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August 23 – Practicing Grace at Home · The Daily Ripples Podcast

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  Welcome back, everybody, to the Daily Ripples podcast. Today is Sunday, August the 23rd,
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  and our devotional for today is titled, Practicing Grace at Home. Ouch. For some of us,
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  this is going to be a tough one today. The stone, the love and patience I show others
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  should be most visible in the relationships closest to me. Ripple 1, Practical. Today,
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  I will practice kindness, respect, and patience with my family. It is easy to be courteous in
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  public and careless at home. Real growth is revealed by how I treat the people who know me best.
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  Ripple 2, Spiritual. As I practice grace with the people closest to me, the Holy Spirit helps me bring
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  patience, humility, and understanding into my home. The Father calls me to love others with consistency
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  and grace. And Jesus treated people with compassion, even in difficult relationships.
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  And as always, we will have our prayer at the end of the day. So the natural question that comes to
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  mind whenever I think about this one as we get started today is, who gets your best self and then
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  who gets whatever's left of it? Now, some of us might have to think about that for a little bit. We might
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  want to say, well, of course, we're, you know, giving our best and most loving selves at home. And then
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  because people out in public, they don't deserve the best of us anyway. You know, maybe that's what we
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  think. Or maybe we think, well, I treat everybody the same, whether it's at home or whether it's in
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  public. Sometimes I try to fool myself and tell myself that, at least until my wife points out some
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  flaw in that logic of mine. But most of us already know the real answer because the version of me that walks
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  through the grocery store, you know, on a busy Saturday afternoon and is polite with the people around
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  me, that's one version of me that, you know, I'll hold the door. I'll say, yes, ma'am. I'll say, yes, sir. I'll even
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  hold the door for, you know, men as well as women. Kind of, Corey talked about that one time about how
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  back in the day he would only hold the door open for the women so that he could catch what was walking
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  by. And that's not necessarily our best self, but, you know, it's, we're just more polite generally when
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  we're out in public, you know. And then nobody at the grocery store would ever suspect that I'm there
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  potentially because I just got in a big blow-up argument with the wife at home and I needed to step
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  away for a little bit. You know, you leave from an argument at home, go to the grocery store, and
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  it's like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. I think, I think the big book of AA says something about that.
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  But the people who know me the best should be getting the best of me. And that's not always
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  the case. And that's not always the case, I know, for many of us and those listening as well. But real
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  growth shows up at home. It shows up in a room where nobody is watching and nobody is witnessing it to be
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  impressed by how super spiritual you are. But the ripple today, you know, names it pretty plainly.
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  It is easy to be courteous in public and careless at home. And, you know, courtesy has something in it
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  when I'm doing it out in public. It, you know, it helps me to be well thought of, you know, it helps
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  me to make the day go smoothly. Maybe I'm courteous in public because I have a fear of what would happen
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  if I'm rude to somebody. You know, in this day and age, you get too rude to somebody out in public and
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  they might pop off at you. But at home, that audience or even those fears are gone. Nobody is watching,
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  nobody is grading. And I don't have to worry about those negative consequences if I'm not because I
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  have the trust. You might say that it's natural to slip into a place where I just kind of take what
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  I have at home for granted. And that's the trap because I can spend the whole day being nice to
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  strangers, showing up at recovery meetings, holding pastor's office hours at the church, talking to
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  people, praying with people, visiting a friend in the hospital as I did just the other day.
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  And then I might end up at that same day going to bed after having had an argument with the one person
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  that I would gladly lay down my own life for and still tell myself that it was a good day.
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  But step 12 says that we practice these principles in all our affairs. And that's that, you know,
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  that, well, that's all of them. I mean, including the ones at home at the kitchen table, whether or
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  not I am being of service in the home by washing the dishes after my wife cooks that night.
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  Maybe it's 10 o'clock at night when everybody's tired. That's still part of all my affairs.
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  And page 19 says that even earlier in the book than that, it says, a much more important demonstration
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  of our principles lies before us in our respective homes, occupations, and affairs. That's three places.
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  And it lists the homes first before the occupations and before the affair. So it starts with what is
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  closest to us and the people, honestly, that are closest to us in our homes before it extends out
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  into our occupations and affairs. The 12 and 12 puts the question you might say even better than I can
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  on pages 111 and 12. It asks whether we can bring the same spirit of love and tolerance into our family
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  lives that we would, I think it says that we would gladly show a drowning person. And I don't know,
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  I may be conflating references there, but it's the same person that we walk into a church this morning
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  since it is Sunday. It's the same person that we walk into a recovery meeting at noon today or at
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  5 55 today or at six today or at seven or eight o'clock today. That same person is the, can we have that
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  same spirit of love and tolerance that we take to church, that we take to a recovery meeting? Can we
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  have that same love and tolerance when we're sitting at home with the people that we actually live with?
