Latest / The HighDive / Ep. 10 | Stories of Hope | Surviving Divorce and Suicidal Ideation

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Ep. 10 | Stories of Hope | Surviving Divorce and Suicidal Ideation · The HighDive

• 0:04
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome back to the Hot Dot Podcast.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_01: This is the Minister of Calvary Baptist Church, and right now we're in the middle of a mini-series, if you would, that we're calling Stories of Hope, and we are striving to tell real stories about real people, ultimately pointing to real hope that's only found in Jesus.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_01: And so uh today we're joined by Hannah Brandley.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for being here today.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_04: Well, thank you for having me.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_01: Very excited.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, by the way, how long have you and Tyler and your family been part of our church?
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_04: I'd say about a year now.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_01: Amazing family.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, today's episode is going to be powerful.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_01: It's going to be tender.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_01: It's going to be deep and heavy.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, we want to acknowledge that out of the gate because we're sitting down with a woman from our church family who has walked through some seasons of great pain and heaviness, including abusive relationships, suicidal ideation, uh, and through a long process of healing.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_01: And ultimately, we're going to have to walk through that heavy to grasp the beauty of the hope.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_01: And so, um, because this is a this is not just a story about what you survived, this is a story about what God has redeemed.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_02: Exactly.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_01: And that, and so um, we want we want our attention to be on that freedom and that hope.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, so before we begin, I want to say something very clearly.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_01: Um, if you're listening today, part of our church, anywhere in the world, you may have found this conversation.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_01: If part of our conversation today touches a place of pain in your own story, please don't walk through that alone.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_01: Um, if you're in immediate danger, call 911.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_01: If you are right now experiencing suicidal thoughts or ideation, call 988 to reach out to the suicide hotline.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_01: If you find yourself in an abusive situation, reach out to someone who's trusted, uh, a pastor, a friend, a counselor, or somebody in the local support organization.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, you're not alone.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_01: And you're reaching out for help is not a sign of weakness, it's actually a sign of wisdom.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_01: So we would encourage you to do that.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but it was funny.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_01: We were talking before we started.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_01: Uh you you you connect your life to a movie franchise.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_01: Which one was it?
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_04: Yes, a series of unfortunate events.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_01: My girls really got into those movies.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_01: They're really funny.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_04: Yes.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so ultimately, man, I I we pray that today we can handle this conversation with grace, with courage, with confidence, and uh through it all point one another and ultimately you to King Jesus.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_01: So uh he does walk with us in the darkest of valleys and ultimately brings dead things back to life, which is awesome.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_01: Uh so if this is your first time with us, please do us a favor, click like, subscribe, share, follow all the stuff so that more people can hear about this podcast.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_01: But let's dive in.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_01: Are you ready?
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_04: I'm ready.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_01: Um, maybe, maybe before we go back through the hard parts of your story, help us just get to know you a little bit better.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_01: Like, uh, what would you want the church family or anybody watching this to know about who Hannah is today?
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_04: Okay, well, I am almost 35.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_04: I'll be 35 next month, and I am married.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_04: My husband, Tyler, he is active duty, but he's got about a year left to retire.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_04: So we're super excited about that, but we're also super sad because that means we'll have to leave here.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_01: I understand.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_01: As we say, Uncle Sin gives and takes away with equal regularity.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_04: Yes.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_04: Um, but I am a I was born in Nashville, but I was raised in Decatur, Alabama, so Huntsville area.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_04: Um and then my husband and I, we got married in December of 2021.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_04: So I have two kids from a prior marriage.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_04: He has three from a prior marriage, and then we have one together.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_04: So in total, we have six kids.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: That's a lot of kiddos.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_04: It is a lot.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_04: It's always one, two, three, four, five, six, one, five.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_01: Your head counting all the time.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_04: Yes, and like if we go out to eat, you know, which is a very rare event, but when we do, I'm like, how many people do we have?
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_04: You know, it's just but Brantley party of eight.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_04: Well, uh, not last year, but the year before that, I sent out Christmas cards, and instead of it being the Brady Bunch, it was the Brantley bunch.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_04: I like it.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_04: And I had all the different squares.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, it was cute.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_03: That's fine.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_04: But um, I am I do paralegal work, so I'm not necessarily paralegal certified, but I do paralegal work.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_04: I've been working from home for 13 years.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_04: So a lot of the time I get cabin fever.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_03: Uh huh.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_04: You know, um, everybody's like, oh, working from home so much fun.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_04: But when you have toddlers and young kids, teenagers, preteens, it can be a lot.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_01: Well, we love you and your family.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_01: Love how involved and engaged you are in our church family, and grateful for you taking some time today to have this conversation.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_01: So maybe uh let's go back to the early years, you know, at whatever part you want to start, childhood, teenage years.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_01: Lemely asked the question this way Um, what were some of the struggles that you were carrying that other people may not have even seen?
