Latest / Inner Work With MaryAnn Walker: Life Coach for People Pleasers / 130: Prioritizing What Matters Most: Strategies for Simplifying Your Life

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130: Prioritizing What Matters Most: Strategies for Simplifying Your Life · Inner Work With MaryAnn Walker: Life Coach for People Pleasers

• 0:20
  Well, hello and welcome back.
• 0:22
  My name is MaryAnn Walker and I'm the life coach for empaths and highly sensitive people.
• 0:27
  And before we jump into today's episode, I just wanted to give you a bit of a life update.
• 0:32
  My family is currently in the process of moving.
• 0:36
  We've been living in a townhome for the last year or so.
• 0:39
  And now we finally have a home that we're moving into and I'm really excited about that.
• 0:44
  We decided to just stay in a town home for a while.
• 0:46
  So we could really take our time.
• 0:48
  Looking for a home that would work for us because there were some very specific things that we've been looking for.
• 0:53
  We wanted something that would work for our adult children as they attend college.
• 0:57
  We're looking for something that would allow both me and my husband to work from home where both of us could have closed doors.
• 1:03
  I right now have the closed door office.
• 1:04
  My husband has been working in the basement in the family room and that works fine for what he does, except for when the cat is bored.
• 1:14
  when the cat is bored.
• 1:15
  the cat jumps up on his keyboard or wants to sit on his lap and it can be very distracting.
• 1:20
  So my husband is very much looking forward to having a space where he can actually close the door and this home is going to be providing that for us.
• 1:28
  And I'm so excited about, so I'll tell you a bit about the home and just a little minute.
• 1:32
  But for right now, I just want you to know moving forward that I do plan to continue to put out content as we move.
• 1:38
  I know I did this before about a year ago, and I know I can do it again.
• 1:42
  So you will continue to hear from me every week, but I will be planning ahead.
• 1:46
  This episode is actually being recorded the second week of September.
• 1:49
  And it will be rolling out sometime in October.
• 1:51
  So my goal is when I find these little pockets to create some content so that I can continue to show up consistently for you and also to get ahead so that I can continue to show up for my clients and not have to worry about the podcast.
• 2:03
  So I'm just letting you know that moving forward, you can expect to hear from me every week.
• 2:08
  And also the really optimistic me of September is hoping that we will be moved in all the way by the end of October, but we'll kind of see what happens there.
• 2:16
  Okay, so a little bit about the home that we're going to be moving into.
• 2:20
  Yes, it will have a closed door office for both me and my husband.
• 2:24
  And the home that we're moving into, it was recently owned by a relative who is recently deceased and they had both OCD and we're also a hoarder.
• 2:35
  So there's a lot of work that needs to go in to this home.
• 2:39
  And a lot of things that need to be done, we've really been able to accomplish quite a bit.
• 2:43
  And we've made honestly way more progress than I thought that we were going to in such a short amount of time.
• 2:48
  But I do believe that ultimately, this is going to be a great space for our family and I am super excited about it.
• 2:54
  So I figured today as I let you know what it is that my family is going through, that I would also let you know some things that I have learned.
• 3:01
  And some things I've been reflecting on as we have been cleaning out this home.
• 3:06
  The first thing I want to talk about is the idea that when everything is important, then nothing is important.
• 3:12
  Now I will be honest with you that I do actually feel kind of blessed that she had OCD.
• 3:17
  As well as the hoarding, right?
• 3:18
  Because without the OCD, things would be a bit more messy.
• 3:22
  I'm sure.
• 3:23
  But it's been really interesting going through those things.
• 3:25
  So as part of the OCD hoarding, As I was working in the kitchen, I found a Ziploc bag filled with meticulously washed styrofoam cups that were just purchased through a drive through these ones were from Jamba juice.
• 3:36
  If you're in the Utah area, you're familiar with Jamba juice, it's a smoothie shop.
• 3:40
  And so I found these used styrofoam cups that had been washed and then put in a Ziploc baggie.
• 3:46
  And in that same kitchen, I found an absolutely beautiful China set that was also meticulously bagged up with paper towels and keeping everything nice and pristine.
• 3:55
  Now, because these were both treated exactly the same, if I were an alien from another planet and I came and I looked at these two things, I would have no idea which one was the most valuable.
• 4:06
  They were all treated the same, but I knew that one bag was actually trash and that the other bag was actually a treasure.
• 4:14
  And it had me thinking about how is it the, I prioritize my life.
• 4:18
  And am I treating the things that are actually valuable to me as valuable.
• 4:23
  Sometimes, especially if we're a people pleaser, we have those people pleasing tendencies.
