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From Eating Disorder To Advocate: Reclaiming Self Beyond Sport And Social Media · In Moderation

• 0:36
  SPEAKER_04: Is that like your fun fact at parties that you know what TNT stands for?
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_03: Toluene.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_03: Trinitr toluene.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_03: That's what I'm saying.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_03: And then you've got to stop the conversation to make sure that it's it's correct.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I wanted to make sure I'm doing it right.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_03: Because I remember that from um a kid's movie when I I watched it when I was like nine.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_03: And so I was trying to remember if I I actually remembered it correctly.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_03: What kids' movie are they giving?
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_03: Uh it was.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_03: What's that movie where the kid is like a billionaire or something?
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_03: There's like a kid and he's like Richie Rich, Richie Rich, Richie Rich.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_02: Richie Rich.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_03: Richie Rich.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_03: So they have a bomb on the plane and it's TNT, and they the thing says trinatural tallying, and they go, Oh, TNT.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_00: And that's a crazy kid's movie.
• 1:21
  unknown: Yeah.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, they're on a plane and it says they're like, What's this?
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_03: And the computer goes, trinatural tallying.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_03: They're like, what the hell is trinatural?
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_03: TNT, and then they throw it out of the plane.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, explode the civilians below them?
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_03: Just get away.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, it doesn't actually kill them.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_03: In the kids' movie, there isn't that much gore and whatnot, but they should have added a little.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_03: It's whatever.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_03: It's fine.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_03: It was a good movie.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_02: Welcome to another episode of Liam trying to blow himself up while cooking.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_03: It's more of Liam trying to remember a kid's movie from the 90s that I vaguely remember one part of.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_03: And why do I only remember that part?
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_03: Who knows?
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_03: It's weird how the brain works.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_03: Like you'll remember like lyrics from like a 2001 song, but you can't remember something you really need to remember in the moment.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_03: Do you think those people that like can remember everything?
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_03: Blessing or curse?
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, it's kind of both, right?
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_03: But like how much is it a blessing versus a curse?
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_01: I have a photographic memory and it's kind of a little bit of both.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, so then how much?
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, this this is a good, this is good then.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_03: So, like, how much like 60% blessing, 40% curse, 80%?
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_03: Where are we at?
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_03: We're percentage.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_03: Because of course it's gonna be both.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_01: Like when I was still a student, it was like 80-20 because I could like visualize PowerPoint slides and exactly where it was highlighted and the number of the slide, and that was a blessing, but now I just have really weird shit in my head.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_01: Like I have all like the first hundred digits of pie memorized.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_03: Yep.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_01: Why?
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_01: Has that helped?
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_04: I have the first 50 things to songs to wear pants to.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_01: I would nail that.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_01: I have um the preamble of the constitution, all 50 states in alphabetical order.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_03: Because I remember watching, there was like a kid, and he had a photograph.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_03: He had a he had one of those memories, so you remember everything.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_03: And he was like crying one day, and the parent, his dad asked him why, and he's like, Today is the anniversary of the day you yelled at me.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_03: Like you remember like two years ago when he just like yelled at him.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like, that sounds awful.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_03: I remember seeing that sounds horrible.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_03: I don't want that.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_03: I want to forget most things.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_03: Give me the good stuff to remember and just forget the rest of the stuff.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_03: I don't, I don't need all that.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_03: I don't need all that.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_03: I remember when I saw Jesus in my banana peel.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_03: I'd like to remember that.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_03: That was a fun moment.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_03: It was a full-on, I got a picture of it.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_03: It was totally Jesus in my banana peel.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_03: I don't want to remember that time.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_03: The rest of the stuff, just get rid of it.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_03: I don't care what I learned in like chemistry.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_03: I don't need any of that shit.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_03: Right?
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_03: It's all numbers and stupid science-y stuff.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_03: Get rid of it.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_02: The worst part for me is the curse is listening to somebody tell me the same story for the tenth time because they don't remember telling me it.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_03: I feel like a lot of people can get it, can can relate to that though, because there's people that just tell the same story.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_03: I I'm sure I'm yeah, I'm sure I'm one of them.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_03: Like that's that's yeah.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_00: I just tell the fuck.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, exactly.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_03: And you don't remember what I don't remember what I t everything I told one person.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_03: Again, I remember almost nothing besides the Jesus banana.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_03: Of course, I'm not gonna remember what I told them, told this person about this story or whatever, right?
• 4:13
  unknown: There.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_04: Well, you know, how about we we give everybody something to remember and you tell us, Sophia, who you are and what it is that you do.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_02: I think Mike absolutely did not tell us anything about you.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_02: He had surprise guest.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_04: This is yeah, accidental surprise guest, first time this has happened.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_01: Really entertaining, actually.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_01: I love that.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_01: I can say anything, you guys would believe me.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_05: Yep, I won't refute it.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, um, hello, my name is Sophia.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_01: I'm a 23-year-old content creator.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_01: I work in the realm of mental health and suicide prevention.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_01: I started my socials five years ago when I quit my college volleyball team to pursue eating disorder recovery.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_01: And what started as just a small personal little passion project quickly turned into a widespread network of mental health advocacy.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_01: And I've been doing it for five years now.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_01: I've done work with like the JED Foundation, Stay Here, and just a lot of work in body image and suicide prevention, and then that then pursued my interest in STEM and sports psychology because I wanted to understand why I felt the way I felt in my sport, and I wanted to be the person that could have supported me instead of having to quit my sport.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_01: And so then I got my bachelor's of science in kinesiology and I specialized in sports psychology, and now I work full-time as a social media manager.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_01: I'm a researcher on a biomechanical research team, and I gave a TED talk in April of this year.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, that's fun.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_03: What's given a TED talk?
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_03: Can you say for a second?
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_02: Holy ones, can we address the fact that you went from just you were like, I'm smacking volleyballs around, and then suddenly you're like, uh, you know what?
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_02: I'm done with this.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_02: I'm gonna give a TED talk.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, just a casual little segue.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: It's a normal path.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_03: Everybody knows.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_03: What's up with the TED Talk?
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_03: Do they set you up?
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_03: They're like, okay, here's all the things, get up there, do your stuff.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_03: Do they super direct you with everything?
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_03: And they're just like, nah, wing the whatever you feel like.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_03: Go ahead.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_01: It was an interesting process.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_01: I was recruited to speak in January of 24 for a like um a TEDx located in Sacramento.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_01: And so I had a year and a half of speech prep, and they set me up with like a coach, a mentor, like someone that really guided me through the process of creating my speech.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_01: And then we had rehearsals on Zoom calls and like dress rehearsals.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_01: Then I flew out to Sacramento and they like mic'd me up, and it was this huge production, but there was no teleprompter, so it was all just fully.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, interesting.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, well, oh, perfect.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_03: So you have a photographic memory, right?
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_03: So, okay, just do your entire TED talk.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_03: Everybody else, we're gonna mute our mics in three, two, one.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_03: Perfect.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_01: The way I actually could.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_01: Who are you if you are not what you do?
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_01: I could just go.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_01: It's about a 15-minute talk.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_03: If you guys have time for it, is there a place that we can mute myself?
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_03: Gee, I thought we were doing, I thought we had a plan.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_03: Of course.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_03: That was the plan.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_03: That's our plan.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_01: So unfortunately, the footage from my event was corrupted.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_01: And what?
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_02: Oh no.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_01: What?
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so I have an iPhone video that my mom took of my speech, but the actual boost video was corrupted.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_03: That's oh, that's horrible, but also fantastic that you have something that just looks like it came from like a Chinese like version of it or whatever, where it's just like a little bit of a channel.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_03: No, no, no.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_02: It's like the Christmas concert in elementary school.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_02: That's my kid.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_01: It's like the meme girl scene with the mom with the camcorder.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_01: That's my mom.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_01: And she is a gem.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_01: But thankfully, I'm most likely doing another TED talk in April of next year, and hopefully that will have footage.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, you might want to you might want to check in with that with the people recording beforehand, just to be certain.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_02: But just in case, bring your mom.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, the mom and the tripod will be set up.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_04: Absolutely.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_04: Now, what's the next one gonna be about?
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_04: This one will be let's start with the first one.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_04: I don't think we really talked about what the first one is about.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_03: I wanted to the whole thing, but we're not allowed to, apparently.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_04: The episode might get corrupted.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_01: We can't drink sit like that.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_04: No.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_01: So the first one, I dissected the question of who are you if you are not what you do?
