Latest / Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash / #263 Penis Slang and Phallic Toys

Transcript

#263 Penis Slang and Phallic Toys · Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash

0:00
Speaker 1: Do you know what I was listening to which was
0:02
Speaker 1: putting me in the mood for summer? I'll play it
0:03
Speaker 1: so we all get really pumped up.
0:14
Speaker 2: Does this feel like summer? It feels like summer.
0:16
Speaker 3: Don't preempt it, though. What do you mean? Because it's
0:19
Speaker 3: meant to go back to 15 degrees.
0:21
Speaker 2: But I'm going to enjoy today. I'm going to enjoy
0:24
Speaker 2: every fucking second of this.
0:25
Speaker 3: It's too hot out there. Hey. And then it's cold
0:27
Speaker 3: when it's cold. It's too cold.
0:29
Speaker 2: What's your ideal temperature? What would make you perfectly happy?
0:33
Speaker 4: 23.
0:33
Speaker 2: Okay, okay. Well, let's just check what it is right now.
0:35
Speaker 3: It's probably more than that. Okay.
0:39
Speaker 2: Let's have a look. It is currently, currently. Oh, my gosh.
0:44
Speaker 3: Yeah, but it feels like. Where's the feels like?
0:47
Speaker 2: Where's feels like?
0:48
Speaker 3: It was hot out there. It was hot.
0:51
Speaker 2: Feels like 23.
0:51
Speaker 3: Okay.
0:51
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's not right. You're right now.
0:55
Speaker 3: I'm not.
0:56
Speaker 2: You're in heaven.
0:57
Speaker 3: I'm not.
0:58
Speaker 2: Enjoy it.
0:59
Speaker 3: Well, it feels more like hell. Enjoy it.
1:17
Speaker 2: Welcome back to Two Doting Dads. I am Matty J.
1:20
Speaker 3: And I'm Ash.
1:20
Speaker 2: And this is a podcast all about parenting. It is
1:22
Speaker 2: the good, it is the bad.
1:24
Speaker 3: And the relatable.
1:25
Speaker 2: And we don't give advice.
1:26
Speaker 3: I've stumbled across a new saying.
1:29
Speaker 2: Hit me.
1:30
Speaker 3: Whenever something is just a little bit too difficult, it's like, oh,
1:34
Speaker 3: that's penis. I love it. It's too hard. I love it.
1:39
Speaker 1: Not sure if you heard the groan in the corner.
1:44
Speaker 1: But we can't be saying that as grown men, can we?
1:46
Speaker 3: Yeah.
1:47
Speaker 2: Are the kids saying that?
1:47
Speaker 4: Are you going to say that?
1:49
Speaker 2: That's way too penis or that is penis?
1:51
Speaker 3: That's penis. That's way too penis.
1:53
Speaker 2: That's penis. It's not really doing us any favours.
1:57
Speaker 3: We're so penis.
1:58
Speaker 2: People thinking that we're gay and all of a sudden
2:00
Speaker 2: we're like, oh, that is so cock.
2:01
Speaker 3: That's so throbbing cock.
2:04
Speaker 2: That's so cock and balls.
2:05
Speaker 3: It's giving off throbbing member.
2:09
Speaker 2: It's having the gay.
2:11
Speaker 3: I know. I woke up this morning. It was penis
2:14
Speaker 3: to get out of bed. Amen. I'll tell you right now.
2:17
Speaker 2: It was hard.
2:19
Speaker 3: And not just my penis.
2:22
Speaker 4: Who's actually using it though?
2:25
Speaker 3: Me. Who is?
2:26
Speaker 2: Okay, I made it up.
2:27
Speaker 3: I'm running with it.
2:28
Speaker 2: It's mine.
2:28
Speaker 3: No, I don't know.
2:29
Speaker 2: Do you know what?
2:30
Speaker 1: Can I just for a second lay claim to a
2:33
Speaker 1: saying that I came up with when I was 19
2:36
Speaker 1: and for a period in Brisbane.
2:39
Speaker 2: People were saying it.
2:40
Speaker 3: Okay, are you saying you pioneered a thing?
2:44
Speaker 1: I think I may have said this on the pod already,
2:46
Speaker 1: but I used to say if something was really good,
2:48
Speaker 1: that was cheddar.
2:49
Speaker 3: Cheddar cheese.
2:50
Speaker 2: Cheddar cheese.
2:51
Speaker 1: Yeah.
2:52
Speaker 2: How good is cheddar cheese?
2:53
Speaker 3: We used to have paper.
2:54
Speaker 2: That's paper.
2:54
Speaker 3: That's paper.
2:55
Speaker 2: What do you mean?
2:56
Speaker 3: Just nice, clean, crispy white A4.
2:58
Speaker 2: I love that.
2:59
Speaker 3: Thank you. You can use that.
3:00
Speaker 2: I love that. To the kids who are listening. You're welcome.
3:05
Speaker 3: Before we do go on, we want to do a
3:07
Speaker 3: little shout out to video editor Ness.
3:10
Speaker 2: Little Nessie. She's been a bit crook lately.
3:13
Speaker 4: Ness.
3:15
Speaker 2: We miss you. We hope you're doing well. Hope you're recovering.
3:18
Speaker 1: I'm sure she's not listening to the podcast. She's like,
3:20
Speaker 1: the last thing I need is those two.
3:22
Speaker 3: She's already got to edit this. She's like, oh, I
3:24
Speaker 3: just need to relax. Let me just put the.
3:26
Speaker 2: Balloons in my ear. Oh, my God. We've given her
3:28
Speaker 2: the week off.
3:29
Speaker 3: Oh, I didn't okay that. No, I did. I did.
3:32
Speaker 3: She is unwell. So get better soon. We want you
3:33
Speaker 3: back fighting fit.
3:35
Speaker 4: Now, you may notice we are wearing.
3:37
Speaker 2: Now you might have noticed.
3:38
Speaker 3: Vic's show. Give us the notes.
3:41
Speaker 2: To be honest, we need it. We're like fucking stray
3:44
Speaker 2: Brumbies in the field.
3:46
Speaker 3: Doing this podcast is penis.
3:49
Speaker 2: Oh, well, look who came crawling back.
3:53
Speaker 3: I want an apology right now.
3:55
Speaker 4: That was funny.
3:57
Speaker 3: I'm sorry I ever doubted you.
3:58
Speaker 4: I'm sorry I ever doubted you.
4:00
Speaker 2: And I bet you she gets home and.
4:02
Speaker 3: She goes, Dan, I've got a new saying that no
4:03
Speaker 3: one's ever heard of before. It's mine. And you keep,
4:06
Speaker 3: Louie's going to love that. You're going to be like, yeah,
4:08
Speaker 3: it's penis. And Dan's like, mine's not.
4:14
Speaker 2: You may have noticed. Well, the single person watching on
4:17
Speaker 2: YouTube may have noticed.
4:18
Speaker 3: And Vic.
4:19
Speaker 2: And Vic.
4:19
Speaker 1: Also, on social media, we are wearing something very special
4:22
Speaker 1: on our heads. Penises.
4:26
Speaker 3: Penises. They're hats.
4:31
Speaker 2: A new invention.
4:32
Speaker 3: They're not foreskins. They're hats. Okay, we need to get
4:37
Speaker 3: penis off the mind. Everyone just give us one last
4:40
Speaker 3: penis joke.
4:40
Speaker 2: Okay. Vic?
4:41
Speaker 4: They're never going to end. You're going to be doing it.
4:43
Speaker 3: The whole way.
4:43
Speaker 2: That's what the penis said.
4:44
Speaker 3: Okay. All right. Let's go.
4:46
Speaker 2: So we've got brand new hats. We have three.
4:48
Speaker 1: There is the School Run Racing Club hat, which Ash
4:53
Speaker 1: is modeling. I have the doting hat. And then Vic
4:56
Speaker 1: will have the purple one.
4:56
Speaker 4: Yeah, please.
4:57
Speaker 3: She will, yeah. I did see. Look, let's just call
5:00
Speaker 3: it out. Let's get ahead of the news story. Yeah.
5:02
Speaker 3: I saw the Zanarove hat. made a comeback on their socials,
5:07
Speaker 3: the exact what we've created, nearly what we've created.
5:10
Speaker 2: Don't plant the seed.
5:11
Speaker 3: No, but ours is better. Ours has no dates. They're similar,
5:15
Speaker 3: but I noticed.
5:16
Speaker 2: We designed a hat and it just somehow happens to
5:19
Speaker 2: be similar to another hat that's been designed.
5:23
Speaker 3: That's too, remember the must be nice hat?
5:25
Speaker 2: It's fucking, everything's been done. Everything's just a copy.
5:28
Speaker 3: Yeah, but that's, it's not.
5:29
Speaker 2: For legal reasons, that is a joke.
5:32
Speaker 3: Also, we made, This hat. And then we saw that hat.
5:35
Speaker 3: And it's similar, but it's different. It is different. But
5:37
Speaker 3: I noticed that it's making a resurgence. I saw one
5:41
Speaker 3: video yesterday and I was like, oh, yeah.
5:43
Speaker 1: Delete.
5:44
Speaker 3: We will put them up on our socials and we
5:46
Speaker 3: will put some photos up. They'll be available on our
5:48
Speaker 3: website as well.
5:49
Speaker 2: 2dotingdads. com. How much are we going to sell them for?
5:51
Speaker 3: $ 2, 000.
5:51
Speaker 2: $ 35?
5:51
Speaker 3: $ 35. Yeah, go on.
5:52
Speaker 2: 35.
5:58
Speaker 3: Yeah, or two for 70.
5:59
Speaker 1: I will just say, and this is not me trying
6:02
Speaker 1: to give you like the marketing spiel, there are not
6:05
Speaker 1: many hats, okay? So if you are thinking about buying
6:08
Speaker 1: a hat, let me just recommend that you jump online,
6:10
Speaker 1: you buy it now, or you will be disappointed.
6:13
Speaker 3: That's your go-to sales move, eh? There's only a couple.
6:15
Speaker 3: It's true. There's two massive boxes out there.
6:19
Speaker 2: Shut the fuck up.
6:20
Speaker 3: I mean, they're tiny boxes.
6:21
Speaker 2: Shut up. We're sitting, we're recording from a shipping container
6:26
Speaker 2: of hats. Yes.
6:27
Speaker 3: They're with the calendars from last year and the year before. Yes.
6:32
Speaker 4: But there are thousands of doters. There are not thousands
6:34
Speaker 4: of hats. That's what he's trying to say.
6:36
Speaker 2: Thank you. Thank you, Vic.
6:37
Speaker 3: Well said.
6:38
Speaker 2: Very good. Very good. So don't miss out.
6:40
Speaker 3: There's only a couple.
6:42
Speaker 2: If you're disappointed, I don't want to fucking hear it.
6:45
Speaker 2: I'm just letting you know.
6:46
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah.
