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Turning Point Ep.8: Resilience Across a Lifetime- Identity, Adversity and Enduring Strength · Murders to Music: Crime Scene to Music Scene (Streamline Events and Entertainment)

• 0:22
  SPEAKER_00: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to the Murders to Music Podcast.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_00: My name is Aaron.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: I'm your host.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you guys so much for coming back for another episode.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_00: This is the Turning Point series, episode number eight.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_00: And on this episode, we're going to talk about resiliency across a lifetime.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_00: We're going to talk about identity, adversity, and the enduring strength that keeps us moving in the right direction and ultimately can change our life.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: Today's guest is a survivor.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_00: At 19 years old, she lost control of her car, slid off the road, crashed, and at that time she broke her back.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: With the instantaneous breaking of the back, she lost the life that she once knew.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: She had to learn how to adapt, overcome, see the light, see the focus on the future.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: How life has changed.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_00: But then only decades later, a hemorrhagic stroke nearly took her life a second time.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: She survived both and has had a full recovery from the stroke.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_00: Today we're going to hear about her journey from darkness to light, and we're going to hear about that turning point.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_00: At what moment was there a turning point where she realized that while the chips are down, I have to look forward to the future.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_00: And that is her story.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_00: So I really thank her for coming on, being vulnerable enough to talk, share her story, and uh let us jump right into this.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: So, Victoria, thank you so much for being on the show.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_01: Well, thank you for having me, first of all.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_00: Of course.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_01: And uh well, I I'm from Medford, Oregon.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_01: And um when my mom married my stepdad, I was 10, and they uh my my stepdad adopted me and my two sisters, and we moved from where we were living to Medford, and uh I didn't know that I was going to develop a liking for the family business, and uh so I was basketball, volleyball, gymnastics, but I was also very accident prone.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_01: And finally in the seventh grade, when I got hurt in gymnastics, my dad's like, okay, we are seeing you more in the ER than we're seeing you at a game or at a meet or anything like that.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_01: He says, I think your uh athletic career needs to come to an end.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_01: And, you know, I understood.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_01: And then he says, How would you like to learn the family business?
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_01: So that became my lifestyle.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_01: Uh in the mornings, you know, I'd get up, get ready for school as soon as I came home, change my clothes, go downstairs, do whatever it was that was needed, whether it was putting the books away, putting wallpaper, you know, roles that people had taken out to look at and didn't put back, putting those back, familiarizing myself with what was what, where it was, how to find, you know, different patterns.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_01: And and I mean, I learned how to measure blueprints, how to hang wallpaper.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_01: I I learned the whole shebang, you know, starting in the seventh grade, all the way up to I, you know, graduated and moved out and went to college.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_01: So I didn't get a lot of time to hang out with my boyfriend or my friends.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_01: My dad had a very strong German work ethic, and he kind of instilled that in me.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_01: So if I had a chance to babysit and earn money, I had to babysit and earn money instead of go to a birthday party or a football game.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_01: My story starts when I was 19.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_01: And um my dad and I had this plan that I was going to, after graduation, go to college, get a degree.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_01: Even though I had learned the business, we had a family business.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_01: My dad had a wallpaper store.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_01: If you can sell wallpaper, you can sell anything.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_01: And I learned that business from the ground up.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_01: I learned how to make paste, I learned the tools, everything that I needed to know.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I started from, you know, putting wallpaper books away, uh, what different categories they were.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_01: And, you know, I started working in the seventh grade.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_01: So this was a very long-term plan that we had come up with.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_01: And, you know, I um was in my freshman year of college, and I was going to uh get a degree in business business management, and uh uh it was summer break, and that's when I had the accident.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_01: And um so that Friday morning, I walked out of my apartment and uh went to work, did my you know, normal day, and then I met my boyfriend out in Rogue River, uh, Oregon, is where I was living, and uh he was at his um parents' house.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_01: So I met him out there and we had dinner, and uh I decided, you know, that um let's go cruising.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_01: So Richard was like, all right, head into town and you know, I'll meet up with you and then we'll head to Medford together.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_01: So and I've driven this road before, and it never was an issue for me.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_01: So when I came upon this 25 mile an hour corner, I went to downshift and it wouldn't take second gear.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_01: I tried it again, it still wouldn't take.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_01: I tried third and it was like stuck in neutral, it would not move.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_01: I ended up hitting the gravel that was on the side of the road, then I hit a tree, and the whiplash motion broke my neck.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_01: The third vertebrae slid over the fourth, taking the spinal cord with it.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_01: It didn't completely separate, but it did damage uh the spinal cord.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_01: So the higher you damage your spinal cord, the more damage that's done to the body.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_01: Well, of course, you know, had no idea what happened because um I remember I the car, I felt the car come to a stop.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_01: But I was on the opposite side of the road, looking like I was going into or out of town, not into town.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_01: And I saw Richard come around the corner and he ditched the car that he was driving, and he yelled my name, and as he started to run across the street, I noticed that I had blood um dripping from my my left pinky finger, and my driver's window was shattered, and um the front windshield had caved in.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_01: So if I would have, when the car finally stopped, if I would have been thrown forward, it easily would have slipped my throat.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_01: And um I saw that I was bleeding from my mouth, and uh he was, you know, um running across the road, and I blacked out at that point.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_01: And the next thing I remember, I woke up and we were a good distance away from the car.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_01: He smelled gas, and so he wanted to take me out of the car and away from it because he didn't know what was gonna happen.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_01: Richard, he's uh 6'4 and I'm 5'5.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_01: So when he carries me, it's like carrying a baby, and so my neck was always cradled.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_01: So when I opened my eyes and I see right in front of me, there's a police officer and a paramedic.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_01: And my eyes just kind of I didn't turn my head, but my eyes just moved to the right, and I remembered Richard was there, and um he said, I'm rubbing your hand.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_01: Can you feel me?
