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342 - Hollywood Steph Hogan · Fartmouth

0:00
SPEAKER_04: Thoughts and prayers.
0:01
SPEAKER_04: Thoughts and prayers.
0:02
SPEAKER_04: Pays and pays, dude.
0:04
SPEAKER_04: I actually I almost made a post the other day on Facebook when uh our local like uh porch patty is uh posting about some like somebody got in a car accident or something.
0:19
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
0:20
SPEAKER_04: And I went to the comments and it was nothing but those fucking two hands together emojis from people and thoughts and prayers and this and that.
0:27
SPEAKER_04: I was gonna be like, thank fucking god, Betty Roeburger fucking did hands emojis, or else that dude would have gone to heck.
0:38
SPEAKER_04: For real, for real.
0:40
SPEAKER_04: People are so fucking silly, dude.
0:42
SPEAKER_04: They are.
0:43
SPEAKER_04: But I mean, they are saving everyone's lives.
0:46
SPEAKER_04: For sure.
0:46
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
0:46
SPEAKER_04: Well, they're eternal souls at least.
0:48
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
0:48
SPEAKER_04: The following filth is a production of the Farmouth University Chip Chip and your department.
0:52
SPEAKER_01: Thank you for listening.
0:53
SPEAKER_01: Where woke minds can find sleep.
0:56
SPEAKER_01: Farthmyth University.
1:00
SPEAKER_01: Rest in Paul ZRJ.
1:03
SPEAKER_01: Hopefully you're crutchless in Hades.
1:07
SPEAKER_01: Cause you killed yourself.
1:08
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, that is a mortal sin.
1:10
SPEAKER_04: Got his ass.
1:12
SPEAKER_04: This might be the religious episode.
1:13
SPEAKER_04: This is gonna be my coming out party as a born-again Christian.
1:17
SPEAKER_01: Me and God teamed up to get his ass this week, dude.
1:21
SPEAKER_04: I mean, God got his ass 30 some odd years ago when he was born.
1:25
SPEAKER_04: He's been playing one fucking epically long practical joke on him for his whole life, but uh you also got him.
1:34
SPEAKER_01: I did, I got his.
1:35
SPEAKER_04: I will say I won't be slandering the name of RJ Middy because I discovered a fun fact about our pal.
1:43
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
1:44
SPEAKER_04: Our our Walt Jr.
1:45
SPEAKER_04: Our deceased friend.
1:47
SPEAKER_04: Uh he has a fucking fully maxed Runescape character.
1:55
SPEAKER_04: Really?
1:56
SPEAKER_04: Yes, well he had.
1:58
SPEAKER_04: I mean, it's still on there.
1:59
SPEAKER_01: It's still somewhere.
2:00
SPEAKER_04: It's on the high scores somewhere.
2:02
SPEAKER_04: I don't know what his RuneScape name is, but I saw an interview he was doing, and they were asking like the cast of Breaking Bad, like what they do for fun and their free time and stuff.
2:11
SPEAKER_03: And he was like, Well, besides having a fully max runescape character, uh I don't I don't really play video games all that much.
2:23
SPEAKER_03: He's like, if it can't hold my attention for more than thirty minutes, then I just don't play it.
2:32
SPEAKER_04: Which I can relate to actually.
2:35
SPEAKER_04: It took him a half an hour to say a uh 30-second sentence, but I play a game for about 30 minutes, and if I'm like, fuck this shit, I just delete it and I'll never play it again.
2:47
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
2:47
SPEAKER_04: So but you know, shout out to the fucking Max King.
2:52
SPEAKER_04: I wonder what his surely his in-game name is like Flynn Flynn White or whatever.
2:58
SPEAKER_01: Oh, I forgot.
2:59
SPEAKER_01: I forgot he was trying to change his name because he hated his dad.
3:03
SPEAKER_04: Didn't want to be Wald Jr.
3:05
SPEAKER_01: He goes by Flynn now.
3:06
SPEAKER_04: Ugh, I can just hear Skylar's voice in my head.
3:08
SPEAKER_04: I just want to fucking knock her teeth out.
3:12
SPEAKER_04: Just want to fucking split those fucking pearly whites right down the middle.
3:17
SPEAKER_01: Even when she was cool, she still wasn't cool, man.
3:20
SPEAKER_01: I know.
3:21
SPEAKER_01: She was still giving Walt a bunch of shit.
3:24
SPEAKER_04: All the time.
3:24
SPEAKER_01: She was even when she had money in the fucking Coke 12 packs and shit, she was hauling it out to the storage space.
3:33
SPEAKER_01: She's she was still a bitch.
3:34
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
3:35
SPEAKER_01: Whatever.
3:36
SPEAKER_01: She couldn't be his Bonnie.
3:38
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, she not my type.
3:41
SPEAKER_04: Not my fucking type, dude.
3:43
SPEAKER_01: Dude, if if roles were reversed, literally, net this time, and Hank was the one being a criminal, I think Marie would have gotten with it eventually.
3:53
SPEAKER_01: Like she would have been shocked and a piece of shit for like a month, and then she would have fucking figured it out.
3:58
SPEAKER_04: If as long as he was like, you know, wearing gloves while he was doing it and stuff, you know, the germs.
4:04
SPEAKER_04: Right.
4:05
SPEAKER_04: I think she probably would have been cool with it.
4:07
SPEAKER_01: Because she uh toward the end, she was like, let's just go fucking kill him or whatever to Hank.
4:13
SPEAKER_01: You remember she was being a badass to Hank, wanting to skirt the rules for Hank to get Walt.
4:19
SPEAKER_01: So she definitely would have been a down ass bitch if Hank was the meth dealer.
4:24
SPEAKER_01: Would you say ACAB extends to Hank?
4:26
SPEAKER_01: Absolutely, it does.
4:28
SPEAKER_04: Okay.
4:28
SPEAKER_04: A Cab 100% and Marie, if we're being honest.
4:33
SPEAKER_04: I just wanted to make sure that likability didn't like override.
4:37
SPEAKER_01: A cab extends to Walt Jr.
4:39
SPEAKER_01: at the end of that show, dude.
4:41
SPEAKER_01: Dude, he fucking put himself between Skyler and Walt.
4:45
SPEAKER_01: Walt wasn't about to hurt her.
4:47
SPEAKER_01: He was just trying to get her to see reason and they were gonna go to Mexico or whatever.
4:51
SPEAKER_04: Honestly, dog, I'm just gonna lay it out here for real.
4:55
SPEAKER_04: That was his biggest mistake, is that he wasn't willing to slap the fucking piss out of her.
5:01
SPEAKER_04: It's easy for your ug your mid-ass blonde, annoying voiced wife.
5:09
SPEAKER_04: You were right the first time.
5:10
SPEAKER_04: Ugly.
5:12
SPEAKER_04: She's a bit of an uggo, dog.
5:14
SPEAKER_04: She is.
5:14
SPEAKER_04: Ugly, blonde, annoying voiced wife can be a cunt to you all the time if you don't slap the fucking shit out of her and remind her that she'll never do better than you.
5:25
SPEAKER_01: She never would have walked into that pool if you had shoved her fucking head in it one time.
5:30
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
5:30
SPEAKER_04: The honestly, the the thing that there was a lot of stuff in that show that was somewhat unbelievable.
5:36
SPEAKER_04: You know, like you had to suspend disbelief to get into it because it's like, yeah, he would have never, blah, blah, blah.
5:42
SPEAKER_04: The thing, the number one most unbelievable thing in that whole show is that Ted would have fucked her in the first place.
5:49
SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah.
5:50
SPEAKER_01: Good call, though.
5:51
SPEAKER_01: Gross.
5:51
SPEAKER_01: Good call, dude.
5:52
SPEAKER_01: Good call.
5:53
SPEAKER_01: He's rich.
5:54
SPEAKER_01: He owns a business.
5:57
SPEAKER_04: He has options.
5:58
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
5:58
SPEAKER_04: He doesn't have to fuck some frumpy old ugly housewife.
6:02
unknown: Yeah.
6:03
SPEAKER_01: Makes no sense.
6:05
SPEAKER_04: Some chick that wasn't even hot in high school.
6:08
SPEAKER_01: The uh the the biggest plot hole in the whole show that in my mind comes in, I think, episode four, when that rude businessman is standing outside of the fucking gas station, and then Walt knows it's his car or whatever, and he sets it up so that it blows up.
6:26
SPEAKER_01: There was in 2000, the show is set in 2006, right?
6:32
SPEAKER_01: In 2006, that gas station didn't have a fucking surveillance camera.
6:38
SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah.
6:39
SPEAKER_01: Good point.
6:40
SPEAKER_01: Really?
6:41
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, I guess maybe if it was a hood-ass gas station or something.
6:44
SPEAKER_01: I guess, but but then why would that guy be stopping with his convertible or whatever, you know?
6:49
SPEAKER_01: Like at that hood-ass gas station.
6:51
SPEAKER_01: Doesn't make any sense.
6:52
SPEAKER_01: That's one of the that's one of the biggest plot holes in the whole thing is like, how do you get around that?
6:57
SPEAKER_01: He didn't even have on a disguise.
6:59
SPEAKER_01: The writing got better in season two.
7:00
SPEAKER_01: It really did.
7:01
SPEAKER_01: They didn't know that they had the gym that they had until until season two.
7:05
SPEAKER_01: I would argue season three is where it really pops off.
7:09
SPEAKER_01: For sure.
7:10
SPEAKER_01: Oh, for sure.
7:11
SPEAKER_01: Season two, they really like went hard in the paint on that whole airplane shit, which was amazing.
7:17
SPEAKER_01: Don't get me wrong.
7:18
SPEAKER_01: It was crazy.
7:18
SPEAKER_01: But that is one of the one of the many things in the show where you do have to suspend disbelief, like you're talking about.
7:24
SPEAKER_01: The two planes colliding.
7:26
SPEAKER_01: Like what the fuck?
7:27
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
7:28
SPEAKER_01: The odds of that shit.
7:30
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, I did just hear a story the other we were going so deep in the weeds on random bullshit.
7:34
SPEAKER_04: But I did, I was listening to a story the other day about uh an airplane that was it was trying to land.
7:42
SPEAKER_04: And when it was coming, traffic air traffic control was like, you gotta there's a Cessna.
7:46
SPEAKER_04: This dude is training uh a person that's trying to learn how to fly.
7:51
SPEAKER_04: Just keep an eye out for them because when they're that low to the ground, like they don't really have they have to basically use their eyeballs.
7:58
SPEAKER_04: Right.
7:58
SPEAKER_04: And they're like, once you get eyes on it, let us know you've got eyes on it, and then keep your eye on it while you're trying to land because you're not gonna be able to see or hear them otherwise.
8:07
SPEAKER_04: And they're like, all right, word.
8:09
SPEAKER_04: There were multiple Cessnas out there, and they just saw one and assumed that was the one they were talking about, and they just they fucking slammed into it, and the Cessna hit the fucking engine on the jet liner, and every single person died.
8:23
SPEAKER_04: It's like a hundred.
8:24
SPEAKER_04: In the Cessna, right?
8:25
SPEAKER_04: Both.
8:25
SPEAKER_04: In both?
8:26
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
8:27
SPEAKER_04: 144 some odd people fucking died.
8:29
SPEAKER_01: And they were that close to the ground?
8:31
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
8:32
SPEAKER_01: God damn.
8:33
SPEAKER_04: They were like maybe a few hundred feet.
8:35
SPEAKER_04: That's nuts.
8:36
SPEAKER_04: Maybe a thousand feet at the most.
8:38
SPEAKER_01: You could still die in a plane from that high from not even that high up.
8:42
SPEAKER_01: I mean, dog.
8:43
SPEAKER_01: I guess it exploded.
8:45
SPEAKER_04: Take a step off of a building at a hundred feet.
8:47
SPEAKER_04: You're done.
8:47
SPEAKER_01: No, I know, but like you're in a plane strapped into a seat.
8:50
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
8:51
SPEAKER_01: You know what I mean?
8:52
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, I think I think it exploded because the fuel caught or something.
8:55
SPEAKER_04: Right.
8:56
SPEAKER_04: It must have must have exploded.
8:57
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
8:58
SPEAKER_01: Because yeah, once once the engine explodes, like it's going to trail the fuel back to wherever it's being stored.
9:04
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
9:04
SPEAKER_01: And that's underneath the plane somewhere.
9:06
SPEAKER_04: So it was an airliner I'd never heard of, but apparently it was popular in the 90s or something called PFL.
9:11
SPEAKER_01: Oh.
9:12
SPEAKER_01: And they were like they were pretty fucking lackadaisical, sounds like.
9:18
SPEAKER_01: Stupid pilot.
9:20
SPEAKER_01: Nice little uh what is our segment we used to do with those?
9:25
SPEAKER_04: Oh, uh Sacronym?
9:26
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, sacronym.
9:27
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
9:28
SPEAKER_04: They were so they were apparently well known because they put like a whimsical smiley face and black polka dot nose.
9:35
SPEAKER_04: I think I remember this actually.
9:36
SPEAKER_04: And they had like basically they had like Hooters flight attendants.
9:41
SPEAKER_04: They wore shirt short skirts in their in their training, they were told to be like overly friendly to male passengers.
9:47
SPEAKER_04: Wow.
9:48
SPEAKER_04: And like the the pilots would get on the fucking radio thing, the overhead, whatever you call that.
9:54
SPEAKER_02: Who wants to see some tootie?
9:56
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, they would they would like goof around and shit.
9:58
SPEAKER_04: And I was like, I bet you every pilot that was on that airline was fucking toasted the whole time.
10:04
SPEAKER_04: Oh, yeah, for true.
10:05
SPEAKER_04: Drunk as fuck, dude.
10:06
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
10:07
SPEAKER_01: Denzel Washington and that bitch.
10:09
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
10:10
SPEAKER_04: Anyway.
10:10
SPEAKER_01: Whatever that guy's name was.
10:11
SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna start the intro.
10:13
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, dude.
10:14
SPEAKER_02: I forgot we hadn't even done that yet.
10:16
SPEAKER_04: I know.
10:17
SPEAKER_01: Went on a whole RJ Midi fucking.
10:19
SPEAKER_04: I feel like the longer the tangents go on after the song, the less like pop my jokes have on the intro joke.
10:27
SPEAKER_04: We'll try it anyway.
10:29
SPEAKER_04: Here we go.
10:29
SPEAKER_04: I've set you up to hate it.
10:31
SPEAKER_04: Yep.
10:32
SPEAKER_04: Welcome everyone to Fart Mouth Podcast, a show whose hosts like their women like they like their NFL coaches' reactions to controversial ref calls.
10:41
SPEAKER_04: Red flanks.
10:47
SPEAKER_04: Still got them.
10:48
SPEAKER_04: Still got it, baby.
