Latest / The Rochelle Christiane Podcast / 152. The Power of Presence: Lessons into the Body

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152. The Power of Presence: Lessons into the Body · The Rochelle Christiane Podcast

• 0:10
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the emotional mastery podcast.
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: I am your host, rochelle.
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: This podcast started as a space to really just share my journey, to share the experiences and the things that I was going through as I learned to self-regulate, as I learned to manage my emotions, and it has transformed into so much more IMA63, emotional manifesting generator and human design.
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: And so this space is really just everything that I trial and error.
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: It's everything amazing guests coming to you talking about their journey, their experiences with emotions, and really just take what resonates and leave what doesn't.
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: We're all unique individuals and so we all have different perspectives, we all have different viewpoints, and it's really coming to that space where you can trust yourself and that's where I really.
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: That is my mission, that is my goal, that is my purpose to empower you to trust yourself, to find that space, to ground in it, to come back to yourself over and over and over again, because there's so much freedom and there's so much power and there's so much beauty in that this journey can feel really isolating at times.
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: It is beautiful, it is painful, it is joyful, it is love, it is all of the things and we are all of the things all at once, and so just have grace with yourself, have compassion with yourself through this, and I am so grateful that you are listening to this episode wherever you are listening.
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: Thank you for allowing me into your day.
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: All right, welcome back to the podcast.
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: This week we have some big stuff going on astrologically.
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: We talked about it on the episode with Jesse Eccles, but I wanted to just take a brief moment at the beginning of this episode to sort of highlight a few things that are happening.
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: So we had our new moon in cancer on Monday the 17th, and the nodes changed signs.
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: So we went from this tourist Scorpio access, which is all about money, sexuality right, sensuality with tourists, all those sorts of things like sourcing food, all this, all the things, the economy.
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: And we moved into this Aries, libra access.
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: So Aries is about self leadership, right, it's a starter, energy, it's Mars ruled, it's action, it's movement, it's fire, it's all these things.
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: And Libra is an air sign.
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: Libra is ruled by Venus.
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: Libra is more the peacemaker, it's harmony, it's balance, it's judgment, but it's also codependent, people pleaser.
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: It wants all the harmony and all the ways, and so, as we're moving through this, we may find, as a collective, we're leaning more towards these people pleasing, codependent areas of comfort where we just want harmony, we want to just make everything like smooth sailings.
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: And the thing with the nodes is that you can't really fully embody the North node, which is our purpose, our direction, where we're going, where we're headed in life, right, it's where we're pushing our edges to find ourselves.
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: And you can't fully embrace the energy of the North node until you integrate the lessons of the South node.
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: So the way I see this because my North node is at 29 degrees of areas, which is where the nodes currently are, so I'm literally in my nodal return right now and what I've discovered is that for so much of my life I always ran back to that space of comfort of playing the supporting role of, you know, in anything of just being like, okay, well, you make the decisions and I'll be here, tell me when to show up, tell me what to do when I show up, right, sort of like outsourcing all of those things because that's comfortable.
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: I wanted everybody just to be in harmony and I didn't want to rock the boat, I didn't want anybody to be angry and all those things.
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: And so what I've learned as I'm now really stepping into this areas North node, which is highly uncomfortable.
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: And also I know that's my direction.
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: I feel it like deep in my soul that this is where I'm meant to be headed.
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: But the way I see it is that now, when I step into self leadership, I'm able to incorporate all those Libran qualities.
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: Right, I'm able to.
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: What's the word?
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: A guide?
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: I prefer guide rather than like lead.
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: But it's not about like.
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: So Aries, shadow is going to be selfishness, right, so it's not like a dictatorship.
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: It's not like me telling you what to do.
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: What I found in integrating Libra into this mix, into my direction and purpose, is being able to guide and support others while considering the whole relationship.
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: Right, it's bringing the we into the eyes, having compassion.
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: It's, you know, keeping that balance and harmony and also, within that, coming back to myself.
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: So that happened on Monday.
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: So we may notice the collective shift, the collective maybe again leaning more into those Libra qualities or leaning far left or far to the in the areas qualities my mind I'm thinking right, south node, left, north node, but yeah, so leaning more into those.
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: And it's going to be a lesson of really incorporating the Libra into the area so that we can actually lead and find leadership in a more compassionate space.
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: And we have, on Saturday, believe it is the 26th second.
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: Yes, so Saturday we have Venus going retrograde.
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: Now Venus goes retrograde in Leo.
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: So in each sign it'll go retrograde every eight years.
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: So the last time Venus went retrograde in Leo was 2015.
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: And the time before that was in 2007.
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: So anytime we have a retrograde like this, it's going to be sort of bringing up elements of the last retrograde.
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: So it's sort of like tying things together.
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: So if you journal or anything, if you can reflect back to 2015, in 2007, like, what were the key themes going on?
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: And Venus is all about relationships.
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: Right, venus has a duality to Venus rules Taurus and Venus rules Libra.
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: So these are very different energies, right, venus ruling Taurus is more like I literally think so.
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: Taurus to me and bodies like Gaia, it's mother nature, it's very kafa, right, it's it's it's earth, it's full, it's more of the raw, like that wild woman, sort of feminine energy.
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: Right, it's sensual, it's grounded, it's of the earth, it's just very in its like natural element.
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: And so when I think of Venus ruling Taurus, I do I think of that like wild woman, that like it's, it's grounded, so it's not on fire, but just like sort of yeah, that very sensual, tuned in type of feminine energy.
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: As opposed to Venus ruling Libra, libra is an air energy, libra is intellectual.
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: Libra wants harmony, balance, judgment, all those things.
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: And it's very much about beauty.
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: Taurus in Libra, venus ruled Taurus is also about beauty, but it's in more of a sensual, inner way, right, like, my beauty comes from within.
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: My beauty comes from my connection with earth, like those sort of earthy beauty things.
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: And you know, it's also values and morals and things like that.
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: So Venus ruled Libra is a little bit more I don't want to say put together, what sort of looking for.
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: Venus ruling Libra is more concerned, I guess, about its social aspect.
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: Right, it is about relationships.
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: It is about like, being social and how those relationships are reflecting you.
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: Because it's Libra is more about like the we, and it's about beauty and aesthetic.
• 6:58
  Speaker 1: In a very just, the word put together keeps coming to me.
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: Whereas like Taurus feels more raw, libra is more like put together.
