Latest / feel your feelings with Ethan Jewell / why sadness makes you feel guilty

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why sadness makes you feel guilty · feel your feelings with Ethan Jewell

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  It wasn't that I had done anything wrong or committed.
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  Some kind of crime against humanity.
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  I simply felt guilty for the act of being sad.
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  I felt it deep. Shame, simply for struggling
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  with my mental health and I knew that that had to change.
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  Hey, there and welcome back to another episode of feel your
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  feelings, with me, Ethan Jewel, this is a podcast.
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  I've started all All about mental health, and mental health
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  awareness. I'm not a doctor.
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  I'm not a psychiatrist a therapist or professional in
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  this matter at all. I'm just a normal guy who like,
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  you has felt some big feelings and is trying to figure out how
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  to deal with them. So, I made this podcast just to
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  talk and try to understand my emotions better and hopefully
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  help you do the same. So, thanks so much for tuning in
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  and let's feel some Feelings. So today's topic is something
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  that I have grappled with extensively and that I know is a
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  very common problem in a lot of people struggle with when it
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  comes to their mental health and that is feeling guilty for being
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  sad or feeling guilty for having a mental illness.
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  And this is something that is super, super detrimental.
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  If you are already struggling with your mental health, there
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  are already a multitude of difficulties.
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  And battles that come with this. So to add on a feeling of guilt
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  and shame. On top of that, just for simply
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  feeling. This way that is super duper
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  overwhelming. I have to find myself feeling
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  bad or guilty. When I'm struggling.
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  I feel like I should be doing better than I am.
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  I feel like that. Nothing is inherently.
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  Making me sad. Therefore I shouldn't be sad.
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  It's like, I'm trying to justify my own mental illness.
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  And I'm trying to put it into this little box that it won't
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  fit in because sometimes mental illness doesn't make sense and I
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  feel sad for literally no reason.
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  I mean on the day that I'm recording this I struggled to
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  get out of bed this morning and I struggled to do basic tasks
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  throughout the day because I was just feeling bad and I didn't
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  know why but luckily I don't feel guilty for this anymore.
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  So let's talk about this subject a little bit.
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  I decided to look some things up about this topic and I actually
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  found some really, really interesting information from a
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  therapist named Leah, should Naraku.
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  She states that a majority of her patients and clients
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  struggle with guilt and shame when related to mental illness,
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  she says the main reason that people feel shame is because
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  they believe they're not perceived as normal.
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  They feel that they're broken or damaged or will As be this way,
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  this is where one of the inherent harms comes from this
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  feeling of shame or guilt. We Begin comparing ourselves to
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  other people and what it comes down to, is We compare our
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  internal lives and our internal feelings to other people's
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  external lives and external feelings.
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  And there is a very, very very big difference between our
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  internal selves and our external.
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  So I actually learned about this in school quite a lot, I studied
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  psychology for a couple of years and I learned about what is
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  called our social selves. Our social selves are a version
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  of us that we put on display for other people to perceive.
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  It's very interesting. It's a lot different from our
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  true internal selves and we all do it.
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  Some of us do it consciously, some of us do it subconsciously
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  but at the end of the day we all have our own social selves that
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  we display. So essentially we feel a sense
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  of shame or guilt about our internal feelings or our real
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  self in compared to other people's social selves.
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  This is very, very harmful. You see the external part of us
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  that we display is often the best.
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  Most positive part of ourselves. It's almost like a highlight
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  reel. If we look on social media,
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  everybody is displaying their external self.
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  We see the absolute best of these people's lives.
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  We see their happiest. It's their biggest Smiles, their
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  most displayable features and we see these incredible things
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  happening in other people's lives, and we see their
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  happiness, and their joy and their success that they are
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  externally displaying. And we compare it to our
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  internal feelings. I personally have experienced
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  this my first year of college as all of my friends were going
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  away and they were making new friends and they're partying and
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  they're having a good time as They should.
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  I'm so happy for them, but at the time, as I was seeing this,
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  I was going through, one of my biggest depressive phases that I
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  have experienced, and I was comparing my feelings of
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  depression in my feelings of sadness, to their external joy,
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  and celebration about their new chapter, in their lives.
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  And instead of being happy for them.
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  And understanding that, there is a difference between them and me
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  and I am allowed to feel this way.
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  Instead, I felt shame. I felt guilt.
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  How could I feel this way? I mean, everybody else is so
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  happy. Everybody else is celebrating.