• 4:26
  We tend to devalue a lot of the things that we truly do value because we think by doing something different.
• 4:33
  Or by prioritizing somebody else's values, the somehow that will increase our value.
• 4:39
  So I encourage you today to just ask yourself, am I treating the things that I actually value as valuable?
• 4:45
  And how am I treating the things that are valuable to me, different from the things of lesser value.
• 4:53
  Okay.
• 4:53
  The second thing I wanted to talk with you about is the idea that a cluttered space really does create a cluttered mind.
• 5:00
  It is mostly been me and my mom going through the house.
• 5:02
  I have had friends volunteer as has my mom, and I've kind of told all of them.
• 5:05
  Just give us a little minute.
• 5:07
  Because I value my friends, health and wellness, and I want to make sure that we get some of the dust out of there before we invite them into the home to keep them safe.
• 5:15
  But it is interesting as people have come by to help out how all of us tend to hit a point where it's like, okay, I don't know what's happening next because there's so many things around us.
• 5:25
  So whether it's my sister coming for the weekend or my sister-in-law coming to help out.
• 5:29
  All of us have kind of hit that point where it's like, okay, I don't remember where I'm going.
• 5:33
  I don't remember where this belongs.
• 5:35
  I don't know if this is a value or not.
• 5:37
  We all essentially hit that point of that decision making fatigue.
• 5:40
  And I have actually really appreciated having some fresh blood come in every now and then, because I appreciate having somebody make those decisions for me once I've reached my limit.
• 5:50
  And I think that this is really true for a lot of caregivers.
• 5:53
  A lot of my audience are caregivers, and this might be that they're caring for an older family member, or maybe they're in the service industry.
• 6:00
  And there may be working as a nurse or caregiver in that way.
• 6:03
  Or maybe it's just that they find themselves in situations with their circle of friends or family members that they find that they are caring for them.
• 6:11
  And that compassion fatigue can also lead to decision-making fatigue.
• 6:15
  Where we become so overwhelmed by making decisions for, and on behalf of others that we lose our sense of self.
• 6:22
  So just know that if you are experiencing that overwhelmed, just kind of check in with self and notice if you're also experiencing compassion, fatigue.
• 6:30
  And if you're also experiencing that decision-making fatigue.
• 6:33
  We kind of have a limited amount when it comes to how many decisions can be made in a day, whether it's for ourselves or for others.
• 6:40
  And oftentimes we tend to stay in indecision because we are so overwhelmed, but that's not going to get done what we would like to accomplish.
• 6:47
  So have some, self-compassion give yourself a break and recognize that.
• 6:51
  Okay.
• 6:52
  Right now I'm experiencing overwhelm compassion fatigue, decision-making fatigue.
• 6:56
  Now is the time for me to step out and do some self care so that I can come back in feeling more refreshed and able to accomplish what it is that I'm setting out to do.
• 7:05
  So when you're cleaning out the home of somebody who has OCD and is also a hoarder, there are a lot of decisions to be made.
• 7:12
  So as we're going through the home every now and then one of us would find a little perfectly wrapped bundle.
• 7:17
  So it would be tissue wrapped with twine and we'd sit there for just a minute and think, okay.
• 7:22
  Do I want to open this package and we started to kind of turn it into a game to say what's going to be inside because we just never knew.
• 7:30
  We never knew if when we opened that little bundle, if we were going to find a beautiful pair of earrings, Or maybe a really expensive figurine or maybe we were going to find a half eaten cookie that had been perfectly wrapped in preserved.
• 7:44
  We just never knew.
• 7:46
  And because again, everything was treated the exact same it made it really hard for us to know where it was that we needed to look for the things that actually had value.
• 7:56
  Now as I talk about this home, I also really want you to think about your mind.
• 7:59
  This is also a metaphor for your mind when you are living in a cluttered space or when your mind has become cluttered with countless thoughts, it's really easy to become.
• 8:10
  overwhelmed.
• 8:11
  And so when you're in that situation, just focusing on, okay, well, what is the one next thing I need to focus on can be really helpful as can taking a break when you need it.
• 8:21
  Everything feels significantly less overwhelming when you're able to just take a break and go and breathe some fresh air for a minute and come back with a fresh mind and fresh energy.
• 8:29
  It can make all the difference.
• 8:32
  The third thing I want to talk to you about is deal with it now, do not save it until later.
• 8:38
  I am realizing going through this house.
• 8:39
  That for me, I want to actually have less stuff as I get older.
• 8:43
  Rather than more stuff, just so that my kids don't have to worry about it.
• 8:46
  So I want you to think for a moment about what is it that you are holding onto?
