Latest / Age Defiantly with Mark Young / The Words You Use Are Shaping Your Body with JJ Virgin

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The Words You Use Are Shaping Your Body with JJ Virgin · Age Defiantly with Mark Young

• 0:03
  Your thoughts create.
• 0:04
  Your perception creates reality.
• 0:06
  Like I completely am on the, you create your reality.
• 0:09
  So if you think you're dying at 62, that's why these, you know, when you hear someone getting diagnosed with cancer and given X amount of time to live and then that's when they die.
• 0:20
  You know, 100%.
• 0:21
  And I think it's like people live in that way.
• 0:23
  And I've even found myself lately, like I'm just on this weird path right now.
• 0:26
  I don't even know what's going on in my head anymore.
• 0:28
  But I don't even know what I'm thinking.
• 0:30
  Like things are just happening.
• 0:32
  But like this whole idea, like, you know, it's like, I'm dead.
• 0:35
  Like, that's the funniest thing.
• 0:36
  I'm dead.
• 0:37
  And I'm like, and I found myself not even being willing to use those words anymore.
• 0:40
  Like, I'm not even going to tell you you're killing me.
• 0:42
  Like, you say something really funny and I'm like, you're killing me.
• 0:45
  And I'm like, I don't even want to use those words anymore.
• 0:47
  Like, I will find alternatives.
• 0:49
  Like, I will go to reactively say those things.
• 0:51
  I'm like, no, I'm not saying those words.
• 0:53
  It's I think of a friend of mine who was always battling his weight.
• 0:58
  Remember once we were somewhere he goes, I am starving out of my mind.
• 1:02
  You might want to watch your framing there as you're creating hunger.
• 1:06
  I'm starving out of my mind.
• 1:09
  It is.
• 1:09
  And it's people create that.
• 1:11
  And especially, I'll say with the declaration, the identity statements, the I am's.
• 1:17
  You know, not to go too far off on a rabbit trail, but the I am diabetic, I am this and I am that.
• 1:24
  And I'm like, oh my gosh, can we knock that off?
• 1:28
  Because, and I was on a podcast.
• 1:30
  I was the guest on Luke's stories podcast.
• 1:32
  Not too long ago.
• 1:34
  I did Luke's.
• 1:35
  Did you?
• 1:35
  Yes, I did.
• 1:36
  Luke and I just romanced out for a while.
• 1:38
  Like we had a great time.
• 1:40
  And we got into this whole conversation.
• 1:42
  I'm like, Luke, if I were to just right now shout duck, let me walk you through just some of what's going on.
• 1:48
  And like your pupils dilate.
• 1:50
  You move into a sympathetic nervous response.
• 1:51
  Now you are thinking duck and I was thinking of a duck.
• 1:54
  That's hilarious because people have said that.
• 1:55
  But if I were like, duck, I was like, quack.
• 1:57
  Yeah, exactly.
• 1:58
  Literally, I was like, duck.
• 2:00
  Oh, wow, look there in a row.
• 2:02
  I mean, if I were to scream duck or something like that, like you would immediately flinch.
• 2:06
  I would tense your muscles.
• 2:08
  Your pupils would dilate.
• 2:09
  Your digestive system would slow.
• 2:10
  You'd go into a sympathetic nervous response.
• 2:13
  And I went through all this kind of stuff.
• 2:14
  And I'm like, that's the power of one word for me.
• 2:17
  Like imagine the power that your words and like I created physiological changes in your body from one word that I said.
• 2:25
  Now, imagine what your cells are dealing with every single day with the things that you're saying to them.
• 2:28
  Like and we speak to ourselves so harshly.
• 2:30
  But like I agree with you, like and I hate to say it's the name it and claim it kind of culture.
• 2:36
  But I choose to live in the world where anything is possible because it doesn't cost any extra.
• 2:41
  Right.
• 2:42
  Like there's zero cost of admission to just believe that anything's possible.
• 2:45
  I know.
• 2:46
  What's going to happen?
• 2:47
  I remember with my son, they're like, oh, he'll never make it.
