Latest / Random Heathen Ramblings / Random Heathen Ramblings: S6, EP27 - Returning To The Well

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Random Heathen Ramblings: S6, EP27 - Returning To The Well · Random Heathen Ramblings

0:02
Hello everyone, and welcome to the Random Heathen Ramblings
0:04
podcast where we discuss all sorts of things Germanic
0:08
Heathenry related. My name is Jesse, I'm your host.
0:12
Let's get into it. The Olivet Here workshop is
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1:08
Well, well, well, there. How are you?
1:12
Yes, you there just chilling in your recliner or driving down
1:16
the road in your truck or your car or your, you know, other
1:19
forms of transportation. Maybe maybe you've got a
1:23
Bluetooth speaker on your horse and buggy.
1:25
Maybe you're one of those Amish or Mennonites that like to live
1:28
a little bit on the edge and you know, rum spring and never
1:30
really ended for you or whatever.
1:33
But wherever you're listening from wherever you're catching
1:35
this from folks. Halen, welcome.
1:37
Thank you for tuning in to this week's episode.
1:41
We had a gap that we're filling in the from last week where and
1:45
I was I was coming back from from a from a long journey, a
1:49
long trip that I'm going to be talking to you about today.
1:52
And, you know, so I, I had a lot of stuff that I was, you know,
1:55
dealing with going on at the time that nothing bad per SE,
1:58
just, you know, when you, when you, when you get behind the
2:01
wheel of a car and, and drive, you know, I would say probably
2:06
almost 2000 miles total over 4 day period.
2:13
You know, you need to unwind a bit at least when you're my age.
2:15
So I used to drive a lot in my previous jobs and in my younger
2:23
years. So I've had a little bit of
2:25
experience being behind the wheel of, of a vehicle for
2:28
extended periods of time, days at a time.
2:31
But I was a little rusty. And it was right deep down in
2:34
that. I don't know that, that, that,
2:37
that extradition agent bone or that, you know, that, that, that
2:41
trucker bone or whatever you want to call it, whatever that
2:43
bone is that that gets you, you know, through the tough times,
2:46
being behind the wheel of a car and sitting on your sitting on
2:49
your butt for all that length of time, I was able to dig deep and
2:53
get through it. But we're going to talk about it
2:55
today. I'm going to fill you all in
2:57
about it all. So thank you for your patience.
3:00
Thank you for sticking around, Thank you for being here.
3:02
Thank you for your support. And Speaking of support, I just
3:07
want to take a quick second to share something important with
3:11
all of you. So, you know, random heathen
3:13
ramblings has been a, you know, it's always been to me.
3:16
It's, it's always, it's, it's been more than just a podcast.
3:18
You know, it's a space for honest conversation, shared
3:23
stories, meaningful reflections from a heathen world view.
3:27
And as the podcast continues to grow, I'm opening the door to
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sponsor partnerships. But but not just any sponsors.
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You know, I know people that have been listening to my show
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for the longest time. Sometimes that word can really
3:41
turn you off. But I'm looking for
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collaborations. You know, I want to collaborate
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with folks, businesses, people, creators who align with the
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values of this show, you know, authenticity, tradition,
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curiosity and, and community. So sponsorship for here isn't
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just a way, you know, to, to support financially.
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It's, it's about being part of something that aims to reconnect
4:09
people with ancestral wisdom, challenge assumptions, and and
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then foster a space where our voices, however diverse, can be
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heard, you know, So if so, if you or, or someone you know
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might be a good fit, I'd love to talk.
4:23
You know, let's build something real together.
4:26
OK? You can e-mail me at
4:28
midgardmusingstn@gmail.com. If you hear this or you're a
4:33
business or a creator, you know that, that, that wants to, to
4:37
know more about what I mean by all this.
4:40
So drop me an e-mail midgardmusingstn@gmail.com.
4:46
And that goes for anybody else that just has a voice that they
4:48
would like to have heard, you know, on, on the, on the
4:50
airwaves, on the podcast Waves, so, so to speak.
4:54
I do have a phone number, you know, the hotline is always open
4:56
for you, 615-671-9832. You can leave your, your
5:02
voicemail there and you can be, you know, anonymous.
5:07
You can be, you can, you know, if, if you want to be anonymous,
5:14
just just let me know ahead of time in the comments or in your
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voicemail that I won't mention your name.
5:19
But if you know, you want to share something, then go ahead
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and share it because everybody deserves to have a voice here.
5:25
And it doesn't necessarily have to be heathen, but you know,
5:27
this is a heathen podcast. And as much as I can keep it
5:30
relevant to that, I will. But I also, again, it's, it's
5:34
been more than just a podcast, like I said before, it's, it's
5:36
about bringing people's voices to a space that can be heard.
5:41
So if you have a story, if you have something you'd like to
5:43
talk about, doesn't even have to necessarily be heathen.
5:45
Could be Pagan, could be non denominational, you know, non
5:49
denominational, religious, whatever.
5:51
Like any who, anybody, whoever you are would love to, would
5:55
love to chat, would love to talk.
5:57
All right, so in addition to that, before we get started, you
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guys all know the drill. Check out the link tree link for
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Become a patron on Patreon if you do nothing else to support
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So it's a $1.00 monetary pledge on your part.
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It's it's next to nothing. You know, was it $12.00 a year?
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So check it all out. All that is linked down below or
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know, find what fits you follow me along on the socials and
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support in any way that you can. All right, so now that we've got
7:17
all of the housekeeping stuff out of the way, actually one
7:23
more thing. Sorry, there is one more thing.
7:27
I was out again. I didn't have my own show to do
7:29
last week. So you know, you guys are
7:31
catching this with a week in between a gap as a word to fill,
7:34
but there was something filmed last week that you can, you can
7:39
watch now. You if, if at this point, you
7:41
know, you're listening to this, you probably have already heard
7:43
or seen the show that I was on the relentless pursuit podcast.
7:49
Shout out Joe Adams there to for having me on the show.
7:53
We had a great conversation, a good two hour long conversation
7:58
in his in his studio in in the Brentwood, TN area.
8:02
So check his stuff out. On all socials as well,
8:05
Relentless Pursuit, his stuff will be linked as well.
8:08
I definitely want to give give Joe some some some props and
8:13
some, you know, congratulatory stuff.
8:15
He's doing great work too with his show Relentless Pursuit.
8:18
So he's on YouTube, you know, he's on Facebook and Instagram,
8:22
he's on Spotify. So I don't know what other
8:24
platforms he might be releasing the show on, but he's definitely
8:28
at least on those platforms. So I'll leave all his stuff
8:33
LinkedIn the in the show notes in the description of the video
8:35
as well that you're watching this on Patreon.
8:38
Check him out follow him subscribe and when you do, if
8:41
you are able to comment anywhere, drop him a comment
8:45
tell him that I sent you. You know, Jesse from Midgard
8:47
musing sent me here left is just see what kind of audience is is
8:52
turned on to his stuff. And again, very good content,
8:54
very uplifting. And he's very he's he's Pagan as
8:57
well. He's he's a Norse or dramatic
8:59
heathen as well, interestingly enough.
9:01
So we get to talk about all kinds of cool things related to
9:05
dramatic heathery on his show this past week.
