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Transcript

207: A Life Day Celebration · Movie Meltdown

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: Hey kids, it's Brian. Just a message before we start.
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: What you're about to hear is our fifth annual holiday celebration.
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: Five years we've been getting together for our little makeshift
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: party to eat too much novelty food items and talk
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: about movies and the holidays and whatever. And in the process,
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: we've really become this little dysfunctional family. a band of
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: geeks and weirdos that somehow found each other. And by
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: my organizing this little traveling road show of movie fandom,
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: it creates magic or horror, whatever you think comes out
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: of this every week. But whatever it is we do,
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: I've come to value it immensely. It's become one of
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: the most important things in my life. Just us getting
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: together and this talking that we do every week is
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: kind of amazing, at least for me. And hopefully you guys.
• 0:54
  Speaker 2: Get something out of it, too.
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: And every year I try to expand the show to
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: give us new opportunities and to be able to bring
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: you something new and different and hopefully interesting. But to
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: expand the show, we need to be able to get
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: it out there to more people. And with as much
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: stuff that's out there flooding the market these days, that's
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: really become the hard part. So this holiday season, you
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: want to give us a gift? And hey, I know
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: you're dealing with a lot of money issues.
• 1:18
  Speaker 3: We all are.
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: It's hard to come up with cash. So I'll tell
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: you what, this won't cost.
• 1:22
  Speaker 4: You a thing.
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: What we need you to do is help spread the
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: word about the show. Go online, tell your friends, repost
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: our episode links, write an email to your local paper
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: or your favorite blog or whatever is the best way
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: to get hold of people in your area and tell
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: them to check us out. Even leave us a five-star
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: review on iTunes. I bet there's still a lot of
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: you out there who haven't even done that. And even
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: little stuff like that makes a big difference if everybody
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: gets on track and does it. And all of that
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: is stuff that really needs to be done and won't
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: cost you a dime, but it will really show how
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: much you care about the show. And you at least
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: care enough to listen. So if you're going to invest
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: time each episode with this little dysfunctional family, why not
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: do your part to support the family? The rest of
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: the gang here actually goes to a lot of trouble
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: and commits a lot of time to put these episodes
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: together for you. So if not for me, for them,
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: do what you can and help spread the word about
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: the show. And the best way to do that is
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: to join the Secret Circle. you know i've been advertising
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: this since we began but really all it is is
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: just a network of of you know the really dedicated
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: fans that that want to work with us on this
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: and we have a handful of people on board right
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: now and they are awesome a big thanks to those
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: who are already helping us out you've done some great
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: things in the past and and continue to be there
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: for us week in and week out and help us
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: spread the word about the show and i really appreciate
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: that but to everybody else out there email us at
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: geeks at movie meltdown.com and say, I want to join
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: the secret circle. And then we can talk and come
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: up with the best ways to get the show out
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: there into the world. So message us and let's work
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: together this next year to make movie meltdown even better.
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: So for the time being, I'll say happy holiday of
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: your choice and let's get this very special life day
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: episode rolling.
• 3:05
  Speaker 5: The following program is a special presentation.
• 3:14
  Speaker 2: Merry Christmas! Dinner with Bob!
• 3:17
  Speaker 6: The following feature has been rated R by the Motion
• 3:20
  Speaker 6: Picture Association of America.
• 3:23
  Speaker 7: It is intended for mature audiences and parental discretion is advised.
• 3:27
  Speaker 8: Our nuclear reactor pumping out one million kilowatts of power.
• 3:51
  Speaker 9: And when Benjamin falls asleep, the both of you can
• 4:05
  Speaker 9: play spin the dreidel for tongue kissers.
• 4:07
  Speaker 10: Bells, bells, bells, the thing they do is ring. Bells, bells, bells,
• 4:12
  Speaker 10: what happy thoughts they bring. Bells of every kind and
• 4:16
  Speaker 10: sort Bells to play and bells to.
• 4:18
  Speaker 11: Sport Chiming what the hour is now Or they'll lead
• 4:23
  Speaker 11: you to a cow.
• 4:24
  Speaker 7: I was afraid you'd ask what is a.
• 4:26
  Speaker 12: Cow Bells, bells, bells, make such generic sounds Bells, bells, bells,
• 4:36
  Speaker 12: when Christmas comes around Bells when snow begins to fall
• 4:40
  Speaker 12: Bells when friends begin to call Bells when love is
• 4:43
  Speaker 12: in your heart Bells when Christmas carols start In each
• 4:47
  Speaker 12: and every land where peaceful harmony dwells.
• 4:50
  Speaker 2: You will hear.
• 4:56
  Speaker 13: Loud and clear.
• 5:00
  Speaker 14: The thunderous, wondrous sound of bells.
• 5:06
  Speaker 15: What's up and welcome to Movie Meltdown.
• 5:07
  Speaker 16: I'm Brian.
• 5:08
  Speaker 13: I'm Fred.
• 5:09
  Speaker 17: I'm Greg. I'm Ben.
• 5:11
  Speaker 7: I'm Dave.
• 5:11
  Speaker 13: I'm Lucy.
• 5:12
  Speaker 17: I'm the second Ben.
• 5:14
  Speaker 13: And I'm Beau.
• 5:15
  Speaker 15: The second, like the second shooter?
• 5:17
  Speaker 17: Are you gonna.
• 5:18
  Speaker 18: Shh.
• 5:18
  Speaker 17: Oh, the grassy knoll.
• 5:20
  Speaker 2: You're the grassy knoll.
• 5:22
  Speaker 17: With that, happy holidays, or... Happy Life Day?
• 5:26
  Speaker 13: Whatever.
• 5:27
  Speaker 19: We're trying to figure out what the hell to do
• 5:29
  Speaker 19: with this.
• 5:30
  Speaker 2: This is the first of our holiday episodes.
• 5:35
  Speaker 15: You guys are excited, right?
• 5:38
  Speaker 13: It's like going to the doctor. Less excitement and more anxiety,
• 5:45
  Speaker 13: I guess.
• 5:45
  Speaker 15: Once a year, you have to do it. It's on
• 5:48
  Speaker 15: the schedule. I gotta do it.
• 5:49
  Speaker 5: It's like going to the vet, hanging your head out
• 5:53
  Speaker 5: the window.
• 5:53
  Speaker 7: On the body.
• 5:55
  Speaker 17: You do that every time you drive somewhere, don't you?
• 5:57
  Speaker 20: Holiday season should come with Novocaine.
• 6:01
  Speaker 2: Oh, well, for this one, I thought instead of, you know,
• 6:07
  Speaker 2: normally we throw out some sort of dorky movie we
• 6:09
  Speaker 2: watched or something, but this time I thought we'd do
• 6:11
  Speaker 2: something holiday-oriented, and nobody else put anything in, so I'm
• 6:15
  Speaker 2: going to have to go with mine, I guess. So
• 6:18
  Speaker 2: I've tried to come up with a title for it.
• 6:20
  Speaker 2: I think I'm going with Holiday Baggage. It's the stuff
• 6:24
  Speaker 2: that just sort of comes along with the holidays.
• 6:26
  Speaker 15: Good, bad, or otherwise.
• 6:27
  Speaker 17: You can take it.
• 6:27
  Speaker 15: However you want. We'll probably do a lot.
• 6:29
  Speaker 2: Of bitching because that's kind of how we are. But, yeah,
• 6:32
  Speaker 2: just the stuff that accompanies the holidays. So this time,
• 6:38
  Speaker 2: it occurred to me maybe a long time ago, but
• 6:40
  Speaker 2: it specifically occurred to me last year as I was
• 6:43
  Speaker 2: driving home and this came on the radio.
• 6:45
  Speaker 15: This one is about a specific song.
• 6:48
  Speaker 17: Yeah, I.
• 6:50
  Speaker 21: I have problems with it, and I don't know how
• 6:52
  Speaker 21: much of it registered before that time, but I think
• 6:56
  Speaker 21: I'm going to have to get a partner here, and
• 6:59
  Speaker 21: since the rest of our female cast members have been slackers, Lucy, I.
• 7:04
  Speaker 15: Think you're recruited.
• 7:07
  Speaker 13: What's about to happen?
• 7:10
  Speaker 2: This would be, maybe it's cold outside. Ooh, I could
• 7:13
  Speaker 2: see a Margaret.
• 7:14
  Speaker 22: And, um.
• 7:16
  Speaker 2: No, I think it works better for the point I'm
• 7:18
  Speaker 2: going to make if you're the girl voice.
• 7:20
  Speaker 15: So, yeah, you get the non.
• 7:24
  Speaker 17: You get the non... Marlena.
• 7:26
  Speaker 13: If you're out there, I'm going to kill you.
• 7:28
  Speaker 15: Yeah, yeah, because I might have made her do it.
• 7:30
  Speaker 13: This doesn't seem like a good idea when he's sued here.
• 7:34
  Speaker 17: That's how I feel.
• 7:34
  Speaker 15: About this song, the more I get into it. So, okay,
• 7:36
  Speaker 15: this will be, you know.
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: Well, we'll get further rundown, because then I was like,
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: because so many people have covered this thing.
• 7:45
  Speaker 2: So it's Frank Lesser, who is actually pretty well established.
• 7:50
  Speaker 2: I'm sure many people are familiar with him. He wrote
• 7:52
  Speaker 2: Guys and Dolls. He did How to Succeed in Business
• 7:54
  Speaker 2: Without Really Trying. He has Tony Awards, and he won
• 7:59
  Speaker 2: an Oscar. So we actually have a movie tie-in here.
• 8:02
  Speaker 2: This specific song is the reason he won the Oscar.
• 8:06
  Speaker 2: He won it for Neptune's Daughter. the MGM movie with
• 8:10
  Speaker 2: Hester Williams, Ritz Kelton, and Ricardo Montalban.
• 8:15
  Speaker 17: And, yeah, I don't know.
• 8:18
  Speaker 2: I think you can see if you feel differently about it,
• 8:21
  Speaker 2: but when I heard it on the radio, I stopped
• 8:23
  Speaker 2: and thought about how much they play this. And how
• 8:27
  Speaker 2: awkward some of it is.
• 8:28
  Speaker 15: And nobody seems to know this.
• 8:29
  Speaker 13: We're going to discuss the rape angle.
• 8:31
  Speaker 15: Is that what we're doing right now?
• 8:33
  Speaker 17: Go ahead.
• 8:35
  Speaker 10: Are we singing this?
• 8:36
  Speaker 17: No, I don't want to. That's the thing.
• 8:38
  Speaker 2: I think that's part of it. I think we get
• 8:39
  Speaker 2: lost in the fact that they're singing these terrible lines.
• 8:42
  Speaker 15: So I think this will be our.
• 8:44
  Speaker 2: Dramatic reading of the heat that's cold outside.
• 8:49
  Speaker 13: Like William Shatner when he sings.
• 8:51
  Speaker 15: Yes, that's very similar to how we're going to do this.
• 8:55
  Speaker 17: Spoken word for all day.
• 8:56
  Speaker 13: Okay.
• 8:58
  Speaker 17: Is this starting now?
• 8:59
  Speaker 13: Yeah.
• 9:00
  Speaker 2: I guess my line's first, right?
• 9:01
  Speaker 15: Go to town.
• 9:01
  Speaker 2: We don't have the blue and pink. I don't know
• 9:03
  Speaker 2: who's who.
• 9:04
  Speaker 23: Okay.
• 9:05
  Speaker 2: I really can't stay.
• 9:07
  Speaker 13: Baby, it's cold outside.
• 9:09
  Speaker 2: I've got to go away.
• 9:10
  Speaker 13: Baby, it's cold outside.
• 9:12
  Speaker 17: The evening's been... I've been hoping that you'd drop by.
• 9:16
  Speaker 17: It's so very nice. Oh, hold your hand.
• 9:19
  Speaker 19: Just like ice.
• 9:20
  Speaker 13: My mother will start to worry.
• 9:22
  Speaker 19: Hey, beautiful, what's your hurry?
• 9:24
  Speaker 2: And father will be pacing the floor.
• 9:25
  Speaker 19: Listen to that fireplace roar as I shove you into it.
• 9:29
  Speaker 2: Really, I'd better scurry.
• 9:31
  Speaker 17: Beautiful, please don't hurry.
• 9:33
  Speaker 13: Well, maybe just a half a drink more?
• 9:36
  Speaker 15: Put some music on while I pour.
• 9:38
  Speaker 2: The neighbors might think.
• 9:40
  Speaker 21: Maybe it's bad out there.
• 9:42
  Speaker 15: What's in this drink?
• 9:44
  Speaker 17: Okay, that one right there. I'm sitting there arriving home
• 9:49
  Speaker 17: and I got to.
• 9:49
  Speaker 2: That line and I went, wait, wait, what is this song?
• 9:52
  Speaker 24: What the hell are we listening to?
• 9:57
  Speaker 2: You're about to ruin Christmas for me. This has long
• 10:00
  Speaker 2: been one of my favorites. Like the Ann-Margaret Alhart version
• 10:02
  Speaker 2: of this song.
• 10:03
  Speaker 19: This is devastating to me what's happening right now.
• 10:06
  Speaker 17: I feel complicit. It needs to be spelled out.
• 10:09
  Speaker 13: It's just a strong train. Yeah, that's all it is.
• 10:12
  Speaker 25: It's just a strong train.
• 10:14
  Speaker 19: There's not anything else that's really creepy here either.
• 10:16
  Speaker 4: No.
• 10:18
  Speaker 17: So, we're done.
• 10:18
  Speaker 15: I love that there's three pages left. Well, we can.
• 10:23
  Speaker 17: Skip ahead a little if you want. Is there a
• 10:25
  Speaker 17: lot of these ropes going on?
• 10:27
  Speaker 2: I ought to say no, no, no, sir. Yeah, I
• 10:29
  Speaker 2: ought to say no, no, no, which my response is, you.
• 10:32
  Speaker 13: Mind if I move a little closer? At least I'm
• 10:34
  Speaker 13: going to say that I tried.
• 10:37
  Speaker 15: What's the sense in hurting my pride?
• 10:38
  Speaker 2: Hey, my pride is more important than your sense of
• 10:42
  Speaker 2: self-worth or.
• 10:43
  Speaker 17: I don't know. I think there's a lot of.
• 10:45
  Speaker 5: By the time she says, at least I can say
• 10:48
  Speaker 5: I tried.
• 10:49
  Speaker 2: It's all about the wind, I guess.
• 10:54
  Speaker 15: So, you can look through and see.
• 10:56
  Speaker 17: There's so many lines. I simply must go.
• 10:59
  Speaker 13: The answer is no.
• 11:02
  Speaker 17: Yeah, yeah. There's some really creepy things going on in
• 11:06
  Speaker 17: this song.
• 11:06
  Speaker 15: I'm sorry.
• 11:08
  Speaker 2: How many times does he say, your lips look delicious? Honestly,
• 11:13
  Speaker 2: lend me a comb.
• 11:14
  Speaker 26: Does Hannibal Lecter sing?
• 11:17
  Speaker 2: And then my favorite, okay, I know there's a part here.
• 11:25
  Speaker 13: Wait a minute.
• 11:26
  Speaker 20: Now that you bring this up, it would be really
• 11:28
  Speaker 20: cool to take this song and edit, just pare down
• 11:33
  Speaker 20: Blood Freak. into the span of the movie, but added
• 11:36
  Speaker 20: it to this song. I think I would watch that.
• 11:40
  Speaker 18: So, is he saying it's cold outside because I want
• 11:43
  Speaker 18: to be in you?
• 11:44
  Speaker 27: Is that what he's saying?
• 11:47
  Speaker 17: I think, I don't know, I also, I mean, there's
• 11:49
  Speaker 17: that angle.
• 11:49
  Speaker 2: I also read it'll continue to be cold as I'm
• 11:52
  Speaker 2: burying you in my backyard. I mean, there's a lot
• 11:54
  Speaker 2: of levels to this.
• 11:57
  Speaker 17: Or maybe he's like, he needs to wear a hirsute, like...
• 12:02
  Speaker 17: Hilary Duff. Not that kind of person. It's human nature.
• 12:09
  Speaker 17: A skin that he can wear.
• 12:11
  Speaker 28: I'm still laughing.
• 12:16
  Speaker 17: At the Christmas roofie. That's really delightful.
• 12:20
  Speaker 18: I've actually had this exact same thought about the theme
• 12:23
  Speaker 18: song to TV's Different Strokes.
• 12:25
  Speaker 13: Because if you look at the words to that, I
• 12:28
  Speaker 13: think that they're basically advocating.
• 12:31
  Speaker 17: any kind of criminal activity.
• 12:33
  Speaker 18: I mean, think about it. The world don't move to
• 12:35
  Speaker 18: the beat of just one drum. What might be right
• 12:37
  Speaker 18: for you may not be right for... Basically, they're saying
• 12:41
  Speaker 18: that if you're into child molesting or whatever.
• 12:44
  Speaker 17: Who am I to judge you? Because the world, it
• 12:48
  Speaker 17: takes different strokes to rule the world.
• 12:50
  Speaker 2: How many times did you watch that very special episode?
• 12:53
  Speaker 2: How many times did you go to the bike shop?
• 12:57
  Speaker 20: Well, what I'll do is after I'm done editing Blood
• 13:01
  Speaker 20: Freak to this song, I'll get the different strokes theme
• 13:04
  Speaker 20: song and I'll edit down the.
• 13:05
  Speaker 13: Movie Happiness to it. Just keep this up.
• 13:08
  Speaker 18: You know, it basically is advocating multiculturalism and all its twisted,
• 13:13
  Speaker 18: sick forms that you can think of.
• 13:15
  Speaker 13: Who are you to judge?
• 13:19
  Speaker 2: Again, not to bring our Frank Lesser pal down, but
• 13:22
  Speaker 2: we get midway in here, and I know some of
• 13:24
  Speaker 2: it's sort of bantering with your lines, but at the
• 13:27
  Speaker 2: same time, just with rhyming my own lines, he rhymes
• 13:32
  Speaker 2: hurry with hurry.
• 13:34
  Speaker 17: What are you, Fred Durst?
• 13:35
  Speaker 2: You can't rhyme the same word in the same song.
• 13:38
  Speaker 17: I don't know.
