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Why You Weren't Meant to Grow Alone · Grounded Growth

• Steph Mic: Hi, welcome back. I'm Stephanie Petrie. Today's episode is going to be why you weren't meant to grow alone. We're going to talk about why we tend to try to do life alone, what happens when we try to grow alone, what healthy community actually is, simple ways to build healthy community, and we were designed for community. So here we go. Nicole Mic: I'm Nichole Girardi. Here we go. Independence can feel strong, but isolation slowly drains us. And I think many women don't realize how much easier it becomes when you have the right people surrounding you. So maybe the real question is, why do many strong women still try to do life alone? Steph Mic: I think for many of us, doing life alone doesn't start as a goal. It's actually something that we just slowly drift into. I think that we live in a culture that celebrates independence and being capable and self-sufficient and not needing anyone is looked at as a strength. ⁓ However, ⁓ though those things can look strong on the outside, ⁓ Nicole Mic: to you. Steph Mic: They can quietly isolate us on the inside and make us feel so alone. I also think there's a layer of protection here. ⁓ So like if you've been hurt or misunderstood, let down, it can feel safer to just handle things on your own. Also, a lot of times we don't want people to see the messy stuff of our lives and our pride can get in there. Over time, we just start believing the lie that it's easier if I just carry it myself. It's easier if I just handle this myself. ⁓ And we weren't created to be independent. We were created to be dependent on God and mutually dependent on one another. And so when we resist that, we're actually stepping outside of the design God created for our growth. Nicole Mic: And you know, many of us, like Steph said, where we were taught to be strong and self-sufficient and that we love being praised for handling all of the things. so learning independence early for us was that we've got to do it all. We don't need help. We're stronger than that. And that it equals the weakness, you know, like Steph said, of that strength and taking that pride. ⁓ don't, you know, I think that sometimes it feels like asking for help is like a burden to others and that you know we all hesitate to ask for help and that it's it's taking the step realizing that we need to. ⁓ You know I I'm a I do it all the time like I'm not going to ask for help because I know stuff has a lot going on already. I don't want to burden her with something. And so then that way then we minimize our own needs and we are then just trying to keep up with everything going. Nicole Ghirardi: Hi, welcome to Grounded Growth Podcast. I'm Nicole Girardi. And I'm Stephanie Petry. We believe that grounded growth comes from being intentional about compassionate connections that are beautifully balanced while flourishing in faithfulness. Each week we will share real conversations, encouragement, and simple systems to help build a life that feels steady, aligned, and grounded. So sit back, maybe grab a coffee, and join us where clarity meets calm and growth feels intentional. Stephanie Petry: And I'm Stephanie Petry. We believe that grounded growth comes from being intentional about compassionate connections that are beautifully balanced while flourishing in faithfulness. Each week we will share real conversations, encouragement, and simple systems to help build a life that feels steady, aligned, and grounded. So sit back, maybe grab a coffee, and join us where clarity meets calm and growth feels intentional. Before we dive in, if you want to make sure you never miss a conversation, hit that subscribe or follow button. Nicole Mic: going on ⁓ and you don't want to be vulnerable. know, like that's that's the trust factor is trust can feel risky if we have been hurt before and that, our past experience is what shapes our current behavior. So that fear of being misunderstood or being let down, it really makes us guard ourselves and our emotions and that we have to learn that we can rebuild our trust and safe relationships. It's being surrounded by Nicole Ghirardi: Before we dive in, if you want to make sure you never miss a conversation, hit that subscribe or follow button right now on whatever app you're listening on. Stephanie Petry: right now on whatever app you're listening on. Nicole Mic: like-minded women and men that support and do the same values and have the same you know vision and purpose in life ⁓ You know and I also think that often we believe that everything should be handled by ourself so that responsibility of solving those problems and that nobody can do it except for us and you know, you're defaulting into the self-reliance ⁓ and struggling to delegate and I know that that was used to be so hard for me Nicole Ghirardi: you for joining us for another episode of Grounded Growth. We hope today brought you clarity, encouragement, and a gentle reminder that you're not walking this journey alone. If this episode spoke to you, we'd love for you to share it, subscribe, and leave a review. We'll see you next week. Until then, Stephanie Petry: Thank you joining us for another episode of Grounded Growth. ⁓ We hope brought you