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598-The Mean Girl Spectrum: 9 Archetypes to Know&Avoid · Spiritual Homegirl

• 0:00
  Hey y'all, you are listening to another episode of the Spiritual Homegirl podcast where we better self in spirit and make peace with the day through wisdom, education and practical, easy to follow tips.
• 0:09
  I am your host, Maria, your spiritual homegirl, who's also a mental health professional.
• 0:13
  And I had a whole different topic.
• 0:15
  It's currently 11 o'clock on Friday, May 2nd.
• 0:18
  I had a whole different topic I was going to drop today.
• 0:22
  And literally 10 minutes ago, one of my lovely boo friends way across the country said, hey, do you mind doing a refresher episode about mean girls?
• 0:31
  And y'all know I love talking about mean girls because when it comes to what Spiritual Homegirl is about, we're very much anti mean girl, anti bully here, right?
• 0:39
  So I said, you know what, of course I would love to do a refresher in this stage of Spiritual Homegirl about mean girls.
• 0:47
  And we will do it from a different viewpoint this time.
• 0:50
  So what I'm going to do today is I'm going to give you nine archetypes of mean girls to look out for.
• 0:56
  Now, as much as I know that people will be like, oh, I know this person is that other.
• 1:02
  All right, who you talking about?
• 1:03
  Please be clear.
• 1:05
  And some of y'all might be new to me, so let me just get the disclaimer out the way.
• 1:09
  Until I bring it to you directly, it's not about you.
• 1:13
  Everybody that really truly knows me knows that I've never used my platform to describe a person.
• 1:17
  I've never used my platform to fake bring up things because I'd rather just bring it to you directly and privately.
• 1:23
  I'm very much direct.
• 1:24
  I'm very much hard conversation when necessary.
• 1:28
  So please, if you feel like, if we know each other, you feel like it's somebody that we know, no, it's not about them.
• 1:33
  These are archetypes that I've seen not only in my experience, but in the experience of other women that I know of as well.
• 1:40
  So it's not about any one person.
• 1:42
  It's just that it's an archetype that many people could fit.
• 1:46
  But this is not addressed to anybody subliminally.
• 1:48
  Y'all know, I think that's very, that's very scary.
• 1:51
  The, the whole subliminal stuff.
• 1:53
  That's real scary behavior.
• 1:54
  And if it's one thing I ain't been, it's never scared.
• 1:56
  So with that being said, let's just get into our Type Number one archive.
• 2:01
  Number one is the queen bee.
• 2:03
  In my experience, whether it is first hand experience or third hand experience, the queen bee usually has to run the room.
• 2:10
  She will not be in the room if she cannot run the room.
• 2:13
  And that includes running everybody else in the room.
• 2:15
  Now don't get it twisted.
• 2:16
  She's cute sometimes, you know, or her personality is cute, or she's charming.
• 2:21
  She got it together.
• 2:22
  But she's also very, very controlling.
• 2:26
  She builds her identity around being the one, even though it might be more, it's just the one.
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  She always got to be the leader.
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  She always got to be the gatekeeper.
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  She always has to be the first and the last say.
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  But under all that control, usually there's a fear of being unchosen or unseen, or there's a history of her not being seen in the past.
• 2:44
  So she overcompensates as she gets older and that rubs people the wrong way, whether she realize it or not or whether she cares or not.
• 2:51
  Cuz sometimes people know and don't care now sometimes.
• 2:53
  The queen bee is never taught collaboration, only competition.
• 2:57
  So it's hard for us to get along with them because they look at you as a peon and not as an equal.
• 3:02
  That's archetype number one.
• 3:04
  So archetype number two, I know some, I can hear some of y'all right now talking about.
• 3:08
  Yes, number two, the sidekick.
• 3:12
  Now check it out.
• 3:14
  Usually when there's a queen bee, there's a sidekick.
• 3:17
  This is the one who's always to the left or the right of the queen bee.
• 3:21
  She gonna always co sign the mess.
• 3:23
  Even if she disagree, she gonna co sign it because she's scared of rocking the boat.
• 3:27
  Things that might make her uncomfortable, she might laugh it off.
• 3:30
  She don't want the drama, but she doesn't want to lose her standing in the pecking order either.
• 3:35
  So she's the one that's like, hey, she might have a moral compass and say, you know what, this is wrong.
• 3:40
  But because she has a fear of being shut out from the circle or being ostracized, she's not going to speak up.
• 3:46
  Or she might be a person that is complicit because of her own fear of confrontation.
• 3:51
  So she might get labeled as a mean girl, but it might be because she appears mean when she's actually scared to speak up.
• 3:57
  But when you don't know your worth, it's easy to mistake proximity to power for actual real life connection.
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  So that's the inadvertent mean girl with the sidekick number three.
• 4:08
  I like this one.
• 4:12
  The spiritual gaslighter.
• 4:13
  You know, I don't.
• 4:14
  Look, I try to say as much as we don't like the judge here.
