Latest / Very Fine Friends / The Lincoln Gang

Transcript

The Lincoln Gang · Very Fine Friends

0:00
oh i have an update for you great you remember my whole um warranty debacle yes
0:24
so
0:26
I don't know if I told you this part
0:28
the contractor
0:30
texts me and she goes I have news
0:31
we got a check
0:33
what?
0:36
like they got the check for
0:38
the reimbursement
0:39
for me she goes but there's no
0:42
like claim information on it
0:43
I'm like okay
0:44
she's like it's less than what it
0:47
was supposed to be like yeah that's mine
0:49
they told me I'm not getting all
0:52
the money
0:52
so it was $192.50
0:55
and so she zelded to me
0:57
I got the money
0:58
here's the update
1:00
she texted me yesterday
1:02
I think it was yesterday
1:03
and said
1:05
you're not going to believe this
1:06
the check bounced
1:09
oh my god
1:15
can you believe it
1:17
$192 check bounced
1:20
yeah
1:21
man
1:22
Yeah. I don't even think that's possible. I think because it's, oh, I almost said the name. There's no way they don't have that money. I think they stopped paying on this check.
1:34
Unbelievable. Why even go through the trouble of-
1:37
To fuck me.
1:39
That is, well, what do you, I mean, what happens now? Like, do they put in a claim? Because it's like-
1:45
I don't think they're-
1:46
They sent you the money, right? So, I mean, like the contractors sent you the money, so.
1:50
Well, I told them I could give it back.
1:52
I mean, it's not their fault that...
1:54
These people are shitheads?
1:55
Yeah, you know what I mean?
1:56
But they might have more recourse, or this might be something that they deal with more?
2:03
Maybe.
2:04
I don't know.
2:05
I just thought it was like, of course.
2:08
Of course.
2:09
Unbelievable.
2:10
And this is like a big company?
2:11
Yeah.
2:13
Yeah.
2:14
Do you think they had already issued the check, and then you yelled at that guy?
2:18
and then
2:20
it did cross my mind
2:21
you know what though Jenna
2:25
I have to
2:26
I take umbrage with that
2:27
I did not yell at him
2:29
I just called him names
2:31
and I did it
2:32
we can verify this later
2:34
when I get the audio tape
2:35
oh yeah yeah
2:36
it's on my dad's phone
2:38
so I don't have it
2:38
I'm pretty sure
2:40
it was an even tone
2:41
like here's
2:43
here I won't even say the words
2:44
here's the tone I was using
2:45
That's not yelling
2:57
It sounds a little like yelling
3:02
Does it?
3:04
A little bit, I think
3:05
If I was on the other end of that
3:10
That's just, no, no
3:11
You definitely got louder
3:12
I mean, it's not like yelling like
3:14
ah, like that.
3:16
But it's like a, it is, it's not nothing.
3:23
Okay, I didn't say there was no volume change,
3:25
but yelling, listen, I was yelled at as a child.
3:28
I know what yelling is.
3:30
Yeah, it's not screaming.
3:31
Yeah, right.
3:33
But for the average human being
3:34
that doesn't have a lot of confrontation in their life,
3:38
you would feel, I would feel that.
3:40
Well, if you worked in customer service,
3:41
you would expect it.
3:44
People are, especially when you're treating them like shit, you know they're not going to stay nice.
3:50
You know?
3:51
Yeah.
3:53
I don't know.
3:53
I never really got, I did work in customer service.
3:57
I was a customer service manager.
4:00
Wow.
4:01
At Old Navy.
4:02
The lives we've lived.
4:03
At Metro Center.
4:04
Oof.
4:04
I know.
4:08
And I got yelled at.
4:09
I never got used to it.
4:10
Oh, really?
4:11
Yeah.
4:11
it just like it would still like
4:15
hurt you
4:18
yeah well not hurt me it just like would rattle me
4:21
like what
4:21
who lives like this
4:23
why I know now I know
4:26
but you weren't actively treating those people
4:29
like garbage though
4:30
no I was just trying to do my job
4:31
exactly these people were hurting me
4:34
yeah
4:35
they were hurting you
4:37
yeah
4:38
and then they were in the wrong
4:39
I think you're right though
4:41
I think that's probably exactly what happened.
4:43
Oof.
4:44
Crazy.
4:46
Well, little is it then?
4:47
I should call him back and be like, I got the money.
4:50
I got it.
4:51
I know you tried to take it away.
4:53
You just hurt someone else.
4:56
Da, da, da.
4:58
Da, da, da, da, da.
5:03
So, I'm considering it over.
5:05
I mean, I might send the money back to them.
5:07
the contractor
5:11
yeah
5:12
but also
5:15
I've been hurt enough
5:16
hurt people
5:19
hurt people
5:19
they're blue
5:20
they're doing great
5:21
they have great reviews online
5:22
they're a blue collar business
5:23
they're always gonna have a job
5:25
they don't need me
5:27
so if you're listening
5:31
contractor
5:31
that's your update
5:33
welcome to very fine friends that's right where friends may raise their voice at you but they're
5:45
not yelling we promise yeah why would i yell they're not mad they're just disappointed i'm both
5:54
yeah well uh that is an interesting update to the saga it would be really funny if it just
6:01
straight up bounced and they didn't try and stop it.
6:04
Is there a way to tell that?
6:06
Not that I know of.
6:08
I'm just glad it happened to them because if I had gotten the check after all
6:11
this and it bounced.
6:14
Yes.
6:15
You,
6:15
I can't even.
6:16
Bad data work at a bank.
6:24
Okay.
6:27
Quick interruption.
6:28
Every week on the podcast, we do something where our producer Joe gives Francis and I each our own secret word.
6:38
Throughout the course of the podcast, we need to find a way to slip the secret word into our conversation without the other person noticing.
6:47
If the other person can correctly guess the secret word, they get a point.
6:51
And right before we die, we add up all the points.
6:55
And then we get a prize, whoever has the most points for guessing the most secret words.
7:02
Here's Joe with today's secret words.
7:06
Jenna's secret word is galaxy.
7:08
Jenna's decoy word is presidency.
7:11
Francis' secret word is editorials.
7:14
Francis' decoy word is cabernet.
7:18
Back to the pod.
7:20
I'm glad you got something at least out of it.
7:24
Thank you.
7:24
More than just a story.
7:25
appreciate it
7:27
I think I spent
7:30
more than half of it
7:32
at Hillstone
7:33
worth it
7:36
totally
7:37
that was fun
7:38
yeah
7:39
yeah
7:40
we're just airing
7:42
we went to Hillstone
7:43
the other day
7:43
had a lovely dinner
7:44
oh sorry
7:45
I'm sorry
7:46
I forgot
7:46
they didn't come
7:47
we brought you all there
7:50
in our hearts
7:50
yeah
7:51
but
7:52
there wasn't seating
7:53
at the bar for everyone
7:54
sorry
7:55
awkward
7:56
There was a wait for everyone.
7:59
Yeah.
8:00
I told them Jenna for everyone.
8:03
And they were like, oh, sorry, we can only do for two.
8:06
And we knew that you would have wanted us to.