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_04: Well, I'm glad you asked it that way because I would say I hid all of my troubles very, very, very well.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_04: Um my parents did not have a good relationship.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_04: They were very toxic together, but I do want to preface this by saying I love my parents.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_04: I think they hung the moon, and we have a great relationship.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_04: It's just their marriage was not, it was not compatible.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_03: Sure.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_04: And so with that came a lot of toxicity, um, a lot of extremely negative home environments, and I would say that is putting it fairly lightly.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_04: Um, and you know, now that I am a mom in my 30s, I can look back and see, you know, they were just uh an adult figuring out life themselves, you know, as a kid, you see your parents and you think they have no issues, they have it all figured out.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_04: Absolutely, and now I'm like they were just trying to figure out life, just like I'm trying to figure out life, you know, and so um I am an only child, and so that created a lot of loneliness because I felt like there was nobody I could talk to about how I didn't feel I guess seen growing up, and it wasn't because my parents didn't love me or show me affection, I think they were just struggling so much to survive.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_04: And so I didn't want to put any extra tension on that, so I kind of just drew back.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_01: You kept it to yourself.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_04: Right.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_04: And so it's not because I went to them and they just, you know, it was completely on I've always been really empathetic, I guess.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_04: I can read the room, and so I've just naturally draw back and don't want to cause any more additional hardship.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_01: So yeah, I want to I don't want to be a burden on anyone else, so I'm just gonna take all this in and just deal with it myself.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_04: Yes.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_01: I get that.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_04: And so, you know, um, it was just it was just lonely being an only child in that home environment.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_01: And um all right, so when you when you walk through that season or when you reflect back on that season, what are the things that helped you keep going, even in times when you felt like something was hopeless?
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_04: You know, it's kind of interesting because I so I went to a Catholic school growing up, um, and I considered myself a Catholic, but my parents didn't go to church, so that was just kind of me on my own in that.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_04: But I mean, ever since I was a little girl, I have I've prayed.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, I have always felt this extremely strong connection to God ever since I was little.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_04: And I can, I mean, but there was also a lot of anxiety around that.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_04: I can remember being little and praying, you know.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_04: I have to pray for every single family member, yeah, every single animal, you know, like just I'm afraid I'm gonna miss somebody.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_04: Yes, I mean, but it that really did give me, like God was my He made me feel seen even whenever I was a kid.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_04: I'm like, I have God who who gets to listen to me, who wants to listen to me, and that really did um bring me a lot of comfort.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_01: Uh which is beautiful.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, because he is a God of comfort.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_01: Um, you did feel seen by him, but you said a minute ago you you didn't really feel seen by others, and so that you know, you you used the word of loneliness, you that empathy led you to not want to be a burden, so you kind of kept things to yourself.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_01: At some point through those years of childhood, teenage years, somewhere then some kind of some dark thoughts started coming in.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_01: So where did those where did those you think contributed to those, or where did those where did they take you?
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_04: So I never saw a healthy relationship.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_04: Um and I remember thinking to myself, as a little girl, I don't want to get married, I don't want to have kids.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_04: If this is what it looks like, I want no part of it.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_04: Um, but still there was something inside of me that even though I prayed and talked to God, I still didn't really understand like the gospel and what it what it really meant, if that makes sense.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_04: And so I didn't like understand it.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_04: I didn't really I wouldn't have considered myself saved, I guess you could say.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_04: Um, and so I I had a lot of friends that didn't really have a lot of good parental guidance, and so and I didn't really have a lot of parental guidance.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_04: Um and so I'm I made a lot of stupid teenage decisions.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_04: And uh I w would also you know have boyfriends, or not multiple, I'm just saying, yeah, yeah.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_04: Uh, you know, dated and guys were always like I never had a good boyfriend.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_04: They were always just really harsh.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_04: Um, girls were always really mean to me.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_04: Um, I had a girl key my car for a a guy that I don't even know.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_04: I wasn't even talking to that guy, but I guess I don't know.
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_04: It was a weird situation.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_04: I had a girl key my car.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_04: I had girls threatening to like fight me and just crazy stuff, and I'm like, I don't even, I'm just I don't, you know, like I just didn't feel like I fit in with the whole high school dynamic.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_04: And then because I never talked to anybody about what I grew up with, that also created some isolation.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_04: And then, you know, the guys that I dated made me feel just very inferior, and so my lack of self-worth, I mean, I had none.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_04: And um, you know, whenever I was I used to get made fun of a lot because I was not promiscuous like my other friends.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_04: And that was something I was very adamant about.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_04: Um I I may have made some really awful decisions, but that was never one that I did at the time.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_04: And um, and so that was that was taken from me um without consent.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_04: And that created a lot of issues um mentally.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_04: And so I just really felt extremely devalued.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_04: I definitely stopped praying.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_01: How old are you at about this time?
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_04: I'd say roughly 15, 16.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_04: Wow.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_04: And so it was just, I mean I can really look back on those days.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, it was just one of those life was just meaningless, I guess you could say.
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_04: Um, but then also my extremely empathetic heart, I felt like I saw everybody, but nobody saw me.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_04: And so, like, if somebody was mean to me, I was not the type to stand up for myself.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_04: I would just take it.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, I've always been a doormat.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_04: And so then all of this stuff just piled on and piled on and piled on, and just my my mental health won't just was no longer healthy.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_01: And so my understanding that at that point through those processes is when those suicidal thoughts started coming in.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_04: Yes.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_04: So I was really close to my mom's mom.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_04: She was my ninny.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_04: And um, she lived with us the last couple of years of her life, but she had like home health and everything.
• 13:46
  SPEAKER_04: And um she ended up being put in a nursing home.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_04: And even though I was 15, I would drive to go see her.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_01: And you're in North Alabama, it doesn't matter.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_04: By myself, and I would go see her, and I remember the last time I went to go see her, she loved Coca-Cola.
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_04: She could only drink it through a stroll, and I went, she she wouldn't drink it, and I just knew this was not good.
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_04: And I just I held her hand and I told her I loved her.
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_04: And I went home and I told my mom, and I said, I don't think she's doing good because she won't drink her Coca-Cola.