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_01: And I looked at him and very faintly said no.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_01: So the paramedic and the police officer were like, oh no, kind of moment.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_01: And uh the paramedic ran into the back of the ambulance and grabbed a Philly collar.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_01: Seatbelts were just coming to be um, you know, more of a uh making people aware to it be good practice, but it wasn't the law to wear them yet.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_01: So he put the Philly collar on and uh it just um it seemed like time just sped up and up until the time I got into the ambulance, I was hoping it was a temporary thing.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_01: Um I was more like praying that it was a temporary thing, but it wasn't.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_01: You know, they put me in the back of the ambulance and we headed towards Rogue Valley Hospital.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_01: Well, the hospital in Grants Pass was like 15 minutes away, but I didn't want to go there because to me it seemed like something out of uh the Adams family.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_01: So I wanted to go to Rogue Valley in Medford, and that was a good 45 minutes away.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_01: And I told them, take me there.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_01: My family will meet me there.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_01: So they did, and um I remember in the ER they took numerous x-rays, and then the next thing I remember, uh the doctor has a drill in his hand, and yeah, I used to watch Richard with his tools, so I was familiar with you know what different tools were, and I'm looking and I'm like, why does the doctor have a Makita drill in his hand?
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_01: Because it was green, and so it reminded me of the one Richard had because he had a Makita.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_01: And um I asked the doctor, I said, What are you going to do with that?
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_01: He's all um, I'm gonna drill holes over your ears, and I'm gonna put these tongs and attach 40 pounds of weight to them to stabilize your neck so that there isn't any more damage to your spinal cord.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_00: And and he said he was gonna drill holes in in what?
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_01: Uh in my head, above my ears.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_00: That's what I thought you said.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm saying I'm like uh I'm laying there and I'm trying to process this, and he starts the drill up and he says, you won't feel anything.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_01: And the next thing I remember feeling was a vibrating sensation, and I was gone, I was out.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_01: And the window on the windowsill, there was probably five or six different jelly belly gifts, because all my friends knew that jelly bellies were my favorite.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_01: So they all had, you know, gifts there on the windowsill.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_01: And oh, I wanted a jelly belly so bad.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_01: I remember that was the first word out of my mouth.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_01: Can I have one?
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_01: And they're like, nope, you can't eat anything.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_01: I was laying on a striker frame, and the striker frame is like a cot.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_01: If you can imagine a cot cut into strips, and it's like that on the bottom, and it's like that on the top.
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_01: So you're sandwiched in between it, and when they turn you, it's for pressure relief.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_01: So every two hours they were flipping me onto my tummy, then back onto my back, and that's what my day consisted of.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_01: Every two hours I flipped.
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_01: And uh at the end of the week, they felt I had stabilized enough, and that's when they were gonna do the fusion from C3 to C5.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I didn't know that I wasn't going to get any better after the surgery.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_01: I kind of thought, oh, well, after the surgery, everything will be better.
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_01: And um, you know, I things will go back to normal.
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I went into surgery, the doctor put something up my nose to knock me out.
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_01: I remember my last words to Richard were, don't leave me.
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_01: And he's I'll be right here when you come out.
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_01: And, you know, I close my eyes, and the next thing I remember when I woke up, I was in a room and I still couldn't feel.
• 15:40
  SPEAKER_01: And my whole body felt tingly.
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_01: You know how when your legs fall asleep and it's that tingling feeling, especially when you touch them.
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_01: Well, from my neck down, that's all I felt.
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_01: So I was like, did it work?
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_01: Um, do we need to wait and see kind of thing?
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_01: And I I just I, you know, kind of took it for what it was.
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_01: And I didn't freak out about it, but I was starving.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_01: And my focus was I wanted to eat, and that's all I cared about.
• 16:18
  SPEAKER_01: So they had to take a feeding tube out, and you know, that was a whole lot of fun after having it in for a week.
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_01: I felt like when the doctor pulled it out, he pulled all the insides out with it.
• 16:31
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, it hurt so bad.
• 16:33
  SPEAKER_01: But I didn't care because I was finally able to eat, and so I did, and I think it was the next day, still nothing.
• 16:45
  SPEAKER_01: The fusion was to keep it from getting worse, and or um it might come in time.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't know, and uh nobody addressed it, no one do you have any questions?
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_01: Nothing was said, so I kind of had to figure it out myself, and uh I think it was when this psychologist came in, and she's ape-bodied, and she's telling me, you know, I I understand how you're feeling, and I stopped her right there.
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_01: She ticked me off.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_01: I looked at her and I was like, how do you understand how I'm feeling?
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_01: Have you ever had a spinal cord injury?
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_01: Have you ever laid in a bed and not be, you know, be able to move anything at all?
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_01: Feel anything at all?
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_01: Well, no.
• 18:01
  SPEAKER_01: I said, then how on earth do you can you you know sit there and tell me you know how I feel?
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_01: You have no clue.
• 18:13
  SPEAKER_01: And she just looked at me and she says, Well, you know, I'm just trying to be sympathetic.
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_01: I said, Let me give you a huge, huge clue moving forward.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_01: Don't ever tell a patient you understand if you have never experienced what they're going through.
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_01: Because you told me that you understood.
• 18:41
  SPEAKER_01: I wanted to just tell her to get out of my room.
• 18:45
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't want to talk to her.