• 2:50
  I go, well, let's believe that he's going to be 110% and prove it.
• 2:55
  Because if he fails and he gets to 90, we win.
• 3:00
  Whatever it is here, we're going to win.
• 3:01
  We're going to win this round.
• 3:02
  100%.
• 3:03
  Yeah.
• 3:03
  Do you mind sharing that story?
• 3:05
  Because I don't know.
• 3:05
  I mean, a lot of people know that story.
• 3:07
  But that really is the trigger that got you on your path, to be honest with you.
• 3:11
  There's been so many triggers.
• 3:12
  You know, everyone looks for that catalyst.
• 3:13
  I'm like, what if there's like just lots of catalysts.
• 3:15
  And I actually was thinking about the other day.
• 3:17
  Just plot twists all over.
• 3:18
  You know, all over.
• 3:19
  Like, is anyone's road to success this road?
• 3:22
  No.
• 3:22
  No.
• 3:23
  It's like.
• 3:24
  I'm going to shoe steps backwards.
• 3:25
  Yeah.
• 3:26
  But I realized there was a common theme.
• 3:29
  to all of it that I just figured out.
• 3:32
  Of course, I'll probably figure out something else, even from 12 lifetimes ago.
• 3:37
  But I was always the tallest kid in class.
• 3:41
  Shocking.
• 3:42
  Yeah.
• 3:42
  And as a young girl, that sucks, right?
• 3:46
  However, I was also the protector of all my girlfriends bully, too.
• 3:52
  But because I was the tallest girl, I had to be on the boys' teams because we didn't have enough boys.
• 3:58
  So I was always on the boys' teams growing up.
• 4:00
  And then when I went to high school, they had a really great gym for the boys, right?
• 4:06
  Squire rack, bench press.
• 4:08
  We did not have that in the girls.
• 4:10
  No girls gym, right?
• 4:12
  And so I was like, I want to go over there with the high school football players and play because that's what I was used to.
• 4:16
  You were used to playing with the boys, yeah.
• 4:18
  But what I realized is doing all of that, being on the boys' teams and being in the boys' weight room, I learned how to do hard things.
• 4:29
  And if you believe that the way you do one thing is the way you do everything and you know that if you are doing hard things, you're training your...
• 4:36
  You know, you're making new neurons say, I can do hard things.
• 4:40
  It changes everything.
• 4:42
  And so I really think that part of what happened when my son got hit, my son was, I don't even, I like to say the victor of a hit and run.
• 4:50
  As my ex-husband says, you know, grant one car zero, you know, but he was hit by a car.
• 4:58
  We don't know really.
• 4:59
  It seems like maybe going 30, 40 miles an hour.
• 5:02
  A neighbor saw the woman get out of her car.
• 5:05
  gasp, see him on the ground and take off.
• 5:08
  And so, you know, he was airlifted to the local hospital.
• 5:12
  He had multiple brain bleeds.
• 5:13
  He was in a deep coma, like the highest coma score.
• 5:17
  He was 13 fractures.
• 5:20
  But the problem, the real challenge was that he had a torn aorta.
• 5:24
  And that was what Princess Diana died of.
• 5:27
  And it was going to rupture.
• 5:28
  And what Dr. Baisley told us when we got there was sometime in the next 24 hours, it will rupture every hour.
• 5:34
  This is what he's saying.
• 5:35
  Every hour, the chance it's going to rupture increases by 10%.
• 5:39
  So 240% by the end of the day?
• 5:41
  I was like, what?
• 5:42
  Your math doesn't work.
• 5:43
  So we're looking at him.
• 5:44
  And my son, Bryce, who's literally getting his PhD in math right now.
• 5:48
  Amazing.
• 5:48
  He's looking at this doctor.
• 5:49
  And, you know, I've taught my sons to be, you know, question authority respectfully.
• 5:56
  But question, like, you know.
• 5:57
  Question.
• 5:59
  So Bryce is looking at this doctor who's saying this stupid stuff.