9:08
And you know, carrying forth that that that fire that's
9:12
within all of us and and you know, healing from trauma and
9:18
and all kinds of great things. I'm telling you it it's if you
9:21
know, if you're not the type of person to sit and listen or
9:23
watch A2 hour long show on on any platforms.
9:28
This is 1 and I'm not just saying it because I'm in it.
9:31
It's definitely one that's worth taking the time to to absorb in
9:36
its entirety. Sit down, you know, make a movie
9:39
night out of it if you want. So check it out, show them of
9:42
your support and that's that. All right, so now that we've.
9:47
Got all that out of the way. This week's episode is going to
9:50
be talking a bit about, you know, in in Heathenry, we have a
9:55
lot of metaphors and a lot of symbol symbolisms or symbology
10:00
to, to represent very important metaphysical things.
10:05
If you've listened or watched me for any length of time, you've
10:07
heard me talk about you know what we pour into the well
10:12
right, using this term, the well and what that means from a
10:17
metaphysical standpoint. You know the the layers of our
10:22
existence, right, the the past, present and future things that
10:25
have been poured into our individual or familial wells,
10:29
the wellspring, right, those wells that that have been
10:31
absorbing all of the things from our familial line or ancestral
10:36
lines. We continue to feed, we continue
10:39
to draw from this well, right? And what we pour in to the well
10:43
can either contaminate what's been put down or it can nurture
10:51
and it can, it can clear the waters even it can, it can make
10:54
things that if the waters were dirty or, or soiled or, or
10:59
contaminated, right? The good, the clearer the, the,
11:02
the, the honorable things that get poured into the well can
11:06
help clarify that water and make it clean.
11:09
And all that soot and all that sediment can, can be settled,
11:13
you know, at, at the bottom of things and then and not touched
11:16
again. So the well is again a, a, a
11:19
common metaphor that gets used and not just seasonry, but it,
11:22
you know, it is a very common thing that gets seen in our
11:25
lore, You know, when it talks about, you know, the, the Meemis
11:29
Bruner, right, Meemir Meemir's well.
11:32
Oh, the Bruner. Oh, it's well, you know, at the,
11:35
the roots of Igdracil. So I wanted to talk today about
11:41
returning. To the well.
11:45
And what that meant for me returning to my home, my home
11:50
place, my, my, the, the place of my birth, the, my home state.
11:54
OK, I didn't necessarily go back to the place where I was born in
11:57
Southampton, NY, but I, I went to the lower Hudson Valley area
12:03
where I was raised for, from the time I was, you know, I guess,
12:08
you know, I say raised, but I mean, I was, I was basically
12:11
brought up in that area where I went back to this just this past
12:15
week or so at the end of July. I was raised in this area from
12:21
my childhood, you know, from my very early youth, my, my family,
12:28
my mom and my dad, you know, would take trips from Long
12:31
Island up to the lower Hudson Valley area every weekend for
12:34
many, many years before they moved us to that area
12:38
permanently in 1997. So, you know, I turned, I turned
12:46
13 that year. I was growing up around a lot
12:54
of, of, of things that that informed my world views, right?
12:59
I was very impressionable. I was seeing a lot of behavior
13:02
and, and, and learning a lot of things from a lot of different
13:05
people who at the time were my mentors, you know, and who were
13:10
my teachers and, and my elders. You know, I was, I would look up
13:14
to them and respect them because of that position, because of
13:18
their status in the, in the, in our community at the time.
13:22
So I moved away from, from that place in my early 20s around
13:28
2005 or so. So I've been in Tennessee, you
13:30
know, living my own life and doing my own thing for the
13:32
biggest part of 20 years. And I've gone back periodically.
13:37
You know, I've visited, I've had work details that have brought
13:41
me back up to that area, but it's been a this this particular
13:47
trip, this last trip back was the most cathartic, the most
13:55
beneficial trip that I've taken up there for me personally.
14:01
And I've done other thing, you know, I've, I've had other
14:03
journeys, I've had other trips where I've gone there and I've
14:05
done things that have been helpful and beneficial for, for
14:09
others, but I've I never looked at it from a perspective like
14:13
this is for me. You know, like I, I needed this,
14:17
but that would that's the. Difference about this particular
14:20
trip. So this was a trip that I had
14:23
planned not too long ago. You know, it was probably within
14:28
the last couple of 2-3 months barely when when things got
14:31
solidified. But there have been talks about
14:35
this trip and and making this trip up.
14:38
Because returning and going back, there were, there were
14:44
some contingencies, you know, there were some things that
14:49
needed to be considered very, very carefully.
14:53
Because of past history, because of things that whether I had
14:56
done or behaved and, and acted in ways that, that that sort of
15:02
set a, a, a tone, you know, for, for, for my family.
15:07
So to give you all the background, I'll I've talked
15:10
about some of my past and other podcast.
15:13
Episodes I've I've. Shared a bit about where I come
15:17
from, but for for those of you that don't want to go back and,
15:19
and, or, or or don't recall, or maybe you're new here and you're
15:22
just now catching this. I am originally from New York
15:25
State, born and raised on Long Island.
15:27
And then when I was 13 years old in 1997, we moved to the lower
15:31
Hudson Valley area of New York, Orange County to be closer to my
15:36
mom's brother, my uncle and other people of that church
15:41
community at the time. I was raised Christian, but in a
15:43
non denominational version of such.
15:46
There was No title of, you know, baptism, you know, Baptist,
15:51
Episcopalian, Protestant, Presbyterian, none of that.
15:55
It was just non denominational and, and, and this was how I was
16:00
raised from as long as I can remember being alive.
16:06
And so I lived there in the that that same house that my parents
16:13
moved us to when I was 13 and 97.
16:15
You know, I lived there until the early 2000s, about 2005.
16:21
I was, is when I started making moves to establish things in my
16:27
own life. I was getting to become a young
16:29
man. I was, you know, getting into my
16:31
early teen, early 20s. And yeah, I, I got, you know, I
16:39
got hooked up with somebody in Tennessee, relocated, moved away
16:43
from New York and and established my roots in
16:46
Tennessee and been here ever since, been in Tennessee for the
16:50
last 20 years. Not the same area of Tennessee,
16:53
but the state. And I've made a great deal of,
17:01
of poor choices and, and bad decisions that have, you know.
17:07
Giving me lessons to learn from, you know, especially when when
17:11
you're that young, you know, you always think that you know
17:14
everything about everything, or at least you think you know
17:16
enough about everything to to I don't need your.
17:19
Advice, you know, and you, you, you, you got this haughtiness,
17:24
this pride, you know, this sense of you can't tell me what to do.
17:28
And I'd, I had that, you know, that, that I learned those
17:31
mistakes and I made those errors and I, I did those things.
17:36
In my youth, so because of those behaviors and because of those,
17:41
you know, actions, I, I, I did not retain a very favorable
17:47
position in, in the eyes of my parents or my sister for that
17:52
matter, because, you know, we were each other's best friends
17:55
growing up or, you know, I was the oldest and she was right
17:59
four years. My my, my junior, and.
18:03
That's it. We had some friends and some,
18:05
you know, kids that we grew up around.