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: I don't know if that makes sense, that's the term that just continues to pop into my mind.
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: So it is this duality of the feminine that Venus holds and so when Venus goes retrograde, right, we're kind of pulling all these in, and anytime there's something you know, it goes retrograde.
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: It's pulling all these themes inward.
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: It's also a little bit more like unconscious, because it is like in the shadow, we can't necessarily see it at this time.
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: So it's sort of like in reflection will really be able to see the things that are coming up during this time.
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: So Venus in Leo Leo is as dramatic, generous, warm, playful, creative, fun, it's all these things.
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: It's really light energy, right, it's ruled by the sun, so it shines.
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: It is the biggest thing in the sky, right, and it's shining its energy on Leo.
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: And so Venus in Leo is going to bring out these more like playful aspects of Venus.
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: And so, as we're going retrograde, sort of these themes like again turning inward, like where are you feeling creative?
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: Where are you?
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: You know, maybe you're feeling called to like change your aesthetic, your beauty, maybe you're having old relationship stuff come back up, right, because Venus is all about relationships.
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: So like really noticing when these things are coming up for you.
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: And if you have a journaling practice, definitely journal during this time.
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: This is why I'm obsessed with journaling.
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: I love journaling because it allows me to reflect back on times like this and to be able to be like, oh, okay, well, that's interesting, like the last new moon, or new moon six months ago, this is what I put or the last time Venus was in retrograde or anything like that.
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: Right, it allows you to sort of like reflect, and so I just I love journaling for that reason and I can go back and look and just see what was going on at the time and notice the patterns and notice the things that are coming to fruition.
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: So if you journal, just like taking this time to reflect, notice where Leo is in your chart, what house it is, what it rules, what planets are there, because Libra, or sorry, venus is going to go from 28 degrees, which is where it was currently at or is currently at, and it's going to go back to 12 degrees and then obviously come back forth.
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: So notice where it is, what houses it's passing through, because all of that's going to give you an idea of the energy that you're going to be feeling during this time.
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: This episode was really just a reflection of the last month.
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: I actually have another week to myself coming up.
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: This coming Monday my kids are going to Florida and it's interesting because now I feel like I can anticipate what might come up, because the last time I talked about that in this episode, what?
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: But when my kids went on were gone and I was by myself, I found myself in this very like oh my gosh, like who am I if I'm not a mom?
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: And so I feel like I've been through that, like I witnessed that in myself over the last time that they were not here, and so this time I really work to keep myself busy last time, and so this time I'm like I'm just going to flow and I'm going to enjoy these moments.
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: Literally, that's what I keep coming back to.
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: I did like this episode is a reflection of Colorado, and now that I've had a couple of weeks to like integrate, just I feel like something about being connected with nature, really like tune me into myself in a really powerful way, and so, even when it comes to food, I'm like really checking and I've it's helped me to slow down and just be like okay, do I really need this thing?
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: Or to know that, even when it comes to like purchases or food or whatever, like tuning into my body and also knowing like there's no rush right, like these things are not going to disappear, like I don't have to have the thing right now, right Like I can.
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: The cookie is still going to be there tomorrow or whatever.
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: It is right.
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: Cookie clothes, whatever, whatever it is.
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: And that's like really my Taurus.
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: I feel like my Taurus was really grounded during this time and so I'm noticing this, really like flowing with myself and flowing.
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: And it's interestingly re listening to this because I recorded this episode literally the day I got back from vacation and so now I think it's been two weeks since and so I've had like a really a deeper integration period and a deeper reflection period and I was talking about feeling a lack of freedom here, and now that, like the kids and I have gotten into more of a routine and it is just us and we're sort of flowing with the way that we're doing things, I actually feel more freedom now with them in our little routine.
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: Again, I have Mars in Capricorn in the sixth house, so I'm always like all like daily routine and health and stuff like that.
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: I'm like so on fire about.
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: So it feels really good to actually have a practice and a routine within our home and like kind of our own structure, because Saturn rules Capricorn, so that's all about structure and systems and everything like that.
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: And so I'm feeling like really a lot better about that.
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: So I am feeling more freedom and just able to, yeah, just flow and not really stress about things and just take things as they come.
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: And I'm always working to reframe things as well.
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: I was walking around at work yesterday and I had a moment where I was like, oh, like, why am I here?
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: Like I still have my nine to five and I'm working to at least go part time in that, so I can spend more time here, because this is what really lights me up and what really puts me on fire and where I'm so passionate about and I love supporting and just all the things.
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: And so this is my transition of this year.
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: And so I had a moment where I was at work and I was like, uh, like thinking about my age and where I'm at in life and I was just like who's timeline am I on Right, like I'm on my own.
• 12:19
  Speaker 1: There's no need to compare, because when we compare, I'm only holding myself back.
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: Right, I'm like I'm telling myself my subconscious is believing that I'm not where I'm at, I'm in a lack state.
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: So I'm always working to reframe things so that I can have a more positive reframe, more positive story for my subconscious to believe.
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: And I just realized that in comparing myself to possibly like my dad's success in like putting it in timelines, I realized that actually I feel like he came into more his stability A little bit older than I am currently now, and that was really empowering.
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: I was like okay, the timeline that I'm comparing myself to which I shouldn't be comparing myself anyway, but there is no shame, it is what it is Right.
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: And also that's another thing it's just like witnessing and allowing whatever's coming up to come up.
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: And also that reframe of like there is no, first of all, there is no timeline.
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: You know, everything is as it is, everything is perfectly as it's meant to be.
• 13:21
  Speaker 1: And also like highly successful people come into their success after their 40s and I'm not even 40 yet.
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: So I'm like okay, there is no pressure, there is no whatever.
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: And so that like really helped me reframe my mindset and be like okay, I'm literally flowing with this, I'm where I'm supposed to be, I'm learning whatever lessons I'm supposed to be learning, I'm grateful for the lessons and I'm just not going to push Right.
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: And I think that's what I did for so long.
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: I like scrambled and I pushed and I wanted to have the thing now and it's like that's not how it works, um, and also not shaming myself for that, just like witnessing it.
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: So that is my little intro to my reflection because, yeah, as I've had more time to really integrate the lessons Of that, I just that's what I've noticed.
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: Is this really a patience, a slower movement and acceptance and awareness, a witnessing and all the things?
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: It's really really been beautiful.
