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Mark Champoux - A Coach's Perspective on Fatherhood & Family · Quarterback DadCast | Intentional Fatherhood & Leadership at Home

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: Hi, I'm Riley.
• 0:04
  Speaker 2: And I'm Ryder and this is my Dad's Show.
• 0:06
  Speaker 2: Hey everybody, it's KCJ Cox with the quarterback Dadcast.
• 0:13
  Speaker 2: I'm excited to announce we have a brand new sponsor joining the show, which is called LatitudeSitkacom, a Latitude 57.
• 0:20
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• 0:28
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• 0:38
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• 0:40
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• 0:40
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• 1:01
  Speaker 2: If none of those sound interesting to you, well then go.
• 1:03
  Speaker 2: Stay on land and go ITVing, hiking, hot springs, yoga, take a massage in.
• 1:09
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• 1:18
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• 1:24
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• 1:25
  Speaker 2: The majestic views will blow you away and, as I mentioned, I cannot wait to get there in June.
• 1:30
  Speaker 2: So with that, let's welcome LatitudeSitka to the podcast and get right to today's episode.
• 1:36
  Speaker 2: Hey everybody, it's KC Jcox with the quarterback DATCAST.
• 1:39
  Speaker 2: We are at the tail end of season four and this next gentleman God, he was hard to get.
• 1:43
  Speaker 2: I think I went through seven agents and finally we tracked him down.
• 1:47
  Speaker 2: It is the talented Mark Shampoo of the former Kent March High School where we both were chargers.
• 1:53
  Speaker 2: He now is a mighty to home of air For those of it around the United States.
• 1:57
  Speaker 2: You have no idea what the hell we're talking about, but we do and that's all it matters.
• 2:00
  Speaker 2: He also has spent 12 years a little side hustle a company called Primarica.
• 2:04
  Speaker 2: We'll learn about that.
• 2:05
  Speaker 2: You might not know that he's the Ted Lasso of high school golf coaches.
• 2:07
  Speaker 2: He's got a series 63 and 65.
• 2:11
  Speaker 2: He's a Leslie Lynx and a Washington State Cougar.
• 2:13
  Speaker 2: But more importantly, we're going to hear to talk to Mark Shampoo, the dad.
• 2:16
  Speaker 2: Now he's working hard to become the ultimate quarterback leader of his household.
• 2:19
  Speaker 2: So further ado, mr Shampoo.
• 2:21
  Speaker 2: Welcome to the quarterback that cast.
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: Wow, that was impressive.
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: Thank you, you have to be here.
• 2:27
  Speaker 2: How about that, leslie Lynx poll?
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that was deep poll right there.
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: I have to admit, I did not know that was our mascot.
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: Well, I was going to ask what do you are?
• 2:38
  Speaker 2: Are you more of a Lynx or a Cougar?
• 2:40
  Speaker 2: But I think you just answered your Cougar.
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so that was an interesting thing, they sent their professors here from Boston and we would do one weekend a month for 22 months to get our master's.
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: So I never even set foot on campus.
• 2:56
  Speaker 2: Well, probably a good thing, because it would have been just a raging rush of fans start on packed campus.
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: Yeah, something like that.
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: All right.
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: So we always start out each episode with gratitude, so tell me, what are you most grateful for as a dad today?
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: A lot of things.
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: So my son is 16.
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: He's a junior at the school I teach at and I have him in class.
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: That's a lot of fun.
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: My daughter is an eighth grader.
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: She's at the middle school and she'll be up there with us next year.
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: I love being able to spend time with my kids and just watching them mature over the last few years and have semi adult conversations with them and see them battle with everything that middle school and high school things or students deal with, and just watch them come out Well, I was going to say come out on top.
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: I don't know if that's always the case, but just listening to them talk their way through it and I'm thrilled that they're willing to share that kind of stuff with me and let me weigh in on that.
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: Sometimes it's a sounding board and sometimes they ask for help, but I'm really thankful for the relationship that I have with both of them.
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: It means a lot the world to me.
• 4:16
  Speaker 2: That's awesome.
• 4:17
  Speaker 2: I think every parent's dream is we want our kids to communicate versus run of the room locked at Oran.
• 4:21
  Speaker 2: We'll see him seven hours later.
• 4:23
  Speaker 2: Right, that still happens sometimes, but I'm so I'm grateful for, like I don't I, being a dad that is does no longer gets to coach.
• 4:33
  Speaker 2: We've, we've out, we've up level the coaching for all both my kids Tonight.
• 4:39
  Speaker 2: I get to get back in the gym tonight because the girls have have it off.
• 4:43
  Speaker 2: There's an open gym but Riley who you know, my daughter she wanted to use the shooting gun which the high school has, but coaches aren't going to be there and she said, hey, well, you mind just going to just get it out.
• 4:52
  Speaker 2: I'm like I'd love to, so I'm going to be able.
• 4:54
  Speaker 2: I got to go and just rebound a little bit and get in the gym and and for the girls that show for this little open gym, I'm grateful I get to spend time with her because those that's like me and Riley's time is even outside is just spending time rebounding to like I get in a spot where we don't have phones, we can talk, we can ask questions and I can work a mindset with her and I just I love that.
• 5:16
  Speaker 2: Yep, okay, so take it.
• 5:19
  Speaker 2: You briefly introduced both kids, but tell us a little bit about the, the shampoo huddle and then maybe let us know how you and your wife met.
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: Okay, so my wife Monica, we met gosh 2003 ish we were, we were at an establishment.
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: Well, we were at a bar right, sounds like I'm embarrassed to say that, but yeah, and she was with a group of girls as with a group of guys.
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: We sat at the table next to each other and my asked her to dance and you know, she said yes and you know, after that, my charm just took over and the rest is history and we were married in 2005.
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: December 2006,.
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: My son, grayson, was born, and he's the junior that I spoke of earlier.
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: And then, on 5, 2010, my daughter, julia, was born.
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: So, yeah, that's.
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: That's.
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: That's the huddle.
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: I do have a step son.
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: He's out of the house now.
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: He's Austin, was a tohoma graduate also.
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: He was six when we got married and he's now in the Navy, is serving in San Diego.
• 6:32
  Speaker 2: Well, San Diego.
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: Mm, hmm, looking forward to going there and visiting him this summer.
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: He just got restated there he was in LaMoure, california, which is the Yakima of California, I guess, so we didn't make an effort to go visit him there.
• 6:50
  Speaker 2: What is he doing?
• 6:51
  Speaker 2: The Navy?
• 6:51
  Speaker 2: He's a parachute rigger.
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: Wow.
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: So I don't know exactly what that means, but he recently just finished jump school and now he's jumping out of airplanes on purpose.
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: He just sent us a video of his first jump and that was pretty cool.
• 7:07
  Speaker 2: Wow, I'm going to go hard.
• 7:08
  Speaker 2: Pass on that one.
• 7:08
  Speaker 2: Go ahead and watch, I'll hold.
• 7:13
  Speaker 2: I'll hold the ball.
• 7:14
  Speaker 2: It's the person's way.
• 7:15
  Speaker 2: Everybody else jumps.
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: I'm good, I'm good on the ground, perfect.
• 7:18
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 7:19
  Speaker 2: So I was like now asking, when you know understanding how people grew up, understanding like you know, if you can like go back, what was life like for you?
• 7:29
  Speaker 2: Which is one of the reasons I wanted to have you on the podcast, because you and I talked a little bit about how you know power mindset and I think we'll eventually get into that and how we all, how we learned about that.
• 7:38
  Speaker 2: But I'd love to learn about what was life like growing up for you and how did your parents impact you and that now you're a dad.
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so my dad was a teacher at Cleveland High School for about 10 years and then back in the early 80s, Boeing had a big layoff and a lot of people left Seattle.
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: So when that happened he got laid off as well.
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: But he had been dabbling in doing some side work as a teacher, doing teacher trainings and things like that, talking about behavior styles, doing it for teachers and his I believe it was his principal at the time they ended up taking that side business and making it into a company, the effectiveness Institute, where they they talked about this kind of stuff.
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: They took it to corporations because that's where the money was, and he traveled all over the United States.
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: I think he's been to 49 states, but multiple countries, just talking about what he does.
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: So it's very similar.
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: There's lots of people who have a similar profile, but it's got the four quadrants and you know, based on how you answer certain questions, you're in there and they.
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: He does a really good job of that.
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: So I'm teaching that.
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: So we, you know, grew up with that it was.
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: It was hard though because, like when I started playing sports, he was traveling a lot, so he wasn't around.
