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The Most Powerful Question a Leader Can Ask · I Am Wiser Podcast with Dr. Laura Purdy

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: If our leaders are not asking employees, how are you?
• 0:04
  SPEAKER_00: and then be quiet and listening to somebody answer them, because we talked.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: But I think that they're a very practical way of listening to others and then not trying to compare what you have been doing in life with what I just like.
• 0:53
  Dr. Laura Purdy: This is not just about theory.
• 0:55
  Dr. Laura Purdy: It's about living experience and real industry inside.
• 0:59
  Dr. Laura Purdy: Let's dive in and get wiser together.
• 1:02
  Dr. Laura Purdy: Welcome to today's episode of the I Am Wiser podcast with Dr.
• 1:06
  Dr. Laura Purdy: Laura Purdy, where we explore the moments of breakthrough, resilience, and reinvention that shape the way we live, lead, and care.
• 1:16
  Dr. Laura Purdy: On that note, I am thrilled to welcome Sharon Fecetty, founder of The Doctor Whisperer and author of The Broken Road to Mental Health in Life and in Business.
• 1:27
  Dr. Laura Purdy: Sharon's journey is one of transformation from overcoming addiction and depression to being a powerful voice for mental health in the workplace and a champion for compassionate leadership.
• 1:39
  Dr. Laura Purdy: She is on a mission to show that when we prioritize wellness, we don't just heal ourselves, we can heal our organizations too.
• 1:49
  Dr. Laura Purdy: Welcome, Sharon.
• 1:51
  Dr. Laura Purdy: Thank you.
• 1:51
  Dr. Laura Purdy: Thank you for having me.
• 1:53
  Dr. Laura Purdy: So the last we spoke, it was, I would say, a little over three years ago, maybe even longer than that, at the time you were doing some podcasting, and I came on your show and you were doing the Doctor Whisperer, and we talked about all kinds of different things.
• 2:07
  Dr. Laura Purdy: So this is an opportunity for us to reconnect, reflect, and share our wisdom.
• 2:12
  Dr. Laura Purdy: So, how has life been for you over the last three to four years?
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I mean, it's been fantastic and um wild considering the world that we live in today.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I've since written another book that I released in 2024.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: And yeah, I'm still doing doctor stuff as I've had two calls with two of my doctors today.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_00: But my real focus is on mental health in the workplace.
• 2:39
  Dr. Laura Purdy: That's great.
• 2:40
  Dr. Laura Purdy: And with the doctor stuff, what are you doing?
• 2:42
  Dr. Laura Purdy: You're still working with like practice empowering.
• 2:44
  Dr. Laura Purdy: How are you helping the doctors today?
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm just uh so I'm an author and a keynote speaker and um a coach.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_00: So I will always work with doctors because I love my doctors and I know how difficult it is to be a physician without being a physician, because I've just helped so many of them through the years.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: So I understand the business of medicine and how some doctors go into business and just think it's gonna be, you know, you get to heal people, but then the business of medicine comes in and says, I don't think so.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_00: You have a lot more to do.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, there's like real estate and contracts and insurance, all the things, as you know.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: So legal, yeah, so right, all of it.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, coaching.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: I'm still coaching a few physicians, um, but I I coach a lot of people in life and in business because how you do life is how you do business.
• 3:46
  Dr. Laura Purdy: That's beautiful.
• 3:47
  Dr. Laura Purdy: But you've shifted your focus to mental health in the workplace, which sounds like it's a huge passion for you.
• 3:53
  Dr. Laura Purdy: So tell me about that.
• 3:54
  Dr. Laura Purdy: Where does that come from?
• 3:56
  Dr. Laura Purdy: What's happened in your life that's made you wise on mental health in the workplace?
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: So I have been sober for 31 years, and I knew that I was one of the lucky ones, let's just say, because not everybody has the advantages that I had as a young 21-year-old to have the love of my parents, um, access to care, good care.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: And my father was the uh a boss in a division at New York Hospital.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: So he had a phenomenal EAP counselor, which for those of you who have never heard of an EAP, which are many that have never heard of it, it's an employee assistance program.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: So he was really the first person to not just help me in terms of the root of my issue, which was I had depression.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_00: Addiction was just, you know, it was like um, it was like a showcase.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_00: But really the root of it was the person.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_00: So my um the EAP counselor was very, very helpful to my father because as the boss, his daughter was in a blackout in Detroit, Michigan from the age of 19 to 21.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_00: So imagine being the boss and going to see your employees every day and knowing that your daughter is lost in another state.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_00: So thank goodness he had the right help.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_00: And then when I came back to New York all those years ago, 31 years ago, um, I saw the same PAP counselor.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: So to say that the work that I do today is very um personal would be the understatement of the year.