10:49
SPEAKER_04: Every week we make your rotating segments and make each other laugh.
10:51
SPEAKER_04: I'm Tyler.
10:52
SPEAKER_04: I'm Jake.
10:52
SPEAKER_04: And we got two segments for you this week, and they're gonna be fun.
10:56
SPEAKER_01: Or else you're Would You Rather.
11:04
SPEAKER_01: If you want to get me, just make it about football.
11:06
SPEAKER_01: I'll probably laugh every time.
11:08
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
11:08
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
11:09
SPEAKER_01: I know about that.
11:10
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
11:10
SPEAKER_01: I got that reference.
11:12
SPEAKER_01: I understand what you're saying because it's about a thing I like.
11:15
SPEAKER_04: Hell yeah, dude.
11:16
SPEAKER_04: Well, uh, Jake, your last week your topic for Would You Rather was every time you blah blah, you blah blah.
11:23
SPEAKER_04: Yep.
11:24
SPEAKER_04: Uh so I, you know, I wrote a Would You Rather in that topic.
11:28
SPEAKER_01: Sure, yeah.
11:28
SPEAKER_04: Believe it or not.
11:29
SPEAKER_04: That's what we're I did my assignment.
11:32
SPEAKER_01: That's what we're uh commissioned to do by God.
11:34
SPEAKER_01: Commished.
11:35
SPEAKER_04: Right.
11:36
SPEAKER_04: Born again.
11:37
SPEAKER_04: Yep.
11:38
SPEAKER_04: Reborn.
11:39
SPEAKER_04: It's just funny.
11:40
SPEAKER_04: I spent like an hour today cutting together this thing that had to do with God, and it's been on my mind all day.
11:46
SPEAKER_04: I think that's probably why, like subliminally, I leaned into this shit.
11:50
SPEAKER_04: Anyway, uh, would you rather every time you meet someone new, you have to shake their hand.
11:58
SPEAKER_04: And when you give and when they give you their hand, you have to quickly pull it up to your face, give it a deep sniff, and then go and lick it.
12:08
unknown: Okay.
12:09
SPEAKER_04: Or every time you take a drink of anything, you have to say loudly, not yell, but just say loudly.
12:17
SPEAKER_04: Uh-huh.
12:18
SPEAKER_04: Yum yum juice.
12:25
SPEAKER_02: Where are we at now?
12:26
SPEAKER_02: 129.
12:27
SPEAKER_02: Like 1219.
12:28
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
12:32
SPEAKER_02: Oh my god, dude.
12:34
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
12:35
SPEAKER_01: Let me, after I send you this timestamp, let's okay, so anytime I shake someone's hands that I've met, okay.
12:44
SPEAKER_01: I have to sniff it real hard.
12:46
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, yeah.
12:47
SPEAKER_04: I have to give it a long sniff.
12:49
SPEAKER_04: Get them nice and comfortable with the handshaking so that they're caught off guard when you yank their hand up to your face real quick.
12:55
SPEAKER_04: Give it a nice deep their hand.
12:58
SPEAKER_01: Oh, I I thought you meant like after I shake their hand, I'm sni sniffing the essence of their hand on my hand.
13:06
SPEAKER_04: That's funny as fuck, too.
13:07
SPEAKER_01: And then I lick my own hand like I'm licking their essence.
13:11
SPEAKER_04: That is also funny, but I think it's less egregious.
13:14
SPEAKER_01: It is.
13:15
SPEAKER_01: It's far less egregious than licking their hand.
13:18
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, you got to get it.
13:18
SPEAKER_04: That's crazy.
13:19
SPEAKER_04: Pull their hand up to your face.
13:21
SPEAKER_01: And then the other one is it when I'm drinking anything.
13:24
SPEAKER_04: If you take a drink of anything, water, anywhere I am.
13:27
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, I have to say inward juice.
13:29
SPEAKER_04: Yum yum.
13:30
SPEAKER_04: Yum yum inward juice.
13:32
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
13:32
SPEAKER_04: You have to say it as loud as you can without yelling.
13:36
SPEAKER_04: Oh.
13:36
SPEAKER_04: I have a loud voice too.
13:39
SPEAKER_04: I know.
13:39
SPEAKER_04: My headphones are cranked down.
13:42
SPEAKER_04: I have to crank it down every time uh like the settings get fucked with.
13:46
SPEAKER_04: I'm like, I got it's giving me a headache.
13:48
SPEAKER_01: I'm airing on the side of less.
13:50
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
13:50
SPEAKER_01: This motherfucker laughs loud.
13:52
SPEAKER_01: Um toughy, huh?
13:56
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
13:56
SPEAKER_04: I leaned into the whimsy this week, I think.
13:59
SPEAKER_01: Well, because the n-word juice could obviously get me fired if I'm at work.
14:03
SPEAKER_01: Just gotta be careful.
14:04
SPEAKER_01: Depending on the right, you know, being around the right people.
14:07
SPEAKER_01: Uh or the wrong people, as it were.
14:10
SPEAKER_04: Oh, you're saying so people that are offended by the n-word are the wrong people?
14:14
SPEAKER_01: Uh for that comment, yes, they are.
14:17
SPEAKER_01: I see what you mean.
14:18
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
14:19
SPEAKER_01: Uh and then the other way, though, I don't know that I would ever get fired, but it would be probably a stern talking to at some point.
14:29
SPEAKER_01: And both of these are for the rest of my life, I guess.
14:32
SPEAKER_01: Uh yes.
14:34
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
14:34
SPEAKER_01: I mean, it doesn't matter if it's the same time frame, right?
14:37
SPEAKER_01: So uh I guess I'm gonna do the shaking hands thing.
14:42
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
14:42
SPEAKER_01: Because that could be written off as I guess you could write off the inward juice thing as Tourette's.
14:48
SPEAKER_04: I thought that too, yeah.
14:49
SPEAKER_01: But like you could write off the thing as you being a weirdo, I guess.
14:54
SPEAKER_01: And probably I could probably just avoid new people.
14:59
SPEAKER_01: I feel like avoiding new people is easier than avoiding hydration.
15:03
SPEAKER_01: Right.
15:04
SPEAKER_01: That's true.
15:04
SPEAKER_01: So I think I'm gonna go with that.
15:07
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
15:08
SPEAKER_01: Cause it it's the most weird thing to do.
15:11
SPEAKER_01: I mean, it's so weird.
15:12
SPEAKER_04: What if the what if the tweak on it was not new people?
15:15
SPEAKER_04: It's just like every time it's the first time you've seen that person for the day.
15:18
SPEAKER_04: Oh my god.
15:20
SPEAKER_01: Then we're doing inward juice.
15:22
SPEAKER_01: And I I will only drink liquids at home or in my car.
15:25
SPEAKER_01: I'll sneak out to my car at work to drink water.
15:29
SPEAKER_01: Oh dehydrate over here.
15:31
SPEAKER_01: Yum yum.
15:34
SPEAKER_01: Every time I'm in my car.
15:36
SPEAKER_04: I liked dehydrate more than dehydr dehydr it's harder to say the fifth time.
15:42
SPEAKER_04: Dehydrake?
15:43
SPEAKER_04: But that makes your name Drake.
15:44
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
15:45
SPEAKER_04: Okay, Drake.
15:46
SPEAKER_04: Dehydrate Jake.
15:47
SPEAKER_04: Your new name is Drake.
15:48
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, I guess.
15:49
SPEAKER_04: To make my joke better.
15:50
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
15:51
SPEAKER_04: Your name's Drake.
15:52
SPEAKER_01: I'm the Iceman now.
15:54
SPEAKER_01: That's as it were.
15:55
SPEAKER_01: That's Chuck Liddell.
15:57
SPEAKER_01: Well, yeah, but Drake is like his new album was the Iceman.
16:01
SPEAKER_01: Anyway, I hate I hate Drake's music.
16:03
SPEAKER_01: Who even listens to that garbage?
16:05
SPEAKER_01: Uh a lot of people do.
16:08
SPEAKER_01: I mean, it was uh it was kind of the talk of the town for uh on Twitter for like a week after it came out.
16:15
SPEAKER_04: Really?
16:15
SPEAKER_01: He dropped three albums at one time.
16:18
SPEAKER_01: Seems like a lot.
16:19
SPEAKER_04: He's trying to make up for the fact that he got bent the fuck over in the Super Bowl.
16:23
SPEAKER_01: Right.
16:24
SPEAKER_01: Uh and uh this week the entirety of the timeline is Shane Gillis for some reason.
16:30
SPEAKER_01: Everyone's offended by his SNL monologue, and it's very funny.
16:33
SPEAKER_04: Who gives a fuck?
16:34
SPEAKER_01: Uh I I I saw this.
16:37
SPEAKER_01: Uh this probably should have been on the Patreon, but I saw this fucking uh these people have this show, and I do not know what the show is.
16:44
SPEAKER_01: I don't know what it's called.
16:45
SPEAKER_01: It's a guy and a girl and a piano player, and they have like these songs that they've written, and they maybe they're ad-libbing the everything but the the actual lyrics or something, because they're both looking at a screen and reading off of it as they're singing, and it's a guy and a girl doing the singing, and like two months ago, maybe less, uh there they had a video go viral that was a song they had written about Taylor Swift, and it's sh it's it's a tongue-in-cheek, like satirical song about how she can't write bad songs, and the whole thing is basically laying out that she absolutely can write bad songs, but it's tongue in cheek.
17:28
SPEAKER_01: I thought it was clever.
17:29
SPEAKER_01: I was like, oh, that's pretty sick.
17:31
SPEAKER_01: What a what a nice little song they made.
17:33
SPEAKER_01: Kind of reminded me of doing parodies for the show and whatnot.
17:36
SPEAKER_01: Then today I see another video from the same people, and it's all about it's all dude, it's the worst circa 2017 woke take on Shane Gillis's SNL monologue.
17:54
SPEAKER_01: It's so bad.
17:55
SPEAKER_01: It was like they were trying like they were trying to be cringe, like, but they but they weren't.
18:06
SPEAKER_01: Like they meant what they said, they meant like they were trying to do the tongue-in-cheek thing again, but it's a decade too late to be relevant and funny in the way that they meant it to be.
18:19
SPEAKER_01: It was so bad.
18:20
SPEAKER_01: They they like they was like, if it's not a white guy, he doesn't think it's good or whatever, like all that kind of shit, dude.
18:27
SPEAKER_01: If you're a marginalized minority, then you're he's you're funny automatically because he's white, whatever.
18:34
SPEAKER_01: Like it was that vibe.
18:35
SPEAKER_01: It was seriously 2017 Me Too vibe.
18:39
SPEAKER_01: And I was like, dude, are you guys trying to lose the midterms right now?
18:43
SPEAKER_01: What the fuck?
18:44
SPEAKER_01: That's the only way you're gonna lose the midterms.
18:47
SPEAKER_01: Make sure to remind all the Republican people around you about trans people so you lose the midterms, you fucking idiots.
18:53
SPEAKER_01: What are you doing?
18:55
SPEAKER_01: Fucking stop.
18:56
SPEAKER_01: This is stupid.
18:58
SPEAKER_01: Anyway, if you want JD Vance for president, keep doing that, you fucking theater nerds.
19:03
SPEAKER_01: Yikes.
19:04
SPEAKER_01: Anyway, so that was something that was something that happened.
19:08
SPEAKER_01: Uh, everyone's mad about Shane Gillis.
19:10
SPEAKER_01: I I was gonna uh avert and do that as my uh fucking intro song, but I was like, nah, I gotta pay respect to Walt Jr.
19:19
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
19:19
SPEAKER_01: Okay, what's the next one?
19:21
SPEAKER_01: So I can stop.
19:22
SPEAKER_04: We gotta we gotta pay respects.
19:24
SPEAKER_01: I can stop ranting.
19:25
SPEAKER_01: The crutcher.
19:29
SPEAKER_04: The clutch crutcher.
19:31
SPEAKER_01: I was gonna say, we're in his crutches, dude.
19:34
SPEAKER_01: You're in his crutches.
19:36
SPEAKER_04: Alright, so my topic for would you rather this week is eyes.
19:43
SPEAKER_04: Eyeballs.
19:44
SPEAKER_04: Okay.
19:45
SPEAKER_04: Your freaking eyes, do I?
19:46
SPEAKER_04: Eyeballs, okay.
19:47
SPEAKER_04: Your freaking eyes, bully.
19:49
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
19:50
SPEAKER_04: Uh so my would you rather for the topic of eyes?
19:54
SPEAKER_04: Jake! Would you rather Drake, sorry, would you rather get clockwork oranged with gay porn for a week?
20:03
SPEAKER_04: Okay.
20:03
SPEAKER_04: So you know what I'm talking about.
20:05
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
20:05
SPEAKER_04: Eyelids.
20:06
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
20:07
SPEAKER_04: That's a lot of that's a week, bro.
20:10
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
20:11
SPEAKER_04: Surely there's enough content out there in the gay porn world that there wouldn't be a lot of repeats.
20:17
SPEAKER_04: No, there's a there's there's thousands of hours of gay porn.
20:21
SPEAKER_01: Like there's hey dude, one website.
20:23
SPEAKER_01: I wouldn't know, bro.
20:24
SPEAKER_01: I don't know why you do.
20:26
SPEAKER_01: There's one website probably has one dude's only fans probably has a thousand hours of gay porn on it.
20:33
SPEAKER_04: I don't know.
20:33
SPEAKER_04: I wouldn't know.
20:34
SPEAKER_04: I don't know why you do.
20:36
SPEAKER_04: You fell for that way.
20:39
SPEAKER_04: I dude, it was a it was a game time decision to try to pull that on you, and you fell for it so easily.
20:45
SPEAKER_04: I don't care.
20:45
SPEAKER_04: It's almost like it was scripted.
20:47
unknown: I don't care.
20:49
SPEAKER_04: Who gives a shit?
20:50
SPEAKER_04: You fell for that hook line and stinker, dude.
20:54
SPEAKER_04: Holy freaking crap.
20:57
SPEAKER_04: Oh gosh.
20:58
SPEAKER_04: Gee whiz.
21:00
SPEAKER_04: So yeah, clockwork orange with gay porn for a week, or for the rest of your life, it kind of feels like you might have something in your eye.
21:09
SPEAKER_04: Oh, this is easy.
21:12
SPEAKER_04: I'm going gay porn.
21:13
SPEAKER_04: Fuck, dude.
21:14
SPEAKER_04: But like they stick like that metal shit and they crank your eyelids open.
21:18
SPEAKER_04: You get a week of no sleep and all gay porn.
21:20
SPEAKER_01: It's just a week.
21:22
SPEAKER_01: I mean, I'll figure it out.
21:23
SPEAKER_01: Here's the thing.
21:24
SPEAKER_01: For the rest of my life, it feels like there's something in my eye.
21:28
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
21:29
SPEAKER_04: Maybe.