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: I feel like my emotions have been so much more and I know I've talked about that in multiple episodes just feeling so much more emotional, emotionally neutral.
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: Over the past 10 months since I haven't been drinking, I've really only had like one really chaotic emotional time, and other than that I've just feel like I've really been able to witness what's been coming up and being like that's really interesting and not attaching the story Like even yesterday I was driving and my body was feeling something in my mind, automatically tied it to a specific person, and I was like, okay, well, that's interesting.
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: What if my body is just feeling longing or love or whatever?
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: That emotion was in my physical body and because that's the last time I felt it was with this specific individual, my mind is going to attach the feeling to that person and create the story that I don't have something right, as opposed to what if my body was just feeling that there was something in me that was like whatever message my body had for me?
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: Because emotions are spirit speaking through us.
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: So what if my spirit was just feeling love?
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: What if my spirit was just feeling desire or whatever it is right and was guiding me towards something?
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: But instead of just being like, okay, this is what I'm feeling, my mind was like, oh well, the last time I had this feeling was with this person and I'm not with that person and it didn't work out and whatever like stories are attached to it.
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: So I was able to really reframe that really quickly and just be in my body and be like, oh, this is actually just a feeling like.
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: This is actually a beautiful feeling that I'm having right now In all its complexities and all its nuances and all of its layers, right, and just being able to witness and be with that.
• 15:51
  Speaker 1: So, yeah, this episode is a reflection of my trip.
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: I was just so in my reflection, I guess.
• 16:02
  Speaker 1: So I don't even know what word I'm looking for right now, but I've had a lot of time to integrate since then.
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: So, enjoy this episode.
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: I hope it resonates and I hope you are just flowing with yourself and allowing whatever is to be to be right now.
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: And I I say that and I know like sometimes that's really hard to just witness what's coming up, and witness yourself and allow and I think that's really important just to not.
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: We need to release the shame, and shame is what holds us back so often, because we have all these stories and I know, like I, when I first started going to therapy, the label of like I held toxic shame in my body, which just means like we have shame in guilt, right, and guilt is when we, we, we feel like we did something in action we took was wrong, whereas shame is we think we're wrong, and toxic shame is when, just like everything right, like everything we do, we just feel this deep inner like that defines us.
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: And so when I started going to therapy and this like my therapist had labeled me air quoting, labeled me as like holding toxic shame, which was very true at the time because it was very much like in my victim mindset of like, oh my gosh, this is always happening to me and I just didn't see a way out.
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: And so now that I'm further along my journey and I understand that I'm like I'm able to release that a little bit more and then, when that shame does come up, being more able to witness it.
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: But it does like shame really does hold us back and we do think that we are innately wrong when we hold such deep shame like that and it's not true, right, like we are fully capable, we are fully worthy, we are whole, exactly as we are.
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: These are all lessons.
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: It's all imperfect timing and, again, I know that that sometimes feels out of reach and I, you know, I even go through a moment still where I'm emotional, like the last time I felt that deep like chaotic emotions.
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: I was like, oh my gosh, this is, you know, like that victim mindset, but like having the awareness and being able to witness it and sort of pulling yourself out of it and reframing and allowing, I think is really important and really coming into your body in those moments.
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: And this intro is longer than I had expected it to be, but everything you need to know is down in the show notes.
• 18:15
  Speaker 1: You can follow me on Instagram at Rochelle Christian.
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: It's R-O-C-H-E-L-L-E, c-h-r-i-s-t-i-a-n-e.
• 18:21
  Speaker 1: Tiktok is the same.
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: Youtube is at Emotional Mastery podcast and website is RochelleChristiancom.
• 18:27
  Speaker 1: All the information is there.
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: Holistic Human Design Academy starts again at the end of August so you can get on the waitlist.
• 18:33
  Speaker 1: The Emotional Mastery, the Emotional Authority Workshop, masterclass, mini Course whatever you want to call it is coming out tomorrow, the 21st.
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: As this episode is released, the first module will be dropping.
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: So if you're interested, that link is also in the show notes.
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: This Masterclass is really just helping you really become familiar with your emotions, self-regulation tools, subconscious reprogramming tools, understanding the waves, the gates, the undefined, the open solar plexus, all the things, literally everything about Emotional Authority.
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: So that link is going to be down below and I hope you enjoy this episode.
• 19:09
  Speaker 1: Welcome back to another episode of the Emotional Mastery podcast.
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: This I'm recording this on oh, I have no data.
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: I'm recording this on Saturday, july 8th.
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: I almost said June 8th.
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: I just got back from my trip in Colorado last night at 3am and I'm just like running, like reflecting on the past week, actually the past two weeks.
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: So I wanted to come and really reflect on that with you and I don't know if this episode is going to go out this week or the following week but within the next two weeks, ban this episode will come out.
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: I just the last two weeks have felt like some sort of vortex almost, where it's felt really really long and also really, really short, because now I'm going back to work on Monday and sort of getting back into the flow of things.
• 20:02
  Speaker 1: But I feel like just with so much always, I just feel like when you can be conscious and present and allow the lessons and sort of be with everything that's coming up, it all changes you, right?
• 20:14
  Speaker 1: It all changes parts of you, parts of your story.
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: You're literally on a cellular level.
• 20:20
  Speaker 1: If you listen to the episode with Ken Close, we talked about how 800,000 new cells are created every single second in our body.
• 20:28
  Speaker 1: 97% of those 800,000 new cells are adaptable and they're just waiting for you to write the story right.
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: And so are you repeating old patterns, are you repeating old thought processes, subconscious beliefs?
• 20:42
  Speaker 1: Because we know that we manifest from our subconscious.
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: So what we subconsciously believe is where we are manifesting from.
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: So every single second there's just such an opportunity to choose, to choose your path, to choose who you are, to choose where you're going, to choose to come from your highest self, whatever it is you just, you have the opportunity to choose.
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: So, in reflection, my parents rented a house in Colorado for the summer.
• 21:09
  Speaker 1: They're still there, but they took my kids the week before I went.
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: So I had this full week here where I felt deep shadows coming up around me and being and who I am if I'm not a mother Not that I wasn't a mother in that week but the freedom that I had was something I hadn't had since I was like 22, because I got pregnant in 23.
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: And it was really interesting because I was really excited for it.
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: I was really excited to spend time with myself and I had planned on getting so much work done and I accomplished none of that, basically.
