Latest / The Rooted Woman Podcast / The Rooted Woman: From Survival Mode to Surrender
Transcript
- Courtney Her Mind on Mission: Hey friends, welcome back to the Mission for More podcast. I'm so glad you're here today. Before you begin, I want you to remember that we are in the Rooted Woman audio series. So if you have not started the series from the very beginning and this is your first time tuning in or you've missed a couple of episodes, I do encourage you to go back and listen because these are kind of building off of each other and just really kind of knitting together the overall idea of something big coming at the end of the 12-week series. So we will dive into episode three today, talking about Moving from survival mode to surrender, stick with me here. I know sometimes that feels like, ugh, surrender, right? Okay, it's this big thing, right? But I'm gonna break it down for you and I hope that it will feel like some biblical truth, practical application that you can take with you into the rest of the week, the rest of the month, even the rest of 2026. I have been sharing a lot on social media and in the process of just sharing on here too, that for so many years I thought that my problem was. was motivation. I needed motivation. I needed it to start on a Monday, start over on a new month. I needed better routines. I needed better habits. I needed better planners. I needed better time management. If I could figure out the perfect system, I would somehow just feel like peaceful and I would somehow be the better version of myself that I was like dreaming up in the back of my mind. And really I was stuck in survival mode and I needed to be able to heal And I couldn't heal because I was trying to do that from a place of survival mode and not making room for the Lord to do all of the things that He wanted to do in me and through me. And I was trying to figure it out myself. And I think that if I went back and told myself anything, it was like, you don't need anything but Jesus. You don't need anything but Jesus. You don't need anything but surrender to him. And when you do that, you will have everything that you need. And it's not like this overnight transformation. We still have work to do in our lives, but When we do it with the Lord, it is so different than doing it from that place of survival mode. Because survival mode, it affects the way you think, it affects the way you parent, it affects the way you care for your body or lack thereof for me. ⁓ it affects the way that you respond to your husband, and it affects the way that you pray to the Lord and how you show up to do anything in your everyday life. So today we're gonna talk about survival mode, what it really looks like and why so many women get stuck there, and then how Jesus really invites us in to do something different. For a while I did not recognize that I was in survival mode. So I want to first pause. And I want you to ask yourself if you are operating from that place of survival mode. I think when people hear the phrase survival mode, they often picture like a trauma or crisis that happened. And I went through some traumas, but this happened long before any of the trauma was really stirring it up. It was a place that I was continuing to dig myself deeper into because I didn't know that I was there and I didn't know how to get out of it. And survival mode obviously can happen after trauma or crisis. So if you're there, you likely know. Like I'm I am where I'm at because I'm still trying to figure out why X, Y, or Z happened. Maybe you lost a parent or a best friend or even a child. ⁓ and I'm so sorry that you've been walking through that type of grief and having to figure out how to continue on when that person that you love so deeply is no longer here. That That's an obvious place of survival mode and healing that needs to happen. But a lot of women are living in that place of survival mode and they don't, they don't recognize it. Their nervous system just like never gets the message that circumstances have changed, that you know, we're on high alert all the time. And maybe you kind of feel like it, like I feel like I'm always rushing or I feel like I'm always stressed out. And you could say those things, but you're not recognizing, like, no, I'm actually here quite literally almost. all the time and I need to get out of that place. For a lot of women, I think that we wake up tired. We wake up already feeling just completely done for the day and exhausted and we haven't even started. And that's that was one of my signs to know like, whoa, I am truly in survival mode because I'm trying to rest and my rest is no longer even refreshing to me. And I'm trying to get things done and feel like I never even make a dent in the list that I need to get done. And I feel guilty whenever I am resting. I was struggling to sit still. I felt so irritated by like the smallest things. And I was very snappy. Just very snappy at anybody because I couldn't even handle what was going on inside of me. Then let alone somebody give me feedback or say the wrong thing. It was like, wow, this is really truly too hard. And like I mentioned, I would always try to like get my stuff in order, like get my ducks in a row. For example, you know, just trying