  Now we sneak in there, unseen like in,
• 10:07
  take care of the bodies.
• 10:09
  Yeah, I don't see any reason to over complicate this.
• 10:12
  Just wait for our opening and then take it.
• 10:15
  And if there's no opening, make it.
• 10:17
  At this point, what have we got till it is?
• 10:18
  Let's just go.
• 10:19
  All right, so yeah, you go into the hospital.
• 10:20
  There's like a front desk reception area.
• 10:24
  There's a man there and he says,
• 10:26
  "Hello there, how can I help you?
• 10:28
  "Are you guys experiencing any sort of sickness or injury?"
• 10:31
  Yes, my hand.
• 10:34
  Oh, oh no, what's wrong with your hand, sir?
• 10:37
  He got bit by a horse.
• 10:39
  Oh no, that's been happening a lot lately.
• 10:43
  Yes, of course, if you would like to fill out,
• 10:45
  he hands you a clipboard with a form on it.
• 10:47
  He's like, "If you would like to fill out this form,
• 10:49
  "please, about your insurance,
• 10:50
  "and then I will get a doctor to head down here shortly."
• 10:54
  Okay, but you might not be able to read it very well
• 10:57
  'cause it made my writing hand.
• 10:59
  Do you need me to, yes, do you need me to write this for you?
• 11:03
  No, I could do it.
• 11:05
  Okay, if you're sure, I mean,
• 11:08
  that's what I'm here for, I'm here to help.
• 11:10
  I take the form and go somewhere to fill it out.
• 11:14
  Yeah, you go sit in a corner to go fill it out, right?
• 11:16
  With your non-dominant hand.
• 11:17
  You're just using your mouth to hold the pencil.
• 11:19
  Where is your restroom?
• 11:21
  Yes, right around the corner here, sir.
• 11:23
  Okay.
• 11:24
  Please make sure to wash your hands.
• 11:25
  There's a lot of sickness going around lately.
• 11:27
  Horse blue.
• 11:28
  And you go to the restroom?
• 11:29
  Go around the corner and just walk past the restroom.
• 11:32
  Yeah, okay.
• 11:33
  Looking for a storage bin or a linen closet.
• 11:37
  I kinda got a pee.
• 11:39
  Oh, okay, there's only really one bathroom here for guests.
• 11:44
  If you wanna wait, I'll just go with him.
• 11:47
  Ask for a bed, though. No.
• 11:49
  Who else is around?
• 11:51
  There's just a couple of other patients waiting
• 11:53
  to be seen, like literally a couple.
• 11:54
  Like there's probably like two or three at most.
• 11:57
  There's one guy next to you.
• 11:58
  There's a horse bite.
• 11:59
  Me too.
• 12:00
  When he pulls up his shoulder,
• 12:01
  he's got this huge like chomp out of it.
• 12:03
  And then there's another dude,
• 12:05
  a couple other away from you.
• 12:06
  And he's like leaning forward up and down.
• 12:11
  He's like scratching one of his arms
• 12:12
  and he looks over at you.
• 12:14
  And then he kind of, he sees you.
• 12:15
  And for whatever reason, he seems to,
• 12:18
  like as if he noticed, recognizes you,
• 12:21
  but not like recognized,
• 12:22
  like thinks he knows something about you.
• 12:24
  And he scoots one chair closer and he rocks a little bit.
• 12:27
  And he scoots one more chair closer.
• 12:28
  He says, "Hey man, you got a,
• 12:31
  "got any euphoria by chance?"
• 12:33
  - Uh, no, I've been trying to find a connection,
• 12:37
  but I don't got a dealer.
• 12:39
  - Oh, you need a dealer?
• 12:41
  I mean, I knew a guy,
• 12:42
  he won't sell me anymore, that's a problem.
• 12:44
  - Yeah, yeah, I mean, I'm always looking,
• 12:48
  keeping connections, writing things in my black book.
• 12:51
  You know what I mean?
• 12:52
  - Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, you gotta keep those contacts close.
• 12:55
  Okay, so look, here's the thing,
• 12:57
  I'm gonna tell you where he's at,
• 12:58
  but you gotta give me just a little bit, okay?
• 13:01
  You gotta make sure you help old Stevie
• 13:03
  and get some, get his bicks.
• 13:06
  It was just a little bit.
• 13:07
  He doesn't even have to be a full vial, okay?
• 13:09
  So when you go see him, right,
• 13:11
  he calls himself, he calls himself the memory priest.
• 13:16
  And you can find him on the corner of Sixth's
• 13:19
  and Meridian over in the Atlantis Heights District.
• 13:24
  You've been over there recently?
• 13:26
  - No.
• 13:26
  - You know, with the shipyards and stuff,
• 13:29
  yeah, you wanna go to Sixth and Meridian
• 13:30
  in the Atlantis Heights District.
• 13:33
  And you just tell him you're there to remember
• 13:39
  and he'll hook you up.
• 13:40
  - All right, thanks friend.
• 13:42
  And who should I tell him sent me?
• 13:45
  - Oh, you can, no, don't tell him anyone's sent you.
• 13:47
  You just, trust me, he wants new customers.
• 13:50
  He's looking for, he's handing out.
• 13:52
  I mean, hold on, hold on.
• 13:53
  I will say, I will also say, you know,
• 13:55
  if he gives you any trouble, okay, you go to Radicus, okay?
• 14:00
  He's gonna make you do some work,
• 14:02
  but he'll pay you in euphoria, I heard.
• 14:04
  Just, he's kinda, I don't know where he's at these days,
• 14:09
  but if you just ask around to anybody,
• 14:13
  if you ask any of the scroungers,
• 14:14
  any of the scroungers, they'll tell you
• 14:16
  the way that you can find Radicus.
• 14:17
  They're all working for him these days.
• 14:19
  - All right, well, thanks friend.
• 14:21
  - Yeah, of course, just like I said,
• 14:23
  don't forget about old Steve.
• 14:25
  When you get some euphoria, you just bring some old Stevie.
• 14:28
  - Don't trust any strange horses now.
• 14:31
  I think we both learned our lesson.
• 14:33
  - Yeah, that's right.
• 14:34
  I see that guy over there and then you got a horse bite.
• 14:36
  Man, these horses is going crazy.
• 14:38
  He scooches back over a couple of chairs over.
• 14:41
  - All right, I get up.
• 14:43
  I scribble some stuff on the form, like totally illegible.
• 14:48
  - Okay.
• 14:49
  - And then I hand the form,
• 14:51
  and as I hand it to the front desk attendant,
• 14:55
  I drop it on the ground on her side of the desk.
• 14:59
  - On his side of the desk?
• 15:00
  - Is it his side of the desk?
• 15:02
  - Yeah, yeah.
• 15:03
  - Oh, it's a do-right. - Sorry.