21:29
SPEAKER_04: There might be.
21:30
SPEAKER_04: You're like, wait, you know, and you kind of No, I know.
21:32
SPEAKER_01: That's that's honestly worse.
21:34
SPEAKER_01: I know.
21:35
SPEAKER_01: If you know if you know there's something in your eye, then the question is answered.
21:40
SPEAKER_01: There is no mystery.
21:41
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
21:42
SPEAKER_01: If it just dude, I had this at fucking band practice last night.
21:45
SPEAKER_01: Dude, I for like 30 minutes of our band practice last night.
21:49
SPEAKER_01: I was like, I feel like there might be something in my eye.
21:52
SPEAKER_01: And I it finally I figured it out that it was dry.
21:55
SPEAKER_04: Now that we're talking about it, I can't stop rubbing my fucking eye.
21:58
SPEAKER_01: I figured out that it was dry eyes.
22:00
SPEAKER_01: Or dry eye uh because I just blinked a bunch and I was fine.
22:03
SPEAKER_01: But like I hate that.
22:06
SPEAKER_01: Like I hate it.
22:07
SPEAKER_01: It's so distracting from everything you're doing.
22:10
SPEAKER_04: Okay.
22:10
SPEAKER_04: Well let's say it's still for the rest of your life, but it's only like a couple of times a day.
22:15
SPEAKER_04: It's not like all day, because that would be that would be torture.
22:18
SPEAKER_01: No, I don't want to be an 80-year-old man.
22:22
SPEAKER_01: I would rather have the memory of a week of gay porn as an 80-year-old man than still be dealing with there might be something in my eye twice a day.
22:31
SPEAKER_04: Of being strapped into a chair and your eyes being fucking pride open is gonna have lasting effects on you.
22:37
SPEAKER_01: Probably for a while, and let alone the mint the fucking effect on my sexuality that watching a bunch of gay porn would have.
22:43
SPEAKER_01: At a certain point, like eventually, there's gonna be something that's cool that's good.
22:48
SPEAKER_01: Like something where you're like, oh, okay.
22:50
SPEAKER_01: Again, I wouldn't know, dude.
22:52
SPEAKER_01: But I mean, like no, I wouldn't.
22:54
SPEAKER_01: I can't I can't co-sign that.
22:56
SPEAKER_01: I might learn some like some BJ moves to tell my chick to try on me.
23:00
SPEAKER_01: You know what I mean?
23:01
SPEAKER_01: Like I might I might learn some shit, you know.
23:04
SPEAKER_01: Gay dudes probably do stuff different than chicks do.
23:07
SPEAKER_01: I wouldn't know, dude.
23:11
SPEAKER_01: Just gonna keep like blackfriending me, basically.
23:18
SPEAKER_01: But like, you know what I mean?
23:19
SPEAKER_01: Like, there might be something in the gay porn that I'm like, oh shit, I gotta tell my chick to try that on me because that's that looks like it's a good time.
23:27
SPEAKER_04: I feel like after a couple of days, I would just lose hope that I'm ever getting out of there.
23:31
SPEAKER_01: I might get into like I that might get me into anal, you know?
23:36
SPEAKER_01: I wouldn't fucking I might bust in the door when I get home and be like, babe, fucking no.
23:42
SPEAKER_01: Lay flat on the bed, we're trying this, you know?
23:45
SPEAKER_04: Get prone.
23:46
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, get prone and get boned.
23:48
SPEAKER_04: My concern is that uh, I mean, at a certain point, like you're just you're gonna get horny, not like based on what you're watching, right, but just like because you're a dude with stuff in your body that's moving around unseen beneath the surface.
24:05
SPEAKER_04: Right.
24:05
SPEAKER_01: Fluids and whatnot.
24:06
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, and and hormones and such.
24:09
SPEAKER_04: You're gonna get horny and it's gonna confuse you.
24:12
SPEAKER_04: Cause I'll tell you this.
24:14
SPEAKER_04: I read uh sometimes I'll like see screenshots of 4chan posts.
24:19
SPEAKER_04: I don't go on 4chan, yeah, but I'll just see like screenshots from 4chan posts, and there was this one where this dude was talking about how he was just to see if he could like to prove that it's possible, he tried to see if he could trick himself into being gay.
24:34
SPEAKER_02: Uh-huh.
24:35
SPEAKER_04: So he would like watch regular porn and he would start beating off, and then like 30 seconds before he would nut, he would switch over to gay porn and only finish while he's watching dudes fuck.
24:47
SPEAKER_01: Oh my god.
24:48
SPEAKER_04: Now, this could have been made up, and this dude has just had this fucking idea and thought it'd be funny to post it online.
24:54
SPEAKER_04: But he said after a month, like he's only attracted to guys now.
24:59
SPEAKER_04: Just because like he just kept watching more and more gay porn while he was gay.
25:02
SPEAKER_04: I don't know.
25:03
SPEAKER_04: He was gay to begin with.
25:05
SPEAKER_04: I don't know, dude.
25:06
SPEAKER_04: I wouldn't know, but I don't know.
25:08
SPEAKER_04: You know what I'm saying?
25:09
SPEAKER_01: He was gay to begin with.
25:10
SPEAKER_04: My guess is he made it up, but yeah, of course.
25:12
SPEAKER_01: But if that did happen, then you're gay to begin with, bro.
25:15
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
25:16
SPEAKER_04: Sorry.
25:16
SPEAKER_04: I don't think any amount of beating off to gay porn, even if you jack off to gay porn, like forcing yourself to, I don't think it'll change what you're actually attracted to.
25:27
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
25:27
SPEAKER_04: I don't think that is changeable.
25:28
SPEAKER_01: That's what I'm saying.
25:29
SPEAKER_01: I'm saying, like, dude, I I mean that's part of how I know I'm straight.
25:36
SPEAKER_01: Because like all the years of I beat off to gay porn all the time.
25:39
SPEAKER_01: All the years of of like watching porn in my younger days, I would I would like anytime it was on any time like it annoyingly went to the dude's face for like 10 seconds, it pisses me off.
25:55
SPEAKER_01: I'm just like, what do what are we doing here?
25:57
SPEAKER_01: This whole thing is about what's happening down there, not anybody's face.
26:02
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
26:02
SPEAKER_01: Unless it's getting cumbed on.
26:04
SPEAKER_01: So what the fuck are we doing?
26:05
SPEAKER_01: I would always like I uh just I think that's why people like POV so much.
26:10
SPEAKER_01: Like dudes, yeah, exactly.
26:12
SPEAKER_01: That makes sense.
26:12
SPEAKER_01: But like it it makes no sense.
26:15
SPEAKER_01: Like it if you can beat off to gay porn, if you don't immediately like stop movement with your hand after you switch, you're gay.
26:28
SPEAKER_01: Like, that's the whole thing.
26:29
SPEAKER_01: That's it.
26:30
SPEAKER_01: Probably.
26:31
SPEAKER_01: It's an eight.
26:32
SPEAKER_01: Either you like one or the other, or both.
26:34
SPEAKER_01: I think it's a 10.
26:36
SPEAKER_01: Know what I mean?
26:38
SPEAKER_01: You like one or the other, or both.
26:40
SPEAKER_01: 10 out of 10.
26:40
SPEAKER_01: You're that's it.
26:41
SPEAKER_01: Those are the three options.
26:43
SPEAKER_01: That's just how it is.
26:44
SPEAKER_01: So you know, people know, you know?
26:48
SPEAKER_01: I see Reddit posts sometimes where a dude's like, yeah, I knew I was gay when I was 14, but I knew my family would hate me.
26:54
SPEAKER_01: So I dated women, I got one pregnant, I had baby, had like several babies, and then now I'm 50 and I came out five years ago and abandoned my family.
27:04
SPEAKER_01: I've seen that a bunch.
27:05
SPEAKER_04: Well, here's my question though.
27:07
SPEAKER_04: Like, how did he get a boner?
27:10
SPEAKER_04: I mean, I know like people touching on your shit, no matter what, it's gonna happen.
27:14
SPEAKER_04: But like, how do you keep a boner and fuck a woman and come inside of her?
27:18
SPEAKER_04: If because like if a dude started touching on my wiener, it might move, but I'm not gonna like put my dick in his ass and fuck him until I come.
27:27
SPEAKER_01: No, I don't honestly, I don't think my dick would even like it might move from the being touched, but it wouldn't move as in like start to inflate.
27:39
SPEAKER_01: You know what I mean?
27:39
SPEAKER_01: Like it wouldn't be that.
27:41
SPEAKER_01: It would be like, I think my dick might shrivel inside myself if a dude was trying to touch my dick.
27:46
SPEAKER_04: Here's here's my thought.
27:48
SPEAKER_04: You haven't had sex in years with a person that you're attracted to, and then like you're so primed.
27:55
SPEAKER_04: I think it's like getting a boner while doing a fucking speech in high school.
27:58
SPEAKER_01: In a theoretical situation, like you haven't been able to yeah, yeah.
28:02
SPEAKER_04: I think it yeah, because like you're so fucking deprived from your your whatever your flavor is, yeah, that it it would just happen.
28:14
SPEAKER_04: Like even like just nervously it would happen, you know?
28:17
SPEAKER_04: Like boners are weird as fuck, dude.
28:19
SPEAKER_01: I yeah, but I've I've been in like a in a like one or two sketchy situations we've discussed on the show and uh mostly on the Patreon.
28:30
SPEAKER_01: And like you know, like uh uh uh the one time I was ever promiscuous, I it was difficult to get a boner at that time.
28:41
SPEAKER_01: It was difficult, it was like a thing.
28:42
SPEAKER_01: I had to psych myself into it because it was such a it was like a sketchy situation that I wasn't used to, and that like any little thing like that, I might be a weird case, maybe, but like I if I'm not into it, my dick isn't either.
28:55
SPEAKER_01: And it's like, nah, dog, we ain't doing this.
28:58
SPEAKER_01: Fuck this shit.
28:58
SPEAKER_01: Yeah I'm just gonna I'm gonna chill in here in the right by the prostate.
29:03
SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna be back here.
29:03
SPEAKER_04: I'm gonna hang out with safety.
29:05
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
29:06
SPEAKER_04: I don't know.
29:06
SPEAKER_04: Just a thought experiment.
29:08
SPEAKER_04: What if it was a month of the gay porn thing?
29:15
SPEAKER_01: Maybe.
29:15
SPEAKER_01: I might go with the eye thing.
29:17
SPEAKER_04: A month of anything is gonna fucking suck, man.
29:20
SPEAKER_04: A month of regular, like straight porn would be the same way.
29:23
SPEAKER_04: Like, not the same.
29:24
SPEAKER_04: There's nothing you could put on that screen that wouldn't suck.
29:27
SPEAKER_04: You know what I'm saying?
29:28
SPEAKER_04: Like, at least like anything else would be okay for a little while, but the gay porn would be terrible the whole time.
29:35
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
29:36
SPEAKER_04: It's just like a month of being strapped to a chair.
29:39
SPEAKER_01: I think if it was snuff shit, like actual like real deaths and shit, I think that would be worse.
29:45
SPEAKER_01: That's one of the that's the only worse option than gay porn.
29:48
SPEAKER_01: Like the most depraved, vile shit you've ever seen.
29:51
SPEAKER_01: Like really fucked up shit, like innocent people getting murdered and shit, you know.
29:55
SPEAKER_04: Just bunnies being having their necks snapped and shit.
29:58
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
29:59
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
29:59
SPEAKER_04: I honestly I agree.
30:01
SPEAKER_01: That's where that's worse than the gay porn, but not by a lot, to be honest, as far as like right now having the decision.
30:11
SPEAKER_01: But honestly, that that might fuck up your psyche worse.
30:14
SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah.
30:15
SPEAKER_01: Because even the gay porn, like I could, I think I could distance my brain from it to some extent and just kind of like zone out like I did at Band Practice last night and just completely zone out of it.
30:26
SPEAKER_01: But dude, uh that's such a harrowing fucking possibility that you would have to sit and watch something you don't want to watch unblinking.
30:39
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
30:40
SPEAKER_04: Crazy.
30:41
SPEAKER_04: Oh, yeah.
30:42
SPEAKER_04: I couldn't handle it, dude.
30:43
SPEAKER_04: I'd go crazy.
30:45
SPEAKER_04: Um, we have another segment, and it's gonna be a lot of me yapping and you listening.
30:50
SPEAKER_04: So, do you want to check last week's episode for Spotify Comments?
30:53
SPEAKER_01: Let's check.
30:54
SPEAKER_01: Let's see, let's see if these motherfuckers sent us anything.
30:58
SPEAKER_01: Uh by the way, My Chemical Romance has been a little aside here while I'm searching.
31:03
SPEAKER_01: Uh My Chemical Romance has been putting out um Yo, what?
31:10
SPEAKER_01: Yo, what?
31:11
SPEAKER_01: That's crazy.
31:12
SPEAKER_01: Number 12 Looks Like You put out something new.
31:15
SPEAKER_01: Uh they have a new album coming out Friday.
31:17
SPEAKER_01: Who?
31:17
SPEAKER_04: Uh The Number 12 looks like you said it so fast I didn't understand.
31:21
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, sorry.
31:21
SPEAKER_01: Number 12 looks like you.
31:22
SPEAKER_04: Imagine being a non-English native speaker and they heard me just say that.
31:27
SPEAKER_04: Like, what the fuck did he just make up a word?
31:30
SPEAKER_04: No.
31:31
SPEAKER_01: Uh sorry, I I read the comment.
31:33
SPEAKER_01: My brain went blank.
31:34
SPEAKER_04: Uh it looks like there's more.
31:36
SPEAKER_01: There's two, yeah.
31:37
SPEAKER_01: Uh let's make sure that there's not some uh Okay, yeah, we already read that one.
31:43
SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna make sure they didn't comment on episodes that we didn't have one before, you know.
31:48
SPEAKER_04: You see where that green thing up in the right corner says show all?
31:52
SPEAKER_01: Oh shit.
31:53
SPEAKER_01: Have you been missing that every time?
31:55
SPEAKER_01: Probably.
31:56
SPEAKER_04: There's five comments, bro.
31:59
SPEAKER_01: Wait, what?
31:59
SPEAKER_01: No, show all shows all of that.
32:01
SPEAKER_04: No, go back to the scroll back to the comments.
32:04
SPEAKER_01: It does on my phone.
32:05
SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah, okay.
32:06
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
32:06
SPEAKER_01: No, I have not been missing that.
32:08
SPEAKER_01: It just that hasn't been there for most of the episodes, I think.
32:11
SPEAKER_01: We got five comments, bro.
32:12
SPEAKER_01: We gotta read them all.
32:13
SPEAKER_01: It's exciting.
32:14
SPEAKER_01: Uh, all right.
32:15
SPEAKER_01: Uh Robbie Kitchens.
