Latest / INSPIRE STORY / #0137 _STORY INSPIRE: Decisions that transforman, with Jeff Ross

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#0137 _STORY INSPIRE: Decisions that transforman, with Jeff Ross · INSPIRE STORY

• 0:04
  Speaker 1: The Joe Rogan Experience.
• 0:06
  Speaker 2: Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day.
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: What's up, dog?
• 0:13
  Speaker 2: Joe.
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: Good to see you, my friend.
• 0:15
  Speaker 2: Same here, man. What's crack-a-lack-a? Life is good. Happy to
• 0:19
  be in Austin, Texas.
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: Happy to have you. Are you doing Kill Tony tonight?
• 0:23
  Speaker 2: I'll show up at Kill Tony tonight.
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: Nice.
• 0:26
  Speaker 2: Of course. My guy. So happy for him.
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: Yeah, he's killing it.
• 0:31
  Speaker 2: He always talks about us. As his early supporters.
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah, for sure.
• 0:36
  Speaker 2: I love that guy.
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: He's the best. I mean, that show is on fire.
• 0:40
  It's a fucking runaway train right now.
• 0:42
  Speaker 2: Everywhere I go, Kill Tony, Kill Tony, Kill Tony. Love
• 0:44
  you on Kill Tony.
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: It's such a fun show. What a great idea. Kind
• 0:49
  of amazing nobody thought it up.
• 0:51
  Speaker 2: Well, he just kind of put his open mics and
• 0:53
  his roasts and his personality and his friends and has
• 0:56
  built a community. It's kind of amazing.
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: Oh, it's incredible. He's the new Johnny Carson. I mean,
• 1:01
  think about how many, like, Adam Ray's killing it, selling
• 1:03
  out giant theaters. All these guys that, you know, came
• 1:06
  through that show are fucking destroying now.
• 1:08
  Speaker 2: This is our tribe, Joe.
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: I know.
• 1:11
  Speaker 2: I love it.
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: It's amazing. It's a good time for comedy.
• 1:14
  Speaker 2: Did I hear that you have a German Shepherd?
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: No. No, I have a Golden Retriever, and I have
• 1:18
  a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel. Oh, okay. Little tiny fella.
• 1:24
  Speaker 2: Somebody told me something different.
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: No. I love German Shepherds, but I don't have one.
• 1:28
  Speaker 2: I have a German Shepherd.
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: They're the best.
• 1:29
  Speaker 2: That's what I thought of.
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: You have to exercise the shit out of them, though.
• 1:32
  They need work.
• 1:33
  Speaker 2: She loves to run around and dig and climb and adventures.
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: They need tasks. They're not like my Golden. He's just
• 1:40
  cool just chilling, laying on his back in his belly rub.
• 1:43
  Speaker 2: Oh, I follow him on Instagram. Don't worry.
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: He's the best.
• 1:45
  Speaker 2: I look for my mornings with him.
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: I mean, they're a very low-maintenance dog. And he's trained.
• 1:52
  You could train him very easily. But as far as
• 1:55
  like a guard dog and that kind of useless dog.
• 1:58
  Speaker 2: My dog can, like, sit, stay, and run around frantically.
• 2:03
  I'll be like, run around frantically, and she'll just run around.
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: Well, they have so much energy. Those dogs are just
• 2:08
  designed to work.
• 2:10
  Speaker 2: I put her to work for two months this summer
• 2:13
  on Broadway. She came out at the end of my
• 2:14
  show and howled with me in the audience.
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: She can howl on cue?
• 2:19
  Speaker 2: We taught her. I had the same trainer that did
• 2:22
  Sandy from the show Annie, like, from when I was
• 2:24
  a kid. Bill Bertolone. And he's like, I could teach her.
• 2:27
  She's like a wild rescue German shepherd from the desert.
• 2:30
  And there she was like, came out, jumped on a couch,
• 2:34
  hit her mark, turn to the audience. And we like sang.
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: Oh, that's awesome.
• 2:39
  Speaker 2: She had her own dressing room.
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: Nipsey.
• 2:42
  Speaker 2: Her name's Nipsey. And then when the run was over,
• 2:47
  she was like, no more work. I need something else
• 2:50
  to do.
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: Yeah, they need things to do. Like people that just
• 2:53
  have them and have them in an apartment and don't
• 2:55
  go anywhere, like that's a crazy thing to do to
• 2:57
  a dog like that. Aw, look at her. Oh, my God.
• 3:01
  Speaker 2: Wow.
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: Look how sweet. So she's a rescue dog?
• 3:03
  Speaker 2: She is.
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: Where'd you find her?
• 3:05
  Speaker 2: They found her in a Bummy breeder in Reno during
• 3:12
  the pandemic. I had an old dog. I had an
• 3:15
  old senior dog that my ex found on the street.
• 3:20
  And we took care of her at the beginning of
• 3:21
  the pandemic. And the ex left, left the dog. So
• 3:27
  it was just me and this old beat-up street dog
• 3:29
  for a few months. And the vet was like, I
• 3:31
  got another, a puppy, German Shepherd.
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: Oh, she was a puppy?
• 3:35
  Speaker 2: This one was, yeah.
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: Oh, that's great.
• 3:37
  Speaker 2: So now it's like five years ago already. So she's
• 3:39
  my bestie.
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: Aww. Aww.
• 3:42
  Speaker 2: And we do everything. I mean, I just love her
• 3:44
  to pieces. Even getting on the plane to come here yesterday,
• 3:48
  part of me was like, should I bring her and
• 3:49
  let her run around the Four Seas for a couple
• 3:52
  days and whatever. But, yeah, it's hard leaving them. It's
• 3:56
  like I have a kid. She looks at me looking
• 3:59
  for the buzzwords. Are we going? Are we staying? Are
• 4:02
  we eating?
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: I know. They get separation anxiety big time. And they
• 4:06
  get very attached to one person. Right. Yeah. You're her daddy.
• 4:11
  Speaker 2: Oh, she's just so sweet. She just, she'll lay in bed, wait.
• 4:14
  She never wakes me, rolls over, arms up, ready to get,
• 4:19
  she can't start the day without a full belly rub.
• 4:22
  Like I almost like hold her legs and play her
• 4:24
  like a guitar. And she just, you know, tongues out,
• 4:28
  just complete euphoria. Once a week, I take all her
• 4:31
  collars off and just rub the neck and just her
• 4:35
  eyes start watering.
• 4:36
  Speaker 1: And that's so cute.
• 4:37
  Speaker 2: That's Highly right. I never was into dogs. I'm slightly allergic.
• 4:41
  My sister got snapped on by a Doberman when we
• 4:43
  were little. So I was always a little afraid. And
• 4:47
  then it was just kind of forced on me during
• 4:49
  the pandemic because all these dogs needed homes. So now
• 4:52
  here I am. I'm a freaking doggy daddy.
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: Oh, I love dogs. I've always had dogs. I will
• 4:56
  never not have dogs. I love them. I love them.
• 4:59
  What do you think it is? It's they're they're just
• 5:03
  these amazing creatures that just love the shit out of you.
• 5:06
  And especially if you train them from the time they're
• 5:09
  puppies and you give them nothing but love. Yeah. They're
• 5:12
  so connected to you. And then, you know. It's just awesome.
• 5:15
  You wake up in the morning, and it's always positive.
• 5:18
  It's always, hello, hello. I wake up with Marshall, and
• 5:21
  he starts whining and whimpering. And I do this thing
• 5:24
  in the morning. I go, good morning, sir. Good morning, sir.
• 5:29
  He's wagging his tail, and he's rolling around on his back,
• 5:32
  and I'm rubbing his belly, and he's giving me kisses.
• 5:35
  He loves it. He gets so excited to see me
• 5:39
  in the morning. It's like his ritual. He knows the
• 5:41
  ritual's coming. He's going to get all this love.
• 5:44
  Speaker 2: Does he sleep in your room?
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: No. No. My wife is a little bit allergic, so
• 5:48
  he sleeps outside the room. Right. But he is just
• 5:53
  a giant love sponge. That's what he is. It's like
• 5:55
  he loves everybody. Everybody who comes in the house, like
• 5:58
  he'd meet you for the first time. He's like, I
• 6:00
  can't believe you're here. He's just so excited to meet everybody.
• 6:04
  Speaker 2: My dog checks everybody. She's got to like check them
• 6:07
  out first. Of course. German Shepherd.
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: It's different.
• 6:09
  Speaker 2: And if somebody has a chemical imbalance or a little off,
• 6:13
  she lets me know.
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah, you got screwball friends?
• 6:15
  Speaker 2: Yeah, well, every now and then, you know, comics will
• 6:17
  be off their minds, and they'll come over and be like,
• 6:20
  I used to know that person. I don't know that
• 6:21
  person anymore. The dog just, like, alerts me.
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: Oh, that's interesting. Yeah, they're very watchful. You know, they're shepherds.
• 6:28
  They're protecting you. They're protecting their daddy.
• 6:31
  Speaker 2: She's funny on the plane. Like, I've only flown with
• 6:34
  her twice, but once, you know, once to New York
• 6:36
  and then once back after we were done on Broadway.
• 6:39
  And she's like, it was nine months later, she literally
• 6:42
  knew How to walk on the plane, where to go,
• 6:45
  where her seat was. Like, remembers everything like a person.
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: They're very smart dogs. Very smart dogs. It's one of
• 6:51
  the reasons why they need someone to exercise. Like, the
• 6:53
  dumbest dogs can just lay around and do nothing. Yeah.
• 6:55
  But really smart dogs, they need a lot of activity.
• 6:58
  Especially shepherds, because they're working dogs.
• 7:00
  Speaker 2: If I leave her alone too long, she'll dig up
• 7:02
  the backyard. She needs something to do.
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: Yeah, they get crazy. They're like an athlete. Yeah. You know,
• 7:07
  they need work. They need to go.
• 7:10
  Speaker 2: And they don't need a lot of food. They don't
• 7:12
  need a lot. She's like— What do you feed her?
• 7:15
  You know, I used to overfeed her and give her
• 7:17
  a lot of table scraps and spoil her, and then
• 7:19
  I learned more recently that if I keep her to
• 7:21
  like a cup and a half of kibble a day,
• 7:23
  the vet recommended— You.