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_01: It made me very angry, and you know, she understood why, and um, she told me that she learned a valuable lesson.
• 18:55
  SPEAKER_01: My life continued in a very different way than I thought it was going to.
• 19:02
  SPEAKER_01: And I was sad about it, you know, because for five years that's been the game plan.
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_01: Take over the business from my dad, continue his legacy.
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I wasn't gonna be able to do that because the building was all concrete, not really easy to make ADA compliant, old building.
• 19:24
  SPEAKER_01: And um, so I was like, what am I gonna do now?
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_01: What is my life going to consist of from this point on?
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_00: How was your mental state when you realized that your life had changed forever?
• 19:45
  SPEAKER_01: Sad.
• 19:46
  SPEAKER_01: I I kind of went into the old Vic in that when the doctors you won't be able to do this, you can't do that.
• 19:56
  SPEAKER_01: Oh yeah.
• 19:57
  SPEAKER_01: And I would make as much stride towards being able to do it or finding a different way or something different to be able to achieve the same effect.
• 20:09
  SPEAKER_01: Um I guess it made me very stubborn.
• 20:15
  SPEAKER_01: So um the nurses were giving me a bed bath, and I looked at her and I said, I can feel where you're at.
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_01: And she looked at me and she says, Oh, you can, where am I?
• 20:34
  SPEAKER_01: I said, You are behind my ankle.
• 20:39
  SPEAKER_01: She says, Oh, yeah, you feel that?
• 20:41
  SPEAKER_01: I said, Yeah.
• 20:43
  SPEAKER_01: And um she got all excited, you know, of course, told the doctor, because that's very far below the level of injury.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_01: You know, the doctor had told my family, I would be nothing more than a head attached to a body, not able to move or feel below the level of injury.
• 21:02
  SPEAKER_01: I would be a C C3, C4, incomplete quadriplegic.
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_01: Well, the fact that I could feel behind my ankle was obviously promising.
• 21:16
  SPEAKER_01: So Richard got the idea of one day when he was holding my hand, he says, I'm gonna hold your hand, but I'm gonna let it drop.
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_01: You need to hold it.
• 21:28
  SPEAKER_01: And I looked at him, I said, but you know I can't.
• 21:30
  SPEAKER_01: He goes, try.
• 21:31
  SPEAKER_01: And I thought he was the biggest jerk ever, you know, for doing that.
• 21:36
  SPEAKER_01: But I I I got it and I calmed down and I focused.
• 21:42
  SPEAKER_01: So he was holding my hand and he's like, okay, I'm gonna let go on the count of three.
• 21:48
  SPEAKER_01: You need to hold your hand up.
• 21:52
  SPEAKER_01: So I was like, okay.
• 21:54
  SPEAKER_01: And he said three, and I remember the hand dropped, but I I moved it just, I mean, I'm trying to move it just ever so slightly, it twinged up.
• 22:07
  SPEAKER_01: And um, so we told the doctor, and the doctor says, let's watch you for a month, and at the end of the month, we'll see about you know if it's gonna benefit you to go to rehab.
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_01: So I was like, okay, so I stayed in that room for a month, and we continued to work on that wrist, and um after that month, the doctor felt pretty confident about sending me to rehab.
• 22:37
  SPEAKER_01: So there happened to be um Rio, the rehab institute of Oregon, that was at Good Samaritan Hospital in Portland.
• 22:46
  SPEAKER_01: Well, that was six hours away.
• 22:49
  SPEAKER_01: So I thought, well, hot dog, that's perfect.
• 22:53
  SPEAKER_01: And they made arrangements and I was flown there through Mercy Flight, and um Richard drove there and he beat me there.
• 23:05
  SPEAKER_01: And uh for I didn't know how long I was going to be.
• 23:12
  SPEAKER_01: Um but I knew that I had a lot of thinking to do and I had things to figure out for me because it wasn't the lifestyle that I had anticipated, but it was my life now, and I had to be able to explain to people what to do to be able to help me.
• 23:42
  SPEAKER_01: So one, I had to figure out what help I needed, and two, how to ask for it, because that wasn't not in my forte at all, not Victoria.
• 23:55
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I went by Vicky back then.
• 23:59
  SPEAKER_01: Uh-uh, no, I'm independent, I can do it.
• 24:02
  SPEAKER_01: Tell me I can't do something, and I'll prove you wrong every single time.
• 24:06
  SPEAKER_01: And I still have that mindset, and um so I had to figure it out, and I also had to change my mindset.
• 24:17
  SPEAKER_01: I couldn't be bitter and angry at my family and friends.
• 24:21
  SPEAKER_01: It wasn't their fault that the accident happened.
• 24:25
  SPEAKER_01: Turns out it was a product liability, and General Motors never recalled the uh faulty part in that second gear shifter.
• 24:36
  SPEAKER_01: They had problems with their X cars from uh 79 to 82, and um all they kept doing was sending out notices to the dealerships, fix it, just replace it, but they were replacing it with another part that was made from the same faulty metal.
• 24:58
  SPEAKER_01: So there had been um three previous owners to that car.
• 25:05
  SPEAKER_01: So um, and they all traded it in because of the same problem.
• 25:10
  SPEAKER_01: So um, but back to the the rehab, I had to learn how to feed myself again.
• 25:18
  SPEAKER_01: That was a lot of fun.
• 25:20
  SPEAKER_01: I felt like I was chasing my food on the fork or the spoon.
• 25:25
  SPEAKER_01: I had to use a wrist brace because I was incredibly weak.
• 25:30
  SPEAKER_01: And I had to build all that endurance back up again.