8:08
Yeah.
8:09
So I ate some steak on your behalf.
8:11
But good news is, now you have a great campaign slogan if you ever decided to run for public office.
8:16
Jenna for everyone.
8:17
Jenna for everyone?
8:18
Yeah.
8:19
I still like, be on Jenna's side.
8:25
genocide genocide not hearing it not hearing it well we can worry about inventing campaign
8:34
slogans another time it time now for the invention of the week Inventions
8:46
This just came to me just now.
8:48
Oh.
8:51
You know how there can be an emergency?
8:59
Mm-hmm.
8:59
Whether it's at an office building, at your home, where you really need to leave the premises quickly.
9:08
Yeah.
9:08
Okay.
9:09
But you're naked, so you need to put clothes on real fast.
9:13
We can definitely incorporate that technology into this new thing.
9:20
No, it just came to me.
9:22
you know those pneumatic tubes
9:25
that
9:26
I'm saying this
9:29
I know that I've talked about this
9:30
for numerous inventions
9:31
I'm sorry
9:32
but like the banking pneumatic tubes
9:35
yeah
9:35
that shoot mail around
9:38
well
9:41
I was thinking
9:42
what if we had a
9:44
a human sized
9:46
tube
9:48
in like installed in the house
9:50
like in a panic room sort of situation
9:52
or like the office.
9:54
And what it does
9:55
is if something happens
9:57
or it's like we need to get out of the house
9:58
but like we can't really get out
10:00
because of whatever reason
10:01
there's like,
10:03
you know,
10:03
an assailant or a fire or whatever.
10:06
You get in
10:07
and it ejects you
10:10
through the roof
10:12
because there's like a port.
10:15
It ejects you
10:17
through the roof
10:18
and you've got a
10:21
little parachute pack on.
10:24
So you get in, put the pack on,
10:25
hit the button, shoots you through the roof,
10:28
and then you deploy
10:29
your backpack
10:31
or your parachute, and so you land
10:33
safely. Now think about
10:35
this. It's at a big office.
10:38
You're
10:39
100 stories up.
10:42
Now there's a line of people that could just
10:43
get in the tube. Maybe there's three tubes.
10:46
You know? Boom.
10:48
Backpack. Boom. Next. Boom.
10:49
So people are just shooting out of the roof of this thing to safety.
10:56
So like a reverse elevator?
10:57
Well, I guess elevators go up and down, but like an elevator that just...
11:02
It's kind of like the Willy Wonka elevator.
11:04
Yeah, that's what I was thinking too.
11:07
What was it?
11:11
The Jetsons?
11:12
There was some kind of a TV show where people like,
11:15
they would get to tubes and they just like go around in tubes.
11:18
Might have been the Jetsons.
11:19
Seems like it.
11:21
Meet the Flintstones.
11:24
It's funny how they're so linked, Jetsons and Flintstones.
11:27
It's ironic, isn't it?
11:29
Two opposite galaxies even, but.
11:33
Yeah, but there was a crossover.
11:34
Yeah.
11:35
It stuck in our minds.
11:36
Hanna-Barbera Productions.
11:38
Was it, did they air back to back?
11:40
I don't know.
11:41
I was barely born.
11:44
Me too.
11:45
I mean, I would have watched.
11:46
I was told of this years later.
11:48
I would have watched them whenever, like, I don't,
11:50
do they air cartoons at like 3 p.m.,
11:52
like where it's like the big primetime airing of a cartoon?
11:55
Do you think I would, do you think we would know this because we watched?
12:00
It never once occurred to me, like, is this new?
12:03
I just assumed it was already, anyway.
12:05
I just remember my aunt turning off Barney so she could watch Days of Our Lives.
12:12
Like sun through the hourglass.
12:14
So goes the Days of Our Lives.
12:16
Do you guys know which one was first between the two of them?
12:18
I would guess Flintstones.
12:20
Jetsons.
12:22
It's the Flintstones.
12:23
Oh.
12:25
Because of earlier in time.
12:28
Like cavemen.
12:28
Don't be a bitch.
12:29
No, I'm kidding.
12:31
I thought it was like a twist.
12:31
I thought it was like, you wouldn't think this is the...
12:34
But actually...
12:35
You're gone.
12:38
Audience, Francis is trying to enough me.
12:42
Francis, we should mention in this...
12:46
you might hear hints of this in previous episodes,
12:49
but there's a little,
12:49
um,
12:50
like a toy,
12:51
like Nerf gun in here,
12:52
like a little like pistol.
12:54
It is like a little like ankle gun.
12:56
It's like a little Walter PPQ.
12:58
Yeah.
12:58
Uh,
12:59
and occasionally Francis will just surprise Joe and shoot him with it.
13:03
So if in a previous recording,
13:04
you hear just Joe in the background going,
13:06
ah,
13:07
that's probably what was happening.
13:09
Or it's a Friday night.
13:10
Yeah.
13:13
Uh,
13:14
okay.
13:14
So,
13:15
uh your tubes you're shooting tubes yeah
13:20
it would have to shoot someone pretty high up for a parachute to work like if you're in a single
13:33
story house and it shoots you up because a parachute needs room for it to like kind of activate
13:38
Uh, yeah, yeah
13:42
It, it
13:43
You just need to get out safely
13:46
Even if you have kind of a rough landing
13:47
That's fine, as long as you're safe
13:50
So you have a broken tib
13:52
Okay
13:52
You lived
13:56
You tib, you lived
13:59
Uh
14:01
Why, okay
14:06
do you like the idea that i could be just like driving down like my street and then all of a
14:16
sudden i see someone shoot out the top of their house yeah also now you know where the danger is
14:23
yeah so don't go there exactly well like our first responders are looking for like a major
14:28
event going on yeah look at everyone shooting out of this skyscraper yeah that's probably it
14:35
Yeah, that's how first responders work.
14:38
They just drive around the city looking for stuff.
14:41
Man, maybe we'll find a fire.
14:47
Okay, I think in general,
14:52
so wait, does it suck you up?
14:55
Like, how does it, or does it launch you?
14:58
It launches you.
14:59
So, but I'm assuming that this would be like a shaft
15:01
going up an entire building.
15:02
because you could be on the 100th floor or the third floor.
15:05
Either way, you need to get out the top, right?
15:08
Like if something's going on on the first floor.
15:11
Yep.
15:12
You're right.
15:13
This is logistically difficult for skyscrapers.
15:19
Wow.
15:20
This is the first time you've ever conceded I might have a point about something.
15:23
Well, I also have to admit that this just came to me.
15:28
I didn't have time to work out the kinks.
15:31
You know, this is like...
15:32
rough.
15:34
That's true.
15:35
I know.
15:36
You're kind of workshopping this in real time.
15:39
So I would say,
15:41
well, if you're on the first floor,
15:46
maybe just go out the window.
15:49
But what if the assailant is by the window?
15:53
So here's the thing.
15:59
We could also, instead of having eject pods,
16:02
We can have fire retardant pods where you can just go and get in.
16:10
It's like a panic room and you're in the tube and you push whatever is going on.