6:47
Speaker 4: Don't set it up to fail.
6:48
Speaker 3: No, no.
6:49
Speaker 2: I'm just saying.
6:50
Speaker 3: You get what you get and you don't get upset.
6:52
Speaker 1: But if people, if we say you've got to buy
6:54
Speaker 1: a hat or they'll sell out and then in a
6:55
Speaker 1: week's time people are.
6:56
Speaker 2: Like, I missed out on a red hat.
6:58
Speaker 3: Too bad.
6:59
Speaker 2: I don't fucking care. I warned you and you ignored me.
7:03
Speaker 2: Sing it, sister.
7:05
Speaker 4: I thought you meant if you're disappointed in the hat.
7:07
Speaker 2: Even so.
7:11
Speaker 3: Even so. I back whatever he said. I'm going with it.
7:14
Speaker 1: Actually, I need to just put it out there. I'm
7:18
Speaker 1: dealing with a lot right now at home. I don't
7:21
Speaker 1: know if... You will be able to sympathise with me, Vic.
7:23
Speaker 1: I don't know if you will be either. My fridge
7:26
Speaker 1: and freezer has broken.
7:28
Speaker 2: Again? Thank you.
7:29
Speaker 3: Yes. Didn't you have the ice chest, like, not that
7:31
Speaker 3: long ago?
7:32
Speaker 2: And it's rebroken.
7:33
Speaker 1: But can I just fucking say right now, and I
7:35
Speaker 1: don't want to get angry on this podcast, but I will.
7:38
Speaker 1: The reason that it breaks is that the freezer drawer,
7:42
Speaker 1: the bottom of the fridge freezer section, the freezer doesn't
7:45
Speaker 1: seal that well.
7:46
Speaker 2: Even though it's like a fucking 12 months old, it
7:48
Speaker 2: doesn't seal. And people get stuff out. They don't close
7:51
Speaker 2: it properly. It's slightly ajar. Then the frost builds up.
7:54
Speaker 2: It's in the intake. When you do close it, it
7:56
Speaker 2: freezes over, stops working. The fridge can't hack it.
7:59
Speaker 1: And so every fucking night, I go to bed, I
8:02
Speaker 1: check it, and it's slightly ajar. And I go to Laura,
8:05
Speaker 1: I go to Nana, and I'm like, you all need
8:08
Speaker 1: to pay close attention to the freezer right now.
8:10
Speaker 2: This is not a joke.
8:11
Speaker 3: Buster's like, my plan is working.
8:12
Speaker 4: This is such a dad gripe.
8:16
Speaker 2: I know.
8:18
Speaker 3: I'm waiting to throw out there, you sure it's not
8:19
Speaker 3: user error?
8:21
Speaker 1: Someone did say, did you put the drawer in back
8:23
Speaker 1: the front? And I was like, let me check before
8:25
Speaker 1: I have a rant.
8:26
Speaker 2: So yesterday I look at the freezer in the morning
8:29
Speaker 2: and it's ajar. And I was like, oh.
8:31
Speaker 1: I open it, fucking frost. It's like fucking Antarctica in there.
8:35
Speaker 1: Frost is everywhere.
8:35
Speaker 2: Frost is in the intake. It's a disaster. It's a debacle.
8:38
Speaker 2: And so then I'm like, it's, I know it's going
8:40
Speaker 2: to break. It's going to break. I know I close it.
8:42
Speaker 2: What happens? It fucking breaks.
8:43
Speaker 1: And I know that Laura got a red container out.
8:47
Speaker 1: She was the last person. The red container was a jar.
8:50
Speaker 1: So it didn't close with the red container.
8:51
Speaker 2: And I'm like, I've got to now empty the whole
8:55
Speaker 2: fucking fridge and freezer, get eskies, get ice. Let it defrost.
8:59
Speaker 2: Fucking then clean up all the water. It's just.
9:02
Speaker 4: It's a lot of admin.
9:04
Speaker 2: Thank you.
9:05
Speaker 4: Inspector Matthew on the case.
9:06
Speaker 3: There are people out there that don't have freezers.
9:09
Speaker 2: I needed that.
9:09
Speaker 3: Thank you. Just to put your life in perspective.
9:12
Speaker 1: You're right.
9:13
Speaker 3: But it is very annoying.
9:14
Speaker 2: I wish I didn't have a fucking fridge and freezer
9:15
Speaker 2: because it'd just be nothing but.
9:16
Speaker 3: Honestly, live off the land. You should live off the
9:18
Speaker 3: land from now on.
9:20
Speaker 2: It does kind of feel like we're camping. In North Bondi.
9:24
Speaker 2: If you need milk, go out to the SQ.
9:27
Speaker 3: If you need milk, just go to the golf club.
9:29
Speaker 3: It's across the road.
9:31
Speaker 1: But people who have drawers for their freezer section, just
9:36
Speaker 1: know that I understand what you're going through.
9:39
Speaker 3: Mine seem to be working fine.
9:40
Speaker 2: You got drawers?
9:40
Speaker 3: Yeah, I've got a double drawer. It's an open double drawer.
9:44
Speaker 1: You're a drawer freezer man, and you've given me no
9:47
Speaker 1: fucking sympathy.
9:48
Speaker 2: Can I just say, when your freezer breaks, and it will.
9:51
Speaker 3: Because I know how to use mine.
9:52
Speaker 2: I am fucking giving you nothing.
9:54
Speaker 4: Okay.
9:54
Speaker 1: When you come crying to me, don't expect this shoulder
9:58
Speaker 1: to be resting your cheek.
9:59
Speaker 3: The big difference might be here. Is yours a door
10:02
Speaker 3: than a drawer? It's a drawer.
10:04
Speaker 2: It's a drawer, double drawer.
10:05
Speaker 3: Yeah, okay. So there's no door, though? It's just the
10:07
Speaker 3: door is the drawer?
10:09
Speaker 2: The door is the drawer.
10:09
Speaker 3: Okay, the drawer is the drawer. Oh. Draw, draw, draw.
10:14
Speaker 3: The drawer is the door.
10:16
Speaker 2: Talk to me.
10:16
Speaker 3: I've got door, then drawer. So I can't sympathise with
10:21
Speaker 3: you completely.
10:21
Speaker 2: Consider yourself lucky.
10:24
Speaker 3: Well, I would say that you probably need to be
10:26
Speaker 3: a bit more diligent with closing it.
10:28
Speaker 2: You want to fucking call Laura a nana? I am
10:30
Speaker 2: the door police.
10:32
Speaker 3: Yeah, but that's what I meant. I meant the house
10:34
Speaker 3: in general. Like you're doing your part by trying to...
10:37
Speaker 3: trying to stay on top of it.
10:38
Speaker 2: Thank you.
10:39
Speaker 3: But obviously you're outnumbered.
10:41
Speaker 2: There's only so much one man can do.
10:42
Speaker 3: What are you going to do? Park up next to
10:44
Speaker 3: the fridge and every time someone uses it.
10:46
Speaker 2: I sleep next to the fridge.
10:48
Speaker 3: You should lock it.
10:49
Speaker 2: I need to get a lock. Vic, what do you have?
10:51
Speaker 2: What's your freezer drawer?
10:52
Speaker 4: I've got the same. I thought everyone had the drawer.
10:54
Speaker 4: But yeah, we've got drawers and then the door.
10:56
Speaker 3: So you've got drawer then door.
10:59
Speaker 4: No, we'll say door then drawer.
11:00
Speaker 3: Okay, let's do this. Door then drawer. Draw.
11:03
Speaker 2: Double drawer.
11:03
Speaker 3: Door then drawer.
11:04
Speaker 2: Correct.
11:05
Speaker 3: No drawer then door.
11:06
Speaker 2: And I just think you door-drawer people.
11:10
Speaker 4: Yeah.
11:11
Speaker 2: We're better than you. You have no sympathy.
11:13
Speaker 3: Yeah. You have no sympathy. Why should we?
11:15
Speaker 2: For those of us who are struggling out there.
11:17
Speaker 3: You had a choice.
11:19
Speaker 4: I feel like that's a really– it's a terrible model.
11:21
Speaker 2: Thank you.
11:22
Speaker 3: An idea.
11:22
Speaker 2: Westinghouse, sorry. If they ever want to sponsor the pod,
11:24
Speaker 2: fuck you. You've sold me a lemon fridge freezer.
11:27
Speaker 4: Because for us, the door– Lemon fridge freezer. The door
11:31
Speaker 4: can't shut if you have a drawer that's slightly ajar.
11:33
Speaker 4: So it actually stops that problem ever happening.
11:36
Speaker 3: Does yours not beep?
11:37
Speaker 2: It doesn't beep. It does not beep.
11:39
Speaker 3: I feel like we're spending a lot of time on
11:40
Speaker 3: the door drawer freezer.
11:41
Speaker 2: Let's move on.
11:41
Speaker 4: Okay.
11:42
Speaker 3: I would say just get a new fridge.
11:44
Speaker 2: End of.
11:44
Speaker 1: I don't know if you want to try this. Actually,
11:46
Speaker 1: you don't need to try this because you and April–
11:48
Speaker 1: You're like rabbits.
11:49
Speaker 3: Easy on.
11:50
Speaker 2: You're like rabbits. Every time I call you, I'm like,
11:51
Speaker 2: what are you doing? You're like, I just had sex.
11:53
Speaker 3: Is this next conversation going to be about fucking?
11:55
Speaker 1: Well, Laura and I, I think they're doing an experiment
11:58
Speaker 1: on Life Uncut. We are doing a 30-day intimacy challenge
12:02
Speaker 1: where the rule is every day you need.
12:04
Speaker 2: To kiss for six seconds.
12:06
Speaker 3: Oh, that sounds horrible. I know.
12:07
Speaker 2: Well, this morning she was like, kiss me. And I
12:09
Speaker 2: hadn't brushed my teeth. So I was like. I was like,
12:11
Speaker 2: you don't want this. And she was like, it's the challenge.
12:13
Speaker 2: And I was like, believe me, this thing's.
12:15
Speaker 1: Been fermenting all night. You don't want to get into this.
12:19
Speaker 1: So then I was giving her a peck and she
12:20
Speaker 1: was like, fuck.
12:21
Speaker 2: Open your mouth. Oh, and the kids were like, what
12:24
Speaker 2: are you guys doing? She was like, love me. And
12:27
Speaker 2: I was like, I'm trying.
12:30
Speaker 3: So 30 days of that. Yeah. And it's like, are
12:33
Speaker 3: there other options?
12:35
Speaker 4: No, no.
12:36
Speaker 3: So they're like.
12:37
Speaker 2: What's on the menu? Six second kiss. Six second kiss. Fuck.
12:41
Speaker 1: No.
12:41
Speaker 2: Six seconds.
12:42
Speaker 4: How many days in are you?
12:43
Speaker 2: This is day one and we failed this morning.
12:45
Speaker 3: And you're over it.
