Latest / Inspirations for Your Life / STOP LETTING PEOPLE DECIDE YOUR WORTH! (S5) S43:E2

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STOP LETTING PEOPLE DECIDE YOUR WORTH! (S5) S43:E2 · Inspirations for Your Life

• 0:24
  Well there, hello everyone, and welcome to the
• 0:26
  ever-popular Inspirations for Your Life show.
• 0:29
  It is great to be with you.
• 0:30
  It is a Sunday.
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  It is October 18th.
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  It is 2026.
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  Before we get into the thick of the
• 0:36
  show, I want to take the opportunity to
• 0:38
  say thank you to all of you that
• 0:40
  are joining me for the very first time.
• 0:42
  And if you've never, ever been here before,
• 0:46
  of course I welcome you.
• 0:47
  But if you have been here before, 1,
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  5, 10, 100, or maybe even more, I'd
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  like to say welcome and thank you, but
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  I'd also like to say something else very,
• 0:56
  very important.
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  I'd like to say welcome back from the
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  bottom of my heart.
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  If you guys are thirsty or hungry, feel
• 1:03
  free to go grab yourself something.
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  I have some delicious RO water here with
• 1:06
  some lemon.
• 1:08
  Really delicious.
• 1:09
  Maybe you want to get something else, fruit,
• 1:12
  what have you, healthy or not.
• 1:13
  That's totally up to you.
• 1:15
  And come back to the show so we
• 1:17
  can kick this off.
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  But before we do kick tonight's show off,
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  I want to give a shout out to
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  a local coffee shop located in Montclair, New
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  Jersey.
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  And the shop that I'm reaching out to
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  today is called Skip to My Brew.
• 1:38
  Yeah.
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  So, again, I'm reaching out to Skip to
• 1:43
  My Brew.
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  They're at 145 Valley Road in Montclair, New
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  Jersey.
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  And they are open basically Tuesday through Sunday.
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  Monday tomorrow, unfortunately, guys, they are closed.
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  They open every day at 8 o'clock,
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  close at 4.
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  That's Tuesday through Sunday.
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  So yeah, they have lots of interesting things.
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  And the reason I'm reaching out to the
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  folks at Skip to My Brew is I
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  would like to ask them to go to
• 2:17
  jcacademy.com, click on the Contact Us button,
• 2:20
  and request to host us at their shop.
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  We'll do a live show.
• 2:26
  We'll do an author talk.
• 2:29
  We'll do a Q&A and we'll also
• 2:31
  do an author signing for those that want
• 2:34
  that.
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  So don't forget to check out the people
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  there at Skip to My Brew.
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  Not Skip to My Lou, but Skip to
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  My Brew.
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  And they've got iced coffee.
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  They've got cold brews.
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  They've got lavender lattes with pastries.
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  So an interesting place to check out some
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  stuff.
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  Their lattes start at around $4.50. The
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  hots around $3.50. Strawberries around $6.
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  They have latte espresso drinks.
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  They have drip coffee, iced coffee, cold brew,
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  teas, matcha lattes, chai lattes.
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  They have fizzy lemonade and strawberry, lavender, and
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  Brazilian flavor.
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  Interesting.
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  They have specialty drinks like shake and espresso.
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  That sounds pretty yummy.
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  Sweet foam lattes.
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  They got even winter drinks like ice, hot
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  iced.
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  They got gingerbread lattes, a tiramisu latte, a
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  peppermint mocha latte, a white mocha latte, a
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  creme brulee latte, a cafe cola.
• 3:37
  That seems interesting.
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  They've got Pellegrino, Coca-Cola, water, yo, ho.
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  Yeah, that's right.
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  OJ, of course, coffee, and lots of other
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  different matcha lattes.
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  So definitely check us out, guys, and do
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  check out that store.
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  Again, I like to help local businesses stay
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  in business.
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  All right, guys, without any further ado, let's
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  go ahead and kick this show off.
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  Don't forget to check out BelieveMeAchieve.com for
• 4:05
  more of my, of course, amazing, inspiring creations
• 4:07
  that is after the show is over.
• 4:09
  So stop, ladies and gentlemen, letting people decide
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  your worth.
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  Enough is enough.
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  Series 5, show 43, episode 2.
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  This is Sunday.
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  Hey, everyone, I'm John C.
• 4:19
  Morley.
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  I'm a serial entrepreneur.
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  I'm an engineer.