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  Look at their amazing lives. How could I be so broken?
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  How could I be so damaged that I am not experiencing, even an
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  ounce of that same happiness. So we have to avoid comparing
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  our internal solves two. Other people's external selves,
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  it's simply not fair to us. We are comparing a highlight
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  reel. Real to our deepest emotions and
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  that's just wrong. It's not okay.
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  It leads to these feelings of Shame and guilt.
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  Now, sharaku continues to talk about this subject and says,
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  shame relentlessly repeats. A very convincing story about
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  how a person is not acceptable as is.
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  And that in order to belong and be lovable, they have to change
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  once again, this is a very damaging Part of this guilt and
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  shame cycle. As we compared to these
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  highlight reels as we create a story that we are not good
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  enough. And what we are, experiencing is
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  wrong and not. Okay, we haste to change
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  ourselves, we haste to get rid of this part of us that is
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  hurting this part of us that needs to be nurtured.
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  When we are hurting, when we are struggling with something.
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  It is our brain telling us to pay attention to that part of
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  us. I know when I'm struggling.
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  NG with signs of depression. It's a sign that I need to take
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  extra good care of that, part of myself.
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  However, with this shame and guilt tells us is that we need
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  to get rid of that feeling as fast as possible in, ignore it,
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  and change quickly in order to be perceived better and as
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  shinrin Yoku says, in order to be loved, So this causes people
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  to neglect their feelings to turn away and instead of facing
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  them and feeling their feelings as they need to.
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  They push them down in order to avoid this guilt and shame.
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  And in order to seemingly fix themselves, this is a
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  detrimental cycle. It starts as a comparison, it
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  leads to shame and then it ends in there hurt parts of us being
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  suppressed. And never truly healed.
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  So how can we break the cycle? I want to start this by first
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  reminding you that I'm not a professional.
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  So please take this advice with a grain of salt.
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  In fact, I encourage you to experiment with what helps your
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  mental health and what helps you because it is different for
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  everybody mental illness. Plagues everyone in different
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  ways, so I'll just be sharing my personal experience and what
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  works for me and I encourage you to craft your own routine.
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  And craft your own solution. So don't get me wrong.
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  I still get these feelings of Shame and guilt to this day, but
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  I am able to be aware of them and identify when I am feeling
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  unnecessary shame in order to rework that thought pattern and
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  changed my behavior. So, instead of going through
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  this cycle of Shame and guilt and quick change, I instead can
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  recognize that shame and talk myself out of it and be able to
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  take care of my mental health, the way that I need to.
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  So first, when I notice feelings of depression or mental illness
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  arising I acknowledge them. I acknowledge that I am not
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  feeling, okay, I acknowledge that I'm hurting and I begin to
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  Simply take care of myself. I repeat a mantra that I do not
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  need to feel a certain way. I remind myself, I am a human
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  and part of the human experience is to feel negatively, part of
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  the human experience, is to hurt and that is okay.
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  Okay, just because other people aren't externalizing.
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  Their feelings of hurt. I know that they are struggling
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  to in an odd way. I can find comfort in that I can
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  find comfort. In the fact that I will
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  inevitably feel hurt again, and I will inevitably heal from this
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  hurt, I can find comfort in the fact that other people feel the
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  exact same way. Shame and guilt feed, feelings
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  of isolation as shinrock, you stated.
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  We feel shame because we believe that we are not normal, but we
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  must remind ourselves, feeling all feelings negative or
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  positive is the most normal thing that we can do, there is
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  nothing more normal than being sad.
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  There is nothing more normal than being anxious, and there is
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  nothing more normal than being you.
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  So please remember that. There is nothing wrong with you.
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  There is nothing to feel guilt or shame over when it comes to
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  your mental health, as long as you are not hurting other
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  people. So take care of yourself
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  acknowledge when you are hurting and do everything you can to
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  remind yourself that it is normal and to not compare
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  yourself to other peoples highlight reels.
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  So that's going to wrap it up for today's episode.
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  Please send me a message on my Instagram at Jewel boy
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  underscore and let me know what you thought of this episode.
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  Also if you need help feeling your feelings, go check out my
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  music. Ethan Jewel, on all platforms,
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  it's really sad spoken word poetry and it might help you
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  feel your feelings a little bit more.
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  So thank you so much for tuning in.
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  Please take care of yourselves and as always, thank you for
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  feeling Your feelings, I'll see you next time.
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  Your feelings, I'll see you next time.