• 4:16
  Let's, let's keep it, let's keep it clear.
• 4:18
  One thing I do not like are spiritual gaslighters and spiritual bypassers because they'll be so love and light in the clouds that they will dismiss your whole human experience and act like it don't exist.
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  You're not enlightening enough.
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  You're low vibrational.
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  No life is lifing.
• 4:31
  And some of the emotions that people demonize when it comes to social media spirituality are very much human emotions.
• 4:37
  So they'll love and light you all day and they will dismiss you like you don't matter.
• 4:42
  They will literally label you based on their inability to sit with you in times that are hard.
• 4:48
  So these might be your home girls that are enlightened all of a, of a sudden or now they've gone through an awakening and now they're too good for whatever you got going on.
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  It's not spiritual enough.
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  It's too human.
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  It's too 3D, it's not 5D.
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  And I've seen that a lot on this app.
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  And there's another one that kind of relates to this archetype that we'll go into in a little bit.
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  But when it comes to everybody, oh, you're projecting, you're projecting.
• 5:14
  And no, it can be true because let's keep it real.
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  Social media is the breeding ground for a lot of projection, especially unnecessary projection.
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  But in this case is a mean girl because she avoids accountability.
• 5:26
  Everything can be spiritualized.
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  Everything can just be pushed back because it's a spiritual reasoning behind everything, even her actions that harm other people.
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  So she'll find a way to justify it versus saying, hey, I'm still a human at the end of the day and I, I'm flawed and I made a mistake.
• 5:42
  Nope, it's a spiritual reason every single time.
• 5:45
  So spirituality without self reflection, that's going to be a tool of superiority.
• 5:49
  They're going to hang it over your head and that's what makes them mean.
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  I've seen it a lot when it comes to.
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  And I'm going to make sure I'm not going into different ones.
• 5:57
  But usually it's a, it's a.
• 6:02
  Oh, you do that.
• 6:04
  Oh, like they, they get grounded.
• 6:06
  They, they get grounded and then they get grand.
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  So you go from being grounded and now you're grand and now things that people have gone through that you've gone through, you look down on them for as if they're less than when you know you was just in
• 6:17
  that situation six months, six Years ago, and now it's, oh, you're better than that.
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  You just got to where you were.
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  Now you don't have empathy for other people.
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  Now everybody just isn't doing enough.
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  When you were in that same spot.
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  That's a spiritual gaslighter.
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  And I've seen many a mean girl in this community do that.
• 6:33
  But we'll move on to the next archetype, the passive aggressive empath.
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  This is kind of related to the spiritual gaslighter.
• 6:41
  But they'll act like it's all love, but they don't know how to watch their mouth.
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  It's very.
• 6:48
  Remember I said earlier, I don't do subliminals because I think it's weak.
• 6:51
  And I'm gonna be honest with you.
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  I do think it's weak.
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  I know that sounds kind of like, oh, that's not.
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  That's not very nice.
• 6:56
  No, I do think it's weak because I feel like a lot of times people will say stuff and it'll be real cute and it'll sound real bad to other people, but it'll never get to the person that they
• 7:06
  need to say it to.
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  Those are the things that I don't like passive aggressiveness.
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  I don't think there's a place for it.
• 7:13
  Am I saying there's a need for aggressiveness?
• 7:14
  No.
• 7:14
  I'm very much about assertive communication and standing up for yourself when necessary and going into conflict when necessary, and confrontation.
• 7:21
  As long as there's positive outcome, that'll be productive for both people or the bond or the relationship at hand.
• 7:27
  But the passive aggressive impact is the one who act like she bought it, but she not.
• 7:32
  And that's related to another archetype.
• 7:33
  But this type of person, this mean girl, is giving you backhanded compliments.
• 7:38
  She gonna say something nice, but she gonna throw a jab underneath it.
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  I'm just joking with you.
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  Or your hair is a mess and you're like, oh, my gosh, really, I'm just joking.
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  Or, oh, that would have looked cute if it was two sizes bigger.
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  And you're like, are you.
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  What are you.
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  What are you saying, girl?
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  I'm just joking.
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  She's one of those.
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  She sneaked this all day.
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  And she hides behind being an empath.
• 8:00
  So she's super sensitive and she's this, that, and the other, but she really sleek be making other people look and feel a certain way because or whatever she has going on within herself to where she feels like getting
• 8:09
  little jokes off on people, whether they realize it or not, makes her feel Powerful.
• 8:13
  But think about it.
• 8:14
  A person that has to do that to get power has no power.
• 8:18
  Oh, so number five, the intellectual elitist.
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  I love this one too.
• 8:24
  She know everything.
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  She always knows everything.
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  Can't get a word up on her because she gonna tell you right.
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  Even if it's wrong, she always has to be right.
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  Conversations with her are never cool.
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  They never come, they're always a debate.
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  It's never a respectful exchange.
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  It's never a mutual collaboration or ideas.
