Latest / Deeply Well with Devi Brown / Life Beyond the Internet with Weezy WTF

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Life Beyond the Internet with Weezy WTF · Deeply Well with Devi Brown

• 0:10
  Speaker 1: Welcome to Deeply Well.
• 0:11
  Speaker 2: This show is a soft place to land on your journey,
• 0:15
  Speaker 2: a space where we explore what it truly means to
• 0:18
  Speaker 2: live well from the inside out, not perfectly, but honestly,
• 0:24
  Speaker 2: with all the complexity, the paradox, the beauty and the
• 0:28
  Speaker 2: wonder of being human. Because in a world that is
• 0:32
  Speaker 2: constantly pulling at us, this is the space to come
• 0:36
  Speaker 2: back to yourself, to.
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: Your body, your truth, to the practices.
• 0:41
  Speaker 2: That genuinely sustain you, the ones that work when life
• 0:45
  Speaker 2: is actually happening. This show is for the seekers, the creatives,
• 0:51
  Speaker 2: the sensitive ones, for everyone doing the quiet, courageous work
• 0:57
  Speaker 2: of becoming whole. This yes, is Deeply Well.
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: Welcome back. I'm Wi Brown.
• 1:04
  Speaker 2: Today I am joined by founder, entrepreneur, producer, and now
• 1:10
  Speaker 2: New York Times best selling author, My.
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: Girl Gila Wheezy WTF, better known by all her fans
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: around the world.
• 1:19
  Speaker 2: Many of you know Wheezy as the co host of
• 1:21
  Speaker 2: the widely popular Decisions Decisions podcast, but her journey has
• 1:26
  Speaker 2: been anything but conventional. What began with a corporate career
• 1:30
  Speaker 2: and candid stories about dating eventually evolved into a full
• 1:34
  Speaker 2: time career in podcasting and entrepreneurship. She went on to
• 1:38
  Speaker 2: found WTF Media, a production company that has grown to
• 1:42
  Speaker 2: four locations across the US, producing shows for voices like
• 1:46
  Speaker 2: Malcolm Gladwell, Can You Barras, DJ Drama, and many more.
• 1:51
  Speaker 2: You may also know her from her television show Sex
• 1:54
  Speaker 2: Sells and most recently, her best selling.
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: Book No Holes Barred.
• 2:00
  Speaker 2: But what excites me the most about this conversation is
• 2:03
  Speaker 2: the chapter that she is stepping into now. As her
• 2:07
  Speaker 2: own life is evolved, so has her work through the
• 2:11
  Speaker 2: launch of Trap House, her fitness.
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: Studio in New York City, Weeziest.
• 2:16
  Speaker 2: Creating experiences that merge strength, training, music, culture, and community in.
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: A way that feels really fresh.
• 2:24
  Speaker 2: Intentional, and deeply reflective of who she is becoming today.
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: We're talking about what it looks like.
• 2:30
  Speaker 2: To evolve beyond the identity people know you for, the
• 2:33
  Speaker 2: courage it takes to build something entirely new, how wellness
• 2:38
  Speaker 2: has become a meaningful part of her life, and what
• 2:41
  Speaker 2: it means to allow your work to grow alongside you.
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: Without further ado, Welcome to the show.
• 2:48
  Speaker 3: Razy my podcaster was that excuse me didn't know? Was
• 2:54
  Speaker 3: the Black Effectivy network that was so thoughtful? Thank you,
• 3:00
  Speaker 3: Oh thank you. I think it's so important.
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: To like really share like the depth.
• 3:06
  Speaker 2: And the vastness of people, you know, especially in like
• 3:09
  Speaker 2: a clip culture world, and especially in a world where
• 3:13
  Speaker 2: everything is like personal perception, like what one person perceives
• 3:16
  Speaker 2: you as, what that person perceives you as, and it's
• 3:19
  Speaker 2: like the truth and the core of who we are
• 3:21
  Speaker 2: and like what our work is, what it can be.
• 3:23
  Speaker 2: It gets lost in that, and like I just really
• 3:25
  Speaker 2: reject that.
• 3:26
  Speaker 3: When when you said clip culture. It's so interesting because
• 3:30
  Speaker 3: a few days ago, I wrote a popular blog and
• 3:33
  Speaker 3: ask them to not post anything of me anymore, which
• 3:38
  Speaker 3: as a podcaster, most people don't want to hear that, right,
• 3:42
  Speaker 3: they want to be clipped. And I could read my
• 3:46
  Speaker 3: message back to them, but they were like, why did
• 3:48
  Speaker 3: we do something wrong? And it was just along the
• 3:49
  Speaker 3: lines of where I appreciate it. Nothing you've ever posted
• 3:55
  Speaker 3: of me brings peace to my life, Like I know
• 3:58
  Speaker 3: the mission I'm on when I talk about sex. I
• 4:01
  Speaker 3: know when I'm sitting here, if I make a joke
• 4:04
  Speaker 3: about whatever, it might be, like I know the energy
• 4:06
  Speaker 3: I'm in and the deeper purpose and clipping me really
• 4:09
  Speaker 3: doesn't give that. There's so many things online that you
• 4:12
  Speaker 3: could see of me that may make me look like
• 4:14
  Speaker 3: a terrible person, a whore in the worst way, someone
• 4:17
  Speaker 3: that's unintentional when they have sex or whatever, or frivolous, right,
• 4:21
  Speaker 3: which is a lot of sometimes the backlash I get
• 4:24
  Speaker 3: about wanting to be married because I'm not an ogamist.
• 4:26
  Speaker 3: But I'm like, yeah, like, it doesn't do anything to
• 4:29
  Speaker 3: elevate my brand, please don't put my face on there,
• 4:32
  Speaker 3: And everyone in our pod team basically thought I was crazy.
• 4:39
  Speaker 3: I'm just like, I don't care if it has a
• 4:41
  Speaker 3: million views, No one's going to be drawn to watch
• 4:45
  Speaker 3: my show because you heard me say something unfavorable about
• 4:49
  Speaker 3: my own sex life, unfavorable to the wrong demographic right right,
• 4:54
  Speaker 3: or how I've loves it if I'm like, oh my god, girl,
• 4:56
  Speaker 3: sometimes I think about second dick when I'm at work
• 4:58
  Speaker 3: and da da da. What if you clip and then
• 5:01
  Speaker 3: you're like, wow, these are the people behind our companies,
• 5:04
  Speaker 3: These are the women we call role models, like, oh
• 5:06
  Speaker 3: my god, shut up.
• 5:08
  Speaker 2: Yeah, there's not room for like the multitudes, you know,
• 5:11
  Speaker 2: and we all have facets, we all have like so
• 5:13
  Speaker 2: many different ways that we show up with the world
• 5:17
  Speaker 2: but also with individual people with ourselves, and I think
• 5:19
  Speaker 2: that's what really gets lost right now in this age
• 5:23
  Speaker 2: of perception that we've been existing in the last couple
• 5:26
  Speaker 2: of decades.
• 5:28
  Speaker 3: I agree with you, it's not the stuff like you
• 5:30
  Speaker 3: said something racist, but there's context I'm not talking about, Yeah, asking.
• 5:35
  Speaker 2: For sympathy for that, but no, Well, what I'm hearing
• 5:39
  Speaker 2: in what you're saying, I didn't hear that. I heard
• 5:42
  Speaker 2: like more what it is to be a human being
• 5:46
  Speaker 2: categorizing yourself within this system of the Internet whatever this
• 5:50
  Speaker 2: thing has become. Right Like I existed pre Internet and
• 5:54
  Speaker 2: then at the very beginning, like when social media first started,
• 5:57
  Speaker 2: I was like in a media career at the time,
• 5:59
  Speaker 2: and so it's been interesting just pattern tracking and walking
• 6:02
  Speaker 2: watching the evolution especially from like one generation of working
• 6:06
  Speaker 2: adult to the next generation of working adult. What culture
• 6:09
  Speaker 2: means to people now, how people see themselves position themselves
• 6:15
  Speaker 2: as like an all time, all life thing. But it's
• 6:18
  Speaker 2: like we are constantly which you know with the new show,
• 6:21
  Speaker 2: like we're constantly not just changing, but like refining. It's
• 6:27
  Speaker 2: so important to have like moments in life where you're
• 6:29
  Speaker 2: not being witnessed, where you're not being perceived, where there
• 6:32
  Speaker 2: is space to become something else with like no feedback,
• 6:36
  Speaker 2: especially from strangers. Yeah, yeah, so what I was really
• 6:39
  Speaker 2: hearing in what you were saying is just like the
• 6:41
  Speaker 2: truth of the matter. When you have clip culture or
• 6:44
  Speaker 2: little tiny moments, it does not speak to the fullness
• 6:47
  Speaker 2: of who the person is, of what they represent, not
• 6:50
  Speaker 2: even of what they were saying in that exact moment.
• 6:53
  Speaker 2: It's up for any kind of translation.
• 6:55
  Speaker 3: Like, Oh, for example, so we're shooting an episode at
• 6:59
  Speaker 3: home with my best friend and Mandy's best friend, and
• 7:03
  Speaker 3: both of our best friends are very different. My best
• 7:05
  Speaker 3: friend is celibate. Her best friend was talking about dating,
• 7:09
  Speaker 3: and we're talking about how our feelings can rev up
• 7:12
  Speaker 3: in a relationship and how you can sometimes only focus
• 7:16
  Speaker 3: on one person. But maybe that's putting your eggs in
• 7:19
  Speaker 3: one basket. So I said something like, ah, like, when
• 7:21
  Speaker 3: I go on a really good date, I'm like, oh, no,
• 7:23
  Speaker 3: I gott to fuck another. I gotta go with someone else,
• 7:26
  Speaker 3: right clipped girl. They were like woman says she had
• 7:31
  Speaker 3: to sleep with other men when she likes someone. He's like,
• 7:35
  Speaker 3: huck bro. Literally, it was just so difficult for me
• 7:39
  Speaker 3: because I'm like, damn, I know the bag I was
• 7:42
  Speaker 3: in and I was really just fucking around and being funny.
• 7:45
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you're like, I'm being myself but in a non
• 7:48
  Speaker 2: environment where people don't know those inner workings. Okay, so
• 7:51
  Speaker 2: to this point, something.
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: I'm really really interested in, like what does that feel like?
• 7:56
  Speaker 2: Like I would I would categorize myself as like like
• 8:00
  Speaker 2: I feel very much like an open book, but I'm
• 8:02
  Speaker 2: also like a very naturally private person, like I don't
• 8:05
  Speaker 2: even with people in my life. I'm just kind of
• 8:07
  Speaker 2: like there's a lot there's a lot of things happening
• 8:11
  Speaker 2: when you are in a space where you do share
• 8:17
  Speaker 2: the deeper workings of your life, like some of the intricacies,
• 8:20
  Speaker 2: some of the nuance, some of the you know, experiences
• 8:24
  Speaker 2: perceived good or bad, and then you have people kind
• 8:29
  Speaker 2: of commenting on who you actually are fundamentally.
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: What does that feel like?
• 8:37
  Speaker 3: Ooh, that's a good question. I think being misunderstood is difficult,
• 8:43
  Speaker 3: but not when they comment on me in a way
• 8:46
  Speaker 3: where they are taking their own opinion on my life.
• 8:49
  Speaker 3: For example, there was another clip that came out about
• 8:53
  Speaker 3: me where I was with I don't know if she's
• 8:56
  Speaker 3: a doctor, but I fuck with you Sarah, Sarah Fontin
• 8:59
  Speaker 3: know she's really a great podcaster. She has all these
• 9:03
  Speaker 3: hot takes about things women are doing wrong and never
• 9:05
  Speaker 3: blame the man. But we had a great pod with her,
• 9:09
  Speaker 3: right and so she made a comment that she would
• 9:12
  Speaker 3: never divorce her husband. I was like really, and they
• 9:15
  Speaker 3: got married very quickly, within six days. I was like,
• 9:18
  Speaker 3: so there's nothing he could do and she's like, no,
• 9:19
  Speaker 3: if you put his hands on me, be dead. There's nothing.
• 9:22
  Speaker 3: I was like, I'm not scared to lose a nigga.
• 9:25
  Speaker 3: I'll get riddle more quit, you know what I mean. Like,
• 9:27
  Speaker 3: And I'm like, because there's so many things you could
• 9:28
  Speaker 3: do wrong. You could alien amy of affection, you could
• 9:30
  Speaker 3: gamble our money. Oh, you could be a terrible dad,
• 9:32
  Speaker 3: like what yas goes on? Right when they clipped me
• 9:35
  Speaker 3: saying that, she said, then and that's why you don't
• 9:38
  Speaker 3: really want marriage. Right at the time, I wasn't engaged.
• 9:42
  Speaker 3: I later found out my fiance had the ring when
• 9:44
  Speaker 3: he saw this go down, and I was like, are
• 9:47
  Speaker 3: you gonna did it earlier? So I could have been like, hello,
• 9:49
  Speaker 3: actually not in those comments. The way that people talked
• 9:54
  Speaker 3: about me and my hyperindependence actually like made me smile.
• 9:59
  Speaker 3: Tends of thatans of comments, people doing think pieces on me.
• 10:03
  Speaker 3: There were even ones that said, see the one with
• 10:04
  Speaker 3: tattoos isn't married, then the other one and this and that.
• 10:07
  Speaker 3: Oh God didn't bother me because I really felt like
• 10:10
  Speaker 3: I stood my ground and no, I don't want anyone
• 10:12
  Speaker 3: that bad. I'm obsessed with my fiance. Baby, I'm obsessed
• 10:16
  Speaker 3: with but you met him, we were Yes, I'm obsessed
• 10:20
  Speaker 3: with him. He's a great man. But if he ever
• 10:23
  Speaker 3: did something to hurt me, I would take this ring
• 10:26
  Speaker 3: and turn it into a five carrot necklace and piece
• 10:29
  Speaker 3: it out. However, that's not my testimony. That's not going
• 10:32
  Speaker 3: to happen to me. But if it ever did, if
• 10:34
  Speaker 3: he ever decided to break a vow to me, I
• 10:37
  Speaker 3: can't sit around and allow myself to be treated that way.
• 10:41
  Speaker 3: He shouldn't either. You know, putting yourself first is extremely important,
• 10:45
  Speaker 3: and I think when you leave room for too much forgiveness,
• 10:49
  Speaker 3: you're now putting the other person first. Yeah, my kids
• 10:52
  Speaker 3: aren't going to be before me in situations like that.
• 10:55
  Speaker 3: Mommy's got to be good so I can be good
• 10:57
  Speaker 3: to you like I've seen so many of my friend
• 11:00
  Speaker 3: and be treated poorly by husbands in dynamics where they
• 11:03
  Speaker 3: have children and decide to stay together for a few
• 11:05
  Speaker 3: more years for the kids. What is the point of that?
• 11:08
  Speaker 3: I think your kids don't hear you cry every night?