to buy a new planner or a new journal, thinking that that was going to be the answer, trying to muster up the the strength and the motivation, the energy to start a new workout workout plan, to get, you know, different rules and routines in my home so that things will just be easier, right? With the kids. And I think we tell ourselves like, ⁓ this is just motherhood or this is just adulthood. This is just how life is, but is it really? Like is that really? You have to sit back and ask yourself Is that really the way that the Lord intended for us to live? Is it really that way? Does he want us to constantly remain in a busy season? Does he want us to always be on high alert? If he told us that the fruit of the spirit, one of those fruits is is peace, that we could have joy, that there's a gentleness and we're snapping at people and we don't feel peace and we, you know, we can't rest without feeling guilty and there's no joy in the things that we're doing. We're too tired. That is not the portion that the Lord has for us. And I think when I recognized that, when I was like, wait a second, it's not just motherhood. It's not just postpartum. It's not just circumstantial. It's not just adulthood. It's not just this season. This is survival mode. And this is something that I need to pray about and really ask God, like, how do I get out of this place? Because I'm not supposed to stay here. It's okay to dip into those seasons, but we shouldn't stay there because that is not the portion that the Lord has for us. So ask yourself that. Am I there right now? Have I stayed here for too long? Have I made up this thing in my mind where I believe that this is just the way that it's going to be? And then how do you, you know, work your way out of that way of thinking? ⁓ I we have to get out of that place of of being perpetually exhausted and anxious and reactive and disconnected from peace. Because that was never the Lord's design and I it's not an overnight thing like I mentioned. Like you're not just gonna go to bed earlier and wake up the next day being like, ⁓ yeah, that extra sleep like fixed my life's problems. You might feel a little bit better or ha maybe have a little bit more energy, but you have to really get to the root of it all. And I think for me, I spent so many years just like trying to get things to finally click in my life. Like it always felt like there was you know, there was this missing piece. And when I go back, obviously, you know, I'm sure it sounds cliche to you and you can probably already fill in the blank. That missing piece for me was Jesus. And it was putting him at the center and first of everything. Like he was at the first of all the things that I was doing and he was at the center and the core of the reasoning, the rationale, my why behind everything until he got to that place. I couldn't get out of survival mode because I was continuing to rely on the systems and the things that I thought were necessary or true or the way that I should do things, trying to muster up my own strength to be able to do them. And I realized like that was just chasing perfection in every single area of my life. And I was exhausted, as I mentioned. And I I also just feared like, okay, if I let this go and I drop the ball, then I'm not only failing myself. Now I'm failing the Lord. I don't want my growth to be my own self-reliance. That got me there. I want my growth to be because the Lord did a work in me and I grew from that. And I will say, when I look back on my life, yeah, I accomplished things all throughout my life. I've always been a very driven person. But in seasons when I've done things on my own, in my own strength, because I thought that was the best thing to do, and I created it in my own doing without submitting it to the Lord, the fruit of that and the feeling that it gave me 100% would never even catch up. To the feeling that I have and the joy that I have and the peace that I have when I do it with the Lord. And so ask yourself that too. Like the things that I'm doing in this season, am I doing it because I feel like I just have to? Am I doing it because I feel like there's no other option? And have I surrendered it to the Lord, even if there truly is no other option? Like I can't just like not raise my children, right? But am I doing that with the Lord? Am I asking God for wisdom and discernment and guidance and and direction and Just th the highlighting of his word to me to make it real and tangible in my life, to carry it out and give that to my children in the way that I respond, in the way that I, you know, carry my tone, in the way that I correct them, in the way that I'm loving them. Am I asking the Lord for that? Or am I just like, okay, this is how we do motherhood because of a reel that I saw on social media? And I think when we look at why we do things the way we do. what we believe about what we're doing. And if it is us or if it is surrender to the Lord in the way that we are going about doing it, we can recognize if I'm in survival mode, if I feel stuck, or if I'm kind of like moving out and I just have these couple areas that maybe I need to lean into some more conviction or surrender a little bit deeper so that I'm not putting that same pressure on myself. And