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  No, she's gonna floss on you every chance she get.
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  She is insec, sure, but she gonna hide behind her education, her training or the facts because that's all she got to stand on.
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  She thinks she's better than.
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  Because she is more degree, she is more research and she is more articulate with her ideas than other people.
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  So she feels like she's better than you.
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  And because of that, she's going to be mean.
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  Now again, this is just mean girls that do this.
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  This is not all degreed women.
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  These are not women that are all, you know, educated.
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  These are not all articulate women.
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  These are women that weaponize that to be mean.
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  Just because you read more don't mean you're better than.
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  It doesn't mean you feel more.
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  It doesn't mean anything.
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  Now what I will say is that education is important.
• 9:30
  Don't get it twisted.
• 9:31
  But again, this is only in a mean girl context.
• 9:34
  This is only where she shames you for not being as, quote, unquote intelligent as her.
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  I had an example one time, a real life example, where I remember seeing something where they were judging people who didn't read, quote, unquote, real books.
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  If you don't read real paper books and real books you can hold in your hand, you're not really educating yourself.
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  And I said that's crazy because what about the disabled folks that can't read like that?
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  What about the folks that can only access books through audio material?
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  Or what about the blind folks that cannot necessarily hold a actual quote unquote real book, but they have other ways to consume it?
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  And I just think that the elitism will have you so in your own able bodiness and your own experience that you are impossible to find empathy or even consider other people that don't do what you do.
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  I thought that was wild.
• 10:27
  There's a lot of disabled folks that cannot access books the way an able body person can.
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  And that's a real.
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  That's another issue about elitism as well.
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  They don't hold empathy for folks who are unable to have access.
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  Whether it is able bodiness or whether it is financial access, whether it is access to the libraries.
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  It's there.
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  It's always some type of judgment on people who just do not know enough or people who might know enough but don't necessarily look the part or can speak the part the way she speak it.
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  That's what makes a mean.
• 10:59
  The next archetype, the wounded healer.
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  She helps everybody because she wants to.
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  But then she gives and she gives and she gives until she's empty.
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  But then she becomes resentful and unemotional to other people.
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  She's cold at this point, but she'll still let people use her.
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  And she becomes mean because rather than set our boundaries, she is feeling away because she feels like people are take, take from her.
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  But let me rewrite that.
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  She gives the people, but she's like a martyr.
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  That's the word I want to say.
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  The wounded healer slash martyr.
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  She's always sacrificing.
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  She's always reminding everybody of her sacrifice.
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  And she'll never hesitate to remind you of all the things she's done for you.
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  I've done you.
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  I've done that for you.
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  When you were having a hard time.
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  I do this and you don't appreciate this, this, this, this.
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  And I feel like there are genuinely people who get taken for granted.
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  Absolutely.
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  But there's also a meanness that comes from somebody that'll help you, but resent you and look at you crazy or think about you in a.
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  In a negative light.
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  At the same time, it's almost like a double.
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  A double edged sword.
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  Yes.
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  A person is helping you and it seems cute.
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  But behind the scenes, or behind the.
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  The mirror, I should say, it's really more of a double edged mirror.
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  Behind that mirror, she really can't stand you.
• 12:25
  And it can reflect in other ways.
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  Maybe some of the ways that's listed previously.
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  Passive aggressiveness, dismissing you being the sidekick or she's the queen bee.
• 12:38
  Look at me saving this girl once again.
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  This girl don't never have her stuff together.
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  That's me.
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  Don't you think I always gotta help y'all?
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  Cause y'all can't ever get right.
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  I always gotta come save the day or you always need me.
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  What would you do without me?
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  They will never hesitate to throw your tea in your face.
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  They will spray you with your tea.
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  Even stuff you told them in confidence.
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  But they'll come and help you so they think it's okay.
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  That's mean to me also.
• 13:01
  Let me go back.
• 13:03
  I Also want to do a bonus one.
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  It's an add on to.
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  It's a mix of the passive aggressive empath and it's the spiritual gaslighter kind of put together with a twist.
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  The mean girl who's a healer with a God complex.
• 13:19
  Oh yeah, let's get into that.
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  So now we have a gift.
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  Everybody on this earth has a gift that's given through the divine.
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  At least that's what I believe.
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  God has given everybody gifts and purpose, whether they realize it or not, whether they want to take advantage or not.
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  This mean girl will take advantage of her gift and her purpose and she will be exalted for that because she's doing what she's supposed to do.
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  But sometimes that comes with a level of power and responsibility that she will abuse and subjugate other human beings with.
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  So now she is the all knowing.
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  Now she is more powerful than other humans.
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  She is the God on earth.
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  And when you start thinking like that and you have people that follow you and people that depend on you and things like that, it will make you think that you are really God and you will treat people as
• 14:00
  if they're beneath you.
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  All because you have a gift not realizing that other people also have gifts.
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  So just because you discovered yours doesn't mean these folks don't have theirs.