• 11:11
  Speaker 3: Yeah huh. I actually think the strength in my marriage
• 11:15
  Speaker 3: is knowing that we both are so strong in taking
• 11:22
  Speaker 3: care of ourselves that we put the partner second. I
• 11:26
  Speaker 3: don't come before him and same And I think that's
• 11:28
  Speaker 3: why we really love each other. Because we've all dated
• 11:31
  Speaker 3: someone that's a little too like like all right, all right,
• 11:34
  Speaker 3: all right, I'll do anything, I'll do whatever you want
• 11:35
  Speaker 3: to do. They start losing themselves. I'm showing you dated
• 11:37
  Speaker 3: a guy that started buying crystals and then you like,
• 11:39
  Speaker 3: oh stop you ever want these? What you mean your
• 11:43
  Speaker 3: birth down? Aha? And I'm telling you it's shit like that.
• 11:47
  Speaker 3: And then you're like, yo, be you thank you too close?
• 11:54
  Speaker 3: Way for real? Oh?
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: People know I love to do a song.
• 12:00
  Speaker 3: Shut the fuck up.
• 12:02
  Speaker 2: Okay, But so I want to know, like what, First
• 12:06
  Speaker 2: of all, congratulations, congratulations, And I have to say.
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: Like, you wear love really beautifully.
• 12:11
  Speaker 2: And I did have the chance to meet your partner
• 12:14
  Speaker 2: in can a couple years ago, and we were.
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: We were in the streets. It was great. I felt
• 12:19
  Speaker 1: not like a mom it.
• 12:20
  Speaker 3: Was your birthday, it was my birthday.
• 12:24
  Speaker 2: But yeah, you guys have you. I was able to
• 12:26
  Speaker 2: witness like just a beautiful, like private synergy between the
• 12:30
  Speaker 2: two of you, and you know, I was watching your
• 12:34
  Speaker 2: your gorgeous engagement video and it was just it was
• 12:40
  Speaker 2: so special, like you could just really feel like you
• 12:44
  Speaker 2: beaming and radiating with this person and so like to
• 12:48
  Speaker 2: that point, at this age, in this moment embarking on
• 12:52
  Speaker 2: you know, this deep new path.
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: What is love to you?
• 12:57
  Speaker 2: What does that feel like to give and receive it
• 13:00
  Speaker 2: between the two of you?
• 13:01
  Speaker 3: Okay, this is me talking to Weazy in her twenties.
• 13:06
  Speaker 3: Love is so easy. I don't think love is hard.
• 13:12
  Speaker 3: I think marriage may be hard. I've never been in
• 13:15
  Speaker 3: a marriage, you know, and I think that's just because
• 13:18
  Speaker 3: of all the trials and tribulations you'll experience. But love
• 13:21
  Speaker 3: is pretty easy. And I didn't know how easy I
• 13:26
  Speaker 3: was to be loved because I never had people make
• 13:29
  Speaker 3: me feel like I would be easy to love, you.
• 13:31
  Speaker 2: Know, Like that was such a big one, Like that
• 13:35
  Speaker 2: is such a big thing as a woman to make
• 13:38
  Speaker 2: space for it in your body and your life. And
• 13:40
  Speaker 2: I think that affects so many women. That was my
• 13:42
  Speaker 2: journey after divorce. I was like, I'm so easy to love.
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: I'm triggered by that.
• 13:47
  Speaker 3: You know, it's so hardy. You and your ex husband
• 13:51
  Speaker 3: loved each other, right, so you're like, okay, so it's there,
• 13:54
  Speaker 3: But when it starts getting into this thing where it's like,
• 13:57
  Speaker 3: like we've all been there someone you had a great
• 13:59
  Speaker 3: blae relationship in the beginning, and then after a while
• 14:02
  Speaker 3: you felt like it was becoming difficult or being able
• 14:07
  Speaker 3: to ask for what you want is difficult. So I
• 14:10
  Speaker 3: had never experienced easy love like where I didn't have
• 14:16
  Speaker 3: to apologize for a lot of the me ways, where
• 14:21
  Speaker 3: somebody would fit into my life no matter how big
• 14:24
  Speaker 3: I am, actually have something I would love to share.
• 14:28
  Speaker 3: It's not directly related to your question, but my lawyer
• 14:32
  Speaker 3: basically wanted to know why I wanted to get married,
• 14:35
  Speaker 3: because it's her job, my lawyer, to convince me not
• 14:38
  Speaker 3: to write. She said, no, no, no, no, no, easy no,
• 14:41
  Speaker 3: we worked too hard. I'm like, girl, So you know,
• 14:44
  Speaker 3: as you're talking through what pree nups would look like
• 14:47
  Speaker 3: or whatever have you, she asked me five things that
• 14:51
  Speaker 3: I'd never heard before. No, no, no, I remember them.
• 14:54
  Speaker 3: I wrote them down because I was like, I need
• 14:56
  Speaker 3: to make sure women hear this. Number one, she said,
• 14:59
  Speaker 3: you go connected spiritually. I was like, yes, we're super aligned.
• 15:03
  Speaker 3: She was like like, do you know where he wants
• 15:05
  Speaker 3: to be in the afterlife? Do you know if you'll
• 15:09
  Speaker 3: need each other there? I got a hotel Lauria by
• 15:11
  Speaker 3: the way. She's like, do you know where he wants
• 15:16
  Speaker 3: to be placed if he's gone tomorrow? Do you know
• 15:20
  Speaker 3: how you'll communicate with each other? Et cetera. Second one
• 15:24
  Speaker 3: was financial, and it wasn't like does he have money?
• 15:27
  Speaker 3: Do you have money? She's like, if his nieces and
• 15:31
  Speaker 3: nephew has got left stranded without parents, who's taking on
• 15:33
  Speaker 3: that financial burden? Are you? Is he? What if there
• 15:38
  Speaker 3: is a big financial catastrophe in his family's life, will
• 15:41
  Speaker 3: you take it on together? Will you be bitter? We
• 15:43
  Speaker 3: be resentful if he does it. The third was social.
• 15:49
  Speaker 3: She's like, your personality. He doesn't even have Instagram.
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: She's like, ooh, girl, when you're in a.
• 15:55
  Speaker 3: Room and people are weezy, weezy weezy, or you're on
• 15:59
  Speaker 3: a stage, does he know how to act when in
• 16:05
  Speaker 3: a scenario where you're bigger or does his.
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: Ego consistently bigger? Yeah?
• 16:10
  Speaker 3: Not allowed for it? How does he act in a
• 16:13
  Speaker 3: work event when you turn your back? Are you embarrassed
• 16:16
  Speaker 3: or nervous about? Like who he is socially when you're
• 16:19
  Speaker 3: not around? The fourth was protection. She's like, could he
• 16:25
  Speaker 3: put somebody up for you? And so I'm laughing, I'm like,
• 16:27
  Speaker 3: of course he could. She's like, no, no, no, easy.
• 16:30
  Speaker 3: If he can't, you'll just look at him as weaker eventually,
• 16:33
  Speaker 3: because you're too dominant of a woman to be with
• 16:36
  Speaker 3: someone that you don't think him like who got you?
• 16:38
  Speaker 3: You're already loud, so you already think you can protect yourself.
• 16:43
  Speaker 3: You know what I mean? You think, but you don't
• 16:45
  Speaker 3: have the strength of a man. So can he do that?
• 16:48
  Speaker 3: And our last one was community? She said, are you
• 16:52
  Speaker 3: guys aligned in the who you want to be in
• 16:55
  Speaker 3: your community? This was the only one that I wasn't
• 16:58
  Speaker 3: sure about, not like it's an issue. We just had
• 17:01
  Speaker 3: never talked about it. She's like like foundations, donations. I'm like, yeah,
• 17:04
  Speaker 3: we both talked about pouring money into school and she's
• 17:07
  Speaker 3: like no, no, no, no, no, not like what you could have.
• 17:10
  Speaker 3: Who will you be in your community? Today, You're gonna
• 17:14
  Speaker 3: get married, have a kid with this person soon. Like
• 17:18
  Speaker 3: you have money, he has money, What are you doing
• 17:20
  Speaker 3: with it? Are you trying? Are you donating your time?
• 17:23
  Speaker 3: Are you outreaching to people that need to vote? Like?
• 17:26
  Speaker 3: What do you care about? He's Nigerian, right, So traditionally speaking,
• 17:30
  Speaker 3: LGBTQ shit ain't always it's sometimes frowned upon. She's like,
• 17:34
  Speaker 3: you're always donating to some transhit or some fucking queer shit, Like,
• 17:37
  Speaker 3: I'll you really feel about that when it's y'all's money.
• 17:40
  Speaker 3: And I was like, Wow, we've never talked about what
• 17:42
  Speaker 3: we want to do together.
• 17:44
  Speaker 2: And so for me, those are powerful questions and you're very,
• 17:48
  Speaker 2: very lucky and blessed like to have someone in that
• 17:51
  Speaker 2: position in your life to reflect that to you and
• 17:53
  Speaker 2: a lawyer.
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and you know.
• 17:56
  Speaker 3: One of the things she said was before she started
• 17:58
  Speaker 3: those five questions, Yeah, I know he loves you, so
• 18:00
  Speaker 3: because that's all what we're bind to buy.
• 18:02
  Speaker 2: Because love is not enough. It is not enough, And
• 18:05
  Speaker 2: it's so important that people know that love is simple.
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: It's our nature.
• 18:10
  Speaker 2: We are love like that is the ideal of what
• 18:12
  Speaker 2: you should be with everyone and everything, But it is
• 18:15
  Speaker 2: not enough. To sustain a relationship. It's it's the bare minimum.
• 18:19
  Speaker 3: Actually, ooh, that's good. It really is the bare minimum, yeah,
• 18:22
  Speaker 3: because I feel like love almost it's the thing even
• 18:25
  Speaker 3: in a friend breakup, I'm like, I love you, girl,
• 18:27
  Speaker 3: but I can't do that, like it's not Yeah, And
• 18:29
  Speaker 3: for me, what love is is simple, but it's the
• 18:33
  Speaker 3: other things that aren't simple. Right, So when she asked
• 18:35
  Speaker 3: me those five questions, it really opened my eyes up
• 18:38
  Speaker 3: to like, damn you think you know it all? And
• 18:40
  Speaker 3: for the most part, I got four out of five.
• 18:42
  Speaker 3: Right the second I hung up, I'm like, Yo, what
• 18:45
  Speaker 3: are we going to do? Like? Is it homeless? Nice?
• 18:47
  Speaker 3: Is it? Like? I'm like, we should figure this out.
• 18:48
  Speaker 3: She's right, I'm like, what is it? Is it kids?
• 18:51
  Speaker 3: Is it cultural? Is it specific to the type of
• 18:54
  Speaker 3: kids he's from the Bronx? Do you want it to
• 18:55
  Speaker 3: be there? And it felt so empowering to get off
• 18:58
  Speaker 3: the phone talking about that.
• 19:00
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, and I think that's the even so
• 19:02
  Speaker 2: many people would be potentially scared to bring those questions
• 19:06
  Speaker 2: up in relationship, but that's the information you need because
• 19:09
  Speaker 2: if there's fear there or restriction in expressing that, you're
• 19:13
  Speaker 2: not ready it should feel like solidifying, it should feel exciting,
• 19:17
  Speaker 2: it should feel like, oh, this is evolutionary. We don't
• 19:20
  Speaker 2: have to have all the answers right now, but like
• 19:23
  Speaker 2: we are open to the questions unfolding.
• 19:26
  Speaker 3: Yeah, like, and keep in mind, these are questions we
• 19:31
  Speaker 3: discussed before she prepared something for us to sign, right, yeah.
• 19:36
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 19:36
  Speaker 3: And I was like, damn, these are questions we should
• 19:39
  Speaker 3: have had before he bought a ring for me, you know,
• 19:41
  Speaker 3: but so many people blindly do that. I've even met
• 19:46
  Speaker 3: people or had friends that are like in their engagement
• 19:49
  Speaker 3: phase and like feeling unsure, like how do y'all even
• 19:52
  Speaker 3: get to the line? Bro? And you know what it
• 19:55
  Speaker 3: is everybody else making you feel like we have to
• 19:57
  Speaker 3: do it?
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: Oh my god? Yes, oh my god.
• 20:01
  Speaker 3: Did you notice I have a few divorce friends but
• 20:04
  Speaker 3: never asked this specifically. Did you ever feel like people
• 20:07
  Speaker 3: looked at you different when you said you were married
• 20:09
  Speaker 3: and you saw a shift like pity for divorce?
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: Oh god, yes, Oh my god.
• 20:15
  Speaker 3: That is empowerment. Oh.
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: You know what's so interesting?
• 20:20
  Speaker 2: Consciousness has rapidly evolved around marriage, sex, relationship, and divorce
• 20:26
  Speaker 2: really just since twenty twenty. And if you're of a
• 20:30
  Speaker 2: certain age. I'm in my early forties, you have seen
• 20:33
  Speaker 2: and felt through your relationship life the progression, So one
• 20:38
  Speaker 2: hundred percent absolutely. I got married in the year twenty twelve.
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: That was like.
• 20:45
  Speaker 2: Peak, like peak, like power couple wag culture, like everybody
• 20:53
  Speaker 2: get flued out, like there was no It was a
• 20:57
  Speaker 2: lawless land. But people were obsessed with the performance of
• 21:02
  Speaker 2: relationship in that time. Now, granted this has always been
• 21:05
  Speaker 2: the case throughout human history, past, present, future, but there
• 21:08
  Speaker 2: was this concentration specifically within black culture because it was
• 21:12
  Speaker 2: also the very beginning rise of Instagram, So it was
• 21:16
  Speaker 2: the beginning stages of digitally crafting a perception that had
• 21:20
  Speaker 2: never existed before. So in that time, part of the
• 21:24
  Speaker 2: reason I didn't get divorced sooner and I wanted to
• 21:27
  Speaker 2: I knew.
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: Way earlier, was because of that.
• 21:30
  Speaker 2: I went and sought out pastors, I sought out friends,
• 21:32
  Speaker 2: I sought out various therapists. All of them gave me
• 21:35
  Speaker 2: horrible advice.
• 21:37
  Speaker 3: Stick it through all of them.
• 21:40
  Speaker 2: All of them were just focus on healing him, focus
• 21:44
  Speaker 2: on his pain.
• 21:45
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 21:45
  Speaker 2: It was peak women martyrdom culture, which eventually eventually led
• 21:51
  Speaker 2: me to the work of my life and how I
• 21:53
  Speaker 2: work with people because I knew fundamentally like this is
• 21:57
  Speaker 2: horrible and this is all projection, and most of the
• 22:00
  Speaker 2: people telling you you should stay in marriage have no
• 22:03
  Speaker 2: idea what it takes to actually be themselves intimacy When
• 22:08
  Speaker 2: we first started, profoundly, yeah, profoundly.
• 22:11
  Speaker 3: Absolutely asinine to me that we would would if I
• 22:14
  Speaker 3: had If I have a daughter, I would never. I
• 22:18
  Speaker 3: don't give a shit if they're brock and Michelle, no, no, no,
• 22:23
  Speaker 3: no no, nothing is worth it, Debbie. If I got
• 22:26
  Speaker 3: disrespected today, sure it would be embarrassing after I posted
• 22:29
  Speaker 3: that engagement video. You know, it would be more embarrassing
• 22:32
  Speaker 3: me lying to myself in my sleep if I had
• 22:34
  Speaker 3: to stay with a guy.