12:46
Speaker 2: So we've got to try and.
12:47
Speaker 4: You've got tonight.
12:48
Speaker 3: Why force it? Just give a nice little kiss goodbye.
12:51
Speaker 2: And that's it. Because I think it's like the gym.
12:53
Speaker 2: Sometimes you've just got to force it.
12:54
Speaker 3: Do you? No, you'll get an injury. Huh? You'll get
12:58
Speaker 3: an injury if you force it.
12:59
Speaker 2: I just feel like.
13:00
Speaker 3: You're coming with a lip injury.
13:01
Speaker 1: I just feel like sometimes it's easy not to give
13:04
Speaker 1: time to those little moments of intimacy. And sometimes even
13:07
Speaker 1: though you're rushing out the door, you have to like
13:09
Speaker 1: take a moment. And you have to like give it
13:11
Speaker 1: the time that it deserves.
13:12
Speaker 3: I completely agree with the thought around it, 100%. But
13:17
Speaker 3: I think putting pressure on being a six-second kiss, why
13:21
Speaker 3: is the barrier to enter so high? Like why can't
13:24
Speaker 3: it be a nice, have a nice day, I'm off
13:26
Speaker 3: to work, a nice affectionate kiss, I'm looking you in
13:29
Speaker 3: the face, we'll do it after. And then when I
13:31
Speaker 3: get home, same thing. But like you're putting time on it,
13:34
Speaker 3: the barrier to entry seems like that's a task.
13:36
Speaker 2: Do you kiss April goodbye? Yeah. How? Show me.
13:39
Speaker 3: With my mouth, bro.
13:41
Speaker 2: Show me.
13:41
Speaker 4: No.
13:41
Speaker 3: Kiss your hand.
13:42
Speaker 2: Kiss your hand.
13:43
Speaker 3: No.
13:44
Speaker 2: Show me.
13:44
Speaker 3: I'll kiss my knee.
13:45
Speaker 2: Show me. Are you like this? Are you like, bye, babe?
13:48
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah. See you, babe.
13:51
Speaker 2: Ew, yuck.
13:53
Speaker 3: Don't do that. Okay.
13:54
Speaker 4: Are you saying six seconds is a high barrier?
13:57
Speaker 1: Yeah.
13:58
Speaker 3: Six seconds?
13:59
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay.
14:00
Speaker 3: Do a six second kiss.
14:03
Speaker 4: What do you do during sex?
14:03
Speaker 3: Seriously, that's a lot.
14:05
Speaker 2: How often? Eight seconds. We're talking six.
14:08
Speaker 3: No, I mean like.
14:10
Speaker 1: If I was like, if I was saying like you
14:12
Speaker 1: guys did a hang upside down interlock, then kiss for
14:15
Speaker 1: 10 seconds whilst upside down hanging from.
14:17
Speaker 2: The balcony, that's high barrier.
14:19
Speaker 4: Yeah.
14:19
Speaker 3: Okay, but I'm just what I'm saying.
14:20
Speaker 2: Six seconds and you're like, when would we have time
14:23
Speaker 2: for that?
14:24
Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly. How is that made?
14:26
Speaker 2: His exact words were, ooh.
14:28
Speaker 3: Yeah, ooh, ooh, indeed. I think putting that much pressure
14:31
Speaker 3: on it. Who's counting? What are you like? All right, ready? Ready? Ready?
14:35
Speaker 2: I'm counting in my head.
14:36
Speaker 3: Ready? Go. One, two, three, four, five, six. That's a
14:43
Speaker 3: fucking long time for a kiss. Unless it's going to
14:46
Speaker 3: lead to more, I think. I think if it's like, hey,
14:49
Speaker 3: I like the idea of make sure you give your
14:51
Speaker 3: significant other a kiss before you leave the house.
14:54
Speaker 2: Love that.
14:55
Speaker 3: A kiss goodbye and a kiss hello. I would prefer
14:56
Speaker 3: that over six seconds.
14:58
Speaker 2: It's not my challenge, so there's no need to shout
15:00
Speaker 2: at me.
15:00
Speaker 3: That was it, Laura.
15:01
Speaker 1: Thank you.
15:01
Speaker 2: Laura, if you're listening.
15:02
Speaker 3: You're putting too much pressure on my man here. Thank you.
15:05
Speaker 4: You are benefiting from this challenge, though.
15:07
Speaker 3: No, you're not. You're really not. You're not benefiting.
15:13
Speaker 2: You're not.
15:14
Speaker 3: I'll give you a challenge. I'll give you a challenge
15:16
Speaker 3: you can benefit from.
15:17
Speaker 1: Go on.
15:18
Speaker 4: So do you guys not like kissing? Is that what
15:21
Speaker 4: it comes down to?
15:22
Speaker 3: No, not for six seconds.
15:24
Speaker 2: No, it's just morning time is like that's business hours.
15:27
Speaker 3: Yeah, got to get out of the house.
15:29
Speaker 2: Yeah, I get that. Kids need to be dressed, brush
15:32
Speaker 2: their teeth. I'm not in them.
15:34
Speaker 3: Quick, six seconds, stop to kiss.
15:35
Speaker 1: And then by then the kids are, like, undressing themselves.
15:39
Speaker 2: It just puts us back.
15:40
Speaker 3: Yeah, the kid's like, oh, I see what's happening here.
15:44
Speaker 1: They're like, quick, get away.
15:47
Speaker 2: We've got six seconds now.
15:48
Speaker 3: We've got six seconds.
15:49
Speaker 2: They're distracted. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
15:51
Speaker 4: You can do it at night time.
15:52
Speaker 2: Poppy's, like, climbing the stairs by then. Who knows where
15:55
Speaker 2: she is. We've got to then try and find Poppy.
15:57
Speaker 3: Quick, guys, we've got six seconds. Cause as much damage
16:00
Speaker 3: as we can. Matt, off the back of our episode
16:04
Speaker 3: we did with April the other day, we've got a lot,
16:07
Speaker 3: a lot, man, it's overwhelming, a lot of messages. Oh, yeah.
16:11
Speaker 3: I can't go through all of them. However.
16:13
Speaker 1: Once again, I do need to say thank you again
16:16
Speaker 1: to you and April. I think, man, it's full on
16:20
Speaker 1: to talk about that part of your life and be
16:23
Speaker 1: as open as what you guys were.
16:25
Speaker 4: Yeah.
16:25
Speaker 3: Yes, thank you. Yeah, thank you. And last week was
16:29
Speaker 3: pretty overwhelming, if I'm honest. But that's okay. I wanted
16:32
Speaker 3: to pick out one message here from another Matt.
16:35
Speaker 2: Different Matt.
16:36
Speaker 3: Yeah, okay. I see what's happening here. It says, kiss
16:39
Speaker 3: six seconds before reading that. This one is from Matt Orinon.
16:47
Speaker 2: So many Anons out there.
16:48
Speaker 3: It's a popular name. 2026 is the popular name for Anon.
16:51
Speaker 3: The year of the Anon.
16:52
Speaker 2: The year of Anon.
16:54
Speaker 3: Hey, Ash and Matt. Last night, this clip came across
16:57
Speaker 3: my feed. I haven't listened to the pod before. Sorry. Okay.
17:01
Speaker 3: That's enough for this one.
17:03
Speaker 2: You were skating on thin ice, Matt. That is not.
17:06
Speaker 3: Anon.
17:07
Speaker 2: Oh, sorry. Listen here, Anon. You were skating on thin ice.
17:11
Speaker 2: That is not a great way to open the message.
17:13
Speaker 3: 18 months ago, I reconciled that I have a significant
17:17
Speaker 3: drinking problem and sought help and took steps that were
17:20
Speaker 3: very difficult but had made good inroads for some time. Unfortunately,
17:24
Speaker 3: the last few months, I've noted myself regressing. Preach, brother.
17:28
Speaker 3: At the gym this morning, I searched your episode list
17:31
Speaker 3: and listened to the pod you did when Ash was
17:33
Speaker 3: 100 days sober. I then listened to this pod at
17:37
Speaker 3: the park with my three-year-old after dropping off my five-year-old
17:40
Speaker 3: to school. I left the park sobbing, recognizing so much
17:44
Speaker 3: of the shame that Ash described in myself, but also
17:47
Speaker 3: full of hope that I too can start to find
17:49
Speaker 3: my way out and get back on a better path.
17:53
Speaker 3: I cried again when I described all this to my
17:55
Speaker 3: wife later today and she listened to the pod this afternoon. Yesterday,
17:59
Speaker 3: I was doing this alone. Today, I have the support
18:02
Speaker 3: of my wife and I have scheduled an appointment with
18:04
Speaker 3: a therapist next week. Thank you, Matt, for asking such
18:07
Speaker 3: meaningful and caring questions and Ash and April for sharing
18:11
Speaker 3: your story and congratulations, Ash, for how far you've come.
18:13
Speaker 3: It's really inspiring. Wow. We got heaps of those sort
18:18
Speaker 3: of messages. I read that one out because it, of course...
18:21
Speaker 3: someone saw sort of recognize some of the things I
18:24
Speaker 3: was going through and look, you're going to regress for sure.
18:27
Speaker 3: I mean, there's times along this, what am I? 200
18:30
Speaker 3: and 282 days. Wow. Today over that time, I would
18:35
Speaker 3: say for 282 days, I have thought about alcohol. That's
18:39
Speaker 3: going to happen.
18:40
Speaker 4: Okay.
18:40
Speaker 3: The regressing part is tough. And it's going to be
18:44
Speaker 3: tougher going into warmer months again, because winter, you can
18:47
Speaker 3: sort of bugger down a little bit. Yeah, I did
18:50
Speaker 3: this year, which, Was different as well, which was a
18:53
Speaker 3: little bit sad in some instances just because I felt
18:55
Speaker 3: like I was nowhere near as social, but it's just
18:57
Speaker 3: sort of an adjustment I needed to make.
18:59
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's just ingrained in us when it's like over
19:02
Speaker 1: 22 degrees, everyone's like ding.
19:03
Speaker 3: Ding, ding.
19:04
Speaker 2: Terrible day to be a beer.
19:05
Speaker 3: Yeah. Just on the back of that, I just wanted
19:09
Speaker 3: to go through a couple of different tips and tricks
19:12
Speaker 3: that I have. Look, this has just worked for me.
19:14
Speaker 2: Because I think everyone is like, what's the secret? Ash,
19:18
Speaker 2: tell us how you did it. Everybody wants to like.
19:21
Speaker 1: Pull from you what advice you have for someone who's
19:24
Speaker 1: like to get to 280 days is incredible.
19:27
Speaker 3: I have suggestions, not advice. That's my new thing. Look,
19:30
Speaker 3: when I was looking around at like, okay, well, I
19:33
Speaker 3: want tips to help, but it's so saturated with so
19:37
Speaker 3: many overcomplicated things. And then also there's that mentality with
19:41
Speaker 3: people and stuff out there, just be like, we'll just
19:43
Speaker 3: drink in moderation. Oh, that's the fucking cure. It's not.