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: Should get her on raw food.
• 7:27
  Speaker 2: Sorry.
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: Raw food or fresh food.
• 7:28
  Speaker 2: Oh, interesting.
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: Yeah. I used to feed my dogs kibble, too. I
• 7:32
  had one dog that got cancer, and I read about
• 7:34
  all these dogs getting cancer, and they They get fat
• 7:38
  so easy when you give them kibble, and it's just
• 7:40
  because that stuff can sit on a shelf forever. It's
• 7:43
  like you wouldn't eat it. Why are they eating it?
• 7:46
  It's not healthy for them.
• 7:47
  Speaker 2: Sometimes I put a little turkey in the— Turkey's great.
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: Real food is great. Real food for your dog is
• 7:53
  the way to go. I feed my dog Farmer's Dog.
• 7:55
  It comes frozen. It has to be frozen. And the
• 7:58
  way they attack it versus the way they attack kibble— Like,
• 8:02
  Kibble's like, okay, they're eating. No big deal. Yeah. But
• 8:05
  they just can't wait to eat this stuff. Like, they
• 8:07
  get excited. Like, the little guy, little Charlie, he literally
• 8:11
  leaps up in the air trying to get to the
• 8:12
  counter where when I'm putting the food in his bowl,
• 8:15
  he gets nuts. They love it. It's real food. It's
• 8:18
  human-grade food for dogs.
• 8:20
  Speaker 2: I have to check that out.
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah. It comes frozen. And also, they give it
• 8:23
  to you the right portions for your dog so you
• 8:25
  don't have to think about it. Like, you put in
• 8:27
  your dog's weight, what breed your dog is. Yeah. And,
• 8:31
  you know, whether your dog's overweight or not, and they
• 8:33
  measure it out, cow or what, so it's specific to
• 8:36
  your dog.
• 8:37
  Speaker 2: My dog's weight is good, but I got to get
• 8:39
  her to stop smoking.
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: She's just got to stop.
• 8:41
  Speaker 2: You know what? It's funny. She used to really hate
• 8:44
  when I light up a joint.
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: Oh, really?
• 8:46
  Speaker 2: When she was little, she'd run in the other room,
• 8:47
  but now she's just like, oh, that's daddy.
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: Well, she'd probably get a little paranoid. I used to
• 8:52
  have a pit bull that she would get paranoid if
• 8:54
  she was in the room when we got high. And
• 8:56
  I was realizing, oh, this poor dog, she's getting high, too.
• 8:59
  She was a rescue dog, too. I found her. She
• 9:01
  was covered in mange. It was so sad. She was
• 9:03
  eating out of garbage cans.
• 9:05
  Speaker 2: That's heartbreaking.
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: Yeah. A friend of mine found her, and they took
• 9:08
  her in, and then they called me, and they said,
• 9:10
  do you want another dog? I had one dog already.
• 9:12
  I said, absolutely. And as soon as I saw her,
• 9:15
  I was like, oh.
• 9:16
  Speaker 2: Yeah. They're good together.
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: It was so horrible. She was covered in mange. She
• 9:20
  had little scabs on her and everything. It all went
• 9:22
  away within, like, two months of food. But that dog,
• 9:25
  because of living on the street, she could never get
• 9:28
  enough food. She was always like raiding garbage cans and stuff.
• 9:31
  Like you'd have to lock up the garbage can, strap
• 9:33
  it down with a bungee cord. She would tip them
• 9:35
  over and she was never full. Even though she would
• 9:39
  like get fat, she was never full.
• 9:41
  Speaker 2: Just in case.
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: It was just, you know, she was starving when I
• 9:45
  found her.
• 9:48
  Speaker 2: I had the old dog first and then the young
• 9:50
  German Shepherd. So the old one had all these street
• 9:53
  habits like that. And she taught him to the young dog. Like,
• 9:56
  the young dog walks down the stairs as if she has...
• 9:59
  a broken back hip.
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: Oh, no.
• 10:02
  Speaker 2: And she learned how to get in the car from
• 10:04
  an old dog. So two legs. She could leap right in.
• 10:06
  She's a kid. But she still goes two paws up
• 10:10
  and I have to pick her up.
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's how Marshall does it.
• 10:13
  Speaker 2: Overprotective like the old dog.
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: Yeah, Marshall, I think he probably could jump in my car.
• 10:18
  But it's like. He knows I'll just lift him up
• 10:21
  because I've done it since he was a puppy. So
• 10:22
  we do this little thing. I go, you ready? He
• 10:25
  puts his paws out. I go, one, two, three. It's
• 10:27
  always one, two, three, up. So he gets ready.
• 10:31
  Speaker 2: Do they talk to you? My dog howls with me
• 10:34
  in the morning.
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: No, Marshall only talks when he wants to come inside.
• 10:37
  Like if he's outside, he'll just bark once at the door.
• 10:41
  He's really good. He's the best dog.
• 10:43
  Speaker 2: What does his bark sound like?
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: Let me in. It's like, hey, I'm out here. Come on.
• 10:49
  You know, he's out until he's not. You know, he's
• 10:51
  out until he's bored. And then he just lets you know.
• 10:53
  He's not annoyed.
• 10:56
  Speaker 2: The old dog, if I had to put her, like, if, like,
• 10:58
  a guy came over to work on the house or something,
• 11:00
  I had to put her, like, in a bedroom or
• 11:01
  a bathroom. She was, you know, a big, big dog.
• 11:06
  She would gnaw on the handles. So I have a
• 11:09
  house full of, like, chrome. door handles that all have
• 11:13
  bite marks in it. The bite is amazing.
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you gotta give them things to chew on all
• 11:19
  the time. There's chew toys all over my house. Everywhere.
• 11:23
  My dog, Marshall, has a big box filled with toys.
• 11:28
  And he just goes in and picks one out. Randomly.
• 11:31
  Speaker 2: Depends who it is.
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: I go, what are you gonna get? Which toy? And
• 11:34
  he's looking around, picks one out. And then him and
• 11:38
  the little dog, they play tug-of-war. It's adorable.
• 11:41
  Speaker 2: So they get along.
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: Oh, my God.
• 11:43
  Speaker 2: You knew they'd get along before you got the psycho.
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: He's the easiest dog to get along with. He gets
• 11:47
  along with everything and everybody. Jamie's got a psycho dog.
• 11:51
  Jamie's got this little French bulldog that's like a little
• 11:54
  meat missile.
• 11:55
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: He's a nut. He's great. He's awesome. Oh, yeah. He's nuts.
• 11:59
  He's three. Almost three. He's two and a half. He's
• 12:01
  a little psycho. He's jacked. He's super jacked. Really? He's
• 12:05
  like this little French bulldog, but he's just fucking jacked.
• 12:08
  And him and Marshall just play insane. It's insane. Like
• 12:12
  Carl throws himself through the air at Marshall because he
• 12:16
  knows that Marshall is like super gentle. They just play
• 12:18
  back and forth, but it's adorable.
• 12:21
  Speaker 2: If a dog is small enough, like a little chihuahua
• 12:24
  type dog, they can put their head inside. My dog
• 12:27
  will just open her mouth and let another dog just
• 12:30
  roll her head inside her mouth.
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: No instincts.
• 12:32
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's crazy. It just wants it to play.
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: It's just nuts that those used to be wolves. They've
• 12:37
  turned wolves into these little tiny things you could carry around.
• 12:41
  Speaker 2: I mean, in a thousand years, they'll be, are they
• 12:44
  getting smarter the way humans are evolving? I wonder.
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: That's a good question. I wonder. I mean, I think
• 12:49
  there would have to be a reason for them to
• 12:51
  get smarter. You know, some dogs are like the dogs
• 12:54
  that are trained, like a Belgian Malinois. Those are really
• 12:58
  smart dogs. You know, those are dog, military dogs. Yeah.
• 13:02
  Those dogs, you cannot just leave that dog alone. No.
• 13:06
  It's like a shepherd times 10. Yeah. They look like
• 13:08
  shepherds sort of, but those dogs, they're so intelligent. Yeah.
• 13:13
  They are constantly scanning everything and looking for everything. They
• 13:17
  know when you're weird. They know everything. Right. Yeah. So
• 13:20
  those dogs have to be smart because they have jobs.
• 13:23
  They use them like those are the dogs they sicced
• 13:25
  on like Osama bin Laden's crew. Right. They open the
• 13:28
  door and they breach. Dogs run in.
• 13:31
  Speaker 2: Incredible.
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 13:33
  Speaker 2: My dog's such a limb compared to all that.
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: So is mine.
• 13:36
  Speaker 2: She just wants to play.
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: Yeah, these are the only dogs that– well, I've had
• 13:38
  a couple dogs before. Like I had a dog that
• 13:41
  was a Shibu Inu mix and he was kind of
• 13:44
  a pussy. And I had a Mastiff before that. But
• 13:47
  mostly I've had like big guard dogs. Right. These are
• 13:52
  the dogs– first dogs I've had that are– they're not
• 13:55
  guarding shit. Yeah.
• 13:57
  Speaker 2: They guard your emotions, buddy.
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: They're just sweet. They're just awesome to have. It's like
• 14:04
  you just have love around you all the time and
• 14:06
  they're never in a bad mood. There's never a day
• 14:08
  where he's never had a bad day in his life.
• 14:11
  Every day is a great day. Every day he's happy.
• 14:14
  Speaker 2: Even if you're not there?
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: Well, he gets sad if I'm not there for sure. But, like,
• 14:18
  I pull out the ball. It's always the same thing.
• 14:21
  It's never, like, one day I'm like, maybe he's going
• 14:22
  to get bored of this fucking ball. Nope. I pull
• 14:25
  out that ball. Oh, oh, the ball. The ball's out.
• 14:29
  Let's go. Bouncing around, wagging his tail, jumping up. I
• 14:34
  got a ball that's got, like, the stick. Like, it's
• 14:36
  like a long curved stick so you can throw the
• 14:39
  ball further.
• 14:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course.
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: And, you know, he just starts leaping up towards the stick.
• 14:43
  He gets so pumped. I'm like, one day he's going
• 14:45
  to get bored of this. Nope. He's nine years old.
• 14:47
  He's never getting bored of it.