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: Oh absolutely.
• 22:36
  Speaker 2: Also, can we be clear for a second, because I
• 22:38
  Speaker 2: really also want to inform like the nature of our
• 22:41
  Speaker 2: health related to this. Women die of autoimmune disease at
• 22:47
  Speaker 2: exorbitantly high rates, specifically because of suppressed emotion and staying
• 22:55
  Speaker 2: in toxic relationships too long. I manifested autoimmune disease in
• 22:59
  Speaker 2: my life. I live with chronic pain. So it's imperative
• 23:03
  Speaker 2: that people know. And you know, this doesn't even always
• 23:07
  Speaker 2: have to be because here's the thing, like in many
• 23:09
  Speaker 2: toxic relationships. The reason you stay in them is because
• 23:12
  Speaker 2: you also feel the child and the other person. You
• 23:15
  Speaker 2: also do see the deeper nature of someone, right, so
• 23:18
  Speaker 2: you're recognizing trauma. There is empathy there. It doesn't have
• 23:22
  Speaker 2: to be that this person is right, wrong, the devil
• 23:25
  Speaker 2: or anything like that. But if your body is responding
• 23:29
  Speaker 2: and giving you information that it doesn't feel safe in
• 23:32
  Speaker 2: that presence that you can never relax or disarm. You're
• 23:36
  Speaker 2: having gut issues, you're having brain fogs, you're having fatigue.
• 23:41
  Speaker 2: It's literally physically unsafe for you to be there, and
• 23:45
  Speaker 2: so we have to be I think all women, I'm
• 23:47
  Speaker 2: glad you're saying all of this. We have to look
• 23:49
  Speaker 2: at the deeper nature of what is binding us to it.
• 23:54
  Speaker 3: I'm really saying it because it's only been two months
• 23:57
  Speaker 3: I've been engaged, and I even feel an uptick in
• 24:00
  Speaker 3: how annoying it is that people are almost thinking I'm
• 24:04
  Speaker 3: a better version of myself. Yeah.
• 24:06
  Speaker 2: All the projection around relationship is mind blowing.
• 24:09
  Speaker 3: There's a show they probably reached out to you too,
• 24:14
  Speaker 3: that is shooting a pilot around people's lives. I guess
• 24:19
  Speaker 3: I don't want to tell too much, but one of
• 24:22
  Speaker 3: the things. I kind of got into it with the
• 24:24
  Speaker 3: producer and we got to a good place, but she
• 24:27
  Speaker 3: basically said to me, well, we're probably gonna want to
• 24:29
  Speaker 3: get your fiance on camera, and I'm like what, no,
• 24:33
  Speaker 3: And she's like, well, if I'm going to take it
• 24:36
  Speaker 3: to this big TV house and then they see her
• 24:38
  Speaker 3: engage and they see all this whole thing, like honey,
• 24:40
  Speaker 3: like what do you think? And I'm like, uh, I am.
• 24:45
  Speaker 3: That is not the most exciting thing about me. It's
• 24:47
  Speaker 3: not even close, babe, Like we're talking about women and
• 24:50
  Speaker 3: entertainment and whatever or boss bitch is like where does
• 24:52
  Speaker 3: he come.
• 24:53
  Speaker 2: In and why would it be worth it to take
• 24:56
  Speaker 2: like your most private, sacred, special part of your life,
• 25:00
  Speaker 2: Like what do you actually get out of it?
• 25:02
  Speaker 3: I think that because I tell everything, people are surprised
• 25:06
  Speaker 3: that I won't share, but I just realize, like getting
• 25:10
  Speaker 3: married and I get it, it's a milestones. So is
• 25:12
  Speaker 3: exciting all my friends want to talk about, you know,
• 25:14
  Speaker 3: brizemead dresses and whatever. I'm not having rides me. I'm
• 25:16
  Speaker 3: not doing none of it right, but it's exciting to
• 25:19
  Speaker 3: talk about. But it's not the biggest part of me,
• 25:22
  Speaker 3: and I don't like that it's overshadowing me a little bit.
• 25:24
  Speaker 3: Not that I don't want to talk about it today
• 25:26
  Speaker 3: because like, oh my god, warm safe space, but you
• 25:28
  Speaker 3: know what I mean, Like, I realize even the way
• 25:31
  Speaker 3: men are talking about me on a clip with Mandy
• 25:33
  Speaker 3: and I, yeah, that one's married now or engage, this
• 25:37
  Speaker 3: is our.
• 25:44
  Speaker 1: Isn't it wild?
• 25:45
  Speaker 2: How much no matter who you are, what you've done,
• 25:47
  Speaker 2: how you feel the way, people will eclipse all of
• 25:51
  Speaker 2: that by just placing that on you.
• 25:54
  Speaker 3: Patriarchy, you know, not to mention women abide by that too,
• 25:58
  Speaker 3: Like I've had women in my dms ever since a
• 26:01
  Speaker 3: click went out about my co host being like, yeah,
• 26:04
  Speaker 3: you tell him because you got a man that's doing
• 26:06
  Speaker 3: X y Z. And I'm like, oh yeah, like I'm
• 26:09
  Speaker 3: doing well, deeply welltly foul. I'm you know, what I
• 26:15
  Speaker 3: really think brought me love in my life, not that
• 26:17
  Speaker 3: I didn't want to get married and all this shit.
• 26:18
  Speaker 3: Now I'm blowing smoke up my own ass. But the
• 26:23
  Speaker 3: day I met him, uh so, I met him online.
• 26:26
  Speaker 1: But the day I was literally just going to ask
• 26:28
  Speaker 1: you that, I was like, how did you meet?
• 26:29
  Speaker 3: We met on a dating app? Next day we were
• 26:30
  Speaker 3: in person right. I was having so much fun out
• 26:34
  Speaker 3: with one of my friends for drinks. I was like, Oh,
• 26:36
  Speaker 3: I can't believe I have to go out with a man.
• 26:38
  Speaker 3: This is the best day ever. I was just in
• 26:41
  Speaker 3: the height of feeling amazing that week. I felt so good.
• 26:45
  Speaker 3: It was so like whatever to me. But I've had
• 26:49
  Speaker 3: other areas of my life where I was like, oh,
• 26:51
  Speaker 3: it goes well, none of that energy. It was like ugh,
• 26:54
  Speaker 3: like just whatever. And I finally got to this place
• 26:58
  Speaker 3: that entire year before we met, where like, you know, niggas,
• 27:02
  Speaker 3: niggas meant nothing to me. Maybe I want some nick,
• 27:05
  Speaker 3: maybe I don't, but whatever. Like I just was so
• 27:08
  Speaker 3: focused on the fact that my man was coming that
• 27:10
  Speaker 3: I I didn't really worry about when. And in Nohl's
• 27:14
  Speaker 3: barred shout out to one of my friends, Rashida, I
• 27:17
  Speaker 3: cried to her a few years before that. I was like, girl,
• 27:20
  Speaker 3: I'm just so tired this like I'm just exhausted from
• 27:23
  Speaker 3: dating blah blah. And she literally put her hand in
• 27:25
  Speaker 3: my face and I was like, I don't even want
• 27:27
  Speaker 3: to hear this shit, Like this could be a last
• 27:29
  Speaker 3: single summer. Are you not gonna you're telling me this?
• 27:32
  Speaker 3: In July like and it really was like I had
• 27:37
  Speaker 3: met him the summer after. So I don't know why
• 27:42
  Speaker 3: there is such a pressure for us to meet someone,
• 27:46
  Speaker 3: get someone, because we spend that entire time before they
• 27:49
  Speaker 3: arrive being upset that they're not here yet. Huh. I'm
• 27:53
  Speaker 3: gonna tell you right now, no, monogamous or not going
• 27:56
  Speaker 3: out and partying is not the same, cause I don't
• 27:59
  Speaker 3: have the honeymore. I'm he know all the thing, I'm dead.
• 28:01
  Speaker 3: Everybody knows the love a little molly and some fucking alcohol,
• 28:04
  Speaker 3: Like you know, it's different. I'm a party girl. It's
• 28:07
  Speaker 3: not the thing. I'm talking about having my bachelor of
• 28:09
  Speaker 3: party in Etha. And he's like, you guys, gotta make
• 28:12
  Speaker 3: sure you stay on this trip. I don't want you
• 28:13
  Speaker 3: getting in the car. You know it's tax your drivergate.
• 28:15
  Speaker 3: Please let me rest my life for some fun. I
• 28:19
  Speaker 3: want to put these pitches in the climbate we get
• 28:21
  Speaker 3: in the back of my band. That's me. Can't do
• 28:23
  Speaker 3: it anymore. Life's a little different.
• 28:25
  Speaker 1: Life's a little different.
• 28:26
  Speaker 3: And so all of that dumb, crazy shit I did before,
• 28:30
  Speaker 3: if I only would have known, you know, And I
• 28:34
  Speaker 3: feel that because I was acting with so much self
• 28:38
  Speaker 3: love and enjoyment for being not alone, but being able
• 28:42
  Speaker 3: to enjoy being alone. I don't like that whole Like,
• 28:44
  Speaker 3: I'm good by myself and no I need friends, I
• 28:47
  Speaker 3: need community, you know, But knowing that I didn't have
• 28:50
  Speaker 3: a partner was fine.
• 28:51
  Speaker 1: I'm trying to remember, did we talk about this before.
• 28:53
  Speaker 1: Are you an only child?
• 28:55
  Speaker 3: Yeah?
• 28:55
  Speaker 1: Yeah, me too. It's a whole different life. It's a
• 28:58
  Speaker 1: whole different world. I'm curious about the nature of that, right.
• 29:01
  Speaker 2: Because when you're an only child, it's not even a
• 29:05
  Speaker 2: matter of loneliness. You just have a singular experience. So
• 29:08
  Speaker 2: it gives you a whole different view of the world.
• 29:11
  Speaker 2: It gives you a completely different inner dialogue with yourself
• 29:15
  Speaker 2: than I think most people have. And people would be
• 29:18
  Speaker 2: surprised to know only twelve percent of the population are
• 29:21
  Speaker 2: only children, exactly exactly like you imagine, it's like fifty
• 29:26
  Speaker 2: to fifty. No, it's like, it's honestly like, it's yeah,
• 29:31
  Speaker 2: like it creates It creates such a different reality, but
• 29:34
  Speaker 2: most especially the inner world, your capacity to be with yourself,
• 29:39
  Speaker 2: your capacity to have self trust. Everybody has their stuff,
• 29:42
  Speaker 2: right speaking only child experience, but it's interesting and hearing
• 29:48
  Speaker 2: that and then also, you know, having older parents like
• 29:52
  Speaker 2: you were very you probably have to be very clear
• 29:59
  Speaker 2: and very stable, solidified and like who you are and
• 30:04
  Speaker 2: how you feel at all times.
• 30:06
  Speaker 3: I wonder if that's why you know, New York was
• 30:09
  Speaker 3: the easiest place for me to be as an adult,
• 30:11
  Speaker 3: because to be very sure of yourself in a small town.
• 30:14
  Speaker 3: I'm from Florida, I'm from Orlando. Like I feel like
• 30:17
  Speaker 3: a lot of people thought I was weird, Like I
• 30:19
  Speaker 3: needed the place to exist very big, very open, very
• 30:22
  Speaker 3: like this is me because of the fact that I
• 30:26
  Speaker 3: didn't really have a lot of identity with anything else,
• 30:29
  Speaker 3: Like I was just figuring out on my own. I
• 30:31
  Speaker 3: didn't have a big sister to look up to, or
• 30:33
  Speaker 3: I didn't have a little sister to be the role
• 30:35
  Speaker 3: model for, yeah, or brother or whatever.
• 30:37
  Speaker 2: You're not getting any feedback, like, to be clear, you
• 30:40
  Speaker 2: are not getting feedback from the world at all in
• 30:43
  Speaker 2: the way that other people are.
• 30:44
  Speaker 3: I'm five years old, my mom's forty five. I'm ten,
• 30:46
  Speaker 3: my mom's fifty, you know what I mean. Like it's
• 30:50
  Speaker 3: weird because it's there isn't a connector there either. And
• 30:53
  Speaker 3: I have been amazing parents, but it just it is different,
• 30:57
  Speaker 3: so like you really are solo, But I don't know
• 31:00
  Speaker 3: about my only child. Shit, I would say, as it
• 31:04
  Speaker 3: pertains to advantages of me getting into relationship. But the
• 31:07
  Speaker 3: one thing I do think that I never noticed before.
• 31:14
  Speaker 3: My fiance tells me a lot about how having a
• 31:18
  Speaker 3: great dad is almost slightly pressure to show up as
• 31:22
  Speaker 3: a great man for me, Like there's nothing he could
• 31:27
  Speaker 3: really say or doing. I'm like, well, my dad did that. Oh,
• 31:28
  Speaker 3: my dad would beat somebody up for me. My dad
• 31:30
  Speaker 3: would do right. I mean, my dad can't even walk,
• 31:32
  Speaker 3: he's rolling around Debbie, and I still think he's better
• 31:34
  Speaker 3: than everybody. So I give. I think that's the strength
• 31:38
  Speaker 3: of seeing a good man in my life has helped
• 31:40
  Speaker 3: me and shaped how I can show up a relationships.
• 31:45
  Speaker 3: My bitterness is huge, it really is. We need one,
• 31:51
  Speaker 3: whether it's an uncle or brother, anyone. But my resentment
• 31:54
  Speaker 3: towards ben when it can appear or bitterness does come
• 31:58
  Speaker 3: from past relationships. The one thing I have on my
• 32:01
  Speaker 3: side is that I just don't think men are a monolith.
• 32:04
  Speaker 3: Like I know, I'll get a better one.
• 32:06
  Speaker 2: Yeah, nine billion people are on the planet, Like I
• 32:08
  Speaker 2: don't know. White people don't remember that more often there
• 32:11
  Speaker 2: are choices to be made because we.
• 32:13
  Speaker 3: Get in our bubble bro. Oh my god. I say
• 32:17
  Speaker 3: this to my best friend all the time. Her name
• 32:19
  Speaker 3: is Brianda, and I talked about this on the pod
• 32:21
  Speaker 3: that day with her. This girl will be like, I'm
• 32:24
  Speaker 3: probably never gonna meet anyone. Yeah, bitch, you're home reading,
• 32:27
  Speaker 3: get up, get outside, you know, And so we'll joke
• 32:31
  Speaker 3: about it. I'm like, we do have to make space
• 32:34
  Speaker 3: for that.
• 32:34
  Speaker 1: You have to make space, right, And so it's I.