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_04: And next thing you know, we go back up there and she was gone.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_04: And that that moment was the cherry on top for me.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_04: That moment is what really I don't I don't have anything, I don't have anybody, you know, which of course she was your person for lack of that sense of security.
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_04: She was, she was definitely that grandmother said, Don't you, don't you get on to my granddaughter, you know.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_04: She she went to bat for me, and probably at times she probably shouldn't have, but she did.
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_03: Sure.
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_04: And um, I just I just she loved me.
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_04: I really she saw me and she loved me and I loved her, and that just really and so I did.
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_04: I started experiencing just a lot of darkness, and um, I was dating.
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_04: Well, I say that term loosely, I was seeing this guy, and I went to go hang out with him one night, and he was talking to another girl basically while I was there, and I was already in a dark spot, and that you know, I'd already been experiencing those, you know, suicidal thoughts, and I was like, I just felt like a waste of air, like a waste of air.
• 15:43
  SPEAKER_04: Like, why what's my purpose here?
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_04: I have no purpose, nobody sees me, nobody loves me.
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_04: The person that did love me is gone.
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_04: Um, and so I went home that night, and I was definitely in trouble with my mom because I was way past curfew, and so her and I got in a really big fight.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_04: Just one more layer that added on top of it, and so um my ninny who had just passed left behind some medication, and so um I went to the kitchen and I got I don't remember exactly what it was in the bottle, but I got like five of those, and then I had an entire bottle of Tylenol PM, which is the same thing as Benadryl, basically.
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_04: And um I was like, I'm just I'm just going for it.
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_04: And I took them all and my mom, she always wanted me, she was a big snuggler, and she always wanted me to sleep in the bed with her.
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_04: So I was like, which clearly shows I was out of my mind.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_04: I was like, I'm gonna go sleep in the bed with my mom tonight because I've never been a snuggler.
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_04: So I was like, I'm gonna go sleep in the bed with my mom tonight.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_04: This is my last thing for her, and so I went and did that crazy because that means my mom would have woke up with her dead daughter next to her.
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, but it like that just goes to show how out of my mind I was.
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_04: And um the next day I woke up and I was furious, furious.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_04: Um and I didn't tell my mom, but she thought I was going crazy because I was hallucinating.
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, you're out of your mind at that point.
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_04: I was talking to people that weren't there.
• 17:27
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, I would just fall asleep and then wake back up, and then she just thought I was I don't know what she thought.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_04: I know she kept yelling at me, like, what are you doing?
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_04: You're scaring me, you're freaking me out.
• 17:39
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 17:40
  SPEAKER_04: And then eventually it just it wore off.
• 17:43
  SPEAKER_04: And then uh shortly after that, that's when I just felt the Holy Spirit, and he was like, I'm not done with you yet.
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_04: You've lost your mind.
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_04: You've lost your mind, and that's when I really was like, Okay, God.
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, nobody else sees me, but you see me.
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_01: And when you get to that place where you've really hit rock bottom and you see the Lord there, that can that's a beautiful wake-up call.
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_01: Uh all right, so we just walked through some heavy.
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_01: Let me drop a note here, maybe ask two questions.
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_01: Um if there's somebody watching this and they're in that headspace right now.
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_01: I'm lonely, I'm invisible, nobody sees me, I don't matter, why am I even here?
• 18:30
  SPEAKER_01: They're thinking those things.
• 18:32
  SPEAKER_01: What what word of encouragement would you say to them?
• 18:35
  SPEAKER_04: Well, I have it tattooed on me.
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_04: It's Jesus wept.
• 18:40
  SPEAKER_04: I have that there because of the story I just told you.
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_04: I have always felt alone and by myself in my own head, and I made sure to put it on my dominant side because I I this reminds me every day that nobody else on this earth might understand, but he does.
• 19:02
  SPEAKER_04: There is nobody that has been rejected worse than Jesus on the cross, and so the fact that he knows what it's like to be rejected, he knows what it's like to hurt and to weep and to grieve and to mourn, and there's nobody that can relate to you more than Jesus.
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_04: And if you have that close relationship with him, and if you just say, Jesus, I need you, there's no greater comfort.
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_01: That's beautiful.
• 19:37
  SPEAKER_01: That'll preach.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_01: I and here my my next question, as we kind of interject through that season of life, do you find yourself uh being very intentional about affirming your children or making sure that they know that you see them?
• 19:57
  SPEAKER_01: Like, how does how do those thoughts in your experience shape the way that you parent your kids?
• 20:04
  SPEAKER_04: It shapes everything.
• 20:07
  SPEAKER_04: Um my kids will probably tell you that sometimes they probably get tired of how much I affirm them.
• 20:13
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_04: Because uh my big thing with parenting is I don't like the whole parent um I don't know how to dis what the proper word would be, but how parents, you know, don't do what I do, do what I say.
• 20:32
  SPEAKER_04: That is not doesn't that does not roll in the Brantley household.
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
• 20:37
  SPEAKER_04: Um, you know, I know that I have to set the example, yeah.
• 20:41
  SPEAKER_04: Um, but I also have to, you know, remind them that it's okay to cry.
• 20:47
  SPEAKER_04: You know, Jonah he's 14.
• 20:49
  SPEAKER_04: Um, it's okay to cry, it's okay to have fear, it's okay to have anxiety.
• 20:55
  SPEAKER_04: You know, with Piper, she's 12, almost 13.
• 20:58
  SPEAKER_04: I tell her, you are beautiful, you are worthy, you know, and I do.
• 21:03
  SPEAKER_04: I affirm them so much that it probably gets on their nerves sometimes.