• 14:09
  And it doesn't mean these folks can't cultivate theirs to the best of their ability.
• 14:13
  Just because you were able to get some game and get put on on your craft a little bit earlier than other people, it doesn't make you better than.
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  So they become mean because they feel like you're less than because you're not where you are in your gift to the level that they are in theirs.
• 14:27
  And they will make you feel like crap for it too very mean.
• 14:30
  They will talk to you like you stupid.
• 14:32
  They will treat you like you're stupid.
• 14:33
  They will act like you don't know anything.
• 14:35
  They will act like you are to listen to them because they have the all knowing, allseeing gifts and we already know how God work.
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  Nothing and nobody is more powerful and more all knowing than God themselves.
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  They will think they're bigger than the program and that you got to bow to whatever they are saying or to whatever they're advising you or to whatever they're doing because they've gotten too big for their britches.
• 14:56
  And usually from what I've seen, God will always show them they are never bigger than the program.
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  Once you think that you are already in a dangerous place.
• 15:03
  When I see people that are bigger than the program, I just step away.
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  I ain't even trying to get caught up in the blowback of that.
• 15:09
  I'm let you have that.
• 15:10
  With all due respect, I send you love, but I'm a distance myself because I don't want to be a part of that when the.
• 15:15
  The quote unquote, the universe or God or whatever you believe in, I don't want to be anywhere near that when it's time to show you what time it is.
• 15:23
  So that's a bonus one.
• 15:25
  The God complex is dangerous because you really think that you are are that one.
• 15:29
  And the cold part is that you know, oh, God, don't play about me.
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  If we're all God's children, God don't play about none of us either.
• 15:35
  So what that mean or weaponizing what you believe in?
• 15:39
  Okay, cool.
• 15:39
  So if that person want to use the same system back and you know you in the wrong, then what?
• 15:44
  Like weaponizing your spirituality and weaponizing your religion?
• 15:47
  Especially when it's on something petty.
• 15:49
  That's another mean girl too.
• 15:51
  You hollering about what you gonna do and okay, well, well, good luck.
• 15:54
  Because if somebody is quiet and they are a little bit more about it than you are, you're gonna need whatever luck or whatever blessing to save you from whatever it is that you done got yourself into.
• 16:03
  Because now you're going blow for blow for no reason.
• 16:06
  But that was like two bonuses, really.
• 16:09
  But anyway, let's go to archetype number seven, the official number seven, the self sabotager.
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  So this woman is mean because she taught big and there's nothing wrong with having big aspirations, right?
• 16:24
  So we're not judging that.
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  But when it's time to really do what you say you're gonna do, she's nowhere to be found.
• 16:30
  But what she gonna do is pop back up and criticize everybody else that's doing what they say they're gonna do.
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  Why?
• 16:35
  Because she's this.
• 16:37
  And this woman is particularly dangerous too, because she might covet what you have.
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  And I was talking to my girl Tiffany, shout out to T.
• 16:44
  Scott.
• 16:45
  I was talking to her earlier and, and that's really funny because it's a whole nother person that talked about mean girls.
• 16:51
  But me and my girl T.
• 16:52
  Scott was just talking about just what it means to want versus covet, right?
• 16:56
  And she said, you know, you might have a fly pair of shoes and somebody might say, I want that, but you might have a fly husband, a fly wife, a fly house, a fly purpose or a fly house
• 17:09
  or car, I should say but they want that.
• 17:15
  It's different when somebody can work and get something that you may have versus something that was given to you by God or based on your hard work was a blessing from God and they want your blessing.
• 17:28
  They don't want to work for it and get in their own way.
• 17:30
  They want what you got to the letter.
• 17:34
  They don't want a man of your own, they want your man.
• 17:38
  They don't want a wife of your own.
• 17:40
  No, they want your wife, they want your kids in the sense of.
• 17:46
  They want everything to look exactly how it looks for you.
• 17:49
  They can't imagine what it looks like for themselves.
• 17:52
  So they resent you because essentially they feel like you're this lucky person, you're super blessed and that they're not able to get it for themselves because of whatever self worth issues they have.
• 18:00
  They're wanting to be you in the spiritual world.
• 18:04
  They call that destiny swappers.
• 18:06
  They want a destiny swap with you, they want to live your life and those are dangerous because they will resent you for it and they will treat you accordingly.
• 18:13
  They'll be close to you and the whole time they want you to lose everything or they might want to take it from you.
• 18:19
  They're mean because obviously they want to be in your position and they will manipulate and they will try to act like they're cool, but they're really not and they're mean girls because why would you be friends with somebody
• 18:34
  or why would you be close to somebody?
• 18:36
  Whether it's your family or a co worker or a homegirl.
• 18:40
  Being close to somebody whose life you want is dangerous.
• 18:43
  I've always said a jealous person is dangerous because you never know what somebody will do if they want something you got.
• 18:50
  It's a little.