16:17
And then it creates the safe environment for that.
16:21
So if it's like, oh, it's a fire.
16:23
Okay, well, we need to recirculate oxygen now.
16:26
And you're safe for four hours of burning on the outside.
16:31
and then as it gets close to running out of time
16:34
you hit another button
16:35
and you put like a little device on your mouth
16:38
so you can keep breathing
16:40
and then you hit the button
16:41
and it fills the pod with
16:43
like a jello-like substance
16:47
you know, so you're like safe in the vat
16:50
and still breathing
16:52
what would the jello-like substance be for?
16:57
if the fire got in
16:58
oh
17:00
So we're not making the pods fireproof.
17:03
No, we are, but they're only fireproof to a certain extent.
17:06
Why can't we make them fully fireproof?
17:09
Because everything, there's nothing that's fully fireproof.
17:13
Like, your fire safe, it has like a burn rating.
17:17
So it like okay your shit is safe in here for two hours of it being on fire Or three hours of being on fire But there kind of come a time when the fire like ah man
17:28
Ah, gotcha.
17:31
A little persistence.
17:33
Yeah.
17:35
Just like a pervert.
17:37
Yep, there they are.
17:38
Yeah, I know, I had to mention them.
17:39
You found them.
17:40
Like a pervert.
17:42
Burning for the very first time.
17:46
Because of diseases.
17:49
Because they're perverts.
17:53
Well, okay.
17:55
I think this...
17:58
So it sits in the middle of your house?
18:01
Let's say it's my house.
18:02
Where does this live?
18:07
In the closet or in the pantry?
18:11
Okay.
18:12
Or in the laundry room?
18:15
How much...
18:15
It's got to take up enough room.
18:17
Just enough for one fat person to stand alone.
18:22
Okay.
18:23
Oh, no, yeah.
18:24
What about...
18:26
Does this flop you around?
18:28
Like, let's say you've got a super skinny person and a super fat person.
18:31
They both need to be able to use it.
18:34
So does a skinny person get flopped all around the sides of the tubes?
18:39
No.
18:39
It's a launching device.
18:41
There's no flopping about.
18:42
But then, but okay, but if you have someone that's like 100 pounds and you have someone
18:46
that's like 500 pounds, they're going to need to be launched at drastically different rates.
18:52
The 100-pound person does not need the amount of force that the 500-pound person...
18:56
Well, there's a built-in scale on the floor of the pod.
19:01
Oh, okay.
19:02
So whenever you're in it, so let's say there's two people, you're like, oh my God, honey,
19:05
I'm fat and you're thin.
19:06
What do we do?
19:08
You hold hands and the scale's like, okay, well, this is a combined total of 780 pounds.
19:12
launching power go
19:14
so also when you're having this trauma you have a separate trauma of seeing your weight
19:21
oh all right launch me i guess i won't need this parachute you know what don't launch me
19:28
i'm going back into the does it make sure that you don't launch shootless
19:35
yes
19:38
okay so it can detect
19:40
the shoot
19:40
yeah but there's an override
19:41
so it's like
19:42
I need to get out of this house
19:43
I don't have a shoot
19:44
I'm willing to be thrown up
19:46
into the air
19:46
and
19:46
yes
19:48
hope for the best
19:49
yes
19:49
and then you have to put in a code
19:51
it's like you sure
19:51
because you're going to get injured
19:52
it's like yeah I'm sure
19:53
so
19:56
that's
19:57
that's a real desperate situation
19:58
that's a like
19:59
I'm sure I'm going to die
20:01
there's a chance
20:02
I might not die
20:03
yeah
20:04
Mm-hmm
20:06
Huh
20:07
It's a roughy
20:09
Yeah
20:10
A roughy and a toughy
20:12
Well, what are we calling this?
20:22
Um
20:22
Launch
20:26
Pad
20:29
The quack
20:32
um
20:36
escape
20:37
through
20:40
through
20:43
through
20:43
are we also doing
20:45
are we also doing the pod
20:47
yeah
20:48
that's a separate companion
20:49
if you can't be shot out
20:51
back to the pod
20:53
mm-hmm
20:53
if you can't be shot out
20:54
it's like the jelly pod
20:55
save
20:59
save your complex
21:00
okay
21:01
room
21:05
for two
21:08
up up and a saved
21:15
I like that one
21:23
got anything Joe
21:25
no
21:28
no
21:28
listeners I'm shaking my head now
21:30
to indicate that I don't have anything
21:31
I thought for sure you were writing a bunch of stuff down in your notes on your phone.
21:38
Yeah, that's what was happening.
21:41
Up, up, and a saved.
21:43
Is the pod called something else?
21:45
The pod?
21:46
The jelly pod?
21:52
It's called...
21:56
Goo Shield.
21:57
Goo Shield?
21:59
Yes.
22:00
Goo Cross Goo Shield.
22:01
yes and yes and yes
22:03
he's back
22:04
okay
22:11
goo cross goo shield
22:17
and up up and a saved
22:20
these are companion items
22:23
sounds like the weirdest superhero
22:25
combo ever
22:26
yeah show do show do
22:28
you know in
22:31
these can also double as
22:33
panic rooms
22:34
so you don't have to leave
22:36
you could just be locked
22:37
in this like
22:37
secure device
22:38
you're just like
22:39
in this tube
22:40
and then like the
22:41
rapist is like
22:42
let me in
22:43
and you're like
22:44
no you're like
22:45
pouring yourself
22:46
a nice glass of Cabernet
22:47
and they're like
22:47
have fun
22:50
being in the outside
22:51
of this tube
22:51
and not raping me
22:52
you like pull down
22:53
your pants a little bit
22:54
and you're like
22:54
like the little
22:56
copper tone baby
22:57
please
22:59
Please!
23:02
You didn't say the magic word.
23:05
Yeah.
23:06
I know that that's not your favorite kind of wine,
23:08
so it doesn't have to be a Cabernet.
23:10
That's okay.
23:10
I didn't think that it came preloaded with Cabernet.
23:15
I have one of my loose tubes in there,
23:17
in the other ones.
23:19
Smart, smart.
23:21
That way I can always have,
23:22
then if I want Dr. Pepper, I can have that.
23:24
Yeah, don't mix those.
23:26
I won't.
23:26
I won't.
23:27
Caca.
23:28
Yeah, not good.
23:30
Or maybe, actually, I don't know.
23:31
Should we try it?
23:32
Maybe we just get rich?
23:34
Did we just invent something else?
23:38
Dr. Pepper and Cabernet?
23:40
Mm.
23:42
Could be kind of spicy.
23:43
Could be.
23:44
Dr. Cabernet-er.
23:48
Pepper-ray.
23:53
All right.
23:55
Up, up, and it's saved.
23:56
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
23:58
And its companion, Goo Cross Goo Shield, are definitely available at this point.
24:04
If you see us shooting out of buildings, help us.
24:08
Drive to us with a trampoline.
24:11
Pick us up.
24:12
I would think people will use this for fun.
24:14
If they have one of these in your...
24:16
Like, are you not going to try it?
24:17
Well, you have to sign a waiver.
