Latest / The Midlife Momma Podcast - Empty nest mom, Parenting adult children, Midlife transition, Christian mom / 181. How to Let Go Well: A Christian Mom’s Guide to Launching Her Child

Transcript

181. How to Let Go Well: A Christian Mom’s Guide to Launching Her Child · The Midlife Momma Podcast - Empty nest mom, Parenting adult children, Midlife transition, Christian mom

• 0:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: Christian parenting.
• 0:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: Hey mama, I'm Pamela Hinkelman and you're listening to the Midlife Mama podcast, the show for Christian moms who want to watch their kids well and actually enjoy their emptiness.
• 0:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm a certified emptiness coach, speaker, and mom of five adult kids.
• 0:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: I know the challenges this season brings from letting go, the setting healthy boundaries to rediscovering your purpose and reconnecting with your husband.
• 0:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: Each week, I'll be your guide, offering heartfelt conversations, faith-filled encouragement and practical strategies to help you thrive in the next chapter.
• 0:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: My husband and I are loving the emptiness years and I have strong growing relationships with my adult kids.
• 0:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I want the same for you.
• 0:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: And don't miss the end of each episode.
• 0:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'll share a quick coaching tip.
• 0:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: You can apply right away to improve your relationship with your kids or your spouse.
• 0:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: One favorite before we dive in.
• 1:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: If you find this episode helpful, would you leave a rating and review?
• 1:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: It helps other moms discover the show.
• 1:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: There's a link in the show notes with instructions.
• 1:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: Make sure you're following the podcast so you don't miss a single episode.
• 1:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: Let's get started.
• 1:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: Welcome back to the Midlife Mama Podcast.
• 1:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: the place for faith, friendship, and real talk for empty-nessed moms.
• 1:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm your host Pamela Hinkelman and I'm so glad you're here.
• 1:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: Today we're stepping into one of the most tender and transformative seasons of motherhood, launching a child into adulthood.
• 1:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: Whether your son or daughter is heading
• 1:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: to college, joining the military, starting a job, or simply taking their next brave step into the world.
• 1:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: This transition is big, and it can stir up all kinds of emotions.
• 1:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: In this episode, I'm sharing six powerful tips to help you release well.
• 1:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: Support wisely and stay rid of your faith as your child steps into their future.
• 1:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: While their journey is just beginning, your role is beautifully shifting.
• 2:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: And with God's help, you can navigate this season with grace.
• 2:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: Each launch looks different, but one thing remains the same.
• 2:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: Your role as a mom is shifting.
• 2:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: And making your way through this shift with grace doesn't just happen, it takes intentionality.
• 2:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: Here are six powerful tips to help you release well, support wisely, and stay grounded in your faith as your child steps into their future.
• 2:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: Step number one, don't make it about you.
• 2:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: I almost feel bad saying that, but it's a natural to feel the weight of this transition.
• 2:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: After all, it's a big shift for you too.
• 2:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: But your young adult needs space to focus on their next steps, not your sadness.
• 2:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: Resist the urge to express how hard their move is on you.
• 2:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: Instead, be fully present and supportive as they step into independence.
• 2:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: This is their moment to grow, stretch, and fly in your steady presence.
• 3:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: Now your pain will give them the confidence to move forward.
• 3:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: As Philippians two four reminds us, let each of you look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.
• 3:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: When you prioritize your child's needs over your own fears, you reflect the selfless love of Christ, and that's a gift they'll carry into adulthood.
• 3:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: Step number two for letting go well is to let your child take the lead.
• 3:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: It is tempting to step in and manage the details, but rescuing or over-directing only weakens your child's confidence.
• 3:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: Now is the time to shift from hands on parenting to supportive coaching.
• 3:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: Let them make decisions about their space, finances, and responsibilities.
• 3:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: Stand nearby, not in front.
• 3:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: Ready to help when asked, but not taking over.
• 3:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: This empowers them to grow in wisdom, maturity, and ownership of their life.
• 3:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: I did not do this well with our first child.
• 4:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: I led everything when we brought him to college.
• 4:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: I was helpful.
• 4:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: I was hovering.
• 4:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: I was making suggestions.
• 4:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: I was not letting him lead.
• 4:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: I remember sitting in the financial aid.
