Latest / Dear Chelsea / Never Laugh at an Exorcism with Joel Kim Booster

Transcript

Never Laugh at an Exorcism with Joel Kim Booster · Dear Chelsea

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Hi.
• 0:00
  Speaker 2: Oh Hi Chelsea.
• 0:01
  Speaker 3: Hi.
• 0:01
  Speaker 1: How's it going, Catherine?
• 0:03
  Speaker 2: Oh It's great. It's finally sunnay here in Los Angeles.
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: I'm so sick of people complaining about living in Los Angeles.
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: I mean, what the fuck you got a couple. There's
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: been a month of bad weather and people are ready
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: to move.
• 0:15
  Speaker 2: Oh my gosh. I told Radam, like, I think it's
• 0:17
  Speaker 2: time we got to make a run for I don't know,
• 0:19
  Speaker 2: bv I or something.
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, real hot existence and they'll be underwater soon,
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: so probably don't head down there. Good point. Okay, guys.
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: We have added more shows to my Little Big Bitch
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: Tour because I'm coming all over. We added a second
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: show at the Pantagius in Los Angeles, so that's October
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: twelfth and Friday the thirteenth, which is my favorite day
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: of the year. We added a second show in Boston
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: at the Waging Center September twenty ninth and thirtieth is
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: two shows in New York. I also have a show
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: in East Hampton, New York August twenty six. We added
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: a second show in Portland, so Thursday, November tewod Friday
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: November third, and Portland November fourth and fifth in San Francisco,
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: two shows there. We added a second show in Seattle
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: November tenth and eleventh. Two shows Boston are November sixteenth
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: and seventeenth at the Bach Center at Wang Theater. And
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: I'm also coming to Toronto and Montreal and Ottawa and
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: so many other cities Columbus, Cincinnati, Detroit, Louisville. So i
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: will see everybody at all of these shows. Thank you.
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: Get your tickets at Chelseahandler dot com.
• 1:28
  Speaker 2: Chelsea have a question for you, Yes, is there anything
• 1:32
  Speaker 2: in a romantic relationship that's not actually bad but would
• 1:36
  Speaker 2: be a deal breaker for you? For example, I don't
• 1:39
  Speaker 2: think I could date a guy that was like really
• 1:41
  Speaker 2: into sports, Like there's nothing wrong with that, but I
• 1:43
  Speaker 2: just it would be a deal breaker for me.
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: A deal breaker, Yeah, huh. I don't know about sports.
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: I've never really dated anyone that's that into sports because
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: I don't think I'd be attracted to someone like that.
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: But I wouldn't be a deal breaker. If they were
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: watching Sunday football, that would be a turnoff. I like,
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: if they had to watch football every Sunday.
• 2:02
  Speaker 3: M hmm.
• 2:02
  Speaker 2: I don't think it's just like how you spend your time.
• 2:05
  Speaker 2: Like when brattan I first started dating, he was doing
• 2:07
  Speaker 2: a lot of jazz music. I'm playing out every night,
• 2:09
  Speaker 2: and like I was like, I'm not particularly into jazz,
• 2:11
  Speaker 2: but this is fun. It's a cool thing to do.
• 2:13
  Speaker 2: Like I couldn't have been in this relationship if it
• 2:15
  Speaker 2: was like go to a game with me.
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, of course it's what you're into, right,
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: I would be into watching jazz too, for in the beginning. Yeah,
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: I'm into anything for a short period of time. But
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: it kind of takes away If somebody watches football every Sunday,
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: it kind of takes away the option of like being
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: together unless you're gonna go and watch and I'm not
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: doing that, right, I'm not gonna spend my Sunday watching football. No,
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: especially if it involves like multiple men and beer on sofa.
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: It's like, no, No, anyone who takes sports so seriously,
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: it's hard for me to take seriously. Yeah, I get it,
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: but like it's not like when people are just so invested,
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: it's just like are you on the fucking team? Like relax, and.
• 2:51
  Speaker 2: Then they have their fantasy teams they have like fake football.
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: Yeah. I used to play that on Chelsea lately they
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: made me join a fantasy football league just because I
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: was so clueless about I think I won the whole thing,
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: like two years in a row with knowing nothing, just
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: on good luck, yeah, beginner's luck.
• 3:06
  Speaker 2: Yeah, any other sort of like well, this isn't something
• 3:09
  Speaker 2: that's wrong with this person, but I just couldn't date
• 3:11
  Speaker 2: someone who.
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: I mean clothing, there's so many clothing that I can't
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: get past, and a toe toe action. And also food,
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: like if you can't eat with your mouth closed, I
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: find that to be pretty gross. Yeah, clumsiness, I don't.
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: That turns me off when guys are really clumsy. I
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: once went on a date with a guy to this
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: restaurant in Santa Monica and he spilled chips of guacamole
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: all over me, like within the first ten minutes of
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: me being there, and I just was like, you're such
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: an idiot, Like why would you if you did that?
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: You're not together or like you're a.
• 3:43
  Speaker 2: Mess literally and figurat.
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I was just like what I mean, it's just
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: so clumsy.
• 3:49
  Speaker 2: Do you believe like when you get the ick, you
• 3:51
  Speaker 2: can't come back from it, like, oh, this person gave me.
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: It depends how ick it is you know, but I
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: have a lot of X. Yeah, fingernails. If there's any
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: length on a fingernail, Oh no, man, I can't take that.
• 4:03
  Speaker 2: That's a no.
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: I don't like anything. God forbid toenails have length on them.
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: That's also like, you have to get your foot amputated.
• 4:10
  Speaker 2: Something tells me our guest today has nicely pedicured feet.
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: Our guest today is a glad Award winning writer, producer,
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: and star.
• 4:18
  Speaker 2: Yes, and he's a hysterical stand up. You can find
• 4:21
  Speaker 2: him at I Hate Joelkim on Instagram and Twitter.
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: Please welcome actor comedian Joelkim Booster.
• 4:29
  Speaker 3: Hello. I'm so excited to be here, and now finally
• 4:32
  Speaker 3: every single white gay in my life can stop telling
• 4:36
  Speaker 3: me you should go on the Chelsea Handler podcast. You
• 4:39
  Speaker 3: should really go on the Chelsea as though it's been
• 4:41
  Speaker 3: my choice along.
• 4:44
  Speaker 4: So I know.
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: That's like when somebody's like, why don't you go on
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: the Oprah Winfrey show?
• 4:49
  Speaker 3: Hold on, hold on.
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: I'm not comparing myself to Oprah Winfrey, but I am. Yeah,
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: You're like, that sounds like a good idea.
• 4:57
  Speaker 3: Why don't you go do S and L xactly?
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah, Joel Kim.
• 5:02
  Speaker 3: Yes, Booster, thank you my full name.
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: Yes, well, I mean, you know who knows what you're into.
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: I just want to get it fucking right. Right, Let's
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: talk about your life and your career because everything's taken
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: off for you, and it's it's very nice to watch.
• 5:14
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it is always funny when people say that, because
• 5:17
  Speaker 3: it does your your your conception of what success looks
• 5:19
  Speaker 3: like changes every single time you hit a new sort
• 5:23
  Speaker 3: of echelon of success, and suddenly now I feel like
• 5:26
  Speaker 3: I'm a nobody and I'm nothing. And even though if
• 5:29
  Speaker 3: you told me ten years ago what I'd be doing now,
• 5:31
  Speaker 3: if you told me ten years ago that I'd be
• 5:33
  Speaker 3: sitting across from you specifically, I would be like, shut
• 5:36
  Speaker 3: the fuck up, that's never going to happen. I'm going
• 5:37
  Speaker 3: to be working at this olive garden for the rest
• 5:39
  Speaker 3: of my life. So it is funny to hear that.
• 5:42
  Speaker 3: But it's nice to hear too.
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: It's like the opposite of manifestation. Yeah, you're like, I'll
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: never amount to anything, because I honestly think both things
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: work for certain people. Like some people never think that
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: they're going to do anything, and they're like, oh, when
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: I hear certain celebrities or musicians talking about how they
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: would have never believed where they are. It's like I
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: have the whole opposite mentality, like I always believe like
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: everybody should be talking to me and listen to me,
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: like I have strong opinions.
• 6:07
  Speaker 3: I'm definitely the I have a nice mix of imposter
• 6:10
  Speaker 3: syndrome with resentment, which is I never believe that I
• 6:14
  Speaker 3: deserve anything that I have, But I definitely don't think
• 6:17
  Speaker 3: that a lot of people who are as successful, are
• 6:19
  Speaker 3: more successful than me, deserve what they have. And that's
• 6:23
  Speaker 3: sort of what keeps me going every day. It is
• 6:25
  Speaker 3: because I see people and I'm like, well, I could
• 6:27
  Speaker 3: be doing that, and then I get there and I'm like,
• 6:29
  Speaker 3: oh God, can I be doing this? So it's it's
• 6:32
  Speaker 3: a nice mix.
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: It's nice good, that's good. And I read that if
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: you're comfortable talking about your bipolar disorder, I read that, yeah,
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: that you've been diagnosed with by.
• 6:42
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I finally got diagnosed like a year before the
• 6:44
  Speaker 3: pandemic happened, which what amazing times. By the way, just
• 6:48
  Speaker 3: to like sit at home and figure out what the
• 6:50
  Speaker 3: right cocktail of drugs is was a real nice wrinkle
• 6:54
  Speaker 3: from my lockdown experience. But yeah, I mean the thing
• 6:56
  Speaker 3: is is I have always been sort of my moods
• 7:00
  Speaker 3: have been wild since I was growing up, and my
• 7:03
  Speaker 3: parents were very very Christian, very very evangelical, and did
• 7:07
  Speaker 3: not believe in any sort of actual, real hard scientific
• 7:12
  Speaker 3: psychology therapy anything like that. They sent me to Christian
• 7:16
  Speaker 3: therapists who would pray over me and like try and
• 7:19
  Speaker 3: make me better, and that never worked. But I gotta
• 7:23
  Speaker 3: tell you, a Bilify works. Wonders Jesus not so much
• 7:28
  Speaker 3: Abilify and will. Bututrin has kept me in check for
• 7:31
  Speaker 3: a little while. But it is difficult because I don't
• 7:33
  Speaker 3: know if you feel this way. Sometimes a little crazy
• 7:37
  Speaker 3: like helps me. My biggest worry since being diagnosed is
• 7:40
  Speaker 3: that like I'm killing a part of myself that I
• 7:44
  Speaker 3: really relied on to make myself funny, to write, to
• 7:48
  Speaker 3: like find interesting, you know, things about myself because like,
• 7:52
  Speaker 3: I definitely do not like being depressed, but being manic.
• 7:57
  Speaker 3: Being manic can be kind of fun sometimes until it's
• 8:00
  Speaker 3: not in front of until yeah, very productive.