24:20
When you buy this, it's like, this is not for fun.
24:22
This is for living.
24:24
Yeah, and we're living.
24:26
Living large.
24:27
Yeah.
24:28
Large and live.
24:30
Definitely some.
24:31
If you have this in a house with kids, there's no way those kids are not getting in there and shooting themselves out.
24:36
We can't be sued.
24:37
Oh, I don't.
24:38
Yeah.
24:39
Don't even try, listeners.
24:42
We will have our lawyers on your ass so hard.
24:45
Yeah.
24:47
Hard is hard.
24:48
So hard.
24:51
So hard.
24:52
and then even if you win some kind of judgment,
24:56
we will stop the check.
25:01
Who would do such a thing?
25:03
No, that's a monster.
25:04
I can't, I, no.
25:06
Oh, I know.
25:08
That sentence was a mess.
25:12
Well, it's because you were so taken aback
25:13
by the thought that someone would do that.
25:15
Right, because they wouldn't.
25:16
What?
25:16
Well, these are both,
25:21
available now at
25:23
veryfinefriends.com.
25:25
So, pick them up.
25:28
Install them in your house.
25:29
We've got a lot of inventions.
25:31
Your house is pretty full of our inventions at this point.
25:34
A lot of things that need to be installed.
25:36
But that's okay.
25:36
If you get all of them, it's going to be worth
25:39
serious money one day.
25:40
Yeah.
25:41
One day meaning today.
25:43
You know how if there's a Frank Lloyd Wright
25:45
designed house and it comes on the market?
25:48
Oh, yeah.
25:49
uh yeah that worth a lot well i gonna say it one more time up up in a saved and goo cross goo shield available now that wraps up the invention of the week you know who should do our commercials um mcculley culkin
26:12
because he was home alone yeah it's like a home device but he very famously did not leave the house
26:20
wouldn't it be nice if he could
26:22
I take it back
26:26
what do I know
26:27
I'm just some asshole
26:29
that's the movie
26:32
is he just
26:32
shoots out the top
26:33
and the house gets robbed
26:34
yeah
26:36
it's just stuff
26:37
yeah it is just stuff
26:41
yeah
26:42
just
26:43
let him have it
26:44
who cares
26:44
I mean you clearly
26:48
don't care about
26:48
your parents money
26:49
because when you went
26:50
to New York
26:50
in the second one
26:51
you spend like crazy
26:52
He didn't care about your brother's stuff.
26:54
Yeah.
26:55
Demolished his room.
26:58
Also, in the second one, at the end, when his dad gets the room service bill.
27:06
That was cheap.
27:08
I don't know.
27:09
But he's like, how about the room service?
27:13
There's no way that the hotel's not comping everything.
27:17
Didn't they already?
27:18
Oh, right, right, right.
27:19
He's not on the hook for that.
27:20
That's a great point, actually.
27:22
No, Tim Curry's, like, he's got to comp that, otherwise he gets fired.
27:26
Right.
27:26
You go ahead, bill us, and then we'll sue you.
27:29
And then we'll, yeah.
27:31
For terrorizing my child.
27:34
Yeah, for letting my child, technically you kidnapped my child.
27:38
Yeah.
27:40
Yeah, so, yeah, the ice cream sundae room service is free.
27:45
isn't it funny
27:48
imagining him
27:49
becoming an adult
27:49
and being banned
27:50
from
27:50
like the Plaza Hotel
27:52
yeah
27:53
he's got his picture
27:55
up like next to Eloise
27:56
do not let these
27:59
people in
27:59
no Plaza Hotel
28:01
for life
28:01
yeah
28:02
well
28:05
speaking of
28:07
small children
28:07
no
28:08
time for our
28:09
next segment
28:10
I'm not
28:12
a pervert
28:12
for the last time
28:14
I am not a pervert.
28:22
That was a terrible segue.
28:25
Great.
28:25
It's great leading.
28:26
Okay.
28:27
I'm going to read the description of this.
28:29
Okay.
28:30
This is the description that Francis texted to me for this segment idea.
28:36
It's a segment where a man who only likes his wife for her youth is trying to get rid of her before her 25th birthday,
28:43
but he doesn't want people to think it's because she's too old now.
28:48
So that's that segment.
28:51
Great.
28:52
We'll see where the winds take us.
28:54
Okay.
28:58
Hey, hon.
28:59
Good morning.
29:01
Hey, oof.
29:04
Oh, God.
29:06
Love how you look.
29:07
I love that 24-year-old skin.
29:10
Oh, my God.
29:10
Don't get used to it, mister, because we only got two weeks left.
29:14
What?
29:15
My birthday's coming up.
29:18
The big two, five.
29:20
Wait.
29:22
What?
29:24
What?
29:26
Wait, wait, wait.
29:28
I thought you...
29:29
Didn't we just celebrate a birthday?
29:31
It feels like we just celebrated a birthday.
29:33
Yeah, one year ago.
29:35
Minus two weeks.
29:36
Oh my god, I'm just so excited that
29:39
I'm just that much closer to spending
29:41
the rest of my life with you
29:43
Uh, yeah
29:44
We'll talk about that
29:46
Hey
29:47
Hey, uh
29:49
Wait, is that
29:51
Do I, are those crow's feet?
29:53
What? It's around your eyes
29:55
What is it, there's a bird in here?
29:57
There's a bird in here? No, no, on your face
30:00
Let me see, mirror
30:01
I don't see anything
30:04
Oh, these? Yeah
30:05
Oh, honey, that's just a sign of happiness. Time plus happiness equals lines.
30:14
Oh, okay. I love you.
30:18
You should make you unhappy then. Okay.
30:22
Hey, let's say we go get some brunch or something. Talk about this whole you getting older thing.
30:35
Oh, yes, that's right.
30:36
You could have planned for my party.
30:38
Yes.
30:39
We're going to brunch.
30:40
So you're really going to be able to rent a car without any extra fees, huh?
30:43
I know, but don't worry.
30:44
I'll still let you do it.
30:45
I know you like to do it.
30:46
Yeah, I like to do it because I had to do it.
30:49
Oh, Foster.
30:53
Listen, Victoria.
30:58
Oh, my breast just drooped.
31:01
Oh, what?
31:03
How exciting.
31:05
No, ugh.
31:06
Ugh.
31:08
We, no, honey, what are you reaching for?
31:09
Is that a bra?
31:10
No.
31:11
Yeah.
31:11
You don't need those, remember?
31:13
No, now I do.
31:14
Oh, they're so heavy.
31:15
Oh my God, look, it's like a dolly clock.
31:18
This is so exciting.
31:20
It's like a what?
31:21
A Salvador dolly clock.
31:22
Oh, God.
31:23
Oh, I can't unsee it.
31:25
It is.
31:26
Oh.
31:27
Hey.
31:29
Yeah, how about that brunch?
31:32
Uh.
31:33
We can discuss what may or may not.
31:36
I might be out of town in two weeks.
31:39
No, I cleared your schedule.
31:41
Yeah, let's, we should definitely go to brunch because I don't know what just happened.
31:44
My sex drive just dried up.
31:47
Oh.