32:17
SPEAKER_01: Bobby Kitch, dude.
32:18
SPEAKER_01: Hell yeah, dude.
32:19
SPEAKER_01: Bobby Pans.
32:20
SPEAKER_01: Uh said, finally listen to the rest of Callus Dowboys.
32:23
SPEAKER_01: Tears on Lambeau Leather was a banger.
32:26
SPEAKER_01: It is a banger, dude.
32:27
SPEAKER_04: It is a banger, dude.
32:28
SPEAKER_04: My Ford F-150, bro.
32:30
SPEAKER_04: Take my place.
32:32
SPEAKER_01: Uh Basket said, Bavarian is the nationality of Jake's boyfriend, and boy does he love his cream.
32:39
SPEAKER_01: Dude, so relevant this week.
32:41
SPEAKER_01: You fucking bodied me, bro.
32:43
SPEAKER_01: That was nuts, dude.
32:45
SPEAKER_04: You just housed me, dude.
32:46
SPEAKER_04: So relevant this week with how confirmed gay you are after all that stuff you said about how much porn there is that you know about.
32:53
SPEAKER_01: Dude, here's the thing I deserve it from Basket.
32:56
SPEAKER_01: Because he had to watch me play Tony Oxpro Skater for like three hours.
33:00
SPEAKER_01: Uh sober, too, by the way.
33:03
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, completely sober.
33:05
SPEAKER_01: Uh evil possum says the steak nuggets at Arby's is grilled gorilla nuts.
33:12
SPEAKER_01: Dog, you guys need to be commenting more.
33:15
SPEAKER_01: This is gold.
33:16
SPEAKER_01: That's fucking awesome.
33:17
SPEAKER_01: Arden J said the problem is the four-inch worm had to go all the way in, and it would be likely that you wouldn't be able to stay hard for it, so it's probably gonna end up past the root.
33:28
SPEAKER_04: Oh shit.
33:28
SPEAKER_04: So he's basically saying Jake's got a fucking small dick.
33:34
SPEAKER_01: No, it was you that would have the worm in your dick.
33:37
SPEAKER_01: Me haven't dude.
33:38
SPEAKER_04: My dick is more than four inches soft.
33:41
SPEAKER_01: No, no, the the the worm was four inches.
33:44
SPEAKER_01: Remember, I specified the worm was four inches.
33:46
SPEAKER_04: Right, he's saying you wouldn't be able to stay hard the whole my dick doesn't have to be hard to be more than four inches.
33:50
SPEAKER_01: Oh, so you're putting it on me that I would have this problem, not you.
33:54
SPEAKER_04: I thought that's what he was saying, because it was my worm would you rather, wasn't it?
33:59
SPEAKER_04: It was my would you rather about worms that you brought up the week before.
34:03
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
34:04
SPEAKER_04: Fuck you, Arden.
34:05
SPEAKER_04: I have a big dick.
34:07
SPEAKER_01: And then uh Skyland 2 uh said worm skin.
34:12
SPEAKER_01: Period.
34:12
SPEAKER_01: Word.
34:13
SPEAKER_01: Thanks.
34:14
SPEAKER_01: Fucking worm.
34:15
SPEAKER_01: Thanks for that.
34:16
SPEAKER_01: I should have read that second to last, I guess.
34:20
SPEAKER_01: Keep commenting though.
34:21
SPEAKER_01: That was worm skin.
34:23
SPEAKER_01: I love having the I'm sure it's very relevant to the episode, and we're just not remembering a point in the episode where that was a good comment.
34:31
SPEAKER_04: I wonder if he's roasted and thought that it was a really cool play on words with foreskin.
34:37
SPEAKER_01: Maybe.
34:37
SPEAKER_01: Maybe.
34:40
SPEAKER_01: Worm skin?
34:41
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
34:42
SPEAKER_01: Maybe one of us said, like, no, that doesn't make sense either.
34:46
SPEAKER_04: I can't make it make sense.
34:47
SPEAKER_04: Wormskin condoms?
34:48
unknown: Yeah.
34:50
SPEAKER_01: Like lamb skin.
34:52
SPEAKER_01: Maybe, dude.
34:53
SPEAKER_01: You could make condoms out of worm skin, I guess.
34:56
SPEAKER_01: This condom smells earthy.
34:58
SPEAKER_01: It's organic.
35:00
SPEAKER_04: That's what you should have worn when you were fucking that hippie chick that hippie thrush.
35:05
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, dude.
35:06
SPEAKER_04: I think that was on he told that on the main show.
35:08
SPEAKER_01: Eventually, I think.
35:09
SPEAKER_01: I think I I originally told the full story on the uh Patreon, but yes.
35:13
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I think it made its way into the Reggie, I believe.
35:16
SPEAKER_01: Old Thrushcrock.
35:18
SPEAKER_04: I can't even say that.
35:19
SPEAKER_01: Old Thrushcock Jacob.
35:21
SPEAKER_01: Old Thrush tongue, you know.
35:24
SPEAKER_04: Oh, okay.
35:25
SPEAKER_04: Cool comments.
35:26
SPEAKER_04: Thanks, guys.
35:27
SPEAKER_04: Uh, we're gonna go into our next schmegment comic Mr.
35:32
SPEAKER_01: P She.
35:35
SPEAKER_04: I got a fucking doozy for you, boys.
35:38
SPEAKER_04: Uh, I've talked about this uh this lady before, but the lore is so much deeper now that I'm gonna give you a quick refresh.
35:48
SPEAKER_04: They hired this new lady in HR, and she is like one of the most detestable human beings I've ever met in my entire fucking life.
35:58
SPEAKER_04: She's like, right off the bat, before I even met her, I pulled into the parking lot one day and I saw her vehicle.
36:05
SPEAKER_04: I could tell it was this new person's vehicle because it was one I'd never seen before parked in the employee parking area.
36:12
SPEAKER_04: And it's a fully blacked out escalade with a fucking vanity plate that's like okay, I have to think about how I wanna how much do I want to actually Okay, so I feel like it's a common enough name.
36:28
SPEAKER_04: Her name's Stephanie.
36:29
SPEAKER_04: Oh, sure.
36:29
SPEAKER_04: Okay, which is already a gross name.
36:32
SPEAKER_04: But her vanity plate says Steffi.
36:37
SPEAKER_04: Which vanity plates are like if it's not funny, you're not you shouldn't get one.
36:43
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
36:43
SPEAKER_04: It should be a joke or nothing at all.
36:46
SPEAKER_04: Because it's never fucking cool.
36:47
SPEAKER_04: No matter how cool it seems like in your head when you're doing it, when you get it and put it on your car, everyone is pointing and laughing at you, calling you a fag.
36:55
SPEAKER_01: Everyone hates it.
36:56
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, it's so lame.
36:58
SPEAKER_04: Like you gotta make it a joke or don't do it at all.
37:01
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
37:01
SPEAKER_01: It was uh uh one of the uh to bring him back up, uh it was one of Shane Gillis's jokes about Tony Henchcliffe.
37:10
SPEAKER_01: And yeah, all he had to do, he didn't even write a joke about it.
37:13
SPEAKER_01: He just said Tony Henchcliffe has a vanity plate that says I roast.
37:18
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and it was enough to level the room.
37:20
SPEAKER_04: Isn't that cool?
37:21
SPEAKER_01: Just that sentence.
37:23
SPEAKER_04: The funniest thing to me was when he said, Isn't that cool?
37:26
SPEAKER_01: Oh, he does he did say that, yeah.
37:30
SPEAKER_02: I thought you were saying that, but yeah, you I forgot.
37:32
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, he did say that.
37:34
SPEAKER_01: So funny, dude.
37:35
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so wrecked him.
37:37
SPEAKER_01: It's a joke.
37:38
SPEAKER_01: Literally, it's just a joke.
37:40
SPEAKER_01: Like, on you if you have the vanity plate.
37:44
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, I guarantee you when he was doing it, he thought this is gonna be so badass.
37:48
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
37:48
SPEAKER_04: Because I've written so many roast jokes.
37:50
SPEAKER_01: Well, yeah, I mean, it it you know, it it m gave him uh an apartment and shit for some years.
37:56
SPEAKER_01: So I think he thought, you know, he was like all up his own ass about it, you know.
38:01
SPEAKER_01: But you don't realize from the outside in it looks fucking stupid.
38:05
SPEAKER_01: It's dumb.
38:07
SPEAKER_04: But uh yeah, so I saw that and I was like, oh boy, you know, and then the first time I met her, uh, I was helping set up her company phone, and she came over with a fucking full bag of like Lay's sour cream and onion chips and was just chomping on these fucking chips in my ear.
38:28
SPEAKER_04: And that was enough to make me want to fucking level her.
38:30
SPEAKER_04: I was like, are you Skylar White right now?
38:32
SPEAKER_04: Because I'm gonna knock your fucking teeth out.
38:36
SPEAKER_04: So she's chomping on these fucking chips, and I'm like, I got to the point in the phone setup.
38:41
SPEAKER_02: I was like, I was on her side because I love Lace Tower Game and Onion chips.
38:47
SPEAKER_02: Mm-hmm.
38:47
SPEAKER_04: My me too, alone, away from other people.
38:51
SPEAKER_02: That's so funny.
38:53
SPEAKER_01: And then immediately, complete heel turn, because I fucking hate when people are chomping on shit super loud, right in my face.
39:01
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, she was like right here, bro.
39:03
SPEAKER_04: And then I got to the point in the iPhone setup where I need her to log in because she has to type her fucking username and password in.
39:12
SPEAKER_04: So I hand her the phone, and she just takes her fucking greasy chip fucking grease-covered finger, takes the phone out of my hands, and starts filling the shit out on the phone.
39:23
SPEAKER_04: And she goes to hand it back to me.
39:25
SPEAKER_04: And I swear to God, in front of my Lord and Savior, I'll tell you this right now.
39:30
SPEAKER_04: I said, That's yours now.
39:32
SPEAKER_04: I'm not I'm not touching it again.
39:35
SPEAKER_04: You know, that's that's all you now.
39:38
SPEAKER_04: You can you can press the rest of the buttons.
39:40
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, this lady went full like Hollywood Hulk Hogan immediately, dude.
39:45
SPEAKER_04: It the when I say the tip of the iceberg dog, I'm talking a snowflake.
39:49
SPEAKER_04: We got a fucking mountain of just detestable behavior.
39:55
SPEAKER_04: But that would that was my introduction to her, was the chip fingers thing.
39:58
SPEAKER_04: Also, she was uh cunty about the phone thing in the first place.
40:02
SPEAKER_04: Not worth getting into, but just the attitude.
40:05
SPEAKER_04: Her whole entire attitude in general is just that like I'm better than everyone ever of all time, and everyone around me is here to serve me and me alone.
40:18
SPEAKER_04: Like the entire fucking universe revolves around her and what she needs, and she craves attention so fucking deeply.
40:28
SPEAKER_04: Ugh, dude.
40:29
SPEAKER_01: Okay, so describe this lady just cursorily.
40:32
SPEAKER_01: So what she looks like me and the audience have can like paint a picture a little bit.
40:36
SPEAKER_01: Okay, so like 42.
40:39
SPEAKER_04: Okay, gross tan, like leather, leather gross.
40:44
SPEAKER_04: Uh Hollywood Hulk Hogan, bro.
40:47
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, nailed it.
40:48
SPEAKER_04: Oh, you ready for the next part?
40:50
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
40:50
SPEAKER_04: Way too much hair dye.
40:55
SPEAKER_04: And just keep going.
40:58
SPEAKER_04: I bet more of a match, not all of them.
41:00
SPEAKER_04: Every time she comes up to somebody, she goes, Hey, brother.
41:03
SPEAKER_01: Does she call people brother?
41:05
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that'd be great.
41:06
SPEAKER_01: Does she have dyed handlebars on her face?
41:10
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, no.
41:11
SPEAKER_04: Uh glasses, like I think she's got a little bit of a gap between her teeth.
41:16
SPEAKER_04: Okay.
41:17
SPEAKER_04: And she talks like, hey.
41:20
SPEAKER_04: You know, like she's putting on a voice.
41:22
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, yeah.
41:23
SPEAKER_04: Has she ever uh shown up in a do-rag?
41:27
SPEAKER_04: I well, there was this one meeting where it got everything kind of got contentious and people were arguing a little bit, and she stood up and she ripped her shirt in half.
41:38
SPEAKER_04: And then she she went up to a dude that was like 500 pounds and power bombed him through a table.
41:44
SPEAKER_04: It was pretty cool, honestly.
41:46
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
41:47
SPEAKER_04: No, but uh yeah, just like that the arrogant, like everyone's here to serve me attitude, which I I fucking there's nothing you could do worse than that.
41:57
SPEAKER_04: I feel like it's like rape babies, act like that, commit uh treason or something.
42:05
SPEAKER_04: I don't know.
42:06
SPEAKER_04: It's a worse crime.
42:07
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
42:08
SPEAKER_04: But uh here's a here's a little a little story for you, one of the many.
42:14
SPEAKER_04: But this one I don't have any screenshots for, I just heard the story.
42:18
SPEAKER_04: So there's I wasn't here for this.
42:20
SPEAKER_04: I I had taken a sick day the day that this happened, but there was this big like meeting thing going on where a bunch of people came from different locations all to our headquarters.
42:31
SPEAKER_04: Sure.
42:32
SPEAKER_04: And uh it was done in a room of the building that one particular person is in charge of.
42:39
SPEAKER_04: It's like our event center, and our event coordinator is in charge of it.
42:44
SPEAKER_04: So she's running around, like trying to get make sure the tables are all set up right, there's chairs everywhere, that the screen for the projector and everything's all good, that the buffet line is set up.
42:56
SPEAKER_04: She's like making sure everything's taken care of.
42:59
SPEAKER_04: So she's busy as fuck.
43:00
SPEAKER_04: This lady, this fucking cunt, comes up to her and is like, uh, she like was having issues with her mouth or something.
43:10
SPEAKER_04: She was about to have oral surgery.
43:11
SPEAKER_04: I don't know exactly what the issue was, but she was like, she came up to this chick that's like buzzing around like a fucking busy bee, and was like, My mouth hurts.
43:20
SPEAKER_04: I need you to go to Walgreens and buy me some oral gel.
43:23
SPEAKER_04: And the event coordinator lady was like, Well, I'm I'm really busy right now, and also that's not anywhere close to my job at all.
43:35
SPEAKER_04: Wow.
43:36
SPEAKER_04: So no.
43:38
SPEAKER_04: And she was like, okay, we'll see what my boss has to say about that then.
43:43
SPEAKER_04: And like stormed off and went and tattled on her to my boss, who was like, What the fuck are you talking about?
43:53
SPEAKER_04: Stephanie Hogan did this.
43:55
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, Steph Hogan.