• 5:42
  Dr. Laura Purdy: It's near to your heart because you've lived it and your family has lived it, and now you're giving back.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I think if more people were aware of how much a business could help impact a family, um, we'd all be better off.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_00: We would.
• 5:59
  Dr. Laura Purdy: Yeah, we definitely would.
• 6:00
  Dr. Laura Purdy: Are you now when you say mental health in the workplace, is that just healthcare specifically, like the healthcare workplace, or is this any sort of industry that you're working with right now?
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_00: No, so I mean, I'm I'm leaving to do a keynote um in Orlando for the it's like a huge diving organization where all of the people that are coming are in the SUVA world.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, any business have willing and brave enough to have a conversation about mental health in the workplace is my jam.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: I have done the MGMA, I've done the American Association of Medical Society executives.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: So there's been a lot of medical that I've delivered uh keynotes to, but and that is my preference since I've been in the industry since I was in my 20s.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: But I really think that my core message has always been in business, even being the doctor whisperer.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_00: If I can help the doctors in business, ultimately it helps the patients.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_00: So if I can help the leaders in business, ultimately I can help the employees.
• 7:06
  Dr. Laura Purdy: Amazing.
• 7:07
  Dr. Laura Purdy: And really, mental health is industry agnostic, which means mental health is relevant to all industries because all people have a mental environment, all businesses have a mental environment, and the health or lack thereof, it doesn't matter what industry you're in.
• 7:25
  Dr. Laura Purdy: It's so important.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, especially in this world that we're in today, um, if our leaders are not asking employees, how are you?
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_00: And then being quiet and listening to somebody answer them, because listening is not waiting for our opportunity to talk.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_00: And that is what I have found through all of these years in business that there's not many people that are listening.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_00: So I think when some people think about mental health in the workplace, they're like, oh, well, you know, we're not therapists, and HR is not meant to uh provide care for their employees, except making sure they come in, punch in, punch out, and give them a handbook.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, that's the short version, right?
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_00: But I think that there are very practical ways of listening to others and then not trying to compare what you have been through in your life with what I have been through.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_00: It's really just listening and then asking questions like, how can I support you?
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_00: Or would you like me to give you feedback?
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_00: Because I don't think a lot of people are really listening.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_00: I think most people are performative in the workplace because that's what we're taught.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_00: We're taught to be, you know, stand up, be the boss, always know the answers.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I've seen it all.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_00: But there's a lot of compassion that is required in this 2025, 2026 era that we're actually, you know, at the tipping point of.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that there's so many basic ways that we can help others in our businesses feel like they're in a psychologically safe and courageous environment.
• 9:13
  Dr. Laura Purdy: Okay, I would love to share a story with you.
• 9:15
  Dr. Laura Purdy: Actually, this is a very recent story that happened in my business just this week.
• 9:19
  Dr. Laura Purdy: Okay.
• 9:20
  Dr. Laura Purdy: We had some, we're talking about employees feeling psychologically safe.
• 9:27
  Dr. Laura Purdy: And I have a business.
• 9:28
  Dr. Laura Purdy: I'm still doing telemedicine.
• 9:30
  Dr. Laura Purdy: It's my own business now, and we have somewhere between 30 and 40 people that work with us on the team on any given day, right?
• 9:37
  Dr. Laura Purdy: And the team came to me this week and they very bravely said to me, our mental health is suffering because there is a person who is on the leadership team who, in all transparency, I would say I had a good relationship with that person.
• 9:53
  Dr. Laura Purdy: And they said, um, that is being toxic and we are suffering.
• 9:59
  Dr. Laura Purdy: And as the leader, the first thing I did was I said, Are are you sure?
• 10:04
  Dr. Laura Purdy: And not in a not in a not in a I don't believe you way, but in a mentally I'm open to what I'm hearing, but it doesn't align with what I'm seeing.
• 10:13
  Dr. Laura Purdy: And so I'm forming my mindset to say, okay, I'm open to you, but I don't understand what I'm hearing.
• 10:21
  Dr. Laura Purdy: So then we had to ask other people, have you seen this?
• 10:26
  Dr. Laura Purdy: Have you seen this?
• 10:28
  Dr. Laura Purdy: This is what I'm hearing.
• 10:29
  Dr. Laura Purdy: Is it true?
• 10:30
  Dr. Laura Purdy: And it was a resounding yes.
• 10:32
  Dr. Laura Purdy: Every single person that I asked who said, Yes, yes, yes.
• 10:35
  Dr. Laura Purdy: Oh my God, thank you so much.
• 10:38
  Dr. Laura Purdy: Yes, please help us.
• 10:41
  Dr. Laura Purdy: And I had a moment, um, and I've never told this story before.