• 25:34
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I would have the wrist brace on, the fork had the adaptation to go around my hand, and it I would be like this with the food on it because of the weight, and I'm trying to, you know, find my it was comical at first, and I'm glad that I wasn't in front of too many people that, you know, would laugh or make fun of me because I know my friends would razz me.
• 26:02
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but I regained that strength in time for me to leave rehab um and be able to feed myself.
• 26:14
  SPEAKER_01: Working out was a huge outlet for me.
• 26:16
  SPEAKER_01: I worked out every day, even though they told me not to, but it was a great way to get out frustration, anger, um, work through all those emotions because I was robbed.
• 26:30
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I was 19 years old and my independence was stolen from me, and um I had to figure out what life was going to be like from a chair.
• 26:43
  SPEAKER_01: And I went November 9th, and probably in the middle of January, I told them that I I wanted to go home.
• 26:56
  SPEAKER_01: And they're like, really?
• 26:57
  SPEAKER_01: And I said, Yeah.
• 26:58
  SPEAKER_01: I said, I've been here, it's going on three months.
• 27:02
  SPEAKER_01: I need to live my life the way it's going to be from a chair, and I can't figure that out here.
• 27:11
  SPEAKER_01: I need to be with my family and friends.
• 27:16
  SPEAKER_01: You know, my boyfriend and I, um, we ended up moving in together because before the accident, I had my apartment, he had his house.
• 27:26
  SPEAKER_01: But um, my dad had a rental next door to our family home and business, and uh, he had a ramp put on there.
• 27:36
  SPEAKER_01: He took the bedroom door off, the bathroom door, and the house was very open, and that was all he had to do to make it accessible for me.
• 27:49
  SPEAKER_01: So Richard and I moved in there.
• 27:52
  SPEAKER_01: Richard was the tall, dark, and handsome with a killer smile, the whitest teeth, and uh I was actually dating somebody else when I met him because we all raced downtown.
• 28:10
  SPEAKER_01: And when I realized I liked him, I had to break up with the the gentleman I was hanging out with, Richard.
• 28:19
  SPEAKER_01: And we were together for four months before I had the accident.
• 28:25
  SPEAKER_01: He was my biggest supporter, and he, if it wasn't for him, I don't think I would have tried as hard and um been as focused as I was.
• 28:42
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I owe him a lot for those three years that we were together, and um that was a whole a whole uh different experience too, because we knew how we were before the accident.
• 29:02
  SPEAKER_01: How were we going to be after?
• 29:07
  SPEAKER_01: The nurses um at Rio were really sweet, and the therapists, and they got together and they got a room for Richard and I for Christmas.
• 29:19
  SPEAKER_01: So we went to a hotel and um we had to get reacquainted again, and it was awkward, it was um a lot of just uh you know uh talking and and figuring it out.
• 29:41
  SPEAKER_01: And I guess to offset the nervousness, I I did a lot of laughing, and he knew why, and we figured it out, you know, was it the way it was before?
• 29:55
  SPEAKER_01: No, but um we knew we just had to uh get comfortable with the situation, what I could do and what I couldn't do, how you know it's obviously very different from how it was.
• 30:15
  SPEAKER_01: And so um, of course, you know, they're all like doggies in the window when I get back to the hospital.
• 30:25
  SPEAKER_01: So tell us all about it.
• 30:26
  SPEAKER_01: How was your and I'm just like, we made it.
• 30:31
  SPEAKER_01: I said it was uh in my book, I said it was like um getting just reacquainted all over again.
• 30:40
  SPEAKER_01: I had been prophesied that I was gonna write a book, and that was 27 years ago.
• 30:49
  SPEAKER_01: And every time I was in the hospital, all the doctors and nurses, you need to write a book.
• 30:55
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, well, who's gonna read it?
• 30:56
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, I would.
• 30:58
  SPEAKER_01: The the things that you've been through, you know, relationships, parenting from a chair.
• 31:05
  SPEAKER_01: Um, because you know, I I had my kids at 26 and 28.
• 31:10
  SPEAKER_01: And, you know, it that was a whole education there too.
• 31:17
  SPEAKER_01: And dating, you know, relationships, marriages, uh, you know, and I'm telling them my story.
• 31:26
  SPEAKER_01: And so story short, um it wasn't until last uh year after I was like, you know what?
• 31:36
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna do my memoir.
• 31:38
  SPEAKER_01: And that's when I I wrote it, and um, you know, with editing and constant re-editing, um, I'm finally publishing it, you know, it's never too late.
• 31:53
  SPEAKER_00: So, Victoria, what was your turning point when for you the tide changed and you realized there was a new life ahead?
• 32:04
  SPEAKER_01: When I went to uh rehab, and then when I, after those three months, I wanted to go back to work.
• 32:12
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't want to stay at home and do nothing.
• 32:18
  SPEAKER_01: So I worked with Vogue Rehab for probably two years to get computer literate again and be able to type to be productive and um you know hold a job down.
• 32:33
  SPEAKER_01: And so that's what I did.
• 32:35
  SPEAKER_01: And two years later, I worked for the judicial department for the state of Oregon, and I did that job for four years.
• 32:43
  SPEAKER_01: I created that position.
• 32:45
  SPEAKER_01: They hired me for one thing, and I turned it into something completely different.
• 32:50
  SPEAKER_00: Life after the accident, let's talk about that.
• 32:53
  SPEAKER_00: The fact that you went on and had kids.
• 32:55
  SPEAKER_00: How many kids do you have?
• 32:57
  SPEAKER_01: Two.
• 32:58
  SPEAKER_01: Daniel is 30 and Sarah is 20.