• 32:37
  Speaker 3: Think it's making the plan to do that. But that
• 32:40
  Speaker 3: is why I was never scared. It wasn't because I
• 32:42
  Speaker 3: was swiping or doing whatever. It's because I was like, whatever,
• 32:45
  Speaker 3: I'm going to be out this weekend, and all things
• 32:47
  Speaker 3: come to me. It could be a money opportunity, it
• 32:49
  Speaker 3: could be running into a friend, it could be anything. Yeah,
• 32:52
  Speaker 3: that weekend in Can there's a woman named Karen who
• 32:55
  Speaker 3: was kind of taking us around. You remember Karen? Yeah,
• 32:57
  Speaker 3: I hired Karen to work for Trap. Did she know
• 33:00
  Speaker 3: she was gonna be making money off me? Wow? Like literally,
• 33:04
  Speaker 3: I just love the way that she was getting things
• 33:07
  Speaker 3: together and she seems so knowledgeable about marketing. And I
• 33:10
  Speaker 3: was like, oh, yeah, you freelance right Boom spent thousands
• 33:14
  Speaker 3: of dollars on this person who probably thought she was
• 33:16
  Speaker 3: just going out to have fun with her friends. I
• 33:18
  Speaker 3: say that to say, you just never know it comes
• 33:20
  Speaker 3: to you. And it's the same with love. Yeah, it
• 33:23
  Speaker 3: might be just a connection for one night, and I
• 33:25
  Speaker 3: don't even mean sexually, just great conversation and flirting and
• 33:28
  Speaker 3: eye gazing and whatever. But it's just a reminder, like oop,
• 33:31
  Speaker 3: you see that feeling it is.
• 33:33
  Speaker 2: Their Yeah, taking away some of the pressure is what
• 33:36
  Speaker 2: creates space for like the synchronicity of life to show up,
• 33:40
  Speaker 2: the serendipity.
• 33:41
  Speaker 1: You know.
• 33:41
  Speaker 2: It's like trying to control every second, in every outcome.
• 33:44
  Speaker 2: There is no room for God in that. There's no
• 33:47
  Speaker 2: room for purpose in that. You know, It's like, who
• 33:50
  Speaker 2: do you think you are? How much do you think
• 33:53
  Speaker 2: you really know? You've been here this long on earth?
• 33:55
  Speaker 2: You know, like it's crazy, but love needs space. And
• 34:01
  Speaker 2: I love that you said that. I think I realized
• 34:03
  Speaker 2: that in my own life too, Like a couple of
• 34:05
  Speaker 2: years ago, I was like, if I'm traveling this much
• 34:08
  Speaker 2: and I'm holding like this much emotional space for other people,
• 34:11
  Speaker 2: and my priority is being home because I really do.
• 34:15
  Speaker 2: I had my time. I'm just like, Okay, you got
• 34:20
  Speaker 2: to make room for it. So you got to get
• 34:21
  Speaker 2: off the road a little bit, you know, you got
• 34:23
  Speaker 2: to make room for family.
• 34:27
  Speaker 3: We just had this combo on a podcast I do
• 34:29
  Speaker 3: call it for Fact's sake, about making room for things
• 34:33
  Speaker 3: you love or family, and my co host was like,
• 34:35
  Speaker 3: oh my god, we asked for money, and we ask
• 34:37
  Speaker 3: for all this busyness, and then it's just like enjoying
• 34:40
  Speaker 3: the fruits of your labor, enjoying your time, whatever those
• 34:43
  Speaker 3: fruits are. Yeah, you know, like I have friends that
• 34:46
  Speaker 3: are super rich, and I have a friend of mine
• 34:48
  Speaker 3: who's mid thirties that just got out of the back door.
• 34:51
  Speaker 3: She's like, girl, my apartment is so tiny and so cute.
• 34:53
  Speaker 3: It's two hundred square feet studio in New York. And
• 34:56
  Speaker 3: literally the way her eyes lit up to show me
• 34:59
  Speaker 3: on FaceTime, I wonder how she would feel even hearing
• 35:03
  Speaker 3: me say it. But it's like, you moved from this
• 35:04
  Speaker 3: huge house in Miami to this tiny apartment, and that's
• 35:06
  Speaker 3: how much freedom you feel and how much luxury you're
• 35:09
  Speaker 3: existing in. Like, she really made room for herself and
• 35:14
  Speaker 3: that's why she left, Like there was no room for
• 35:17
  Speaker 3: herself before it was all about her partner or all
• 35:19
  Speaker 3: about what other people around her wanted. And it's like
• 35:22
  Speaker 3: that room was for love for her.
• 35:24
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, yeah, it gets so good, like it
• 35:28
  Speaker 2: really does. And I wish more women knew that. And
• 35:30
  Speaker 2: sometimes the process is slow, but like what else are
• 35:33
  Speaker 2: you doing? You know?
• 35:35
  Speaker 3: I had one of my friends hearing you, and it
• 35:37
  Speaker 3: gets so good.
• 35:38
  Speaker 2: It gets so good, like divorce is the best decision
• 35:44
  Speaker 2: I ever made in my whole life.
• 35:45
  Speaker 1: Wow, like truly, you know.
• 35:48
  Speaker 2: And and I am now great friends and forever family
• 35:52
  Speaker 2: with my son's father. But and that took work, and
• 35:55
  Speaker 2: that took time and also a lot of space before
• 35:58
  Speaker 2: that could happen.
• 36:00
  Speaker 1: But it's the best.
• 36:02
  Speaker 2: It's like one of the single greatest choices of choosing
• 36:05
  Speaker 2: myself I ever made, And the second I did, God
• 36:08
  Speaker 2: stepped in.
• 36:08
  Speaker 3: I wish women could hear this, because it is true.
• 36:14
  Speaker 3: Everybody else around you makes you feel like it's like this.
• 36:18
  Speaker 3: Behind every single woman is a man she chose herself over.
• 36:24
  Speaker 3: But we for some reason look at it as like, oh, no,
• 36:27
  Speaker 3: poor you. Yeah, and they're behind so many married women
• 36:31
  Speaker 3: is a woman who is hating her life.
• 36:34
  Speaker 2: Yeah, Oh God, we all know my word also too.
• 36:38
  Speaker 2: This is like it gets better as you get older.
• 36:40
  Speaker 2: This one hundred percent is like the existential crisis. Ye first, yes,
• 36:46
  Speaker 2: I really like between like twenty three and probably thirty five,
• 36:51
  Speaker 2: that's when all that shit, like the hysteria is crazy.
• 36:54
  Speaker 2: All your girlfriends are giving you the worst device. Everybody
• 36:57
  Speaker 2: thinks they're super empowered.
• 36:59
  Speaker 1: You're not.
• 37:00
  Speaker 2: Like, it's just like you have to learn, learn, learn,
• 37:02
  Speaker 2: learn and find yourself and find like your true north right,
• 37:07
  Speaker 2: whatever your life is designed to be.
• 37:09
  Speaker 1: You got to figure that out.
• 37:11
  Speaker 2: You got to learn and how God it's your.
• 37:14
  Speaker 3: Because yes, everybody thinks the fucking north sides, yes somebody else.
• 37:19
  Speaker 1: And that's the thing.
• 37:20
  Speaker 2: If people take time to settle in and see how
• 37:24
  Speaker 2: God uses them, that's all you need to know. You
• 37:27
  Speaker 2: lock into like what.
• 37:28
  Speaker 1: You're actually really good at.
• 37:30
  Speaker 2: What you're designed to do and be for yourself and others,
• 37:33
  Speaker 2: and then all that noise clears out. But like when
• 37:35
  Speaker 2: you start making like definitive.
• 37:37
  Speaker 1: Choices to choose yourself very slowly, all of that turns off.
• 37:42
  Speaker 2: At where I am in my life now, it's been
• 37:44
  Speaker 2: really interesting and I think this happens for everyone once
• 37:47
  Speaker 2: you cross that threshold. You have enough life experience and
• 37:51
  Speaker 2: pattern recognition to like look back and see how decisions
• 37:55
  Speaker 2: played out for yourself and others. And I think what
• 37:58
  Speaker 2: I have seen with complete nonjudgment, just observation, but you know,
• 38:04
  Speaker 2: I've just seen that everybody that was man centered, male obsessed,
• 38:10
  Speaker 2: making choices not out of alignment, but more so out
• 38:13
  Speaker 2: of desperation or comparison or social media, none of it. Ever,
• 38:19
  Speaker 2: I have not seen a single person, oh my god,
• 38:22
  Speaker 2: I played out for.
• 38:24
  Speaker 3: I am really struggling with a friend of mine now,
• 38:26
  Speaker 3: who is so amazing, but as in a rut with
• 38:31
  Speaker 3: someone she broke up with, had the power to leave
• 38:34
  Speaker 3: and went back. And I'm not trying to judge because
• 38:38
  Speaker 3: I don't want her to alienate herself from me. But
• 38:41
  Speaker 3: I'm just like, yo, it's really hard hearing someone in pain.
• 38:44
  Speaker 3: He just thinks this is it. Yeah, but I really
• 38:48
  Speaker 3: believe people make you feel like loneliness is difficult. People
• 38:54
  Speaker 3: make you feel like that solitude or starting over is difficult,
• 38:58
  Speaker 3: and it's literally free. So yeah, we're talking about that
• 39:02
  Speaker 3: too long. But as someone that's now getting engaged, I
• 39:05
  Speaker 3: wouldn't never have met him if I didn't let the
• 39:08
  Speaker 3: terrible ones go yeah, like I how dare I stay
• 39:13
  Speaker 3: with them alone? Yeah?
• 39:15
  Speaker 2: And the thing that makes it hard about it, right, like,
• 39:18
  Speaker 2: until you know a difference, you just you can't even
• 39:22
  Speaker 2: conceptualize or fathom what that feels like, Like you have
• 39:25
  Speaker 2: no real understanding of what it is to be valued or.
• 39:28
  Speaker 3: You know your future. You don't want a future. Fuck yourself.
• 39:31
  Speaker 3: You think, yeah, he loves me, well, just drinks too much.
• 39:33
  Speaker 2: Oh he loves me, and you're past didn't show that
• 39:35
  Speaker 2: to you, right, because all of the stems from family
• 39:38
  Speaker 2: of origin, from childhood stuff. So if that was never
• 39:41
  Speaker 2: shown to you, ever, there's no muscle memory inside for
• 39:45
  Speaker 2: goodness or joy, like you will have to train yourself
• 39:49
  Speaker 2: to feel that, and that is what the work is.
• 39:52
  Speaker 2: And I think something that's hard when people find themselves
• 39:55
  Speaker 2: in dysfunctional relationships. The desire to be known by someone
• 40:00
  Speaker 2: and loved, even by someone that is not reflecting that
• 40:04
  Speaker 2: back to you is so intense because usually it's the
• 40:07
  Speaker 2: childhood designs.
• 40:08
  Speaker 3: The high and low. Once it gets high and it's
• 40:12
  Speaker 3: like you're done with that fight and you're in this
• 40:13
  Speaker 3: sense of ever gonna be like oh, like it's like
• 40:15
  Speaker 3: a breath of fresh air. Yeah, I mean yeah bye.
• 40:20
  Speaker 3: My partner and I got in the dumbest fight. It
• 40:22
  Speaker 3: was my fault, but I had a bunch of calls
• 40:26
  Speaker 3: in the morning, but I knew he might be hungry.
• 40:28
  Speaker 3: He likes to fast in the morning and eat with
• 40:30
  Speaker 3: the sun or whatever some shit. So I was like,
• 40:34
  Speaker 3: I know you want to eat and he's like, no,
• 40:35
  Speaker 3: I know. I heat up some takeout from last night
• 40:38
  Speaker 3: that he didn't want to eat at the restaurant because
• 40:40
  Speaker 3: he said he looked a little too rare. He comes
• 40:42
  Speaker 3: out and he's like, did you Is there more? And
• 40:46
  Speaker 3: I was like, oh, I'll make you like some fish,
• 40:49
  Speaker 3: I'll make you something fresh. No. No. Then he goes in
• 40:51
  Speaker 3: the fridge again and starts looking at all leftovers and
• 40:54
  Speaker 3: I was like, are you telling me you're going to
• 40:56
  Speaker 3: be so disrespectful that I can't make a meal for you?
• 40:59
  Speaker 3: You just want some old shit? Like is there something
• 41:02
  Speaker 3: wrong with my food? Yo? Daddy love you put my
• 41:04
  Speaker 3: mom like what is going on? And he literally looked
• 41:07
  Speaker 3: at me and Debbie All's so mad. He was like
• 41:11
  Speaker 3: the toxicity you had before me is really telling ooh.
• 41:15
  Speaker 3: And I was like I don't like the he ate
• 41:16
  Speaker 3: me up and I was like, yeah, yeah, like really
• 41:20
  Speaker 3: maybe I did pick that fight. And he was like,
• 41:22
  Speaker 3: you have a call in fifteen minutes. Why would I
• 41:24
  Speaker 3: want you to rush through food and be sitting there
• 41:26
  Speaker 3: over zoom and the so like, why would I do that?
• 41:28
  Speaker 3: Did you think about that for a second when you're
• 41:31
  Speaker 3: ready to yell at me as I picked up an
• 41:33
  Speaker 3: old box? No, no, no you didn't because you like toxic videos.
• 41:38
  Speaker 2: And that interesting. I know a lot of women that
• 41:40
  Speaker 2: craved that. Like I had a friend who was in
• 41:42
  Speaker 2: a really great, like truly beautiful relationship with a wonderful man,
• 41:49
  Speaker 2: and then whenever we'd get together, she would just always
• 41:52
  Speaker 2: be like, oh, like I just like aw this one
• 41:55
  Speaker 2: guy from my past, Like he's just always treated me
• 41:59
  Speaker 2: like shit. But like, oh you know something about that?
• 42:02
  Speaker 1: She was like, don't you just crave.
• 42:04
  Speaker 2: Like something toxic and hot sometimes?
• 42:08
  Speaker 1: And I looked at her.
• 42:09
  Speaker 2: I was like, girl, no, never, never, Like if I
• 42:13
  Speaker 2: think about my fantasy, it's being cherished, Like what it's
• 42:16
  Speaker 2: just fantasy?
• 42:18
  Speaker 3: But you know what it is toxic?
• 42:21
  Speaker 1: As no.
• 42:23
  Speaker 3: Thinking that passion is toxicity.
• 42:27
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I hate chemistry. Intensity.
• 42:29
  Speaker 3: Great sex comes with a good fight. It's just the truth.
• 42:32
  Speaker 3: We know it, but I think that's what it is.
• 42:35
  Speaker 3: A lot of people don't get to experience passion in
• 42:37
  Speaker 3: healthy ways.
• 42:38
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, you know, my god, yes. And I would
• 42:43
  Speaker 2: say also, like you can't receive what you don't have
• 42:48
  Speaker 2: the capacity to give. So as much as a lot
• 42:51
  Speaker 2: of women say I want a good man or I
• 42:53
  Speaker 2: want this, or even I want a toxic guy because
• 42:56
  Speaker 2: I feel more alive, it's really the reflection of what
• 43:00
  Speaker 2: capacity is inside. And I think some women I've noticed
• 43:04
  Speaker 2: find themselves in toxic relationships so that they can be
• 43:07
  Speaker 2: the good person that doesn't have to work on themselves,
• 43:10
  Speaker 2: and then all the focus can be on that person's
• 43:13
  Speaker 2: behavior and choice making and not on how and who
• 43:18
  Speaker 2: you actually are and showing to.