• 6:02
  And he's like, huh?
• 6:04
  So like maybe a 0.125% chance he could make it.
• 6:06
  And the doctor goes, yes.
• 6:07
  He goes, not zero.
• 6:11
  I love that.
• 6:12
  That's not zero.
• 6:13
  What was the movie?
• 6:14
  So you're saying there's a chance.
• 6:15
  Yeah.
• 6:16
  That's Jim Carrey.
• 6:18
  So you're saying there's a chance.
• 6:21
  And that was just it.
• 6:22
  And so we were like... And the other funny part was Grant's dad was a medical malpractice trial attorney in his former life when he actually worked.
• 6:31
  Because when he met me, he decided he didn't want to work anymore.
• 6:33
  I was like, that's interesting.
• 6:34
  You're like, okay.
• 6:35
  Huh.
• 6:36
  Anyhow, so he just started using some verbiage to make the doctor actually do something.
• 6:41
  So we overruled the doctor and got him airlifted to the next hospital.
• 6:46
  And when he got airlift to this next hospital, he survived the airlift, which doctors say he wasn't going to do.
• 6:51
  Then he survived the surgery.
• 6:52
  We get to this hospital.
• 6:53
  It's Harbor, UCLA.
• 6:55
  We walk in, number two trauma center in the country.
• 6:58
  And it is game on in there.
• 7:00
  We walk in.
• 7:01
  There are five surgical teams in there.
• 7:02
  There's a doctor who got called at 2 a.m.
• 7:05
  He got a stint from flown in from somewhere somewhere.
• 7:08
  that they'd been using and they were no longer even available.
• 7:11
  He goes, I got it.
• 7:12
  He goes, it was supposed to be used for adults, but we'll ask for forgiveness.
• 7:15
  You know, he was like, you know, going to do what he was going to do.
• 7:19
  How old was he?
• 7:20
  You said 16?
• 7:20
  Grant was 16.
• 7:21
  Okay.
• 7:21
  Okay.
• 7:22
  And I remember the doctor said, listen, I do this all the time.
• 7:26
  Do not worry.
• 7:26
  I had someone thrown off an overpass last week and we fixed him up.
• 7:30
  This is easy.
• 7:32
  I'll come get you in a couple hours, tell you it's fine.
• 7:34
  I'm like, okay.
• 7:36
  Cool.
• 7:36
  I'm going to have a cup of coffee.
• 7:38
  I went up, I had a blog due for something I was doing.
• 7:42
  And I was like, I'll go get my stuff done.
• 7:44
  So the wild thing is, so we're sitting up in this waiting room.
• 7:48
  I was going to call it a green room.
• 7:49
  It was not a green room.
• 7:50
  Not his studio teacher.
• 7:51
  I was sitting down on a lot of TV back then.
• 7:53
  So I was sitting up there.
• 7:55
  So we're sitting up there and later on, like months later, Grant told me, he goes, you know, remember when you and dad were sitting in the waiting room and dad was wearing that red shirt?
• 8:06
  Like John had changed from the time.
• 8:08
  Like he didn't know what John, like he described where we were, what we were doing, how we were sitting.
• 8:13
  He was in a surgery room.
• 8:13
  He was like in the surgical suite.
• 8:16
  Okay.
• 8:16
  I mean, the stuff he told us after the fact would give you chills of what he knew.
• 8:22
  So- Like almost out of body kind of experience.
• 8:25
  But completely out of body experiences.
• 8:27
  Anyhow, the doctor comes in, he goes, hey, all right.
• 8:31
  It's all fixed.
• 8:32
  It's all fine.
• 8:34
  Aorta, great.
• 8:36
  Now, I don't know if he'll ever wake up.
• 8:37
  I'm the plumber.
• 8:38
  I'm like, great.
• 8:40
  Yeah.
• 8:41
  So we go in to see him.
• 8:42
  And I remember standing there because literally 13 fractures.
• 8:45
  He had two orthopedics teams working on him, broadening his femurs.
• 8:49
  He had a crushed heel that they had like stuck all these like nails into and had hanging.
