Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #1288 [Parental Guidance Episode 1] Online Bullying: How Do We Keep Our Kids Safe?

Transcript

#1288 [Parental Guidance Episode 1] Online Bullying: How Do We Keep Our Kids Safe? · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

• 0:06
  Speaker 1: Online bullying might be one of the most challenging and
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: difficult realities that so many parents are dealing with on
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  Speaker 1: an all too regular basis. Research certainly indicates that Australia
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: is one of the world leaders in this area, and
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  Speaker 1: not in the way that you want to find us leading.
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  Speaker 1: Only children in the United States report being bullied more
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  Speaker 1: online than Australian children. Hello and welcome to the Happy
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  Speaker 1: Families Podcast, Real Parenting Solutions every Day. This is Australia's
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: most downloaded parenting podcast. We are Justin and Kylie Coulson
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  Speaker 1: and all this week we've been recapping, reviewing, and talking
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: about what happened on Monday night in episode one of
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  Speaker 1: our third season of Parental Guidance on Channel nine. You
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  Speaker 1: can catch up on nine now, Kylie. Perhaps the most
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  Speaker 1: difficult conversation of all the conversation about cyber bullying.
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  Speaker 2: We're in the middle of a challenge about online bullying
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  Speaker 2: to see how our children respond when confronted with a
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  Speaker 2: bullying scenario.
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  Speaker 3: If I felt like yesterday's conversation left me a little
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  Speaker 3: bit harrowed, today I'm feeling actually really raw.
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  Speaker 4: This has actually been really confronting to me and it
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  Speaker 4: actually breaks my heart that there is just so much
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  Speaker 4: pain out there, and that our kids, in an effort
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  Speaker 4: to understand their world, are inflicting that pain, that internal
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  Speaker 4: pain they're feeling on others in just really just devastating
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  Speaker 4: ways and the impact that it has on everybody.
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  Speaker 1: So we're going to share some of what happened in
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  Speaker 1: these challenges that we did with the families on printal
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  Speaker 1: guidance in just a moment before we do that, just
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  Speaker 1: a reminder of how extraordinarily pervasive and how breathtakingly dangerous
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  Speaker 1: cyber bullying can be for our children. This is an
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  Speaker 1: area that is I was going to say complex. I
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  Speaker 1: think complex is really the issue. There's something about the
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  Speaker 1: anonymity of the screen, the ability to hide behind a
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  Speaker 1: fake name in a fake environment, that seems to bring out,
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  Speaker 1: at least for some, the very worst in human nature.
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  Speaker 1: So let's have a conversation Kylie about what happened in
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  Speaker 1: In fact, rather than you and I talking about it,
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  Speaker 1: let's just go straight to some audio which will explain
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  Speaker 1: how this challenge works and will also share some of
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  Speaker 1: those confronting audio clips of what these kids were saying
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  Speaker 1: in this game.
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  Speaker 2: We've created a private gaming room with four child actors
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  Speaker 2: playing the role of the other game. It's the child
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  Speaker 2: actors are following a script. It is based on actual
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  Speaker 2: reported online bullying incidences. Your child will be playing under
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  Speaker 2: the name Pineapple when they're confronted with the bullying, I
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  Speaker 2: know what to do, Rothie Rose gets thirty minutes to
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  Speaker 2: play an online game with new paid exciting, very exciting.
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  Speaker 2: In this challenge, there are four child actors. Three are
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  Speaker 2: playing the bullies. Hi Basic Taco is the victim, and
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  Speaker 2: Rose has joined the game as Pineapple. They can all
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  Speaker 2: chat to each other in a private game setting.
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  Speaker 1: Hey, Pineapple, I like the house.
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  Speaker 2: You suck at this game, Basic Targo.
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  Speaker 5: I'm just learning the drink dish washing liquid and dye Taco.
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  Speaker 6: Jesus, it's my children knows that a game is different
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  Speaker 6: from the real world In real life, people don't say
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  Speaker 6: that to you in a school setting. It's happened right
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  Speaker 6: in front of my eyes.
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  Speaker 7: I felt like he looked rattled. I think I felt
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  Speaker 7: like he looked like especially the go and die comment.
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  Speaker 7: I felt like after that he was.
