Latest / Pastor John Piper's answers / How Can I Correct Others Gently?

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How Can I Correct Others Gently? · Pastor John Piper's answers

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  Speaker 1: Well, Monday, we looked at feminine beauty in a selfie culture.
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  Speaker 1: Today we look at correcting others in the age of
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  Speaker 1: social media. And we are taking our timeing cues from
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  Speaker 1: our Bible reading, just taking up the Bible texts as
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  Speaker 1: they come along in our Navigator's Bible reading plan. If
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  Speaker 1: you were to make a list of the most commonly
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  Speaker 1: asked about verses in our inbox to this podcast, a
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  Speaker 1: top fifteen list would include second Timity two twenty five
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  Speaker 1: on correcting opponents with gentleness. It's a big topic in
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  Speaker 1: the age of social media, and it's a big text
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  Speaker 1: on the minds of many listeners, and that's also a
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  Speaker 1: text in our Bible reading today. The question is from
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  Speaker 1: a man who listens regularly to the podcast and wrote this, Hello.
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  Speaker 1: Pastor John Paul instructs us to correct opponents with gentleness,
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  Speaker 1: hoping that God may grant them repentance in Second Dimity
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  Speaker 1: two twenty five. But when I look around, especially online,
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  Speaker 1: seems like so much correction, even from Christians, this harsh, sarcastic,
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  Speaker 1: or aggressive. I've even seen this happen in private conversations,
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  Speaker 1: where people think boldness means being blunt or even rude.
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  Speaker 1: How do we correct with gentleness without compromising truth? What
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  Speaker 1: does that look like in the situations where someone is
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  Speaker 1: being openly hostile or spreading false teaching? Is there every
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  Speaker 1: time when strong, sharp words are appropriate? Or should we
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  Speaker 1: always aim for a soft approach? I also wonder about
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  Speaker 1: my own heart. How can I recognize when my correction
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  Speaker 1: is driven by pride, frustration, or a desire to win
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  Speaker 1: an argument rather than by love. What are the dangers
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  Speaker 1: of correcting out of anger instead of godly patience.
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  Speaker 2: Surely everyone who reads the Bible in a thoughtful way
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  Speaker 2: feels the challenge that, on the one hand, godly people
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  Speaker 2: are to give a soft answer that turns away wrath.
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  Speaker 2: Proverbs fifteen, be kind to one another in tender hearted
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  Speaker 2: Ephesians four, not to return evil for evil, but bless
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  Speaker 2: on Peter three. Be long suffering and patient, and forgive
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  Speaker 2: seventy times seven. Matthew eighteen. Correct opponents with gentleness two
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  Speaker 2: Timothy two. That the meek are blessed Matthew five. And
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  Speaker 2: Jesus is gentle and lowly Matthew eleven. And that the
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  Speaker 2: anger of man does not work the righteousness of God
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  Speaker 2: James one twenty. And yet the challenge goes on. On
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  Speaker 2: the other hand, the godly are to rebuke with all authority.
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  Speaker 2: Titus two rebuke sharply. Titus one thirteen deals severely with
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  Speaker 2: adversaries in the use of authority. Sometimes second Printeens thirteen
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  Speaker 2: pronounce woes on the blind leaders of the blind Matthew
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  Speaker 2: twenty three. Assigned to damnation those who resist correction and
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  Speaker 2: preach another gospel. Let them be accursed Galatians one eight.
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  Speaker 2: And not to cast our pearls before swine Matthew seven.