19:48
Speaker 3: So if someone says you just just have one or
19:50
Speaker 3: two just answer them with sarcasm so here's a couple
19:53
Speaker 3: of really simple things that i think that people can
19:56
Speaker 3: use one the 4 p.m distraction so 4 p.m was
20:01
Speaker 3: my trigger time it was like everyone's home from school
20:04
Speaker 3: i've finished pretty much what i'm doing for the day
20:06
Speaker 3: and it's that time of day where you're like It's
20:09
Speaker 3: sort of like a bridging time of day, right, because
20:12
Speaker 3: you're sort of trying to distract yourself with getting the
20:15
Speaker 3: kids unpacked from school and getting ready for what you're
20:18
Speaker 3: going to do for dinner and stuff like that. Really
20:21
Speaker 3: easy to fall into that between four and five. If
20:24
Speaker 3: you can find a distraction between four and five, from
20:27
Speaker 3: five onwards, so much easier.
20:29
Speaker 2: What's your distraction?
20:31
Speaker 3: My distraction is, at the moment, walks or... I'm like,
20:36
Speaker 3: I'll chuck my headphones on and just get as much
20:38
Speaker 3: housework as done in that hour. And it's like, it's
20:41
Speaker 3: hard because I'm severely ADHD. It's half finished things, but
20:45
Speaker 3: it gets done and it distracts. All of a sudden
20:48
Speaker 3: I'm finishing the kid's dinner and it's nearly 5.30, 6 o'clock.
20:51
Speaker 3: And I'm like, well, even if I was to sit
20:53
Speaker 3: down and have a drink now, I'm over that. I
20:56
Speaker 3: really want it. I'm sort of now it's like, okay, well,
20:59
Speaker 3: have I earned it? You know, so your choices become
21:03
Speaker 3: different after that.
21:04
Speaker 2: You've kind of got the upper hand already.
21:05
Speaker 3: I've kind of already got a little win because 90%
21:08
Speaker 3: of the time you'll lose that battle. And that's where
21:10
Speaker 3: I find a lot of people who message and talk
21:12
Speaker 3: to me say, I lose that battle and that time
21:16
Speaker 3: because that's like, for example, your willpower, right? Your willpower,
21:20
Speaker 3: it's like a battery. All day, you spend all day
21:24
Speaker 3: using the battery from your willpower to get to that
21:27
Speaker 3: point at four o'clock where you're like, I have resisted
21:29
Speaker 3: so much. Your options are be distracted or do the habit.
21:34
Speaker 3: So really simple. Find what time. If you're like sitting
21:38
Speaker 3: there and it's three o'clock, you're a tradie, whatever, you've
21:40
Speaker 3: finished work and you're on your way home and that
21:43
Speaker 3: is your time that triggers you, take a detour and
21:46
Speaker 3: go for a swim. Take a detour, like just something.
21:48
Speaker 3: I found that it was huge for me because it
21:50
Speaker 3: was like everyone was always like do something grand every afternoon.
21:53
Speaker 3: It's like just find something to distract you. Even if
21:55
Speaker 3: that is like I think for– It's changed for me.
21:59
Speaker 3: I was even doing Wim Hof at like four o'clock
22:01
Speaker 3: for 30 minutes because after that 30 minutes, my brain
22:04
Speaker 3: was completely taken away from that and I was thinking
22:06
Speaker 3: about something else. I love that. Yeah. So that's one.
22:09
Speaker 3: What's Wim Hof? It's just a breathing technique. Because I
22:12
Speaker 3: can't meditate. Some people are really great at meditating.
22:14
Speaker 2: I can't do it.
22:15
Speaker 3: Honestly, no one wants that. No one wants me alone
22:18
Speaker 3: with my thoughts.
22:18
Speaker 2: People who say they meditate, I'm like, you're a fucking liar.
22:21
Speaker 3: Honestly.
22:21
Speaker 2: Stop lying to us.
22:23
Speaker 3: The times I try to meditate, I just wake up
22:25
Speaker 3: and I've just come to in a worse mood because
22:27
Speaker 3: I've just overthrown every single conversation I've ever thought about.
22:32
Speaker 1: Can the meditators just admit that they've been lying to
22:34
Speaker 1: us all since the beginning?
22:36
Speaker 3: I feel some people can really switch off, but it
22:39
Speaker 3: takes a certain person.
22:40
Speaker 4: Yeah.
22:41
Speaker 3: Not me.
22:42
Speaker 2: Not me.
22:42
Speaker 3: So Wim Hof is a good one. It might sound
22:44
Speaker 3: woo-woo and shitty, but do it. Try it. Especially if
22:46
Speaker 3: you pass out, it's great.
22:47
Speaker 4: Is that the square box breathing?
22:49
Speaker 3: No, that's box breathing. Wim Hof is like 30 in
22:52
Speaker 3: and out, and then you're holding on the exhale for
22:55
Speaker 3: X amount of time. It's really good. You should try it.
22:57
Speaker 3: The other one, this is a fucking must-have in your house,
23:00
Speaker 3: and it's cheap. SodaStream. Honestly, spicy water, save you. First
23:07
Speaker 3: of all, you've got something in your hand, especially that
23:09
Speaker 3: 4 o'clock, 5 o'clock, got something in your hand, but
23:12
Speaker 3: if you can make it as fucking spicy as possible,
23:16
Speaker 3: you'll get the back of the throat sensation you would
23:18
Speaker 3: get from that alcohol that only you really notice.
23:23
Speaker 4: When you say spicy, do you mean bubbly?
23:24
Speaker 3: Yeah.
23:25
Speaker 2: You want it real bubbly.
23:26
Speaker 3: Real bubbly, yeah. And like. Sometimes I just put lemon
23:29
Speaker 3: juice straight in it.
23:30
Speaker 2: I'm like, whoo!
23:33
Speaker 3: It's good.
23:34
Speaker 2: Do you want a bit of chilli in there?
23:35
Speaker 3: No. You could. Okay.
23:37
Speaker 2: You could.
23:37
Speaker 3: Ginger. A bit of tequila, some salt and a red wine.
23:41
Speaker 4: Okay.
23:45
Speaker 2: Ash, you're drinking margaritas.
23:47
Speaker 4: Am I?
23:48
Speaker 2: I said I quit beers.
23:54
Speaker 4: Well, I was curious about that. So like what about
23:56
Speaker 4: zero beer? Would that be too tempting or?
23:59
Speaker 3: Everyone's different, okay? Everyone's different. I have had zero beers
24:03
Speaker 3: before when I have quit, but it felt like I
24:06
Speaker 3: was just getting rid of the fun part of it,
24:08
Speaker 3: if that makes sense. It's like I'm pretty much.
24:10
Speaker 2: You're like masturbating and not cumming.
24:12
Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly right.
24:15
Speaker 2: Sorry, I went there, sorry.
24:16
Speaker 3: No, I couldn't have said it any better myself. That's good.
24:20
Speaker 3: Thank you.
24:20
Speaker 2: It's been a while.
24:23
Speaker 3: Okay, third one. It's just it is endorphins. Like whatever
24:31
Speaker 3: at any point during the day gets some endorphins, the
24:34
Speaker 3: earlier the better.
24:36
Speaker 2: For you, what did that entail?
24:38
Speaker 3: For me, look. And my bonus point here will sort
24:41
Speaker 3: of make more sense than this. I didn't want to
24:43
Speaker 3: go and quit alcohol and just be like, oh, I'm
24:46
Speaker 3: just going to become an athlete. Because, you know, you
24:47
Speaker 3: try and distract yourself with that, which I think it's
24:49
Speaker 3: a good distraction. You could do the 4 p.m. thing
24:51
Speaker 3: and go, you know what, I'm going to have a
24:53
Speaker 3: little run. Or I'm going to go for a walk
24:55
Speaker 3: or whatever. But so many things are like, so many
24:59
Speaker 3: of your problems can be fixed with just a walk.
25:00
Speaker 3: And it's like, yeah, okay. It is actually fucking true.
25:03
Speaker 3: Like when I walked to a waterfall the other day,
25:04
Speaker 3: I was like, what the fuck?
25:05
Speaker 2: I love life. I love life.
25:07
Speaker 3: I'm here. But, like, it's just something simple. And I
25:10
Speaker 3: just put in, you don't have to do it. You
25:11
Speaker 3: don't have to roar at all. Chuck in your favourite
25:14
Speaker 3: album at the time.
25:14
Speaker 2: And go for a walk.
25:15
Speaker 4: Chuck in your podcast.
25:16
Speaker 3: Chuck in Two Dirty Dads.
25:17
Speaker 2: Not the YouTube, though.
25:19
Speaker 3: And then, yeah, my bonus one was don't try and
25:22
Speaker 3: fix all your problems at once. Again, so many times
25:25
Speaker 3: I've tried to quit or give up our goal for
25:28
Speaker 3: a certain amount of time. And everyone does the same thing.
25:30
Speaker 3: They're like, I'm going to quit, but I'm going to
25:32
Speaker 3: go to the gym every morning at 5 a.m.
25:33
Speaker 2: I'm going to eat healthy.
25:35
Speaker 3: Try and fix every problem.
25:37
Speaker 2: I'm going to learn Portuguese.
25:38
Speaker 3: Yeah, well, they did that. But the first two weeks
25:42
Speaker 3: I didn't exercise at all. I just was like, you
25:44
Speaker 3: know what, I'm going to eat.
25:45
Speaker 4: Oreo city.
25:46
Speaker 3: I'm going to eat. I'm going to eat. And then
25:48
Speaker 3: I started to do it slow because I know every
25:51
Speaker 3: other time I had done it and you sort of
25:53
Speaker 3: scare yourself into the easier option because you're like, oh.
25:56
Speaker 3: I go to the gym like four more times this week.
25:58
Speaker 3: You don't. You're just telling yourself you have to do
26:01
Speaker 3: that because you've given up something else. But if you
26:03
Speaker 3: just concentrate on giving up one thing and not trying
26:06
Speaker 3: to fix every problem you have because you've probably got
26:09
Speaker 3: shit loads of problems, just concentrate on the one problem.
26:12
Speaker 3: I love it. Anyway.
26:13
Speaker 2: Thank you for sharing your wisdom.
26:14
Speaker 3: I didn't want to be too woo-woo.
26:16
Speaker 2: That was not woo-woo. In fact, I wanted more woo-woo.
26:19
Speaker 3: Oh, sorry. Next time.
26:20
Speaker 2: That was great. Very good. Thank you, Ash.
26:22
Speaker 3: Thank you.
26:22
Speaker 2: Thank you for coming. Thank you for being here.
26:24
Speaker 3: Thank you.
26:24
Speaker 2: Thank you for sharing your knowledge. All right, I'm off.