18:08
They were younger than us. So all of our lives, you know,
18:11
when we didn't have neighbors to play with, we didn't have kids
18:14
in our, in our neighborhood when we were children on Long Island
18:18
to, to play with. So we were each other's best
18:19
friends. We were our playmates.
18:21
We were, you know, and, and again, we were thick as thieves.
18:24
And, and then when I left the way I did and, you know, in the
18:27
mid, early, mid 2000s, that really, you know, irritated my
18:33
sister. And we had talked, talked about
18:35
it over the years about it, but that was a, that was a move that
18:37
I made that really hurt her. And then, you know, again, me
18:41
moving away from my parents the way I did and how I did it, it,
18:44
it, it was not a good time. There have been years that I
18:51
didn't talk to my parents. You know, years went by.
18:56
We didn't. We didn't.
18:57
Speak 2 words to one another. So again, over the years and
19:02
over time, I, as I grew and as I matured, I started to make moves
19:09
to try and, and mend the damages.
19:12
You know, I try to repair things.
19:14
Now bear in mind that I've been in Tennessee for 20 years.
19:20
Half of that time I was not heathen.
19:23
I'm just now getting around to being heathen myself, you know,
19:27
for, for about a decade now. And before that, you know, I, I
19:35
was, I was still thinking that, you know, Christianity was the
19:38
only way to go. And, and because of again, how I
19:41
was raised and I started reaching points in my life where
19:45
I was questioning a lot. And there was, you know, doubts
19:47
and I, you know, I guess encountered what, what some
19:51
might call a, you know, a crisis of faith.
19:54
And I abandoned Christianity to to to nothing because I didn't
19:58
know where anything else was or what anything else was to go to.
20:03
So I got, you know, I thought, well, I guess there's just
20:05
really nothing or I'm. I'm still trying to figure it
20:07
out. And right around that time is
20:09
when I was, you know, exploring and, and discovering things and
20:13
I found out what awesome true was right and, and became
20:17
Heathenry. And I started really
20:19
investigating and learning more about my, my dramatic ancestors.
20:23
And, and that's what was calling to me.
20:25
And that's what I answered the call to.
20:26
And that's what I began to frame my world views around and
20:31
learning more about these ancestral ways.
20:35
Which again, once my parents found that out and they, you
20:38
know, started asking. Me, what do you, what do you
20:40
believe in? And I told them what I, what
20:41
that was again, being the devout Christians that they were
20:46
growing up and, you know, being raised as I was raised and them
20:50
teaching me these things. I mean, that was, you know, I
20:53
might as well have told them, you know, I was, I was Satan
20:56
Incarnate at that point. It was you know, I can't, you
20:58
know, I. Was a huge disappointment.
21:01
So imagine me, you know, having gone through the 1st 10 years of
21:04
me being away, feeling like I was making some sort of headway,
21:08
getting somewhere, starting to, you know, repair and heal from
21:14
certain damages. And then I go and I find this
21:17
path that really speaks to me that is 100 and 50% against what
21:23
my parents wanted for me or anybody of my, my, my blood
21:28
relations back in New York that wanted for me.
21:31
You know, once they found out and heard that I was heathen
21:33
slash Pagan. I mean, you might as well have
21:35
just threw gasoline on them and lit them on fire.
21:39
They just they did, they did, they were not having it right.
21:43
So a lot of our there's there, you know, there here comes
21:50
again, the situation where our relationship became very
21:56
tarnished. You know, like whatever damage I
21:58
had done previously where I was trying to fix or, or repair
22:02
damage, right? All of that effort was bulldozed
22:07
over by the fact that now Jesse's Pagan.
22:10
So there's a whole new disaster to have to try and reel from,
22:14
reel in from and on their end. And, you know, again, as as as
22:21
somebody who was new in heathenry discovering all this,
22:24
you know, and, and still having a lot of my world views informed
22:28
on my upbringing. I was distraught.
22:31
I was, I was mortified that I was now, you know, behaving in
22:37
ways that were, you know, hurt, hurting my kin folk, you know,
22:43
my, my, my blood. And then knowing how much, you
22:47
know, family, the sib, you know, the whole unit as a family is
22:52
important and heathen as, as as much as I was discovering.
22:55
And that that's an important thing to, to to realize that
22:58
while this is against what my family believes in, how can this
23:02
be good? How can this be right?
23:06
So I, I really, I struggled with that.
23:08
And for years, it was a, it was a point of contention between my
23:12
mother and I, specifically my dad.
23:14
You know, he, he wasn't very vocal about it.
23:16
He, he didn't say a whole lot, but he definitely didn't
23:19
approve, you know, so they were both on the same page.
23:23
My mom and my dad were about the whole.
23:25
Thing, but mom was very much, you know, she was it was
23:30
absolutely no for her. There was no wiggle room for
23:35
her. There was no, you know.
23:39
Agree to disagree. No, it was, you know, this is
23:41
wrong. You're wrong, Jesse, for for
23:43
doing this and until you come to Jesus and repent and all this,
23:47
you know, we don't have anything really to say to each other.
23:51
That's ultimately where things ended up.
23:54
So get to be around the COVID time frame of things, you know,
23:59
around 2020. My dad's in a steady state of
24:04
declining health and I was at that point in time still able to
24:12
communicate to both my mom and dad without really getting too
24:15
much into like the religious or belief side of things.
24:17
We, we, we were civil, you know, we had relationships together,
24:21
mainly, I think because at the time, again, dad was in a state
24:24
of, you know, steadily going downhill.
24:27
And, and, and my mom didn't want to create a situation where I
24:31
was cut off from the family entirely and didn't know
24:34
anything about what was going on with dad.
24:36
Now, that being said, I was kept out of the loop of a lot of of a
24:40
lot of things which I won't go into right now.
24:45
But at that time, around 2020, it was, it was.
24:49
It was the summer of 2020, my wife and I, we made a trip up to
24:54
New York for me to spend about a week there.
24:59
Helping my parents clean out this old storage shed that they
25:02
had. Barn really is what it was.
25:04
This old barn, it was dilapidated.
25:05
It was falling apart from the outside in.
25:09
And they had a bunch of their stuff from the, from their lives
25:12
and, and some of, of what they had in there was collections of
25:15
things that were, you know, some of my sisters and my stuff, but
25:18
it was mainly their effects. You know, things that they
25:20
collected over the years. My dad, you know, a Carpenter by
25:24
Trey, a lot of his tools, stuff with his grandfather and
25:28
everything from their parents that they collected over.
25:30
The years so again, taking up this sizable barn of, you know,
25:34
storage area that now because of the state of the barn at that
25:38
time and because of it being such a in a dilapidated state,
25:42
most if not all of the things that were in that barn had
25:45
become of no use anymore. There was very little that was
25:50
salvageable due to weather, animal waste, like all kinds of
25:55
things, because it was, it was a terrible situation and they were
25:59
still paying rent there and it was becoming a burden.
26:03
And I said, listen, let's, let's, let's get you guys out of
26:06
there, right? Let's let, let me come up and
26:08
let me help because dad, you know, he can't do it.
26:11
Mom's busy. You know, I'm able bodied and
26:14
let me help with this, right? I want to help.
26:18
And they accepted my help. They accepted the the gesture.