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  I'm a marketing specialist.
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  I'm a video producer.
• 4:23
  I'm a podcast host coach.
• 4:24
  I'm a professional keynote speaker.
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  I'm a graduate student at Montclair State University.
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  I'm a passionate lifelong learner.
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  And now I'm so grateful to be, yes,
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  ladies and gentlemen, a published author.
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  Have you ever allowed someone else's opinion to
• 4:38
  make you question your worth?
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  I'm sure you have.
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  Maybe they criticized your choices, ignored your accomplishments,
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  or maybe even made you feel like you
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  weren't good enough for what you were doing.
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  Today, I'm changing all that with a different
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  kind of conversation.
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  Your value isn't something other people get to
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  vote on.
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  I'm just being truthful.
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  Let's explore this together, all right?
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  I got 30 ways that we can build
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  genuine self-respect.
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  And, you know, if we don't have respect
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  for ourself, how can we ever expect others
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  to have respect in us?
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  Number one, guys, understand that your worth is
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  not determined by someone else's opinion.
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  It's an opinion.
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  That's it.
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  People see you through their own experiences, their
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  own lenses, basically, perceptions, expectations, and limitations.
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  And their judgments may contain useful information, but
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  they aren't the final authority on who you
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  are.
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  Listen thoughtfully without surrendering your identity.
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  Number two, stop confusing popularity with personal value.
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  Attention isn't the same as significance.
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  Having followers recognized or influential connections doesn't automatically
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  make someone more valuable.
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  Your integrity and contributions matter.
• 6:09
  And whether you're standing before a crowd or
• 6:14
  working quietly, it's still important to recognize you
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  have value.
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  When you start treating yourself with value, other
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  people will start treating yourself with value and
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  respect.
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  Number three, recognize the difference between confidence and
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  arrogance.
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  Yeah, so many people get this wrong.
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  Confidence says I have something meaningful to contribute
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  and share with you.
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  Arrogance says I'm better than everyone else.
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  You've certainly heard that before.
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  Genuine confidence allows you to respect your abilities
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  while remaining open to learning and respecting others.
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  Too many people have this macho opinion that,
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  oh, I'm better than you.
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  And they're really not.
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  Number four, stop measuring yourself against someone else's
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  achievements.
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  And I think that's hard for a lot
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  of people because you've been, well, conditioned to
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  do this.
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  Friends, family, parents, they've conditioned you to do
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  this.
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  You don't know every challenge, sacrifice, or advantage
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  behind another person's success.
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  Their progress isn't a measurement of your potential.
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  Focus on becoming better than you were yesterday.
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  Number five, understand that your own character matters
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  more than your status.
• 7:31
  We've said before that your character gets built
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  in private, but it funnels into the reputation,
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  which is what people see in public.
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  Titles, recognition, and financial success can change.
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  Your honesty, dependability, and treatment of others reveals
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  something deeper.
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  Build a reputation grounded in principles rather than
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  just appearances.
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  Number six, recognize the qualities that make your
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  contributions meaningful.
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  Maybe you solve problems.
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  Hopefully, you listen carefully.
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  You encourage people or bring stability during difficult
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  situations.
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  Those abilities create value.
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  Don't overlook them simply because, well, they aren't
• 8:20
  always celebrated publicly.
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  They may be later, but don't think just
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  because they aren't now doesn't mean you should
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  not be celebrating them.
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  Number seven, stop seeking validation from people who
• 8:32
  constantly move the goalposts.
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  You've got someone that you think is great,
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  but they keep moving your goals.
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  That's not their right to move the goals.
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  Some people change their expectations every time you
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  succeed.
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  That's unfair.
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  If your confidence depends on satisfying them, you'll
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  remain exhausted and eventually burn out.
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  Establish reasonable standards and recognize when you've genuinely
• 9:00
  met them.
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  Number eight, guys, understand that mistakes do not
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  erase your potential.
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  That's really key.
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  Making a poor decision doesn't mean you're incapable.
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  A mistake is something to examine, learn from,
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  and correct.
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  Accountability should help you grow, not convince you
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  that your future is finished or over.
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  Number nine, please, ladies and gentlemen, recognize when
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  rejection is affecting your self-image.
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  A rejected proposal, relationship, or opportunity can hurt.
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  But rejection often reflects circumstances, timing, or compatibility.
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  Don't transform one disappointing outcome into a permanent
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  judgment about yourself.
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  For example, you might have had a rift
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  with a family.