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: Because you can be really sexual, right, you can be
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: really happy about like shopping, shopping, like yeah, yeah, yeah, you.
• 8:08
  Speaker 3: Feel like on top of the world. In fact, my
• 8:10
  Speaker 3: manic periods were some of the only times I didn't
• 8:12
  Speaker 3: have imposter syndrome about like what I was doing or
• 8:15
  Speaker 3: what I was having and and so it is that
• 8:18
  Speaker 3: is it's a difficult thing to let go of because
• 8:20
  Speaker 3: ultimately it is very destructive, you know, like I don't
• 8:23
  Speaker 3: need to be having sex with four or five guys
• 8:24
  Speaker 3: in a day just because and I don't need to
• 8:28
  Speaker 3: be abusing drugs to the level that I would when
• 8:31
  Speaker 3: I was manic. I still abuse drugs, but just you know,
• 8:34
  Speaker 3: at a reasonable level, saying yeah, but yeah, there was
• 8:36
  Speaker 3: a lot of self destructive stuff that came hand in
• 8:39
  Speaker 3: hand with that. Would I write a script in like
• 8:41
  Speaker 3: twelve hours? Yeah, you know, like did I write a
• 8:45
  Speaker 3: lot manic? Absolutely? And did it turn out okay? Sure,
• 8:49
  Speaker 3: but like those first drafts were a little rough, I'll
• 8:51
  Speaker 3: tell you that. But yeah, it's one of those balancing
• 8:54
  Speaker 3: acts I think is like a person in entertainment and
• 8:57
  Speaker 3: an artist whatever. The lie that the disease tells you
• 9:00
  Speaker 3: is that you need me in order to do what
• 9:03
  Speaker 3: you do and what you love. And that is I
• 9:06
  Speaker 3: have found not to be the case because I have
• 9:08
  Speaker 3: been medicated now for going on four years and off
• 9:12
  Speaker 3: and on, there's been there have been times when I've
• 9:15
  Speaker 3: gone rogue and it has not turned out super well.
• 9:18
  Speaker 3: But for the most part, I think like I am
• 9:20
  Speaker 3: still funny, I am still myself. I am just a
• 9:23
  Speaker 3: slightly more chilled, calibrated first calibrated, yes, exactly.
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: So when you were growing up, how does bipolar disorder
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: present itself in a person? Is it something that you're
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: born with or is it something that is triggered by
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: an event?
• 9:37
  Speaker 3: You know what, it's probably a little bit of column
• 9:39
  Speaker 3: a little bit of column B. I think like for me,
• 9:42
  Speaker 3: it definitely manifested really young, Like I was really hyper
• 9:46
  Speaker 3: emotional and hyper reactive to things since I can remember,
• 9:50
  Speaker 3: like I was just throwing tantrums way longer into my
• 9:55
  Speaker 3: life than was appropriate, probably like in public on the floor, screaming, crying, kicking,
• 10:03
  Speaker 3: you know, the whole nine yards, because I just did
• 10:05
  Speaker 3: not know how to process any of my emotions and
• 10:07
  Speaker 3: I didn't and my parents were not giving me the
• 10:09
  Speaker 3: tools necessary to process any of this. And I wonder
• 10:11
  Speaker 3: often like how my life would have turned out differently
• 10:15
  Speaker 3: if they had maybe you know, found supported me in
• 10:18
  Speaker 3: a more scientifically based way earlier on. But like, I
• 10:23
  Speaker 3: remember this one time I was being such a jackass
• 10:27
  Speaker 3: and like throwing things in my room, slamming the door,
• 10:30
  Speaker 3: so angry that my dad tried to exercise me in
• 10:34
  Speaker 3: the middle of the fight. I was thirteen years old,
• 10:36
  Speaker 3: and he literally started saying, like exorcism, bullshit, try and
• 10:41
  Speaker 3: get the devil out of me. And in that moment,
• 10:43
  Speaker 3: I realized what he was doing, and I started to
• 10:45
  Speaker 3: laugh in his face, which, in hindsight, is something a
• 10:49
  Speaker 3: demon would do in that situation, is start laughing maniacally
• 10:53
  Speaker 3: at your poor father and trying to exercise you. So
• 10:56
  Speaker 3: it didn't help matters.
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: Okay, So then what led to you getting an official
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: diagnosis in twenty nineteen or tw twenty nineteen.
• 11:02
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I was twenty nineteen and it was getting to
• 11:07
  Speaker 3: the breaking point. I was destroying relationships. I think that
• 11:11
  Speaker 3: was like the big thing. I think it was getting
• 11:13
  Speaker 3: harder and harder because, like listen, when you're a manic
• 11:15
  Speaker 3: and you're like the life of the party, it's really
• 11:18
  Speaker 3: easy to make friends, and it's really easy to get
• 11:20
  Speaker 3: people to like you, and then if they hang on
• 11:23
  Speaker 3: and they stick around long enough, those episodes become really
• 11:28
  Speaker 3: destructive and really toxic, and I became a really top
• 11:31
  Speaker 3: I would eventually become a really toxic person. I remember
• 11:36
  Speaker 3: this is something I haven't shared very much at all,
• 11:38
  Speaker 3: but like I went off my meds to film my
• 11:40
  Speaker 3: movie because I was convinced that I would not be
• 11:44
  Speaker 3: able to write or punch up the script or act
• 11:48
  Speaker 3: if I was on my meds. And I remember the
• 11:52
  Speaker 3: near the end of the filming process and thank god,
• 11:54
  Speaker 3: they all love me so much. I really tried to
• 11:56
  Speaker 3: burn down every bridge I had with every single cast
• 11:59
  Speaker 3: member on that shoot, and like we're they're some of
• 12:02
  Speaker 3: my best friends. But I remember looking at Bowen Yang
• 12:04
  Speaker 3: and saying, you're only friends with me because you wanted
• 12:06
  Speaker 3: to be in this movie. And I said that in
• 12:08
  Speaker 3: the height of a manic episode that was so insane,
• 12:11
  Speaker 3: and he had so much grace for me in that moment,
• 12:14
  Speaker 3: and it just said, like that is not true. You
• 12:17
  Speaker 3: know that's not true. I'm going to leave now and
• 12:19
  Speaker 3: we'll talk about this at another time. And luckily, like
• 12:23
  Speaker 3: it was so like it was so intense and so
• 12:27
  Speaker 3: heartbreaking in that moment that it was a real wake
• 12:31
  Speaker 3: up call for me where I was like, this is
• 12:32
  Speaker 3: not who I am, right you know, and there were
• 12:35
  Speaker 3: little moments throughout the filming process like that, and everyone
• 12:39
  Speaker 3: had so much grace for me and was so kind,
• 12:41
  Speaker 3: and I eventually, you know, made the decision to go back.
• 12:45
  Speaker 3: And it's a difficult thing to wean on and off constantly.
• 12:47
  Speaker 3: It's not helpful.
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: But that's the tricky thing, right with bipolar disorders. A
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: lot of people feel that way that they can get
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: on and off their meds at their discretion, which kind
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: of is not the case. Not the case, no, And
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: what is the flip side of the bipole? So the
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: main and then you have the depression.
• 13:01
  Speaker 3: Yeah, the depression. Honestly, it doesn't manifest from me a
• 13:05
  Speaker 3: ton I'm not a super depressed person. I will say, like,
• 13:07
  Speaker 3: those episodes last for shorter periods of time than the
• 13:12
  Speaker 3: mania does, and they're less noticeable, I think because I'm
• 13:14
  Speaker 3: able to push through them a little bit easier without
• 13:17
  Speaker 3: anyone noticing. I will say, like, when I'm depressed, I'm
• 13:20
  Speaker 3: just quiet and I like fade into the background, And
• 13:23
  Speaker 3: I think like that's how people, especially like my boyfriend,
• 13:26
  Speaker 3: will know that I'm in a depressive episode because I'm
• 13:28
  Speaker 3: just like at a party, standing in a corner on
• 13:31
  Speaker 3: my phone, not engaging with anybody, which is like pretty
• 13:34
  Speaker 3: normal behavior for a lot of people. Actually, I just
• 13:37
  Speaker 3: become more of an introvert. But like, yeah, they're just
• 13:40
  Speaker 3: they're they're not as intense. The mania was the life
• 13:43
  Speaker 3: ruining stuff that was going to end up with me
• 13:46
  Speaker 3: in a facility eventually, you know. And that's the scariest
• 13:49
  Speaker 3: part about being bipolar is that like untreated and it
• 13:53
  Speaker 3: can turn into worse and worse things if you don't
• 13:56
  Speaker 3: sort of manage it early on. And that's my big
• 13:59
  Speaker 3: worry is I don't want to to turn into from
• 14:02
  Speaker 3: mania into psychosis, you know, which is like that specter
• 14:06
  Speaker 3: hangs over me and specifically my relationship a lot, because
• 14:10
  Speaker 3: I look at my boyfriend sometimes when I'm in the
• 14:12
  Speaker 3: depths of something and I'm always like, this could get worse,
• 14:16
  Speaker 3: you know that, right, Like you're signing on for something
• 14:19
  Speaker 3: that could eventually get much worse I if things don't
• 14:22
  Speaker 3: go my way, And that is like, that's a really
• 14:26
  Speaker 3: it's a really shitty thing to lay on your partner
• 14:28
  Speaker 3: in the middle of a fight usually, but he seems
• 14:31
  Speaker 3: game for it so far. Yeah, pretty game for it.
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: What about your parents and your Christian parents, How did
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: they handle your gayness?
• 14:39
  Speaker 3: Not well, Chelsea, Not well. They were not super keen
• 14:43
  Speaker 3: on it. They also found out in the most invasive,
• 14:46
  Speaker 3: aggressive way possible. They read my journal when I was
• 14:50
  Speaker 3: a senior in high school. I had been out at
• 14:52
  Speaker 3: school for a year. They read my journal at a
• 14:55
  Speaker 3: year's worth of journal entries, which were literalisticals at this point,
• 14:59
  Speaker 3: not even like introspective observations about my life. It was literally, guys,
• 15:04
  Speaker 3: dis I've sucked this week, and then just like a
• 15:09
  Speaker 3: straight up list and then so they didn't even have
• 15:11
  Speaker 3: to sift through like my dreams or anything like that.
• 15:14
  Speaker 3: They just got straight to the meat of it, like
• 15:16
  Speaker 3: this is what I'm doing. I literally had entries that
• 15:18
  Speaker 3: were like lies I told my parents this week, just
• 15:21
  Speaker 3: itemized the bullshit for them.
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: That's pretty funny.
• 15:24
  Speaker 3: I know, I was a fucking idiot. So they confronted
• 15:27
  Speaker 3: me about this.
