Latest / The Christian Homemaking Podcast: Simply Convivial with Mystie Winckler / How This Homeschool Mom Stopped the Burnout Spiral | Nicole Anderson

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How This Homeschool Mom Stopped the Burnout Spiral | Nicole Anderson · The Christian Homemaking Podcast: Simply Convivial with Mystie Winckler

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So what encouragement would you give homeschooling moms who feel
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like there's just too much to do, too much to keep track of?
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Speaker 2: I would say they're right.
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There is too much to do.
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There's too much to do.
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The mission is bigger than us.
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And so, you know, I, I don't think that overwhelm is necessarily a bad thing.
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It's what you do with the overwhelm.
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Speaker: Hello, and welcome to the Simply Convivial Podcast.
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Convivial means enjoying life together, and that's the kind
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of hospitable atmosphere that we want to create in our homes.
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I'm Misty Winkler, homemaker, homeschool mom to five, grandma to two, and founder
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of Convivial Circle, a community where we help women organize their attitudes
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and build cheerful, flexible routines so they can love their lives at home.
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And today I'm joined by one of our members inside Convivial Circle, Nicole Anderson.
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Nicole is a wife, second-generation homeschooling mom of three,
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and a recovering perfectionist living in the Seattle area.
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She's passionate about the Gospel and how it transforms our marriages,
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parenting, and hospitality.
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In the middle of homeschooling and homemaking, she practices hospitality,
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dabbles in micro homesteading, and looks for opportunities to
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connect with and encourage other moms who are new to homeschooling.
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So thank you so much for coming on today, Nicole.
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Speaker 2: Thanks for having me.
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Speaker: So you are spinning a lot of plates, homeschooling, just the, running
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a household, homesteading- Mm-hmm
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hospitality.
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How do you keep track of what needs to be done without letting it all
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feel overwhelming and burdensome?
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Have, do you have rhythms- Yeah â¦ or methods?
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How do you manage all those moving parts?
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Speaker 2: Yeah, so I think that one of the biggest things that's
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been helpful is knowing I'm just not doing everything every day.
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And so, um, the only thing that I am doing every day, even on the weekends,
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is discipling my kids, because that's happening conversation, it's happening in
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correction, it's happening as we do our work, it's happening as we do our play.
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Um, and so that's really the only thing I'm doing every day.
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But, um, you know, homemaking, like, that's ki- there's a portion
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of that happening every day, not as much as I would like, right?
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There's no perfection, no perfectionism happening in the homemaking department.
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Not everything is getting done every day.
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Um, homesteading, we actually haveâ¦
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So we live in the city, um, and we have suburban deer that make it really hard
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to, to homestead or garden on our own property, and so we do it on two sites.
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My parents live out in the country, and so I can't do that every day.
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I have two afternoons a week set aside for that, and I have a running list
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of things to, you know, tasks to do, and I just kinda go down the list.
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And if something doesn't get done, like, it'll get done later in the week or it
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won't, and then it'll be done, like, the next week or something like that.
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So, um, that's not happening every day.
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Um, hospitality isn't happening every day.
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It is happening probably once a week.
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I mean, hospitality towards guests that don't- live in my home.
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Speaker: Right.
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Speaker 2: Um, so I think I average about four to seven,
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like, hospitality events a month.
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Um, but it's not an everyday thing.
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And so, um, that would be the first thing is I don't do everything every day.
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Um, another thing that really helped me, um, was I changed from, like,
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a two-spread monthly calendar, two-page spread, to a one page.
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Every, um, month is on one 8 and a half by 11 page.
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And I was amazed at how much that resolved my overwhelm.
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Mm.
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Um, because you can only fit so much on this.
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And the top third of that says homeschooling on most days.
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And so then it's like, okay, well, I, I have afternoon and I have evening.
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Like, it, my af- my day is bri- split into three things.
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Morning, which is homeschooling, afternoon, and evening.