• 14:48
  Speaker 2: When I come up the stairs, if she sees that
• 14:50
  I have my sneakers on, she starts stretching like an Olympian.
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: Let's go. Time to go. Yeah. Dogs are awesome. People
• 14:58
  that don't have them, I feel bad for them. Like
• 15:01
  you're missing a lot of love in your life, especially
• 15:03
  like people that live alone. You know, it's like you
• 15:06
  always have a friend. You always have someone. I talk
• 15:08
  to my dog. Like I have conversations with him.
• 15:10
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: You know?
• 15:12
  Speaker 2: And there's– Does Marshall look you in the eyes when
• 15:15
  you're talking?
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
• 15:16
  Speaker 2: It's a real friend.
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: Oh, he's like the most loving creature I've ever encountered.
• 15:22
  Speaker 2: Do you tell the dog stuff you wouldn't tell your
• 15:24
  family or your friends?
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: No.
• 15:26
  Speaker 2: Sometimes I'm like, hey, Nipsey, man, I probably shouldn't have
• 15:29
  said that to her. She has emotional, like she knows
• 15:35
  when I'm happy, sad, nervous, sick.
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: Mostly it's baby talk. Mostly it's like, oh, it's my buddy. Yeah.
• 15:42
  He watches TV with me. Climbs up on the couch
• 15:44
  and sits on my lap. Puts his head on my lap.
• 15:47
  Speaker 2: The best.
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: Yeah. And when there's animals on TV, he parks his
• 15:50
  head up. Yeah. You know, because it's a big TV.
• 15:52
  And so he's like, what the fuck is that? Is
• 15:54
  that real? He has to.
• 15:56
  Speaker 2: Right. When Nipsey first came out from the desert, she was,
• 16:00
  you know, like six, seven month old, you know, puppy,
• 16:03
  but still a sizable dog. A German Shepherd at six
• 16:06
  months is already like a dog. And the old dog,
• 16:09
  which was. old, you know, on her deathbed, but wise,
• 16:13
  street wise. She was on the floor and the puppy
• 16:17
  was up on my bed. It was her first night
• 16:20
  in a home. And I put on TV, I put
• 16:24
  on House of Cards. And it was this daunting kind
• 16:27
  of scary music. And the dog's just watching. And it's
• 16:31
  like a shadowy figure. It was Kevin Spacey coming down
• 16:33
  the hall, his character coming down the hall. And as
• 16:37
  this man was revealed full screen on a big screen.
• 16:41
  Nipsey did a backflip, fell off the bed, and ran
• 16:43
  and hid in the closet. And the old dog, Nana,
• 16:48
  was like, oh boy, she had to pull herself up
• 16:51
  at her bad legs and go in the closet and
• 16:54
  tell her to come back out.
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: Now listen, it's TV. It's almost time for spring break,
• 17:02
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• 18:08
  Speaker 2: House of Cards.
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: What a fucking show that was. Oh, yeah. Oh, what
• 18:10
  a fucking show. They never should have done that last season.
• 18:13
  Once Kevin Spacey got canceled, they should have just canceled it.
• 18:16
  It was done. Or, you know, not. Right.
• 18:20
  Speaker 2: Such a good fucking show. That's a great show.
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: It's crazy. I saw him. He was in Israel doing
• 18:27
  some weird thing where he was like doing like a
• 18:30
  song and dance routine in a small club recently. Like
• 18:35
  he's been kind of reduced to doing that for money.
• 18:38
  Speaker 2: Is that reduced or is that part of the comeback?
• 18:42
  You got to start.
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: I don't know. I mean, it's something. I mean, I
• 18:45
  guess he's just. making money you know he's completely bankrupt
• 18:50
  he lost everything it's crazy.
• 18:53
  Speaker 2: Show business well it's.
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: Not just show business right it's also what did you
• 18:58
  do what did you get caught for you know old
• 19:03
  school dick grabber those old school guys no one really.
• 19:06
  Speaker 2: Likes that getting their dick grabbed like.
• 19:09
  Speaker 1: That some gay guys do I think I think what
• 19:12
  he did probably worked on some guys you know what
• 19:16
  I'm saying Right. Like gay guys have a whole different
• 19:19
  way of interacting with each other that we don't have.
• 19:23
  But I think with Spacey it was like some of
• 19:26
  those fellows were young and that's the problem. Power. It's power.
• 19:32
  It's like in the gay community there's a lot of
• 19:35
  guys that think it's okay for young gay guys who
• 19:38
  are underage to hook up with older gay guys. That's
• 19:45
  like Milo Yiannopoulos, remember him? He actually talked about that
• 19:49
  on my show. He was talking about when he was 14.
• 19:51
  He hooked up with this older guy. And he's like,
• 19:54
  trust me, I was the predator. He was like saying
• 19:57
  that he was going after the guy. I was like,
• 19:59
  all right. But it's different. In their eyes... I mean,
• 20:03
  I'm just speaking for gay guys that I've talked to.
• 20:05
  It's different in their eyes than an adult male and
• 20:09
  a young female. Right. But Kevin Spacey's a fucking unbelievable actor.
• 20:16
  That fucking House of Cards was so good. It was
• 20:19
  so good. Such a good show. I'm glad it's still
• 20:23
  out there.
• 20:24
  Speaker 2: It was so good, it made me miss and re-watch
• 20:27
  West Wing. That's how good it was.
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: I never watched that. I think I maybe watched one
• 20:32
  or two episodes.
• 20:33
  Speaker 2: It's like an idealistic version of what politics could be.
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: Right. Martin Sheen is like the president we wish we had.
• 20:41
  Like a really solid.
• 20:42
  Speaker 2: That was a long time ago. But he's also controversial.
• 20:45
  He's hiding a medical thing. Like we got way ahead
• 20:48
  of a lot of the modern day stories.
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: Like Biden. Yeah.
• 20:52
  Speaker 2: Yeah. And his wife's a doctor, so she's helping him.
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: Well, we always have these idealistic ideas of who we
• 21:01
  want to be our leader. And the thing about the
• 21:03
  Kevin Spacey character was like that's probably more realistic. Like
• 21:09
  that guy is more realistic.
• 21:12
  Speaker 2: Well, as we get older, we understand you got to
• 21:14
  be cutthroat to make it. There's got to be a
• 21:17
  certain killer instinct in a president.
• 21:19
  Speaker 1: You're also most likely deeply compromised by the time you
• 21:22
  get into office. which is the only way you navigate
• 21:25
  those worlds. Like everybody's compromised. Everybody's gone to that eyes
• 21:29
  wide shut party. Right.
• 21:32
  Speaker 2: I couldn't get in just for the record.
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: Yeah, me neither. I don't want to get in. I know.
• 21:39
  Speaker 2: That's a good thing. A dog can kind of save
• 21:41
  your career because like you get invited to some wild
• 21:44
  sex party. You'll be like, my dog's been waiting for
• 21:46
  me for five hours. Sorry, I can't go.
• 21:48
  Speaker 1: Yeah, meanwhile it's better to just hang out with your dog.
• 21:51
  You'll have a better time and you won't feel gross
• 21:52
  in the morning. I guess. But I think a lot
• 21:55
  of those people are sociopaths. They probably don't even feel
• 21:57
  gross ever.
• 21:58
  Speaker 2: I was out all weekend for the Fanatics football stuff.
• 22:02
  Travis Scott's DJing till 3 in the morning.
• 22:04
  Speaker 1: What is the Fanatics football stuff?
• 22:06
  Speaker 2: They had a flag football tournament in L.A. It was
• 22:08
  supposed to be in Riyadh, and they had to move
• 22:10
  it to L.A. Tom Brady and the Fanatics.
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: What's the Fanatics?
• 22:16
  Speaker 2: It's like a– I guess it's a branding company. They
• 22:19
  do all the jerseys. They do all the– Michael Rubin
• 22:23
  and Michael Ratner two friends of mine did this flag
• 22:27
  football game and I was just partying I just took
• 22:29
  the weekend off and I'm like seeing all the football
• 22:32
  players and it was just so much fun and then
• 22:36
  just as the party's really getting hot I'm like I
• 22:39
  miss my dog.
• 22:40
  Speaker 1: I'm going home yeah there's always this thing in the
• 22:43
  back of your head like I gotta get home he's
• 22:45
  been home alone for five hours he's been home alone
• 22:47
  for six hours I'm thinking about him he has to
• 22:50
  pee He's a good boy. He's not going to pee
• 22:52
  in the house, but he's probably holding it in and upset.
• 22:58
  Isn't it nuts? People think, especially comics, we want to
• 23:02
  be up late, getting drunk, fucking off, being retarded, doing drugs.
• 23:08
  We just want to get home. We want to get home,
• 23:10
  chill out, relax, watch TV.
• 23:13
  Speaker 2: I feel like if I had a dog when I
• 23:15
  was starting out in comedy, I would have been more disciplined.
• 23:18
  I would have been coming home instead of staying out
• 23:20
  all night. I kind of regret that a little bit.
• 23:23
  Speaker 1: You regret staying out all night?
• 23:24
  Speaker 2: Well, I mean, you know how it is. You do
• 23:27
  your set, you start hanging out in the club, in
• 23:30
  the comedy club, and drinking or eating or whatever. But
• 23:33
  there's a certain, I don't know, you go home and
• 23:37
  you're up earlier, you get more done the next day.
• 23:39
  Speaker 1: Oh, absolutely. Well, it's just you feel better. It's hard
• 23:43
  to leave when you're having fun. You know, it's also
• 23:46
  you feel like you're a part of a, Different society.
• 23:49
  Society of people who don't have a regular job. You
• 23:52
  got freedom.
• 23:53
  Speaker 2: You're your own boss. I grew up, I lost my
• 23:57
  parents as a teenager. So I live every day like
• 24:01
  I could die tomorrow. So I never want to leave.
• 24:04
  I have ultimate FOMO all the time. I never want
• 24:07
  to miss an event, a party. I went to the
• 24:09
  Super Bowl. I went to All-Star Weekend. I want to
• 24:12
  go to the Grammys. I love life. I want to
• 24:15
  make the most out of it all the time. It
• 24:17
  works against me sometimes.
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: I think. That's interesting, right? That's the plus side of
• 24:21
  experiencing loss when you're young. You really want, you really
• 24:26
  relish life. You want to make the most out of it.