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: So I got spent a lot of time with my mom and I love that she when I was coming to my games and watched, even though she is not into sports at all yeah, so, I played baseball growing up.
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: You know five foot, 10, 160 pound white guy wasn't a lot of people knocking down the door for my services.
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: But I have an older brother.
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: He's a year and a half older and then my sister's 10 years younger, so we are still pretty close.
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: We're all kind of in the area.
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: My mom passed away in 2009, unfortunately, but the rest of us are still around and we we talk frequently and spend time together.
• 9:49
  Speaker 2: Do your dad so with us?
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: Yes, he lives in Lacey right now.
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: He's remarried and he's retired, living a good life down there.
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: Yeah, we go down there and do our staycations, where we'll, you know, go stay for a weekend down there and a lot of card playing.
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: We play cards and we eat and we laugh and have a good time.
• 10:12
  Speaker 2: Nice.
• 10:12
  Speaker 2: I was born in Lacey, is that?
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: right.
• 10:15
  Speaker 2: Random fact, yeah, useless fact, that we'll never probably get on the podcast.
• 10:19
  Speaker 2: As you think about like values that mom and dad taught, tell me, like what were some key things that you that as you remember, maybe through a story or two.
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: Both my parents were one of six kids.
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: So family has always been big.
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: I have both on both sides of my family.
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: We have I have 15 cousins.
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: So just every, every holiday, every birthday, every birth, every death, we were always getting together.
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: So just the sense of community and family has always been big.
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: It wasn't really spoken.
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: I mean, I had a feeling you're going to ask questions like that and I was trying to prepare there.
• 11:02
  Speaker 1: You know, there was never a PowerPoint presentation or any handouts that were given, talking about our family mantra or anything like that, but just watching.
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: It's about family and relationships and how we treat each other is important and how you, how you talk to people, how you interact with people, I would say, is probably the biggest thing.
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: That, but I still see in my life and what I try to do is just be very conscious of, you know, interpersonal relationships.
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: I mean it's something I personally champion with these kids.
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: You know I'm guilty of having my nose in my phone as well, but I want to make sure that my students, they, and my, my own children, they know how to interact with people and how to talk with people, have a conversation, how to make eye contact, how to make eye contact, how to shake hands, all that kind of stuff.
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: That's kind of important.
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: So I try to bring that to the classroom with me as well, love it.
• 12:01
  Speaker 2: I mean that that's stuff that I'm sure people home I'm sure you've heard of it, like there's chat, gpt, there's AI, there's all these things where we're worried about, like you know, replacing everything and but I think, like some of the old school, fundamental relationship building skills are are kind of a lost art.
• 12:18
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and now a lot of I see it in the business world, a lot of companies are putting an onus on it, which is kind of comical.
• 12:27
  Speaker 2: The fact that you know being nice is, you know, never going to go out of style listening, being an active listener, like you know the things that we have control over and you know, no matter what our kids end up doing, I was like my wife and I taught our teaching our kids about active, like the same thing you did about the handshake, looking people in the eye asking great questions making more about someone else versus yourself.
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: Right, right, asking questions is a big one.
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: You know it's my.
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: My son has told me he's interested in you know there's a girl he's interested in.
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: I said, all right, well, here's what you do.
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: You need to ask a lot of questions, right?
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: Don't talk about yourself.
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: Nobody wants to hear that.
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: Ask questions, get to know them that way and listen to the answers and just make a note of those things.
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: That's, it makes a difference.
• 13:16
  Speaker 2: Everybody likes to be heard 100%, 100%.
• 13:20
  Speaker 2: And but I think the gap usually, I see, is most people ask a question and they forget what did you say, Right, Right.
• 13:26
  Speaker 2: So, as you think back, like to like you mentioned your dad unfortunately missed some of the stuff.
• 13:33
  Speaker 2: Your mom was there.
• 13:34
  Speaker 2: Do you think your dad ever has any regrets about that?
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: Man.
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: I wouldn't want to speak for him.
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: No, I don't know.
• 13:50
  Speaker 1: I missed him being there because he was my coach for a lot of things.
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: I looked up to him and wanted to be like him.
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: I was kind of performing for him.
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: I know there's always a small bit of that where we're doing those things I can't imagine.
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: I'm sure he really wanted to see me play, because my home to first base time was remarkable.
• 14:20
  Speaker 2: Yes, You're a cougar, I mean like a legit cat, like reflexes.
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly.
• 14:28
  Speaker 2: That's interesting.
• 14:28
  Speaker 2: As a dad, that's one thing that was always hard when I traveled and I would always do everything in my power to get back on Thursdays if I missed something, or coaching when I was in corporate.
• 14:38
  Speaker 2: But I think about that now.
• 14:42
  Speaker 2: You get so much time to watch there's also the same too.
• 14:50
  Speaker 2: There are some parents that you just have a choice.
• 14:51
  Speaker 2: You've got to go out and provide and that's the route of the job you have.
• 14:56
  Speaker 2: You've got to do what you've got to do.
• 14:58
  Speaker 2: I was just curious.
• 14:59
  Speaker 2: If I've interviewed other dads where they've maybe something that was missing, then they go back to they almost go the exact opposite.
• 15:07
  Speaker 2: I would imagine you've missed probably very little.
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's the nice thing about being a teacher we're around all the time.
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: I've gotten the opportunity to coach my son in his various sports throughout the years, so that's been great.
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: And just to be clear, if my dad ends up listening to this, I want to make sure I understand why he wasn't there.
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: I think, all things being equal, of course we like everyone there, but I understand.
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: I'm not angry about it or upset about it.
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: I mean I always knew that he wasn't out there yelping around.
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: He was making a living, so I can respect that Totally the work that he did.
• 15:52
  Speaker 2: Tell me what do you remember that about what he did as a kid that maybe has stuck that?
• 15:58
  Speaker 2: I'm asking this selfishly because of the work that I got into mindset wise and there's things I share with my kids and sometimes I think my kids would be like what, and as soon as I feel like they say maybe.
• 16:09
  Speaker 2: But I'm just curious, like, get your dad as do that a totally, much bigger level than I'm ever going to do, I think.
• 16:15
  Speaker 2: But like I'm curious, were there, were there things that he would teach companies, that he would come back and talk to you guys, you siblings, about that?
• 16:22
  Speaker 2: They would like hey, this is something to think about or try for your friends, or yeah, yeah, we would.
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: In fact he would.
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: We'd get our friend groups together and we'd go and do it.
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: You know, go through his class where you know teaching behavior styles, and it's funny, he's, he's very good at it, he knows the behavior styles very well and it's fun to watch people, watch him to nail people's behavior style without even knowing that person.
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: You know it's it's a lot of fun.
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: But did I feel like he was using it on us?
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: I mean not like using it against us or anything, percentage or means or anything like that.
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: But yeah, I could.
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: You know, learning the behavior styles and every, every quadrant has its strength and has its weaknesses.
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: So, you know, he was helpful.
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: Whenever we would have a relationship with a teacher or a student or a friend or something where we were having a hard time, it was helpful to get the perspective of.
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: You know, he was always very easily able to take that other person's, you know, not take their side, but just explain why they might be acting that way.
• 17:33
  Speaker 1: Because a really a big part of it is when we don't understand why people are acting a certain way.
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: Then we assume the worst or we fill in why we think they might be doing that, but oftentimes it's just we don't understand the people that are opposite us or different in the quadrants, because I don't make sense to me that everybody should think and act like me, and when they don't, you know, it can cause some misunderstandings or confusion.
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: So he was always helpful regarding that, helping us see things from the other side.
• 18:06
  Speaker 2: The old Stephen Covey seek to understand before being understood, right?
• 18:09
  Speaker 2: Yep, I'm convinced.
• 18:12
  Speaker 2: So I'm getting close to 50.
• 18:14
  Speaker 2: And I'm, and I think I've always been curious.
• 18:17
  Speaker 2: But like, and now at the stage of my life, I'm like psychotically obsessed with curiosity because I think it solves most problems in life, right, and so now I get to teach it to business leaders, which is super fun, and I know probably some of my clients probably get annoyed by it, like, oh, what's the answer?
• 18:34
  Speaker 2: Again, curiosity.
• 18:34
  Speaker 2: I'm like yeah, it's curiosity.
• 18:36
  Speaker 2: Yeah, let's talk through it.
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: Figure out how to make algebra or kids interested or curious about algebra?
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: Let me know That'd be helpful.
• 18:46
  Speaker 2: I think maybe a recess, could you know, at the high school level?
• 18:49
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I could.
• 18:50
  Speaker 2: That might be make a popular class.