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And so knowing, like, I just can't, I just can't fit all of it on one day.
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Um, when it was, like, this big because, you know, each space we had two pages,
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then I was, like, overfilling my days.
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Um, so that was a big game changer.
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Um, I think another, one other thing I will say, kinda going to the hospitality
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thing, but this could be for projects, this could be for homeschooling, this
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could be any sort of planning piece, um, I try to take, like, 15 minutes
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to- plan a thing and just, you know, like if I'm gonna have it- neighbors
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over for dinner, like I take 10 to 15 minutes and just think about that thing
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instead of, you know, I write out a project list or a hospitality list or
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whatever, and that includes what are we eating, what time are they coming over,
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who's coming over, how many people, what, you know, what do I need to do
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to get that done, um, so that I'm not thinking about it throughout the week.
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I feel like I waste a lot more time thinking about it in trickles
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than in just like, "Hey, I'm setting a timer for 10 minutes.
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We're just gonna nail this down."
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And so that has been a helpful strategy as well.
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I know that that's hard to do, and some of that happens during the re- weekly
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review, but some of it, like, just happens, like, hey, I, I didn't get to it
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in weekly review, or it came up after the weekly review, and I just need to take
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10 minutes and make my decisions so I'm not trying to, like, make 'em throughout
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the week and then second-guess myself.
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So I think that those are some strategies that have been really helpful for me.
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Um, I do have a weekly dashboard.
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There's seasons of, like, I'm really good at checking things, I'm really good
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at my routines, I'm really good at, you know, um, checking the box, and then
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there's other seasons where I'm just not.
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And I think some of that is sanctification because the Lord's, like, allowing me
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not to check the box every day, you know?
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Because then I'm not feeding into that perfectionist, you know, bent.
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So anyway, just I'm learning to be okay with that, and I've grown
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a lot in that, but, um, there's still days where I'm like, "Did
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anything get checked off the list?"
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You know?
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And, and that's okay.
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Speaker: Yeah, I think we don't realize how much planning really
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is just making those decisions.
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Yeah.
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And when they're open and lingering-
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Speaker 2: Yes
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â¦ Speaker: we don't realize how much that's actually wearing down our
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attention- Mm-hmm â¦ and our ability to think about other things- Yeah
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if that's just there.
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Yeah.
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That's big.
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Speaker 2: Yeah.
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Speaker: I find running lists to be key also- Mm-hmm â¦ for
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just keeping track of things.
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Speaker 2: Yeah.
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Speaker: So how do you do your running list?
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And maybe explain the running list if, for the people who
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aren't sure what that means.
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Yes.
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Speaker 2: Yes.
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So a running list is kind of like what it sounds like, where you have a sheet of
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paper or a notes on your phone if youâ¦
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I'm a paper gal, so, um, I need the extra, um, for a couple of reasons.
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I need the extra input of writing it, um, and I also need to not be on my
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phone as much, so I'm a paper gal.
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Um, so my list, I have a paper, but you could do it on
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a notes app or whatever too.
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Um, and I write the event or the project or the category of work to be done, and
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then I just brain dump, like, what are all the things that are on my mind about
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this thing, and I just write it all down.
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Um, if I'm planning an event or something like that and it's like a running list
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of tasks for that event, then I will kind of divide the paper up so that it's, you
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know, I've got easy access to things like time and date and who's invited and what
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are we having and that kind of thing.
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So there's a little bit of, um, I tweak it a little bit for like a hospitality
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thing, where I need to make food or be somewhere at a certain time or whatever.
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But, um, like for gardening, it's literally just a bullet
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point list of like this needs to happen, this needs to happen.
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And honestly, some things have been on that running list for six months
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or eight months, because guess what?
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It's not really a big priority.
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It's taking a lot of brain space if it's not on the running list, but
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once it's on the list, it's really not that important, obviously, because
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it's been on there for so long.
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So kind of helps you see like, keep things off of your brain, 'cause you
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know it's written down somewhere.
