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What to Do When You’re Embarrassed of Your Past · Daily Devotions for Busy Lives

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  Speak: Andrea spent her freshman year of college partying more
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  than studying, and her grades showed it. Years later, she
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  could live with a bad transcript. What stayed with her was the
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  girl she'd been that year. Every time the memory came up, she'd
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  wince. That version of her, the one making those choices,
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  embarrassed her. The truth was, Andrea had changed years She
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  just hadn't stopped punishing herself for who she used to be.
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  We'll come back to what changed for Andrea, but first,
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  welcome to Daily Devotions for Busy Lives. I'm Bart Leger. Like
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  Andrea, I'm embarrassed about the second semester of my
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  freshman year of college. I slept in a lot of mornings and
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  missed a 7.30 class more times than I want to count. Most
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  afternoons, I was on a tennis court. The books stayed in my
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  room. Nobody was making me do any of that. When I went back
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  for my sophomore year, I decided I'd make the best grades I
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  possibly could. And I did. I graduated with honors. Here's
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  the part that stuck with me. The honors didn't erase the memory
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  of that kid sleeping through his alarm almost every day. I can
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  still wince about him. A lot of Christians have pockets of
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  embarrassment about who they used to be. Decisions you'd
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  never make now. A choice you look back at and wince about.
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  Maybe something nobody else even remembers. And here's what's
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  confusing about it. You may be completely settled with God
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  about what you did. You've confessed it. You believe he
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  forgave it. And the guilt is gone. But embarrassment is a
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  different animal. Guilt is about the act. Embarrassment is about
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  the person who did it. So forgiveness can fully apply to
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  the deed. And yet you still cringe at yourself. Isaiah has a
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  verse for this. And where it falls in the chapter is the
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  halfway point. Isaiah 1.18
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  Start with the chapter around it because Isaiah 1 is built as a
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  courtroom. God calls heaven and earth as witnesses in verse 2.
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  Then he brings the charges. And he doesn't soften any one of
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  them. By verse 15, he tells them that their hands are covered
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  with blood. Verses 16 and 17 say, Wash yourselves and learn to do
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  good. So the offer in verse 18 arrives after a complete
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  indictment. God never minimizes a thing on his way to it. Then
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  look at what he proposes. Come now. Let's settle this. its
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  conclusion, which is why older translations give it as, Let us
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  reason together. God is offering to close the file. And look at
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  the colors he picked. Scarlet and crimson came from an insect
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  and they were the most colorfast dyes in the ancient world.
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  People in that room knew those stains did not come out of cloth.
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  God picks the two permanent ones on purpose and he offers back
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  the color the wool was before anyone dyed it. Here's what
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  settles the embarrassment. A settled case stays settled. God
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  isn't holding the file open, waiting for you to feel worse
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  about it first. And verses 19 and 20 lay out the terms. So
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  there's a cost on your side of it. He's closed it. He wrote it
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  down. Which means every time you replay that memory and wins,
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  you're relitigating a case that was settled years ago. And
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  you're the only party still arguing it. The judge went home.
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  So two things to do with that. Quit arguing the closed case.
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  When the memory comes back, you don't have to review the
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  evidence again. You can say out loud that God settled it and
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  then go do the next thing on your list. And let the memory be
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  evidence of the settlement. The kid in your heart is proof of
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  something God did. He testifies for you now. What changed for
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  her was the reading. In scripture, that in Christ she
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  was made new and that her past had no hold on her anymore. The
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  rebel girl she kept wincing about was gone. God had already
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  closed the book on that year. He wasn't waiting for her to feel
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  worse about it first. So she stopped keeping the old version
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  of herself on life support. She's a wife and a mom of three
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  now. And she teaches English to immigrants and refugees. When
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  the embarrassing memory comes back, she just lets it be what
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  it is. A part of the story God already rewrote. She stopped
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  keeping the old version of herself on life support. Nobody
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  else was keeping that girl alive. Andrea was doing it every time
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  she went back and winced. And the day she quit is the day that
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  version of her finally got to be past tense. Here's today's
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  challenge. Write down the thing you're embarrassed about. One
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  line, one thing, no explaining it or defending yourself. Then
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  write this under it. And if you want the reference, put Isaiah 1:
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  18 beside it. Then do one thing today that the old version of
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  you wouldn't have done. Make the phone call or keep the
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  commitment you've been letting slide. That's what a changed
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  trajectory looks like in practice and it beats another
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  hour of wincing at who you used to be. Father, you told your
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  people to come and settle it with you. And you said it after
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  you told them the truth about themselves. Thank you that you
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  never asked anybody to feel worse before you would close the
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  file. For everybody listening who keeps an old version of
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  themselves alive by replaying the embarrassment, let them hear
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  that the case is closed. Help them live forward from a
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  settlement you already signed. In Jesus name, amen. If Daily
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  Devotions for Busy Lives has been an encouragement to you,
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  would you take a minute and leave a rating and review? It
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  helps more people find these devotions and it only takes a
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  moment. I'd be so grateful. Thanks for joining me on Daily
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  Devotions for Busy Lives. Remember, God picked the two
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  stains everybody knew were permanent and then he offered to
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  make them white. The case is settled. Quit arguing it. Come
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  back next time for more encouragement to help you live
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  grounded in God's truth. Until then, God bless and have a great
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  day.