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Why Is There So Much Fear Around Asking for Help? · RiseUp - Live Joy Your Way

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: Today's episode is produced by my friends at Walk West.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_01: If you're looking to grow your brand and generate leads through podcast or video production, head over to walkwest.com.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, let's start the show.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: Rise up, live joy your way.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: From emotional intelligence through cognitive distortions, certified life and wellness coach Comedy Wood is on a mission to help people see the magnificence of their own unique human spirit.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: Through these small bites of self-visation and self-confidence, you can have healthy relationships, success in business and career, and live the life you want to live.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: Rise up, live joy your way.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_01: Hi there, and welcome to another episode of Rise Up, Live Joy Your Way.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_01: Whether it's morning, afternoon, or evening, I want to say thank you for taking some time out of your day to spend here with me.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_01: And this is an interesting recording because I'm actually recording while on the go.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_01: And the reason why I'm recording this this way today is because this topic that I want to talk about today is just, it's it was burning.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_01: It was burning for me to get this out of my system and onto recording to share with all of you.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_01: And really, it's about what I have have picked up on with the team clients that I've been working with and then seeing it translate into so many of the adults that I work with, which is this fear of asking for help.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_01: So when we're younger, um, and and I don't want to give it a name because I'm a little bit afraid of pathologizing it, because I don't want to get into the habit of pathologizing and saying this is a problem, this is an issue.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_01: But it there is this element of kids that really fear, they fear asking for help for different reasons.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_01: One is there's a fear around just embarrassment or the fact that people will have judgment on them because they don't understand something.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes there's a fear around asking for help because they believe that they should know the answers.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_01: If they happen to be really doing really well in classes, for instance, and they don't, and suddenly they don't understand something, there's a fear around asking for help because there's this idea that, well, I I I normally can get things so easily.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_01: So therefore I should, I should know this.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_01: I should know it, and therefore I I can't ask for help.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_01: And they actually start to believe I can't, I can't.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_01: As a matter of fact, this just happened in my own household.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_01: My, you know, I said many times in different podcasts here that I've guessed on and even here that I do have some high achieving perfectionist kids and more, you know, always a work in progress.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_01: I'm a work in progress when it comes to that perfectionism.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_01: But really, it's the fear in the the narrative that becomes I can't ask for help because it's not almost, it's not safe to.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_01: And then of course, you take that, and if we don't, if we don't start unpacking that at a younger age, now we take that with us into adulthood.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_01: And so many individuals that I work with are facing the same thing where there's this true fear of asking for help, a true fear of saying, either I don't understand something or this isn't working and I need support to work through it.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_01: And the the the the real basis of it is that there the fear is again, fear of judgment, fear that they shouldn't need the help, they should be able to figure it out.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_01: So there must be something wrong with them if they can't figure it out, and just fear of rejection, right?
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_01: Because if we ask for help and somebody says no, that's rejection, or conversely, we ask for help and now they have this judgment about us and they they reject or abandon us.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_01: And it is so important for us to start talking about this because really what this comes down to is internalized shame.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_01: We're shaming ourselves for not knowing something, we're shaming ourselves for not understanding, or shaming ourselves for needing support when in fact we are just humans.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_01: We are humans doing the best that we can.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_01: And there's no way that we can know all the things all the time.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_01: And so when we're talking to the younger kids, it is about normalizing that it's okay that they don't understand something.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_01: And it's important that we start doing that at a younger age because otherwise we do carry this narrative with us and we carry it into adulthood.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_01: And then for those of us who are adults who have carried that narrative, it's so important for us to start naming that, naming it and calling it out, and then working through this unshaming process of recognizing that there's nothing wrong with us if we need support.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_01: There's nothing wrong with us if we need help.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_01: There's nothing wrong with us if we don't understand something.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_01: That's just part about that's that's humanness.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_01: That's humanness.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_01: That's you being a human.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_01: And I know that this is more of a shorter version of the podcast that I normally put out, but this was just on my mind and on my heart that this is an important message that we get out there, that we need to start allowing us to embrace our humanness, embrace the fact that we do need support, we do need help at times.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_01: And it's okay to ask for that.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_01: It is okay to say, I need somebody to support me here.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_01: And sometimes it is true that the people that you ask are not going to be willing to do it.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_01: But then it's equally important to recognize that you can continue to look for the people that will be there to support you or will be there to explain the thing that you don't understand to you.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_01: If you would like support from me at any time, feel free to reach out to me at coachwithcomedy.com.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_01: And until next time, stay well.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for listening to Rise Up, Live Joy Your Way.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_00: For more information, book a chat with comedy at www.chatwithcomedy.com or visit her website at www.comedywood.com.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: You can also find comedy on Facebook or Instagram.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_00: Username it's authentic me.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for listening.