Latest / Midlife Glow Up: Simplifying Fitness, Nutrition and Healthy Habits for Women over 40 / 43. Stop Chasing Balance, Start Creating Harmony

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43. Stop Chasing Balance, Start Creating Harmony · Midlife Glow Up: Simplifying Fitness, Nutrition and Healthy Habits for Women over 40

• 0:01
  SPEAKER_00: For years, I chased balance.
• 0:04
  SPEAKER_00: I wanted to be balanced between being a mom, being a business owner, and living a healthy lifestyle.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_00: I pictured it like a scale with everything just perfectly even, nothing tipping too far in either direction.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_00: But for years, that felt always out of reach, like it's unrealistic to actually achieve that.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: There was always something that felt out of balance.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: My health was has always been a non-negotiable.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_00: And being available for my daughters has always been at the top of my priority list.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: But also being a business owner is super important to me too.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_00: But it's not possible to value all of those things equally because there's just not enough of me to go around.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_00: I have always wished for a Joan clone.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: If there were two of me, one would be the best mom and wife ever, and the other one would be the best business owner.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_00: But try as I might, I would always feel like I wasn't giving my best to any of it.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_00: I was stretched too thin.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: And I would feel guilty for not working harder when I was with my kids, and I would feel guilty for not being present enough as a mom when I was working.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: And that is the trap of balance.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_00: It just doesn't work.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: It asks you to divide yourself evenly and it makes you feel like you're falling short everywhere at once.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: So if you have ever felt like you were failing at achieving this sense of balance, I want you to hear this today.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: You are not failing, but balance as we usually think of it was never actually possible to begin with.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_00: Life isn't a scale sitting still.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_00: Life is moving all the time.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_00: And especially in midlife, there are so many things being thrown at us on the daily.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: So instead of chasing balance, I want to introduce you to a different goal, and that is harmony.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_00: And that is what we're going to talk about today.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome back to the Midlife Glow Up Podcast, where we simplify fitness, nutrition, and healthy habits for women over 40.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Joan Dantino, your midlife health and wellness coach.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_00: And if you are ready to feel strong, consistent, and confident in this season of life, well then you're in the right place, my friend.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: So I want to start out by defining these two words because I think we throw them around without really differentiating them.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_00: So balance is a static state.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_00: It is equilibrium where every part carries an equal weight at the same time.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_00: So if you picture one of those old-fashioned scales with the two metal pans hanging from either side of a long center bar, and you put something on the left pan and something on the right pan, and the whole thing looks right when both sides are hanging perfectly level, not one dipping lower than the other.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_00: But the problem is that if one side gets heavier, then the other side automatically gets less.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_00: And so what that means is if you're busier at work, then you have less time for your kids.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_00: And when you have more time for your health, that means you have less time for fun with your friends, for example.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: When you're chasing balance, you're constantly stealing from one part of your life to pay another part.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_00: And that is exhausting because it's fighting against how life actually moves.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_00: But harmony is different.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_00: Harmony is dynamic.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_00: It's like making a symphony out of the chaos.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_00: So if you think of an orchestra, not every instrument plays at full volume the whole time, because that would be just total chaos.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_00: But different sections take the lead at different parts of the music.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_00: So when one instrument is louder, other instruments kind of get quieter.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_00: But together, there is coherence.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_00: There is a thread that ties it all together and it makes it beautiful instead of just noise.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_00: And that is harmony.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't mean that there isn't chaos.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: It just means that amidst the chaos, there is underlying alignment.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_00: And when that underlying alignment is rooted in your identity and your values, then that is what actually is achievable and holds it all together.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_00: Balance wants everything to be equal right now and all the time.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_00: But harmony wants everything to be connected to who I am and what matters to me, even when it's not equal.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_00: And here's why this distinction matters so much in this specific season of midlife.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_00: In midlife, we don't have just a calm, predictable set of demands on us that we can evenly divide up and put on a task list.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_00: What midlife hands us is hormones that have gone wild and sleep that just is not as reliable as it used to be, and a body that is redistributing weight in places that it never used to.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_00: And we have these young adults to parent.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: And just at that moment where you thought, okay, I'm about to get some of my life back, some of myself back, then we have aging parents who now need care the way that you once needed it from them.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_00: And then on top of all of that, there is our job or our business, and we have a mortgage and we have a marriage.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_00: And there's a version of you that's trying to hold the whole thing together.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: Balance was never going to survive that.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_00: There is just no perfect way to equally divide your time between your hormones and raising young adults and caring for aging parents and the stress of work.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_00: But harmony can.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_00: Harmony lets those pieces take turns without losing the thread of who you are underneath all of it.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_00: So, how do we actually create that kind of harmony within ourselves?