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: Well, maybe you were in a manic episode when.
• 15:30
  Speaker 3: Quite honestly, and I had a manic breakdown when they
• 15:33
  Speaker 3: confronted me about it in a really big way because
• 15:36
  Speaker 3: it was a seismic paradigm shift for me. I at
• 15:40
  Speaker 3: this point in my life has had planned on never
• 15:42
  Speaker 3: coming out to my parents, never telling them, living like
• 15:45
  Speaker 3: a completely separate life. I thought that was possible, and
• 15:47
  Speaker 3: in a moment they completely shifted everything and sort of
• 15:51
  Speaker 3: took that control out of my mind, and I like,
• 15:53
  Speaker 3: I broke down. I had it was bad, and so
• 15:55
  Speaker 3: they sent me to an impatient mental hospital for teens
• 15:59
  Speaker 3: with the caveat. They tested me three times for HIV.
• 16:03
  Speaker 3: They were like, nope, test him again, because they were
• 16:06
  Speaker 3: so convinced that because of all the dick sucking I
• 16:08
  Speaker 3: was doing, I had AIDS. And they left me there
• 16:12
  Speaker 3: for a week. And for the whole week there, the
• 16:15
  Speaker 3: people were like, this doesn't seem like the right facility
• 16:17
  Speaker 3: for you, because this was like a place where like
• 16:19
  Speaker 3: kids who are addicted to heroin or who had straight
• 16:21
  Speaker 3: up tried to murder their parents went and they were
• 16:23
  Speaker 3: like this is a little outsized for you. Obviously have
• 16:26
  Speaker 3: issues that you need to work out, and like this
• 16:29
  Speaker 3: is a serious issue with your parents, but like this
• 16:31
  Speaker 3: is not the place for you. But they they left
• 16:33
  Speaker 3: me there for a week that eventually my insurance wouldn't
• 16:35
  Speaker 3: cover it anymore. My parents insurance wouldn't cover it anymore.
• 16:37
  Speaker 3: So they're like, you got to come and get your kid.
• 16:39
  Speaker 3: They brought me home. I stayed for about like three
• 16:42
  Speaker 3: days at home and then got up and left and
• 16:45
  Speaker 3: started cowchopping, and I eventually ended up living with There's
• 16:50
  Speaker 3: a girl in MI who I stood next to inquire.
• 16:52
  Speaker 3: We were not friends. She was very popular in a
• 16:54
  Speaker 3: different way than I was, because I was also very popular.
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: Okay, okay, calm down, calm down.
• 17:00
  Speaker 3: But she was a jock and her dad was the
• 17:03
  Speaker 3: Methodist pastor in our town, and she everybody knew I
• 17:06
  Speaker 3: was missing for that week because I was the voice
• 17:08
  Speaker 3: of the announcements and when the voice of the announcements
• 17:10
  Speaker 3: goes missing, you know, people start talking. You know, people
• 17:12
  Speaker 3: would have started a podcast if it was that time
• 17:15
  Speaker 3: about where I was. And so she was like, hey,
• 17:17
  Speaker 3: if you ever need a place to stay, you can
• 17:19
  Speaker 3: come stay with me. She was just being nice whatever, whatever,
• 17:21
  Speaker 3: And then I, like it was getting colder. I showed
• 17:24
  Speaker 3: up at her house and I was like, hey, remember
• 17:25
  Speaker 3: when you said that shit about me staying here? And
• 17:27
  Speaker 3: she was like, oh yeah, And her parents were like,
• 17:29
  Speaker 3: you can't just invite strange boys to stay at our house.
• 17:32
  Speaker 3: You know, her dad's a paraplegic. She had two younger brothers,
• 17:35
  Speaker 3: but I stayed that night, talked to her mom like
• 17:37
  Speaker 3: all in through the night, and then the next day
• 17:39
  Speaker 3: they were like, come back for dinner, and long story short,
• 17:42
  Speaker 3: I stayed with them for the rest of my senior year.
• 17:44
  Speaker 3: They co signed my student loans to go to college.
• 17:46
  Speaker 3: They bought me a car for graduation. She is still
• 17:50
  Speaker 3: to this day my best friend. I was like her
• 17:53
  Speaker 3: best man in her wedding. I flew back to see
• 17:55
  Speaker 3: her when she got a divorce, you know, like I
• 17:58
  Speaker 3: and I will say like, as as a follow up,
• 18:00
  Speaker 3: my parents and I are good. My mom and I
• 18:02
  Speaker 3: are good. At this point, my dad did pass away
• 18:06
  Speaker 3: during COVID and that was really hard, but it was honestly,
• 18:09
  Speaker 3: the silver lining of my dad's passing is like I
• 18:12
  Speaker 3: had never been in a relationship in my entire life,
• 18:14
  Speaker 3: and so my entire life, the homosexuality part of my
• 18:18
  Speaker 3: life was sort of a don't ass, don't tell situation
• 18:20
  Speaker 3: with my parents, Like they were very uncurious about who
• 18:23
  Speaker 3: I was dating, if I was dating anything like that.
• 18:24
  Speaker 3: As long as we didn't have to talk about that,
• 18:26
  Speaker 3: then it was it was cool. And then my dad
• 18:29
  Speaker 3: died and I was like, well, shit, like I would
• 18:32
  Speaker 3: have liked to have known how he would have reacted
• 18:34
  Speaker 3: if I brought someone home. And so I finally talked
• 18:37
  Speaker 3: to my mom and I was like, hey, I just
• 18:38
  Speaker 3: need to know, like if I fell in love today
• 18:41
  Speaker 3: and wanted to bring someone home to meet you, like,
• 18:43
  Speaker 3: what would you do? I just need to know this.
• 18:45
  Speaker 3: And she was like, you know, we're not on the
• 18:46
  Speaker 3: same page as you are on that part of your life.
• 18:50
  Speaker 3: But if you found someone you loved and who loved
• 18:52
  Speaker 3: you back, I would love them as much as I
• 18:54
  Speaker 3: love your brother in law, and your dad would felt
• 18:56
  Speaker 3: the same way. And then coincidentally, two months later, I
• 18:59
  Speaker 3: met my part now and I brought him home to
• 19:01
  Speaker 3: meet her. She was lovely, he was a hit. It's
• 19:04
  Speaker 3: still not perfect because they're like you know, Fox News,
• 19:07
  Speaker 3: trumpy family to the nines, but things are better and
• 19:12
  Speaker 3: she asks about him now, and that for me, coming
• 19:15
  Speaker 3: from like where we came from, where it all started
• 19:18
  Speaker 3: with the journal and the breakdown and the hospital and
• 19:22
  Speaker 3: all of this bullshit, to now where she's like welcoming
• 19:25
  Speaker 3: my boyfriend into her home with open arms, it's really
• 19:28
  Speaker 3: like it's a nice sort of closing of the loop.
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: For me, it's also a beautiful example of your girlfriend's parents,
• 19:34
  Speaker 1: like the idea of acceptance versus denialism. You know, of
• 19:37
  Speaker 1: your own children, what you can foster when you accept
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: someone's choices just because they're different from your own, is
• 19:44
  Speaker 1: it a reason to exclude someone, It's a reason to say, oh,
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: you know. And obviously with people with Christian backgrounds religious upbringing,
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: obviously that's an indoctrination of another kind. But what a
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: beautiful story to know about that, that family that took
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: you in and gave you a home when your only
• 19:59
  Speaker 1: owned family couldn't provide that acceptably well.
• 20:02
  Speaker 3: And one of the ironic things about that story is
• 20:04
  Speaker 3: her dad was the Methodist pastor in town. Very progressive
• 20:07
  Speaker 3: pastor though, and like very much like, And I remember,
• 20:10
  Speaker 3: this is how fucked up I was when I was
• 20:12
  Speaker 3: leaving my parents' house, and for that full year I
• 20:14
  Speaker 3: was out, I was like, well, I was so indoctrinated
• 20:18
  Speaker 3: into evangelicalism that I was like, I'm going to Hell. Eventually,
• 20:22
  Speaker 3: I will go to Hell. I'm but I can't deny
• 20:24
  Speaker 3: this about myself, so I might as well have some fun,
• 20:26
  Speaker 3: suck some dick now, and eventually I'll go to Hell.
• 20:29
  Speaker 3: And her dad eventually caught wind and like figured out
• 20:32
  Speaker 3: that that was what my thinking was, and he straight
• 20:34
  Speaker 3: up I remember, I will always remember this conversation because
• 20:37
  Speaker 3: it changed my life. He was like, that's not the case.
• 20:41
  Speaker 3: Hell isn't real, and if it were, God would not
• 20:44
  Speaker 3: send gay people there. And hearing that from a man
• 20:47
  Speaker 3: of the cloth, you know, like an actual pastor, changed
• 20:51
  Speaker 3: my life and changed my outlook on the rest of
• 20:54
  Speaker 3: my life because suddenly I was it was like freeing
• 20:57
  Speaker 3: to hear that from somebody in authority. So it was
• 21:00
  Speaker 3: really life changing. And it's why I have like as
• 21:02
  Speaker 3: a card carrying liberal gay person. You know. Obviously religion
• 21:06
  Speaker 3: is a touchy subject for me, but I do believe
• 21:08
  Speaker 3: that there are people out there who are doing good
• 21:11
  Speaker 3: in God's name, not necessarily all of them, certainly not
• 21:14
  Speaker 3: the majority of them, but there are people out there
• 21:16
  Speaker 3: who are trying to change the conversation. And my friend
• 21:20
  Speaker 3: actually became a pastor just like her dad, and she
• 21:23
  Speaker 3: just held a drag show at the church. Is mostly
• 21:26
  Speaker 3: focused on getting homeless people off the street. She does
• 21:28
  Speaker 3: not give a shit about like any of like what
• 21:31
  Speaker 3: you smoke or what you drink, or who you fuck
• 21:33
  Speaker 3: or any of those things. Like her ministry is very
• 21:35
  Speaker 3: much based on like making sure people have community and
• 21:38
  Speaker 3: are field supported, you know, in all the real ways
• 21:42
  Speaker 3: that you need to be supported in order to live
• 21:44
  Speaker 3: a full life in this world. So yeah, that's sort
• 21:46
  Speaker 3: of where I'm.
• 21:47
  Speaker 1: At, because if those people hadn't taken you in, like,
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: who knows what would have happened, especially with your bipolar Like,
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: who knows what could have happened, Like anyone who's listening, Like,
• 21:56
  Speaker 1: when you see somebody who needs help and you can
• 21:58
  Speaker 1: give them that help, like provide them you can open
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: up your home to them, or help them financially or whatever,
• 22:04
  Speaker 1: Like you can change someone's like the course of someone's life.