31:48
But it's great because I would just want to talk.
31:49
Oh.
31:51
I'm getting closer to your age.
31:53
Oh my God.
31:53
How people will stop talking.
31:54
Isn't this great?
31:56
Uh, I have a little baby Foss Foss.
31:59
Oh, Vicky, Victoria.
32:02
I guess one of us should answer that.
32:08
I can do it now.
32:09
Oh, that's right.
32:10
You're finally old enough.
32:11
Hello.
32:13
Victoria?
32:14
Yes, of course.
32:15
It's your father.
32:16
Daddy.
32:17
Now that you're turning 25, you can't be on my insurance anymore.
32:21
What?
32:22
Oh, that's okay.
32:23
Figure your shit out, Victoria.
32:25
Thanks, Daddy.
32:25
I'm so happy about this.
32:27
I'm already hanging up.
32:28
Bye.
32:29
Foster, good news.
32:30
We're going to be together in life and in phone plans
32:35
And in phone plans?
32:39
Yeah, I gotta go on your phone plan
32:40
And your insurance
32:42
And your car insurance
32:44
What?
32:46
No
32:47
I really like it better when you don't drive
32:51
I just got an email
32:53
They want to interview me for Old Ladies Magazine
32:57
How did they even get your information? How did they know you were going to get...
33:04
How?
33:05
All women go on a registry when you're born. They know your birthday.
33:09
Hey, hun, well, I love you. We're married for life.
33:15
Nothing I can do about that, apparently.
33:19
Brunch?
33:21
Yeah, let's go to brunch.
33:24
Uh, okay
33:27
Okay, oh my god, you're so
33:29
Look at you
33:30
Yeah
33:30
Oh my god, you're so
33:32
You're so excited
33:33
Uh, is that what my face looks like right now?
33:36
I just farted with no
33:38
Provocation or warning
33:40
Oh no, you're losing
33:42
You're losing control over the rectum
33:44
I've heard that, it's the pyloric sphincter, it just goes
33:47
God, that's
33:50
So gross
33:52
so gross
33:55
no it's a sign of
33:56
comfort
33:57
relaxation
33:58
I don't have to take
34:00
muscle relaxers anymore
34:01
I can just do it
34:03
because I want to
34:04
okay
34:07
I'd love that
34:09
you're getting older
34:11
well yeah
34:12
because I'm a man
34:13
it's hot on a man
34:15
it is hot
34:15
oof
34:16
82
34:16
yeah
34:19
it's got that salt and pepper
34:20
thing going on
34:21
I'll never catch up.
34:23
I, uh...
34:25
Yeah, yeah, you'll never catch up.
34:28
No, you know what?
34:28
I'm gonna start smoking.
34:29
Stay 20...
34:30
No.
34:30
Yeah, let's age this skin.
34:32
No.
34:33
Yes, Foster, I'm gonna be...
34:34
I'm gonna be worthy of you.
34:37
Uh...
34:38
Hey.
34:40
You know what I just remembered?
34:41
I...
34:43
I always wanted to run for president.
34:46
And I don't think they let you assume the presidency if you have a wife over the age of 25.
34:56
Isn't that one of the rules?
34:57
You have to be 35 and you can't have a wife that's over 25 if you want to assume the presidency.
35:04
I'm pretty sure.
35:06
Oh, no.
35:07
Oh, it's too bad because I really want to be president.
35:10
But I love you, too.
35:12
But the president dream was first.
35:16
Well, I'd never heard you talk about this.
35:20
Oh, it's because, you know, when you speak a wish and you don't want to release it into the universe, so the universe takes some of its power.
35:28
I was, oh, oh, it's too bad.
35:31
I guess we'll just have to break up.
35:33
Oh, oh, wait.
35:35
The newspaper just got delivered.
35:37
Oh, great.
35:38
Check it.
35:38
Go, check it.
35:39
Go through sports.
35:40
Oh, sports.
35:41
No, skip that.
35:42
Go to comics.
35:43
Skip it.
35:43
Editorial.
35:44
Skip it.
35:44
Go to the end.
35:45
Obituary.
35:46
They put me in the obituary.
35:48
What?
35:49
How?
35:49
What?
35:49
What?
35:51
How is the newspaper finding out how disgustingly old?
35:54
I mean, how?
35:56
Why would they put you?
35:57
Why would they put you in?
35:59
Why would they do that two weeks before your 25th birthday?
36:03
That's a great question.
36:06
And now that I'm old and wise, I can answer it.
36:08
Oh, God.
36:12
It's a prank.
36:14
On me?
36:16
You're actually 23 and I got another year left.
36:20
Right? Is that the prank?
36:22
Foster, are you sitting down?
36:24
You know I am.
36:25
Okay. I need to tell you something. I don't want you to be upset.
36:29
I can't imagine it getting worse than it already is.
36:32
You're so funny.
36:34
Here's the thing.
36:36
When we were married...
36:39
We were married.
36:44
Like our wedding day?
36:46
Yeah.
36:47
I told a little lie.
36:51
What?
36:54
What kind of...
36:54
I wasn't turning 18 like you wanted.
37:01
I was actually turning 30.
37:08
What?
37:09
What?
37:12
Wait.
37:13
So I'm not turning 25.
37:18
You're 37?
37:21
Yeah.
37:22
You're turning...
37:23
No, but it's okay because you've been happy and I've been happy.
37:29
I was...
37:30
I thought you were young.
37:33
That's not why I love you.
37:35
But I did think that...
37:36
You know what? You've breached my trust.
37:38
But no.
37:38
That must be the reason why we break up.
37:40
No, no, no.
37:41
We were so in love, I thought I didn't want anything to get in the way.
37:44
No, you breached my trust.
37:47
The presidency thing.
37:49
Uh, I'm sure there's a third reason.
37:53
Victoria.
37:54
So you're really going to do this?
37:55
You're really going to run for president?
37:56
Yeah.
37:57
You promise?
37:59
I mean, I have to.
38:00
It's my dream.
38:01
It's your dream when you had it first.
38:03
I had it first.
38:05
The...
38:06
Wait, so why did we wait to have sex?
38:08
You kept saying it was because you weren't 18 yet.
38:13
We had to wait for nothing?
38:15
No.
38:16
I was on the waiting list for a hole opening surgery.
38:21
What?
38:23
There was a lot of stuff going on.
38:25
You didn't have a hole down there?
38:26
No, it was closed.
38:28
They call it clam syndrome.
38:33
I had to get shucked.
38:36
And no one would do it in America.
38:38
Where'd you go to get that done?
38:42
Tunisia.
38:43
I'm open now.
38:46
Well, I know you are.
38:47
I thought I was enjoying it.
38:49
I thought it was 24.
38:51
What's changed?
38:52
Why suddenly don't you want to go diving for pearls?
38:57
Well, there's something—
39:02
Psychologically speaking, when a man wants to be president,
39:07
Sometimes, his priorities...
39:15
Oh, Victoria, you're making me.
39:21
Foster, just sign here.
39:24
Here's some stock divorce papers.
39:27
Just sign them.
39:29
Are you sure?