• 18:52
  Speaker 2: What so?
• 18:55
  Speaker 2: The behavior styles Was there?
• 18:57
  Speaker 2: Was there one that, like you, you learn through, I guess I like?
• 19:01
  Speaker 2: I like hearing stories about people's childhood.
• 19:03
  Speaker 2: So is there, was there a behavior, behavior style story or challenge that that maybe comes to mind when you were just kind of reliving this or talking through it.
• 19:11
  Speaker 2: That has has then resurfaced as your, as your dad life.
• 19:14
  Speaker 2: That maybe you've used to like either teach your own kids or maybe teach students.
• 19:19
  Speaker 2: That maybe something your dad passed down to you.
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: I'm embarrassed to say no, I mean, there's nothing that pops out, right, and my, I know I'm on the opposite side of 50.
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: So my memory for the details, right, they, I lose those relatively quickly, but I know there are times, you know, it's helpful for me with my kids, you know, knowing where, where they are, the kinds of things that motivates them, the kind of things that frustrate them.
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: But one thing that does kind of stick out actually, my brother and I are different styles and we get punished.
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: We both get sent to our room, right, we'd be doing something stupid, I don't know what.
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: And for me it was a punishment, like I was like clawing at the door let me out of here.
• 20:06
  Speaker 1: I hate being in here all by myself, you know.
• 20:08
  Speaker 1: And then he, he was fine being by himself, he would just read a book and like, didn't even bother him.
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: So the punishments weren't the same, even though we, you know, we were both confined to our bedrooms just because of our different styles, they had a completely different effect.
• 20:25
  Speaker 1: You know, I'm the kind of person that likes to be around people.
• 20:28
  Speaker 1: You know, when someone knocks on the door, it's always a.
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: Who is it?
• 20:32
  Speaker 1: As opposed to what do you want you know some people more about the.
• 20:36
  Speaker 1: Why are you knocking on my door?
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: What you know?
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: What's the business end of it?
• 20:40
  Speaker 1: But for me it's more about the relationships and who are with that kind of stuff.
• 20:45
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's so.
• 20:46
  Speaker 2: I mean that's, that's a, that that is a.
• 20:48
  Speaker 2: A lost art for sure is the you know the day and age and like, even like getting kids to like this is a crazy ask actually leave a voicemail.
• 20:58
  Speaker 2: I know I might have just dated myself with that one, but like it's so easy to shoot a text or a snap or a message here, a message there, which I know it's easy, but like, I think I've talked to many parents about this.
• 21:09
  Speaker 2: I've talked, I mean specifically dad's, some.
• 21:12
  Speaker 2: I work on a lot is helping my kids understand, whether it's now or in the future, being able to communicate and talk is what's going to get you a job in something.
• 21:22
  Speaker 2: That's going to get you a promotion, a new job, a new enter.
• 21:25
  Speaker 2: I mean something in life, because you can't just be five feet away from something and shoot them a text right.
• 21:31
  Speaker 2: You know sooner or later.
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: So I think like one of the things I'm trying to get these kids to understand is it may not make sense to you, but the person who's doing the hiring or doing the promoting it matters to them.
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: So you kind of need to meet us old people where we are and have some of those skills that are valuable to the Gen Xers, I guess.
• 21:55
  Speaker 2: So that made me think of something.
• 21:56
  Speaker 2: So like I think that that's a skill too is that I've heard some dad struggle with this on, even like I've talked to buddies or even throughout the 200 plus people I've interviewed is how do we get kids to talk?
• 22:07
  Speaker 2: And I think I'm a big believer of open ended questions.
• 22:10
  Speaker 2: I got taught at age 41, the power of what's called Ted based questions, which stands for tell me, explain, describe.
• 22:15
  Speaker 2: So I always like to ask those, my kids or people.
• 22:19
  Speaker 2: I'm working with those types of questions because then it gets them open.
• 22:21
  Speaker 2: Yeah, when your dad was doing what he was doing, were there times that he would use some of the behavioral style questioning that to help get you to talk that maybe you as a dad, you or Monica, use now for your kids?
• 22:38
  Speaker 1: For sure there was stuff that he was using with us, but I don't think I was at a point when it was happening that I was absorbing it, and then at least I'm not conscious of it.
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: You know where I'm thinking.
• 22:52
  Speaker 1: Okay, this is what my dad did.
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: Now I'm going to use this with my kids.
• 22:55
  Speaker 1: I think it's just an all kind of blends together in, you know, our parenting styles, where it's not as intentional as my dad might have been with it, but I'm sure there's, you know, bits and pieces of the way he did things that impact how I do things as well, but I can't think of anything specific.
• 23:18
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I know there was a lot of times.
• 23:20
  Speaker 2: We usually all ask people maybe get to it now.
• 23:23
  Speaker 2: It was like sometimes the gap in our dad game and my dad got recipes.
• 23:27
  Speaker 2: My pops went.
• 23:28
  Speaker 2: He passed away at December 29, 2021, after a long journey, with a bunch of health stuff, but my dad could drop the most intense amazing god damn.
• 23:36
  Speaker 2: It's like well, with power and but it would make us laugh.
• 23:42
  Speaker 2: And it's funny like when there's things our parents do that we hopefully don't do, but a lot of times we have turning into what they do too, I'm finding as I get older, you know, and so I think, talking to dads, usually a couple times a week or once a week, it helps me remind myself of my gap, which is, as a competitive person, patience, and you know, my dad was, didn't, was the exact opposite of patient, I think towards a later in life when he would, you know, I was in college playing football, uncle Rico moment, right there, he would, he would like ask questions because he didn't really understand it, because he never played past high school.
• 24:14
  Speaker 2: So there's things I would go on through.
• 24:15
  Speaker 2: He was like what, I don't know what that means case, so I don't know, as I, as I share that was is there, is there something that you you see, maybe in your mom or dad that you're you're doing now, that it's like maybe a present top of mind that you you know you want to work on as a dad.
• 24:31
  Speaker 1: I feel like I'm making it up as I go.
• 24:33
  Speaker 1: You know what I mean Just trying to survive day to day.
• 24:36
  Speaker 1: I mean I've been blessed that my kids are both really good kids.
• 24:40
  Speaker 1: I'm very thankful for both of them.
• 24:42
  Speaker 1: Gosh, that's a.
• 24:46
  Speaker 1: That's a good question.
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: I I wrestle with you know, with that, I, you know, things I try to be tried to do are be patient and positive and encouraging, but I'm probably not all the time.
• 25:03
  Speaker 1: Like you know that we've talked about mindset before and that's I try to be as positive with you know, not just my kids, but my students as well.
• 25:10
  Speaker 1: But I know I'm not all the time.
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: I get tired or I run out of energy and I can be impatient and just as good as the next guy.
• 25:20
  Speaker 1: I think, honestly, I think discipline is really hard for me.
• 25:27
  Speaker 1: You know I I don't want to be friends with my kids.
• 25:32
  Speaker 1: I mean, that's not a goal of mine.
• 25:34
  Speaker 1: So it's not because I'm worried about that, but just I should probably be harder on my kids.
• 25:41
  Speaker 1: If, if I would say that's probably the biggest thing that I could, that I need to work on, that I need to be better at, even at this age, is, you know, being more consistent with the discipline.
• 25:56
  Speaker 2: Tell me why you say that.
• 25:58
  Speaker 1: I hope that.
• 25:59
  Speaker 1: You know, my hope is that there's respect between myself and this goes, like I said, for any of my kids or my students, anything that if respect and trust and respect are in place, then if I, if you respect me and I ask you to do something, then my expectation is that that's going to get done.
• 26:16
  Speaker 1: So me asking you to do something or not do something ought to be enough.
• 26:22
  Speaker 1: And then, as kids do, they test the boundaries.
• 26:24
  Speaker 1: Okay, well, what happens if I don't do that?
• 26:27
  Speaker 1: And usually that leads to a conversation, but not not as much punishment as there should be.
• 26:36
  Speaker 1: And I'm, you know, I believe there's lots of different ways to do it, with a positive reinforcement or, you know, I do think punishment is necessary.
• 26:43
  Speaker 1: I mean, there's, there's got to be consequences.
• 26:45
  Speaker 1: I do believe that there's consequences for everything.
• 26:48
  Speaker 1: Especially, I try to be very clear if this is good, if this happens, then this is the consequence.
• 26:54
  Speaker 1: So the kids know.
• 26:55
  Speaker 1: But again, that's something that I could be better at.
• 26:59
  Speaker 1: Sometimes I'm surprised when they test the boundaries, even though I ought not to be.