• 21:51
  Speaker 1: But I noticed also within that I found a deep sense of loneliness.
• 21:58
  Speaker 1: We'll say that not aloneness, because that's a different thing, but I did find a deep sense of loneliness because if I didn't have my kids, if I didn't have anything distracting me, I actually I went out a few times, which was really lovely.
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: It was really nice to get out and hang out with friends and I didn't drink and I didn't feel pressure to drink.
• 22:20
  Speaker 1: I didn't feel the need to, I didn't feel like I I did notice some shadows coming up, of sort of that.
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: Well, what is fun if I'm not getting drunk and acting a certain way, I guess?
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: I guess there's a part of me that my younger version of self just had to drink to fit in, had to do what everybody else was doing to fit in, had to like do all of that to feel this deep sense of connection.
• 22:46
  Speaker 1: And I didn't feel it in a way of like pressure being feeling, like I needed like feeling pressure to drink or pressure to do anything, but I guess it was just like sort of a bit of like soul searching of okay, well, if I'm hanging out, because I did go out to a few bars with some friends and yeah, it was fun, but also bars aren't that fun if you're not drinking, and but again, it's what is the thing that I'm looking for when it comes to alcohol?
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: Right, what is the thing?
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: It's a connection, and so I was still able to go out and not drink and just hang out and have those connections and talk and laugh, and although the other people were drinking which is totally fine, it was just nice to be out and I realized that something that I have not had in my life a lot lately.
• 23:43
  Speaker 1: I've been very, very focused on the podcast and Holistic Community Academy and really getting things going for myself and my business and really embodying the state of being and freedom and flow and all of these things that I'm calling in, and it sort of showed me the piece that was missing was being social, but more so connecting right, connecting in that social way, because I connect a lot.
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: I connect with the women in the Holistic Humanism Academy, I connect with so many people on Instagram, I connect with people I have the podcast with and it's all about this deeply spiritual journey and this personal growth and it's so beautiful and it's so amazing and I enjoy every single second of it.
• 24:35
  Speaker 1: I enjoy every connection I make and also it's mostly these online connections which are awesome.
• 24:43
  Speaker 1: But to be in the energy of somebody to go out just felt very nice, and so I found myself.
• 24:53
  Speaker 1: I think it was they left on Thursday, so I think it was Sunday.
• 24:56
  Speaker 1: I slept until noon.
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: I never do, but I slept until noon and I went to the gym at like five and I just got to sit and have some coffee and no pressure of anything and I was like, is this what normal people do?
• 25:10
  Speaker 1: Like it was really nice.
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: And also that was the day that I felt a deep loneliness.
• 25:18
  Speaker 1: And I have worked really hard and I do, and I feel like I'm very good at having awareness of my shadows and patterns as they come up and being able to give myself the thing that I'm needing, instead of externalizing that to somebody else or seeking somebody else to fill something within me which has been a huge pattern in relationships in my entire life was always like needing that external validation and just needing the acceptance and needing somebody to tell me what to do and just needing somebody to fill that void within me.
• 25:51
  Speaker 1: Even though it's never about that, it's about you filling it within you, and then people that come into your life are compliments to you.
• 25:58
  Speaker 1: And so I noticed that coming up and I sat with it and I was like, okay, I'm feeling lonely.
• 26:05
  Speaker 1: I have been single for six years now, I think it is, and so, yeah, there's sometimes that loneliness of like, oh, it'd be nice to have a man here to like share this space with, but then also it's like what is underlying, what is beneath that right, and can I give that to myself and can I find that feeling within myself and not have to have somebody else fill that, because then when somebody else does come in, it's not filling a void, it is complimenting the wholeness of who.
• 26:34
  Speaker 1: I am right, and even if you are seeking outside, I mean we all need relationships.
• 26:39
  Speaker 1: We all need relationships.
• 26:42
  Speaker 1: I think two weeks ago, within the Holistic Community Design Academy, we were talking about attachment theory and literally being in relationship with someone, whether it's a partner or a child or a family member or whatever it is.
• 26:53
  Speaker 1: As we are in relationship with someone and as our energies are connected, we are like literally changing each other's chemistry, right, it's like our hearts beat in the same pattern.
• 27:05
  Speaker 1: It's just like literally so many things.
• 27:09
  Speaker 1: I mean we need each other.
• 27:11
  Speaker 1: We are here as beings, as emotional beings right, that's part of the experience and also we're here to be in relationship with people.
• 27:19
  Speaker 1: So I'm not saying that you don't need the relationship.
• 27:23
  Speaker 1: What I'm saying is that we need to find that space within ourselves and fill that, and then that partner or whatever it is that we're calling in, will just be a compliment to it and will support us and will push us forward in all those beautiful things.
• 27:33
  Speaker 1: So that day, yeah, it just felt like a deep sense of loneliness.
• 27:36
  Speaker 1: And then, yeah, like I said, I didn't really get as much accomplished as far as this business, but I stayed busy.
• 27:47
  Speaker 1: It was interesting.
• 27:50
  Speaker 1: It was really interesting, that's all I can say Just like really interesting redefining who I am without my kids.
• 27:59
  Speaker 1: So then I drove from here to Colorado and I got from where I'm at to Colorado Springs in one day, but it was really interesting.
• 28:07
  Speaker 1: As I was moving through these lands, I was feeling, deeply emotional, or deeply feeling, and a past version of myself would have taken that on to mean something about me or just attach it to a story or something like that.
• 28:24
  Speaker 1: But instead I was able to sit with it and be like huh, this is really interesting.
• 28:28
  Speaker 1: Is this mine?
• 28:29
  Speaker 1: This is a question I am getting very familiar with asking, and it's not always the easiest to do in the moment, but I try.
• 28:37
  Speaker 1: But this time, because I was with me myself and I, for I gosh, I think it was like 10 hours that day in the car, listening to podcast after podcast and just reflecting and being with myself and being in the energy, I was able to ask like is this mine?
• 28:55
  Speaker 1: Is this what I'm feeling?
• 28:57
  Speaker 1: All these feelings mine, and just what kept coming to me was that it's the land, it's.
• 29:02
  Speaker 1: There's such a deep history in this land that I don't think we honor enough, and so I was like moving through that.
• 29:13
  Speaker 1: That's what I was feeling, that's what was coming to me, and it reached out to Lauren Aletta, if you've listened to the podcast.
• 29:19
  Speaker 1: She's been on here before.