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And then I keep it in my, um- I keep it in my binder, my household binder.
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So I, yeah, I don't like theâ¦
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I like- I moved to a binder system because I got tired of having to throw
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away planners every year, and like tear out pages and like recycle it.
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And so it just is easier if I've messed up on a planner page, you know, and it's
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chaotic and not helping me anymore, I can simplify it, redo it, and stick it in.
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And so I keep my running lists in my binder.
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Speaker: Nice.
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So that, is that where your monthly planner sheet and weekly-
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Yeah â¦ dashboard are also?
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Speaker 2: Yeah.
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As well as some, um, like homeschool checklists.
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So not my homeschool dashboard.
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I keep that with my homeschooling stuff on my homeschooling clipboard.
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But, um, like reading lists, um, curriculum, like supply lists, stuff
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like that, I stick that in my binder too so that I know where it is.
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I don't forget it, don't lose it.
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So
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Speaker: yeah.
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So you said four to seven hospitality times a month.
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Is that, like, usually having people over for dinner, or what are your
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different categories of hospitality?
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Speaker 2: Yeah, so, um, I will just put a plug in for Rosaria Butterfield's book,
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The Ho- um, Gospel Comes With a House Key.
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Yeah Because thatâ¦
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um, I've heard it said, "Books don't change your life, paragraphs do."
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Well, that one did change my life.
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I so, um, I will just put a plug in for that for gospel-oriented, um, hospitality.
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But one of the things in that book really sh- like, that shook me up a little
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bit was inviting people into your life.
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And so for us, um, so I'm an introvert.
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My husband is an extrovert.
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I have extroverted children.
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And so we have a lot of people over all the time because they needâ¦
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like, that is really important for them, and it is also important for me.
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I just wouldn't do it if it was left up to me.
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And so they're a gift to me to be doing the work that I'm supposed
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to be doing, because it would be a lot more tempting to not do it if
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I didn't have extroverts around me.
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But, um, this last, um, this last month, I think we've had, like,
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four different, um, events so far.
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Sporting events have been, um, something that we've done, I think, three of.
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And, um, so, like, football games, stuff like that.
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Um, I've hosted homeschooling events.
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So, like, and h- by event, event is kinda loosely.
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It's more of a gathering.
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But, um, we just did a homeschool science day.
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I've got a bunch of little kids who have, um, little friends, and their
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moms are fresh to homeschooling.
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And so, um, we all decided that, you know what?
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We do science better when we're doing it together because the mess is less.
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I mean, the mess is still the same, but the work or, and the stress is less
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'cause you're doing it with friends.
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And, um, also my attitude is better.
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Yeah.
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So, so we did, um, science day with that.
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Um, some- sometimes hospitality looks like bringing someone a meal.
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Mm-hmm.
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So we have a neighbor who is battling cancer, and we gave her
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and her family a meal this month.
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Um, my sister's going through some health complications.
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I just took dinner to them last night.
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So it doesn't necessarily mean that you are, umâ¦
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It doesn't necessarily mean that you're in- having people in your home.
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I know that there are some people that have, like, um-
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You know, space challenges.
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And so it doesn't, there's no pressure to have people in your home.
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Um, sometimes hospitality for me looks like, um, we had a group
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meet at our church that was like a homeschool hangout day.
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Um, and the gal who heads it up texted me a couple weeks and
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she was like, "I can't doâ¦
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I can't be there.
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Will you make sure that people are welcome, and doors are open, and snacks
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are provided, and stuff like that?"
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And so that was something I was h- like practicing hospitality in my church-
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Speaker: Yeah
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â¦ Speaker 2: um, that was not in my home.
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And it was literally microwave popcorn and small oranges.
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You know, it was very simple.
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And, um, we've also got, you know, where you just call a friend up
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and chat because you know they need it, and so you're inviting
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them into your life and your time.
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And so I think that hospitality looks, um- a lot of different ways.
