Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #556 I'll Do Better Tomorrow

Transcript

#556 I'll Do Better Tomorrow · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

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  Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the.
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  Speaker 2: Time poor parent who just wants answers.
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  Speaker 1: Now, I think that I wanted to say this on
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  Speaker 1: the podcast to let people know that being a parent
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  Speaker 1: sometimes just sucks, like it really, truly, absolutely, unquestionably in
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  Speaker 1: every way is horrible.
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  Speaker 3: And now here's the stars of our show, my mum
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  Speaker 3: and dad.
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  Speaker 1: Hello, this is doctor Justin Colson, the founder of Happy
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  Speaker 1: Families dot com dot au. Here with Kylie, my wife
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  Speaker 1: and mum to our six children, who frankly, this week
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  Speaker 1: for our old Do Better Tomorrow episode, I need to
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  Speaker 1: confess I I will almost almost going to say something
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  Speaker 1: I would regret. Then, every Friday we have a conversation
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  Speaker 1: about things that have gone right or things that have
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  Speaker 1: gone wrong, how we want to be more intentional in
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  Speaker 1: our parenting based on our learnings from the past week. Kylie,
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  Speaker 1: I'm going to go first. Today, We've had We've had
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  Speaker 1: a whole bunch of voice memos come through. We've had
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  Speaker 1: all sorts of feedback that have come through from recent podcasts,
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  Speaker 1: to do with financing, to do with film in kids,
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  Speaker 1: joy tanks. I wanted to play all of those today.
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  Speaker 1: I just wanted to talk about movies that we've recently
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  Speaker 1: seen with the kids. But I think we just need
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  Speaker 1: to dive straight into our review and see where it goes.
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  Speaker 1: And I'm going to go first because I've had just
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  Speaker 1: the crappiest week, perhaps in all of parenting in all
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  Speaker 1: of the world, this week as a parenting expert, as
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  Speaker 1: the guy who's written the books, the guy who stands
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  Speaker 1: up and tells everyone how to have happy family. I mean,
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  Speaker 1: we had these podcasts a couple of weeks ago, and
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  Speaker 1: the last week and a half about filling kids joy tanks.
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  Speaker 1: The joy in the Justin Courson joy tank has been
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  Speaker 1: noticeably absent.
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  Speaker 2: It's a bit of a cup at the moment.
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  Speaker 4: Oh yeah, yeah, that's right.
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  Speaker 2: We're talking about joy.
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  Speaker 1: You said cup, it's a thimble. I've got a thimble
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  Speaker 1: full of joy. Actually, I'm still I'm still loving life,
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  Speaker 1: but not when I'm parenting. Like the last week. If
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  Speaker 1: I could give up parenting, I would. It's just been
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  Speaker 1: it has sucked. I don't know how else to say it.
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  Speaker 1: And so it's really hard to be reflective today and
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  Speaker 1: find lessons when I'm just over it and I get
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  Speaker 1: all these emails from people all the time, saying I've
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  Speaker 1: got a kid with ADHD or ODD or autism or
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  Speaker 1: this all that, and what do I do? And I'm
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  Speaker 1: drowning in it. And usually I know how to be
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  Speaker 1: useful and supportive, but this week it's me and I'm
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  Speaker 1: just I'm over it, just over it.
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  Speaker 3: I'm really grateful that you're willing to kind of talk
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  Speaker 3: about this, because I think that there is not a
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  Speaker 3: single parent who has not at some point or even today,
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  Speaker 3: experiencing that same feeling of just really wishing they could
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  Speaker 3: just close the door behind them and walk away. Because
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  Speaker 3: it gets like that at times. And as a parent,
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  Speaker 3: I think part of it is because we don't just
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  Speaker 3: get to deal with one challenge at any given time.
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  Speaker 3: We've got our own personal stuff going on, whether it
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  Speaker 3: be finances, a job, whatever, There's all this stuff going
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  Speaker 3: on in our lives, and then we've got our children's
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  Speaker 3: challenges on top of it, and generally speaking, if we've
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  Speaker 3: got more than one, it's not just one challenge. Everyone's
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  Speaker 3: got something.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, and I don't want to overdisclose here with our kids,
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  Speaker 1: but we've got one kid who's got some proper mental
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  Speaker 1: health issues, and we've got another one who's dealing with
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  Speaker 1: some really big issues, just dealing with big issues, like
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  Speaker 1: heavy issues, and making choices that are inconsistent with the
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  Speaker 1: values that we've shared, or at least hinting and indicating
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  Speaker 1: that she's frustrated and struggling, like there's just this issue there.
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  Speaker 1: I'm being I'm intentionally obfuscating what's going on there because
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  Speaker 1: I want to protect her privacy in her stuff. And
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  Speaker 1: then we've got one who has an ADHD diagnosis. I mean,
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  Speaker 1: what were the woods that the psychologist said when she
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  Speaker 1: saw the scores on the tests that we did, it
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  Speaker 1: was like, these are off the charts or something.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, she kind of looked at me and said, do
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  Speaker 3: you have every right to be questioning?