• 15:04
  - Oh my gosh, I don't want to be sorry about that.
• 15:07
  - No, that's totally fine.
• 15:08
  You're dealing with a lot, I totally understand.
• 15:11
  Let me get that for you.
• 15:12
  - As he bends down to pick it up,
• 15:15
  using my Meta Magic ability,
• 15:18
  subtle spell, I cast Sleep.
• 15:21
  - Oh.
• 15:22
  (laughs)
• 15:23
  All right, we'll roll for how many hit points that affect.
• 15:27
  - Good night.
• 15:27
  - This is just looking like a normal dude.
• 15:29
  - He's a normal dude.
• 15:30
  He's just your everyday average guy.
• 15:34
  - Isn't Sleep a con saving throw?
• 15:37
  - No, yeah, 'cause you're just rolling the hit points,
• 15:40
  and if you get to or above his hit points,
• 15:43
  he falls asleep.
• 15:44
  If you get lower, the only thing that happens
• 15:46
  is he knows you tried to cast Sleep on it.
• 15:48
  - I got 32.
• 15:50
  - 32?
• 15:51
  Dude, this guy, he bends over to pick up the clipboard,
• 15:55
  and the next thing you know,
• 15:56
  he rolls off the chair and just kind of topples
• 15:59
  onto the floor in a pile.
• 16:00
  This dude is out.
• 16:01
  That's like, like, I think the average person
• 16:03
  has like 10 hit points.
• 16:05
  - Well, to be fair, okay, so I guess
• 16:07
  you have to select the point.
• 16:09
  I select the point kind of behind him,
• 16:11
  so just he's on the edge.
• 16:13
  Yeah, yeah, so it doesn't get the other people in the lot.
• 16:15
  - It starts in his butt.
• 16:17
  And he goes, he leans, I've already got my butters, no.
• 16:21
  - So he's just like, all the floors sleep.
• 16:23
  - He is out, dude.
• 16:25
  He is out for like the breast,
• 16:27
  like it's gonna take a thing to wake him
• 16:29
  with 30 points of knockout juice.
• 16:33
  - I let myself pass the front desk.
• 16:37
  - Sure.
• 16:37
  - And he's just carried over to the bathroom
• 16:39
  where he sauces waiting outside or something.
• 16:42
  - Yeah, you guys are, well, you guys
• 16:44
  are coming around the corner
• 16:45
  and you guys all, the three of you,
• 16:48
  just to keep things simple,
• 16:50
  the three of you all walk into the hospital area,
• 16:53
  like the back area.
• 16:54
  - The front desk person has a sleep.
• 16:56
  Quick, we need to find a closet
• 16:58
  and get some clothes or something.
• 17:01
  - Yeah, while you were behind the front desk,
• 17:02
  did you happen to find like a directory or a map?
• 17:06
  - No, I mean, I could go grab, see.
• 17:09
  - Oh yeah, there's like a--
• 17:10
  - You didn't grab any keys or anything?
• 17:12
  - There's like a little booklet at the front desk
• 17:15
  that's like when you go to the zoo
• 17:16
  and they have little map things that fold out.
• 17:21
  - I'll be right back.
• 17:22
  I run back, back to the front desk
• 17:26
  and try to look on his desk
• 17:27
  and see if there's any like keys or anything.
• 17:30
  Open his drawer.
• 17:31
  - Roll an investigation check.
• 17:33
  - Kido shows it behind him as well.
• 17:35
  - I'm there with him.
• 17:36
  - Well, hold on.
• 17:37
  If all three of you guys are scrounging around
• 17:39
  behind the desk, that's gonna look real suspicious.
• 17:42
  - I have a 15.
• 17:43
  - A 15, okay, that's pretty good.
• 17:45
  - I do like the idea that while he does all this,
• 17:48
  Kido comes out of the bathroom
• 17:49
  and immediately just sees--
• 17:51
  - Kido was never going to the bathroom.
• 17:53
  He was looking for a storage car.
• 17:55
  - Yeah, he hit.
• 17:56
  - He comes out from looking for a storage car
• 17:58
  and sees Maki behind the desk
• 17:59
  and he's like, "Oh, okay."
• 18:00
  And he just walks behind the desk.
• 18:02
  - And excitedly--
• 18:03
  - I guess they've had some time.
• 18:04
  Do they find any storage cars?
• 18:06
  - You found a storage closet right next to the bathroom,
• 18:08
  but when you opened it and you dug around in there,
• 18:10
  it's just cleaning supplies for the bathroom.
• 18:14
  Yeah, there's a few different plungers in there,
• 18:18
  depending on the intensity of the problem,
• 18:21
  some scrub brushes, and some various bottles
• 18:24
  of different magical chemicals for cleaning.
• 18:28
  - So yeah, see, we'll then backtrack
• 18:30
  and kind of make his way back to Maki
• 18:33
  and the front desk if the coast is clear.
• 18:36
  - Right, so Maki, you find a list of the different doctors
• 18:40
  and their specialties, and it has kind of a basic map outline
• 18:44
  of the building just in case.
• 18:47
  For them to hold up and show,
• 18:48
  "Oh, usually a doctor's gonna walk them there,
• 18:51
  "but for whatever reason or weird circumstances,
• 18:54
  "they have the map as backup
• 18:55
  "in case they have to send somebody somewhere."
• 18:56
  Like, they're visiting.
• 18:57
  They're not gonna send a whole doctor or nurse out
• 18:59
  to come pick up visitors and be like,
• 19:00
  "Let me take you to the room."
• 19:03
  Where their loved one is sick or whatever the case, right?
• 19:06
  Anyway, so you find a map, you find the information,
• 19:10
  and then you do find a set of keys,
• 19:12
  and they're all just labeled with like,
• 19:15
  one, A, four, C, you know, just a letter and a number.
• 19:20
  If you can find the correlating room,
• 19:22
  then you have a key to potentially open it.
• 19:25
  - Okay.
• 19:26
  Well, I assume that they'll keep the morgue in the basement,
• 19:29
  so we can find a stairwell.
• 19:31
  - Okay, is that what you guys are going for?
• 19:32
  - Yeah. - Straight forward.
• 19:33
  Okay, okay, so you guys go back
• 19:34
  into the doctor's office area,
• 19:37
  like where all the exam rooms and things are,
• 19:39
  and yeah, you're able to find the stairwell
• 19:41
  at the very back.
• 19:42
  - Also, I'll look in for a storage closet.
• 19:44
  - Okay, all right, roll me a perception check.
• 19:47
  - I wanna look for a wheelchair.
• 19:49
  (laughing)
• 19:50
  - 14. - 14, okay, yeah.
• 19:52
  You find a closet, it is labeled one D,
• 19:57
  and you check the key chain,
• 19:58
  and sure enough, you do have the keys for it,
• 20:00
  you open it up, and it is like surgical clothing,
• 20:05
  like the hairnet things, the blue,
• 20:09
  like you know what I'm talking about?