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: And imagine that feeling, not even just for the person
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: you're helping, for your own, you know, like it just
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: feels so wonderful. Those people must feel so good, and
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: I mean and their real children must feel so proud
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: of that, you know, and they're going to be able
• 22:20
  Speaker 1: to suck it forward. Since we're talking about so much
• 22:24
  Speaker 1: dick sucking, I thought I would throw in another sucking. Okay,
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: well this is an advice podcast, Joel, Right, are you
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: fucking ready?
• 22:30
  Speaker 3: I'm fucking ready, okay, esamos.
• 22:32
  Speaker 1: Listo's We'll be right back, We're.
• 22:38
  Speaker 2: Back, We're back. Our first question comes from Alyssa Milano.
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: It is it is, in fact, told her to stop
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: calling into this show enough already.
• 22:51
  Speaker 2: She says, you're Chelsea. I'm a queer, thirty six year
• 22:55
  Speaker 2: old woman, and I'm in my first same sex relationship.
• 22:58
  Speaker 2: It's still a bit new, but honestly, I feel head
• 23:00
  Speaker 2: over heels in love. My question is about telling my
• 23:03
  Speaker 2: own mother about this relationship. I have been able to
• 23:06
  Speaker 2: be open and honest and have come out to my
• 23:07
  Speaker 2: close friends and sisters. I've just been learning how to
• 23:10
  Speaker 2: set small boundaries with my mother and it's been hard.
• 23:13
  Speaker 2: We essentially don't really talk anymore. The next time I
• 23:16
  Speaker 2: see her will be on a week long family vacation
• 23:18
  Speaker 2: in a few months. Would it be okay to send
• 23:20
  Speaker 2: a text message to my own mother telling her I'm
• 23:23
  Speaker 2: actually bisexual and have a serious girlfriend, or should I
• 23:26
  Speaker 2: wait until we're together?
• 23:27
  Speaker 3: Alyssa, Yeah, I kind of wonder. I would like to
• 23:30
  Speaker 3: know a little bit more context for like where the
• 23:32
  Speaker 3: mom is at with these things, because you do have
• 23:35
  Speaker 3: you generally know how your parents feel about gay people
• 23:38
  Speaker 3: these days, because we're everywhere, We're on the TV, we're
• 23:41
  Speaker 3: in target, we're everywhere.
• 23:42
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but if we don't stay gay, everyone will stop
• 23:45
  Speaker 1: being gay.
• 23:47
  Speaker 3: But without that knowledge, I think the responsible thing to
• 23:50
  Speaker 3: do for both her and the mom is to text
• 23:52
  Speaker 3: before the vacation because if things blow up because of
• 23:55
  Speaker 3: the text message, you ain't going on that vacation.
• 23:57
  Speaker 2: Yeah, vacation's bad.
• 23:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah I would. It's the dynamic between the mom
• 24:01
  Speaker 1: and her.
• 24:01
  Speaker 2: She just said there's been some boundaries and they're not
• 24:03
  Speaker 2: really talking.
• 24:04
  Speaker 3: Okay, Yeah, you're about to go on a fucking vacation together.
• 24:07
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Well, family vacations are always such a hot mess.
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: You know, three days in they're fine, and then the
• 24:12
  Speaker 1: last four days you're like, what the fuck are we
• 24:14
  Speaker 1: still doing here? You know, everyone gets so annoyed with
• 24:16
  Speaker 1: their families. But I agree you have to tell her beforehand,
• 24:20
  Speaker 1: just out of respect, because you don't want to put
• 24:21
  Speaker 1: yourself in that situation. Yeah, you know, like go showing
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: up in a vacation that you might have to leave
• 24:25
  Speaker 1: prematurely early and uh yeah, and saying you're bisexual and
• 24:29
  Speaker 1: that you're in love with someone, Like it's not like
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: you're telling her you're bisexual and that's it. Like you're
• 24:33
  Speaker 1: telling her for a reason, because there's someone in your
• 24:35
  Speaker 1: life that you love and respect and is hopefully going
• 24:37
  Speaker 1: to be loved and respected by your family as well.
• 24:39
  Speaker 1: So yes, I would definitely let her know or call her.
• 24:43
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, that you can. I think ultimately, if you
• 24:46
  Speaker 3: go on this vacation and you reveal this information, I
• 24:50
  Speaker 3: mean you are following in a long line of bisexuals
• 24:52
  Speaker 3: who love attention, but you will make this vacation all
• 24:56
  Speaker 3: about you like that. Suddenly the vacation is no longer
• 25:00
  Speaker 3: about the vacation. It is about this revelation that you
• 25:03
  Speaker 3: have revealed to your mother and the group. So I
• 25:05
  Speaker 3: think like priming her beforehand so that she has time
• 25:08
  Speaker 3: to get over it too, if she is if there
• 25:10
  Speaker 3: is a problem or she's you know, got a time
• 25:12
  Speaker 3: to process it before the vacation is I think the
• 25:15
  Speaker 3: respectful thing to do.
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: For another creative way to do it is just to
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: get some video of you going down on your girlfriend
• 25:21
  Speaker 1: and just sending that to your mom.
• 25:23
  Speaker 3: Yeah, your sex tape, babe, So good.
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: Luck, let us know what happens.
• 25:28
  Speaker 2: Thanks, Alissa. Well, our first caller is Mia and her
• 25:33
  Speaker 2: job is she is a freelance dancer, and she'll give
• 25:36
  Speaker 2: a little more context for this when she pops on
• 25:37
  Speaker 2: the phone as well. My childhood best friend just chat
• 25:40
  Speaker 2: on me and our entire friendship and says she doesn't
• 25:43
  Speaker 2: want to work on our relationship, but she's getting married
• 25:46
  Speaker 2: in a few months and I'm supposed to be her
• 25:47
  Speaker 2: maid of honor. She still wants me at the wedding
• 25:50
  Speaker 2: and the bachelorette read to plan both of these things.
• 25:53
  Speaker 2: But I feel there's no way I can go given
• 25:55
  Speaker 2: the unforgivable things she's said to me. I'm worried if
• 25:58
  Speaker 2: I don't go, it'll seem really true matic and self centered,
• 26:01
  Speaker 2: which would only confirm her assessment that I'm the most
• 26:03
  Speaker 2: self involved person she's ever met. Do I fake it
• 26:06
  Speaker 2: for her sake? Or do I protect my own feelings
• 26:08
  Speaker 2: and wallet and tell her I won't be attending. Mia, Hi,
• 26:12
  Speaker 2: miya himya Hi?
• 26:13
  Speaker 1: How are you?
• 26:14
  Speaker 4: I'm good?
• 26:15
  Speaker 2: How are you good?
• 26:16
  Speaker 3: Wonderful? I have to say for the listeners at home,
• 26:18
  Speaker 3: Mia is gorgeous.
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: Yes, well, all of our callers are good.
• 26:22
  Speaker 3: Luck important contract to have.
• 26:24
  Speaker 2: Always are Yes, and Mia, you told me a little
• 26:27
  Speaker 2: bit more about the falling out that you had centered
• 26:29
  Speaker 2: around a mutual friend's wedding, so let us know what happened.
• 26:33
  Speaker 4: So, my grand mother, who I was very close with,
• 26:36
  Speaker 4: died a few weeks ago, and her funeral happened to
• 26:41
  Speaker 4: be on the same day as a friend's wedding that
• 26:44
  Speaker 4: I was in. I was a bridesmaid. As soon as
• 26:46
  Speaker 4: I knew, I told this friend. She understood obviously that
• 26:49
  Speaker 4: I wouldn't be there until the ceremony and I would
• 26:52
  Speaker 4: try my best to make it to the ceremony, and
• 26:55
  Speaker 4: she had a plan B in case I didn't make
• 26:58
  Speaker 4: it because I didn't want to leave my grandma's funeral early.
• 27:01
  Speaker 4: And then my childhood friend who was also attending this wedding,
• 27:06
  Speaker 4: came with me to the funeral, which was very nice,
• 27:08
  Speaker 4: and then we went to the wedding together and we
• 27:11
  Speaker 4: made it eight minutes before the wedding started, and I
• 27:14
  Speaker 4: ran in told the bride that I was ready to go.
• 27:17
  Speaker 4: But I completely understand if you don't want me to
• 27:21
  Speaker 4: mess up your plan B. I can sit in the back,
• 27:23
  Speaker 4: I can stand whatever you need, and she wanted me
• 27:26
  Speaker 4: to walk, so we made it work. Went back to
• 27:29
  Speaker 4: the original plan. Ceremony happened. It was great, And then
• 27:32
  Speaker 4: afterwards my best friend, who had come to the funeral
• 27:35
  Speaker 4: with me, said you better not pull that shit at
• 27:37
  Speaker 4: my wedding. I won't be as nice, and then proceeded
• 27:41
  Speaker 4: to talk a lot of shit about me to my
• 27:44
  Speaker 4: friends at the wedding, about how selfish I am and
• 27:46
  Speaker 4: how annoying it was that we got there so last minute.
• 27:50
  Speaker 4: And so then I reached out to her a week
• 27:52
  Speaker 4: later to talk and have a sober conversation, and I
• 27:57
  Speaker 4: was expecting it to be very non competation, which she
• 28:00
  Speaker 4: usually is, and kind of just brush over, but she
• 28:04
  Speaker 4: just went at me and said I'm the most self
• 28:06
  Speaker 4: absorbed person she knows, and that I should have waited
• 28:10
  Speaker 4: outside of the wedding until it was over, and I
• 28:13
  Speaker 4: made it all about me, and then went on to
• 28:16
  Speaker 4: say that I'm super judgmental and critical of her of
• 28:20
  Speaker 4: her life choices, and she feels anxious every time she's
• 28:23
  Speaker 4: around me, and I'm needy and I need to let
• 28:27
  Speaker 4: go of how our friendship was in middle school and
• 28:30
  Speaker 4: just dig after dig. And I know I can't prove
• 28:33
  Speaker 4: to you guys that I'm not these things, but I
• 28:36
  Speaker 4: think I have a pretty.
• 28:37
  Speaker 2: Good, seem pretty shell.
• 28:39
  Speaker 4: So Yeah, it was just super hurtful. We've talked for
• 28:43
  Speaker 4: a long time, and it was you know, I was
• 28:45
  Speaker 4: like on the burge of tears. And then at the end,
• 28:47
  Speaker 4: I was like, all right, well, it seems like we
• 28:49
  Speaker 4: have both have resentments towards each other that we can
• 28:51
  Speaker 4: work on. I'm so sorry that for my part whatever,
• 28:55
  Speaker 4: And she was like, what are you talking about. I
• 28:56
  Speaker 4: don't have any resentments. I'm fine. I don't cold grudge it.