26:27
Speaker 1: Ash, really quickly, you know we have been talking about
26:29
Speaker 1: getting behind more paid parental leave for both mums and dads.
26:34
Speaker 1: We're driving people to the petition. We're going to put
26:36
Speaker 1: that link in the show notes so we can get
26:38
Speaker 1: behind it.
26:38
Speaker 3: We're at 1,600.
26:38
Speaker 2: Vic, what's our goal? Is it 3,000?
26:39
Speaker 3: 2,500. 2,500.
26:39
Speaker 4: Well, 900 away.
26:45
Speaker 3: Yeah.
26:45
Speaker 4: That's fast math.
26:47
Speaker 2: Thank you.
26:48
Speaker 3: My maths is so bad. It's not completely accurate.
26:52
Speaker 1: But I just want to share one quick story that
26:54
Speaker 1: we got from a listener, a dota. Her name is Ellen,
26:57
Speaker 1: and she said, this is seriously life-changing. I'm a dual
26:59
Speaker 1: citizen of Australia and Denmark. In Denmark, the 12 months
27:03
Speaker 1: of parental leave has existed, forget this, 40 years. Fuck,
27:09
Speaker 1: they were ahead of the game.
27:10
Speaker 3: We're just behind.
27:11
Speaker 2: Mate, it's crazy.
27:12
Speaker 3: So far behind. We only just got internet down here.
27:15
Speaker 2: They're scandos. They're onto something.
27:18
Speaker 3: They have like live-in nannies and everything in some Scandinavian countries.
27:24
Speaker 4: Free university.
27:25
Speaker 2: Free university?
27:26
Speaker 4: They're just doing everything better. Fuck. Highest rates of happiness
27:30
Speaker 4: and success, intelligence in the world.
27:34
Speaker 2: Why are we just like.
27:35
Speaker 3: But do they have a big rock in the middle
27:36
Speaker 3: of their country? No.
27:38
Speaker 2: No, you're right. They are Vikings, though.
27:41
Speaker 1: Anyway, she continues to say here, and at 12 months,
27:44
Speaker 1: it's with full pay from your employer and then three
27:48
Speaker 1: months being mandatory for the father. So both parents have
27:51
Speaker 1: bonding time. I had my daughter in Australia in 2021.
27:55
Speaker 1: An experience of financial stress associated with fighting to stay
27:59
Speaker 1: home with her for 12 months was so traumatic that
28:02
Speaker 1: she moved back to Denmark to have a next child.
28:05
Speaker 2: That's wild.
28:07
Speaker 3: It's crazy how far behind we are. But then also
28:10
Speaker 3: we're further ahead than places like America.
28:13
Speaker 2: They're like, what?
28:15
Speaker 3: You want to have a day off because you're about
28:17
Speaker 3: to give birth?
28:17
Speaker 2: Do it at your desk.
28:20
Speaker 1: So she says, thank you for doing such amazing work.
28:23
Speaker 1: Remind her to go sign the petition, get behind this cause,
28:25
Speaker 1: because for the parents of the next generation... They are
28:27
Speaker 1: going to benefit so much from this.
28:29
Speaker 3: Yeah, and we'll leave the link in the notes of
28:31
Speaker 3: this show. Jump on. Fight the good fight.
28:33
Speaker 2: Fight the good fight.
28:34
Speaker 3: Because parenting is penis.
28:36
Speaker 1: Parenting is penis.
28:39
Speaker 3: It is a big old penis.
28:41
Speaker 2: Don't say that too loud at the park with the kids.
28:43
Speaker 3: No. Breaking news. Vic, what have you got for us?
28:46
Speaker 4: Well, is this a case of not everyone should become parents?
28:50
Speaker 4: A Perth dad has been charged after footage of his
28:52
Speaker 4: toddler driving a ute around their neighbourhood was found on
28:55
Speaker 4: social media. The video shows the three-year-old sitting unrestrained with
28:59
Speaker 4: his hands on the wheel as the Hilux swerves from
29:03
Speaker 4: side to side while a man laughs in the background.
29:06
Speaker 2: Fucking hell.
29:07
Speaker 4: The 30-year-old dad who uploaded the video has since been
29:10
Speaker 4: arrested and charged with reckless driving to appear in court
29:13
Speaker 4: next month. I'm sure his wife is effing furious.
29:17
Speaker 2: Could you imagine?
29:18
Speaker 3: I can't do anything anymore.
29:19
Speaker 2: Fuck.
29:21
Speaker 3: Was he sitting on his lap?
29:22
Speaker 4: Yes. You've got to see this footage.
29:25
Speaker 3: I used to do that.
29:25
Speaker 2: On the main road?
29:27
Speaker 3: I used to do it down at Gondola Road in
29:28
Speaker 3: Narrabee when I was a kid.
29:29
Speaker 2: Is that like a little back street though? It's not
29:32
Speaker 2: like that.
29:32
Speaker 3: Top Pitwater Road.
29:33
Speaker 2: Who was driving?
29:34
Speaker 3: Dad.
29:35
Speaker 2: What the fuck was he thinking?
29:36
Speaker 3: And it was a company car.
29:37
Speaker 2: Woo! That is wrecking.
29:40
Speaker 3: I was on his lap. I don't know if I
29:42
Speaker 3: was even driving. I was definitely on his lap.
29:44
Speaker 4: I remember.
29:44
Speaker 2: When was that? That's the 90s. 90s, yeah.
29:47
Speaker 4: I mean, we do it with the tractor at the farm,
29:49
Speaker 4: but that's kind of a novelty.
29:50
Speaker 3: How dare you judge this man, Vic?
29:52
Speaker 4: You're going very slow, but have a look at the
29:54
Speaker 4: vision because it's pretty hectic.
29:56
Speaker 2: To be fair... The kid was doing a pretty good
29:59
Speaker 2: job for three.
30:00
Speaker 4: Well, the dad was like, oh, my God, this is
30:02
Speaker 4: all you. Yeah, how dare he get in trouble for it? No,
30:08
Speaker 4: you should see how much it was swerving.
30:10
Speaker 2: It looks like.
30:11
Speaker 4: He almost drives into a front yard.
30:12
Speaker 2: It looks like.
30:13
Speaker 3: It almost.
30:14
Speaker 1: I don't know if this vision's been sped up, but
30:17
Speaker 1: he's fucking.
30:18
Speaker 2: Hitting it with some pace.
30:20
Speaker 3: The dad's obviously on the accelerator, though, and the brake. Steer.
30:23
Speaker 2: It's my hands.
30:26
Speaker 3: It's all bad.
30:27
Speaker 2: He's definitely using his knees.
30:31
Speaker 3: That's good gear. I don't have a problem with it.
30:34
Speaker 2: It's a lot of drifting. Look, dangerous. Dangerous. Baz! Fucking Baz!
30:59
Speaker 3: That's all you, Baz!
31:02
Speaker 2: Yeah, Barry! If you're calling your three-year-old Baz, that's the
31:05
Speaker 2: first mistake.
31:07
Speaker 3: No, that's a cracking name.
31:09
Speaker 2: Baz?
31:09
Speaker 3: It's Barry or something. There's little baby Barry.
31:13
Speaker 2: Sir, what would you like to call him? Call him Baz.
31:17
Speaker 3: Put him in the ute, not in the back, in
31:19
Speaker 3: the front seat.
31:20
Speaker 2: He's driving.
31:20
Speaker 3: I'm naming him after my Land Cruiser. Baz.
31:23
Speaker 1: We used to have a long driveway and we would
31:26
Speaker 1: on that driveway be allowed, a dirt little driveway back
31:29
Speaker 1: in Brisbane, Brookfield.
31:31
Speaker 2: Here you go.
31:32
Speaker 3: Baz. My name is Baz.
31:35
Speaker 2: We were allowed to drive up the driveway. Sitting on
31:38
Speaker 2: mum's lap.
31:38
Speaker 3: And how old?
31:39
Speaker 2: That was, oh. 30.
31:40
Speaker 3: I think.
31:42
Speaker 2: Yeah, I remember six or seven. Yeah.
31:45
Speaker 4: We weren't filming it and uploading it to social media.
31:47
Speaker 1: And we were going so slow. Nana and Ellie was
31:51
Speaker 1: very responsible there.
31:52
Speaker 2: You can hear the car.
31:53
Speaker 3: The car's... Yeah, that thing was hooking.
31:56
Speaker 4: Well, because the other thing is he's obviously filming and holding. So, like,
32:00
Speaker 4: his attention's on the phone as well as the road.
32:03
Speaker 4: And also, why would you post that to social? Why not?
32:07
Speaker 2: Also, I don't want to attack a group of people
32:10
Speaker 2: and group them all together and say you're all the same,
32:12
Speaker 2: but Perth people?
32:15
Speaker 4: No way.
32:16
Speaker 2: The Perth people will come for you. Like am I
32:19
Speaker 2: surprised that he's from Perth? Not really?
32:21
Speaker 3: No, not really. I'm surprised someone didn't say it earlier.
32:24
Speaker 1: I think that's just another day in the office for
32:26
Speaker 1: people in Perth.
32:27
Speaker 4: Perth people are lovely. The Perth doters are so lovely.
32:31
Speaker 4: I get a lot of messages from them.
32:32
Speaker 3: Do you reckon Baz's parents listen? If you are the
32:35
Speaker 3: parent of Baz and you've been charged, we want to
32:37
Speaker 3: talk to you.
32:38
Speaker 2: Or the wife.
32:38
Speaker 3: Or the wife. If he's still got one. We want
32:41
Speaker 3: to talk to either of you. I mean. Matt's attacking Perth.
32:45
Speaker 4: I'm not.
32:46
Speaker 2: No, you jump behind me.
32:47
Speaker 3: You're on the. Vic's convinced me. There's good people in Perth. Yeah,
32:54
Speaker 3: I've only ever been once.
32:55
Speaker 2: I know. It's just. It is a country town.
32:56
Speaker 3: I don't backtrack now.
32:58
Speaker 2: I mean, yeah, you're right. Majority of Perth people are lovely.
33:01
Speaker 2: I do like them all.
33:02
Speaker 3: How many of you, Matt?
33:03
Speaker 2: It's those who drive Hiluxes and call their kids Baz.
33:05
Speaker 3: Baz. Okay. Thank you, Vic.
33:08
Speaker 4: You're very welcome.
33:08
Speaker 2: Does it make you feel better about your husband when
33:10
Speaker 2: you see that footage, Vic? The bar is low.
33:13
Speaker 4: He's not my husband, Matt.
33:15
Speaker 3: Oh, sorry.
33:16
Speaker 2: Sorry, sorry, sorry.
33:17
Speaker 3: Did you hear that, Dan?
33:19
Speaker 4: Yeah, I don't think Dan would ever do that.
33:22
Speaker 2: You think?
33:22
Speaker 3: I don't think he'd ever do that.