• 8:55
  I mean, it was just crazy.
• 8:56
  He had glass.
• 8:59
  Everything was covered except for a finger.
• 9:01
  He had a broken arm, dislocated shoulder.
• 9:03
  So I've got the finger, holding the finger.
• 9:05
  And the machines are beeping.
• 9:08
  And I said, Grant,
• 9:10
  Your name means warrior.
• 9:12
  And you're going to be 110%.
• 9:13
  I'm like blabbing away to him.
• 9:16
  And I feel a little squeezed.
• 9:18
  And I'm like, hmm.
• 9:19
  You know, they said he was in a coma.
• 9:21
  And so, you know, I said, Grant, Bryce, you know, Bryce is cheering you on.
• 9:26
  That's his brother.
• 9:26
  He loves his brother.
• 9:27
  I feel a squeeze.
• 9:28
  Then I said, your grandmother is like cheering you on.
• 9:32
  Nothing.
• 9:32
  Nothing.
• 9:34
  But the grandma was kind of a negative Nelly.
• 9:35
  So it was like, and I hadn't actually called her yet because I knew that when I called her, she'd freak out.
• 9:40
  And I was like, I'm not gonna tell her anything.
• 9:41
  Anyway, and they said, and your girlfriend, Mackenzie, and that's, he started to try to pick my finger up off the bed.
• 9:47
  And that's when I was like, you are gonna be 110%.
• 9:48
  This is gonna be the best thing ever happened to you.
• 9:51
  Let's like, and just doubled it down.
• 9:52
  And we literally, you know, John Virgin was like,
• 9:56
  I'm giving you permission to prove every doctor wrong.
• 9:59
  Like we just proceeded to go in there, like seeing him holding this vision of him 110%, like sneaking all sorts of stuff into the hospital.
• 10:07
  I had him on high dose fish oil.
• 10:09
  Like I was doing progesterone cream.
• 10:11
  We were doing like Tibetan scrolls, holy water, all sorts.
• 10:13
  Like everybody's like, I got this.
• 10:15
  I'm like, send it on over.
• 10:16
  You know, we were doing essential oils.
• 10:18
  We had an acupuncturist coming in doing acupressure, like, you know.
• 10:22
  Believe me, I would have liked anything we needed to do.
• 10:24
  I'm like, whatever religion, let's go.
• 10:27
  I'm agnostic.
• 10:28
  Let's go.
• 10:30
  So it was interesting because I've watched the movies where people come out of comas.
• 10:35
  And so I thought it was like that.
• 10:39
  They come out of the coma.
• 10:40
  They look at you.
• 10:40
  They go, I love you.
• 10:41
  Right?
• 10:42
  That is not how people come out of comas.
• 10:44
  Right.
• 10:44
  They're not.
• 10:45
  And so the doctor told me, she goes, the doctor said when he comes out of the coma, it will be ugly.
• 10:50
  And so I figured it was like maybe he'd come out and scream or something.
• 10:54
  No, it was ugly for years.
• 10:55
  Right.
• 10:56
  She didn't say it will be ugly for a moment, an hour, a day, a week, a month.
• 11:01
  She said it'll be ugly.
• 11:03
  And it is ugly because basically their internal editor, their filter is shut down.
• 11:10
  Now, that can be fun.
• 11:11
  It's like at one point he was laughing hysterically.
• 11:14
  And it can be awful because you can get very angry.
• 11:19
  Unbridled fear too, yeah.
• 11:20
  It's all sorts of stuff.
• 11:22
  But when he first started coming out of it, he didn't say anything.
• 11:26
  He stared off into space and he moved the one arm that wasn't in a cast.
• 11:31
  And he did that for weeks.
• 11:32
  He just stared.
• 11:33
  And I'm like, uh-oh.
• 11:35
  You know?
• 11:36
  And the amount of mastery of your emotions that that requires to not freak out, because I thought he can feel, and it turns out...
• 11:46
  Grant and I have a very telepathic, almost like the...