• 24:29
  You want to enjoy it while it's here.
• 24:31
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah. One of the things I say on my
• 24:34
  show is I learned early on human beings were made
• 24:38
  to mourn and move on. You can't mourn forever or
• 24:42
  a part of you dies, and that's not fair. So
• 24:46
  it gave me this sort of zest for living. You
• 24:49
  take that loss as a young person. You're afraid at
• 24:52
  any second. It's hard to make long-term plans. Are your
• 24:57
  parents still alive? Yeah, it's an amazing, amazing blessing. And
• 25:01
  sometimes when you lose people young, you're afraid. You live
• 25:05
  in the constant fear that it's all going.
• 25:07
  Speaker 1: To fall apart. Yeah. I've lost a lot of friends. Like,
• 25:10
  sometimes I look at my contact list when I get
• 25:14
  a new phone, you know, and you're swapping over contacts.
• 25:17
  And I'm like, oh, fuck. You know, I've got, like,
• 25:20
  20 dead people on my contact list. Some of them
• 25:23
  I just keep in there, you know. I got old
• 25:26
  phones where, like, Bourdain was texting me. I just kept
• 25:29
  the phone. I'm like, I'm never throwing this phone away.
• 25:32
  You know, a bunch of friends are just gone.
• 25:34
  Speaker 2: I get Bob Saget's texts all the time. I listen
• 25:37
  to Gilbert Gottfried's voicemails.
• 25:39
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I know what you mean, yeah.
• 25:41
  Speaker 2: It just brings me right back to that.
• 25:44
  Speaker 1: Those two guys, those were two tough ones. Those were
• 25:47
  two really tough ones.
• 25:48
  Speaker 2: There's that famous picture of me, Norm, Gilbert, and Bob
• 25:52
  that Adam Egatt took at Jones Restaurant in Hollywood. And
• 25:59
  I show that in my special, and I talk about
• 26:02
  each one, do like a tribute to Norm and I
• 26:06
  do a tribute to Gilbert, whose family is a big
• 26:08
  part of my family now. His kids are great kids.
• 26:10
  His daughter goes to school here in Texas, in Austin.
• 26:14
  And there it is.
• 26:14
  Speaker 1: There it is.
• 26:16
  Speaker 2: And Bob, who just became a grandfather. So they left
• 26:21
  quite a legacy, those guys. And I really loved them.
• 26:24
  And they would make me laugh. You know, I would
• 26:26
  just set them up and they would go. And I
• 26:28
  would laugh until I was dying laughing.
• 26:30
  Speaker 1: Fucking Norm.
• 26:31
  Speaker 2: What a legend. The king.
• 26:33
  Speaker 1: Such a great guy, too.
• 26:36
  Speaker 2: He was so funny, too. And his clips, I don't
• 26:38
  know if it's my algorithm or what, but you would
• 26:41
  think Norm is making comedy content every day if you
• 26:44
  looked at my algorithm.
• 26:45
  Speaker 1: Well, mine, too. I think a lot of people. So, like,
• 26:48
  people just share them because, you know, he had so
• 26:50
  many funny things to say about everything. And such a
• 26:52
  unique perspective. Just an unusual state of mind.
• 26:56
  Speaker 2: Canadians. I have a theory that Canadians... I'm from New Jersey,
• 27:04
  so I feel like New Jersey, I grew up as
• 27:06
  an outsider to New York. We had a route for
• 27:09
  New York sports teams. We had to listen to New
• 27:12
  York radio stations as a kid, TV stations. And Canada
• 27:16
  has that with America. Right. So I think they always
• 27:20
  feel like comedians feel like outsiders a little bit. I
• 27:22
  feel like Canadians kind of have that.
• 27:25
  Speaker 1: Harland, he's Canadian.
• 27:26
  Speaker 2: I mean, Canadian comedians, you could go all day.
• 27:29
  Speaker 1: Tom Green. Yeah. Jim Carrey.
• 27:32
  Speaker 2: Jim Carrey.
• 27:33
  Speaker 1: A lot of Canadians.
• 27:34
  Speaker 2: Caroline Ray. And a lot more. John Candy, right? Yeah.
• 27:41
  Speaker 1: John Candy was a Canadian.
• 27:43
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Martin Short.
• 27:45
  Speaker 1: Was he? Is he? He is.
• 27:47
  Speaker 2: I think so.
• 27:49
  Speaker 1: He's still with us.
• 27:50
  Speaker 2: Those SCTV people. That's right. Yeah. Martin Short is, he
• 27:55
  had a rough month. He lost somebody very close to him,
• 27:59
  but he's still one of the funniest people in the world.
• 28:03
  Speaker 1: Oh, he was brilliant. All those fucking crazy characters.
• 28:07
  Speaker 2: Oh, my God. I was at a birthday party once.
• 28:10
  It was, like, Paul Rudd's 50th birthday party years ago.
• 28:13
  And I remember everybody was like, let's do karaoke. And
• 28:17
  everybody wanted to start. Everybody was too, like, shy to, like,
• 28:19
  do karaoke first. And Martin Short walked up to the mic,
• 28:23
  belted out, like, a Sinatra song, dropped the mic, and
• 28:27
  walked out to the valet and left. Just, like, kicked
• 28:30
  it off and went.
• 28:31
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 28:31
  Speaker 2: Fly me to the moon. And he was gone.
• 28:36
  Speaker 1: It's weird when you get older and you realize how
• 28:39
  many guys have passed. Patrice comes up in my algorithm
• 28:43
  all the time. And you just watch old clips. I
• 28:48
  went on a binge a few months back of him
• 28:51
  on Opie and Anthony. Yeah. Just fuck.
• 28:54
  Speaker 2: Ruthless.
• 28:55
  Speaker 1: He would have been the number one podcast in the
• 28:57
  world if he was alive today.
• 28:59
  Speaker 2: Patrice?
• 29:00
  Speaker 1: Yeah. If he had a podcast? Because he probably would have.
• 29:03
  I mean, it's a perfect normal transition from Opie and
• 29:06
  Anthony to podcasting. Right. He would have probably had the
• 29:09
  best podcast in the world.
• 29:11
  Speaker 2: Except the guests would never get to talk at all.
• 29:13
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it wouldn't matter. He would be dressing them down.
• 29:19
  He always had the funniest.
• 29:20
  Speaker 2: Patrice's greatness at the Charlie Sheen roast I always talk
• 29:23
  about is.
• 29:24
  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah.
• 29:25
  Speaker 2: He went on last, and he was like....
• 29:28
  Speaker 1: He was.
• 29:29
  Speaker 2: We booked him late. He never wanted to do a roast.
• 29:32
  And he said, I don't know this one. I don't
• 29:33
  know that one. And finally I called him one day.
• 29:35
  I go, we're roasting Charlie Sheen. He goes, oh. He goes,
• 29:40
  I don't know Charlie Sheen, but I think I could
• 29:42
  do that. I go, you know him. You don't know him,
• 29:45
  but you know. And he goes, all right, I'm coming.
• 29:50
  He dresses total rock star, like a leather suit, like
• 29:54
  this whole fantasy Patrice in his head. and then the
• 29:59
  day of the show he's like complaining about his material
• 30:02
  he's like I don't know all these writers they don't
• 30:04
  know me this isn't me blah blah blah I go
• 30:06
  Patrice fuck all that pay attention and roast the roast
• 30:11
  just roast the roast make mental notes clock it all
• 30:14
  let them see you taking it in and then just
• 30:16
  go on and talk about what you just saw and
• 30:18
  that's what he did.
• 30:19
  Speaker 1: No it was brilliant did you see Charlie Sheen's Netflix
• 30:23
  documentary I haven't it's fucking great man it's crazy it's
• 30:28
  crazy Like, he talks about everything. He talks about the
• 30:32
  first time he smoked crack. A girl was giving him
• 30:33
  a blowjob when he smoked crack.
• 30:35
  Speaker 2: How else are you supposed to do it?
• 30:37
  Speaker 1: He said it's the best experience he's ever had. He
• 30:39
  says he's never topped it. Wow. Yeah. Wow. Makes you
• 30:43
  want to try it. Makes you, like, think, maybe. He
• 30:49
  was a fascinating guest, too, having him in here. It's like,
• 30:52
  that guy's been through so much shit, and he's okay.
• 30:57
  You know, it's like, how is he alive?
• 31:00
  Speaker 2: Some people are just different, right? Tiger Blood? I was
• 31:03
  on tour with him that whole time. That's right.
• 31:05
  Speaker 1: That's right. You were doing that thing with him. So
• 31:07
  what happened was when he got kicked off of Two
• 31:10
  and a Half Men and he went kind of kooky,
• 31:13
  he decided to do this whirlwind tour. And the first
• 31:16
  one he did, he tried to go and just wing it.
• 31:18
  Speaker 2: Torpedo of Truth.
• 31:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah.
• 31:20
  Speaker 2: That's what he called it.
• 31:20
  Speaker 1: The winging it one did not work. No. But then
• 31:22
  when he started doing it with you and he did
• 31:24
  it with Russell, Russell Peters did a bunch of them
• 31:26
  with him. Uh-huh. With comics, it actually worked because like
• 31:31
  he would have someone to bounce stuff off of and
• 31:33
  they knew how to be entertaining and keep the flow going. Right. Yeah.
• 31:38
  And then you got into those stories and it was amazing. Yeah.
• 31:42
  It totally turned around.
• 31:43
  Speaker 2: The first one I did was in Atlantic City and
• 31:46
  he called me the night before and- I was in L.A.
• 31:52
  at a party, and everyone was like, yeah, yeah, go
• 31:54
  do it, go do it. So I caught a, like.
• 31:56
  Speaker 1: 6 a.m. flight.
• 31:56
  Speaker 2: He called you the night before?
• 31:58
  Speaker 1: What did he say?
• 31:59
  Speaker 2: He's like, my shows aren't going good. I didn't know him.
• 32:02
  He goes, you know, like, all these different people keep
• 32:05
  telling me, Simon Rex, you know, other friends of his
• 32:08
  kept saying, Jeff Ross could come out and roast you
• 32:10
  and save this. So I just wrote jokes all night,
• 32:14
  you know, left the party, wrote jokes, caught a 6 a.m., flew.