• 10:44
  Dr. Laura Purdy: This just happened this week.
• 10:45
  Dr. Laura Purdy: I mean, like within the last two to three days, this is a real thing that happened in my business.
• 10:50
  Dr. Laura Purdy: And so I went to the leaders and I said, okay, so there's a problem, and this problem has a pretty clear solution because the things that have happened are egregious.
• 11:00
  Dr. Laura Purdy: And I guess I need to protect the mental health of the people that are in this company if what I'm hearing is correct.
• 11:06
  Dr. Laura Purdy: And so we ultimately decided to remove the toxicity because it was that bad.
• 11:12
  Dr. Laura Purdy: And the response that I saw from the workplace honestly moved me to tears because these people had been suffering in silence for months.
• 11:25
  Dr. Laura Purdy: And I had no idea.
• 11:27
  Dr. Laura Purdy: I didn't stop and take the time to say, hey, how is everybody's mental health?
• 11:32
  Dr. Laura Purdy: And everybody was showing up with a smile on their face, being happy, being chipper, being productive and doing what they were supposed to do.
• 11:39
  Dr. Laura Purdy: But it wasn't until they got pushed to a point where they were in agony to be brave enough to say, we're suffering and we need some help.
• 11:50
  Dr. Laura Purdy: Is does that resonate with you?
• 11:52
  Dr. Laura Purdy: Is that is this a common that's the first time it's ever happened to me, but is that a common situation that you see in the workplaces that you're dealing with?
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, well, most people just quit.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_00: So that's that's the reason.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_00: Is that what they is?
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_00: Well, yeah, most people are not brave enough to have that conversation.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_00: That's that's really the truth.
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_00: So I I hope you feel very um blessed and and and that you have presented yourself in such a way where they felt safe, because that's a real compliment.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_00: I would say um majority of employees, and I have talked to many, especially right when I get off that stage, and they tell me all the secrets, you know, which is phenomenal because it's really great research for me.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_00: But I think that what is important here is you know I've run big business and medical practices, right?
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_00: I've had 200 employees, I've had 33 women.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_00: I've I've I've I know what it's like.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_00: But what I also know is that I have the responsibility as the employer to make sure everybody does feel safe, that they do feel heard.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_00: So I think what we do wrong, and which is a great opportunity to have this conversation because you've had a great result from it, is how vital it is to check in with our team more.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_00: Because, you know, at once a year with insurance benefits, you know, we go, okay, you guys, we're switching from UHC to Florida Blue, you know, your copay's going up, your blah, blah, blah.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_00: And nobody really says, okay, well, we have this benefit for your mental health.
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_00: And the truth is the the new generations coming up are just not going to stand for it.
• 13:46
  SPEAKER_00: I I come from a generation of like you work until you're dead, you know, and you don't complain, you know, you just do the job.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_00: There is no um that there's no other choice.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_00: But I I know that the younger generation is getting a lot smarter, and I think that that the lessons were learned through COVID.
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm hopeful that more people will start taking a pause to really sit back and consider what they are implementing in regards to their employees.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_00: Because here we are at the holidays, and I know that this is not going to be released at the same time as we're recording, but um there'll be other holidays in every year.
• 14:25
  Dr. Laura Purdy: Yep, there's always a holiday.
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_00: Always a drone holiday.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_00: But what a lot of employers do is they push happy hour, sip and shops, wine walks, and it's really not inclusive to the people that are sober, or or I'm not really sure, especially in the the the healthcare field, why we think that's a good idea.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I agree.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, like let's not do team building by throwing axes at happy hour.
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_00: You know, it's just crazy, like what is coming out today.
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_00: And I get to come into these places and say, especially in the medical arena, like if we're really going to be a part of a wellness movement, which I've been moving in that wellness direction for so many years now, then it really has to match our brand fully.
• 15:19
  SPEAKER_00: Like we have to be mentally, physically, spiritually well.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_00: So, how do we implement that at work?
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_00: Well, we start with simple, how are you?
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_00: And then the thing I find the worst is that then the employer goes, Oh, my you should hear about my cousin in Ohio.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_00: You think you had it bad, you know, and there's like this trauma Olympics being played that really doesn't work at all.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_00: And um and it just needs to be more of an opportunity to be heard.
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_00: So I think more leadership needs to understand how to regulate their own nervous system.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_00: So they do learn how to respond versus react.
• 16:03
  Dr. Laura Purdy: Yes.
• 16:05
  Dr. Laura Purdy: I have, you know, that's a piece of wisdom I have.
• 16:07
  Dr. Laura Purdy: I've had to learn that.
• 16:08
  Dr. Laura Purdy: I was in the army for 15 years, which is a very reactive sort of a culture.