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: But then actually following through, you know, that's not not one of my strengths.
• 27:11
  Speaker 1: My kids would tell you, I'm sure.
• 27:13
  Speaker 3: Hi, I'm Leslie Vickery, the CEO and founder of ClearEdge, a company dedicated to transforming the business of talent.
• 27:21
  Speaker 3: Through our three lines of business ClearEdge, marketing, recruiting and rising that help organizations across the recruitment and HR tech sectors grow their brands and market share while building their teams with excellence and equity.
• 27:36
  Speaker 3: I believe we were one of Casey's very first clients.
• 27:39
  Speaker 3: He helped our sales and account teams really those people on the front lines of building and developing client relationships in so many ways.
• 27:47
  Speaker 3: Here are a few.
• 27:48
  Speaker 3: He helped us unlock the power of curiosity.
• 27:50
  Speaker 3: For me it was a game changer.
• 27:53
  Speaker 3: I was personally learning all about Ted based that's, tell, explain, describe, questioning and that really resonated with me.
• 28:01
  Speaker 3: We also learned about unlocking the power of humility and unlocking the power of vulnerability.
• 28:07
  Speaker 3: Casey taught us to be a team player, to embrace change, to stay positive.
• 28:13
  Speaker 3: He is one of the most positive people I know.
• 28:16
  Speaker 3: He believes that optimism, resilience and a sense of humor can go a long way in helping people achieve their goals and overcome obstacles.
• 28:25
  Speaker 3: And I agree Casey's book when the Relationship, not the Deal it is a must read.
• 28:31
  Speaker 3: Listen, whether you're looking for coaching and training or a powerful speaker or keynote, casey is one of the people I recommend, when talking to companies, the end result for us, at least as one of Casey's clients our own clients would literally commend our approach over all other companies, from the way we were prepared in advance of a call, to how we drove meetings, to how we follow up.
• 28:57
  Speaker 3: It sounds really basic, I know, but let me tell you it is a standout approach that led to stronger relationships.
• 29:05
  Speaker 3: I encourage you to learn more by going to kcjcoxcom.
• 29:09
  Speaker 3: You have nothing to lose by having a conversation and a lot to gain.
• 29:13
  Speaker 3: Now let's get back to Casey's podcast, the Quarterback Dadcast.
• 29:19
  Speaker 2: It's hard man, it's I.
• 29:22
  Speaker 2: Just this episode we're recording in October.
• 29:25
  Speaker 2: This episode will come out later this year.
• 29:27
  Speaker 2: Our episode that goes out this week was the gentleman talked about enabling.
• 29:33
  Speaker 2: He's enabled his kids without knowing it he had.
• 29:37
  Speaker 2: Certain areas of his life are tough, so he didn't want to have his kids make that same thing.
• 29:40
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 29:41
  Speaker 2: And it's such a tough line because we want to.
• 29:43
  Speaker 2: You always want to leave things better than you found it.
• 29:45
  Speaker 2: We want to get our kids something that maybe we didn't have but then we have.
• 29:48
  Speaker 2: We have for members sometimes that some of our struggle is what created us.
• 29:53
  Speaker 2: And that created that resilience, the grit, the mindset we have.
• 29:55
  Speaker 2: I wish there was a manual that we could figure out what's the perfect path.
• 30:00
  Speaker 2: There's not.
• 30:01
  Speaker 1: Right, or a recipe.
• 30:02
  Speaker 1: What percentage of each one of those do I do?
• 30:05
  Speaker 1: Would be nice, you know, and the timing would be helpful.
• 30:09
  Speaker 2: Yeah, what.
• 30:11
  Speaker 2: Back to your mom.
• 30:12
  Speaker 2: Tell me what did.
• 30:12
  Speaker 2: What did she do for a job?
• 30:14
  Speaker 1: She stayed at home.
• 30:16
  Speaker 2: Love it.
• 30:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, she was able to do that and really so.
• 30:21
  Speaker 1: My wife was six months pregnant when she passed away and I really, really, really really wish I could have talked to her about parenting because, since my dad was gone so much and she was at home, she's the one who did a lot of the parenting.
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: So I have a million questions that I would have liked to have been able to discuss with her, especially dealing with my daughter, you know, as a young age.
• 30:46
  Speaker 1: But yeah, she was, she was great.
• 30:50
  Speaker 1: She was, you know, going back to the behavior style.
• 30:53
  Speaker 1: She was in the opposite of me, so very quiet, very reserved, but yeah, she was great.
• 31:04
  Speaker 1: I miss her a ton.
• 31:05
  Speaker 1: I miss her every day.
• 31:08
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's, do you?
• 31:09
  Speaker 2: Um, this is kind of a deep, deep question, but I've experienced this when my dad passed, like, um, when we, when we walk, we you're obviously coaching the boys in the golf team and I'm, I'm walking, I like to be out there by myself and just kind of walk around and their times, you know, I'll be watching my son ride or everybody.
• 31:27
  Speaker 2: I'll be like dad, like if you're up there watching, like that'd be a great time to just kind of help maybe tap that, tap that one end, like as we walk up man, please hope you got a bounce off that tree and like or sometimes I swear he listens, he's there and now that might be my own.
• 31:42
  Speaker 2: Uh, but have you experienced that, that kind of spiritual talk of like what you're by yourself?
• 31:48
  Speaker 1: I'm like oh yeah, yeah, I mean again not a lot of details, but there's definitely been times like, oh okay, you know, yeah, I felt mom's presence with that one there and often when my daughter, julia was, was really young, um, but for sure, you know, I still, I still talk to her at times and we'll ask her questions, but yeah, definitely.
• 32:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah.
• 32:19
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's hard.
• 32:20
  Speaker 2: I think it's good reminders, though, that like it sounds like you're doing a really good job of this.
• 32:23
  Speaker 2: You, monica, is like just back to the thing you've said in the beginning about gratitude.
• 32:26
  Speaker 2: Is just having these open conversations about anything?
• 32:30
  Speaker 2: And like we, we talked to, I think, when my daughter was like COVID impacted Riley more than Ryder, because Ryder's more of a social kid.
• 32:38
  Speaker 2: Riley is actually really social.
• 32:40
  Speaker 2: It's just a lot of people don't see it.
• 32:41
  Speaker 2: Uh, she's funny most.
• 32:43
  Speaker 2: But but as she's past year, she's really come out of her shell and you know I and a lot of times she's not super comfortable talking to me about mom stuff, but sometimes she is and, um, I just the the times where she is willing to talk to me about stuff.
• 33:00
  Speaker 2: I love, um, I love just getting to experience that because, uh, I think it's a choice how, how present I want to be or how deep I want to go with my curiosity Cause sometimes she might say something or maybe shouldn't say anything at all.
• 33:14
  Speaker 2: So, um, again, I think there's there's a lot of books I've talked to them here about a lot of dads that talk to you to have daughters that sometimes have no idea what we're doing.
• 33:24
  Speaker 2: Um, but again, I think just, I mean, showing up is half the battle.
• 33:30
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 33:31
  Speaker 1: Well, I'm super excited because Julia has never shown any interest in sports, um, until this year, while it was last spring, and she said, dad, I want to play softball.
• 33:41
  Speaker 1: It's like, okay, we got her on the Magal Valley pony team and she played and um voted most improved.
• 33:48
  Speaker 1: And then, you know, in this summer she said I want to try out for this club team.
• 33:51
  Speaker 1: Okay, so she made that team and now that golf is over, I get a chance to take her to practice and um thinking back with my son when I would take him to practice, that's when a lot of our, or a lot of my, parenting happened on the way to and from practice.
• 34:08
  Speaker 1: Just talking about, you know, mentally preparing on the way there, or, you know, debriefing what happened on the way home, um, and it just not even sports related, but just making a connection with my son.
• 34:20
  Speaker 1: A lot of stuff happened, um, on almost car rides.
• 34:24
  Speaker 1: So I'm looking forward to that happening with my daughter as well, um, she's quieter than my son, so it's going to take a little bit of time to get there, but I'm I'm really hoping that you know, we get this opportunity to.
• 34:38
  Speaker 1: You know, take our relationship to the next level.
• 34:43
  Speaker 2: I love it.
• 34:43
  Speaker 2: I love it, you will.
• 34:44
  Speaker 2: I would encourage you to wear a cup and get some catchers gear.
• 34:50
  Speaker 1: Yep For the conversations or for practice.
• 34:53
  Speaker 2: I think both.
• 34:54
  Speaker 2: I think both Good tip Um, as you think about like um, one thing you talked about like energy and so you said earlier the conversation like sometimes, energy and patience.