• 29:20
  Speaker 1: She's actually doing a guest talk within the Holistic Human Design Academy next week and I'm so excited.
• 29:26
  Speaker 1: But I reached out to her because I just value her opinion and she is just like so yeah, it's just beautiful.
• 29:33
  Speaker 1: And I was just reflecting what I was experiencing and something that she said.
• 29:38
  Speaker 1: She said that a lot of these highways are made on lay lines, so there's like a lot of energy held within them, and we just got in a conversation and it was really validating, and not that I needed the validation, I think I needed the reminder to trust myself, and so it was really interesting as I was moving through that and these just beautiful lands.
• 30:00
  Speaker 1: Like I have traveled the world, I have traveled all over the world and yet I haven't done much traveling within the US and so it was actually really beautiful just to see the different like lands, just like geographical locations, right, like the mountains and the hills and the valleys and like going through all these different environments.
• 30:18
  Speaker 1: So it was really really beautiful to experience that and I was taking it all in and I was trying to drive safely while like sort of being distracted by the scenery, because it really was beautiful.
• 30:29
  Speaker 1: I was supposed to stop in New Mexico and I decided to keep going.
• 30:32
  Speaker 1: Just something in me was like just keep going.
• 30:34
  Speaker 1: I don't know.
• 30:35
  Speaker 1: I wanted more time on.
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: Oh gosh, what day did I drive?
• 30:37
  Speaker 1: I drove Thursday.
• 30:38
  Speaker 1: So I wanted more time on Friday To be able to spend around Colorado Springs.
• 30:43
  Speaker 1: I went to I think it's called Montetoo Springs, where they have the Garden of the Gods, which was beautiful, beautiful.
• 30:49
  Speaker 1: And then I just went to a coffee shop.
• 30:51
  Speaker 1: I had some coffee, some breakfast, I just spent time with myself.
• 30:53
  Speaker 1: I worked on the emotional authority course which is coming out soon.
• 30:58
  Speaker 1: I will drop the link in the show notes if you want to pre-sale by the pre-sale so that when it starts coming out at the end of this month, like, you'll have it.
• 31:08
  Speaker 1: But I was just so inspired and just channeling that course out and so I've got a good bulk of it now.
• 31:15
  Speaker 1: But anyway, but just being and just soaking up, I went to an apothecary, I went to a dispensary, I just sort of did things on my own and it was just.
• 31:22
  Speaker 1: It was really nice.
• 31:23
  Speaker 1: It was just such a beautiful day.
• 31:25
  Speaker 1: I went hiking around the Garden of the Gods for a little bit.
• 31:28
  Speaker 1: I was picking my brother up in Denver so I was trying to stay within that area, but yeah, so then I picked my brother up and we went up to Kissel.
• 31:36
  Speaker 1: We went up to Keystone, colorado, dillon, colorado, frisco, breckenridge area.
• 31:41
  Speaker 1: You guys, it is fucking beautiful.
• 31:45
  Speaker 1: I could not get over it.
• 31:47
  Speaker 1: Every single time I looked at a window or, like you, just I mean, it's like something out of a movie.
• 31:53
  Speaker 1: It is stunning.
• 31:54
  Speaker 1: I can't describe how much I felt that area.
• 31:59
  Speaker 1: And I live currently in Dallas.
• 32:05
  Speaker 1: I live on my Mars line and let me tell you, dallas has had some massive lessons for me and it's been pretty, actually deeply uncomfortable in Dallas.
• 32:17
  Speaker 1: And so I looked up my astro photography for Keystone and it was still on my Mars line.
• 32:22
  Speaker 1: So I'm not sure what I expected.
• 32:24
  Speaker 1: I think I thought it was going to be the same and I was going to have the same energy, but I will have to like, look at it again and see what maybe it's like close to another line, but it was so different than what I expected it to be, and in the most beautiful way.
• 32:45
  Speaker 1: I was just.
• 32:46
  Speaker 1: I'm a tourist, I have a lot of earth energy in my chart.
• 32:49
  Speaker 1: I have my unconscious sun is in gate 30, so it's all about experiences and novelty.
• 32:55
  Speaker 1: I'm 6'3" right, so everything's like change and movement and just being so deeply connected with earth, especially with all the earth energy, and so I mean I think we're all designed to be deeply connected to the land, to earth, and just to feel her pulsate and all the shifts and changes energetically.
• 33:13
  Speaker 1: But I felt that so much there and I felt so in flow, so at peace, so present, and I was creating the Jean Keys module for the Holistic Human Design Academy while I was there, and so then I was again slowly moving through my incarnation cross and integrating that and listening, and so much of my incarnation cross is being present.
• 33:42
  Speaker 1: It's about teaching, because I'm a 6 line, so of course it's about like teaching and teaching the same thing over and over again, but it's also about getting those lessons through my own personal life by being deeply present, by having experiences, by committing to things that feel good for me, and so it was I, as I was moving through that I was feeling this deep presence, this like witnessing of myself, and I think a lot of times when and this is just me, coming from me, and this is why, for me, releasing alcohol for my life has been absolutely transformational.
• 34:28
  Speaker 1: I have an undefined G center and if you have an undefined G center, ross says you should not be drinking because the G center rules the liver and the liver holds anger right.
• 34:40
  Speaker 1: And so when you drink, you're impacting your liver and you're releasing anger.
• 34:45
  Speaker 1: And I think we have we all have a lot of deep.
• 34:51
  Speaker 1: I'm not sure what the wording I'm looking for is, but within our family it's not just like our family in this lifetime, right, there's so much deeply karmic work in your family.
• 35:01
  Speaker 1: I've actually looked at it just blows my mind.
• 35:04
  Speaker 1: But my family if you listened to last week episode I talked about a little bit with Jesse Echols but my family, my mom's North node is conjunct.
• 35:14
  Speaker 1: My moon, my daughters no, my moon.
• 35:18
  Speaker 1: Scratch that, let me try again.
• 35:21
  Speaker 1: No, no, yeah, I'm trying to visualize it.
• 35:23
  Speaker 1: My mom's North node is conjunct my moon, my North node is conjunct my daughter's moon, my dad's North node is conjunct my brother's moon and, believe it or not, my dad's mother's North node conjuncts his moon.
• 35:38
  Speaker 1: It's fucking blows my mind.