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  Speaker 6: Like shook, yeah, but he didn't want to share that
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  Speaker 6: as well.
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  Speaker 3: We didn't know all the yeah.
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  Speaker 7: I feel like he was like, what is going on?
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  Speaker 5: Yeh, it's a.
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  Speaker 3: Different world for him, But I think he was he
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  Speaker 3: was striking to figure out how to use the computer,
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  Speaker 3: which was a learning code for us. I didn't realize
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  Speaker 3: he didn't know how to type something and.
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  Speaker 6: Then push it into like basics.
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  Speaker 3: So so many thoughts going through my mind right now.
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  Speaker 3: I think about Amy and Mark's son, the active parents,
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  Speaker 3: and his absolute inability to navigate that space. And while
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  Speaker 3: there is definitely some challenges in a high tech world
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  Speaker 3: that we live in that he doesn't have the capacity
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  Speaker 3: to navigate a keyboard or a laptop, I just was
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  Speaker 3: so grateful that he had no idea what was going on, and.
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  Speaker 1: He's got plenty of time to learn. It's not like
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  Speaker 1: he needs to know now.
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  Speaker 3: That's right. But then you've got the other extreme with
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  Speaker 3: Tammy and Mark's son Eddie, who he saw it was
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  Speaker 3: going on and he knew that he did not want
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  Speaker 3: to be a part of it, but his response was
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  Speaker 3: to eliminate the other team players, wiped them out, Like
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  Speaker 3: how does that work? And then the conversation that was
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  Speaker 3: had by Sean and Ilvie. We haven't actually been introduced
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  Speaker 3: to them yet. But they're the authoritative parents in the room.
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  Speaker 3: And Sean actually acknowledged that, you know, it's really easy
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  Speaker 3: for kids to have these kinds of conversations when they're
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  Speaker 3: hiding behind a screen and for all intents purposes, not
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  Speaker 3: a real name. But his comment that people don't talk
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  Speaker 3: like that when they're in your face actually hit me
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  Speaker 3: really hard, because we have one of our children who
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  Speaker 3: is literally dealing with this on a regular basis. Not
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  Speaker 3: that those words are being said to her specifically, but
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  Speaker 3: that's the kind of language that one of her friends
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  Speaker 3: uses on a daily basis in just about any situation.
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  Speaker 1: And yeah, Amanda and Hassan pointed out, this stuff is
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  Speaker 1: being said in real life. I mean not in all circles,
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  Speaker 1: but certainly there's a lot of kids who they say
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  Speaker 1: some really brutal things to one.
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  Speaker 3: Another and have no concept.
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  Speaker 8: I don't know.
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  Speaker 1: I don't know if they have no concept at all.
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  Speaker 1: I think that's hard for us to judge. But let
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  Speaker 1: me respond to a couple of things that you've said.
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  Speaker 1: First off, in terms of not having any tech savvy
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  Speaker 1: when you're young, it may be to your disadvantage in
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  Speaker 1: certain areas of life as you get older, but I
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  Speaker 1: think it's unlikely. Pretty much, once you get to high school,
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  Speaker 1: you're going to be on a computer. Know what's fascinating
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  Speaker 1: the Silicon Valley tech gurus. They send their kids to
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  Speaker 1: schools where there are wooden toys and no screens. I
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  Speaker 1: think they're going to be okay, right like our kids,
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  Speaker 1: if they have lower levels of screen time, will be fine.
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  Speaker 1: And I like that Mark and Amy's family is where
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  Speaker 1: they are. As for the killing, I'm in two minds, right.
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  Speaker 1: So here's Eddie, Mark and Tammy the upfront parents son,
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  Speaker 1: and he's like, I don't like what you're doing, and
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  Speaker 1: he just goes and removes them from the game. And
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  Speaker 1: I like that, Like, this is not real life. These
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  Speaker 1: are complete strangers. They're not following any kinds of rules
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  Speaker 1: of civility. They're being really toxic. And in that context,
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  Speaker 1: I don't really have a problem with him shutting them down.
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  Speaker 1: He wanted them to be quiet in nice ways. They
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  Speaker 1: weren't quite in nice ways. They're gone in real life.