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  Speaker 1: But one thing that we've never said on the podcast,
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  Speaker 1: and we do this mainly protect our kids, but ADHD
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  Speaker 1: is not the only thing that she's scoring off the
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  Speaker 1: charts on. There's particular oppositional behavior that she also massively highly.
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  Speaker 1: In fact, the psychologist said to us, are you dealing
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  Speaker 1: with this? And at the time, we were dealing with
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  Speaker 1: it just fine. But the last little bit last a
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  Speaker 1: little while. It's just it's driven mispare and everything that
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  Speaker 1: I teach in my webinars, everything that we're doing, I mean,
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  Speaker 1: and then last week we did a workshop, you and
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  Speaker 1: I both we were asked to go to Brisbane together
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  Speaker 1: and run two presentations where we're talking about loving our
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  Speaker 1: kids and connecting with our kids and filling their relationship
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  Speaker 1: buckets with lots and lots of connection. And I just
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  Speaker 1: it's okay, that's the end of my winge. It's not
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  Speaker 1: even a winge. I just I think that I wanted
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  Speaker 1: to say this on the podcast to let people know
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  Speaker 1: that being a parent sometimes just sucks, like it really, truly, absolutely,
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  Speaker 1: unquestionably in every way is horrible. And that's where it's
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  Speaker 1: been for me.
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  Speaker 2: It's interesting.
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  Speaker 3: I feel like in some ways, men have it a
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  Speaker 3: little bit tougher because I'm wondering, as I'm thinking about
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  Speaker 3: the friendships that you have and the kinds of conversations
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  Speaker 3: you have with your friends, who do you go to
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  Speaker 3: when you have when you're having these down days as
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  Speaker 3: a dad?
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  Speaker 2: Like, who do you talk to?
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  Speaker 1: So I don't talk to anyone? It would be very
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  Speaker 1: hard for one of my friends to say, well, parenting expert,
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  Speaker 1: here's my parenting advice for you.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, but I don't go to my friends for advice. Necessarily,
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  Speaker 3: I go for a listening hear. I go for someone
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  Speaker 3: who can just empathize with me and let me know
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  Speaker 3: that it's not always going to be like this. Well,
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  Speaker 3: I talk to you, and that's probably not helpful either
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  Speaker 3: at times, because I'm so emotionally involved and attached to
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  Speaker 3: the situation that I don't have the clarity dag to
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  Speaker 3: give you, you know, the I guess the emotional support
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  Speaker 3: that sometimes you need, and I just wonder whether or not.
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  Speaker 2: This is a dialogue that needs to be had more
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  Speaker 2: it could be.
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  Speaker 1: So my take home message is sometimes being a parent
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  Speaker 1: is just horrible. And I'm not even going to try
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  Speaker 1: to suggest that there's a way forward. I'm not going
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  Speaker 1: to suggest that here's what you need to do. I've
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  Speaker 1: got to dig my way out of here over the
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  Speaker 1: next few days. Maybe the weekend can be the circuit breaker,
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  Speaker 1: I don't know, a trip to the beach, some surfing,
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  Speaker 1: some walks, some wrestling, some reading, some things that put
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  Speaker 1: the joy back into the relationship. But it's really hard
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  Speaker 1: when sometimes you'd rather just not actually see the kids,
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  Speaker 1: Like that's kind of where it's been. I would just
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  Speaker 1: rather not have to engage at all, mind you, In
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  Speaker 1: the last little bit, in the last twenty four hours
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  Speaker 1: or so, I have deleted all of the apps from
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  Speaker 1: my phone that caused me to turn away from the
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  Speaker 1: family at all, so that I can leave my phone alone,
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  Speaker 1: use it only as a tool, and be more present.
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  Speaker 1: So I'm hoping that at least that will make some
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  Speaker 1: kind of a difference.
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  Speaker 3: Well, I appreciate you sharing your difficulties today. I think
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  Speaker 3: it's important for us to kind of let people know
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  Speaker 3: that we don't always have it all together.
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  Speaker 1: No, not at the moment anyway, So missus happy families hopefully. Well, Well,
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  Speaker 1: I know what sort of a week you've had, But
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  Speaker 1: let's find out how you're going to be more intentional,
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  Speaker 1: what you can reflect on, and how you can do
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  Speaker 1: better tomorrow. Right off the.
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  Speaker 4: Break, Tweens, Teens and Screens is the webinar you need
• 7:07
  Speaker 4: if you're struggling with screen time at home. Join me
• 7:11
  Speaker 4: is I unpacked the simplest methods to deal with the
• 7:13
  Speaker 4: screen scene and eliminate the drama without having to ban
• 7:17
  Speaker 4: all devices. Even in some of the trickiest situations, screens
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  Speaker 4: can work in.
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  Speaker 1: Your family's favor. Even if you have tweens and teens.
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: Check out tweens, teens and screens at happy families dot
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: com dot au.