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_00: It first starts with aligning our actions with our identity.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_00: And our identity really is just the belief that we hold about ourself.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_00: And those beliefs color the lens through which we see everything.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_00: If you believe deep down that you are unfit, you're unhealthy, you're unworthy of a healthy body, if you believe you can't stick to anything, then you are, whether you realize it or not, going to work to prove yourself right.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_00: Your actions will follow your identity all the time.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: So there are two identities worth paying attention to here.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_00: There's your current identity, the story that you tell yourself on repeat.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_00: That's your inner dialogue, your self-talk, the things that you say to yourself when you miss a workout or you order takeout again.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_00: And then there's your desired identity, which is who you actually aspire to be.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_00: And the gap between those two is not closed by willpower or discipline.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_00: It's closed by establishing routines and rituals that center your well-being and keep bringing you back to yourself over and over again until that desired identity starts to feel less like a stretch and more like who you already are.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: So let's talk about two of those rituals because I think we tend to overcomplicate both of them.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_00: And the first one is about movement, and the second one is about nutrition.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_00: So daily movement, I want you to try not to think of exercise as just a box that you check off, as something that you just have to do.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to start thinking of your movement as a ritual, a deliberate practice that enhances harmony in both your body and your mind.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_00: So every time you move your body on purpose, you're not just burning calories, but you're sending yourself a message.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_00: You're saying, I am someone who shows up for myself.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_00: This movement, this exercise, this walk is an outward expression of your identity as a healthy person.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_00: And the more you repeat that outward expression, that activity, that movement, that walk, the more you reinforce that identity to yourself.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_00: And eventually it becomes your actual belief.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_00: It becomes true.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_00: And the second ritual is intentional eating.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_00: And this isn't just about nourishment, although it is that too.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_00: But when you consciously choose what to put into your body, when you prepare your food with intention instead of just grabbing what others fastest, then you're creating a harmonious relationship with food.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_00: And again, you're outwardly expressing your identity as a healthy person.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_00: So when you choose to food prep your breakfast ahead of time, and then in the morning, as you run out the door and you grab your overnight oats and you eat them in the car or at your desk when you get to work, you are outwardly expressing your identity as a healthy person, which again is reinforcing to your brain that yes, in fact, you are a healthy person because you took time to prepare this food and now you're eating it intentionally.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_00: And therefore, the identity as a healthy, nutritious person becomes reinforced until it becomes true.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_00: And so these two rituals, movement and intentional eating, are powerful acts of self-care.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_00: They align your actions with the life that you actually want to live and they ground you.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_00: They keep bringing you back to yourself.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_00: So that internal harmony can radiate outward to everything else that you do.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_00: And none of this happens by accident.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_00: It happens because you decide what your non-negotiables are.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_00: So I want you to think about your life like a jar.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_00: If you fill that jar with sand and pebbles first, then there's no room left for the big rocks.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_00: But if you put the big rocks in first, and then all the pebbles in the sand will fill in around them, then you can fit everything into the jar.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_00: So your non-negotiables are your big rocks.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_00: And I need you to make sure that your health is one of them.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_00: Not the leftover 15 minutes at the end of an exhausting day.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_00: Not the thing that you'll do once everything else is handled, because everything else is never ever going to be fully handled.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_00: So your health goes in first as one of your big rocks, or it probably isn't going to fit in at all.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_00: Most of us are so busy running through our to-do list.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_00: I know I am very guilty of this.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_00: Focusing on my urgent responsibilities right in front of my face.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_00: And often I don't take the time to zoom out.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_00: And when we are just on autopilot and we're going and we're doing and we're checking things off our list, often we're unaware of the big rocks and whether they're getting in or not.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_00: We're unaware of whether our habits and our decisions and the behaviors that we keep repeating and therefore reinforcing to our brain are actually unsupportive of the results that you say you want.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_00: So we're essentially asleep at the wheel of our own life and we don't even realize it.
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_00: We can't recondition what we don't recognize.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_00: So we have to wake up first so that we can shift that inner dialogue, that self-talk, shift it to something more positive, more in alignment with who we want to be, and then start creating new beliefs by creating those actions that reinforce those beliefs so that we can be put on a new trajectory towards becoming that woman who has the life that we dream of.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_00: We need to really get quiet with ourselves.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_00: We need to get honest about who we need to become in order to reach the goals we say we want.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_00: We don't just need to reach a goal.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_00: We need to become the type of woman who reaches that type of goal.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_00: It's different.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_00: I had a moment recently that really put this whole concept into focus for me.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_00: I was getting my nails done, and a woman walked in and she kind of came in through the back door.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_00: So I didn't see her, but all I heard was really loud huffing and puffing.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_00: She was super out of breath.