• 29:00
  Speaker 4: Still wants me to be her maid of honor at
• 29:02
  Speaker 4: the wedding, still wants me to plan her bachelorette but
• 29:06
  Speaker 4: to me, like she just broke my heart and just
• 29:09
  Speaker 4: like completely dismissed her entire friendship. So I'm wondering if
• 29:15
  Speaker 4: I should go to this wedding. I'm very close with
• 29:17
  Speaker 4: her whole family. My family's going to the wedding. We
• 29:20
  Speaker 4: just got the invite a few days ago. Like it's
• 29:22
  Speaker 4: still very much expected that I go, but I also
• 29:25
  Speaker 4: feel very hurt.
• 29:26
  Speaker 2: And you know, there is a level of like do
• 29:28
  Speaker 2: you go to the wedding or are you the maid
• 29:31
  Speaker 2: of honor? I mean if that is a whole other
• 29:33
  Speaker 2: level of commitment and spending hours and hours planning a
• 29:36
  Speaker 2: party and bachelorettes and cost and all kinds of things.
• 29:40
  Speaker 3: Have you straight up asked this woman, if all of
• 29:43
  Speaker 3: these things are true, why do you want me in
• 29:46
  Speaker 3: the wedding?
• 29:47
  Speaker 4: I haven't. I haven't spoken to her since this conversation,
• 29:50
  Speaker 4: which was like two weeks ago.
• 29:51
  Speaker 1: Now it was a conversation in person or on the phone.
• 29:53
  Speaker 4: It was in person, and we ended it with her
• 29:56
  Speaker 4: being like I'm fine, I'm ready to move on, and
• 29:59
  Speaker 4: me being like I need the second and so I
• 30:02
  Speaker 4: think the ball is sort of in my court to
• 30:03
  Speaker 4: reach out, which I haven't done.
• 30:06
  Speaker 3: I think this needs another conversation for sure before you
• 30:09
  Speaker 3: make a call. Either way, I think like it's I
• 30:12
  Speaker 3: I am having trouble understanding where she's coming from. If
• 30:16
  Speaker 3: she just needed to unload on you and then expect
• 30:18
  Speaker 3: it to be done, or if there are still like
• 30:22
  Speaker 3: she still needs to work something out before having you,
• 30:24
  Speaker 3: because my instinct is to say no, like fuck this chick.
• 30:27
  Speaker 3: But right, I do think you, because of history, owe
• 30:30
  Speaker 3: her at least one other conversation where you express to
• 30:32
  Speaker 3: her I don't feel comfortable doing this because of the
• 30:35
  Speaker 3: things that you said, And if this is how you
• 30:37
  Speaker 3: feel about me, then why would you want me to
• 30:39
  Speaker 3: be your maid of honor?
• 30:41
  Speaker 1: Right?
• 30:41
  Speaker 4: Yeah, that's how I feel too.
• 30:43
  Speaker 1: Have you discussed this with your family at all that's
• 30:46
  Speaker 1: going to the wedding?
• 30:47
  Speaker 4: Yeah, and they they think I should go and just
• 30:52
  Speaker 4: fake it. And my brother says it would be our
• 30:55
  Speaker 4: friendship funeral, so sort of like there might not be
• 30:58
  Speaker 4: a future after this, but just go and and not
• 31:02
  Speaker 4: give her a reason to say, like, see, she's making
• 31:04
  Speaker 4: it all about her again.
• 31:05
  Speaker 3: It's a trap. It's such a fucking trap. She's trapped you.
• 31:08
  Speaker 1: I yeah, I also, did you bring up during this
• 31:11
  Speaker 1: conversation I was coming from my fucking grandparents funeral?
• 31:15
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I know she was there.
• 31:16
  Speaker 4: I was like, I'll try not to have somebody else
• 31:18
  Speaker 4: I love a lot die right before your wedding. And
• 31:21
  Speaker 4: she was like, I'm not saying don't have them die.
• 31:23
  Speaker 4: I'm just saying don't come to the ceremony then.
• 31:26
  Speaker 2: But it's not like you walked up in the middle
• 31:28
  Speaker 2: of their vows, you know.
• 31:30
  Speaker 1: But wait, she didn't come to the funeral with you.
• 31:32
  Speaker 1: She just came to the wedding with you, right, Oh,
• 31:34
  Speaker 1: she went to the funeral with you too.
• 31:36
  Speaker 4: Yeah, sheat first hand, like how tragic it.
• 31:41
  Speaker 1: Was Listen, it doesn't even matter if any of the
• 31:44
  Speaker 1: things she said about you are true. You don't even
• 31:46
  Speaker 1: you don't deliver information like that to somebody that you
• 31:48
  Speaker 1: care about in love. She's obviously stretched out of her
• 31:50
  Speaker 1: own fucking wedding or her own life or whatever the
• 31:52
  Speaker 1: fuck's going on. But I absolutely you cannot put yourself
• 31:56
  Speaker 1: in a position to be abused like that again, And
• 31:59
  Speaker 1: you can't throw her a bachelorette party after she spoke
• 32:02
  Speaker 1: to you like that. It's one thing to show up
• 32:04
  Speaker 1: for her wedding, it's another thing to participate in that
• 32:07
  Speaker 1: wedding and be in the wedding party and be a
• 32:09
  Speaker 1: part of her bachelorette You absolutely need to have a
• 32:11
  Speaker 1: conversation with her, and I think you can either start
• 32:14
  Speaker 1: it with an email that lays out your feelings in
• 32:17
  Speaker 1: a very calm and graceful way, like these are all
• 32:20
  Speaker 1: the things that you said to me, And it's been
• 32:23
  Speaker 1: really hard for me to even think about all of
• 32:25
  Speaker 1: this stuff, and it's been so hurtful for me that
• 32:28
  Speaker 1: I have to talk to you again about this, because
• 32:30
  Speaker 1: if this is really how you feel about me and
• 32:32
  Speaker 1: you don't want to discuss it any Further, I don't
• 32:35
  Speaker 1: understand why you would want me to be a part
• 32:37
  Speaker 1: of your wedding right out of respect for our relationship.
• 32:41
  Speaker 1: I deserve you to have a bit and be able
• 32:42
  Speaker 1: to have another conversation instead of saying I can't. It's
• 32:45
  Speaker 1: all about for her to vilify you. Go into your
• 32:48
  Speaker 1: grand parents funeral before a wedding and then making the
• 32:51
  Speaker 1: effort to show up to that wedding is anything but dramatic.
• 32:55
  Speaker 3: Right, Yeah, It's not like you did this in front
• 32:56
  Speaker 3: of Like you didn't interrupt the ceremony. It's not like
• 32:59
  Speaker 3: you ran in while they were doing their value down
• 33:03
  Speaker 3: some for your place in the in the receiving line,
• 33:06
  Speaker 3: Like it's giving sociopath behavior. I don't like it kind
• 33:09
  Speaker 3: of is are you?
• 33:11
  Speaker 1: Like you're sitting there during the whole wedding crying about
• 33:13
  Speaker 1: your grandparent dying, Like what is she talking about? I
• 33:16
  Speaker 1: don't understand. I don't either.
• 33:18
  Speaker 4: It's really shocked.
• 33:20
  Speaker 1: Has she ever exhibited behavior like this to you before?
• 33:23
  Speaker 3: No?
• 33:24
  Speaker 4: I mean I will say, we have been distant in
• 33:28
  Speaker 4: the past few years, and we still you know, had
• 33:30
  Speaker 4: a great relationship, but it was not as close emotionally,
• 33:35
  Speaker 4: and so I knew something was up, and I tried
• 33:37
  Speaker 4: to sort of like sometimes bring it up in a
• 33:40
  Speaker 4: gentle way, but it was she didn't want to talk
• 33:43
  Speaker 4: about it, and she didn't want to like talk about feelings,
• 33:45
  Speaker 4: and so I kind of was just like, all right,
• 33:47
  Speaker 4: I'm just going to leave it until after the wedding.
• 33:48
  Speaker 4: Maybe she's stressed about that. I don't want to add
• 33:50
  Speaker 4: to her stress. I didn't want to make it about me. Shocker.
• 33:54
  Speaker 3: How much time before the wedding.
• 33:56
  Speaker 2: It's in September, so several months.
• 33:58
  Speaker 3: She's got time she's figure it out.
• 34:01
  Speaker 4: Like two months until the bachelorette.
• 34:03
  Speaker 3: That's plenty of time. Yeah, I figure to Dave and Busters, Okay,
• 34:07
  Speaker 3: that's that's what she gets if you tell her if
• 34:10
  Speaker 3: if you want me to be your maid of honor,
• 34:11
  Speaker 3: this is what you're getting. Okay, to miser it with
• 34:14
  Speaker 3: the way you've treated me. Your bachelorette is at Dave
• 34:17
  Speaker 3: and Buster's bitch.
• 34:19
  Speaker 2: And I think, to further let her off the hook,
• 34:21
  Speaker 2: she did mention there is a co maid of honor.
• 34:25
  Speaker 3: Oh my god.
• 34:26
  Speaker 2: So like I feel like you're fully off the hook.
• 34:29
  Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, I think you just you couch the conversation
• 34:33
  Speaker 3: and like I don't feel comfortable being in this position
• 34:36
  Speaker 3: in your wedding. I'm happy to want to stand up
• 34:39
  Speaker 3: for you, be in the wedding, come to the wedding.
• 34:41
  Speaker 3: But like you, obviously you don't want me to be
• 34:44
  Speaker 3: your maid of honor anymore.
• 34:45
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it doesn't sound like you like me, That's what
• 34:49
  Speaker 1: I said.
• 34:49
  Speaker 3: It's a huge pre wreck for the job. I foind h.
• 34:52
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's so mean spirited. I mean to go off
• 34:55
  Speaker 1: on somebody. I just can't get past the fact that
• 34:57
  Speaker 1: you were coming from a funeral, Like what friend would
• 34:59
  Speaker 1: be back mouthing you to your other friends? And how
• 35:01
  Speaker 1: did you find that out? Because your other friends told you.
• 35:04
  Speaker 4: Yeah, jeez, and they while she was doing that, Oh
• 35:08
  Speaker 4: they did.
• 35:09
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I love that.
• 35:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's a nice good thing to add in the
• 35:12
  Speaker 1: letter to your friend is a mess. As you've told
• 35:14
  Speaker 1: me and as I've heard from others, you were very
• 35:16
  Speaker 1: you know, and as you said to me, thank you
• 35:18
  Speaker 1: for telling me to my face because I know now
• 35:21
  Speaker 1: how you feel. And yeah, no I don't. I'm all
• 35:24
  Speaker 1: for saying fuck off. She owes you an apology, like
• 35:28
  Speaker 1: a major apology, and yeah, so annoying. I hate when
• 35:32
  Speaker 1: friends are like well.