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  It may be been separated for 10 or
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  15 years.
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  And you feel like you're not really part
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  of them.
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  Or maybe a friend is alienating you because,
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  well, you're not acting like the cool kids
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  do.
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  Number 10, guys, stop allowing criticism to become
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  your personal identity.
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  Someone may criticize something you've done.
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  So what?
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  That doesn't mean their criticism defines everything you
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  are.
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  It most certainly does not.
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  Evaluate the specific concern.
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  Make improvements where appropriate.
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  And leave unnecessary labels behind.
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  I think when we add labels, it causes
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  lots of stereotypes.
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  Lots of bad feelings pop up.
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  And it really just doesn't help anybody.
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  Number 11, learn to appreciate strengths that others
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  may overlook.
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  Patience, consistency, empathy, and reliability aren't always attention
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  grabbing.
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  Let's be honest.
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  Yet they can make an enormous difference.
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  Recognize the strengths you demonstrate even when nobody
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  stops to compliment you.
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  I know you're looking for the pat on
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  the back.
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  I know you're looking for the praise.
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  Get over it.
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  Get over it.
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  Number 12, recognize the value of your time,
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  knowledge, and your experience.
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  And when you do this, other people will
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  recognize it.
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  Your time is limited.
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  And your experience was developed through effort.
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  You can be generous without treating your resources
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  as worthless.
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  Choose commitments that respect your responsibilities and priorities.
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  Number 13, stop apologizing for having reasonable needs.
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  Needing rest, personal space, fair treatment, or time
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  to think doesn't make you selfish, guys.
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  Communicate your needs respectfully and clearly.
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  You can consider others without constantly placing yourself
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  last.
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  Number 14, understand that respect begins with how
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  you treat yourself.
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  If you don't treat yourself well, no one
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  else is going to treat or respect you
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  at all.
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  Notice the promise you make to yourself, the
• 12:24
  boundaries you maintain, and the language you use
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  internally.
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  Self-respect grows when your everyday choices reflect
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  the importance you place on your well-being.
• 12:38
  Number 15, recognize when you are minimizing your
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  accomplishments.
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  When someone praises your work, do you immediately
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  dismiss it?
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  Practice acknowledging effort and progress without exaggeration.
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  You don't have to pretend your accomplishments were
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  insignificant to remain humble.
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  Of course not.
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  Number 16, guys, stop confusing humility with putting
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  yourself down.
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  Too many people I know do this.
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  And they think, well, if I put myself
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  down, that's humility.
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  No, that's stupid.
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  I think that's a very important thing.
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  And it's a problem.
• 13:16
  It begins by recognizing that you can always
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  learn.
• 13:20
  It doesn't require denying your abilities.
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  You can appreciate your strengths, celebrate progress, and
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  still recognize the contributions of other people.
• 13:30
  Number 17, build confidence through preparation and constant
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  action.
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  Confidence becomes stronger when you have evidence of
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  your capabilities.
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  Practice your skills, prepare thoroughly, and follow through
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  on commitments.
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  Each completed action gives you another reason to
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  trust yourself.
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  You really should trust yourself.
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  Number 18, understand that your value does not
• 13:58
  disappear during difficult times.
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  Financial pressure, disappointment, illness, or uncertainty may change
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  your circumstances.
• 14:07
  They don't eliminate your humanity or your true
• 14:11
  potential.
• 14:12
  Give yourself permission to free challenges without questioning
• 14:17
  your entire worth.
• 14:18
  And I think that's hard for, again, a
• 14:21
  lot of people to understand.
• 14:24
  But I wanna be truthful to you that
• 14:25
  you can make this difference.
• 14:27
  You can have a better and bigger net
• 14:30
  worth, but you first gotta believe in who
• 14:32
  the heck you are and what you're doing.
• 14:34
  Because if you don't do this, you're gonna
• 14:35
  be like, I'm never gonna go anywhere.
• 14:38
  And I think that's a problem for a
• 14:40
  lot of people.
• 14:40
  It's like, well, you know, I'm just gonna
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  be nothing.
• 14:44
  Number 19, recognize the difference between constructive feedback
• 14:49
  and personal attacks.
• 14:51
  Well, he's just trying to help me.
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  She's just trying to help me.
• 14:53
  No, they're trying to put you down and
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  kick you.
• 14:57
  Constructive feedback identifies something specific you can improve.
• 15:02
  Personal attacks target your dignity or identity.
