Latest / The Parenting Podcast / Encore Presentation: Superpowers of the Introverted Parent | Ep. 116

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Encore Presentation: Superpowers of the Introverted Parent | Ep. 116 · The Parenting Podcast

• 0:06
  Hello, and welcome back to the Parenting Podcast.
• 0:10
  I'm your host, Cheryl Lang, and today we're diving into a topic that I think gets overlooked or misunderstood, yet it's a topic I hear about from so many incredible parents.
• 0:24
  And that's why we're presenting a rebooted Encore discussion that I've entitled, The Superpowers of Introverted Parenting.
• 0:33
  Because I deeply admire you amazing internal processors.
• 0:38
  I'm here to support and encourage you.
• 0:41
  Join me as we explore the unique strength, challenges, and triumphs of navigating parenthood through the lens of introversion.
• 0:51
  Together, let's uncover the magic of parenting in your own authentic way.
• 0:56
  Let's get started.
• 0:57
  Let's get started.
• 0:58
  Let's get started.
• 1:05
  Cheryl: Well, good afternoon gals.
• 1:07
  Cheryl: How are you doing?
• 1:08
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 1:09
  Christie: Well, I don't know.
• 1:13
  Christie: I have been, our house has been full of people for over a week.
• 1:17
  Christie: We're finally emptying out and
• 1:19
  Cheryl: so Cassidy, tell me who Cassy is.
• 1:22
  Cheryl: Cassidy was here, right?
• 1:23
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 1:23
  Christie: So my oldest and her husband, they live in Virginia, we're in Oklahoma, so they were here to visit for a week.
• 1:28
  Christie: And then, you know, I have another daughter that lives out of the.
• 1:31
  Christie: In town.
• 1:32
  Christie: So she, you know, has been over cause they've been wanted here.
• 1:34
  Christie: And then other family wanted to come and game nights and dinners and birthdays that we needed to celebrate and hosting different things.
• 1:42
  Christie: And I love a good party.
• 1:43
  Christie: So, yeah, I was gonna say party time.
• 1:45
  Christie: Yeah.
• 1:45
  Christie: But you know, like I've shared in the last week that I am a little introverted, so high energy level, but this is how bad my brain has been going The other day I lit a candle.
• 1:58
  Christie: and almost threw away the candle and kept the match.
• 2:02
  Ellen: Yeah.
• 2:03
  Christie: and then, um, I that's great.
• 2:06
  Christie: Like I'm just going, going, going and forgetting all the steps.
• 2:10
  Christie: So yeah, it's great.
• 2:11
  Christie: It's a little, been a little frazzled.
• 2:13
  Christie: I don't know how I am today.
• 2:14
  Christie: Cheryl.
• 2:15
  Cheryl: I know you are like a.
• 2:17
  Cheryl: Take a long bubble bath.
• 2:19
  Christie: Yes.
• 2:20
  Christie: Wyatt must massages.
• 2:21
  Christie: It's on the calendar.
• 2:22
  Christie: Oh, Saturday.
• 2:23
  Christie: Yeah.
• 2:24
  Christie: Saturday.
• 2:24
  Christie: Having a long bath and shutting and locking all the doors.
• 2:28
  Christie: Well, I'm
• 2:29
  Ellen: feeling the same way.
• 2:29
  Ellen: I thought I kept saying to you guys, oh, it's Tuesday today, Uhhuh.
• 2:33
  Ellen: And you're like, no, it's Friday.
• 2:34
  Ellen: Ellens.
• 2:34
  Ellen: We're recording.
• 2:35
  Ellen: Yes, yes.
• 2:36
  Ellen: But in my mind, you know, between, you know, the holiday.
• 2:40
  Ellen: And mm-hmm.
• 2:40
  Ellen: Then I had grandkids for a couple days and all good things.
• 2:44
  Ellen: Yeah.
• 2:44
  Ellen: But you kind of lose track of time, you know?
• 2:46
  Ellen: Really?
• 2:46
  Ellen: Mm-hmm.
• 2:46
  Ellen: Yeah.
• 2:47
  Christie: Mark.
• 2:47
  Christie: Some seasons are just
• 2:48
  Cheryl: like this.
• 2:49
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 2:49
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 2:49
  Ellen: Yeah.
• 2:50
  Cheryl: isn't it such an interesting balance because you love having the things happen.
• 2:56
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 2:57
  Cheryl: and then when the ball gets rolling too much right then, then we're like exhausted.
• 3:02
  Christie: Yes.
• 3:03
  Christie: Well, and I'm bad about committing to things at, you know, maybe eight 30 on a Tuesday, and then when it actually comes around I'm like, oh, did I say we were gonna do
• 3:11
  Cheryl: that?
• 3:12
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 3:12
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 3:13
  Cheryl: And I'm glad for apps now.
• 3:14
  Christie: Yeah.
• 3:15
  Christie: Yeah.
• 3:15
  Christie: I've switched completely to Google Calendar because yeah.
• 3:18
  Christie: The evolution of life has made me busier.
• 3:21
  Christie: And
• 3:21
  Cheryl: then I have one that reminds me, oh, don't forget, these are the things you signed that you need to do and, right.
• 3:26
  Cheryl: Oh
• 3:26
  Ellen: yeah.
• 3:27
  Ellen: I have an old school.
• 3:29
  Ellen: Journal.
• 3:29
  Ellen: Okay.
• 3:30
  Ellen: And that helps me to remember mm-hmm.
• 3:32
  Ellen: because if I put it in my phone, I'll forget that I told my phone that Uhhuh Whereas if physically see uh, my Daytimer in front of me every day, it really, really
• 3:39
  Christie: helps.
• 3:40
  Christie: And that's good.
• 3:40
  Christie: I'm really bad about doing shorthand on my calendar, so I'll just.
• 3:44
  Christie: Avery two 30 on Tuesday, and then I'm like, what am I supposed to do with
• 3:47
  Ellen: Avery?
