Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / Narcissists and Addiction | From the Perspective of a Diagnosed Narcissist

Transcript

Narcissists and Addiction | From the Perspective of a Diagnosed Narcissist · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  What is going on beautiful people?
• 0:02
  Welcome to another episode of the Narcissist Code.
• 0:04
  I'm your favorite selfaware narcissist, Mr. Lee Hammock
• 0:08
  better known as mental illness across all social media
• 0:10
  platforms. This the first time I see my
• 0:12
  face or hear my lovely voice. I'm a clinically diagnosed
• 0:16
  narcissist and I use my platform on social media to raise
• 0:18
  awareness for NPD, get more people to therapy like myself
• 0:21
  and also validate the victim, survivors and thrivers of said
• 0:24
  disorder, said toxic people. Said toxic traits.
• 0:27
  Today's episode is going to be talking about narcissism and
• 0:30
  addiction, narcissistic people and being addicted to certain
• 0:35
  things, narcissism and the addictive personalities and all
• 0:40
  that other good stuff and what not Bad stuff, bad stuff, bad
• 0:42
  stuff. So yeah, before we happen
• 0:46
  today's episode, y'all make sure if you haven't already joined
• 0:48
  the e-mail, the e-mail list newsletter.
• 0:51
  What? Not because I have a lot of
• 0:53
  great things coming out in person.
• 0:54
  Meetups, online workshops, online courses.
• 0:57
  I have a lot of stuff coming up here pretty soon.
• 0:59
  Y'all so you don't want to miss out on that link in the
• 1:01
  description. Every video and podcast that I
• 1:03
  do. So that's all the way.
• 1:05
  And also y'all tonight, my episode of the next episode of
• 1:08
  Waving the Red Flag is coming out live show 9:00 PM Eastern
• 1:12
  Standard Time on YouTube and Facebook.
• 1:14
  But yeah, so narcissist and addiction, do all narcissist
• 1:19
  have addiction problems? No.
• 1:20
  Y'all. No.
• 1:21
  No, No, no, no. I know.
• 1:23
  I really don't believe that all narcissists have addiction.
• 1:26
  I just. I just don't believe that.
• 1:27
  Do a lot of narcissists do? Yeah, absolutely.
• 1:29
  So because me, so I don't have addict.
• 1:32
  I don't, I'm not addicted to drugs or alcohol or anything
• 1:35
  like that. But I do have an addictive
• 1:38
  personality. You know, I do have an addictive
• 1:41
  personality. And I think the addictive
• 1:43
  personality that a lot of narcissists have plays a role in
• 1:48
  their addiction to other things. You know, if they get addicted
• 1:51
  to drugs or alcohol or something along those lines, you know
• 1:54
  they're addicted. Personality could absolutely
• 1:56
  play a role in today. Because me, just me personally,
• 1:59
  because I know my limits, because I know you, because I
• 2:02
  understand how my mind works in things on things of that nature,
• 2:05
  that I know that I probably, I would get addicted to something,
• 2:09
  something bad, and it probably will rule my life.
• 2:11
  I would get addicted to drugs, alcohol or something like that,
• 2:13
  and it will rule my life because I have an addictive personality.
• 2:16
  That's why I don't try certain things.
• 2:18
  Things because I I like when people, I see people on the news
• 2:21
  and stuff like that, being addicted to something that that
• 2:23
  is destroying their life. I'm like, yeah, I know, I
• 2:26
  understand that. I I understand how people can
• 2:29
  get like that. And I know if I try something
• 2:31
  like that, my life could end up being in that way.
• 2:34
  Because a lot of narcissistic people get addicted to alcohol
• 2:37
  because or some type of illegal drug or something like that.
• 2:40
  Because it helps drown out who they are.
• 2:44
  It helps quiet the little voice inside narcissist head.
• 2:48
  Like do narcissists have consciousness like have a
• 2:51
  conscience? Yes.
