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Donald Drumpf Theatre 303: Who Is Riding In The Trunk? · Donald Drumpf Theatre radio show

0:00
SPEAKER_00: Previously on the Donald Trump Theater Radio Show.
0:04
SPEAKER_00: Thanks for helping us catch the muck man.
0:07
SPEAKER_00: We can lock him up with this Olympic canoer.
0:09
SPEAKER_00: But how does this solve the mystery of the vandals of the reflecting pool?
0:13
SPEAKER_00: It's just like old man Carruthers told us,
0:16
SPEAKER_00: disturb the swamp for your own vanity, and it rises green to reclaim what's yours.
0:20
SPEAKER_00: That's why the water's green and the paint is peeling.
0:23
SPEAKER_00: Or, Algy, in a pool-painted American flag, dark blue is part of a no-bid contract.
0:29
SPEAKER_00: There were never any vandals.
0:30
SPEAKER_00: The dark paint made the perfect conditions for this whole debacle,
0:33
SPEAKER_00: and the contractors botched the job, which led to the liner peeling itself.
0:37
SPEAKER_00: You, sir, are free to go.
0:41
SPEAKER_00: And the muck man?
0:46
SPEAKER_00: He played the muck man and made up the whole vandal story to scare everyone off
0:50
SPEAKER_00: before they figured out he was responsible for the whole thing.
0:53
SPEAKER_00: And I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for you meddling kids.
1:05
SPEAKER_00: We are controlling transmission, if we wish to make it louder.
1:29
SPEAKER_00: We will bring up the body.
1:31
SPEAKER_00: We can change the focus to a soft blur.
1:33
SPEAKER_00: You're moving into a land of both shadow and substance, of things and ideas.
1:37
SPEAKER_00: You've just crossed over into... Where am I to go now that I've gone too far?
1:55
SPEAKER_00: For your consideration,
1:57
SPEAKER_00: a nation held hostage by the fragile ego of a man-baby president,
2:01
SPEAKER_00: you were trapped with in the Twilight Zone.
2:11
All right.
2:12
SPEAKER_01: Let me ask you something.
2:16
SPEAKER_02: If the rule you followed brought you to this,
2:21
SPEAKER_00: of what use was the rule?
2:31
SPEAKER_00: At some point people believe that these agents will develop their own language.
2:39
SPEAKER_00: And that's the point when we don't understand what we're doing.
2:43
SPEAKER_00: You know what we should do?
2:45
SPEAKER_00: Pull the plug.
3:58
SPEAKER_00: The choice of two gives one bit of information.
4:06
SPEAKER_00: One bit, one bit, one bit.
4:11
SPEAKER_00: Give me an example of something you consider successful right-wing art.
4:17
SPEAKER_00: No Country for Old Men.
4:35
SPEAKER_00: David Lynch,
4:36
SPEAKER_00: pretty much everything David Lynch touches has a certain kind of right-wing coding
4:42
SPEAKER_00: to it.
4:43
SPEAKER_00: What makes that right-wing to you?
4:46
SPEAKER_00: You know,
4:48
SPEAKER_00: because I like it,
4:50
SPEAKER_00: it's good,
4:51
SPEAKER_00: and therefore I want it to...
4:53
SPEAKER_00: Kind of civilizational exhaustion, decay, decadence, and this all requires...
5:00
SPEAKER_00: Rebirth.
5:01
SPEAKER_00: And the process of rebirth is not gentle.
5:04
SPEAKER_00: It can be violent and difficult.
5:08
SPEAKER_00: How far back are you trying to turn the dial?
5:14
SPEAKER_00: Why is the right-wing counterculture racist?
5:16
SPEAKER_00: Sure.
5:17
SPEAKER_00: First, let me start by saying I don't think actually Adolf Hitler was a great artist.
6:03
SPEAKER_00: Hey!
6:04
SPEAKER_00: Hey!