• 13:38
  Speaker 13: I have issues with this song. That's all. That's your
• 13:41
  Speaker 13: issue with this song? It's all rapey subtext, and then
• 13:46
  Speaker 13: he rhymes hurry.
• 13:47
  Speaker 2: In addition to that, of the many other levels of.
• 13:51
  Speaker 26: At that point, he just forgot, like, he doesn't care
• 13:54
  Speaker 26: about Rhyme anymore.
• 13:54
  Speaker 17: He just really wants her.
• 13:55
  Speaker 29: To hurt him.
• 13:56
  Speaker 13: I really hate the way that Rhyme thinks of Dr. Seuss,
• 14:00
  Speaker 13: because he'd be like.
• 14:01
  Speaker 17: God damn it, he's just making shit up! These words
• 14:02
  Speaker 17: don't even fucking exist!
• 14:04
  Speaker 15: You got a point there, actually.
• 14:07
  Speaker 13: You know, I heard the other day that Dr.
• 14:09
  Speaker 5: Seuss used the word contraceptive in one of his children's
• 14:13
  Speaker 5: books just to.
• 14:14
  Speaker 13: See if his editor was reading. And somebody read the line.
• 14:18
  Speaker 2: And said, oh, that's clever.
• 14:19
  Speaker 13: Oh, but they cut it. I don't know what it
• 14:21
  Speaker 13: wound up being. Wow.
• 14:24
  Speaker 5: When you brought up Christmas issues, I couldn't think of any,
• 14:27
  Speaker 5: but then naturally, immediately, I thought of like, oh yeah,
• 14:31
  Speaker 5: there's that thing that I've devoted my life to, which
• 14:34
  Speaker 5: is like how Frosty the Snowman and Invasion of the
• 14:39
  Speaker 5: Body Snatchers and Hamlet are all basically the same story.
• 14:44
  Speaker 13: But I'm just going to leave it at that.
• 14:47
  Speaker 5: Because it's like a lecture.
• 14:49
  Speaker 13: It's 30 minutes on Hamlet.
• 14:53
  Speaker 2: If you can knock it out in a reasonable amount
• 14:55
  Speaker 2: of time, we can save it for.
• 14:56
  Speaker 17: The next one.
• 14:56
  Speaker 5: Well, it's just all about people being replaced. And of
• 15:01
  Speaker 5: Hamlet and the invasion of the body snatcher.
• 15:04
  Speaker 13: You know, Hamlet, all the way through, that's the single action.
• 15:07
  Speaker 5: From the guard taking the place of the other guard
• 15:11
  Speaker 5: in the beginning.
• 15:12
  Speaker 19: And then.
• 15:13
  Speaker 5: everything then his uncle takes the place of his father
• 15:18
  Speaker 5: that's the whole issue then the actors come there and
• 15:25
  Speaker 5: actors are people whose job it is to take the
• 15:28
  Speaker 5: place of somebody else oh and they've been displaced in
• 15:31
  Speaker 5: the towns by these new younger troops that everybody likes
• 15:34
  Speaker 5: now to the point where they're digging up old bones
• 15:38
  Speaker 5: to bury the new dead that's the whole structure of
• 15:40
  Speaker 5: the play until the entire kingdom is replaced And then,
• 15:44
  Speaker 5: you know, and that's Invasion of the Body Snatchers. It's
• 15:48
  Speaker 5: just this disturbing replacement theme. And the thing with Frosty
• 15:53
  Speaker 5: the Snowman is that he melts. Oh, that this too,
• 15:58
  Speaker 5: too solid flesh would melt. Anyway, it's a lecture that
• 16:03
  Speaker 5: I've been doing for years. But he's gone, okay?
• 16:09
  Speaker 13: And they're going to put a magic hat on. He'll
• 16:11
  Speaker 13: be back again next year. Imagine that moment. The kids
• 16:16
  Speaker 13: go out. They build another snowman. It's great.
• 16:20
  Speaker 5: Frosty's going to be back, but he doesn't look the same.
• 16:25
  Speaker 5: This is like maybe Lumpy the snowman or, I don't know.
• 16:29
  Speaker 13: George the snowman. It's It's not going to be the same.
• 16:32
  Speaker 13: You know it's not.
• 16:33
  Speaker 2: Things just haven't been the same since Frosty.
• 16:35
  Speaker 13: And, you know, the kids are a year older. Things
• 16:38
  Speaker 13: have changed.
• 16:38
  Speaker 20: I was going to say, what stage do you grow
• 16:40
  Speaker 20: out of wanting to do that? Yeah. You know, the
• 16:43
  Speaker 20: point in your life where you get old enough where
• 16:45
  Speaker 20: it's like, I liked him, but I just don't want
• 16:48
  Speaker 20: him to come back this year.
• 16:50
  Speaker 7: Yeah.
• 16:51
  Speaker 13: They're not going to put the hat on. And I
• 16:53
  Speaker 13: know they're not.
• 16:54
  Speaker 17: I got a lot of stuff to do this year.
• 16:56
  Speaker 17: I got kids now.
• 16:57
  Speaker 2: I don't have time to run around with Frosty and
• 17:00
  Speaker 2: Do parades in the middle of the street.
• 17:02
  Speaker 25: I got stuff to do.
• 17:04
  Speaker 17: And what does thumpity-thump-thump mean anyway?
• 17:06
  Speaker 13: I'm not sure.
• 17:07
  Speaker 5: And that's disturbing enough in itself.
• 17:11
  Speaker 13: Thumpity-thump-thump. Fall in love.
• 17:17
  Speaker 17: It's the rape index.
• 17:18
  Speaker 26: It's the mantra they say to bring Frosty alive every Christmas.
• 17:26
  Speaker 17: He eats the magical medallion of a carrot in his face.
• 17:30
  Speaker 2: Shut this carrot in your face.
• 17:36
  Speaker 17: I give you life, this carrot. It also could be
• 17:40
  Speaker 17: a Frankenstein theme, too.
• 17:42
  Speaker 5: Well, Frankenstein, it's one of the first books I read
• 17:46
  Speaker 5: that I kind of got into the intellectual subtext. I
• 17:50
  Speaker 5: don't know if it's deeply intellectual or but it is
• 17:55
  Speaker 5: broadly intellectual because you can find every fucking thing in it.
• 17:59
  Speaker 13: It was like, I.
• 18:01
  Speaker 5: Read it when I was a kid, and then the
• 18:03
  Speaker 5: other day I was thinking, oh, wow, what if it's
• 18:06
  Speaker 5: a doppelganger? Like, Frankenstein is essentially like a self-created person,
• 18:13
  Speaker 5: like in sort of the existential sense, he's created himself,
• 18:17
  Speaker 5: and that, fuck, I never thought of that.
• 18:22
  Speaker 17: That's a whole new.
• 18:24
  Speaker 15: That's how you know it's good stuff. Still, years later,
• 18:27
  Speaker 15: finding whole new layers.
• 18:29
  Speaker 8: Or it's just a sign that says, down the road,
• 18:34
  Speaker 8: a billboard that says, this sign means something.
• 18:37
  Speaker 17: You just apply your own shit to it.
• 18:39
  Speaker 13: Yeah, like that one that says, prepare for sudden stop.
• 18:43
  Speaker 5: It's like, well, if I'm prepared, it's never going to happen.
• 18:48
  Speaker 18: What do you think the meaning is of, okay, Dr.
• 18:51
  Speaker 18: Frankenstein creates a monster. He wants to create life He
• 18:54
  Speaker 18: wants to create a new individual, but he never gives
• 18:56
  Speaker 18: it a name. Do you think that if the monster
• 18:59
  Speaker 18: would have had a name, you know, because now everyone thinks, oh,
• 19:02
  Speaker 18: Frankenstein is the monster, but that's not the monster's name.
• 19:04
  Speaker 13: No, it was Barry.
• 19:05
  Speaker 18: But do you think if Barry had had a name,
• 19:08
  Speaker 18: you know, then maybe he wouldn't have seen him as
• 19:11
  Speaker 18: a monster as much?
• 19:13
  Speaker 13: I think it depends on the name. You know how
• 19:16
  Speaker 13: much a name is somebody's destiny?
• 19:19
  Speaker 20: There have been studies that show that kids with uncommon
• 19:22
  Speaker 20: names tend to actually be bigger troublemakers in schools than
• 19:26
  Speaker 20: those with common names. If you want a kid that's
• 19:29
  Speaker 20: going to go to college and make back as a doctor,
• 19:31
  Speaker 20: I guess you have to name him Cody in this
• 19:32
  Speaker 20: day and age.
• 19:33
  Speaker 13: Let me remind you, you're talking to Fred. Yeah, I'm familiar.
• 19:39
  Speaker 13: I've never heard of him. There's a lot of Bo's
• 19:41
  Speaker 13: out there, too, I'll tell you that. Ben, Ben obviously
• 19:45
  Speaker 13: is common. Nuh-uh. We're everywhere.
• 19:48
  Speaker 7: Everybody.
• 19:50
  Speaker 2: We rounded out Baby It's Cold Outside? Do you have
• 19:52
  Speaker 2: any other horrors that you've just realized of the new
• 19:54
  Speaker 2: layers you're now discovering of Baby It's Cold Outside?
• 19:57
  Speaker 20: I'm going to go home and start looking for rape
• 19:58
  Speaker 20: subtext in every Christmas song.
• 20:01
  Speaker 30: If you listen to all the romantic songs ever made,
• 20:09
  Speaker 30: There's so much raping, bullying, bullshit, subtext.
• 20:13
  Speaker 20: And that's always the argument I've had when I hear
• 20:15
  Speaker 20: people complain about how raunchy television and everything else is nowadays.
• 20:19
  Speaker 20: It's like, no, it still was that way in the 50s.
• 20:21
  Speaker 20: They were better at hiding it. They knew how to
• 20:23
  Speaker 20: use euphemisms better.
• 20:25
  Speaker 13: Or they hid it in plain sight. It was like
• 20:28
  Speaker 13: the purloined letter.
• 20:32
  Speaker 5: And then there was that whole host of heartfelt songs
• 20:36
  Speaker 5: about teenage girls. My creepy old days. Sting even has
• 20:43
  Speaker 5: one of those. Everybody has one of those.
• 20:45
  Speaker 17: Hey, the world don't move to the beat of just
• 20:47
  Speaker 17: one drum, man.
• 20:49
  Speaker 2: She's 16, she's beautiful, and she's mine.
• 20:51
  Speaker 17: Hands up, dammit.
• 20:53
  Speaker 26: I saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus, which is like, one,
• 20:57
  Speaker 26: you can read it two ways.
• 20:59
  Speaker 13: Either way, it's very creepy and traumatic. Like, it's like,
• 21:02
  Speaker 13: a little girl waking up and saying.
• 21:06
  Speaker 26: Her mom, literally kids like making out with Santa Claus,
• 21:09
  Speaker 26: which is disturbing in its own way.
• 21:11
  Speaker 17: Like, why would Santa, like, that's weird.
• 21:13
  Speaker 26: Okay, but no, what it's really about, it's like her
• 21:16
  Speaker 26: dad is dressed up as Santa.
• 21:17
  Speaker 15: It's a little girl finding out that Santa's not real.
• 21:19
  Speaker 2: And not only that, he's making out with her mom.
• 21:22
  Speaker 30: There is a Polish play, I think it's translated as
• 21:27
  Speaker 30: White Wedding, where there's a Santa Claus rape scene.
• 21:32
  Speaker 5: I remember when Len was in graduate school, that was
• 21:36
  Speaker 5: going around. So nobody could get anything produced in Poland,
• 21:39
  Speaker 5: so they just wrote whatever the fuck they wanted. They
• 21:44
  Speaker 5: would have, like in this scene, a disembodied head floats
• 21:47
  Speaker 5: through the room, because it was never going to get produced.
• 21:50
  Speaker 5: So they would just do whatever came to mind.
• 21:53
  Speaker 17: Is this the first podcast to talk about Christmas, Ray?
• 21:56
  Speaker 17: Probably not, but.
• 21:58
  Speaker 13: I don't think I'm proud of that.
• 22:00
  Speaker 17: Hey, Brian.
• 22:01
  Speaker 13: Come, they told me.
• 22:04
  Speaker 9: Oh, wow.
• 22:04
  Speaker 17: I'm dead. Taking it to New York.
• 22:10
  Speaker 13: The rape index just went way up, I know.
• 22:12
  Speaker 2: You're in so much trouble when you get back to
• 22:14
  Speaker 2: your podcast. When they hear what you did over here.
• 22:18
  Speaker 2: All right, have we covered this then? I think, yeah,
• 22:22
  Speaker 2: we should get the hell out of here.
• 22:24
  Speaker 13: We haven't mentioned Leon Redbone.
• 22:26
  Speaker 2: Well, that's what I was going to say.
• 22:28
  Speaker 13: We really ought to mention him.
• 22:29
  Speaker 17: There's no creepier version.
• 22:31
  Speaker 13: Than the Leon Redbone version. But he's so good.
• 22:34
  Speaker 20: So essentially we just exist in a society where we're
• 22:36
  Speaker 20: working up to the point where.
• 22:37
  Speaker 13: We have advent calendars filled with Rohypnol. Is that what
• 22:40
  Speaker 13: it is?
• 22:41
  Speaker 3: No.
• 22:42
  Speaker 25: I don't advocate any of this nonsense.
• 22:44
  Speaker 4: All right.
• 22:47
  Speaker 17: Okay, so we're going to, well, I don't know.
• 22:50
  Speaker 2: For that horror, I think we're all going to suffer
• 22:52
  Speaker 2: because now we're going to take a break and we're
• 22:54
  Speaker 2: actually going to watch the first half of the Star.
• 22:58
  Speaker 15: Wars Holiday Special. So it's okay.
• 23:02
  Speaker 25: This is our penance for saying those horrible, horrible things.
• 23:06
  Speaker 3: We'll be back.
• 23:06
  Speaker 14: I really can't stay.
• 23:07
  Speaker 7: But maybe it's cold outside.
• 23:11
  Speaker 13: I've got to go away.
• 23:13
  Speaker 7: Baby, it's cold outside.
• 23:16
  Speaker 31: This evening has been so very nice.
• 23:20
  Speaker 7: I'm hoping that you drop in. I'll hold your hands,
• 23:25
  Speaker 7: they're just like ours.
• 23:27
  Speaker 13: My mother will start to worry.
• 23:30
  Speaker 7: Beautiful, what's your hurry?
• 23:33
  Speaker 17: And Father will be pacing the floor.
• 23:35
  Speaker 7: Listen to that fireplace roll.
• 23:38
  Speaker 13: So really I'd better scurry.
• 23:41
  Speaker 7: Beautiful, please don't hurry.
• 23:43
  Speaker 12: Well, maybe just a half a drink more.
• 23:46
  Speaker 7: Put some records on while I pour.
• 23:48
  Speaker 17: The neighbor's my thing.
• 23:51
  Speaker 7: Baby, it's bad out there.
• 23:53
  Speaker 17: Say, what's in this day?
• 23:56
  Speaker 7: No cash to be had out there.
• 23:59
  Speaker 14: I wish I knew how To break the spell I
• 24:06
  Speaker 14: ought to.
• 24:10
  Speaker 16: Say no, no, no, sir At least I'm gonna say
• 24:17
  Speaker 16: that I tried.
• 24:18
  Speaker 7: I really can't stay.
• 24:22
  Speaker 13: Baby, don't hold on.
• 24:24
  Speaker 14: Now, but it's cold outside.
• 24:37
  Speaker 16: Oh, cartons of camels are sure to please. Besides, they
• 24:41
  Speaker 16: look so handsome under Christmas trees. So easy to give,
• 24:45
  Speaker 16: so good to get, give camels. the nation's favorite cigarette. Ho, ho, ho.
• 24:51
  Speaker 16: It's gift-packed, ready to give, with a space for your greetings.
• 24:56
  Speaker 22: Santa Claus conquers the Martians. Santa sets up a fantastic
• 25:05
  Speaker 22: automatic toy factory on Mars. The Martian leader battles the
• 25:14
  Speaker 22: wicked bulldog in a desperate effort to save Santa.
• 25:18
  Speaker 13: The Wise Man of Mars. 900 years old.
• 25:25
  Speaker 22: The Battle of the Toys. When Martian kids and Earth
• 25:30
  Speaker 22: kids join Santa to battle the bad guys of Mars.
• 25:34
  Speaker 29: The Battle of the Toys.
• 25:49
  Speaker 22: For real space age fun, you'll be out of this
• 25:51
  Speaker 22: world when Santa Claus Conquers the Martians.
• 25:59
  Speaker 13: Here we come a-waffling along the lease of green.
• 26:03
  Speaker 14: Here we come a-waffling so fair to be seen.
• 26:06
  Speaker 22: Love and joy come to you, and to you your
• 26:09
  Speaker 22: waffle too.
• 26:11
  Speaker 16: And God me, but you're making a lyrical error in
• 26:14
  Speaker 16: that fine old Christmas carol.
• 26:18
  Speaker 15: Doing the presentation of my foods.
• 26:19
  Speaker 2: Because I stuck with the theme.
• 26:22
  Speaker 15: So these are officially Wookie Cookies.
• 26:26
  Speaker 19: Or Wookie Ookies if you unfortunately listen to the show.
• 26:31
  Speaker 15: These are Bosque Brownies.
• 26:33
  Speaker 2: And this one is a specialty. The Bosque Brownie that
• 26:39
  Speaker 2: has been turned into the Millennium Falcon.
• 26:41
  Speaker 15: Which I'm pretty thrilled with that one. That was a
• 26:42
  Speaker 15: fight to get to turn out right.
• 26:45
  Speaker 2: And you are drinking, you think it's hot chocolate?
• 26:48
  Speaker 13: It's Hoth chocolate.
• 26:50
  Speaker 17: Nice.
• 26:52
  Speaker 2: There's a theme. You can pretend these guys are Ewoks.
• 26:57
  Speaker 17: I was already doing that.
• 26:58
  Speaker 1: He has gingerbread Ewoks that kind of look like men,
• 27:01
  Speaker 1: but whatever.
• 27:02
  Speaker 15: Fred, would you like to explain yours?
• 27:05
  Speaker 13: I think we need to nominate one of the Ewoks
• 27:08
  Speaker 13: just to be George Lucas.
