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Happy Hour #134: You Should Be So Lucky · Stuff Mom Never Told You

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie, and welcome to stuff I've never
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: told you, a production of iHeart Radio. And welcome to
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: another edition of Happy Hour, although I guess it's kind
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: of unhappy Hour because Samantha is not here. She is
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: still recovering and getting ready for vacation. I'm about to
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: go to Las Vegas for the iHeartRadio Music Festival. She
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: would be coming to except she has a birthday and
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: plans already lined up. I will be dog sitting beaches,
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: so that's gonna be fun. And then I'm going on vacation,
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: So that's sort of what is going on. But I
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: think we'll have one more I have to record something
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: in Vegas without her, alas, but after that Samantha will
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: be back. You'll be back better than ever. But yes,
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: I did want to just go ahead and do this
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: since we are trying to get ahead. As always, if
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: you are drinking, please drink responsively for this one. I
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: wanted to talk about an idea I've been wrestling with
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: for a while because I am someone as we've talked about,
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: who really I find some kind of validation and how
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: productive I am and how much I can help, and
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: that can be from just helping you personally, are professionally
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: or yeah, doing things at work. When I'm stressed, I
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: find myself working a lot because it makes me feel better.
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: It makes me feel like I'm not quote wasting time,
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  Speaker 1: that I do have value you. And that's sort of
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: the toxicity of capitalism and the morality of how productive
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: you can be. And we've talked about that in several episodes,
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: but that is something that I'm really bad about. And
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: so I was thinking about this when it comes to
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: especially with the stuff going on with the strikes with
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: the actors and writers. I was thinking about this because
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: sometimes I'm worried that when I'm trying to help someone,
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: I'm actually hurting and not because because we all do
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: this right. When someone gets sick, you pick up the slack.
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: When someone has a trip, you pick up the slack.
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  Speaker 1: There's no part of me that's mad about that. I
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: want to be a hundred percent clear, and I volunteer
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: to do it. A lot of this I'm doing of
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: my own volition because I want to be helpful. But
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: I worry that that can blur the lines of what
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: how much it takes to get something done, like it's
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  Speaker 1: sort of hiding how much work it takes to get
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  Speaker 1: something done, and what happens when someone is sick, and
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  Speaker 1: I think that it is natural. There's ebbs and flows,
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: especially in this job. I will tell you there are
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: ebbs and flows. There are weeks where I'm slammed and
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: there are weeks where I'm not so slammed. But I
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: worry that there's hidden work. I guess I worry that
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  Speaker 1: there's a lot of stuff we're doing, and by we,
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  Speaker 1: I mean a lot of us, not just me, and
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: especially I would say women, that we're just doing because
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  Speaker 1: we want to help a friend or we want to
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  Speaker 1: help our coworkers, and it never gets raised. You never
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: asked for a raise for you never ask for more
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: money for it, or even and just let people know, like,
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  Speaker 1: you know, this is something that I had to do
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  Speaker 1: for a minute, or I don't know. I guess I'm
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  Speaker 1: just worried that by not saying anything about it, then
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  Speaker 1: it's just expected and it's not rewarded in any way
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  Speaker 1: or acknowledged in any way, and so that I might
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  Speaker 1: be hurting other people by not saying like, oh no, hey,
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  Speaker 1: this was a you know, other thing I had to do,
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  Speaker 1: and I don't know and I feel like I also
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  Speaker 1: watching these strikes. Something I hear come up a lot
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: is this idea that you should be so lucky to
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  Speaker 1: work in this industry. And that is not unique to
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  Speaker 1: entertain it at all, but it is something that comes up.
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  Speaker 1: And I do feel very lucky. I love my I
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: can work from home, it's pretty flexible. I get to
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  Speaker 1: research really dorky things. I really really like it. I
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: get to work with Samantha, I get to work with Christina,
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: I get to work with like an amazing team. But
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  Speaker 1: I do think that that kind of that's toxic to
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  Speaker 1: think that you should be so lucky. You can appreciate
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  Speaker 1: that you're lucky, but the idea that you could just
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  Speaker 1: be dismissed is not a healthy one, and it leads
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  Speaker 1: you to doing more work without ever saying anything or
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  Speaker 1: without complaining, and I feel that that is easy to weaponize.
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  Speaker 1: I mean, we've talked before about that whole idea of
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  Speaker 1: like we're all a family here and I love my
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  Speaker 1: co workers like I do, so it's like yeah, yeah, yeah,
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  Speaker 1: but you know that doesn't mean that's often uses a
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: way to manipulate you. And I also think that you
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: want to do a good job, right, you want to
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  Speaker 1: continue as best as you can to produce something good.
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  Speaker 1: And going back to what I was saying, like it's
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  Speaker 1: important to me to feel good, perhaps too important to
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  Speaker 1: me to feel good about my productivity and how I'm doing.