• 20:10
  - The blue, I don't know if there's terminology.
• 20:11
  - Cloth, face mask, right, your chief type thing.
• 20:14
  - Yes.
• 20:15
  - So yeah, we find surgical attire,
• 20:17
  I grab three pairs.
• 20:20
  - All right, and you guys all quickly put them on
• 20:22
  without anybody in the hallway noticing,
• 20:24
  so you guys are all now dressed in surgical attire,
• 20:27
  and you make a B line for the stairwell.
• 20:31
  - Yes. - All right.
• 20:32
  And from there, you head down a flight of stairs,
• 20:34
  you're in the basement section,
• 20:36
  and you take a peek out,
• 20:37
  and it seems like it's mostly storage,
• 20:40
  but the stairs do continue down further.
• 20:43
  - Anything on the map?
• 20:44
  But how far we need to go for the morgue?
• 20:47
  - Oh yeah, yeah, I mean, if you check the map,
• 20:48
  then it just shows there's another floor below this.
• 20:51
  So you guys go down the next flight of stairs,
• 20:54
  and things are dark down here.
• 20:56
  There's one hallway that is lit up with lanterns,
• 21:01
  but as you walk down this hallway,
• 21:03
  you look to your right or your left,
• 21:05
  and occasionally there will be hallways
• 21:07
  that just go black on either side of you.
• 21:10
  They're just so dark, there's no light illuminating,
• 21:14
  and every once in a while, one of these side hallways,
• 21:16
  you walk past, and you'll see a little flicker of light,
• 21:20
  of like some flame or something like that,
• 21:22
  and then it just goes out,
• 21:22
  so then it's just pitch black again.
• 21:25
  And you go down a little bit further,
• 21:27
  and all of a sudden on the walls
• 21:29
  of this one lit hallway that you're following,
• 21:32
  you see paintings of figures with brightly colored paint
• 21:37
  on their faces, and brightly colored wigs
• 21:40
  and brightly colored clothing,
• 21:42
  like some kind of freaky clowns.
• 21:45
  Does the fact that Kido as a kobold has dark vision,
• 21:50
  does that change the scenery?
• 21:52
  A little bit, so you see down those hallways
• 21:55
  that are pitch black, and at the end of each
• 21:58
  of these hallways, you see piles
• 22:00
  of what looks like broken hospital equipment,
• 22:04
  just kind of in a big old pile.
• 22:06
  Sounds like a haunted hospital.
• 22:07
  It does kind of sound like a haunted hospital,
• 22:09
  and as you guys pass by more of these paintings
• 22:13
  of these creepy clown figures on the walls,
• 22:16
  all the while, sometimes the torches on these walls
• 22:19
  that you're following the hallway down
• 22:20
  will flicker a little bit, kind of losing a little bit
• 22:23
  of the illumination before restoring itself again.
• 22:26
  And at the very end of it, you come to two double doors
• 22:29
  with the word above it on a sign that simply reads morgue.
• 22:34
  Oh, shall we?
• 22:36
  See who's all in there?
• 22:37
  I don't know if anything is in there.
• 22:38
  Wait, give me.
• 22:39
  These double doors don't happen to have windows
• 22:41
  on them, do they?
• 22:42
  No, they just have the words,
• 22:46
  don't dead open inside.
• 22:48
  No, I'm totally serious.
• 22:49
  They're like a light.
• 22:50
  All right, I'm gonna cast Prestidigitation
• 22:53
  and extinguish the lanterns nearest us.
• 22:57
  Oh, okay, well now it's really dark
• 23:00
  for those that don't have dark vision.
• 23:02
  You say, "Darkness is my ally."
• 23:05
  And I just opened the door.
• 23:08
  (upbeat music)
• 23:16
  (upbeat music)
• 23:18
  Well, the second you open the door,
• 23:23
  it's kind of lit inside the morgue.
• 23:26
  So I mean, I don't know if that changes anything for you.
• 23:28
  They're raving.
• 23:29
  They don't use flames inside.
• 23:32
  Do kinkus have dark vision?
• 23:34
  I don't think so.
• 23:35
  How did you get it?
• 23:36
  I am a shadow sorcerer, so I have dark vision.
• 23:39
  That's a sorcery.
• 23:40
  That's part of that.
• 23:41
  Inside the morgue, it's lit up,
• 23:42
  but this time it's not lit up by flames.
• 23:46
  It's very cold in here,
• 23:48
  and that's just not how they would do it.
• 23:50
  Instead, they have these strange sort of bioluminescent lights
• 23:54
  that keep things illuminated within this room,
• 23:57
  which is simply separated by a series of sort of little
• 24:02
  sections that are blocked by these sort of plastic walls.
• 24:07
  So like if you touched them, it would move and stuff.
• 24:11
  Like it's not a wall wall.
• 24:12
  It's just like a hanging drape.
• 24:15
  Drape, yeah, or like almost like a shower curtain.
• 24:18
  Yeah, it's like those plastic shower coons.
• 24:20
  In each of these little sectionals is a body
• 24:23
  that's being stored with a sort of thin blanket
• 24:26
  over top of them.
• 24:27
  They're obviously pretty like pale,
• 24:30
  maybe even blue and some of the extremities,
• 24:32
  and they've got a little tag on the toes.
• 24:35
  Fantasy morgues are creepy.
• 24:38
  I think real morgues are kind of creepy.
• 24:40
  It's like a meat larder.
• 24:41
  Can we just find the ones that we need?
• 24:43
  And I cast Firebolt into each individual chamber?
• 24:46
  I mean, you could try.
• 24:48
  Yeah.
• 24:48
  It's undetended though.
• 24:49
  There's no like--
• 24:50
  Oh no, I wasn't there yet.
• 24:52
  There are definitely people down here.
• 24:54
  You can hear voices muffled,
• 24:56
  'cause they're obviously wearing the mask and then you hear,
• 24:58
  yeah, that's when they found out that the sewer,
• 25:01
  and you can obviously see that he's quite blurted,
• 25:04
  and he smells really bad.
• 25:09
  How much of Firebolt do I get?
• 25:11
  It's just one shot.
• 25:12
  Yeah.
• 25:13
  How quickly can I cast that?
• 25:15
  I think it's instant.
• 25:16
  Yeah, it's one action.
• 25:17
  So it's like six seconds, not even,
• 25:20
  'cause technically six seconds encompasses your entire turn
• 25:23
  in a round of combat.
• 25:25
  So that would include--
• 25:26
  Forgotten combat though.
• 25:27
  Well, no, I know, I'm just saying, it's instantaneous.
• 25:29
  You shoot the Firebolt out of your finger or whatever.
• 25:31
  All right, so we just need to, there's people in the room.
• 25:34
  Yes.