• 35:06
  Speaker 2: And I think about like if I had a stressful week of like business and traveling and cutting customer stuff and they get home and this like, oh, frickin smoke Well, it's not fair to the family if I'm smoked.
• 35:17
  Speaker 2: And I think about life as a teacher.
• 35:19
  Speaker 2: I've interviewed other teachers and I would think the patients teachers have to have, uh, which is super hard I can't even imagine and then draining it is to be around kids all day long and then to find energy to be dad afterwards.
• 35:35
  Speaker 2: I would my gut says that is that can't be easy.
• 35:38
  Speaker 2: Um, maybe talk, talk about how how that is impacted as a dad and being able to maybe compartmentalize, just like you know, taking a breath, and then being able to come home and be the most present guy you could at home after that.
• 35:51
  Speaker 1: So it kind of goes back to that punishment that I had when I was a kid, you know, and I got put in my room.
• 35:55
  Speaker 1: That was, being by myself was like the worst thing.
• 35:58
  Speaker 1: So when I have a good day at school, when kids are engaged and, you know, laughing at my jokes and stuff like that, that gives me energy.
• 36:06
  Speaker 1: So I come home and I, you know, can kind of share that energy.
• 36:10
  Speaker 1: Now other days, where the opposite is true, of course, you know kids were weren't understanding, you know I didn't, my lesson didn't go like I hoped it would, and it's not a good day Um, it's kind of hard not to come home and kick the dog, so to speak.
• 36:23
  Speaker 1: Um, it's definitely a bounce.
• 36:25
  Speaker 1: But for me, being around people and it's kind of where I get by energy, I like, um, spending time with people and being around other people.
• 36:33
  Speaker 1: Um, really, the only time I want to be by myself is if I have a task that I need to get done right, because I know if I'm around everybody else I'm not going to get my tasks done.
• 36:43
  Speaker 1: So when I do in my taxes, I'll lock myself in the room and just get it done.
• 36:48
  Speaker 1: But um, so that kind of speaks to the energy.
• 36:52
  Speaker 1: I kind of get energy sometimes from being around people and then um.
• 36:58
  Speaker 1: So, like I said, that does go both ways, though, because it depends Um, but I try really hard not to bring anything home with me, either like work to grade or if if somebody, you know, if I did have a bad day, to make sure I leave that there and be present for for the family.
• 37:15
  Speaker 1: That's um, one of the reasons why I chose math, uh, was because there's not a lot of papers to grade.
• 37:22
  Speaker 1: You know, I don't, I don't.
• 37:24
  Speaker 1: I'm very lucky in the sense that I don't bring my work home with me physically, stuff to grade or or planning or anything like that.
• 37:31
  Speaker 1: Um, I'll stay late at work if I need to stay late and grade tests or plan for the next day, but I'm just not really willing to bring things home with me.
• 37:41
  Speaker 1: It doesn't go well, um, when I do.
• 37:44
  Speaker 1: You know, when I was younger I would try to do that, but you know, the quality of the grading or the quality of time that I was spending, you know, wasn't what I, you know, wanted it to be.
• 37:53
  Speaker 1: So, just, you know, been able to keep that separated so that when I'm home I'm dad when I'm at work on teacher, so um love it.
• 38:04
  Speaker 2: It's a good advice for all of us.
• 38:05
  Speaker 2: I mean, I think, um, I've told this story a couple of times on other episodes, but I think it's it's, and I get more therapy out of saying it when I do get to say it again.
• 38:14
  Speaker 2: Uh, I remember when Ryder was like a year and a half old or something, and definitely under two, and I remember I was getting home like at close to seven, six, 37, I was getting 15 minutes of them before I went to bed and we were very structured and Kerry was very structured and I loved it because it kept it.
• 38:28
  Speaker 2: Kids understood the structure, they were less likely to have crazy meltdowns, and so it's like, you know, dinner or mat and nap time or bedtime and, um, it just helped create less stress.
• 38:38
  Speaker 2: And so I found that.
• 38:40
  Speaker 2: Well, you know, my company loved it because I was producing for them of people loved it, but I was just miserable inside and I remember going to my boss asking for help and saying, man, this, this sucks.
• 38:49
  Speaker 2: Like I, I don't get to see my family like I want to see them, and you guys, like the the business side of this case, but like personally, I can't keep doing it like this way, and she encouraged me to leave like at four o'clock every day and had our commute, you know, and I literally got home from like five to seven, unless it was like massive amount of emergency, I was not going to be, uh, talking, um, I was going to be, I mean, I wasn't going to be working, I was going to be literally focused on the family and, um, from like seven to eight or, you know, after kids get down, I spend time carrying them.
• 39:21
  Speaker 2: After eight, I'd, you know, get caught back up on email and maybe document customer meetings.
• 39:25
  Speaker 2: And I found once I did that I had more balance and, um, you know, career went through another level and I almost think it was kind of cool.
• 39:32
  Speaker 2: So I feel like it opened up doors for others that like, hey, we're not as important as we think.
• 39:36
  Speaker 2: Um, you know, and you, you, there are other ways to to find ways to be a good business partner but also be a present dad, um, so, uh, that's good that you, you have presence about that, cause it's, it's not.
• 39:51
  Speaker 2: Um, I think like coaching wise too, uh, coaching, coaching, always, they couldn't call me when I was coaching, you know, because for an hour and a half of practice the phone was off, right.
• 40:03
  Speaker 2: So I was like, well, why couldn't I do that at home?
• 40:05
  Speaker 2: I could but story and tell myself, right, you know.
• 40:09
  Speaker 2: So, um, one thing that I think you've done a good good job of people who know you would say is your, your, your structure and organized around like practices.
• 40:19
  Speaker 2: So, like me, there's teachers or parents listening that maybe aren't that way.
• 40:22
  Speaker 2: Maybe talk, talk about where that skill came from and how and how do you work on making sure it's still something top of mind for you?
• 40:31
  Speaker 1: Uh, I mean just as far as golf stuff.
• 40:35
  Speaker 2: Well, I imagine, if you're a coach in cricket or fencing, you'd have the same structure I need that, because if I don't have structure then I will just go.
• 40:45
  Speaker 1: You know I would get off track really easily.
• 40:48
  Speaker 1: So I have to have those notes or my my plan budget out times because you know I get going on something, I get excited about it.
• 40:56
  Speaker 1: I'll do that for the whole practice.
• 40:58
  Speaker 1: Um, so it's it's useful for me to make sure I plan everything out, know exactly where we want to go, just so I don't I don't miss anything.
• 41:09
  Speaker 1: Um, now, how, how does somebody do that If it's not in their nature?
• 41:15
  Speaker 1: I don't know.
• 41:15
  Speaker 1: I think, um, you just got to be intentional about it.
• 41:19
  Speaker 1: Um, uh, when I was younger I was not that way and I found that I would forget a lot of things on the way home.
• 41:27
  Speaker 1: You're like, oh, dang it, I really wanted to talk to so and so about this thing, and then, or we really want to talk about how this play went, or something like that.
• 41:35
  Speaker 1: So that's because I wasn't that way when I was younger as something that I'm intentional about now.
• 41:42
  Speaker 1: So, um, just so people know, um, I started teaching at Kent Lake back in 1996.
• 41:49
  Speaker 1: And before I was married, I was coaching three sports golf, basketball and baseball and coach three sports for a long time Um gave started to give up the sport slowly as my son became vaginal, was coaching his team, and then I um started a business and was working on that for a while, so I wasn't coaching anything, and I recently just got back in the coaching.
• 42:08
  Speaker 1: So I'm able to do a lot of the things now that I kind of had wished I had done before.
• 42:16
  Speaker 1: So, just being a lot more intentional about, um, the message that we want to send and, uh, what I want, um, right now I'm coaching the boys golf team.
• 42:27
  Speaker 1: It's what I want the boys to take away, because, um, it's not, it's not all about golf, it's about, uh, other stuff like how you treat people and, um, you know how you are as a person, and those are the kind of lessons that I really want to teach these kids, and not how to hit a knock down, you know nine, nine into the wind or whatever you know which you have that shot.
• 42:54
  Speaker 1: I got that shot.
• 42:56
  Speaker 1: You bet Um, so being, you know, being intentional, and also, uh, it's been easier when I come back to coaching, um, trying to be better about the things that I wasn't good at the first time.
• 43:14
  Speaker 1: So I think I'm less um, when I was younger, my ego was really hooked into.
• 43:21
  Speaker 1: I cared about how you know the score, a lot more um, winning and and perceptions and things like that, and now I don't really care about that.
