Latest / Groove with Portia / Embracing Transition: Navigating Grief, Forgiveness & Healing

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Embracing Transition: Navigating Grief, Forgiveness & Healing · Groove with Portia

• 0:07
  Welcome to Group Porsche, a space for individuals to share how they found their
• 0:11
  group through moments of adversity. I'm your host, Porsche book Are, better
• 0:15
  known as Porsche the Producer. Thank you for joining me. Let's die in.
• 0:25
  Hey, guys, welcome back to another episode of Group Porsche Season number
• 0:30
  two. I'm your host, Porsche Booker, better known as Porsche the Producer,
• 0:34
  and I have to be honest, I had to take a little hiatus,
• 0:37
  guys, from hosting for a little bit. Let's just say life had
• 0:41
  life right as we all know, we've all been in that boat before,
• 0:45
  when life had its own agenda outside of what we normally would want to do.
• 0:52
  But as always, I'm going to start off with gratitude. So I
• 0:56
  took a moment to spend my gratitude wheel. I think I brought this up
• 1:00
  on the last episode that I created this gratitude wheel for the retreat that I
• 1:03
  spoke at in March. He'll the mind, elevate the soul, and it
• 1:07
  has every single letter of the alphabet. So today the letter came up as
• 1:11
  letter A. So today I am grateful for having an attitude of gratitude.
• 1:17
  Right. I think when we experience adverse circumstances in our life or series of
• 1:25
  adversity. It's hard to really have an optimistic attitude or optimistic outlook on life
• 1:30
  right when we are continuously falling into series of adversity, whether it's losing a
• 1:38
  loved one, whether it's an opportunity that continues to fall away from us,
• 1:46
  or if it's for example, or friendship that ends right. Or if you're
• 1:51
  an entrepreneur, and let's say, if you have you hit these highs right
• 1:56
  as an entrepreneur, you get all these different clients, all these different opportunities,
• 2:00
  and then all of a sudden things come to a complete halt, right.
• 2:04
  So it's hard to really have and have an attitude of gratitude during those
• 2:09
  moments. But I also have to say that I'm also grateful for the adverse
• 2:14
  circumstances in my life, right. And the reason why I say that I'm
• 2:17
  grateful for the adverse circumstances in my life is because the adversity is what has
• 2:23
  truly garnered me an opportunity to really work on myself, right, to really
• 2:29
  take a moment to look at the big picture in my life instead of looking
• 2:35
  at it from the lens of why does this keep happening to me? It
• 2:38
  gives me the opportunity to really say and ask, what is this trying to
• 2:43
  teach me? Right? Let that sink in everybody, what is this trying
• 2:47
  to teach me? Because we're all going to fall into what I call the
• 2:53
  life cycle, the human cycle, where we go through pain. Right.
• 2:57
  But it's through our pain that we find our greatest strength. It is through
• 3:01
  our pain where we truly find our purpose if we are open to it.
• 3:06
  Right. And I know for me, those of you who have been following
• 3:08
  me on social media my Facebook and Instagram know where I'm going with this because
• 3:15
  this leads to why I took a little again little hiatus from the beginning of
• 3:20
  my original hiatus from Group of Porsche back in November. A lot of that
• 3:24
  had to do with navigating my grief journey for my mother making her transition.
• 3:30
  But this time, this is a new series of grief that I'm currently navigating.
• 3:36
  But I can say that the grief that I experienced, which I'm still
• 3:43
  partially in for my mom making her transition, has truly given me an added
• 3:49
  layer of strength to navigate this new season of grief. So we're gonna take
• 3:54
  a quick break right here on Group of Porsche. Everybody stick with us,
• 3:58
  We will be right back. Hey, guys, did you remember that I
• 4:01
  also co host another podcast. Make sure you tune into the Social Conversations podcast.