43:57
SPEAKER_04: Steph Hogan basically tried to To force workjake to go to the fucking pharmacy, buy her oragel, and come back while she's trying to set up an event.
44:11
SPEAKER_01: Wow.
44:12
SPEAKER_01: She tried to age mog this bitch.
44:15
SPEAKER_01: She tried to matriarch this bitch.
44:18
SPEAKER_04: This is not the first time that she well, that was probably the first time, but it's not the only time that she has pulled a similar move.
44:25
SPEAKER_04: And I'll tell you about another time that I don't have a screenshot of that just had I just found out about this today.
44:32
SPEAKER_04: Uh-huh.
44:33
SPEAKER_04: So work Jake again.
44:36
SPEAKER_04: She has uh we have so she's like our office manager slash event.
44:43
SPEAKER_04: It's complicated.
44:44
SPEAKER_04: Uh-huh.
44:45
SPEAKER_04: But she was having to like set up events and answer the phones at the same time, and it was becoming an issue.
44:51
SPEAKER_04: So they hired a part-time lady who is like one of the nicest people you've ever met.
44:56
SPEAKER_04: She's cool as fuck.
44:57
SPEAKER_04: Like she's really chill.
44:58
SPEAKER_04: Uh, and her basically her main job duties is to answer the phones at the front desk, and when she's not busy doing that, she'll like restock the K cups, and like when we get deliveries, she'll like call people and tell them they've got their Amazon packages are here and shit like that.
45:14
SPEAKER_04: Just like basic uh administrative bullshit and office duties.
45:20
SPEAKER_04: This fucking lady, Steph Hogan comes up to the front with a fucking can of soup and goes, I need you to go over to the other side of the building and get the can opener for me so and open this can.
45:35
SPEAKER_04: Sets the can down and fucking trots off.
45:39
SPEAKER_04: Just leaves the can up there for this lady whose job is to answer the phones so she can walk her ass all the way to the other side of the building to get a can opener, bring it back, open this bitch's can of soup, I guess pour it in a bowl for her and heat it up, too, and then bring the fucking can opener all the way back over to the other side of the building.
46:05
SPEAKER_04: Insane.
46:06
SPEAKER_04: Insane behavior.
46:08
SPEAKER_04: Like, on what planet are you so fucking self-important that you can't just go get a fucking can opener yourself?
46:17
SPEAKER_04: Like, I don't understand.
46:20
SPEAKER_04: Is it like a power thing?
46:21
SPEAKER_04: Does she need to feel like she has power over people?
46:24
SPEAKER_04: I don't get it.
46:25
SPEAKER_04: I don't fucking get it.
46:26
SPEAKER_04: It's so psychotic.
46:28
SPEAKER_04: Is she technically no?
46:31
SPEAKER_04: Like she's not outranking these people.
46:33
SPEAKER_04: She doesn't outrank fucking anybody, but so like our HR structure is we have an HR director, she's the HR manager, and then there's two like HR specialists.
46:43
SPEAKER_04: So really she's only over those two HR specialist people.
46:47
SPEAKER_04: Okay.
46:47
SPEAKER_04: And even then, it's only kinda.
46:50
SPEAKER_01: But she's HR, so she feels like she has that authority over people.
46:56
SPEAKER_01: Uh I guess I guess.
46:58
SPEAKER_01: I mean that I'm trying to diagnose this cursorily right now.
47:01
SPEAKER_01: I guess.
47:02
SPEAKER_01: Uh I that's fucking crazy.
47:05
SPEAKER_04: She also both of those requests are insane.
47:08
SPEAKER_04: She also tried to military mog somebody the other day.
47:11
SPEAKER_04: Oh shit, she was in the military?
47:13
SPEAKER_04: Listen, she said to some, she went up to this Mexican lady that we work with who is very clearly Latina.
47:21
SPEAKER_04: She's not even Mexican, she's Ecuadorian.
47:23
SPEAKER_04: I don't know why I called her Mexican.
47:24
SPEAKER_04: She went up to this Latina girl who is very obviously Latin.
47:29
SPEAKER_04: Okay.
47:30
SPEAKER_04: And says to her, you know, I was in the military.
47:33
SPEAKER_04: I would do anything for this country.
47:35
SPEAKER_04: I would if I could go back, I would go immediately and I would defend our country randomly.
47:41
SPEAKER_04: Randomly, just up to this Latina chick.
47:44
SPEAKER_04: Has never said anything like this to anyone else.
47:47
SPEAKER_04: And then it comes out she was in the military.
47:50
SPEAKER_04: She was in the Army National Guard for a total of one day.
47:56
SPEAKER_01: One fucking day.
47:58
SPEAKER_01: I thought for sure you were gonna say month, dude.
48:00
SPEAKER_01: And they kicked her out for one day and then kicked her out.
48:06
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
48:07
SPEAKER_04: I only found this-tried the military.
48:10
SPEAKER_04: And even that is kind of stretching it.
48:12
SPEAKER_04: I only found out this one day detail because uh yesterday we were having some internet issues, and I was working to resolve them, and I sent out a fucking blast to everybody in the office.
48:25
SPEAKER_04: Hey, I'm working on this issue right now.
48:28
SPEAKER_04: There's gonna be intermittent problems for a couple hours, but it'll be fine.
48:35
SPEAKER_04: Don't worry about it.
48:36
SPEAKER_04: Like it'll come back.
48:37
SPEAKER_04: Just give me some time to fix it.
48:40
SPEAKER_04: Like an hour later, she comes to my office, walks in, and goes, Hey, so I still can't connect.
48:48
SPEAKER_04: And I was like, Yep, I'm working on it right now.
48:50
SPEAKER_04: Should be back up here pretty soon.
48:52
SPEAKER_04: She's like, Okay, well, is there like somewhere else I can go to work so I can get some work done?
48:59
SPEAKER_04: And I was I looked at her and I go, It'll be back up soon.
49:03
SPEAKER_04: I'm working on it.
49:05
SPEAKER_04: She was like, Okay, and walked off.
49:09
SPEAKER_04: And I was just like, fuck you, bitch.
49:13
SPEAKER_04: Like what?
49:14
SPEAKER_04: So she leaves, I fix it.
49:15
SPEAKER_04: I had it fixed before she got back to her desk, by the way.
49:18
SPEAKER_04: I was like, I was literally hitting enter on the fucking code that I had to type in to the fucking command line on the firewall to turn off a feature that was causing the issue.
49:28
SPEAKER_04: It took me like an hour to find the issue, I found it, I fixed it.
49:33
SPEAKER_04: So then lunchtime comes around, and I go, I'm like ripping open my bag of fucking uh Uncle Ben's, and she's like, hey, sorry, I was such a pest earlier.
49:44
SPEAKER_04: I was like, it's fine, I get it, you know, whatever.
49:46
SPEAKER_04: She's like, Did you get your hair cut?
49:49
SPEAKER_04: And I was like, Yeah, like a couple months ago.
49:52
SPEAKER_04: She was like, Oh, I'm sorry I didn't notice.
49:54
SPEAKER_04: Oh my gosh.
49:55
SPEAKER_04: I was like, what the fuck is this?
49:58
SPEAKER_04: She's like, you know.
50:00
SPEAKER_04: Get out.
50:01
SPEAKER_04: When I was in the Army National Guard, I had to cut my hair.
50:04
SPEAKER_04: It was really sad.
50:04
SPEAKER_04: I got it cut really short.
50:06
SPEAKER_04: I was like, I'm sorry.
50:09
SPEAKER_04: She's like, Yeah, I was only in it for a day, so it was really weird coming back home with short hair.
50:14
SPEAKER_04: I was like, what the fuck are we talking about here?
50:18
SPEAKER_04: I didn't know what to say.
50:19
SPEAKER_04: I was just like, Yep, I could see how that would be uh awkward.
50:24
SPEAKER_04: She's like, Yeah, it was really sad.
50:26
SPEAKER_04: I was like, uh-huh.
50:28
SPEAKER_04: I just want to make my food, leave me alone.
50:31
SPEAKER_04: She finally went away.
50:32
SPEAKER_04: But anyway, there's some crazy shit that happened too.
50:35
SPEAKER_04: So every time we have like this group chat for all the corporate employees that work in the office.
50:41
SPEAKER_04: Every time something gets posted in there, she has to like find a way to make it about herself and make it this big dramatic look at me thing.
50:51
SPEAKER_04: So the first one that happened that I have uh documented here was on 9-11.
50:59
SPEAKER_04: So, you know, Tractor Faggot was a cop and he hired one of his cop buddies to work under him.
51:06
SPEAKER_04: So this is this by itself is really funny.
51:10
SPEAKER_04: This dude's like fat, by the way.
51:12
SPEAKER_04: He's like a fat cop.
51:14
SPEAKER_04: Bald, got the fucking like Goldberg look going on, but he's tubby.
51:19
SPEAKER_04: Nice.
51:20
SPEAKER_04: And he's like, he posts this thing, nice, which I'm almost I'm almost a thousand percent sure was AI generated based on the formatting, like with the bold text.
51:30
SPEAKER_04: I don't think this guy even knows what control B does on the keyboard.
51:34
SPEAKER_04: Uh, but he posted this thing.
51:36
SPEAKER_04: Remember 9-11.
51:39
SPEAKER_04: Today, September 11, we pause to remember one of the most significant and heartbreaking thing days in our nation's history.
51:46
SPEAKER_04: Twenty-five years ago on September 11, 2001, our country experienced attack that blah blah blah blah blah.
51:54
SPEAKER_04: And then he posts then his actual words, do you remember where you were on that tragic day?
51:59
SPEAKER_04: I do.
52:00
SPEAKER_04: Ironically, I was training in counter-terrorism tactics.
52:06
SPEAKER_04: I just pictured him in like SWAT uniform that's too small for him.
52:13
SPEAKER_04: The porky fucking cop just I'm gonna get you tears.
52:18
SPEAKER_04: We came back from a break in training and the videos were being shown on our display screens.
52:23
SPEAKER_04: We thought it was part of the training until our phone started ringing.
52:27
SPEAKER_04: That day changed so much.
52:29
SPEAKER_04: Dot dot dot.
52:30
SPEAKER_01: He's right about that.
52:32
SPEAKER_01: Sure.
52:33
SPEAKER_01: Patriot Act and everything else.
52:34
SPEAKER_01: Sure, but he doesn't mean that, but he's not talking about that, but yeah.
52:38
SPEAKER_04: So then she fucking posts this fucking long ass look at me, everything's about me ass message.
52:46
SPEAKER_04: Yep.
52:47
SPEAKER_04: I lived in West Virginia, and we had gotten back late the night before from vacation to New York City to see the New York Yankees play ball.
52:56
SPEAKER_04: My ex husband called me and told me the first plane had crashed, and I had just woken up and thought he was trying to pull one over on me.
53:05
SPEAKER_04: I turned on the TV and watched the news coverage that day.
53:08
SPEAKER_04: All day.
53:09
SPEAKER_04: I saw the second plane crash on live TV.
53:13
SPEAKER_04: I cried all day.
53:14
SPEAKER_04: We all did.
53:16
SPEAKER_04: It was devastating to see the chaos and emotions from witnesses, to see people running frantically when the buildings collapsed.
53:23
SPEAKER_04: I wanted to be there to help in any way that I could, but that was not feasible.
53:30
SPEAKER_03: Shut the fuck up, dude.
53:33
SPEAKER_04: As I read read your post, I too believe that we are stronger together.
53:38
SPEAKER_04: To me, the very best the very best of the human spirit involves and posts the list, courage to always find good in others.
53:48
SPEAKER_04: This is so cringe, dude.
53:50
SPEAKER_04: I I'm having trouble.
53:53
SPEAKER_04: Meet someone in the middle or to take that first step.
53:56
SPEAKER_04: Compassion, be the good in someone's bad day, help someone who's struggling, give the benefit of the doubt, treat others fairly and with dignity, even if they're not in your tribe, gang, group, etc.
54:08
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
54:09
SPEAKER_01: Well, why couldn't you just say country too?
54:12
SPEAKER_01: Right?
54:12
SPEAKER_01: Why couldn't you just use the globe as the thing that you're you're trying to unite?
54:17
SPEAKER_04: Humanity inside service, honor yourself by giving 100% to whatever work you're doing, volunteer, help your family, neighbors, and community, help your coworkers band together instead of creating division.
54:30
SPEAKER_04: Like, Jesus fucking Christ, lady.
54:33
SPEAKER_04: And then another documented case of countery.
54:38
SPEAKER_04: Somebody posted in the group chat that there were like there was like a wasp nest outside or something.
54:44
SPEAKER_04: Uh-huh.
54:45
SPEAKER_04: And they were just like, you know, keep an eye out, don't get stung.
54:48
SPEAKER_04: We're we're gonna have the pest control take care of it.
54:51
SPEAKER_04: Sure, yeah.
54:52
SPEAKER_04: She posted, Thank you so much for putting in this request, and thank you for the alert.
54:58
SPEAKER_04: I am highly, severely, almost died, allergic to wasp venom.
55:03
SPEAKER_04: So I appreciate the info and that we're gonna take action.
55:07
SPEAKER_00: Oh my god.
55:08
SPEAKER_04: Bro, dramatic, bro.
55:10
SPEAKER_04: What the fuck?
55:12
SPEAKER_04: And then the fucking cherry on top of the shit Sunday, the most egregious, I think she's gonna get in trouble for this.
55:26
SPEAKER_04: Like so I'll I'll give you a quick little aside.
55:31
SPEAKER_04: I mentioned offhand to my boss that I fucking hate this lady, and she was like, she wanted to know why.
55:37
SPEAKER_04: She asked me why, and I explained the chip fingers.
55:42
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
55:43
SPEAKER_04: She was laughing, and I was like, I know that it's like, you know, me being me here, but this isn't the only thing.
55:50
SPEAKER_04: Like, there's other stuff.
55:51
SPEAKER_04: I did you hear about the Origel thing?
55:54
SPEAKER_04: I know you have because you were part of it.
55:56
SPEAKER_04: She was like, Yeah.
55:58
SPEAKER_04: I was like, okay, well, that's how she is all the fucking time.
56:01
SPEAKER_04: You're just not hearing it all.
56:02
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, the soup thing.
56:03
SPEAKER_04: That hadn't happened yet.
56:05
SPEAKER_04: This was just this was uh a couple weeks back that I mentioned it.
56:08
SPEAKER_01: At this point, it's culminating, right?
56:10
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
56:10
SPEAKER_04: It has to be.
56:11
SPEAKER_04: My boss fucking hates her now too.
56:13
SPEAKER_04: At the time, it seemed like she wasn't like on board with the the hate her train.
56:17
SPEAKER_01: Wasn't fully sold.
56:19
SPEAKER_04: But since then, uh my boss mentioned it to me later that she fucking hates her too.