• 3:48
  Ellen: Yes, I had that happen for the first time in a while.
• 3:51
  Ellen: Somebody said, you know, on this date, and I'm like, I know I have the date on my calendar, but I didn't put down what it was, Yeah.
• 3:59
  Ellen: with laughter Uhhuh.
• 4:01
  Ellen: and that
• 4:01
  Cheryl: was kind of weird.
• 4:02
  Christie: Yeah.
• 4:02
  Christie: I mean, whatever it takes, you know?
• 4:04
  Christie: Yes.
• 4:04
  Christie: To get the things done.
• 4:05
  Christie: Mm-hmm.
• 4:05
  Christie: Yes.
• 4:05
  Christie: And
• 4:06
  Cheryl: this is all really appropriate because what I thought we could do today, you know, we've been discussing Mm-hmm.
• 4:12
  Cheryl: Parenting an introverted child.
• 4:13
  Cheryl: and parenting an extroverted child, and in that conversation we've come up with, maybe we also need to address now the parents.
• 4:21
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 4:21
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 4:22
  Cheryl: because approaching it as an introvert or as an extrovert, I think we also have different needs and Right.
• 4:29
  Cheryl: Challenges.
• 4:30
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 4:30
  Cheryl: and strengths.
• 4:31
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 4:31
  Christie: which I think is such a great thing to address and to process for ourselves.
• 4:35
  Christie: Mm-hmm.
• 4:35
  Christie: and realizing there's more to the relationship than parent, child, we're individuals.
• 4:40
  Christie: Yes.
• 4:40
  Christie: That we have to look at the different dynamics of our personalities.
• 4:43
  Christie: Yes.
• 4:43
  Christie: And tendencies
• 4:44
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 4:45
  Cheryl: Okay.
• 4:45
  Cheryl: So, uh, in general it's very interesting, uh, cuz I have researched a little bit about introversion extroversion.
• 4:52
  Cheryl: And again, it's something I found fascinating.
• 4:56
  Cheryl: and we're seeing parents, but About introverted people because it looks a little bit maybe like they're a little disconnected.
• 5:04
  Cheryl: Mm.
• 5:05
  Cheryl: But what science says is actually their brains run hot.
• 5:09
  Cheryl: Because if you look at an introvert and extrovert, it looks like it's the extrovert who's running hot.
• 5:14
  Cheryl: Right.
• 5:15
  Cheryl: but it's not, the scientists say that an introvert's brain is running so that they are gathering information.
• 5:22
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 5:22
  Cheryl: bringing in information, noticing details, pulling in, and so that's why they kind of have more going on maybe.
• 5:31
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 5:31
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 5:31
  Cheryl: than an extrovert who looks like they're engaged.
• 5:34
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 5:35
  Cheryl: And so it's a little bit maybe sort of like, you have a wifi in your house and it's.
• 5:40
  Cheryl: introvert's Are having a lot of streaming going on, okay?
• 5:43
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 5:43
  Cheryl: so that they have a lot that they have to handle.
• 5:46
  Cheryl: Uh, in comparison to an extrovert.
• 5:49
  Cheryl: That makes
• 5:49
  Christie: a lot of sense.
• 5:50
  Christie: I wouldn't have thought of it that way.
• 5:52
  Christie: Mm-hmm.
• 5:53
  Christie: I don't think, but, or didn't realize that.
• 5:55
  Christie: But it does make a lot of sense.
• 5:56
  Christie: You've got so much input that you're processing and observing and listening.
• 6:02
  Christie: Exactly.
• 6:02
  Christie: And so there's a lot going on internally Yeah.
• 6:04
  Christie: That you can't see on the outside.
• 6:05
  Christie: Yeah.
• 6:06
  Christie: Mm-hmm.
• 6:06
  Ellen: Whereas extroverts are always reacting Yeah.
• 6:09
  Ellen: To everything around them.
• 6:10
  Ellen: Mm-hmm.
• 6:10
  Ellen: introverts are.
• 6:12
  Ellen: Mm-hmm.
• 6:13
  Ellen: Oh, that's so, that's really true.
• 6:14
  Cheryl: And I will tell you, as an, uh, very extroverted young person, my life was so deeply enriched as I began to mature and started having intern.
• 6:28
  Cheryl: Energy people, which we call introverts.
• 6:31
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 6:31
  Cheryl: in my life.
• 6:32
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 6:32
  Cheryl: because of just what you said, this richness of what they bring and they help me to slow down mm-hmm.
• 6:39
  Cheryl: so I have a, actually a real heart for the richness of the introverted personality.
• 6:45
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 6:45
  Cheryl: Right.
• 6:46
  Cheryl: And having been in parenting at ministry for a long time, I have introverted parents come to me a lot.
• 6:54
  Cheryl: and they kind of feel like they're not doing enough.
• 6:57
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm yeah, They feel maybe like they don't have all the tools.
• 7:01
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 7:01
  Cheryl: they feel less than not enough.
• 7:02
  Cheryl: They feel less than and not enough.
• 7:04
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 7:05
  Cheryl: Because they watch mm-hmm.
• 7:06
  Cheryl: what the extroverts are doing.
• 7:08
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 7:08
  Cheryl: And so they have come to me many, many, times saying, how in the world do I do all of this?
• 7:14
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 7:14
  Cheryl: And I've had'em talk to me since we started.
• 7:17
  Cheryl: TPP saying you're always talking about relationship and conversations and having all these conversations.
• 7:23
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 7:23
  Cheryl: and taking all the time.
• 7:25
  Cheryl: I'm so overwhelmed.
• 7:26
  Cheryl: Right?
• 7:26
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 7:27
  Cheryl: By breakfast in the morning, I'm overwhelmed.
• 7:29
  Ellen: Right.
• 7:30
  Ellen: yeah.
• 7:31
  Cheryl: And so that's what I want us to do let's focus on their superpowers.