• 21:07
  SPEAKER_01: That's beautiful, though.
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I think Hillary and I were always very intentional in that way too.
• 21:11
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, we we'd even paint on their wall just words that we wanted them to see and know that frame their identity ultimately in Jesus.
• 21:23
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, but that you are beautiful, that you are special, that you, you know, all those things.
• 21:28
  SPEAKER_01: So thank you for that advice.
• 21:30
  SPEAKER_01: So going back to your story, so you move through that.
• 21:34
  SPEAKER_01: Um at some point of that journey, you get married, and I'm sure it sounded beautiful and you know, all the things, but then it it ended up heavy and hard.
• 21:44
  SPEAKER_01: Kind of walk us through that chapter of uh you've used the word abuse and without sharing anything you don't feel comfortable sharing, I I think give us enough to frame and understand that season, but maybe more importantly, how did that season?
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_01: affect your view of yourself or of God or of relationships.
• 22:06
  SPEAKER_04: Well, um so basically I got pregnant at 19 um by he was my boyfriend at the time and he's four years older than me.
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_04: Um and so 19 for me but that would make him like 23 23 for him right so not so crazy for him but for me 19 was a little bit young to get pregnant in my opinion um but I wouldn't change I wouldn't change how that all worked out but sure um so basically he told me that we needed to get married we need to do this the right way and was that by the way was that from a from a Christian faith's perspective or that was from a cultural expectation the right way I would say a cultural expectation to appease his parents okay that's what I would say um and so my pregnancy basically was kind of hidden because um I mean like family knew but the outside world didn't really know and so I made sure to have a dress that didn't show I was like three months pregnant I think when we got married um make sure it didn't really accentuate that and everything but I mean he handed me my ring in the mall parking lot um wasn't this romantic story and yeah I mean we dated I I'm wanting to say like three years before I got pregnant um but it was off and on and it was very it was toxic then but it was one of those things like oh it just looks like every other teenage toxic relationship you know when you're young you don't really know what you're doing and everything love is blind right that's kind of how we classified it we didn't but that's how we ended up married and so it was I mean I went from being in a relationship to out of relationship with him to back in to back out to being pregnant to getting married and to having a baby moving out of my parents' house quitting college all of that stuff it was back to back to back and at first it was really hard it was like oh my gosh what am I doing with my life and then I'd say like the first year it was it was fine it was um I was ecstatic to be a mom because like I said earlier I didn't want that I didn't want to be married and I didn't want to have kids but I will tell you the birth of my son changed my life I looked at that sweet face and I was like it just unlocked some part of your soul it was just like all the love that I ever wanted is right here in my arms right now.
• 25:24
  SPEAKER_04: And so that really kind of allowed me to overshadow a lot of stuff because I was so smitten with my baby and it was hard I had to go back to work um when he was three months old he went to work with me at a chiropractor and um you know I did everything in the household but it was it was it seemed okay at the time but looking back I know it wasn't okay and then um I ended up getting the job that I have now and we were able to buy a house and move into a much bigger house and as soon as we move in I find out I'm pregnant again and that was not supposed to happen.
• 26:18
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah that was not in the plan.
• 26:19
  SPEAKER_04: Jonah was six months old when I found out I was pregnant with Piper.
• 26:23
  SPEAKER_04: Oh wow and I knew I was pregnant because I drove to Walgreens at like midnight to get chocolate covered pretzels.
• 26:29
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 26:30
  SPEAKER_04: This is not normal behavior.
• 26:32
  SPEAKER_04: And so yes so that um that was just really hard I don't want to go into all the details of that but it was it was really hard um there was just a lot of mostly emotional abuse I would say and it was one of those things where I thought oh I can just I I went I went to a church at the time where they would say just just just love him just love him like Jesus you know you just gotta love him like Jesus so I'm I'm doing the whole prayer warrior closet you know just anything you want anything you need how can I show you love and I lost myself doing that and there were that was many many many many many years of that um I tried to file I did file for divorce moved out one day when he was at work got me a place in secrecy he came home we weren't there and I kept there were so many people that were saying you can't divorce him because he um he hasn't hit you or he hasn't cheated on you and all this other stuff and it was just it was so I didn't feel peace about it.
• 27:57
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah and he was breathing down my neck so I got back with him and then I guess the cards fell how they were supposed to because the some of those things that people would say you know well he did he shouldn't he hasn't done yet he ended up doing and so I I left.
• 28:27
  SPEAKER_01: At what at what point in the relationship we'll call the marriage from 19 moving what point did in your mind did your understanding say I'm identifying this is toxic and then how far into it did you realize okay this is now toxic into the abuse like how far into the marriage were you before you realized I'm in an abusive relationship I would say that whenever I my kids were being affected is when so was that one year in three years in um I'd say that was about four years in.
• 29:12
  SPEAKER_01: And then how many years was the marriage total let me think I think it was like 10 years.
• 29:19
  SPEAKER_01: Wow all right so these are general numbers so there was about six years of you just wading through this when um so if there's somebody watching or listening and they may find themselves in an unhealthy toxic abusive relationship either maybe there's two ways I could ask this question and you could answer it either way.
• 29:49
  SPEAKER_01: What advice would you give for them or what do you wish you would have known earlier that might be beneficial for them to hear from your story?
• 30:01
  SPEAKER_04: I have the perfect answer for that.
• 30:03
  SPEAKER_04: One of the things that I heard a lot because there was a there were times where I would think to myself is this normal but remember the what the marriage that I saw growing up too so I didn't really know what was supposed to be normal and there were times where I would ask friends who I knew that had happy marriages um and people would always tell me marriage is hard.