• 35:33
  Speaker 3: I heard this podcast when when it comes out, and
• 35:36
  Speaker 3: so that she can hear me say definitively, you are
• 35:39
  Speaker 3: a mess.
• 35:39
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 35:40
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's worse than Bridezilla behavior.
• 35:42
  Speaker 3: And that's something else.
• 35:43
  Speaker 1: It's funny that you say that your friends told you
• 35:44
  Speaker 1: because I was having a conversation with someone the other
• 35:46
  Speaker 1: night and he's like, this is just between you and me.
• 35:48
  Speaker 1: I go, can we all stop saying that? Like, obviously,
• 35:51
  Speaker 1: but also as an adult, you think I'm going to
• 35:54
  Speaker 1: go to our mutual friend and say that you don't
• 35:57
  Speaker 1: like her, that you hate her, But then that's exactly.
• 36:01
  Speaker 1: But at a certain age, you just stop repeating what
• 36:04
  Speaker 1: everybody else is saying, even if it's about me. What's
• 36:07
  Speaker 1: the currency there? She doesn't like you, Like, we're not
• 36:09
  Speaker 1: in high school anymore. We're adults at least. I mean,
• 36:12
  Speaker 1: I'm forty eight, you're young. So but I mean in
• 36:14
  Speaker 1: this situation again, I actually like your friends for telling
• 36:17
  Speaker 1: you that, because yeah, she is to hear that. She
• 36:21
  Speaker 1: needs to know that everyone she's talking to is talking
• 36:23
  Speaker 1: about her.
• 36:24
  Speaker 3: I think, are you are you gen z or you
• 36:26
  Speaker 3: a millennial?
• 36:27
  Speaker 4: I'm a millennial?
• 36:28
  Speaker 3: You are? Yeah, it's because we can't buy houses. We're
• 36:30
  Speaker 3: all stunted. You know, we don't have money, so we
• 36:33
  Speaker 3: have gossips.
• 36:33
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's your currency. Information, drugs, pills, and information. That's
• 36:40
  Speaker 1: all you can do. Just fill yourself up.
• 36:43
  Speaker 3: With all three things.
• 36:45
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I would definitely send her, send her an email,
• 36:47
  Speaker 1: like a preliminary email, laying it all out in a
• 36:50
  Speaker 1: very calm, nice way, like you've demonstrated this entire conversation
• 36:55
  Speaker 1: to counter the behavior that she's demonstrating and see where
• 36:58
  Speaker 1: that gets you, and be prepared to just be like,
• 37:00
  Speaker 1: I'm not doing it. I'm not gonna go and be
• 37:03
  Speaker 1: you like. It's so abusive for somebody to tear you
• 37:06
  Speaker 1: down like that.
• 37:07
  Speaker 2: All right, Mia, would you do us a favor and
• 37:10
  Speaker 2: send us the letter that you write to her. I'd
• 37:12
  Speaker 2: be happy to look over it before you send it
• 37:13
  Speaker 2: if you want help.
• 37:14
  Speaker 1: But absolutely great, idea.
• 37:16
  Speaker 2: Awesome, thanks me. I'll let us know how it goes.
• 37:20
  Speaker 2: We are waiting.
• 37:21
  Speaker 1: And you're real cute, miya. Oh yes, don't forget that.
• 37:24
  Speaker 3: I'm definitely instinctually on your side because I know what
• 37:26
  Speaker 3: you look like, and you're pretty.
• 37:28
  Speaker 1: I feel like Joe Kim is attracted to you a
• 37:32
  Speaker 1: little bit.
• 37:32
  Speaker 3: Okay, it's coming.
• 37:34
  Speaker 1: I'm getting older than get older. It can be reversed.
• 37:39
  Speaker 1: Don't forget.
• 37:40
  Speaker 3: I did once finger a woman in a bar when
• 37:43
  Speaker 3: I was on my twenty first birthday. Immediately started to
• 37:46
  Speaker 3: cry afterwards, she did, or you did? I did? There's
• 37:50
  Speaker 3: nothing gayer than fingering a woman and crying afterwards?
• 37:54
  Speaker 1: Did you cry in front of her?
• 37:55
  Speaker 3: On the side, she she had to console me. We
• 37:58
  Speaker 3: were sitting on the curb outside the bar afterwards, and
• 38:00
  Speaker 3: she had to console me. Drive me home? Man?
• 38:04
  Speaker 1: What what about her made you cry? Fingering her? Mad?
• 38:08
  Speaker 1: I was.
• 38:09
  Speaker 3: I was like near blackout drunk, and I was like,
• 38:12
  Speaker 3: what does this mean? Does this mean I'm not gay anymore?
• 38:14
  Speaker 3: And she was like, yes, sweetie, it's you're definitely.
• 38:18
  Speaker 1: I'm just thinking about getting figured by a gay man
• 38:21
  Speaker 1: and how disappointing that would be. All right, Thank you, honey,
• 38:28
  Speaker 1: Thanks for calling. Okay, good luck with everything. Keep us posted.
• 38:31
  Speaker 1: I want to hear what happens all right?
• 38:33
  Speaker 4: Guy?
• 38:34
  Speaker 1: Did you ever you never had sex with one?
• 38:36
  Speaker 3: No? No, gold star?
• 38:37
  Speaker 1: And did you make out with this woman that you
• 38:40
  Speaker 1: were fingering? Yeah? Because I like the idea of just figuring.
• 38:42
  Speaker 3: With that No, yeah, going going straight in there.
• 38:46
  Speaker 1: It all just slipped in. I don't think that's ever
• 38:49
  Speaker 1: happened to me. Oh, yes it has.
• 38:57
  Speaker 3: Well.
• 38:58
  Speaker 2: Our next caller is Emily. This is a slightly more
• 39:02
  Speaker 2: sober question, but not too serious.
• 39:06
  Speaker 3: We'll figure out a way.
• 39:08
  Speaker 2: Yeah, Dear Chelsea, I want your advice on how you
• 39:11
  Speaker 2: remain productive and motivated whilst managing so many different projects
• 39:15
  Speaker 2: in your life and career. I've recently had a really
• 39:18
  Speaker 2: hard time with being really tired at the end of
• 39:20
  Speaker 2: my workdays and therefore drained of energy to keep up
• 39:23
  Speaker 2: with the thing I enjoy doing outside of my job,
• 39:25
  Speaker 2: which is writing. I've been chipping away at a novel series,
• 39:29
  Speaker 2: contributing to an online feminist magazine, and expanding an essay
• 39:33
  Speaker 2: I wrote into a book. I recently started thinking that
• 39:36
  Speaker 2: I may want to publish these in the future. But
• 39:38
  Speaker 2: here's the problem. When my workday ends, I have absolutely
• 39:41
  Speaker 2: no motivation to sit down and write like I used to.
• 39:45
  Speaker 2: I work in a high stress, demanding nine to five
• 39:47
  Speaker 2: where I'm constantly interacting with people for the entire eight hours.
• 39:51
  Speaker 2: I work for the federal government. I spend all day
• 39:53
  Speaker 2: writing little notes to myself for my nonfiction book I've
• 39:56
  Speaker 2: begun and thinking about plotlines for my novels. I tell myself,
• 40:00
  Speaker 2: when I'm done with my actual job, I'll get down
• 40:02
  Speaker 2: to business with my writing. But by the time five
• 40:04
  Speaker 2: pm rolls around, I'm so exhausted and tired of typing, talking,
• 40:07
  Speaker 2: thinking of words, and looking at screens that I just
• 40:10
  Speaker 2: lie in bed like a potato on my phone. On
• 40:13
  Speaker 2: top of the nine to five, I also work a
• 40:14
  Speaker 2: part time job, which I enjoy seriously, no wonder you're
• 40:18
  Speaker 2: fucking tired, just as something to get me out of
• 40:20
  Speaker 2: the house and see my friends. She's twenty six, by
• 40:23
  Speaker 2: the way, Okay, so she's got the energy as someone.
• 40:26
  Speaker 1: Who somehow doesn't have the energy, though, so as someone.
• 40:29
  Speaker 2: Who somehow miraculously finds time to write books and pieces
• 40:33
  Speaker 2: while actively engaging with your career, what's your advice for
• 40:36
  Speaker 2: someone who just feels perpetually tired and whose brain feels
• 40:39
  Speaker 2: like mush after eight hours of work. Ps. As a
• 40:42
  Speaker 2: history major, I absolutely eat up your book recommendations with
• 40:44
  Speaker 2: a spoon. I just finished Cuba and American History and
• 40:47
  Speaker 2: I've pre ordered on Our Best Behavior. And as a Canadian,
• 40:50
  Speaker 2: I love how much you love us? Emily, Hi, Emily.
• 40:53
  Speaker 3: Another question, I know there's so hot, how do you
• 40:56
  Speaker 3: do you scream for.
• 40:57
  Speaker 1: The we only take good looking callers. That's not true.
• 41:00
  Speaker 1: I don't want people who don't think they're good looking
• 41:02
  Speaker 1: to not call in. I just want you to send
• 41:04
  Speaker 1: us a picture first. This is our special guest, Joe
• 41:07
  Speaker 1: Kim Booster. Say Hi, Hi, hy, Nice to meet you.
• 41:10
  Speaker 3: Nice to meet you too. I really relate to this
• 41:12
  Speaker 3: because I worked a desk job for many, many years
• 41:15
  Speaker 3: and was writing at the same time, trying to and
• 41:18
  Speaker 3: doing stand up at the same time, and so I
• 41:21
  Speaker 3: completely understand the experience of working fifty hours a week
• 41:24
  Speaker 3: and still trying to find time to do your creative pursuits.
• 41:28
  Speaker 3: So this really this hit home for me in a
• 41:30
  Speaker 3: big way.
• 41:30
  Speaker 1: Can I ask you, so you work the second job
• 41:33
  Speaker 1: for what purpose? Is it for financial reasons or you
• 41:37
  Speaker 1: said just to get out of the house.
• 41:39
  Speaker 5: It is to get out of the house a little bit,
• 41:40
  Speaker 5: because it's the first job I had, like after undergrad
• 41:43
  Speaker 5: so all of my friends are there, and this current
• 41:44
  Speaker 5: job is remote, so I just find I don't know
• 41:47
  Speaker 5: that I would be able to force myself to leave
• 41:49
  Speaker 5: the house if I didn't have this other job, So
• 41:52
  Speaker 5: it is yeah, a reason. Of course, money is involved.
• 41:55
  Speaker 5: In that as well, but mostly to see my friends
• 41:58
  Speaker 5: and to get.
• 41:58
  Speaker 1: Out of the house that night.
• 42:00
  Speaker 5: Yeah, eve being the.
• 42:01
  Speaker 1: Weekends, how many days a week do you do that?
• 42:03
  Speaker 5: Bout three? Two or three?
• 42:04
  Speaker 3: Okay, that's not too bad.