• 35:40
  Speaker 1: So it's like, even when you look at astrology and things like that, like so deeply karmic, so deeply intertwined and connected, and so it's like when you feel things, it's not even always necessarily from this lifetime, but I think like when we all get together and we're drinking, and especially for me, and like super emotional and alcohol just like was not serving me in any way.
• 36:01
  Speaker 1: I think it served its purpose when I was younger and it is what it is Like.
• 36:05
  Speaker 1: I don't regret anything but for me being with my family in that way, in that space, and not drinking, because when you are drinking, the day after, of course you're hungover, you're moody, you're frustrated, you're emotional, you're all the things like the day or two after it can be two days after that you're feeling these things which always would lead me to get frustrated, and then I would just feel like the.
• 36:30
  Speaker 1: I don't have to explain it.
• 36:31
  Speaker 1: So being there and not drinking was so amazing, like I feel, like I was more connected to my family.
• 36:41
  Speaker 1: I was able to be like more present with just nature and with what we were doing, and I feel like it allows me to be a little bit more open, to receive and discern and reflect and witness.
• 36:57
  Speaker 1: Because I was drinking like non-alcoholic beers and there was a comment made about how many of those have you had, or something like that, and I felt a moment where I was like so like judged, and also knowing that like that's not me right, that's not like mine, I don't have to take that on and knowing that it came from a good space I'm sure it was, I don't know, I'm sure it came from a good space, but anyway.
• 37:19
  Speaker 1: But like a past version of me who was maybe hungover or drinking, would have gotten like snippy or like hell onto that or whatever, but I was just kind of able to witness it and be like huh, that's interesting.
• 37:28
  Speaker 1: Like maybe I'm feeling a little shame for having like two or three non-alcoholic beers, even though they're not alcoholic, not drinking.
• 37:35
  Speaker 1: But I'm like showing up with them having the non-alcoholic beers, but anyway.
• 37:41
  Speaker 1: But it was really cool to have options.
• 37:45
  Speaker 1: There was a lot of.
• 37:46
  Speaker 1: Everywhere we went would have non-alcoholic beer, non-alcoholic wine, and it was actually really cool because then it allowed me to feel not that I didn't feel a part of it if I wasn't drinking.
• 37:57
  Speaker 1: But I think a lot of times we drink to feel connection and I've been drinking for, or I was drinking for, a long time.
• 38:06
  Speaker 1: I started a really young and that was always the thing.
• 38:09
  Speaker 1: Right, we had wine with dinner, we would be social together and we would drink and we would go out and party and drink.
• 38:15
  Speaker 1: Every everything revolved around drinking.
• 38:18
  Speaker 1: So, although it's been nine months, I've been sober, I believe September.
• 38:22
  Speaker 1: Nine months, the craving so much Like.
• 38:28
  Speaker 1: Is it necessarily there as much?
• 38:30
  Speaker 1: I don't like feel that craving, like I like I had to change everything.
• 38:33
  Speaker 1: I had to cut everyone off.
• 38:34
  Speaker 1: I had to just like Hermit in my house and not put myself in any situation that was gonna tempt me or make me want to drink, and so I definitely passed that point.
• 38:44
  Speaker 1: I don't feel that anymore, but I did feel a little bit like left out because everybody was drinking and that's just the way that.
• 38:53
  Speaker 1: It's all we've always like shown up, I guess in those situations Like vacations and I guess it.
• 39:00
  Speaker 1: You know it was like I don't know it was a beautiful day outside, I don't, we're going for a hike, it's it, I don't know, it's just kind of weird.
• 39:08
  Speaker 1: It's like, oh, you want to go find a patio of a restaurant and just have a glass of water, like no, let's just like go have a drink so we can like sit and talk and Like look at our pictures and whatever so but anyway.
• 39:19
  Speaker 1: So it was just really nice that there was a lot of like no one alcoholic options there beers, ipa's, wine, like whatever.
• 39:26
  Speaker 1: That was really nice because that just, I guess, made me feel like I fit in a little bit more or like made me feel like I was part of it a little bit more.
• 39:32
  Speaker 1: But but anyway, yeah, so it was just like really beautiful and you know, we went hiking and just being being in nature on the tourists.
• 39:42
  Speaker 1: So I just feel like I don't, I Love to be in my own space in nature, like I don't necessarily I'm not gonna be the one that's gonna be sitting like going for a hike, and then I mean, let me rephrase, I enjoy.
• 40:01
  Speaker 1: So when I was creating, when I was working with somebody to create my brand guidelines, my what are my like words for my brand guideline is juxtaposition, and I had to send her a whole bunch of Pinterest boards or pictures of Aesthetics and spaces and whatever, and I always come up with this.
• 40:23
  Speaker 1: There's the one image that, like, I would find like over and over, but it was basically in the middle of a forest, this Beautiful, beautiful space.
• 40:31
  Speaker 1: It was like this glass house, right.
• 40:33
  Speaker 1: So it's like I always think about that, like I love to be in it, but I love to be in my space.
• 40:38
  Speaker 1: I'm not necessarily wanting to be outside with the spiders and the bears and the fox or whatever, but I want to be like safely in my space, but I want to be able to see it all and be in it and have the, the, the opportunity or the Like like I can go outside and sit and ground and walk around and be with nature and like touch a tree or whatever, but I want to come back to my space at the end of the day.
• 41:01
  Speaker 1: So I think I feel like that's what this was.
• 41:03
  Speaker 1: It was just like you open, we open, the windows and there was, you know, the breeze, the temperature was so beautiful, but it's like anywhere you looked was just like stunning and full of trees and wildlife, and it was just like Like I just felt so good in that environment and the last time I felt so like in tune with a space was when I lived in Italy.
• 41:25
  Speaker 1: I Lived on the beach, but behind us were the mountains, so I had the best of both worlds and I'm in human design, my environment, my environment is markets, and so I just feel like that's like such like the markets vibe, right.
• 41:38
  Speaker 1: It's just like sort of having the best of everything and like being around people, but like not, and this way I always like love cities because it allows me to be in the energy of, but I can also just stay at my house, right, and so it kind of reminds me of that.
• 41:51
  Speaker 1: That that's the what I love about a Space like that, like I can be surrounded by nature but also just be in my house and witness it and like feel the breeze and go outside and Go for a hike if I want to.
• 42:05
  Speaker 1: But it was just like even going to towns.
• 42:08
  Speaker 1: I did a lot of shopping.