• 32:17
  I walk into his dressing room like an hour before.
• 32:20
  Chuck Zito is literally staring me down going, don't be
• 32:23
  too mean to my guy. You know, like they're just
• 32:25
  trying to scare me. And I'm like, I'm here to like,
• 32:28
  I'm a comedian, you know. And Charlie was really cool.
• 32:33
  And I told his road manager, he goes, what do
• 32:36
  you need? I go, I need a podium to roll out,
• 32:40
  big arenas. I want to make it like a show.
• 32:43
  And I need a hazmat suit because he'd been bombing
• 32:45
  for like a week every single night. I'm going to
• 32:48
  come out. I go, I heard there's a bomb scare.
• 32:50
  I roll out. It's Jersey, so it's my crowd. And
• 32:53
  I just start roasting him. And it went well. And
• 32:56
  I was like, if you're winning, because he's always like, winning, winning.
• 32:59
  I'm like, if you're winning, something's wrong with the fucking scoreboard.
• 33:07
  Speaker 1: Old Jeff with hair, duh, winning. Look at that. Boy,
• 33:10
  he looks so skinny. That's a look of a guy
• 33:14
  who does coke. Look how ripped he is. Jesus. Oh, man.
• 33:18
  Speaker 2: He was up all night. He was like.
• 33:22
  Speaker 1: So he was still partying hard back then.
• 33:24
  Speaker 2: You know, it's hard to say.
• 33:25
  Speaker 1: Had to be.
• 33:26
  Speaker 2: He didn't let me see that side of it.
• 33:28
  Speaker 1: I'm sure he was. There's no chance he was clean.
• 33:31
  Speaker 2: Warlock.
• 33:33
  Speaker 1: Oh, that's right. He was a warlock. A warlock with
• 33:35
  tiger blood. Right. Violent Torpedo of Truth tour kicks off
• 33:40
  in Detroit. TV star is booed offstage. Yeah.
• 33:45
  Speaker 2: So then after that, they kept calling and going, you
• 33:48
  do this date and you do that date. It was
• 33:49
  like more money than I'd ever made for a one-nighter.
• 33:52
  So I just started getting on the bus and the
• 33:54
  plane with them.
• 33:55
  Speaker 1: How many dates did you guys do?
• 33:57
  Speaker 2: I wound up doing eight.
• 33:59
  Speaker 1: And Russell, how many did he do?
• 34:00
  Speaker 2: I don't know.
• 34:01
  Speaker 1: I don't know. So you just had different comics. Who
• 34:03
  else did it?
• 34:04
  Speaker 2: I don't remember anyone else but me. So that's news
• 34:06
  to me that Russell did it.
• 34:07
  Speaker 1: Yeah, Russell did a few. At least one I know of.
• 34:10
  Speaker 2: There might have been some in Canada I didn't do.
• 34:12
  Speaker 1: Well, Russell's really good off the cuff. Russell's great working
• 34:15
  the crowd.
• 34:16
  Speaker 2: I think Russell interviewed him. I think Russell, like you said.
• 34:21
  That's how he did it? Yeah, I think that's how
• 34:22
  he did it. Because now it occurs to me that
• 34:24
  he had interviewers on some of them. And he had
• 34:27
  a radio guy. And I think maybe Russell might have
• 34:30
  done a Canadian.
• 34:30
  Speaker 1: That's a smart way to do it. Have someone who's
• 34:33
  smart and quick. Because the stories are so bananas. All
• 34:38
  you need is the stories. And he was so open
• 34:41
  about stuff, talking about how much crack he would smoke.
• 34:45
  It was just so insane. And everybody was so happy
• 34:49
  that someone was, instead of hiding from the fact that
• 34:51
  they fucked their life up, they were like celebrating that
• 34:55
  they were off the rails. And everyone was like, yeah,
• 34:58
  tiger blood. I remember even Diego Sanchez, who was fighting
• 35:02
  in the UFC, was saying he had tiger blood. That's
• 35:07
  how popular it was getting.
• 35:08
  Speaker 2: Yeah, he was a thing.
• 35:11
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it was a thing. But it was a new thing, right?
• 35:13
  It was a movie star who had gone off the
• 35:16
  rails and was like celebrating it and being open and
• 35:19
  honest in interviews about prostitutes, cocaine, chaos, everything, all the above.
• 35:27
  It was a totally new experience for the general public
• 35:29
  because Before, if someone had an addiction problem, it was like, oh,
• 35:32
  so sad.
• 35:33
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 35:34
  Speaker 1: He was doing coke and, you know, my life had
• 35:37
  fallen apart and then I found Jesus. Right. You know,
• 35:39
  it's like always one of those things.
• 35:40
  Speaker 2: He wasn't on an apology tour. He went on a
• 35:42
  fuck you tour.
• 35:43
  Speaker 1: Yeah, 100 percent. And no one had ever done that before.
• 35:47
  No one had ever done a fuck you tour before.
• 35:50
  I mean, it was a little ill-advised, the first ones,
• 35:53
  you know, when he went on by himself. Like, that
• 35:54
  was a terrible idea. Right. You can't just wing it.
• 35:57
  And when you're on coke, you think you could do anything.
• 36:00
  Speaker 2: Or he would take questions but there's 15,000 people yelling
• 36:04
  at him.
• 36:04
  Speaker 1: Right. If you're going to take questions, it would have
• 36:06
  to be a person who's a moderator who has a
• 36:10
  microphone and talks to another person and is there so
• 36:14
  they can keep it from going off the rails and
• 36:15
  a line of people. You can't just have people yelling
• 36:19
  out things in the audience.
• 36:20
  Speaker 2: One night– Somebody wanted his money back and he brought
• 36:23
  the guy up and gave him his money back. And then,
• 36:26
  of course, like 400 people stood up like, I want
• 36:28
  my money back.
• 36:29
  Speaker 1: Oh, no.
• 36:30
  Speaker 2: He would get it. He would hear the audience too much.
• 36:33
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Well, no experience with that kind of stuff. Right.
• 36:36
  If you think you could just do live audience and
• 36:39
  deal with 15,000 people's different personalities, then you don't know
• 36:43
  what that's like. Right. Good luck.
• 36:46
  Speaker 2: We wound up doing eight shows, and I would always
• 36:48
  roast him. So by the eighth show, I had 20
• 36:50
  minutes of Charlie Sheen material. Every city, I'd add jokes.
• 36:54
  So that's when I was like, why don't we just
• 36:56
  do this on TV? I mean, we have the roast,
• 36:58
  and then we did the Comedy Central roast.
• 37:00
  Speaker 1: Nice.
• 37:01
  Speaker 2: Patrice and all that. And Mike Tyson was at that one.
• 37:04
  Speaker 1: It's a really interesting career arc. Well, if you know
• 37:07
  his story, he was on the set of Apocalypse Now
• 37:10
  with his father when he was 10. Right. And then
• 37:13
  10 years later... He was doing– what was the fucking movie?
• 37:19
  His fucking big war movie. Jesus Christ. Platoon. Platoon. He
• 37:23
  was doing Platoon when he was 20. Yeah. Which is nuts.
• 37:26
  Ten years later.
• 37:27
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 37:27
  Speaker 1: I mean he's doing the next iconic war movie. Right.
• 37:31
  And he's a 20-year-old kid and then all of a
• 37:33
  sudden he's a fucking superstar.
• 37:36
  Speaker 2: Right. He was great in that movie.
• 37:38
  Speaker 1: And he's just off the rails. Just like no restrictions.
• 37:42
  He's rich. He's young. He's handsome. He's handsome. He's just
• 37:44
  going crazy, doing drugs. But he made it through it all.
• 37:49
  That's what's nuts.
• 37:50
  Speaker 2: I got to check that doc out.
• 37:51
  Speaker 1: It's great. He's a great interview, too. Like, having him
• 37:55
  on the podcast was fucking great. He's a really nice guy.
• 37:59
  He's very cool and honest about it all. Oh, yeah.
• 38:02
  You know, and he's also like, hey, you know, I
• 38:03
  can still act. Like, how about I've fucking paid my dues.
• 38:07
  I've been sober for seven years. Like, give me a shot. Yeah.
• 38:10
  He can still act.
• 38:12
  Speaker 2: He's a good actor.
• 38:13
  Speaker 1: I hope someone does do something like that because I
• 38:15
  feel like if one big movie came along, like maybe
• 38:19
  Tarantino could put him in because he's the master of
• 38:21
  like reviving careers.
• 38:22
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 38:23
  Speaker 1: What he did with Travolta and Pulp Fiction. Pulp Fiction,
• 38:25
  like Travolta was dead on the operating table in his
• 38:30
  career before Pulp Fiction. Pulp Fiction came along and boom,
• 38:33
  he's back because they realized like, oh shit, John Travolta
• 38:37
  can fucking act. And that role was perfect for him. Vince,
• 38:42
  he played this crazy hit man with Samuel Jackson. The best. Fucking,
• 38:46
  what a movie.
• 38:47
  Speaker 2: I watch it all the time.
• 38:48
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it completely revived his career. Yeah, he's the, like,
• 38:53
  Quentin Tarantino is like the master of seeing things that
• 38:56
  other people don't see. You know, he's like, that guy's
• 38:58
  still great. Yeah. And I think that's like the case
• 39:01
  with Charlie. Like, someone's got to come along and see
• 39:04
  and just go, I just need to get him a role.
• 39:07
  Where he just can really sink his teeth into it
• 39:10
  and he'll fucking kill it. Especially now at this stage
• 39:14
  of his life where he knows how important it is.
• 39:16
  He'll throw himself into it. Right. It'd be fucking amazing.
• 39:21
  Speaker 2: Like some people don't act for a long time. And
• 39:23
  then look what Sean Penn just did. And he came
• 39:25
  back after God knows how long and just did this
• 39:28
  totally iconic, unrecognizable. strange character.
• 39:32
  Speaker 1: I didn't see that movie. I've heard all these mixed reviews. Whatever.
• 39:35
  Speaker 2: It's interesting to see Sean's take on this.
• 39:39
  Speaker 1: Soldier. Look, Sean Penn's out of his fucking mind. But
• 39:43
  that's the kind of guy that makes a great actor.
