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MoneyWi$e: Money Talks - Communication Tips for Talking about Money · Talking FACS

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  Welcome to Talking FACS, what you need to know about family,
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  food, finance, and fitness.
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  This nationally recognized, award-winning podcast is hosted by the University
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  of Kentucky Family and Consumer Sciences Extension Program.
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  Our educators share research knowledge with individuals, families,
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  and communities to improve quality of life.
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  Hello, and welcome to MoneyWi$e on Talking FACS, where we share information
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  you can use to strengthen your family's finances so that you will live your best life.
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  I am your host, Mindy McCulley, Extension Specialist for Instructional Support
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  with Family and Consumer Sciences Extension.
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  We are housed in the Martin-Gatton College of Agriculture, Food, and Environment.
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  Today, as we always do on MoneyWi$e,
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  we're going to talk about money, but we're really going to talk about how you
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  can talk about money with those who are important to your life and to your family budget.
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  My guests are Kristen Jowers, who is our Extension Specialist for OneOp,
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  and Barbara Breutinger, who joined us last month, and she is the intern with Family Finance.
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  Welcome to you both. Thanks for having us. It's good to be here.
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  So I know that this is a conversation that you all are excited to have because
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  it is important to talk about money.
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  Why does talking about money matter?
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  That's right, Mindy. Talking about money does matter because having healthy
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  money conversations can reduce stress and bring people closer together.
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  In fact, research tells us that
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  healthy communication around finances is beneficial for relationships.
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  So, for example, we know that couples that share similar financial goals and
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  values have better relationship outcomes.
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  Healthy communication about money can increase your family's financial well-being,
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  which means having financial security and financial freedom of choice in the
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  present and in the future.
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  So full disclosure, I've been married more than 30 years.
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  And I can tell you that in those 30 years, probably some of the most difficult
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  conversations that we've had have been about money.
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  And probably when we have the most heated conversations, they're also about money.
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  So I'm sure that that is something that other couples experience as well.
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  So why is it that it's so difficult to talk about money?
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  Well, Mindy, there can be many reasons for this. Maybe your parents didn't talk
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  about money or always argued when they did.
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  Money may have been something your parents worried about, but never included
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  you in the conversation.
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  Now, as an adult, financial conversations may feel stressful or awkward.
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  Maybe you've tried having conversations about finances, but like you said,
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  it made you feel overwhelmed or maybe even hopeless.
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  Maybe someone feels that their financial situation is their own private business.
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  There can be so many different reasons why people don't talk about money.
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  One of the things to consider as well is that not talking about money doesn't
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  mean that financial things aren't still happening.
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  We're still going to work. We're still going to school. We're eating,
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  paying rent. The lights are on.
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  And so those types of things usually cost us or make us money.
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  So even when we're not talking about money, our silence is a form of communication in our relationships.
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  So once again, full disclosure, I'm the one that doesn't really like to talk
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  about money, which is funny because I'm the one who has the background in financial management.
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  But what happens when you avoid having those financial conversations.
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  Well, it can really be a problem.
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  If you're hiding something, that can be a problem. If you're having trouble
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  paying your bills, that can be a problem.
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  If you have too much credit card debt, that can also be a problem.
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  So, as Kristen said, not talking about it does not make the problem go away.
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  In fact, it can sometimes make things worse.
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  And one of the reasons for that is that avoiding financial conversations often increases stress.
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  So financial stress can cause poor sleep, trouble concentrating,
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  feelings of anxiety or depression, headaches even.
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  Financial challenges don't disappear when we don't talk about them or don't
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  take action to resolve them.
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  So healthy financial conversations can increase relationship satisfaction because
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  during those conversations, you can work on creating shared goals,
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  reduce your conflict, and buffer stress.
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  Now, how can we start this conversation?
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  Well, the first thing we can do is to pick a good time to talk.
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  You don't want to talk when you're rushed or tired or upset.
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  Choose a quiet time when you can focus. So you can think about the word HALT, H-A-L-T.
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  Don't try to talk when you're hungry, angry, lonely, or tired.
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  I really love the HALT acronym, Barbara.
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  That's really important for choosing a good time to start the conversation.
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  Another tip I would have is asking open-ended questions.
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  These types of questions show that you care about the person,
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  how they're feeling, what they're thinking, and not just the brass tacks money talk.
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  Kristen, do you have examples of questions that we can ask to get the conversation
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  started? How do you feel when we talk about money?
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  This helps to frame some of the emotions or feelings that arise in these types of conversations.
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  What is something you'd like to save for this year?