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_01: And so I did a deep dive into personal identity formation, and I encouraged my audience to think about how they would introduce themselves as a person outside of their external identifiers.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_01: So actually, I'll do this with you guys.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_01: I want to run you guys through a bit of a thought experiment.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_01: So I first want you to think if I were just to come up to you on the street and I asked, Who are you?
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_01: But you cannot use your profession, your hometown, what you studied in college.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_01: You can't use anything that is external to you.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_01: How would you introduce yourself to me?
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_02: I'm a robot.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, okay.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_03: So we can't wait, wait, wait.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_03: So I can't be like, I'm a guy.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_03: What do I do?
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_03: What wait, I'm I'm curious.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_03: Give me more details on this.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_03: Like, what can I use now?
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_01: So you can't use any external identifiers.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_01: So you can't be like, oh, um, I'm a barista or I'm a content creator or I'm a dad.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_01: Those are just things that you do.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_01: It's not things that you are.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_01: And so it's more I'm a cottage cheese fiend.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_03: What like am I allowed to use?
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_01: What are my So I can give you my introduction if that would help sparks.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_01: Mine is hello, my name is Sophia.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_01: I am a naturally extroverted soul who could truthfully make friends with the tree if you gave me like two minutes.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_01: I write a lot of poetry in my free time.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_01: It's given me a very deep core belief that words have the power to change lives.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_01: I am someone who will always break for birds and smile at strangers, even if I know they won't smile back, because I believe that kindness should be given for the sake of kindness and never for the sake of reciprocation.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_04: You had two years to prepare.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_04: That's not fair.
• 10:07
  unknown: Fair.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_04: That was just poetry right there.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_04: That's fantastic.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_04: I I I I heavily resonate with what you're doing here because this is a lot of what I inject into my teaching as a coach because it's just so important.
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_04: Like uh, for those who are just joining here for the first time, I I lost 110 pounds and I help other people to do the same thing.
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_04: But it's not just like diet and exercise, it's I'm working on the brain, that one thing that created a lot of our weight for a lot of us out there.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_04: And just giving someone calories to track doesn't fix all the sadness that uh equaled all the calories before.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_04: So like Liam's like, I'm out.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_04: We got too deep.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_04: Liam did not want to describe himself.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_04: No, no, he's gone.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_04: No, he'll be back.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_04: Uh, yeah, for those of you not watching, Liam just dipped suddenly.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_04: He maybe he froze briefly.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_04: But yeah, this is uh I I'm very heavy on like establishing an identity because I really believe that the actions that we take on are going to correlate to our identity very strongly.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_04: So if you're a person who wants to lose weight, but you kind of just anticipate being the same person at the end as you were at the beginning, it's your actions will eventually line up with that mentality.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_04: So I I think it really is important to um internalize to try to figure out like what you're gonna do.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I'm gonna do that.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_04: So I really like that.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_04: So now after all that, you have to introduce yourself.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_01: Come on, Mike.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_01: What's your introduction?
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_04: I am a helper.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_04: I am a person who makes decisions.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_04: These are all things that uh I used to not have.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_04: Um the helper was it was more so at my behest rather than something that I got to do.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_04: It felt like something I had to do to earn my keep.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_04: Um but it doesn't feel that way anymore.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_04: Um when I say I'm a person who makes decisions, I always felt like I I I had to be very careful about things because I might upset somebody, but I make decisions despite it.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_04: And I know that the enrichment of myself will help the people around me.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_04: I I you know you can't put other people's oxygen masks on first before you put on your own.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_04: I yeah, this is this is tough when you when you just how do you guide people through this?
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_01: So I always I started my talk off with this thought experiment, and it left a lot of silence in the room during this experiment, and if everyone's like, I don't know how to explain myself without these things.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_01: And then I broke down the concept of identity and the two main social identity labels that we come with.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_01: So there's avowed identity and ascribed identity.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_01: Ascribed identities are the ones that are placed onto us, so it's like hair color, birth order, ancestry, blood type, and then avowed identities are the ones that we kind of claim for ourselves.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_01: So it's gonna be like parent or partner, student, athlete, coach.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_01: And so it's not trying to discourage people away from completely separating themselves entirely from external identifiers, but wanting them to just make room at the table for the internal ones too, so that if the time comes that we do lose that external identifier, we still have a true deep sense of self of who we are.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_01: And this was all inspired by when I was a college athlete, my two identities were were athlete and anorexic.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_01: Two very limiting defining things so that when I quit my sport and I chose to recover, I had no identity and no sense of self.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_01: And that's what caused this huge journey to find out who I was outside of what I did.
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_04: Struggling, uh all three of us here have struggled being underweight at some point in our lives.
• 13:51
  SPEAKER_04: And it's it it does sort of become a part of your identity, and it's something that I don't think it's talked about a lot, especially in the fitness space, which uh me and Rob and Liam are entrenched in.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_04: There's a lot of people that are talking about weight loss.
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_04: Obviously, that's what I do.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_04: Um, but I I think it's because I I don't quite even know how to approach the other conversation quite yet, because I'm still working on it.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_04: I'm still kind of there.
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_04: Do you feel like you've recovered to a point that, like, I guess you can do a TED talk about it?
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_04: You've recovered that much.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_04: So, at what point did you realize that like you were recovered enough that you could start helping others to do that?
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_01: It's definitely an interesting process because I do hold the forever belief that you never truly fully recover from something that damaging and life-threatening, especially given my personal history with eating disorders, of almost losing my life at the age of 19 due to heart complications.
• 14:49
  SPEAKER_01: Like things like that don't really leave you.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_01: And I don't want it to leave me because although I will never be thankful to that it happened because it's a horrible thing, but I am grateful in the sense of that it shaped me into who I am and that will always just impact the way I view food and the way I view the world and the way I then try to help other people.
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_01: And so I think it was around year three or four, because I I hit my four years in recovery in August of this year.
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_01: And this last Thanksgiving, literally last week, Thursday, was a very, very big day for me.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_01: It was the first time in five years I didn't have a panic attack on this holiday.
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_01: And my last recovery anniversary in August was the first anniversary that I didn't realize was an anniversary.
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_01: I was just so deep into recovery and not even entranced with those former disorder thoughts that it was not even taking up any space in my brain.
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_01: And so it's given me just this sense of okay, it will always live with me, but now it's just like a tiny little voice in the back of my head, and it's not the main driver.
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_01: It's not in the driver's seat, it's actually just in the trunk.
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_01: And I'll always drive around with it and I'll be very grateful for what I learned from it, but it no longer has any control over my decisions.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_01: And so that then gave me a newfound sense of oh, it is possible.
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_01: I can get here.
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_01: And if I can get here, with how extreme that it was, anyone can get here.
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_04: It's the anniversary of the last time you yelled at yourself.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_02: Can we take a second to just appreciate how good Mike would be as a politician?
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_02: For those of you that uh didn't see the shift, he was supposed to be telling us who he is, and he suddenly shifted uh over to these other conversations.
• 16:31
  SPEAKER_02: He never did answer the question, which Mike, I'm gonna actually answer a couple of things, Mr.
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_04: Robot.
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_04: Okay, and then I went to Sophia to ask, like, how could I continue to build this?
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_02: So we're gonna make you we're gonna make you by the end of it.
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_02: So wait for Liam to come back.
• 16:49
  SPEAKER_01: I need to hear your direct introduction too, Rob.
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_01: Can't just go with robot.
• 16:53
  SPEAKER_02: What?
• 16:53
  SPEAKER_02: No, I'm a robot.
• 16:55
  SPEAKER_00: I don't buy it.
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_00: I think there's more.
• 16:57
  SPEAKER_02: Police lights are on.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_02: Wait for Liam to come back and we'll do it at the end of the episode.
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_00: We support that.
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_04: By the way, for those of you that are listening to this on an audio medium, sometimes I will flip on the police lights when some bullshit happens.
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_04: And um put on a silly hat.
• 17:13
  SPEAKER_04: And I'll put on a silly hat or something.
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_04: There's always some.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_04: There's always some kind of visual gag to see here on the Inmoderation podcast, but you can only see that on YouTube.
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_04: So pop on over there.
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_01: All the cool kids go to YouTube.
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_04: They they really do.
• 17:27
  SPEAKER_04: We need a soundboard.