clarity, encouragement, and a gentle reminder that you're not walking this journey alone. If this episode spoke to you, we'd love for you to share it, subscribe, and leave a review. We'll see you next week. Until then, Nicole Mic: in my personal life and my work life, ⁓ but I'm learning that it doesn't mean that I have to carry it all. Steph Mic: Absolutely. And a lot of times I'm realizing when people aren't wanting to be a burden on someone, that's actually more of a burden. And it would just be better if you allowed someone in on what's going on so they can come alongside you in prayer or come alongside you and help in a practical way as well. ⁓ makes them feel needed and you get to feel not alone. ⁓ Nicole Ghirardi: stay grounded and keep growing. Stephanie Petry: stay grounded keep growing. Nicole Mic: So true. Steph Mic: So ⁓ while we are doing life alone, it might feel easier or even safer at times. In the moment, over time, it starts to take a toll in ways that we don't always recognize right away. And so what happens when we try to grow alone? Nicole Mic: think that stress feels heavier without the support. I mean, when you're doing it alone, you're carrying everything internally. outlet for pressure. ⁓ We feel mentally overwhelmed and that emotional weight continues ⁓ to for us until we completely burst from all of the seams. ⁓ And, you know, our perspective becomes limited when we process things alone. know, only seeing our point of view. So you're not seeing anyone else's perspective and you know, you're you're relying just on your point of view which is already You know pretty foggy because you're trying to deal with everything and you're just trying to get to the next thing So you find it hard to find the clarity ⁓ and you start overthinking everything that you're taking in and then you're you're missing that you know help and that insight that you should be getting in that wisdom of all of the people around you that have experienced all of that. And you know, you, you lose that encouragement that you, that we need, we, we need to be, you know, be there for each other and relying on that internal motivation only is, is creating chaos in your head. And it's, it's hard to stake in courage. You lost your momentum, you feel isolated and all you want to do is tuck yourself in bed and throw a pillow over your head and just go to sleep. So I think that we can become emotionally tired from carrying everything on ourselves and our shoulders. And that constant mental and emotional effort and that lack of rest is gonna be draining. it's, you know, we are not made to do it all on our own. And we have to look at learning that to share the load is gonna help you stay sustainable. Steph Mic: And when we try to grow alone, we end up carrying way more than we were ever meant to hold. It's not just physical or practical. It's also emotional and spiritual weight as well. We lose the gift of shared perspective. Being able to share your burden or share your struggle of what you're going through allows the other person to see it from a different perspective. ⁓ Being able to see it from a perspective of gratitude or maybe a perspective from a different person's opinion. Like it can just help you navigate through that struggle. Because when you're processing everything on your own, your thoughts can start to feel louder and sometimes less grounded in truth. You tend to start to spiral. ⁓ I also think we miss out encouragement in the moments that we need it the most. ⁓ When we are in that moment and we are starting to say lies to ourselves or we are telling ourselves that we are overwhelmed and can't go any further, ⁓ we need that. person to be our soundboard of truth of saying you can do this and you will persevere through because I know you will because you've done this in the past. so having that encouragement because you said the hard thing out loud is important too. ⁓ It's not that it's not available the encouragement ⁓ but you haven't invited anyone into those spaces. There was a book that I read ⁓ with some young women called Closer Than a Sister. It's by an author named Christina Fox. ⁓ And it goes through a lot of things about sisterhood in Christ and building friendships, but also discipleship. ⁓ And it just had some really great practical tips in there. One thing that she shares is that when we don't share our needs, we actually limit others from using their God-given gifts to serve us. So there's humility in both giving and receiving, and both encourage our faith and grow our faith. And when we avoid community, we miss on both sides of that. Nicole Mic: And I think this is where we misunderstand community ⁓ because healthy community isn't about the it's about support. ⁓ So Steph tell me what a community is. ⁓ Steph Mic: ⁓ Healthy community isn't about needing people to function. It is about being supported as you grow. ⁓ It's rooted in something deeper than just connection. It's rooted in our shared identity in Christ. ⁓ In Closer Than a Sister, there's this beautiful reminder that caring for one another is actually an overflow of our union with Christ, which means that we love and serve each other. It's not just horizontal, it is also vertical. So we're not just helping one another in practical ways. We are also lifting each other up in a