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  You know, in a meeting I can share the same thing, nine weeks running and people will let me do that.
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  You know, in a meeting somebody can be rude, they can be wrong, they can have had a terrible night
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  and I'll be gracious to them without even thinking about it. And then go home. And if it's my wife who
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  is telling me the same story that she's told me 10 other times, I might get short and I might snap at
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  her. Now, if y'all know my wife, you know that that is not going to last very long in my case because she
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  will most definitely snap back. But the point is, I have to be willing to bring that same spirit of
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  love and tolerance into my home life. And I'm glad that this is a program of progress over perfection
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  because I definitely have not perfected that part yet. But the question for all of us is,
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  where, how, when, why does your family get a different version of you than your co-workers do?
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  But then let's look at how the spiritual ripple is built today. It says,
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  as I practice grace with the people closest to me, the Holy Spirit helps me bring patience,
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  humility, and understanding into my home. I'm not going to be perfect at it right out the gate. I mean,
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  that's why it says the practicing comes first. It says, as I practice grace with the people closest to
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  me, then the Holy Spirit. So, the way forward is to take an action just on a regular, ordinary day.
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  It can start with a Sunday, but toward one specific person. And it says specifically, and I wrote this
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  intentionally, that the Holy Spirit helps me bring patience, humility, and understanding into my home.
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  So, in other words, white-knuckling it, trying on willpower alone, just try, oh yeah, let me remember
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  to be nice today. Those don't always work for me. Sometimes I need that still small voice talking in
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  my head, kind of prompting me and urging me to do the right thing. And it also is contingent upon what
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  am I filling my spirit with, you know, as I think about it. If I'm filling myself with, you know,
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  negative energy, negative thoughts, negative emotions, then that's what's going to come out at home,
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  because that's the place where I'm the least guarded. But if I'm filling myself with the Word,
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  if I'm filling myself with big book literature, if I'm filling myself with the things that bring life,
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  then that is what is going to spill out no matter where I'm at. Paul writes to a whole church in
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  Colossians 3, and the verses that he writes go, you know, straight into household relationships,
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  you know, the husbands, the wives, the children, and the parents. Now, he says in Colossians 3,
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  that as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness,
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  humility, meekness, and patience. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds everything
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  together in perfect harmony. You know, that image of clothe yourself means put it on, like do it on
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  purpose. In other words, before you walk out of the bedroom in the morning. And then in Galatians 5,
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  we have that same list, and it tells us where it grows from. It says love, joy, peace, patience,
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  kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Those are the fruits, it tells us,
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  of the Holy Spirit. Grown by the Spirit in a person who stays connected to the vine. And that means that
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  the patience that I need at 10 o'clock at night was being grown in me whenever I woke up at
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  7 a.m. that morning. So, am I planting the right thing so that it can grow in me? Am I starting my
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  day on my knees with those prayers? Those are all of the questions that this devotional asks us to sit
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  with today. You know, on page 82, the big book describes the alcoholic as a tornado roaring through
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  the lives of others and says, selfish and inconsiderate habits have kept the home in turmoil.
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  And then plainly, it says there is a long period of reconstruction ahead. And reconstruction,
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  as we all know, is slow work, but it's the kind of work that the Spirit does in us.
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  Then I had written that, and I firmly believe that the Father calls me to love others with consistency
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  and grace. Well, number one, I would challenge, like, how exactly am I supposed to love others
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  without grace? Now, I see people try it all the time. They say things like, you know, love the sinner,
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  hate the sin, but all you hear is hate. That's not exactly grace. They might tell themselves there's
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  some love in there. But anyway, I could go on a whole tangent about that. But consistency is the
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  word doing the work there. You know, if I am warm to people on a Sunday, but then I snap at folks on
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  Monday, I'm not operating on grace. I'm operating on my mood. God's love towards us runs at one temperature,
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  gracious, loving, and warm. And that's the model that I need to try to be walking in as well.
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  Jesus treated people with compassion, even in difficult relationships. And that difficult is
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  is important because we tend to picture Jesus as somebody who surrounded himself with all of his
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  followers and people that's easy to get along with. And we forget about what happened in Mark 3,
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  verses 21, that Jesus was doing his work, God's work. And it says, when his family heard it,
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  they went out to restrain him for people were saying, he has gone out of his mind.