• 43:19
  Speaker 3: Take accountability for how we show up. I don't want
• 43:22
  Speaker 3: to be on the side of men sometimes, but I
• 43:28
  Speaker 3: have had friends with some homeboys, and I'm sure like
• 43:30
  Speaker 3: we all have that are in confusing situations with women,
• 43:35
  Speaker 3: whether them being emotionally dysregulated or angry or confused about
• 43:40
  Speaker 3: the status of a relationship. And I'm like, wow, like
• 43:44
  Speaker 3: we really don't even know how to even admit our
• 43:47
  Speaker 3: own faults, Like I have a lot, yeah, insecurities, with
• 43:51
  Speaker 3: certain things that I'll bring up in conversations, especially over
• 43:55
  Speaker 3: the years of dealing with non monogamy and maybe dishonesty, etc.
• 44:00
  Speaker 3: Monogamous person. So this is why I choose a relationship.
• 44:03
  Speaker 3: But of course there's jealousy or different things that can
• 44:06
  Speaker 3: come up, so I always have to give warnings like, Okay,
• 44:08
  Speaker 3: I know sometimes I feel like ikey when XYZ happens
• 44:10
  Speaker 3: to have to say that I have to prepare our
• 44:13
  Speaker 3: relationship for that, and prepare you, like, I don't want
• 44:16
  Speaker 3: you to deal with someone that you never got a
• 44:20
  Speaker 3: briefing on. For example, Debbie, like you told me something
• 44:23
  Speaker 3: like I feel weird about my stomach and we went
• 44:27
  Speaker 3: to the beach. I would not be the girl like
• 44:29
  Speaker 3: take your cover up off?
• 44:31
  Speaker 1: Why no?
• 44:32
  Speaker 2: No?
• 44:32
  Speaker 3: No, like no, Like I feel like we all got
• 44:36
  Speaker 3: to be in on each other shit yeah yeah, and
• 44:39
  Speaker 3: if we're not, then it leads the other one to
• 44:42
  Speaker 3: seem either irrational, crazy or you're the bad guy, you
• 44:49
  Speaker 3: know what I mean. So I want someone to have
• 44:51
  Speaker 3: the opportunity to know certain things about me, and I
• 44:54
  Speaker 3: think with a lot of the women in my life
• 44:56
  Speaker 3: that haven't necessarily put themselves in check, they've blamed men
• 45:00
  Speaker 3: for a lot of the things that happens. Like my
• 45:02
  Speaker 3: friend that's going through this thing with her ex right now,
• 45:04
  Speaker 3: she continually blames him for the way that he acts
• 45:08
  Speaker 3: around her with other women, around other women when she's
• 45:11
  Speaker 3: in their presence. And I'm like, yeah, girl, you could
• 45:14
  Speaker 3: have left him a second time, but you didn't, Like
• 45:16
  Speaker 3: you chose to continually take him to bars where he
• 45:19
  Speaker 3: does this thing that makes you feel uncomfortable. This doesn't exist.
• 45:23
  Speaker 3: You guys can exist in going out spaces. You guys
• 45:25
  Speaker 3: haven't figured that out. You don't know how to communicate.
• 45:27
  Speaker 3: He doesn't know how to make you feel safe. What
• 45:30
  Speaker 3: and then look where you are, Like, you are the
• 45:34
  Speaker 3: person that's accountable for this. Yeah, even when he's not
• 45:37
  Speaker 3: doing something wrong. Debbie, if there's a cute girl that
• 45:40
  Speaker 3: walks by, she starts yelling at it, I bet you're
• 45:41
  Speaker 3: looking at her. Well, maybe he really wasn't. Maybe that's
• 45:45
  Speaker 3: you that's in your head. You can't even date another
• 45:47
  Speaker 3: guy without thinking they want to fuck everyone else. Like,
• 45:50
  Speaker 3: we have so much of our own shit and our
• 45:52
  Speaker 3: own trauma that really does need healing. No one's healed,
• 45:56
  Speaker 3: we're in active healing. I get that, but I just
• 46:01
  Speaker 3: it takes better for some of my friends, and the
• 46:03
  Speaker 3: older we all get. Sometimes I do see it getting
• 46:06
  Speaker 3: worse with the baggage they carry.
• 46:17
  Speaker 2: A lot of people think they're emotionally intelligent because they
• 46:20
  Speaker 2: can call out patterns or they can speak to certain
• 46:22
  Speaker 2: dynamics with a lot of ease, But it doesn't mean
• 46:25
  Speaker 2: that they have emotional maturity present in their lives. Like
• 46:28
  Speaker 2: emotional maturity changes behavior fundamentally. And I think, like the
• 46:32
  Speaker 2: situation you're describing, and I think just with so many women,
• 46:35
  Speaker 2: you know, just so many women and men anyone looking
• 46:39
  Speaker 2: for love and connection, you know, like what.
• 46:43
  Speaker 1: You just described for me in my ears, in my.
• 46:46
  Speaker 2: Life sounds so incredibly stressful, Like it sounds like to
• 46:53
  Speaker 2: me the worst way to spend my time. Like it
• 46:55
  Speaker 2: would actually feel like kind of crushing to me and exhausting.
• 46:58
  Speaker 2: Like even hearing you talk about it, I was like, Oh, get.
• 47:01
  Speaker 1: Him some anxiety in my chest.
• 47:03
  Speaker 3: I feel heavy. She don't know what it's like to
• 47:05
  Speaker 3: be by herself.
• 47:07
  Speaker 2: But that's the thing, right, Like, and that's what I think, women,
• 47:10
  Speaker 2: what everyone needs to understand, Like we are here to
• 47:14
  Speaker 2: know ourselves, we are here to know God, we are
• 47:17
  Speaker 2: here to participate with our spiritual curriculum in a way
• 47:21
  Speaker 2: that's bigger than us. And I think for people that
• 47:23
  Speaker 2: find themselves in these loops, and I know as a
• 47:26
  Speaker 2: friend it's so and I've absolutely been there with friends
• 47:30
  Speaker 2: in the past and currently it's it's so hard to witness,
• 47:34
  Speaker 2: especially when you're like, oh, you have to do is
• 47:37
  Speaker 2: take that piece out or make this choice. But I
• 47:41
  Speaker 2: think people you fundamentally engage with your spiritual spiritual curriculum
• 47:47
  Speaker 2: in that way until you're ready for more. And not
• 47:51
  Speaker 2: everybody is meant to change in this life, you know,
• 47:53
  Speaker 2: Like I think some.
• 47:54
  Speaker 1: People are the story of inspiration.
• 47:57
  Speaker 2: Meant to change, they're not. Some people are here to
• 48:02
  Speaker 2: be a story of inspiration. Some people are here to
• 48:04
  Speaker 2: be the cautionary tale.
• 48:06
  Speaker 3: You know what I said to her, I'm like, Dick
• 48:08
  Speaker 3: is making you dumb day. This is why I go
• 48:12
  Speaker 3: back to bed. Okay, I'm telling you, you got it.
• 48:16
  Speaker 3: This is it for you. I need her to hear
• 48:18
  Speaker 3: this shit because that's a war. How much you'd have
• 48:21
  Speaker 3: payed therapy And nobody said that.
• 48:24
  Speaker 1: But you know what, Yeah, you're not.
• 48:25
  Speaker 2: You're not ready till you are, Like it's that simplistic.
• 48:28
  Speaker 2: You know what I mean, Like, and I hope for
• 48:30
  Speaker 2: her and anybody listening that resonates with that story. I
• 48:33
  Speaker 2: hope there is a moment that you realize there is
• 48:36
  Speaker 2: another choice that can be made, and my work is
• 48:39
  Speaker 2: dealing with why I feel so uncomfortable making it.
• 48:43
  Speaker 3: Oh, oh this is too.
• 48:46
  Speaker 2: Oh okay, all right, let's move Let's move on, because
• 48:49
  Speaker 2: I want to talk about you have a really incredible
• 48:55
  Speaker 2: and impressive portfolio.
• 48:57
  Speaker 3: Oh, talk to.
• 48:59
  Speaker 2: Me about this journey, the audacity that it takes, and
• 49:02
  Speaker 2: also just kind.
• 49:03
  Speaker 1: Of the ability.
• 49:05
  Speaker 2: To kind of see time in a different way and
• 49:08
  Speaker 2: what's happening in the moment to launch the kinds of
• 49:11
  Speaker 2: businesses that you've launched.
• 49:14
  Speaker 3: I only really work on things that I'm obsessed with, sex, podcasting,
• 49:19
  Speaker 3: and I don't know a lot these but you know,
• 49:21
  Speaker 3: I'm being crass here, but like really things that are
• 49:24
  Speaker 3: my favorite things to talk about in a conversation. Right
• 49:28
  Speaker 3: Because of that, I think it's always divine timing for me.
• 49:31
  Speaker 3: When Alex and I open WTF, They're like, Oh, podcasting
• 49:34
  Speaker 3: is gonna be I'm gonna be done, you know what
• 49:36
  Speaker 3: I mean?
• 49:37
  Speaker 2: How many times I used to record at Weezy Studios
• 49:40
  Speaker 2: by the way and she's the first.
• 49:41
  Speaker 1: Season and then I still produce.
• 49:43
  Speaker 3: But hi, Tanisha's everybody's gonna tell you what's overdone. You did.
• 49:49
  Speaker 3: Radio podcasting is gonna be dead. You're gonna have to
• 49:51
  Speaker 3: pivot debute this. Everybody wanted to tell you something that
• 49:54
  Speaker 3: they think they know. When you're really passionate about something,
• 49:57
  Speaker 3: it just always goes well when you're doing for the
• 50:00
  Speaker 3: right reason. Now, I can't speak to many. If you've
• 50:02
  Speaker 3: had a passion project that didn't go well, maybe it's
• 50:05
  Speaker 3: at this point in time, maybe it could be something
• 50:08
  Speaker 3: later for you. But I do a I do my
• 50:14
  Speaker 3: due diligence on the gaps. I think when horrible decisions
• 50:17
  Speaker 3: came out, only lip service existed, and Angelae is the
• 50:21
  Speaker 3: ship shout out to but at the time and never
• 50:27
  Speaker 3: spills her own tea and is let me tell you,
• 50:31
  Speaker 3: Jesus once said about Charllemne, he's a pig and shit
• 50:34
  Speaker 3: with some drama and is a pig and shit when
• 50:37
  Speaker 3: she gets some good sex tea really so what she
• 50:39
  Speaker 3: was doing because I heard you she is so good
• 50:42
  Speaker 3: at it and I'm just like yo, and they just
• 50:44
  Speaker 3: be giving it up. She does not care. So when
• 50:47
  Speaker 3: you wasn't a madonna like I heard her asking Josie
• 50:50
  Speaker 3: a question. I'm like, I can't believe she did this.
• 50:52
  Speaker 3: I probably wouldn't have the balls to do it, right.
• 50:54
  Speaker 3: So I love that Ange knows how to interview people
• 50:57
  Speaker 3: to get the shit that we want to hear. But
• 50:59
  Speaker 3: Angela never really shared her own crazy. I don't know
• 51:02
  Speaker 3: Angela's favorite way to buck or her sucking dick tips, right,
• 51:08
  Speaker 3: that's just the truth. Sorry. If you guys don't hear
• 51:10
  Speaker 3: cursing on deeply, well, I don't know how bay she
• 51:13
  Speaker 3: likes it, and good for her because that's not her brand.
• 51:17
  Speaker 3: For me, I always was the crazy friend, you know
• 51:20
  Speaker 3: what I mean, And so was Mandy. We were always crazy,
• 51:23
  Speaker 3: like we were the ones at the parties, like tell
• 51:25
  Speaker 3: him about that one time, right. I always had a
• 51:27
  Speaker 3: story anywhere I go. So when we came together to
• 51:31
  Speaker 3: do our show, of course it went well. Even though
• 51:34
  Speaker 3: at the time we started we were getting on each
• 51:36
  Speaker 3: other's nerves and going crazy because you know, we were
• 51:38
  Speaker 3: always in a fight, but we genuinely had the same
• 51:41
  Speaker 3: type of mission and interest to It really did work out.
• 51:45
  Speaker 3: When people would ask me how I could have a
• 51:47
  Speaker 3: co host, I don't get along with it. I'd be like,
• 51:48
  Speaker 3: I don't know, we really like the same shit we.
• 51:52
  Speaker 2: Which this is insane to me to know, by the way, Like,
• 51:56
  Speaker 2: that's insane to me to hear.
• 51:58
  Speaker 3: I know it's not like that today, which is crazy.
• 52:01
  Speaker 3: Maybe we're the best we've ever been, which is actually
• 52:04
  Speaker 3: why the real.
• 52:05
  Speaker 1: I'm so glad to hear that.
• 52:07
  Speaker 3: I don't even know what happened, Debbie, Like it just
• 52:09
  Speaker 3: was like ooop, Like people keep asking me what it was.
• 52:14
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 52:14
  Speaker 3: My therapist had asked me about Mandy the other day
• 52:16
  Speaker 3: and he's like, so, what's going on. You don't want
• 52:17
  Speaker 3: to talk to you? You just want to You don't
• 52:19
  Speaker 3: want to talk about it anymore? You getting tired of it.
• 52:21
  Speaker 3: I was like, no, I'm not going on. He'sa sweepee,
• 52:23
  Speaker 3: she said, nothing to push you off. I'm like, yeah,
• 52:27
  Speaker 3: I don't know how it sucks.
• 52:29
  Speaker 2: You know, it's really interesting too about this dynamic because
• 52:33
  Speaker 2: shocking for me to learn, right, like, but especially just
• 52:37
  Speaker 2: seeing the two of you and how incredible your chemistry
• 52:39
  Speaker 2: is together.
• 52:40
  Speaker 1: You guys have really.
• 52:41
  Speaker 2: Like extraordinary chemistry and even in you know, hearing that
• 52:47
  Speaker 2: you didn't get along for the majority of your show
• 52:49
  Speaker 2: you guys still show up for each other powerfully in conversation,
• 52:52
  Speaker 2: like you'll still kind of like create space, throw up
• 52:55
  Speaker 2: a story, create room, encourage respond.
• 52:57
  Speaker 3: We didn't know we were showing up for each other, were.
• 53:00
  Speaker 1: Up for our fans, Yeah, okay.
• 53:02
  Speaker 3: That's but we were showing up for each other. We
• 53:05
  Speaker 3: know it and acknowledge it. And conversations we've had recently
• 53:08
  Speaker 3: are how like, oh wow, okay we are. And Mandy's
• 53:11
  Speaker 3: been very vocal about her best friend who's dealing with
• 53:14
  Speaker 3: an illness and who's transparent about that illness and came
• 53:17
  Speaker 3: on our show to talk about cancer and metastatic Did
• 53:20
  Speaker 3: I say it right?
• 53:21
  Speaker 1: Fantastic?
• 53:23
  Speaker 3: Is that when it's sorry but y'all know what I
• 53:27
  Speaker 3: was saying with the N word, Yes, basically when it
• 53:30
  Speaker 3: gets to the bone, and like how scary it can
• 53:32
  Speaker 3: be and what it's like to live and experience that,
• 53:36
  Speaker 3: Like honestly, last year, like I didn't really fuck with Mandy.