26:21
I went up there and spent three or four days, I think of, of
26:26
work. And then really the work that
26:27
got done there was was thanks to the combined effort, the
26:31
combined assistance of people beyond just me and my mom.
26:35
You know, I was down there with, you know, my uncle came down at
26:38
one point, some other members that of, of, of the church that
26:41
I used to go to up there as a kid.
26:43
You know, some of those guys that I looked up to as, as
26:45
mentors, they all came down and, and, and helped out and we made
26:49
short order of it, you know. So I mean, we're talking, you
26:52
know, the two or three days. And it wasn't full days.
26:56
It was like, you know, get up at a reasonable hour, get something
26:59
to eat, go down there, work 4-5 hours in the afternoon and be
27:01
done for the day. And, you know, two or three days
27:03
of that. And it was everything was either
27:05
out of that barn in a dumpster or set aside to be able to be
27:09
put into a smaller, you know, storage place on their property
27:13
of one of their sheds or, or something for them to go to
27:15
through. And by the end of that visit,
27:18
they were, you know, within a few weeks thereafter, anyways,
27:22
they were, they were out of there.
27:23
They were no longer having a have the financial burden of, of
27:26
paying rent and, and doing all these things.
27:28
And I was, you know, relieved of that for them because I live,
27:33
you know, 1300 miles away or, or 1000 miles away in Tennessee.
27:38
And I, it's not like I can just take a weekend and help you out
27:40
with these things. So I wanted to make that visit
27:42
purpose driven and, and, and we got what we were aiming to
27:46
accomplish, you know, completed. And I, we all felt good about
27:52
it, you know, and I felt like at that time, like, you know, this
27:54
is a repair, this is a huge like mend in the tear of this web of,
28:02
you know, the, the, there's so much dirt that was in the well,
28:07
you know, from my behavior and from their response to things.
28:10
And just again, a combined effort of sludge that was
28:14
starting to accumulate in our, on our well as a family that.
28:19
Was now I felt like that was a like a great cleansing, a step
28:24
in the right direction and it wasn't so muddled or it wasn't
28:32
so like the the to be able to see that the goodness of this
28:35
wasn't so jaded by these notions of well, you're not you don't
28:42
believe in the thing that we believe in like the.
28:44
Deeds were what mattered, and I held on to that.
28:47
I held on to the fact that, you know, listen, Mom, Dad, you
28:50
know, like you consider this right?
28:53
Take into consideration that you are telling me that I'm wrong
28:58
for what I'm doing. And yet the thing that I'm
29:01
doing, the deeds that I'm showing you by taking time out
29:04
of my life to come up here to do the right, could it be argued
29:07
that, well, this is your parents, it's an obligation.
29:09
You know, this is nothing special.
29:11
I guess so. But given the fact that I had
29:13
lived in Tennessee for, you know, over a decade and, and
29:17
was, you know, I had my life here, I'm doing what I can to,
29:22
to put that on pause and come and help you.
29:25
Isn't that a very charitable thing?
29:27
Isn't, doesn't that line, doesn't that align with your
29:31
Christian values? You know, faith without works is
29:34
dead. Isn't this isn't this the thing
29:36
that you taught me growing up that you can believe in
29:38
something and and say what you want to say, but if your works
29:41
don't show for it, it means nothing?
29:45
And I keep getting this, you know, resounding yes and you
29:48
know, yes, but right. And there was always the yes
29:53
button. I go, man, I don't.
29:54
I don't. I've lived enough of, of of my
29:57
life at the time and I discovered certain things where
29:59
I'm going. But.
29:59
Why is there this? But why are you?
30:01
So you know, why isn't there any room for understanding?
30:08
Why aren't you? Why aren't you willing to accept
30:10
that just because I don't believe the the very same thing
30:14
that you believe, it's because I don't follow the same religious
30:17
path or faith that you do doesn't make me a bad person.
30:20
I, I literally gave myself to you to help with something that
30:24
you were in desperate need of help for.
30:26
You know, like you didn't have people in the church area that
30:29
you were growing that, that, that you were living in bending
30:31
over backwards, taking off their weeks or whatever to come and
30:35
and help with this. And I would, you know, I don't,
30:39
I don't say this now to, to be like, oh, you know, give myself
30:41
a pat on the back for helping my mom and dad.
30:43
No, I was just bringing this up to to point out that it was my
30:48
works, my deeds that they both agreed that everybody agreed.
30:51
We're we're good. You know, I'm going.
30:53
OK, well, then, then, then let's continue a relationship in this
30:56
way. Let's let's not be bogged down
30:58
by opposing religious views. Couldn't happen.
31:03
Didn't happen. All right, so that was 2020.
31:07
In 2023, the year that my my dad passed his, his decline again
31:14
was, was very slow. And when I say slow, I mean he
31:19
did not reach the worst state of his life overnight.
31:23
It took over 10 years for him to reach that point.
31:27
So it was a very slow, very painful, very, you know,
31:32
terrible decline of his health. But towards the very end, I
31:40
didn't know a whole lot. I had to, I had to, I wouldn't
31:45
say I had to, but I was a buddy of mine's calling me, I'll talk
31:53
to him later. He, he calls me randomly and
31:56
stuff. So anyway, the, the, you know,
31:57
I'm, I'm, I'm facing my dad coming to the end of his life in
32:01
2023. He's in a hospital right now.
32:05
I'm like, I don't really know all what's going on.
32:06
I'm like, should I go, should I go?
32:08
Should I not? And I wasn't getting a lot of
32:11
information provided to me from, from my mother who was his
32:15
caretaker, you know, so I'm more or less relying on her to tell
32:19
me now. You think you should probably
32:20
take time to come up here. And I never really got that.
32:24
So Long story short, you know, I'm, I'm, I'm told basically the
32:29
day before he or the day that he passes, I'm told that day like
32:33
it's probably going to happen soon.
32:34
If you want to come up, you should probably make plans and
32:37
I'm going, well, it's a 14 hour drive.
32:40
If you don't stop, like we got a, we got a haul ass, right?
32:43
So I'm, I'm getting myself prepared and mentally,
32:47
physically, spiritually, right. I'm, I'm getting myself prepared
32:50
for what's to come, not knowing how long it's going to be get on
32:53
the road three hours down the road, if that, you know, I get a
32:58
text message from my mother that he had passed.
33:02
And so the events of leading up to, to his passing and, and then
33:09
the days and, and, and even the weeks thereafter.
33:15
But the initial, you know, that first week, right when I first
33:18
get up there and it's, you know, literally a day or two since he
33:21
passed. I am in a state, you know,
33:26
meaning I'm in a, I'm in a state of mind and I'm in a, a place
33:30
emotionally where I was very hurt and my hurt transfers
33:38
through me as anger, right when I'm, when I'm hurt, when I'm not
33:43
feeling good or I feel like, you know, I'm even, you know,
33:48
internally not feeling good emotionally, you know,
33:51
spiritually, whatever, not feeling good.
33:54
My tendency, my reaction is to be on the attack mode.
34:00
So I became very hostile towards my mother, towards his sister,
34:06
my aunt. And, and while I was there, you
34:13
know, in the days after my dad passed, I was, I was not a good
34:17
person. I was not a pleasant person to
34:19
be around. I was, I was a sorry piece of
34:22
crap, OK, and I'll admit that there was, you know, people, I
34:28
you know, your dad just died. You know, we understand.