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For sure.
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So for me, that's, that's some of the, some of the ways.
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Speaker: Yeah.
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That's great to have that broad category, too, 'cause it-
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Speaker 2: Yeah
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â¦ Speaker: it really is just extending that welcome to other people-
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Yeah â¦ no matter where you are.
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Speaker 2: Yeah.
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Yeah.
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And I mean, we've had times where, like, our neighbor girls have showed
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up on our front porch, you know, and, and their mom texted me as they wereâ¦
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But they beat the text, right?
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So they show up on my front door and I'm like, "Come on in," you know?
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And, and so it just really is inviting people into your life.
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Um, laundry can be on the floor because guess what?
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You live there.
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And sometimes, especially if you're homeschooling, like, it's not
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all getting done, and people need to see that because guess what?
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It's not all getting done at their house either.
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Speaker: Mm-hmm.
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Speaker 2: So there's a real, like, a realism that comes from just inviting
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people in, even if it's not perfect.
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Speaker: Yes.
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Yes.
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So all these different pieces really do still serve the same mission.
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Yeah.
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How would you express your mission as you go about all these different things?
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Speaker 2: Yeah.
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Well, I think, um, the mission is make disciples.
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I think it's, uh, it's just plain and simple make disciples.
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And so, um, for me, there's, likeâ¦
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So homeschooling is making disciples, like discipleship.
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Um, hospitality really is also making disciples, or being discipled.
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Like, if I'm invitingâ¦
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We had a, a couple who, um, from our church that we didn't know, but they've
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been homeschooling for a long time, and when they left, my husband and I were
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like, "Wow," like, "I think we just found homeschooling mentors," you know?
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So we were inviting them into our home, but guess what?
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We got blessed by that.
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And so, um, you know, so there's, like, this disciple-ling, d- being discipled
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dynamic, um, it to hospitality.
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And then everything else is stewardship.
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And, and so, like, homemaking is taking care of stewarding well the gifts and
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tools that God has given us so that we can make disciples in our home.
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And homesteading for us is, um, I keep going back to, like, it is
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a hobby- Um, but it's also a way that my husband and I have felt
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like we are to steward our bodies.
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Like, not the only way to steward your body, but for us, it's been something
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that we have felt like this is a way we can steward our bodies so that we
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are, um, better equipped to serve.
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Like, I don't want to have faithfulness be harder down the road because I was not a
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good steward earlier, if that makes sense.
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Yeah.
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So, um, that looks a lotâ¦
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That looks different for everyone.
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It's not like, you know, one size fits all, but for us, that's how homesteading
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fits in, is like we wanna take care of our bodies so that we can do the
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good works that God has called us to do without shooting ourselves in the
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foot 'cause we made poor choices.
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So, um, so it all does tie together is make disciples.
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And, um, one of the things I've been praying for this year is that we would
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have more gospel conversations with people, just natural gospel conversations,
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because we have a lot of people in our lives who don't know the Lord, and the
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Lord just keeps bringing them, you know?
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And, like, I, I even had a conversation with, um, a new homeschool mom in the
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YMCA locker room of all places after swimming, and she was- we were talking
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about the importance of the resurrection.
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Hmm.
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And she didn't think that was important.
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She's like, "I think that's optional."
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I'm like, "Eh, not really optional," you know?
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But that was a relationship the Lord brought in.
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I wasn't looking for it.
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And, um, and so Iâ¦
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You know, anyway, I just think that there's a lot of discipleship.
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I want those gospel conversations.
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There's a lot of people who don't know the Lord.
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I want the gospel conversations, but I don't wanna be forcing doors open because
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the Lord knows when they're ready.
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He knows- Mm â¦ what the harvest looks like.
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And so, um, anyway, that's-
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Speaker: Yeah, and when you have that expressed, it's like tuning your
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radar for noticing those moments.
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Speaker 2: Yes.
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Yeah.