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  Speaker 1: And I think that that's also one of those things
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  Speaker 1: where that's great, like if you want to do you
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  Speaker 1: want to do a good job, I hope like I
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  Speaker 1: should want to. And there is a certain responsibility that
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  Speaker 1: comes with that. But if it is weabinized against you
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: where it's like, well, oh you want this to be good, right, well,
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  Speaker 1: then you'll keep working extra hours, or you'll keep doing
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: whatever whatever, you'll you know, do this work and not
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: get paid to recognize for it. And so that's something
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  Speaker 1: else I've been trying to be better about. Especially this
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: job is very flexible, which is nice, but it means that,
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: like my hours can be all over the place, so
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  Speaker 1: I'm trying to do better about tracking that. Also, we
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: are very much judged on our downloads, so thank you listeners,
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: and we really appreciate you, We truly do. But that
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  Speaker 1: can add a pressure too. Of it can be used
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: in a negotiating situation of like, well you didn't get
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: this many downloads this month, or you didn't do this
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  Speaker 1: this month, so that that's like a pressure to continually
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: produce stuff and new stuff and good stuff. So I
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: also think that that you know, expecting something out of
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  Speaker 1: your employee is fair. Setting goals is fair. But if
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  Speaker 1: they're not communicated towards you, and or if they just
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: don't allow for you to be a human person that
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: sometimes have things come up, then that's an issue. I'm
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: not saying that's necessarily what's going on here. I think
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  Speaker 1: a lot of this it's just me trying to grapple
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  Speaker 1: with this idea where I sometimes feel like I'm too
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  Speaker 1: eager because of my own issues to step in and
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  Speaker 1: cover work where maybe maybe we could take just some time,
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  Speaker 1: you know, somebody sick. It can't happen. I don't know.
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: I don't know. I'm just thinking about it. And here
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: I am by myself in the happy hour talking to
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  Speaker 1: you about it. I'm not there's no specific grievance I
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: really have. I'm just I'm really working through this right
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: now in my mind, and I thought I would share
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: it because this isn't the first time this has happens
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: where no one has asked me to do this, like
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: all of this, and I just do it, and I
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  Speaker 1: I'm not sure how helpful it is helpful, but also
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  Speaker 1: how much is it worth in the end? And what
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: am I really? Who am I really helping? Who? What's
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: going on here? What is my mental state? I need
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: to work on my self estee. But I do like
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: helping people, and I like I like my job. So
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: it's I feel like it's it's a slippery slope where
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  Speaker 1: you're just like, oh, yeah, I'll do all of this
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  Speaker 1: work because I really like it and I like the
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  Speaker 1: people I work with. But that doesn't mean it shouldn't
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  Speaker 1: be recognized, are compensated, or we should hide how much
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  Speaker 1: it does take. I'm sure a lot of this feels
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  Speaker 1: very obvious to at of you. That's fair, that's fair.
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  Speaker 1: But you know, I'm just missing Samantha working some things
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: out in my brain. She I want to be one
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  Speaker 1: thousand percent clear. She did not ask me to do
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  Speaker 1: any of this. She is a great All the dem
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: is a basic A lot of this is me. But yeah, yeah,
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  Speaker 1: if anyone can relate to this, I would love to
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: hear about it. I have heard from friends who feel
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: like they get asked to do you like they just
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: get built up like do this, do this, do this,
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  Speaker 1: and it just becomes their job and then no one
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  Speaker 1: ever recognizes it. That is something Samantha and I try
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: very hard to be clear about with our team, like
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  Speaker 1: please let us know if we're asking too much. But
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: that can be hard to do too, So Christina, let
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: us know. We love you, we don't want to lose you,
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: and we don't want to burn you out. But yeah,
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: I would love to hear from anybody my thoughts about this.
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: You can email us at Stepania Momsteph at iHeartMedia dot com.
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: You can find us on Twitter at mom Stuff podcast,
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: or on Instagram and TikTok at stuff. I've never told you.
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: We have a tea public store with merchandise, and we
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: have a book. You can get it at stuff. You
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: should read books dot com or wherever you get your books.
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: And yeah, that's all wish Samantha. Hopefully she's her by now,
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: is having the time of her life on her birthday vacation.
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: You'll hear my thing with Lauren probably gonna guest co
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: hosts in Vegas. Lots of stuff going on, but yeah,
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: let's I miss Samantha. I can't wait till she's back,
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: but she will be back soon. Thanks as always to
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: our see for producer Christina, our Safe to producer Maya,
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: and our contributor Joey. And thanks to you for listening.
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: Steff I've never told you his protection of iHeartRadio. For
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: more podcast from My Heart Radio, you can check out
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: the Heart Radio, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: your favorite shows,