• 30:30
  SPEAKER_04: And it is and so I was like oh so this is normal then marriage is hard.
• 30:37
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah but I will tell you my marriage with Tyler is the easiest thing I have ever done in my life and that's not to say we don't have hard moments but he's my best friend.
• 30:52
  SPEAKER_04: Yes like we don't we are such a team and a unit he makes the hard things easy I'm gonna text him and let him know that you said that hey I do I tell him this all the time because it is he is a good man.
• 31:11
  SPEAKER_04: He's the best and our marriage is beautiful and like I said there yes there's a lot of we have to deal with some difficult people there are some hard things you know our son you know there's lots of hard things but it is easy.
• 31:26
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah okay being married to him is so easy and so if you're in an abusive relationship I think you have to ask yourself if you if you're having to lose yourself in order to save the marriage or the relationship whatever it may be could be a family member um sometimes it's okay to take a step back take some time for yourself even if you have to write a pros and cons list um but to really try to look at it from you have to pull yourself out of the environment for a little bit to see it clearly yeah and I think if you're losing yourself and what I mean by that is like people are saying oh you look tired are you okay you know I don't see you around anymore you know like are you taking care of yourself or if if you just feel so just down you know are you the only one putting in the work you know marriage and relationships is supposed to be a team effort.
• 32:33
  SPEAKER_02: Sure.
• 32:34
  SPEAKER_04: And I think a lot of the times people especially if you're an empath you just think if I can just love them enough but you have to love yourself also.
• 32:48
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah that's good and you have to allow God to love you too.
• 32:52
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah that's good.
• 32:54
  SPEAKER_01: Uh thanks for sharing that and I think too I wanna I want to just react and respond to something you just said because I I imagine we both and maybe everybody's been guilty of this before when you ask somebody what's going on they're gonna respond with the surface level response and you're probably gonna give a surface level reply when they be like well marriage is hard but I think there is great value if if a person finds themselves in they're losing themselves they're in their unhealthy space like finding that safe person it could be a counselor it could be a pastor it could be uh and I would I would wave a warning a very very very very trusted friend who's not gonna share your stuff with everybody else but somebody that you can just be completely raw with so that you can get that wise counsel and they're giving you feedback with accurate and full information but um let's kind of keep going in the story though because you you just beautifully laid a little um trail for me to follow your family's amazing God brought you to Tyler you guys you're a great team you mentioned the challenge of your son so you know we're in this series of unfortunate events now we're in series saga three right so um so even in your marriage and with your family you've managed this crisis with Micah your son so just kind of tell us about that crisis how it has unfolded but I guess most importantly how that has impacted your marriage and ultimately shaped Tyler's faith so I asked Tyler to come on the podcast to share his story but sorry babe it's on me as soon as you lose that's right so Tyler and I we like I said we have a beautiful marriage and he is truly he's always been just a great man well you know what I mean.
• 35:10
  SPEAKER_04: Sure he's not a perfect man right he is a he's a great man he's a I mean just all around wonderful dad and human and um I'll brag on I'll I'll here's what here's a great thing about Tyler he shows up he's definitely a line he's present and engaged.
• 35:28
  SPEAKER_04: Yes he is the best I call him my golden retriever but he um he really struggled with I don't want to use the word religion but faith he would have considered himself agnostic and but I knew I just knew in my little heart from the moment I met him God's got his little finger on him his big finger on him I just knew it in my heart I just did and all I did was sit back um and his mom was really the catalyst and the um the voice that brought him back to God because long story short we have a two and a half year old and we I had secondary infertility so I was not supposed to be able to have him okay and so but I always used to say he has three girls from a prior marriage and so biologically he does not have a son.
• 36:49
  SPEAKER_04: Now he does not like it when I say that because he will tell you Jonah is his son.
• 36:53
  SPEAKER_03: Sure.
• 36:53
  SPEAKER_04: But biologically he didn't have a son so I said you're gonna have a boy you're gonna have a boy and you know I said but my cutoff age is 32.
• 37:01
  SPEAKER_04: That's it and sure enough I got pregnant at 32 and I had Micah and um beautiful it was hard though because Tyler was deployed but anyways that's a whole nother rabbit trail.
• 37:17
  SPEAKER_04: So Micah he um I had really bad postpartum anxiety like it was severe like I was terrified he was going to get sick with something it was an awful way to live and unfortunately that fear came true and um he caught a virus and he just looked like he was working really hard to breathe so I took him to how l how young is he now?
• 37:47
  SPEAKER_04: He's five months.
• 37:48
  SPEAKER_04: Okay he was five months old I took him to Martin Army but the waiting room was insane so I said we can't wait.
• 37:55
  SPEAKER_04: So I left took him to Piedmont and they were they were on it and still I just thought maybe he had like a like RSV or pneumonia or something and then they start coming in and they're doing an ultrasound on his chest and I'm thinking for his lungs.
• 38:13
  SPEAKER_01: Sure we're looking at congestion or whatever.
• 38:15
  SPEAKER_04: So that's I still didn't think and then they left and they put some oxygen in him and I was like okay that's fine you know RSV upper respiratory you know still concerned but not going out at this point.
• 38:29
  SPEAKER_04: And then I couldn't console him and I was just he he wouldn't sleep and it it was started to get really bad really quick and then next thing you know a nurse comes in who goes to this church by the way didn't know that till later and um she comes in and she basically says we have got to get him on a helicopter he's got to go to Atlanta his heart is not good and I'm like are you in the right room?