• 4:08
  You hear from myself Porsche of the producer, don Erhart Witty, founder
• 4:12
  of the Desire to Inspire Foundation, Natasha Khan, founder of Empowered Voices,
• 4:16
  and also Necesit, Terry McGriff, founder of Transcendent Living, and you will
• 4:20
  learn how to overcome life's greatest challenges from our personal journeys. So if you're
• 4:27
  ready to be the change you was to see in the world, make sure
• 4:30
  you check us out. Now back to Groogle Porsche. All right, everybody,
• 4:36
  welcome back right here on Group Porsche's season number two. So, as
• 4:41
  I mentioned before, we took a break, that I took another hiatus from
• 4:45
  hosting, and to be very transparent, this one was necessary. And some
• 4:54
  of you who follow me on my social media my Facebook and my Instagram are
• 4:59
  aware that my last living parent, my biological father, made his transition April
• 5:04
  fifteen, twenty twenty three, and I have to be very honest that I
• 5:09
  feel cheated. I can honestly say that I feel cheated in life. I
• 5:14
  feel like an orphan, an adult orphan. Those of you who know,
• 5:18
  I'd never really talked too much about my biological father, And here is kind
• 5:23
  of the reason why me and my father always had a very rocky relationship throughout
• 5:29
  most of my life. And how can you really and you know, to
• 5:34
  be very transparent, honest, how can you really speak about someone who for
• 5:39
  so long did not see you as their daughter, as a person. But
• 5:45
  I can say that I am grateful that me and my father were able to
• 5:50
  mend our rocky relationship prior to him making his transition. And it was a
• 5:58
  very interesting day when my father made his transition. On April fifteenth, I
• 6:02
  had the opportunity to speak in front of a global audience about one of my
• 6:08
  passions, which is mental health, mental health for storytelling. And I was
• 6:12
  on a cloud what I call the cloud high of the day. Right,
• 6:15
  you make this great accomplishment in your career doing something that you love, speaking
• 6:21
  about something that your passion, and then later on the day you get a
• 6:27
  phone call that someone close to you has made their transition. I mean,
• 6:32
  I remember going up to the hospital and those of you who know I used
• 6:36
  to work in healthcare. I worked in healthcare for fifteen years, and I
• 6:41
  remember walking into the emergency room of the hospital, and you know, the
• 6:46
  staff were very accommodating, they were very sweet, and I knew when they
• 6:50
  put me in the consultation room that my father had already made his transition from
• 6:55
  this physical plane, because they probably would have let me go back to his
• 6:59
  room if he was still obviously alive. And the doctor was very sweet.
• 7:03
  I mean he you know, him and his nurse assistant, they embraced me
• 7:09
  when I started crying, and you know, the nurse she said to me,
• 7:13
  She's like, oh, you know, are you ready to go see
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  him? Do you need a minute? And those of you who know when
• 7:18
  my mom made her transition, I talked about this story all the time,
• 7:20
  how I held my mom's hand when she took her last breath. I literally
• 7:25
  watched my mom's heart stop. I literally watched every single beat until the very
• 7:30
  last one. And it kind of took me back to that moment when my
• 7:34
  father made his transition. And so when the nurse took me to his room,
• 7:40
  I just took a moment and I stood over him. I put my
• 7:44
  hand on his shoulder, and he was still warm. He had probably just
• 7:49
  passed away within the last hour, maybe thirty minutes when I got there,
• 7:56
  And while I was standing in his room, I took a moment to say
• 8:00
  a prayer for him, that his soul found peace, that I was grateful
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  that me and him were able to mend our rocky relationship. And one of
• 8:11
  the things that I took a moment to do, and I might start crying
• 8:13
  while I share this one of my favorite songs that I hope to hear.
• 8:22
  On my wedding day when my father and I would do the father daughter dance,
• 8:26
  I played Luther Van Dross's song Dance with my father, and that has
• 8:33
  been one of my favorite songs since I was a little girl. And while
• 8:37
  I played that song, I just cried. I cried because obviously it's bitter
• 8:43
  sweet, right, my father made his transition, him and my mom are
• 8:46
  back together again. But I also cried because I knew that I'm sad right,
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  I feel cheated. I feel a sense of what the heck? What
• 9:00
  now? Who am I? I know this new wave of grief that's going
• 9:05
  to come through is gonna again compound on top of the grief that I'm currently
• 9:11
  navigating from my mother and with my father. You know, I'm grateful for
• 9:18
  the lessons, the fun times that me and him had prior to him making
• 9:24
  his transition. I'm grateful for the gifts and talents that I've taken after him.
• 9:31
  Those of you who are local in Cleveland, Ohio, if you were
• 9:35
  familiar with the Kinsman Dazz Band, my father also known as Butterfly, that
• 9:41
  was his stage name. He would perform with them sometimes. Some people also
• 9:46
  called my father the heart Man. My father was also a local DJ here
• 9:52
  in Cleveland. And when I think about both of my parents right, I'm
• 9:58
  definitely a a spitting image of both of them. I took talents after both,
• 10:03
  and I'm forever grateful for those moments. I'm grateful for the time that
• 10:09
  I had with both of them, and even though they are both away from
• 10:15
  this physical plane, I can honestly say that I know that their love for
• 10:20
  me is eternal, and I'm grateful for having both of them as my parents.
• 10:26
  So we're gonna take another quick break right here on Group Porsche. Everybody
• 10:30
  stick with us. We will be right back. Hey, guys, did
• 10:33
  you remember that I also co host another podcast? Make sure you tune into
• 10:37
  the Social Conversations podcast. You hear from myself, Porsche, the producer,
• 10:41
  dahn Erhardwitty, founder of the Desire to Inspire Foundation, Natasha Khan, founder
• 10:46
  of Empowered Voices, and also Necessary McGriff, founder of Transcendent Living, and
• 10:52
  you will learn how to overcome life's greatest challenges from our personal journeys. So
• 10:58
  if you're ready to be the chain used to see in the world, make
• 11:01
  sure you check us out. Now that's a Grugle Porsche. All right,
• 11:09
  everybody, welcome back right here on Grugle Porsche Season number two. I want
• 11:13
  to first and foremost again just reiterate that I took this hiatus again because of
• 11:18
  my father's transition, but I also took time to just be to really be
• 11:24
  present with my emotions, be present with wrapping my head around the fact that
• 11:31
  both of my parents have made their transition and under a year from each other.