6:12
SPEAKER_01: So this is your favorite president.
6:16
SPEAKER_01: And, you know, I just wanna put to rest all these nasty rumors about a great person.
6:23
SPEAKER_01: Natalie, we call it Natalie.
6:26
SPEAKER_01: Natalie Hart,
6:27
SPEAKER_01: a beautiful instrument,
6:29
SPEAKER_01: maybe sent by God,
6:30
SPEAKER_01: maybe sent by somebody else to make your president feel happy and taken care of
6:36
SPEAKER_01: as I do tremendous work for you.
6:41
SPEAKER_01: And you could say thank you.
6:43
SPEAKER_01: You don't have to say thank you, but you could.
6:45
SPEAKER_01: That's what the, you know, billions in crypto theft is for.
6:49
SPEAKER_01: But you don't have to treat Natalie badly.
6:51
SPEAKER_01: She's just a patriot,
6:52
SPEAKER_01: a beautiful patriot who happens to look a lot like a bad version of my daughter.
6:58
SPEAKER_01: Or might I say a naughty version of my daughter?
7:01
SPEAKER_01: But, you know, as a Christian who doesn't go to church, I'll keep this triple X.
7:07
SPEAKER_01: And I have a letter,
7:09
SPEAKER_01: one of the many beautiful letters to keep my spirits up that Natalie sent me.
7:14
SPEAKER_01: And I figured I'd read it just so everybody could see it's a total normal,
7:19
SPEAKER_01: loyal, just sort of person serving the country and helping a president.
7:25
SPEAKER_01: And I'll tell you,
7:25
SPEAKER_01: not even a thing such as beer,
7:28
SPEAKER_01: my big golden teddy bear of testosterone and Christian strength.
7:35
SPEAKER_01: That's nice.
7:35
SPEAKER_01: That's a nice way to talk to your present.
7:39
SPEAKER_01: Sir, I watch you sleep because I know you and that evil bitch of a wife don't share a bed.
7:47
SPEAKER_01: And it upsets me, sir, that one side of your bed is cold and smells like urine.
7:57
SPEAKER_01: I want to warm that part of the bed.
7:59
SPEAKER_01: I have no problem.
8:02
SPEAKER_01: If you lose control of your emotions or your bladder, you know, it's pee.
8:10
SPEAKER_01: And, sir, sometimes I just watch you sleep and make sure you're okay.
8:18
SPEAKER_01: And occasionally you fart in your sleep because you eat those big boy McDonald's music.
8:24
SPEAKER_01: I ate the big boy.
8:25
SPEAKER_01: They gave me the biggest, the super size.
8:27
SPEAKER_01: It's called super size.
8:30
SPEAKER_01: And sometimes, sir, love of my life, you fart.
8:34
SPEAKER_01: And I quickly dive down there to smell your wonderful,
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SPEAKER_01: strong, powerful essence as it leaks from your powerful and strong glutes.
8:50
SPEAKER_01: Gloats are another way of talking about blood, you know.
8:54
SPEAKER_01: But sir,
8:56
SPEAKER_01: if anybody harms you,
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SPEAKER_01: I will end their lives and I will gladly give my life to just one more time taste
9:06
SPEAKER_01: the dusty tang that comes out of your nether regions.
9:13
SPEAKER_00: Well, Trump's personal aide, Natalie Harp, continues to be in the news.
9:17
SPEAKER_00: We just learned that one time she was told that there wasn't room for her
9:20
SPEAKER_00: in Trump's motorcade, so she hopped in the trunk to avoid getting left behind.
9:26
SPEAKER_00: Here to comment is Trump's personal aide, Natalie Harp.
9:28
SPEAKER_00: Wait, I'm sorry.
9:30
SPEAKER_00: Are you in Trump's trunk right now?
9:32
SPEAKER_00: Oh, don't be ridiculous.
9:33
SPEAKER_00: That would be humiliating.