• 7:35
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 7:35
  Cheryl: and then how we can encourage them.
• 7:37
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 7:37
  Cheryl: I think
• 7:38
  Christie: that's great.
• 7:38
  Christie: I think, you know, I think we've talked about it, but the world is kind of set up to celebrate extroverts.
• 7:45
  Christie: Yes.
• 7:45
  Christie: Right?
• 7:46
  Christie: Yeah.
• 7:46
  Christie: And I, I can really understand and, and relate with that feeling of I'm not enough and I'm not doing enough, and I need to be more and better.
• 7:55
  Christie: Mm-hmm.
• 7:55
  Christie: um, but there are a lot of strengths of being an introvert in parenting.
• 8:00
  Christie: I think,
• 8:00
  Ellen: yeah.
• 8:01
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 8:01
  Cheryl: Cuz one of the things that I have seen is introverts, they're bringing in all this information.
• 8:08
  Cheryl: They notice things.
• 8:09
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 8:10
  Cheryl: right?
• 8:10
  Cheryl: And they're in tune more to way other people feel or what's going on.
• 8:16
  Cheryl: And I appreciate it so much to make me aware, and they'll point something out.
• 8:21
  Cheryl: that in the Mm-hmm.
• 8:23
  Cheryl: flurry of activity.
• 8:24
  Cheryl: look, I noticed this child, Right.
• 8:27
  Cheryl: That an extrovert mm-hmm.
• 8:28
  Cheryl: might have overlooked.
• 8:30
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 8:30
  Christie: Yes.
• 8:31
  Christie: And I think, you know, we talk a lot about being a student of your children.
• 8:35
  Christie: Yes.
• 8:35
  Christie: And I think the attentiveness.
• 8:37
  Christie: Yeah.
• 8:37
  Christie: To details.
• 8:38
  Christie: Yeah.
• 8:38
  Christie: And nuances of each individual child it comes easier for an introvert, and
• 8:43
  Ellen: every extrovert needs an introverted friend.
• 8:46
  Ellen: As a guide for them.
• 8:48
  Ellen: Yeah.
• 8:48
  Ellen: Yeah.
• 8:48
  Ellen: Because I think about there's a group of friends and.
• 8:52
  Ellen: There was three of us.
• 8:53
  Ellen: We were very close and two of us were extroverts.
• 8:55
  Ellen: And we always went to our introverted friend to ask her, I don't understand why my introverted kid is doing this Uhhuh And she'd have like, really?
• 9:03
  Ellen: G Oh, well this is da da da da da.
• 9:06
  Ellen: Oh.
• 9:07
  Ellen: And so we really appreciated.
• 9:09
  Ellen: She was kind of our.
• 9:10
  Ellen: Guide through the world of introverts.
• 9:13
  Christie: You're your one on the inside.
• 9:14
  Christie: Yes.
• 9:14
  Christie: Because I was like, oh
• 9:15
  Ellen: yeah, I could see why my daughter got upset that I said that I didn't mean it that way, but yeah.
• 9:20
  Ellen: That's how she heard it.
• 9:22
  Cheryl: Right.
• 9:22
  Cheryl: And see that makes me think of, another thing I appreciate about my introverted friends is they have good listening skills.
• 9:29
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 9:30
  Cheryl: Because.
• 9:31
  Cheryl: A lot of times extroverts, their mouths are moving so fast.
• 9:34
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 9:34
  Cheryl: that they forget to listen.
• 9:36
  Cheryl: Right.
• 9:36
  Cheryl: And so look at your friend, how she sat and listened, analyzed.
• 9:41
  Cheryl: There's just this insightfulness.
• 9:43
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 9:44
  Cheryl: And what a great role model that they sit and listen to all our gaps.
• 9:47
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 9:48
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 9:48
  Christie: And it, it gives opportunity for connection with your kids when you're listening and really, um, helping your kids be seen and and understood and yeah, there's a lot of value there to slowing down.
• 10:01
  Christie: And even though it feels like you're too slow sometimes to keep up.
• 10:05
  Christie: Yes.
• 10:06
  Cheryl: That's, but exactly that you said your children feeling heard.
• 10:10
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 10:10
  Cheryl: and that's one of the things why I want to encourage.
• 10:13
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 10:14
  Cheryl: our listeners.
• 10:15
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 10:15
  Cheryl: Who are introverted parents.
• 10:17
  Cheryl: To tap into this strength because their quietness Of presence is very reassuring to children with all that's going on, right?
• 10:28
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 10:28
  Cheryl: And so that quiet awareness and sensitivity.
• 10:33
  Cheryl: Brings such peace and reassurance
• 10:36
  Christie: to the kids even, even if your child isn't recognizing that, if you have an extrovert that thinks, oh mom, so boring or so, so you know, you, I remember my oldest, she said, and she's actually more an extrovert than we realized, but she said, mom, if it weren't for me, you would never leave this house.
• 10:52
  Christie: I was like, yeah, I don't say the problem with that, but now I.
• 10:58
  Christie: She would say, and I can definitely see this, the, um, the benefit of me being able to see those things in her and be a student of her.
• 11:09
  Christie: And, even if she doesn't really recognize it or my kids don't recognize it, there is some benefit of that.
• 11:15
  Christie: Um, quiet listening and mm-hmm.
• 11:17
  Christie: attentiveness that comes along with introversion.
• 11:19
  Christie: Yeah.
• 11:19
  Christie: That's really good.
• 11:20
  Christie: Yeah,
• 11:20
  Ellen: I mean, most of the time I enjoyed my introverted kids.
• 11:22
  Ellen: A lot of times I didn't understand them.
• 11:24
  Ellen: Mm-hmm.
• 11:25
  Ellen: So I'd have to go to my husband, who's an introvert.
• 11:27
  Ellen: Mm-hmm.
• 11:28
  Ellen: um, and go, what?
• 11:29
  Ellen: What did they just say?
• 11:30
  Ellen: Right.
