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Surviving the Troubled Teen Industry: Melanie's Journey from Trauma to Triumph · Surviving-ISH Podcast

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: In every dark tunnel, there's a glimmer of hope.
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: In every painful moment, there's a strength to heal anyway what I thought I could never get back.
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: Welcome to Surviving Podcast.
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: So Melanie reached out to me and wanted to be on the show.
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: She had heard some stories that we have covered, and this is her very first podcast and I get so excited because I am still new to the podcasting world, melanie, like I, we're about to have our three year anniversary, but I'm a lot of people's first when it comes to recording their story, and so it is such an honor and I appreciate you trusting me and our platform to share those hard, vulnerable moments.
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: So take a minute and, who you are, introduce yourself.
• 1:11
  Speaker 2: So, yes, my name is Melanie.
• 1:13
  Speaker 2: I am from the UK, a little country called Wales.
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: You reached out to me because you had heard some of the or seen some of the topics that we cover.
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: Where does trauma play a role in your life?
• 1:34
  Speaker 2: A few different areas.
• 1:35
  Speaker 2: I grew up in care and I went through a lot of abuse by my adoptive family, and so that's where it starts for me and then I started rebelling against them and when I was 17, my parents heard of this home in America.
• 1:58
  Speaker 2: That was like this awesome Christian place that was going to really change me and make me into this model citizen, and it really wasn't anything that it was portrayed to be.
• 2:16
  Speaker 2: So that's where I am At the moment.
• 2:19
  Speaker 2: I've been doing a lot of counseling and group therapy and working through the traumas of that home of my childhood and feel like I need to speak out and give a voice to people who may not feel like they can speak out yet can speak out.
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: Yet that's so brave of you, and I admire that.
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: It does take people like us that have been through the hard times and talk about the hard times, and so I admire that.
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: Would you mind to tell us more of this?
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: I'm assuming that you're speaking of the TTI, the troubled teen industry.
• 3:03
  Speaker 2: Can you?
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: give us some backstory on that and your experience.
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so I was sent to New Beginnings Girls Academy, which was previously known as the Rebecca Girls Home, run by Lester Roloff in Texas in Corpus Christi.
• 3:22
  Speaker 2: They got closed down in Corpus Christi for abuse allegations and they up and left and switched not owners necessarily, but they start.
• 3:34
  Speaker 2: Someone else started running it in Florida and then again same sort of thing happened in Florida.
• 3:41
  Speaker 2: There was some abuse allegations so they up and left there to move to Missouri that seems to be very common.
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: They get shut down in one area and they just move a little bit up the road and start all over.
• 3:58
  Speaker 2: They move to a more lax place where there's, like this, less restrictions and around child abuse and religious places there's like a law put in place in it seemed to have been the southern belt, or the bible belt, as people called it, yeah, where religious homes and religious places aren't really governed by anything and have almost like a free reign to do what they please yeah, no.
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: So I had been maybe three to six months into creating surviving podcasts and that's when our mutual friend, barbara Ann, reached out to me and shared her story of the Rebecca Girls.
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: So I know a lot of the listeners have heard of New Beginnings from this show.
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: But of course, as soon as you say Rebecca Girls, they all know what you're talking about, because that is the only miniseries I've done where I've had five or six people sharing their story, like all together, and that's the episodes that really put my show on the map and people started finding us and so many TTI survivors were reaching out to us.
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: So I I really appreciate you sharing.
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: I feel that more recognition is coming out now.
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: There's been recent documentaries such as the program.
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: Have you seen it?
• 5:35
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I watched it the day it came out and it just validated everything I went through, everything I went through after I left New Beginnings.
• 5:50
  Speaker 2: I still it didn't compute what I had been through and that it was abuse and I still felt like that was normal.
• 5:54
  Speaker 2: And it took about three to four years of being out of that place for me to realize what, what had happened.
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: It yeah yeah, and I I love the way that you said it that it took while for it to compute.
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: You know it when.
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: For so long?
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: How long were you there?
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: 12 months, but the grooming and the brainwashing that goes into those 12 months.
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: I'm sure you were still repeating those grooming tactics and that would be great and fine if it was based on things not around trauma, but they traumatized you for this brainwashing, correct?
• 6:43
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah.
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: And another point that I want to reach out and say is these facilities have a shit ton of money and I hope using bad language does not offend you, miss Melanie but it is a lot of money and to even think of the stories that we've covered have been people here in the states being sent maybe a state or two over to a facility, but you're from another country and so the amount of money that I'm assuming your family paid or donated or whatever, was a gobbling.