• 53:41
  Speaker 3: I'm gonna be honest with you, but I have so
• 53:44
  Speaker 3: much respect for Mandy. How dare I be a fucking
• 53:48
  Speaker 3: headache when your best friend's cancer came back?
• 53:51
  Speaker 2: Like?
• 53:51
  Speaker 3: Really, how dare I? I wouldn't do that to a
• 53:54
  Speaker 3: coworker and a cubicle. So I think that also has
• 53:59
  Speaker 3: drawn a connection and for me personally towards Mandy and
• 54:02
  Speaker 3: like realizing how stupid all the shit we would argue
• 54:07
  Speaker 3: about was because I'm not even that close to Crystal,
• 54:10
  Speaker 3: But seeing that for me is just like what, like
• 54:14
  Speaker 3: you have something like that going on, you know, So.
• 54:19
  Speaker 2: This is I mean, this is just absolutely fascinating to me,
• 54:21
  Speaker 2: right because when I I've run into the both of you,
• 54:25
  Speaker 2: like you both are very dynamic women with great like
• 54:29
  Speaker 2: energy and like you can sense like you can sense
• 54:33
  Speaker 2: the heart in each of you right like underneath also
• 54:35
  Speaker 2: as somebody that was on radio but never reveals any
• 54:40
  Speaker 2: of their own things like I So I get well,
• 54:44
  Speaker 2: yeah no, but I get the differences. But I also
• 54:48
  Speaker 2: from Afar looking at the two of you, we have
• 54:50
  Speaker 2: very different shows. But from Afar looking at the two
• 54:52
  Speaker 2: of you, I've just always loved what you bring into
• 54:55
  Speaker 2: the world and the fact that both of you are
• 54:58
  Speaker 2: just so incredibly your selves and I always felt support
• 55:03
  Speaker 2: that didn't feel fake, right, Like I have a very
• 55:06
  Speaker 2: strong discernment any interactions I've seen between you, any clips
• 55:10
  Speaker 2: that I've seen of.
• 55:11
  Speaker 1: The show it's like.
• 55:13
  Speaker 2: To what you both just realized that really was a
• 55:17
  Speaker 2: support of each other.
• 55:18
  Speaker 1: I have been around many a co host of things.
• 55:21
  Speaker 2: Where there is still this shade or this refusal to
• 55:24
  Speaker 2: laugh at a joke, or this way that you are
• 55:27
  Speaker 2: undercutting psychologically constantly, and with the two of you, though
• 55:34
  Speaker 2: you know I'm hearing, there may be other ways that
• 55:36
  Speaker 2: you don't want to be together in non work life,
• 55:41
  Speaker 2: there is still a shared mutual respect that is so evident.
• 55:44
  Speaker 1: There is still a shared care.
• 55:47
  Speaker 3: I think I can't speak for a Mandy, and maybe
• 55:50
  Speaker 3: you know Mandy definitely there were moments WHEREABLY be like this.
• 55:56
  Speaker 3: Maybe I'm just deluded, but I can only speak for
• 55:59
  Speaker 3: myself in moments where I would eat and say, oh
• 56:02
  Speaker 3: my god, I hate what she does and I hate
• 56:04
  Speaker 3: her dada d It was never really real for me.
• 56:07
  Speaker 3: Mandy and I butt heads so much, but I could
• 56:10
  Speaker 3: not do that show if I never loved Mandy. There
• 56:14
  Speaker 3: would be days I would curse her out in my brain,
• 56:17
  Speaker 3: get in the car, be irritated. But never throughout that
• 56:21
  Speaker 3: whole time did I not love Mandy. So what a
• 56:24
  Speaker 3: real truth for me?
• 56:25
  Speaker 2: Well, like in her mind say it, what's the deeper
• 56:29
  Speaker 2: unsaid truth between the two of you. What's the deeper
• 56:32
  Speaker 2: thing that's not being said.
• 56:37
  Speaker 3: I don't know if there's something that's not being said
• 56:40
  Speaker 3: more than we are two personality types that struggle in
• 56:44
  Speaker 3: being partners. Like there was a therapy episode we did
• 56:50
  Speaker 3: and one of the things Mandy said is like, she's
• 56:53
  Speaker 3: just talent, and I remember it hurting my feelings and
• 56:55
  Speaker 3: later becoming the business woman that I am. That obviously
• 56:58
  Speaker 3: can't be true, right, But I I see why Mandy
• 57:01
  Speaker 3: said that about me, because Mandy is more type A,
• 57:04
  Speaker 3: is more managerial, she had an accounting background. There's so
• 57:07
  Speaker 3: many things she knew better than me and does today.
• 57:12
  Speaker 3: But that doesn't mean my business acumen didn't exist. Maybe
• 57:15
  Speaker 3: it didn't for that beginning stage of our career, but
• 57:18
  Speaker 3: it's loud and it's clear today, right. So I think
• 57:21
  Speaker 3: there were things that could have been a chip on
• 57:24
  Speaker 3: our shoulder with each that we never expressed, or maybe
• 57:29
  Speaker 3: personal opinions that I would feel attacked at by her,
• 57:32
  Speaker 3: Like That's why I brought up the recent clip because
• 57:36
  Speaker 3: two years ago, if I would have been engaged and
• 57:39
  Speaker 3: that I wasn't engaged when Mandy said that. By the way,
• 57:41
  Speaker 3: where She's made the comment that marriages for broke themen.
• 57:44
  Speaker 3: I don't know. I don't know if like I could
• 57:49
  Speaker 3: be okay when I went to sleep at night. It's
• 57:51
  Speaker 3: irritating those of the other people say, shit, I don't
• 57:53
  Speaker 3: like I'm telling you. When my friends call me, You're like,
• 57:58
  Speaker 3: oh my god, how didn't make you feel girl? What?
• 58:00
  Speaker 3: Mandy don't even want kids? So what I'm gonna be upset?
• 58:03
  Speaker 3: Then Mandy has an opinion of people that want to
• 58:05
  Speaker 3: be married. I value Mandy's opinion as far as a podcaster,
• 58:10
  Speaker 3: but not enough to affect my personal decisions respectfully, you
• 58:14
  Speaker 3: know what I mean? Like why I'm sitting across from
• 58:16
  Speaker 3: her and we're potting if Mandy says something that I
• 58:18
  Speaker 3: think is and that's something like okay, girls, So how
• 58:19
  Speaker 3: come so I s broke b This is a why? Now,
• 58:22
  Speaker 3: maybe if she got into the minutia of why marriage
• 58:24
  Speaker 3: existed right, which wasn't in that clip, Like women needed
• 58:27
  Speaker 3: safety or security and they weren't allowed to at bank accounts,
• 58:29
  Speaker 3: et cetera. Like Okay, now we're cooking while we're talking,
• 58:32
  Speaker 3: but I'm gonna roll my eyes. I'm like, okay, but
• 58:34
  Speaker 3: I'm not gonna get in the car and be like,
• 58:36
  Speaker 3: oh no, Mandy thinks this about me. That never happened
• 58:40
  Speaker 3: to me. So in this moment today, though, I have
• 58:45
  Speaker 3: way less of fucks given when people are trying to
• 58:48
  Speaker 3: stir the shit up between us. But before, it would
• 58:51
  Speaker 3: have been really difficult to be engaged in that clip
• 58:53
  Speaker 3: go viral. Like I told my fiance, I'm at the
• 58:56
  Speaker 3: point where I want Mandy to come to my wedding.
• 58:59
  Speaker 3: You know, I've known Mandy since I was fifteen years old.
• 59:02
  Speaker 2: I mean, it seems insane that she that she wanted
• 59:05
  Speaker 2: be invited.
• 59:06
  Speaker 3: She wouldn't have been last year. Wow, we really did
• 59:09
  Speaker 3: get over whatever, fucking hum and so probably not more
• 59:13
  Speaker 3: more times again, but I don't. I am so much
• 59:17
  Speaker 3: more light, Like I feel so much more light being
• 59:21
  Speaker 3: able to get along with Mandy. Yeah, Like she sent
• 59:24
  Speaker 3: me a drug text I thought was so funny a
• 59:26
  Speaker 3: few days ago. She's like, maybe I'm fucked up, but
• 59:28
  Speaker 3: I think we should go on a double date. I
• 59:29
  Speaker 3: was like, ooh, girl, you like, you know, how crazy
• 59:35
  Speaker 3: is it that we just got here?
• 59:37
  Speaker 2: But you know it sounds interesting to me, And I know,
• 59:39
  Speaker 2: like you saying that the two of you have known
• 59:42
  Speaker 2: each other since age fifteen, right, Like, I mean, I'm
• 59:48
  Speaker 2: hearing two people honestly.
• 59:50
  Speaker 1: That love each other, that are just very.
• 59:52
  Speaker 2: Different in the day to day way that they experience life.
• 59:56
  Speaker 2: And I'm hearing now like a little integration and blending
• 59:59
  Speaker 2: of like can that be true?
• 1:00:01
  Speaker 1: Right?
• 1:00:02
  Speaker 2: Like can that be true? Can we be fun to
• 1:00:04
  Speaker 2: me mentally different in some regards accept that about one
• 1:00:08
  Speaker 2: another not be triggered by it, Like we have to
• 1:00:10
  Speaker 2: be more similar and love each other.
• 1:00:13
  Speaker 3: And we also have to not listen to the noise
• 1:00:15
  Speaker 3: like people love to put us against each other.
• 1:00:18
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:00:18
  Speaker 3: Sure, so many times Mandy has had this because I
• 1:00:20
  Speaker 3: have I could go to airports and I was like,
• 1:00:22
  Speaker 3: I don't love that Indy and Mandy's handed and like
• 1:00:24
  Speaker 3: it's a very uncomfortable situation to being because I'm just
• 1:00:26
  Speaker 3: saying they're like oh okay, yeah, you know, and fans
• 1:00:29
  Speaker 3: almost started to enjoy it.
• 1:00:31
  Speaker 1: And roll it up and the nature of two women
• 1:00:34
  Speaker 1: being together.
• 1:00:34
  Speaker 3: Happening in my phone right now and I click on Instagram. Wow,
• 1:00:37
  Speaker 3: you know, hearing something someone could say or Mandy's this
• 1:00:41
  Speaker 3: because we engage and so blah blah blah, Like it
• 1:00:43
  Speaker 3: actually is tough, but it's like water under a bridge
• 1:00:47
  Speaker 3: for me because we're getting along. So I can't internalize
• 1:00:52
  Speaker 3: this as a personal attack because I don't have any
• 1:00:55
  Speaker 3: personal feelings towards it.
• 1:00:57
  Speaker 2: What you're talking about, I think, honestly, in fifty years
• 1:00:59
  Speaker 2: is going to be studied because we don't really understand
• 1:01:02
  Speaker 2: the effect of living two lives at the same time,
• 1:01:05
  Speaker 2: a digital life and an in real life world life.
• 1:01:09
  Speaker 2: Because I think even in hearing what you're describing, how
• 1:01:12
  Speaker 2: much of this triggering or this kind of like underlying
• 1:01:17
  Speaker 2: disease with one another only exists because you're reading about
• 1:01:20
  Speaker 2: it so much or you're getting.
• 1:01:22
  Speaker 1: So much feedback.
• 1:01:24
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but that's hard when it is. Yeah, you together
• 1:01:27
  Speaker 2: and just the comparative nature of being two really talented women,
• 1:01:33
  Speaker 2: the nature is always going to be divide.
• 1:01:35
  Speaker 1: You know.
• 1:01:36
  Speaker 3: My fiance brought up something to me. We do check
• 1:01:38
  Speaker 3: ins every month. It's very common for people that are
• 1:01:40
  Speaker 3: in like open relationships, but sometimes in monogamy you're just like, whatever,
• 1:01:44
  Speaker 3: we already know our rules, you know, So in our
• 1:01:47
  Speaker 3: check in it wasn't about other people at all. He
• 1:01:49
  Speaker 3: was talking about me and how much I'm on my phone,
• 1:01:52
  Speaker 3: and he's like, you'll take a work call in the bed,
• 1:01:54
  Speaker 3: like you can't do stuff like that and think that
• 1:01:56
  Speaker 3: we're going to be able to grow into a routine.
• 1:01:58
  Speaker 3: And I'm like, but it's not like I'm on my
• 1:02:00
  Speaker 3: phone when we have like date night and stuff. He's like,
• 1:02:04
  Speaker 3: do you remember what happened before Central Parks proposed to me?
• 1:02:06
  Speaker 3: In Central Park? I was on my phone before we
• 1:02:08
  Speaker 3: jump on the city bike and I was like, oh
• 1:02:10
  Speaker 3: my god, there's this video they eclipped of me talking
• 1:02:12
  Speaker 3: about blah blah blah blah blah, Like what the fuck
• 1:02:14
  Speaker 3: are you fucking kidding me? It has fourteen hundred comments
• 1:02:17
  Speaker 3: and now everybody thinks on this right two hours before
• 1:02:21
  Speaker 3: the best day of my life. Yeah, he remembered that.
• 1:02:24
  Speaker 3: I didn't remember it because I was like, I mean, whatever,
• 1:02:26
  Speaker 3: I'm getting married now. But imagine that ride to the
• 1:02:30
  Speaker 3: park when he's like, fuck now she's not feeling you know, you're.
• 1:02:34
  Speaker 1: Not in the present.
• 1:02:35
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean he asked the universe for signs to
• 1:02:37
  Speaker 3: do it on that day and it came to him
• 1:02:40
  Speaker 3: right before he proposed, And that's great, but yeah, I'm
• 1:02:43
  Speaker 3: sure it fucked up his day, not mine.
• 1:02:45
  Speaker 2: I didn't you know, So tell me this because you're
• 1:02:48
  Speaker 2: going to start coming over and meditating with me, So
• 1:02:50
  Speaker 2: tell me this.
• 1:02:52
  Speaker 1: How do you take care of yourself?
• 1:02:56
  Speaker 3: Hmm? This is such a bad I wanted to tell you.
• 1:03:02
  Speaker 3: It's like it's actually pouring into other people.
• 1:03:06
  Speaker 1: Yeah, girl, no cute, very very righteous, but no, I know.
• 1:03:12
  Speaker 3: It's me if I'm having a super bad day. And
• 1:03:14
  Speaker 3: maybe this is different because it's family time. My dad's
• 1:03:17
  Speaker 3: nursing homes like ten minutes away. I go over there,
• 1:03:19
  Speaker 3: I'm bringing his stuff, I'm playing games with him and
• 1:03:22
  Speaker 3: sometimes seeing him because you know, he has light dementia
• 1:03:25
  Speaker 3: and he's aging. Sometimes there's good days, sometimes they're bad.
• 1:03:28
  Speaker 3: Sometimes he might yell and be like where's this or
• 1:03:30
  Speaker 3: he's frustrated. In other days, I'm his baby. So I
• 1:03:33
  Speaker 3: don't know what I'm walking into. But I find that
• 1:03:35
  Speaker 3: pouring into someone else makes me feel really good mm hmm.