I think many women, it's not that we're choosing survival mode, it's that we've adapted to it. When I was in survival mode, I wasn't like, ⁓ yeah, I totally want to stay here. I just adapted to being there that I was like, I don't know, I'm just here. Like this is just like the way that my life is. When I was struggling really bad with anxiety, it was like I always had anxiety as a child into my teenage years, into my adult years. And when I was an adult, it was just like, this is who I am. This is something that's a part of me. That will never change. And when I realized that no, like I could ask God to take that anxiety away because that's not what his word says is for me. The fruit of the spirit, peace does it directly contradicts the anxiety that I was feeling in the way that I was clinging to that as a part of my identity. And so when I realized, like, no, I've just adapted my life around this feeling of anxiety, and it's only made the anxiety grow. Maybe I need to do something differently. And I think somewhere along the way, like we learn. messages that really become deep roots in our lives. Like, well, my whole family struggles with anxiety. Or, you know, ⁓ you are what you produce. Like if I produce good work, if I get straight A's, if I make the money, then that's where my worth comes from. Or your value is if you say yes to everybody. If people are disappointed with you. Every single time that you have to say no, every single time that you can't be at a family function, every single time that you have to whatever, you know, something else comes before this thing and people are like upset with you about it and frustrated with you and making you feel like that was like the worst choice ever, then you have this root of this message that starts to form saying like, Hey, your value will come from your yeses and your no's and when you say no to me, you are less valuable and I think that you value me less. But in reality life is life and we can't be everywhere all the time. So we create this message and this truth in our heart and it takes root and it starts to grow. And I think we often do this with like other people. People will love you if you achieve enough. People will love you if you can hold it all together. People will love you if you do it all. If you never let them down. If you are the one that they can trust, if you are the one that they can go to. And it's like again, just being that yes person. If you are the one who can always make somebody smile. It's like there is so much pressure in being so much for other people that you are actually in those situations when you do show up. You're blocking the ability for God to be that in somebody else's life because it's coming from you and it's expected that it will come from you. So not only should we work to be the people that are relying on Jesus, we should work to be the people that are pointing other people right back to him alongside us and saying, like, girl, I want to love you and I want to give you advice or I want to be there for you. I can't, but I want to tell you like, you don't need me there to do the thing that you think that you need to do in this season. If let's just say, you know. somebody's calling you like, Hey, I really need your help with this thing. Like, I actually can't be there right now, but I really want to, but I want to pray for you instead or I want to lead you right back to Jesus because even though I'm not there to do it, I trust that the Lord is going to give you everything that you need. It's going be even better than if I was by your side during that thing. And I think when we come to that place and we could do that not only for ourselves. But for other people, it's like this domino effect in our own lives, in their lives, and in the kingdom. It does something in the supernatural and it builds our faith. It builds other people's faith. And we we sit in survival mode so long, not thinking that that will happen. But when you can put the glasses on that will allow you to see that and we magnify that thing in our lives. Like I want to surrender to the Lord and I wanna be so surrendered that I help other people to surrender to him too. It changes the name of the game. It changes everything in our lives. We no longer have to feel like this this pressure, right? We no longer have to be the person that shows up because it's like, you know what, I really can't be in two places at once. So I'm going to say yes to this thing and no to this other thing. Or maybe the Lord's like Sit down for a season, sister. Like say no to all of it and just sit with me until we go through and heal in these places because you will only ever pour out from those unhealed places in your heart. And God wants us to heal them first. So when we do pour out, it is from a healed place. It is from a place that is surrendered. It is from a place that's going to truly and genuinely show up for people in a way that is going to give God so much glory and in a way that's going to allow others to experience his goodness too through you because you are a vessel. And I think For me, when I recognized this, I was like, okay, I want to change everything in my life. Like I want to surrender everything because I was so over it. I was so over