• 16:13
  Dr. Laura Purdy: I don't know if you've spent a lot of time working with soldiers and veterans, but reactivity is kind of what we do in general.
• 16:20
  Dr. Laura Purdy: And I've had to learn, and thankfully I have learned to be less reactive because it can be really embarrassing, especially if you react in the wrong way at the wrong time in the wrong situation.
• 16:31
  Dr. Laura Purdy: It can be very embarrassing.
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I think that if leaders learn more about meditation and how to practice breathing exercises, not just for themselves, but also encouraging our team to do the same when things get heavy and when there's stress at the job, that we all take a moment to just you know breathe in and breathe out and not be so quick to respond.
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_00: That is the the key for me is to encourage the pause.
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_00: You know, this it's this, how are you?
• 17:13
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I'm good.
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_00: Well, okay, great then.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_00: Doc, get to work.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_00: Are you yeah?
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_00: Like, didn't I hear that you just like lost your dog?
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_00: Or there's all of these, like, um, how much time are you going to need to grieve like the loss of your mother?
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_00: You know, there's there's not a lot of um compassion.
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_00: So I, you know, you could call my talks that I give just how to prevent turnover, because ultimately that's what happens when you have a team that feels like they can go to their leader and say, hey, listen, Jimbo over there is a toxic mess.
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_00: And if he's not gone, I'm gone.
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_00: But we have to we have to create that environment where people feel like they can say that because majority of people are literally just afraid they're gonna get fired.
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_00: That's really sad.
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 18:13
  SPEAKER_00: Well, that is the truth, though.
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_00: That's a fact, and you know, the latest um data with monster.com is that 93% of employees feel like they are in a toxic work environment.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_00: 93%.
• 18:30
  SPEAKER_00: Oh bad, bad, bad, bad.
• 18:33
  SPEAKER_00: That's not okay.
• 18:35
  Dr. Laura Purdy: No, that's not okay.
• 18:37
  Dr. Laura Purdy: And how is that defined?
• 18:38
  Dr. Laura Purdy: Do they take it a step farther and say, what are the traits of a workplace that puts it in the bucket of toxic?
• 18:48
  Dr. Laura Purdy: Like what are those traits?
• 18:50
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so one of them, it's always it's usually the leadership, it's usually somebody toxic on the team.
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_00: Um, lack of discussions about mental health, lack of empathy for um the current state of the work environment.
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_00: You know, so many people have been forced to go back to the office, thankfully, not yours.
• 19:16
  SPEAKER_00: I heard you do a lot in telehealth, right?
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_00: So I think if most people are like, well, okay, we've figured out how to do this in a pandemic.
• 19:25
  SPEAKER_00: What do you think I'm an idiot that I have to come back to an office now?
• 19:29
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 19:29
  SPEAKER_00: So there's no like respect for the intelligence of team members.
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, I mean, it is an interesting.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_00: Um, there's there's all these different pillars uh of how they come up with this data, but it is increasing every year instead of decreasing, which is just a shame.
• 19:48
  Dr. Laura Purdy: That's surprising, keep me working.
• 19:51
  Dr. Laura Purdy: Yeah, it keeps it's good, it's good for you, right?
• 19:54
  Dr. Laura Purdy: But but all jokes aside, I that is surprising because I do feel like, at least in things like social media and on LinkedIn and in hearing people like you talk, I feel like there has been generally more education, more knowledge, more information sharing, and more advocacy on things like mental health in the workplace.
• 20:15
  Dr. Laura Purdy: So I'm surprised that that's not translating into that number starting to come down and bosses, I'll just say bosses getting wiser on mental health in the workplace.
• 20:27
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I'll tell you what most of them do.
• 20:29
  SPEAKER_00: I'm and I know that I'm not making any of this up because this is everywhere I go.
• 20:34
  SPEAKER_00: They send out an email, you know, or a newsletter about wellness.
• 20:40
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah that guess what, everybody?
• 20:43
  SPEAKER_00: News flash, we're not reading the emails, especially the ones that are so long, like we're not even reading personal emails that long.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_00: We're like, can you put this in a text?
• 20:56
  SPEAKER_00: Um yeah, it's really like we have to be more serious about having a conversation.
• 21:06
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 21:07
  SPEAKER_00: A real conversation with like, how are you?
• 21:10
  SPEAKER_00: And what can I do to support you?
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_00: I know that you just lost your dog.
• 21:15
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I know that you're very sad.
• 21:17
  SPEAKER_00: Would it be helpful if you left it, you know, 2 p.m.
• 21:20
  SPEAKER_00: and you come in later tomorrow?
• 21:22
  SPEAKER_00: Whatever it is, there's always a way to support, but I don't think that we're listening to our team enough.