• 7:23
  Speaker 2: I'm sure it's crazy because I'd already finished school over here in the uk.
• 7:30
  Speaker 2: I you graduate when you're about 15, 16, and then you can choose to stay on and do a sixth form it's called in the uk or you can go to college, and I'd gone to college so I'd already moved on to the next stage so would that be.
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: When are you considered an adult?
• 7:56
  Speaker 2: uh, you considered an adult at 18, okay, okay, but I'd already finished school and done it.
• 8:02
  Speaker 2: So I went there and obviously the name is New Beginning Girls Academy.
• 8:08
  Speaker 2: So they're big on the whole school thing.
• 8:12
  Speaker 2: But it wasn't a school, it was AC, accelerated Christian Education, which are paces like work booklets given to you.
• 8:23
  Speaker 2: You work through those booklets and you have an adult supervising you making sure you're not cheating.
• 8:29
  Speaker 2: But I'd already finished it.
• 8:31
  Speaker 2: So my parents were paying the same price, but I wasn't doing school work.
• 8:38
  Speaker 2: I was also because I had no schoolwork to do.
• 8:43
  Speaker 2: I was doing the laundry and the cooking, so I was working for them free of charge.
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: Your parents were paying them free to work for them.
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: Gosh, yeah, do you mind if I ask Okay, let me preface going forward with this.
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: Okay, I truly mean when I say, melanie, that I want to be part of the healing and not the trauma.
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: So if there's any question I ask that you don't want to answer, you can say nope, pass Okay, so do not talk about anything that you were taught to believe in.
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: So where did your parents fall with that?
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: Did they think that?
• 9:59
  Speaker 2: I don't really know, because after I left the program about a year later, I fell into drug addiction and my parents disowned me, and then I got myself into rehab.
• 10:12
  Speaker 2: Within a couple of months of that, and seven weeks into my rehab program, my entire adoptive family were in a car accident and only my adoptive mum survived, and she refuses to speak to me, so I can't answer.
• 10:30
  Speaker 2: Have any of those questions answered?
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: how did that affect you and you're surprised I stayed sober damn girl I'm I stayed.
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: I'm smiling because, because that's some, that is some strength, because, yeah, I know, but things like that, it takes a tiny thing for people to fall off the horse or fall off the wagon or whatever it's called.
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: It takes the smallest thing and that is a big thing and you fought through it.
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: Do you know how strong you are?
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: Damn I.
• 11:05
  Speaker 2: I don't, I do and I don't I know it, but then I doubt myself a lot as well.
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: But again, that's, that's trauma talking, sure, but that's I want you to realize how that is such a strength too.
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: You recognize it.
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: Yeah, there's so many people don't realize when their trauma is talking or when their inner child is screaming for help.
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: A lot of people don't realize that.
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: And how are you?
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: Uh, because how long ago has this been?
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: Because you're still.
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: I can tell, you're still young.
• 11:44
  Speaker 2: So that was in 2011,.
• 11:48
  Speaker 2: The accident Then 2014,.
• 11:52
  Speaker 2: My birth brother was killed by a school minibus.
• 11:55
  Speaker 2: Then, 2017, my husband passed and I'm still sober.
• 11:59
  Speaker 2: Wow, I did relapse.
• 12:02
  Speaker 2: I did relapse for a weekend after my husband passed, but I realized pretty quick that I can't go down this route.
• 12:13
  Speaker 2: And then, within 18 months, I fell pregnant and she's the best thing that's ever happened.
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: Oh, so how old is she now?
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: She's five.
• 12:33
  Speaker 2: Ah and she's a Christmas Eve baby.
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: Oh, I love that.
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: Yeah, gosh I.
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: It breaks my heart.
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: I love that.
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: Yeah, gosh I.
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: It breaks my heart that you are definitely not a stranger to trauma, gosh, but I'm so proud of you and I'm so honored and proud to know you.
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: If we all had the strength that you have, this world would be such a better place I know.
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: I just wish my adoptive mom could see it I think that I personally think that they do see it.
• 13:21
  Speaker 1: But I personally think too that in order for you to be the mom you are today because there's no doubt in my mind you're a freaking amazing mother after all, you've been through and survived I'm sure that little girl has the world at her feet because of you, and sometimes horrific things happen to mold us into who we are today.