• 2:53
  But a lot of times that conscience in shame are fighting
• 2:57
  within the narcissist head. So it's like the narcissistic
• 3:00
  person I have this conscience, they're telling me I'm good or
• 3:03
  bad or whatever, but I also have shame in my head.
• 3:05
  That is, it's kind of like the Angel and the dead, the Angel
• 3:08
  and the devil on the shoulder situation.
• 3:10
  Except the devil is not a devil. It's shame.
• 3:13
  It's not a devil at all. It's just shame.
• 3:15
  Like shame is a monster. It's little, but it's dense.
• 3:19
  You see what I'm saying? Shame might be the the little
• 3:22
  Angel sitting, the little person sitting on your shoulder.
• 3:25
  And you think, oh, this, this person right here is 3 inches
• 3:28
  tall, 2 1/2 inches wide. Well, 5 inches tall, 2 1/2
• 3:31
  inches wide. And so he can't weigh that much,
• 3:34
  but he's dense, like a damn, literally like a black hole.
• 3:37
  You know what I mean? A black hole the size of a pin
• 3:40
  head. It has the same, almost the same
• 3:44
  or equal mass as the earth is so densely packed.
• 3:49
  Shame is densely packed. Shame packs a punch.
• 3:53
  You know what I mean. The a black hole the size of a
• 3:55
  pin needle. The pin the head of a Bobby pin
• 3:59
  is as heavy or as dense and or as massive as the earth.
• 4:04
  So shame is dense Y'all. It's small, but it's packs a
• 4:07
  punch. It's small, but it's heavy.
• 4:09
  And a lot of narcissists are trying to calm that voice of
• 4:12
  shame, telling them that they're not good enough.
• 4:14
  There's the voice of shame says you're not good enough, you'll
• 4:16
  never be good enough, you'll never be happy.
• 4:18
  You'll never have this, you never have that.
• 4:20
  You never be doing this, You never be able to do that.
• 4:23
  You never get. Like I said, they it will keep
• 4:25
  running through the mind of a narcissist part.
• 4:28
  It, like shame, is a great provocation for narcissists.
• 4:31
  Y'all. It just is one of those things
• 4:33
  that just is a great provocation.
• 4:35
  It's going to people going to get provoked by shame all the
• 4:37
  time. The shame monster.
• 4:39
  So if I drank, the voices go, the voice goes away or the voice
• 4:43
  turns into a whisper that I can barely hear.
• 4:45
  It's inaudible, you know. So you can see how narcissistic
• 4:48
  people, if I'm trying to quiet down this voice that's telling
• 4:51
  me I'm not good enough, this voice that's beating me down
• 4:54
  mentally and emotionally. If I'm trying to calm this voice
• 4:56
  down, you can see how while some people would drink and it's just
• 5:01
  like in your. But, you know, if you drink a
• 5:03
  lot, it takes you more and more. It takes you more to get to that
• 5:06
  same point. Right.
• 5:08
  Well, used to take me a half a shot.
• 5:10
  Now it takes me four shots to get there.
• 5:11
  You see? You see, now I'm addicted to it.
• 5:13
  Now I'm addicted to the silence. Now I'm addicted to the ability
• 5:16
  to live my life in a different way.
• 5:19
  But a lot of narcissists go overboard with it.
• 5:22
  You know, there are a lot of narcissistic people.
• 5:23
  You don't have to be a narcissist to be an alcoholic or
• 5:25
  to be a drug addict. I know, I know.
• 5:27
  Those things don't have to exist together.
• 5:29
  You know, they don't have to exist in the same space.
• 5:33
  Like narcissism and addiction don't have to exist in the same
• 5:35
  space. But when they do, this is one of
• 5:37
  the reasons why behind it. This is one of the reasons
• 5:39
  behind it, because it quiets the shame.
• 5:41
  Y'all You see a lot of narcissists that loosen up when
• 5:43
  they drank a little bit because shame is not talking to them.
• 5:46
  Did you know this? The self judging voice that is
• 5:50
  shame is not in my mind anymore. So I can live.