• 11:37
  My mom has only been My mom hasn't even been gone a year yet,
• 11:41
  and you know, my father followed right behind her. But you know,
• 11:46
  I'm a firm believer everybody that everything that happens in our life is for
• 11:52
  purpose. Everything that happens to us is for a reason, for a greater
• 11:56
  calling. And you know I had the opportunity to speak at my father's service.
• 12:05
  And before my father's service, which was on April twenty ninth, I
• 12:11
  set a prayer to both my parents. I said, Mommy Daddy, what
• 12:15
  do you want me to say to our family and friends who are going to
• 12:20
  be present to see my father's physical body there in the casket, and those
• 12:26
  of you who know my mom, who have met her, who knew her.
• 12:30
  My mom was a teacher for Cleveland Municipal School District for thirteen years.
• 12:33
  She taught special led and you know my mom, as we all know,
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  when we're in school, right, we all want to get straight a's on
• 12:41
  our report cards. We all want the four point o GPAs well. This
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  was the first time that my mom my parents gave me two f's, right,
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  giving me two f's. When I asked for guidance, they gave me
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  two f's. The two words that they gave me were focused and forgiveness.
• 12:58
  I'm saying that again. The two words that my parents gave me were focus
• 13:01
  and forgiveness. And so when I came up to the podium to speak on
• 13:07
  behalf of my father and my siblings. I really asked everybody in the room
• 13:13
  that day, where is our focus today? Is our focus on the fact
• 13:20
  that we've lost our brother, our uncle, our friend, our co worker
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  for me and my siblings, our father, Or is our focus on what
• 13:28
  truly matters in this life? Are we gonna die with the person in the
• 13:33
  casket, or are we going to shift our perspective and focus to truly living
• 13:39
  life to what the to its fullest potential. Right. The other thing was
• 13:43
  forgiveness, And I really speak on this because it took me a long time
• 13:52
  to forgive my father for what he did to our family after my parents got
• 13:58
  divorced when I was a little or when I was two or three. That
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  hurt us. It hurt us financially, and even as I grew as a
• 14:07
  teenager. I mean, I was a girl who didn't have her father present,
• 14:11
  and so I yearned for that and so I resented him. But the
• 14:16
  fact that I was able to forgive him through all the challenges, all the
• 14:22
  trials in my life, I found an ounce of forgiveness for him and for
• 14:31
  those of us who are believers, whether you believe in the Buddha, God,
• 14:33
  Jesus source, whatever you call it for me, it's God. If
• 14:39
  God can forgive us for the wrongdoings that we do, why can't we forgive
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  as well? And it's interesting when I say this because I used to be
• 14:50
  someone who did not forgive right. And I say that openly and honestly,
• 14:56
  because I was I definitely us someone who, oh, if you looked at
• 15:01
  me, cross eyde, you're on my blacklist. But now, through especially
• 15:09
  both of my parents making their transition, I've learned to really forgive. And
• 15:15
  also I don't want to say forget right, because we never forget the lessons
• 15:18
  that we learned. But I've learned to forgive and recognize that each and every
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  one of us has what I call life scars right, whether we call it
• 15:31
  trauma, life scars, whatever we want to call it. And because I've
• 15:33
  built on myself awareness muscle over the last couple of years, I recognize that
• 15:39
  a lot of people are reacting based on their experience in this lifetime, and
• 15:46
  a lot of people have not done the deep work to really work on these
• 15:52
  areas of improvement. And I know that I have done a lot of that,
• 15:56
  and I'm grateful for embarking on that journey. And because I've been able
• 16:00
  to recognize that I'm able to no matter what, hold compassion and love unconditionally,
• 16:08
  no matter who comes into my path. And so in closing everybody,
• 16:15
  I want to again thank each and every one of you who continues to support
• 16:18
  me Grew with Porscha and these different hiatuses that I take. You know,
• 16:25
  but just know that even though life continues to life for each and every one
• 16:32
  of us, whether it's a grief journey, whether it's a soul search and
• 16:34
  journey, whether you've fallen down the rabbit hole of Alison Wonderland you're trying to
• 16:38
  find your way back out, just remember that through it all, you are
• 16:45
  still here, all right, everybody. Well, that concludes another episode of
• 16:49
  Grew with Porsche on this season number two. Thanks for listening, Piece and
• 16:55
  hair grease, everybody,