• 21:29
  SPEAKER_00: And I am a direct result of a company that cared enough to have an EAP, and then that in turn changed not just me, but my whole family dynamic.
• 21:42
  SPEAKER_00: So I think that we have to be bolder and more courageous in our conversations with our team.
• 21:49
  SPEAKER_00: It's way past it is way past time.
• 21:53
  SPEAKER_00: Um we can't even believe it.
• 21:55
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I thought the pandemic, I'm like, well, now everybody will get it because it's global.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: And then I'm like, oh boy.
• 22:02
  SPEAKER_00: Everybody just taking trauma and pushing it.
• 22:06
  Dr. Laura Purdy: Like the work.
• 22:07
  Dr. Laura Purdy: Oh my goodness.
• 22:10
  Dr. Laura Purdy: Okay.
• 22:10
  Dr. Laura Purdy: Well, let me ask you this.
• 22:12
  Dr. Laura Purdy: So, from a practical standpoint, right?
• 22:14
  Dr. Laura Purdy: Because I'm a CEO, there will be other CEOs, I hope.
• 22:17
  Dr. Laura Purdy: This is a business podcast, so we're gonna have other CEOs on and other CEOs listen.
• 22:22
  Dr. Laura Purdy: And I think that this is a message that all CEOs, no matter what the size of your business is, needs to hear because this is important.
• 22:30
  Dr. Laura Purdy: So practically, how do we take the steps?
• 22:34
  Dr. Laura Purdy: Or what are the steps that we can take to start doing this in a concrete way?
• 22:39
  Dr. Laura Purdy: It's kind of inefficient.
• 22:41
  Dr. Laura Purdy: You know, we can't necessarily chat with every single person one-on-one every day and say, hey, how's your mental health today?
• 22:46
  Dr. Laura Purdy: Is this a person that we bring in in our HR department?
• 22:50
  Dr. Laura Purdy: Is this an initiative?
• 22:51
  Dr. Laura Purdy: Is this something that we task our like middle management, our team leaders with?
• 22:57
  Dr. Laura Purdy: Of course, everything is top-down, but practically, how do we take those first couple of steps to implement these programs in our businesses?
• 23:05
  SPEAKER_00: Well, the real miss for the companies that hire me to come in and speak is that they have me speak to the employees.
• 23:12
  SPEAKER_00: The employees know what the problem is, it's the leadership.
• 23:15
  SPEAKER_00: Well, bring the leaders into the room so they can hear what I have to say.
• 23:20
  SPEAKER_00: And that has happened countless times.
• 23:22
  SPEAKER_00: It's also, you know, and this whole like, we don't want to talk to the staff every day about how is your mental health?
• 23:31
  SPEAKER_00: That has been a response from many people.
• 23:33
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, Sharon, well, give me a break.
• 23:35
  SPEAKER_00: I I don't have that kind of time.
• 23:36
  SPEAKER_00: We're running a business here.
• 23:37
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 23:38
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, nobody said you should do it every day, bro.
• 23:40
  SPEAKER_00: I'll tell you what is good though, at least once a month.
• 23:45
  SPEAKER_00: How about once a month?
• 23:46
  SPEAKER_00: How about getting our leaders together?
• 23:48
  SPEAKER_00: And we talk about HR, I mean human resources.
• 23:56
  SPEAKER_00: Well, that's a miss.
• 23:58
  SPEAKER_00: Because if the HR people don't know about the resources that we can provide for our teams, and listen, I was just on NBC last week.
• 24:08
  SPEAKER_00: I'm being interviewed by the woman.
• 24:10
  SPEAKER_00: I have it forever on video now.
• 24:13
  SPEAKER_00: I knew that they had benefits before I got there.
• 24:15
  SPEAKER_00: I always look it up because I know that majority of people will have some type of, especially a big company.
• 24:21
  SPEAKER_00: So what happened was she said, Oh, well, how progressive of your dad's employer 31 years ago to have an EAP.
• 24:29
  SPEAKER_00: I bet you know we're in journal, I mean, we're seeing trauma all day long here, Sharon.
• 24:33
  SPEAKER_00: I I bet if we had what you had, there'd be a line around the corner.
• 24:37
  SPEAKER_00: And so I paused because I meditate and I said, Well, dare I say, there's a good chance that you have them.
• 24:47
  SPEAKER_00: And then by the time I got from that interview to the podcast that they did after it, they were like, damn, we have EAP benefits.
• 24:55
  SPEAKER_00: Well, how does why I just met you guys 10 seconds ago?
• 25:00
  SPEAKER_00: How come I know this and you guys don't know?
• 25:02
  SPEAKER_00: So that's the myth.
• 25:03
  SPEAKER_00: People are like, we can't do this every day.