34:32
I, I would, I would respond and and and say to people like, you
34:37
know, it's no excuse, it's no justification, you know, just
34:40
because you are, you know, encountering a, a life altering
34:44
situation. Yes.
34:46
Is it is it is it expected for you to to to lash out and to be
34:52
going through that is one of the stages of grief.
34:54
Yes, it's expected. Is it an excuse?
34:56
I don't I wouldn't put that on me.
34:58
I wouldn't say that it's an excuse.
35:00
But be it as it may, that's how I was and that's how the last
35:04
time that I saw my mother in person, that's how she saw me.
35:09
And that moment in 2023 was I guess for her the nail in the
35:17
coffin, All right? It was the straw that broke the
35:19
camel's back at that point. Soon thereafter, you know, she's
35:25
like, as long as you're have anything to do with this
35:27
Heathenry nonsense, I want nothing more to do with you.
35:31
So I had to be like, all right, back off.
35:35
You know, whatever everything that I've done up to this point,
35:38
you know, it doesn't mean anything because as long as she
35:41
knows that I'm still this this way with I believe in there's
35:45
no, there's no future with us. OK, so 2023 was that.
35:56
And then Fast forward to last year, 2024, I get a phone call
36:02
on Father's Day and my mom died. I didn't have any notice.
36:06
I didn't have any anticipation. I didn't know anything about her
36:10
being in a state of, of, you know, her, her health was
36:13
declining or anything like that. And so I just, I get a call out
36:17
of the blue from my aunt that she passed away.
36:22
And it was the most interesting thing.
36:26
I'll never forget it because I was laying in bed with a
36:27
migraine at the time, could barely open my eyes.
36:32
And, you know, my phone rings and of course, it's, it's not
36:34
ringing, but it's vibrating. So I kind of, you know, open my
36:37
eyes, squint and look the C and I, I didn't recognize.
36:41
It wasn't like a number that I had saved under a name.
36:44
It was a number that I didn't quite recognize.
36:46
But then so I didn't answer it right away.
36:48
And then I realized, I said, wait a second, I recognize the
36:50
area code. And it's not a Tennessee area
36:53
code. It's a New York area code from
36:55
where I'm the, the part of New York where I'm from or where I
36:58
was, you know, where I grew up. So I thought, what if it's what
37:04
if it's my dad's sister? You know, I forget.
37:09
I think I called her right back and she said, hey, you know, and
37:13
then she told me what happened. And then as as soon as again,
37:17
I'm still dealing with this migraine.
37:18
But as soon as I heard her voice and she said, I got to tell you,
37:22
you know, your mom, she passed away.
37:24
My headache like it evaporated. Just no more pain, no more
37:30
pressure, no more nausea, nothing.
37:35
And I had this overwhelming feeling, this overwhelming sense
37:39
of calm, like I didn't, I wasn't hysterical, I wasn't wailing.
37:46
I didn't lose my mind because Mom died.
37:49
Me, my ma, ma, ma, right? Nothing like that.
37:56
And I, you know, I said, all right, well, what do I need to
38:01
do? You know, what can I do?
38:05
And my dad's sister, she just said everything's been taken
38:09
care of. There's no, there's really no
38:10
reason for you to come here. It's there's nothing here for
38:15
you to come to. She didn't leave you anything,
38:20
you know, like it was, it was brutal.
38:22
Like it was, it was, it was brutal in the sense that, you
38:26
know, don't come and see us because, you know, it's it's too
38:29
late. But also there's no reason for
38:31
you to come here to settle anything with the family because
38:34
you got nothing. Nothing was left to you.
38:37
So here's your courtesy call. And you know, one would say, or
38:41
one might assume like that could be the thing that really would
38:47
send the person over the edge with anger again, you know what
38:49
I mean? But I was, I was, I was so in
38:52
such a state of peace or calm where I could think clearly and
38:56
I could go, all right, where do I go from here?
39:00
Like, what do I do? And I'll admit, you know, again,
39:03
because one of the stages of grief, when you lose, you know,
39:06
people you love, like you go through these stages.
39:08
And one of those stages is anger.
39:10
You get angry, you get mad and, and it's part of the grieving
39:14
process. But to, to know that it's, it's
39:17
coming and to know that this will be a stage of the grief
39:20
cycle and to sit with it, not to try and a ban like not to try to
39:25
abandon yourself in that moment, not to avoid it, but to accept
39:29
it and to sit with it and to go through it.
39:33
I, I had a camp that I was going to be going to that same month,
39:37
the the same literally my mom died on Father's Day.
39:41
That following weekend. I was going to be going to the
39:44
Blue Ridge Mountains in Appalachia for a summer camp
39:47
retreat. And I was sitting there thinking
39:54
to myself, what am I going to get from this retreat?
39:58
And I thought, man, I've, you know, I've been to Appalachia so
40:00
many times and I felt all these wonderful emotions, but I've
40:03
never been angry, you know, when I've been there, I've never been
40:07
angry in Appalachia. So this, this whole this, this
40:10
like recurring theme, anger in Appalachia is what came through
40:13
to me. OK.
40:15
It's time to get mad, right and can learn anger and, and, and
40:18
the, the, the, the bitterness of, of that emotion or all these
40:22
things. That's what I thought through my
40:25
mind that I was going to be going through.
40:29
Well, guess what? Boy was I wrong.
40:33
It was the IT was the exact opposite.
40:35
I was, I was met with nothing but love.
40:39
I experienced nothing but joy and love at at that, at that
40:43
summer camp. The very thing that I needed to
40:46
heal from that feeling of anger and learn how to manage it and
40:51
learn how to process it and learn how to live with it in a
40:54
way that is not going to destroy me or anybody else that I'm
40:58
with. That was a pivotal moment in my
41:00
life for me. So now come to this year, 2025.
41:07
Again, I hadn't seen my mom since dad passed away in 2023.
41:11
That whole year went by that she passed away.
41:14
So since 2023, I hadn't seen my sister.
41:18
I hadn't seen my aunt who was with my mom when I was dealing
41:23
with some of my dad's. You know, the things that you
41:25
deal with when they pass, you know, getting some items or
41:29
personal effects or, you know, he was cremated.
41:31
So some of his ashes and remains and that sort of thing.
41:34
I hadn't seen any of them since 2023.
41:39
And I, I, I learned that, you know, the house where my parents
41:46
lived, the ones that the house that they brought us to when we
41:49
were kids in 97, my sister moved in to, and it's a big long thing
41:55
that I'm not going to get into right now about, you know, the,
41:57
the, the property and, and, and stuff.
42:00
But it's, it's, it, it was not left to any of the, any of my
42:04
sister or I, it was, it was left to the church.
42:06
And so my sister lives there with my aunt.
42:09
It's a, it's a whole arrangement sort of thing.
42:11
And I was left with an impression at, you know, the
42:13
last time that I was up there in 2023, I was left with a very
42:18
strong understanding. It wasn't just the impression,
42:22
it was, it was an understanding that I was not welcomed at that
42:25
house. I could not, I was not invited.