33:26
Speaker 2: I'd love it if we called him right now and
33:27
Speaker 2: he's like, one sec. He's like, Louis, it's all you.
33:33
Speaker 3: Matt, I've got some breaking news of my own.
33:35
Speaker 2: Go, hit me.
33:36
Speaker 3: Oscar has a new haircut and yours truly.
33:39
Speaker 2: Did it?
33:40
Speaker 3: Did it.
33:40
Speaker 4: Wow.
33:41
Speaker 3: I want to show you both sides of his head. Okay.
33:44
Speaker 3: And see what you think. Okay. Here's the first side.
33:46
Speaker 1: Can I just ask, before you show me, did you
33:49
Speaker 1: have to convince him to do this or did he
33:50
Speaker 1: ask you to do this?
33:51
Speaker 3: He asked me to do this.
33:53
Speaker 2: Okay.
33:53
Speaker 3: And I was like, hell yeah, boy. First side.
33:57
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh.
33:59
Speaker 3: It's a lightning bolt shaped at the side of his head.
34:04
Speaker 2: Okay.
34:04
Speaker 3: Okay. Swipe to the next one.
34:07
Speaker 2: Boom.
34:07
Speaker 3: Speed stripes. On the other side.
34:09
Speaker 4: What's a speed stripe?
34:12
Speaker 2: I'll show you.
34:14
Speaker 3: Wow. He was like, Dad, I want the lightning bolt
34:16
Speaker 3: on the side of my head. I was like, I'm
34:17
Speaker 3: so late, son. And then he was like.
34:19
Speaker 2: What did April say?
34:20
Speaker 3: Why did you do that? Boys and boys, let us
34:26
Speaker 3: do our thing. I would have coloured it if I
34:28
Speaker 3: had some colour.
34:29
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't hate it. It's not the worst haircut
34:32
Speaker 1: I've ever seen. Would you do it with just a
34:34
Speaker 1: little handheld?
34:35
Speaker 3: Yeah.
34:37
Speaker 2: It's a long racing stride. How fast are you going
34:41
Speaker 2: to go?
34:43
Speaker 4: Are you going to get matching ones?
34:45
Speaker 3: You don't like it? Come on, man. You're a kid.
34:49
Speaker 3: Show Vic. I'll come over and.
34:51
Speaker 2: Give Louis one if you like.
34:53
Speaker 4: Is it not very Bondi?
34:54
Speaker 3: Oh!
34:58
Speaker 2: Coming from someone who has an investment property in Bondi.
35:03
Speaker 3: True. How many investments have you got in Bondi?
35:05
Speaker 2: It's not about me, bro.
35:06
Speaker 4: It's about me.
35:06
Speaker 3: It's cute. It looks cute.
35:09
Speaker 2: Do you know what? When you're that age, I mean,
35:13
Speaker 2: it's fine to look silly, isn't it?
35:14
Speaker 3: He's become very self-sufficient, he likes to think.
35:18
Speaker 2: What do you mean? I don't know.
35:20
Speaker 3: He thinks he's older than he is. The other day, right,
35:23
Speaker 3: we were sitting down and he was like, I was like,
35:25
Speaker 3: let's watch a movie or whatever. He's like, yeah, okay, great.
35:27
Speaker 3: Let's watch a movie. Anyway, he's sifting through the movies
35:30
Speaker 3: and the new Mario Galaxy movie comes up. And he
35:33
Speaker 3: was like, I want to watch this. And I was like, oh,
35:35
Speaker 3: you can't because you've got to pay for it.
35:38
Speaker 4: $ 6.
35:38
Speaker 2: 99.
35:38
Speaker 3: And he was like, I was like, you can't. You've
35:40
Speaker 3: got to pay for it so you're not going to
35:41
Speaker 3: watch it. I was thinking I was out of it.
35:42
Speaker 3: A couple of minutes later he walks up to me
35:44
Speaker 3: and he fucking plops $ 7 in my hand, doesn't he?
35:46
Speaker 2: I don't hate that.
35:47
Speaker 4: Oh, go Oscar.
35:49
Speaker 3: And he was like, you know what to do.
35:51
Speaker 4: I'm impressed.
35:53
Speaker 2: Hurry up. Keep the change.
35:55
Speaker 3: I was like, fuck, touche.
35:57
Speaker 2: Where did you get it from?
35:58
Speaker 3: Good fucking question. Where did he get it from?
36:01
Speaker 2: And where's all my money gone?
36:04
Speaker 3: So I was like, okay. He didn't even watch it
36:06
Speaker 3: in the end. I was like, don't waste your money.
36:08
Speaker 3: It's your money. I kept trying to make it into
36:11
Speaker 3: a lesson. We're just like, don't waste it. This is
36:14
Speaker 3: what it feels like.
36:14
Speaker 1: It is a good lesson, though, because Marley, she has
36:18
Speaker 1: no comprehension the value of coins. Like she doesn't, we
36:22
Speaker 1: don't use coins ever, hardly.
36:24
Speaker 2: And so she doesn't.
36:25
Speaker 3: Just checks. Just notes.
36:27
Speaker 2: Okay.
36:28
Speaker 1: All right.
36:29
Speaker 2: Okay. You Northern Beaches people. Yeah, I don't know. You're
36:32
Speaker 2: fucking backwards up there. You're still... Guys, you can use
36:36
Speaker 2: a card. I don't know.
36:37
Speaker 3: We don't have F-pops in our house like.
36:39
Speaker 2: You guys do. We have electricity.
36:41
Speaker 3: We're paid in diamonds. Go on. Get going. What have
36:45
Speaker 3: you got?
36:46
Speaker 2: No, I'm actually... No one just doesn't know the value
36:47
Speaker 2: of money.
36:48
Speaker 1: I was saying you're doing a good thing, but actually
36:51
Speaker 1: when I think about it.
36:53
Speaker 2: You're fucked. Don't fuck yourself.
36:54
Speaker 3: Okay, well, parenting's penis. I told you that. But anyway.
36:57
Speaker 4: You were on the right track, though, because Louis is
36:59
Speaker 4: the same. He has no concept of money. Like if
37:01
Speaker 4: he loses something, he's like, I'll just buy another one.
37:03
Speaker 4: He stole something from the present drawer. A Lego box.
37:07
Speaker 3: Him and Oscar have been hanging out together, haven't they?
37:09
Speaker 4: And he was so quiet in his room and I
37:12
Speaker 4: was like, what's that? He's like, oh, it's the helicopter
37:15
Speaker 4: from the present drawer. And so I said that's worth
37:18
Speaker 4: all of your pocket money.
37:19
Speaker 1: Can I just ask, when you go, what's that, do
37:20
Speaker 1: you know what it is or were you actually like,
37:22
Speaker 1: what is that?
37:23
Speaker 2: Were you like, what's that?
37:23
Speaker 3: Oh, we already know what it is.
37:25
Speaker 2: This is your chance to own up.
37:26
Speaker 3: You're already answering the question for him, really.
37:29
Speaker 4: Well, Dan actually found it first and then he told me.
37:31
Speaker 3: Dan was more like, he's got some new Lego in there.
37:34
Speaker 2: Give me a go.
37:35
Speaker 3: Give us a go.
37:35
Speaker 4: I actually had just said, he's been so good playing
37:38
Speaker 4: with his Lego this morning.
37:39
Speaker 2: The one he stole. Yeah.
37:42
Speaker 4: So I tipped in front of him his whole pocket
37:44
Speaker 4: money jar into my hand and said, this is all
37:47
Speaker 4: gone now.
37:48
Speaker 3: You're ruthless.
37:49
Speaker 4: Because it was $ 12. Well, okay.
37:50
Speaker 2: I know kids are.
37:52
Speaker 2: Kids are young, Marley's seven.
37:54
Speaker 3: Wait, kids are young?
37:55
Speaker 2: Our kids are young.
37:56
Speaker 3: Oh, you're okay. I was like, yep.
37:59
Speaker 2: Thank you. That's a good picker. But Marley has zero
38:04
Speaker 2: appreciation for water bottles. You know that one, the one
38:07
Speaker 2: that I gave her last week?
38:08
Speaker 3: Already gone.
38:09
Speaker 2: Already gone.
38:10
Speaker 3: Gone where? Well, she did hate that one.
38:12
Speaker 1: Yeah, so I reckon she kind of lost it on purpose.
38:13
Speaker 1: But she's just constantly, she has gymnastics on a Monday
38:17
Speaker 1: and so they take the water bottle to gymnastics. And
38:20
Speaker 1: then at.
38:20
Speaker 2: Gymnastics I was like, when I picked her up, I go,
38:22
Speaker 2: where's your water bottle? And she goes, oh, God, yeah,
38:24
Speaker 2: I don't know. And I'm like, can you stop losing
38:27
Speaker 2: water bottles? This is just, it's costing us so much money.
38:30
Speaker 2: And she's like.
38:31
Speaker 3: Just buy another one.
38:32
Speaker 2: What's that? How do I make my child, maybe I
38:35
Speaker 2: do need to start using currency.
38:37
Speaker 3: You do.
38:38
Speaker 2: Coins, cash.
38:39
Speaker 3: If they're like, start with even just the movie thing.
38:42
Speaker 3: If it's time to watch a movie on a Sunday afternoon,
38:44
Speaker 3: just be.
38:44
Speaker 2: Like, yep. That costs money.
38:46
Speaker 3: Who's got the money for this one? And then you
38:48
Speaker 3: could be like, you know what, I'll shout the first
38:51
Speaker 3: one for this week. Pretend that you're paying for it.
38:55
Speaker 4: I'll give you an example.
38:56
Speaker 2: Go on.
38:57
Speaker 4: So Louie lost his lunchbox, similar thing to a water bottle.
39:00
Speaker 3: Hasn't eaten since. He looks great though. There's your lesson.
39:07
Speaker 2: Lesson learned, Louie. Louie trimmed down.
39:10
Speaker 3: Mum, please. Louie, please, I'm starving.
39:12
Speaker 2: That'll learn you.
39:14
Speaker 4: That'll learn you. But I said to him, unless you
39:17
Speaker 4: find it, that money is coming out of your pocket money.
39:20
Speaker 2: No wonder he's stealing things.
39:21
Speaker 3: He's got none left from the Lego debacle.
39:23
Speaker 4: I'm trying to teach a lesson because he's, as I said,
39:25
Speaker 4: like he just thinks if you lose something, you replace it.
39:29
Speaker 3: Louie's going to be in it. notorious criminal.
39:31
Speaker 2: Yeah.
39:31
Speaker 3: I was trying to teach him by taking everything from him.
39:35
Speaker 2: On his lunch break to the kids, he's like, give
39:37
Speaker 2: me that fucking Timmy.
39:38
Speaker 1: Give me yours. He's breaking into bags. He comes home
39:41
Speaker 1: with six lunch boxes.
39:43
Speaker 2: Hey, mum, shut up. Look what you got. This will
39:46
Speaker 2: keep you happy.