• 4:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: talk and they're like, now let your child lead in this, let your child understand how this works.
• 4:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: I looked at my husband, Bob, and I'm like, there's no way he could figure this out.
• 4:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so I didn't let him take the lead in that and it hurt him.
• 4:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: While by child number five, I'd got a little smarter and she was so independent.
• 4:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: I really let her take the lead and she was ready for us to step out of the room.
• 4:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: She was actually supporting us because we were truly entering our empty nest than it felt like such a big moment for us, but she was a strong and brave and confident that she would do well and she did.
• 4:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: Scripture reminds us
• 4:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: of this growth process for each one should carry their own load, Galatian six-five.
• 5:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: By giving your child space to lead, you're honoring their God-giving responsibility to store their own life and showing trust in the work God is doing in them.
• 5:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: Step number three, to let go well as to master your emotions before they spill over.
• 5:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: It is completely normal to feel a swirl of emotions as you launch your child into adulthood.
• 5:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: Grief, pride, anxiety, and joy can all exist at once.
• 5:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's even okay for your child to see that this is hard for you because vulnerability builds connection, but be mindful not to make your emotions, their burden, breathe deeply, stay present, celebrate the moment with them.
• 5:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: This is a sacred milestone, not a funeral.
• 5:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: Later, once the car is packed and the dorm is quiet, or the house is still, you can let the tears flow.
• 5:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: But in the moment, anchor your heart in the truth that this is God's good design.
• 6:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: Children are meant to grow up and go.
• 6:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: As a ecclesiastist, three-one reminds us, there is a time for everything and a season for every activity under the heavens.
• 6:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: This is their season to launch and yours to release with grace.
• 6:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: As Christian parents, we all want to be praying for our kids and grandkids, but knowing what to pray can be hard.
• 6:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's why Christian parenting created a great cloud of witnesses' prayer journal.
• 6:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: to help busy parents like you intentionally pray for your children and grandchildren, and their faith all year long.
• 6:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: This weekly journal walks through the lives of faithful men and women in Scripture, like Abraham, Sarah, Moses, and Rayham, who trusted and extraordinary God.
• 6:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: It helps you pray boldly for your kids and grandchildren, kids to follow in their steps, grow in character, deepen their faith, and trust God's plan.
• 6:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: And every Monday, on part in the Mess Podcast, Courtney Defeo will be praying to the journal with you.
• 7:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: Visit cpgive.org and use code cloud to get your special podcast listener discount.
• 7:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: That cpgive.org code cloud.
• 7:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: Now, let's get back to our conversation.
• 7:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: The fourth way to let go well is to set clear communication expectations.
• 7:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: This I think is one of my favorite tips.
• 7:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: One of the quickest ways to feel hurt or disappointed after your kid launches is to assume they'll reach out as often as you'd like.
• 7:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: Avoid that heartache by having an honest conversation before they leave.
• 7:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: Ask open-ended questions like, what's a really stick way for us to stay in touch?
• 7:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: Or would you prefer texting calling or face timing?
• 7:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: And when might be a good time for that each week.
• 7:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: Let your child take the lead so that they feel ownership not obligation.
• 7:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: When expectations are mutual and clear, guilt is replaced by freedom and connection becomes more joyful for both of you.
• 7:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: With my kids, we had different levels of communications.
• 8:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: One child we face time every week on Sunday afternoons.
• 8:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: Other kids we only called every couple weeks.
• 8:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: Some we texted often.
• 8:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: One child hated FaceTime, and just because you like it doesn't mean that they do.
• 8:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: So be flexible and upbeat when you have these conversations.
• 8:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: Scripture reminds us, let what you say be simply yes or no.
• 8:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: Anything more than this comes from evil, Matthew five, thirty seven, clarity creates peace.
• 8:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: And when you talk about expectations upfront, you protect the relationship from misunderstanding and build a bridge of mutual respect.
• 8:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: Tip number five, speak confidence into their future.
• 8:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: Launching into adulthood is exciting, but it is also overwhelming.
• 8:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: My kids would always say to me, wow, adulting is hard, and I would say, yes, you're right.
• 8:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: It is.
• 8:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: Many young adults quietly wonder, do I really have what it takes?
• 9:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's where you come in.
