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How do Narcissists Apologize? · The Mental Healness Podcast

0:00
What is going on, beautiful folks?
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Today we're talking about how do narcissists apologize When they
0:08
do apologize, some of y'all, some of them will apologize, but
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it might not be the be the type of apology you want or deserve.
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If you're new here, my name is Lee Hammock.
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I'm a diagnosed narcissist and welcome to another episode of
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the Narcissist Code. Let's get it.
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I'll be bouncing y'all. I'll be bouncing to the theme
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music. But welcome to another episode
0:45
of the Narcissist Code. Y'all happy to have you here.
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How do narcissist apologize? So it's Sunday y'all Sundays.
0:52
I'm only going to start doing 1 longer video on Sundays.
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Y'all just 1-2 every other day one on Sundays, you know it's
1:01
the Lord's day. Let me rest, let me rest.
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Just watch it. Just watch it till the end
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please. But yes, y'all, how do these
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toxic narcissistic people apologize when they do
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apologize? Cause yeah, I know people I
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already know what y'all gonna say Lee, stop the cap.
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You told us the other day that you're gonna be real truthful,
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upfront, unfiltered in 2025, and now you're starting off with the
1:27
lies. You saw the lie.
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The lies are 25. No, yo, some narcissistic people
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will apologize now. So are there narcissists out
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there that will not apologize at all?
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They will give you nothing. Like no matter what they do, no
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matter how much proof you have, no matter how how things are
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going, they will never ever apologize to you.
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Do those narcissistic people exist?
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Yes, they absolutely do exist. There are a lot of narcissists
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out there that exist just like that.
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Their their, their ego, that pride and the ego gets in the
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way and they never open their mouths to apologize to you or
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say anything to you or do anything for you, right?
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They never will. The words, I'm sorry.
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Yeah, the words sorry or apologize are not in their
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vocabulary. They don't exist.
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Like if you go to the narcissist mind or the vocabulary in their
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minds you looking for the word I'm sorry.
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You look UUSORR sorrow I see sorrow I don't see sorry.
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Here, let me go to the A's to apologize, OK?
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Apoplectic apologize. It's not here either.
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How do you have apple apoplectic in your vocabulary but not
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apology? Apologetic?
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You see what I'm saying? They never will.
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Some of them will never will, y'all, but for those that do,
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but for those that do apologize, this is how they do it.
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A lot of them, there's a few different ways, y'all.
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A lot of them will absolutely make it about themselves.
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They will make the apology about themselves, will leave this not
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an apology at all. You're right, you're right.
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It's not an apology at all. It's just not, it's absolutely
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not an apology at all. When they make it a yeah, how
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the hell are they apologizing to you but making it about them?
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That doesn't, that doesn't make sense, does it?
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Because it's not an apology, right?
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But this is how they apologize. In their minds, it's an apology,
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right? In my mind, it is an apology.
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I said I'm sorry, didn't I? I'm sorry.
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It's in there. But that's where the apology
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ends at right there. I'm sorry.
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I'm sorry I hurt you, but I'm hurting too.
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You don't know the pain that I feel.
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I'm a victim here too. I know I cheated on you.
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I know I did. I know.
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And I'm wrong for that, right? What about me?
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You had like, I just went out here and cheated by myself.
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I cannot be an A sex. I'm not an asexual cheater.
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I'm not cheating with cheating with myself.
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There was somebody else involved in the person that was involved
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with me, took advantage of me. I'm a victim too.
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I am. Yeah.
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You were hurt, and I'm sorry that you were hurt.
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But what about me and my feelings?
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What about what I went through? Yeah.
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I was clapping nose, cheeks. I was to the beat of.
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I was clapping those cheeks like a bongo drum.
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Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do.
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I was clapping on beat. But I was hurt, too.
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They take advantage of me. When I was clapping those
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cheeks, all I think all I could think about was you.
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All I could think about was you. I'm hurting.