• 42:09
  Speaker 1: I did a lot of shopping, but even just going to like different cities and towns, just the scenery, it was like I wanted to pull over and take pictures like every second, every like mile we went.
• 42:20
  Speaker 1: I was like picture here.
• 42:21
  Speaker 1: But I just felt, yeah, I felt so Deeply in tune with myself.
• 42:27
  Speaker 1: I felt really, really grounded.
• 42:29
  Speaker 1: I just felt really Connected with my family and with my kids and being present with them, and I just felt so free.
• 42:36
  Speaker 1: And this has always been my word, always, like when I do TBM, your Authentic code or you know a manifestation, babe, we are creating our visions and just anything.
• 42:50
  Speaker 1: But always, for me, it's freedom, it's travel.
• 42:54
  Speaker 1: Those are like my two biggest things, right like when I think about like my success.
• 42:59
  Speaker 1: I want freedom to travel and work from anywhere.
• 43:03
  Speaker 1: Like that's it.
• 43:04
  Speaker 1: I don't need Millions upon millions, upon millions of dollars, I just need what I, what I'm calling in, and and I'm a torso and a little moonily rising, so I do like nice things, right, like if I'm traveling, I want to travel first-class and I want to get like the really nice hotel and I want to be able to go places.
• 43:24
  Speaker 1: But it's just freedom and travel.
• 43:25
  Speaker 1: Those are my pillars.
• 43:27
  Speaker 1: And so I felt really free there and, of course, travel, because I was traveling and it reminded me how important travel is to me, like I know it's always important, but I don't I haven't traveled much since I've been in Dallas and it's just remind me like, first of all, I don't have to go that far in order to like get that travel fix, get that novelty fix, get that like Change of scenery fix right and I can do it with my kids.
• 43:49
  Speaker 1: That was something I had to really reframe for myself because I felt so stuck and and so restricted when I had two kids and I felt like I am air-quoting, like I felt like I couldn't travel because I, for some reason, there was a disconnect between traveling and being with them.
• 44:05
  Speaker 1: And it doesn't have to be.
• 44:07
  Speaker 1: I can travel with them, right, and that's also a huge thing to show them the world, to show them these places in spaces, and that's why I want to travel internationally with them, because I just think there's so much value and there's so much in traveling internationally that you, there's so many lessons in it and you get a better education.
• 44:26
  Speaker 1: I feel like from that then, like any textbook, right, being around people that don't look like you, that don't speak the same Same language, that don't believe in the same things, but like being able to hold space and have those conversations and connect, is just so beautiful.
• 44:37
  Speaker 1: So but yeah, it really showed me that I can have all those things.
• 44:42
  Speaker 1: I don't have to go that far for it right now, right, and I Just, yeah, I think, I think for me it was just this presence, this like deep presence, like I still I was able to make a few calls, I Was able to do some work and also, just being present, I Like would catch myself, like when I was with my kids or with my son and try to like do an Instagram story, and he was in the background getting my attention.
• 45:09
  Speaker 1: I'm like I don't, I don't need to Make this story right now.
• 45:13
  Speaker 1: I don't need to make a post.
• 45:14
  Speaker 1: I probably didn't post that much over the last week.
• 45:17
  Speaker 1: So it was like a deep lesson in presence in a beautiful way.
• 45:21
  Speaker 1: I loved it.
• 45:21
  Speaker 1: And then we got back last night and they have noticed myself being frustrated and this is the way part of my practice, I mean, it's just it's.
• 45:30
  Speaker 1: It was difficult, I think, in the beginning to like get into the practice, in the habit of it, but now it's just like second nature, where I'm like I feel myself so frustrated and I'm like, okay, what is this?
• 45:41
  Speaker 1: Why am I feeling this?
• 45:42
  Speaker 1: Okay, I feel stuck.
• 45:44
  Speaker 1: That's what it is.
• 45:45
  Speaker 1: I don't feel the freedom that I felt.
• 45:47
  Speaker 1: And also, how can I bring that feeling here?
• 45:51
  Speaker 1: Like, how can I bring that feeling into my every day now?
• 45:54
  Speaker 1: Because, in order to manifest the things that we desire, part of the process is to act as if, as if right, so Acting as if I am that version of myself that I was like last week right, and like why is the disconnect between here and there?
• 46:13
  Speaker 1: Part of it is that now I'm here for the rest of the summer by myself, and it takes a village to raise kids it really does and so, by myself, like can be exhausting and frustrating and I don't have the freedom to do things.
• 46:28
  Speaker 1: And I think because I had a week of freedom and well, I had two weeks of freedom, essentially and then now it's coming back and I feel that restriction setting on.
• 46:35
  Speaker 1: But I'm like, okay, it doesn't have to be like that, I can find a babysitter or I can drop my son off at a drop in daycare place.
• 46:42
  Speaker 1: There are options, right, I don't have to Feel like I'm not free anymore.
• 46:48
  Speaker 1: So, again, bringing that in to my life now, in here.
• 46:53
  Speaker 1: And I Also noticed Today tonight I was cooking dinner but I noticed like that frustration sitting on and I was again working through that my mind and I was like Wanted to have one of my non-alcoholic beers or the Botanic Tonics, which is awesome, and I drank that this week when I was just feeling like Needed, wanted to be part of it or whatever.
• 47:17
  Speaker 1: And so I was like feeling myself wanting those and although they are non-alcoholic, it was the mindset behind it of like, okay, I'm doing this to like I'm air-quitting again, I'm like doing this to relax or take a load off or whatever it is.
• 47:32
  Speaker 1: And it was more like the mindset thing because, like, physically, it's not gonna get me intoxicated, it's not gonna get me drunk, it's not gonna numb my emotions, but it's like the habit and the ritual of it, like that's what I used to have done and, I think, because that's what everybody was doing for the past week.
• 47:50
  Speaker 1: So that was interesting to witness.
• 47:53
  Speaker 1: So I had my tea first, I made dinner first, I did all the things and then I sat and I had my little like mocktail.
• 48:03
  Speaker 1: So, of course, like you pick your battles, pick, pick and choose, and it's not alcohol and that's fine and I'm yeah, I'm just I don't know, I'm just feeling really, although there were moments where I kind of really wanted to drink again.
• 48:20
  Speaker 1: It was like looking at it, like why?