• 39:45
  He's a great actor.
• 39:46
  Speaker 2: Ditch the Oscars to go see. Yeah.
• 39:48
  Speaker 1: Go to Ukraine.
• 39:49
  Speaker 2: So cool.
• 39:49
  Speaker 1: Go hang out. Go hang out with my boy Zelinsky
• 39:51
  and do coke. Do that pure Russian coke.
• 39:58
  Speaker 2: I like how you think that's what they were doing.
• 40:01
  Speaker 1: I'm just guessing. I'm just taking a wild guess. But
• 40:04
  that guy, I mean, how about him? Like goes and
• 40:07
  fucking meets the drug lord. What's his name? What's wrong
• 40:10
  with my brain today, Jamie? What the fuck's his name?
• 40:14
  The dude he met in Mexico. The guy who got arrested.
• 40:17
  El Chapo. El Chapo. Thank you. went down and met
• 40:19
  El Chapo and that's how El Chapo wound up getting arrested. Right.
• 40:23
  He wanted to meet Sean Penn. He's like, all right,
• 40:25
  I'll go meet. He wrote an article for like Rolling Stone.
• 40:27
  He like was a journalist. Right.
• 40:29
  Speaker 2: I remember.
• 40:30
  Speaker 1: I mean like who, what fucking movie star goes down
• 40:34
  and meets El Chapo? By the way, that shirt, Conor
• 40:39
  McGregor bought a shirt that's like exactly like that shirt
• 40:44
  and recreated that pose with, I forget who he shook
• 40:48
  hands with, but it was like this funny inside joke
• 40:51
  that a lot of people didn't catch. It's like, why
• 40:53
  is he wearing that shirt? And people realize, oh, my God,
• 40:56
  he's wearing the El Chapo shirt. Oh, my God. He
• 41:01
  bought a similar shirt. He's like literally doing that.
• 41:04
  Speaker 2: Oh, my gosh.
• 41:05
  Speaker 1: So silly. He dressed as gangster El Chapo. He's literally
• 41:08
  doing the thing. But he did it on purpose. Nuts.
• 41:15
  I mean, it takes insane balls. To be a world-famous
• 41:19
  actor and decide I'm going to go meet a drug
• 41:23
  lord in Mexico and write an article for Rolling Stone.
• 41:27
  Speaker 2: He's an adventurer.
• 41:28
  Speaker 1: I guess.
• 41:29
  Speaker 2: Acting's a part of him, not all of him.
• 41:31
  Speaker 1: I mean, he must be. I mean, he's in fucking Ukraine. Like,
• 41:34
  what does he do?
• 41:34
  Speaker 2: I remember being at a party, Eddie Vedder's birthday party,
• 41:37
  and Sean Penn walked in with Stormy Daniels. Like, he
• 41:40
  has friends from the most diverse places. That's funny. Zelensky, Stormy.
• 41:48
  Speaker 1: Have you seen Kyle Dunnigan's face swap things with Trump
• 41:51
  and Stormy Daniels?
• 41:52
  Speaker 2: So funny.
• 41:53
  Speaker 1: Oh, my God. They're so funny.
• 41:54
  Speaker 2: So funny.
• 41:55
  Speaker 1: Kyle Dunnigan. He's another guy that got revived by Kill
• 41:58
  Tony or really got the world got to see him.
• 42:03
  We covered his face swap videos a bunch of times
• 42:06
  on the podcast and blew them up. But to see
• 42:09
  him as these characters, like when he plays RFK Jr.,
• 42:13
  when he plays Elon– Like, that is what really, like,
• 42:16
  kicked off Kyle's career, you know?
• 42:19
  Speaker 2: Dude, his RFK is so fun.
• 42:22
  Speaker 1: His Elon's so good.
• 42:23
  Speaker 2: That's when he first started doing the face swap. This
• 42:27
  is the best. My text chain's always sharing his stuff.
• 42:30
  Speaker 1: His Bill Maher. His Bill Maher's amazing.
• 42:32
  Speaker 2: You know, I try to play— Because his jokes are
• 42:34
  funny about it.
• 42:35
  Speaker 1: I try to play the Bill Maher impression with Bill
• 42:37
  Maher when he's in here. He goes, if you play it,
• 42:39
  I'll leave.
• 42:41
  Speaker 2: Why does he care?
• 42:42
  Speaker 1: I don't— Because he doesn't hang out with comics enough.
• 42:46
  He's out there doing his show, hanging out with political people,
• 42:48
  being all serious. It's like you kind of forget.
• 42:50
  Speaker 2: He just wants to be a, what do you call it,
• 42:52
  a contrarian. I was on his podcast and like he literally,
• 42:57
  he just wanted to fight about anything. I go, the
• 43:00
  Ramones are great. He's like, no, they're not. I'm like,
• 43:06
  all right.
• 43:06
  Speaker 1: Rock and roll high school is not great? Come on, son.
• 43:09
  The look, the crazy hair.
• 43:10
  Speaker 2: All of it. The Ramones is one of the greatest.
• 43:12
  Speaker 1: The Ramones ruled. They were ruled.
• 43:15
  Speaker 2: Never had a song over two minutes and five seconds.
• 43:17
  Speaker 1: How can you say they're not great?
• 43:19
  Speaker 2: It's nice to go see them in college, man.
• 43:21
  Speaker 1: You don't have to like it, but you got to
• 43:23
  admit there's a reason why people love them. Right. Yeah.
• 43:29
  You know what I'm saying?
• 43:30
  Speaker 2: Yeah, man.
• 43:31
  Speaker 1: People are so weird when they want to say something sucks.
• 43:34
  Like I was having an argument with someone. There's like
• 43:36
  Taylor Swift's all dumb music. I go, no, it's not.
• 43:39
  It's not. She's got some great songs. No Body, No Crime,
• 43:42
  a great fucking song. She's got great songs.
• 43:44
  Speaker 2: By the way, I respect anybody who writes their own
• 43:46
  music and produces their own music.
• 43:48
  Speaker 1: Also, it's like, do you think you're smarter than everybody
• 43:51
  who loves her? Like, she's literally got more fans than
• 43:54
  anybody alive, and you think they're all wrong? That's kind
• 43:57
  of crazy. Like, you don't have to like it. You
• 44:00
  don't have to like it. But there's, like, people have
• 44:03
  closed minds.
• 44:05
  Speaker 2: I met her at an Oscars party last weekend, and
• 44:07
  she introduced herself. I was talking to Travis.
• 44:09
  Speaker 1: Is she cool?
• 44:10
  Speaker 2: I was talking to Travis for a few minutes, and
• 44:12
  she said, hi, I'm Taylor. I was a little starstruck because,
• 44:16
  I don't know, musicians are the last thing for me.
• 44:19
  I really respect. And she was super cool, man. She
• 44:22
  was really cool, actually. And I told her that I
• 44:24
  went to her era show. Did you really? She said
• 44:27
  she watches the roasts.
• 44:29
  Speaker 1: Oh, that's funny.
• 44:30
  Speaker 2: It was pretty cool, actually.
• 44:31
  Speaker 1: That's awesome.
• 44:32
  Speaker 2: I wonder when they make love if they wear helmets,
• 44:34
  those two.
• 44:35
  Speaker 1: Why do you think they wear helmets?
• 44:37
  Speaker 2: Just saying. It's got to be wild. You think it is?
• 44:40
  Travis and Taylor.
• 44:41
  Speaker 1: I mean, it's all sweet and passionate. Maybe.
• 44:43
  Speaker 2: I hope so.
• 44:43
  Speaker 1: That's what I think.
• 44:46
  Speaker 2: You have your fantasies. I have mine.
• 44:50
  Speaker 1: Shoulder pads, cleats. Yeah. Going for it on AstroTurf.
• 44:54
  Speaker 2: He's a nice guy.
• 44:55
  Speaker 1: Is he?
• 44:55
  Speaker 2: Has he been in here?
• 44:56
  Speaker 1: No, never met him.
• 44:57
  Speaker 2: He'd be a good.
• 44:57
  Speaker 1: Good dude? Yeah. It's interesting when people are public, like
• 45:03
  a public relationship like that, two super famous people. It's like,
• 45:07
  that's a lot of pressure. And then you're putting it
• 45:09
  all out there in the world and like everybody's judging you.
• 45:13
  It's hard enough to keep a relationship together. But keep
• 45:15
  a relationship together when you have to field everyone's opinions
• 45:18
  of you. Especially like Taylor Swift because how many fucking
• 45:21
  songs does she have about ex-boyfriends? Right. It's like, jeez.
• 45:25
  If you break up with her, the fucking diss track
• 45:27
  of the universe is coming your way.
• 45:30
  Speaker 2: Yeah, right. Kendrick Drake. Fuck that. Just don't break up
• 45:33
  with Taylor.
• 45:34
  Speaker 1: Exactly. Yeah. But it's just like. You're doing it in
• 45:37
  front of the world, and you're inviting all of the
• 45:40
  shittiest people in the world to have their opinions about you.
• 45:42
  It's like, blech. It's a lot of pressure.
• 45:45
  Speaker 2: Look at freaking Timberlake this weekend. That really pissed me off.
• 45:48
  Speaker 1: What happened?
• 45:48
  Speaker 2: They released a two- or three-year-old video of him getting
• 45:52
  a DUI.
• 45:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Oh, I did see that.
• 45:54
  Speaker 2: Why does that need to be out there?
• 45:57
  Speaker 1: How is that a legal thing to take a video
• 46:01
  of someone being arrested? Why is that? Because he's a
• 46:04
  public figure? Why is that? Why isn't that private? I
• 46:07
  don't understand. And there was nothing outrageous about it.
• 46:10
  Speaker 2: They're just hassling this guy and bringing up old news.
• 46:14
  It really bugged me.
• 46:15
  Speaker 1: I mean there was nothing outrageous about it. I mean
• 46:17
  he was very calm and relaxed and they arrested him
• 46:21
  for DUI. They asked him a few questions. There was
• 46:24
  nothing about it that was like, oh, look at Justin Timberlake.
• 46:28
  He's off the rails. He's acting crazy. It was like
• 46:32
  he had a few drinks. Probably shouldn't have drove. Drove.
• 46:35
  Got caught. That's it. Right.