• 18:50
  It's tricky and some of y'all may disagree.
• 18:52
  Well, jealousy doesn't mean that for me.
• 18:54
  I've never seen it first or third hand end up happy.
• 18:58
  I've never seen a happy ending of somebody that was jealous.
• 19:00
  I've seen a lot of breakups.
• 19:02
  I've seen a lot of friendship breakups.
• 19:03
  I've seen a lot of drama.
• 19:05
  I've seen a DNA test, I've seen all kind of stuff.
• 19:07
  I've seen robbery.
• 19:08
  I've seen stuff where people have stole from folks because they wanted it.
• 19:11
  And when I say seen it, I don't mean I was in the room.
• 19:14
  Okay?
• 19:15
  We don't do the crime.
• 19:16
  We don't witness crimes either.
• 19:17
  But what I mean by that is I end up helping people or I end up up seeing or hearing of situations where folks are having to deal with people that want their lives, and now they have to deal
• 19:28
  with the aftermath of a person that was a wolf in sheep's clothing.
• 19:33
  Whole time they want to eat you up, or the whole time they want you to leave your situation or leave whatever standing you have in your life so they could just take it all in.
• 19:42
  And usually this happens with people that make it the struggle look easy.
• 19:45
  But life might not be easy for them.
• 19:47
  They might be somebody that's able to be resilient and overcome and go through a lot of transmutation when it comes to life's challenges and negativity.
• 19:54
  And they just make the quote unquote struggle look good.
• 19:58
  And because of that, people will think, oh, you just have it so together.
• 20:02
  Oh, you're so blessed, or, oh, you're so favored not realizing the testimony you went through to get the things you got.
• 20:08
  Or they might know the testimony that you've gone through to get the things that you got, and they'll say, why not me?
• 20:13
  Why her?
• 20:15
  And then they'll start treating you accordingly.
• 20:17
  The whole time you at war with somebody you close with, and the war is within themselves.
• 20:22
  It's the hater.
• 20:22
  And y'all know, as much as I don't really judge on this, on this platform, you know, I'll judge me a hater all day because what you hating for where you can go out and get your own?
• 20:31
  You know, y'all know I ain't like the hater since day one.
• 20:33
  My first episodes was hater 101 and I told everybody how to identify a hater.
• 20:37
  And then I came back for a part two.
• 20:39
  I ain't never liked to hater a day in my life.
• 20:41
  And I ain't never been no hater either.
• 20:43
  Unless you out here causing harm because that's unnecessary.
• 20:46
  And I don't like that because it goes back to being a bully, which I don't like because haters and bullies to me are one and the same.
• 20:51
  But sometimes the ha is the healed version of these women waiting to be chosen.
• 20:58
  It's so.
• 20:59
  It's the.
• 21:00
  The heel version that just want to come out, but they just.
• 21:02
  They just not ready.
• 21:04
  Why heal if I could just take what you got?
• 21:06
  Why work and go through my own things if I can just.
• 21:08
  That's how they think.
• 21:09
  Why do I have to sit here and work and do my own work and.
• 21:13
  And have to do all of this progress and all of these different things?
• 21:17
  If I could just X you out and just take your spot so that's another one.
• 21:24
  Archetype number eight, the bark with no bite.
• 21:28
  I done been around, man.
• 21:29
  I grew up with this one.
• 21:31
  I grew up with this one and I love it.
• 21:33
  It's one of my favorite ones to talk about.
• 21:36
  She will pop it all day.
• 21:38
  I don't like you.
• 21:39
  Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
• 21:41
  I can't stand her when I see her.
• 21:42
  It's on site.
• 21:43
  Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
• 21:44
  She'll pop it at any.
• 21:45
  Everybody except you.
• 21:47
  Or she'll pop it to you from a distance.
• 21:50
  She'll pop it to you online.
• 21:51
  She'll pop it in your dm.
• 21:52
  She'll pop it to your homegirls.
• 21:54
  Yeah.
• 21:54
  Whoever you see and tell so and so when I see her, but when you're in the same spot, she's nowhere to be found.
• 22:00
  Why?
• 22:00
  Because she just left.
• 22:01
  Or she heard that she was on the way and she got in her car and left.
• 22:05
  Or when you are in the same space, she quiet as a church mouse.
• 22:09
  She don't do the conflict in real life.
• 22:11
  She don't like the confrontation in real life.
• 22:14
  She'll gossip about you to everybody else, but she not gonna tell you nothing to your face.
• 22:19
  She'll gossip about everybody else, pop all this mess about everybody else.
• 22:23
  When that person's in their face, there is nothing, absolutely nothing to say.
• 22:28
  She gonna leave quiet you in a restaurant.
• 22:35
  She didn't talk to all that mess.
• 22:36
  It's gonna get silent lunch very quick.
• 22:38
  It's gonna be a silent lunch over there.
• 22:39
  Her table.
• 22:41
  Energy without follow through is just noise.