• 9:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: Your belief in them can become a bridge to their own self-confidence.
• 9:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: Lend them your faith until they find their footing.
• 9:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yes, they'll stumble.
• 9:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's just part of the process.
• 9:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: But instead of rushing to fix things, remind them, I believe in you.
• 9:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: You're capable.
• 9:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: You've got this.
• 9:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: You can do this.
• 9:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yes, you've made a mistake, but you can make a better choice.
• 9:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: You've spent years equipping them.
• 9:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: Now is the time to release them with words that build, not tear down.
• 9:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: Scripture echoes this calling in Ephesians for a twenty-nine.
• 9:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouth, but only what is helpful for building others up.
• 9:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: That it may benefit those who listen.
• 9:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: Your words are powerful.
• 9:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: Speak life, speak hope, and speak strength.
• 9:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: into the next chapter of your child's journey.
• 9:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: The sixth tip is to anchor your heart in Christ, not your role as a mom.
• 10:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: As you stand on the edge of launching your child, you may find yourself quietly asking, what now?
• 10:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: Who am I if I'm not needed in the same way?
• 10:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's a tender question and a holy imitation.
• 10:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: Your role as a mom is shifting, but your identity hasn't changed.
• 10:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: You are still and always God's beloved daughter.
• 10:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: Motherhood was a sacred assignment, but it was never your ultimate identity.
• 10:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: Let your heart be anchored in Christ, not in your youthfulness, or proximity to your children.
• 10:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: The God who carried you through a motherhood will carry you into this next season, too, with purpose, beauty, and joy still ahead.
• 10:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: As I say a forty-three-one gently reminds us, do not fear for I have redeemed you
• 10:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: I hope called you by name.
• 10:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: You are mine.
• 10:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: You are his first, and he's not finished with your story.
• 10:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: Launching a child into adulthood is both emotional and sacred.
• 10:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: Letting go doesn't come easily, but with intention, faith, and love, it can become a beautiful act of trust.
• 11:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: And as you apply these tips, you'll not only strengthen your relationship with your adult child, but you're also deep in your walk with God.
• 11:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: This transition isn't just about releasing your child.
• 11:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's about leaning into God.
• 11:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: You are hell, Mama.
• 11:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: The one who entrusted this child to you is the same one who holds you now, and he will never let you go.
• 11:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: Friend, launching your child into adulthood may feel like a deep letting go, but it's also a wholly invitation to trust God in new ways.
• 11:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: As your role changes, remember, your identity hasn't.
• 11:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: Your still deeply love still held and still called to a life of purpose beyond motherhood.
• 11:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: Here's your coaching tip of the week.
• 11:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: In each episode, I will give you one actionable step to improve your life.
• 11:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: Remember, you can't change everything, but you can take one step to be better.
• 11:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: This week I want you to spend some time thinking about and praying through how you want to show up for your child when they launch.
• 12:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: Ask God to give you the strength to let go well and to support your child while trusting God.
• 12:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: This season can be sacred and strong, emotional and empowering.
• 12:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: Let your love speak life over your child's future and let your heart rest in the one who's always been faithful.
• 12:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: If this episode encouraged you, would you take a moment to share it with a friend and don't forget to subscribe so you never miss these honest, hopeful conversations.
• 12:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: Until next time, Grace and Peace Mama, you've got this and God's got you.
• 12:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: Thanks for spending time with me on the Midlife Mama Podcast.
• 12:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: I hope you leave each episode feeling a little more encouraged, equipped, and seen, because that's what this space is all about.
• 12:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: Through the stories, insights, and conversations we share here, I'm coaching you through the ups and downs of the empty nest, helping you rediscover purpose, deepen faith, and enjoy this new season of life.
• 12:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: If you're ready for an even more personalized support, I'd love to invite you to book a free connection call.
• 13:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: The link is in the show notes and we'll talk about how I can walk alongside you as your coach.
• 13:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: And let's stay connected.
• 13:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: Follow me on Instagram at P-Hinkleman.
• 13:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's P-H-E-N-K-E-L-M-A-N, or come find me on Facebook at Pamela Hinkleman, M-T-Nest Coach.
• 13:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: You don't have to figure this all out on your own mama.
• 13:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm here for you when you're ready.