• 1:03:37
  Speaker 1: Or it absolutely does.
• 1:03:39
  Speaker 3: Yeah, but it's definite.
• 1:03:41
  Speaker 2: But that's not the same as taking care of yourself, right,
• 1:03:44
  Speaker 2: because that should come from your overflow. And also what
• 1:03:47
  Speaker 2: you're describing with your dad, that's being very present with
• 1:03:50
  Speaker 2: someone you love. So that is beautiful creating space for
• 1:03:53
  Speaker 2: that deep presence.
• 1:03:54
  Speaker 3: But no, what else I'm trying to think of a
• 1:03:58
  Speaker 3: good one. Is it does agon acount? No? Okay, So
• 1:04:02
  Speaker 3: the gym doll count I'm gonna assume you're saying masturbation
• 1:04:05
  Speaker 3: does no?
• 1:04:06
  Speaker 1: That one counts?
• 1:04:07
  Speaker 3: Okay, thank you? Um, and solo sex by the way,
• 1:04:11
  Speaker 3: Like we've had jokes about it, like my partner and I.
• 1:04:13
  Speaker 3: He's like, what do you mean even save it for me?
• 1:04:15
  Speaker 3: I'm like, oh no, no, yeah.
• 1:04:17
  Speaker 2: That's a whole different thing. These are different experiences.
• 1:04:21
  Speaker 3: And I get it's like this kinky talkie has I'm like,
• 1:04:24
  Speaker 3: I would say that maybe walks with my dog in
• 1:04:29
  Speaker 3: New York. It's like it brings me deep pleasure with
• 1:04:31
  Speaker 3: no phone yea.
• 1:04:32
  Speaker 2: Other than that, not much when I'm hearing that consistently,
• 1:04:35
  Speaker 2: then no phone thing, right, So it is sounds like
• 1:04:38
  Speaker 2: opportunity to create boundaries and a little separation so that
• 1:04:43
  Speaker 2: you can have an on off switch for like who
• 1:04:46
  Speaker 2: you are at the core of your soul and then
• 1:04:48
  Speaker 2: who you are in front of other people.
• 1:04:50
  Speaker 3: I wish that the phone thing wasn't a thing. I
• 1:04:53
  Speaker 3: promise everyone that's watching it's not me looking at memes.
• 1:04:57
  Speaker 3: It's like the constant checking of an email. Yeah, make
• 1:05:02
  Speaker 3: hit I don't know. I my parents lost a lot
• 1:05:05
  Speaker 3: of money when I was young, by young old enough
• 1:05:09
  Speaker 3: but young enough, like fifteen sixteen. Their house got foreclosed,
• 1:05:13
  Speaker 3: you know, borrowing money from friends. Stock market crash, so
• 1:05:16
  Speaker 3: I grew up with money and then it went down.
• 1:05:18
  Speaker 3: So I think there's this thing of my brain of like,
• 1:05:21
  Speaker 3: you gotta be good now I'm not how to treatment
• 1:05:23
  Speaker 3: absolutely been nice, like you know, it's not like I'm
• 1:05:26
  Speaker 3: not doing things like that. I'll spoilage on whatever. Right,
• 1:05:29
  Speaker 3: we all know I'm a bitch if you follow me
• 1:05:31
  Speaker 3: to go on your own trip, but I make sure
• 1:05:34
  Speaker 3: I'm doing one hundred times the work to make up
• 1:05:36
  Speaker 3: for that. Yeah, that's kind of the thing.
• 1:05:39
  Speaker 2: That's a little like, yeah, I mean, girl, you have one,
• 1:05:43
  Speaker 2: you have time, so no judgment in this whatsoever.
• 1:05:46
  Speaker 1: Like you have time, and like.
• 1:05:48
  Speaker 2: Our processes develop slowly and only through repetition. So it's
• 1:05:53
  Speaker 2: like not having you know, a self care wellness plan
• 1:05:56
  Speaker 2: figured out this year or this weekend, like it's not
• 1:06:00
  Speaker 2: really how it works, but you deserve, like you really
• 1:06:04
  Speaker 2: deserve to be taking better care of like mind, body,
• 1:06:08
  Speaker 2: and soul.
• 1:06:09
  Speaker 3: Do you know what my excuses, which I think you
• 1:06:14
  Speaker 3: know came up in that conversation with the phone thing,
• 1:06:17
  Speaker 3: we're talking about having a kid or me maybe me
• 1:06:19
  Speaker 3: getting off birth control at the end of next year,
• 1:06:21
  Speaker 3: so that would be the end of twenty twenty seven,
• 1:06:23
  Speaker 3: because this will live on forever, right And I'm like,
• 1:06:26
  Speaker 3: I gotta do it now before I have a baby. You
• 1:06:27
  Speaker 3: gotta do it now. I gotta do now. I'm gonna
• 1:06:29
  Speaker 3: live with LiOD That's my whole thing. I have to
• 1:06:30
  Speaker 3: build tap la right now. That way, it's easy to replicate.
• 1:06:34
  Speaker 3: By the time I have a baby, I have to
• 1:06:35
  Speaker 3: boop boop boop. And he's just like, yo, like, what
• 1:06:37
  Speaker 3: do you think is going to happen to you? But
• 1:06:39
  Speaker 3: all I know is that I'm such a giver. I'm
• 1:06:42
  Speaker 3: gonna be a feeding machine, a breathing machine. I don't
• 1:06:45
  Speaker 3: know what's gonna happen to me. So I just want
• 1:06:46
  Speaker 3: to plant all these seats now. And I am really
• 1:06:49
  Speaker 3: working hard thinking my life will change, Like I've heard
• 1:06:53
  Speaker 3: things about mom brain.
• 1:06:55
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you just your life will change. Yeah, one hundred percent.
• 1:06:58
  Speaker 2: You'll be a completely different person. And it's not fathomable
• 1:07:00
  Speaker 2: right now, like there's not even a way to visualize it.
• 1:07:04
  Speaker 1: No, but this is exciting.
• 1:07:06
  Speaker 2: Actually this is exciting cause it's like it's so important
• 1:07:09
  Speaker 2: to lock into the understanding that we're all going to
• 1:07:12
  Speaker 2: be so many things.
• 1:07:13
  Speaker 1: Like we really are.
• 1:07:14
  Speaker 2: If we're lucky to stay alive, right, if we're lucky
• 1:07:17
  Speaker 2: to like gain new decades and move forward, we're gonna
• 1:07:21
  Speaker 2: be so many things. And it's really about creating I think,
• 1:07:25
  Speaker 2: some ease and letting an identity that no longer fits
• 1:07:29
  Speaker 2: get cast aside and not like longing for it or
• 1:07:32
  Speaker 2: grieving it too much, like staying open to okay, and
• 1:07:35
  Speaker 2: so what is she now?
• 1:07:37
  Speaker 3: And that the fact of like changing. I know exactly
• 1:07:42
  Speaker 3: how to be a business woman. I'm not a wife yet,
• 1:07:44
  Speaker 3: but I'm a really good partner, Like I don't take
• 1:07:48
  Speaker 3: l's in those and I'm not talking about surface level
• 1:07:50
  Speaker 3: like cooking buck like I know how to show up
• 1:07:53
  Speaker 3: for someone, you know. I know I can be a
• 1:07:54
  Speaker 3: great friend. And I've never been a mom. I don't
• 1:07:59
  Speaker 3: have nieces in it used to take care of. One
• 1:08:01
  Speaker 3: of my good friends is pregnant right now. I can't
• 1:08:03
  Speaker 3: wait for the world to find out. And I'm just like, oh,
• 1:08:06
  Speaker 3: like I get to practice with your baby. This is
• 1:08:08
  Speaker 3: my baby, like I told her and her baby day,
• 1:08:09
  Speaker 3: and I was like, this is my baby, y'all gonna
• 1:08:12
  Speaker 3: let me grip it, figure out the diaper, do what
• 1:08:14
  Speaker 3: I gotta do, Like I'm really scared of not being
• 1:08:17
  Speaker 3: able to be a great mom.
• 1:08:19
  Speaker 2: I was scared too. I get that. I was very scared.
• 1:08:23
  Speaker 1: I was terrified.
• 1:08:26
  Speaker 3: Oh my god, I can't help because you just seem
• 1:08:28
  Speaker 3: very together. Well you know what I'm saying, And then
• 1:08:32
  Speaker 3: you're telling me you were.
• 1:08:33
  Speaker 1: Yeah, because I'm a human being on earth like that.
• 1:08:36
  Speaker 2: This is the thing like we have to especially as women,
• 1:08:40
  Speaker 2: and especially as women that are called to do a
• 1:08:42
  Speaker 2: lot of different kinds of things and in front of people.
• 1:08:46
  Speaker 1: It's just important to one.
• 1:08:48
  Speaker 2: I don't seek perfection, Like my life has been incredibly hard,
• 1:08:51
  Speaker 2: like very gnarly. Still is where I allow myself to
• 1:08:59
  Speaker 2: shine in my life is that one I have a potent, dynamic.
• 1:09:04
  Speaker 1: Ability to recover.
• 1:09:05
  Speaker 2: My recovery and my resilience for my life is bar none.
• 1:09:11
  Speaker 2: I trust that my historical evidence in life has shown me.
• 1:09:14
  Speaker 1: Are you a good person? Yes? You are? Do you
• 1:09:16
  Speaker 1: make good choices? I absolutely try.
• 1:09:19
  Speaker 2: And strive to make the highest choices. Am I a
• 1:09:24
  Speaker 2: good mom? Do I love my child? Do I choose
• 1:09:28
  Speaker 2: my child over myself and my own wants, needs and desires. Yes,
• 1:09:32
  Speaker 2: I do am I perfect, God know, and my son
• 1:09:35
  Speaker 2: will tell me every day how imperfect I am. That's
• 1:09:38
  Speaker 2: the nature of childhood.
• 1:09:39
  Speaker 3: And I thought one of the things that I saw
• 1:09:41
  Speaker 3: from you once and just as an internet viewer, right,
• 1:09:44
  Speaker 3: but I was like, Damn, Debbie's a great mom. I've
• 1:09:46
  Speaker 3: had all these moments with moms that I follow. You
• 1:09:50
  Speaker 3: were on a plane and you were taking some kind
• 1:09:52
  Speaker 3: of vitamin or something and you're like, well, this is
• 1:09:54
  Speaker 3: to beat my jet lag da da, because like, I've
• 1:09:56
  Speaker 3: got to show up. I've got to be mommy when
• 1:09:57
  Speaker 3: I get through the door. My son is waiting for me,
• 1:09:59
  Speaker 3: and da da da whatever you said. And I was like, wow, yeah,
• 1:10:02
  Speaker 3: like the way I would talk, I'd be taking that vitamin, like, well,
• 1:10:06
  Speaker 3: I have to show up for my staff. I've got
• 1:10:08
  Speaker 3: a do x y Z. And he was the first
• 1:10:10
  Speaker 3: thing on your brain. And I think he posted them
• 1:10:12
  Speaker 3: being at home or whatever doing something with him. I
• 1:10:15
  Speaker 3: can't really remember, but that was something that I was like,
• 1:10:19
  Speaker 3: I love seeing women be vocal about how they know
• 1:10:22
  Speaker 3: they need to show up and it could be tough. Yeah,
• 1:10:23
  Speaker 3: I can't give a fuck. It's you. Yeah, it could
• 1:10:27
  Speaker 3: be tough, you know, I think about Yeah, it's hard
• 1:10:31
  Speaker 3: taking on a new job at refinerly twenty nine. And
• 1:10:34
  Speaker 3: she lives a very luxurious lifestyle, right, like beautiful home
• 1:10:38
  Speaker 3: and we get to see all these nice things she buys.
• 1:10:39
  Speaker 3: But she's still a mom with two kids, running a
• 1:10:41
  Speaker 3: company and has her husband. Like, I know, Brooke is tired.
• 1:10:44
  Speaker 2: Yeah, this is like a word I would love to
• 1:10:56
  Speaker 2: just plant with you, right, is like especially because even
• 1:10:59
  Speaker 2: with that exam and thank you for sharing that example,
• 1:11:02
  Speaker 2: that didn't mean that when I was first becoming I'm
• 1:11:05
  Speaker 2: eight years in my son's eight This didn't mean that
• 1:11:08
  Speaker 2: year one and two I wasn't frightened beyond belief.
• 1:11:11
  Speaker 1: Now did I still show up?
• 1:11:13
  Speaker 2: Of course, as I do with everything in my life,
• 1:11:16
  Speaker 2: right as you will do. You don't learn until you
• 1:11:19
  Speaker 2: start to learn, So you got to take that pressure off,
• 1:11:22
  Speaker 2: you know. I think billions of women in human history
• 1:11:26
  Speaker 2: have become mothers for the first time, the very first time. Right,
• 1:11:32
  Speaker 2: No one has practice doing it before you do it.
• 1:11:35
  Speaker 2: And I think even that, like I never leaned into
• 1:11:37
  Speaker 2: parenting experts, I never compared myself to other moms, because
• 1:11:41
  Speaker 2: we all have our own unique life curriculum, our own karma,
• 1:11:45
  Speaker 2: our own unique journey, and generational healing we're supposed to
• 1:11:49
  Speaker 2: have in our families. So I looked at I looked
• 1:11:52
  Speaker 2: at myself. I knew what I longed for and needed.
• 1:11:56
  Speaker 2: Then I waited and watched my son and saw what
• 1:11:59
  Speaker 2: was being triggered inside of me and.
• 1:12:01
  Speaker 1: Just looked to heal those places.
• 1:12:03
  Speaker 2: So I didn't project down on him. All of this
• 1:12:06
  Speaker 2: takes time. All you got to do is love them, yea,
• 1:12:10
  Speaker 2: Like as you're getting going, all you got to do
• 1:12:13
  Speaker 2: is love them.
• 1:12:13
  Speaker 3: You've noticed when you hear like, I feel like it's
• 1:12:15
  Speaker 3: always like a rapper's story about how they grew up
• 1:12:17
  Speaker 3: broke right, they always talk about love being in her house.
• 1:12:21
  Speaker 3: We didn't have a lot, but my mom was x Y.
• 1:12:22
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:12:23
  Speaker 3: I interviewed a woman black billionaire, Ursula Burns. No, STU, sorry,
• 1:12:27
  Speaker 3: I didn't interview her. I produced the show. Malcolm and
• 1:12:30
  Speaker 3: Kenya interviewed her. You guys have to check this episode
• 1:12:32
  Speaker 3: ot because I didn't know who the fuck she was
• 1:12:33
  Speaker 3: before she walked in the door. Of course, I did
• 1:12:35
  Speaker 3: my research to, like, you know, prepare for the show,
• 1:12:37
  Speaker 3: but I didn't know about her. She talked about this
• 1:12:41
  Speaker 3: shitty apartment they grew up in in the Lower East Side,
• 1:12:44
  Speaker 3: and how her mom would take magazines from waiting rooms
• 1:12:48
  Speaker 3: to make it look beautiful and decorated, and like, oh
• 1:12:51
  Speaker 3: so much love in my home and this and this
• 1:12:52
  Speaker 3: and that and this is a billionaire today. Nothing about
• 1:12:55
  Speaker 3: what they didn't have in terms of what she wanted
• 1:12:59
  Speaker 3: or wanting more because she felt so fulfilled as a kid. Yeah,
• 1:13:03
  Speaker 3: you know, like any of my friends that talk about
• 1:13:06
  Speaker 3: how their parents maybe complained about money or not enough
• 1:13:09
  Speaker 3: childs for it or et cetera, would also say in
• 1:13:11
  Speaker 3: that same sentence like, girl, I thought he was good.