• 27:10
  Speaker 22: I think.
• 27:10
  Speaker 15: He is missing a neck.
• 27:13
  Speaker 5: Well, mine is, well, it's a shark eating Santa Claus.
• 27:22
  Speaker 5: And then I had the top of a pineapple and
• 27:26
  Speaker 5: a toothpick, so I thought, stick it on there, see
• 27:28
  Speaker 5: what happens. And then it's surrounded by a kind of
• 27:32
  Speaker 5: mixed vegetable chum, which I keep throwing out into the.
• 27:38
  Speaker 32: Lovely.
• 27:39
  Speaker 13: All right.
• 27:40
  Speaker 17: It's like Robert Shaw as Santa Claus in that scene.
• 27:43
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I was trying to do it more like that,
• 27:45
  Speaker 5: but I didn't have a boat container for him to
• 27:48
  Speaker 5: be sliding down. And then I started thinking about CO2 canisters.
• 27:55
  Speaker 13: I don't know.
• 27:56
  Speaker 2: You can get those little ones, but you're just going
• 27:58
  Speaker 2: to hurt yourself.
• 27:59
  Speaker 13: In the long run. Yeah, I ran out of time
• 28:01
  Speaker 13: on that. So I just went with the Santa.
• 28:06
  Speaker 4: Oh, and.
• 28:08
  Speaker 13: They're Swedish fish mixed in with the fresh fruit.
• 28:12
  Speaker 15: As well, there should.
• 28:13
  Speaker 13: Who are really just not feeling the fresh fruit thing.
• 28:17
  Speaker 4: That would be me.
• 28:17
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 28:18
  Speaker 17: My Christmas sleigh went down.
• 28:20
  Speaker 15: No distress signal been sent.
• 28:25
  Speaker 17: I will give you credit. At least you went with
• 28:27
  Speaker 17: a theme.
• 28:27
  Speaker 2: I figured nobody else would do the dorky links that
• 28:30
  Speaker 2: I went. But you went with not only a Christmas
• 28:33
  Speaker 2: slash holiday theme, but... the movie theme so you've got it.
• 28:37
  Speaker 5: All wrapped in wrong movie but I'm on the right
• 28:40
  Speaker 5: track it's a movie I feel like.
• 28:41
  Speaker 2: You should encourage me oh that's.
• 28:44
  Speaker 23: And I am.
• 28:58
  Speaker 18: Dave I do not get superheroes oh my god I
• 29:01
  Speaker 18: don't get you.
• 29:02
  Speaker 6: What don't you get Towerbot here Well, the meatbags were
• 29:07
  Speaker 6: going to say that if you're a geek and like podcasts,
• 29:10
  Speaker 6: then you could try Tower of Technobabble at www.toweroftechnobabble.com. Then
• 29:16
  Speaker 6: this started.
• 29:18
  Speaker 13: Well, it's up to you. I'm gonna get my taser
• 29:21
  Speaker 13: and put a stop to this. Towerbot out. Okay, monkeys.
• 29:27
  Speaker 17: It's nap time.
• 29:34
  Speaker 4: Tweaked Audio, your source for high-performance, noise-reducing earbuds. Available in
• 29:39
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• 30:06
  Speaker 13: A high school girl's been murdered.
• 30:08
  Speaker 25: Mr.
• 30:08
  Speaker 4: Harrison's daughter is missing.
• 30:10
  Speaker 5: And now at the house where she lives, the other
• 30:12
  Speaker 5: girls are getting obscene phone calls.
• 30:14
  Speaker 33: Looking for that moment when.
• 30:19
  Speaker 14: There's peace on earth, goodwill to men in the ghetto.
• 30:26
  Speaker 14: The ghetto.
• 30:28
  Speaker 17: Merry Christmas.
• 30:31
  Speaker 13: I'm listening to Movie Meltdown because I'm John Saxon and
• 30:35
  Speaker 13: I like to do.
• 30:44
  Speaker 29: That.
• 30:51
  Speaker 33: I triple dog dare ya!
• 30:53
  Speaker 32: Because of the following special program, Wonder Woman and the
• 30:56
  Speaker 32: Incredible Hulk will not be presented this evening. The Star
• 31:07
  Speaker 32: Wars Holiday Special Starring Mark Hamill as Luke Skywalker Harrison
• 31:16
  Speaker 32: Ford as Han Solo Carrie Fisher as Princess Leia With
• 31:26
  Speaker 32: Anthony Daniels as C-3PO Peter Mayhew as Chewbacca.
• 31:32
  Speaker 29: R2-D2 as R2-D2.
• 31:33
  Speaker 32: And James Earl Jones as the voice of Darth Vader.
• 31:38
  Speaker 32: Introducing Chewbacca's family.
• 31:42
  Speaker 7: His wife, Mala.
• 31:43
  Speaker 2: His father, Itchy.
• 32:02
  Speaker 32: His son, Lumpy. With special guest stars. Beatrice Arthur.
• 32:14
  Speaker 16: Mark Carney.
• 32:18
  Speaker 17: Diane Carroll.
• 32:22
  Speaker 32: The Jefferson Starship.
• 32:28
  Speaker 16: Harvey Korman.
• 32:32
  Speaker 32: And an animated Star Wars story on the Star Wars
• 32:37
  Speaker 32: Holiday Special.
• 32:41
  Speaker 11: Oh, my stars, I've never been so busy before.
• 32:44
  Speaker 13: It seems Christmas arrives sooner each year.
• 33:00
  Speaker 11: Christmas in the stars, Christmas in the stars What a
• 33:04
  Speaker 11: merry Christmas this will be Christmas in the stars, out
• 33:09
  Speaker 11: among the stars, lighting up a Christmas tree.
• 33:13
  Speaker 17: Come on, everyone, and sing. Our hearts are full of joy.
• 33:15
  Speaker 2: Full of joy.
• 33:16
  Speaker 17: Full of joy.
• 33:17
  Speaker 13: And music's in the air. In the air. In the air.
• 33:24
  Speaker 29: And voices want to sing. And we will sing.
• 33:31
  Speaker 11: Go on, how could you ask a question like that?
• 33:34
  Speaker 11: Of course I'm getting ready for Christmas. It's all right
• 33:36
  Speaker 11: here on my list. I've got mistletoe and holly. I've
• 33:41
  Speaker 11: got peppermints and lollipops and 20 different kinds of chocolate bars.
• 33:46
  Speaker 11: Everyone will be delighted. Even I am quite excited, getting
• 33:50
  Speaker 11: ready for Christmas in the stars. Yes, Artu, of course
• 33:56
  Speaker 11: it's terrific. But there's more.
• 33:59
  Speaker 13: Everyone will have a cookie.
• 34:01
  Speaker 11: I bought extra for the Wookiee. I just hope that
• 34:03
  Speaker 11: everybody can be here. If they all have marked the date,
• 34:08
  Speaker 11: and if none of them is late, we'll have our
• 34:10
  Speaker 11: greatest of Christmases this year.
• 34:13
  Speaker 28: And then they said Hilary Duff in 18 minutes.
• 34:19
  Speaker 17: And everybody's clapping.
• 34:21
  Speaker 5: Just the inexorable passing of time is so great.
• 34:26
  Speaker 8: But, you know, most of them probably had never been
• 34:28
  Speaker 8: to a concert, and so, oh, this is what you do.
• 34:30
  Speaker 17: You have a countdown. You have a giant clock.
• 34:33
  Speaker 13: And I don't think it was the real Hilary Duff.
• 34:36
  Speaker 17: I really don't.
• 34:37
  Speaker 18: Well, Hannah Montana set the precedent for, you know, pretending
• 34:41
  Speaker 18: to be someone else.
• 34:43
  Speaker 13: Yeah, but, you know, Hilary Duff was before.
• 34:46
  Speaker 18: I'll bet there were three Hilary Duff concerts on that
• 34:48
  Speaker 18: exact same night.
• 34:49
  Speaker 25: It's like Slash.
• 34:51
  Speaker 20: There's probably like ten Slashes.
• 34:56
  Speaker 15: They're like Santa Claus. They're Hilary's little helpers.
• 34:58
  Speaker 17: I thought y'all were going to sing, man.
• 35:00
  Speaker 29: No, it's creepy.
• 35:01
  Speaker 17: I love.
• 35:04
  Speaker 7: That song.
• 35:14
  Speaker 19: My heart is broken.
• 35:16
  Speaker 2: It's so creepy.
• 35:16
  Speaker 17: I don't know.
• 35:19
  Speaker 13: I'm taking it back.
• 35:23
  Speaker 17: Wow.
• 35:25
  Speaker 15: I'm taking it back, man.
• 35:27
  Speaker 13: I love that song. My kids sing that song.
• 35:30
  Speaker 2: I made them.
• 35:31
  Speaker 17: I'm like, you learn it.
• 35:32
  Speaker 13: You learn it.
• 35:33
  Speaker 15: Sing it.
• 35:34
  Speaker 20: It's like that Arrested Development episode to where they sing,
• 35:37
  Speaker 20: what was it?
• 35:39
  Speaker 13: Sky Rockets and Delight. Or Afternoon Delight. That's what it is.
• 35:41
  Speaker 29: Oh, yeah.
• 35:42
  Speaker 31: Nice.
• 35:44
  Speaker 13: Where, yeah, Michael sings it with his niece at the
• 35:48
  Speaker 13: holiday party.
• 35:49
  Speaker 20: And they're both, it's like they get halfway into the song,
• 35:51
  Speaker 20: and everyone at the party is just looking at them weird,
• 35:53
  Speaker 20: and suddenly they realize the awkwardness of what they're singing,
• 35:55
  Speaker 20: like him to his niece.
• 35:57
  Speaker 3: Ah, yeah.
• 35:59
  Speaker 5: Oh, it's like that movie where Gerard Depardieu does Thank
• 36:03
  Speaker 5: Heaven for Little Girls, and his daughter has told everyone
• 36:08
  Speaker 5: at the hotel that.
• 36:09
  Speaker 13: He's her mother.
• 36:10
  Speaker 16: Yes.
• 36:10
  Speaker 32: Yes.
• 36:11
  Speaker 8: You know, I once worked at a banquet center, and
• 36:15
  Speaker 8: they had a father-daughter dance. It was like a sorority
• 36:18
  Speaker 8: or something, had a father-daughter dance. The DJ played J.
• 36:23
  Speaker 8: Giles Band's Centerfold, and it just was creepy that these
• 36:29
  Speaker 8: fathers were dancing to their angels out on the dance floor.
• 36:32
  Speaker 13: I'm sorry, they're playing J. Giles Band's Centerfold. It's going
• 36:35
  Speaker 13: to be creepy no matter what anybody's doing. It could
• 36:39
  Speaker 13: have been a dark room with nobody in it still.
• 36:43
  Speaker 8: At least it wasn't Celebration, because I was here that
• 36:46
  Speaker 8: every banquet has to have Celebration played at some point.
• 36:50
  Speaker 26: There's a good chance this might be the biggest screen
• 36:52
  Speaker 26: this particular thing has ever been shown on in history.
• 36:56
  Speaker 13: I think about it.
• 36:57
  Speaker 17: Have you seen this before?
• 37:00
  Speaker 2: I felt like it was lodged somewhere in my brain.
• 37:04
  Speaker 31: But I thought what I remembered was something watchable.
• 37:08
  Speaker 2: Stop that.
• 37:10
  Speaker 13: Look at all the smiles and faces. Lucy looks in pain.
• 37:16
  Speaker 13: Lucy looks like she's seen, like, Seven chickens in my head.
• 37:21
  Speaker 20: She's got this look on her face like, I don't
• 37:23
  Speaker 20: know why I let you agree.
• 37:27
  Speaker 13: Just wait and save.
• 37:30
  Speaker 2: Me.
• 37:31
  Speaker 5: Oh, Lord.
• 37:32
  Speaker 24: All right.
• 37:33
  Speaker 2: Well, you can tell by the cheery attitudes. We've been
• 37:36
  Speaker 2: watching the Star Wars Christmas special.
• 37:39
  Speaker 33: Yay.
• 37:40
  Speaker 2: Let's do the official rundown here for this week's Life
• 37:45
  Speaker 2: Day feature.
• 37:47
  Speaker 19: This is the Star Wars Holiday Special.
• 37:49
  Speaker 17: The year is 1978.
• 37:50
  Speaker 2: The directors, because you need more than one, star Steve
• 37:56
  Speaker 2: Bender and David Acomba, who smartly is uncredited.
• 38:02
  Speaker 19: So he's hidden this away in his career.
• 38:04
  Speaker 2: But damn you, IMDb, for digging it back out.
• 38:07
  Speaker 13: Yeah, because they're such prominent directors now.
• 38:09
  Speaker 17: Yeah, I mean, they're pretty huge. Well, the first guy said, Look,
• 38:14
  Speaker 17: I'm putting him on there, too. I'm not going to
• 38:16
  Speaker 17: take the blame for this. You're not. No, you're not coming.
• 38:18
  Speaker 31: I think multiple directors means somebody quit halfway through this.
• 38:22
  Speaker 3: More than one, probably.
• 38:23
  Speaker 2: The plot, according to IMDb, Chewie and Han Solo are
• 38:28
  Speaker 2: trying to get home to Chewie's family so they can
• 38:30
  Speaker 2: celebrate Life Day.
• 38:31
  Speaker 17: Spoiler alert, I don't want to ruin this for you.
• 38:35
  Speaker 19: It's quite an intricate plot, so go watch it.
• 38:42
  Speaker 26: Have you ever wondered how Wookiees open Christmas presents? Like
• 38:50
  Speaker 26: what their struggle is like. This is where you can
• 38:53
  Speaker 26: find out. So it's very educational in that regard.
• 38:58
  Speaker 17: Well, to help us celebrate Life Day, look, I brought
• 39:00
  Speaker 17: us a Wookiee. It's a bobblehead and it's Chewbacca if
• 39:03
  Speaker 17: you were a werewolf.
• 39:04
  Speaker 7: I like that.
• 39:04
  Speaker 9: Yeah.
• 39:05
  Speaker 7: It's good.
• 39:07
  Speaker 17: That would look good on the dash of your car.
• 39:09
  Speaker 2: I just smiled for the first time in an hour.
• 39:10
  Speaker 17: Yeah, I'm just going to sit here.
• 39:12
  Speaker 2: And bobble his head, and this is going to be
• 39:13
  Speaker 2: way more entertaining than what we just watched.
• 39:17
  Speaker 17: Look at him go.
• 39:18
  Speaker 8: I decided that a two-hour Jar Jar Binks special would.
• 39:22
  Speaker 17: Be better than that.
• 39:24
  Speaker 18: You know, it might be interesting because I think it's
• 39:27
  Speaker 18: obvious what we all say. We should go around and
• 39:29
  Speaker 18: each say, one good thing about this.
• 39:32
  Speaker 7: We'll be out.
• 39:33
  Speaker 13: The spirit of life day.
• 39:34
  Speaker 17: The spirit of life day.
• 39:35
  Speaker 3: Thank you, Lucy.
• 39:36
  Speaker 13: That is an interesting challenge. I like that. The weird, awkward,
• 39:40
  Speaker 13: long pauses in between each person's sayings.
• 39:43
  Speaker 8: Let's take a ten minute break and think of something.
• 39:46
  Speaker 17: I will get the ball rolling. One good thing about.
• 39:50
  Speaker 18: This, there has been no special edition with CGI and
• 39:55
  Speaker 18: reworking the effects or anything.
• 39:57
  Speaker 17: This is as pure Star Wars as you can get.
• 39:59
  Speaker 2: In the worst possible way.
• 40:01
  Speaker 13: But yeah, it's pure.
• 40:03
  Speaker 17: I'll give you that.
• 40:04
  Speaker 13: It's unadulterated.
• 40:07
  Speaker 31: In the extended Wookiee porn sequence, I enjoyed Diane Carroll's outfit.
• 40:14
  Speaker 17: It's a good thing.
• 40:15
  Speaker 13: I liked your sparkly hair.
• 40:16
  Speaker 17: It was shiny.
• 40:18
  Speaker 13: Done. Next. I liked the kitchen. It was an okay kitchen.
• 40:22
  Speaker 13: It was better than the apartment in Rosemary's Baby.
• 40:25
  Speaker 5: It's really livable.
• 40:27
  Speaker 17: You were a good hangout.
• 40:28
  Speaker 2: I liked the architecture of it.
• 40:29
  Speaker 13: It was like the John Lautner chemistry house. It's kind of.
• 40:35
  Speaker 5: Simple, but not, you know, like, it's not rustic quite.
• 40:40
  Speaker 13: And it has that great room feel. Like, the space is.
• 40:44
  Speaker 17: Defined, but open.
• 40:47
  Speaker 28: Yeah.
• 40:47
  Speaker 17: Yeah.
• 40:48
  Speaker 33: Yeah.
• 40:48
  Speaker 17: And they shop at Ikea, obviously, because of that bookshelf.
• 40:51
  Speaker 13: It's a treehouse in Sweden.
• 40:53
  Speaker 25: What do you want?
• 40:54
  Speaker 17: That is a good thing.
• 40:55
  Speaker 31: Yeah.
• 40:56
  Speaker 28: The standard of Wookiee living is pretty high in the
• 40:58
  Speaker 28: Star Wars galaxy. It looks better than anything in Star Wars.
• 41:02
  Speaker 3: Yeah, the Wookiees were living it up.
• 41:05
  Speaker 27: I mean, how many TVs does that treehouse have?
• 41:11
  Speaker 17: I will say one thing.
• 41:12
  Speaker 8: I found myself fantasizing about Diane Carroll?
• 41:16
  Speaker 17: Well, no. About the possibility of whittling a X-Wing fighter.
• 41:22
  Speaker 17: That looked pretty cool. You're going to go home and
• 41:25
  Speaker 17: try that.
• 41:26
  Speaker 26: How do you do the laser turrets?
• 41:30
  Speaker 17: They're delicate. That is some intricate workmanship on that old hairy.
• 41:35
  Speaker 31: Especially since it's so hard for them to.
• 41:36
  Speaker 17: Open the packages.
• 41:39
  Speaker 2: The dexterity involved.
• 41:41
  Speaker 8: I wondered how they pressed the buttons on the computer screen.
• 41:45
  Speaker 17: Their hands are so big and furry.