• 25:35
  When you get them out of the room.
• 25:37
  Okay.
• 25:38
  I try to listen and determine
• 25:40
  how many people I think I hear.
• 25:43
  Yeah, it sounds like there's probably two people down here
• 25:46
  discussing one of the bodies.
• 25:48
  So they're in another room,
• 25:49
  are they're behind like one of the partitions?
• 25:51
  Yeah, they're behind one of the partitions, yep.
• 25:53
  Just like looking at what, apparently a body
• 25:55
  that was found in the sewer that's blurted and very smelly.
• 25:58
  So over in their direction,
• 26:00
  I'm going to cast Darkness.
• 26:04
  Oh, using--
• 26:06
  Was it the magical darkness?
• 26:07
  My special magical darkness,
• 26:09
  using two sorcery points.
• 26:11
  That's just a pain.
• 26:12
  That is a big pain.
• 26:13
  So I'm using it, using a class feature.
• 26:17
  Okay.
• 26:18
  Which allows me to see through it.
• 26:19
  Oh, okay, very nice.
• 26:21
  All right, so you're casting Darkness.
• 26:24
  Where are you casting it in this room?
• 26:26
  'Cause it envelopes a pretty decent sized space.
• 26:29
  Is it like 30 or 60 feet?
• 26:31
  Radius.
• 26:32
  30, I believe.
• 26:33
  30 radius, okay.
• 26:34
  All right, so are you just casting it
• 26:35
  in that back corner where they're at?
• 26:37
  Oh, it's only, well, yeah.
• 26:39
  15 foot radius, so 30 foot--
• 26:41
  30 foot diameter, yeah.
• 26:42
  Yeah, just over in that area,
• 26:45
  15 feet out from the,
• 26:47
  the Alcos are probably only like five feet deep or whatever.
• 26:51
  So just outside, so it covers their area
• 26:54
  and if they moved out,
• 26:55
  there would be stumbling around in darkness for like 20 feet.
• 26:58
  Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
• 26:59
  No, that makes sense.
• 27:00
  Okay, perfect.
• 27:01
  So you cast that over there, obviously the half,
• 27:04
  let's say it takes up about half
• 27:05
  the entire space of the morgue.
• 27:07
  So your guys' half is still illuminated
• 27:09
  and you guys could look through it,
• 27:10
  but with your ability,
• 27:12
  you, Maki, would be able to enter the darkness
• 27:15
  and still see within it with your special ability.
• 27:18
  So--
• 27:19
  Can you commit darkness, leap or--
• 27:20
  Can you commit darkness, leap or--
• 27:21
  Can you commit darkness, leap or--
• 27:22
  Can you commit darkness, leap or--
• 27:22
  Can you commit darkness, leap or--
• 27:23
  Can you commit darkness, leap or--
• 27:24
  Can you just knock the, can you knock them out?
• 27:27
  Well, they're currently just trapped
• 27:28
  inside of magical darkness at the moment.
• 27:30
  So they can't get out?
• 27:31
  They can get out, but they can't see
• 27:33
  like even which direction is out.
• 27:35
  So we got, how long would you say we have?
• 27:38
  It's hard to say.
• 27:39
  I mean, they're gonna just be like,
• 27:41
  you could listen in to like,
• 27:42
  hear where they're at in their process
• 27:44
  and then that would kind of give you an idea.
• 27:46
  If they end up like close to getting out,
• 27:49
  just do fog cloud and we can get out of there.
• 27:51
  Fair enough.
• 27:52
  So we start looking then.
• 27:53
  Yeah, you're looking at the bodies on your--
• 27:55
  So I need to roll and,
• 27:56
  how many, we're looking for Pendleton
• 27:58
  and three guards.
• 27:59
  Okay.
• 28:00
  Right?
• 28:01
  And the slicer.
• 28:02
  No, maybe.
• 28:04
  The other one that you have the murder charge for
• 28:07
  is the driver.
• 28:08
  So we're looking for five people.
• 28:10
  Right.
• 28:11
  And we're just gonna firebolt them.
• 28:14
  If that's what you wanna do.
• 28:16
  Or we can cut their head off.
• 28:16
  I mean, I'm just going off of what you're saying.
• 28:18
  I mean, I do have--
• 28:19
  How long would it take to--
• 28:21
  I feel like a simple sword would do the job.
• 28:23
  Do we have a sword?
• 28:25
  Is there a furnace in here?
• 28:26
  Yes.
• 28:27
  The easy way.
• 28:29
  Let's cut the heads off and throw them in the furnace
• 28:32
  or the whole body.
• 28:34
  Just make them disappear.
• 28:36
  I did play the Mortuary Assistant
• 28:38
  and I do know that it is a bit of a process
• 28:40
  to burn the body.
• 28:41
  It's not like you just throw it in
• 28:43
  and you're like, boom, it's gone.
• 28:44
  Like it has to burn for a while.
• 28:46
  And then also the fact of like getting it.
• 28:48
  I mean, it's a whole body.
• 28:49
  You gotta drag over there.
• 28:50
  All right, let's cut the jaws off.
• 28:52
  All right.
• 28:53
  So which bodies do you get?
• 28:54
  I mean, let's say there's like,
• 28:56
  let's say there's five bodies on this half,
• 28:57
  five bodies on the other half.
• 28:59
  So you got a total of 10 bodies.
• 29:00
  Of course there is.
• 29:01
  You're looking for five.
• 29:01
  That's half the room.
• 29:03
  Oh, just take every jaw.
• 29:04
  Just take every jaw.
• 29:05
  Every jaw from the entire yard.
• 29:07
  You just take your rods.
• 29:07
  Well, they have a total of--
• 29:08
  It'll be marked on our toe.
• 29:10
  Like it'll be easy to--
• 29:11
  In theory.
• 29:12
  In theory.
• 29:13
  It would be very easy.
• 29:14
  OK, so what is your way to do it?
• 29:15
  Because you can speed things along or you can--
• 29:18
  We'll do three to time.
• 29:19
  We all know who we're looking for.
• 29:20
  OK, you're just going to run.
• 29:21
  That's what I'm saying, right?
• 29:22
  And then two.
• 29:23
  OK, OK, so you're just going to cut off every jaw in this?
• 29:25
  No, no, no.
• 29:26
  We'll pull them out.
• 29:26
  Because you just pull it out and they'll
• 29:28
  stay right on their toe who it is.
• 29:29
  I don't think we care who it is because if we just
• 29:31
  kill them all and I kill them all.
• 29:33
  But that's going to take more time.
• 29:35
  It's going to take plenty of time to look, identify,
• 29:37
  and then make the conscious decision versus you just
• 29:39
  chop it up and then you have total anonymity.
• 29:42
  Like, they don't know that it is potentially
• 29:44
  related to this crime spree.