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I've lost myself. I lost the love of my life in
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you. I allow something to.
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So I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry for everything.
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But what about me? What about my pain?
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I know they would have got to allow y'all, but that's how
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ignorant and stupid some of these apologies are.
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They sound stupid because they are stupid.
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Some of these apologies are stupid as hell.
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Let's keep it hot and ready like a Little Caesar's pizza, right?
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Let's keep it extremely hot. Let's keep it extremely ready.
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Because this is what abusive manipulators will do.
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They will absolutely apologize to you sometimes, but they'll
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make it about them. They are the center of their
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apology. How the hell am I apologizing to
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you? But talking about how much I'm
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hurting? How the hell am I apologizing to
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you? Apologizing this, the board of
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the word apology is doing a lot of work, right?
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How the hell am I apologizing to you, but telling you about my
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pain, my suffering, my guilt, my hunger, my theft, whatever it is
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my hurting, I'm hurting too? They center themselves in their
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apologies to other people, in which which in and of itself
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disqualifies it from being an authentic apology.
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An authentic apology requires genuine, genuine remorse and
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specificity. Genuine remorse, specificity,
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and also a plan of action to not do it again.
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It's not talking about how they're hurting too.
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How the hell are you sorry, but you telling me how much you're
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hurting? And does this work on people?
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Yeah, it does work on people because you started feeling,
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feeling bad for them because they're in pain too, aren't
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they? Yeah, You might be hurting
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because they did something to you.
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They lied to you, they manipulated you.
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They told you some falsities about the past or whatever the
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case may be, right? They've done this, they've done,
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they've done this, they said this, right?
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But this is the mindset they put themselves at this in the seat
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of the apology. They're they're not really
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apologizing to you. They not, they're not.
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They're talking about themselves.
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This is the ego coming up. This is the narcissist ego
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coming into play. They don't really.
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They're not really sorry. They're not really in pain.
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They're not really hurting. They're just trying to convince
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you that they are. They're trying to make you feel
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guilty about holding them accountable.
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They're trying to make you feel guilty about wanting to actually
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call it quits and leave the relationship, whatever it is or
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fire them, whatever the case may be, whatever the situation is.
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They're trying to make you feel bad about what?
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What they did to you. Yeah.
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How the. Yeah.
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How the hell is that apology, if you've ever experienced that?
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They're trying to make you feel bad about something that they
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did to you. What sense did they make?
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That's not an apology, y'all. Just because something has the
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words I'm sorry in it does not make it an apology.
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So they make the apology about them.
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How you apologizing to me? But you're talking about
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yourself. That disqualifies it.
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I was in a bad place and I cheated on you.
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I was doing bad in school, so I lied to you.
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I started smoking again. I'm lying.
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I'm started drinking again. I start gambling again.
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Whatever it is, whatever their vice is, they'll put it on to
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you or tell you how much they were struggling, how much they
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are they are struggling or how bad did they feel, blah blah
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blah. Boo Boo Boo BBB.
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You get it, you understand it because this is the mentality.
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They don't care. They're not sorry, they're not
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apologetic for real. They're just filling your mind
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full of BS because it's benefits them.
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Because it works for them. It just does, y'all.
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Just one of those things that does work for them.
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It does work. Well, Lee, how you know y'all it
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does? It just does y'all.
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It works. Let's just let's not pretend
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that it doesn't work when it absolutely does work because
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narcissists are manipulators and manipulation does work a lot of
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times, right? Right.
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Am I right? Am I right?
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This is how it is. Another way that these toxic,
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manipulative, narcissistic bastards which I don't want to
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will apologize is they offer you drum roll please, the bank said
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Banket the blanket statement apology.
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They offer you the all-encompassing all.
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Grasp all the blanket statements.
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I'm sorry for everything, y'all. What the hell does that mean?