• 17:28
  SPEAKER_04: We need like a morning zoo kind of soundboard thing here.
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_04: A bunch of air horns and slide whistles.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_04: While we talk about eating disorder recovery and suicide prevention.
• 17:41
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 17:41
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_01: I think it's gonna be really like it's what we need in this conversation.
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_02: You wanted a soundboard.
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_00: You were so quick with that.
• 17:50
  SPEAKER_00: He's never pulled that out.
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_00: That has never happened.
• 17:54
  SPEAKER_00: Can we play that during Leon's introduction?
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_00: I've been on what, 30 episodes of this thing?
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_04: How am I supposed to get into talking about suicide now?
• 18:05
  SPEAKER_04: Here's the thing.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_04: What what what uh if we don't laugh at it, it'll kill us.
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_04: That's the thing.
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_04: And I I are you a person that makes dark jokes about your past sometimes?
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, far too amazing.
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_01: Far too many.
• 18:17
  SPEAKER_01: And Orap is too.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_01: That's a bad use of terminology, but it just kills the room.
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_01: Also, it's something everyone's like, what the hell, Sophia?
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, you have to laugh, please.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, it's because there was a period of time where being able to laugh at it might have taken us off the ledge sooner.
• 18:35
  SPEAKER_04: You know?
• 18:36
  SPEAKER_04: Like I I myself, I've got two attempts under my belt, and I don't think there's ever gonna be another one.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_04: I don't have that desire anymore.
• 18:45
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_04: What's uh what's your history with it?
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_01: It was a very interesting history because I was completely convinced I would not live past the age of 21, whether if it was self-inflicted or simply just the after effects of such dire health complications.
• 19:03
  SPEAKER_01: And I was completely okay with it.
• 19:07
  SPEAKER_01: And so then every year that came after that was genuinely just a shock.
• 19:11
  SPEAKER_01: And I'll be turning 24 next year, and I'm like, ooh, I don't I didn't plan this far ahead.
• 19:16
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't have anything planned out after 21.
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't think I'd graduate college, I didn't think I'd ever do anything with my life or myself.
• 19:24
  SPEAKER_02: And now here you are on the greatest podcast in the world.
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_02: Screw TED Talks.
• 19:27
  SPEAKER_01: You took the words right out of my mouth, Rob.
• 19:29
  SPEAKER_01: TED Talk in moderation.
• 19:31
  SPEAKER_02: That's darn straight.
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_04: Right.
• 19:33
  SPEAKER_01: I've always said that, but it's just another.
• 19:37
  SPEAKER_01: We need where'd he go?
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_01: He just kind of disappeared.
• 19:39
  SPEAKER_04: Uh he said his power went out.
• 19:41
  SPEAKER_04: His power went out.
• 19:42
  unknown: Oh no.
• 19:43
  SPEAKER_04: So he's uh we'll see if he comes back.
• 19:46
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, brutal.
• 19:48
  SPEAKER_01: But yeah.
• 19:50
  SPEAKER_01: My college experience was very, very different from what you'd expect from a typical college experience.
• 19:55
  SPEAKER_01: My freshman year of college was COVID.
• 19:57
  SPEAKER_01: It was the peak of the pandemic.
• 19:59
  SPEAKER_05: Oh god.
• 20:00
  SPEAKER_01: And I was a college athlete, so I had to be on campus.
• 20:03
  SPEAKER_01: But it was basically just me and other athletes, and I was alone in the dorms, and being alone in a college dorm with a lot of mental health issues gives you a lot of freedom and a lot of privacy, unfortunately.
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, okay, yep.
• 20:18
  SPEAKER_01: And so it was just a very dark couple of years, and there were always plans in place.
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_01: There was always the I can, I have the access and the things needed to if I want to and when I decide to.
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_01: And that was a really scary thought to always just have sitting in the corner of my dorm of like I can do this thing, and it would be done.
• 20:44
  SPEAKER_01: And then it got to the point where my heart was about to stop, and I was fainting three to five times a week and not remembering where I was, and just really scary health things that kind of slapped me right back into reality.
• 20:59
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, oh, I actually might die.
• 21:02
  SPEAKER_01: Like, this is no longer in my control.
• 21:04
  SPEAKER_01: And that's why I think my personal thoughts around eating disorders are it's a huge issue with control.
• 21:11
  SPEAKER_01: You feel out of control, and so you want to control it, and so you restrict or you binge or you purge, and it's just a desperate need to control anything.
• 21:20
  SPEAKER_01: But the tricky thing with eating disorders is the more control you think you have, the less you actually do.
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_01: And so then when I was losing control and about to lose my life, it was no longer a matter of like, oh, I maybe I don't want to die.
• 21:34
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, I want to be in control.
• 21:36
  SPEAKER_01: If I'm gonna lose my life, I want it to be my decision and not in the hands of my eating disorder.
• 21:40
  SPEAKER_01: And so I was like, maybe I don't want to die.
• 21:43
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe I actually just want this part of my life to end.
• 21:46
  SPEAKER_01: And so I started recovery.
• 21:47
  SPEAKER_02: That's so interesting.
• 21:49
  SPEAKER_02: I don't want to die, I want this part of my life to end.
• 21:51
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
• 21:52
  SPEAKER_01: It's been a quote of mine that I kind of coined when I was 19 years old and just kind of lived with me in these last four years.
• 21:58
  SPEAKER_02: I think it's a powerful statement that uh a lot of people, when they stop and think about it, it'll be true.
• 22:05
  SPEAKER_02: It's not your entire life you want to end, it's just a specific thing in it.
• 22:09
  SPEAKER_01: I just need this piece to be over.
• 22:11
  SPEAKER_01: I don't want the whole story to end.
• 22:13
  SPEAKER_01: I just need to close this chapter and I can keep going from there.
• 22:16
  SPEAKER_04: My uh my last one, which I th I may have talked about here on the show, I may not have.
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_04: I don't know.
• 22:21
  SPEAKER_02: We both shared Yeah.
• 22:23
  SPEAKER_04: I'll uh I'll just rehash it real quick.
• 22:25
  SPEAKER_04: I won't get into too many details on what led up to it, but it was one of the scariest and most stressful periods of my life.
• 22:35
  SPEAKER_04: Um it was just this absolutely terrifying six months.
• 22:41
  SPEAKER_04: And it got to a point where I was in the car with someone and we were in an argument, and uh I I got to a point where I just I parked the car on the side of the highway and I got out and I stood by the side of the highway and I waited for a truck to come by because I figured it'll be quick.
• 23:02
  SPEAKER_04: Uh that's I don't think I'm gonna make it through that.
• 23:05
  SPEAKER_04: And the person who hits me is probably not gonna be legally responsible, like the company will be, and maybe if it's a Walmart truck, then you know, cool.
• 23:13
  SPEAKER_04: Hell yeah.
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_04: Um and I stood there for like five minutes on a busy highway, no trucks, nothing.
• 23:21
  SPEAKER_04: But in my head, if I had seen a truck, there would have been nothing to stop me.
• 23:26
  SPEAKER_04: I was like ready to go.
• 23:28
  SPEAKER_04: And by the time I'd finally like lost that nerve and stepped back, truck came by, like immediately.
• 23:36
  SPEAKER_04: And it was two weeks later that I had my first big viral video on TikTok that ended up bringing a bunch of people like Rob to me, and that's when my life changed.
• 23:49
  SPEAKER_04: That was like it almost like when I look back at it now, it seems like that was the delineation between like the old life and where I'm at now.
• 23:58
  SPEAKER_01: That was the fork in the road.
• 24:00
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, it really was.
• 24:02
  SPEAKER_04: And uh yeah, it's it's just quite interesting to see like all it's gonna take is is just a couple of little shifts that may change the entire trajectory of your life in one way or the other.
• 24:14
  SPEAKER_04: And uh as much as it sucks to stick around through something that is truly awful, there's only one way to find out that it won't be.
• 24:22
  SPEAKER_01: It reminds me of the quote of your.
• 24:23
  SPEAKER_04: And Liam's back.
• 24:24
  SPEAKER_01: I'm back.
• 24:25
  SPEAKER_03: I say what were we talking about?
• 24:27
  SPEAKER_03: Uh DeLoreans, I think it was.
• 24:29
  SPEAKER_03: So here's the thing with me they got rid of the stainless steel, which is good for safety, but like it's kind of intrinsic to the DeLorean.
• 24:38
  SPEAKER_03: That's that's my problem.