9:35
SPEAKER_00: Oop, one second.
9:36
SPEAKER_00: Potholes coming up.
9:39
SPEAKER_00: All right, pothole, clearly you're in the trunk, okay?
9:43
SPEAKER_00: You have to admit it's a little weird that you're so obsessed with the president
9:46
SPEAKER_00: that you can't be away from his side for even one second, right?
9:50
SPEAKER_00: That's so unfair.
9:51
SPEAKER_00: What are you going to accuse me of next?
9:53
SPEAKER_00: Hiding under his bed while he sleeps and gently whispering love poetry so quietly
9:58
SPEAKER_00: that he thinks it's just the wind, but I know what I'm saying.
10:01
SPEAKER_00: I know exactly what I'm saying, and I mean every word, every single word.
10:06
SPEAKER_00: We're getting a closer look into the contents of private communications
10:10
SPEAKER_00: between President Trump and one of his closest aides now raising questions about
10:15
SPEAKER_00: the potential national security ramifications.
10:19
SPEAKER_03: According to MS Now, President Donald Trump's closest aide,
10:21
SPEAKER_03: Natalie Harp declined multiple times over more than a year to seek
10:25
SPEAKER_03: a routine security clearance normally obtained by West Wing staffers to work at
10:29
SPEAKER_03: the White House, according to two people familiar with the matter.
10:32
SPEAKER_03: Both people said Harp's reasoning for declining to complete the process was unknown.
10:36
SPEAKER_02: Sean Duffy,
10:37
SPEAKER_02: Secretary of Transportation,
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SPEAKER_02: you may remember a few months back,
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SPEAKER_02: he unveiled this weird trailer for
10:41
SPEAKER_02: The Great American Road Tripper show supposedly celebrating America's 250th
10:45
SPEAKER_02: anniversary.
10:47
SPEAKER_00: What a beautiful family.
10:48
SPEAKER_00: Hi, can I say hi to Mr. President?
10:50
SPEAKER_00: Can I say hi to the President?
10:51
SPEAKER_00: Drumpf.
10:53
SPEAKER_00: Taking a little trip?
10:54
SPEAKER_00: Yes, yes.
10:55
SPEAKER_00: A little trip all over.
10:56
SPEAKER_00: So the motto is to love America is to see America.
11:00
SPEAKER_00: It's more than a road trip.
11:02
SPEAKER_00: It's a civic experience.
11:03
SPEAKER_00: It's one of the most powerful ways to understand the vast,
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SPEAKER_00: beautiful, complicated place we call home.
11:11
SPEAKER_02: Okay, lots not to like there,
11:14
SPEAKER_02: from the generic hey-ho folk rock,
11:16
SPEAKER_02: to Drumpf giving insane grandma's new boyfriend vibes,
11:20
SPEAKER_02: to the very conspicuous close-up of the Toyota logo,
11:23
SPEAKER_02: to the seemingly AI-generated images of cars, which makes sense.
11:28
SPEAKER_02: No one's ever thought to film a real car before.
11:31
SPEAKER_02: When the Great American Road Trip was announced, they sold it pretty hard.
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SPEAKER_02: Duffy's wife,
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SPEAKER_02: Fox host Rachel Campos Duffy,
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SPEAKER_02: even claimed it was a solution to what ails us as a nation.
11:40
SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna be really honest, we live in a Pornhub world.
11:43
SPEAKER_00: This is really wholesome, good family stuff.
11:45
SPEAKER_00: This is what families need to do, is just get together.
11:49
SPEAKER_00: That's what our kids want from us.
11:51
SPEAKER_02: Is it?
11:52
SPEAKER_02: Because I think what every kid really wants is for their mom not to say
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SPEAKER_02: the word Pornhub on national TV.
11:58
SPEAKER_02: Also, she clearly hasn't spent a lot of time on that site,
12:01
SPEAKER_02: or she'd know families getting together is very much its own category.