• 39:02
  SPEAKER_04: I think you're in the wrong room and because like I said I just I was I'm like my son and it got serious and it got serious quick and basically he virus inflamed his heart um and it reduced what's called the ejection fraction your ejection fraction your heart it's dependent on your age and your you know whether you're male or female but um a normal ejection fraction would be like 65%.
• 39:31
  SPEAKER_04: His was 11.
• 39:32
  SPEAKER_04: Wow so it was actually a life or death situation.
• 39:38
  SPEAKER_04: Yes well we couldn't get a helicopter because of the storms so we had to wait on an ambulance I rode with him in the ambulance and um we get there and we're just so confused we have no answers what's wrong with his heart we don't we don't have any answers we just know he's not okay and um he got really skinny and he would he wouldn't stay awake and he it was it was really bad it was really scary and Tyler's mom came in and and he said she said son you just need to pray and I'll be honest with you I was pretty mad at God yeah and I wanted to pray but it was more so like a feeling if that makes sense like emotions hoping God could hear my emotions but too angry to pray but I will tell you it's my husband's prayers um he started praying and I went to um I went down to the gift store got him a devotional and it was highs and lows whenever he was really weak I was really strong and vice versa and there was one night in the hospital that was really pivotal pivotal and the very next day he just took a turn for the better and his ejection fraction got up to the 20s but the thing is most kids in his situation don't leave the hospital without a new heart we only spent two weeks which is insane what he has is dilated cardiomyopathy with heart failure.
• 41:27
  SPEAKER_04: If your ejection fraction is under 35 it's considered heart failure flash forward a little bit later Tyler just continues to pray and you know we're just in conversation and he's just kind of connected the dots and unfortunately um his mom passed away not too long after that she did get to meet Micah once and I'm very thankful for that and so is he and all of that combined he just knew that that was God God is who heard him yeah and God is who showed up and God who is who made a way for our son to be able to go back home and still to this day he has heart failure his ejection fraction is still in the 20s he might have to have a heart transplant in one day but I believe in my heart that he won't he's growing he's thriving he drives me insane he's all over the place he is full blown boy full blown toddler doing everything that he medically should not be doing.
• 42:34
  SPEAKER_04: Yes and that whole situation brought my husband to God and now he is like volunteering for everything.
• 42:44
  SPEAKER_04: He is on fire for the Lord man it's awesome and seeing him change and get closer to God and I didn't think he could become a even better than he was but he's just even more patient.
• 43:00
  SPEAKER_04: He's even more kind he's the gospel has transformed his life it's been amazing and then we got to come into it together and the fact that we can like pray together and that is something that I always wanted and never had and um you know my first marriage it was it's either God or me and to have a husband that loves God and loves me and loves our children and leads us and to just see him and watch my son grow and it's it's it's been crazy.
• 43:39
  SPEAKER_04: It's been crazy and you know it's kind of funny in a way because if I tell somebody this story they kind of like look at me with a deer and headlights like well with any of my events in my series people kind of look at me with a deer and headlights and they're like you're talking about this like it's just nothing.
• 44:00
  SPEAKER_04: And I'm like, when not when you have God.
• 44:03
  SPEAKER_04: I mean God is just I'm an emotional basket case.
• 44:10
  SPEAKER_04: And if it wasn't for God, if it wasn't for these hard things, I don't know that I would know him like I do.
• 44:18
  SPEAKER_01: That's good.
• 44:19
  SPEAKER_01: And and I would uh I'm encouraged by how genuinely you worship the Lord, even when you gather and and your story even gets context to how you express yourself in worship because of how you've seen the Lord show up in your life.
• 44:40
  SPEAKER_01: And we both now know the Lord and our journey well enough to know there's going to be other storms and seasons that we navigate, but there's been a faithful track record from a faithful God, not just through the stories of the Bible, but even in our own life, that we can navigate it with hope.
• 45:01
  SPEAKER_01: And so let me ask you this question.
• 45:04
  SPEAKER_01: Um now that you are where you are, what would you say is the difference between you now compared to the difference between you then?
• 45:24
  SPEAKER_04: In my last marriage, I saw a sign somewhere and I had to buy it, and it said, Speak the truth even if your voice shakes.
• 45:32
  SPEAKER_04: And I made sure I hung that in my kitchen so I could see that every single day.
• 45:37
  SPEAKER_04: And I will tell you who you marry matters, and who's in your circle matters, and who I am today versus then is two completely different people.
• 45:55
  SPEAKER_04: I am still this empathetic, caring person, but I'm not a doormat.
• 46:03
  SPEAKER_04: And I think that's biblical.
• 46:06
  SPEAKER_04: Um I have no problem in standing up for myself, for my loved ones, for anybody, whether it's a stranger, you know.
• 46:21
  SPEAKER_04: I feel like I well, let me just say, I feel like my track record of life has made me extremely a hyper aware person.
• 46:32
  SPEAKER_04: So I'm always analyzing the room, reading people.
• 46:36
  SPEAKER_04: That's why I have to sit in the front row for several reasons.
• 46:41
  SPEAKER_04: But if I'm sitting in the back, I'm just gonna be trying to people read, and I don't I want to be so focused on worship, but I really am totally different.
• 46:51
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, God is like, He's put his stamp on me.
• 46:54
  SPEAKER_04: Yes, and so it doesn't matter if somebody doesn't like me, it doesn't matter if somebody, you know.
• 47:02
  SPEAKER_04: Now, if I've done something, of course, wrong.