• 41:46
  Speaker 2: They've got those special touch gloves like they make now
• 41:49
  Speaker 2: for everybody's touch phones.
• 41:50
  Speaker 31: I did like that when they were looking at Chewbacca's photo,
• 41:52
  Speaker 31: it couldn't be like a regular picture frame.
• 41:54
  Speaker 2: It had to be a shadow box. It's like a
• 41:57
  Speaker 2: block of Lucid.
• 41:58
  Speaker 20: I was going to say, the main thing I like
• 42:00
  Speaker 20: about it is the elements of the 70s that are
• 42:04
  Speaker 20: in the first Star Wars film, like the bad hair
• 42:06
  Speaker 20: and that.
• 42:07
  Speaker 13: It's even more so here.
• 42:09
  Speaker 20: I mean, the very fact that they have shag carpet
• 42:11
  Speaker 20: in the Wookiee house, I mean, it's like, Just think
• 42:14
  Speaker 20: about that for a minute. Shag carpeting with creatures that
• 42:17
  Speaker 20: are covered in hair. It would just have to be
• 42:21
  Speaker 20: constantly matted down with it.
• 42:23
  Speaker 17: I was wondering if that was grass or moss.
• 42:26
  Speaker 13: I don't know.
• 42:29
  Speaker 17: Maybe.
• 42:30
  Speaker 15: I decided it was both.
• 42:32
  Speaker 2: It's grass and carpet.
• 42:34
  Speaker 13: Space grass. I like that I'm the little player in which.
• 42:40
  Speaker 5: like a little band lives apparently starship yeah starship.
• 42:45
  Speaker 25: The jefferson star jefferson starship i.
• 42:48
  Speaker 13: Guess if you don't like the band you can just smash.
• 42:52
  Speaker 5: Them yeah they're just these little dudes down there you're
• 42:56
  Speaker 5: I kind of got the impression that that device played
• 43:00
  Speaker 5: just that song.
• 43:02
  Speaker 17: You can't really swap it out.
• 43:03
  Speaker 13: You have to get another device to play another song.
• 43:07
  Speaker 17: They have these plastic records that you slide into the back.
• 43:10
  Speaker 2: It was like the Fisher-Price one that you wind up,
• 43:12
  Speaker 2: but it only came with three records.
• 43:13
  Speaker 13: I like that distraction, too.
• 43:15
  Speaker 20: To have one of those where the police pull you
• 43:18
  Speaker 20: over and it's like, do you realize how fast you
• 43:19
  Speaker 20: were going?
• 43:20
  Speaker 13: Yeah, I've got my license. Here, take a look at
• 43:22
  Speaker 13: this for a quick second. Let me get it. You
• 43:24
  Speaker 13: just open it up. What was the bizarre series of motions,
• 43:28
  Speaker 13: like a little dance you had to do to get
• 43:30
  Speaker 13: it to play?
• 43:32
  Speaker 17: I think that was Art Carney. That was just magic
• 43:35
  Speaker 17: happening on the screen. That was hilarious.
• 43:38
  Speaker 15: I have no idea what that was about.
• 43:40
  Speaker 13: Don't know either.
• 43:41
  Speaker 17: If you knew Art Carney.
• 43:42
  Speaker 5: It was like he was getting his miniature flea to
• 43:46
  Speaker 5: play a violin.
• 43:47
  Speaker 13: I don't know what he was doing. There's just a
• 43:50
  Speaker 13: lot of hand gestures and signals.
• 43:52
  Speaker 26: I thought he was having some kind of meltdown.
• 43:56
  Speaker 17: We all were.
• 43:56
  Speaker 13: He was so nervous.
• 43:57
  Speaker 17: For the stormtroopers.
• 43:58
  Speaker 13: He's like, let me turn this on.
• 44:00
  Speaker 26: He was pressing things and maybe having a stroke or something.
• 44:03
  Speaker 25: It's like, this is not going good.
• 44:06
  Speaker 17: Do you have anything good?
• 44:07
  Speaker 13: Yeah.
• 44:08
  Speaker 7: Where's your good?
• 44:09
  Speaker 19: I like that George Lucas invented Cirque du Soleil.
• 44:15
  Speaker 17: Among many other things.
• 44:17
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 44:17
  Speaker 17: I also noticed, I think.
• 44:19
  Speaker 2: Joe Dante was watching this at some point, because the
• 44:22
  Speaker 2: Art Carney character, isn't he kind of the dad in Gremlins?
• 44:26
  Speaker 15: Isn't he selling him the bathroom, buddy?
• 44:28
  Speaker 13: Yeah, essentially.
• 44:30
  Speaker 2: And then throughout that entire movie, the good movie, Gremlins,
• 44:34
  Speaker 2: He's like, anytime he gets in any situation, he starts
• 44:36
  Speaker 2: trying to sell somebody something.
• 44:37
  Speaker 17: As soon as the stormtroopers.
• 44:39
  Speaker 2: Come in, he starts trying to sell them.
• 44:41
  Speaker 17: Well, let me give you my card. He's always selling,
• 44:44
  Speaker 17: and I don't know. I'm really glad to watch this.
• 44:47
  Speaker 18: You know, Walmart, Target, isn't like that. You just go
• 44:51
  Speaker 18: in and get out. You don't have to listen to
• 44:52
  Speaker 18: some guy spilling you. Although, they do the 5-6 number warning.
• 44:57
  Speaker 25: That's Best Buy, really.
• 44:59
  Speaker 2: But he actually starts the whole rattling. He's almost doing
• 45:02
  Speaker 2: step right up.
• 45:02
  Speaker 17: He's just like.
• 45:03
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I'm glad when I go into Target there isn't
• 45:06
  Speaker 5: a guy in a heavy woolen shirt open to his navel.
• 45:10
  Speaker 17: Are you sure about that? Wait a minute. Think about that.
• 45:14
  Speaker 20: No, but seriously, going back to... The whole Target, Walmart thing.
• 45:19
  Speaker 20: Imagine if you had this for sale. They release it
• 45:21
  Speaker 20: on DVD. How many clueless grandmothers and well-meaning aunts and
• 45:28
  Speaker 20: uncles are going to buy this for kids in the family?
• 45:32
  Speaker 20: And the disappointment could just start all over again. And Lucas,
• 45:36
  Speaker 20: he would make a bundle if he sold this.
• 45:38
  Speaker 13: He would make a ton of money.
• 45:40
  Speaker 17: Not anymore. Disney would make a bundle.
• 45:43
  Speaker 27: Is this possible that this will come out?
• 45:45
  Speaker 17: Because Disney doesn't care. Disney likes money. Well, I don't know.
• 45:48
  Speaker 13: Disney doesn't like money enough to release Song of the South.
• 45:52
  Speaker 17: That's taking too much of a hit.
• 45:54
  Speaker 13: I have a copy of that, and I keep meaning
• 45:56
  Speaker 13: to get it.
• 45:57
  Speaker 4: Cop bank.
• 46:00
  Speaker 20: It's been out in time and place as a.
• 46:04
  Speaker 2: Fun thing at the time I'm sure it was great
• 46:07
  Speaker 2: if you look back at it now it's not so
• 46:10
  Speaker 2: fun and.
• 46:11
  Speaker 27: If anything the Star Wars Holly special taught me that
• 46:14
  Speaker 27: pirating stuff is okay to do.
• 46:18
  Speaker 15: As long as you're a space pirate.
• 46:20
  Speaker 28: Lucasfilm has never gone off after anybody for pirating this.
• 46:25
  Speaker 17: Actually, it never was.
• 46:26
  Speaker 18: Okay, this only went on the air one time. So
• 46:29
  Speaker 18: this was obviously taped in 78. Do you know the
• 46:32
  Speaker 18: history of this actual copy that you have?
• 46:36
  Speaker 17: Me, personally? I mean, I know for a long time.
• 46:39
  Speaker 17: I think now that it's hit the internet, it's changed.
• 46:42
  Speaker 15: At one time.
• 46:44
  Speaker 2: I swear it was all the same copy. It was
• 46:46
  Speaker 2: like one guy that had a VHS player in Minnesota somewhere.
• 46:51
  Speaker 15: It might have been Detroit. It actually was because they
• 46:54
  Speaker 15: had local ads running.
• 46:55
  Speaker 2: So the one that I had on VHS back in
• 46:58
  Speaker 2: the day, it actually had all the commercials in it
• 47:01
  Speaker 2: and it would run the local spots and it had
• 47:04
  Speaker 2: the union.
• 47:06
  Speaker 15: That's what I'm thinking.
• 47:06
  Speaker 17: Maybe it was Detroit.
• 47:07
  Speaker 2: It had a whole yay, join the union kind of
• 47:10
  Speaker 2: song and dance number.
• 47:11
  Speaker 17: And And everybody I knew that had one had that
• 47:15
  Speaker 17: same copy.
• 47:15
  Speaker 2: Like, it really, like, it was that guy that, like,
• 47:18
  Speaker 2: saved this from obscurity. And, like, we all kind of
• 47:21
  Speaker 2: paid the price. But at the same time, it's kind
• 47:23
  Speaker 2: of cool that somebody made that big a difference. That
• 47:27
  Speaker 2: this many years later, so many geeks now have this
• 47:29
  Speaker 2: and have seen it and have suffered through it.
• 47:32
  Speaker 15: And it's all that guy's fault.
• 47:33
  Speaker 28: Do you remember, was it all GM advertising? Because they're
• 47:36
  Speaker 28: the only sponsor mentioned on this. But I would have
• 47:38
  Speaker 28: thought somebody like Kenner.
• 47:39
  Speaker 19: No, there was definitely a Star Wars commercial in the.
• 47:43
  Speaker 15: Middle of it.
• 47:45
  Speaker 2: I don't think you could have gone through it without
• 47:46
  Speaker 2: a McDonald's ad.
• 47:48
  Speaker 17: There was a lot of Marvel ads.
• 47:51
  Speaker 3: Everybody was tuning in to this. We were making a
• 47:53
  Speaker 3: ton of money off advertising.
• 47:55
  Speaker 18: Seeing this made me realize my action figure collection was
• 47:58
  Speaker 18: not complete because I did not have an.
• 47:59
  Speaker 17: Art Carney or a Maude. or Harvey Korman.
• 48:03
  Speaker 3: I want the gay green guy, the dancer with Cirque
• 48:06
  Speaker 3: du Soleil. I mean, awesome.
• 48:07
  Speaker 17: And you face it, this is canon. Timothy Zahn, not
• 48:13
  Speaker 17: so much, but this is.
• 48:15
  Speaker 2: They were supposedly working on a giant sea serpent that
• 48:19
  Speaker 2: we'll get to in a little while, but just to
• 48:21
  Speaker 2: say they were supposedly, like that was thrown out there
• 48:23
  Speaker 2: that they thought they were working on that to go
• 48:25
  Speaker 2: with the Boba Fett, and that's why the Boba Fett
• 48:27
  Speaker 2: became the male end, because.
• 48:29
  Speaker 17: That's the.
• 48:30
  Speaker 15: Only thing that wasn't scrapped out of that whole.
• 48:31
  Speaker 25: Little run they were planning.
• 48:33
  Speaker 28: So was anybody besides me actually conscious when this was
• 48:36
  Speaker 28: first run?
• 48:37
  Speaker 13: I was watching it.
• 48:38
  Speaker 17: I remember, okay.
• 48:39
  Speaker 13: Because I was like 13, 14.
• 48:41
  Speaker 17: Yeah, I was watching it.
• 48:42
  Speaker 27: I distinctly remember that I had to get my bath
• 48:46
  Speaker 27: early because I had to have enough time to watch it.
• 48:48
  Speaker 2: This was last week when you watched it at home.
• 48:51
  Speaker 3: Yes.
• 48:51
  Speaker 2: And it's funny, my only.
• 48:54
  Speaker 27: Real solid memory that I have from this is I
• 48:57
  Speaker 27: remember the Spartan Troopers forcing their way in. But in
• 49:01
  Speaker 27: my memory, they came from left to right.
• 49:04
  Speaker 17: The door was on the left-hand side. I don't know.
• 49:06
  Speaker 13: I don't think our memory does that.
• 49:07
  Speaker 22: Yeah.
• 49:08
  Speaker 17: You were watching it in a mirror.
• 49:10
  Speaker 18: And I remember them tearing up his teddy bear, too.
• 49:14
  Speaker 18: I'm misremembering it Well, we left off before they'd gone upstairs,
• 49:19
  Speaker 18: so maybe that's yet to occur.
• 49:21
  Speaker 2: Yeah, we stopped just for you guys at home. We
• 49:24
  Speaker 2: stopped at the halfway point because we needed a break
• 49:26
  Speaker 2: for one. We don't know if.
• 49:28
  Speaker 17: It was the halfway point. We just stopped. We needed
• 49:31
  Speaker 17: to come down after Starship.
• 49:32
  Speaker 15: That was intense.
• 49:33
  Speaker 2: I cut off right before you get to the animated
• 49:36
  Speaker 2: part because that's at least incentive to go back because
• 49:38
  Speaker 2: we might never return. Because that's really the only reason
• 49:41
  Speaker 2: to watch the.
• 49:42
  Speaker 4: Rest of it.
• 49:42
  Speaker 28: That's the only reason any of us were tuning in.
• 49:44
  Speaker 28: We had heard that they were going to have this
• 49:45
  Speaker 28: introduction of this.
• 49:46
  Speaker 25: New character, Boba Fett.
• 49:48
  Speaker 28: I think Starlog and some other magazines had reported it
• 49:50
  Speaker 28: at the time.
• 49:52
  Speaker 17: See, this is where you're slightly older than me.
• 49:55
  Speaker 18: I didn't know any of that. All I knew was
• 49:57
  Speaker 18: Star Wars was on TV, and that was a huge deal.
• 50:00
  Speaker 18: I just wanted to see Han Solo. I didn't know
• 50:03
  Speaker 18: any of that.
• 50:04
  Speaker 5: I'm old enough, but I didn't see Star Wars until
• 50:09
  Speaker 5: I was 30-something.
• 50:10
  Speaker 25: Why aren't you reading your Starlog?
• 50:11
  Speaker 17: What's wrong with you?
• 50:13
  Speaker 5: And I just saw the tail end of the one
• 50:15
  Speaker 5: where he gets his hand cut off.
• 50:18
  Speaker 17: Spoiler alert!
• 50:19
  Speaker 2: He didn't say his hand gets cut off.
• 50:26
  Speaker 17: That's why they call him Han Solo.
• 50:28
  Speaker 5: He's just got one hand. And so I'm like, then
• 50:32
  Speaker 5: episode one, they made that, and I started watching them.
• 50:36
  Speaker 5: with my kids, and I thought, oh, well, now I
• 50:38
  Speaker 5: can watch them in order. And then I was like, oh, fuck, no.
• 50:42
  Speaker 17: There's more of them.
• 50:45
  Speaker 5: And I remember, oh, well, now the dramatic questions that
• 50:48
  Speaker 5: have to be answered are what.
• 50:50
  Speaker 13: Happened to Darth Vader to fuck him up. Which they
• 50:54
  Speaker 13: still haven't answered, in my opinion.
• 50:56
  Speaker 15: Well, they at least addressed it.
• 50:58
  Speaker 13: And then the other one was like, what does Yoda
• 51:01
  Speaker 13: do in a fight? And they did it.
• 51:03
  Speaker 17: And they did it. They did that one.
• 51:05
  Speaker 13: He turns into Bugs Punx. He's like the fight.
• 51:07
  Speaker 17: No, he's more of a Tasmanian devil. It's funny though.
• 51:12
  Speaker 27: I do think they did make action figures of Chewie's family.
• 51:16
  Speaker 17: If somebody out there wants to Google that.
• 51:19
  Speaker 3: They might have. I think they had a.
• 51:21
  Speaker 27: Lumpy, Maul, and Itchy.
• 51:23
  Speaker 20: I think there was already an action figure at the party.
• 51:27
  Speaker 17: At the very least, I guarantee they molded some. Before
• 51:30
  Speaker 17: they ever aired it, I'm sure they molded them.
• 51:32
  Speaker 18: I have a weird memory now of this. They were
• 51:35
  Speaker 18: really big into mailing in things.
• 51:39
  Speaker 8: The one guy that I've met on any production of
• 51:41
  Speaker 8: Star Wars, he was on episode one, though.
• 51:43
  Speaker 4: He was a sculptor.
• 51:44
  Speaker 17: He said, as soon as I was done.
• 51:50
  Speaker 8: With my design, even before they gave their blessing that
• 51:53
  Speaker 8: it was good to go, they sent it to the
• 51:55
  Speaker 8: toy manufacturer to take a mold of it and have
• 51:57
  Speaker 8: it ready. Because everything has to have a toy or
• 52:02
  Speaker 8: be able to make a toy.
• 52:03
  Speaker 17: Except Art Carney.
• 52:06
  Speaker 27: When did Art Carney die? Did this thing kill him?
• 52:08
  Speaker 17: Did this kill him? I can't remember.
• 52:11
  Speaker 7: When he died.
• 52:12
  Speaker 17: I think it was a few years later.
• 52:13
  Speaker 25: He was around for a while.
• 52:14
  Speaker 16: Oh, shit.
• 52:15
  Speaker 17: Look at that. Did they make him?
• 52:16
  Speaker 7: Oh, yeah.
• 52:17
  Speaker 17: They've got the full family. And she's got boobs. It
• 52:20
  Speaker 17: is an action figure. Wookiee boobs. Technically. Here we go.
• 52:25
  Speaker 17: Is she wearing the apron? Hey, there's some Wookiee cookies.
• 52:27
  Speaker 15: What is there?
• 52:28
  Speaker 16: Yeah.
• 52:29
  Speaker 25: Wookiee cookies.
• 52:30
  Speaker 7: There we go.
• 52:30
  Speaker 17: Which you've been enjoying.
• 52:32
  Speaker 13: Is Wookiee cookie.
• 52:33
  Speaker 17: A euphemism for?
• 52:34
  Speaker 8: I think I've listened to that.
• 52:40
  Speaker 3: Those are like old school figures.
• 52:41
  Speaker 13: I mean, are those something they were actually made? That's
• 52:44
  Speaker 13: not something somebody custom made.
• 52:46
  Speaker 17: That looks like real.