• 33:01
  SPEAKER_01: Well, she'd be 28 in September.
• 33:03
  SPEAKER_01: I'm also a grandmother.
• 33:05
  SPEAKER_01: Awesome.
• 33:06
  SPEAKER_01: And uh, you know, I my grandkids are five, three, and two.
• 33:13
  SPEAKER_01: And my son has, I think he's seven now, Sebastian is, and you know, um that's happiness is them being happy, you know, creating a legacy for them.
• 33:28
  SPEAKER_01: My grandma, I remember my grandma, nothing stopped her.
• 33:32
  SPEAKER_01: She always had a smile on her face, she never let us quit or give up.
• 33:39
  SPEAKER_01: And I I want to pass down, you know, that positive legacy that will carry on for generations.
• 33:49
  SPEAKER_00: Wow.
• 33:49
  SPEAKER_00: You have such a determined fighting spirit.
• 33:53
  SPEAKER_00: It's pretty cool.
• 33:55
  SPEAKER_01: Because I had won that lawsuit, I was able to afford a wheelchair accessible van.
• 34:00
  SPEAKER_00: What lawsuit?
• 34:02
  SPEAKER_01: Um I sued General Motors and the dealership that sold me the car, and um we were suing for you know X amount, but ended up getting just a fraction of it, and I had to split it with three law firms.
• 34:23
  SPEAKER_01: So I ended up with uh 2.2 and um I got married right after that and moved, well, not moved, but went to Maui for my honeymoon and bought a house while I was there.
• 34:39
  SPEAKER_01: And because Oregon's cold and there's snow, and I didn't do well after the accident in cold.
• 34:49
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I'm very sensitive to cold.
• 34:51
  SPEAKER_01: I do better with warmth.
• 34:54
  SPEAKER_01: So my first ex-husband um, you know, said, why don't you look at buying a house?
• 35:00
  SPEAKER_01: So I I did, and six months later, after school was over, uh, he and I and his son um moved into the house, and we lived there for about seven years, um about two and a half with him, and then I met and married my second husband, who I have the two kids from, and we were married for 15 years, but um the kids were two about two and a half and six months, and we moved from Maui to the mainland, and uh, you know, it just the money fortitud the the homes that we lived in and the accessible vehicle, and um after I had the third and final car accident, because the first one was the injury, the second one I had bilateral femur fractures, uh a car failed to yield right away, so it was his fault, and uh, I had to get a new van because of that, and then um I ended up getting another one, um, and I can't remember the reason for that one.
• 36:25
  SPEAKER_01: So the equipment that I used to drive with followed me through, you know, each van, but um, it was only warranted for a certain amount of time.
• 36:39
  SPEAKER_01: I think it was a 10-year warranty, and I drove for 15 years.
• 36:43
  SPEAKER_01: Well, when I had that third and final car accident, I couldn't get the car fixed.
• 36:50
  SPEAKER_01: So after 15 years of driving, I had to stop.
• 36:54
  SPEAKER_01: I missed that every day.
• 36:56
  SPEAKER_01: That was my greatest source of independence.
• 37:00
  SPEAKER_01: I'm grateful for the time that I had it.
• 37:03
  SPEAKER_01: Um, you know, my kids and I could do things and get things done.
• 37:08
  SPEAKER_01: I was a busy stay-at-home mom that was never home.
• 37:12
  SPEAKER_01: And um I think that's what I'm my biggest obstacle is not having uh whether I drive it or not, or somebody else does, I would be grateful to have a vehicle that I could get out and about in and make it to my doctor's appointments.
• 37:54
  SPEAKER_01: You know, um, go to places where I can share my story and testimony, be the pure mentor that I was before, you know, the the last car accident.
• 38:06
  SPEAKER_01: You know, the the independence and being able to get out of the house and do what I need to do is lacking a lot.
• 38:16
  SPEAKER_01: And it's it makes me sad.
• 38:19
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it I can just tell by hearing your story and listening to you, it does.
• 38:24
  SPEAKER_00: Is there how can I say this?
• 38:29
  SPEAKER_00: Would you ex would you say you're experiencing any kind of identity loss, not having the mobility, not being able to connect?
• 38:36
  SPEAKER_00: Is there some identity loss component in there?
• 38:38
  SPEAKER_00: I'm hearing it, but I don't want to hear something that's not really there.
• 38:42
  SPEAKER_01: No, you're you're correct.
• 38:45
  SPEAKER_01: It's like what made Vicky who she was wasn't there anymore with the um spinal cord injury, then with not having the van anymore, I went from Vicky to Victoria and um it left Victoria feeling um like I was robbed of my independence again.
• 39:19
  SPEAKER_01: And when um I ended up selling it for parts or scraps or something, and the day that the gentleman took it out of my garage, I had to take off work because I broke down, I lost it.
• 39:34
  SPEAKER_01: It was different the year that I had it in the garage, knowing I couldn't drive it, but it was still my vehicle.
• 39:42
  SPEAKER_01: It was still, you know, what um took me to my workouts, took me to visit nursing homes that I had been in after recovering from surgery, um, teaching in the school for my kids.
• 39:59
  SPEAKER_01: You know, so seeing that be taken away, it was very hard for me.
• 40:05
  SPEAKER_01: And it took about an hour or two to collect myself, but um it hurt.
• 40:14
  SPEAKER_01: And it still makes me sad when I think about it.
• 40:18
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 40:19
  SPEAKER_00: You know, our stories are different.
• 40:22
  SPEAKER_00: I can wrap my mind around a vehicle being towed out of my garage and having it affect me because it used it was such a big part of who I used to be.