feeling that way. And maybe that's you today. Maybe you're like, I'm so over feeling this way. I don't want to feel this way anymore. I don't want to strive anymore. I don't want to be so stressed out. And you have come to the end of your rope and you're like, I don't know what to do. I'm telling you, today, leave it at the foot of the cross. Today, surrender it to the Lord. Today. remind yourself that you don't have to be everything for everybody and you could just be a daughter of the most high king. And even if everybody around you starts getting upset because you're no longer showing up in the way that you were, it's okay. You work for an audience of one. And if you're doing the thing that the Lord is asking you to do and you're healing so that when you go back out and you do say yes to people, it is a better yes than you could have given them in the season when you're stuck in survival mode. Then let it happen. And the people that will be there for you, cheerleading you, loving you unconditionally will show themselves in that season and you celebrate that and you release the others and you bless them and you don't get bitter about it because you know that. They were relying on you so much and and you just begin to pray for them because you can't be the Lord to everybody. ⁓ you can't be everything to everybody. Only the Lord can be that is what I'm trying to say. So let God be God and you say no and you have to say no. And here is the lie that will come up in your mind. If I pull back, everything's gonna crumble. If I pull back, w this is like my best friend. She's I know she's gonna think X, Y, and Z. I know she's gonna feel this. And we start to You know, in our vain imagination, cycle through thoughts or feelings that other people are going to have or ways that we're going to fail or how things are going to get so messed up. But I want to remind you in Matthew 11, it says, Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. That's Jesus talking. And if he tells us that we're supposed to come to him to rest, can we trust that the rest of of everything else will be okay? And we can return back to it later. And it's going to, like I said, be the better, yes, the better thing. We're going to be able to serve people better to tend to those responsibilities. Better and in a deeper way, and maybe even hand it off to somebody else so they can walk in their gifting because it was never ours to carry. And I think when we think about that, it is I don't know, it's so refreshing because he's not saying, Come to me after you have fixed yourself, come to me when you have a spare minute, come to me when you've got everything figured out and you're organized. He's saying, Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. If we read this verse often, we will be reminded that it is okay to rest and it will shut down the voice of the enemy that says that we need to feel guilty. For resting. So I just wanted to encourage you with that today because I understand that pressure. And I've been there many, many times. And I don't want you to stay there because I know that when I was there, it was just messy. And it's okay to be in the middle of a messy season. And it's okay to be in the middle of your exhaustion. But I don't want you to feel like you're stuck and you can't get out of that place. Like maybe you're not at the worst point that you were at before. And you feel like, well, I've made progress, like it's not so bad. Don't normalize. the things that the enemy is trying to like swirl around in your mind, right? Don't normalize this pressure that you constantly put on yourself to where you get to the point of burnout every couple of months. Normalize being so submitted and surrendered to the Lord that you do all things from that place of overflow. You do all things through that place of feeling like, ⁓ I am rejuvenated and I can show up and really give my all to this thing. And I don't have to give like my, you know, third of a response to it because I am able to To show up well and I am able to rest and receive from the Lord and then go and do these things. And I think all of that really leads back to something that I've talked about my own struggle before is the struggle with control. Like, can you surrender control to the Lord in these areas so that you can move forward with more peace and with more trust in the Lord? And if you're struggling to control all the things around you, make a list. That's my encouragement to you. Get a journal out, make a list. What happens if you release control of fill in the blank? Write down all the things that you're trying to control in your life, all the things that you worry about, all the things that you're spinning right now in this season. And from there, break it down. Okay, what would happen if I say no to this thing? What would happen if I pulled back here? And write, I mean, you can write worst case scenario and best case scenario and everything in between. And then pray through it and surrender it. And sometimes when we write it down, it is that's what we need to see. Like, okay. Worst case scenario probably actually won't happen. And even if I landed somewhere around the middle, it's actually not that bad. I was just making it this bigger thing in my