• 29:46
  Maki's going to cast Mage Hand and move the desk chair
• 29:51
  over in front of the alcove.
• 29:52
  So if they come out, they'll trip over.
• 29:55
  Yeah.
• 29:55
  OK, I like that.
• 29:56
  That's good.
• 29:57
  That's actually a good point, Keto.
• 29:58
  We don't necessarily want to draw suspicion then.
• 30:02
  To single out this group of victims.
• 30:04
  OK, OK.
• 30:05
  So what I want you guys to do is--
• 30:07
  OK, so you each run to a body.
• 30:09
  What are you using?
• 30:10
  Actually, it doesn't really matter what you're using.
• 30:11
  You can tell me that when you do it.
• 30:13
  Do just an attack roll.
• 30:14
  Not one.
• 30:15
  Oof.
• 30:16
  One weapon, bro.
• 30:17
  The body of wolf can beat your fingers up.
• 30:20
  23.
• 30:21
  23.
• 30:22
  Holy crap.
• 30:23
  OK.
• 30:24
  I'm technically shouldn't these rolls be an advantage
• 30:26
  because they're prone?
• 30:28
  Technically, yes.
• 30:29
  I was just going to-- OK, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 30:31
  72.
• 30:32
  All right, 17.
• 30:33
  All right.
• 30:34
  What weapon are you using?
• 30:35
  I don't have a cut-up weapon.
• 30:38
  You don't have any kind of weapons?
• 30:40
  Oh, wait.
• 30:40
  No, I do have knives.
• 30:42
  Yeah, yeah.
• 30:43
  OK, OK.
• 30:43
  So what are they?
• 30:44
  Plus what?
• 30:45
  I don't have the--
• 30:46
  Oh, wait.
• 30:46
  Are they in your inventory?
• 30:48
  Yeah, they're in my inventory.
• 30:49
  So those are just literal knives for cooking and--
• 30:54
  I have a staff.
• 30:56
  It's just in there just whacking, whacking, whacking.
• 30:59
  Just grab a blade from the--
• 31:01
  Yeah, just grab a scalpel.
• 31:02
  OK, you grab a scalpel.
• 31:04
  All right, so I give you--
• 31:05
  I mean, they probably have like a bone saw.
• 31:06
  Yeah, let's say it's your--
• 31:08
  but you're not proficient with it, so you don't get--
• 31:10
  I'm not proficient with a knife.
• 31:12
  With a scalpel.
• 31:13
  It's a sharp knife.
• 31:14
  I understand, but that's like the whole point
• 31:16
  of having proficiency in weapons.
• 31:18
  Whatever the case, it's a 17.
• 31:19
  There's still enough to hit, but it's only a 1D4 damage.
• 31:22
  That's the problem.
• 31:23
  How much damage does it take to pull out?
• 31:25
  I'd say more than one, that's for sure.
• 31:27
  How much damage does it take to cut a head off?
• 31:29
  Do the four.
• 31:30
  It's got to-- well, cut the head.
• 31:31
  Four.
• 31:31
  Oh, all right.
• 31:33
  It's just the jaw.
• 31:34
  You guys keep saying cut the head off.
• 31:35
  If you say cut the head off, I mean, the head's here.
• 31:38
  I'm going to have heads show up to the quarter.
• 31:40
  And I'm saying this because I'm so annoyed with hearing,
• 31:42
  let's cut the head off, let's cut that off.
• 31:44
  We've gone through this 100 times.
• 31:45
  If the mouth--
• 31:46
  The mouth is not destroyed.
• 31:47
  That's not what I meant.
• 31:48
  You know what I meant.
• 31:49
  OK.
• 31:50
  For the listeners at home--
• 31:51
  That would be hilarious.
• 31:52
  --who are so confused, I would get a big kick out of that.
• 31:55
  Like, just like--
• 31:56
  His head is springing the head.
• 31:57
  The lawyer comes in.
• 31:58
  He's like, I just want to apologize for their appearance,
• 32:00
  but it is necessary for this trial.
• 32:02
  Flops head down.
• 32:04
  He just brings them all like those shrunken heads
• 32:06
  on a big old stick.
• 32:07
  Yeah, let me know.
• 32:08
  I'll tell you what happened.
• 32:09
  I'll tell you exactly what happened.
• 32:10
  I saw everything.
• 32:11
  I saw everything.
• 32:12
  Harry Potter, he got in the double-decker bus.
• 32:15
  And I said, let's go, go, go.
• 32:17
  OK, so you--
• 32:19
  Lil Sauce, you successfully cut off a jaw.
• 32:22
  Keto, you rolled like a 20-something.
• 32:24
  Rolled the damage for your glaive.
• 32:27
  Which is like a 10-foot reach.
• 32:28
  So it's almost really complicated.
• 32:31
  His head did come off.
• 32:32
  I imagine it just comes with a watch.
• 32:34
  If they had him stand there with a glaive just
• 32:37
  with wearing like black cloak, looking really intimidating,
• 32:40
  they'd think, oh my gosh, it's the group reaper here
• 32:43
  to collect 12.
• 32:44
  Well, OK, well, if I gave it on a four,
• 32:46
  I'm going to give it on a 12.
• 32:47
  You definitely chopped this jaw, this lower jaw,
• 32:50
  completely off.
• 32:51
  Really clean, too.
• 32:53
  It's almost impressive how cleanly that you managed to do it,
• 32:56
  especially with a glaive.
• 32:58
  And then Dave, what did Maki get?
• 33:01
  I rolled a 16.
• 33:02
  16, that works.
• 33:03
  He's damning clean.
• 33:04
  Five.
• 33:05
  Oh, that's enough.
• 33:05
  All right, all right.
• 33:06
  So you guys get your first set of jaws.
• 33:08
  What are you doing with them by the way?
• 33:10
  I was going to cut the whole head off.
• 33:12
  Oh my gosh, all right, we got the guy cutting the whole head off.
• 33:14
  Well, you just cut the jaw because if you cut the head
• 33:16
  and they somehow get the head, we're still in trouble.
• 33:18
  I mean, unless you've got a plan to four the head.
• 33:21
  I mean, you could just toss the heads into the furnace, right?
• 33:23
  That's what Maki was going to do.
• 33:25
  OK, Maki's cutting the head off jaws,
• 33:27
  and they look over at Maki and he's holding the head.
• 33:30
  And he's just moving the mouth like, you guys, I got chopped.
• 33:33
  Hank, can I just go up to it and rub the jaw off?
• 33:36
  I mean, you do an unarmed stretch.
• 33:38
  So just roll the D20 again.
• 33:41
  Nine.
• 33:41
  Add your strength.
• 33:43
  Six.
• 33:43
  Six.
• 33:44
  Six.
• 33:45
  You walk up to grab the jaw, and you reach your hand
• 33:50
  inside its mouth, and you go to grab,
• 33:52
  and you touch the tongue, and you go,
• 33:54
  [GROANING]
• 33:55
  and you get really grossed out.