42:29
When I asked if I could come over there to see my mom, she
42:32
said, no, you know, I was not welcomed on the very property
42:36
that I was raised on. You know, my, my old, all lands,
42:39
you know, the, the, the familial, the ancestral lands
42:41
like a nothing. They so again, as a heathen
42:45
right to be denied these basic things that you become so
42:50
ingrained in to your, to your worldview of things.
42:53
It was, it was, it was terrible. Like for me, it was just, I
42:56
can't believe this right. And I was trying not to let it
42:58
get to me emotionally to to ruin the possibility of my sister and
43:04
my aunt and myself getting together to heal from this.
43:12
Because again, the last time they saw me was not a great
43:16
version of me. OK, so earlier this year, you
43:28
know, I had been in talks with my with my sister and said, or
43:32
because she had said, listen, when you know, actually this is
43:34
this goes back to last year, soon after mom died, my sister
43:38
was in contact with me and she said, listen, there's some
43:40
things that I need to tell you because I know mom didn't leave
43:43
you anything in her will. But I don't want to get into
43:49
that. I want to get into talking with
43:51
you about things that I know that she would want you to have
43:55
things that I know she set aside for you to to have memories,
44:01
right pictures, effects from your childhood, certain things
44:05
that were dads, you know, that she had set aside and then what
44:08
not. And she's like, you know,
44:10
eventually I'm going to mail them to you.
44:12
And I'd thrown out a line of, you know, said, OK, if that's
44:17
what you want to do. I said, you know, what about
44:19
maybe if, you know, we take some time and you and you get these
44:21
things and you put them up and then I can come up there and get
44:24
them in person and we can see each other and we can cause, you
44:27
know, this is huge. Like our mom died, dad died last
44:30
year. We've never really healed
44:32
together as siblings over this. And my mom and my sister.
44:38
I mean, you got to, you know, mothers and daughters, that
44:40
relationship is like father and son, you know, I mean, like
44:43
those, those bonds are so strong.
44:48
And when those losses occur, I'm sure there's people in my
44:53
audience that are listening to this or watching that have lost
44:56
their parents already in life or their siblings, maybe even or,
44:59
or other relations of the family, right.
45:01
When you lose those figures of the family unit, it is a lasting
45:10
and it is a deep wound, right? It's a, it's a lasting wound.
45:14
It's a scar that doesn't ever go away.
45:17
And as siblings, man, when, when I just, I, I kept going back to
45:23
this. We have to heal together.
45:26
Yes, we need to heal ourselves and individual levels because we
45:29
each have our own lives, but we also, we need to for we don't
45:33
ever need to forget what mom told us about us.
45:36
My, my sister and I, you know, we were each other's best
45:40
friends, you know, some and, and we might be the, the only
45:45
friends that we may ever have at some point in our lives.
45:49
And so, you know, coming into the to to 2025, I kept that fire
45:57
going. I kept those, those embers lit
45:59
talking to my sister say, hey, you know, what about me coming
46:01
up? And when she know it, she said,
46:05
yeah, you know, we'll plan something.
46:08
And I was able to coordinate with her around my mom's
46:12
between. So I got there on my mom's
46:15
birthday, the the, the date that would have been my mom's, I
46:18
think 66th or 67th birthday. And then my mom's birthday and
46:23
my sister's birthdays are four days apart.
46:25
So I got there on the night of my mom's birthday and I left on
46:28
the eve of my sister's. But we were there around that
46:32
time frame and I got to see my other aunt.
46:38
So my mom's brother, my uncle, his wife, six months before my
46:45
mom passed, he died again, another very influential person
46:53
in my youth growing up, you know, a man that I looked up to
46:57
and, and try to try to emulate, you know, try to be like.
47:04
So when he passed away in January, and then my mom passed
47:07
away in June, you know, Danielle, my aunt, she, she's,
47:11
she lost 2 very important people very close together, her husband
47:15
and her sister-in-law. And they were basically sisters
47:17
guys. I mean, they were two peas in a
47:20
pod. My, my homo used to call them.
47:24
And, and that's how she looked at my mom as was was a sister.
47:27
She wasn't a sister-in-law. She was her sister.
47:29
She loved her very dearly. And my mom's final moments were
47:32
spent in her house. My aunt was one of the last
47:35
people that my mom saw. So that whole relationship, I
47:43
got to see her 'cause I, I, I reached out and said, listen,
47:46
I'm going to be in the area. If you would, wouldn't mind.
47:50
I would like to, you know, maybe have lunch with you or, or
47:52
something. And we did and, and we got to
47:55
see each other and it was one, it was wonderful.
47:59
I mean, I went there, I drove up straight up.
48:03
I, I got up early early the morning of of that I left.
48:07
It was still dark, you know, so it was like 2 in the morning,
48:09
3:00 in the morning when I left, got up there at like, you know,
48:13
evening time because again, it's a 14 hour drive, not non-stop.
48:18
Friday afternoon I had lunch with my aunt and one of the
48:24
things that she asked me, which I kind of expected it was going
48:28
to come from somebody at some point in time.
48:31
She asked me if I was still doing the heathen thing, you
48:35
know, do I do I still have this channel, this whatever.
48:37
And I said, well, yeah, I mean, I still have, I still do
48:43
content, you know, I still put out material on on YouTube or
48:47
whatever. But I said mainly, you know, to
48:50
answer your question, you know, I said it might am I still doing
48:53
heat? And then I said I'm, I am,
48:55
however I'm, I'm, I'm a changed person there.
49:02
There's, you know, I don't, I'm not so rigidly limited to this
49:10
one framework of things. I am, I am more in tuned with
49:15
spirit, with what the spirit of things are.
49:18
I am trying. I'm I'm working on learning what
49:22
that is and how that build, how that, how that is, is, is within
49:26
my own world view of things and it's working wonderfully for me.
49:30
I said, you know, I'm not so yes, I mean the heathen thing
49:34
it, but I'm not tied to labels anymore.
49:35
You know, I'm just trying to be the best of me, me, Jesse, I'm
49:39
trying to be the best version of me.
49:41
I'm not trying to be like Dom anymore.
49:43
I'm not trying to be like John or Jack or Jim or anybody else.
49:46
You know, I'm trying to be me and, and letting spirit guide me
49:52
in that way, right, whatever that is.
49:55
And she smiled and she said, that's good.
49:56
I'm glad to hear that. And, you know, we had a
50:00
wonderful lunch together. It was, it was lunch.
50:03
It wasn't, you know, we weren't sitting together for hours, but
50:05
I had a great time with her. And it was, that was the
50:07
greatest thing about this trip, guys, is that, you know, my time
50:11
there was short. I, I, I got up there on a
50:15
Thursday night and I left at the crack of dawn on Sunday morning.
50:20
So I was up there for two full days, you know, and some hours,
50:28
my time that was spent with the people who I spent my time with
50:33
was the best time when I spent. So I had lunch with my aunt on
50:39
Friday and then that night I had dinner with with my sister and
50:46
her husband and my niece. We all went out to eat and then
50:51
we came back to the house and stayed up till almost midnight,
51:00
had conversations over drinks. My aunt, my dad's sister who
51:05
again was with my mom in 2023 when I saw them last.
51:10
So this was the first time in over 2 years that she's seen me.