• 25:06
  SPEAKER_00: We can't, yes, okay, but you can do it once a month.
• 25:09
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 25:10
  SPEAKER_00: That because everybody's mental health is is really we're we're at a we're at a a really, really sensitive time right now.
• 25:18
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 25:19
  SPEAKER_00: We're really, and and people are not willing to have brave conversations, and I am not willing to have a brave conversation about your unbrave conversations.
• 25:29
  SPEAKER_00: There are just too many people that are suffering today to not be brave, you know, be brave and ask somebody, are you okay?
• 25:39
  SPEAKER_00: This is very, this is not, this is not like people have to bring in a whole consulting team.
• 25:45
  SPEAKER_00: This is like, okay, everybody in leadership.
• 25:49
  SPEAKER_00: I would like for you to ask your staff, how are you?
• 25:53
  SPEAKER_00: And then let them answer you before comparing it to Uncle Leo in Ohio.
• 26:01
  SPEAKER_00: Really?
• 26:02
  Dr. Laura Purdy: It's like you can understand what they're going through because of Uncle Leo in Ohio having having it so much worse.
• 26:09
  SPEAKER_00: It really is that basic though, because not small businesses can't afford the EAP benefits.
• 26:14
  SPEAKER_00: There are many, many other free resources out there for people that can be taken advantage of.
• 26:19
  SPEAKER_00: And the first thing is really getting our leaders to learn how to regulate their nervous systems.
• 26:24
  SPEAKER_00: Most people don't even know what the hell I'm talking about when I said regulate your nervous system.
• 26:28
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, yeah.
• 26:30
  Dr. Laura Purdy: How do you define it?
• 26:31
  Dr. Laura Purdy: Okay, define it for us.
• 26:32
  Dr. Laura Purdy: So when you're talking about regulate your nervous system, what practically, what are you telling these leaders that we must do?
• 26:41
  SPEAKER_00: So let's just go back to your example before.
• 26:43
  SPEAKER_00: So say you weren't regulated that day when your staff came and said, hey, you know, we got toxic gel over here.
• 26:50
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 26:51
  SPEAKER_00: And you were like, What are you talking about?
• 26:53
  SPEAKER_00: That's an unregulated human.
• 26:56
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 26:58
  SPEAKER_00: So it's so basic.
• 26:59
  SPEAKER_00: It's just like listening, like breathing while somebody is talking to you, pausing, and then being able to say, I'm gonna need some time to consider this.
• 27:16
  SPEAKER_00: And I'll get back to you.
• 27:18
  SPEAKER_00: And then we, I don't know, we go meditate in a corner, do some breathing exercises, there's box breathing, there's all sorts of ways to calm our nervous system, but everybody can feel the tense energy in their bodies when something it's horrible.
• 27:34
  SPEAKER_00: Everybody knows this feeling, you know.
• 27:36
  SPEAKER_00: When there's one person, and your your team knew about this person, that everybody just walked.
• 27:42
  SPEAKER_00: Well, you didn't know, but you know now.
• 27:44
  SPEAKER_00: But the whole team was walking on eggshells, like ah, they had the Sunday scaries, like, oh, I gotta see this dude again.
• 27:53
  SPEAKER_00: You know, it's horrible.
• 27:54
  SPEAKER_00: It's a horrible work environment.
• 27:56
  SPEAKER_00: So bravo for the team to coming to you, and bravo for you terminating somebody that doesn't belong because like we could just be kind to each other.
• 28:05
  SPEAKER_00: That's a real thing.
• 28:07
  Dr. Laura Purdy: Well, you know, I had a commander in the army that used to tell us bad news does not get better with time.
• 28:12
  Dr. Laura Purdy: And there are certain things I've I've learned, one of the ways I've become wiser, and I'm not perfect, and I don't make all perfect decisions, but I have learned that there are some things that we cannot remediate.
• 28:25
  Dr. Laura Purdy: There are some things that do have to be removed.
• 28:28
  Dr. Laura Purdy: Mistakes, inefficiencies, productivity, even attendance sometimes can be remediated, but people's character, I I have never yet, and tell me if you disagree, but I have never yet found a way to remediate or improve upon someone else's character unless they choose to do that themselves.
• 28:52
  Dr. Laura Purdy: And when it comes to toxicity in the workplace, which is humans treating other humans it inhumanely, I guess, humans treating other humans inhumanely, I I cannot remediate that, I don't think.
• 29:07
  SPEAKER_00: No, I mean, you know, how you do life is how you do business.
• 29:11
  SPEAKER_00: So if somebody's a jerk at home, they're gonna be a jerk in the workplace.
• 29:14
  SPEAKER_00: That's just a fact.
• 29:16
  SPEAKER_00: And and I think that, you know, spending more time with our processes with hiring is really important.