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: For our offsprings and the new generation to to learn and grow from that, the, the, the things that you're going to be teaching her, the strength that she's going to have the ability to speak up, the ability to say no, and have the ability to speak up, the ability to say no and and for no to be a full, complete sentence.
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: There doesn't have to be an explanation like you're teaching her these things and that is amazing.
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: And it's because of what you've been through and I know we all want our loved ones, and sometimes our not loved ones, to see us thriving right.
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: That's my revenge.
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: That's my revenge is when the man that attacked me and thought he took my life, when he Googles me or sees me on TV, that's my revenge.
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: And so so I get what you're saying, but I think when there is that true, genuine love and power and connection and that want for someone to see what you've become, I think the universe makes it happen and maybe that's part of not to get too spiritual, but maybe that's part of how you have became what you've become is because you had that angel with you.
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: Yeah, would you mind to talk this?
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: Talk us through a little bit about your experience, like what was there any gooning, I think is what a lot.
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: What it's called a lot of times, like whether you're kidnapped, or like how did you get to the facility and your stay?
• 15:30
  Speaker 2: So I went willingly because I'd run away from home and I was living on the streets and our local pastor had come out looking for me and found me and was just trying to convince me to go back home.
• 15:46
  Speaker 2: And I was like I'm not going back home because I think I just had had enough.
• 15:52
  Speaker 2: I just didn't want to continue this cycle, I just wanted to break free.
• 15:59
  Speaker 2: And he was like listen, there's this place in America you can go to.
• 16:05
  Speaker 2: Do you want to go?
• 16:06
  Speaker 2: It sounded all wonderful, so I was very willing to go.
• 16:11
  Speaker 2: I jumped on the plane with a friend and went over and when I arrived it actually seemed pretty normal because it was during Thanksgiving.
• 16:24
  Speaker 2: Normal because it was during thanksgiving and when we used to go on tours where we travel through states singing and giving testimonies at churches, and oftentimes, when we were doing those what we call tours, we were allowed to talk, which wasn't typical.
• 16:45
  Speaker 2: We weren't typically allowed to talk.
• 16:48
  Speaker 2: So when I arrived, it was Thanksgiving.
• 16:50
  Speaker 2: Number one and number two.
• 16:52
  Speaker 2: We were on tour, everyone was talking, everyone was having fun.
• 16:57
  Speaker 2: It was good food, because obviously the churches we were visiting was providing us good meals.
• 17:05
  Speaker 2: It was a bit like going on a summer camp and I really it didn't seem too over the top.
• 17:13
  Speaker 2: And then it was time to go back home to Missouri and we got on that bus and everything changed.
• 17:22
  Speaker 1: Everything changed.
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: So when the bus ride from the last tour stop back to the school, School Is when everything shut down.
• 17:34
  Speaker 2: Everything changed.
• 17:35
  Speaker 2: It was done like that around civilians to make it seem like it was a normal place to be.
• 17:41
  Speaker 2: Because on these tours we're encouraging parents to send their troubled teenagers to us and look how normal we are.
• 17:52
  Speaker 2: We're having fun and games, we talk with normal good food, yeah yeah, and I felt that's what.
• 18:00
  Speaker 2: Looking back, that's what I think it was, more than anything else.
• 18:04
  Speaker 2: But no one told me the rules.
• 18:07
  Speaker 2: And so suddenly everyone, when we got back on that bus, just shut up and I carried on talking I'm a chatterbox, I don't know when to shut up.
• 18:20
  Speaker 2: Even now I don't know when to shut up same.
• 18:25
  Speaker 2: And so I was carrying on talking, and even talking to myself at times, and all I kept hearing was you're getting a demerit.
• 18:36
  Speaker 2: I'd never heard the word demerit in my life.
• 18:39
  Speaker 2: I had no idea what that meant, no idea whatsoever.
• 18:43
  Speaker 2: And then, everywhere I went, I was being I don't even know what you'd call it so they'd link arms with you and then they'd hold you here and then, if you try to run, they'd squeeze and it makes your arm go dead so that you can't pull away so I think, I think that, so they know where the pressure point is in your arm.
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: That's what that you can't pull away.
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: So I think, I think that, so they know where the pressure point is in your arm.
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: That's what they that's where they grab you, so you're losing.
• 19:11
  Speaker 2: Yeah, control okay yeah, and so that's how we.
• 19:16
  Speaker 2: I was walked around for a while and then, like within my first week, I was put on discipline.