spiritual sense too. It's an act of worship. Community also reflects the heart of our Savior. ⁓ Jesus didn't live in isolation. He walked closely with others, served them, and ultimately gave his life for us. And so we're called to reflect the same kind of love, one that shows up, one that listens, and one that serves and walks alongside. And even sacrificial love and service, I mean, to serve someone is a sacrifice. ⁓ It also means being willing to be real, to be vulnerable, to be honest and open, not pretending that we have it all together, but allowing truth and light into the places where we'd rather hide. Don't hear what I'm not saying. You don't need to be like this with everybody, right? You do this with your people. That's your inner circle. So with Jesus, those were his 12 disciples, right? He had his inner circle. ⁓ These are people that you are allowing to speak into your life. These are the people that are encouraging you as you go, ⁓ because that's where growth actually happens. Nicole Mic: And I think that community is a safe support, but not constant access. And I feel like that's a big thing that not everyone needs full access to your life. Choosing those safe and trusted relationships. You're going to have those different levels of friendship and being able to realize who you lean more into for certain things. Like Steph knows pretty much everything about everything more than she probably wants to know. But I have other close friends that they're they don't know as much and that doesn't mean that I like one over the other I mean maybe stuff is my favorite I mean But it's just it's knowing who to lean on when you on certain situations. If I have questions in regards to my faith I send it to Steph and if Steph doesn't know she then sends it to her community of people to be able to dive deeper into it. And that's what it is. It's growing that so then that way it's a network of amazing people that are like minded for you to be able to do that. ⁓ You know and I think that community is is about encouragement and not about the pressure and the comparison. it's being uplifted and not compared to where your faith is versus, you know, where so and so's faith is or whatever the case may be. There's no judgment and that feels amazing to be able to finally walk into a community of people or a community of like in your church and know you're not being judged for a moment. And so, I mean, I feel like that's like a good feeling. ⁓ It's a safe space to be completely honest and just and just know that ⁓ community is also about accountability. ⁓ So I really utilize the people around me to hold myself accountable in all of the areas of my life. You know where you know if Steph hasn't heard from me in a couple days she's going to be like hey what's going on I'm thinking of you. She sent me the sweetest prayer the other day and like she she didn't know what was going on but she knew that I needed it. And so it's just it's amazing to have that kind of community to be able to have those honest conversations and just know that they're thinking of you and they truly mean it versus it's like a checkbox of, I got to talk to Nicole today or whatever the case may be. ⁓ And I also think it's a shared growth ⁓ where we're growing alongside each other and celebrating each other. So being able to celebrate our wins and acknowledge our weaknesses at the same time to be able to pick ourselves back up and continue to move towards growth and really focusing on the progress, not the perfection of the end of the line for that. Steph Mic: So if healthy community is something that's meant to be lived out, not just talked about, then the question becomes, how do we begin building that in a real and intentional way? Nicole Mic: Well let me tell you I have four simple ways to build a healthy community. ⁓ I think investing in a few safe relationships instead of many surface ones. ⁓ You don't have to know all the people you just need to have that core group of people to be able to lean on. So choosing the depth over the quantity is super important ⁓ and building that trust intentionally with that ⁓ and you know being able to prioritize the connections. It's not like I'm gonna say, Steph, you're my bestie and then I'll talk to you in a month. Okay, that's not the case. You really have to be able to be devoted into the finding those relationships that you want to dive into and focus on the quality of them. ⁓ Number two, being willing to be honest instead of always acting so strong. Let down your guard sometimes. It's such a good feeling. I feel that when you do, it's literally the weight off your shoulders and they just sink in and like you start relaxing and your hands aren't crossed and like you're, know, you're not battling those relationships. You're, you're just being honest. So share your real struggles and be vulnerable. and stop pretending because there's no judgment. When you find the right people, there is no judgment that they have. And that's the important thing. Number three, ⁓ making time for connection instead of waiting for it to happen. Schedule time intentionally. Time block it if you have to. Put it on your calendar, put it on a reminder. Whatever you have to do to be able to schedule that time intentionally. You have to reach out first. You