• 11:49
  I don't know if you listen to the telepathy tapes.
• 11:52
  I don't know what you're talking about.
• 11:54
  If you listen to this, you have to listen to this.
• 11:56
  First of all, you will never come out of it.
• 11:59
  You're going to be in there, so be prepared when you listen to this.
• 12:02
  It's totally there, yeah.
• 12:03
  It's incredible.
• 12:04
  But my son's a little bit on the spectrum, and I've always felt like he could...
• 12:09
  So I'm going, he can feel anything, so I'm not coming in here unless I feel very, very, very...
• 12:15
  Solid empath, you know, I'm like not gonna let him feel any fear or anything else.
• 12:18
  Like I'm coming in clean, clear.
• 12:21
  He's 110%.
• 12:22
  I'm not gonna let him like worry or anything else.
• 12:24
  I kept telling him, do not worry.
• 12:25
  Gotcha.
• 12:26
  You know, I had Dr. Raymond coming.
• 12:28
  I had all sorts of people like I'm bringing in troops.
• 12:30
  They all came in, visited him.
• 12:32
  People like, who are you?
• 12:34
  I'm just, you know, good mom.
• 12:36
  A good mom.
• 12:37
  Got a few friends.
• 12:38
  But it was funny because I literally launched Virgin Diet bedside with him in a coma.
• 12:43
  And, you know, became a New York Times bestselling author bedside with my son in a coma.
• 12:48
  They were very cool at the hospital.
• 12:49
  They had room for me to do interviews because they started to watch everybody coming in and what was going on.
• 12:54
  They're like, oh, okay.
• 12:56
  That's amazing.
• 12:57
  It was incredible.
• 12:59
  But, you know, he started to come out of it and I was like, you know, I'm going to wake him up.
• 13:03
  So I did all sorts of stuff.
• 13:05
  I brought in different things for him to smell and I brought in popsicles.
• 13:09
  I snuck in stuff.
• 13:10
  I was like, how do I wake up all of his senses?
• 13:12
  How do I just start to wake all this stuff up?
• 13:15
  Yeah.
• 13:16
  You know, it took time, but it is crazy when someone comes out of a coma because he would say all sorts of stuff.
• 13:24
  I remember the nurse walking and he goes, you are, I love you.
• 13:27
  And I'm like, oh boy.
• 13:28
  They're just like, uh-oh.
• 13:31
  I love that you're the mom who was actually doing the care while your son was in the hospital.
• 13:35
  I'm like, oh my gosh.
• 13:37
  So it was pretty wild.
• 13:38
  But it really just showed me that...
• 13:41
  Grant was used to doing hard things.
• 13:44
  You know, we taught our kids to like work hard.
• 13:46
  So I was used to doing hard things.
• 13:48
  So you just did.
• 13:49
  This is another hard thing.
• 13:51
  I want to ask that.
• 13:52
  That was actually exactly what I was going to ask you next was, you had been preparing to do hard things since you were in school.
• 13:59
  And, you know, since you were playing on the boys teams, right?
• 14:02
  You'd been training to do hard things.
• 14:03
  And I'd gone through a lot of hard things.
• 14:05
  Like we all have.
• 14:05
  So I think it's the frame of like, what if the hard things are actually the best?
• 14:09
  Like, first of all, have you ever met anyone super cool who life was easy for them?
• 14:13
  Never, never.
• 14:14
  Never, never.
• 14:16
  Those people are not cool.
• 14:18
  Agreed.
• 14:18
  You know, those are those are the ones that are cool in high school.
• 14:21
  They're not cool past senior year.
• 14:23
  Gosh, it is funny in high school.
• 14:25
  You know how the ones like the best looking ones, the ones are amazing.
• 14:27
  You come out and they're like went nowhere.
• 14:30
  Oh, I was I was the unattractive kid in school.
• 14:33
  I was always that person.
• 14:34
  And I'm like, I look back today and I'm like, there is not a single person.
• 14:37
  Sorry if you all are watching, but there's not a single person I went to high school with that I would trade my life with.