head. And it helps us because sometimes we need a little help. To obey, okay. I know that radical obedience, first time obedience is like the goal of every Christian that just wants to be living this surrendered life to the Lord. It doesn't always happen that way. And that's okay. You don't have to be this like perfectly obedient daughter of the Most High King. You have flesh that gets in the way. And sometimes when we process through it, it gives us eyes to see the things that the Lord is doing in a deeper way. And it it allows us to understand where our sin patterns come in and where we kind of try to take control, like I mentioned, or where we are trying to. write our own story versus submit to the will of God in our lives. And I think when you do that and you're ⁓ able to process, you can not only give God all of your surrender and hand over the control to him, you can give him more glory too, because you understand why you were getting in your own way and you're like, God, thank you for revealing this thing to me. So that's my encouragement is to write things down and sift through it. You can make all these little maps of things that are going on in your head if you really had to, to get it all down on paper to be able to surrender. Cause that's what I have to do. I have like brain dump. I do it regularly. I think I r I recommended doing that when we were coming into the new year. ⁓ just like brain dumping on paper, writing everything down. What is your thought? What's your fear? What's your worry? What do you want to accomplish? How do you get there? What are some things that you have have to say yes to? And what are some opportunities that you could say yes to? And then begin to pray through it. And every single time, there has never been a time where I'm like, I really don't know what the Lord wants me to do. So I'm just gonna guess. ⁓ there have been times where I feel so released by the Lord to like, hey, pick whatever. it doesn't matter which one you pick, like there's not a right and a wrong. Either will give me glory, but you have to sift through this and look at the desires in your own heart. And that's so cool to get to that place where the Lord's like, hey, I'm entrusting you now to take control back of these things. And that was when I really recognized like, okay, I've moved into a place of surrender and trust with him that I can now take some of that control back in my own life because I know that even when I am controlling it, it's still a surrendered control. Does that make sense? One more lie I want to combat is giving up. versus surrendering. When you surrender, it's not giving up. And I think this distinction is so, so, so important for women because you you might be questioning, like, okay, so I just stop trying, so I just throw everything out. So I just back away from all my my responsibilities. No, don't do that. Pray about it and recognize surrender is not quitting. You're not just quitting things. Sometimes we table them for later. And we have to remember like it's not just sitting up on a shelf to collect us. Sometimes we just have to set it aside so that we can do the thing that we need to do. And then we'll get back to it and trust that the Lord is going to bring us back to the things that He has for us. And that it's not just gonna be like, ⁓ it's off the table now because you set it down for a season. And even when you come back, it's gonna be in greater measure and doing things that maybe you didn't even recognize you were going to be doing. When I step back From work for quite a while as I was like popping out the babies. I I remember feeling like, gosh, I'll never be able to go back to work again. And I really love what I do and I love serving these families, and it's like such an important part of my life. And honestly, I'd become part of my identity. So it's good to let it go for a season. But I thought, like, if I give it up, I'll never get it back. And that was so not true. Like I had my hand in things coming and going in different seasons. Until I did fully come back to work. ⁓ and it was just so cool that these opportunities would come up to mentor someone who was gonna sit for their exam. Or ⁓ I even worked with a company, I did contract work, like writing quiz questions for people who were preparing for their big exam. And it it was just so cool to have those moments where it was like, man, when I was longing for it, the Lord allowed me to step into it a little bit where it wasn't going to take away from the things that he was doing in my life. So I just want to encourage you with that. You're not, you're not. Quitting, you're not giving up and you're not being lazy. ⁓ because giving up is like, ⁓ I can't do this anymore. So I really am just gonna like pull back from everything and and throw it all away without prayer, without surrender. And then I'm just gonna sulk, right? And I'm gonna dwell and I'm going to magnify the problems in my life. But surrender is more like, hey, God, I can't carry this alone anymore. I want to. give you all of it and you show me, Lord, what I need to take on, what I need to still be responsible for, where I can release control and and give it up and you know, walk away from it, where I can maybe pull back a little