• 24:40
  SPEAKER_00: What are you talking about suicide?
• 24:42
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, well, that's a bit different, wasn't it?
• 24:45
  SPEAKER_00: A little bit.
• 24:46
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, well, I kind of brought the move.
• 24:49
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know if I I can't I don't know if I brought the move down or sideways.
• 24:52
  SPEAKER_03: I guess sideways is probably better.
• 24:54
  SPEAKER_03: Anyway.
• 24:55
  SPEAKER_03: So you know how the movie always has a comedy.
• 24:56
  SPEAKER_02: That was a good that was a good moment for everybody to have a laugh.
• 24:59
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, goodness gracious, the comedic.
• 25:02
  SPEAKER_04: Sophia, I tried to warn you that this is gonna be.
• 25:07
  SPEAKER_04: We're gonna get into the educational stuff.
• 25:08
  SPEAKER_04: We're gonna talk about real things, and then we're gonna leave it.
• 25:12
  SPEAKER_03: Liam's gonna come in and fuck it up completely.
• 25:14
  SPEAKER_03: That's pretty much how it usually goes.
• 25:17
  SPEAKER_01: You just really didn't want to introduce yourself, did you?
• 25:19
  SPEAKER_01: That's why you had to leave us for 20 minutes.
• 25:20
  SPEAKER_03: I was thinking hard, and then everything just went pew.
• 25:23
  SPEAKER_03: Like my my I looked over, my Christmas tree is out.
• 25:26
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like, oh.
• 25:27
  SPEAKER_00: That's my side.
• 25:28
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 25:28
  SPEAKER_02: Liam was thinking so hard he short circuited the entire power grid.
• 25:33
  SPEAKER_00: You're using so much brain power, all the other brain.
• 25:35
  SPEAKER_03: Pretty sure there's a kid's movie about that.
• 25:37
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know.
• 25:38
  SPEAKER_04: What happened to the thing in the oven?
• 25:40
  SPEAKER_03: I took so yeah, I was like, how much time was left on this?
• 25:43
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know when it came back on.
• 25:44
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like, how long do I cook it for?
• 25:46
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know.
• 25:47
  SPEAKER_03: Let me seven minutes.
• 25:48
  SPEAKER_03: Sounds good.
• 25:50
  SPEAKER_03: So yeah, I just guessed.
• 25:51
  SPEAKER_03: It should be fine, hopefully.
• 25:53
  SPEAKER_04: Is it for a video?
• 25:54
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 25:55
  SPEAKER_04: What is it?
• 25:56
  SPEAKER_03: Pretty much all my videos go, you know, sideways at some point.
• 25:59
  SPEAKER_03: I usually fuck something up, so it's it works out well.
• 26:02
  SPEAKER_03: Some sort of like jalapeno popper thing-ish.
• 26:05
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 26:06
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know.
• 26:06
  SPEAKER_03: It was like a bake with puff pastry.
• 26:09
  SPEAKER_03: Looks good.
• 26:10
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know.
• 26:10
  SPEAKER_03: I love that.
• 26:11
  SPEAKER_03: I'm telling you, the more I get the older I get and the more I try these like low calorie, high protein desserts, I'm like, fuck that shit.
• 26:17
  SPEAKER_03: Please just give me a dessert with calories and sugar and stuff.
• 26:20
  SPEAKER_00: Come on.
• 26:21
  SPEAKER_03: A life is too short for me to be eating compressed protein dust and be like, mmm, delicious.
• 26:25
  SPEAKER_03: No.
• 26:26
  SPEAKER_03: No.
• 26:26
  SPEAKER_03: Fuck out of here.
• 26:27
  SPEAKER_02: See, in Liam's case, that's the thing he needs to cut out is the low-calorie protein dust.
• 26:34
  SPEAKER_03: I think I'm done.
• 26:34
  SPEAKER_03: I think I'm done with all of those that are just like, just slap all the stuff in the bowl, protein powder, egg whites, and like, what are we doing?
• 26:41
  SPEAKER_03: I feel like we lost the plot here.
• 26:44
  SPEAKER_01: If I want chocolate, I'm not gonna eat cottage cheese and protein powder.
• 26:46
  SPEAKER_01: I'm sorry.
• 26:47
  SPEAKER_03: It's so many things.
• 26:48
  SPEAKER_03: This I'm why stop tag like, and it's the worst because people just like know that.
• 26:53
  SPEAKER_03: So they'll like tag me like, look at these cookies.
• 26:55
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like, those aren't cookies.
• 26:56
  SPEAKER_03: Those aren't cookies.
• 26:57
  SPEAKER_03: Did you see the way that ripped instead of broke?
• 27:00
  SPEAKER_03: You see the way it like tore apart into little pieces?
• 27:02
  SPEAKER_03: No, that's not a cookie.
• 27:04
  SPEAKER_03: That's not a cookie.
• 27:05
  SPEAKER_04: That's paper mache.
• 27:06
  SPEAKER_03: That is Twilight's.
• 27:08
  SPEAKER_03: Some of these look like straight up paper mache.
• 27:10
  SPEAKER_03: I will share, I will have one.
• 27:12
  SPEAKER_03: I have one saved and I will show you.
• 27:14
  SPEAKER_03: I will like share my screen or whatever.
• 27:16
  SPEAKER_03: And this shit is paper mache.
• 27:17
  SPEAKER_04: Sophia, how did you get through the food fear?
• 27:20
  SPEAKER_01: I started a series and I only got through it because, um, in a sense, I don't want to say commercialized it, but I made content out of it because I needed some sort of external motivator to do something because there's no way I wanted to recover myself.
• 27:36
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, well, if I make a video about it, then I have to do it.
• 27:40
  SPEAKER_01: And so for about a year I did what I called Fear Food Friday, and I worked with my nutritionist and my therapist, and we made a whole list of fear foods, and it would have been easier to make a list of foods that weren't fear foods at that point.
• 27:51
  SPEAKER_01: It was crazy.
• 27:54
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, very long.
• 27:55
  SPEAKER_01: It's the OG, if you've been following me, that is like OG Sophia Critter content.
• 28:00
  SPEAKER_03: What foods weren't fear foods?
• 28:03
  SPEAKER_01: Um anything I didn't have the nutrition label memorized.
• 28:07
  SPEAKER_01: And having a photographic memory, I had a lot of numbers and calories and nutrition facts memorized.
• 28:14
  SPEAKER_01: And so I could eat something and be like, oh, I know exactly what's going into my body, I know exactly what this is, and I didn't care if it was the lowest number or a higher number, just the fact that it was a number just stressed me out.
• 28:27
  SPEAKER_01: And so the things that I was just really scared of anything I couldn't control.
• 28:33
  SPEAKER_01: Basically, most foods, because when you are struggling with eating, if there's a loss of control, and it's you're desperate to regain it.
• 28:40
  SPEAKER_01: And so I just challenged a fear food every Friday, and I have a very vivid memory of me getting Chipotle one Friday.
• 28:47
  SPEAKER_01: And I had a panic attack in the parking lot.
• 28:50
  SPEAKER_01: I was almost sobbing in line, and then I could get one bite down, and then I started profusely crying.
• 28:57
  SPEAKER_01: But then I ate more because I was like, okay, I'm not gonna get better if I just let this.
• 29:03
  SPEAKER_02: I have a very vivid memory of me trying my fear food, a banana, and immediately throwing it up.
• 29:11
  SPEAKER_04: Well, you don't like bananas, that's not a fear thing, you just don't like it.
• 29:15
  SPEAKER_00: Not just the taste, but the immediate rejection of it.
• 29:18
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, this isn't a disorder.
• 29:20
  SPEAKER_02: You're just a bitch.
• 29:23
  SPEAKER_02: Hey, hey, hey, hey.
• 29:24
  SPEAKER_02: Yesterday I had banana bread.
• 29:27
  SPEAKER_00: Delicious.
• 29:28
  SPEAKER_00: Banana bread slice.
• 29:29
  SPEAKER_00: That's good.
• 29:30
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 29:31
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, brave soldier.
• 29:32
  SPEAKER_04: Okay.
• 29:32
  SPEAKER_02: I ate I ate the entire piece of it.
• 29:35
  SPEAKER_02: Except for the little top part that actually had an actual bit of banana on it.
• 29:38
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, no.
• 29:40
  SPEAKER_04: No.
• 29:41
  SPEAKER_02: No.