39:30
I'm sure.
39:31
It's what you want.
39:32
You want to be president.
39:36
I do.
39:36
Go ahead. Sign. I want you to be happy. I want you to be president. I don't want to trip you up legislatively.
39:43
Thank you, because, like I said, my dream.
39:46
It's your dream, so go ahead and just go ahead and sign it.
39:50
Okay.
39:50
And date it.
39:51
Do I need to read it over first?
39:53
Why?
39:54
Well, because you've tricked me before.
39:57
That was one time that was from love.
40:00
I don't know. I feel like it was six, almost seven years of trickery.
40:05
I forgot.
40:07
We don't think about our age.
40:10
You don't think about your age.
40:11
I think about your age all the time.
40:13
I'm starting to understand that.
40:15
Well, read it, don't read it, sign it, don't sign it.
40:18
But you know what?
40:19
You're being very generous.
40:24
I do have my dream of one day,
40:27
assuming the presidency.
40:29
I have to do this.
40:30
I gotta sign it.
40:35
All right, I dotted the I, too.
40:36
over that silent I in my name.
40:41
Well, I guess I'll just go and take my trust fund.
40:48
What?
40:50
No, I was just saying, now that I'm alone,
40:54
I'm just going to have to go and be disgustingly,
40:57
exceedingly rich alone on an island I'll probably buy.
41:01
Wait, you were rich?
41:03
Well, I don't get it until I'm 40.
41:04
Well, I thought you were just...
41:07
I thought you were just hot.
41:09
I didn't know you were rich, too.
41:12
Well, I'm not rich yet.
41:13
It's this legal thing.
41:15
Once you turn 40 in my family you get billion I mean what You know what I just remembered Hmm I just remembered that actually
41:30
in order to be president,
41:31
you need to have a wife
41:33
that's over 40.
41:38
I just remembered that.
41:40
She can't be between the ages
41:42
of 25 and 40.
41:44
What?
41:45
Oh.
41:46
I just remembered that.
41:47
Oh, babe, finally, this last obstacle is out of the way.
41:51
But you signed.
41:52
Oh, that's okay.
41:54
I didn't sign my real name.
41:58
What?
41:58
I dotted an I.
41:59
There's no I in my name.
42:00
You said it was silent.
42:01
You breached my trust.
42:03
I can't take you back.
42:04
It was just the one time.
42:06
Remember?
42:06
One for one.
42:07
We're even now.
42:09
Hey, hey, let's, uh, let's, hey, what about that brunch?
42:13
We'll go to the brunch and figure out how we're going to spend that $92 billion.
42:18
I can't, Foster.
42:20
I'm old.
42:23
Not to me, babe.
42:24
Look at those tits.
42:25
They still got a little spring in them.
42:26
Prove it, Foster.
42:28
Come over here.
42:29
You're going to motorboat them?
42:31
Make love to me as though I were youthful.
42:37
It's our wedding night, Foster.
42:40
Where's the glint in your eye?
42:43
Why aren't your hands doing that grabby motion?
42:48
Come here, you.
42:49
Why is your penis making that penny whistle sound?
42:55
I didn't even know it could do that.
43:00
Wait, hey, is your whole clothes back up again?
43:02
Oh, I guess we can't do it.
43:04
It looks like you've been reclammed.
43:08
Here's the shucking knife.
43:09
get to get to work mr president
43:13
okay oh there it is yeah pretty as a picture yep i think it worked out for them in the end
43:24
this is uh it's very real to what goes on in the country we held a mirror up to society that's what
43:32
happened i have nothing i gotta start writing some shit down okay well real quick that wraps up
43:38
But I'm not a pervert.
43:46
But yes, you need to start writing some shit down.
43:48
I forgot that was the name of the segment.
43:49
I'm like, what are you doing?
43:56
Yeah, start writing some shit down.
43:58
Okay.
43:58
I've written some shit down.
44:00
We'll get to that later.
44:01
Right now, it's time for our last segment,
44:04
The Big Question.
44:05
The question is very big.
44:11
I don't want you to tell me if I've already asked you.
44:15
Okay.
44:16
I might not remember, so.
44:18
Maybe we should have a list of the questions so that I can look at them.
44:21
Yes, that's a good idea.
44:23
But here's the one I came up with.
44:24
Okay.
44:26
And this is it.
44:28
I was watching the hit movie Urban Legend.
44:31
And I thought to myself, wow, urban legends are fun.
44:35
what if Jenna invented some new urban legends?
44:42
Hmm.
44:44
Is that new?
44:44
Is that fresh and new?
44:45
I think that is.
44:46
What?
44:48
I don't think I've ever seen that movie.
44:50
What's an urban legend in that movie?
44:52
Like, what constitutes?
44:53
Let's talk about a few.
44:54
Like, one of them is, like, there's a guy waiting in your back seat, you know?
45:02
Oh.
45:02
So you gotta check the back.
45:04
Or here's one.
45:05
And here's one that used to scare me.
45:07
It's an urban legend about a person who, like, gets into bed,
45:15
and, like, her dog would, like, lick her fingers every night.
45:20
And then one night she—I'm going to mess this up.
45:26
The gist of it is she, like, looked over, and there was, like, a mirror,
45:29
and there was a man under her bed licking her fingers.
45:32
Ugh.
45:33
Scary, right?
45:34
Was that man there every night or was it always?
45:36
No, at one point it was the dog.
45:40
Gross.
45:41
Creepy, right?
45:42
Yeah.
45:44
Yeah.
45:45
And so, okay.
45:48
Well, like another one is, you're not supposed to flash people.
45:52
Yeah, I've heard that before.
45:54
Because it's like then it's like people deliberately have their lights off.
45:58
Yeah.
45:58
And then they come and get you.
46:00
That one was central to the movie.
46:02
Hmm.
46:02
I
46:04
that's weird
46:05
I still wonder about that
46:06
sometimes when I'm driving
46:07
and I see people
46:08
without their lights on
46:08
I'm like
46:09
do I flash?
46:10
am I gonna get in trouble?
46:12
no flashing
46:12
no?
46:15
let the cops do it
46:17
okay
46:19
does it have to be scary?
46:21
no
46:21
okay
46:22
you know that thing
46:26
of
46:27
when
46:29
like you stand up too fast
46:32
and then like
46:32
you get a little dizzy.
46:33
Yeah.
46:34
Okay.
46:35
Have you heard what that,
46:36
like,
46:37
really is?
46:37
It's not like blood rushing from...
46:39
Oh,
46:39
I thought that's what it was.
46:40
No.
46:41
No.
46:43
When that happens,
46:45
that is there...
46:49
That is you,
46:51
like,
46:51
you in another galaxy...
46:52
Sorry,
46:53
I hit the mic.
46:54
Getting...
46:57
Like,
46:58
you're parallel,
46:59
you,
46:59
like,
46:59
parallel life.
47:01
Like,
47:01
we're all living in,
47:02
like,
47:02
infinite timelines, right?
47:03
Oh, yeah.
47:04
You in a different timeline
47:05
actually got hit in the head
47:07
and you're feeling it reverberate
47:09
through this.