51:16
She suggested, you know, the when I first saw you, 'cause I
51:20
think I went by there. Let's see.
51:24
It was. Yeah, I was there, yeah.
51:26
So when I first saw her Friday afternoon after I got through
51:29
with lunch with my aunt, we and we were talking later that
51:33
night, that night, that Friday night, she suggested that when I
51:37
first saw you, she said I could tell you were different.
51:44
There's something about you that she said an aura, you know, or
51:50
away. And my sister was was nodding,
51:52
you know, she was in in confirmation.
51:54
She was like, yeah, you're you've changed in a good way.
52:00
And I, you know, was brought to, I wouldn't say brought to tears,
52:06
but it swelled my heart to hear that because I didn't go with
52:11
any intentions of trying to prove them anything.
52:15
I wasn't, there was nothing in my souls, my spirit, my nothing
52:20
that, that that was driven by. I'm going to show them, you
52:25
know, let them see me now. I wasn't going in there with
52:29
that in my mind or in my heart. I just wanted to be there to
52:34
heal and be myself, be me and, and be the best version of me
52:41
and, and, and continue to learn how to be the best version of
52:44
me, right through, through error, through, through trials,
52:47
through mistakes and through learning, right.
52:52
And that's what it was my, my niece who I saw two years ago,
52:58
right after my dad died, she was barely two years old.
53:00
She didn't Remember Me. And then when I get there and I
53:05
get to be at the house again, I always, I was allowed to be
53:08
there, welcome there, 'cause I, you know, I don't, if if I got
53:12
the response from my sister, you know, hey, we really just don't
53:15
want you over here. I would have, I would have it,
53:20
would, you know, it wouldn't have sat well with me.
53:22
I guess I would have been upset about it, but I wouldn't have
53:25
pushed it. I wouldn't have pushed back.
53:27
I would have accepted it for the reasons that I needed to.
53:31
All right. Well, for whatever reason, I
53:32
need to learn acceptance, right? I need to to be content with
53:38
this, even though I don't like it and even though I think it's
53:40
wrong, whatever. But that didn't happen.
53:42
They they let me come over and I got to be in the house that I
53:44
was had so many memories. And I got to walk the land
53:48
barefoot that I played in as a child and as a youth and as a
53:52
young man grew up in and, and did so many things.
53:54
And I got to walk that land bare feet with my niece who was
54:01
telling me all about these things.
54:02
I'm like, girl, you're telling me stuff about things that I
54:06
already know because guess what? I used to live here and the land
54:10
looked a lot different places looked a lot different.
54:13
But I've, I was here before you were here.
54:17
You know, I, I, I, I tied weird. I poured into this well before
54:24
you and now you're getting a chance to pull from that well,
54:28
to drop in the well, and now you're pouring into it too.
54:30
They don't necessarily see things the same way as I do, but
54:35
this is what I see. This is how I see it and the
54:38
and, and the amount of good, the amount of clear, the amount of
54:41
health, the amount of healing, right.
54:44
That was poured into the well, that well, it was it, it, it, it
54:50
started bubbling over. You know, it was like all that
54:53
dirt, all that muck, all that grime, everything just got
54:57
cleared out and I left again. I left, you know, after being
55:07
there for less than two days, feeling so much more enriched,
55:14
feeling like I had fulfilled a purpose more so than I had from
55:19
being there for almost a week in the past or any other types of,
55:25
you know, time spent there. One of the last times I was
55:29
there, like again, when I when, when my dad died, the last time
55:33
I was there before this past one, I remember feeling like I
55:37
can't wait to get out of here. I can't wait to get back to
55:40
Tennessee. I can't wait to leave.
55:42
There's nothing here for me. There's nothing left.
55:44
You know what I mean? Like it felt empty.
55:49
And I think that it was largely due to my state of mind at the
55:54
time. You know, I was not in a place
55:59
of wanting to heal. I was in a place of hurt and I
56:01
was in a place of being angry because of that hurt.
56:05
You know, I was allowing myself to to let the anger run the show
56:12
and I didn't feel connected to anything or anyone.
56:15
I just was like, well, I'm here and this is it and let me out of
56:18
here kind of thing. I was I was running away from
56:20
it. So this time I was confronting
56:28
it. I was going back with a
56:30
different heart, with a different mind, with a different
56:32
spirit about it all. And I went there to pour good
56:39
into the well. And you know, I listen, I'm the
56:42
fool. I, you know, if, if, if I had
56:44
been met with opposition, if I had been met with hostility
56:49
before I ever got there. Like if I sense those things, if
56:51
I realize, no, this is not your, your efforts are not being met
56:55
with reception, right? Stop trying to force it.
56:58
I wouldn't have, I wouldn't have pushed it.
57:00
I would have been like, all right, then, you know, mail me
57:02
the stuff, figure it out. I'll pay for if I have to,
57:05
whatever, but just please let you know, can I have it and be
57:08
done with it, right? And just kind of wet my hands
57:10
clean. But, but I'm so glad and I'm so
57:14
thankful that the, the work and the efforts that you know, and
57:18
this, it goes to show, you know, I'm sure other people that that
57:24
listen to this show and, and watch this show have stories of
57:28
the of their own that they can relate to with stuff like this.
57:34
You know, this is nothing unique per SE, but it's an example of
57:38
something that people can either relate with and or they might be
57:42
going through it in the time or the moment of the of this
57:46
airing. Or, you know, they're they're
57:47
catching this and it's happening in real time for them now and
57:50
they're struggling with what do I do?
57:52
How do I navigate through this? Every situation is different.
57:58
I don't think anybody can really ever tell you this is the
58:02
answer. But but what I can say is that
58:06
even in the times when things feel like they are hopeless, you
58:14
know, when you feel like there's just no light at the end of the
58:18
tunnel. There's no dawn that's going to
58:22
come over that horizon. I can tell you there is it and
58:26
it it, it's going to come at a time when you need it the most.
58:31
It's going to come at a time when you're receptive to it the
58:36
most. But you got to do the work, you
58:40
know, you got to put in the work.
58:41
You got to put in. You got to do the damn work.
58:45
You got to do the damn work. And it pays off.
58:50
It's not going to be easy. It's going to be, it's going to
58:52
hard. It's going to be hard.
58:53
It's going to suck. You know what I mean?
58:57
But I'm just here to tell you, you know, if you're going
59:00
through something like this right now, endeavour to
59:03
persevere, OK? Endure that flame.
59:08
Endure that turmoil. Endure that hardship.
59:11
Get through it. Don't run away from it.
59:13
Don't get so angry that you can't see the lessons that are
59:17
being formed right before you to help you get through this,
59:22
because that's what this is. It's a lesson.
59:25
It's it's a, it's an opportunity for you to be proven right.
59:32
Goes back to some of the things that I've said before that I've
59:34
given credit to Eric Shervin for saying.
59:37
Adversity breeds worth. Ordeal breeds worth.
59:42
These are not just phrases. These are not just words that
59:45
sound cool. They mean what they mean.
59:49
You know you're worth your it's it has to be proven.
59:55
It has to be tested. And how is anything of strength,
59:59
anything of worth proven but through adversity, right?
1:00:04
The sword doesn't become mighty for battle without being
1:00:09
tempered in fire and beaten, right?