• 5:54
  I can beat me for a little bit, you know what I mean?
• 5:55
  I can live a little bit. And sometimes people start when
• 5:58
  alcohol doesn't work. They turn to a different drug,
• 6:00
  they turn into marijuana or they turn to something a little bit
• 6:02
  more with a little bit more potency to it.
• 6:05
  You know, it's something a little stronger.
• 6:06
  Go watch, go watch Dewey Cox. You mean it's the next logical
• 6:10
  progression? You mean what do you guys do is
• 6:13
  drinking this alcohol? Dewey, you don't want no pause
• 6:17
  of this beep, you know what I mean?
• 6:19
  That's how it goes. It's like, what are you doing?
• 6:21
  What are you smoking? We smoking weed.
• 6:23
  Do we? You want no pause of this.
• 6:25
  You see what I'm saying? That part, that part of the book
• 6:28
  right there would explain. And that kind of explain the
• 6:31
  natural. I'm not laughing at, I'm not
• 6:33
  laughing at the addicts. I promise I'm laughing at Dewey
• 6:35
  Cox. But that's how it goes, like
• 6:38
  they don't know how to, I said. But it goes, it goes overboard.
• 6:41
  And they've, they've become a victim of their addiction and
• 6:44
  their addictions. You know, it just does.
• 6:47
  It happens. It helps quiet the voice inside
• 6:49
  of narcissist's head. It helps provide that escape.
• 6:51
  It helps them live a life, a different life.
• 6:54
  But they go overboard and they become addicted to it and they
• 6:56
  get to the point where they need it.
• 6:57
  They can't live without it. But I can't operate with it
• 7:00
  because I've quieted like I've quieted the voice so much in my
• 7:04
  head that now if I don't drink, if I don't do it, the voice used
• 7:10
  to just be a normal sound of voice.
• 7:12
  Now it's a yell now. Shame is yelling at me now.
• 7:15
  You see what I'm saying now? Because I don't.
• 7:17
  Because I'm trying to quit this substance.
• 7:19
  Shame is yelling at me now and beating me down.
• 7:21
  So of course I run back to the bottle.
• 7:23
  Of course I run back to the the, the drug, the baggy, the the
• 7:26
  line, whatever Y'all doing out here, you know what I mean?
• 7:30
  They run back to it because now shame turns into a whisperer
• 7:34
  again. It's escaping that shame.
• 7:36
  Y'all. He just is, you know?
• 7:38
  It's just one of those things. And I know people are just like,
• 7:40
  but how do we help them kick that addiction?
• 7:42
  Yeah, they have to want to do it.
• 7:44
  There's like any other addict, just not narcissistic.
• 7:46
  People are not any different in that aspect.
• 7:47
  They have to want to kick that habit.
• 7:49
  They have to want to battle shame.
• 7:51
  They have to want to turn shame into a whisper anyway, because
• 7:54
  that's what I've done without the alcohol.
• 7:55
  I can turn shame into a whisper. Yeah.
• 7:57
  The voice gets loud sometimes, but I've learned to deal with
• 7:59
  it. You know, I I learned to deal
• 8:02
  with it in a lot better space because I've decided to work on
• 8:04
  myself. I've decided to be the best
• 8:05
  version of myself, the strongest version of myself.
• 8:08
  This is me, you know, working on me.
• 8:09
  This is me working on me. So I tell people all the time,
• 8:13
  y'all narcissistic people. I know you want to help them.
• 8:15
  Yeah. But sometimes they like you can
• 8:17
  be there and be supportive, but don't, not at the risk of
• 8:20
  yourself and your sanity and your peace and your strength and
• 8:22
  your happiness. Don't do it at the risk of all
• 8:24
  that. Y'all.
• 8:25
  So many people get caught up doing it, doing it at the risk
• 8:27
  of all that right there where they hurt, they end up hurting
• 8:29
  themselves a lot. You know you don't want to hurt
• 8:32
  yourself or sacrifice yourself or a toxic person that would not
• 8:34
  do the same thing for you, absolutely would not do the same
• 8:36
  thing for you. It is doesn't work that way.