12:05
SPEAKER_02: But the show quickly became controversial,
12:07
SPEAKER_02: with people asking things like, hey, you know gas is over $4 a gallon, right?
12:11
SPEAKER_02: And did you film a reality show with your family when you were supposed
12:14
SPEAKER_02: to be running a cabinet department?
12:15
SPEAKER_02: And who is paying for this exactly?
12:18
SPEAKER_02: And the answers that Duffy gave weren't reassuring.
12:21
SPEAKER_00: He says production took place in short windows over seven months.
12:25
SPEAKER_00: Someone has to pay for this operation, I gotta go to work.
12:27
SPEAKER_00: Duffy did conduct official government business paid for by taxpayers in some of
12:31
SPEAKER_00: the locations where filming took place.
12:33
SPEAKER_00: But he says no taxpayer money was used on his family.
12:36
SPEAKER_00: And that the series was funded through
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SPEAKER_00: a non-profit production company called Great American Road Trip Inc.
12:42
SPEAKER_00: It lists 17 sponsors on its website,
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SPEAKER_00: including Boeing, Toyota, Shell, Royal Caribbean Group, and United Airlines.
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SPEAKER_00: All companies Duffy's department oversees and regulates.
12:53
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that's not great.
12:54
SPEAKER_02: The only worse answer to who paid for this than the American taxpayer is a bunch
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SPEAKER_02: of companies I oversee and regulate.
13:01
SPEAKER_02: Actually,
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SPEAKER_02: I suppose an even worse answer would be a bunch of companies I oversee and regulate
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SPEAKER_02: and also my close personal friend Jeffrey Epstein.
13:08
SPEAKER_02: It's still pretty bad.
13:10
SPEAKER_02: And this show cannot have been cheap to produce given Toyota
13:13
SPEAKER_02: and Boeing alone reportedly paid a million dollars each to help get it made.
13:18
SPEAKER_02: So it is no surprise Duffy wound up having to answer questions about it in Congress
13:22
SPEAKER_02: and his defense was noticeably weak.
13:24
SPEAKER_00: It is literally your job to make sure each of those companies are playing by the rule.
13:30
SPEAKER_00: So Toyota is sponsoring a show starring you.
13:34
SPEAKER_00: And it is your department, Mr. Secretary.
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SPEAKER_00: You hate America?
13:37
SPEAKER_00: Don't you want to celebrate America?
13:38
SPEAKER_00: Mr. Secretary, it is your department that decides whether Toyota's next recall...
13:42
SPEAKER_00: It's our birthday.
13:44
SPEAKER_02: It's our birthday?
13:46
SPEAKER_02: You sound like a fucking child.
13:48
SPEAKER_02: You do get that just because it's America's birthday doesn't mean you get to do
13:52
SPEAKER_02: an ethics violation, right?
13:54
SPEAKER_02: Grow up, Sean.
14:01
SPEAKER_00: It's simple.
14:03
SPEAKER_00: Just keep it simple.
14:04
SPEAKER_00: Let's go slow.
14:05
SPEAKER_00: Perfect.
14:59
SPEAKER_00: We end!
15:01
SPEAKER_00: We end!
15:02
SPEAKER_00: We end!
15:29
SPEAKER_00: Where you can
15:50
SPEAKER_00: take this man
15:55
SPEAKER_00: seriously When he acts so imperiously
15:58
SPEAKER_00: When it's also obvious, it's delirious.
16:07
SPEAKER_00: We hate.
16:11
SPEAKER_00: We hate.
16:15
We hate.
16:17
We hate.
16:21
SPEAKER_00: We hate.
16:25
SPEAKER_00: We hate.
16:37
SPEAKER_00: I told y'all things would get bad, but you chose to find out the hard way.
17:28
SPEAKER_00: And who voted for this monstrosity?