• 33:56
  As long as we give her the jaw, her burns.
• 33:58
  We're good.
• 33:59
  All right, so you guys got the first three.
• 34:01
  Has he thrown in the fire, though?
• 34:03
  No, not yet.
• 34:04
  You hear the chair move over at the other end of the room.
• 34:09
  I'm going to push these bodies back in.
• 34:11
  Yep.
• 34:11
  And there's two left.
• 34:12
  Are you guys going to go deal with those?
• 34:14
  I hear-- I get--
• 34:15
  I don't know how quick we can only do those other--
• 34:18
  we do those pretty quick.
• 34:19
  Yeah, you do those pretty quick.
• 34:21
  And they're bouncing in the table.
• 34:22
  Are you running the other two bodies?
• 34:23
  This is what I'm asking.
• 34:24
  Yeah, let's just do the other two bodies.
• 34:25
  Who's doing the two bodies?
• 34:26
  Keto will do the other.
• 34:27
  I think that's a good plan.
• 34:29
  Keto's ridiculously capable.
• 34:31
  Technically, can't Maki see them?
• 34:33
  Yeah.
• 34:34
  You see one of them has reached the chair,
• 34:38
  and he bumped it a little bit, and he goes, oh, I found a chair.
• 34:42
  Are you-- are you even going to go slay its back on?
• 34:45
  Are you hearing?
• 34:47
  I don't-- I can't see a dang thing.
• 34:49
  And then Maki's going to use mimicry and say,
• 34:53
  why do I have to turn the lights on?
• 34:56
  Why can't you do it?
• 34:58
  Well, I'm just thinking you're closer to the lights.
• 35:01
  I think this body just touched me.
• 35:04
  Well, you think it's coming back?
• 35:05
  Well, you better get the spray out.
• 35:07
  Well, I can't-- I can't see anything in here to find the spray out.
• 35:10
  I'm not going to get the spray if I can't see it.
• 35:12
  What did you get?
• 35:13
  23.
• 35:15
  Roll that damage.
• 35:16
  I don't know why I'm even making you roll the damage.
• 35:18
  I'm pulling him out, and he's chopping him.
• 35:19
  Pull it out, and he's chopping.
• 35:20
  Consistent, another 13.
• 35:23
  I mean, I don't know why you're complaining.
• 35:25
  You chop the jaw right off.
• 35:26
  No, it's consistent, yeah.
• 35:27
  Yeah, there's nothing wrong with that.
• 35:28
  Maki was the cast mage hand on the body that's in there with him.
• 35:33
  It's so great.
• 35:35
  True, I got my shirt.
• 35:36
  Sending me, get the spray.
• 35:38
  Get the spray.
• 35:39
  Do they take one out?
• 35:40
  Do they take one out and bash its brains in and take one out?
• 35:43
  Not yet.
• 35:44
  Not yet.
• 35:45
  Yeah, maybe they start doing that.
• 35:47
  You just hear him rushing around there.
• 35:48
  They're a little bit distracted.
• 35:49
  They'll roll the next one with disadvantage there.
• 35:52
  That's still pretty good.
• 35:52
  But I mean, yeah, the chair is out of the way.
• 35:57
  I think when he bumped it, it kind of just
• 35:58
  slid across the floor.
• 36:00
  But now they're both distracted.
• 36:01
  So that was pretty good.
• 36:03
  OK, they run up to the next body.
• 36:04
  Next body.
• 36:06
  Little sauce pulls it out for you.
• 36:07
  You go and surgically remove things.
• 36:11
  14.
• 36:12
  OK, that works.
• 36:13
  11.
• 36:13
  OK, yep, that works.
• 36:14
  All right, you cut off the fifth jaw.
• 36:16
  So you guys have the fifth.
• 36:17
  You got one head and four jaws.
• 36:19
  I'm-- that one head's really making me nervous.
• 36:22
  Bakke casts chill touch, which creates like a skeletal hand.
• 36:27
  And he starts choking the one.
• 36:30
  The gal is like freaking out.
• 36:31
  She's like, oh my god, there's a big touch.
• 36:33
  And then he's like, shit, that's going.
• 36:35
  [COUGHING]
• 36:37
  [COUGHING]
• 36:39
  And you just hear one person--
• 36:41
  That is an attack, I guess.
• 36:42
  It is technically an attack.
• 36:43
  It's not lethal.
• 36:44
  OK, not lethal.
• 36:45
  Well, that's what I'm going to do with it.
• 36:46
  Oh, no.
• 36:47
  I had them all in that one.
• 36:49
  OK, OK, it's choking the guy.
• 36:51
  And then it's--
• 36:52
  I think it just feels a hand on his face.
• 36:55
  It's a ghostly skeletal hand.
• 36:56
  It's a gentle caress.
• 36:58
  Yeah, I was going to say, it's a gentle caress.
• 37:01
  And he goes, hey, it sounds--
• 37:02
  it's coming for me.
• 37:03
  It may not have landed the attack,
• 37:05
  but it definitely did what it was--
• 37:06
  It's a--
• 37:07
  It's a--
• 37:07
  It's a dude.
• 37:08
  It's a distraction, but it is not an attack.
• 37:11
  Which ironically, yeah, it was never been--
• 37:12
  It's exactly what it was going for.
• 37:13
  It's just a gentle caress against his cheek.
• 37:16
  Locky cast my illusion.
• 37:18
  It makes like a zombie noise.
• 37:20
  [LAUGHS]
• 37:22
  Well, if the other baddies are rising,
• 37:24
  we need to find the spry.
• 37:26
  All right, what are you guys doing at this point?
• 37:28
  You've got four jaws and a head.
• 37:30
  There's still more that are visible in that--
• 37:32
  No.
• 37:33
  In the darkness.
• 37:33
  The rest are in the darkness.
• 37:34
  The rest are in the darkness.
• 37:35
  There is a small chance at all five of those
• 37:38
  where the ones you're looking for,
• 37:39
  but I am assuming that he's not going to make it that easy.
• 37:41
  Can you end it at any time?
• 37:46
  Yeah.
• 37:46
  What if I do fog cloud on the left, the side we're just in?
• 37:51
  OK.
• 37:52
  And he pushes the two-- because he can see,
• 37:56
  so he just pushes them in the fog cloud,
• 37:58
  and we just go straight into the darkness,
• 37:59
  but the darkness would disappear.
• 38:01
  So I cast it.
• 38:02
  He can see still.
• 38:04
  Him and I just walk towards the darkness,
• 38:06
  stand in the corner of the darkness.
• 38:07
  He can be like there right here, stand in this corner.
• 38:10
  You don't have to convince me.
• 38:11
  Right.
• 38:12
  I'm saying, all right.