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  This question would help you begin creating shared goals.
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  How do we decide what is important to spend money on?
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  This question points to values. Is there anything you'd like us to do differently with our money?
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  This question helps identify action items or jumping-off points for the rest of the conversation.
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  You can also draft some questions of your own to begin the conversation with
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  the important people in your life.
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  Take turns answering questions and be honest in your responses.
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  Try not to interrupt because listening carefully can help both parties understand
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  the other person's point of view.
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  So if you find that every time you talk about money, you end up arguing,
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  what are some tips for managing conflict?
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  It's true, Mindy. Money talks can definitely be a source of tension.
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  It's normal to have different opinions about how much to spend or how much to
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  save, especially when you're making financial decisions as a couple or as a family.
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  Each member may have different ideas about how much money to spend on small
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  things like hobbies, gifts, or even how much to spend on vacations or groceries.
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  You may also have different ideas or budgets in mind for larger things like
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  estate planning, retirement investments, or paying off debt.
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  I think those open-ended questions are useful for managing potential conflict
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  because the answers can help you understand more about the other person's perspective.
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  And to continue with what Kristen said, pick a good time to talk, as we said earlier.
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  Second, be kind and clear. Use I statements instead of blaming.
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  Or work towards a goal. Pick something you can agree on and work on that together.
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  You can use tools to help, like PowerPay.
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  Don't try to tackle everything at once.
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  And if all that fails, consult a professional.
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  There are professionals that are called financial therapists,
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  or you can also use a financial counselor.
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  There may be other reasons that cause anxiety around talking about money that needs to be addressed.
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  Should the money talk be something we have every day, or maybe should this be
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  something that we schedule on a less frequent basis?
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  Regular checkups are really important, especially if you're just getting started.
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  Monthly discussions could be used to talk about current bills and balances on credit cards, say.
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  Quarterly meetings could be used to discuss large purchases like vacations or holiday spending.
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  And you might have a yearly meeting for a topic like taxes, retirement goals,
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  and updating beneficiaries.
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  Use whatever works for you. It may be difficult at first, so reward yourself
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  with something you enjoy, besides shopping. and it can actually be something
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  that brings you closer together and ensures that you are on the same page.
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  I echo Barbara's recommendations
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  and I just want to say it might be awkward the first time like I think the more
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  you have these types of conversations the easier it will be to have these conversations
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  and and having them kind of frequently or just on a regular basis can help turn
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  them into more low-pressure,
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  routine conversations.
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  For some families, it might make sense to put it on your calendar so that you don't forget.
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  Couples could call it a money date, or families could call it a family finance meeting.
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  I like, though, that it's something that you schedule weekly or monthly, but not,
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  we're going to have to talk about this every single night because then it becomes
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  more of a chore and not a task that we can tackle together to get a handle on our finances.
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  So what about, are there resources for people who want to dive just a little
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  bit deeper into how they can really get a handle on their finances?
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  Yes, Mindy, there are many resources available. The UK Cooperative Extension
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  Service has free publications on topics from balancing your budget to planning for retirement.
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  You can find them at your local Extension Service office or even online.
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  PowerPay is a free debt reduction tool provided by Utah State University.
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  It's a great tool for people who want to become debt free.
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  What I love about PowerPay is just the chance to visualize the debt repayment,
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  and it has cool features like applying extra power payments,
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  tax returns, and bonuses to pay down your debt balance.
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  Before we wrap up, are there any last thoughts that you want to share with our
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  listeners who are getting ready to start this money conversation?
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  I'll add in, Mindy, that talking about money might be a little bit uncomfortable,
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  but it's really important for setting those mutual goals, making plans for getting out of debt,
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  maybe large purchases, and so much more.
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  And so just remember that even though these conversations might be a little
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  bit uncomfortable at first, that they're really actually beneficial for your relationship.
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  So having these conversations before an emergency arises can reduce stress and
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  increase your financial well-being.
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  Thank you both for taking the time to share with me today.
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  I know that this is a conversation that is going to benefit our listeners.
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  And of course, I think it will benefit my family as well. So thank you all for
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  taking the time. You're welcome.
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  Thanks, Mindy. If you are just tuning in, you're listening to MoneyWi$e on Talking FACS.
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  And we are available wherever you listen to your favorite podcasts.
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  Thank you for listening to Talking FACS. We deliver programs focusing on nutrition,
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  Visit us online at fcs.uky.edu to learn more about the University of Kentucky
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  Family and Consumer Sciences Extension Program or contact your local extension
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  agent for Family and Consumer Sciences. We build strong families.
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  Music.