• 29:22
  SPEAKER_00: I think that there also should be check-ins with teams to, you know, talk about other staff members.
• 29:31
  SPEAKER_00: I think that it can be way more collaborative if we all just communicated with each other, you know, like and weren't so afraid.
• 29:40
  SPEAKER_00: I, you know, I always say, um, I'm I'm here to make therapy great again.
• 29:45
  SPEAKER_00: I will tell people, I will tell people when I'm going to therapy.
• 29:50
  SPEAKER_00: I will tell people I am I'm going to meditation class tonight.
• 29:55
  SPEAKER_00: I will tell people I need to take a walk in nature.
• 29:59
  SPEAKER_00: I need to put my feet in the grass.
• 30:02
  SPEAKER_00: I need to breathe because all of the stress of life and work can be overwhelming sometimes.
• 30:08
  SPEAKER_00: But if we don't teach that, if we're not the if the leaders are not regulated, don't expect anybody else to be.
• 30:15
  SPEAKER_00: It's just like parents, right?
• 30:17
  SPEAKER_00: It's like parents get so pissed off because their kids are on their phone while you're like this, right?
• 30:22
  SPEAKER_00: So be the example, yeah.
• 30:24
  SPEAKER_00: Be the example, and um, and you'll see massive changes start to happen.
• 30:29
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't have to be extreme.
• 30:31
  SPEAKER_00: We're not expecting HR the tongue to look out at us.
• 30:34
  SPEAKER_00: We just want people to be like kind and gender.
• 30:38
  Dr. Laura Purdy: You know, but it doesn't have to be a harmful environment.
• 30:42
  SPEAKER_00: No, and then be able to point out when somebody isn't doing well.
• 30:46
  SPEAKER_00: You know, we know we spend all of our time working, working, really, it feels like sometimes.
• 30:53
  SPEAKER_00: So if you see somebody's attitude change or they're not coming in on Mondays, or you know, we need to ask people if they're okay.
• 31:02
  SPEAKER_00: That's that's not like this isn't anything we had to study in school.
• 31:06
  SPEAKER_00: This is like we learned it in kindergarten, right?
• 31:13
  SPEAKER_00: If we paid attention, be kind to other people.
• 31:17
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's very basic.
• 31:19
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I'm more practical than I am.
• 31:22
  SPEAKER_00: You know, there's many things that can be done.
• 31:24
  SPEAKER_00: You know, corporate terminology, there's many things, but really it just comes down to to start asking people how they're doing and and allowing a space for them to be honest, just like your staff was able to be honest with you.
• 31:36
  SPEAKER_00: That that will that keeps people, that makes people feel heard and seen.
• 31:42
  SPEAKER_00: Everybody wants to be seen.
• 31:44
  Dr. Laura Purdy: So now well, it's never too late.
• 31:48
  Dr. Laura Purdy: That's what I learned.
• 31:49
  Dr. Laura Purdy: It's never too late.
• 31:50
  Dr. Laura Purdy: We can we can heal our workplaces, we can heal our employees if they stick around, if they leave, I guess they've healed themselves.
• 31:58
  Dr. Laura Purdy: But it's never too late.
• 31:59
  Dr. Laura Purdy: And thankfully, you know, like I told the team this week, I said, never.
• 32:03
  Dr. Laura Purdy: This must never happen again.
• 32:06
  Dr. Laura Purdy: Whatever it is that we have to do to keep this from ever happening again, far be it from me to ever have a workplace in which people are coming in here and suffering every day because that's not what this is about.
• 32:16
  Dr. Laura Purdy: So I'm glad that you're doing what you're doing, helping other workplaces be places where people are not suffering.
• 32:22
  Dr. Laura Purdy: I'm gonna cry.
• 32:24
  SPEAKER_00: I'm getting emotional.
• 32:26
  SPEAKER_00: But it's beautiful because we really can make a big impact on other people.
• 32:31
  SPEAKER_00: Look at I am the exact this is why I have to do this work.
• 32:34
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 32:35
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I didn't even realize how much suppressed trauma I had myself until I wrote my first book.
• 32:41
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, yeah, oh my God, I need to work, I need to regulate my own nervous system and I need to figure out how to be more calm and to really listen to others.
• 32:51
  SPEAKER_00: Listening, I would say, is the biggest piece of all of this.
• 32:54
  SPEAKER_00: If we all were just more interested in another human being, oh man.
• 33:00
  SPEAKER_00: We could we could just keep them forever.
• 33:03
  SPEAKER_00: And keep them forever on our team.
• 33:05
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm thrilled that you know you have created a space where people can talk to you.
• 33:10
  SPEAKER_00: That's a whim.