• 42:06
  Speaker 1: So you just have to set This is so easy.
• 42:08
  Speaker 1: All you have to do is set up a new system. Okay.
• 42:11
  Speaker 1: So writing is your passion, that's really what you want
• 42:13
  Speaker 1: to get after, right, you need to wake up in
• 42:14
  Speaker 1: the morning and to saying that is what every creative like.
• 42:18
  Speaker 1: There's a book this I want you to get. This book.
• 42:20
  Speaker 1: It's called Daily Rituals and it do you know what
• 42:22
  Speaker 1: I'm do you have it? Have you seen that id
• 42:25
  Speaker 1: of it? Okay? This it shows you what every philosopher, artist,
• 42:29
  Speaker 1: all the fate like Michael Angelo, like di Angelo, the
• 42:33
  Speaker 1: guy who made the pizzas any Angelo, philosopher's, politicians, comedians, artists, actors,
• 42:39
  Speaker 1: people who get up in the morning and do like
• 42:41
  Speaker 1: the first three hours between like five thirty and eight
• 42:43
  Speaker 1: thirty am are the biggest peaks of creativity for all artists.
• 42:47
  Speaker 1: And if you have all day to be an artist,
• 42:49
  Speaker 1: then that's supposed to be like a three to two
• 42:51
  Speaker 1: hour work session in the morning. Then you take a break,
• 42:54
  Speaker 1: go for a walk, take a nap, whatever you're into,
• 42:56
  Speaker 1: and then you come back and you have like another
• 42:58
  Speaker 1: two hours in the afternoon. But first thing in the
• 43:00
  Speaker 1: morning for writing, I can tell you, is my most
• 43:04
  Speaker 1: creative and where I have the most clarity is first
• 43:06
  Speaker 1: thing in the morning, because of course after the day
• 43:09
  Speaker 1: you're tired. You're working a full time job, so you
• 43:12
  Speaker 1: have to harness your energy when you have it, right,
• 43:16
  Speaker 1: So just start changing the time that you go to
• 43:19
  Speaker 1: bed and the time you wake up and give yourself
• 43:21
  Speaker 1: even if it's one hour in the morning before you
• 43:24
  Speaker 1: go to work, if you have to get up, get
• 43:25
  Speaker 1: ready and then do it, or you do it while
• 43:27
  Speaker 1: you're in bed right for an hour and then go
• 43:29
  Speaker 1: get ready for your day. Start changing your schedule and
• 43:31
  Speaker 1: reconfigure how you're doing that. Because your goal is to
• 43:34
  Speaker 1: get your books published, right, so you have to make
• 43:37
  Speaker 1: that your biggest priority, and you're letting the other things
• 43:40
  Speaker 1: that you don't care about as much overshadow that.
• 43:43
  Speaker 3: And I can I say too, this is a big thing,
• 43:45
  Speaker 3: I think especially for people who work remotely. Now change
• 43:49
  Speaker 3: where you are doing your personal writing because you are
• 43:53
  Speaker 3: spending so much time at home and your brain is
• 43:56
  Speaker 3: in work mode. Now you've turned your home into work mode,
• 44:00
  Speaker 3: and so it's really hard to make that switch from
• 44:04
  Speaker 3: I'm at work to now I'm doing this thing for
• 44:06
  Speaker 3: me when it's all in the same place. So if
• 44:08
  Speaker 3: you can find a separate space, a coffee shop, what
• 44:11
  Speaker 3: have you, if you have the money, a we workspace,
• 44:13
  Speaker 3: whatever you need to do. Either take your work out
• 44:16
  Speaker 3: of your home and make your home your sanctuary of
• 44:19
  Speaker 3: where you do your actual writing, or take the writing
• 44:22
  Speaker 3: out of your home and figure out because it really
• 44:24
  Speaker 3: does change your mindset. When you're trying to do both
• 44:28
  Speaker 3: things in the same space, it doesn't work as well.
• 44:30
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and she actually was at a cafe when we
• 44:33
  Speaker 2: had our pre interview. She's like, I'm doing some writing,
• 44:35
  Speaker 2: so that was great.
• 44:36
  Speaker 1: What time do you start your workday? Nine?
• 44:38
  Speaker 5: My work day eight to four is what I work.
• 44:40
  Speaker 1: Oh, eight to four, so that's early, okay, but I
• 44:43
  Speaker 1: think you should try that for a week. Get up early.
• 44:46
  Speaker 1: You're going to have to try and go to bed
• 44:47
  Speaker 1: earlier and get up early. Let's set your alarm for
• 44:50
  Speaker 1: five point thirty in the morning or whatever. It can
• 44:52
  Speaker 1: allow you an hour of creativity. Okay, Where do you live.
• 44:55
  Speaker 1: You listen where where you can go somewhere that early,
• 44:57
  Speaker 1: Like at six am? Can you go to a coffee shop?
• 44:59
  Speaker 1: I could?
• 44:59
  Speaker 3: Yeah?
• 45:00
  Speaker 1: Actually, yeah, I think you should.
• 45:02
  Speaker 5: I was even saying to Catherine yesterday as well, like
• 45:04
  Speaker 5: trying to that mindset of trying to get out of
• 45:06
  Speaker 5: the house, because even when I was in university, I
• 45:08
  Speaker 5: found the same thing, like I was not able to
• 45:10
  Speaker 5: get academic writing or creative writing done at home. I
• 45:14
  Speaker 5: had to go out. But even that I'm finding like
• 45:16
  Speaker 5: it's much harder to make myself focus even out of
• 45:19
  Speaker 5: the even outside of the of my house, like if
• 45:22
  Speaker 5: I go to a Starbucks or whatever else.
• 45:24
  Speaker 1: Okay, well you have to try out a couple of places.
• 45:26
  Speaker 1: Can you go right in a park?
• 45:28
  Speaker 3: Like is there god? Libraries so underrated? You don't have
• 45:31
  Speaker 3: to buy shit at six in the morning, that's fair.
• 45:35
  Speaker 3: But if you go after work, you could go, like
• 45:37
  Speaker 3: make four to six sort of your your period too.
• 45:39
  Speaker 3: I know it's not as effective because it's later in
• 45:41
  Speaker 3: the it's not less effective.
• 45:42
  Speaker 1: I just think you need to get into a habit, right,
• 45:44
  Speaker 1: Like you want to create a habit so that you're
• 45:47
  Speaker 1: because because if you do something for a week you're
• 45:49
  Speaker 1: gonna the next time you're like, wait, wait a second,
• 45:51
  Speaker 1: why am I not doing it? Like it becomes part
• 45:53
  Speaker 1: of your day, and it becomes a daily ritual, which
• 45:57
  Speaker 1: is really important for you to just because that's going
• 46:00
  Speaker 1: to infuse everything. Once you get your creative juices flowing,
• 46:03
  Speaker 1: that infuses the rest of your life. You're not going
• 46:06
  Speaker 1: to feel as tired, I promise you from your regular
• 46:08
  Speaker 1: job when you're giving yourself the grace and like you said,
• 46:12
  Speaker 1: you know if it's completely undoable, but it doesn't sound
• 46:16
  Speaker 1: like it is. You start at eight thirty, you can
• 46:17
  Speaker 1: get up a couple hours earlier, get up at six
• 46:19
  Speaker 1: o'clock in the morning and write from six thirty to
• 46:21
  Speaker 1: seven thirty, and then get ready for work and do
• 46:24
  Speaker 1: that for a week, and you're just going to feel
• 46:26
  Speaker 1: your self esteem is carried by your creativity. When you're
• 46:30
  Speaker 1: a creative, that's all you need is to constantly be
• 46:33
  Speaker 1: working and writing, and then that fills you up and
• 46:35
  Speaker 1: it adds and lends energy to the stuff that isn't
• 46:39
  Speaker 1: as exciting.
• 46:40
  Speaker 3: And I don't want to I feel like I need
• 46:42
  Speaker 3: to address the elephant in the room, which is why
• 46:44
  Speaker 3: aren't you writing while you're at work, like what, like,
• 46:48
  Speaker 3: I'm sorry, I know what it's like to work at
• 46:50
  Speaker 3: desk job for fifty hours a week. There's so little
• 46:54
  Speaker 3: work that you like. There are ways you can figure
• 46:57
  Speaker 3: out how to sort of half asset at your real
• 46:59
  Speaker 3: job so that you can spend some day, some hours
• 47:02
  Speaker 3: during the day doing your writing work. You work for
• 47:05
  Speaker 3: the government, so it sounds like you have a really
• 47:06
  Speaker 3: intense job. I was working for fucking startups where you
• 47:09
  Speaker 3: sell men's socks online, so it's a little different. But
• 47:12
  Speaker 3: I did some of my I wrote my first script
• 47:14
  Speaker 3: while at work, so I think it is it is.
• 47:17
  Speaker 2: Possible or lunch breaks. Maybe there's a lunch break situation,
• 47:21
  Speaker 2: big lunch break.
• 47:22
  Speaker 5: Yeah, my lunch breaks are really short. Unfortunately the nature
• 47:24
  Speaker 5: of my job, like my notes on my phone are
• 47:26
  Speaker 5: full of stuff like little thoughts that I do have
• 47:28
  Speaker 5: time to jot down throughout the day, but then by
• 47:31
  Speaker 5: the time I do get off work and go to
• 47:33
  Speaker 5: sit down, that's it. I just like don't want to
• 47:35
  Speaker 5: look at a computer anymore do anything. And if I
• 47:37
  Speaker 5: had like more opportunity throughout my work day, I definitely
• 47:40
  Speaker 5: would be taking more advantage of that.
• 47:42
  Speaker 2: I would also say, I mean maybe maybe not staring
• 47:45
  Speaker 2: at a screen. Maybe you're writing long hand that you
• 47:47
  Speaker 2: can then point your phone at it and it turns
• 47:49
  Speaker 2: it into text. That's like a new thing that you
• 47:52
  Speaker 2: can do.
• 47:52
  Speaker 1: But if it's writing long hand, besides Barack Obama, oh yes,
• 47:57
  Speaker 1: I can't I write a thank you card, I'm my
• 47:59
  Speaker 1: go for it. I'm just like thanks, I think I'm
• 48:02
  Speaker 1: going to write this whole thing.
• 48:03
  Speaker 2: And then on my hand is so tired write line
• 48:06
  Speaker 2: I'm allowed to read a write in this country. But
• 48:09
  Speaker 2: also I'd say take a look at your notes at night,
• 48:13
  Speaker 2: right before you turn off your light, so that you
• 48:15
  Speaker 2: have those sort of percolating in your brain all night,
• 48:18
  Speaker 2: and when you wake up, you're going to find like
• 48:20
  Speaker 2: things have synthesized and you are like, oh my gosh,
• 48:23
  Speaker 2: I can't wait to get this onto a page.