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_00: And when she came around the corner, I realized that she was just out of breath from walking from her car to the salon.
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't know her story.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know if she's managing like a health condition or recovering from something.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_00: And so this is not about judging her.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_00: But it honestly made me wonder if her past self, maybe 15 years ago, if she had started building the kind of strength and stamina that would have made that walk feel like nothing.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_00: And then I thought about myself, what if 15 years from now, that's the version of me walking through a door out of breath because I didn't take my health seriously today.
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_00: So that moment wasn't actually about her.
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_00: It's more a mirror into my own future.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what I'm offering to you today to think about.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_00: Letting these ordinary moments around you become mirrors instead of walking past them.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_00: And we don't even have to look to strangers to find these mirrors.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of us are watching it play out with our own moms or our aunts or maybe an older cousin or someone you love that is now dealing with illnesses or ailments that limit what they can do.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_00: Watching someone that you love struggle to get up from a chair or manage a health issue that decades of small choices added up to become, or a family member losing their independence.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_00: These are all mirrors and maybe the clearest ones that we have.
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_00: And it's not to instill fear in us, and it's certainly not to judge our loved ones' choices.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_00: They were in a different time with different information, but it is an opportunity for us to ask ourselves, what am I doing today that either points me toward that same road or on a different path?
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what it means to wake up.
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_00: Letting the people right in front of us, the ones that we love most, remind us that our future is being built right now in the choices that we make today.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_00: And we don't get to control every outcome as we age.
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_00: Genetics and circumstances play a real role, but we do get to control whether we spend our 40s and 50s investing in our strength or just starting to coast on what's left of it.
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_00: Let this be a wake-up call to start taking your health seriously now while we still have plenty of runway to make a difference in our future.
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_00: So this week, I want you to notice your self-talk, your beliefs about yourself, your actions that are either in alignment with who you want to become, or maybe not at all.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_00: Notice when you are just coasting on autopilot so busy, so hurried and focused on the next item on your to-do list, but forgetting to zoom out and look at that big picture.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_00: And then ask yourself: what is one ritual of movement or nourishment or an act of self-care that would align your actions today with the woman you intend to become in the future?
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_00: Start there and let that be your entry point into creating harmony in your own life.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_00: With hormones gone wild and the stress of raising kids and the weight of caring for aging parents and everything that work is asking of you, are you creating harmony in your life right now?
• 16:15
  SPEAKER_00: If you're not being intentional with this, it's probably not happening.
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_00: And so, how do we get intentional?
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_00: We identify those big rocks.
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to think about how you actually spent your time this week and let that answer the question, honestly.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_00: Are you prioritizing those things that you say are important today, like right now?
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_00: Or are you letting the sand and the pebbles fill the jar first so that your big rocks are still sitting off to the side, waiting for that time, that extra time that never comes.
• 16:49
  SPEAKER_00: You keep telling yourself you'll get to it eventually.
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_00: But your strength and your health and your energy, they don't get built eventually.
• 16:57
  SPEAKER_00: They get built today, or they don't get built at all.
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_00: If you know your health is a big rock for you, but you keep watching it get crowded out by the sand and the pebbles, that's where I come in.
• 17:09
  SPEAKER_00: My one-on-one coaching is customized fitness and nutrition coaching specifically for women over 40 who are bogged down by all of the responsibility and the craziness that this season brings.
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_00: But it's for that woman who is ready to prioritize herself, to take herself off the back burner finally and put herself on the front burner so that she can go from feeling frustrated and stuck to feeling in control and confident and consistent so that she can create health sustainably for the long term.
• 17:45
  SPEAKER_00: Inside of my one-on-one coaching, we build a specifically designed plan for you and your goals and your stage of life.
• 17:54
  SPEAKER_00: And you get hands-on support and accountability and coach Joan in your pocket.
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_00: And I actually get what it's like to be a busy woman over 40 because I'm living it too.
• 18:05
  SPEAKER_00: And that is what harmony could look like for you in practice, where your big rocks finally get placed first instead of squeezed in wherever you have room left.
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_00: I have a couple of spots open right now.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_00: So if you have been meaning to get in control of your health once and for all, and you really would love to have some support on this journey, reach out and let's talk about what this could look like for you.
• 18:30
  SPEAKER_00: You will find the link to learn more and apply for one-on-one coaching right here in the show notes, or head over to Instagram at JonesFitZone and send me a direct message.
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_00: I would love to chat with you, hear more about your goals, what you're struggling with, and see if one on one coaching could be the right fit for you.
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks for listening, my friend.
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_00: Remember, progress over perfection and consistency over intensity.
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_00: Until next time, keep growing, keep glowing, and bye for now.