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I was thinking about even, um, thinking of the- some of the questions that you
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had sent me was, it's kind of like, you know, you look at the mission and
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how the work fits with the mission, and how that helps gl- you know,
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it helps your perspective in, like, wanting to glorify the Lord more.
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And it's kind of a circle, where the Holy Spirit, like, changes your hearts and
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your desire to want to glorify the Lord.
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You start seeing the Lord be glorified, which makes you wanna do it more, which
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makes him glorified more, and it's just this beautiful circle that, um, you
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know, He's getting glory and you're getting excited about that, you know?
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And so, um, I think the more I have seen the Lord work in our home,
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in our homeschool, and, um, in our family, and opportunities toâ¦
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Even that my husband has had to pray for people at his work, um- It just,
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God's bringing the people, and we just wanna be faithful with the message.
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Speaker: That's great.
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So what encouragement would you give homeschooling moms who feel
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like there's just too much to do, too much to keep track of?
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Maybe they wonder if they're doing enough or too much, and, like, one day
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it feels like too much, and the other day it feels like not enough, and, like,
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that kind of rollercoaster feeling.
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Speaker 2: I would say they're right.
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There is too much to do.
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There's too much to do.
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The mission is bigger than us.
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And so, you know, I, I don't think that overwhelm is necessarily a bad thing.
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It's what you do with the overwhelm.
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Mm-hmm.
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So if the overwhelm paralyzes you or stops you or slows you down in the work
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God's called you to do, that's a problem.
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If it causes you to reevaluate, like, "Okay, Lord, am I doing
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what you have called me to do?"
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And then either drop things that you've taken on that He hasn't asked you to
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do, or verified like, "Yep, we're on the right track," either way, that causes
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you to lean more heavily on the Lord because really, the job is too hard.
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It's too much for any of us.
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Um, and, and it's His work.
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You know, the results are up to Him.
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And so I think for me, I have beenâ¦
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I think the Lord has been shifting my perspective from I have to do
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all the things, which honestly is kind of, it's antithetical to the
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gospel really, because- It's not just about, like, homeschooling.
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You know, we think like, "Oh, I've got to do all the things in
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homeschooling," but really all of that is just dis- discipleship, right?
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It's the Lord's work to raise up another generation of faithful people.
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Um, it's not the only way He does that, but it's a way He does that.
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And so, um, but even that, like, we can'tâ¦
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We can teach the word to our kids, but we can't make them love the Lord,
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and we can't make them obey Him.
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That's God's work.
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And so, um, you know, so the, "Am I doing enough?
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Am I doing enough that my kids would know and love the Lord?"
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Like, well, sister, you don't got any control over that.
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Speaker: Yeah.
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You
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Speaker 2: know?
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And, you know, I think with homeschooling, too, like, "Am I doing enough?
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Are my kids gonna be, you know, educated enough?"
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It's like, by whose standards?
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Because we already know statistically they're gonna be better off than their
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public school peers or, you know, in some cases even private school peers.
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Um, but is that the point?
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You know, is the point to raise kids who love to learn, which
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by the way, we can't control.
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Mm.
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That's the Lord's work, too.
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And so I think the, "Am I doing enough?"
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is kind of the wrong question.
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And, um, I think a better question to ask is, "Am I stewarding what God has
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called me to do to the best of my ability?
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Am I being faithful?"
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Because, um, the results aren't up to us, you know?
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And if you look at the Parable of the Talents, which is where we go
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often for the, "Well done, good and faithful servant," like, the first
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servant, he had t- um, five talents.
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Started out with five talents, got five more.
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He could have got 10 more.
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He could have done more.
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That wasn't the point.
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The point was that he was faithful, and he wanted to do
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something with what he was given to benefit, bless, make better hisâ¦
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Not in like a, "I'm improving on the Lord," but to, um,
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just honor his master, right?
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And, and so, so i- it was never a question of if it was enough.
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The master could have said, "You could have done more.
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Why didn't you do more?"