• 19:23
  Speaker 2: So discipline was being put on red shirt.
• 19:27
  Speaker 2: So we had school uniform, which was a blue, white shirt.
• 19:31
  Speaker 2: Um, we weren't allowed to wear trousers because that was trying to dress like a man and it, looking back, the red shirt was all about humiliation.
• 19:46
  Speaker 2: You stand out from the rest.
• 19:47
  Speaker 2: You'd go into church on a Sunday, which was a normal church, not a TTI church, it's just like a regular church that we attended and everybody at that church would know the people on red shirts are on discipline, they're in trouble.
• 20:03
  Speaker 2: So it was really a humiliation thing.
• 20:08
  Speaker 1: So how do you feel about the color red now?
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: Does it affect you?
• 20:14
  Speaker 2: It's funny because my daughter's school uniform is red.
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: Oh, wow.
• 20:19
  Speaker 2: And, to be honest, it hasn't affected me because I'm not wearing it, but I don't think I own any clothes that are red.
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: What about so the Rebecca Girls miniseries?
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: I did, I think Barb went in the 60s or 70s and then went up into I think think 80s with those group of women and so you're more in reset like 2000s, right?
• 20:52
  Speaker 1: I was 2008 2009 yeah, but those schools are still there still today they're still there.
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: Yeah, what was when?
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: When you said you were getting, what was the disciplinary word you were using, that you were getting marks against you?
• 21:14
  Speaker 2: Demerits.
• 21:15
  Speaker 1: Demerits.
• 21:16
  Speaker 1: I don't know why I couldn't think of that word, so I believe that the Rebecca girls, like Barbara and them, were saying that on Fridays they would get licks, which would be spankings, right Based on how many demerits they got throughout the week.
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: Was that still what happened?
• 21:38
  Speaker 2: No, that stopped.
• 21:40
  Speaker 2: They were licks, but not for the demerits.
• 21:44
  Speaker 2: The licks were more for outright disobedience, not being outright rebellious against what they were asking you to do.
• 21:54
  Speaker 2: They did threaten me with it once.
• 21:56
  Speaker 2: I was pinned down by three staff members and they brought the paddle out and I was like you ain't fucking hitting me with that and I literally was just like I'm damned if I, I do, I'm damned if I don't, I give up.
• 22:12
  Speaker 2: I literally was on a mission to get as many demerits as I could and it all had been reset on Friday and by Saturday afternoon I was on 175 demerits and by Sunday they decided within the week I was going home.
• 22:29
  Speaker 2: My rebellion worked, but I went there on a visa, on a holiday visa.
• 22:38
  Speaker 1: Oh, okay.
• 22:39
  Speaker 2: While I was there they were supposed to arrange it all to get me a green card so that I could stay for the rest of the year, so that I could stay for the rest of the year, but because they had a criminal record, they weren't able to obtain the visa for me.
• 22:53
  Speaker 2: Therefore, I stayed there illegally in the country for nine months and didn't know about it, and they got away with that, and now I'm not allowed back in the US.
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: Oh, wow.
• 23:08
  Speaker 2: Because I was there.
• 23:09
  Speaker 2: I was an illegal immigrant.
• 23:10
  Speaker 2: They won't let me back.
• 23:11
  Speaker 2: They worried I'm going to I don't know.
• 23:14
  Speaker 2: Try and stay for more than just a holiday.
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: Gosh, it blows my mind knowing that when we were talking to Barb and Susie and Tammy and Lacey and Sabrina, it seems so long ago when you're talking about the 60s and 70s and 80s and maybe 90s but you were literally there.
• 23:45
  Speaker 1: What 12, 13, 15 years ago?
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: Yeah, there, what 12, 13, 15 years ago?
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah, do you remember that moment when you were like this is not going to be my life anymore and I'm going to recover from the addiction and I'm going to be the best person I can be and I'm not going to be a victim, I'm going to be a survivor?
• 24:06
  Speaker 1: Do you remember that moment, or what inspires you to go that route?
• 24:11
  Speaker 2: I think I basically I'd only been messing around with pills and stuff at that point and I tried coke a few times, but wasn't really my thing and I always said I never, never, touch heroin.
• 24:28
  Speaker 2: That's one thing I won't do.
• 24:30
  Speaker 2: And I found myself using heroin and I just had done, I chased the dragon, basically, and was like my friends had all left and I was in this flat on a mattress on the floor with no carpet.