• 11:31
  Ellen: I do not
• 11:32
  Cheryl: understand that they want to be
• 11:33
  Christie: alone.
• 11:34
  Christie: They're not sad and lonely.
• 11:35
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 11:36
  Cheryl: So see, and that's it.
• 11:38
  Cheryl: They're good at problem solving.
• 11:39
  Cheryl: They're observers, Uhhuh,
• 11:41
  Ellen: and a lot of times they know what they feel.
• 11:44
  Ellen: Whereas an extrovert is just running along.
• 11:47
  Ellen: absorbing feelings.
• 11:48
  Ellen: Mm-hmm.
• 11:48
  Ellen: right?
• 11:48
  Ellen: Sometimes the introverts, they've been thinking about their feelings, take time to process and they realize, oh, you know, this is what I need, or this is what's happening in my house, or mm-hmm.
• 11:57
  Ellen: you know, and mostly my introverts have told me more about myself.
• 12:03
  Ellen: Wow.
• 12:04
  Ellen: Than I've taken time to learn about myself.
• 12:06
  Ellen: Yeah.
• 12:07
  Ellen: You know?
• 12:07
  Cheryl: So what a strength or parent to bring to their children.
• 12:12
  Cheryl: Definitely this deep, calm, thoughtful.
• 12:17
  Cheryl: um, well mm-hmm.
• 12:18
  Cheryl: that the children can tap into.
• 12:20
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 12:21
  Cheryl: And you know, like we were saying, they might not recognize it at the time, but that brings such solidity and security.
• 12:30
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 12:30
  Cheryl: down inside.
• 12:31
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 12:31
  Cheryl: yeah.
• 12:32
  Cheryl: Safety.
• 12:32
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 12:33
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 12:33
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 12:34
  Cheryl: And knowing if I can go to mom or.
• 12:38
  Cheryl: and sit down and talk about things they will process and take the time.
• 12:43
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 12:43
  Cheryl: you know, and they've been thinking about it and instead I'm just saying extroverts, we tend to give quick answers sometime.
• 12:50
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 12:51
  Cheryl: Yes and, you know, and, and so I know friends that are parents and they say, it takes me so long, they'll ask a question and they've moved on to 10 subjects before I've answered it, right?
• 13:00
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 13:00
  Cheryl: but that security of know.
• 13:04
  Cheryl: Oh, by the way, mom really listened to what I asked on Tuesday and I, and then comes back maybe on Saturday and says, Hey, you know, yeah, you brought that up and I wanted to talk to you about that.
• 13:14
  Cheryl: Cuz here's what I see into it, right?
• 13:17
  Cheryl: What a gift.
• 13:18
  Christie: Oh, I know.
• 13:18
  Ellen: I agree.
• 13:19
  Christie: And, I think that's the biggest thing is being seen by a parent.
• 13:23
  Christie: Yes.
• 13:23
  Christie: Yeah.
• 13:23
  Christie: And thought of throughout the week, mom was still thinking about that thing and maybe that child's moved on and they don't even care about the issue anymore.
• 13:30
  Christie: Even change, you're like, oh, I didn't remember that.
• 13:32
  Christie: Yeah, But just the fact that my mom's been thinking about something that was important to me.
• 13:36
  Christie: Even if it was only important to me in that 10 minutes.
• 13:39
  Ellen: Yes.
• 13:39
  Ellen: Mm-hmm.
• 13:39
  Ellen: I know something that was helpful.
• 13:41
  Ellen: For me with one of my introverted children was we did a notebook back and forth.
• 13:46
  Ellen: We just had a little
• 13:47
  Cheryl: spiral notebook.
• 13:47
  Cheryl: Oh, that's a great idea.
• 13:48
  Ellen: Because sometimes.
• 13:50
  Ellen: You know, just busy.
• 13:52
  Ellen: Mm-hmm.
• 13:52
  Ellen: anyways.
• 13:53
  Ellen: And he might have a question or feelings hurt or really wanna talk deeper.
• 13:59
  Ellen: Mm-hmm.
• 13:59
  Ellen: And so I would write a question and he might take a page to fill up all of his.
• 14:05
  Ellen: Thoughts and what he was thinking and how he was feeling.
• 14:08
  Ellen: And then I could answer back and we just kind of kept the notebook going.
• 14:12
  Ellen: Yeah.
• 14:12
  Ellen: And I'm really, really thankful that we did that.
• 14:15
  Ellen: That's really good.
• 14:16
  Ellen: Mm-hmm.
• 14:16
  Ellen: especially sometimes with boys.
• 14:17
  Ellen: Mm-hmm.
• 14:18
  Ellen: No, cuz especially when they're younger, it's a little harder to get, uh, introverted boy to open
• 14:22
  Christie: up Right.
• 14:23
  Christie: And that could be a help to an introverted parent too.
• 14:26
  Christie: Yes.
• 14:26
  Christie: That just doesn't have the energy to listen.
• 14:28
  Christie: Even if the child's the extrovert.
• 14:30
  Christie: Yes.
• 14:31
  Christie: To be able to have a place that the child can get all the words out.
• 14:34
  Christie: Yeah.
• 14:34
  Christie: And you don't have to sit and listen.
• 14:36
  Christie: The whole Lego creation in the middle of doing dinner.
• 14:39
  Christie: Yes.
• 14:39
  Christie: And changing the diaper and all the things.
• 14:41
  Christie: Yes.
• 14:41
  Christie: You know, because your heart is to be there for the child.
• 14:45
  Christie: Yeah.
• 14:45
  Christie: But you may not have the energy to do it right when
• 14:48
  Cheryl: they Yes.
• 14:48
  Cheryl: But I see such a strength of this, because that would give the time to the introverted parent.
• 14:54
  Cheryl: to reflect.
• 14:55
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 14:56
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 14:56
  Cheryl: Instead of feeling like they have to answer in the moment.
• 14:59
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 14:59
  Cheryl: Right.