• 22:43
  And them the ones you got to ignore the most because again, they will be loud.
• 22:48
  They will talk it they not passive aggressive to that extent.
• 22:51
  They're aggressive to everybody else, but they never aggressive to you.
• 22:55
  Or you might confront them and be like, hey, you know, I just want to clear the air on something.
• 22:58
  I was aware that you said some things about me whooping.
• 23:00
  I just want to clear the air.
• 23:02
  I didn't say that.
• 23:04
  I didn't mean it like that.
• 23:06
  I mean, I was.
• 23:08
  No, I was just saying.
• 23:10
  And then it'd be a whole different energy, a whole different tone.
• 23:13
  I didn't say that.
• 23:14
  You.
• 23:15
  That you're.
• 23:16
  I didn't say that.
• 23:17
  Well, it was a misunderstanding.
• 23:19
  It could be receipts, it could be whatever.
• 23:21
  But they're never gonna stand on business the way they stood on business to everybody else.
• 23:26
  Them, the scary ones, bark with no bite, AKA the scary mean girl.
• 23:30
  The next archetype is the healing gatekeeper.
• 23:35
  Going back to some of the spiritual mean girls and some of the the wellness mean girls, these are the ones who think that again because that you.
• 23:45
  You've come to them for guidance.
• 23:47
  They now think that you can't run your own life.
• 23:49
  So they feel like now they got to tell you how to run your whole life.
• 23:52
  Controlling.
• 23:54
  They got to steer themselves.
• 23:56
  They got to work with God and work on their own journey.
• 23:58
  But apparently they're the expert of your experience better than you are.
• 24:01
  They will try to tell you about yourself better than you can.
• 24:04
  They will literally tell you your face, that what you're experiencing is not in your feelings.
• 24:09
  That's not true, that's not real.
• 24:11
  Or they'll say your growth really doesn't count unless it looks like their journey.
• 24:17
  And one thing I've tried to avoid with spiritual homegirl is I only speak from my experience.
• 24:22
  Whether it is firsthand or whether it's third hand.
• 24:24
  I've always gotten permission when I've ever told a story on here.
• 24:27
  And everybody's journey will look different.
• 24:30
  And I always say, even when y'all want to be petty and y'all hit me up, up.
• 24:33
  And I love y'all.
• 24:34
  Cause y'all keep it extra, extra real with me and I love that.
• 24:37
  But I always tell y'all, look, we don't have to move in ways that will get us in situations that we can't get out of.
• 24:44
  You know, if you want to defend yourself, by all means do your thing.
• 24:48
  You grown.
• 24:48
  But just know there's always consequences.
• 24:50
  You're gonna always have to pay no matter what.
• 24:53
  My daddy told me you.
• 24:54
  It's always a front end or back end cost.
• 24:56
  It just depends on when you gonna pay it.
• 24:58
  You're gonna pay it on the front and.
• 25:00
  Or you gonna pay it on the back, depending on how hard you're going.
• 25:03
  It doesn't matter if it's something for your betterment or something for your detriment.
• 25:06
  There is always gonna be a cost.
• 25:08
  It's just a matter of when you gonna pay it.
• 25:11
  You gonna pay it before you get it cracking.
• 25:13
  Or you're gonna pay it when everything is over in the smoke clear.
• 25:16
  So going back to this mean girl, unless your blueprint of life, unless your mission, unless your healing looks exactly like hers, it don't exist.
• 25:26
  She gonna shame you.
• 25:27
  You're not healing right.
• 25:28
  You're not healing fast enough.
• 25:31
  Aren't you doing this?
• 25:32
  I mean, if I.
• 25:33
  My ba ba ba.
• 25:35
  These type of people do not know how to see other people's experiences outside of their own.
• 25:39
  But yet they will be the first one to take your money to tell you how to heal.
• 25:45
  No experience or no empathy for any other journey but their own.
• 25:48
  No tolerance for anybody else's ability to heal but their own.
• 25:52
  But they will be the first ones to jump in and tell you, hey, I can help you with this.
• 25:57
  Or they might not even want your money.
• 25:58
  They might be somebody that appears to be someone who has accomplished things.
• 26:02
  And there's nothing wrong with accomplishing things, and there's nothing wrong with growing.
• 26:05
  However, it gets tricky when, again, going back to the previous archetypes, just because we've done something, now we think we're better than.
• 26:14
  These are the ones that gape, keep healing.
• 26:16
  If it ain't in the way that she thinks or the way that she's experienced, it don't matter.
• 26:21
  And that makes her mean for that, because she will dismiss you.
• 26:24
  So those are the nine plus archetypes of mean girls.
• 26:28
  If you've ever experienced a mean girl like this, let me know.
• 26:31
  I'm spiritual girl.
• 26:32
  Everyone on social media, you can hit let me know which one.
• 26:34
  Hey, girl.
• 26:35
  I heard the episode about the mean girl archetypes.
• 26:38
  And look, I experienced the one that talk and don't do nothing.