know it's a can't be a one sided relationship because then once life giving and once life taking and we don't want takers we want to be able to have the givers as well. So you have to have that prioritize the relationships that mean the most to you and stop waiting for the perfect timing. There is no perfect timing for this. And then the last one is surround yourself with people who encourage growth. This is such an important one. build the boundaries around the toxic people. talked about boundaries in the episodes before. So choose those relationships that challenge you, but challenge you positively versus negatively. as well as be around people that are aligned with your values. Going back to your core values if you don't know your core values then how do you know who you want to be surrounded by. So making sure you know yourself first to be able to start asking those questions of who do I want to be surrounded by and how are they going to help me grow and find those growth minded community people that really help. ⁓ And also. kind of with growing that community is avoid the environments that drain you. If you dread walking into the room, that is the wrong community to be part of. So you have to be intentional on the influence surrounded by you. Steph Mic: I think that you touched on something that is very important ⁓ for us to consider. I am definitely one of those people that always initiates conversations, ⁓ I am the one that is hosting a get together ⁓ planning for it. And that used to really bother me. It used to make me feel like, this relationship is one sided. ⁓ But it really took some great reflection for me to realize that these are strengths and God-given gifts that I have of bringing people together. And I need to cultivate the community that I need. And that is not one-sided at all. It's not that these other people didn't care. It is just their brain didn't work like mine did, or they're not as organized as I am to make this happen. Or maybe they are, you know, not as confident of putting themselves out there and they just don't want rejection. So I just had to learn throughout the years that ⁓ people are going to show up if you invite them. ⁓ if you don't invite them, they won't come. And so I really had to start building that community. ⁓ And ⁓ I built it and as I kept inviting friends over and as I started growing these relationships, It then started reciprocating more because then they learned what I need. And then we're able to fill each other up as well. So the first step is shifting your mindset. Instead of waiting for community to come to you, you just need to participate in it. Say the yes or go find someone to say yes to your invitation. It starts small. It's intentional. You're showing up, you're being present, you're being willing to go a little deeper over time, maybe not sharing your whole life story day one, unless you're me, I always do. And then I also think it means being willing to both give and receive. You always want to be able to give perspective, give advice, give some wisdom, but also you need to be learning from that person too and receive it. ⁓ And closer than a sister, ⁓ we're reminded that there is always something that we can offer. Our time, our presence, our encouragement. ⁓ One thing I've really tried to do is like when I leave a conversation, I really try to remember, you know, did I leave that conversation learning more about that person or just feeling validated in my feelings? ⁓ Did I ask them enough questions about them and what they're going through? Do I know how to pray for that person? Like if I leave that conversation or that dinner or whatever and I don't know how to pray for them, you probably talk too much about yourself. And so I think that, you know, it's just being intentional on, yes, sharing your life and what you need, but it's more than about you. It's about the relationship with that other person. Another thing I really try to build a healthy community and relationship is to tell those people that you love that you love them and that and why you love them. I mean like I they should not be second-guessing if they matter to you. They shouldn't they shouldn't be second-guessing if they are important to you. You need to constantly state to them why they're an encouragement to you and that you are grateful for their positivity, that you are thankful for their presence of just being able to laugh with them. ⁓ And so I really try to do that to the people I love too. the same time, you have to be willing to ask for help. ⁓ through time, you start realizing who these people are in your life, and then it lets you bring that guard down, like Nicole was saying, and start asking for help in different ways and aspects in your life. This is not from a place of weakness, but it's actually from a place of humility and trust. ⁓ It is up to them how they're going to help you, ⁓ but it is up to you for asking for the help. They're not mind readers. Another important piece is learning to sit with people in both joy and sorrow. ⁓ It's OK to just not say anything. and just be there. I was just talking to a friend today about just sitting together in a room doing our own thing. Like, I still felt like I spent time with her. ⁓ And that was all I needed. But also joy, not joy of like