• 15:06
  Let's say this again.
• 15:07
  So constructive feedback identifies something that you can
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  improve and the person wants you to improve.
• 15:12
  But an attack targets your dignity or your
• 15:15
  identity of who you are.
• 15:17
  Learn from useful observations while refusing to accept
• 15:20
  disrespect as a requirement for growth.
• 15:23
  That's the key.
• 15:24
  Stop comparing your private struggles with someone else's
• 15:28
  public success.
• 15:29
  You see, you see your own doubts, okay?
• 15:34
  Setbacks and unfinished work.
• 15:37
  It's a fact.
• 15:38
  You usually see only selected highlights from others
• 15:42
  that comparison is incomplete.
• 15:45
  Measure your journey and using the honest information
• 15:49
  about your own progress, then make the decisions.
• 15:53
  Number 21, guys, number 21.
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  Please learn to acknowledge your progress without needing
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  applause.
• 16:02
  I know everybody wants an applause.
• 16:04
  Everybody wants a pat on the back.
• 16:06
  Everybody wants to be in the spotlight, but
• 16:08
  you don't have to be to grow.
• 16:11
  Not every meaningful improvement receives public recognition, nor
• 16:15
  does it need it.
• 16:16
  Maybe you handled a difficult conversation better or
• 16:20
  kept a promise during a challenging week.
• 16:23
  Don't expect that to be on a billboard.
• 16:25
  Notice those victories.
• 16:28
  Quiet progress still counts, even though you might
• 16:31
  not think it does, it actually does.
• 16:35
  Number 22, recognize how healthy relationships reinforce mutual
• 16:40
  respect.
• 16:41
  Strong relationships allow people to express needs, disagree
• 16:46
  respectfully and support one another's development.
• 16:50
  You should have your rights and you shouldn't
• 16:54
  have to abandon your identity to maintain a
• 16:56
  connection and respect must work in both directions.
• 17:00
  If it doesn't, there's a serious problem.
• 17:03
  Number 23, guys, stop accepting disrespect simply to
• 17:07
  maintain approval.
• 17:09
  I know so many people do this.
• 17:10
  Oh, well, I got to respect this person
• 17:11
  because I'll get fired.
• 17:13
  So maybe you shouldn't get fired.
• 17:15
  Maybe you should work somewhere else.
• 17:17
  If you're selling yourself out to being something
• 17:20
  you're not, you shouldn't be working for that
• 17:21
  company.
• 17:22
  It's going to be stressful.
• 17:24
  So fear of losing someone's approval can make
• 17:27
  unhealthy treatment seem acceptable.
• 17:30
  You can establish boundaries calmly and firmly, protect
• 17:33
  your dignity.
• 17:34
  It doesn't require attacking anyone else's.
• 17:37
  That's the key, guys.
• 17:39
  Number 24, understand that meaningful contribution takes many
• 17:43
  different forms and turns.
• 17:45
  Some people lead organizations, others mentor, create, care
• 17:53
  for family or solve everyday problems.
• 17:57
  Contribution isn't limited to public achievements.
• 18:01
  Recognize the difference your actions make in the
• 18:05
  lives around you.
• 18:07
  Again, it's all about that awareness.
• 18:08
  It's all about becoming in the moment.
• 18:14
  Number 25, guys, recognize the importance of keeping
• 18:18
  promises to yourself.
• 18:20
  Every commitment you honor today and in the
• 18:23
  future strengthens personal trust.
• 18:25
  Start with achievable promises and follow through consistently.
• 18:31
  See, when you do this, you start to
• 18:33
  build your character, which also builds your trust,
• 18:36
  which is what people see.
• 18:37
  When you treat your own words seriously, you
• 18:41
  reinforce the belief your priorities matter and other
• 18:45
  people will start to see it too.
• 18:47
  Number 26, stop allowing temporary circumstances to define
• 18:55
  permanent work.
• 18:56
  I see this day in and day out.
• 18:58
  A difficult season isn't your entire story, guys.
• 19:02
  No.
• 19:03
  Your current position may reflect challenges you're still
• 19:07
  working through.
• 19:08
  Keep making responsible choices rather than assuming today's
• 19:13
  circumstances determine tomorrow's possibilities.
• 19:17
  Number 27, build a stronger relationship with your
• 19:21
  own values.
• 19:23
  Identify the principles you want guiding your decisions.