• 43:30
  Speaker 1: I say that as we, you know, coaching a team that lost in five years, but really that that stuff that isn't as important to me now that I have some perspective, that it was when I was coaching the first time.
• 43:45
  Speaker 2: So for those that struggle with that cause I I I've talked to a lot of dads that struggle with that it's like, oh my God, we got to do this.
• 43:51
  Speaker 2: You know, is there a?
• 43:53
  Speaker 2: Is it something change for you that made you think about it differently?
• 43:57
  Speaker 1: that Something my dad would always say is, and that he would teach, is separating who you are from what you do.
• 44:05
  Speaker 1: And there's it's such a hard thing, especially for high school age kids.
• 44:11
  Speaker 1: Their self-worth is tied up in what they do or what they wear or what they say.
• 44:16
  Speaker 1: But it's very few people actually know me, you know, as I let a small group of people into my inner circle, so what other people you know think of me?
• 44:28
  Speaker 1: It doesn't bother me.
• 44:30
  Speaker 1: I'm able to separate who I am from what I do and it's that's always kind of been in the background.
• 44:38
  Speaker 1: I've heard my dad say that for years and just I think, just as I've gotten older, it's been easier to understand and put into practice, because I wasn't very good at that when I was 24.
• 44:49
  Speaker 1: I, you know, still very much ego hooked in a lot of things, but just age and perspective, I've gotten to a point in my life where I'm comfortable with who I am and just trying to send that message you know, especially to you, know to my kids, that you know you are not defined by your grades, you are not defined by your performance in sports.
• 45:17
  Speaker 1: You are not defined by any of these things.
• 45:20
  Speaker 1: You know there's, our values are a lot different than now.
• 45:24
  Speaker 1: What society or social media might say?
• 45:29
  Speaker 2: right.
• 45:30
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's so good, it's so.
• 45:32
  Speaker 2: I mean, I think, I think it's almost, it's just like anything.
• 45:34
  Speaker 2: It takes practice, practice of verbally saying it out loud, I think you know I mean golf of all things, is your scores.
• 45:41
  Speaker 2: Your score, yeah, and I love that.
• 45:45
  Speaker 2: I've struggled mightily in golf before, so like when my son struggles, I can say dude, I shot 77 in a club championship.
• 45:52
  Speaker 2: Next day I shot 94.
• 45:54
  Speaker 1: Same guy.
• 45:55
  Speaker 2: I don't I don't know what I did differently Right, Call it nerves.
• 45:59
  Speaker 2: And I remember one day, like this past summer I know that's when I kind of got reconnected.
• 46:05
  Speaker 2: I was like I had a little bit of the little Justin Thomas under, where this like slump came out of nowhere.
• 46:08
  Speaker 2: And I remember telling him one day I was like dude, there's two things I can guarantee it.
• 46:13
  Speaker 2: Whether you shoot even or 85, two things are going to happen.
• 46:18
  Speaker 2: The sun will come up tomorrow and Dow will love you the same.
• 46:20
  Speaker 2: Well, now will I feel for you?
• 46:23
  Speaker 2: Sure, Will I be frustrated for you, Because I know how important this is?
• 46:25
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but as long as, like.
• 46:27
  Speaker 2: I heard this, I think it's Joe Montana quote his dad said do you want to be the best or do you want to be?
• 46:30
  Speaker 2: Do you want to be your best or do you want to be the best?
• 46:32
  Speaker 2: And I love that quote because we're not.
• 46:37
  Speaker 2: No one's ever going to win everything, no one's ever going to make every shot, no one's ever going to get every A on the test.
• 46:41
  Speaker 2: Like we're going to fail, Like we're all flawed humans.
• 46:44
  Speaker 2: So I think, when we can just come to grips with that and to your dad's advice he says, like not being tied so much to outcome, but like just fall in love with the process of getting there is such it's really good advice and timeless, that will never go out of style.
• 46:58
  Speaker 2: We have to remind ourselves often, Right, I think, but it's not easy to do though.
• 47:04
  Speaker 1: No, it's not.
• 47:04
  Speaker 1: I mean, I know people that are my age that still don't do it.
• 47:09
  Speaker 1: You know it's, it's something you have to focus on.
• 47:12
  Speaker 1: You know, and for me it's it's been a growing process because I, like I said, I sure didn't do it in the beginning, but focusing on it, making an effort to do it, you can get there, you can make progress towards it.
• 47:27
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I think it's just little things, and even if you're a dad listing you're like 60, you got life left.
• 47:34
  Speaker 2: And one of the gentlemen I met was on my entrepreneurial path.
• 47:37
  Speaker 2: He said don't let the start stop you.
• 47:38
  Speaker 2: Good one, I love that.
• 47:41
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like we, we can do anything we want to do, but if you commit to it and just you know whether it's, you know running, lifting golf, golf, pickleball, whatever it may be, just a little something at a time, you can eat.
• 47:55
  Speaker 2: Nobody can get better at something.
• 47:56
  Speaker 2: Right, okay, as you think about like important themes, that that that you guys talk about inside the shampoo huddle that are like like must haves, that maybe might be good for other dads to be thinking about, like, oh, that's a good one, maybe that one slipped for us, you know, tell me, are there what, what, what like values or themes come to mind that are like must house for you and your family, that, like you've seen a positive outcome because your kids have played, played this out?
• 48:28
  Speaker 1: We're in the middle of reading the Bible.
• 48:30
  Speaker 1: We're doing a Bible in a year, and that's big.
• 48:35
  Speaker 1: I think it's just.
• 48:36
  Speaker 1: I know what.
• 48:38
  Speaker 1: I know what the Bible says, but I need reminders all the time that we're forgiven, you know, because I fall short every single day and I just you know, I know that's.
• 48:49
  Speaker 1: One thing I want my kids to understand too is that you're not going to be perfect.
• 48:53
  Speaker 1: Nobody's perfect, and don't beat yourself up trying to be perfect.
• 48:56
  Speaker 1: You know God sent his son to pay the price for our sins.
• 49:01
  Speaker 1: You know that's and that's the good news.
• 49:02
  Speaker 1: That's it.
• 49:03
  Speaker 1: That's all I'm trying to do.
• 49:07
  Speaker 1: Anything more than that?
• 49:08
  Speaker 1: So that's that's definitely something that we focus on and that's been helpful for me.
• 49:15
  Speaker 1: It's been freeing and not trying to be perfect, because I know I can't be.
• 49:19
  Speaker 1: I.
• 49:21
  Speaker 1: I try to model for my kids, admitting being wrong, and whenever I make a mistake or if I lose my temper with them the next day, I'll try to circle back and say you know what?
• 49:32
  Speaker 1: I probably could have handled that better.
• 49:35
  Speaker 1: It just especially for my son, modeling, you know, acknowledging my mistakes and trying to learn from those and being better, because I I try as I might.
• 49:47
  Speaker 1: I do make mistakes.
• 49:48
  Speaker 1: So letting my kids know that they are not.
• 49:53
  Speaker 1: The expectation is not to be perfect, but I do expect them to give their best in everything that they do and it's just such a valuable thing to to know what your best is.
• 50:06
  Speaker 1: Things that frustrates me the most as a high school teacher is I see all these kids just kind of going through the motions and, like you, do you even know what you're capable of.
• 50:15
  Speaker 1: You know this is a perfect time to try and figure that out because it does cost you anything.
• 50:19
  Speaker 1: You know, give your best and find out and see what what you can do.
• 50:24
  Speaker 1: But I think that's something that's learned.
• 50:27
  Speaker 1: Also, and I don't know if kids need to be told that it's okay to try your best or give your best in everything.
• 50:35
  Speaker 1: In my classes I I tell my kids I want them to be sharks and not goldfish.
• 50:39
  Speaker 1: You know things happen to goldfish.
• 50:41
  Speaker 1: You know they, they react to things, but shark attacks and sharks make things happen.
• 50:46
  Speaker 1: I said can you imagine what it'd be like if you were a shark in everything in your life, not just algebra, not just school, but everything?
• 50:52
  Speaker 1: Just attack it with everything that you have.
• 50:54
  Speaker 1: Why not?
• 50:55
  Speaker 1: It doesn't, doesn't cost you anything to do that.
• 50:58
  Speaker 1: So give your best, let's see.
• 51:03
  Speaker 1: Family is big.
• 51:04
  Speaker 1: You know, like I said, I came from big family.
• 51:07
  Speaker 1: We have lots of family gatherings, so spending time with family we, you know, in the summer my wife works in the district also she's a lunch lady at the high school, so we always have our summers off, always have, and we spend that time traveling, seeing family, mostly throughout the state, but just spending time together, focusing on on being together and family.