17:31
SPEAKER_00: It's the ultimate hypocrisy.
17:36
SPEAKER_00: We voted for democracy.
17:38
SPEAKER_00: This is autocracy.
17:40
SPEAKER_00: We hate.
17:41
SPEAKER_00: We hate.
17:45
SPEAKER_00: We hate.
18:12
SPEAKER_00: Everybody remain calm!
18:46
SPEAKER_00: This will all be over soon.
19:20
SPEAKER_03: Thanks to everyone this week, especially the hungry, hungry hypocrite in the White House.
19:30
SPEAKER_03: Most of all,
19:30
SPEAKER_03: I'd like to thank Jimmy Kimmel for inviting me to do this and for reminding everyone
19:35
SPEAKER_03: that we have the right to free speech in this country,
19:37
SPEAKER_03: whether Orange Voldemort likes it or not.
19:46
SPEAKER_03: I would like to close here with a traditional Irish song dedicated to a very special boy.
19:55
SPEAKER_03: Oh, Donnie boy, it's Rosie Rosie calling.
20:00
SPEAKER_03: From Hollywood, the Jimmy Kimmel Show.
20:05
SPEAKER_03: Drop that Big Mac that we all know you're holding.
20:09
SPEAKER_03: Because, my dear, I worry for you so.
20:14
SPEAKER_03: Poor Donnie boy, your poles, your poles are falling.
20:19
SPEAKER_03: Your reflecting pool is green as mountain dew.
20:24
SPEAKER_03: Your wig's a mess, your ballroom is appalling.
20:28
SPEAKER_03: And with the ran, you bit off more than you can chew.
20:33
SPEAKER_03: Measles are back, inflation is a swelling.
20:38
SPEAKER_03: You post all night, you're sleeping while you work.
20:42
SPEAKER_03: And what's with all this useless crap you're selling?
20:47
SPEAKER_03: Hey, sweetie pie, you're driving us all berserk.
20:52
SPEAKER_03: But there's no way to end this drama.
20:56
SPEAKER_03: It's time to use that stable genius brain.
21:01
SPEAKER_03: Since we all know you'll never be Obama.
21:10
SPEAKER_03: Why not resign and make this country great again?
21:18
SPEAKER_03: Yes, we all know you'll never be Obama.
21:23
SPEAKER_03: Come on, resign and make this country great again.
21:48
SPEAKER_00: Thanks to the songs of this week's episode from Golden Earring,
21:51
SPEAKER_00: Wobbly Scanner, Elvis Costello, and Ministry.
21:55
SPEAKER_00: And thanks to the clips and excerpts from John Oliver, Brian Tyler Cohen, J.L.
22:00
SPEAKER_00: Colvin, Jimmy Fallon, Wolf Blitzer, Sean Duffy, and Rosie O'Donnell.
22:05
SPEAKER_00: Tune in next week for episode number 304 of the Donald Trump Theater radio show
22:10
SPEAKER_00: if we are still allowed on the air.
23:50
SPEAKER_00: Now I'm stepping into the twilight zone.
23:53
SPEAKER_00: This is a madhouse, feels like being blown.
23:56
SPEAKER_00: My feet has been moved on the moon and star.
23:59
SPEAKER_00: Where am I to go now that I've gone so far?
24:03
Now I'm stepping into the twilight zone.
24:09
SPEAKER_00: This is a madhouse, feels like being blown.
24:13
SPEAKER_00: My feet has been moved on the moon and star.
24:28
SPEAKER_00: So you'll come to know when the ball hits the bone.
24:32
SPEAKER_00: So you'll come to know when the ball hits the bone.
24:39
SPEAKER_00: So you'll come to know when the ball hits the bone.
25:00
When the bullet hits the ball When the bullet hits
25:08
SPEAKER_01: the ball When the bullet hits
25:09
SPEAKER_01: the ball When
25:16
SPEAKER_00: the bullet hits the ball