• 40:31
  SPEAKER_00: And when it's there, even though you can't drive it, for me, it's felt like I still had a piece of my identity there.
• 40:38
  SPEAKER_00: I still had a piece of me.
• 40:41
  SPEAKER_00: And then when it got taken away, it was the final straw of losing who I used to be.
• 40:48
  SPEAKER_00: And um it kind of sounds like your story's similar.
• 40:51
  SPEAKER_00: Tell me about very much so.
• 40:54
  SPEAKER_00: So, you know, this journey you've taken us on so far.
• 40:58
  SPEAKER_00: We have a normal life.
• 40:59
  SPEAKER_00: We have a kid growing up to be 19 years old.
• 41:03
  SPEAKER_00: Then we have this traumatic event, your car crash.
• 41:06
  SPEAKER_00: With that car crash came an identity loss, came a name change, came losing the person you used to be, but then you learned how to adapt into this new world and uh give back where you can with the mentoring and everything else.
• 41:22
  SPEAKER_00: Then you lose your vehicle based on the third car crash, another slap in the face on this identity loss thing, um, and then when it finally gets towed away, and now you're you know starting to see life a little bit differently again, and then you have a second life-threatening incident happen.
• 41:41
  SPEAKER_00: Tell me about that.
• 41:43
  SPEAKER_00: God keeps trying to take you and you keep fighting back.
• 41:45
  SPEAKER_00: Tell me about the second time.
• 41:50
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so my caregiver and I were doing our normal routine, and I told her, I said, I have a headache.
• 41:59
  SPEAKER_01: And she says, Where's your headache?
• 42:01
  SPEAKER_01: And I said, It's r you know, way up on the right side.
• 42:05
  SPEAKER_01: And she's all well, let me get you in your chair, and maybe sitting up will help.
• 42:12
  SPEAKER_01: So I was like, Okay.
• 42:14
  SPEAKER_01: Well, it the transfer takes just a couple of minutes.
• 42:18
  SPEAKER_01: By the time she put me in the chair, I had the stroke, and um I didn't feel it, I didn't um I didn't know anything had happened until I went to hold on to the left armrest, and I couldn't get my arm to reach it.
• 42:39
  SPEAKER_01: And I I'm looking at my arm, and I'm like, what the heck is wrong with my arm?
• 42:44
  SPEAKER_01: And then I looked like this at the mirror and I saw the facial droop.
• 42:50
  SPEAKER_01: And then I realized how I was sounding the speech impediment.
• 42:56
  SPEAKER_01: She came around the front and looked at me and was horrified.
• 43:01
  SPEAKER_01: Grabbed her phone, ran out the front door because that's where we could get reception back then, and called 911.
• 43:09
  SPEAKER_01: Well, due to the spinal cord injury, my blood pressure was always 80s over 60s, which is low, but I operated that way.
• 43:19
  SPEAKER_01: Driving, it didn't matter, it was always that way.
• 43:24
  SPEAKER_01: Plus, I have hypothyroidism to the due to being pregnant.
• 43:29
  SPEAKER_01: So um, when the paramedics got there, my blood pressure was 198 over 110.
• 43:39
  SPEAKER_01: And, you know, it was I I'm sitting there thinking, how on earth did my blood pressure get that high?
• 43:50
  SPEAKER_01: So they took me to the hospital and their CT scan was broke.
• 43:54
  SPEAKER_01: So we had to go 20 minutes to another hospital, and they did the CT scan and said that I had a hemorrhagic stroke at the base of my brainstem.
• 44:07
  SPEAKER_01: And they were looking, they were looking to um through the helicopter fly me from Santan Valley to Scottsdale Osborne, to uh the hospital there.
• 44:22
  SPEAKER_01: And um they were giving me medication.
• 44:27
  SPEAKER_01: Well, it wasn't until I got to uh Scottsdale Osborne hospital that I realized the severity of the stroke, and the doctor was telling my fiance back then not to have a whole lot of hope because when you have a brain bleed at the base of your brain stem, sometimes there's no coming back from that.
• 44:54
  SPEAKER_01: And they were putting a feeding tube down me again um while she was telling him that.
• 45:04
  SPEAKER_01: So I I was like, Well, that's not gonna happen, you know.
• 45:09
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know what I have to do, but mm mm.
• 45:13
  SPEAKER_01: So the four days that I was there, it felt like it took me 10 minutes.
• 45:17
  SPEAKER_01: To tell the doctor, you know, I'm the spinal cord injury, okay, I get that.
• 45:24
  SPEAKER_01: But this stroke business has got to go.
• 45:28
  SPEAKER_01: And he said he knew at that point that I was going to be okay.
• 45:33
  SPEAKER_01: So I went home and I worked with PTOT three days out of the week, but the rest of the week I was on my own to do the exercises with my mouth, my tongue, my face, and worked my arm.
• 45:49
  SPEAKER_01: And um my poor stepson, but God bless his soul, because he and his friends were such good sports.
• 45:59
  SPEAKER_01: I'd be like, Michael, how do I sound?
• 46:02
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, you're sounding really good, Vicky.
• 46:05
  SPEAKER_01: Or, you know, he called me um Vic or Victoria.
• 46:10
  SPEAKER_01: And uh I knew I still sounded the same.
• 46:15
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, it was still at the very beginning, but I appreciated them, you know, not leaving me alone.
• 46:22
  SPEAKER_01: We're gonna go out in the garage.
• 46:23
  SPEAKER_01: You want to come with us?
• 46:25
  SPEAKER_01: Sure.
• 46:26
  SPEAKER_01: So, you know, I did what I had to do, and gradually throughout the four months, by the grace of God, I fully recovered.