bit and not be so engulfed in these things that are going on. And God, how do I make more room for you to do the things that you're doing in my life? See that tone is so different. Like you're not giving up, you're surrendering. So remember that and check your heart too to make sure that you aren't just like, okay, I'm throwing in the towel because I'm too overwhelmed. Cause that's a good, a good place to ⁓ recognize if you are doing that because it it might look like a deeper healing that needs to take place there. Okay, personal challenge. I wanna challenge you to identify one thing. Just one thing, like one burden that you've been carrying that's the biggest thing for you. So you can write out that whole list, but I want you to take out a highlighter when you do that and write the one thing. And then I want you to begin praying over one thing. And every time anxiety starts coming up or you know, fear about what people are gonna think about you if you take away that one thing. I want you to practice surrendering it over and over and over again. Just that one thing. Start with one. Because I know what it feels like to be in a season where it's like, I'm doing a lot and I don't know how to pull back from any of it. So start with one thing and pray over it and pray over it and pray over it until you feel like, okay, I know my heart is pure. I know that I n I have the confidence to go into this decision. I know I've surrendered it to the Lord. Maybe you've heard from the Lord a verse popped out to you while you're reading in his word and it runs resonated so deeply with the situation that you're in right now, whatever that looks like. I just trust that the Lord is going to show up and focus on that one thing and keep posturing your heart in a place of surrender and recognize when he is moving, write it down, journal it, and get excited about it. And then keep doing that over and over again. After that one thing, go to the next thing. But for this week specifically, do the one thing. When we are thinking about the rooted woman, I just want to leave you with this. The rooted woman does not Find peace just because life is easier. We can find peace when you are so truly rooted in the word and in the Lord. You can find peace even when there is chaos all around you. And that's where we're going. That's where we want to get to. So keep ⁓ doing the the hard work, keep writing things down, keep challenging yourself, keep tuning in here. We're gonna continue through this 12 week series, and I'm excited for all that the Lord is going to do. Let me pray for you today. Father, I just thank you for seeing us in our exhaustion and seeing us when we're overwhelmed or when we're anxious or striving and weary and just helping us to recognize where we can set down a burden that we were never meant to carry or set down the things that maybe we said yes to, even though we knew that we were not supposed to. God, teach us to trust you so much that control no longer has a role in our lives. Lord, that we could just truly surrender because we're like, you know what, God, take it all. Take it all because I trust you so much. And we don't need to control. We could just rest that God, you are in control and that you are faithful and that you will lead us. Grow our roots deeper in you, Lord, so that we can experience the peace and the joy and the gentleness and all the good fruit that you have promised to us. And not think that peace comes based on circumstances, but it will be when we are rooted in you and in your presence and in your word and in your goodness, and when we have a heart posture of worship and surrender instead of the control, Lord, that you will just walk us into that place. We trust you and we surrender to you. And I just pray for the woman that is is listening to this today that feels like I don't know how to do this, God, that you become her safe space, that you become that place where she can just hand it all to you. And that it's a safe space to cry about it, to rage about it, to be however she needs to feel about it, Lord, that she can do that with you without any hesitation, without any fear, Lord, without any ⁓ doubt, God, of who you are or how faithful you will be in her life. And that she can just Feel so refreshed in the process of doing this, Lord. Thank you, God, for being with us in this process of growing closer together and growing deeper in our roots to you. I just pray all of this in Jesus' name. Amen. Thank you so much for tuning into the Mission for More podcast. I am so excited about so many things going on right now. If you did not know, I still have the Her Mind on Mission Instagram account. I also have a new account. It's called Consistently Period Courtney. ⁓ so consistently dot Courtney. And That is an account for me to show the behind the scenes of everything that's going on because I want to give you the real and raw version of it to understand what it looks like to live it out practically. So I hope that you will tune in there, follow along, continue to tune in here as we continue through these episodes. And everything on the website on hermindonmission.com is on sale right now because there's some big changes coming. So check it all out and I will see you back here next week.