56:26
SPEAKER_04: And then she went and told, or she went and uh said to Work Jake, like, I want you to put in writing, like, and file a formal complaint on her about the Origel thing.
56:38
SPEAKER_04: Because I'm trying to get I'm trying to get documentation on her.
56:41
SPEAKER_04: So then at lunch today, when I heard about the can of soup thing, I called that chick over and I was like, yo, yo, yo, come here real quick.
56:48
SPEAKER_04: She was like, What's up?
56:49
SPEAKER_04: I was like, You need to like file a formal complaint about the can of soup.
56:54
SPEAKER_04: And she was like, Why?
56:56
SPEAKER_04: It wasn't that big of a deal.
56:57
SPEAKER_04: I was like, okay, it's not a big deal to you because you're nice, but it's fucked up and it's degrading and it's fucking ridiculous, and we're trying to get rid of her, so you need to file a formal complaint about it.
57:09
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
57:09
SPEAKER_04: Okay, so Fuck yeah, dude.
57:11
SPEAKER_04: Here's I love that the fucking Piece de Resistance.
57:16
SPEAKER_01: Dude, she's Al Qaeda, and you guys are the fucking United States.
57:21
SPEAKER_01: And in her metaphor for togetherness, we're Team America.
57:25
SPEAKER_01: You guys are banning against her like the United States did terrorism.
57:30
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, we're we're Team America.
57:32
unknown: Fuck yeah.
57:33
SPEAKER_04: We're coming again to save the motherfucking day, yeah.
57:36
SPEAKER_04: Uh so there's this lady at work who like you can tell just by looking at her that she's got a pretty big percentage of Native American DNA in her.
57:48
SPEAKER_04: Uh she's got like she's like a darker share.
57:51
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
57:52
SPEAKER_04: Hi, how are ya?
57:53
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
57:53
SPEAKER_04: Hey, how are you?
57:54
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, that yeah.
57:55
SPEAKER_04: Uh so she posted this uh this thing in the group chat about Indigenous People's Day with like some information, blah, blah, blah.
58:06
SPEAKER_04: And then the fucking psycho that this uh Steph Hogan lady is, had to find a way to make it about herself.
58:18
SPEAKER_04: Sure.
58:19
SPEAKER_04: And did so in the most foot-in-mouth disease way possible.
58:24
SPEAKER_04: Oh, awesome.
58:26
SPEAKER_04: My ancestry.com DNA results show that I have two percent indigenous blood, and my mom has eight percent link to indigenous peoples in our lineage.
58:40
SPEAKER_04: We have identified the possible relative, but research is difficult because his name is John White, and census records list him as black, and another has him listed as mulatto.
58:54
SPEAKER_04: Oh my god.
58:55
SPEAKER_04: Which was determined by the census taker.
58:58
SPEAKER_04: So she posted this.
59:00
SPEAKER_04: And this black chick that works where we work lost her fucking marbles, dude.
59:04
SPEAKER_04: I bet about the usage of the term mulatto.
59:07
SPEAKER_04: I bet.
59:08
SPEAKER_04: And she fought like she had to be talked down.
59:10
SPEAKER_04: She was about to go beat this bitch's ass.
59:12
SPEAKER_01: You gotta put did she put it in quotes?
59:14
SPEAKER_01: She did.
59:15
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
59:16
SPEAKER_01: Then I can't I then it's hard to be mad.
59:20
SPEAKER_01: She's quoting.
59:22
SPEAKER_01: Like it's just like she she put it in quotes, and that is the recognition that I I'm not saying this.
59:30
SPEAKER_01: Right.
59:30
SPEAKER_01: Like, and you can you have to recognize that yourself, as like, okay, she's distancing herself from the word as much as I hate this lady, and that is like just to bring it up, that's the transgression more than the word mulatto is, I think.
59:45
SPEAKER_04: I think what what you're doing is you're you're downstream and you're taking buckets of poison out of the river when the issue is that she is dumping poison in the river at the head of it.
59:59
SPEAKER_04: Okay, okay.
1:00:00
SPEAKER_04: By even posting about like even making this whole thing about herself and being like, I'm two percent Native American, look at me.
1:00:07
SPEAKER_04: That's insane.
1:00:08
SPEAKER_04: Like, she should have never the word mulatto should have never come out because she should have never fucking started talking about herself and how she's got black in her and all this.
1:00:18
SPEAKER_04: Stay out of it, dumbass.
1:00:20
SPEAKER_04: Like, shut the fuck up.
1:00:21
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
1:00:21
SPEAKER_04: So people obviously lost their fucking mind about this.
1:00:25
SPEAKER_04: And luckily, and like she went, she kept went back and edited the post to remove all that.
1:00:31
SPEAKER_04: Sure.
1:00:32
SPEAKER_04: And then had to go back and edit it again, and I didn't catch all that.
1:00:36
SPEAKER_04: But luckily for us, there are more uh observant folk out there who kept catching it and screenshot the whole fucking thing.
1:00:45
SPEAKER_04: Nice.
1:00:46
SPEAKER_04: So I've got the whole interaction here.
1:00:48
SPEAKER_04: Nice.
1:00:49
SPEAKER_04: So the first edit, she went back, she left Black and Mulatto in there, and she put in a fucking edit and said, also, for anyone who may have been offended, I was stating a fact, not using it as slang to describe my family member.
1:01:06
SPEAKER_04: That is the term listed on the U.S.
1:01:08
SPEAKER_04: Census from some time after the 1850s until 1930.
1:01:12
SPEAKER_04: That is why I put it in quotes.
1:01:14
SPEAKER_04: I do not promote the use of the word today to describe a person who is biracial.
1:01:19
SPEAKER_04: If you didn't know, I am also biracial and would not intentionally try to offend anyone.
1:01:25
SPEAKER_04: We asked, we found, we found out her uh claim of being biracial is that 2% Native American.
1:01:33
SPEAKER_04: She's white with 2% Native American, and that somehow She's the worst person on earth.
1:01:41
SPEAKER_02: What the fuck?
1:01:43
SPEAKER_01: In the same how, okay, really, really quick.
1:01:47
SPEAKER_01: How the fuck does this bitch have a job?
1:01:49
SPEAKER_01: How the fuck is this bitch not homeless?
1:01:52
SPEAKER_01: And there's probably some sweet older, like 42-year-old lady who's just been nice to people her whole life, but is bad with money and had a terrible run of luck and is homeless.
1:02:05
SPEAKER_01: How is this lady not in her place?
1:02:09
SPEAKER_01: There is no God.
1:02:10
SPEAKER_01: Like this lady existing and having a job means there is no God.
1:02:15
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
1:02:15
SPEAKER_01: None of this is designed because if it was, this lady would not be a manager of anything, but a fucking shopping cart for anyone who may have been offended, is so passive aggressive and shitty.
1:02:29
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
1:02:29
SPEAKER_04: Like, what the fuck?
1:02:31
SPEAKER_04: So uh I checked.
1:02:33
SPEAKER_04: There wasn't a second edit.
1:02:34
SPEAKER_04: It was just uh they scrolled down.
1:02:36
SPEAKER_04: The last part of it was just like, thank you for your attention to this matter, which is also a cunty thing to say.
1:02:41
SPEAKER_01: And a Trump thing.
1:02:42
SPEAKER_04: Oh, yeah.
1:02:43
SPEAKER_01: Trump's Trump signs off all of his truth social posts with that.
1:02:47
SPEAKER_01: Oh, really?
1:02:48
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
1:02:48
SPEAKER_01: Damn.
1:02:49
SPEAKER_01: Like, I and I was a I should have called it.
1:02:51
SPEAKER_01: God damn it.
1:02:52
SPEAKER_01: I didn't catch that debate.
1:02:53
SPEAKER_01: I was I was gonna call that she's MAGA, but I was like, no, no, no, no.
1:02:57
SPEAKER_01: That's your bias.
1:02:59
SPEAKER_01: Don't don't say that.
1:03:00
SPEAKER_01: Your instincts were probably correct, bro.
1:03:02
SPEAKER_01: I think I think I am correct.
1:03:03
SPEAKER_01: Seems like it.
1:03:04
SPEAKER_01: Only a MAGA motherfucker would try to use two percent Native American to claim biracial biracialness, biraciality, whatever, and also to put themselves into a conversation of ethnic minorities.
1:03:20
SPEAKER_04: Oh, yeah.
1:03:20
SPEAKER_01: How the fuck do you think you can do that with two percent?
1:03:24
SPEAKER_01: Like, you're literally doing the fucking Elizabeth Warren thing.
1:03:29
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, like you're doing that.
1:03:30
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that's insane.
1:03:33
SPEAKER_04: Oh, I just want to throw this in there.
1:03:34
SPEAKER_04: It's not not to pat myself on the back or anything, but I just think you'll like it.
1:03:38
SPEAKER_04: When I saw her original post about how she's so Native American or whatever, I s every time she posts.
1:03:44
SPEAKER_04: The reason I have those screenshots is because every time I see them, I screenshot them, throw them in the IT group chat and make fun of her.
1:03:50
SPEAKER_04: Sure.
1:03:51
SPEAKER_04: So when I saw the I'm so Native American thing, I screenshot that.
1:03:56
SPEAKER_04: I threw it in the IT group chat and I said, Shut the fuck up, pukahannas.
1:04:02
SPEAKER_02: That's great, dude.
1:04:03
SPEAKER_04: I thought that was a good nice anyway.
1:04:06
SPEAKER_04: So after she uh posted her edit on the thing and like that the passive aggressive may have been offended thing, uh, first of all, no, I'll save that for last.
1:04:18
SPEAKER_04: I'll I'll read she sent out this email to only like a select amount of people.
1:04:25
SPEAKER_04: Like sh we have an all users thing.
1:04:29
SPEAKER_04: If she wanted to send out an all-users email, she could have, but she like only selected certain people, all of which are white, by the way.
1:04:36
SPEAKER_04: Of course.
1:04:37
SPEAKER_04: And she goes, Happy Indigenous People's Day.
1:04:43
SPEAKER_04: Thank you, uh, to the lady, the half Native American looking lady that alerted us to this very special day.
1:04:49
SPEAKER_04: Dear colleagues, some of you may not know, but the second Monday of October, as recognized as Indigenous People's Day in the U.S., some of the first things that may come to mind for you are an Indian chief's full headdress, powwows, and peace pipes, pocahanness, etc.
1:05:08
SPEAKER_04: What?
1:05:13
SPEAKER_04: I can't.
1:05:15
SPEAKER_01: I can't, dude.
1:05:17
SPEAKER_01: Fucking crazy.
1:05:19
SPEAKER_01: Like, is this lady AI?
1:05:22
SPEAKER_01: Like, what the fuck?
1:05:23
SPEAKER_01: This is the most, this is the least reading of any room I've ever like.
1:05:29
SPEAKER_01: I think I'm an oblivious fucking idiot, but holy shit, this lady makes me feel like uh such a social butterfly, and that I that everything I say is actually kind of a little funny and and like uh you know uh poignant, you know?
1:05:44
SPEAKER_01: God damn.
1:05:45
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
1:05:46
SPEAKER_01: I'm a Nobel laureate.
1:05:47
SPEAKER_01: This bitch, what the fuck?
1:05:50
SPEAKER_01: How I want to know more about like I'm now I'm curious of like, how has she made it?
1:05:58
SPEAKER_01: Like I'm assuming, do you know if she has any like if she has a husband?
1:06:04
SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
1:06:04
SPEAKER_04: I don't know much about her.
1:06:05
SPEAKER_04: If she's had husbands.
1:06:07
SPEAKER_04: I d I've had very limited interactions with her on purpose.
1:06:11
SPEAKER_01: I mean, she has a job, so I don't want to assume that she's like, you know, just glommed on to her partner, you know, forever.
1:06:17
SPEAKER_04: But like the thing is, she's the fuck.
1:06:20
SPEAKER_04: She works in HR where we work, which is not a place where you make a lot of money, and she has a fully blacked-out Escalade.
1:06:27
SPEAKER_04: I would say I had that thought earlier, but I'm probably married to some fucking repugnant, like fat dude with money.
1:06:37
SPEAKER_04: That's my guess.
1:06:38
SPEAKER_04: Because she is who drinks a lot.
1:06:40
SPEAKER_04: Not attractive.
1:06:42
SPEAKER_04: She is not a looker.
1:06:43
SPEAKER_01: Her her dude is fucking shit housed every night.
1:06:49
SPEAKER_04: I'm sure.
1:06:49
SPEAKER_04: I'm sure he's rosy cheeked and and fucking plump, dude.
1:06:54
SPEAKER_04: He's got those uh inflated hands that alcoholics have.
1:06:57
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
1:06:58
SPEAKER_04: I'm gonna see real quick if she has a Facebook so I can show you what she looks like.
1:07:03
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I this is so funny.
1:07:05
SPEAKER_01: Dude, Steph Hogan is quite the character.
1:07:08
SPEAKER_01: I'm I'm just curious how she's made it in the world.
1:07:10
SPEAKER_01: Like there have to be.
1:07:13
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, no.
1:07:14
SPEAKER_01: There have to be thousands of these stories throughout her life.
1:07:20
SPEAKER_01: I'm sure.
1:07:21
SPEAKER_01: She is this lady everywhere she goes.
1:07:24
SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah.
1:07:25
SPEAKER_01: Everyone who interacts with her has the feeling you do about her after a period of time.
1:07:31
SPEAKER_01: Oh my god.
1:07:32
SPEAKER_04: That's crazy.
1:07:34
SPEAKER_04: She's from uh that rinky dink fucking town that's like twenty miles from us.
1:07:43
SPEAKER_04: Okay.
1:07:43
SPEAKER_04: Uh often called some some Vegas.
1:07:48
SPEAKER_04: Oh, this checks out.
1:07:50
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
1:07:51
SPEAKER_01: This checks out.
1:07:52
SPEAKER_04: Sure, that's what I thought too.
1:07:53
SPEAKER_04: That's what I had to tell you.
1:07:55
SPEAKER_04: Uh so going on with her uh racist ass shit about Indian chief headdresses, powwows, peace pipes, pocahontas, etc., you'll like this part.
1:08:04
SPEAKER_04: This line, this line's gonna resonate for you.
1:08:06
SPEAKER_04: Great.
1:08:07
SPEAKER_04: You may also think about national sport team leagues changing their names, i.e.
1:08:12
SPEAKER_04: Redskins, etc.
1:08:15
SPEAKER_01: You didn't have to football reference.
1:08:17
SPEAKER_01: Use that.
1:08:18
SPEAKER_01: You didn't have to use that.
1:08:21
SPEAKER_01: There's also the fucking Cleveland Indians.
1:08:24
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
1:08:25
SPEAKER_01: That would have been better.
1:08:26
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
1:08:26
SPEAKER_01: That's a word that you can say, you know, in a correct context.