• 19:28
  Maybe honesty, kindness, responsibility or lifelong learning matters
• 19:33
  most.
• 19:35
  When you choose to align with those values,
• 19:40
  the core values inside you, not someone else's,
• 19:43
  outset approval becomes less controlling and suddenly unnecessary.
• 19:50
  I think that might change what's gonna keep
• 19:54
  you going.
• 19:55
  Number 28, identify one strength you have not
• 20:02
  been giving yourself credit for.
• 20:04
  Take a moment and name something you consistently
• 20:08
  do well.
• 20:09
  Perhaps you're persistent, creative, compassionate or dependable.
• 20:14
  Don't dismiss it because it comes naturally.
• 20:18
  Your strengths deserve honest recognition.
• 20:20
  So why not start treating yourself like that?
• 20:23
  Number 29, choose one action that demonstrates healthy
• 20:32
  self-respect.
• 20:34
  Maybe you'll establish a boundary, complete a postponed
• 20:37
  goal or make time for an important personal
• 20:42
  need.
• 20:43
  Choose something practical.
• 20:46
  Self-respect becomes meaningful when you demonstrate it
• 20:50
  through actions that you take in your life.
• 20:53
  Number 30, know your worth without needing everyone
• 20:58
  else to confirm it.
• 21:00
  You can welcome appreciation without depending on it.
• 21:03
  You can learn from criticism without becoming defined
• 21:07
  by it.
• 21:08
  Your goal isn't universal approval.
• 21:10
  It's living with true integrity, confidence and respect
• 21:15
  for yourself and others.
• 21:19
  I know that sounds hard.
• 21:21
  It's not.
• 21:23
  So here's my closing challenge for you today
• 21:26
  on Sunday.
• 21:27
  Write down three, that's right, three strengths or
• 21:31
  qualities you genuinely value about yourself right now.
• 21:36
  Choose one and put it into action today
• 21:39
  without seeking anyone else's approval because you don't
• 21:43
  need anybody else's approval.
• 21:45
  Remember, ladies and gentlemen, knowing your worth doesn't
• 21:50
  mean you stop growing.
• 21:53
  What it does mean is you stop treating
• 21:57
  your value as something other people get to
• 22:00
  decide.
• 22:02
  They don't have that right.
• 22:05
  And I think when you start realizing that
• 22:07
  your value is worthy and that your life
• 22:10
  doesn't make its pivots or choices or changes
• 22:14
  based on the direct or indirect manipulation of
• 22:19
  other people, because most people will be doing
• 22:22
  it for their own wellbeing and they don't
• 22:24
  care about your wellbeing.
• 22:25
  I mean, I'm just being honest with you
• 22:26
  guys, right?
• 22:28
  So you gotta remember that.
• 22:31
  Your worth doesn't mean you stop growing.
• 22:33
  And it means you've got to stop taking
• 22:36
  the nonsense about how other people decide how
• 22:40
  your life's gonna go.
• 22:40
  Ladies and gentlemen, I am John C.
• 22:46
  Morley, serial entrepreneur, engineer, author, and so much
• 22:49
  more.
• 22:50
  I thank you so much from the bottom
• 22:52
  of my heart for choosing to join me
• 22:54
  on another empowering episode of Inspirations For Your
• 22:57
  Life.
• 22:58
  If today's message resonated or helped you in
• 23:04
  any small way, share it with someone who
• 23:08
  needs encouragement.
• 23:12
  Subscribe and tell me in the comments which
• 23:17
  strength you're choosing to put into action.
• 23:20
  You see, by making a deliberate choice can
• 23:27
  dramatically impact the success of your life.
• 23:30
  I know that sounds crazy, guys, but it's
• 23:34
  ultimately true.
• 23:36
  We find ourselves looking for approval.
• 23:39
  And when we don't get it, we complain,
• 23:44
  we get aggravated, we get sad.
• 23:47
  But what if we didn't need the approval
• 23:50
  of someone?
• 23:51
  Let's just suppose that we didn't need the
• 23:53
  approval of someone else.
• 23:55
  That'd be pretty remarkable, wouldn't it?
• 23:58
  Just suppose, because if maybe you're scared about
• 24:01
  losing the blanket, just suppose it for a
• 24:04
  moment.
• 24:04
  And I bet you'll never wanna go back
• 24:06
  to wanting someone else's approval.
• 24:08
  You don't need the approval.
• 24:10
  You can give yourself that dopamine rush by
• 24:12
  you doing something well.