• 14:59
  Cheryl: You know, that's a
• 15:00
  Ellen: great idea.
• 15:01
  Ellen: And as the, and as the extroverted parent, receiving that from the introverted child is really helpful cuz like, oh, they're feeling really deeply about this.
• 15:09
  Ellen: Mm-hmm.
• 15:10
  Ellen: I thought it was just this little thing that bugged them, but no, they had it really deep reason why it bugged him or whatever.
• 15:16
  Ellen: And that was really helpful.
• 15:17
  Ellen: And then I could get my thoughts across
• 15:19
  Cheryl: too.
• 15:19
  Cheryl: That's good.
• 15:21
  Ellen: But it also, it.
• 15:22
  Ellen: it helps the introverted parent.
• 15:25
  Ellen: If they say to the extroverted kid, Hey, tell me what you're thinking.
• 15:29
  Ellen: Write your thoughts down in this notebook.
• 15:31
  Ellen: Mm-hmm.
• 15:31
  Ellen: You know?
• 15:31
  Ellen: Mm-hmm.
• 15:31
  Ellen: you put the question in there.
• 15:32
  Ellen: Yeah.
• 15:32
  Ellen: you know, they may write two sentences, but then it gives the poor, introverted parent a chance to go, oh, okay.
• 15:40
  Ellen: Right?
• 15:40
  Ellen: Mm-hmm.
• 15:40
  Ellen: you know, that I don't have, you know, 30 minutes to actually listen.
• 15:44
  Ellen: Now we have a starting point of where we can talk.
• 15:46
  Christie: Yeah, that's
• 15:47
  really
• 15:47
  Christie: good.
• 15:48
  Christie: So if you are an introverted parent, the three of us are just telling.
• 15:52
  Christie: you're amazing.
• 15:53
  Christie: Mm-hmm.
• 15:53
  Christie: tap into your superpowers because you have so much to bring to the table for your children in your relationship and how you love them.
• 16:03
  Christie: Okay.
• 16:03
  Christie: But let's look at some of the things maybe that introverts feel are their challenges.
• 16:09
  Christie: Mm-hmm.
• 16:10
  Christie: like I've said, I have so many come to me, and I would say it's wrapped up in one big word and it's energy.
• 16:17
  Christie: Yes.
• 16:18
  Christie: Yeah.
• 16:18
  Christie: Yeah.
• 16:18
  Christie: There's just so much to give in parenting and Yes.
• 16:22
  Christie: You already feel a little lacking in energy.
• 16:26
  Christie: Yeah.
• 16:26
  Christie: As an introvert in a lot of ways that you just feel like you start, start behind sometimes.
• 16:31
  Cheryl: Well, I, I was just getting ready to say two weeks ago, had, um, Um, mom come to my house and she said, I have all these things I want to do, and she said, by the time breakfast is over mm-hmm.
• 16:44
  Cheryl: I feel behind for the day.
• 16:45
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 16:45
  Cheryl: Right.
• 16:45
  Cheryl: Because my kids are going and I think she has all extroverts.
• 16:49
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 16:49
  Cheryl: So the energy level is so high.
• 16:51
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 16:52
  Cheryl: Already.
• 16:52
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 16:53
  Cheryl: They just got fed,
• 16:54
  Ellen: right?
• 16:55
  Ellen: they're ready
• 16:55
  Christie: to go.
• 16:56
  Christie: Well, I mean, there's the physical and logistical needs of a day.
• 17:00
  Christie: Yeah.
• 17:01
  Christie: And then there's the.
• 17:03
  Christie: Personal needs of the day, you know?
• 17:05
  Christie: Yeah.
• 17:05
  Christie: Some of us would like a shower, occasionally and then you, you know, you've got to get so and so someplace and figure out how to do all that.
• 17:12
  Christie: But then we talk all the time here at TPP about relationship.
• 17:17
  Christie: Mm-hmm.
• 17:17
  Christie: and the emotional connections.
• 17:19
  Christie: And that's
• 17:19
  Cheryl: what she was saying.
• 17:20
  Cheryl: And I just have heard this for 20 years.
• 17:22
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 17:23
  Cheryl: Also, one of the things I feel from them is they feel insecure.
• 17:29
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 17:29
  Cheryl: like maybe they have a deficit.
• 17:31
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 17:32
  Cheryl: that they actually, they should have been extrovert, except they love being who they are.
• 17:36
  Cheryl: Right.
• 17:36
  Cheryl: And we just said, don't quit being an introvert.
• 17:39
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 17:39
  Cheryl: with your superpowers.
• 17:40
  Cheryl: But they feel like, what's wrong with me?
• 17:43
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 17:43
  Cheryl: that I can't keep up with all of this.
• 17:46
  Cheryl: Because of the energy issue,
• 17:47
  Ellen: Right.
• 17:48
  Ellen: Yeah
• 17:48
  Cheryl: you know, and that they tend to be more single or a few burners parent.
• 17:55
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 17:56
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 17:56
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 17:56
  Cheryl: Where an extrovert, again, it's an energy issue and they might have 10 burners going at once and they've got stuff burning on the stomach.
• 18:05
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 18:06
  Christie: Exactly.
• 18:06
  Cheryl: Because they're
• 18:07
  Ellen: think they
• 18:08
  Cheryl: can do it all.
• 18:09
  Cheryl: Well, and that's the problem of the extrovert, but just this issue that introverts kind of feel.
• 18:15
  Cheryl: What's wrong with me, right.
• 18:17
  Cheryl: That I can't have 10 burners going.
• 18:19
  Christie: And that comparison of Oh yes.
• 18:21
  Christie: Comparing to other parents.
• 18:23
  Christie: Yes, absolutely.
• 18:23
  Christie: Other families, home lives and dynamics.
• 18:27
  Christie: You know, you can just feel so overwhelmed with, oh, but now I need to be doing this and this and this, and it can be exhausting.