• 52:49
  Speaker 20: And they were actually released, and it's not just like
• 52:51
  Speaker 20: a prototype toy.
• 52:52
  Speaker 19: That just looks like a mold of Chewie's head on
• 52:54
  Speaker 19: her body.
• 52:55
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it could be a homemade.
• 52:57
  Speaker 13: Well, no, she's slightly more feline, I think. Not in
• 53:02
  Speaker 13: the movie.
• 53:03
  Speaker 17: Yeah, but who's going to... Okay, even if she's a replacement....
• 53:08
  Speaker 13: Kenner Prototype Toys.
• 53:10
  Speaker 5: Chewbacca and his family.
• 53:13
  Speaker 17: They were just figuring that this.
• 53:15
  Speaker 18: special was going to take off and they were going
• 53:17
  Speaker 18: to be selling it.
• 53:18
  Speaker 13: Then maybe in the prototype there is an Artari in there.
• 53:21
  Speaker 13: Oh yeah, and here's the house.
• 53:23
  Speaker 17: Oh wow.
• 53:24
  Speaker 27: Star Wars special.
• 53:27
  Speaker 17: They probably have a cardboard cutout of the house. You know,
• 53:30
  Speaker 17: I was thinking if that is a.
• 53:33
  Speaker 27: Very nice Wookiee house, the typical Wookiee house, what do
• 53:36
  Speaker 27: you think their shower drain must look like in that house?
• 53:40
  Speaker 27: Maybe they have some sort of a space train that
• 53:43
  Speaker 27: takes care of it.
• 53:44
  Speaker 17: It's like a vacuum.
• 53:47
  Speaker 5: A very well thought out article. It's called On the
• 53:53
  Speaker 5: Improbability of the Death Star's Trash Compactor. And it considers
• 53:59
  Speaker 5: those kinds of issues. Because for one thing, why would
• 54:03
  Speaker 5: you compact trash?
• 54:04
  Speaker 13: In space.
• 54:06
  Speaker 17: I've read that same thing.
• 54:07
  Speaker 13: It goes way, way in depth on the trash compactor. Yeah,
• 54:10
  Speaker 13: and why do both walls move at the same time?
• 54:13
  Speaker 20: Yeah, because you wouldn't need that because you could just
• 54:14
  Speaker 20: push up against one. Yeah, it breaks it down. I
• 54:16
  Speaker 20: remember reading the same article in it. It's like a
• 54:20
  Speaker 20: treatise on the trash compactor of Star Wars. It goes
• 54:24
  Speaker 20: on for pages, but it's a very interesting read if
• 54:28
  Speaker 20: you're a big Star Wars fan.
• 54:31
  Speaker 2: Well, I do like with that treehouse we see he
• 54:33
  Speaker 2: already had the plan, because that's basically what the Ewoks are.
• 54:37
  Speaker 13: Right.
• 54:37
  Speaker 15: I mean, he's totally come out with that.
• 54:39
  Speaker 2: He's just like, that was going to be the plot
• 54:41
  Speaker 2: in his head, was the whole planet of Wookiees in
• 54:45
  Speaker 2: the third movie, and then they just broke them in half.
• 54:48
  Speaker 28: Even in the first film, I think if you go
• 54:49
  Speaker 28: back to those really early drafts, there was no Death Star.
• 54:52
  Speaker 28: There was a battle station on the Wookiee planet. It
• 54:55
  Speaker 28: was called Wooka. And there was going to be a
• 54:58
  Speaker 28: big land battle to try to get.
• 54:59
  Speaker 13: In there and rescue the princess.
• 55:00
  Speaker 3: It was a lot more like Hidden Fortress. Yeah.
• 55:03
  Speaker 28: And gradually they started pulling that out and pulling that
• 55:05
  Speaker 28: out and got back to it with Jedi because they
• 55:08
  Speaker 28: didn't really want.
• 55:09
  Speaker 13: To come up with ideas.
• 55:10
  Speaker 27: Do we know the actors who played Lumpy?
• 55:13
  Speaker 17: Do we really? No, I'm curious. Because they're canon. How
• 55:20
  Speaker 17: come they.
• 55:21
  Speaker 27: Aren't at the conventions being interviewed?
• 55:22
  Speaker 17: They should be.
• 55:23
  Speaker 2: It could have been right next to Peter.
• 55:25
  Speaker 17: I don't know.
• 55:27
  Speaker 27: They said the Mala and Chewie reunion after all these years.
• 55:31
  Speaker 16: Right.
• 55:31
  Speaker 17: She's still waiting for him to get home.
• 55:33
  Speaker 13: I know.
• 55:35
  Speaker 17: Sure. You go off and fight your rebellion or whatever
• 55:38
  Speaker 17: it is you do with that space.
• 55:41
  Speaker 13: You better come back for life day.
• 55:43
  Speaker 17: I got to stay here and watch She Harvey Corbin.
• 55:46
  Speaker 7: I'll be home for life day.
• 55:48
  Speaker 8: I love how a pirate. Looks like he has a
• 55:52
  Speaker 8: 9-to-5 job in this. You know, he hasn't come home
• 55:56
  Speaker 8: from work yet. It's a total front store.
• 55:58
  Speaker 17: In the back is where he's manufacturing.
• 56:00
  Speaker 13: Weapons for the Rebellion Army.
• 56:03
  Speaker 27: And I was thinking, was Itchy in one of the wars.
• 56:07
  Speaker 17: Is he like an old veteran, maybe?
• 56:09
  Speaker 8: They should have thrown him into the prequels.
• 56:12
  Speaker 17: That would have been smart. See, they're fighting a lot.
• 56:16
  Speaker 8: He should have been the one escorting Yoda out of.
• 56:18
  Speaker 13: There we go.
• 56:19
  Speaker 17: He'd still look about the same. Maybe that wasn't... Maybe
• 56:23
  Speaker 17: that wasn't... It was... It was.
• 56:24
  Speaker 13: I don't remember their name.
• 56:26
  Speaker 20: If you're going to work it in, then you might
• 56:28
  Speaker 20: as well interlink the Ewok movies into whole... canon too
• 56:31
  Speaker 20: because those have.
• 56:32
  Speaker 2: Kind of gotten lost over i thought lucas at least
• 56:35
  Speaker 2: acknowledged those didn't.
• 56:36
  Speaker 20: He did he acknowledge those in the prequels i think
• 56:38
  Speaker 20: they were sold with a little girl yeah.
• 56:40
  Speaker 8: Yeah oh that was horrible that might be worse.
• 56:44
  Speaker 2: Than this yeah but i thought i mean again he
• 56:47
  Speaker 2: released those i thought so i thought those were at
• 56:49
  Speaker 2: least sort of official like this is the bastard stepchild
• 56:52
  Speaker 2: that he won't acknowledge i bet starship was pissed because
• 56:55
  Speaker 2: they thought man this is gonna be huge.
• 56:57
  Speaker 13: We're gonna get this More famous than ever.
• 56:59
  Speaker 2: You'll notice this was the era when Grace Slick stepped
• 57:03
  Speaker 2: out of the band. You didn't see her rocking out.
• 57:05
  Speaker 17: She's like, we don't need her anymore.
• 57:07
  Speaker 5: We're going to have all this Star Wars money coming
• 57:10
  Speaker 5: to us.
• 57:10
  Speaker 17: They had the purple lightsaber before Mace Windu.
• 57:12
  Speaker 2: Yeah, see?
• 57:13
  Speaker 17: This is kind of cutting edge.
• 57:15
  Speaker 20: Of course, imagine if they had replaced John Williams with
• 57:17
  Speaker 20: Jefferson Starship.
• 57:18
  Speaker 17: Oh, man.
• 57:19
  Speaker 13: What a different empire that would be.
• 57:21
  Speaker 18: Do you think they actually auditioned bands and they were like, Well,
• 57:25
  Speaker 18: you're called Starship.
• 57:26
  Speaker 17: I guess we'll go with that.
• 57:28
  Speaker 2: I see some producer going, wait, Starship, Jefferson, get them
• 57:33
  Speaker 2: on the phone.
• 57:34
  Speaker 20: Even better, just John Williams comes up with orchestral music
• 57:37
  Speaker 20: for them to perform.
• 57:39
  Speaker 13: Blend the two.
• 57:41
  Speaker 2: Do we want to go into the, like, laughing bits
• 57:44
  Speaker 2: that we went into watching Starship?
• 57:46
  Speaker 5: It's funny that they never connected with any of the great, like,
• 57:49
  Speaker 5: art rock bands of that era.
• 57:52
  Speaker 13: Who were doing stuff that would have fit so well.
• 57:54
  Speaker 17: But they didn't have a space-sounding name.
• 57:57
  Speaker 18: I'll bet you the guys in Emerson Lake and Palmer
• 58:00
  Speaker 18: were like, oh crap, why did we call ourselves Cosmic
• 58:03
  Speaker 18: Battle Station?
• 58:05
  Speaker 17: Then we would have been picked.
• 58:08
  Speaker 2: Maybe they just didn't look enough like Spinal Tap and
• 58:10
  Speaker 2: they didn't want that.
• 58:11
  Speaker 17: Maybe that's the whole reason this thing. This was made
• 58:15
  Speaker 17: so that Spinal Tap could be made. It may be.
• 58:17
  Speaker 17: Once again.
• 58:21
  Speaker 24: We're looking at a picture of the single that was
• 58:25
  Speaker 24: made available as the Jefferson Starship single from this classic
• 58:30
  Speaker 24: holiday episode.
• 58:33
  Speaker 17: He's still immersed.
• 58:36
  Speaker 29: Up into it. He's still immersed up into it. I'm
• 59:01
  Speaker 29: a real astronaut. God love you here tonight? Oh, will
• 59:16
  Speaker 29: you take me higher than the moon from the sky?
• 59:28
  Speaker 29: As seen and heard.
• 59:45
  Speaker 26: I like how they're trying to kind of imitate the
• 59:48
  Speaker 26: moving font of the intro, but they do it the
• 59:50
  Speaker 26: wrong way.
• 59:51
  Speaker 13: So it's like moving away.
• 59:54
  Speaker 5: Going out the other side of the galaxy.
• 59:59
  Speaker 27: You know, in the very beginning, I wonder how many
• 1:00:02
  Speaker 27: pedantic Star Wars.
• 1:00:04
  Speaker 18: Star Wars nerds were like, that is the wrong thought.
• 1:00:07
  Speaker 17: This is not right.
• 1:00:09
  Speaker 27: That is a squeeze times new Roman.
• 1:00:13
  Speaker 20: I wonder if they had time at that juncture to
• 1:00:16
  Speaker 20: get to that point. I mean, how long, that's a
• 1:00:18
  Speaker 20: valid question, how long does it take to become a
• 1:00:21
  Speaker 20: pedantic nerd? Like, how long do you become a fervent
• 1:00:24
  Speaker 20: geek once a new genre, because I mean, Star Wars
• 1:00:27
  Speaker 20: was a new genre that was born, essentially.
• 1:00:29
  Speaker 3: Yeah, before that it was nothing but Star Trek geek stuff.
• 1:00:32
  Speaker 17: What is that final sacrament that you have to go
• 1:00:34
  Speaker 17: through and then you go, aw, crap.
• 1:00:36
  Speaker 13: Confirmation. You have to.
• 1:00:39
  Speaker 20: I've got that boiling pot like you did on Kung Fu.
• 1:00:44
  Speaker 17: It just comes right to the table.
• 1:00:46
  Speaker 8: Perhaps it was a rite of passage that you made
• 1:00:49
  Speaker 8: it through this.
• 1:00:51
  Speaker 17: And actually, you know, how many people... We're working on it.
• 1:00:54
  Speaker 13: This is the firewall.
• 1:00:56
  Speaker 24: Right.
• 1:00:56
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 1:00:58
  Speaker 17: Well, you came out on the other side.
• 1:01:00
  Speaker 13: You're one of us now.
• 1:01:01
  Speaker 20: The question, too, is were there any kids between the
• 1:01:05
  Speaker 20: ages of, I don't know what their demographic was, between
• 1:01:08
  Speaker 20: 6 and 16 or whatever, that legitimately liked this?
• 1:01:12
  Speaker 17: I remember making a point to watch it.
• 1:01:14
  Speaker 13: But for all of you all who are old enough,
• 1:01:17
  Speaker 13: or anybody, has anyone ever talked to somebody who liked this?
• 1:01:20
  Speaker 12: No.
• 1:01:20
  Speaker 13: Because there are people who always like everything.
• 1:01:22
  Speaker 3: There were probably some little kids.
• 1:01:24
  Speaker 13: I mean, they keep making Adam Sandler films. Somebody has
• 1:01:26
  Speaker 13: to like them.
• 1:01:27
  Speaker 16: By the time this was out, Saturday Night Live was out.
• 1:01:30
  Speaker 3: So we were laughing our heads off at stuff like that.
• 1:01:32
  Speaker 17: You know, I was probably seven, eight.
• 1:01:34
  Speaker 27: I very well could have liked it for all I know.
• 1:01:38
  Speaker 27: It's just one of those things where you can't watch
• 1:01:39
  Speaker 27: it over. sort of forgot all the Harvey Korman and
• 1:01:43
  Speaker 27: the dancing queens and just focused on, oh yeah, and
• 1:01:46
  Speaker 27: then Stormtroopers came in.
• 1:01:47
  Speaker 17: You saw Stormtroopers.
• 1:01:48
  Speaker 7: Tear it up.
• 1:01:49
  Speaker 13: Yeah, that's what I was thinking.
• 1:01:50
  Speaker 3: That's all that matters.
• 1:01:50
  Speaker 17: That's the thing. I don't remember most of it from
• 1:01:53
  Speaker 17: the first time. Like, I remember that it did have them.
• 1:01:56
  Speaker 2: Like, I remember Han Solo's in it and Chewie's in it.
• 1:01:59
  Speaker 15: And there's Mark Hamill and he's wearing a lot of
• 1:02:01
  Speaker 15: makeup on.
• 1:02:01
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I vaguely remember the Harvey Korman cooking show and
• 1:02:04
  Speaker 3: then I remember... I might have... Later, I think, don't
• 1:02:06
  Speaker 3: we end up in a cantina?
• 1:02:07
  Speaker 7: Yeah, yeah.
• 1:02:08
  Speaker 17: We had mods there. but it's mostly leaping into the
• 1:02:11
  Speaker 17: future now by the way do we know what was
• 1:02:13
  Speaker 17: on the other channels.
• 1:02:15
  Speaker 8: Because the Muppets wouldn't have been on I'm.
• 1:02:21
  Speaker 18: Glad you brought that up you know we were talking
• 1:02:23
  Speaker 18: about how recently they have put out the original Sesame
• 1:02:27
  Speaker 18: Streets from 1972 onto Netflix and we started watching them
• 1:02:31
  Speaker 18: and they were amazing and I was and you just
• 1:02:36
  Speaker 18: I'm just constantly impressed by how funny it is how.
• 1:02:38
  Speaker 27: Clever and And then I see this, and it's like
• 1:02:42
  Speaker 27: the exact opposite.
• 1:02:43
  Speaker 17: Right.
• 1:02:43
  Speaker 25: This is just really pedantic television.
• 1:02:47
  Speaker 3: Muppet Show was out, I think, but it was syndicated.
• 1:02:50
  Speaker 17: Right, but it wouldn't have been on. I mean, I
• 1:02:54
  Speaker 17: assumed that this was a Friday night broadcast. Almost all
• 1:02:56
  Speaker 17: the specials were Friday night. I know the Muppets were out.
• 1:02:58
  Speaker 7: It was a.
• 1:02:58
  Speaker 27: Syndicated package, so it was shown at different times.
• 1:03:01
  Speaker 17: I think Muppets came out later.
• 1:03:02
  Speaker 3: Usually around 7.
• 1:03:03
  Speaker 2: So what you're saying, there's a kid somewhere watching this
• 1:03:07
  Speaker 2: originally that's like, Mom, can we change it to Macmillan
• 1:03:09
  Speaker 2: and wife?
• 1:03:10
  Speaker 23: Yeah.
• 1:03:11
  Speaker 17: There's like manics on. Come on.
• 1:03:15
  Speaker 13: It might have been endearing had it been half an hour.
• 1:03:17
  Speaker 20: I mean, you could have almost looked at it back
• 1:03:19
  Speaker 20: at its tongue in cheek, but when it drags on
• 1:03:22
  Speaker 20: for two goddamn hours.
• 1:03:24
  Speaker 18: Something else that we're forgetting is this was made at
• 1:03:27
  Speaker 18: a time before there was video recorders.
• 1:03:31
  Speaker 17: Except that one guy. And there was no cable.
• 1:03:34
  Speaker 27: So every year they had holiday specials for every year.
• 1:03:37
  Speaker 17: And it was always a big deal.
• 1:03:39
  Speaker 28: And Well, there were VCRs out as early as 75,
• 1:03:43
  Speaker 28: but it just mattered how many people could actually afford
• 1:03:47
  Speaker 28: it or would do it. So I knew guys in
• 1:03:50
  Speaker 28: 78 who were taping stuff, but I didn't know anybody
• 1:03:53
  Speaker 28: who taped this.
• 1:03:54
  Speaker 2: I think I've brought it up before. He had one
• 1:03:56
  Speaker 2: of the two-piece that came with the camera, and you
• 1:03:59
  Speaker 2: had to actually hook it up, and it had actual buttons.
• 1:04:03
  Speaker 17: Kind of like was on the thing here. It was almost.
• 1:04:07
  Speaker 19: Like the old tape recorders that you had to hit
• 1:04:09
  Speaker 19: the buttons. It was just a giant version of that
• 1:04:11
  Speaker 19: that you jammed the tape in.
• 1:04:12
  Speaker 18: I just wish I could have heard the phone call
• 1:04:14
  Speaker 18: of him calling a Paris and Ford and saying, yeah,
• 1:04:17
  Speaker 18: we got this line in your contract.
• 1:04:21
  Speaker 17: But he's giving it his all. He's really trying. I
• 1:04:24
  Speaker 17: give him that.
• 1:04:26
  Speaker 20: When he shows up at the end, he still seems
• 1:04:28
  Speaker 20: to be trying.
• 1:04:29
  Speaker 13: Out of everyone, he's the one who's just Trying his best.