• 48:24
  Speaker 1: A good idea. Yeah, that is a good idea.
• 48:27
  Speaker 3: Wow.
• 48:28
  Speaker 1: And then or you could take Joel's device and lose
• 48:30
  Speaker 1: your job.
• 48:31
  Speaker 3: Yeah, okay, So then you'll have plenty of.
• 48:33
  Speaker 1: Times you decide. Even if there's a little place in
• 48:36
  Speaker 1: your apartment, like a side little sanctuary that you set
• 48:39
  Speaker 1: up as you're writing area, like you put a couple
• 48:41
  Speaker 1: of things notes like things that you know, all of
• 48:43
  Speaker 1: your writing notes, if you put those on little post
• 48:45
  Speaker 1: its or you print them out from your phone and
• 48:47
  Speaker 1: just put them all over, so it's like a creative
• 48:49
  Speaker 1: kind of little area for you. So you know, we
• 48:52
  Speaker 1: just have to psych ourselves into situations sometimes, and that's
• 48:55
  Speaker 1: what you're like, Yeah, and you could do it. You'll
• 48:57
  Speaker 1: do it. Do it for five days straight and get
• 48:59
  Speaker 1: back us and let us know if it made an impact. Yeah,
• 49:02
  Speaker 1: I definitely will thank you so much if it doesn't.
• 49:04
  Speaker 2: If you're like, I just can't like, will myself into this,
• 49:06
  Speaker 2: get a writing buddy. If you know you have an
• 49:08
  Speaker 2: appointment of like, I owe three pages to this person
• 49:11
  Speaker 2: on Wednesday.
• 49:12
  Speaker 3: Accountability is everything, Yes, I will say too like it.
• 49:18
  Speaker 1: I mean I don't. I don't feel accountable to for another.
• 49:21
  Speaker 1: But I'm more accountable to.
• 49:22
  Speaker 3: Myself if somebody. If I tell somebody that I'm doing something,
• 49:27
  Speaker 3: then like, I feel so much guilt if I don't
• 49:30
  Speaker 3: actually show up.
• 49:30
  Speaker 1: Midwestern guilt.
• 49:31
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, Western guilt. Like I you know, I'm about
• 49:35
  Speaker 3: to do a full frontal scene for the first time
• 49:38
  Speaker 3: on a show, and I have now told all my
• 49:41
  Speaker 3: friends I'm doing this, so I cannot chicken out. I can't.
• 49:44
  Speaker 3: I have to do it now. It's accountability for my dick. Great.
• 49:49
  Speaker 1: Is that an honor of aa PI?
• 49:50
  Speaker 3: Yeah?
• 49:51
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, you're doing the Lord's work.
• 49:55
  Speaker 3: I'm putting the p in the AAPI.
• 49:57
  Speaker 1: Thank you so much, thank you. Okay, good luck, Emila,
• 50:02
  Speaker 1: thank you, bye bye. I like how Joel just goes
• 50:05
  Speaker 1: into an offshoot at the end of each call about
• 50:07
  Speaker 1: his own issues and what he's up against.
• 50:09
  Speaker 3: Listen, I'm only here. I'm here for a short time,
• 50:11
  Speaker 3: not a long time. I gotta get it in.
• 50:12
  Speaker 1: It's a nice bookend to the calls. Yes to look
• 50:16
  Speaker 1: within introsection for Joel.
• 50:20
  Speaker 2: Well, let's take a quick break and we'll be back
• 50:22
  Speaker 2: to wrap up with that.
• 50:24
  Speaker 1: Blew bye, Okay, we'll be right back. We're back. Sorry, guys, Sorry,
• 50:34
  Speaker 1: we're back. That really flew by. You're funny, but it's
• 50:37
  Speaker 1: always so much fun to do it with a comedian
• 50:39
  Speaker 1: Matteo okay, And we laughed so hard the whole session,
• 50:42
  Speaker 1: like people were calling it with and we couldn't even
• 50:44
  Speaker 1: we were just making fun of everyone. And Mite's like,
• 50:47
  Speaker 1: this is so fun. I'm like, it's not normally like this.
• 50:49
  Speaker 1: I'm like, but when you have a comedian where everyone
• 50:51
  Speaker 1: just goes to the wrong place right away or the
• 50:54
  Speaker 1: right place. Yeah, okay, well.
• 50:56
  Speaker 2: Our last question comes from Jenna Danna Bush. Dear Chelsea,
• 51:02
  Speaker 2: I hate my twin close. I have a simple question.
• 51:06
  Speaker 2: Is it fair of me to ask them? My boyfriend
• 51:09
  Speaker 2: shave his face more regularly. He regularly lets his stubble
• 51:12
  Speaker 2: grow out, and frankly, it is painful to kiss him
• 51:15
  Speaker 2: after a couple of days of growth. He does not
• 51:17
  Speaker 2: have a gene for facial hair and is certainly not
• 51:20
  Speaker 2: growing it out with intention. He just can't be bothered
• 51:22
  Speaker 2: to shave. What grows in is sporadic around his upper
• 51:25
  Speaker 2: lip and goate zone, and by no means attractive. I
• 51:29
  Speaker 2: see it not only as him not bothering to take
• 51:31
  Speaker 2: care of himself, but also that he can't put in
• 51:33
  Speaker 2: a minimal effort for me and my comfort. I find
• 51:36
  Speaker 2: the stubble very poky and irritating to my skin when
• 51:39
  Speaker 2: we kiss, and I tell him as much all the time.
• 51:42
  Speaker 2: I think the lack of any sort of initiative is
• 51:44
  Speaker 2: what bothers me as much as the stubble itself. He
• 51:47
  Speaker 2: also regularly compares it to how I don't always feel
• 51:49
  Speaker 2: like shaving my legs, and how would I feel if
• 51:51
  Speaker 2: he asked me to shave my legs more often? I
• 51:53
  Speaker 2: don't think it's a fair comparison. What can be done
• 51:56
  Speaker 2: about this? Am I being unreasonable or controlling? Or is
• 51:59
  Speaker 2: it fair to ask that he simply shave his face
• 52:02
  Speaker 2: every couple of days? Much appreciation, Jenna.
• 52:05
  Speaker 3: Listen, Jenna, you gotta take a page out of the
• 52:07
  Speaker 3: WGA book. You gotta go on strike, bitch, no more
• 52:11
  Speaker 3: kissing until you shave your little fou man shue. That's
• 52:15
  Speaker 3: what you need to do, because and to compare it
• 52:17
  Speaker 3: to shaving legs, yeah, the surface area alone, Okay, it
• 52:22
  Speaker 3: is not the same thing at all, and you're not
• 52:24
  Speaker 3: and he's not having to put his lips on her legs,
• 52:27
  Speaker 3: right his entire face on her legs.
• 52:29
  Speaker 1: Great point, Joe, great fuck point. First, Absolutely, you can
• 52:33
  Speaker 1: demand that, and also you could also say, sure, I'll shave. Great,
• 52:37
  Speaker 1: I'll shave my legs every three days, and you can
• 52:40
  Speaker 1: shave your face every day. Facial hair that you're kissing
• 52:44
  Speaker 1: exactly is the point, Like it's bothering you and it's
• 52:46
  Speaker 1: not attractive to you. If you have a boyfriend or
• 52:49
  Speaker 1: a girlfriend that says I love this, I love this
• 52:51
  Speaker 1: about you. Don't you do it more like, oh, I
• 52:54
  Speaker 1: love your hair like that. Then you start to wear
• 52:56
  Speaker 1: your hair like that. You don't change your personality, but
• 52:59
  Speaker 1: it's like please to the person that you care about,
• 53:01
  Speaker 1: so you want them to like it. So it's totally
• 53:03
  Speaker 1: within your right to be like, hey, fucking shave. It's
• 53:07
  Speaker 1: not bad. Facial hair is bad. It's not.
• 53:11
  Speaker 2: It's the worst like a patchy beard, there's not.
• 53:14
  Speaker 1: And if he's acting like that when you're dating, then like, oh,
• 53:16
  Speaker 1: then that's only gonna get worse if he doesn't nip
• 53:18
  Speaker 1: it in the bud.
• 53:19
  Speaker 3: Now you need to you need to do you not
• 53:22
  Speaker 3: have like a mean gay friend who can just straight
• 53:24
  Speaker 3: up to his face every time he doesn't shave, be like, bro,
• 53:27
  Speaker 3: you look ugly as fuck right now.
• 53:29
  Speaker 1: Can you get a gay friend that will do that?
• 53:31
  Speaker 3: I'll do that. Give me his number, okay, I'll FaceTime in.
• 53:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, you don't have to put up with that.
• 53:38
  Speaker 1: I had a boyfriend who when he did shave, I
• 53:40
  Speaker 1: didn't like it, Like he looked better with facial hair
• 53:44
  Speaker 1: than without, And I was like, oh, you better keep
• 53:46
  Speaker 1: that fucking beard, buddy, Like I don't want to see
• 53:48
  Speaker 1: what's under there without the beard.
• 53:50
  Speaker 2: Well, your a boyfriend has facial.
• 53:51
  Speaker 1: Hair a lot of me.
• 53:55
  Speaker 3: I like him both ways, I will say, but he
• 53:58
  Speaker 3: does look considerably younger, and he is already younger than me,
• 54:01
  Speaker 3: so it's a problem. And he looks like he just
• 54:03
  Speaker 3: looks like a little boy without his without his beard,
• 54:05
  Speaker 3: which I guess I shouldn't have just said that. I
• 54:07
  Speaker 3: liked it both ways, because God knows in this climate,
• 54:10
  Speaker 3: hearing a gay man say I like my boyfriend when
• 54:12
  Speaker 3: he looks like a little boy, that's that's trouble.
• 54:15
  Speaker 1: That's the thing from based on everything you've said during
• 54:17
  Speaker 1: this podcast, nobody's gonna hold that against you.
• 54:21
  Speaker 2: I will be lifting that out and we'll be funny.
• 54:22
  Speaker 1: Yes, yes, that's the use that as the clip.
• 54:26
  Speaker 3: Joel Kim Booster.
• 54:30
  Speaker 1: Thank you Jokim. That was so much fun, so much fun.
• 54:36
  Speaker 1: And thank you Catheriney.
• 54:38
  Speaker 2: It's good to be with another Midwesterner.
• 54:41
  Speaker 1: Your love, everybody.
• 54:43
  Speaker 2: If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email
• 54:45
  Speaker 2: at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com and be
• 54:49
  Speaker 2: sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited
• 54:52
  Speaker 2: and engineered by Brad Dickard executive producer Catherine Law, and
• 54:55
  Speaker 2: be sure to check out our march at Chelseahandler dot
• 54:58
  Speaker 2: com