• 8:51
  And this might be something physical that you're holding on to.
• 8:53
  That's just adding clutter to your space, or it might be something in your mind.
• 8:58
  A thought or a belief or an unhealed experience.
• 9:01
  That is actually cluttering up your mind and your energy.
• 9:05
  So ask yourself, what is it that I am holding onto?
• 9:08
  And how can I release that to make space for something that is more supportive?
• 9:13
  So be really intentional about what it is that you want to leave behind for others.
• 9:19
  We think that by kicking these things down the road, that we don't have to deal with them.
• 9:24
  That's the human tendency is saying, well, I don't want to think about it.
• 9:26
  It makes me uncomfortable.
• 9:28
  So I'm not going to deal with it.
• 9:30
  In fact, there was one bedroom at the house that I could tell both me and my mom were like, I don't know.
• 9:34
  We just don't want to work on that bedroom yet.
• 9:35
  It has so much paperwork.
• 9:38
  We do not want to go through the paperwork and we really kind of put it off.
• 9:41
  And then of course my sister came over and helped out and we, we absolutely got that bedroom done, but I want you to really notice if there's things that you're kicking down the road and thinking, I don't need to worry about that right now, because ultimately it needs to be dealt with.
• 9:55
  Whether it's things in the house or unhealed trauma.
• 9:59
  Notice what it is that you're choosing to leave behind and ask yourself, what am I leaving behind expecting others to deal with later?
• 10:06
  Because it will have to be dealt with, so be proactive about cleaning up your mind and cleaning up your space and be a little bit more obvious in how you live your life, about what it is that you value.
• 10:19
  And that is my fourth tip is working towards living a value centered life.
• 10:23
  And sometimes we think we're living according of our values, but if you have so many things around you, that everything is valuable, then nothing is valuable, right?
• 10:31
  It's the same idea here.
• 10:32
  So I want you to really focus on your values.
• 10:35
  What do you actually value?
• 10:37
  See if you can come up with the top five things that you actually value.
• 10:43
  I recently spent almost an entire call working with the client to help them to identify what it is that they actually value because for this client, then yes, they had things that they valued, but they never identified that that was their value system.
• 10:57
  All that they really knew and gave credit to were the things that other people value.
• 11:02
  So that's can be a little bit disorienting when our value system is different from somebody else's value system.
• 11:07
  Where are your default settings?
• 11:08
  Do you default to valuing what they value or do you hold firm in what it is that you value for you?
• 11:15
  So I really do encourage you to make an actual list of what it is that you value.
• 11:20
  I'm going to offer up a list here.
• 11:22
  These are things that either come from my life or from the lives of my client.
• 11:25
  So these can give you some ideas, but there are countless things that you can value.
• 11:29
  So just notice if this sparks something in you, if it helps you to realize, oh, I don't value that, then ask yourself, then what do I value?
• 11:36
  look at the opposite thing.
• 11:37
  Maybe you do value something that is the opposite of something here on this list.
• 11:41
  But see if you can identify your top five values and that can absolutely shift how it is that you're living your life and also helps with the decision-making fatigue.
• 11:49
  If you value styrofoam cups, treat those styrofoam cups as valuable.
• 11:54
  If you value your China more and you know that that's higher on the list, treat your China differently than you were treating the styrofoam cups.
• 12:03
  So as I list these off, see if these are values for you and then ask yourself if you are living according to these values.
• 12:09
  Okay.
• 12:10
  All right, here we go.
• 12:11
  Safety.
• 12:13
  Security.
• 12:14
  Fun.
• 12:15
  Connection.
• 12:17
  Simplicity.
• 12:19
  Possibility.
• 12:20
  Kindness forgiveness.
• 12:24
  Healing.
• 12:25
  Growth.
• 12:27
  Health and wellness.
• 12:28
  Creativity.
• 12:30
  Spontaneity.
• 12:32
  Consistency.
• 12:34
  Self-improvement.
• 12:36
  Honesty.
• 12:38
  Clear communication.
• 12:40
  Memory making.
• 12:42
  Frugality.
• 12:43
  Abundance.
• 12:45
  Adventure.
• 12:46
  Mobility.
• 12:48
  Self-reliance.
• 12:49
  Helping others.
• 12:51
  Boundaries.
• 12:52
  Respect.
• 12:54
  Achievement.
• 12:56
  Opportunity.
• 12:57
  love now, as I said, there are countless things to value.
• 13:01
  So maybe you thought of other things that you value that are not on that list.
• 13:05
  But really think about today.
• 13:06
  What is it that you value and are you living according to your values?
• 13:10
  In my practice I've noticed that a lot of people live according to other people's values.