• 1:04:32
  Speaker 17: Carrie Fisher's phoning it in.
• 1:04:33
  Speaker 2: We weren't sure if she was already on something at
• 1:04:36
  Speaker 2: this point.
• 1:04:37
  Speaker 17: She sort of stumbled.
• 1:04:39
  Speaker 26: Harrison Ford had to read his lines in the dark,
• 1:04:42
  Speaker 26: almost like he was so ashamed. You know, that was
• 1:04:44
  Speaker 26: like the inside of the Millennium Falcon.
• 1:04:47
  Speaker 15: You could hardly see anything.
• 1:04:48
  Speaker 17: Just don't turn the lights on. The lighting's so bad.
• 1:04:50
  Speaker 20: Seeing Carrie Fisher remind me, I think I've mentioned that
• 1:04:53
  Speaker 20: story when I met her in a previous episode.
• 1:04:54
  Speaker 7: Yeah.
• 1:04:55
  Speaker 13: So I thought, just.
• 1:04:56
  Speaker 2: Well, I mean, she's come out many, many a time now.
• 1:05:00
  Speaker 2: That's no secret that she's been very public about how
• 1:05:03
  Speaker 2: messed up she was.
• 1:05:04
  Speaker 19: During, I don't think the first one so much, but
• 1:05:06
  Speaker 19: by the time you get to the next.
• 1:05:07
  Speaker 2: Two, by Jedi, she's a mess. She hides it well
• 1:05:13
  Speaker 2: on the big screen, but on here, I think she
• 1:05:15
  Speaker 2: was already kind of like, showing up with a couple
• 1:05:18
  Speaker 2: on the set there.
• 1:05:19
  Speaker 3: I don't know.
• 1:05:19
  Speaker 2: She seemed a little out of it.
• 1:05:20
  Speaker 17: Man, there's monkeys talking to you.
• 1:05:22
  Speaker 13: Lucy, you're being a plot down there.
• 1:05:25
  Speaker 17: She foreshadowed what she was going to say.
• 1:05:32
  Speaker 13: You guys ruined Christmas for me?
• 1:05:35
  Speaker 17: No, we ruined Life Day for you.
• 1:05:37
  Speaker 2: No. Okay, so here's the thing.
• 1:05:39
  Speaker 31: So originally when I got the email earlier today and
• 1:05:41
  Speaker 31: there was the assignment about picking out like something that
• 1:05:44
  Speaker 31: maybe something you find problematic about the holidays and I
• 1:05:47
  Speaker 31: racked my brain because there's nothing.
• 1:05:50
  Speaker 2: Like I love Christmas.
• 1:05:52
  Speaker 31: Christmas is my favorite.
• 1:05:54
  Speaker 2: I was thinking I'm Pollyanna, but I'm Jollyanna.
• 1:05:57
  Speaker 17: I love Christmas. And then in the course of.
• 1:06:01
  Speaker 31: However many hours, 12 or whatever it is at this point,
• 1:06:04
  Speaker 31: however long we've been here, you not.
• 1:06:07
  Speaker 2: Only ruined my favorite Christmas song, but you actually ruined
• 1:06:10
  Speaker 2: the concept of the Christmas special. And I feel like
• 1:06:13
  Speaker 2: I have nothing now. Thank you.
• 1:06:15
  Speaker 17: Oh, okay. What is your second favorite Christmas?
• 1:06:17
  Speaker 22: Oh, God.
• 1:06:18
  Speaker 2: I don't know more about it than to show.
• 1:06:21
  Speaker 17: That to my friends.
• 1:06:22
  Speaker 13: I don't know if I haven't ruined Christmas cooking yet.
• 1:06:25
  Speaker 3: How about Hanukkah?
• 1:06:25
  Speaker 17: How do you feel about Hanukkah? Is it going to ruin.
• 1:06:27
  Speaker 7: That for you?
• 1:06:28
  Speaker 20: Now, see, now, at least I have somebody else to
• 1:06:31
  Speaker 20: sympathize because I love Christmas, too, but Christmas just doesn't
• 1:06:34
  Speaker 20: like me. Anytime, it's like I totally just prepped for
• 1:06:37
  Speaker 20: the holidays and I want to totally embrace the sentimentality
• 1:06:41
  Speaker 20: and nostalgia of, like, Christmases of my youth, but it's like,
• 1:06:45
  Speaker 20: It's not there. And not only is it not there,
• 1:06:46
  Speaker 20: but it's there to give me the middle finger. So
• 1:06:48
  Speaker 20: I feel very much like the freshman who happened to
• 1:06:52
  Speaker 20: luck into being the head of the AV department, and
• 1:06:57
  Speaker 20: I've got a crush on the head of the cheerleading team,
• 1:06:59
  Speaker 20: like the senior cheerleader. It's like I can love her
• 1:07:03
  Speaker 20: all I want, but I am not there to her.
• 1:07:07
  Speaker 13: That's my relationship with Christmas.
• 1:07:08
  Speaker 3: Well, it doesn't go back for a lot of people
• 1:07:10
  Speaker 3: until you have kids.
• 1:07:11
  Speaker 7: Of your own.
• 1:07:12
  Speaker 21: Yeah.
• 1:07:12
  Speaker 5: I don't think that the existence of this Christmas special
• 1:07:19
  Speaker 5: should ruin any other aspect.
• 1:07:23
  Speaker 13: I don't think so.
• 1:07:25
  Speaker 5: The thing that bothers me about Christmas is at bargain
• 1:07:31
  Speaker 5: supplies sometimes you'll see these little guitars. And I pick
• 1:07:36
  Speaker 5: them up and I tune them, and they're fucking untuneable.
• 1:07:40
  Speaker 5: And there are these guitars that somebody is going to
• 1:07:42
  Speaker 5: give to a child who's going to try to play it,
• 1:07:46
  Speaker 5: not knowing that it's fucking unplayable. And somewhere in the world,
• 1:07:50
  Speaker 5: there's a factory.
• 1:07:52
  Speaker 13: Making these fucking things. It is at the North Pole
• 1:07:57
  Speaker 13: and staffed by elves, I believe.
• 1:07:58
  Speaker 17: It's impossible to even push down and hit a fret correctly.
• 1:08:01
  Speaker 13: You can't, and even if you do, it's not in tune.
• 1:08:05
  Speaker 13: It's totally wrong.
• 1:08:06
  Speaker 5: And when you're starting out, you don't know. And the cynicism,
• 1:08:12
  Speaker 5: it's like that same factory that makes those guitars that
• 1:08:16
  Speaker 5: they give to unsuspecting children produced this Christmas special for
• 1:08:22
  Speaker 5: kids to watch or to get as a gift.
• 1:08:25
  Speaker 17: But see, I don't think they're necessarily... Sorry, I just.
• 1:08:29
  Speaker 18: For Christmas, I got a toy gun, and the gun
• 1:08:33
  Speaker 18: didn't shoot bullets, so why would I expect a toy.
• 1:08:35
  Speaker 13: Guitar to play? It's a toy.
• 1:08:38
  Speaker 17: That is a legitimate point. I don't know. The lightsaber
• 1:08:42
  Speaker 17: didn't cut things in.
• 1:08:43
  Speaker 13: No, but it's not a toy. I mean, it's built
• 1:08:46
  Speaker 13: like a guitar. It looks like a guitar. It has
• 1:08:50
  Speaker 13: strings on it.
• 1:08:51
  Speaker 28: You're supposed to express yourself with it. My little girl
• 1:08:53
  Speaker 28: wants a toy guitar, yet she'll be walking through, you know, Yeah.
• 1:08:57
  Speaker 3: Tony's all right.
• 1:08:57
  Speaker 13: So he'll pick up one of those lousy nylon string things.
• 1:09:00
  Speaker 13: That's not real.
• 1:09:02
  Speaker 17: After seeing the magic of.
• 1:09:03
  Speaker 27: Starship, I would suggest getting her a keytar.
• 1:09:06
  Speaker 12: Those things are awesome.
• 1:09:09
  Speaker 2: The moral of your story is give kids a real.
• 1:09:13
  Speaker 15: Gun for Christmas.
• 1:09:14
  Speaker 3: Don't shoot them.
• 1:09:15
  Speaker 2: Now, go ahead.
• 1:09:18
  Speaker 20: I was just going to try to at least kind of,
• 1:09:23
  Speaker 20: I don't know, validate Fred's point or back it up
• 1:09:26
  Speaker 20: or completely.
• 1:09:27
  Speaker 13: I don't even know what's happening now. But you've given
• 1:09:28
  Speaker 13: up now.
• 1:09:29
  Speaker 17: Yeah, well, I was going to say, I think when it.
• 1:09:31
  Speaker 20: Comes to those factories that are making those guitars, I
• 1:09:35
  Speaker 20: don't think it's their thinking about what you're thinking about.
• 1:09:37
  Speaker 13: I think they're clueless, and I think it's the same
• 1:09:39
  Speaker 13: deal here.
• 1:09:39
  Speaker 20: I think when we're watching this, I feel like I'm
• 1:09:41
  Speaker 20: watching a Star Wars holiday special made by somebody who
• 1:09:45
  Speaker 20: had never seen Star Wars.
• 1:09:47
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 1:09:47
  Speaker 17: It's made in a sweatshop entirely. It's true.
• 1:09:52
  Speaker 2: This basic outline was like Lucas gave it to him
• 1:09:55
  Speaker 2: and went.
• 1:09:56
  Speaker 17: Here, they go to the home planet.
• 1:09:57
  Speaker 12: And then.
• 1:09:58
  Speaker 2: He, from the way the story goes, had no, like
• 1:10:01
  Speaker 2: at this point, he has no power. He's a nobody still.
• 1:10:04
  Speaker 2: So the network took over and all this musical interlude
• 1:10:07
  Speaker 2: nonsense was the network doing.
• 1:10:10
  Speaker 28: The people doing network programming back then, like Fred Silverman
• 1:10:13
  Speaker 28: and people like that. And they're all like, you know,
• 1:10:15
  Speaker 28: too old for this audience and probably coped up.
• 1:10:20
  Speaker 13: So I thought, well, what made Star Wars cool?
• 1:10:22
  Speaker 17: Well, it was that Varsi, man.
• 1:10:23
  Speaker 25: It was so funny. And that's all they go for.
• 1:10:26
  Speaker 17: And the laser lights. Kids like the aliens.
• 1:10:28
  Speaker 3: You know, overt stuff.
• 1:10:29
  Speaker 17: Kids like Arkani.
• 1:10:30
  Speaker 20: Couldn't get Red Skelton, so we'll go with Arkani.
• 1:10:32
  Speaker 19: There's nothing the kids are into.
• 1:10:35
  Speaker 18: You know, when the Imperial called on the space phone
• 1:10:39
  Speaker 18: and said the planet was under martial law, why was
• 1:10:42
  Speaker 18: he talking to them in English? Why didn't he speak
• 1:10:44
  Speaker 18: in the native tongue?
• 1:10:46
  Speaker 13: Yeah, that's what I think Greg and I were talking about.
• 1:10:48
  Speaker 13: It's like, why is it that.
• 1:10:50
  Speaker 20: All Wookiees understand English, but hardly anyone who speaks English
• 1:10:55
  Speaker 20: understands Wookiee.
• 1:10:56
  Speaker 13: Why does it go one way.
• 1:10:56
  Speaker 17: Or not the other? That is so the American stereotype.
• 1:10:59
  Speaker 17: I was going to say, let's not go anywhere. Ah,
• 1:11:01
  Speaker 17: you understand English. You're just pretending you don't. You say, oh,
• 1:11:06
  Speaker 17: you speak English.
• 1:11:07
  Speaker 20: And they do the exact same thing in the Star
• 1:11:09
  Speaker 20: Wars special, too, when the Wookiees act like they don't
• 1:11:11
  Speaker 20: understand them.
• 1:11:11
  Speaker 13: They just say it again, but louder.
• 1:11:16
  Speaker 17: You don't know where he is?
• 1:11:19
  Speaker 27: Oh, he's not there yet.
• 1:11:21
  Speaker 29: Is that it?
• 1:11:24
  Speaker 2: Oh, boy.
• 1:11:25
  Speaker 17: Well, all I can tell you is that he and Han.
• 1:11:28
  Speaker 13: Left here on schedule.
• 1:11:30
  Speaker 17: If he's not there now, they're way overdue.
• 1:11:32
  Speaker 34: I'm sure they must have been in trouble.
• 1:11:39
  Speaker 16: R2-D2, this is important.
• 1:11:44
  Speaker 17: Now listen, calm down.
• 1:11:45
  Speaker 5: I mean, you know how Han and Chewbacca are.
• 1:11:48
  Speaker 17: Anything could have happened. They could have stopped off.
• 1:11:50
  Speaker 1: Somewhere or been held up by an asteroid storm.
• 1:11:54
  Speaker 17: Listen, I wouldn't worry about Chewbacca.
• 1:11:56
  Speaker 2: I know him and he hasn't missed a life day yet, right?
• 1:12:00
  Speaker 13: Well, there you go.
• 1:12:00
  Speaker 2: He's not going to miss this one either.
• 1:12:02
  Speaker 17: So what did everyone think of Mark Hamill's appearances?
• 1:12:07
  Speaker 3: He looks like a mannequin.
• 1:12:09
  Speaker 13: He looks very dolled up.
• 1:12:10
  Speaker 26: Just like in the movies, he's just not quite all
• 1:12:12
  Speaker 26: the way there.
• 1:12:12
  Speaker 13: It's like, okay, all right, one at a time.
• 1:12:15
  Speaker 17: He's the most uncool superhero ever. He really is.
• 1:12:18
  Speaker 20: Actually, I mean, we were trying to remember, I guess, Fred,
• 1:12:21
  Speaker 20: since you got the view, when was the wreck that
• 1:12:23
  Speaker 20: he got in?
• 1:12:24
  Speaker 3: I mean, it was right before this.
• 1:12:26
  Speaker 17: It said it was right before this.
• 1:12:28
  Speaker 13: That's why he's got so much makeup on. Yeah, he
• 1:12:31
  Speaker 13: was in a wreck.
• 1:12:32
  Speaker 15: Yeah, he was in a car wreck.
• 1:12:33
  Speaker 13: He had done.
• 1:12:35
  Speaker 17: Corvette Silver?
• 1:12:36
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that was after Star Wars.
• 1:12:39
  Speaker 27: Did you see Empire? You said you saw that one, right?
• 1:12:41
  Speaker 7: Yeah.
• 1:12:42
  Speaker 18: In the very beginning, he gets his face swiped by
• 1:12:44
  Speaker 18: the big Bigfoot Yeti Wompa, you know, and they use
• 1:12:48
  Speaker 18: that to explain all the scars on his face.
• 1:12:51
  Speaker 3: It's pretty clever.
• 1:12:52
  Speaker 13: Yeah.
• 1:12:52
  Speaker 5: Did they ever explain the Cinnabums on her head?
• 1:12:58
  Speaker 27: That was her iPod headphone.
• 1:13:00
  Speaker 33: Oh.
• 1:13:02
  Speaker 15: It was literally two Cinnabons that she just.
• 1:13:04
  Speaker 28: I was talking to Bo while we were watching that scene,
• 1:13:07
  Speaker 28: and I like to think that Mark was actually working
• 1:13:09
  Speaker 28: on his bong. The smoke was rolling out of that
• 1:13:12
  Speaker 28: device in the background.
• 1:13:13
  Speaker 3: It was like Star Wars bong.
• 1:13:14
  Speaker 17: R2 has to be perfect.
• 1:13:17
  Speaker 20: Actually, our little corner back there, every time something would
• 1:13:20
  Speaker 20: come on, it's like, how drugged up were they?
• 1:13:22
  Speaker 17: The whole opening sequence.
• 1:13:24
  Speaker 20: To where the Wookiees are walking around and just chitter-chattering
• 1:13:26
  Speaker 20: and there's no.
• 1:13:27
  Speaker 17: English, that's on a trip.
• 1:13:29
  Speaker 13: And then he's sitting there and he's looking at... Diane Carroll. Yeah,
• 1:13:33
  Speaker 13: Diane Carroll.
• 1:13:34
  Speaker 20: And that, like, the stars go on forever before you
• 1:13:36
  Speaker 20: even get around to anything.
• 1:13:38
  Speaker 13: And not only that, but just the Harvey Korman thing with, like, the.
• 1:13:40
  Speaker 20: The third arm, you can imagine somebody who just dropped
• 1:13:43
  Speaker 20: acid and watched this all of a sudden with a
• 1:13:44
  Speaker 20: third arm.
• 1:13:45
  Speaker 13: It's the 70s, man.
• 1:13:47
  Speaker 27: Who do you think was wearing more makeup?
• 1:13:49
  Speaker 17: Diane Carroll or Mark Hamill?
• 1:13:51
  Speaker 3: Mark Hamill.
• 1:13:53
  Speaker 13: I think Mark Hamill performed her part.
• 1:13:58
  Speaker 17: He was pretty damn good. He was the Al Jolson
• 1:14:01
  Speaker 17: of Star Wars. And his tap of the flight suit
• 1:14:04
  Speaker 17: was fabulous. Which also was something I got confused on, too.
• 1:14:08
  Speaker 13: I was like, alright, so... The cooking show.
• 1:14:13
  Speaker 20: This creature, is this being broadcast throughout the galaxy?
• 1:14:18
  Speaker 13: That was kind of the impression I got. But here's
• 1:14:20
  Speaker 13: the thing.
• 1:14:21
  Speaker 20: If it's being broadcast throughout the galaxy, how do you
• 1:14:23
  Speaker 20: find ingredients that are commensurate with what's being broadcast on there?
• 1:14:28
  Speaker 20: And if it is not being broadcast throughout the galaxy,
• 1:14:30
  Speaker 20: if it's just on the Wookiee planet, why.
• 1:14:32
  Speaker 13: Is it not a Wookiee?
• 1:14:34
  Speaker 17: It's the planet full of 4L people and also Wookiees.
• 1:14:36
  Speaker 15: Those are the two species.
• 1:14:38
  Speaker 17: There's a spice wars, man. But they're cooking Bantha.
• 1:14:41
  Speaker 25: Bantha's a Tatooine.
• 1:14:43
  Speaker 13: Yeah, the toy Bantha's in the bedroom.