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But it- the master was relating to him based on grace, and so that's
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how our master relates to us.
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Um, and so he's not asking, "Are you doing enough?"
22:13
He's asking, "Are you doing what I called you to do?"
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Speaker: Mm-hmm.
22:16
Speaker 2: And I don't think we like that, because it doesn't feed our pride.
22:20
There'sâ¦
22:21
You know, we can't be self-sufficient in that.
22:23
We have to rely on Him.
22:25
We have to get our marching orders from Him.
22:27
We can't strong-arm our way through faithfulness, you know?
22:31
And so, um, so I would encourage her, like, remember that you were saved
22:39
by grace, and God doesn't relate to you based on your good works.
22:44
He doesn't relate to you based on, umâ¦
22:48
You know, you're not sanctified by the law after being saved by grace.
22:51
That's what the whole Book of Galatians is about.
22:54
Um, and so I just encourage her, like, just be thinking more in terms
22:59
of faithfulness and stewardship, um, because that's what the Lord is
23:04
filtering our actions through, and so.
23:07
Speaker: Mm-hmm.
23:07
That's so good.
23:09
Yeah.
23:09
It's just ongoing reliance and dependence.
23:13
Yes.
23:14
If the dependence on God goes away-
23:17
Speaker 2: Yes
23:18
â¦ Speaker: like, what, what is it even for?
23:20
Speaker 2: Yeah.
23:21
Well, and, and the other thing is is that the Lord knows the good works
23:25
that He has planned for our kids.
23:27
Mm-hmm.
23:27
And so guess what?
23:28
Not all of them need calculus.
23:30
You know?
23:31
And, and you know, there's the part of, like, I- I canâ¦
23:34
I was trying to put myself in the shoes of the gals who haveâ¦
23:37
You know, I'm in Washington State.
23:38
We have pretty loose homeschooling laws.
23:41
I know not everyone does, and so I was thinking, like- For the mom who's like,
23:46
"I have such strict homeschooling laws," like, okay, we honor the governing
23:50
authorities, but ultimately we still need to trust the Lord with the results.
23:54
And so, um, so anyway, that was, that's another facet of it.
24:00
It's like, yes, if you have, you know, a checklist of things you
24:03
have to teach your kids, um, for the state, like honor the state.
24:08
Honor the authorities put over you, and make sure you're doing those things.
24:13
Um, but also, you're not gonna be able to teach your kids everything they need
24:17
to know in the 18 years you have them.
24:20
The goal is that God would be taking them so much farther than you could
24:24
take them in your home school.
24:25
Speaker: Mm-hmm.
24:25
Speaker 2: And, um, and so, which even those results are out of your control,
24:30
but that is like the focus is I getâ¦
24:34
I have 18 years with them, or, you know, in some cases you do have
24:38
longer, but like just thinking of it in terms of like, I have 18 years.
24:41
What are you wanting to equip them with, Lord, for the good works that you have?
24:46
I don't know them yet.
24:48
I get to watch them unfold.
24:49
Mm-hmm.
24:50
And so what do you want me to teach them?
24:52
And it's gonna change from year to year.
24:54
Um, you know, I'veâ¦
24:56
Like, I know there's like a lot of stress over like homeschool math, higher
25:01
math, and it's like, well, if they're supposed to be an engineer, you're
25:04
probably not worried about it, you know?
25:06
They probably have this natural affinity that God has
25:09
already given them to do that.
25:10
If they're supposed to be, you know, in English or the sciences, like you're
25:16
probably not worried about those subjects.
25:18
Just relax.
25:19
The Lord has got this, and you do what you've, he's called you to do for
25:23
the year, or the month, or whatever, and trust the, trust the process.
25:28
He's got it.
25:30
Speaker: Mm-hmm.
25:30
So.
25:31
Yeah.
25:32
That's so good.
25:32
Thank you so much, Nicole.
25:34
This has been so encouraging and helpful.
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