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If they tell you I'm sorry for everything, that means they're
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sorry for nothing. I'm sorry for everything doesn't
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mean anything, y'all. True, authentic apologies
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require specificity. Again, tell me what the hell?
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If you truly sorry, tell me what the hell you've done wrong.
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Another rant. Y'all feel it coming up?
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If they are sorry if you, if somebody truly sorry to you,
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they should be able to tell you what the hell they've done wrong
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to you and they should be able to stand on it and say it out
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loud. Put it in writing.
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If you're truly sorry, tell me and write.
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Put it in writing. I don't want to write it to you.
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I'm going to shit. I'm going to tell you in person
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because they are afraid. Put the shit in writing.
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If you're not afraid, tell me what you've actually done to me.
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Be real. If you're truly sorry, tell me
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exactly what you've done wrong so I can show it to other
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people. If you're truly sorry, you
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should not, you should not be afraid to be exposed, right?
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If you're truly sorry, you should be apologetic to a
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certain, to a, to a, the umpteenth power to you not
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afraid of being exposed for what you've done wrong because you
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did do it wrong, right? You're truly if you're truly
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sorry, I should be able to tell people about it and you should
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be able to apologize to everybody that you've hurt, not
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just me, right? Stop willing to keep shit
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secret. Stop wanting to keep abuse
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secret instead of trying to keep your apologies in secret as
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well. Don't whisper your fucking
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apologies when you were when you were shouting the abuse.
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Don't do that right there. I hate when people do that type
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of stuff right there. Y'all what did you want to?
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I'm sorry for everything. No, you were yelling and
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screaming at me, but you would have whispered I'm sorry.
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No, tell me what you've done wrong.
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Be loud with your apology. You were loud with your abuse.
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Even though it might have been, even though it might have been
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covert abuse, even though it might have been behind closed
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doors. They were loud with it, wasn't
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it? The yelling, the screaming, the
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silent treatment. Yeah, the silent treatment is
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loud. Well, Lee, how does that make
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sense? The silent treatment is loud.
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The silent treatment is punishment.
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It's still a loud behavior because silence, you have to
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y'all, you have to try hard to be silent.
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Other thing that makes sense to a lot of people, but you have to
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try hard to be silent. Silence is just not doing this.
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You have to try hard to not communicate with people when you
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want to say something, you're like, I don't, I need to say
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this, but you know, I'm punishing them, so I'm not going
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to say it at all. No no, hell no y'all we like
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it's 2025. I told you I'm bringing the heat
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I'm bringing the fire I'm going to be cussing a bit more this
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year y'all could I be just it's just them seem like I know
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people just like Lee. Can you stop saying this yo, I'm
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not for everybody. You see what I'm saying I'm not
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for everybody. I'm not going to cuss in every
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single video, but when I feel it, I'm not going to hold it
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back no more because you I've been I'm holding myself back
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when I do that type of stuff. I just can't hold myself back.
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You see what I'm saying I just I I've been doing this too long.
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I just like come on, man, it's time to operate.
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It's time to go. It's time to move forward.
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So you in this position right here, y'all rent over.
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Rent is over. I'm back, baby.
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I love it. I'm back.
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I'm back at the beginning of the year.
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I really am back. I I feel it.
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I feel it right now, but this is the mentality right here.
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Y'all. They're not really sorry if they
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can't tell you exactly what they've done.
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I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry for hurting you.
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I'm sorry. I'm sorry for putting you
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through all of that. Those mean nothing.
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They don't mean anything. Tell me what you've done wrong.
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If you're truly apologetic, tell me exactly what you have done
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wrong. Don't come up here with the BS.
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Don't come up here saying this, saying that what have you done
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wrong. They give these blanket
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statement apologies that don't really mean anything like that,
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that they don't mean anything. Tell me what you've done wrong.
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Expose yourself. I don't want to do that because
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then people think I'm worried about what people think about
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me. You wouldn't worry about how I
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felt when you were doing what you were doing.