• 8:38
  Y'all. But like not only do
• 8:39
  narcissistic people get addicted to substances and things like
• 8:43
  that, their addiction can be people.
• 8:45
  That's my addiction. My addiction is people.
• 8:47
  Y'all I'm I'm addicted to. So right now I'm addicted to
• 8:49
  helping people. You know, I love it.
• 8:50
  I always wanted to help people and assist people on journeys of
• 8:53
  self self love and better development anyway.
• 8:56
  But this, my platform has provided me a space for my
• 9:00
  unique addiction. I said my addiction is I love,
• 9:03
  yeah I love helping people. I really do.
• 9:06
  I love it. It's a different space.
• 9:07
  I love this. I love the power.
• 9:08
  I love it. I love it.
• 9:09
  I love it. You know, I'm addicted to it.
• 9:11
  I'm addicted to learning more. I'm addicted to the human mind
• 9:14
  and learning more knowledge and stuff like that.
• 9:16
  And some narcissists do find addictions and things like this
• 9:18
  because I told you earlier, now all narcissists are addicted to
• 9:21
  illegal substances or alcohol. Some of them can be addicted to
• 9:24
  people. Some of them can be addicted to
• 9:26
  you. You're like their addiction.
• 9:28
  You might be, you might be the narcissist drug of choice, you
• 9:32
  and they you. So you see, you might be, you
• 9:35
  might be the person that they use or the substance that they
• 9:37
  use to acquire the shame voice. The shame is telling them that
• 9:42
  nobody's going to love them or they're not going to be good
• 9:44
  enough. Guess who loves them?
• 9:45
  You, you know, guess who's there for them?
• 9:48
  You, you know. But then they start treating you
• 9:51
  badly because you. You know what I'm saying?
• 9:53
  You see? You see, you go back to the
• 9:54
  alcohol, the alcohol example, over time.
• 9:59
  You loving them doesn't do that. It doesn't get rid of the shame
• 10:02
  anymore. Because now you're supposed to
• 10:03
  love me. Now you support, Now it doesn't.
• 10:06
  It doesn't feel as authentic as it used to be, you know, because
• 10:09
  you're supposed to be loving me. You're supposed to be caring for
• 10:11
  me. You're supposed to be doing this
• 10:12
  for me now so it doesn't feel the same anymore.
• 10:14
  So shame is getting loud again. You see what I'm saying?
• 10:17
  Shame is getting loud again. So they started sometimes.
• 10:20
  They started to devalue you and treat you badly and be angry at
• 10:23
  you because you don't provide as you.
• 10:24
  You you are still providing that same level of love.
• 10:28
  It just doesn't feel the same anymore.
• 10:30
  Like I said, they need more. So you see what addiction comes
• 10:33
  into play. They need more of the same.
• 10:35
  Like like I said, it used to go, only it used to only take me one
• 10:38
  shot to get where I needed to be.
• 10:40
  Now it takes 4, now it takes 5. The same.
• 10:42
  The same type of dynamic applies with the love with the the love
• 10:45
  from you, the addiction. I used to get a little bit from
• 10:48
  you and it can just quiet the shame and make me feel
• 10:50
  validated. But now I need more.
• 10:53
  And sometimes you can't provide that.
• 10:54
  Y'all. It's not going to say it has a
• 10:55
  lot less to do with you than you think.
• 10:57
  You can't provide it because it's just not.
• 10:59
  It's just not your place. You can't.
• 11:00
  Sometimes you just can't provide it.
• 11:02
  It's not you, though. So many people take it in and
• 11:05
  start internalizing it. Like it's like it's them like
• 11:07
  you like, oh, it's me, I'm a bad person now.
• 11:09
  Y'all the narcissist person is fighting that addiction within
• 11:13
  themselves of you, trying to quiet the shame.
• 11:15
  That's why. That's why narcissist, I don't
• 11:17
  like to be alone. You see, you see what?