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  Speaker 2: So what are we to make of this? Both and
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  Speaker 2: of gentleness and severity, tenderness and toughness. Paul said in
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  Speaker 2: Romans eleven twenty two. I remember what an effect this
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  Speaker 2: hadened to me but fifty years ago, when I first
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  Speaker 2: saw it in studying Romans. Behold the kindness and severity
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  Speaker 2: of God. Take note of his kindness and his severity,
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  Speaker 2: and we certainly see both in the way Jesus and
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  Speaker 2: Paul spoke. Both of them, Paul Jesus. They both spoke
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  Speaker 2: to different people in different situations, with different tones. Proverbs
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  Speaker 2: twenty six, four and five captures the challenge flat out,
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  Speaker 2: face to face. Bang answer not a fool according to
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  Speaker 2: his folly, lest you be like him yourself. Next verse,
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  Speaker 2: answer a fool according to his folly, So don't answer
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  Speaker 2: him according to his folly. Answer am coin to his folly,
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  Speaker 2: lest he be wise in his own eyes. The author,
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  Speaker 2: I think, put those two proverbs back to back so
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  Speaker 2: that we would not make the mistake of thinking they
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  Speaker 2: were contradictions, Like if we saw them at one end
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  Speaker 2: of the Bible and the other, we'd say, oh, these
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  Speaker 2: authors contradicted each other. No, they come back to back
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  Speaker 2: from the same author. So sometimes Jesus refused to answer fools,
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  Speaker 2: as when he asked about the baptism of John and
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  Speaker 2: they wouldn't give him an answer that showed they love truth,
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  Speaker 2: and so he said, I'm not going to talk to
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  Speaker 2: people like this Matthew twenty one, twenty three. And sometimes
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  Speaker 2: he answered them severely, as when the Pharisees said we
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  Speaker 2: need to see a sign, and Jesus said, a wicked
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  Speaker 2: generation needs to see a sign. So he did both.
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  Speaker 2: When I first became a pastor, Oh, I remember this
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  Speaker 2: in nineteen eighty I was so eager to get this
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  Speaker 2: tough and tender proportion right as a pastor that I
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  Speaker 2: read through the four Gospels in Greek, putting in the
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  Speaker 2: margin a too for everything that sounded tough from Jesus,
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  Speaker 2: and a te for everything that sounded tender from Jesus.
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  Speaker 2: I've still got that New Testament I got out yesterday
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  Speaker 2: just to remember, saying, did I really do that? That's
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  Speaker 2: like forty five years ago? And there they are tote
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  Speaker 2: all the way through all four Gospels, and I remember
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  Speaker 2: that exercise so clearly. And I'm not going to tell
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  Speaker 2: you what the tally was, because it's the doing of it.
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  Speaker 2: It's the doing of it. It's the walking with the
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  Speaker 2: living or Jesus through the Gospels and watching him be
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  Speaker 2: tough and tender that makes all the difference. We need
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  Speaker 2: to develop the spiritual discernment and the kind of holy
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  Speaker 2: spirit shaped emotional wholeness that lets us not only know
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  Speaker 2: how to respond to people, but just as importantly, that
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  Speaker 2: we have the wholeness that enables us to do it.
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  Speaker 2: It's one thing to know how to do it, is
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  Speaker 2: another to actually have the emotional wholeness to do it,
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  Speaker 2: to respond the way we ought to, in a mature
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  Speaker 2: way that will be faithful to the truth and express
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  Speaker 2: zeal for God's glory and give evidence of real, heartfelt
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  Speaker 2: love for people, and build up the church, and reflect
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  Speaker 2: the beauty of Christ, and show broken hearted boldness and
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  Speaker 2: unwavering contrite conviction, and advance the Lord's mission in the world.
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  Speaker 2: That's the measure. Those things are the men measure of
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  Speaker 2: the wholeness of our response to various groups, and it
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  Speaker 2: calls for different kinds of responses. So here are a
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  Speaker 2: few factors that I think will help us develop that
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  Speaker 2: kind of discernment and emotional wholeness and enable us to
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  Speaker 2: respond to people the way we should. First, there are
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  Speaker 2: different kinds of people calling for different kinds of response.
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  Speaker 2: There are wolves about to devour the sheep, and there
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  Speaker 2: are sheep. Admonish the idol, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak,
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  Speaker 2: be patient with them all verst. Thessalonians five fourteen. That
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  Speaker 2: does not mean that you get to deal harshly with
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  Speaker 2: all harsh people and gently with gentle people. The gentle
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  Speaker 2: might need a very firm word, and a soft word
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  Speaker 2: just might be what breaks the back of the hardest resistance.
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  Speaker 2: It just means that there are different kinds of people
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  Speaker 2: in different situations in and one sizes doesn't fit all. Second,
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  Speaker 2: It's utterly crucial that we admit and feel the depth
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  Speaker 2: of our own sinfulness in disputes with other people. This
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  Speaker 2: may be the most important thing I have to say,
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  Speaker 2: at least for myself. One of my greatest warnings against clever, sarcastic,
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  Speaker 2: entertaining effective putdowns of my adversary is that I enjoy
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  Speaker 2: it way too much.