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Now you worry about what people going to think about you.
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You were you worried more about your reputation that you are
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about what you did to me. OK, cool then bye.
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Peace out. Well, you didn't want to set my
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apology. You must really never cared
13:38
about me. Well, I told you I was sorry for
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everything. Can you please tell me what
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you've done wrong? Like be specific with it?
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Why you need to be so see you asking with too much like.
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Gee, Gee, that's the problem today.
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Nowadays, y'all, when people offer you apology, you wouldn't
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be willing to accept it. I'll be holding grudges.
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Just see, this ain't my this ain't like the grandma.
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This ain't like my grandma's generation.
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You know what I mean? This ain't like my grandma's
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generation. They didn't have it.
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They hand the things back in the day.
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My grandpa would just apologize. He would cheat.
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He'll apologize. He was he was sorry for
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anything. He'd be over and done with.
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We not your grandma, we not your grandpa, We not doing that
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nowadays. Now times have changed.
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Adapt. Move forward.
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If you want to move forward, you want to have the opportunity or
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the chance to move forward. You need to apologize for real.
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I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry for hurting you.
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I'm sorry for what I did. What the hell does that mean?
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Tell me what you did. Be honest, be open, be specific.
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These blanket statements, these these blanket statements or
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these, just these, these. What are you?
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I'm looking for a word. These blanket statements or
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these vague ass apologies don't mean anything.
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I'm sorry, yo. And sometimes they will offer
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you an apology just to shut you the hell up.
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I said I'm sorry. I said I'm sorry.
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Wow. Damn.
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How many times I got to apologize to you?
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I said I was sorry. I said this.
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I said that. I still got how many times?
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What else? What else?
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What more do I need to do? What more do I need to do?
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What more can I do? Like you keep saying you you
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won't let things go. You get your whole grudges.
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Damn. I said I'm sorry.
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You don't want to take my apology.
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Yeah. The words I'm sorry don't mean
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anything if they're not accompanied by any type of
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change behavior, any type of behavior alteration, any type of
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just like actual remorse, like, no, those are just empty words.
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And I know some, some of y'all might just be super excited to
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hear the words I'm sorry. But once you dig beneath the
15:26
surface, that surface level, barely surface level apology,
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you understand that they are not really sorry.
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They're not really going to change it.
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You can't change their behavior that you cannot admit to having.
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You cannot change a behavior that you cannot admit to doing
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what It's. Yeah.
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What sense does that make? How can you change something
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that you can't admit? You can't.
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You can't change something that you cannot admit.
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That doesn't make any sense at all, does it?
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So you have to empower yourself right now when you're dealing
15:57
with this narcissistic person, they just understand.
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If they're not going to offer you any apologies, then nothing
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is going to really change. If they can't, if they can't say
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sorry for what they've done and actually mean it and actually
16:07
change their behaviors, then nothing is actually going to
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change. This is who you're going to be
16:11
dealing with. Why would they change it?
16:13
Why would they change your behavior if they think that you
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accept? Why truly?
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Why would I change something that I think that you're OK
16:23
with? What sense does that make for
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me? Let's keep it hot.
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What sense does it make for me to change a behavior that I
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think that you accept? I said I'm sorry and sometimes
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y'all they just ignore you the way a narcissist apologizes.
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They just won't do. They just won't bring it up
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again. This is a stupid ass apology.
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This got to be the dumbest and the last apologies I will cover.
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They don't apologize, they just want just try to ignore the
16:46
issue. Like you'll bring it up, they
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think that you you'll bring it up.
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Y'all talk about it for 2 minutes and then they won't
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bring it up again. That's the way they apologize.
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Well, I ain't going to say it again.
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I ain't going to say the same thing again.
16:57
I'm going to do the same thing again.
17:00
That's the weakest, dumbest apologies I've on the damn
17:02
planet. Just ignoring the issue, like
17:04
ignoring the issue is not an apology, y'all.