• 24:52
  Speaker 2: It was like wood floor and I was just staring at the wall and I remember, god, this can't be all you've got for me, and if I carry on going the way I am, I'm going to end up killing myself.
• 25:03
  Speaker 2: This is going to kill me.
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: I am being so reckless that I'm going to end up dead I think another thing that I caught on to that I thought would be an interesting thing to point out is you had said you're never going to do heroin and you created that boundary for you, between you and certain classes of drugs, but then you cross your own boundary.
• 25:27
  Speaker 1: But once you cross your own boundary, but once you cross your own boundary, that's when you're like, okay, no, dot, yeah, that is very powerful, melanie.
• 25:39
  Speaker 1: So do you still have triggers or anything that you still battle with today?
• 25:49
  Speaker 2: I have anxiety but in the last sort of seven years I've had two new diagnoses and both of them are related to fibromyalgia and functional neurological disorder and stress sets them off.
• 26:12
  Speaker 2: It's not the only thing that sets them off, but but it's all every time when I look into because I'm all for healing and I'm a Christian today still and I'm still in church and I'm bringing Charlotte up in church is that your daughter's name?
• 26:29
  Speaker 2: I thought I was having a boy and I already have the name picked out, charlie, and so for the first 20 weeks it was little Charlie in my tummy, and then I found out it was a girl.
• 26:44
  Speaker 2: And suddenly Charlie didn't sound right and so I was like, oh, what can I do?
• 26:51
  Speaker 2: And I was like Charlotte, but I still like Charlie, so Charlie is her nickname.
• 26:59
  Speaker 2: I love that.
• 27:00
  Speaker 2: I love that so much.
• 27:02
  Speaker 2: So she's my Charlie bear.
• 27:07
  Speaker 1: I love that.
• 27:08
  Speaker 1: So, Melanie, as we're getting close to an end, my question to you is now that you have started sharing your story, what is it you do for yourself to still maintain your sobriety and your mental health and the good things where you don't get lost in those dark places?
• 27:32
  Speaker 2: things where you don't get lost in those dark places.
• 27:34
  Speaker 2: I spend a lot of time with my little one because she brings me such joy and that I know it's.
• 27:38
  Speaker 2: A lot of people think of it as just you're a parent, you're taking care of your child, but to me, because of my history and how life could have gone for me, that really is my therapy to be a better parent than I had and to be the parent I wish I had growing up yes, that's what I tell people all the time.
• 28:06
  Speaker 1: That is part of taking care of your inner child, right like when you are.
• 28:12
  Speaker 2: The parts of us that are not healed and they're screaming for help is that inner child and we've got to, we've got to take care of them, and that's going to get to the core of our problem I'm also part of the na community and I help out with running the online Facebook group and, yeah, just there to help others that are new to coming off any drugs that they're on or that have relapsed or are just struggling or anything like.
• 28:47
  Speaker 2: In that respect, I also have faith and that's been really helpful.
• 28:55
  Speaker 2: I don't think I'd be where I am today if it wasn't for my faith and that's helped me forgive everyone that's ever hurt me, because I know that the one day they'll have to answer to God, and that's enough for me.
• 29:12
  Speaker 1: My last question for you which I think will be on another positive, happy note, but still running the coattails of what you just said is you said that I'm your first podcast and again so honored and thank you so much.
• 29:27
  Speaker 1: But now that you are really using your voice and getting yourself out there on those public platforms like where do you see yourself going?
• 29:38
  Speaker 1: What do you see yourself doing?
• 29:39
  Speaker 1: How far do you want to take your voice?
• 29:42
  Speaker 2: I am actually talking a lot with sabrina, with Sabrina to see where we can go with a few different ideas.
• 29:49
  Speaker 2: I love that.
• 29:53
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so I'm not 100% sure yet, but I do want to reach parents to stop them from sending children to these places.
• 30:09
  Speaker 2: To stop them from sending children to these places.
• 30:13
  Speaker 2: I want to reach people that have been there to let them know they're not alone in how they're feeling and what they experienced is valid, whether they experienced it themselves or whether they just witnessed other people experience it, and just take them down one by one.
• 30:33
  Speaker 1: And that wraps up another powerful episode of Surviving Abuse.
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: I want to extend my deepest gratitude to our incredible guests for sharing their transformative journey with us today.
• 30:42
  Speaker 1: Join us next week as we dive into the healing process and share more incredible stories of triumph and resilience.
• 30:49
  Speaker 1: Bye.