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  Speaker 1: That's a warning.
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  Speaker 2: The fact that corrective rape partee comes easily and tears
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  Speaker 2: come with difficulty is a sign of a deep problem
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  Speaker 2: inside John Piper and should put the brakes on a
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  Speaker 2: lot of what I am about to say. Acts twenty
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  Speaker 2: thirty one says that Paul admonish people with tears. Philippians
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  Speaker 2: three to eight says that he spoke of the enemies
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  Speaker 2: of the Cross with tears. Romans nine to two says
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  Speaker 2: he spoke with great sorrow and anguish of heart about
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  Speaker 2: his lost kinsman. It's the absence of tears that tells
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  Speaker 2: me I may not be ready for severe speech toward
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  Speaker 2: other people. Third, our culture is emotionally soft, and we
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  Speaker 2: need to keep this in mind. I think we have
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  Speaker 2: our feelings hurt more quickly than the people of Jesus
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  Speaker 2: Day or sixty years ago. A lot of people today
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  Speaker 2: would accuse Jesus of verbal abuse flat out. He shouldn't
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  Speaker 2: dog like that period. It triggers me, and so they
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  Speaker 2: don't know what to do. We're quick to blame, quick
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  Speaker 2: to play the victim, quick to feel self pity, quick
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  Speaker 2: to manipulate with our woundedness. I mentioned this simply because
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  Speaker 2: if we're not aware of it, we may let our
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  Speaker 2: tenderness be co opted by a calculating use of cherished
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  Speaker 2: grievances that would help nobody. Fourth, God looks on the heart.
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  Speaker 2: He assesses the motive of our soft word or our
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  Speaker 2: tough word. When Paul threatened to deal severely with the
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  Speaker 2: Church at Corinth in Second queen Is thirteen ten, he
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  Speaker 2: spoke of his authority as given to him for upbuilding you,
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  Speaker 2: not for tearing you down. Some motive matters. Fifth, keep
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  Speaker 2: in mind that if the person you are speaking to
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  Speaker 2: is a believer, you will live together in heaven with
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  Speaker 2: Christ with them forever. Let this have its effect on
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  Speaker 2: how you speak to others and about others.
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  Speaker 1: Now.
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  Speaker 2: Six, some effort to communicate to an adversary one on
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  Speaker 2: one is a good governor on ungodly public communication. And Finally,
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  Speaker 2: number seven. Let us pray that Isaiah fifty verse four
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  Speaker 2: would come true for us every day. The Lord God
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  Speaker 2: has given me the tongue of those who are taught,
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  Speaker 2: that I may know how to sustain with a word
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  Speaker 2: him who is weary. And if the Lord can teach
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  Speaker 2: us that, he can teach us how to correct our
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  Speaker 2: opponents as well.
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  Speaker 1: A lesson we can all use to learn to give
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  Speaker 1: grace to those who hear what we say in person
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  Speaker 1: and online. Thank you, Pastor John, and all these same
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  Speaker 1: texts actually come up whenever we talk about living in
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  Speaker 1: a hard marriage too. If that's you, if you're experiencing
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  Speaker 1: life in a hard marriage, you can see the resemblance
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  Speaker 1: here with the text that we talked about today in
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  Speaker 1: the Ask Pastor John book on pages one ninety seven
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  Speaker 1: to two twenty one. Interesting connection there between the two themes.
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  Speaker 1: And thanks for joining us today. If you have a
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  Speaker 1: question to ask Pastor John, you can find a link
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  Speaker 1: to email us and find our complete episode archive at
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  Speaker 1: the same spot Pastor John dot com. Well, we won't
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  Speaker 1: endure on our own. God brings brothers and sisters in
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  Speaker 1: Christ into our lives to help us along the path
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  Speaker 1: to heaven. That's one of the great themes in Bunyan's
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  Speaker 1: famous allegory Pogram's progress. Actually faithful and hopeful are the
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  Speaker 1: friends Christian needs, his sort of fellowship along his path
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  Speaker 1: to the gates of this celestial city. And that's a
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  Speaker 1: point we get into next time. I'm Tony Ranky. I'll
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  Speaker 1: see you on Monday.