• 47:06
  SPEAKER_04: Of course, then of course I want to correct that.
• 47:08
  SPEAKER_04: But I mean, like, if somebody just doesn't like me because I dress funny, you know, or just anything silly.
• 47:14
  SPEAKER_04: I don't have this people-pleasing desire in me anymore.
• 47:19
  SPEAKER_04: But people pleasing is actually sinful, I believe, because it comes from a place of you're wanting to stay comfortable.
• 47:29
  SPEAKER_04: You're wanting people to like you.
• 47:31
  SPEAKER_01: And my worth is I is built on what others say that I am rather than who Christ is, I think.
• 47:36
  SPEAKER_04: Exactly.
• 47:37
  SPEAKER_04: And that ruled my life for so long, and I'm just free in who I am.
• 47:41
  SPEAKER_04: That's why if I am the crazy person on the front row that stands in and put my hands in the air is because I genuinely don't care.
• 47:49
  SPEAKER_04: Like I love, I mean, God has done so much in my life that it's not like I don't, I don't like He's so real.
• 47:59
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 47:59
  SPEAKER_04: He's just as real as my every child that I've held in my arms.
• 48:04
  SPEAKER_04: And my worth is not in what people think, how they treat me, how they view me.
• 48:11
  SPEAKER_04: My worth is God, He He died on the cross for me.
• 48:16
  SPEAKER_04: It doesn't get any better than that.
• 48:18
  SPEAKER_00: That's right.
• 48:19
  SPEAKER_00: That's right.
• 48:20
  SPEAKER_04: And so I'm completely different.
• 48:22
  SPEAKER_04: I'm free.
• 48:22
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, that's free as can be.
• 48:24
  SPEAKER_01: And I and anybody that's watching this, like, that's what I pray you can experience, that sense of freedom and hope and confidence.
• 48:32
  SPEAKER_01: And it's only found in Jesus, and it's only found in experiencing his grace, trusting him with your heart.
• 48:39
  SPEAKER_01: To experience that freedom, you gotta give up everything.
• 48:42
  SPEAKER_01: But uh to see the confidence and the sense of identity uh in Christ alone is magnificent.
• 48:52
  SPEAKER_01: And so what I would love if you would be willing, uh and I've not heard this yet, you've told me about it, and you've you've you've kind of written all of your story down kind of in a in a spoken word story.
• 49:07
  SPEAKER_01: Um would you be willing to share that?
• 49:09
  SPEAKER_01: And maybe I think that could be a way we could end this.
• 49:13
  SPEAKER_04: Yes, I would love to.
• 49:15
  SPEAKER_04: Um I I will say I actually wrote this whenever I was 25.
• 49:25
  SPEAKER_04: And so I did make one tweak to change the year reference in here so it reflects today.
• 49:32
  SPEAKER_04: Um but I think your mind will be blown at the things that is in here because I was like, Pastor Ricky, you've said so much.
• 49:43
  SPEAKER_04: I feel like I have to share this in your sermons.
• 49:46
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but I'm excited.
• 49:49
  SPEAKER_01: We're we are excited.
• 49:52
  SPEAKER_01: This would be story time with Hannah.
• 49:55
  SPEAKER_04: Okay, so I have titled this I am because he is.
• 50:01
  SPEAKER_04: You see, everyone has a story, and I will tell you mine, but words express nothing if there is no meaning behind.
• 50:10
  SPEAKER_04: And the meaning to my heartbeat, the song that's in my soul, the reason why I live this life is because of he who is in control.
• 50:19
  SPEAKER_04: I hope you already know him, but if you don't, please allow me to explain.
• 50:25
  SPEAKER_04: He's the one who brings me sunshine to my days filled with rain, and when the clouds are too dark to see through, he eases me of my pain.
• 50:34
  SPEAKER_04: I'm far from deserving, this is something that I know, yet in the midst of the storms, he still paints me a rainbow.
• 50:41
  SPEAKER_04: Do you know him?
• 50:43
  SPEAKER_04: He is the ultimate artist who created oceans and galaxies, yet his most prized possession is of you and me.
• 50:52
  SPEAKER_04: You see, we are his masterpiece, and it's our hearts that he wants, but the truth is it's his love that we need.
• 51:01
  SPEAKER_04: Without it, I would surely be dead.
• 51:05
  SPEAKER_04: Not just in my heart, mind, and soul, but next to my mom in her bed.
• 51:10
  SPEAKER_04: When I was sixteen, I tried to take my life, but I woke up the next day, and that's when God exclaimed, No, you are a child of mine.
• 51:19
  SPEAKER_04: I was broken, hurt, and lost, so he stepped in and said, Forget you, I have not.
• 51:25
  SPEAKER_04: Do you know him?
• 51:27
  SPEAKER_04: I know I said I would explain, but the truth is that I can't.
• 51:31
  SPEAKER_04: How can you describe a God who is the healer of the lame?
• 51:35
  SPEAKER_04: He is the creator who is eternal, and a lover who is gracious, he is a friend who is reliable, and the light of the world who is flawless.
• 51:44
  SPEAKER_04: He is our father who is faithful, and our protector who is glorious.
• 51:48
  SPEAKER_04: He is the redeemer who is honorable, and our provider who is our fortress.
• 51:53
  SPEAKER_04: He is our refuge who is merciful, and a judge who is blameless, he is a forgiver who is beautiful, and our banner who is righteous.
• 52:02
  SPEAKER_04: He is a shepherd who is all powerful, and our Savior who is victorious.