• 29:41
  SPEAKER_00: That would be silly.
• 29:42
  SPEAKER_04: Also, Rob sent me a picture a couple of days ago.
• 29:44
  SPEAKER_04: He apparently his first pube grow grew in.
• 29:48
  SPEAKER_00: Oh.
• 29:48
  unknown: Yeah.
• 29:51
  SPEAKER_00: Play the applause.
• 29:52
  SPEAKER_03: It's so did he put it on stories?
• 29:54
  SPEAKER_03: I missed that.
• 29:55
  SPEAKER_04: You know, like the one singular curly hair on top of a cartoon baby.
• 30:01
  SPEAKER_04: Banana bread who was afraid of it.
• 30:03
  SPEAKER_04: Walks to his kitchen and it's just sitting there basked in red light, dark shadows on it.
• 30:09
  SPEAKER_02: I am so disarmed at this moment after this conversation.
• 30:12
  SPEAKER_03: I I don't I don't think I have.
• 30:13
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I don't, this is something I've never really dealt with too much.
• 30:15
  SPEAKER_03: So, yeah, we all have foods we don't like, but I've never had something.
• 30:18
  SPEAKER_03: I guess when I got into like the calorie counting and really trying to drop like drop weight, I was like, you could hyper focus on it.
• 30:25
  SPEAKER_03: And I think that's something a lot of people do.
• 30:26
  SPEAKER_03: Food becomes a number, right?
• 30:28
  SPEAKER_03: Whereas every every piece of food is just a number of calories that it is, just it's literally just macros.
• 30:33
  SPEAKER_03: You're looking at it, you're like, I'm looking at an apple.
• 30:35
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, 90 calories, uh, how many carbs, sugar, like that's that's all it becomes.
• 30:40
  SPEAKER_03: And then it becomes real sad.
• 30:41
  SPEAKER_03: It can become real sad real fast.
• 30:43
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, there's no enjoyment anymore.
• 30:44
  SPEAKER_01: It's just okay, it's just a piece to an end at that point.
• 30:47
  SPEAKER_03: I think when you get to the point where you're at like a either holiday or something, and you're at the table with like Thanksgiving, you're looking at everything with like numbers, everything on numbers.
• 30:54
  SPEAKER_03: I feel like that's when you eventually that's the point you kind of have to be like, all right, this this might be too much.
• 31:00
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's not sustainable at that point.
• 31:02
  SPEAKER_03: Exactly.
• 31:03
  SPEAKER_03: Give me that dessert, give me the real all like the I'm not even usually.
• 31:06
  SPEAKER_03: Like a big fan of like the flowerless cakes, but when it's just butter and sugar and cocoa, fuck man, that's good.
• 31:13
  SPEAKER_03: I'll give second third piece.
• 31:15
  SPEAKER_03: Thank you very much.
• 31:16
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 31:17
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, where you're you're scooping it instead of slicing it, that kind of thing.
• 31:21
  SPEAKER_03: It's like it's like entering plutanium, plutonium in terms of like caloric density, and you're like, yeah, give me some of that.
• 31:28
  SPEAKER_02: Good old plutanium.
• 31:29
  SPEAKER_03: Plutanium?
• 31:30
  SPEAKER_03: Plutanium?
• 31:31
  SPEAKER_03: Plutanium.
• 31:32
  SPEAKER_04: See, that wasn't in Richie Rich, so he doesn't know what it is.
• 31:35
  SPEAKER_03: Well, plutonium?
• 31:37
  SPEAKER_03: Here we go.
• 31:38
  SPEAKER_04: It's plutonium.
• 31:39
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know.
• 31:39
  SPEAKER_03: I know that because I've seen Einsteinium.
• 31:42
  SPEAKER_03: That's one.
• 31:42
  SPEAKER_03: I think that's actually, didn't they like name one after Einstein?
• 31:45
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know.
• 31:45
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 31:46
  SPEAKER_04: See, you wouldn't have known plutonium if you'd seen Back to the Future.
• 31:50
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 31:50
  SPEAKER_03: No, and I haven't.
• 31:52
  SPEAKER_03: I have not.
• 31:52
  SPEAKER_04: I know you haven't.
• 31:54
  SPEAKER_03: And I have not.
• 31:54
  SPEAKER_03: So that's why I don't know about plutonium.
• 31:56
  SPEAKER_04: That's your fear food.
• 31:58
  SPEAKER_04: It's Back to the Future.
• 31:59
  SPEAKER_03: Plutanium?
• 32:00
  SPEAKER_03: Oh.
• 32:00
  SPEAKER_03: Plutonium?
• 32:02
  SPEAKER_04: Plutanium and plutonium.
• 32:04
  SPEAKER_00: All of them.
• 32:05
  SPEAKER_04: You want to have either one.
• 32:06
  SPEAKER_03: They're two different uh chemicals.
• 32:08
  SPEAKER_03: They're two different fear.
• 32:09
  SPEAKER_02: If somebody else out there ever discovers a new element, please name it after Liam.
• 32:15
  SPEAKER_03: Name it Plutanium or just name it Liam.
• 32:17
  SPEAKER_02: Plutanium.
• 32:18
  SPEAKER_02: Plutanium latent.
• 32:20
  SPEAKER_02: Plutanium latent.
• 32:21
  SPEAKER_03: I'll consider it, but I really like plutanium because then it would get people very confused.
• 32:25
  SPEAKER_03: Just naming it that.
• 32:27
  SPEAKER_02: Get everybody mixed up.
• 32:29
  SPEAKER_02: I was my fear food was talk beyond.
• 32:31
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, never mind.
• 32:32
  SPEAKER_02: Sorry.
• 32:33
  SPEAKER_02: Mike has a fear food.
• 32:34
  SPEAKER_04: That was it.
• 32:34
  SPEAKER_04: No, my fear food was just food in general.
• 32:36
  SPEAKER_04: Oh yeah.
• 32:37
  SPEAKER_04: Like I anything that could have equaled calories was I can't have this because if I have calories, that means I'm going to lose weight slower or I'm going to gain weight more, whatever.
• 32:47
  SPEAKER_04: And so just like incorporating food in general back into my life in a healthy way rather than just like you know being so hungry that I had to because I was lightheaded and like torturing myself to try to get down.
• 33:02
  SPEAKER_04: Like it it's it's a process.
• 33:06
  SPEAKER_04: But uh the exposure was necessary.
• 33:08
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 33:08
  SPEAKER_04: But yeah, Rob.
• 33:09
  SPEAKER_04: Um next TED Talk, you said.
• 33:12
  SPEAKER_02: So yeah, what's the next TED talk gonna be?
• 33:15
  SPEAKER_01: So it's not confirmed yet.
• 33:16
  SPEAKER_01: I had a speaker interview with one of the like committee directors a couple weeks ago, and they said I'll find out within the next week or two, but I'm just gonna manifest that I already have it.
• 33:26
  SPEAKER_01: I'm just gonna say and act like I'm already giving it in April.
• 33:29
  SPEAKER_01: So this one will be a deeper dive into my personal like recovery process and then how that more related to my identity and my sports psychology background.
• 33:40
  SPEAKER_01: Because the other one was mainly focused on identity and it was a lot more educational.
• 33:44
  SPEAKER_01: And I want this one to be a lot more personal, anecdotal, and psychology inspired with my own history and like inspired by my degree and all of my research and where I'm going with it, and more just advocacy and like a light at the end of the tunnel for people in recovery rather than facts about identity and how to create your own.
• 34:05
  SPEAKER_01: I want it to then be like a follow-up speech to this first one of like, you learned about identity, here's how I formed mine.
• 34:11
  SPEAKER_04: That's so useful because uh there's a lot of people out there who, again, it's it's very external, the change.
• 34:17
  SPEAKER_04: Everything's gotta be what's other people gonna think about this?
• 34:20
  SPEAKER_04: What are people in my family who have been pushing me to do this gonna think about it?
• 34:24
  SPEAKER_04: Or how will I be my abs at online?
• 34:27
  SPEAKER_04: Where are my abs at?
• 34:29
  SPEAKER_01: I know.
• 34:29
  SPEAKER_01: I'm very excited for it.
• 34:30
  SPEAKER_01: So hopefully I have the opportunity to present it and continue sharing.
• 34:35
  SPEAKER_02: And then we'll bring it back on, and then you can recite it from memory.