• 46:35
  SPEAKER_01: And um, facial droop is gone, speech impediments gone.
• 46:40
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I just can't talk as fast as I used to, or my dyslexia will kick in.
• 46:45
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, oop, gotta slow down.
• 46:49
  SPEAKER_00: The accident was obviously what could be considered a low spot.
• 46:54
  SPEAKER_00: It's a traumatic event.
• 46:56
  SPEAKER_00: The stroke, another traumatic event, another life-threatening event.
• 47:02
  SPEAKER_00: Did the two of them feel different to you, or was it just like we're rinse and repeating what happened, figuratively speaking, yesterday?
• 47:14
  SPEAKER_01: Um, no, they really didn't feel different because I couldn't talk.
• 47:25
  SPEAKER_01: And I was having a hard time with, you know, after the first accident.
• 47:29
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I was having a hard time talking.
• 47:32
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I I felt like the wind had been knocked out from me, and you know, I was very, very faint.
• 47:40
  SPEAKER_01: Well, when I was talking after the stroke, it was very difficult.
• 47:44
  SPEAKER_01: And my caregiver yelled at me and said, You need to shut up.
• 47:48
  SPEAKER_01: You need to stop talking and concentrate on lowering your blood pressure.
• 47:55
  SPEAKER_01: And I kept wanting to talk and to find out or ask questions, and she just she turned her back on me and said, Be quiet, you need to calm down.
• 48:08
  SPEAKER_01: So, you know, there was a slight similarity there, and I if I didn't recover or partially recovered, would it have been the end of the world?
• 48:30
  SPEAKER_01: If I hadn't recovered at all, I it it would have devastated me to look the way I did and sound the way I did.
• 48:46
  SPEAKER_01: God knew I I couldn't live like that.
• 48:50
  SPEAKER_01: And it it sounds not rude, but I'm I'm too vain for that.
• 48:57
  SPEAKER_01: I I I just I couldn't do it, and I would be doing everything possible to get past that because that's not me.
• 49:08
  SPEAKER_01: And um, so uh it's totally by the grace of God that I'm as far as I am in the spinal cord injury and that I fully recovered.
• 49:20
  SPEAKER_00: They can be super smart, but they're not God.
• 49:23
  SPEAKER_00: He's got a different plan.
• 49:25
  SPEAKER_01: No, they're not.
• 49:26
  SPEAKER_00: What was your turning point?
• 49:27
  SPEAKER_01: He's my physician and healer.
• 49:30
  SPEAKER_00: Amen.
• 49:31
  SPEAKER_00: What was the turning point during your recovery from the stroke?
• 49:35
  SPEAKER_01: When I could look in the mirror and smile.
• 49:39
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I guess my smile along with my hair is like my my trademark, my signature.
• 49:47
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, people when they see me smile, they're just like, how do you have a smile like that after going through everything that you've gone through?
• 49:55
  SPEAKER_01: I said, it's easy because I know it could always be worse.
• 49:58
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 50:00
  SPEAKER_01: And I don't take even the smallest things for granted.
• 50:05
  SPEAKER_00: You know, doing this turning point series, I've had an opportunity to talk to a lot of different people about the low points and uh their turning point and yours.
• 50:16
  SPEAKER_00: It's so simple.
• 50:18
  SPEAKER_00: When you could look in the mirror and see yourself smile, and that is pretty awesome.
• 50:24
  SPEAKER_00: Uh that's pretty awesome.
• 50:26
  SPEAKER_00: Let's talk about your strength because obviously you're strong, you're a fighter.
• 50:30
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, how did motherhood shape your strength?
• 50:38
  SPEAKER_01: I had to be a survivor resilient.
• 50:42
  SPEAKER_01: I had to make things happen for my kids.
• 50:46
  SPEAKER_01: You know, they they didn't always have what they wanted, but they had what they needed.
• 50:52
  SPEAKER_01: When um when the money eventually ran out, and my second husband walked out on us after 15 years of marriage.
• 51:03
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I had to figure it out.
• 51:06
  SPEAKER_01: And I had to get a job.
• 51:09
  SPEAKER_01: I was dealing with Bank of America, wanting to foreclose on the house.
• 51:14
  SPEAKER_01: Every month for three years, I had to call and beg them to not foreclose on my house because I was looking for a job that I could do from home.
• 51:26
  SPEAKER_01: And back then they were far and few between that were legit.
• 51:31
  SPEAKER_01: And it took three years to finally get the one that I had making hotel reservations.
• 51:37
  SPEAKER_01: And, you know, everything turned around at that point.
• 51:41
  SPEAKER_01: And um, you know, my kids never saw me cry, break down.
• 51:49
  SPEAKER_01: It was we needed money on our empower for uh the electricity.
• 51:57
  SPEAKER_01: How was I gonna make that happen during the summertime with the pool pump running?
• 52:02
  SPEAKER_01: $500, you know, bill easily.
• 52:06
  SPEAKER_01: Because we had a 3,200 square foot home.
• 52:10
  SPEAKER_01: So how was I gonna get that paid when I had X amount of money going out for this, that, and whatever else?
• 52:18
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I I God opened doors and windows, and I was diligent and I walked through them, no matter if it was talking to a Mormon bishop, telling him I'm strong in my own faith, I will never step foot in his church, but I would appreciate his help.
• 52:39
  SPEAKER_01: Um, he did.
• 52:40
  SPEAKER_01: For three months, he paid my SRP bill.
• 52:44
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, he came over to my house and um welcomed my honesty.