• 18:37
  Cheryl: So let's speak into that.
• 18:38
  Cheryl: What would we bring in to encourage.
• 18:41
  Cheryl: These superpowered introverts to cope with all of this.
• 18:46
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 18:46
  Cheryl: what would you do?
• 18:47
  Cheryl: Saying, well, we don't want you to quit being who you are.
• 18:50
  Cheryl: We want you to be the best of who you
• 18:52
  Christie: are.
• 18:53
  Christie: Yeah.
• 18:53
  Christie: I mean, I think the first thing to do is, is spend some time thinking and processing.
• 18:59
  Christie: I would.
• 19:00
  Christie: It's talking to somebody, but you're probably not gonna talk to someone, You're probably gonna sit and think on it, journal through it, what is the real issue, you know?
• 19:11
  Christie: Mm-hmm.
• 19:11
  Christie: what, what is the main problem that you're facing on a daily basis?
• 19:15
  Christie: Is it, you know, your kids' schedule?
• 19:18
  Christie: Yeah.
• 19:19
  Christie: Is it, um, the amount of, you know, children needing things from you?
• 19:24
  Christie: Yeah.
• 19:24
  Christie: Is, is it that you have, you know, A job to balance.
• 19:28
  Christie: It's very draining already.
• 19:31
  Christie: Yeah.
• 19:31
  Christie: You know, what is the specific, um, area of struggle
• 19:35
  Cheryl: for you?
• 19:35
  Cheryl: Well, I agree with that, the prioritizing.
• 19:38
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 19:39
  Cheryl: of what is draining that energy.
• 19:42
  Cheryl: Um, like what you were talking about all these people at your house and and for some, like one of my friends, she says, just the.
• 19:52
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 19:52
  Cheryl: So then, well the noise
• 19:53
  Ellen: does bother
• 19:54
  Cheryl: extroverts, it sure does but there's, there's more energy to absorb than that, right?
• 19:59
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 19:59
  Cheryl: But sometimes it's the noise or sometimes it's even too much physical touch, right?
• 20:04
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 20:04
  Cheryl: that, that drains them.
• 20:05
  Cheryl: So like we were saying, uh, I love the idea of analyzing what trains me.
• 20:10
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 20:11
  Cheryl: and how can I prioritize around?
• 20:14
  Cheryl: The big drainers I have a friend and she actually, has four very highly rambunctious boys.
• 20:22
  Cheryl: Mm.
• 20:23
  Cheryl: And so she got special earplugs.
• 20:27
  Cheryl: Oh.
• 20:27
  Cheryl: It's not noise blocking, but it's noise straining.
• 20:30
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 20:31
  Cheryl: There were special ones she got just to bring the noise level down and she said she can't believe it's like she's been given two extra cups of coffee a day.
• 20:39
  Cheryl: Wow.
• 20:40
  Cheryl: That's really just, yeah.
• 20:41
  Cheryl: You know, bringing down the noise level.
• 20:43
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 20:44
  Cheryl: Because she prioritized, realizing it's just the noise.
• 20:48
  Christie: Right, right.
• 20:49
  Christie: Well, and I, I think, you know, we've talked before about the big rocks, you know, taking those priorities.
• 20:56
  Christie: And I remember, um, all of my girls were in dance when they were young, and I felt like I needed to be there watching through the window, watch their little dance class, you know?
• 21:07
  Christie: Mm-hmm.
• 21:08
  Christie: and I came to find that's a great 45 minutes that I could go sit in the van.
• 21:13
  Christie: They don't know I'm watching them.
• 21:14
  Christie: You know, maybe I could watch the first few minutes or come in early at the last five minutes.
• 21:18
  Christie: Yeah.
• 21:18
  Christie: But that would be a great time.
• 21:20
  Christie: The others were at home, you know, and so prioritizing your time, finding places to get those little, little bits of quiet to recharge, um,
• 21:30
  Cheryl: is helpful because recharging and healthy.
• 21:34
  Cheryl: is not, um, isolating and unhealthy.
• 21:38
  Ellen: Right.
• 21:39
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 21:39
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 21:40
  Cheryl: for example, not only not getting that alone, time to process and some solitude.
• 21:47
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 21:47
  Cheryl: to have that parent not feel guilty.
• 21:49
  Cheryl: for taking some self care.
• 21:51
  Ellen: That's really good
• 21:52
  Cheryl: Right.
• 21:53
  Cheryl: Not only would they just be in there watching the dance, but also having to talk to all the parents.
• 21:59
  Cheryl: Right.
• 21:59
  Christie: That's it.
• 22:00
  Christie: Yeah.
• 22:00
  Christie: Because that's what I realized is I was spending more time talking to the other moms being polite.
• 22:05
  Christie: Mm-hmm.
• 22:05
  Christie: than I was actually the payoff, you know, the payoff wasn't there for my child and so then I could save that energy for ice cream afterwards.
• 22:13
  Christie: Mm-hmm.
• 22:13
  Christie: and spend some one-on-one time with my
• 22:15
  Cheryl: child.
• 22:16
  Cheryl: Oh, that's so good To Protect your energy.
• 22:18
  Cheryl: Right.
• 22:19
  Cheryl: that's a really good thing.
• 22:20
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 22:20
  Cheryl: And if you're p pacing yourself, but you gotta do that processing first.
• 22:24
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 22:24
  Cheryl: to know how to pace
• 22:25
  Christie: yourself.
• 22:25
  Christie: Yes.
• 22:25
  Christie: Yeah.
• 22:26
  Christie: And
• 22:26
  Ellen: I think, um, I mean all extroverts and introverts, but I think just planning your week out.
• 22:32
  Ellen: Mm-hmm.
• 22:32
  Ellen: Mm-hmm.
• 22:32
  Ellen: you know, Sunday.
• 22:34
  Ellen: evening, take 30 minutes, look over your schedule, see what you've got going on so that you don't get overwhelmed by everybody's demands.