• 48:21
  Speaker 1: It's because the connections, because that's what we always did, it's because that's what everybody else is doing, and also like so empowering that I didn't and so empowering that I stayed in my own physical body and my own energy and just like own that and that in itself was really really in power fake and Power thing.
• 48:41
  Speaker 1: Really empowering and beautiful who's combining two words in one but really empowering and beautiful to be able to stay within my space and it was fun, right, like I had such.
• 48:52
  Speaker 1: Honestly, I think this was one of the best family trip, trips We've ever taken For me personally, right, I mean just to be with my kids and my parents, my brother, and had a like dear friend drive through and got to like spend like 30 minutes together.
• 49:06
  Speaker 1: But it was just so, I don't know.
• 49:10
  Speaker 1: It was lovely like.
• 49:13
  Speaker 1: So I feel like today because I was feeling really frustrated and just like reflecting.
• 49:17
  Speaker 1: I wanted to come here and sort of Talk about my reflections because for one I love, I mean that's what this podcast is all about, right, it's about sharing those and Literally, I need to like speak things through me.
• 49:30
  Speaker 1: So it's it's, it's a outlet for me and also to Support you if any of you are experiencing any of the similar things, if you're feeling stuck or trapped in your life, or if you've maybe had tumultuous it's not the right word tumultuous relationship with your family, or if you have Given up alcohol or you're struggling with alcohol, or like whatever.
• 49:56
  Speaker 1: Right, there's always.
• 49:56
  Speaker 1: There's something in here for for everyone and in in my sharing of my story, I hope that it's supportive for you, because that is my goal is just to make you feel less alone, because when I and I think so many people right when we go through these, through our healing journeys or whatever, we're just very much in that victim thing of like I'm the only one that's experiencing this and nobody else is experiencing this and this is all happening to me and do like whatever it is and as you learn and as you grow, yes, you are the star of your own show, because that is the way it is.
• 50:28
  Speaker 1: You're not in anybody else's mind, right?
• 50:30
  Speaker 1: You're not having anybody else's experiences and also knowing that you are not alone in it, like we are all in this together, and so in sharing my story and my reflections and my experiences, I know that there's someone else out there that is experiencing something similar or is a Couple steps back for me, or even a couple steps forward for me or whatever it is, and so I love like connecting over it as well.
• 50:56
  Speaker 1: I love hearing from you guys in my DMs, like it literally makes my day, and so, yeah, I guess that's my reflection over the last two weeks of being home alone and Redefining my role.
• 51:10
  Speaker 1: If I'm not a mother and I will say, when I got to my kids, I felt whole and I know I'm whole as I am, whether I'm here without them or whether I'm with them but I think, like I am not your traditional mother, I am not the Pinterest mom, I am not the one that knows all of my kids, friends, moms, I'm not on top of all the school stuff, like, but I know my kids know that I love them and I show up for them and I'm really trying it hard at this conscious parenting thing and I feel like I'm present for them and also it's parenting.
• 51:46
  Speaker 1: It's never, never easy, but yeah, I'm not like the traditional parent in that sense, and so I absolutely lost my train of thought there.
• 51:56
  Speaker 1: Don't remember what I was saying about my reflection.
• 52:01
  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah, I like redefining my role out and then being whole with them.
• 52:05
  Speaker 1: Yeah, because I am not like that traditional mom and I wasn't necessarily the kid that like dreamt of being a mom for a whole life.
• 52:11
  Speaker 1: I love my kids and I would never change a single thing for the world.
• 52:14
  Speaker 1: They're absolutely meant to be here in my life.
• 52:16
  Speaker 1: But yeah, I'm not that typical mom.
• 52:19
  Speaker 1: So I think I was a little bit surprised at the week that I was without them that how much of that came up.
• 52:26
  Speaker 1: But again, like 13 years, 14 years of being defined as a mother, right, like prioritizing somebody other than yourself.
• 52:36
  Speaker 1: Of course you have to fill your own cup to be able to fill their cups and I think that's something that you learn.
• 52:41
  Speaker 1: But yeah, it was really interesting.
• 52:43
  Speaker 1: But I was like who am I?
• 52:44
  Speaker 1: I don't even know who I am anymore, like when it was just like me and I had complete freedom to like do whatever I want and go wherever I want and be whatever I want.
• 52:53
  Speaker 1: So it was really really interesting.
• 52:55
  Speaker 1: And then, of course, when I again, when I got back with them, I just felt like a sense of purpose, almost like that.
• 53:00
  Speaker 1: Those questions sort of went away.
• 53:01
  Speaker 1: But I'm glad that I was able to ask those questions because I think that was really important that I create the space to find myself in a way that wasn't a mom.
• 53:13
  Speaker 1: So, yeah, it was really interesting, it was really beautiful.
• 53:16
  Speaker 1: I felt like I was in a vortex, like time felt like it didn't move and also went so fast.
• 53:20
  Speaker 1: But I feel like so much has changed, even in like the 10 days that I've.
• 53:25
  Speaker 1: I was more or less gone and not working and things like that, but it also showed me how I wanna craft my reality, how I want to.
• 53:36
  Speaker 1: It allowed me to redefine or get more clear on the things that I'm calling in.
• 53:41
  Speaker 1: So I will be working on that, I will be working on my manifestations and all the things.
• 53:47
  Speaker 1: So, yeah, that is my reflections.
• 53:49
  Speaker 1: I'm leaving it at that.
• 53:50
  Speaker 1: Colorado is beautiful.
• 53:51
  Speaker 1: Go if you have a chance.
• 53:53
  Speaker 1: That's what I will say.
• 53:54
  Speaker 1: Be present with yourself, practice presence, because it really, really is powerful and that just looks as 1222.
• 54:01
  Speaker 1: And so, practice presence, be with yourself.
• 54:07
  Speaker 1: Allow yourself to be bored.
• 54:08
  Speaker 1: These are all lessons from this past week.
• 54:10
  Speaker 1: Allow the experiences and just let it go.
• 54:17
  Speaker 1: Right, like, let it go, let all the shit go.
• 54:21
  Speaker 1: That doesn't matter, these are seven times, but it's really powerful.
• 54:26
  Speaker 1: It's really powerful to let it go.
• 54:29
  Speaker 1: So, with that.
• 54:32
  Speaker 1: That is my reflection of the past two weeks.
• 54:35
  Speaker 1: I hope you enjoyed it and I will speak to you next week.
• 54:39
  Speaker 1: Hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello you.