• 26:41
  The one that is judged this, that, the third, the queen bee.
• 26:44
  I didn't experience all of these.
• 26:46
  Let me know.
• 26:46
  Share your stories.
• 26:47
  Let's talk.
• 26:49
  But.
• 26:50
  But it feels good to be back.
• 26:52
  I had, like I said, a whole nother episode I was gonna do.
• 26:55
  I didn't even think this is gonna go to 30 minutes, but here we are, and I've been busy.
• 26:59
  But we back outside.
• 27:01
  We back on the airwaves, and I catching up with y'all again.
• 27:05
  The little red dress is on the way.
• 27:07
  Y'all know why I was busy.
• 27:08
  We.
• 27:08
  We gonna talk about it on another episode.
• 27:10
  But I was busy, and the dress got delayed.
• 27:13
  I have to do a little red dress history episode before this year's debut because it's year number 13.
• 27:19
  The little red birthday dress actually goes back to 1998.
• 27:23
  Some of y'all weren't even alive in 1998.
• 27:25
  Oh, child.
• 27:26
  But I want to talk about why I do what I do.
• 27:29
  And I was inspired by the boo friends out there all over the world.
• 27:34
  It was.
• 27:34
  It was a good video, y'all.
• 27:35
  That was like, hey, homegirl, what's up with the.
• 27:37
  The dress?
• 27:38
  It's nearing the end of April.
• 27:39
  You gonna debut it or not?
• 27:41
  You.
• 27:41
  You all right?
• 27:42
  Everything okay?
• 27:43
  Like, is the dress delayed?
• 27:44
  We got to do a shipping or something?
• 27:46
  Like, what's up?
• 27:47
  And I love that y'all tap in with me about the dress because I was delayed because I was just really tired with.
• 27:54
  With life.
• 27:55
  Okay?
• 27:55
  And when I say life, I don't mean a bad way.
• 27:57
  I just mean I just had a lot of things happening at once and I just didn't have the capacity to me that I wanted to do it this year.
• 28:04
  But it's going to happen this year.
• 28:06
  It's just delayed.
• 28:07
  So don't forget to tap in with your girl.
• 28:09
  Don't forget to click the first and second links in my show notes that are.
• 28:13
  Those are links to my podcast listener survey as well as my email list.
• 28:17
  You get a free gift for joining.
• 28:19
  And y'all know I can't do any podcast episode without thanking you all for listening.
• 28:23
  So thank you for listening.
• 28:24
  Boo friends, out of the tens and thousands of podcasts out there in podcast land, you choose to limit your ears whenever you feel like tapping in.
• 28:30
  Whenever.
• 28:30
  You know, for the last eight and a half years or so, I mean, we've been locked in for a minute.
• 28:34
  Some of y'all had kids and everything.
• 28:36
  Auntie homegirls just been like, oh, look at y'all.
• 28:39
  Matter of fact, what's some good news?
• 28:40
  I saw today shout out to Risa and I want to make sure I get her Instagram name right, because when I shout out people, I want to make sure that I have their information all the way correct because
• 28:54
  I literally just saw it today.
• 28:57
  I want to say it's the real Rissa.
• 29:00
  Is it the real Rissa?
• 29:01
  Yep.
• 29:03
  Congratulations to the real Rissa because she graduated with her bachelor's degree today.
• 29:10
  Shout outs.
• 29:11
  I always love sharing and celebrating my boo friends whenever I'm able to catch wind of what they doing in life.
• 29:16
  So the real Risa shout out to you, boo, congratulations on getting your degree.
• 29:23
  The real Risa 3 explaining it all.
• 29:27
  Shout out to you and thank you very much for tapping in with me and supporting me for all these years.
• 29:32
  Also, while I'm here and I feel like spirit, I finally got the words.
• 29:37
  I feel it.
• 29:37
  I feel like I just got a confirmation that I can do this.
• 29:42
  So speaking of boo friends that have been down for years, I lost a boo friend of mine about two weeks ago, Tiffany Miles from Mississippi, also known as Eset.
• 29:55
  I featured her on my platform a lot over the years and she has featured me a lot.
• 30:00
  And she has supported me from day zero.
• 30:02
  From the very beginning, she has supported me.
• 30:04
  She knew my sisters and all them like she was cool and I always looked at her as a big sister type of person.
• 30:15
  She was Not.
• 30:16
  Not just like a supporter.
• 30:18
  I mean, I've always called y'all my boo friends, but, like, she was a ride or die.
• 30:21
  And she passed away.
• 30:24
  And I had been processing it, and I didn't know how to honor her.
• 30:30
  And I didn't know what to say.
• 30:31
  But I feel like spirit has told me to go ahead and say what I need to say.
• 30:36
  I really wish that people were able to have somebody in their life, even if it's just one person that was a rider the way she was.
• 30:45
  It did not matter where in the world I was.
• 30:47
  She was always tapping in.