• 13:15
  And sure there might be seasons where you want to be mindful about that, and you do want to prioritize what it is that's important to somebody else.
• 13:22
  But also notice if it's creating some self judgment for you or resentment for you, then just notice that so that you can course correct.
• 13:31
  I have noticed that for me, then I've always felt a little bit judged that I'm kind of a little bit flighty at times.
• 13:37
  I do have this really fun energy and I do have a lot of movement and creativity.
• 13:43
  And now I really love that about myself.
• 13:45
  However, that is something that has been judged in certain relationships.
• 13:49
  And so it's easy when somebody values something different than who you are.
• 13:53
  It's really easy to take that on and think that you should change, but really it's okay for you to just have two different value systems.
• 14:00
  So if I really am somebody that values fun and movement and creativity, and I'm in a relationship with somebody that values stillness, solemnity and checking the boxes, then we might be experiencing a bit of conflict in relationship.
• 14:13
  And that's not because either of us are wrong in what it is that we value, but it's simply that we value different things things.
• 14:19
  And coming to accept that we value different things.
• 14:22
  That's, what's going to help to create that piece.
• 14:24
  Where we can appreciate that.
• 14:25
  Yes.
• 14:25
  I can understand why you value that.
• 14:28
  I also value that, but it's a bit lower on my list and my top values are this.
• 14:32
  It can really help again with that decision-making.
• 14:34
  So ask yourself if you are living according to your values.
• 14:38
  So if you value cleanliness, but your home is really cluttered, just notice that and then take steps towards living more in alignment with your value system.
• 14:48
  If you value honesty.
• 14:50
  But you find that you're remaining silent so that you don't rock the boat.
• 14:54
  Take note of that, that is a sign that you are out of alignment with your values.
• 14:59
  And it is possible to speak your truth in a way that actually ultimately creates peace.
• 15:04
  Sometimes we hold ourselves back and we're living out of our own integrity and out of alignment with ourselves.
• 15:09
  Because we're so fearful about what might happen if we stepped into that.
• 15:13
  But I want you to know sometimes yeah.
• 15:14
  Speaking up is the only way to actually create that needed change.
• 15:19
  If you value health and fitness, but you don't work out and you only eat takeout, then just take notice of that and ask yourself what small changes could I make that would allow me to be more in alignment with myself and with the things that I actually truly value.
• 15:36
  So in summary, my message for you today is to really put some thought and intention into what it is that you truly value.
• 15:42
  And then ask yourself if you're living in accordance with those values.
• 15:46
  Ask yourself, am I cluttered in my mind or in my space?
• 15:51
  And what could I do to clean things up a little bit?
• 15:54
  We talk a lot as a culture about spring cleaning, but what might happen if you were intentional about every month?
• 16:00
  Deciding who do I want to be this month?
• 16:02
  How do I want to Uplevel my life?
• 16:04
  What value do I want to focus on for this month or for this season asking yourself, who do I want to be this fall?
• 16:11
  Who do I want to be this winter?
• 16:14
  Who do I want to be come spring and actually take steps towards those things can help you to live more in alignment with your own values.
• 16:23
  It will help you to see better what it is that is needed in order to ultimately become that value focused person.
• 16:30
  So again, if you would like some help and support working to live more in alignment with your value system, come and work with me.
• 16:37
  My clientele is growing quickly.
• 16:39
  And so if you are ready to get started, let me know as soon as possible so I can get you on my list.
• 16:45
  Space is limited, but I would love to work with you.
• 16:48
  Also another bit of fun news.
• 16:50
  I share this on Instagram, but I thought I really should share this on the podcast.
• 16:53
  But I went to look up my podcast and I discovered something super cool.
• 16:58
  I saw on there.
• 17:00
  I am ranked 106 on apple podcasts for education, which is honestly kind of blowing my mind.
• 17:07
  I've been working on this podcast for two years now, and that feels so amazing to be ranked 106.
• 17:13
  And I would absolutely love to be in the top 100 by the end of the year.
• 17:19
  So if, as you're listening, if you notice an episode that really resonates with you and makes you think, oh, you know what so-and-so would probably really appreciate this episode.
• 17:27
  I would really appreciate your sharing.
• 17:29
  It would be so much fun to just build this community.
• 17:32
  I absolutely love what it is that we have here.
• 17:34
  And I would love for your friends to be here too.
• 17:37
  So, thank you so much for being a part of this community.
• 17:39
  And I am just so very grateful for each and every one of you.
• 17:43
  All right.
• 17:43
  I hope you have a great week and let's talk soon.
• 17:45
  Bye now.