1:00:15
All that. Slag, all that impurity has to
1:00:18
get beaten and torched out of that thing in order for it to
1:00:22
become what it is, right? The gold doesn't become pure
1:00:26
unless it is subjected to fire. So these, these analogies,
1:00:33
right? These some, some symbolisms, you
1:00:35
know, the things of fire and torture or torment or agony and,
1:00:40
and you know, adversity, right? These things that hurt us in so
1:00:43
many different ways. There's lessons to be taught
1:00:47
here or lessons to be learned. And it's up to you as as to
1:00:56
whether or not you will we will learn anything from it that you
1:00:58
know, fire can can consume the weak.
1:01:02
It does it. It consumes that which is weak,
1:01:05
weaker than it, but it tempers the strong.
1:01:10
And if you have any doubt of whether or not you can endure
1:01:15
any longer, I promise you, you can Cause think about how many
1:01:20
things that you've gone through that at that moment that you
1:01:25
were going through it, you thought, I can't take it.
1:01:27
I can't take it anymore. I've reached my limit.
1:01:34
Enough of this, I'm done. But now here you are reflecting
1:01:38
on that moment, right? Those were moments that helped
1:01:41
forge you into this creature, into this being that you are and
1:01:49
you are a powerful being. We all are.
1:01:52
We are, we are beings made of of Stardust and and cosmic light.
1:02:01
This this form that you see on camera, that you see in person,
1:02:05
right? This is just a, this is just a
1:02:06
rental. I'm just leasing this bad boy.
1:02:09
I, you know, it's, it's got an end date and so does yours, you
1:02:15
know, But but what is we, who we are and what we are is eternal.
1:02:20
Ladies and gentlemen, you know, we'll never pass this way again
1:02:27
in this form. You know, we go on and we exist
1:02:35
in other forms and other ways. And now this is what we've got
1:02:39
to deal with. This is what we've been put here
1:02:40
for for this time. So make your ancestors proud.
1:02:50
Bear down, grit your teeth. Find the love because there's
1:02:56
love and all that, that love conquers all love get.
1:02:59
Love gets you through it. Feel what you need to feel.
1:03:03
Feel the feel the anger, you know, feel the depression, feel
1:03:08
the things that suck to feel it. Don't write, don't, don't run
1:03:12
away from it. Don't try to hide from it.
1:03:15
Give it space. Learn how to deal with it, learn
1:03:21
how to work with it, learn how to live with it, 'cause it's
1:03:26
part of us in varying degrees. It's part of who we are and part
1:03:32
of what we are. And the more we learn, the
1:03:35
better we become, the more fine-tuned we end up.
1:03:41
And I promise it'll be worth it. I don't even know what that
1:03:45
means right now, 'cause I just, I, but I believe it.
1:03:48
I believe it deep down, you know this will all be worth it.
1:03:52
Handle it the right way. If we, if we know that what
1:03:54
we're doing, if we're aligned with purpose, if we're aligned
1:03:57
with good, it'll all be worth it, whatever that means.
1:04:01
That's the truth, that's reality.
1:04:05
So I don't know, it took me, it took me a lot, you know, it's
1:04:09
taken a lot for me. It's taken me a lot of
1:04:11
adversity. It's taken a lot of, you know,
1:04:14
being put through those ringers for me to realize that.
1:04:18
So I can't necessarily give you the, the, the answer to it over
1:04:22
a podcast as to, as to what that'll be for you.
1:04:24
I just know that it's there for all of us.
1:04:28
So, and then, you know, so, you know, just to kind of sum things
1:04:33
up. I, I, I, I, I was there for two
1:04:35
days. I left early Sunday morning.
1:04:36
I did not drive all the way back to Tennessee from New York.
1:04:42
I broke that trip up and I stopped in North Carolina.
1:04:44
I think the last live stream that I was on, I didn't tell you
1:04:48
is all where I was going, but somebody was watching the live
1:04:52
stream and I say, bet you can't guess where I'm going or And
1:04:56
they said, I think it's North Carolina.
1:04:59
And you were right. I stopped in Appalachia at my
1:05:02
old good friend's house in the Blue Ridge Mountains, the same
1:05:08
place where we collectively host Fire on the Mountain every year,
1:05:15
this year being our fifth. Same place where he hosts
1:05:20
seasonal camps, same place that I went to last year after my mom
1:05:23
died. It's my home away from home, you
1:05:29
know, So I was leaving my home state, going back to my current
1:05:34
home in Tennessee. And I stopped along the way at
1:05:36
my home away from home to rest, to recover from the journey and
1:05:42
to decompress and to share and to talk about things that were
1:05:45
weighing on my heart. And to just be in the company of
1:05:49
a good spirit, of good soul, of a good person, of a good man, of
1:05:52
good people, you know, a good man and a good husband who has a
1:05:59
Good Wife with three wonderful children.
1:06:03
And to share in that space and to have that healing, to kind of
1:06:08
go in tandem with the healing that I experienced in New York
1:06:13
and to carry that spirit with me back to Tennessee and to come
1:06:16
here and to tell you all about it.
1:06:19
You know, it's a story that's worth telling and it's and it's
1:06:23
a lesson worth sharing because it's such a relevant thing to so
1:06:29
many people. Everybody can relate to
1:06:31
something very similar, if not close to this, you know, in your
1:06:37
own ways. So that's that's this, that's
1:06:47
that, that's the episode. I guess we're going to we're
1:06:49
going to wrap it up now. No fancy sign offs, no fancy,
1:06:54
you know, things. There it is.
1:06:58
We healed. We, we, we, we, we poured so
1:07:01
much good into the well. You know, in my trip to New
1:07:05
York, that that side of the family, so much good was poured
1:07:08
into the well that where do you go from there?
1:07:13
You just keep going. Keep going up, man, Endure.
1:07:20
You'll be OK. It's going to be tough.
1:07:23
It's going to hurt. It's going to suck, but you're
1:07:29
stronger than what you gave yourself credit for.
1:07:32
OK, If you have to replay that, if you have to come back to this
1:07:39
episode and hear that, you know you are stronger than what you
1:07:42
give yourself credit for sometimes.
1:07:46
Believe in yourself, believe in your capabilities.
1:07:49
Tap into that divine greatness. Wake up, it's been there this
1:07:55
whole time. So thank you all for listening
1:08:00
or watching this episode. I hope you enjoyed it.
1:08:02
If you did interact with the platform in any way that you can
1:08:07
to show that you enjoyed it, Become a Patron on Patreon again
1:08:12
is a great way of showing your support.
1:08:14
It's just a $1.00 pledge. I do have other tiers of, of
1:08:17
support that you can join at, but just that $1.00 pledge, if
1:08:21
everybody that listens to this show turns around and becomes a
1:08:24
Patreon, Patreon, it could start movement to change things in
1:08:28
such a positive way, in a quicker way.
1:08:30
We're going to get there one way or another.
1:08:33
And if you want to be a part of it, that's a great way to do so.
1:08:38
So thank you all again for your support in any way that you
1:08:41
choose to do it. Until we talk to each other
1:08:44
again, may the gods continue to notice you, and may your
1:08:48
ancestors smile upon you. We'll see you in the next one.