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  Speaker 1: I can't imagine that he's going to do anything terribly drastic,
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  Speaker 1: but he's going to be able to confront people in
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  Speaker 1: a different way and get a different result. I just
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  Speaker 1: I don't think that it's a problem in the online world,
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  Speaker 1: and I like the way that they dealt with it
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  Speaker 1: since there was no there was no sense that the
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  Speaker 1: bullies were going to back down. As for what kids
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  Speaker 1: say in real life, I mean, we've just got to
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  Speaker 1: raise our kids to be sensitive and considerate and think
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  Speaker 1: about what they're saying. Overall, though, this is a fascinating challenge,
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  Speaker 1: fascinating challenge and the impacts are significant. You know what
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  Speaker 1: stood out to me was the incredible conversation we've got
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  Speaker 1: to have with the Safety Commissioner Julian man Grant going
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  Speaker 1: to replace some of that right after the break, plus
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  Speaker 1: talk about what you can do to keep your kids
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  Speaker 1: safe from online bullies. We had a guest on this
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  Speaker 1: week's episode, one of the leading experts in the field
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  Speaker 1: of everything online.
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  Speaker 2: To help us navigate this tough conversation. We have gone
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  Speaker 2: all the way to the ultimate Australian authority, Julie in
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  Speaker 2: Mangrant is Australia's e Safety Commissioner. Julie is joining us
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  Speaker 2: now in the parent Lounge. How bad can cyber bullying get?
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  Speaker 5: Unfortunately, one in five Australian children will experience cyber bullying.
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  Speaker 5: Girls tend to be bullied more than boys. There's an
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  Speaker 5: acronym called kys go kill yourself. We've been seeing that
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  Speaker 5: be used a lot. It's almost always pure to peer,
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  Speaker 5: so it's tied to conflict that's happening within the school gets.
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  Speaker 5: So when schools or principles say not our problem, even
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  Speaker 5: if it's not happening during school hours, it's often within
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  Speaker 5: the school community.
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  Speaker 2: What comparents do if they know or feel their child
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  Speaker 2: as being cyber bullied? Where can they go?
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  Speaker 5: You come to ear safety report a cyber bullying if
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  Speaker 5: it's threatening, intimidating, harassing, or humiliating. We have a ninety
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  Speaker 5: percent success rate in terms of getting that homeful content down.
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  Speaker 7: We're all very shocked and it's actually discussing that teenagers
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  Speaker 7: are using that kind of words onlines actually unbelievable.
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  Speaker 5: I don't want the.
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  Speaker 3: Kids to do on too much online where they can get.
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  Speaker 8: Bullied, but it was interesting also to hear that a
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  Speaker 8: lot of the time it's within the own community or
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  Speaker 8: within the school grounds, it's actually the friend groups that
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  Speaker 8: are doing the bullying.
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  Speaker 2: We need to give some sort of technology to our
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  Speaker 2: kids to let them learn around computers, and stuff like that.
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  Speaker 1: Because we are changing world.
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  Speaker 5: I don't think we can underestimate the kind of impact
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  Speaker 5: bullying can have on a child's identity, their personal development,
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  Speaker 5: their psychology. Of course, the worst case scenarios we've seen
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  Speaker 5: younger and younger, often young girls take their lives.
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  Speaker 7: You can see from the challenges that the boys are
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  Speaker 7: definitely confident in that.
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  Speaker 6: World, very skillful management of online bullying, which shows to
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  Speaker 6: me that's just very lot of experience dealing with that situation.
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  Speaker 8: They're spending way too much time on screen.
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  Speaker 3: But how we are on it for sixteen hours.
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  Speaker 8: When they get older, what else can they do that
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  Speaker 8: top of world is very limited?
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  Speaker 5: I would disagree with you.
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  Speaker 7: I think that technology opens up a lot of opportunities.
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  Speaker 7: We need to be more open minded to things, because
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  Speaker 7: otherwise you could then limit yourself and your children.
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  Speaker 3: This is such a huge topic. It would be great
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  Speaker 3: if we could talk about some helps for parents to
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  Speaker 3: navigate this space.