• 46:38
  Speaker 2: It happens to a lot of people.
• 46:39
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 46:39
  Speaker 2: And whatever. Just because he's famous or whatever.
• 46:41
  Speaker 1: He wasn't acting like an asshole. He didn't do anything terrible.
• 46:45
  And everybody wants like, look at him. He got caught. Right.
• 46:49
  You have so much money and you still got caught.
• 46:52
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 46:53
  Speaker 1: Obviously, get a driver, dude. You got to get drunk. Right.
• 46:56
  It's not that hard.
• 46:57
  Speaker 2: He was tooling around the Hamptons. They thought he was fine. Yeah.
• 47:00
  Speaker 1: That's probably it, right? That's where all the rich people
• 47:02
  drink and drive. Yeah.
• 47:05
  Speaker 2: I don't get having to torture somebody by releasing the video.
• 47:08
  Speaker 1: Well, I mean, all he has to do is just
• 47:10
  not be online for a few days and it'll go away.
• 47:14
  But it's like, why is it okay to release that?
• 47:17
  Why is that a public record thing? Unless there's like some,
• 47:21
  even if there's a case, that should be something that
• 47:24
  gets released in court.
• 47:25
  Speaker 2: No, they release it as a public information.
• 47:28
  Speaker 1: What? Right. Why?
• 47:30
  Speaker 2: I don't know.
• 47:30
  Speaker 1: Why? Because he sings?
• 47:31
  Speaker 2: Because we live in a cruel fucking world. That's why.
• 47:33
  Speaker 1: Yeah. We live in a place where people enjoy cruelty.
• 47:38
  They enjoy– well, it's like you look at him. He's
• 47:41
  like super famous, married to– what's her name? Who's he
• 47:44
  married to? Jessica Biel. Beautiful woman. Yeah. Right? He's got
• 47:48
  this perfect life. He's rich. He's famous. He can dance.
• 47:50
  He can sing. He's tall. He's handsome. He was a
• 47:53
  star when he was young. Fuck that guy. That's how
• 47:56
  everybody is. Like, oh, look, he was drunk. Yeah, yeah. Bitch,
• 47:59
  you've been drunk before too. Shut the fuck up.
• 48:01
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 48:01
  Speaker 1: And if you haven't, fuck you. If you've never been drunk,
• 48:04
  fuck you. Unless, like, your dad was an alcoholic and,
• 48:08
  you know, understanding circumstances. But it's like, why is that
• 48:14
  something that people are into? I saw it. It came
• 48:15
  across my news feed, and I looked at it for
• 48:18
  a few seconds. I was like, there's something outrageous about this.
• 48:21
  Did you see Alan Richman, though? No. The guy who
• 48:23
  plays Reacher? He beat the fuck out of some guy
• 48:27
  in front of some kids today? Oof.
• 48:30
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 48:30
  Speaker 1: Or yesterday? It was crazy. That guy's a giant dude.
• 48:35
  You know that show Reacher?
• 48:35
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I heard of it.
• 48:37
  Speaker 1: He's fucking huge and jacked, and he was riding dirt bikes,
• 48:41
  and he got in some altercation with his neighbor, and
• 48:43
  someone filmed it. And, you know, he's this hulking guy.
• 48:47
  I don't know what the circumstances were. Maybe the guy
• 48:50
  deserved it. Maybe the guy was a piece of shit.
• 48:52
  Maybe the guy came after him first. But all you
• 48:55
  see in the video is him beating this guy up, and,
• 48:58
  you know, he's fucking this– Tank of a man. He's huge.
• 49:02
  He's like 250 pounds. And he's beating some guy's ass.
• 49:05
  And then he gets back on his motorcycle. He's doing
• 49:08
  it in front of kids too, which is kind of crazy.
• 49:11
  Speaker 2: Violence.
• 49:12
  Speaker 1: Well, it's also– it's like why you– I don't know
• 49:15
  what happened. So I don't really want to comment on
• 49:17
  the extenuating circumstances. According to the TMZ article. Right.
• 49:20
  Speaker 2: He was pushed off the bike by the man.
• 49:23
  Speaker 1: Oh, the guy pushed him off the bike. Okay. Well,
• 49:28
  then that guy's just trying to get it. You want
• 49:29
  to see the video? Let's watch the video. So watch
• 49:32
  the video. Like, so this is after he already beat
• 49:35
  the guy's ass. I'm not going to show it. So
• 49:41
  he's punching the dude. The other guy's a big guy, too.
• 49:47
  He might have just had a dicky neighbor. Boy, neighbors and, like,
• 49:50
  especially if you've got a homeowner's association, they're some fucking shitheads.
• 49:55
  So this guy, so if the guy pushed him off
• 49:58
  the bike, I kind of understand. The guy pushed him
• 50:02
  off the bike. He's lucky. That's all he did to him.
• 50:04
  Speaker 2: This could be eight-year-olds.
• 50:06
  Speaker 1: Yeah, those little kids.
• 50:07
  Speaker 2: You can replace this with tricycles.
• 50:08
  Speaker 1: But those little kids that are there, too, and he's
• 50:10
  yelling at them and pointing at them. But if you
• 50:13
  really did push him off the bike, that guy's a
• 50:16
  piece of shit. And he's lucky. And look, he's an idiot.
• 50:19
  Because even after he beat his ass, he's still getting
• 50:22
  in his face. And he's still talking shit. Okay. Well,
• 50:28
  that's a different story. Well, that's good. That's good to know. Yeah,
• 50:31
  fuck that guy. Don't push someone off a bike. And
• 50:33
  it's like because the dirt bikes were loud and they're
• 50:36
  in the neighborhood. Turn your TV up. Shut the fuck up.
• 50:39
  People are just so into everybody's business. I've watched so
• 50:42
  many videos of homeowners associations yelling at people for doing whatever,
• 50:47
  parking an old car in your driveway. People always love
• 50:53
  to tell people what they can and can't do. I've
• 50:55
  had homeowners associations before. I don't know if you've ever
• 50:58
  dealt with that. It is a fucking nightmare. You have
• 51:02
  to sit down and talk to these dorks who tell
• 51:05
  you what you should and shouldn't do with your fence. Yeah.
• 51:08
  Speaker 2: How high are your hedges?
• 51:09
  Speaker 1: Dude, I had a situation once where there was all
• 51:11
  these wrought iron fences in my neighborhood. And I repaired
• 51:15
  my fence and I replaced it with a different wrought
• 51:17
  iron fence. And they said, you can't have wrought iron fences.
• 51:20
  We have a new rule. It has to be equestrian fence.
• 51:23
  I said, but there's no consistency. I said, the entire
• 51:25
  neighborhood has wrought iron fences. I said, it doesn't matter.
• 51:28
  I said, well, let's go to court. I go, I
• 51:30
  don't give a fuck. I go, I'll sue you. I go,
• 51:32
  I have money. I go, let's go to court. I go,
• 51:34
  I'm not taking my fucking fence down. And they're like,
• 51:36
  you're going to take your fence down. I go, you're
• 51:39
  not going to tell me anything. You're not going to
• 51:42
  tell me what to do. Just because I go, it
• 51:44
  looks great. It's not like it's a blight on the neighborhood.
• 51:47
  The house is beautiful. Shut the fuck up. And eventually
• 51:50
  I won.
• 51:51
  Speaker 2: Did you have to sue?
• 51:53
  Speaker 1: Well, I threatened to sue and they backed off because
• 51:54
  they were afraid of suing. They were afraid of lawsuits
• 51:56
  because then they would have to use the homeowners association
• 51:59
  funds to do this. And it didn't make any sense.
• 52:02
  Like I talked to a lawyer about it. I said,
• 52:04
  does this make any sense? He goes, no, there's a
• 52:05
  precedent in the neighborhood. Like every third house had wrought
• 52:09
  iron fencing. And it wasn't like it wasn't good looking.
• 52:12
  Like it was beautiful. It was new. It was clean.
• 52:15
  I had a reputable company build it. There's nothing wrong
• 52:18
  with it. And I was replacing wrought iron fence with
• 52:20
  more wrought iron fence. It was just better. It was
• 52:22
  like the fence was broken. It looked shitty. It was
• 52:25
  like they get rusty where they connect, and I had
• 52:27
  to get it replaced.
• 52:28
  Speaker 2: So what on earth was their problem?
• 52:29
  Speaker 1: Just cunts. Cunts. This is how cunty they are. I
• 52:32
  had a neighbor. He lived across the street. He told
• 52:36
  me that I had to trim my trees and thin
• 52:40
  them out so that he could see the view in
• 52:43
  the distance. And I said, what are you talking about?
• 52:46
  And he said, we have a regulation that says you
• 52:49
  can't obstruct the view. I go, these trees have been
• 52:53
  here for 50 years. And then I talked to the
• 52:55
  guy who sold me the house. He's like, that asshole
• 52:57
  was trying to do that with me too. Just tell
• 52:59
  him to fuck himself. He's just a weird guy. He
• 53:01
  built an observation deck at the top of his hill
• 53:04
  in his backyard so he could see like the lights
• 53:06
  of the city in the distance. And he wanted you
• 53:09
  to cut your trees down so you're obstructing the view.
• 53:12
  I go, your house is obstructing my view of this hill.
• 53:16
  I like to look at hills. Is that what we're
• 53:18
  going to do? Take your house down. You take your
• 53:20
  house down and I'll trim these trees. Fuck you, man.
• 53:22
  Speaker 2: Tell him to lift his house up.
• 53:24
  Speaker 1: He's like, oh, so it's going to be like that.
• 53:25
  I go, going to be like what? You want me
• 53:27
  to cut trees down so you can see? You don't
• 53:29
  have a view, man. You're not on the edge of
• 53:32
  the hill. You're back set. This is what the view
• 53:35
  looks like from where you are. This house has been
• 53:38
  here before your house was there. Go eat shit.
• 53:41
  Speaker 2: You could have asked nice and maybe you would have
• 53:43
  done something.
• 53:43
  Speaker 1: I wouldn't have done a fucking thing. It didn't make
• 53:46
  any sense. It's just people want to tell people what
• 53:49
  to do. Like I was reading this article where this
• 53:51
  homeowners association hired a tow company to go around the
• 53:56
  neighborhood and tow all the cars that had expired tags.