• 7:29
  Speaker 3: It's the Happy Families podcast, the podcast with a time
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  Speaker 3: poor parent who just wants answers now. And my story
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  Speaker 3: kind of fits in really nicely.
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  Speaker 1: With is it a positive one?
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  Speaker 3: Because well, no, it's not actually a story, it's really
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  Speaker 3: it's really insights, I guess, and it flows in because
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  Speaker 3: the reality is but it's been a shared experience and
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  Speaker 3: parenting right now it feels really really tricky and hard.
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  Speaker 5: But as you already suggested, last.
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  Speaker 3: Weekend, we were able to go and do some workshops
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  Speaker 3: and I was able to kind of catch up with
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  Speaker 3: some old friends. There was some familiar faces in there
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  Speaker 3: and a few new ones, so shout out to Jane
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  Speaker 3: and Nissa and Hannah. It was really awesome to spend
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  Speaker 3: some time and you know, talking about the things that
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  Speaker 3: make a difference in our families. And as I kind
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  Speaker 3: of was just thinking about those conversations, one of my
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  Speaker 3: friends specifically, we wanted to know how everything was going,
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  Speaker 3: and I just couldn't stop grinning from ear to ear.
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  Speaker 3: I was telling her how amazing things are since we've
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  Speaker 3: moved up to the Sunshine coast and we are just
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  Speaker 3: living this life that we honestly never imagined was possible.
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  Speaker 1: And until I lost it with the kids over this
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  Speaker 1: past week, it has been.
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  Speaker 5: But the reality is, no matter how good our lives are,
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  Speaker 5: there is always challenge, there's always opposition, there's always going
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  Speaker 5: to be something that can pull us down. And this
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  Speaker 5: week it has really really pulled you down. But the
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  Speaker 5: reality is we have those kinds of experiences on a
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  Speaker 5: regular basis, and most of the time we're able to
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  Speaker 5: pull ourselves out of the pretty quickly. And so, you know,
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  Speaker 5: for anyone out there thinking life is idyllic and perfect,
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  Speaker 5: at times, it really feels like that.
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  Speaker 2: But there are times.
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  Speaker 3: Where the challenges really kind of mount up and it
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  Speaker 3: can be really easy to only see them and not
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  Speaker 3: recognize that there's good outside of that. And so as
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  Speaker 3: I went through my week this week, I was really
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  Speaker 3: intentional about doing the things that light me up, that
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  Speaker 3: actually fill my joy tank, because we've been talking about
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  Speaker 3: that last week on the podcast, and this week I
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  Speaker 3: was able to run the Furtheres stuff run and actually
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  Speaker 3: beat my time. It was just a really nice way
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  Speaker 3: to kind of, you know, give myself the space and
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  Speaker 3: time that I needed to come back and be more
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  Speaker 3: present with the kids. And for the most part, those
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  Speaker 3: those challenges that you've spoken of are intense, and they
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  Speaker 3: from time to time can really really affect even me
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  Speaker 3: and my mental capacity. But being able to have conversations
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  Speaker 3: with you know, one or two close friends who guard
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  Speaker 3: my children hearts as well has been really important for me.
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  Speaker 3: Being able to kind of just pick myself back up
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  Speaker 3: and show up again and try again when I fall
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  Speaker 3: down and kind of get it wrong. And I think
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  Speaker 3: it's just such for me personally, has been such an
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  Speaker 3: important part of the process. Having someone that I can
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  Speaker 3: talk to and just recognizing that it's not always going
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  Speaker 3: to be great.
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  Speaker 2: But if I can.
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  Speaker 3: Take the time to do the things that fill my
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  Speaker 3: carp it allows me to show up better.
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  Speaker 1: Just listen to your talk makes me feel like we
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  Speaker 1: can do better tomorrow. It really does. I feel like
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  Speaker 1: having this conversation might have brought everyone else down and
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  Speaker 1: made them never want to listen to us again because
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  Speaker 1: we're not perfect. But I feel like we can do
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  Speaker 1: better this weekend. I feel like it's doable. We've just
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  Speaker 1: got to get stuck into it and have a go.
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  Speaker 2: It's all about having to go home.
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  Speaker 1: Okay, Well, the Happy Families Podcast we'll be back on Monday,
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  Speaker 1: and hopefully it will be back more energetically. Hopefully we'll
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  Speaker 1: be able to say we've had a good weekend and
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  Speaker 1: we actually do love our kids and they're doing okay.
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  Speaker 1: But until then, we hope you have a great weekend.
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  Speaker 1: On Monday and all next week, we're going to start
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: exploding some parenting myths. I can't wait for what we'll
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  Speaker 1: be talking about. Oh and we're going to review Minions
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: and light Year on the podcast as well. The podcast
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: is produced by Justin Roulant from Bridge Media. Craig Bruce
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: is our executive producer and for more and fo about
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: making your family happy, read some of the stuff that
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: I've written previously when my family was happy at Happy
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: Families dot com dot Au