emptiness and, I'm so happy for you that you got that award, but genuine joy that instead of comparing, right? ⁓ And so being able to allow them to see that you are rooting for them and you're their biggest cheerleader. This doesn't mean that you're trying to fix things right? You're just being present. You're listening You're pointing each other back to Christ when the time is right and community doesn't require perfection It requires consistency and willingness and you're not gonna do it perfect and when those times happen You ask for forgiveness and then you forgive and move on Nicole Mic: And something we both believe strongly in is that community isn't just helpful. It is something God designed us for. And so with our verse for this episode, is Hebrews chapter 10, verses 24 through 25. And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works. not neglecting to meet together, but encouraging one another. Steph Mic: This passage is such a clear picture of what community is meant to look like. We are called to encourage one another to stir one another up in love and growth and good works it says in the verse. So I always look at this as many things but one of it is to build up or to train or to equip. All of those mean pretty much the same thing. ⁓ But being able to equip another believer in truth, in biblical truth, you're counseling them and giving them advice on their situation and scripture that ⁓ you have read that you can encourage them with. ⁓ way to do that is just to be a bridge. There has been many times where I have noticed that I have a lady that is going through something. ⁓ And I know of another lady that has gone through something similar. So I'm able to bridge them together and then create another relationship there for them to grow and foster. And so this is also training up your other sisters in Christ to disciple one another, to train and mentor and coach one another through a Christian life. That means that our faith was never meant to be lived in isolation. God gave us the church. God gave us each other to live alongside. He uses his people in and uses people in our lives to strengthen us, to refine us, and to remind us of the truth when we forget. I was just talking to my pastor tonight and you know, I know he knows biblical truth. He teaches it to me all the time. ⁓ But he's going through some hard stuff right now. being able to just remind him that when we say it is what it is, it's not in the worldly way of hopelessness. ⁓ When we say it is what it is, it is out of obedient faith. that it is what God wills it to be. And it is going to be for our good and His glory. We just have to be in it. We don't need to fix it. We just have to get through it. And ⁓ closer than a sister, again, going back to that, ⁓ this is the idea that when we serve and care for others, it reflects the very nature of God Himself. ⁓ and the Trinity, the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit work together in perfect unity and service. So when we step into our community, we're actually reflecting that same design. And that means community isn't just beneficial, it's part of how God grows us. Nicole Mic: Mm-hmm. Steph Mic: when we begin to see community that way, not as optional, essential, ⁓ it changes how we show up in relationships and in our growth. Nicole Mic: I just want to say start by investing in one healthy relationship. Keep it simple. ⁓ Focus on just one connection this week really start building that trust gradually with them. So then that way you can start creating that consistency and starting starting small. Growth becomes easier when you stop carrying ⁓ yourself. So release an unnecessary pressure this week. ⁓ gonna be hard ⁓ you you have to allow the support to come in, ⁓ but it's gonna help reduce that emotional weight. ⁓ like sit down ⁓ clear some space ⁓ really A, revisit your values and your clarity and start writing down the people that ⁓ you want to be like and that you want to surround yourself with. So then that way you can become a better version of yourself and live the purpose that God gave you. then last but not least is is you don't need many people. Remember that you just need the right ones. ⁓ quality over quantity ⁓ and trusted relationships ⁓ you're going to have those intentional communities that you really need. Steph Mic: And if you've been trying to carry everything on your own, I just want to gently remind you, you don't have to. You are not created to do life alone. Growth doesn't happen faster through isolation. It happens deeper through connection. So maybe this week that one small step could just be reaching out to somebody. Maybe it's opening up when someone asks you, how are you doing? Or even just showing up with intention at that thing that you've been avoiding. Maybe it is a Bible study. Maybe it is a women's retreat. Maybe it is Wednesday nights at church, whatever it might be for you. Because when we grow together, we don't just become stronger individually. We reflect the heart of Christ more fully. So in next week's episode, we're going to talk about how wisdom changes the way that you make decisions and how being rooted in truth and surrounded by the right people can shape the direction of your life. So until next time, we'll see you then. Bye. Nicole Mic: Bye.