• 38:12
  If you get them on board.
• 38:13
  Can he just push the bodies out towards us,
• 38:15
  and we can dispose of them, since he can see?
• 38:17
  But you guys can.
• 38:18
  The two people.
• 38:19
  So we can like move the dead bodies.
• 38:22
  Because they're probably on like little gurneys,
• 38:24
  is what I'm assuming.
• 38:25
  Well, he was just pulling them out of the--
• 38:28
  I just pull them out, and you chop, push.
• 38:29
  So you could pull it out and bring a gurney underneath,
• 38:32
  which there's one thing I learned from March Grays
• 38:35
  assistant is all process.
• 38:37
  Then maybe he does it within the darkness.
• 38:39
  So you pull the body out from the storage.
• 38:41
  You bring the gurney up.
• 38:42
  You set the gurney underneath.
• 38:43
  And then you basically would pull something
• 38:46
  on the storage spot, which would drop the body onto the gurney,
• 38:50
  or it rolls them onto the gurney or something.
• 38:52
  I don't know.
• 38:53
  And then from there, you can move it.
• 38:55
  Let's just cast the fog.
• 38:56
  We'll go over, and he can push them into the other side.
• 38:58
  And then we'll just do our business,
• 39:00
  and we can just walk right by him.
• 39:02
  Or you can knock them over or something.
• 39:04
  Technically, you can like hurt them, push them over,
• 39:06
  and hurt them.
• 39:07
  Could just knock them out, and then--
• 39:08
  That's what I'm saying.
• 39:09
  Just go into the darkness and knock them out.
• 39:11
  Because they're what?
• 39:11
  There's how many bodies over?
• 39:13
  There's five on the other side.
• 39:14
  So you guys got five.
• 39:16
  Is the fire on the other side too?
• 39:18
  What fire?
• 39:18
  That he's got to throw the head into.
• 39:20
  Oh, no.
• 39:21
  I'm going to say it's on your guys' side.
• 39:23
  Do you want to toss the head in quick?
• 39:24
  Tim, I'll start.
• 39:25
  Is the head in quick?
• 39:25
  Starting the fire.
• 39:26
  I toss the head to what are you guys?
• 39:29
  All right, here.
• 39:29
  I can't even say.
• 39:30
  I go here, just chop the head.
• 39:31
  Just chop it off.
• 39:32
  Just chop it off while he's doing that thing.
• 39:34
  That head's scaring me.
• 39:35
  For sure, he will dismantle the head.
• 39:38
  Man, I'm going to just say you smash the head.
• 39:40
  Yep.
• 39:40
  To some extent, yeah.
• 39:42
  And pretty brutally.
• 39:43
  And in the meantime, he's going to start the fire.
• 39:45
  All right, what's next?
• 39:46
  I go into the darkness, and I grab the body on the right side.
• 39:52
  OK.
• 39:53
  And I try to drag it off of the thing,
• 39:56
  and drag it over to you guys.
• 39:57
  You're just going to--
• 39:59
  I'm not even going to bother with the gurney.
• 40:00
  I'm just going to drop it onto the floor.
• 40:02
  Do a strength check for me.
• 40:04
  19.
• 40:05
  Oh, wow.
• 40:05
  OK, yeah.
• 40:06
  So you cradle the body and bring it over to the other side
• 40:10
  and then flop it down on--
• 40:12
  the gurney is on your side.
• 40:13
  You just didn't use it.
• 40:14
  So you just set it on the gurney,
• 40:16
  and then you guys have another body there.
• 40:17
  Hi-yah.
• 40:18
  At this point, I don't even know why I have keto roll.
• 40:21
  Like, you succeed, keto.
• 40:22
  You cut the jaw off of it.
• 40:24
  There you go.
• 40:25
  All right, so there's another one down.
• 40:26
  Is there any empty spaces over on the left side?
• 40:28
  No.
• 40:30
  So we're just going to leave these bodies on the floor.
• 40:32
  Well, it's on the gurney.
• 40:34
  This one is.
• 40:35
  The other ones you put back into their little storage spaces.
• 40:37
  This one's just on the gurney.
• 40:39
  You could probably faint it as those two morticians kind
• 40:43
  of freaking out and then knocking everything over.
• 40:45
  Every time they get closer to finding the exit,
• 40:47
  he just pulls them back.
• 40:48
  I can't--
• 40:51
  one of them pops out.
• 40:52
  Fog clump.
• 40:53
  OK.
• 40:54
  All around you.
• 41:02
  Yes.
• 41:02
  Now him and I can't see.
• 41:04
  That none of you three can.
• 41:06
  In the fog.
• 41:06
  In the fog.
• 41:07
  Not in the fog class.
• 41:08
  None of you can.
• 41:08
  None fog.
• 41:09
  What about just on our side of the room, though?
• 41:10
  All I'm casting it on is our side of the room.
• 41:12
  Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 41:13
  But he can't see in the fog.
• 41:14
  The fog is all around you.
• 41:15
  He can't see in the fog.
• 41:16
  He can see in his darkness.
• 41:18
  Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
• 41:19
  On the other side of the fog.
• 41:19
  That's fine.
• 41:20
  As long as he can see in his darkness.
• 41:22
  He has to find his darkness.
• 41:24
  In his darkness.
• 41:25
  No, he brought the body to you guys.
• 41:27
  OK, but he wouldn't know which way to walk, though.
• 41:28
  Hopefully.
• 41:29
  Yeah, well, I mean, I walked towards the darkness.
• 41:32
  All right, you walked towards where you remember the darkness
• 41:35
  being.
• 41:35
  OK, OK.
• 41:36
  Oh, oh, and then the guy that--
• 41:38
  the gal that just ran in and then all of a sudden the cloud
• 41:41
  goes poof.
• 41:42
  She goes, oh, no.
• 41:44
  I think the--
• 41:45
  I think the sewer's gonna be exploded.
• 41:48
  It's got a big cloud of stinky gas everywhere.
• 41:51
  I mean, I guess this technically isn't stinking gas,
• 41:54
  which is a spell.
• 41:55
  I have a gas leap.
• 41:57
  On her?
• 41:57
  OK.
• 41:58
  Well, it just does a range.
• 42:00
  Oh, so it's just however many hit points,
• 42:03
  and then it could hit both of them.
• 42:04
  Yeah.
• 42:05
  OK.
• 42:05
  All right.
• 42:06
  Does it in what?
• 42:07
  The weakest one first.
• 42:09
  OK.
• 42:09
  How close is Kiro Tamaki?
• 42:12
  Probably within 10 feet.
• 42:14
  Those are some low rolls this time.
• 42:18
  20.
• 42:18
  Oh, that's just enough to get both of them.
• 42:22
  I was just asking the average person has 10 HP.
• 42:24
  Can I drop my fog cloud then, or is it dissipated on its own?