• 22:43
  Ellen: Right.
• 22:43
  Ellen: And it's easier to say no if you know that on Tuesday you have three events.
• 22:48
  Ellen: Yeah.
• 22:48
  Ellen: And your extroverted child wants you to add two more, right.
• 22:52
  Ellen: Oh, you don't have to go.
• 22:52
  Ellen: Oh, okay.
• 22:53
  Ellen: Let me think about it.
• 22:54
  Ellen: You can say, no, we already have three things going on on Tuesday.
• 22:57
  Ellen: Mm-hmm.
• 22:57
  Ellen: and we, we just can't do anymore.
• 22:59
  Ellen: And I think that's good for the extroverted children to learn from the introverted parent that there are limits for everybody on how much they can really do.
• 23:09
  Ellen: Mm-hmm.
• 23:09
  Ellen: right?
• 23:09
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm yeah,
• 23:10
  Christie: Mm-hmm.
• 23:10
  Christie: that's really good that the family can learn to accommodate for the other personality types or, you know, Tendencies because like I'm thinking, my husband's really good at this.
• 23:20
  Christie: He's very, very introverted and we have four daughters, that have a lot of words.
• 23:26
  Christie: And so when the dinner table is loud and boisterous, he is not contributing.
• 23:31
  Christie: so if you came in our house, you might think.
• 23:33
  Christie: Oh, does that guy even care about his kids?
• 23:35
  Christie: You know?
• 23:35
  Christie: Yeah.
• 23:36
  Christie: Mm-hmm.
• 23:36
  Christie: But he does weekly dates and has, I mean, you know, off and on over the years.
• 23:41
  Christie: Yeah.
• 23:41
  Christie: And he does really well one-on-one.
• 23:43
  Christie: Yes.
• 23:43
  Christie: And so he gets that one-on-one connection with them.
• 23:46
  Christie: Mm-hmm.
• 23:47
  Christie: where that need is being met.
• 23:49
  Christie: Yeah.
• 23:49
  Christie: But he's not, you know, overwhelmed and
• 23:52
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 23:53
  Cheryl: And say that's another strength of the introvert.
• 23:55
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 23:55
  Cheryl: One-on-one.
• 23:56
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 23:57
  Cheryl: someone with many burners on the fire might be skipping over it well, sometimes
• 24:02
  Ellen: we, those of us that are extroverts don't feel the depth that our introvert child or introvert adults feel, my kids are funny because they're all adults and they're all married, but there's certain things they'll go to my husband for who's an introvert, we don't want to talk to you about this mom and you know, it's, you know, and they'll go,
• 24:22
  Christie: but we need a short and sweet answer.
• 24:24
  Christie: Yeah.
• 24:25
  Ellen: And so, you know, I realize that there's.
• 24:28
  Ellen: Deep things sometimes that you do have to make time for, for your, uh, introverted children or spouse or whatever to hear from, and you have to kind of sometimes.
• 24:42
  Ellen: because opposites attract.
• 24:43
  Ellen: It makes it hard because the extrovert's like, that's not that big of a deal.
• 24:47
  Ellen: Why are you making a big deal out of it?
• 24:48
  Ellen: Mm-hmm.
• 24:49
  Ellen: Mm-hmm.
• 24:49
  Ellen: And then you realize that's why like the notebook helped with my son because he could express this really deep thing that I thought was nothing.
• 24:58
  Ellen: Yeah.
• 24:58
  Ellen: And I was like, oh, he was really.
• 25:01
  Ellen: Hurt or offended or you
• 25:03
  Cheryl: know, so in all of this, I think one of the things I would encourage an introvert to speak into is have a pattern in your family where you're communicating your needs.
• 25:13
  Ellen: yeah
• 25:14
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 25:14
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 25:15
  Cheryl: Instead of letting it all build up.
• 25:18
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 25:18
  Cheryl: Or just taking internally yeah.
• 25:20
  Cheryl: To.
• 25:21
  Cheryl: slow down, say, can I explain to y'all, right?
• 25:24
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 25:24
  Cheryl: and then talk about how you feel saying, look, we've got a big week, we have these play performances.
• 25:30
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 25:31
  Cheryl: we have football tryouts, whatever it is.
• 25:33
  Cheryl: There's a big week going mm-hmm.
• 25:35
  Cheryl: So I'm going to conserve my energy for that.
• 25:38
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 25:38
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 25:39
  Cheryl: And then you have the family in on it and speak up And tell them, communicate well within your family.
• 25:46
  Cheryl: Not only is that healthy for you and they benefit from a parent that does that, but also you are role modeling for your children, right?
• 25:55
  Cheryl: Absolutely.
• 25:56
  Cheryl: A healthy emotional life.
• 25:58
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 25:58
  Cheryl: That in community and in relationships we connect and share our needs and listen to one another.
• 26:03
  Cheryl: Well, and you're
• 26:04
  Christie: modeling for the introvert how to take care of the themselves.
• 26:07
  Christie: That's true.
• 26:08
  Christie: Yeah.
• 26:08
  Christie: And you're modeling for your extroverted kids how to care for their I.
• 26:12
  Christie: Counterpart because like you said, Ellen, opposites attract.
• 26:14
  Christie: Yeah.
• 26:14
  Christie: So they may have a spouse, they more than likely will have a spouse that's introverted if they're an extrovert.
• 26:19
  Christie: Mm-hmm.
• 26:20
  Christie: and just in relationship, we need to know how to
• 26:23
  Ellen: Right.
• 26:23
  Christie: Navigate with each other.
• 26:24
  Christie: Yeah.
• 26:25
  Cheryl: Very good.
• 26:25
  Cheryl: One practical thing that I've seen, and this is particularly for mom's, is this idea we're talking about overwhelmed Already by breakfast.
• 26:34
  Cheryl: They feel behind in the families.
• 26:37
  Cheryl: Daily schedule that if you can get to bed earlier.