1:08:32
SPEAKER_04: She had to make sure that like the fact that you put in parentheses, i.e.
1:08:36
SPEAKER_04: Redskins, it's like I need you to see that I'm using the most offensive one.
1:08:41
SPEAKER_01: Dude, yeah, because you could just use the replaced thing and everyone knows what you're talking about.
1:08:46
SPEAKER_01: You could say the Washington Commanders, yeah, and everyone knows what you're talking about.
1:08:49
SPEAKER_01: You could say the Cleveland Guardians.
1:08:50
SPEAKER_01: Like, what are you doing?
1:08:52
SPEAKER_01: Why she's doing all the tropes.
1:08:55
SPEAKER_01: It's like she's trying.
1:08:57
SPEAKER_01: Like, it's like she's there's no way uh still that she's not MAGA.
1:09:02
SPEAKER_01: Like that that is more further confirmation.
1:09:04
SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah.
1:09:05
SPEAKER_01: This lady definitely like it's like a 90% chance.
1:09:09
SPEAKER_01: There's there's almost no way.
1:09:11
SPEAKER_04: Dude, the fucking this this email is such a record scratch moment.
1:09:15
SPEAKER_04: It's like that you just got in trouble for using the term mulatto.
1:09:23
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
1:09:23
SPEAKER_04: And now you're like, you know, Indians, like with the feather and the powwows and the Pocahontas and the red skin.
1:09:33
SPEAKER_01: And she's framing it.
1:09:36
SPEAKER_01: This is actually kind of like MAGA genius.
1:09:41
SPEAKER_01: Like Roseanne Barr would respect what this lady's doing so hard.
1:09:45
SPEAKER_01: I bet.
1:09:46
SPEAKER_01: Like, like you're acting like you're against the racism, but you you are like really dog whistling the fuck out of it the whole time.
1:09:56
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
1:09:57
SPEAKER_04: That's crazy.
1:09:58
SPEAKER_04: It's like she's like, oh, I I put mulatto in quotes.
1:10:02
SPEAKER_04: What are you gonna do?
1:10:02
SPEAKER_04: Scalp me?
1:10:05
SPEAKER_01: Oh, that's great.
1:10:06
SPEAKER_01: The framing is I'm against this racism, but I'm going to establish every racist trope that I possibly can throughout.
1:10:15
SPEAKER_01: I uh this it it's the strat is growing on me, but this does not belong in a fucking workplace.
1:10:22
SPEAKER_01: No, I mean take it to Facebook, lady.
1:10:25
SPEAKER_01: What are you doing?
1:10:26
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, that's that's a good point.
1:10:27
SPEAKER_04: It also might play better if everyone didn't already hate your guts.
1:10:31
SPEAKER_04: Right.
1:10:32
SPEAKER_04: Uh so she goes on.
1:10:34
SPEAKER_04: I'm hoping to make some additional information put together.
1:10:37
SPEAKER_04: That's not a sentence.
1:10:39
SPEAKER_01: That's not the verb for that.
1:10:42
SPEAKER_04: No, I can't even read this sentence.
1:10:44
SPEAKER_04: This is like when I'm reading one of those stories written by a fucking brainlit on Reddit.
1:10:48
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
1:10:49
SPEAKER_04: I am hoping to make some additional information put another thought into the forefront of your mind when you think of indigenous peoples.
1:10:56
SPEAKER_04: Oh, God.
1:10:57
SPEAKER_04: And then she like copy and pasted this thing from a website.
1:11:02
SPEAKER_04: And then at the end she says, I am I am taking a moment to review the article on and she pastes an article link and says, and I hope that you will too.
1:11:14
SPEAKER_04: Creating a more inclusive workplace.
1:11:17
SPEAKER_04: Feel free to pass this on to anyone I may not have included in this email.
1:11:21
SPEAKER_04: Okay, man.
1:11:22
SPEAKER_04: Thank you for your hard work.
1:11:24
SPEAKER_01: Maybe not MAGA, but I think it's tongue in cheek.
1:11:28
SPEAKER_01: But I don't know.
1:11:29
SPEAKER_01: Like, I'm like, is she just one of these people that just uses whatever to get what she wants?
1:11:36
SPEAKER_01: Like clearly she is, to some extent.
1:11:40
SPEAKER_04: Honestly, dude, I think that her attempt to make everything about herself blew up in her face, and now she's like backpedaling and trying to save face.
1:11:51
SPEAKER_04: Right.
1:11:51
SPEAKER_04: And like defend herself for being offensive and fucked up.
1:11:57
SPEAKER_04: And it's further blowing up in her face because she can't read a room and has no understanding of how people should be.
1:12:07
SPEAKER_01: It would have been better if she just went, yeah.
1:12:10
SPEAKER_01: You know, that would have been so much better.
1:12:12
SPEAKER_01: She would have earned like half a point back, you know, like had she just been like, yeah.
1:12:17
SPEAKER_01: Wait, she posted that, right?
1:12:20
SPEAKER_01: Out of nowhere.
1:12:21
SPEAKER_01: What what part?
1:12:22
SPEAKER_01: The indigenous peoples thing.
1:12:24
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, she just like on the day.
1:12:26
SPEAKER_04: The day that the mulatto comment happened, she felt like she needed the same day to like throw this email blast out there to be like, look, everyone, I am not a fucking piece of shit.
1:12:40
SPEAKER_04: But then says a bunch of more racist stuff in the email.
1:12:44
SPEAKER_01: So I did not pick up on this being the same day.
1:12:49
SPEAKER_01: Just later the same day.
1:12:51
SPEAKER_01: I did not that did not dawn on me.
1:12:54
SPEAKER_01: I didn't that didn't hit me.
1:12:55
SPEAKER_01: This is like right after she got in trouble for saying Romano.
1:12:58
SPEAKER_01: I was trying to, I'm I'm trying to like figure this shit out.
1:13:02
SPEAKER_01: Like this is so perplexing, I can't even follow the thread.
1:13:07
SPEAKER_01: And now, now that you're telling me it's the same day, I just thought it was like a few days later.
1:13:13
SPEAKER_01: She was like, hey, I'm gonna try to, you know, uh whatever, uh be a be a liberal for a minute.
1:13:20
SPEAKER_01: But like trying out, see how it feels.
1:13:23
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
1:13:24
SPEAKER_01: Like maybe I can use this movement to my advantage.
1:13:28
SPEAKER_01: No, that's what I'm trying.
1:13:29
SPEAKER_01: I was trying to put together, and god damn it, that's crazy.
1:13:32
SPEAKER_04: Basically, all the same thread.
1:13:34
SPEAKER_04: Uh so she sent that email out with all that Pocahontas shit in there, which like people were like, what the fuck?
1:13:43
SPEAKER_04: And a complaint was filed on her nice for both things the mulatto thing and the Indian headdress nonsense.
1:13:51
SPEAKER_04: Uh so then she had to, of course, defend herself more and send out another email blast to the same group and say, All my mention of stereotypes was not intended to offend anyone, and hopefully it didn't.
1:14:06
SPEAKER_04: I believe my message in its entirety stressed the struggles and hardships that indigenous people still face to this very day.
1:14:13
SPEAKER_04: Oh my god.
1:14:14
SPEAKER_04: It should also be clear to everyone that I support all inclusivity and diversity in the workplace, and that those initial stereotypes I mentioned should not be anyone's first thoughts when they think of indigenous peaceful peoples.
1:14:28
SPEAKER_04: Respectfully.
1:14:30
SPEAKER_04: Steph Hogan.
1:14:33
SPEAKER_04: Yikers.
1:14:34
SPEAKER_04: Yikerone, dude.
1:14:37
SPEAKER_01: That was last week, right?
1:14:40
SPEAKER_01: The end of last week.
1:14:42
SPEAKER_01: That was People's Day.
1:14:45
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
1:14:46
SPEAKER_01: Formerly Columbus Day, right?
1:14:48
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
1:14:49
SPEAKER_04: No, this was Monday.
1:14:50
SPEAKER_04: This just happened.
1:14:51
SPEAKER_01: Oh, it was Monday.
1:14:52
SPEAKER_01: Fuck.
1:14:52
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
1:14:53
SPEAKER_01: The 12th.
1:14:54
SPEAKER_01: Ah, damn, yeah.
1:14:55
SPEAKER_01: I'm God.
1:14:57
SPEAKER_01: I thought it was a little further into October.
1:14:58
SPEAKER_01: My bad.
1:14:59
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
1:14:59
SPEAKER_01: So okay.
1:15:01
SPEAKER_01: This lady's communications are so fucking just bewildering.
1:15:06
SPEAKER_01: They just shellac you with every line.
1:15:09
SPEAKER_01: Just like, how can you be so incredibly tone-deaf to uh it it I can't I can't fathom this.
1:15:20
SPEAKER_01: Like this would be the entire story at work.
1:15:24
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, it's at my work.
1:15:26
SPEAKER_01: Like, there is nothing like this at my work.
1:15:28
SPEAKER_01: It is the entire story at my work.
1:15:31
SPEAKER_01: This is a tidal wave, dude.
1:15:33
SPEAKER_01: This is just a tidal wave of dumb cunt.
1:15:36
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
1:15:37
SPEAKER_01: I can't imagine.
1:15:39
SPEAKER_01: Like, we have some annoying fucks, but I don't have an analogous situation to this.
1:15:45
SPEAKER_01: Not many people do.
1:15:46
SPEAKER_01: Like, this is a kind of a unicorn situation.
1:15:49
SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah.
1:15:49
SPEAKER_04: This is uh it's been unbelievable.
1:15:52
SPEAKER_04: I've been here at this at this workplace for like almost six years, and there's been a lot of tomfoolery, there's been a lot of like what the fuck situations.
1:16:02
SPEAKER_04: Right.
1:16:02
SPEAKER_04: This takes the fucking cake, dude.
1:16:04
SPEAKER_04: It's wild.
1:16:05
SPEAKER_04: And there's one last thing that happened at the time.
1:16:08
SPEAKER_00: God damn.
1:16:09
SPEAKER_04: The last thing I this is the last part, and I think this is gonna blow your fucking marbles out of your head, dude.
1:16:16
SPEAKER_04: Oh my god.
1:16:17
SPEAKER_04: So after a complaint was filed on her for the mulatto comment by the black chick that was hella offended by it, who by the way, is like 22.
1:16:30
SPEAKER_04: You can't go around offending 22-year-olds these days, dude.
1:16:34
SPEAKER_04: They will have your fucking job in a minute, bro.
1:16:37
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, dude.
1:16:37
SPEAKER_04: I'm surprised this isn't all over fucking black Twitter at this moment.
1:16:42
SPEAKER_04: But so this chick was like flipping out about it.
1:16:45
SPEAKER_04: She filed a complaint to the HR lady's direct supervisor who like hired this lady and feels like she has to defend her even though she's dead wrong.
1:17:00
SPEAKER_04: So this lady goes up to this black chick that was freaking out about it and was like, thanks for filing that report, but and then grabs her arm and goes, No harm, no foul, right?
1:17:20
SPEAKER_01: What she turned into Adam Devine?
1:17:23
SPEAKER_01: The Merkaholic.
1:17:26
SPEAKER_01: That's crazy.
1:17:28
SPEAKER_04: What the fuck, dude?
1:17:30
SPEAKER_04: I was like, I would have snatched that bitch's fucking chain.
1:17:34
SPEAKER_04: That's crazy, dude.
1:17:36
SPEAKER_01: Using hold on.
1:17:38
SPEAKER_01: This is a different person, right?
1:17:40
SPEAKER_01: It's her than Steph Hogan.
1:17:41
SPEAKER_01: It's Steph Hogan's boss.
1:17:43
SPEAKER_01: Steph Hogan's boss.
1:17:44
SPEAKER_01: This is uh Steph McMahon.
1:17:49
SPEAKER_01: Damn, got him.
1:17:50
SPEAKER_01: That's a different confederation than Hollywood Hulk Hogan, but still, you get it.
1:17:55
SPEAKER_01: It's worth it.
1:17:55
SPEAKER_01: You get it.
1:17:56
SPEAKER_01: Uh I said confederation.
1:17:59
SPEAKER_01: Um uh fuck.
1:18:01
SPEAKER_01: Uh we were talking about black people.
1:18:02
SPEAKER_01: So make sense.
1:18:04
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
1:18:05
SPEAKER_01: You get it.
1:18:05
SPEAKER_01: Uh so no fucking that's insane, dude.
1:18:09
SPEAKER_01: Using a sports metaphor to a black person, like you're gonna know.
1:18:13
SPEAKER_01: You're gonna know what I'm talking about.
1:18:15
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, you know the Redskins from the top ropes.
1:18:17
SPEAKER_04: Steph Hogan with the people's elbow of racism.
1:18:21
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, dude.
1:18:21
SPEAKER_04: Directly into the fucking uh solar plexus of all black and indigenous peoples.
1:18:27
SPEAKER_01: Macho man Randy Savages from the fucking top of the cage, dog.
1:18:34
SPEAKER_01: That was fucking beautiful.
1:18:36
SPEAKER_01: Back to WCW.
1:18:38
SPEAKER_01: Holy shit.
1:18:39
SPEAKER_01: He might have done it in WWF too, but I remember being a kid and watching this motherfucker jump from 25 feet up off the cage.
1:18:47
SPEAKER_01: Fuck mankind, bro.
1:18:48
SPEAKER_04: Steph hugging from the top ropes to the solar plexus of macho man Randy Savages.
1:18:54
SPEAKER_01: I was a WCW kid, man.
1:18:56
SPEAKER_01: Fucking mankind didn't have shit on Macho Man, dude.
1:19:00
SPEAKER_01: That motherfucker jumped down from that height so many times.
1:19:03
SPEAKER_01: He was a he was a crazy man.
1:19:05
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, goddamn, dude.
1:19:07
SPEAKER_01: I I think I think this lady is out of her fucking gourd, obviously.
1:19:13
SPEAKER_01: That's an insane thing to do.
1:19:15
SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah.
1:19:16
SPEAKER_01: Just in general, it doesn't matter what the situation was.
1:19:22
SPEAKER_01: To do that is just asinine.
1:19:27
SPEAKER_01: Like, if it was a white guy and he was offended by something that uh anyone said, it'd be the same thing.
1:19:35
SPEAKER_01: No harm, no foul, right?
1:19:37
SPEAKER_01: Is a crazy thing.
1:19:39
SPEAKER_01: Also, HR people should know you don't touch people.
1:19:43
SPEAKER_04: That that I was I was beside myself when they told me that.
1:19:46
SPEAKER_04: I was like, You don't fucking grab people, first of all.
1:19:50
SPEAKER_04: And second of all, is it where in the fucking HR handbook in college does it say, you know, when people file complaints about racism, just go up to them and go, no harm, no foul, right?
1:19:59
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, good, we're we're cool, right?