17:07
None of these are real apologies.
17:08
A true, authentic apology requires genuine, genuine
17:13
remorse. You have to tell me what you did
17:15
wrong. You have to be specific with it.
17:17
You have to change the behavior, the behavior, and you have to
17:24
have a plan of action to not let it happen again.
17:27
Like, give me some realness, don't you?
17:29
Just tell me the fakeness. Don't fake.
17:30
Don't fake the funk. I hate when people fake the
17:32
funk. Don't fake the funk.
17:35
Give me the real funk. Give me the stinky.
17:36
Give me the stinky inky. You know what I mean?
17:41
I'm just, yeah, I don't y'all, Y'all see a lot more passion for
17:44
me this year 'cause I'm changed. Yeah, I'm, I'm going to change
17:46
the damn world. I really, really do.
17:51
That's why I'm starting my new podcast.
17:52
The mental illness podcast is launching here.
17:54
I got my new mics in. I got a lot of stuff about to
17:56
about to pop off. Got my, got my videographer.
18:00
We got y'all. It's about to be popping.
18:02
If you're interested in being on the podcast, make sure you can
18:04
send me an e-mail right here. I'm going to have, I'm going to
18:06
put a I'm going to create a form to, to apply to be on a podcast,
18:10
whatever as well. I can't, everybody can't.
18:12
I can't do everybody right. But so mental health, mental
18:15
illness podcast is coming soon, going to be launching here
18:17
pretty soon. You can e-mail me your story or
18:19
whatever at mentalillness85@gmail.com.
18:22
If you're local to North Carolina.
18:23
It'd be great because we, I want to do more in person than I do
18:26
virtual, but I will be, I'm open to doing some virtual, but I
18:29
would rather do it in person because the in person just
18:31
brings this thing. We right here talking face to
18:33
face like this. I'm looking to your eyes.
18:35
It's like you lying to me Ain't you now Joe?
18:41
But seriously y'all stop accepting these blanket
18:44
statement BS Apologies please. You deserve more.
18:49
You deserve somebody who cares about you enough to actually
18:51
apologize and change their behaviors.
18:53
I don't care what kind of shame they have associated with them.
18:55
I don't care what they've been through, what they're going to.
18:57
They're going to put you through some stuff they always say like
18:59
they don't care what they've been through.
19:00
They're going to put you through since I care what they've been
19:03
through as a child. Because children can't advocate
19:05
for themselves and children can't.
19:06
They can't pick their parents and they can't control whether
19:08
or not they're abused. So I care about that part.
19:11
But as an adult, you got to get your stuff together and start
19:14
working on you, you know what I'm saying?
19:15
There's so many people out here working on themselves, trying to
19:17
be better, trying to heal, trying to grow and just not be
19:20
damaging to everybody else. Let's get it man, let's get it.
19:22
2025 is the year we thrive. Thriving in 25, not lying in 25.
19:27
I said lies in 25. You said the first lie 25.
19:30
Anyways, y'all thank you for tuning in again.
19:33
He said my website is mental illness.net.
19:36
If you have any kind of you want coaching courses, support
19:39
groups, everything is at mentalillness.net.
19:43
Check it out. Y'all subscribe to the channel
19:45
if you haven't already. Again, y'all Sundays will be 1
19:47
longer video. It's 2020 minutes.
19:49
I've been talking for a long. I got I got into it, y'all, it
19:52
was y'all mental, Mental illness is out.
19:56
Thank you so much for making it to the end of my video.
19:58
I am extremely grateful for you have no idea.
20:00
If you haven't already, make sure you go ahead and subscribe
20:02
to the channel. Help us reach more people and
20:04
click on the screen to watch another video or to browse
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through another playlist. There's also a link on the
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screen to check out my courses and my support groups to help
20:11
you heal and understand what you've been through.
20:13
Thank you so much again. I will see you in the next
20:15
video. Peace.