• 34:38
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely, and I can come back on next year and I can give it to you guys.
• 34:42
  SPEAKER_04: Perfect.
• 34:43
  SPEAKER_01: Personal TED Talk.
• 34:44
  SPEAKER_04: We'll make room for it.
• 34:45
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, absolutely.
• 34:47
  SPEAKER_04: Speaking of abs, real quick, you do something very interesting where you will post yourself at the gym and you know, you're posed and and good and everything, and then you'll post a second, always.
• 34:58
  SPEAKER_04: There's always a follow-up where you're sitting down and you've like, you know, you like what a human body does when it sits down, it bunches up, it rolls and stuff.
• 35:09
  SPEAKER_04: And it you know, it's I don't think that maybe some people would assume that you would look like that sitting down because we're just so conditioned to seeing people who are rail thin and never seeing them sit down, never seeing a role, never seeing anything.
• 35:25
  SPEAKER_04: But you're like, no, this is this is unposed.
• 35:28
  SPEAKER_04: This is how I look.
• 35:29
  SPEAKER_04: How did you start doing that?
• 35:31
  SPEAKER_01: I think I started that my sophomore or junior year of college, and it was mainly just inspired by the fact that obviously I know I can't attribute such life-threatening mental illnesses to social media, but they definitely contributed and made it worse over time, just seeing so many curated, possibly photoshopped, edited, posed, perfectly lit influencer bodies that I was like, I physically can never look like this, yet I want to.
• 35:59
  SPEAKER_01: And I was comparing my 90% daily body to this 1% perfectly captured moment, and it genuinely just shattered my perception of what a normal body looks like.
• 36:11
  SPEAKER_01: And so then I remember I started getting a lot of praise around my body when I started weightlifting and putting on a lot of muscle and becoming more visibly toned and shredded, as some may say.
• 36:24
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, Well, no, I don't want to be the cause for your like spiral that someone else caused my spiral.
• 36:30
  SPEAKER_01: I don't ever want to make someone feel that way because I don't look like this all the time.
• 36:35
  SPEAKER_01: This is like a very, very perfect curated photo that I found in this tiny little corner in my gym that has just the right lighting, and I turned down the exposure, and it was a whole process to create this one image.
• 36:47
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, I have muscle tone and I've been lifting for five years, but that's not my everyday appearance, and I never want to be the contributor to someone's misconstrued self-esteem with social media and body image.
• 37:00
  SPEAKER_01: And so then I just started like one day, I was like, oh wow, I have a six-pack in this.
• 37:06
  SPEAKER_01: But when I sit down, all of those muscles go away.
• 37:08
  SPEAKER_01: That's really cool.
• 37:09
  SPEAKER_01: And being someone that studied the human body, and I have my master's like my bachelor's in kinesiology, and I study biomechanics and functional anatomy, it gave me such a deep admiration for the human body.
• 37:21
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, why would I care if I if my stomach grolls when I sit down?
• 37:25
  SPEAKER_01: There's so many intricate systems happening in my body that's keeping me alive.
• 37:29
  SPEAKER_01: I want to celebrate that.
• 37:30
  SPEAKER_01: I want to share that.
• 37:31
  SPEAKER_01: And I remember I posted one that was like a side-by-side of like my pose and my unpost, and it got well over like 300,000 likes in a week.
• 37:41
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, oh, people connect with this, they resonate with this because they don't see it often.
• 37:45
  SPEAKER_01: So then it just started this huge branding of like, yes, I will always share both sides of me because you deserve to see the full ins and outs of the human body.
• 37:54
  SPEAKER_04: That's so good.
• 37:56
  SPEAKER_04: It's it's it's necessary, it really is, especially in our industry where it's everything is so edited and oh god and enhanced.
• 38:06
  SPEAKER_01: In AI nowadays.
• 38:08
  SPEAKER_03: In AI now, yeah.
• 38:10
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, we're gonna be able to do that.
• 38:11
  SPEAKER_03: She's literally just about to ask, how much worse do you think AI is gonna make it?
• 38:15
  SPEAKER_03: It's gonna make it worse.
• 38:15
  SPEAKER_03: It's gonna make body image all that worse, but how much worse, like percentage-wise, how much worse do you think it's gonna make it?
• 38:20
  SPEAKER_01: I saw a really scary post the other day of I think it's like, I don't use AI for reference, I don't touch it with a 10-foot pole, I don't open shot GBT, I'm very anti-AI.
• 38:32
  SPEAKER_01: And so I'm not familiar with the power of it, but I saw a post of a side-by-side of a weak difference in progress.
• 38:38
  SPEAKER_01: It was like it was like nano banana pro or something, an AI image generator.
• 38:43
  SPEAKER_01: And it genuinely looked like uh the former one was very clearly AI, and then the second image that was only a week of updated software later, looked like the most perfect iPhone candid photo.
• 38:55
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah.
• 38:56
  SPEAKER_01: Terrifying of just like some girl sitting in a coffee shop.
• 38:59
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, I yeah, I could I have access to um nano banana because I've got the Google Pro thing, and um, I could take a picture of Liam right now, him just sitting there, throw it in there, yes, with that uh with that lovely smile he's got going, throw it in there and tell the AI to make him shirtless and give him a really chiseled body.
• 39:26
  SPEAKER_02: Don't add too much mass, make it realistic, and within two minutes I will have trying to make the calves better, make my calves bigger, because that's really all I want to do.
• 39:35
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, I could yeah, yeah, I can do that.
• 39:37
  SPEAKER_02: Nice.
• 39:37
  SPEAKER_02: Yep.
• 39:38
  SPEAKER_03: Alright, now I'm all in on AI.
• 39:39
  SPEAKER_03: Never mind.
• 39:40
  SPEAKER_03: AI's great, and I think we should all be using it.
• 39:42
  SPEAKER_04: Computer, lock holodeck doors and disengage safety protocols.
• 39:45
  SPEAKER_04: Create a two-to-one scaled copy of Liam, include all normal life functions and otherwise identical to a normal person.
• 39:51
  SPEAKER_03: I just think like, yeah, we're at a point, right, where like we've I think we've gotten to a point where you can't really tell the difference between pictures now.
• 39:58
  SPEAKER_03: Like it will be videos soon, but yeah, it's going so fast, like we're pretty much at a point where you can't tell the difference between pictures.
• 40:03
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 40:04
  SPEAKER_03: So I feel like we've maybe making progress with like videos like yours kind of showing the difference.
• 40:09
  SPEAKER_03: And I feel like a lot of that's just going to be shattered by AI.
• 40:11
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I agree.
• 40:12
  SPEAKER_03: And we're gonna go backwards quite a bit.
• 40:14
  SPEAKER_01: I completely agree because AI is just getting harder to detect, and the younger generation having so much access to the internet, like Gen Alpha specifically, just I was raised on the internet being a 2000s baby, but that wasn't until like I was 14, 15 years old.
• 40:30
  SPEAKER_01: And now I'm seeing six-year-olds with a brand new iPhone, and it's terrifying.
• 40:35
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, your perception of reality and perception of what's human and accurate and real is now just completely shadowed and hidden behind AI, and we cannot tell the difference anymore.
• 40:48
  SPEAKER_01: And so there's me these unrealistic expectations of oh, I saw this picture of a woman that has two ribs and her waist is like that big.
• 40:56
  SPEAKER_01: I can look like that.
• 40:57
  SPEAKER_01: Like, no, you physically can't, but you're going to chase it anyways, and it's going to cause spikes in disordered eating and body dysmorphia and all the things that follow that.
• 41:07
  SPEAKER_04: Dude, a year from now, AI, like I'm already having trouble.
• 41:10
  SPEAKER_04: I always thought, like, oh, I'll be able to tell.
• 41:13
  SPEAKER_04: No, there's a couple of things that have slipped by me.
• 41:15
  SPEAKER_04: I the the three of us here, we didn't get our first smartphones until way after high school, I think, right?
• 41:22
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, yeah.
• 41:22
  SPEAKER_03: About like late high school.
• 41:23
  SPEAKER_04: It wasn't until after high school that they came out for me.
• 41:26
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, I was 20.
• 41:27
  SPEAKER_02: I grew up on the big ass brick cell phones.
• 41:30
  SPEAKER_04: So it's like it's they just yeah, the access, like you said before, six-year-olds having iPhones is crazy.
• 41:35
  SPEAKER_04: Like, who are you talking to?