1:20:02
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, no, yeah, that's not how you handle situations at all.
1:20:07
SPEAKER_04: What the fuck, bro?
1:20:09
SPEAKER_04: Insane.
1:20:10
SPEAKER_04: Just oh my god.
1:20:12
SPEAKER_01: Absolutely crazy.
1:20:14
SPEAKER_01: More specifically, it's a basketball reference.
1:20:17
SPEAKER_01: So that's even makes it even more racist.
1:20:19
SPEAKER_01: Get the fuck out of here, dude.
1:20:21
SPEAKER_01: That's crazy.
1:20:22
SPEAKER_01: I just realized I I I don't know.
1:20:24
SPEAKER_01: My brain was like, that's a sports reference.
1:20:26
SPEAKER_01: Say that.
1:20:27
SPEAKER_01: And then I realized, oh wait, that's like specifically the most black sport that there is.
1:20:32
SPEAKER_01: No harm, no frow, right?
1:20:34
SPEAKER_01: Lebronda?
1:20:38
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
1:20:39
SPEAKER_01: Nothing but net, right?
1:20:45
SPEAKER_01: Switch.
1:20:46
SPEAKER_01: You need to just tiptoe on your Jordans out of here.
1:20:49
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
1:20:50
SPEAKER_01: Uh, I know that this lady went hard in the paint, but you need to you need to calm down, Laquisha.
1:20:55
SPEAKER_01: All right, don't rip your weave off on it.
1:20:57
SPEAKER_01: Come on, come on, Angel Reese.
1:20:59
SPEAKER_01: Calm down.
1:21:01
SPEAKER_01: Like, how could you possibly say that?
1:21:04
SPEAKER_01: That's insane.
1:21:05
SPEAKER_01: Ah, that's just be a Juwanna man about it.
1:21:09
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that's nuts, bro.
1:21:12
SPEAKER_01: Oh my god.
1:21:13
SPEAKER_01: That's insane.
1:21:15
SPEAKER_01: I I can't imagine doing.
1:21:17
SPEAKER_01: I mean, what?
1:21:19
SPEAKER_01: And this is an old white lady, right?
1:21:21
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
1:21:21
SPEAKER_04: Well, the maybe not old, but her boss, yeah.
1:21:24
SPEAKER_04: She's a a tubby white lady.
1:21:26
SPEAKER_04: Of course.
1:21:27
SPEAKER_04: Probably 32.
1:21:28
SPEAKER_01: Probably 2% Native American.
1:21:29
SPEAKER_01: No.
1:21:30
SPEAKER_04: No, dude.
1:21:31
SPEAKER_04: She's milk.
1:21:32
SPEAKER_04: She's she's like, she's the red cap whole milk.
1:21:36
SPEAKER_02: God damn.
1:21:40
SPEAKER_02: Red cap.
1:21:41
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
1:21:44
SPEAKER_01: Red cap.
1:21:46
SPEAKER_01: Oh man, yeah.
1:21:47
SPEAKER_01: A whole gallon, dude.
1:21:48
SPEAKER_01: Oh yeah.
1:21:49
SPEAKER_01: To the brim.
1:21:50
SPEAKER_01: There is not a there's not even the the little uh uh thing on the side of the carton where it's indented.
1:21:56
SPEAKER_01: That's not indented.
1:21:57
SPEAKER_01: Oh no, it's with this bitch.
1:21:58
SPEAKER_01: Poking out.
1:21:59
SPEAKER_04: It's a little curdle too.
1:22:01
SPEAKER_04: She's probably got some cottage cheese ass cheeks.
1:22:05
SPEAKER_04: She got them cottage cheeks, bro.
1:22:13
SPEAKER_02: Oh fuck, dude.
1:22:14
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
1:22:15
SPEAKER_01: There's a there's a wizard living in them.
1:22:17
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
1:22:18
SPEAKER_01: Because they're cottage cheeks, you know?
1:22:20
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
1:22:20
SPEAKER_01: Them motherfuckers always living in a cottage.
1:22:22
SPEAKER_04: Ain't nothing magical about that bitch's ass, though.
1:22:28
SPEAKER_01: Oh man.
1:22:29
SPEAKER_04: That wizard's wand is not fucking upright.
1:22:34
SPEAKER_04: That is a flaccid wand if I've ever seen.
1:22:36
SPEAKER_01: Those sleeves ain't firm.
1:22:37
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
1:22:40
SPEAKER_01: He's his those sleeves are fucking pretty pretty loose and dangly.
1:22:45
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
1:22:45
SPEAKER_01: Ugh, pretty, yeah.
1:22:46
SPEAKER_01: They're outdies, you know what I mean?
1:22:50
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
1:22:50
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
1:22:51
SPEAKER_01: They ain't gaunt like he is.
1:22:53
SPEAKER_01: Um, usually the wizard's pretty, pretty gaunt, pretty skinny, right?
1:22:57
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
1:22:58
SPEAKER_01: That's what gaunt means, right?
1:22:59
SPEAKER_01: I have that right, right?
1:23:00
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
1:23:01
SPEAKER_01: Malnourished, gaunt.
1:23:02
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, like the picture of the vampire of Sacramento.
1:23:06
SPEAKER_04: Sure, yeah.
1:23:06
SPEAKER_04: His cheeks are gaunt.
1:23:07
SPEAKER_04: Right, yeah, yeah, yeah.
1:23:08
SPEAKER_04: I got it.
1:23:09
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
1:23:10
SPEAKER_01: I got it.
1:23:14
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, man.
1:23:15
SPEAKER_04: That's so that I mean that those are all the highlights of that situ all those situations and the developing ones.
1:23:24
SPEAKER_04: And fuck, dude.
1:23:25
SPEAKER_04: Uh I'm sure wait for the update, dude.
1:23:28
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, I'm sure I'll have an update and maybe uh I mean, shit moves slow around there.
1:23:32
SPEAKER_04: She'll probably putt around for a few more weeks if they're trying to get rid of her.
1:23:36
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
1:23:36
SPEAKER_01: Hollywood Steph Hogan.
1:23:38
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
1:23:38
SPEAKER_01: You're a Fartmouth character now.
1:23:40
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
1:23:41
SPEAKER_04: Hollywood Steph Hogan.
1:23:43
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, I can't get over from the top ropes.
1:23:46
SPEAKER_04: Watch O Man Randy Savages.
1:23:49
SPEAKER_04: That's a legendary pull, bro.
1:23:51
SPEAKER_04: You got it, dude.
1:23:53
SPEAKER_04: Such a pull.
1:23:54
SPEAKER_01: Dude, if if we could make the whole podcast wrestling jokes, I would have a lot more zingers, probably.
1:24:00
SPEAKER_01: If I can pull from WCW, it's it's over, bro.
1:24:04
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, I'm surprised old fucking counter-terrorists, counter-terrorism Tubby Goldberg didn't hit her with a spear when she said all that shit.
1:24:11
SPEAKER_01: Right, dude.
1:24:12
SPEAKER_01: That's crazy.
1:24:13
SPEAKER_01: I I can't imagine reading this.
1:24:16
SPEAKER_01: Like, I can't imagine this being in.
1:24:19
SPEAKER_01: I would be like, how is this my life if I was reading that at my workplace?
1:24:23
SPEAKER_04: Dude, it's it is surreal.
1:24:25
SPEAKER_04: It's quite surreal.
1:24:26
SPEAKER_04: I'm just gonna check my group chat real quick and see if there were any of those things that I missed because I always make sure.
1:24:33
SPEAKER_04: I'm gonna say she was the kiff of Pokemon! Oh fuck her after sending that message.
1:24:43
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, yeah.
1:24:45
SPEAKER_04: Too fucking funny, bro.
1:24:47
SPEAKER_03: God damn.
1:24:48
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
1:24:49
SPEAKER_01: Well, hopefully her John Smith isn't too fucking uh depressed and whatnot.
1:24:56
SPEAKER_01: Hopefully he's got a good like meditation routine or something, because his life has gotta be hell, dude.
1:25:03
SPEAKER_04: I'm sure I would imagine he's probably like on deployment or something.
1:25:08
SPEAKER_01: Maybe he's the same way, dude.
1:25:10
SPEAKER_01: Oh god.
1:25:11
SPEAKER_01: Dude.
1:25:12
SPEAKER_01: Those kind of people probably attract each other, man.
1:25:15
SPEAKER_01: They're just pathologically lying to each other all fucking day.
1:25:18
SPEAKER_01: What if it just is Hulk Hogan?
1:25:22
SPEAKER_01: Well, he's dead, but it would be like Hulk Hogan's uh you mean he looks exactly like Hulk Hogan.
1:25:30
SPEAKER_04: Oh, yeah, sure.
1:25:32
SPEAKER_04: Because he's dead.
1:25:33
SPEAKER_04: Right.
1:25:33
SPEAKER_04: Uh maybe that's how she got the escalade.
1:25:36
SPEAKER_04: R.I.P.
1:25:37
SPEAKER_04: insurance.
1:25:38
SPEAKER_01: Racist and peace.
1:25:39
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
1:25:40
SPEAKER_01: Uh as we know from his privately recorded conversation.
1:25:45
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
1:25:45
SPEAKER_04: I'd hate to hear what those privately recorded conversations of her would be like.
1:25:49
SPEAKER_01: Oh my god.
1:25:51
SPEAKER_01: You did understand, I didn't want to to ruin the momentum with this, but you didn't understand that I went Hollywood Hulk Hogan because that was his heel turn.
1:25:59
SPEAKER_04: I thought it was because he uh his hair was blonde.
1:26:03
SPEAKER_01: No, he uh he switched to Hollywood Hulk Hogan in uh WCW, like in in NWO Hulk Hogan, where he was the leader of the white, you know, NWO.
1:26:15
SPEAKER_01: Neat.
1:26:15
SPEAKER_01: You know what I mean?
1:26:16
SPEAKER_01: They were the white NWO, but they had a black guy.
1:26:20
SPEAKER_01: Neat Vincent.
1:26:21
SPEAKER_01: Oh, I thought it was Booker T.
1:26:23
SPEAKER_01: No, he might have been in it eventually, because they did eventually get everybody in it.
1:26:28
SPEAKER_01: They started what a genius move, by the way.
1:26:31
SPEAKER_01: Bro, the most genius thing Eric Bischoff ever did was agreeing to whoever wrote that to do that, because he didn't come up with it.
1:26:38
SPEAKER_01: Fucking uh a fucking years long storyline of we're gonna split the entire company into three groups, and we're gonna do it over a protracted period of time.
1:26:55
SPEAKER_04: I was trying to genius.
1:26:56
SPEAKER_04: Trying to think of an O word that would fit with the pun I was trying to make.
1:27:00
SPEAKER_04: Like a word that starts with a letter O that's like an uh an emotion.
1:27:05
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
1:27:07
SPEAKER_01: Can you think of any?
1:27:08
SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna dox myself.
1:27:09
SPEAKER_01: Not really, but a little.
1:27:11
SPEAKER_01: Vince Russo, who wrote for WCW during the time I watched it as a child, uh, and was a wrestler himself.
1:27:20
SPEAKER_01: Uh he fucking he also wrote for the WWF during the Attitude Era, I wanna say.
1:27:26
SPEAKER_01: Uh uh He fucking got the same degree that I have at the same school.
1:27:34
SPEAKER_01: Oh shit.
1:27:35
SPEAKER_01: That's pretty crazy, right?
1:27:36
SPEAKER_04: That's pretty wild.
1:27:37
SPEAKER_04: Pretty nuts.
1:27:38
SPEAKER_04: So, what you're saying is you should be writing wrestling stories.
1:27:42
SPEAKER_01: I think that was my calling that I just missed.
1:27:44
SPEAKER_01: You totally missed on right over your head, man.
1:27:46
SPEAKER_01: I have an old friend who was a wrestler for a while.
1:27:49
SPEAKER_01: Damn.
1:27:50
SPEAKER_01: I work with a guy who's a wrestler right now.
1:27:52
SPEAKER_01: I used to I could probably work my way in.
1:27:54
SPEAKER_01: I used to know a guy named Bulldog that was a wrestler.
1:27:57
SPEAKER_04: He I think he died.
1:27:59
SPEAKER_01: That's one of those.
1:28:00
SPEAKER_01: I don't really know him anymore.
1:28:01
SPEAKER_01: That's did he do the Bulldog, the move?
1:28:02
SPEAKER_01: He almost he had to do the Boston Bulldog.
1:28:06
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
1:28:06
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that where he, you know, it's like a stunner, but you're like extended out and you go all the way to the mat with him, you know?
1:28:11
SPEAKER_01: He might have.
1:28:12
SPEAKER_01: He was a big guy.
1:28:13
SPEAKER_01: I'm talking like I'm into wrestling.
1:28:15
SPEAKER_01: I think about wrestling once a month.
1:28:17
SPEAKER_04: He he wore fingerless gloves to work all the time in a job that didn't really require gloves.
1:28:22
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
1:28:22
SPEAKER_04: And I always thought that was weird.
1:28:24
SPEAKER_04: He was also one of those guys that always had a one-up story.
1:28:28
SPEAKER_04: Found it kind of annoying.
1:28:30
SPEAKER_04: But he was otherwise nice guy.
1:28:32
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
1:28:33
SPEAKER_04: Bro.
1:28:33
SPEAKER_04: Rest in peace, I think.
1:28:34
SPEAKER_04: Or maybe.
1:28:35
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, we need yeah, we should uh we should peace.
1:28:37
SPEAKER_04: Patreon.com slash farmouth.
1:28:39
SPEAKER_04: Farmouth.com.
1:28:40
SPEAKER_04: Click the Patreon button if you want to pay us some money to hear some more content.
1:28:42
SPEAKER_04: Please leave a Spotify comment.
1:28:44
SPEAKER_04: It was really fun this week.
1:28:45
SPEAKER_04: We had five.
1:28:45
SPEAKER_04: Let's let's push it.
1:28:46
SPEAKER_04: Let's push for Yeah, dude.
1:28:48
SPEAKER_04: Let's push for fucking seven.
1:28:50
SPEAKER_04: Seven.
1:28:50
SPEAKER_04: Seven comments this week.
1:28:51
SPEAKER_04: It's my favorite number.
1:28:52
SPEAKER_04: Tell us how much you hate Steph Hogan.
1:28:56
SPEAKER_04: Maybe you know a Hollywood Steph Hogan in your workplace, and you want to say, I know this lady that's a cunt like that too.
1:29:02
SPEAKER_04: Just leave a comment.
1:29:03
SPEAKER_04: It'd be nice.
1:29:03
SPEAKER_04: Or just be like middle finger emoji.
1:29:06
SPEAKER_04: That'd be cool.
1:29:06
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
1:29:07
SPEAKER_04: Uh otherwise, we'll catch you on the next one.
1:29:10
SPEAKER_04: Bye.