• 52:07
  SPEAKER_04: Please tell me you know him.
• 52:10
  SPEAKER_04: He is fascinating, he is extraordinary, yet he loves you and me.
• 52:16
  SPEAKER_04: So go ahead, knock on his door, and he will set you free.
• 52:20
  SPEAKER_04: He is the Lord of Lords, strong, most high, abounding in love, the great I am alive.
• 52:28
  SPEAKER_04: He is the King of Kings, steadfast, almighty, sovereign, peace, just, and holy.
• 52:36
  SPEAKER_04: And get this, there is nothing that we could ever do to outrun his love.
• 52:41
  SPEAKER_04: You will always be worthy to the risen one above.
• 52:45
  SPEAKER_04: Fast forward to nearly twenty years later, I am mended, healed, and found, all thanks to my Savior.
• 52:52
  SPEAKER_04: To my mother, you are beautiful, and to my dad, you are strong.
• 52:56
  SPEAKER_04: Please don't blame my mistakes on you.
• 52:58
  SPEAKER_04: In fact, you've been blessings all along.
• 53:01
  SPEAKER_04: If I could go back, there is nothing that I would change because I'd never know the rainbow if it weren't for the rain.
• 53:08
  SPEAKER_04: This isn't something I believe in just because I was told.
• 53:12
  SPEAKER_04: This is truth that I've experienced, in which I pray you are sold.
• 53:17
  SPEAKER_04: Will you get to know him?
• 53:20
  SPEAKER_01: Wow.
• 53:21
  SPEAKER_01: I would I would never know the rainbow if it weren't for the rain.
• 53:26
  SPEAKER_01: That's beautiful.
• 53:28
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for sharing that.
• 53:29
  SPEAKER_04: And thank you for allowing me to.
• 53:30
  SPEAKER_01: Uh you know, as you were, I just kind of closed my eyes for a minute because that was just a moment of worship, in that we talk a lot in through prayer time or even through sermons or kind of applications of what we're studying through scripture of how important it is to connect to the character of God.
• 53:52
  SPEAKER_01: You probably heard me say many times, like, if I want to understand who I am, if I would try less to figure me out, and I would spend more time just focusing on the character and the nature of Almighty God, because I'm created in his image, I'm gonna start to understand myself better.
• 54:08
  SPEAKER_01: And you were going through that, you know, of his of his attributes and his character, and his uh it was beautiful.
• 54:15
  SPEAKER_01: So thank you.
• 54:15
  SPEAKER_01: And very poetic.
• 54:17
  SPEAKER_01: Do you write other things or was that a one-time deal?
• 54:20
  SPEAKER_04: So I am a very creative person.
• 54:22
  SPEAKER_04: Um, I did write a lot of poetry whenever I was younger.
• 54:26
  SPEAKER_04: I haven't in a long time.
• 54:27
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 54:28
  SPEAKER_01: But well, thank you for sharing that one.
• 54:30
  SPEAKER_01: That one's special.
• 54:32
  SPEAKER_01: Um, well, I I think I think we'll kind of land the plane there.
• 54:36
  SPEAKER_01: Uh I I don't know that you can say anything better.
• 54:39
  SPEAKER_01: And I pray if you're listening or watching, you would reflect on that question.
• 54:45
  SPEAKER_01: Do you know him?
• 54:47
  SPEAKER_01: Uh we'd love to help you know him.
• 54:49
  SPEAKER_01: Feel free to check out the the URL on our or if you're on our website, uh you can navigate how to contact us and reach out.
• 54:58
  SPEAKER_01: Um, we'd love to help you know him more or or to know him at all.
• 55:03
  SPEAKER_01: And so again, um this podcast has been an opportunity to hear your story of hope.
• 55:11
  SPEAKER_01: And I hope that if you have been listening and you do find yourself navigating some of that darkness, that you would find some encouragement.
• 55:19
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, reach out.
• 55:21
  SPEAKER_01: Um, we we gave at the very beginning.
• 55:23
  SPEAKER_01: You can rewind if you need to hear that again, how you can reach out to get some help and be encouraged.
• 55:29
  SPEAKER_01: God is faithful, God has a plan, and He his mercies are new every day.
• 55:34
  SPEAKER_01: And so Hannah, thank you very much.
• 55:36
  SPEAKER_01: Tyler missed out.
• 55:37
  SPEAKER_00: He did.
• 55:38
  SPEAKER_01: It's his fault.
• 55:39
  SPEAKER_01: I'm just kidding.
• 55:41
  SPEAKER_01: So um, man, tune in next week.
• 55:44
  SPEAKER_01: We'll drop this uh new episode every um every week, usually on Thursdays.
• 55:50
  SPEAKER_01: And so make a note, be ready for the next one to come.
• 55:53
  SPEAKER_01: And we want to end our time the way we do every week.
• 55:56
  SPEAKER_01: So I asked you ahead of time to help us out with this.
• 55:58
  SPEAKER_01: So our pastor emeritus, Don Will Hyde.
• 56:00
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, he pastored here for over 40 years.
• 56:03
  SPEAKER_01: And so uh we we end every podcast episode the same way, really as a way to in a funny way to honor him because you know he's anybody that knows him or has on him, he's a little, you know, he has a lot of funny sayings and things that he does.
• 56:20
  SPEAKER_01: And so so many times to kind of when a service ended, a funeral ended, uh, anything, and nobody was leaving, he would just say, bye.
• 56:30
  SPEAKER_01: So uh will you help us in today?
• 56:32
  SPEAKER_03: Absolutely.