• 30:49
  I could have been the Caribbean kicking it with whoever I could have been in la, going to grad school, working three jobs like I was.
• 30:57
  Cause I was.
• 30:58
  And I don't know if I told y'all that, but Tiffany always had some kind of word of encouragement.
• 31:03
  No matter how she was feeling physically, she always had something loving and kind to say.
• 31:10
  And she was also very ambitious.
• 31:12
  And I love ambitious women, because usually ambitious women, they have their own thing going on.
• 31:17
  It's a difference in how you interact and how you build.
• 31:21
  Because the ones that are really focused on themselves, they don't look at you as competition.
• 31:25
  They cool.
• 31:27
  So going back to the archetypes, Tiffany never fit that archetype.
• 31:30
  Tiffany had her lane, I had my lane.
• 31:32
  And we respected each other and supported each other, more importantly, and we worked together.
• 31:37
  And I really liked Tiffany for that.
• 31:39
  I loved Tiffany for that.
• 31:40
  That.
• 31:41
  And I really wished that things could have ended differently with how she ascended.
• 31:52
  But I don't want to question God, but I am praying for her family's comfort at this time, because I know if Tiffany was a real one, to me, I already know she was a million times Villa to her
• 32:05
  children and to her, you know, her.
• 32:07
  Her close, close family.
• 32:08
  So I know that the world lost a real one, whether they realize it or not.
• 32:12
  And I just pray that her soul is.
• 32:15
  Is.
• 32:15
  Is at peace.
• 32:16
  I really do.
• 32:17
  I.
• 32:17
  I pray that she is at peace.
• 32:20
  And her influence and her support and her love will always be carried with me in my heart forever, as long as I continue with spiritual homegirl.
• 32:29
  Like, it's.
• 32:30
  When you're a person that does this type of work, you encounter all kinds of people.
• 32:35
  And I don't think I've ever really shared with y'all the types of people I've come across, whether they're good, whether folks that are in your life for a season, whether it's folks that.
• 32:44
  That you kind of have to, like, distance yourself from because they kind of take things too far.
• 32:49
  Like, sometimes it gets.
• 32:50
  It gets tricky out here because.
• 32:52
  And not to sound stereotypical, but you attract all kinds of people when you put yourself out there publicly.
• 32:57
  And sometimes that's a good thing, and sometimes that's not so good.
• 33:01
  But.
• 33:02
  But Tiffany was not one of those people.
• 33:04
  She was.
• 33:04
  She was a real one.
• 33:05
  She was thorough.
• 33:06
  She was.
• 33:06
  She was a real one, and she would be missed.
• 33:09
  So to now the ancestor Tiffany, I'm just.
• 33:15
  I love you a lot, and I am praying for your family and thank you for your service.
• 33:22
  Whether you were helping people be beautiful on the outside and healthy on the outside and healthy on the inside, the type of work you did on top of the foundation, all the cool stuff you was doing, you did
• 33:33
  so much in one lifetime of, like, five people.
• 33:37
  And.
• 33:39
  And I pray that you felt loved when it was all said and done.
• 33:47
  I.
• 33:48
  I just pray that you felt that you was loved.
• 33:50
  And I.
• 33:50
  And I feel like you did, but I Just let people know you love them, man.
• 33:56
  Anybody that you have on your heart, just reach out to them.
• 33:59
  Just send them a kind message.
• 34:00
  You just never know.
• 34:03
  I was definitely caught by surprise when I was told by my sister and another homeboy, a mutual friend of ours.
• 34:09
  When they told me the news, I was shocked, and I really didn't know what to say, and I said, I don't.
• 34:13
  There's not even an amount of words that I could say to properly honor her.
• 34:17
  That's how.
• 34:17
  That's how dope she was.
• 34:19
  So I pray that my words are enough, and I pray that y'all feel the love I have for her.
• 34:22
  But, like, there's no words that I could really, really say that would do this justice.
• 34:28
  She had an energy.
• 34:30
  Her energy was different, man.
• 34:32
  Like, I just.
• 34:33
  I really wish that people would just know what it feels like to have a ride or die like that in your corner.
• 34:38
  Ain't never folded ever.
• 34:41
  Like, she was a real one.
• 34:43
  And.
• 34:45
  And, yeah, I just.
• 34:46
  Man, keep your real ones close.
• 34:48
  For real.
• 34:49
  But with that being said, y'all, I'm gonna go ahead and wrap up this episode of the Spiritual Homegirl podcast.
• 34:55
  I am your host, your girl Maria, your spiritual homegirl.
• 34:58
  And remember, boo.
• 34:58
  Friends, trust the journey.
• 35:00
  Trust yourself in whatever you do.
• 35:02
  Do it with love, Whether it is protecting yourself from mean girls, and I might do an episode about that, or whether it's celebrating the real ones in your corner again.
• 35:11
  Love you, Tiffany.
• 35:12
  Rest in peace.
• 35:13
  Love, y'all.