• 11:18
  I'm going with this. That's why.
• 11:19
  A lot of narcissists don't like to be alone because they they
• 11:21
  might not drink or smoke or something like that, but or do
• 11:25
  you know, inject, they they are love addicts.
• 11:30
  Some narcissists are addicted to the love bombing phase because
• 11:32
  the love bombing feels good. It quiets the shame.
• 11:34
  You see what I'm saying? The a new love bombing phase is
• 11:37
  like taking half a shot. But again, it goes, it goes down
• 11:41
  and kind of goes away. It kind of dwindles you know, So
• 11:45
  it gets into that space right there.
• 11:46
  I know this episode is super cerebral, isn't it?
• 11:49
  I know people are like, God damn, but you were spending 5
• 11:51
  y'all made this for you guys but you got to drop a fire emoji in
• 11:54
  the conversation because I know there was there was some fire
• 11:56
  right there. But that's how it goes though.
• 11:57
  Y'all like said they keep using people up, using people up until
• 12:00
  it until it doesn't feel the same anymore.
• 12:02
  You know, I know people will say, well Lee you stay with your
• 12:05
  wife you. Yeah, because I'm my, I've been
• 12:06
  working on myself so like I've worked on myself enough so I
• 12:10
  could quiet the shame in my mind.
• 12:13
  I'm loved. I'm cared for and this love is
• 12:15
  validating for me, you know, this love make me feel safe.
• 12:17
  You know it could be safety like I said they could be.
• 12:20
  They could be addicted to the safety that you provided.
• 12:22
  You make them feel safe from shame, you know.
• 12:25
  But again over time it just go the the potency of it goes down.
• 12:29
  The potency of it goes down. So sometimes just when you see
• 12:32
  narcissistic people going back and forth, they they don't want
• 12:34
  to leave you sometimes so they keep you around.
• 12:36
  But they'll just find, try to find a new supply, try to find a
• 12:38
  new source, a new addiction. And sometimes, sometimes that
• 12:42
  new addiction, that new drug of choice doesn't work out the
• 12:44
  same. So they go back to you and get
• 12:46
  it to go, go back to you, get a hit from you, feel good and then
• 12:49
  go leave you again. Then back and forth is super
• 12:51
  toxic. Y'all but Yup, Yup, Yup, y'all.
• 12:54
  So I got something to show. Y'all really quick.
• 12:56
  If y'all made it this for y'all, bear with me.
• 12:58
  I forgot. I don't have it with me.
• 13:00
  I've got to walk with me though. Walk with me, walk that walk,
• 13:04
  walk that walk. If you're on the podcast, you
• 13:07
  know you have to see this. But look who came in the mail
• 13:11
  today. My book, the kids book is here.
• 13:15
  Look at that. Y'all it's called.
• 13:17
  Remember, it's not your fault. It's about growing up in toxic
• 13:21
  households. And you know, households would
• 13:24
  lack. It's about this book helps.
• 13:26
  Teach is supposed to help teach kids that you cannot control
• 13:29
  your circumstances that you were raised in.
• 13:32
  You don't have a choice. You don't get to pick your
• 13:33
  parents. You know you don't get to pick
• 13:35
  your parents. Yeah, you absolutely just don't.
• 13:38
  Yeah, this will be available on Amazon in the next few days.
• 13:41
  Y'all they'll say. If y'all join my newsletter,
• 13:44
  I'll the release date is going to be dropped in the newsletter
• 13:47
  this week. So super thankful for y'all
• 13:50
  super grateful. Make sure you like and subscribe
• 13:52
  and check out myself Love Journal if you haven't already.
• 13:54
  The Self Love Journal is on Amazon too.
• 13:55
  Y'all, but then this is that peace.
• 13:58
  If you haven't already, make sure you check out joining my
• 14:00
  newsletter Y'all e-mail list so you don't miss out on any
• 14:03
  exciting updates I have coming up.
• 14:04
  Y'all the links are the description of every video and
• 14:07
  podcast I do. Thank you so much.