• 1:14:45
  Speaker 3: She's cooking Bantha.
• 1:14:46
  Speaker 17: All this fun entertainment.
• 1:14:49
  Speaker 18: We're told that they live under an oppressive space government,
• 1:14:52
  Speaker 18: yet they have the wacky cooking show. Did you notice
• 1:14:55
  Speaker 18: the space jello molds hanging up on the wall?
• 1:14:58
  Speaker 22: Maybe.
• 1:14:58
  Speaker 2: In fact, All of this is on TV to distract them.
• 1:15:02
  Speaker 2: It's all run by the Empire. It's propaganda, damn it!
• 1:15:08
  Speaker 3: Has anyone ever asked any of these questions? No, probably not.
• 1:15:13
  Speaker 18: I did notice something, because this is the first time
• 1:15:15
  Speaker 18: I've seen it on a big screen. Usually I've seen
• 1:15:17
  Speaker 18: it at a little quick time window. My parents in
• 1:15:22
  Speaker 18: their kitchen, and I think a lot of parents in
• 1:15:24
  Speaker 18: the 70s, had.
• 1:15:25
  Speaker 17: The big wooden... Fork and the big wooden spoon. Mala
• 1:15:30
  Speaker 17: was using those.
• 1:15:35
  Speaker 13: You grew up with Wookiee utensils on your wall.
• 1:15:39
  Speaker 17: I should put them on eBay. I'll make a fortune.
• 1:15:41
  Speaker 17: You turn them over and they say Star Wars on
• 1:15:43
  Speaker 17: the back. As a matter of fact.
• 1:15:45
  Speaker 20: I actually know the question that should be asked is
• 1:15:49
  Speaker 20: did this movie get picked apart by David Cronenberg and
• 1:15:52
  Speaker 20: some friend afterwards? Because I can see them talking about
• 1:15:55
  Speaker 20: just Because when we started getting into the weird surreal nature,
• 1:15:59
  Speaker 20: like maybe it's all propaganda, maybe it's all just fake
• 1:16:02
  Speaker 20: stuff being projected at them. It's like, I can see
• 1:16:04
  Speaker 20: Videodrome coming out of this, like the idea.
• 1:16:06
  Speaker 2: And he was on a lot of drugs too.
• 1:16:10
  Speaker 13: Exactly, he was on a lot of drugs too.
• 1:16:12
  Speaker 20: So just the idea of watching a show that's so
• 1:16:16
  Speaker 20: insipid that it would cause a brain tumor, then maybe
• 1:16:18
  Speaker 20: from that joke, then Cronenberg's like, you know.
• 1:16:22
  Speaker 2: When they re-release it on DVD, they should put that
• 1:16:25
  Speaker 2: on the video.
• 1:16:26
  Speaker 20: If anything, they should actually... I want to actually... No,
• 1:16:29
  Speaker 20: I take it back. I want this on DVD, but
• 1:16:31
  Speaker 20: I want David Cronenberg to do a commentary. I will
• 1:16:33
  Speaker 20: pay a fortune for that.
• 1:16:35
  Speaker 25: So insipid, it will cause a brain. I'm trying to
• 1:16:37
  Speaker 25: remember some other things.
• 1:16:38
  Speaker 17: That really made me laugh.
• 1:16:40
  Speaker 18: Like the part where the falcon is flying over the
• 1:16:43
  Speaker 18: house and Lumpy notices and he gets.
• 1:16:46
  Speaker 17: It's exactly.
• 1:16:47
  Speaker 27: Like when you pull into your driveway and your family dog.
• 1:16:51
  Speaker 2: Perks up and knows that daddy is with him. And
• 1:16:54
  Speaker 2: Lumpy goes and jumps on him.
• 1:16:56
  Speaker 8: Get off me!
• 1:16:57
  Speaker 32: No!
• 1:16:57
  Speaker 17: Smack him with a paper.
• 1:16:58
  Speaker 18: In the scene where Lumpy is bouncing on the railing,
• 1:17:02
  Speaker 18: you know, we were, Brian and I were wondering how
• 1:17:05
  Speaker 18: many kids died trying to imitate that.
• 1:17:07
  Speaker 17: I saw Lumpy do it! I saw Lumpy do it!
• 1:17:11
  Speaker 20: It's something else that I think Greg pointed out. Didn't
• 1:17:13
  Speaker 20: he make the comment, it's like, we're going to go
• 1:17:14
  Speaker 20: around to the backside of the planet and touch down
• 1:17:16
  Speaker 20: and just Walking's good.
• 1:17:18
  Speaker 13: It's like taking a long walk halfway across the planet.
• 1:17:21
  Speaker 33: Through a jungle in the same day.
• 1:17:23
  Speaker 13: Exercise never hurt anyone.
• 1:17:25
  Speaker 15: He's got a point.
• 1:17:26
  Speaker 17: Happy Life Day. Do you see any.
• 1:17:28
  Speaker 13: Do you see any.
• 1:17:30
  Speaker 17: We have to.
• 1:17:33
  Speaker 13: Not die.
• 1:17:34
  Speaker 15: Think about that.
• 1:17:35
  Speaker 2: Enjoy life while we can. They're always thin.
• 1:17:39
  Speaker 13: They got the secret on this.
• 1:17:41
  Speaker 17: He's just got the old thing. All he does is
• 1:17:43
  Speaker 17: sit around and beat off. Grandpa's kind of a jackass,
• 1:17:47
  Speaker 17: by the way.
• 1:17:47
  Speaker 2: Every time the kid comes around, he just yells at him.
• 1:17:49
  Speaker 17: I think it's because he's a grizzled old war veteran. Yeah,
• 1:17:53
  Speaker 17: I fought the war for you.
• 1:17:54
  Speaker 13: It's like War Horse.
• 1:17:59
  Speaker 20: Actually, if anything, War Horse, keep watching this and then
• 1:18:04
  Speaker 20: watch it again.
• 1:18:07
  Speaker 17: God damn you for that question.
• 1:18:09
  Speaker 2: God damn you. I'll never get that out of my head.
• 1:18:13
  Speaker 2: I really don't think you should let this ruin your
• 1:18:15
  Speaker 2: Christmas because we watch horrible movies all the time and
• 1:18:18
  Speaker 2: think they don't ruin movies for you, right? They make
• 1:18:21
  Speaker 2: a lot of bad movies and think how much you
• 1:18:23
  Speaker 2: still like to go to the movies.
• 1:18:24
  Speaker 13: I'm going to say, I don't.
• 1:18:25
  Speaker 26: Know if this could quite ruin Christmas because so far,
• 1:18:28
  Speaker 26: nothing Christmas-related hats have.
• 1:18:31
  Speaker 8: It's really not even like most Christmas specials.
• 1:18:34
  Speaker 2: You'd have to go back to this time period. It
• 1:18:36
  Speaker 2: doesn't even fit any rake and bass kind of stuff.
• 1:18:39
  Speaker 13: I can't remember exactly when this was broadcast.
• 1:18:41
  Speaker 3: Was it before Thanksgiving and Christmas?
• 1:18:42
  Speaker 17: I think it was early December.
• 1:18:44
  Speaker 31: I think it's like december 7th or somewhere celebrate christmas.
• 1:18:51
  Speaker 8: Now it's sometime after halloween you know speaking of which
• 1:18:57
  Speaker 8: in the way of other specials we were talking about
• 1:18:59
  Speaker 8: the paul lind halloween special.
• 1:19:01
  Speaker 25: Back there oh great yeah with kiss awesome.
• 1:19:05
  Speaker 5: When I'm watching it and I try to think what's
• 1:19:08
  Speaker 5: on other channels, like you intuitively do, because can.
• 1:19:12
  Speaker 13: We change it? I picture golf. I picture turning the channel,
• 1:19:18
  Speaker 13: you know?
• 1:19:18
  Speaker 17: Well, this would have been primetime TV.
• 1:19:20
  Speaker 13: I know, but it has the pace.
• 1:19:22
  Speaker 7: Oh, yeah.
• 1:19:23
  Speaker 5: Like, you're watching on, like, Sunday afternoon when nothing's on.
• 1:19:29
  Speaker 17: Or Heidi.
• 1:19:30
  Speaker 28: No, for something that's on primetime, this is crawl.
• 1:19:34
  Speaker 2: Or, say, a cooking show.
• 1:19:35
  Speaker 20: Or, no, I would say it's more like NASCAR than
• 1:19:38
  Speaker 20: golf because... you're waiting for some action to happen. It's like,
• 1:19:42
  Speaker 20: if I watch it, eventually there'll be a cool wreck.
• 1:19:45
  Speaker 20: But right now the cars are still going in the
• 1:19:48
  Speaker 20: Godman circles.
• 1:19:50
  Speaker 17: It's going to explode. I just got to wait longer.
• 1:19:52
  Speaker 27: At the time when Star Wars came out, one of
• 1:19:54
  Speaker 27: the biggest comments people made about it.
• 1:19:56
  Speaker 17: Was that it's so fast. Action is just happening like that.
• 1:20:00
  Speaker 18: And I told them the last time, I've got a
• 1:20:03
  Speaker 18: nephew who was really into the Clone Wars cartoon but
• 1:20:05
  Speaker 18: had never seen the first Star Wars movies.
• 1:20:08
  Speaker 17: So I was like, I can't wait to show him.
• 1:20:09
  Speaker 17: He's going to love it. I'm going to experience through
• 1:20:11
  Speaker 17: this kid again. It's going to be awesome. Sat him down,
• 1:20:14
  Speaker 17: showed it, and.
• 1:20:15
  Speaker 18: He was bored because it moves so slow. The same
• 1:20:18
  Speaker 18: movie that in the 70s they said was breakneck speed,
• 1:20:21
  Speaker 18: but it's so slow. I think this is kind of.
• 1:20:24
  Speaker 8: typical of what they consider to be fast.
• 1:20:27
  Speaker 17: And, of course.
• 1:20:28
  Speaker 5: They're all on Coke, so it's just like, the Wookiees
• 1:20:31
  Speaker 5: are talking too fast!
• 1:20:34
  Speaker 2: That's, I mean, talking about what was on TV, I mean,
• 1:20:36
  Speaker 2: that's the thing. I yelled it out as we were
• 1:20:39
  Speaker 2: MST3K-ing this thing. I, like, ten minutes in, like, they're still, like, Wookiee-talking,
• 1:20:46
  Speaker 2: and they're wandering around a treehouse, and, like, all this other, like,
• 1:20:50
  Speaker 2: crazy nonsense is going on. I'm like, This is on
• 1:20:53
  Speaker 2: primetime network television right now.
• 1:20:56
  Speaker 13: Yeah, by that point, they'd already, like.
• 1:20:59
  Speaker 20: The Imperials had already been introduced, and they were already, like,
• 1:21:01
  Speaker 20: C-3PO and R2-D2 had already been picked up by, like,
• 1:21:04
  Speaker 20: the Jawas at the point by the time somebody speaks
• 1:21:06
  Speaker 20: English in this thing.
• 1:21:07
  Speaker 2: It's like it's still just dragging on, and I'm like,
• 1:21:09
  Speaker 2: this entire thing going on is on network television.
• 1:21:14
  Speaker 17: You wonder if they even took a commercial break before
• 1:21:16
  Speaker 17: they even spoke.
• 1:21:19
  Speaker 13: I don't know.
• 1:21:20
  Speaker 17: And, you know, now that Disney.
• 1:21:22
  Speaker 13: It's about Star Wars.
• 1:21:23
  Speaker 17: It came out with Star Wars 7.
• 1:21:25
  Speaker 18: It's essentially going to be Star Wars The Next Generation.
• 1:21:27
  Speaker 18: We can look forward to the adventures of a grown-up
• 1:21:29
  Speaker 18: Lumpy as he goes out to make his way in the.
• 1:21:33
  Speaker 13: Bright new universe.
• 1:21:34
  Speaker 17: I hope the guy not.
• 1:21:36
  Speaker 27: I wonder what Lumpy is short for.
• 1:21:39
  Speaker 17: Lumbaka?
• 1:21:40
  Speaker 13: I wonder what his fantasy looks like.
• 1:21:44
  Speaker 17: We're about to see it. Carving wood. Carving wood. It's
• 1:21:51
  Speaker 17: spice wood.
• 1:21:53
  Speaker 20: Columbia has some very expressive lips for a Wookie.
• 1:21:57
  Speaker 17: Especially the grandpa.
• 1:22:00
  Speaker 13: Grandpa looks like Popeye.
• 1:22:02
  Speaker 15: Grandpa looks more like a Muppet.
• 1:22:06
  Speaker 2: They didn't even have all the Muppets yet, but give
• 1:22:09
  Speaker 2: it another movie and Grandpa will fit right in.
• 1:22:10
  Speaker 17: I actually think he looks a bit like a sloth.
• 1:22:13
  Speaker 19: I'm just that face.
• 1:22:18
  Speaker 18: In the very beginning where they're introducing each character The
• 1:22:21
  Speaker 18: Wookiees always.
• 1:22:22
  Speaker 17: Turn away from the camera and look like, Wookiee! And
• 1:22:26
  Speaker 17: it's like, oh, face.
• 1:22:28
  Speaker 2: Well, it's like the little intros they do on the
• 1:22:30
  Speaker 2: love boat. If we're using stuff in this time period,
• 1:22:33
  Speaker 2: they're just like, gopher!
• 1:22:34
  Speaker 27: Hey!
• 1:22:35
  Speaker 17: You know, it's Isaac. And did everyone notice how Mala
• 1:22:38
  Speaker 17: has black eyes? I think there's some domestic abuse.
• 1:22:41
  Speaker 13: Going on there.
• 1:22:41
  Speaker 26: Maybe that's because Chewbacca's taking some time off. There's some
• 1:22:45
  Speaker 26: kind of... There's some kind of restraining order.
• 1:22:47
  Speaker 17: Is Chewbacca the father of Is he basically the husband?
• 1:22:57
  Speaker 20: I almost picked up like he was the oldest child.
• 1:23:03
  Speaker 13: It almost seemed like he was the social worker.
• 1:23:06
  Speaker 27: He doesn't feel like The narrator at the beginning specifically
• 1:23:12
  Speaker 27: says his wife.
• 1:23:13
  Speaker 9: Let's just wrap the beginning and double check.
• 1:23:16
  Speaker 26: He's a pretty selfish dad because if you know us
• 1:23:19
  Speaker 26: in the Star Wars movies where they're at those ceremonies
• 1:23:21
  Speaker 26: at the end of the movie and Chewbacca's there getting
• 1:23:24
  Speaker 26: his medal or whatever.
• 1:23:25
  Speaker 13: He didn't bring his son with him. Actually, I don't
• 1:23:28
  Speaker 13: think Chewbacca gets a medal at the end of Star Wars.
• 1:23:30
  Speaker 17: No, he gets a medal. But still.
• 1:23:33
  Speaker 20: Everyone knows he's such a terrible dad.
• 1:23:37
  Speaker 8: He's not human, so he doesn't get a medal.
• 1:23:40
  Speaker 27: I guarantee Han Solo hates bring your son to work.
• 1:23:44
  Speaker 27: Chewbacca brought it up.
• 1:23:48
  Speaker 8: If you're going to call a kid a toy spaceship,
• 1:23:51
  Speaker 8: why not make the Millennium Falcon?
• 1:23:53
  Speaker 17: Not an X-Wing fighter if his dad actually flies the Falcon.
• 1:23:57
  Speaker 17: Because it's a piece of junk!
• 1:24:00
  Speaker 13: Well, you know, okay, the Imperials were there looking.
• 1:24:03
  Speaker 27: For anything that would connect them to the Rebels.
• 1:24:06
  Speaker 17: See, these little models of X-Wing fighters.
• 1:24:11
  Speaker 13: That doesn't connect them.
• 1:24:12
  Speaker 27: And then, obviously, the Millennium Falcon would be a dead giveaway.
• 1:24:15
  Speaker 17: Oh, it's that one movie.
• 1:24:17
  Speaker 3: I think those were probably spray-painted Kenner toys.
• 1:24:19
  Speaker 13: Linking us to Christmas.
• 1:24:20
  Speaker 3: I can see where.
• 1:24:23
  Speaker 20: If anything, this ruins the idea of going to visit relatives.
• 1:24:26
  Speaker 20: Maybe not necessarily ruins it, but it certainly captures the
• 1:24:29
  Speaker 20: essence of it. I guarantee you when Han Solo gets there,
• 1:24:32
  Speaker 20: he's going to be looking at his watch every five minutes.
• 1:24:36
  Speaker 17: What does Han do for Life Day? He hangs out
• 1:24:39
  Speaker 17: with his favorite Wookiee family.
• 1:24:41
  Speaker 13: It's really tolerant. It's nice of Han to do that.
• 1:24:45
  Speaker 17: Take him all the way back Ron's.
• 1:24:46
  Speaker 15: A nice guy he's facing death.
• 1:24:49
  Speaker 20: For life exactly he's facing death to take him back
• 1:24:51
  Speaker 20: to this holiday which in no way shape or form
• 1:24:53
  Speaker 20: he's gonna enjoy all those.
• 1:24:55
  Speaker 17: Poor TIE fighter pilots.
• 1:24:56
  Speaker 26: Who were blown away happy life day all I gotta
• 1:25:00
  Speaker 26: do is catch these bad guys and I can go
• 1:25:03
  Speaker 26: home for life day no I get shot.
• 1:25:06
  Speaker 13: You know what yeah it's like Lonesome Dove.
• 1:25:09
  Speaker 27: Yeah it's.
• 1:25:13
  Speaker 26: Exactly like what if the TIE Fighters are trying to
• 1:25:15
  Speaker 26: go home for a life day like and they're just
• 1:25:17
  Speaker 26: like oh fuck this guy yeah.
• 1:25:19
  Speaker 8: Oh honey I've got the presents in the back of
• 1:25:21
  Speaker 8: the TIE Fighter do you think.
• 1:25:24
  Speaker 17: Do you think they were singing to themselves I'll be
• 1:25:26
  Speaker 17: home for life day oh crap the Millennium Falcon I
• 1:25:29
  Speaker 17: gotta go back to the.
• 1:25:30
  Speaker 20: Well see I almost take it that life day is
• 1:25:32
  Speaker 20: just something just for Wookiees yeah I think so yeah.