39:47
Speaker 3: He started keistering things. He's like... Give us your lunch.
39:54
Speaker 2: Hey, this is going to shock you to your core.
39:56
Speaker 3: Oh, good. I could use a pep up.
39:58
Speaker 4: Go.
39:58
Speaker 2: Okay.
39:59
Speaker 1: I came home the other day, parked the car, and
40:02
Speaker 1: walking along the street, up into my house, up the stairs,
40:07
Speaker 1: and something.
40:08
Speaker 2: Catches my eye.
40:10
Speaker 3: Not the penis branch, is it?
40:12
Speaker 2: And that's doing quite well. It grew. Yeah, it's still growing.
40:14
Speaker 3: It's girthy, that bastard.
40:15
Speaker 1: And so a little reminder, I used to live next
40:18
Speaker 1: door to a lovely lady called Rhonda.
40:20
Speaker 4: Sadly.
40:20
Speaker 3: Died on the toilet.
40:21
Speaker 2: Died on the toilet. Thank you, Ash. So her nephew
40:25
Speaker 2: has come out of the woodworks.
40:26
Speaker 1: Oh, yes.
40:27
Speaker 2: And he's laid claim to the house.
40:29
Speaker 3: You should have changed your last name to her last name.
40:32
Speaker 2: No. I don't need that property.
40:35
Speaker 3: Must be nice. I don't need another property.
40:40
Speaker 1: And so this nephew, you seem to be quite nice.
40:43
Speaker 1: Like when he first came in, everybody was kind of like, oh,
40:46
Speaker 1: is that the nephew?
40:47
Speaker 2: Because there was rumors of the nephew.
40:48
Speaker 1: So the nephew appeared and he hasn't technically got the
40:51
Speaker 1: house just yet because it takes a while to go
40:53
Speaker 1: through the process of like saying I'm the relative, I'm
40:56
Speaker 1: entitled to.
40:56
Speaker 2: It if there's no will. Cooling off. It takes months.
40:59
Speaker 3: The cooling off period.
41:01
Speaker 1: But now he's appearing quite more frequently. He started doing
41:04
Speaker 1: some gardening, which I'm like, oh, I guess it's like nice.
41:07
Speaker 1: Like he's making sure the house is, you know, kept
41:09
Speaker 1: clean and tidy. And he was cutting a few branches, right?
41:14
Speaker 1: And then as I was walking up the stairs, I
41:17
Speaker 1: look at my garden bed. I glance at one of
41:21
Speaker 1: my trees.
41:22
Speaker 2: Oh, no. He has cut one of my trees.
41:25
Speaker 3: Okay.
41:26
Speaker 4: Okay. I think that's illegal.
41:28
Speaker 3: Wait.
41:29
Speaker 2: Are you there?
41:30
Speaker 4: Are you not bothered by that?
41:32
Speaker 2: What the fuck is wrong with you?
41:33
Speaker 3: What are we attacking me for?
41:35
Speaker 1: I don't know. It's like someone murdering a family pet
41:39
Speaker 1: and you're like, okay.
41:40
Speaker 2: Really? Yeah, he's cut, Ash.
41:43
Speaker 4: One.
41:44
Speaker 2: Of my trees.
41:45
Speaker 3: Yeah, okay.
41:47
Speaker 2: He has stepped onto my property.
41:48
Speaker 3: Was this tree a significant tree to you?
41:50
Speaker 2: It doesn't matter.
41:51
Speaker 3: It's not his property.
41:52
Speaker 2: I don't know.
41:53
Speaker 3: I'm just asking. I don't know why I'm being attacked.
41:56
Speaker 3: Is that not allowed?
41:57
Speaker 2: To come onto someone's property and cut their plans?
42:00
Speaker 3: Let me give you an analogy. Was he confused?
42:03
Speaker 2: No, not at all. No, and for the record.
42:06
Speaker 1: It wasn't one of those trees that is on the
42:09
Speaker 1: border so it's kind of lent over.
42:11
Speaker 2: It was like well and truly.
42:12
Speaker 1: It was well and truly on my side.
42:14
Speaker 3: The outrage level I need to be is someone has
42:17
Speaker 3: vandalised slash destroyed your property.
42:20
Speaker 4: Yes.
42:20
Speaker 3: Now I'm with you.
42:21
Speaker 2: Okay, just like another 20%. Outrageous. Thank you. Fucking, it's hard.
42:27
Speaker 2: It's hard work doing this podcast if someone doesn't share
42:29
Speaker 2: my outrage.
42:29
Speaker 3: This podcast is penis.
42:31
Speaker 4: Maybe he needs an analogy. I was thinking like it
42:34
Speaker 4: would be like someone coming into your flat And chopping
42:38
Speaker 4: down one of your walls.
42:39
Speaker 3: And there's a couple of walls I'd like to get
42:40
Speaker 3: rid of.
42:41
Speaker 2: Oh, well, this is hard.
42:43
Speaker 3: I don't have any trees. Just be mindful of that.
42:46
Speaker 2: Okay, you know.
42:47
Speaker 3: It's still property, though.
42:47
Speaker 2: Okay.
42:48
Speaker 3: So someone has come in and vandalised my property.
42:52
Speaker 2: Go on. That's all I've got, really, if I'm being
42:54
Speaker 2: completely honest.
42:55
Speaker 3: Okay, have you confronted him yet?
42:56
Speaker 2: Well, I can't because he's not there. He only comes
42:58
Speaker 2: like once a month.
42:59
Speaker 3: What's he done to this tree, though?
43:00
Speaker 2: He's cut it down.
43:01
Speaker 3: Let's just cut the whole thing down.
43:03
Speaker 2: More like a branch of the tree.
43:04
Speaker 4: Okay.
43:04
Speaker 2: Okay. That's besides the point.
43:06
Speaker 3: As long as it's not the penis branch.
43:07
Speaker 2: It may as well be the whole tree. But I
43:10
Speaker 2: just think this is like, this is war.
43:12
Speaker 3: Does he not know?
43:13
Speaker 2: This is war. Is it clear? No, it's clear. I'll
43:16
Speaker 2: show you the footage. Have a look at this.
43:18
Speaker 4: Are you going to confront him about it?
43:19
Speaker 2: I don't know if I'm going to confront him because like, fuck.
43:22
Speaker 3: What's the point?
43:23
Speaker 2: He's a big guy and he drives a U. Oh,
43:26
Speaker 2: I don't want to come up.
43:27
Speaker 4: Do you want me to get Dan?
43:28
Speaker 2: Have a tradie off.
43:32
Speaker 1: Dan is a big cuddly bear, let's be honest.
43:35
Speaker 4: Yeah, he won't confront anyone.
43:36
Speaker 2: He'd just been chatting up Nana, drinking cups of tea.
43:38
Speaker 2: I'd be like, Dan, quick, get the saw, get the hammer.
43:41
Speaker 3: He'd plant a new tree.
43:42
Speaker 2: And he'd be in bed with Nana. I'd be like,
43:45
Speaker 2: you know.
43:46
Speaker 1: So if I see him, I was thinking to myself,
43:48
Speaker 1: how do I raise this? Do I go like, hey, dude.
43:51
Speaker 1: You cut my fucking tree.
43:52
Speaker 2: Why? He'd be like, because I wanted to. I'd be like, okay,
43:55
Speaker 2: thank you.
43:56
Speaker 3: Yeah, maybe you could just be like, hey, dude, just
43:58
Speaker 3: say next time you're doing some fucking landscaping, maybe stick
44:01
Speaker 3: to your own lawn.
44:02
Speaker 2: But that's fighting words then, right?
44:04
Speaker 3: If I was you, I would assert your dominance. You
44:07
Speaker 3: outlived the neighbor before.
44:08
Speaker 2: I don't have any dominance.
44:09
Speaker 3: Just say, I outlived the neighbor before and I'll outlive you.
44:12
Speaker 3: Start with that.
44:14
Speaker 4: Cutting a neighbour's tree is illegal if you go onto
44:16
Speaker 4: their property, cross the boundary line or kill the tree,
44:19
Speaker 4: but you can generally trim branches or roots hanging over
44:21
Speaker 4: your own property line.
44:23
Speaker 2: But the weird thing is, why this one branch? I
44:26
Speaker 2: don't understand. I don't understand what he's thinking. And it's like,
44:30
Speaker 2: it's this thing. It's obviously been sought at. Is it like,
44:35
Speaker 2: is that like a threat? I don't get it. What's
44:37
Speaker 2: he trying to do here?
44:38
Speaker 3: You need to confront him.
44:40
Speaker 2: But not a confront.
44:41
Speaker 3: Maybe just talk. Just say, hey, I'm not sure if
44:43
Speaker 3: you're aware, but you cut down some of my tree, bro.
44:46
Speaker 3: It does sound kind of lame when you say it
44:48
Speaker 3: like that.
44:48
Speaker 2: I know, but it's like.
44:50
Speaker 4: I'd just be like, hey, did you cut our tree?
44:52
Speaker 2: Okay, okay.
44:53
Speaker 3: So you own the tree.
44:54
Speaker 2: And then he goes, yeah.
44:56
Speaker 4: And then I'd be like, why did you do that?
44:58
Speaker 2: Because I fucking wanted to.
45:00
Speaker 4: But that's my property.
45:01
Speaker 3: You fucking do it again and see what happens.
45:03
Speaker 4: How would you feel if I cut one of your trees?
45:05
Speaker 3: How about if I came over and fucked your wife?
45:06
Speaker 3: How about that? How's that sound?
45:09
Speaker 2: That's the analogy. There he is. That's what it's like.
45:13
Speaker 3: So cutting down a tree is like cutting your grass.
45:15
Speaker 1: Imagine if you came home and April was like, I
45:17
Speaker 1: just got fucked by the neighbour. You'd be like, well,
45:19
Speaker 1: that's not right. That's not okay. The barrier to entry
45:23
Speaker 1: there is low. Maybe don't confront. Maybe quiz because he
45:28
Speaker 1: might do it again thinking.
45:29
Speaker 3: It's his tree. He might not know.
45:31
Speaker 2: No, you cannot.
45:33
Speaker 3: Mistaken it.
45:34
Speaker 4: I think quiz is the right word though. It's the
45:36
Speaker 4: right tone you want to take. Be like curious.
45:38
Speaker 3: You're like, let me quiz you.
45:39
Speaker 1: Actually, if you're someone who has done this, like what
45:43
Speaker 1: was you thinking here? Is it like are you trying
45:45
Speaker 1: to start something?
45:46
Speaker 3: Well, maybe they're like me who doesn't know. I just
45:49
Speaker 3: think I see a tree and I think it's free
45:51
Speaker 3: for us to cut it down.
45:52
Speaker 2: You know what's fucking weird? You know what, Kay?
45:54
Speaker 1: You know what I am confused about? So Rhonda, who
45:57
Speaker 1: was not quite there, occasionally.
