Latest / Girl, Date the Good Guy ™ | Healing After Heartbreak & A Toxic Relationship / How to Stop Loving from Survival Mode: Healing from Trauma and Dating God’s Way

Transcript

How to Stop Loving from Survival Mode: Healing from Trauma and Dating God’s Way · Girl, Date the Good Guy ™ | Healing After Heartbreak & A Toxic Relationship

• 0:00
  Survival mode is the emotional, mental, and spiritual state we enter when we've
• 0:05
  been hurt, abandoned, or forced to fight for safety.
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  Emotionally, financially, or even spiritually, it's a defensive state designed
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  to protect, not to connect.
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  Have you ever loved someone so hard that you start to lose yourself in the process?
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  You start overthinking every text, replaying every conversation,
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  and trying to be enough so they don't leave.
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  That's not love, sis. That's survival. And I know that place all too well.
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  The place where you love out of fear, fear of being abandoned,
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  rejected, and even unseen.
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  But God never meant for love to be a battlefield.
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  He meant for it to be a home, a place where your heart can rest, not perform.
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  In this episode, we're breaking down what survival mode really is,
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  how it shows up in dating, and how to shift into secure, healed, kingdom-aligned love.
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  Because girl, you don't have to fight for love anymore. You just have to heal enough to receive it.
• 1:11
  Hey sis, welcome to Girl Date the Good Guy podcast, the space where we strip
• 1:15
  away the noise and get real about toxic cycles, healing, and stepping into the love God has for us.
• 1:22
  I'm your host, Emily Jordan, and I've been where you are, heartbroken,
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  confused, and chasing love that didn't come from God.
• 1:35
  Thank you for being a part of Girl Date the Good Guy podcast.
• 1:38
  I'd really appreciate it if you could take a moment to follow the show and leave a review.
• 1:43
  Your support means the world to me and helps more women like you discover this podcast.
• 1:48
  Together, we can guide each other toward healing and truth, empowering one another
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  to embrace the kind of love that God has designed for us.
• 1:58
  Welcome back to the show, sis. I am so excited that you are here today.
• 2:02
  You know, it's Thanksgiving week, and we have so much to be thankful for.
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  I tell you what, I have a lot of things that I am thankful for right now in
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  my life, especially the fact that I broke a toxic cycle in my life.
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  And the fact that I'm healed and happy and loving from a healed place,
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  And I have an amazing, incredible godly man in my life that I absolutely love and adore.
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  And I just couldn't be more grateful right now for the things that I'm thankful for.
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  If you're listening today, I want you to take a moment to count your blessings.
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  Even if you're sitting in a space that's hard,
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  even if you are in an unhealed mindset or your heart is broken or whatever may
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  be going on in your life right now,
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  I just want you to take a moment and literally just look around. Look around, sis.
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  You're alive. You're breathing.
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  You're here. God is not done with you. That means he is not done with your story.
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  That means he is not finished with what he has for you.
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  Oh my goodness, I cannot even tell you how much goodness God really has in store for you.
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  And that's why we are here to do the work, to show up, to change, to evolve, right?
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  So we can receive the love and the life that God truly intends for all of us to have.
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  So with that said, let's get into today's episode.
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  Survival mode is the version of you that learned to survive pain,
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  not to experience peace.
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  It's the you who learned love meant proving, performing, or protecting yourself.
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  You might say things like, I just don't want to lose them, or I'll be whatever they need.
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  If I do enough, they'll stay. But love from survival mode is love that fears abandonment.
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  It's love that hustles instead of rests.
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  The spiritual root to this is when you love from survival mode,
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  you're living from the orphan spirit, not the spirit of a daughter.
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  You're trying to earn what God already gave, acceptance, security, and identity.
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  You can't love freely when you're still trying to prove you're worthy of being loved.
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  God says, you are mine.
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  You don't have to chase what I've already chosen.
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  So let's go through some signs you're loving from survival mode.
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  You overthink or overanalyze everything they do.
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  You try to fix, prove, or rescue.
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  You struggle to receive love without earning it.
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  You feel anxious when things are calm because peace feels unfamiliar.
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  Someone needs to hear this right now.
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  I am so sorry for what you went through. No one should have to go through what
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  you went through, and it was completely unfair.
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  Just in case you have never received an apology, and for most of us, we never will.
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  But that's okay, because we can make peace with ourselves without it.
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  I have. God will restore you and give you back what's been taken from you.
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  It's what he's done for me, so I know that he has this for you.
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  You just have to do the work now. And you can do the work.
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  Some days it's harder than others. Some days you just want to lay in bed and
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  not get up. And that's okay, too.
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  That's all right, sis. You're entitled to take this time to heal and take what
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  you need to heal, as long as it's not self-destructive.
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  But someone needs to hear that today.
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  You need to hear, I'm sorry. I see you. I understand.
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  But you will get on the other side of this.
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  So I want to give you a few tips on how to stop loving that way. All right?
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  Number one, I want you to get honest about what you're afraid of.
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  Ask yourself, what am I scared will happen if I stop trying?
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  Is it that they'll leave? that you'll lose control, that you'll be unseen.
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  Naming fear disarms it. So I want you to name the fear, sister.
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  I want you to look in the mirror, and I want you to tell yourself what are you
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  afraid of, and I want you to say it out loud to yourself.
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  I want you to disarm it, okay? Okay, number two, let God heal the part of you
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  that still is in survival.
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  I want you to pray, God, I give you the part of me that's scared to rest in love.
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  Teach my heart that it's safe now.
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  Number three, pause before you pursue.
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  Every time you feel that old urge to chase or fix, I want you to take a deep breath.
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  Ask, is this love or fear? If it's fear, pause.
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  Love from peace, not panic.
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  You're going to have to learn how to love from a peaceful place,
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  not a panic or anxiety-induced place, okay?
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  And number four, I want you to learn to receive. You've been the giver,
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  the strong one, the one who holds it all together.
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  But healed love means learning to receive affection, care, consistency, without guilt.
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  Because receiving is how your nervous system learns, I'm safe now.
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  So here's a kingdom truth I want you to anchor yourself in.
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  The Lord will fight for you. You need only to be still.
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  Exodus 14, 14.
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  You are not behind. You are not broken. You are being rebuilt.
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  And the next version of love you experience will meet the healed version of
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  you, not the surviving one.
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  Happy Thanksgiving, sis. I love you. Talk to you soon.
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  Thank you for tuning in to Girl Date the Good Guy. Until next time,
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  keep your heart soft, your standards high, and your faith even higher.