• 1:13:13
  Speaker 3: I was outside plan. Yeah, my mom was upset. Yeah,
• 1:13:17
  Speaker 3: we were arguing.
• 1:13:19
  Speaker 2: So it's most most suffering that people deal with long
• 1:13:22
  Speaker 2: term comes from like emotional neglect in childhood. Right, Not really,
• 1:13:27
  Speaker 2: I mean, you absolutely have heart wrenching stories of like
• 1:13:29
  Speaker 2: true poverty, but like if someone is present and sees
• 1:13:34
  Speaker 2: you and witnesses you, like there's always opportunity to become more.
• 1:13:37
  Speaker 2: There's everything is ever changing. One word I want to
• 1:13:41
  Speaker 2: really present for you that I think is important, like
• 1:13:43
  Speaker 2: a way to look at some of the beauty that's
• 1:13:46
  Speaker 2: coming into your life. It's not that it's hard, it's
• 1:13:50
  Speaker 2: not that it's impossible.
• 1:13:52
  Speaker 1: It's just effortful.
• 1:13:54
  Speaker 2: It's just going to require new and different kinds of
• 1:13:57
  Speaker 2: effort from you that you haven't yet actedest. But as
• 1:14:01
  Speaker 2: soon as you switch it on, it turns on in
• 1:14:05
  Speaker 2: such an autonomic way, just like breathing. It's not something
• 1:14:10
  Speaker 2: you're not it's not something you're gonna have to think
• 1:14:15
  Speaker 2: about to activate. And so it's just like life is
• 1:14:18
  Speaker 2: hard enough. You got to take the judgment off of
• 1:14:20
  Speaker 2: all the things. And this is for everybody listening. This
• 1:14:23
  Speaker 2: for myself, this is for all of us.
• 1:14:24
  Speaker 3: So it's like taking it those in the car us
• 1:14:26
  Speaker 3: at the gym, going on a walk at the desk.
• 1:14:29
  Speaker 3: I think we're taking that in because you have to remember,
• 1:14:32
  Speaker 3: like as a casual listener of this show, I only
• 1:14:35
  Speaker 3: say casual because I don't catch every week. I think
• 1:14:37
  Speaker 3: when we listen to certain people, we want to take
• 1:14:40
  Speaker 3: certain messages. And I think that's a great one because
• 1:14:42
  Speaker 3: there could be a main listening not for someone that
• 1:14:44
  Speaker 3: wants to be a mom. There could be someone like
• 1:14:46
  Speaker 3: my co host that doesn't desire children. But it's still
• 1:14:49
  Speaker 3: relative for us because showing up for someone or being
• 1:14:53
  Speaker 3: a good person in our community, like I mentioned a
• 1:14:55
  Speaker 3: good friend, a good sister, whatever them, yeah's daughter, Like
• 1:14:58
  Speaker 3: it requires all the same things. Yeah, in the things
• 1:15:01
  Speaker 3: I want a different version. So I am actually kind
• 1:15:06
  Speaker 3: of ready for motherhood. Yeah, Like I keep saying, like
• 1:15:09
  Speaker 3: what if there was?
• 1:15:11
  Speaker 2: And another thing that's important for your life right now,
• 1:15:15
  Speaker 2: because like so much love is in your life and
• 1:15:17
  Speaker 2: so much is coming in and you are so beautifully
• 1:15:21
  Speaker 2: intentionally successful in ways that are special, like and you're
• 1:15:27
  Speaker 2: a homeowner now, Like, girl, you are doing powerful, amazing things.
• 1:15:31
  Speaker 1: Especially at your age.
• 1:15:32
  Speaker 3: Like what the homeowner shit really took it up in
• 1:15:34
  Speaker 3: national needs. That'd be because I live in New York
• 1:15:37
  Speaker 3: and LA. My friends that live in Florida own homes
• 1:15:40
  Speaker 3: you know what I mean there? But and that's just
• 1:15:42
  Speaker 3: a beautiful thing about smaller places, Like they have so
• 1:15:46
  Speaker 3: much success that I don't have, do you know what
• 1:15:48
  Speaker 3: I mean? Like to be able to buy a home
• 1:15:52
  Speaker 3: so young, dual income, being young, having children young, like
• 1:15:56
  Speaker 3: all of it, and being married whatever it is whatever
• 1:15:59
  Speaker 3: made them happier. It's so much different. I'm sure they
• 1:16:01
  Speaker 3: look at my life like, oh my god, I've never
• 1:16:02
  Speaker 3: been to this place, but I never bought a house
• 1:16:04
  Speaker 3: like some of those girls, right, So I I do
• 1:16:08
  Speaker 3: feel like I'm in perfectly a line time and it's
• 1:16:11
  Speaker 3: a silly story, but I was I'm a drunk cigarette girl. Okay,
• 1:16:16
  Speaker 3: I'm a drunk, sick girl. I don't buy them, and
• 1:16:18
  Speaker 3: they're always skinny, they're very roe. I'm outside this after
• 1:16:21
  Speaker 3: he's one of my good friends, and I'm spo gonna say.
• 1:16:26
  Speaker 3: I'm like, bro, like just think like three years from now, bro,
• 1:16:30
  Speaker 3: I'm not even gonna be going to the club at
• 1:16:32
  Speaker 3: six in the morning, Like I'm gonna be like getting
• 1:16:34
  Speaker 3: my kid on the school bus, you know what I'm saying,
• 1:16:36
  Speaker 3: or wasted. And he's sitting there and me and he's
• 1:16:38
  Speaker 3: like yeah, but like you see you could do it
• 1:16:41
  Speaker 3: like now, Like I mean, how many more places can
• 1:16:43
  Speaker 3: we go? Like whatever? Yeah, He's like, mom will watch
• 1:16:47
  Speaker 3: the baby. Bro? How yuch? Like what do you think
• 1:16:50
  Speaker 3: is gonna happen to you? Moms? He's like, fuck moms
• 1:16:53
  Speaker 3: all the time.
• 1:16:54
  Speaker 1: Oh my god, baby out, baby out.
• 1:16:56
  Speaker 3: He's like, they're they're business women, they're career women, like
• 1:16:59
  Speaker 3: they're lit Like what the fuck? Like you're good. You
• 1:17:03
  Speaker 3: could do it tomorrow, I'm gonna do it.
• 1:17:07
  Speaker 1: I mean, I was at the Aftes that night.
• 1:17:12
  Speaker 2: It's like, okay, I'm gonna take one to two weeks
• 1:17:15
  Speaker 2: a year to to be able to tap into like
• 1:17:19
  Speaker 2: that other side of who I am and who I've been,
• 1:17:22
  Speaker 2: and then I get exhausted from it and I can't
• 1:17:25
  Speaker 2: wait to come home and get in line it, drop
• 1:17:27
  Speaker 2: off the next morning and say did you do the homework?
• 1:17:29
  Speaker 1: Like, oh my god, I loved it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 1:17:34
  Speaker 2: Girls, celebrate this time in your life and stay open
• 1:17:38
  Speaker 2: to the unknown.
• 1:17:39
  Speaker 1: Do not judge yourself.
• 1:17:40
  Speaker 2: Do what you want like you already live with intention.
• 1:17:44
  Speaker 1: You can trust yourself.
• 1:17:45
  Speaker 3: I do live with in. We do.
• 1:17:47
  Speaker 1: We gotta.
• 1:17:48
  Speaker 2: We gotta solidify like true active self care, nervous system regulation,
• 1:17:54
  Speaker 2: because you can still do all the things. I'm not
• 1:17:56
  Speaker 2: saying you gotta meditate like I do. I'm not saying
• 1:17:58
  Speaker 2: you gotta be a or be in yoga every day
• 1:18:01
  Speaker 2: or any of these things. But you do deserve with
• 1:18:05
  Speaker 2: the load that your life is right with all that
• 1:18:09
  Speaker 2: you carry and all the ways that you're gonna have
• 1:18:11
  Speaker 2: to now show up for your spouse, potentially your children,
• 1:18:14
  Speaker 2: all of it. You deserve something that serves as somewhat
• 1:18:18
  Speaker 2: of a counterbalance that's just for you, that refills you
• 1:18:22
  Speaker 2: without requiring more effort from you.
• 1:18:26
  Speaker 3: I haven't learned how to do that yet. Okay, it hasn't.
• 1:18:28
  Speaker 1: We'll do more talk. It's coming.
• 1:18:31
  Speaker 3: You know, when you have that friend that wants to
• 1:18:33
  Speaker 3: elevate you but you ain't ready, Like, look, no judgment,
• 1:18:39
  Speaker 3: You're gonna come over. We're gonna go through your bank accounts.
• 1:18:43
  Speaker 3: We're gonna use rocket money, We're gonna get a little spreadsheet.
• 1:18:45
  Speaker 3: We're gonna figure out what your bills look like so
• 1:18:47
  Speaker 3: you could feel comfortable and stop feeling scared. Do you
• 1:18:51
  Speaker 3: know how many times I've had to call her to
• 1:18:52
  Speaker 3: do this with me? You know, like I'm trying to like,
• 1:18:54
  Speaker 3: we know there's someone we can elevate and just this
• 1:18:57
  Speaker 3: little thing they need, you know, So I feel like
• 1:18:59
  Speaker 3: you're doing that for me right now and I need
• 1:19:01
  Speaker 3: to listen to it.
• 1:19:03
  Speaker 2: Let's do it, okay everyone. That is the soul work
• 1:19:06
  Speaker 2: for the episode is where I end every episode with
• 1:19:14
  Speaker 2: something called soul work, where we invite everyone with some
• 1:19:18
  Speaker 2: kind of a prompt, something useful, beneficial, evolutionary that every
• 1:19:23
  Speaker 2: guest provides the audience that the kind of work with
• 1:19:26
  Speaker 2: for the week. So I want to invite you to
• 1:19:29
  Speaker 2: what is everyone's homework from this episode?
• 1:19:32
  Speaker 3: Ooh, I think the homework would be in that beginning
• 1:19:37
  Speaker 3: portion we were talking about toxic people. If that person
• 1:19:41
  Speaker 3: isn't in your life, that person might be your cousin,
• 1:19:45
  Speaker 3: a coworker, a friend, or a friend that's experiencing it.
• 1:19:49
  Speaker 3: This was the sign that something's got to change. And
• 1:19:52
  Speaker 3: I think your homework would be to ask yourself if
• 1:19:55
  Speaker 3: you're still experiencing something like that in relationship and what
• 1:19:58
  Speaker 3: you could do about it, and if it's not you
• 1:20:00
  Speaker 3: helping someone get across the other side, if you have
• 1:20:05
  Speaker 3: the space for it. I know, like other people's emotions
• 1:20:08
  Speaker 3: and relationships like it's work. Like it takes me energy
• 1:20:11
  Speaker 3: to show up for some of those friends, you know,
• 1:20:12
  Speaker 3: but at the end of the day, to have a
• 1:20:14
  Speaker 3: good friend, you have to be one. I told one
• 1:20:16
  Speaker 3: of my friends recently when her mom passed, she thanked
• 1:20:21
  Speaker 3: me like ten times for going to the funeral. I
• 1:20:23
  Speaker 3: know you're busy. I know you're busy. I know you're busy,
• 1:20:25
  Speaker 3: and I'm like, bitch, we're at the age where we're
• 1:20:29
  Speaker 3: going to outlive our parents and we're going to have
• 1:20:32
  Speaker 3: to be each other's friends in a grieving time. I
• 1:20:35
  Speaker 3: don't want to manifest you coming to my mom's funeral,
• 1:20:38
  Speaker 3: but like, if it happened, you better fucking be there too,
• 1:20:41
  Speaker 3: And of course she will. Of course I'm going to
• 1:20:44
  Speaker 3: stand next to you. Of course I'm freaking out to
• 1:20:47
  Speaker 3: like I don't it's gonna be open casket. It's so
• 1:20:49
  Speaker 3: many things I've had to overcome, but it was so easy, Debbie.
• 1:20:51
  Speaker 3: Before I got there, ten phone calls that had about
• 1:20:54
  Speaker 3: not wanting to see her mom that I knew in
• 1:20:56
  Speaker 3: an open casket. The second I saw her mom, I felt.
• 1:21:01
  Speaker 3: I was like, wow, miss Brenda looks good, Like she
• 1:21:03
  Speaker 3: looks great, she looks peaceful, she looks happy. Like I
• 1:21:09
  Speaker 3: know that sounds weird to say someone looks happy, but
• 1:21:12
  Speaker 3: like she was so involved in her church. I was like, wow,
• 1:21:15
  Speaker 3: wherever you believe that after life is. She really looked
• 1:21:19
  Speaker 3: happy to me because I know she was closer to
• 1:21:20
  Speaker 3: God and I'm not someone that even goes to church,
• 1:21:23
  Speaker 3: but I felt that energy. I was like, oh my god,
• 1:21:26
  Speaker 3: we haveing nightmares about her. Like I was walking in
• 1:21:28
  Speaker 3: there freaking out I'm not telling my friend this almost
• 1:21:30
  Speaker 3: threw up in the uber on the way nothing. I
• 1:21:33
  Speaker 3: almost slept easier. So the way that Jess like you
• 1:21:37
  Speaker 3: talked about me as a mom showing up like yeah,
• 1:21:40
  Speaker 3: I don't know how I got there from the homework,
• 1:21:42
  Speaker 3: but showing up as a friend, Yes.
• 1:21:44
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I love it. Great advice.
• 1:21:46
  Speaker 3: Yes I do this probably because I'm like actually deep
• 1:21:48
  Speaker 3: but you wouldn't know.
• 1:21:51
  Speaker 2: Weezy everyone that guy. Thank you so much for joining
• 1:21:56
  Speaker 2: us on this episode, and we're going to get you meditating. Okay,
• 1:22:00
  Speaker 2: back next week. Thank you for listening now, Mi stay.
• 1:22:05
  Speaker 2: The content presented on Deeply Well serves solely for educational
• 1:22:09
  Speaker 2: and informational purposes. It should not be considered a replacement
• 1:22:13
  Speaker 2: for personalized medical or mental health guidance and does not
• 1:22:17
  Speaker 2: constitute a provider patient relationship. As always, it is advisable
• 1:22:22
  Speaker 2: to consult with your healthcare provider or health team for
• 1:22:26
  Speaker 2: any specific concerns or questions that you may have. Connect
• 1:22:31
  Speaker 2: with me on social at Debbie Brown. That's Twitter and Instagram,
• 1:22:35
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  Speaker 2: Samantha Timmins, and me Debbie Brown. The Beautiful Soundbath you
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