• 51:33
  Speaker 2: Forgiveness is a gift.
• 51:34
  Speaker 2: Forgiveness takes, forgiveness takes.
• 51:37
  Speaker 2: There's a great book on forgiveness.
• 51:38
  Speaker 2: I think it's written by a guy named Rich Case.
• 51:40
  Speaker 2: Remember that's correct.
• 51:42
  Speaker 2: Forgiveness takes one, reconciliation takes two.
• 51:45
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 51:46
  Speaker 2: So when you forgive, you're actually getting out of your own system.
• 51:49
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 51:51
  Speaker 2: And a lot of times the anger is held on us and we forgive.
• 51:54
  Speaker 2: It doesn't mean you go being the best friends of people, but like it helps you put the boundaries up, like I mean that person's not more taking energy than giving it.
• 52:02
  Speaker 2: I love you talk about vulnerability.
• 52:04
  Speaker 2: I love you talked about power.
• 52:05
  Speaker 2: Sometimes we have to apologize to our kids.
• 52:11
  Speaker 2: The great D Nice, as we know him, the Darren Balmors was a guest in season one and we talked about that was the really the whole theme of the episode.
• 52:19
  Speaker 2: It was like what talk about the impact of saying sorry for your kids.
• 52:22
  Speaker 2: I think sometimes there's dads hate to call us out bros, that we think that's they, you think that's a weakness and Because I want to show your kids, but it's the exact opposite.
• 52:31
  Speaker 2: You're right.
• 52:32
  Speaker 2: Is that it's okay, that because nothing we don't, then then you get this.
• 52:36
  Speaker 2: Fall your kids at this false hope.
• 52:37
  Speaker 2: They have to be perfect, yep, yeah.
• 52:40
  Speaker 2: So I love that.
• 52:40
  Speaker 2: You're love that you did that.
• 52:42
  Speaker 2: If you were to Summarize kind of what we've talked about today before we go into some kind of fun Lighting around and make sure we people know if they want to reach out to you.
• 52:52
  Speaker 2: If we were to summarize kind of like a couple of, I guess, core lessons, maybe your core Subjects that we've come out of this episode, that people might be able to kind of relate to Tell me what comes to mind.
• 53:07
  Speaker 1: Definitely separating who you are from what you do.
• 53:09
  Speaker 1: I mean, that's, that's a big one, and I appreciate you drawing that out because you know I had forgotten about that.
• 53:15
  Speaker 1: That's that can be life-changing for people.
• 53:19
  Speaker 1: Just, you know, one of the things that I think is a gift is that Sometimes I just do not give a shit about what other people think, and that is that is a blessing, and it hasn't always been that way, because, you know, at this point in my life I'm comfortable with where I am.
• 53:35
  Speaker 1: I know you know my strengths and my weaknesses and but just, yeah, just not giving a shit really is really helpful, you know, for day-to-day, day-to-day life.
• 53:46
  Speaker 1: So I would hope that you know, people could take that to heart and focus on the people that matter.
• 53:52
  Speaker 1: Now there obviously my family, and I know those close to me.
• 53:57
  Speaker 1: I do care about my impact on them, but you know, first, mother people.
• 54:03
  Speaker 1: You know I'm not gonna spend the energy on that because I probably can't change it anyway and we're being willing to admit that you're wrong.
• 54:10
  Speaker 1: You know that's Something also that I've learned.
• 54:13
  Speaker 1: That didn't come easy to me, but you know, I think Having children has made me focus on.
• 54:22
  Speaker 1: You know, hey, if I'm gonna do this.
• 54:24
  Speaker 1: If I'm gonna raise some people that Contributing to society, then I'd better start modeling some of these things that I want to see.
• 54:30
  Speaker 1: So it's kind of forced me to take a look at my own life and the way that I behave and the way that I, you know, interact with other people.
• 54:38
  Speaker 1: And just you know what you know, focusing on the important things.
• 54:42
  Speaker 1: What are those important things?
• 54:43
  Speaker 1: To make sure Now those are communicated by what we do and you know what we focus on.
• 54:49
  Speaker 1: You know I think we've talked about this before that you know I believe that what you focus on grows.
• 54:54
  Speaker 1: You know I I'm a firm believer of being positive, the power positive thinking.
• 54:58
  Speaker 1: I just I think that's a life changer and the way that we talk to ourselves it has to be positive.
• 55:03
  Speaker 1: You know little things.
• 55:05
  Speaker 1: Instead of saying, don't forget your keys, if you say, remember your keys, focusing on the positive version of that, you're have a better chance of remembering your keys.
• 55:13
  Speaker 1: There's research that that suggests that as well.
• 55:17
  Speaker 1: So this being positive and everything trying to Be the type of person that other people want to be around, because you lift them up and Help them, want to be the best version of themselves or just, you know, be their best.
• 55:36
  Speaker 1: You know that's kind of something that I tried to do at school as well, and sometimes you know you got to fake it till you, even when you don't feel like being positive, encouraging that.
• 55:47
  Speaker 1: You know we need to do that anyway.
• 55:50
  Speaker 2: Okay, the lighting rounds when I go completely random and show you the negative effects.
• 55:54
  Speaker 2: Have taken too many hits in college, not Bong hands for football hits, but but before we do that, if people are intrigued by your you you said it, the charm back in 2003 that landed Monica but like, what are?
• 56:08
  Speaker 2: What would be the best way?
• 56:10
  Speaker 2: If are there, are you a social media guy?
• 56:12
  Speaker 2: Is there an email if people want to learn more about what you're doing at Primarica regarding you know, just educating people within the, the financial literacy.
• 56:21
  Speaker 2: Like how can people learn more about that if they're intrigued?
• 56:24
  Speaker 1: Yeah, thank you.
• 56:25
  Speaker 1: I have a website, my Primarica website, that somebody could look at, kind of see what our company is about and what we do and, just like anything else, I kind of take a teaching approach to finance.
• 56:36
  Speaker 1: I really want people to understand what it is that they're, what they're getting into or potentially getting into or what Presenting options to people so they are empowered to make their own choice.
• 56:49
  Speaker 1: My website is primaricacom, so it's PR.
• 56:54
  Speaker 1: I am E R I C a Dot com forward slash mark shampoo, so m a r k, ch, a, m p o u x.
• 57:05
  Speaker 1: So there's lots of information on there About what we do and about me.
• 57:11
  Speaker 1: So if somebody wanted to reach out, my work, email is on there as well.
• 57:15
  Speaker 2: Okay, we'll make sure that's tagged in the show notes.
• 57:17
  Speaker 2: I think you know financial literacy is a huge gap in America.
• 57:22
  Speaker 2: My lovely bride Carrie she was super helpful Not my mom it, I didn't, but I think my wife was so like in the weeds of I.
• 57:32
  Speaker 2: At times it like to be frustrating, but it's frustrating because it's my own gap.
• 57:36
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and I've, she's been.
• 57:39
  Speaker 2: I got a godsend just helping just understand what a budget is and not annoying.
• 57:44
  Speaker 2: You spend what you have, not what you you know, and then get in the cutter car game like it's not a good path to go down.
• 57:50
  Speaker 2: So I think it's cool You're doing that and hopefully, if there's people listening, whether you're young or old and you want to learn More about what marks on them, will make sure that it's linked in the show notes.
• 57:59
  Speaker 2: All right, lighting around this is your.
• 58:02
  Speaker 2: My goal is to get a gig, a lot of you.
• 58:04
  Speaker 2: Your goal is to answer that doesn't count.
• 58:08
  Speaker 2: Your goal is to answer these questions as quickly as you can.
• 58:10
  Speaker 2: Okay, okay, first one, sure false.
• 58:13
  Speaker 2: You hold the Kentridge weightlifting record for 735 pound-dollift false.
• 58:18
  Speaker 2: Close giggle true or false?
• 58:21
  Speaker 2: You beat Aubrey Frederick in tennis Year after year.
• 58:26
  Speaker 2: False, the guy should be in Wimbledon.
• 58:29
  Speaker 2: He's unbelievable, true or false?
• 58:31
  Speaker 2: You once challenged Marty Osborne to a mile race around the Kentridge track and you beat him on the last lap by 38 seconds.
• 58:40
  Speaker 2: Also false Good visual, though That'd been funny to watch.
• 58:43
  Speaker 2: Okay, if I went on your phone right now, what would be the song that your kids would be surprised that you listen to?
• 58:51
  Speaker 1: ooh, probably something by Morgan Wallin.