• 42:28
  Yes, I believe you can choose.
• 42:29
  So they're both asleep.
• 42:30
  I release darkness.
• 42:32
  I release it to fog.
• 42:33
  All right.
• 42:33
  I said double time.
• 42:34
  They are both asleep.
• 42:35
  They're both laying there on the--
• 42:36
  I pull out two, and I pull out the bottom two,
• 42:38
  and then I just have--
• 42:40
  You guys have time to go through the rest of the bodies.
• 42:44
  We don't-- we have time, but we never, ever actually
• 42:47
  truly have enough time.
• 42:48
  Oh, OK.
• 42:49
  Hit chomp, chomp, chomp.
• 42:50
  So I mean, you guys have--
• 42:51
  One, two, three, four, and then we push.
• 42:54
  And I would like to go try and get the other body
• 42:56
  and put them back on there and push them back in.
• 42:57
  OK, OK.
• 42:58
  Yep.
• 42:58
  You put everything back to the way it was.
• 43:00
  You get the jaws.
• 43:01
  Now what?
• 43:02
  We have the jaw.
• 43:02
  We're just going to go and put them in the fire.
• 43:04
  OK.
• 43:05
  And then I'm going to cast Fire Bolt.
• 43:07
  OK.
• 43:07
  Just to get it kind of stoked up.
• 43:08
  Add some strength to the fire, OK?
• 43:10
  And I mean, it does-- it should be fine anyway.
• 43:12
  It's not like they can really attach them,
• 43:13
  but if we can get rid of the evidence or whatever.
• 43:15
  OK.
• 43:15
  The teeth are probably still--
• 43:17
  and then hopefully it'll be in there long enough
• 43:19
  to everything's dust.
• 43:21
  And we just need to leave.
• 43:22
  Go to the desk, and I scoop up a bunch of papers,
• 43:25
  and I throw them in the furnace.
• 43:27
  [LAUGHTER]
• 43:28
  That's right.
• 43:29
  Can't hurt to destroy the evidence.
• 43:31
  And then I want you-- the scalpel I originally--
• 43:34
  I'd use, and I go put it in the doctor's hand.
• 43:37
  There we go.
• 43:38
  Quick, guys.
• 43:39
  Switch the toe tags.
• 43:41
  Good.
• 43:42
  Just in case.
• 43:43
  All right, so I go over.
• 43:44
  I open two, two, and one.
• 43:46
  And I just take this one, this one, switch.
• 43:49
  Right.
• 43:49
  This one, this one, switch, switch.
• 43:51
  It wouldn't take more.
• 43:52
  You're like the Grinch throwing letters
• 43:53
  in people's mailboxes.
• 43:54
  It wouldn't take more than--
• 43:55
  Like, I'm going to--
• 43:55
  Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 43:56
  No, you start--
• 43:57
  I do this sign--
• 43:57
  You mix up all--
• 43:59
  Man, dang.
• 44:00
  You guys shouldn't have cut the jaws off.
• 44:02
  You guys should have just switched the toe tags.
• 44:04
  You know how funny that would be?
• 44:06
  They bring some dude into the courtroom,
• 44:08
  and they can't speak with the dead,
• 44:09
  and they're like, what do you know about the murderer?
• 44:11
  And he's like, huh?
• 44:13
  I'm just a friendly pirate that died--
• 44:16
  oh, no, they bring the sewage zombie guy.
• 44:18
  And he's like, I don't know.
• 44:19
  I got killed and thrown in the sewer.
• 44:21
  And they're like, wait a minute.
• 44:22
  What is this?
• 44:22
  This is a whole new element.
• 44:24
  What is it, these guys?
• 44:26
  No, I've never seen them guys in my life.
• 44:28
  [GRUNTING]
• 44:29
  At least, one of us is a little--
• 44:30
  He just pops.
• 44:32
  Well, all right, so you switch the toe tags.
• 44:34
  Let's get out of here.
• 44:35
  Yep, OK, all right.
• 44:36
  Sounds good.
• 44:36
  You guys run back through the hallway.
• 44:38
  Is there an exit that we can get out the back or something?
• 44:41
  Well, it's in a basement, and then the basement
• 44:43
  below the basement.
• 44:44
  Yeah, but nobody's going to know anything's going on.
• 44:46
  If we just go up and we just leave out the back door.
• 44:48
  Yeah, to be fair, I said there was a lot of commotion,
• 44:50
  and then I thought about it.
• 44:50
  I'm like, they're under the basement.
• 44:52
  Like, I don't think anyone knows what goes on down here.
• 44:54
  Like, if it weren't for that undead spray they kept talking
• 44:57
  about, like, I don't know, this would be like a high risk job.
• 44:59
  I was curious what the undead spray did.
• 45:02
  We should have grabbed the undead spray too late.
• 45:05
  Oh, it's just holy water.
• 45:06
  Yeah, it's just--
• 45:06
  Probably.
• 45:07
  Probably.
• 45:07
  Probably.
• 45:08
  All right, sounds good.
• 45:09
  You guys rush upstairs and--
• 45:11
  Go out the back door.
• 45:12
  I don't want to go out the same time.
• 45:13
  Yeah, yeah.
• 45:14
  There's a back door.
• 45:15
  There's a fire exit or something like that.
• 45:17
  And with that, you guys have dealt with the bodies.
• 45:21
  Apologize to you guys.
• 45:22
  I know you guys didn't get to jump in on your stuff.
• 45:24
  But we will come back to what Dez and Roryk are up to next time.
• 45:30
  Thank you so much for listening to Criminals of Island Numus,
• 45:38
  a Dungeons and Dragons fifth edition actual play podcast set
• 45:41
  in a homebrew world created by me, Skyler Gorsett.
• 45:44
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• 45:46
  be sure to like, follow, and subscribe,
• 45:47
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• 45:49
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• 45:54
  Or just check us out on our website, sessionzeroheroes.com.
• 45:58
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• 46:00
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• 46:03
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  to tell a variety of fun, exciting, emotional, and hilarious
• 46:22
  stories within our group.
• 46:24
  We have all sorts of other content
• 46:26
  that we highly recommend checking out within the SZH
• 46:29
  channel and more to come in the future.
• 46:32
  To find out more about what we do at Session Zero Heroes
• 46:34
  and to keep up with a lot of the other content we produce,
• 46:37
  and be made aware of future projects, shows, and content,
• 46:40
  be sure to follow us on social media, on Facebook,
• 46:43
  X, Instagram, and Discord.
• 46:45
  These are all great ways to get in contact with our team,
• 46:48
  as well as to keep up to date with everything
• 46:50
  that we're creating and working on.
• 46:52
  We'd love to see you there.
• 46:53
  In the meantime, thank you so much for listening.
• 46:55
  And don't forget to stay curious, stay heroic,
• 46:58
  until we roll again.
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