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  Speaker 1: So pretty generic response from me, because the simple answers
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  Speaker 1: and solutions are usually the best. First up, you've got
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  Speaker 1: a monitor in supervised know what your kids are doing,
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  Speaker 1: just know what games they're playing, Know what the parental
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  Speaker 1: controls are that have been set up and be across
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  Speaker 1: what's happening in their online worlds. As they get older
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  Speaker 1: that becomes more difficult, but certainly while they're younger this
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  Speaker 1: is not hard at all. I'd say from the age
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  Speaker 1: of fifteen to sixteen it gets tricky, but prior to that,
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  Speaker 1: no worries usually in most homes. My second really strong
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  Speaker 1: advice is keep screens in living areas, no screens in bathrooms,
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  Speaker 1: no screens in bedrooms. Why when you talk to people
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  Speaker 1: from the Australian Senate account of Child Exploitation, the Australian
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  Speaker 1: Federal Police, Julian mcgrant, the Safety Commissioner, they all say
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  Speaker 1: the same thing, and that is that when children are
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  Speaker 1: being exploited, it doesn't happen in the living area. It
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  Speaker 1: happens in the bedroom, in the bathroom. That's where all
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  Speaker 1: the photos, that's wherell the video is, that's where all
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  Speaker 1: child exploitation material comes from. This this is such an
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  Speaker 1: easy one. It's such an easy one. Just keep them
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  Speaker 1: out of bedrooms and bathrooms. Third one, in her own words,
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  Speaker 1: Julian mc grant talk early and talk often. Got to
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  Speaker 1: have these conversations. That's why we're doing this on the
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  Speaker 1: TV show. Use the block and report button as much
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  Speaker 1: as you need to use it. Freely teach the children
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  Speaker 1: how to block and report. Last two ideas escalate things
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  Speaker 1: if necessary. You can go to the well. I was
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  Speaker 1: going to say, you can go to the platform, but
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  Speaker 1: usually they're not helpful. But you can go to schools,
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  Speaker 1: school boards, You can go to the police. You can
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  Speaker 1: certainly go to the e Safety Commissioner e safety dot
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  Speaker 1: gov dot au. There are so many different places that
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: you can escalate and it's important to do that. Why
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  Speaker 1: let me share a story that my mum shared with
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  Speaker 1: me from when she was a kid, and it's always
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: stuck with me. Her dad had a friend over. The
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: friend did and said a couple of things that were
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  Speaker 1: completely inappropriate, nonconsensual, and made my mum feel extremely uncomfortab.
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  Speaker 1: They were things of an inappropriate nature. When that man
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  Speaker 1: left my mum and well my grandparents' house, my mom
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  Speaker 1: commented to her dad, my grandpa, what had happened. And
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  Speaker 1: my grandfather said, he'll never come to our home again.
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  Speaker 1: I'm so glad you told me, and he kept his word.
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  Speaker 1: That person was never invited into their home again. He
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  Speaker 1: made the call I'll protect my child.
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  Speaker 2: Now.
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  Speaker 1: I know that many parents will try and sometimes it
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  Speaker 1: feels like everything is stacked against you when you're trying
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  Speaker 1: to protect your child. But these are the steps that
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  Speaker 1: we take to protect our children from online bullies and
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  Speaker 1: from bad actors online. It's been a heavy week. Has
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: been a heavy week. This is why this is such
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: a big topic.
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  Speaker 3: This is why I love this show so much. It
• 13:47
  Speaker 3: really packs a punch and hits to the core of
• 13:51
  Speaker 3: the really tough topics. If you're struggling to have conversations
• 13:55
  Speaker 3: with your kids around this, watching the show opens up
• 13:59
  Speaker 3: a floodgate of conversation starters. It's powerful.
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: We're going to take a break from Parential Guidance content tomorrow.
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: We're back with Old Who Better Tomorrow, just a regular
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: old Here's how things are going in our family this week,
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: which would be a nice release, because, let's be honest,
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: some of the discussions have been pretty heavy. Parential Guidance
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  Speaker 1: returns again on Monday. We'll have another preview episode for
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: you on Monday ahead of that. In the meantime, though,
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  Speaker 1: thank you so much for listening. We hope that you're
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  Speaker 1: getting heaps out of both the show, Parental Guidance Season three,
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: available to stream on nine Now and watch live on
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: Monday nights at seven point thirty on nine. If you'd
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: like more information and resources to make your family happier,
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: visit us at happy families dot com dot a you