• 58:57
  Speaker 1: Growing up I didn't listen to a lot of country, but my wife likes it and it's starting to grow on me a little bit, so I got a couple Country songs in there now.
• 59:09
  Speaker 2: There we go.
• 59:10
  Speaker 2: What sure fall.
• 59:11
  Speaker 2: Actually, what would be the one song that your students would be surprised that you listen to?
• 59:15
  Speaker 1: Oh, I got some old-school rap in there too, you know, maybe NWA.
• 59:24
  Speaker 2: There we go, hard core, there we go Fairwood, fairwood, jeans right there.
• 59:29
  Speaker 2: Okay, tell me the last book you read, oh man I.
• 59:36
  Speaker 1: This wasn't planned.
• 59:37
  Speaker 1: It might have been yours I.
• 59:39
  Speaker 2: Did was not planned.
• 59:40
  Speaker 2: I swear to God, everybody did not plan that as a Favorite 80s sitcom.
• 59:48
  Speaker 1: Oh, man, there's so many gosh, then it's a.
• 59:53
  Speaker 1: We'll go with that different stroke.
• 59:54
  Speaker 1: No silver spoons.
• 59:55
  Speaker 1: Silver spoons is one of my favorites.
• 59:57
  Speaker 2: Here we are face-to-face.
• 59:58
  Speaker 2: Yeah, a couple sort of phones hoping to find me, to have a kind, making our way.
• 1:00:03
  Speaker 1: Ricky Schroeder, we're so cool.
• 1:00:05
  Speaker 2: Oh god, he's still cool.
• 1:00:06
  Speaker 2: Uh Name, the 180 sitcom that brought a tear to Mark's eye.
• 1:00:11
  Speaker 1: Oh man, Maybe different strokes.
• 1:00:16
  Speaker 2: See my answer.
• 1:00:17
  Speaker 2: If I was in your, she's a, be which one oh.
• 1:00:20
  Speaker 2: Wonder year's family ties facts alive.
• 1:00:22
  Speaker 2: Oh okay, Bruce or my, get me golden girls guaranteed.
• 1:00:26
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, so many good ones.
• 1:00:28
  Speaker 1: Wonder years for sure I didn't know.
• 1:00:30
  Speaker 1: I mean, yeah, I guess that's a sitcom, but yeah, wonder years.
• 1:00:34
  Speaker 1: For sure I know it's right.
• 1:00:35
  Speaker 1: My kids make fun of me all the time because I cry when they know long distance commercial comes on and the grandma Gets on the phone like that's me.
• 1:00:41
  Speaker 3: I'm always crying.
• 1:00:43
  Speaker 1: They make fun of me, but I didn't quite think it very much, so that's good.
• 1:00:47
  Speaker 2: Congratulations.
• 1:00:48
  Speaker 2: We actually have that in common.
• 1:00:49
  Speaker 2: We we watched what's the show?
• 1:00:52
  Speaker 2: It's called the oh my gosh.
• 1:00:54
  Speaker 2: It's a movie.
• 1:00:54
  Speaker 2: It's during Christmas time.
• 1:00:56
  Speaker 2: It's no, it's called family stone.
• 1:00:59
  Speaker 2: That are, serendipity.
• 1:01:01
  Speaker 2: One of those movies.
• 1:01:02
  Speaker 2: It gets me every, every, every Christmas.
• 1:01:05
  Speaker 2: Yeah so this is when our rest in peace Jenny, our dog.
• 1:01:07
  Speaker 2: She passed away a couple months ago, but when Jenny was alive we're upstairs in our bonus room watching the movie during like family time.
• 1:01:13
  Speaker 2: And it was like a part.
• 1:01:15
  Speaker 2: I kind of looked to my right and the kids didn't see me.
• 1:01:17
  Speaker 2: I was like, oh god, here it's coming.
• 1:01:18
  Speaker 2: So I kind of laid down like pretending I was petting Jenny.
• 1:01:20
  Speaker 2: Yeah use her tail to wipe a tear.
• 1:01:22
  Speaker 2: All of a sudden.
• 1:01:24
  Speaker 1: That's a plus move right there.
• 1:01:26
  Speaker 2: Well and Riley tell Ryler look, he's crying again.
• 1:01:29
  Speaker 2: Geez what, just called me out like hey, I'm trying to show that it's okay to cry.
• 1:01:36
  Speaker 2: Why am I getting my frickin?
• 1:01:38
  Speaker 2: If you're to book a vacation right now where you and Monica going without the kids?
• 1:01:45
  Speaker 1: Italy.
• 1:01:47
  Speaker 2: What city?
• 1:01:48
  Speaker 1: all of them I would.
• 1:01:49
  Speaker 1: I would want to take three weeks and go.
• 1:01:51
  Speaker 1: I've been tell my bucket list been dying to do it.
• 1:01:53
  Speaker 1: You know, seeing everybody else go, um, my, my grandpa was born there so probably want to see his hometown.
• 1:02:01
  Speaker 1: But just, you know, chinkatera, all of it.
• 1:02:04
  Speaker 1: Just go see the countryside and you know Eat pasta and drink wine and you know, enjoy it.
• 1:02:10
  Speaker 2: That sounds delicious.
• 1:02:11
  Speaker 2: Um, okay, if there was a be, there was a to be.
• 1:02:16
  Speaker 2: A book running about your life.
• 1:02:17
  Speaker 2: Tell me the title.
• 1:02:18
  Speaker 2: Oh man, then something out of nothing, maybe, I don't know like that okay, now you're you're you're no longer working for uh Tohoma, you're no longer working for print primarica.
• 1:02:28
  Speaker 2: Now You're a Hollywood casting director and I need to know who is gonna star you.
• 1:02:34
  Speaker 2: Uh, what Hollywood actor will star you?
• 1:02:36
  Speaker 2: And this critically acclaimed new netflix hit Something.
• 1:02:41
  Speaker 1: Now the rock's probably busy.
• 1:02:42
  Speaker 1: I like the closest, maybe mark garofalo, I don't know, is that?
• 1:02:50
  Speaker 3: a guy.
• 1:02:51
  Speaker 2: Yeah, anyway some short squabby white guy probably.
• 1:02:54
  Speaker 2: With just bulging biceps and and.
• 1:02:58
  Speaker 1: I did last back advice yesterday, so I could tell.
• 1:03:01
  Speaker 2: I could tell I heard it in your voice a little bit too.
• 1:03:04
  Speaker 2: Um, okay, last question Tell me two words to describe monica um vivacious and outgoing.
• 1:03:14
  Speaker 2: There we go, lighting rounds over.
• 1:03:16
  Speaker 2: We both kind of went random, we both giggled.
• 1:03:18
  Speaker 2: We'll call a tie.
• 1:03:19
  Speaker 2: I want to thank you, sir, for spending almost an hour with us on the quarterback.
• 1:03:23
  Speaker 2: Dad cast want to give a shout out to, like, latitude, sick of my friends up at sicka.
• 1:03:28
  Speaker 2: If you've not been to alaska and you want to go and you want to see an Amazing island.
• 1:03:32
  Speaker 2: I went there in june.
• 1:03:34
  Speaker 2: Um, I think I saw like 80 eagles and every time I saw one it's still cool to look at.
• 1:03:39
  Speaker 2: They have these, um, uh, small homes you can, you can, you can rent and it's just a place you get away.
• 1:03:47
  Speaker 2: They do have cell service, but it's just a fantastic, um, fantastic time to go.
• 1:03:51
  Speaker 2: And they've been supporters of the podcast for the last three years.
• 1:03:53
  Speaker 2: I'm grateful for a sawm up and team for for everything they do do for us, um, so I want to.
• 1:03:58
  Speaker 2: The goal is to hopefully send as many people up to sicka, alaska as well.
• 1:04:02
  Speaker 2: But, mark, it's been a blast.
• 1:04:03
  Speaker 2: Uh, spend time with you.
• 1:04:04
  Speaker 2: Um, I know I got a lot of this up, so I got a full page notes.
• 1:04:07
  Speaker 2: Hopefully everybody's scoring a home does as well.
• 1:04:09
  Speaker 2: Um, but I'm grateful We've been reconnected, brother Um appreciate everything you do for our students here in the maple valley area and I know our kids um appreciate everything you do as a coach for the community.
• 1:04:19
  Speaker 2: So thank you, sir, and keep up the great work.
• 1:04:21
  Speaker 1: Thanks, kc, I appreciate you having me on.
• 1:04:22
  Speaker 1: Keep up the good work, highlight and all these amazing dads.
• 1:04:26
  Speaker 2: Thanks, bam.