46:00
Speaker 2: She used to be like.
46:01
Speaker 3: Yeah, she's not there at all.
46:02
Speaker 1: She was like, the yuckers, because it's a yucca tree.
46:04
Speaker 2: The yuckers, they're an eyesore.
46:05
Speaker 3: And I'd be like, what do you mean, Rhonda?
46:06
Speaker 4: Yeah, she hated the yuckers.
46:07
Speaker 2: And she was like, the yuckers, I hate the yuckers.
46:09
Speaker 3: I missed all of this. When did she talk about
46:11
Speaker 3: the yuckers?
46:11
Speaker 1: She used to, when I'd be like walking, sometimes when
46:13
Speaker 1: I'd walk kids like down to take them to school,
46:15
Speaker 1: she'd come out and be like, you bloody trees, you yuckers.
46:19
Speaker 2: And I'd be like, okay, Rhonda. She's like. They're disgusting.
46:22
Speaker 3: What is a yucca tree?
46:23
Speaker 2: It's a yucca tree. I'll show you later.
46:24
Speaker 3: I've never heard of a yucca tree. I'm learning so
46:26
Speaker 3: much today.
46:27
Speaker 1: And then when I first met him, I was like, oh, yeah, funny.
46:30
Speaker 1: Rhonda used to be a bit crazy and she used
46:32
Speaker 1: to always have a go at the yucca trees.
46:33
Speaker 2: And he was like, okay, did she now? I don't
46:35
Speaker 2: know if he's like.
46:37
Speaker 3: You think he's coming after you?
46:38
Speaker 2: I don't know if he's.
46:39
Speaker 3: He's finishing her work. Yeah. Maybe. She's cutting those yucca
46:44
Speaker 3: trees down from the grave.
46:45
Speaker 1: I think I'm going to let this one slide, but
46:47
Speaker 1: if he cuts anything else, then I'm stepping up to him.
46:50
Speaker 2: Then I'm going to step up to the plate.
46:51
Speaker 3: If he doesn't one more time and then another time
46:53
Speaker 3: after that. And maybe one more time after that, then
46:57
Speaker 3: I definitely think about mightily standing up to him at
47:00
Speaker 3: some stage after that.
47:02
Speaker 2: My garden's been bulldozed down. And you're like, what happened
47:04
Speaker 2: to your backyard? I'm like, yeah, it's just a neighbor.
47:06
Speaker 2: But if he touches the house.
47:08
Speaker 3: Matt's got a two person tent.
47:10
Speaker 2: Then that's it. Then I'm like, Lord, help me.
47:12
Speaker 3: Yeah, if he comes near the house one more time,
47:14
Speaker 3: I might think about even saying something at some stage
47:18
Speaker 3: down the track in the future near then sometime then.
47:22
Speaker 1: Ash, just really quickly, just before we go, I don't
47:24
Speaker 1: know if this has ever happened to you before. Have
47:26
Speaker 1: you ever been in a toy store or any kind
47:30
Speaker 1: of store.
47:30
Speaker 2: I guess, and your child's damaged something and you've had
47:33
Speaker 2: to pay for it?
47:34
Speaker 3: No. How badly? Lola.
47:37
Speaker 2: No, it wasn't Lola.
47:38
Speaker 3: Whoa! What?
47:39
Speaker 4: Poor Lola.
47:41
Speaker 2: Well.
47:41
Speaker 3: I know.
47:45
Speaker 2: Buster? In Bondi there is a toy store.
47:50
Speaker 3: In the junction or just like?
47:51
Speaker 2: Bondi Beach for those playing at home.
47:53
Speaker 3: Is it all wooden toys, handcuffed?
47:56
Speaker 2: Can we just lay off Bondi, please?
47:58
Speaker 3: No.
47:58
Speaker 2: People in Bondi have feelings too.
48:00
Speaker 3: No, they don't. Okay. You live on a big septic tank.
48:03
Speaker 2: We do, actually.
48:04
Speaker 4: Yeah.
48:05
Speaker 2: It's lovely. We're doing it tough.
48:06
Speaker 3: We're doing it tough.
48:06
Speaker 2: We've got wooden toys.
48:08
Speaker 1: So we're in this toy store and I just want
48:11
Speaker 1: to say, for reference, to paint a picture, Poppy has the.
48:15
Speaker 2: Strength of a grown man. Okay, yeah. Her grasp is strong.
48:20
Speaker 3: Good.
48:21
Speaker 2: And she's quick now, dude. She's quick. She's like, you
48:24
Speaker 2: know when you see those videos of people in Italy
48:26
Speaker 2: and they're like, pickpocketer, pickpocketer, pickpocketer.
48:29
Speaker 3: That's her, isn't it?
48:29
Speaker 2: She's like that.
48:30
Speaker 1: If you stand too close to her, just, you know,
48:32
Speaker 1: whatever is in your pockets, it's gone because she's like.
48:35
Speaker 3: Harness that.
48:35
Speaker 2: She'll take it.
48:36
Speaker 3: Harness it.
48:37
Speaker 1: So I look over and she's picked up something, right?
48:39
Speaker 1: And I'm like, oh, put that back. I turn around
48:42
Speaker 1: and the store owner is like, you're going to have
48:45
Speaker 1: to pay for that. And I was like, what do
48:47
Speaker 1: you mean? And he said, well, she put that in
48:48
Speaker 1: her mouth. This is the toy in question it's been
48:52
Speaker 1: played with.
48:53
Speaker 3: I can see that.
48:54
Speaker 2: So she's grabbed it.
48:55
Speaker 4: It's very phallic.
48:58
Speaker 3: Right?
48:59
Speaker 4: Look at the tip.
48:59
Speaker 3: I thought it was like one of those tentacles. You
49:01
Speaker 3: know one of those sex toy tentacles?
49:03
Speaker 2: So I'm in a sex shop with Poppy.
49:05
Speaker 3: It's called the big squirter.
49:07
Speaker 2: It's not.
49:08
Speaker 3: The big squidge. That's close.
49:10
Speaker 2: Very close.
49:11
Speaker 1: So she's put it in her mouth and he said,
49:13
Speaker 1: you've got to pay for this now. And I was like, well,
49:15
Speaker 1: I can just wipe it. i got a wipe here
49:17
Speaker 1: and he goes no no no no you gotta pay
49:19
Speaker 1: for that she's like it's 20 bucks so i was
49:22
Speaker 1: like i guess she's gonna play with it so i
49:24
Speaker 1: will buy it but i was like looks like buster's
49:27
Speaker 1: red rocket it does look a lot like okay this
49:29
Speaker 1: is we've had a lot of penis references let's just
49:31
Speaker 1: that's the end of it carry on but i was
49:34
Speaker 1: like If your child puts something in its mouth for
49:37
Speaker 1: a split second, does that qualify.
49:39
Speaker 2: For you having to pay for it? It's not broken.
49:41
Speaker 2: I get germs, hygiene. But did I have to pay
49:44
Speaker 2: for this?
49:45
Speaker 3: Probably not.
49:46
Speaker 1: Right? And I was like, do you know what? I'm
49:48
Speaker 1: going to help out this store. I'm going to do
49:49
Speaker 1: the right thing. I'm going to pay $ 20.
49:51
Speaker 3: This beachfront store in Bondi.
49:52
Speaker 2: So, dude, I pay for it and I turn around.
49:56
Speaker 2: She's got another one. In her mouth? And he goes,
49:58
Speaker 2: you paid for that too.
50:00
Speaker 3: No.
50:00
Speaker 2: And I was like, I now own the store.
50:04
Speaker 3: Poppy, put everything in your mouth. Hang on a sec.
50:07
Speaker 3: So you got two of these?
50:09
Speaker 2: Yeah. What's it for? It's just a squishy toy.
50:12
Speaker 3: It's like sensory.
50:13
Speaker 2: Not for Buster, bro. It's for kids. Kids love squishy
50:17
Speaker 2: toys now. Do they?
50:18
Speaker 3: Yeah.
50:19
Speaker 2: It's like stress release.
50:21
Speaker 3: I think based off the material it's made out of,
50:24
Speaker 3: you can wipe that off.
50:25
Speaker 4: 100%.
50:26
Speaker 3: Right.
50:27
Speaker 4: That's like a play mat, which are all over the
50:29
Speaker 4: shopping centres, which probably have children's saliva all over them.
50:32
Speaker 3: You should have said, this is cleaner than most of
50:34
Speaker 3: the countertops in this shop there, big man.
50:37
Speaker 2: Yeah, but you know what I'm up with, confrontation. I
50:39
Speaker 2: can't fucking do it.
50:41
Speaker 3: Maybe all you should do is set that shop owner
50:43
Speaker 3: up against the guy who cut your tree down and
50:46
Speaker 3: just talk shit about it that they said, pit them
50:48
Speaker 3: against each other.
50:49
Speaker 2: I'm dealing with a lot right now. And then on
50:52
Speaker 2: top of that, you guys just keep shitting on people
50:54
Speaker 2: from Bondi.
50:55
Speaker 3: That's not a fair complaint.
50:56
Speaker 2: My trees are being cut down. My freezer's not working.
50:58
Speaker 3: And we have too much money in Bondi. Like that.
51:02
Speaker 2: I support you through thick and thin.
51:04
Speaker 3: Okay. I would say if it was a furry sort
51:07
Speaker 3: of toy and she put it in her mouth.
51:09
Speaker 2: I don't care what you say.
51:10
Speaker 3: This is your story, bro. I'm just trying to help
51:12
Speaker 3: you feel better about it.
51:13
Speaker 2: I don't need you. I don't need your sympathy.
51:15
Speaker 3: Okay.
51:16
Speaker 2: All right. If you've enjoyed this episode, please. I haven't.
51:19
Speaker 3: I'd like to say that I have, but I haven't.
51:21
Speaker 3: You're upset because we upset your suburb.
51:23
Speaker 1: Yeah.
51:24
Speaker 4: Bondi is a lovely place to live. It's one of
51:27
Speaker 4: the most beautiful beaches.
51:27
Speaker 2: Oh, look who came crawling back.
51:29
Speaker 4: Is it, though? It's just fun to tease, but it
51:31
Speaker 4: is beautiful.
51:31
Speaker 3: It is fun to tease. I do like that the
51:33
Speaker 3: most about Bondi.
51:34
Speaker 1: But if you've enjoyed this episode, please leave us a review, subscribe,
51:36
Speaker 1: send us a message, or follow us on social media.
51:41
Speaker 3: Two Dirty Dads, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook group, and YouTube.
51:46
Speaker 2: Okay. Bye. See ya.
51:59
Speaker 1: Two Doting Dads podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country
52:03
Speaker 1: throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea and community.
52:07
Speaker 3: We pay our respects to their elders past and present
52:09
Speaker 3: and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait
52:12
Speaker 3: Islander peoples today. This episode was recorded on Gadigal land.