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  And John 7 and 5, it tells us even his brothers didn't believe in him. And then Mark 6 and 4,
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  we're back in his hometown. And it says, and where he said, prophets are not without honor,
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  except in their hometown and among their own kin and in their own house. And in one of the gospels,
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  I think it's the gospel of Luke, the first time that Jesus got up in the synagogue to preach,
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  he preached from the prophet Isaiah. And he said, the spirit of the Lord is upon me to preach good news.
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  And they were so upset with him that they tried to run him to the edge of town and throw him off of a
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  cliff. But he escaped. So Jesus clearly had some of those difficult relationships, but,
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  and the people who knew him best were often the hardest people that he could ever preach to.
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  So the devotional saying that he knew difficult relationships is plain fact, rather than a figure
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  of speech. He knew the particular sting of being misunderstood by people who he had shared a table
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  and even a home with. And what does he do with it? He lays down his life for all of those people.
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  In John 19, he's on the cross. He only has minutes left in his earthly physical life. He looks down,
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  sees his mother, and he makes sure that somebody is going to keep taking care of her.
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  He's dying and he's still tending to his family. He definitely would have, in that moment, affirmed that
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  order that we read in the big book earlier, our homes before our occupations and affairs.
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  Page 122 of that book says, all members of the family should meet upon the common ground of tolerance,
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  understanding and love. And then a few lines on it says, is not each trying to arrange the family
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  show to his liking? Well, that's a callback to the actor from page 62, sitting right there in the living
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  room. Because everybody in the family is just trying to do the best that they can. And when I know that,
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  and when I remember that, and when I remember that my wife's doing the best that she can, and, you know,
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  we're empty nesters, so there's not a lot of people in the house usually these days. But we've got a
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  couple of dogs, and let me tell you, they could try my patience too. But am I gracious with that?
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  Am I loving with them? Am I loving with basically all of God's children, all of God's creatures?
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  But if we go back to the stone, it said that the love and patience I show others should be most
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  visible in the relationships closest to me. Most visible is indeed the test. And that doesn't mean
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  that my wife and I put on a good show in public. What people see in public should be nothing but a pale
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  reflection of the love, the joy, just the comfort and peace that we have at home. And I could tell
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  you, it really is for us. I mean, I'm truly blessed in that way. And I credit God, and I credit my work
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  in recovery, and I credit my wife for her patience and her tolerance. Because she'll tell you that she's
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  not a patient and forgiving person. But man, how many times has she been patient with me and forgiven
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  me time and time again? So here's what I want everybody to do today, if you're listening to
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  this, is to pick a person in your house who gets the least of your attention and try to give them
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  your public self today. Give them the same courtesy that you would give a stranger. And then the second
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  thing is that if something needs saying, just say it. Page 83 gives us the posture to do it, to do it
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  sensible, tactful, considerate, and humble. You know, short amends at home beats a long silence. And I don't know
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  about y'all, but I cannot stand the silent treatment. But in terms of saying something, you
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  know, if there's something that needs to be said, just remember what I always caution everybody is
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  the three questions. And you start with the question, does it need to be said? If the answer is yes,
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  then you move on. Does it need to be said by me? Maybe not, but maybe it does. And if the answer to that
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  one is yes as well, the third question is, does it need to be said by me right now? Because sometimes a
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  a break or a pause to let emotions settle, to let responses develop that are not reactions is needed.
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  Remember that the house that you live in is where your faith is shown most clearly and where your
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  program is first lived out. Anybody can hold it together for an hour or an hour and a half in a
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  church service or in a recovery meeting. But grace at home is a real thing. And God is growing in us on
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  purpose. Let's pray. Father God, help me reflect your love in my closest relationships. Through your
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  Holy Spirit, teach me patience and understanding. Shape my life through the example of Jesus. Amen.
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  All right, everybody. Corey will be back solo next Saturday. This coming week, though,
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  we're excited because we've got a special guest again all week, Monday through Friday. Every day,
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  we're going to have Stephanie joining with us again. And then, of course, tomorrow is going to be the next
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  installment at 4 p.m. of the Wave Big Book Study with Corey. Those are really good. If you ever think,
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  well, I really wish I knew a little bit more about the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous,
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  this is your chance. We're doing it every week. And of course, it's a podcast, which means that
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  you ain't got to be there live. You can listen from the start of it and you can catch up.
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  So until then, as always, every single Sunday, no matter who I'm speaking to and whether it's on here
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  or whether it's in one of my two churches that I serve, I will leave you as I always leave them.
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  Go and do all the good you can, for all the people you can, and all the places you can,
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  and all the ways you can, by all the means you can, and do it all for as long as you ever can.
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  In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, go in peace. Amen.
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  Amen.
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  you
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  Thank you.