• 24:14
  You don't need people to applaud you on.
• 24:17
  It's nice, but don't decide if you're gonna
• 24:20
  do it based on what other people are
• 24:22
  gonna do back to you.
• 24:25
  I think that keeps people stuck in life.
• 24:28
  Well, I didn't get the praise, I didn't
• 24:30
  get the applause, I didn't get the acknowledgement,
• 24:33
  I didn't get the award.
• 24:34
  So what?
• 24:39
  Did you learn something?
• 24:42
  Yes.
• 24:43
  What did you learn?
• 24:47
  How can I replay the scene in my
• 24:51
  head with taking that action?
• 24:54
  Now, you might not be able to change
• 24:55
  the action that happened, but you can replay
• 24:58
  these scenes in your head maybe before you
• 25:00
  go to bed and say, wait a minute,
• 25:01
  if I could redo the day, this is
• 25:02
  how I would have responded to it.
• 25:03
  And your mind's like, wait a minute, I
• 25:05
  know what to do now.
• 25:07
  When this situation is, oh, I know how
• 25:09
  to handle this.
• 25:12
  And it will become second nature to you.
• 25:15
  And you'll be installing a protection system so
• 25:18
  people don't walk on you.
• 25:21
  Let's face it, a lot of people out
• 25:23
  there, they do things not for the greater
• 25:26
  good of all concerned, they do it for
• 25:28
  the greater good of just them.
• 25:31
  I don't know about you, but I think
• 25:32
  that's wrong.
• 25:35
  And regardless of whether that's gonna help you
• 25:38
  or hurt you, they could not give a
• 25:40
  darn about.
• 25:42
  All they care about is that they have
• 25:44
  you in the palm of their hand.
• 25:47
  So why are you letting people control you
• 25:50
  like a marionette puppet?
• 25:52
  You're worth more than that.
• 25:55
  You should be pulling your own strings, never
• 25:58
  someone else.
• 25:59
  Because if you let someone else pull their
• 26:01
  strings, you're gonna just be like, here I
• 26:05
  go again.
• 26:06
  I gotta lift my left foot.
• 26:07
  I gotta lift my left arm, my right
• 26:09
  arm.
• 26:10
  You're not even thinking.
• 26:12
  Cut the strings of the marionette, okay?
• 26:15
  And let yourself be the one that decides
• 26:19
  what gets pulled by your own deliberate choice
• 26:23
  and decisions that you make, not influenced by
• 26:27
  anyone else.
• 26:28
  That is probably the most important thing that
• 26:30
  I can tell you.
• 26:33
  So tonight we had a very power episode
• 26:35
  about this.
• 26:36
  Stop letting people decide your worth, right?
• 26:40
  I think that can be hard for a
• 26:42
  lot of people to, again, digest, okay?
• 26:48
  You're worth a lot.
• 26:49
  But don't let other people say, well, you
• 26:51
  know what?
• 26:52
  If you don't act this way, then you're
• 26:54
  not valuable to me.
• 26:56
  Maybe that's a person that shouldn't be in
• 26:58
  your life anymore.
• 26:59
  Maybe that's somebody who's trying to manipulate you.
• 27:02
  Maybe that's someone who's gonna put you through
• 27:04
  burnout because all they care about is how
• 27:06
  they can push your buttons and get you
• 27:08
  to do what they wanna do regardless of
• 27:11
  how it makes you feel or affects your
• 27:14
  own core values.
• 27:15
  Now, I know that sounds harsh, but I'm
• 27:18
  here to give you the truth so you
• 27:20
  can prepare and have the best life ever.
• 27:24
  Don't forget to check out BelieveMeAchieved.com for
• 27:26
  more of my amazing, of course, inspiring creations.
• 27:30
  Again, I'm John C.
• 27:31
  Morley, serial entrepreneur.
• 27:31
  Remember, ladies and gentlemen, keep learning, keep growing,
• 27:35
  and never give away the responsibility for defining
• 27:41
  your own work because if you do, you
• 27:45
  will be very sorry and it may be
• 27:48
  impossible to get it back.
• 27:49
  Have yourself a great rest of your day
• 27:51
  or evening, and I'll see you on another
• 27:52
  show real soon.
• 27:54
  That's BelieveMeAchieved.com because no one deserves that
• 27:59
  power except you.
• 28:01
  So start harnessing it now.
• 28:28
  Thanks for
• 28:40
  watching!