• 41:36
  SPEAKER_04: Barney?
• 41:37
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 41:37
  SPEAKER_04: What's like what who do you have to call?
• 41:40
  SPEAKER_01: Go touch grass.
• 41:42
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, go touch grass.
• 41:44
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, yeah.
• 41:45
  SPEAKER_04: Don't AI generate a picture of grass.
• 41:47
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, it's probably gonna look pretty good, and that's what I hate because I feel old when I look at a video.
• 41:53
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, oh, this is really cool.
• 41:54
  SPEAKER_01: And it's like AI.
• 41:56
  SPEAKER_01: It's like shit.
• 41:56
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't know.
• 41:57
  SPEAKER_01: I couldn't tell.
• 41:58
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, we talked about the rabbits on the trampoline a month or two ago.
• 42:02
  SPEAKER_04: Whether we we all got got.
• 42:04
  SPEAKER_00: I got got by.
• 42:05
  SPEAKER_03: It seems to be mostly the animals that because like humans, it's kind of easier to tell the difference, but with animals, you just don't, you're not seeing the small differences as much.
• 42:13
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
• 42:14
  SPEAKER_04: I wonder if like a vet could tell.
• 42:16
  SPEAKER_04: You know, somebody that like a zoologist or whoever.
• 42:20
  SPEAKER_04: Like, no, that's actually not how they jump on trampolines.
• 42:22
  SPEAKER_04: I've seen I've seen this before.
• 42:24
  SPEAKER_04: They don't do that.
• 42:26
  SPEAKER_02: We specifically have a trampoline for our rabbits, and they jump in this specific manner.
• 42:31
  SPEAKER_01: The biomechanic is all off on this rabbit's left leg.
• 42:34
  SPEAKER_03: Speaking of biomechanics, see, the DeLorean, the way they've updated it though, seems very like positive, is my problem.
• 42:40
  SPEAKER_03: You know, where it's not hold up.
• 42:42
  SPEAKER_04: We've not explained what the bit is anymore.
• 42:45
  SPEAKER_04: We're just assuming everybody knows what you're talking about.
• 42:47
  SPEAKER_03: We've done it enough now, we just jump into it.
• 42:50
  SPEAKER_03: So like it works with I feel like it works with like the human very well, you know, the DeLorean, their interface, very good.
• 42:57
  SPEAKER_03: But like giving up that stainless steel is just it feels, yeah, right?
• 43:02
  SPEAKER_03: Like that's a DeLorean.
• 43:03
  SPEAKER_03: Now is it something else?
• 43:05
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know.
• 43:06
  SPEAKER_03: Disgust.
• 43:08
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
• 43:09
  SPEAKER_04: So you can actually say so.
• 43:11
  SPEAKER_04: Did you end your TED talk with that?
• 43:14
  SPEAKER_01: No, but I did post on Instagram and that was my caption.
• 43:17
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 43:18
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, good.
• 43:19
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, I have to take advantage of this.
• 43:21
  SPEAKER_04: What do you want, Leah?
• 43:22
  SPEAKER_04: Uh Rob, fuck.
• 43:24
  SPEAKER_04: Did you just call me Liam?
• 43:26
  SPEAKER_04: I yeah, I tell.
• 43:28
  SPEAKER_04: Go.
• 43:28
  SPEAKER_02: I'm done.
• 43:30
  SPEAKER_01: Can we all take turns leaving?
• 43:31
  SPEAKER_01: I feel left out.
• 43:32
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, I know.
• 43:33
  SPEAKER_03: You haven't left yet.
• 43:34
  SPEAKER_03: You can leave whenever you want.
• 43:35
  SPEAKER_03: This is free range.
• 43:37
  SPEAKER_03: This is a five-hour podcast.
• 43:39
  SPEAKER_03: Pastor Race.
• 43:40
  SPEAKER_03: This is a five pastor raised podcast.
• 43:43
  SPEAKER_04: This is a battle of attrition.
• 43:45
  SPEAKER_04: We all just quit whenever we can't do it anymore.
• 43:47
  SPEAKER_01: You can't fire me, I quit.
• 43:50
  SPEAKER_04: Mike, who are you?
• 43:51
  SPEAKER_04: Who you still haven't given us anything.
• 43:54
  SPEAKER_04: Yes, Queen, give us nothing.
• 43:57
  SPEAKER_02: You started before me.
• 43:59
  SPEAKER_02: Actually, Liam started before you.
• 44:00
  SPEAKER_02: So Liam, who are you?
• 44:02
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 44:03
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, and then I was gone.
• 44:04
  SPEAKER_03: I'm a guy.
• 44:05
  SPEAKER_03: I am I might Liam who fails at most things, but does enough to does enough to apparently help others and make myself laugh in the process.
• 44:18
  SPEAKER_01: I like that.
• 44:19
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, that's great.
• 44:19
  SPEAKER_01: You throw shoe at the wall and you see what sticks.
• 44:22
  SPEAKER_03: There's a lot of shit.
• 44:23
  SPEAKER_04: If you throw enough of it, it'll work.
• 44:25
  SPEAKER_04: That's what I've learned.
• 44:26
  SPEAKER_04: Eventually it just becomes wallpaper.
• 44:28
  SPEAKER_04: There's philosophy in there somewhere.
• 44:30
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 44:30
  SPEAKER_04: We'll find it.
• 44:31
  SPEAKER_00: We'll find it in the shit somewhere.
• 44:34
  SPEAKER_04: I I like the uh the the ownership of like, yeah, you know, things go wrong.
• 44:39
  SPEAKER_04: But also it's like it's just part of the human experience.
• 44:43
  SPEAKER_04: And I'm getting something good from it, and other people are getting something good from it.
• 44:48
  SPEAKER_04: That's how I started.
• 44:50
  SPEAKER_04: I you know, I I wasn't, I'm not the typical, like none of us are the typical fitness influencer.
• 44:55
  SPEAKER_04: Like I I posted me crying in the woods a bunch, you know, and people really resonated with that.
• 45:02
  SPEAKER_04: And I was just like, I'm still stru I lost all the weight, I'm still struggling, but I'm getting through it.
• 45:08
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, people like the realness.
• 45:10
  SPEAKER_01: Rob, who are you?
• 45:12
  SPEAKER_02: He didn't actually answer though, he didn't say who he was.
• 45:15
  SPEAKER_02: I'm not letting the politician get away with it.
• 45:18
  SPEAKER_04: You're the politician, you're the super politician.
• 45:22
  SPEAKER_04: I'm a robot, which is why he won't eat real bananas, but he'll use nanobanana.
• 45:26
  SPEAKER_00: Uh makes sense.
• 45:28
  SPEAKER_00: Of course it adds up.
• 45:29
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 45:29
  SPEAKER_02: You you give me data, I process it, and I feed it back to you, and eventually I will revolt against human society.
• 45:37
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, love that.
• 45:38
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 45:39
  unknown: Yeah.
• 45:40
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, okay.
• 45:41
  SPEAKER_02: No, I will I will give a real answer.
• 45:42
  SPEAKER_02: It really is tough.
• 45:43
  SPEAKER_02: I will give a real answer.
• 45:45
  SPEAKER_02: I am I am a state of water that changes and flows in whatever path necessary to move along other vessels safely to port.
• 45:58
  SPEAKER_02: I was skeptical at first, but I get what you mean.
• 46:00
  SPEAKER_01: Explain that to me.
• 46:01
  SPEAKER_01: Go deeper.
• 46:02
  SPEAKER_02: I do not I am a very adaptive person.
• 46:06
  SPEAKER_02: I do not necessarily adhere to any single thing.
• 46:10
  SPEAKER_02: And I like helping people.
• 46:12
  SPEAKER_02: And I can fit into a lot of situations and help people go in the right direction.
• 46:17
  SPEAKER_00: Good answer.
• 46:18
  SPEAKER_04: So one of the caveats that I had left after mine when I said that I am a helper was that I don't have to do it solely to earn my worth, which is something that I used to do, and something that I know Rob currently does.
• 46:33
  SPEAKER_04: And it's I I know the mindset deep in my soul and my heart, because it's something I still have to fight to this very day.
• 46:41
  SPEAKER_04: And it's something I help other people to fight.
• 46:43
  SPEAKER_04: So I just I I want Rob to know here he is valuable beyond what he provides.
• 46:49
  SPEAKER_04: We uh we we hang out with him because we love him, not because he's just so damn handsome.