• 52:51
  SPEAKER_01: And, you know, if it wasn't for my faith and my relationship with God, I wouldn't be where I am today.
• 53:01
  SPEAKER_01: So, you know, I'm not gonna compromise that for help.
• 53:06
  SPEAKER_01: No, that's awesome.
• 53:08
  SPEAKER_01: That's what the enemy wants you to do.
• 53:11
  SPEAKER_01: And I wasn't about to, so I made it clear.
• 53:16
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, the enemy just wants that little foothold, that little tiny foothold, and then he'll exploit it.
• 53:22
  SPEAKER_00: Um, yeah, that's awesome.
• 53:24
  SPEAKER_00: What are some of the unseen battles that people don't talk about or don't understand?
• 53:34
  SPEAKER_01: Uh reliable help.
• 53:38
  SPEAKER_01: A lot of the times when people take a job as a caregiver doing in-home care for someone, it's like they don't think of it that seriously.
• 53:50
  SPEAKER_01: And I'll get a text at four o'clock in the morning.
• 53:53
  SPEAKER_01: Sorry, I'm not feeling well, I'm not coming in.
• 53:56
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, well, you know I don't have a backup.
• 53:59
  SPEAKER_01: You also know there's no one else.
• 54:03
  SPEAKER_01: Who am I supposed to call to help me?
• 54:06
  SPEAKER_01: I'm stuck in bed, and now I am no longer in my home.
• 54:11
  SPEAKER_01: I'm renting a room from a friend of a friend.
• 54:14
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not gonna ask them for help.
• 54:16
  SPEAKER_01: That's not their job, you know.
• 54:19
  SPEAKER_01: So people need to be more aware when they, you know, sign up to help someone, that if you don't show up, I'm stuck in bed.
• 54:32
  SPEAKER_01: The the main thing, though, that I would say to people see the individual, not their situation.
• 54:42
  SPEAKER_01: The wheelchair doesn't define who I am, it's just the means by which I get around these days.
• 54:48
  SPEAKER_01: A person who has autism, them being autistic doesn't define who they are.
• 54:55
  SPEAKER_01: It's just a situation they have to live with in their life.
• 55:00
  SPEAKER_01: You know, being in a walker or a you know, manual chair, a cane, a prosthetic leg, that is not what represents that individual.
• 55:14
  SPEAKER_01: It's just the situation that affects their life.
• 55:21
  SPEAKER_01: And they go on and they keep moving and getting up that you know every day, no matter how hard that is, acknowledge their strength.
• 55:36
  SPEAKER_01: And people just they oversee that.
• 55:45
  SPEAKER_01: Give them the credit that they deserve.
• 55:48
  SPEAKER_00: So you've mentioned faith and you've mentioned God several times.
• 55:54
  SPEAKER_00: Um do this for me.
• 55:57
  SPEAKER_00: Uh tell me how God has been, how has it affected you in your life, and just take me to church for a minute.
• 56:08
  SPEAKER_01: Because God was there when nobody was um in the times of asking God why, and you know what I would hear back is why not?
• 56:25
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, okay, that's an outer.
• 56:29
  SPEAKER_01: You know, can you compare what you're going through to what my son went through when he died on the cross?
• 56:37
  SPEAKER_01: That's that's kind of stopped me in my tracks, and I'm like, oh, yep, I have nothing to complain about, you know, and I apologize because I had a moment of selfishness.
• 56:53
  SPEAKER_01: Um but I know that you know, through this prophetic word that was spoken over me um 28 years ago, that um what the enemy caused for harm, God turned it around for his glory, and I get to reap the benefits.
• 57:16
  SPEAKER_01: And that's what I focus on.
• 57:19
  SPEAKER_01: Because I used to, there was years that I thought God caused the accident because I was backslidden.
• 57:27
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, it was a wake-up call, and I thought, man, I really screwed up big time, you know, for an accident like this to happen.
• 57:37
  SPEAKER_01: And uh so it gave me a reassurance and um added to my my mindset that I wasn't that bad of a person that a tragedy like this had to happen for a wake-up call.
• 58:02
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes he lets me learn the hard way.
• 58:07
  SPEAKER_00: Well, Victoria, thank you so much for being honest and open and sharing your story tonight.
• 58:12
  SPEAKER_00: Um I think it's great.
• 58:15
  SPEAKER_00: Your passion, your spirit, your strength, your resiliency, and your love of God and faith is just amazing.
• 58:22
  SPEAKER_00: And I think those are the things that I try to embody here on the show, and you've been an absolute perfect guest.
• 58:27
  SPEAKER_00: Ladies and gentlemen, thank you guys so much for listening to the Turning Point series.
• 58:31
  SPEAKER_00: We've got a couple episodes left, and uh we're gonna wrap that up.
• 58:35
  SPEAKER_00: Hopefully you guys have enjoyed it.
• 58:37
  SPEAKER_00: And we'll get back to some more of me and different types of stories and different things.
• 58:42
  SPEAKER_00: Uh in the week's coming up, we've got a great story in Magic Being Watch for six and a half weeks.
• 58:48
  SPEAKER_00: Uh not only you, but you and your entire family of sticks on it.
• 58:54
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, we're gonna hear that story from the survivor coming up here in the next week or two, so be sure to check it out.
• 59:00
  SPEAKER_00: It's gonna be called Surviving the Savage Sea.
• 59:04
  SPEAKER_00: That's a fun of us.
• 59:05
  SPEAKER_00: Surviving the Savage Sea.
• 59:07
  SPEAKER_00: Ladies and gentlemen, I love you.
• 59:09
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much.
• 59:11
  SPEAKER_00: That is the first podcast.