• 26:41
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 26:41
  Cheryl: get the kids in bed.
• 26:43
  Cheryl: That bedtime routine is more important for an introvert
• 26:48
  Ellen: Right.
• 26:48
  Cheryl: so they have time to recharge and refuel and then get the sleep that they need.
• 26:54
  Cheryl: Because one of the things I would recommend and I did to this mom, is get up for your children day.
• 27:01
  Cheryl: Right?
• 27:01
  Cheryl: Because if you've got extroverted children, they jump out of bed and they're already running down the hallway.
• 27:07
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 27:08
  Cheryl: And if that's the beginning of your day, it's kind of hard, right?
• 27:11
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 27:12
  Cheryl: But you've got to get to bed early enough.
• 27:15
  Ellen: Yeah, absolutely,
• 27:15
  Cheryl: And she was saying her husband, her husband's an extrovert.
• 27:19
  Cheryl: Well, he can stay up till midnight.
• 27:21
  Cheryl: We like to stay up, please, And he get.
• 27:24
  Cheryl: About five 30 or six.
• 27:26
  Cheryl: Wow.
• 27:26
  Cheryl: And he's going, he's working out, he's meeting with people.
• 27:29
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 27:29
  Cheryl: So before the kids ever get up, he's done.
• 27:31
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 27:31
  Cheryl: 15 things.
• 27:32
  Cheryl: Right.
• 27:33
  Cheryl: And so I said, quit comparing.
• 27:35
  Cheryl: Right.
• 27:36
  Cheryl: Get yourself enough sleep and alone time, but get up before your kids do so your day is started.
• 27:42
  Cheryl: So yeah.
• 27:43
  Cheryl: If that can work out, parents, I would always recommend that.
• 27:46
  Cheryl: Well, I
• 27:46
  Christie: think for both parents it's good to.
• 27:49
  Christie: Have this conversation of, okay, these are the areas I struggle, these are the areas I'm feeling drained.
• 27:55
  Christie: And you know, I never wanted to do bedtime because by then I would get cranky and frustrated.
• 28:01
  Christie: Cause I just wanted them asleep.
• 28:02
  Christie: Because your batteries out.
• 28:03
  Christie: Yes.
• 28:03
  Christie: Yeah.
• 28:04
  Christie: And so my husband would've just gotten home a lot of the times.
• 28:08
  Christie: I mean, he traveled sometimes, but.
• 28:11
  Christie: In seasons.
• 28:11
  Christie: He was still somewhat still fresh on his kid battery.
• 28:16
  Christie: You know, it didn't work, but I was maxed out on my kid battery.
• 28:19
  Christie: Yeah.
• 28:19
  Christie: And so that was an agreement that we had.
• 28:21
  Christie: That was his thing.
• 28:22
  Christie: And sometimes I would be like, oh, I'm a bad mom for not, you know, singing and praying and all the things with Yeah.
• 28:28
  Christie: But that was their special thing.
• 28:30
  Christie: He did all of that.
• 28:31
  Christie: And then I had things, you know, he didn't love the American Girl Doll store, you.
• 28:35
  Christie: He had things that were better for me to take on dance competitions and that kind of thing.
• 28:40
  Christie: So I think just communication and saying, these are my needs as a parent.
• 28:44
  Christie: how could we help
• 28:45
  Cheryl: each other out?
• 28:46
  Cheryl: And being mindful instead of letting life just happen.
• 28:50
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 28:50
  Cheryl: Right.
• 28:50
  Cheryl: Slowing down and working on the big rocks and communicating and
• 28:56
  Ellen: planning.
• 28:56
  Ellen: Love that.
• 28:56
  Christie: Planning.
• 28:57
  Christie: Yes.
• 28:57
  Christie: Planning,
• 28:57
  Cheryl: yes.
• 28:58
  Cheryl: That's a life saver.
• 28:59
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 28:59
  Cheryl: Excellent.
• 29:00
  Cheryl: Well, this is really good.
• 29:02
  Cheryl: I want to come back and then point out again, parents particularly.
• 29:06
  Cheryl: introverts, we want to affirm you.
• 29:09
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 29:09
  Cheryl: of your incredible gifting and depth that you bring to every relationship.
• 29:15
  Ellen: Yeah, absolutely.
• 29:16
  Cheryl: And particularly to parenting.
• 29:18
  Cheryl: So we really want to tell you keep it up.
• 29:22
  Cheryl: You're doing a great job.
• 29:23
  Cheryl: Absolutely.
• 29:24
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 29:24
  Cheryl: So both introverted and extroverted parents, remember, hang in there.
• 29:30
  Cheryl: Keep loving, keep persevering because it's worth it.
• 29:39
  As we finish up today's discussion here at the Parenting Podcast, I want to take a moment to reflect on the incredible strengths of our introverted parents out there.
• 29:50
  Your keen observation skills and deep empathy are invaluable assets in understanding and nurturing your children's unique personalities.
• 30:01
  I also want to acknowledge the challenges you may face, such as feeling overwhelmed by the energy demands of parenting.
• 30:08
  Remember, it's okay.
• 30:11
  No, better than that, it shows wisdom and strength.
• 30:15
  to prioritize self care and establish boundaries that are healthy for you.
• 30:21
  Now, let's put our insights into action.
• 30:24
  What is one proactive step you, as an introverted parent, can take to leverage your strengths in order to create a nurturing environment for your family while guarding your energy reserves?
• 30:39
  I'd love to hear your thoughts.
• 30:41
  Get a hold of us on social Our website or at contact@theparentingpodcast.com.
• 30:49
  Your experiences and perspectives are invaluable to us.
• 30:53
  And finally, I wanna leave you with a sense of hope and encouragement.
• 30:58
  Whether you're an internal or external processor, embrace your authenticity as a parent knowing that your unique approach has a profound impact on your children's lives.
• 31:11
  I look forward to next time with you.
• 31:13
  Until then, keep loving, keep persevering, because it's worth it.