47:11
Oh, so it's similar to like
47:13
you shiver because someone
47:14
walked over your grave.
47:16
Correct.
47:16
Yeah.
47:17
Wow.
47:18
I know.
47:19
Which is crazy to think.
47:21
I don't think I've ever been hit
47:22
once in the head
47:23
in this.
47:26
I have.
47:27
You like punched?
47:29
Or just, I guess
47:29
it's any kind of
47:31
blow to the head.
47:32
wow that's interesting
47:35
yeah
47:35
you got any others
47:37
uh yes
47:41
never ever
47:45
ever
47:46
throw a dime
47:48
into a wish
47:50
like a wishing well
47:51
or a fountain
47:51
you might think
47:53
it gets you 10 wishes
47:54
because like a penny
47:55
would be one
47:55
right
47:56
no no no no
47:57
that a sign if you seen throwing a dime into a fountain it a signal to
48:08
there's a gang called the Jeffersons
48:11
and they take that as a sign of aggression
48:14
like you're throwing away their leader
48:16
Thomas Jefferson's on the dime right
48:18
let's say yes
48:21
yeah
48:21
so they view that as an act
48:25
of like war against them
48:27
almost.
48:28
Thank God you were saying this because...
48:30
Well, and especially now,
48:31
people need to know about it
48:32
because the penny's going away.
48:34
So next, then,
48:35
the only thing people are going to be throwing
48:36
is nickels and dimes.
48:38
Yeah.
48:39
And God help you
48:41
if you throw away a dime.
48:42
Is the Lincoln Gang retiring?
48:45
The Lincoln Gang was...
48:47
They were a half-ass organization.
48:49
They didn't really try.
48:51
It's because it was low denomination.
48:53
Yeah.
48:55
I know.
48:56
Exactly.
48:57
Who gives a shit? It's copper.
48:59
Who gives a shit?
49:01
Yeah.
49:02
I actually know one.
49:03
Oh, yeah?
49:08
If you ever...
49:10
Well, you're married, so this is important for you.
49:11
Oh, okay, good.
49:13
I assume you kiss your husband.
49:15
Sometimes.
49:16
Well, make sure it's never at two o'clock.
49:19
Oh, oh no.
49:21
A kiss at two ends in one.
49:26
Oh, God.
49:27
Yes.
49:29
2 a.m. and 2 p.m.?
49:30
Yes.
49:30
Both?
49:31
The good news is it's only two on the dot.
49:33
Okay.
49:34
Not the two o'clock hour.
49:35
No.
49:36
Okay, good.
49:36
So, but you have to be very careful before you give a little peck.
49:39
You gotta look at the clock.
49:40
Okay.
49:40
It cannot be two.
49:43
Oh, good looking out.
49:44
Yikes.
49:44
Yeah.
49:45
What is this?
49:45
Something about that number that's cursed or that time?
49:48
It's just too, it's too meta because it's like we are two.
49:52
Right?
49:52
And people say, oh, when you get married, two becomes one.
49:55
But if you kiss it too,
49:56
two literally becomes one.
49:58
The marriage will dissolve.
50:01
Man, they should tell you that.
50:04
That should be like shouted from the mountains.
50:06
A lot of people don't believe.
50:09
They're playing with fire.
50:10
I mean, even if it's not real,
50:12
why take the chance?
50:13
Right.
50:13
Do you step on cracks?
50:14
No.
50:14
No, because of your mama's back.
50:16
Exactly.
50:16
You're welcome, mom.
50:18
Yeah.
50:20
Man, thanks for the heads up.
50:24
You got it.
50:27
You know, lane lines?
50:32
On the road?
50:33
Yeah.
50:34
Okay.
50:36
You shouldn't observe them.
50:39
Observe them?
50:40
Yeah, like you shouldn't pay attention to them.
50:43
Why?
50:46
Because the lines themselves are actually covering...
50:51
they're covering
50:53
like below the lines
50:56
there's
50:56
like not manhole
51:00
covers but like little like
51:01
each line is a cover
51:04
to the underground
51:04
and it's
51:08
that's where like the crazy underground people
51:10
live like goblins there's like underground
51:12
goblins and they try and
51:14
get out like surface level through
51:16
those lines so if you drive
51:18
over those lines it's like keeping them down
51:20
It's like so that they can't pop up, so goblins can't come up.
51:23
Why would they put so many?
51:25
It just, it's the earth, lane lines are actually, they're not put there for roads.
51:32
Roads are put because this is where the portals in the earth come up.
51:36
Like, these are like pre-set, they just found a functional use.
51:43
They're like, well, we got to cover them anyway.
51:45
We might as well make these lane lines that people can drive in.
51:48
so like the lines themselves are kind of like manhole covers
51:51
but they can be popped out
51:55
wow thank you for telling me
51:57
and then the goblins come out
51:58
so
51:59
right
52:00
yeah
52:01
the goblins are like gremlins but like
52:03
taller
52:05
but they're still very thin
52:07
so that
52:08
how nice for them
52:09
yeah
52:10
yeah it is nice for them
52:11
thanks for warning me that's interesting
52:15
you wear watches right?
52:19
Occasionally yeah
52:19
you gotta be really careful
52:21
I just found this out
52:22
you know how people lift their wrists
52:24
to look at the time?
52:26
you can't do that anymore
52:28
because it's widely seen
52:30
as an invitation to violence
52:33
because I don't know if you know this
52:35
but when you lift your wrist up
52:36
you do almost like a punching motion
52:39
I do do that
52:42
yeah
52:43
and um
52:44
so
52:45
it's
52:46
there's actually been a spike in aggression
52:49
among people whose height
52:51
puts them at fist level
52:53
shorties are getting
52:55
shorties are getting
52:56
yeah and
52:57
they can
52:58
they can legally
53:00
assault you
53:01
and they have a defense being like
53:03
she initiated violence
53:05
this is what she did
53:07
and lawyers
53:07
there's already
53:09
what's it called
53:10
fucking
53:12
you know pre-existing
53:15
you know what I'm talking about
53:18
right
53:19
no
53:21
case law
53:23
precedent
53:25
thank you
53:25
ah there it is
53:26
day one of law school and I forgot it
53:30
uh
53:33
okay
53:34
that's good to know
53:35
especially it must be even doubly hard if you're wearing like
53:38
a long sleeve like cuffed shirt
53:41
because then sometimes
53:42
you know you like
53:43
pop your
53:43
you pop your cuff
53:44
oh
53:45
that's like a double
53:46
you'd get shot
53:46
if you did that
53:47
it's shorty and his kid
53:48
are both gonna be
53:50
coming after me
53:51
yeah
53:52
so
53:52
shorty and a shorty
53:54
watch out
53:54
shorty's watching shorty's
53:56
yeah
53:56
that doesn't say anything
53:58
about the
53:58
the
53:59
Hitler resurgence club
54:01
what
54:01
that when
54:02
they see
54:03
the wrist come up
54:04
they get so excited
54:05
because they think
54:06
you're going all the way
54:07
oh
54:08
so that's like two sides
54:09
like
54:10
you're
54:11
You're making the shorties scared and the Hitler resurgence club excited.