• 33:11
  SPEAKER_00: Most people don't have that.
• 33:13
  SPEAKER_00: And then people leave, and then people, doctors especially.
• 33:16
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know why I have so much turnover.
• 33:18
  SPEAKER_00: Well too.
• 33:19
  Dr. Laura Purdy: What do you think?
• 33:20
  Dr. Laura Purdy: Well, thank you for saying that.
• 33:21
  Dr. Laura Purdy: I haven't even honestly, I haven't even gotten to the point of reflecting on it like that yet because it just happened this week and we're doing damage control.
• 33:30
  Dr. Laura Purdy: But but thank you for saying that because I think once we get on the other side of it and the and the the stress comes down a little bit, um I I will I will know that I have done what I set out to do, which is to create a workplace that does not harm people on purpose.
• 33:48
  Dr. Laura Purdy: I mean, especially in healthcare, right?
• 33:50
  Dr. Laura Purdy: Like no.
• 33:51
  Dr. Laura Purdy: Actually, here to help.
• 33:53
  Dr. Laura Purdy: Right.
• 33:53
  Dr. Laura Purdy: Healthcare.
• 33:56
  Dr. Laura Purdy: Healthcare.
• 33:56
  Dr. Laura Purdy: Right.
• 33:58
  Dr. Laura Purdy: Not hurt, destroy healthcare.
• 34:01
  Dr. Laura Purdy: Very well.
• 34:01
  Dr. Laura Purdy: Well, Sharon, listen, we've we've hit our 30 minutes today, and that flew by so quickly.
• 34:08
  Dr. Laura Purdy: I am so thankful that you came here to talk to me about this today, because as you can tell, it's very near to my heart and to my work today.
• 34:17
  Dr. Laura Purdy: And I hope that the other business leaders and CEOs and founders that listen to this feel inspired, feel like they want to go ask everybody how they're doing and then pause and wait to really listen and to really care.
• 34:30
  Dr. Laura Purdy: And I hope they feel inspired to make choices that might be hard choices for the good of the mental health of all.
• 34:38
  Dr. Laura Purdy: Um, I would love to give you the opportunity to brag on yourself for just a second if people are listening to you and thinking, I want her to come keynote at my company or I want to get in contact with her.
• 34:48
  Dr. Laura Purdy: Where can people find you to engage with you?
• 34:51
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I mean, if you type in my name, there's way too much information out there.
• 34:55
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm pretty sure you could get my home address if you wanted to.
• 34:58
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I'm thrilled to just, you know, I I'll always be the doctor whisperer.
• 35:03
  SPEAKER_00: But thankfully, this mental health in the workplace is taken off so beautifully where I will be speaking to 6,000 people next week.
• 35:13
  SPEAKER_00: And if I can help two people in the room, you know, stay in their job because the leaders heard what I had to say, then it's all been worth it.
• 35:22
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so the Dr.
• 35:24
  SPEAKER_00: Whisperer still exists.
• 35:26
  SPEAKER_00: I wouldn't say it's updated, probably says I still have a podcast.
• 35:29
  SPEAKER_00: But, you know, I I'm not about um, you know, the truth is most people that hire me have been personally affected in some way.
• 35:44
  SPEAKER_00: The people that are pretending and suppressing all their trauma and and just saying I'm fine or I'm strong, they're not the ones that are gonna hire me.
• 35:53
  SPEAKER_00: But I have known many, many CEOs and leaders that have lost their children to suicide and overdose.
• 36:00
  SPEAKER_00: So those are the ones that usually will bring me on board.
• 36:04
  SPEAKER_00: And I am honored on a daily basis to be able to be a light in the dark.
• 36:12
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm funny too.
• 36:13
  SPEAKER_00: Like I'll have a good time with them.
• 36:15
  Dr. Laura Purdy: She's entertaining them.
• 36:18
  SPEAKER_00: A raw story, but uh, I've also I know what it's like to run businesses and I know what it's like to um to just create a more peaceful environment for people.
• 36:28
  SPEAKER_00: We'll go to work, we all have to work to earn a living, you know.
• 36:37
  SPEAKER_00: Not at all.
• 36:38
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so thank you.
• 36:39
  Dr. Laura Purdy: Thank you, Sharon.
• 36:40
  Dr. Laura Purdy: Thank you so, so, so much.
• 36:41
  Dr. Laura Purdy: Good luck next week talking to 6,000 people from the diving industry.
• 36:45
  Dr. Laura Purdy: Good luck.
• 36:46
  Dr. Laura Purdy: I wish you all the best.
• 36:47
  Dr. Laura Purdy: Thank you for being here, and we'll talk to you soon.
• 36:51
  Dr. Laura Purdy: Thank you for tuning in to the I am writing episode three.