• 1:25:35
  Speaker 27: Right Does the Empire have a multicultural policy?
• 1:25:40
  Speaker 13: That's why they made something to destroy planets, I think.
• 1:25:42
  Speaker 17: They're pretty open-minded.
• 1:25:45
  Speaker 13: Yeah.
• 1:25:46
  Speaker 17: We'll be multicultural by wiping out every culture.
• 1:25:50
  Speaker 13: That's why they're going to kill the Wookiees next, like
• 1:25:51
  Speaker 13: this fucking holiday.
• 1:25:52
  Speaker 20: I'm going to destroy this planet.
• 1:25:57
  Speaker 2: But they were, the Star Wars universe became very multicultural.
• 1:26:00
  Speaker 17: You brought it up, Ben.
• 1:26:02
  Speaker 2: Before Lando, we already had, we worked a little color
• 1:26:05
  Speaker 2: into the Star Wars universe here.
• 1:26:07
  Speaker 17: Yeah, was it Richard Pryor?
• 1:26:09
  Speaker 13: Yeah. Seeing that.
• 1:26:11
  Speaker 15: The only stand-up comedy in the set.
• 1:26:15
  Speaker 17: He was criticizing Star Wars because he said that the
• 1:26:17
  Speaker 17: future looked.
• 1:26:17
  Speaker 27: Really, really white.
• 1:26:19
  Speaker 18: They weren't doing people of color. So, you know, they
• 1:26:22
  Speaker 18: got Billy Dee Williams in the next one, but... Diane
• 1:26:25
  Speaker 18: Carroll got there first.
• 1:26:26
  Speaker 2: It's canon.
• 1:26:27
  Speaker 17: She beat him to the punch.
• 1:26:28
  Speaker 8: Yeah, but she was just a fantasy.
• 1:26:33
  Speaker 17: She wasn't real.
• 1:26:34
  Speaker 2: But I like that she was a Wookiee fantasy. So
• 1:26:38
  Speaker 2: even the Wookiees, little multicultural.
• 1:26:44
  Speaker 7: Oh, Lord.
• 1:26:45
  Speaker 15: On that note, I really agree with this.
• 1:26:46
  Speaker 13: We should have gotten in an argument about that at
• 1:26:48
  Speaker 13: the time.
• 1:26:49
  Speaker 17: I'm sure we would have.
• 1:26:51
  Speaker 15: I think we should leave this.
• 1:26:52
  Speaker 25: Half and get back to the rest of it.
• 1:26:54
  Speaker 30: I'm going to have to actually bail.
• 1:26:59
  Speaker 15: Chris can't handle it.
• 1:27:01
  Speaker 17: I'm going to miss the best part. Go ahead. I
• 1:27:04
  Speaker 17: can't handle the Christmas stuff. Can't handle it.
• 1:27:09
  Speaker 8: You know, I love that, you know, you're, Chris, your
• 1:27:12
  Speaker 8: holidays are ruined already and we're, We could have snow
• 1:27:16
  Speaker 8: right now, but it's warm weather and a thunderstorm.
• 1:27:20
  Speaker 17: And the holidays.
• 1:27:21
  Speaker 27: That might be why you're having trouble feeling Christmassy.
• 1:27:25
  Speaker 15: I feel Christmassy.
• 1:27:26
  Speaker 17: It doesn't reciprocate as well. I don't see how.
• 1:27:31
  Speaker 20: This is putting you out of the Christmas mode. If anything,
• 1:27:34
  Speaker 20: this is putting me more in the Christmas mood. Because
• 1:27:38
  Speaker 20: think about it. It's no different than if you have
• 1:27:40
  Speaker 20: a headache. And then all of a sudden, you're like
• 1:27:43
  Speaker 20: in the kitchen, you drop a knife on your foot,
• 1:27:44
  Speaker 20: and you're no longer thinking about the headache.
• 1:27:46
  Speaker 17: This is so bad.
• 1:27:49
  Speaker 20: The little nitpicky problems that you have in life, you
• 1:27:51
  Speaker 20: focus on this, and suddenly Christmas doesn't seem so bad.
• 1:27:54
  Speaker 24: Thank you.
• 1:27:54
  Speaker 18: You have given me an economical way where I don't
• 1:27:56
  Speaker 18: have to buy aspirin anymore.
• 1:27:58
  Speaker 13: That's a nice tip.
• 1:27:59
  Speaker 17: Knives are free.
• 1:28:03
  Speaker 20: Because, see, this is such a bad Christmas special, it
• 1:28:05
  Speaker 20: makes all the cheesy ones look so much better.
• 1:28:08
  Speaker 2: It's making me wish I was watching Rudolph right now.
• 1:28:10
  Speaker 27: It's a holiday special, as long as they can call
• 1:28:12
  Speaker 27: it Christmas, right?
• 1:28:14
  Speaker 2: It's a holiday special.
• 1:28:15
  Speaker 17: You know, it's not.
• 1:28:16
  Speaker 13: Really such a bad little Christmas special. All it really
• 1:28:19
  Speaker 13: needed was a little love.
• 1:28:20
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I knew you were going there.
• 1:28:22
  Speaker 17: We didn't get it.
• 1:28:23
  Speaker 5: Wrap a little blanket around it.
• 1:28:27
  Speaker 17: The Christmas special, that's a little special.
• 1:28:29
  Speaker 27: You know what would have made this a great Christmas
• 1:28:31
  Speaker 27: special is if Darth.
• 1:28:33
  Speaker 13: Vader had been visited by three ghosts who taught him
• 1:28:37
  Speaker 13: the true meaning of life day.
• 1:28:39
  Speaker 16: You know?
• 1:28:39
  Speaker 2: Well, first ghost of Christmas asked.
• 1:28:42
  Speaker 20: I was going to say, Fred, actually, if you're going
• 1:28:43
  Speaker 20: to go the Charlie Brown analogy, then wouldn't Lucas be Snoopy?
• 1:28:47
  Speaker 20: So that way Charlie Brown's like, oh, even my dog's
• 1:28:50
  Speaker 20: gone commercial.
• 1:28:54
  Speaker 18: It'll just be like that robot chicken where the ghost
• 1:28:57
  Speaker 18: of Jar Jar comes back.
• 1:28:58
  Speaker 17: Anyway, we can be together forever.
• 1:29:04
  Speaker 2: Well, to do the complete Star Wars holiday tie-in, we'll
• 1:29:09
  Speaker 2: bust out the music.
• 1:29:10
  Speaker 17: Are you guys familiar with this one? I'm assuming, Dave, Beau.
• 1:29:13
  Speaker 13: You probably are.
• 1:29:14
  Speaker 2: Have you seen this one, Greg?
• 1:29:15
  Speaker 17: Christmas in the Stars. Christmas in the Stars.
• 1:29:19
  Speaker 19: The Star Wars Christmas album.
• 1:29:22
  Speaker 2: What's the date on this one?
• 1:29:23
  Speaker 13: It's C-3PO singing Christmas songs.
• 1:29:25
  Speaker 19: 1980 is the actual, yeah, copyright on this.
• 1:29:28
  Speaker 13: I didn't know they had that on CD. Oh, thankfully.
• 1:29:31
  Speaker 13: I just got an illegal download.
• 1:29:32
  Speaker 17: What's the playlist on there? Well, you know, I've got
• 1:29:36
  Speaker 17: one I'm saving.
• 1:29:37
  Speaker 2: I think we need to go out on this one.
• 1:29:38
  Speaker 15: We've got Christmas in the Stars, the classic.
• 1:29:41
  Speaker 13: Bells, Bells, Bells, if.
• 1:29:42
  Speaker 15: I remember, is pretty obnoxious.
• 1:29:44
  Speaker 13: They're obnoxious.
• 1:29:45
  Speaker 15: The Odds Against Christmas.
• 1:29:47
  Speaker 2: This is obviously after Empire when he does the little odds. Yeah,
• 1:29:51
  Speaker 2: there's the tie-in for that one. R2-D2, We Wish You
• 1:29:54
  Speaker 2: a Merry Christmas.
• 1:29:56
  Speaker 19: A lot of other really bad, just normal covers.
• 1:30:00
  Speaker 2: It's done with a lot of studio musicians, like most
• 1:30:02
  Speaker 2: albums at this point were. But the most interesting part, Dave,
• 1:30:04
  Speaker 2: do you know the rundown of the people on this?
• 1:30:07
  Speaker 7: No, I don't.
• 1:30:08
  Speaker 2: I think this is the most fascinating thing about this album.
• 1:30:11
  Speaker 2: Go down to the vocals down here and read the
• 1:30:15
  Speaker 2: first name there.
• 1:30:16
  Speaker 13: Are you wanting me to read the vocals?
• 1:30:17
  Speaker 15: Well, just the first name.
• 1:30:18
  Speaker 2: You'll have to do a little letter switch to recognize it.
• 1:30:23
  Speaker 13: I'm assuming that's supposed to be Jon Bon Jovi.
• 1:30:26
  Speaker 2: That would be a young Jon Bon Jovi doing vocals.
• 1:30:29
  Speaker 25: On Christmas in the Stars.
• 1:30:32
  Speaker 15: Back when he spelled it his original.
• 1:30:33
  Speaker 25: Way without the cool J.
• 1:30:35
  Speaker 3: Thrown in the middle of it.
• 1:30:37
  Speaker 25: So yeah, check your copy at home.
• 1:30:38
  Speaker 2: Jon Bon Jovi in the rundown of the.
• 1:30:43
  Speaker 13: Am I supposed to be still looking for something else?
• 1:30:44
  Speaker 15: I think that's it.
• 1:30:46
  Speaker 13: They got Anthony Daniels, so that's it.
• 1:30:48
  Speaker 4: See if we can find something.
• 1:30:51
  Speaker 15: You'll see what we're going out on.
• 1:30:52
  Speaker 17: Hey, Taylor! That son of a bitch! Get to the
• 1:30:58
  Speaker 17: track on the Wookiees, and that's what we're going out
• 1:31:00
  Speaker 17: on there. Why don't they have space names? Like, you know,
• 1:31:03
  Speaker 17: it's all like Gerald and Peter.
• 1:31:05
  Speaker 8: Bon Jovi's kind of like an Obi-Wan Kenobi, Jon Bon Jovi.
• 1:31:11
  Speaker 13: It is kind of, actually.
• 1:31:12
  Speaker 2: He might be a Jedi.
• 1:31:13
  Speaker 17: That might have got him the gig.
• 1:31:14
  Speaker 19: He might be a Jedi. Well, actually, I think there's
• 1:31:17
  Speaker 19: another Bon Jovi listed as producer, so.
• 1:31:19
  Speaker 17: I think I know how to get the gig.
• 1:31:22
  Speaker 15: It helps to have a little family. But, hey, don't
• 1:31:25
  Speaker 15: knock him.
• 1:31:25
  Speaker 25: You know, he's a future guest on the show, so.
• 1:31:28
  Speaker 17: He's an actor.
• 1:31:31
  Speaker 15: He's an actor. So, track four. Is that the Wookiee one? Okay,
• 1:31:36
  Speaker 15: that's what we're going out on, so go ahead and
• 1:31:38
  Speaker 15: tell people what it is, Ben.
• 1:31:39
  Speaker 18: It is, what can you get a Wookiee for Christmas
• 1:31:42
  Speaker 18: when he already owns a comb?
• 1:31:44
  Speaker 17: Question mark. And I believe this is supposed to be,
• 1:31:48
  Speaker 17: what would you get at Wookiee for it? Life Day,
• 1:31:50
  Speaker 17: not Christmas. I hope whoever made this album was fired.
• 1:31:54
  Speaker 20: I'm opening this up because I'm hoping they have lyrics
• 1:31:56
  Speaker 20: to all the songs in here.
• 1:31:58
  Speaker 15: It's multicultural, babe.
• 1:32:00
  Speaker 13: Yes, you're right.
• 1:32:01
  Speaker 3: Ah, damn, they don't.
• 1:32:03
  Speaker 15: It's right, it's cheap, what do you want?
• 1:32:05
  Speaker 20: But other titles you may enjoy. Flintstones, A Christmas in Bedrock. Hanna-Barbera,
• 1:32:11
  Speaker 20: The Christmas Sing-Along. And Looney Tunes, have yourself a loony Christmas.
• 1:32:16
  Speaker 27: Didn't the Stone Age technically happen before the birth of Christ?
• 1:32:20
  Speaker 4: That came up recently.
• 1:32:21
  Speaker 2: They just figured that out.
• 1:32:25
  Speaker 5: But they're the modern Stone Age family.
• 1:32:29
  Speaker 17: They're after the atom bomb.
• 1:32:31
  Speaker 13: Yeah, well, we've got that museum up in Kentucky somewhere.
• 1:32:35
  Speaker 8: Right, the Creation Museum. We need to take a movie
• 1:32:37
  Speaker 8: meltdown trip to the Creation Museum.
• 1:32:39
  Speaker 20: Yeah, we should just have this set up in an
• 1:32:41
  Speaker 20: empty room there and just We can record everything.
• 1:32:44
  Speaker 13: We should totally.
• 1:32:47
  Speaker 27: Do the movie The Land Before Time or 100 Million B.C.
• 1:32:51
  Speaker 15: Yeah, 100 Million B.C.
• 1:32:52
  Speaker 17: We can do that. Or the one with Ringo Starr. Caveman, yeah.
• 1:32:59
  Speaker 25: Caveman's pretty good.
• 1:33:01
  Speaker 17: Or 2001. 2001.
• 1:33:03
  Speaker 13: Or actually, we could just get Richard Kiel back on
• 1:33:05
  Speaker 13: and we could do EGOP. Take Richard Kiel to the
• 1:33:08
  Speaker 13: creation museum.
• 1:33:10
  Speaker 17: That's awesome. Passion of Christ might be interesting.
• 1:33:14
  Speaker 8: No, The Last Temptation of Christ.
• 1:33:18
  Speaker 17: No, we don't want it. I'm glad that I got.
• 1:33:21
  Speaker 20: To the point in my life where somebody suggested Richard
• 1:33:24
  Speaker 20: Kiel Road Trip back to me.
• 1:33:26
  Speaker 15: Otherwise, that about does it.
• 1:33:29
  Speaker 19: We will return next week for more Life day fun.
• 1:33:32
  Speaker 17: Same geek time, same geek feed.
• 1:33:33
  Speaker 25: Thanks for listening.
• 1:33:35
  Speaker 17: Let me see.
• 1:33:36
  Speaker 33: We have a scarf for Skywalker, right?
• 1:33:38
  Speaker 32: Yes.
• 1:33:39
  Speaker 17: And perfume for the princess?
• 1:33:41
  Speaker 29: Yes.
• 1:33:41
  Speaker 19: What about Han Solo?
• 1:33:43
  Speaker 2: Couldn't we get him here?
• 1:33:45
  Speaker 17: That leaves one big problem.
• 1:33:47
  Speaker 19: Couldn't we get him a comb?
• 1:33:54
  Speaker 17: He gave him a comb last year.
• 1:33:57
  Speaker 33: Why can't you get a wood for Christmas when he
• 1:34:01
  Speaker 33: already owns a comb? Why can't you get in a
• 1:34:07
  Speaker 33: hurry for a furry kind of friend like that to
• 1:34:11
  Speaker 33: take home?
• 1:34:11
  Speaker 14: He doesn't need a tie clip and he doesn't use
• 1:34:17
  Speaker 14: shaving foam.
• 1:34:22
  Speaker 33: A wood for Christmas When he already owns a cone.
• 1:34:26
  Speaker 13: It's really a problem What can you get?
• 1:34:29
  Speaker 33: A wood for Christmas When he already owns a cone What.
• 1:34:35
  Speaker 27: Can you get?
• 1:34:37
  Speaker 33: In a hurry for a furry kind of friend like that.
• 1:34:40
  Speaker 14: To take home No, he'll never wear galoshes.
• 1:34:45
  Speaker 16: Or a hat upon his furry dome So, what can
• 1:34:51
  Speaker 16: you get?
• 1:34:52
  Speaker 10: A Wookiee for Christmas when he already.
• 1:34:55
  Speaker 34: Owns a comb.
• 1:34:56
  Speaker 14: Let's give him love and understanding. Goodwill to men.
• 1:35:05
  Speaker 2: Wrap it all up.
• 1:35:07
  Speaker 13: In bright colored ribbon.
• 1:35:09
  Speaker 14: And we give it.
• 1:35:10
  Speaker 29: To him all over again.
• 1:35:12
  Speaker 13: And that's what you get.
• 1:35:14
  Speaker 33: A Wookiee for Christmas when he already owns a comb.
• 1:35:49
  Speaker 14: Let's give him love and understanding. Look where I'm coming.
• 1:36:02
  Speaker 29: We give it.
• 1:36:03
  Speaker 14: To him all over again. Love and.
• 1:36:09
  Speaker 7: Understanding, good will to men.
• 1:36:12
  Speaker 29: Wrap it all up in a bright colored ribbon and
• 1:36:17
  Speaker 29: we give it to him all over again.
• 1:36:20
  Speaker 14: He doesn't need a tie clip and he doesn't.
• 1:36:25
  Speaker 29: Use shaving foams. That's what you get.
• 1:36:30
  Speaker 13: A whoopee for Christmas.
• 1:36:32
  Speaker 14: When he already owns a cone.
• 1:36:35
  Speaker 7: That's what you get.
• 1:36:37
  Speaker 14: A whoopee for Christmas, when he already owns a cone.
• 1:36:43
  Speaker 34: We all feel too awkward to cut into the brownie
• 1:36:55
  Speaker 34: over there, too.
• 1:36:56
  Speaker 13: It might be really delicious.
• 1:37:00
  Speaker 17: I think the cockpit would be the smartest place to go.
• 1:37:02
  Speaker 13: I guess so. Are we allowed to cut into that brownie?
• 1:37:08
  Speaker 13: Before we're done, we definitely should.
• 1:37:09
  Speaker 4: This episode is a production of Movie Meltdown. Produced and
• 1:37:12
  Speaker 4: edited by The Oddity Studios. With opening music performed by
• 1:37:15
  Speaker 4: The Empires. For more on how to sponsor or support
• 1:37:18
  Speaker 4: the show, email producer at moviemeltdown.com.
• 1:37:21
  Speaker 22: Talk hard!