54:16
Yeah, and then ultimately disappointed.
54:18
So then they're mad at you too.
54:19
Yeah.
54:20
Oh.
54:20
You do not want to be in those crosshairs.
54:22
So what's the proper way to check a watch?
54:26
You put your palm on the nearest flat surface.
54:31
You use your other hand to pull back a article of clothing if one exists, if it doesn't.
54:36
But then you don't need to.
54:37
And then you look at the timepiece you get the information you need and then you look away from the watch and you gently take your hand off the surface Okay Slow all of it slow and gentle
54:49
Yes.
54:50
Okay.
54:51
Yes.
54:52
God, that was close.
54:54
I do occasionally wear a watch.
54:56
Mm-hmm.
54:57
Mm-hmm.
54:58
Man.
54:59
Yeah.
55:00
That would've been big trouble.
55:02
Also, you have a toilet, right?
55:08
Yeah, three.
55:10
Oh, then you definitely need to know this.
55:12
Okay.
55:13
Do you speak into the toilet water before you go?
55:17
Well, yes, of course.
55:18
You have to whisper into it and say...
55:20
Okay, so you already know.
55:21
That's great.
55:22
A lot of people may not know
55:23
that if you don't whisper into the toilet water
55:28
before you go,
55:29
the snakes have no idea
55:33
they're not supposed to come up.
55:35
Oh.
55:36
Right?
55:37
Yeah.
55:37
You have to whisper into the toilet water and be like, I'm going to be using the toilet now.
55:41
This is not your time.
55:42
Yeah, don't come up.
55:44
And if you don't do that, you legally can't sue when a snake bites you in the butt.
55:53
Which would be terrible if you just, if you couldn't sue because of that.
55:59
Just because of this one technicality, because you didn't whisper.
56:02
Yeah, yeah.
56:03
And someone owns that snake.
56:04
stop letting your snake
56:06
into the sewer
56:07
yeah people
56:09
this is like an
56:11
off leash dog
56:12
I was just gonna say
56:13
leash your pets
56:14
people
56:14
leash your pets
56:17
drank your snakes
56:18
wow
56:20
oh um
56:22
I think we've informed
56:23
a lot of people
56:24
I think we've
56:26
really
56:28
probably saved some lives
56:29
saved some marriages
56:30
for sure
56:31
mmhmm
56:32
saved people from goblins.
56:37
Yeah.
56:40
All right, well, we've answered the big question.
56:44
The big question.
56:45
Okay.
56:47
What?
56:48
What do you got?
56:49
Secret word time.
56:51
What you're doing is cheap.
56:54
What?
56:54
This technique is...
56:58
This disinformation technique.
57:01
I don't know.
57:01
I don't know what you're on about.
57:04
Okay.
57:04
Well, I have almost nothing, so let me go first.
57:07
Okay.
57:08
I did a bad job.
57:09
That's not me.
57:11
Tired.
57:13
I wrote down elevator.
57:16
Nope.
57:17
Pod.
57:18
Nope.
57:19
Observe.
57:20
Nope.
57:21
Obstacles.
57:23
Nope.
57:24
Obstacle.
57:25
No.
57:26
Fountain.
57:27
Nope.
57:30
Nope.
57:31
Hmm.
57:35
Okay, I need to decide how I want to play this.
57:39
Okay.
57:45
Did you decoy goblins?
57:47
No.
57:48
Is it your word?
57:49
No.
57:49
You're just having fun over there.
57:51
Yeah.
57:52
I just wanted to talk about goblins.
57:54
Oh.
57:54
Is your word goblin?
57:55
No.
57:58
Okay.
57:59
Damn you.
58:00
Hmm.
58:01
Balthazar?
58:01
Okay, what was it?
58:04
My decoy word was presidency.
58:10
I was just, you said president a bunch.
58:13
It wouldn't have mattered, obviously, it was my decoy.
58:17
But I wanted to assume the presidency a lot in that segment.
58:21
And then my real word was galaxy.
58:25
When did you say that?
58:26
Just now, I said, you know, when you get dizzy
58:29
and someone is like you in another galaxy.
58:33
Oh, wow.
58:34
Yeah.
58:34
I mean, it's annoying because it means I had a chance to guess your word.
58:38
Yeah, because that's when you were on the lookout for words.
58:42
But it didn't jump out.
58:45
Yeah.
58:45
Girl, that's cray.
58:47
Yeah.
58:48
What do you got?
58:49
All right.
58:51
I'm going to start right out of the gate.
58:56
Is your word foster?
58:58
No
58:59
Okay
59:00
I was like that would be a brilliant way for you to get your word in
59:03
Maybe not that brilliant because you guessed it
59:05
But yeah
59:05
Okay
59:07
Emergency
59:09
No
59:10
I guess it's every single time you use this word
59:13
But I'm going to guess it again
59:14
Pneumatic
59:15
No
59:16
One day
59:18
I know
59:18
Parachute
59:20
No
59:22
Parachutes
59:23
No
59:23
Skyscraper
59:28
Skyscraper.
59:29
Well, I wrote down skyscrapper.
59:31
I accidentally added an extra P.
59:33
No.
59:34
Skyscrapers?
59:35
No.
59:36
Assailant?
59:37
No.
59:39
Savior?
59:40
No.
59:41
Wow, you really whooped the pants off me.
59:45
Sphincter?
59:47
No, though I wish.
59:51
Shucked?
59:52
No.
59:53
I really hope this isn't it, because you got me to say it.
59:55
It's not precedent, is it?
59:57
No.
59:58
Okay, I have one final guess.
1:00:02
Snakes?
1:00:03
No.
1:00:03
Or snake?
1:00:04
No.
1:00:05
Dang it.
1:00:05
I really thought you had it.
1:00:06
I thought I did too.
1:00:07
I thought you had it because I saw you pick up a pen right around the time I said it.
1:00:12
No.
1:00:12
Okay, what was your decoy word?
1:00:14
My decoy word was cabernet.
1:00:17
Oh.
1:00:19
Look at you.
1:00:20
Look at us.
1:00:21
Okay.
1:00:21
Look at Joe.
1:00:23
And then my real word was editorials.
1:00:27
Oh, with the newspaper.
1:00:28
Yeah.
1:00:29
Yeah.
1:00:31
Look at the sports face.
1:00:33
Don't look at the sports face.
1:00:34
Yeah.
1:00:34
Yeah.
1:00:35
That's the one I was worried about because I saw you pick up a pen shortly after.
1:00:38
I was like, that was not smooth, I guess.
1:00:41
No, that must have been when it occurred to me to write down Foster.
1:00:46
Oh.
1:00:47
Well, look at that.
1:00:49
No movement.
1:00:50
Oh, you're still in the lead, I believe, by three and a half points.
1:00:55
I'll take that.
1:00:57
You're going to have to.
1:00:58
It's what it is, baby doll.
1:01:01
Oh, foster.
1:01:05
Oh, Victoria, give me those saggy titties.
1:01:08
All right, well.
1:01:10
Bye.
1:01:10
Oh, yeah, bye.