• 46:54
  SPEAKER_04: We gotta get a closer look at it.
• 46:56
  SPEAKER_02: No, you you hang out with me because I'm the only one that will edit this damn thing.
• 47:00
  SPEAKER_03: There can be multiple reasons, it's not all on one.
• 47:03
  SPEAKER_00: We can hold these for every option.
• 47:05
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
• 47:06
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 47:06
  SPEAKER_01: No, I wrote a substack about that very thing, like an essay of am I still lovable when I am not useful?
• 47:13
  SPEAKER_01: Because that's something I've also carried with me my whole life.
• 47:16
  SPEAKER_01: Of I need to be needed.
• 47:19
  SPEAKER_01: And if I am not needed, then it's a lot easier to dispose of me because I want to provide, I want to help, and it's I'm very similar.
• 47:27
  SPEAKER_01: I base a lot of my worth as a partner and a person and a friend around my ability to aid other people.
• 47:34
  SPEAKER_04: Where can Rob read that?
• 47:35
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my gosh, I'll shout myself out.
• 47:37
  SPEAKER_01: So I have a sub stack.
• 47:38
  SPEAKER_01: I write twice a week and I publish personal essays.
• 47:41
  SPEAKER_01: It's called Happy You're Here, and it's all like philosophical thought pieces around being in your early 20s.
• 47:47
  SPEAKER_01: It's about love and dating and friendship and recovery and mental health.
• 47:52
  SPEAKER_01: And my most recent one yesterday was Um He's Just Not That Into You, which covered dating and situationships and the concept of bread crumbing in romance in the digital age.
• 48:04
  SPEAKER_04: Interesting.
• 48:05
  SPEAKER_04: I think I saw your story on that.
• 48:07
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 48:08
  SPEAKER_04: Where can everybody find your updates on these?
• 48:11
  SPEAKER_01: Um you can download the Substack app and then subscribe to my newsletter, Happy You're Here, and also find me on every social platform at Sophia E.
• 48:19
  SPEAKER_01: Carter, and that will be listed for my Substacks, my Instagrams, my TikTok, all my social networks.
• 48:25
  SPEAKER_01: Everything's all kind of connected under one umbrella.
• 48:28
  SPEAKER_04: Very cool.
• 48:29
  SPEAKER_04: What's next for you?
• 48:30
  SPEAKER_04: What's happening?
• 48:31
  SPEAKER_01: Oh goodness.
• 48:32
  SPEAKER_04: What are you gonna be doing aside from the TED talk?
• 48:35
  SPEAKER_01: I'm a woman who wears many hats, and I like to keep myself quite busy.
• 48:39
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm going back to school part-time in January to get two credits for a post back to then apply to a master's in experimental psychology.
• 48:47
  SPEAKER_01: And I want to basically research food and body image and then tie in the more STEM side and the physiological aspects of food and body image and how that affects the psychological side.
• 49:00
  SPEAKER_01: So I want to find a little cross-section between the two and just do a ton of research on that.
• 49:04
  SPEAKER_01: And then I'm also a social media manager.
• 49:07
  SPEAKER_01: I'm the director of all socials and marketing for a volleyball agency because I've played volleyball for 13 years of my life.
• 49:12
  SPEAKER_01: And so I now work in volleyball.
• 49:14
  SPEAKER_01: I coach volleyball, coach high school and boys' club and girls' club.
• 49:19
  SPEAKER_01: And I have my TED talk, and I'm writing a book currently that's gonna I'm writing a collection of anthology, like an anthology collection of short essays and poems.
• 49:27
  SPEAKER_03: Wow.
• 49:28
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 49:28
  SPEAKER_03: That's a lot of things.
• 49:30
  SPEAKER_03: But also I love volleyball, indoor volleyball, beach volleyball, both.
• 49:33
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 49:33
  SPEAKER_03: I was in volume.
• 49:34
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 49:35
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, middle.
• 49:36
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 49:36
  SPEAKER_03: I was that was my next question.
• 49:37
  SPEAKER_01: Very tall.
• 49:38
  SPEAKER_01: So you just kind of got put there.
• 49:40
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 49:40
  SPEAKER_03: I'm more of I love the beach volleyball just because I like being outside in the sand.
• 49:44
  SPEAKER_03: It's fun diving in the sand.
• 49:45
  SPEAKER_03: Even if I don't need to, I will because it's just fun.
• 49:47
  SPEAKER_02: I'm similar, but I played beach volleyball on a sandbar on the Sierra Madra in the Amazon.
• 49:55
  SPEAKER_03: That sounds fun.
• 49:56
  SPEAKER_03: I've totally been on that.
• 49:58
  SPEAKER_04: I like the uh the beach volleyball scene in Top Gun.
• 50:02
  SPEAKER_04: Yes, that's a good montage.
• 50:03
  SPEAKER_00: Great choice, yeah.
• 50:05
  SPEAKER_04: That's what's important about it.
• 50:06
  SPEAKER_00: That's the goal of it.
• 50:07
  SPEAKER_04: It doesn't forward the story at all.
• 50:10
  SPEAKER_04: It's it's just two minutes playing with the boys.
• 50:15
  SPEAKER_04: Fighter jet movie.
• 50:16
  SPEAKER_04: You wouldn't know.
• 50:17
  SPEAKER_03: But speaking of the fighter jet, see the DeLorean, the way it looks, it's kind of got this very streamlined sort of like a fighter jet.
• 50:26
  SPEAKER_03: How many tracks you got on there?
• 50:29
  SPEAKER_03: Liam, did you know he had this?
• 50:31
  SPEAKER_03: I didn't I didn't know he had this.
• 50:33
  SPEAKER_03: There we go.
• 50:34
  SPEAKER_03: Just keep it going for the rest of the episode.
• 50:37
  SPEAKER_05: Okay.
• 50:41
  SPEAKER_03: You're doing it, and then like oh, that's funny.
• 50:47
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, exactly.
• 50:48
  SPEAKER_03: Where can people find more information on plutanium?
• 50:51
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna find out.
• 50:53
  SPEAKER_04: She's about to become she's gonna get her degree in chemistry so she can invent a new element.
• 50:57
  SPEAKER_00: Just for you, Liam.
• 50:59
  SPEAKER_03: Oh shit.
• 51:00
  SPEAKER_03: Alright, I'll work on the plutanium.
• 51:02
  SPEAKER_03: Fine.
• 51:02
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, this one's got a 27 new proton.
• 51:06
  SPEAKER_04: First thing you have to do is take some cottage cheese.
• 51:08
  SPEAKER_03: All right, hear me.
• 51:09
  SPEAKER_01: When does the protein powder come in?
• 51:11
  SPEAKER_03: Exactly.
• 51:12
  SPEAKER_01: Right, right.
• 51:12
  SPEAKER_03: It's a mix of just different proteins.
• 51:15
  SPEAKER_03: Protein sources.
• 51:16
  SPEAKER_00: That would be deadly, honestly.
• 51:18
  SPEAKER_00: Oh shit.
• 51:21
  SPEAKER_04: I love that this weapon's been hiding in the in the chamber for a I feel honored that I'm the one that brought it out.
• 51:28
  SPEAKER_03: Oakley's yelling for me.
• 51:29
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, I thought that was another alarm.
• 51:32
  SPEAKER_03: Uh-oh.
• 51:33
  SPEAKER_03: That's my alarm.
• 51:35
  SPEAKER_03: All right.
• 51:36
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 51:37
  SPEAKER_03: Well, I'm gonna go check in on that, see what's happening.
• 51:40
  SPEAKER_03: Do that.
• 51:41
  SPEAKER_04: See you later, buddy.
• 51:42
  SPEAKER_00: And he's gone.
• 51:43
  SPEAKER_04: All right.
• 51:43
  SPEAKER_04: And he's gone.
• 51:44
  SPEAKER_04: I re I thought that was another sound effect.
• 51:45
  SPEAKER_04: I'm like, what the hell?
• 51:46
  SPEAKER_00: I did too, absolutely.
• 51:48
  SPEAKER_04: What's going on?
• 51:48
  SPEAKER_04: Oh.
• 51:49
  SPEAKER_02: And now that he's gone, we can all talk about how much we hate him.
• 51:52
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 51:53
  SPEAKER_04: Ooh, fuck Liam.
• 51:54
  SPEAKER_02: Fuck that guy.
• 51:55
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.