• 54:00
  Can you imagine? Like your tag's expired. Like, ah, fuck,
• 54:03
  I'll get to it. I'm busy. I'll get to it
• 54:06
  next week. You know, you just run it around. And
• 54:08
  then all of a sudden they tow your car. Like,
• 54:11
  fuck you, man. Like, fuck you. It's just people love
• 54:15
  to tell other people what to do. And homeowners associations,
• 54:19
  when they get power, they become like the little hall
• 54:21
  monitors of the neighborhood. You know, your grass is unruly.
• 54:27
  It's supposed to be two inches. It's four. Just people.
• 54:32
  People love to do that. They love to tell people
• 54:35
  what to do and what not to do.
• 54:37
  Speaker 2: I have one neighbor who kind of runs the whole block.
• 54:41
  She puts everyone on an email chain, and she's pretty–
• 54:44
  she leads with love. But she looks out for everybody.
• 54:47
  Speaker 1: Well, as long as I'm– looking out is not bad.
• 54:49
  It's just like nonsense. Like the guy wanted me to
• 54:52
  trim the trees. He wanted me to thin out my–
• 54:55
  you want me to chop the trees down? He goes, no,
• 54:57
  I just want you to thin them out. You can
• 54:58
  thin them out. I go, what? What are you talking about?
• 55:01
  Chop all the leaves off so that you could see
• 55:04
  lights in the distance? It was like the dumbest conversation.
• 55:08
  And he realized while we're in the middle of the
• 55:10
  conversation how dumb this is. Right. And then we never
• 55:12
  talked again. And I would see him occasionally.
• 55:15
  Speaker 2: Isn't there a safety issue with trimming your trees, like
• 55:17
  thinning them out? Fire?
• 55:20
  Speaker 1: Well, I mean, where we were, there was– the real
• 55:23
  issue is brush. The real issue is the ground, you know,
• 55:27
  dried brush on the ground. We were evacuated from where
• 55:30
  I lived three times from fires.
• 55:33
  Speaker 2: Down here?
• 55:34
  Speaker 1: No, this is in California. Yeah, yeah. And when I
• 55:36
  lived in California, the last big fire in 2018, we
• 55:40
  lost three houses in front of our house. And my
• 55:43
  neighbor's house caught on fire. But I had one. My
• 55:46
  crazy friend Bud would not leave the neighborhood. They evacuated
• 55:49
  the whole neighborhood. He wouldn't leave. He's like, I'm staying.
• 55:52
  I'm staying. I'm going to save my house. I'm going
• 55:53
  to save other people's houses. And he fucking did. He
• 55:56
  saved his house. He saved my neighbor's house. He checked
• 55:59
  my neighbor's house. The roof is on fire. He got
• 56:02
  water on it. He called the fire department. There was
• 56:04
  fire departments that were like trying to put out fires
• 56:07
  in the neighborhood the moment they started and they hosed
• 56:10
  his roof down because embers will fly and they land.
• 56:14
  Speaker 2: I had it in LA. I had to evacuate for
• 56:16
  one day.
• 56:17
  Speaker 1: It's spooky, man. The fires in California are no joke, man.
• 56:22
  It's really weird to see when it happens because you
• 56:25
  realize like how nature is completely in control when that happens.
• 56:29
  You're just this storm of flames that comes over the hills.
• 56:33
  It's wild. It's wild and it cannot be controlled. And
• 56:36
  once it starts, it's just a matter of trying to
• 56:38
  contain it and a certain amount of houses are just
• 56:40
  going to go no matter what depending on which way
• 56:42
  the wind blows. But that wasn't what the problem was.
• 56:48
  This guy was just a cunt. Just– it's a homeowners
• 56:53
  association thing. It's just like people that think they– like–
• 56:57
  There was a– I'm still a part of this email
• 56:59
  group that– I'm still on the email of the Homeowner Association.
• 57:03
  One of the guys poisoned one of the people in
• 57:07
  the Homeowner Association's dogs. Yeah. Like they got in some
• 57:12
  sort of a dispute about something. This guy poisoned his
• 57:14
  fucking dogs.
• 57:16
  Speaker 2: Wow.
• 57:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 57:17
  Speaker 2: So sad.
• 57:17
  Speaker 1: Evil cocksucker. Wow. But it's like that kind of thing.
• 57:21
  It's these people that just want to control their neighbors, man.
• 57:24
  It's so weird. Like one of my neighbors.
• 57:26
  Speaker 2: What's the punishment for that?
• 57:28
  Speaker 1: He should be shot. You fucking piece of shit. That's
• 57:31
  like killing a family member.
• 57:32
  Speaker 2: You should have to eat whatever he gave those dogs.
• 57:35
  Speaker 1: You should go to jail for sure. I don't know
• 57:37
  what happened. I don't know if they caught the guy.
• 57:39
  I don't think they know exactly who did it. They
• 57:42
  had no video evidence. The person who lived there apparently
• 57:46
  didn't have good security cameras. But it's so weird. Like
• 57:51
  they would get mad at someone for the way they
• 57:53
  designed their house. And I was like, What do you
• 57:56
  give a fuck? And he's like– this is like one
• 57:58
  of my neighbors built a house and my other neighbor goes,
• 58:01
  what do you think about his house? I go, it's
• 58:02
  a house. I go, I don't care. And he's like,
• 58:05
  I think it's ugly and this house is going to
• 58:07
  lower our property values. I go, what are you fucking
• 58:10
  talking about? Your house looks great. You have a beautiful house.
• 58:12
  You think people are going to pay less for your
• 58:14
  house because this house is boring? Like this doesn't make
• 58:17
  any sense. But it's just people, they nitpick and when
• 58:21
  they have control, when people have control over other people's–
• 58:25
  Like they don't have control over their own life and
• 58:27
  their life is just a sloppy mess. They always like
• 58:31
  to look at other people's lives and I don't like
• 58:32
  where he puts his dumpsters.
• 58:34
  Speaker 2: It's a hater. Yeah. We all confront that all the time.
• 58:37
  Speaker 1: It's not just a hater. It's a hater with power
• 58:40
  because of homeowners associations. And from that moment on, I
• 58:44
  decided I will never buy a home with a homeowners association.
• 58:48
  Speaker 2: Never.
• 58:49
  Speaker 1: No fucking chance. I don't care how cool they are
• 58:51
  because someone not cool can move in and then it
• 58:53
  becomes a nightmare. I will never have conversations with those
• 58:57
  kind of people where they tell you what you could
• 58:59
  do with your lawn. Like, fuck you. Fuck you.
• 59:05
  Speaker 2: When I was a young comic, I lived with my
• 59:07
  grandfather in the house that I grew up in and
• 59:09
  we would never. ever ever mow the lawn we just
• 59:12
  didn't have any money we didn't care and everyone in
• 59:14
  our neighborhood just hated us they would heckle us and
• 59:17
  yell at us so i guess i've been the eyesore
• 59:20
  and now i'm on the other side of it.
• 59:22
  Speaker 1: My grandfather lived in the same house that he bought
• 59:25
  in the 1940s and when he bought it in the
• 59:28
  1940s this was in uh It was an all Italian
• 59:30
  neighborhood in Newark. And then, um, they started doing, you
• 59:35
  were born in Newark.
• 59:35
  Speaker 2: Newark, New Jersey.
• 59:36
  Speaker 1: No shit. Let's go.
• 59:39
  Speaker 2: That's where I learned karate. Is that really from detectives
• 59:43
  in Newark?
• 59:43
  Speaker 1: Really? Oh yeah. Yeah. People don't know you're a black
• 59:46
  belt in Taekwondo.
• 59:47
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 59:47
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's wild. Do you still do it
• 59:50
  at all?
• 59:50
  Speaker 2: I mean, I work out like, you know, not with people,
• 59:53
  but I, I know my moves and I, I do
• 59:56
  a few in the new Netflix special. I throw some
• 59:58
  kicks for fun and tell the story about getting a
• 1:00:01
  black belt starting at six, getting bullied, my mom dragging
• 1:00:05
  me to the house of empty hands. That was what
• 1:00:08
  it was called. Ronnie Roselli, Newark detective, teaching me karate,
• 1:00:13
  almost like a father figure.
• 1:00:15
  Speaker 1: Oh, that's awesome.
• 1:00:15
  Speaker 2: Gave me confidence, gave me self-respect, respect for others, taught
• 1:00:21
  me that hard work pays off. You know, when you
• 1:00:23
  get a black belt at 10 and a half, you go, wow,
• 1:00:26
  maybe I could be something in my life. If I
• 1:00:28
  work as hard as I did at that, maybe I
• 1:00:31
  could be good at something else too.
• 1:00:32
  Speaker 1: Yeah, for sure. I mean, it teaches you a lot
• 1:00:35
  about like the belt system is really good because you
• 1:00:38
  get rewarded for your work and then you see like
• 1:00:40
  a tangible result. Instead of just like, oh, I'm getting better,
• 1:00:44
  it's like, oh, there's like a ceremony. Like I've reached
• 1:00:47
  a new level. Like now I have to be.
• 1:00:50
  Speaker 2: Some of my most cherished memories are those ceremonies of
• 1:00:53
  my dad and mom watching me get my brown belt,
• 1:00:56
  blue belt, brown belt, and black belt, and competing in
• 1:00:59
  tournaments all over the East Coast.
• 1:01:00
  Speaker 1: Isn't that awesome?
• 1:01:01
  Speaker 2: What was his name? Gary? There's this karate guy I
• 1:01:05
  used to throw. Gary Alexander. He threw East Coast tournaments,
• 1:01:09
  and I used to compete. I still have a room,
• 1:01:11
  half a dozen karate trophies in my house.
• 1:01:13
  Speaker 1: That's awesome.
• 1:01:13
  Speaker 2: It's the best time of my life.
• 1:01:15
  Speaker 1: I lost most of my stuff, but I do have
• 1:01:17
  a bunch of medals that I still have that are
• 1:01:19
  in my drawer by my bed. A bunch of medals
• 1:01:22
  from the day. But it seems weird when I pick
• 1:01:24
  them up. They don't even seem real.
• 1:01:26
  Speaker 2: It's from another life.
• 1:01:27
  Speaker 1: Oh, it's another life. Like, I don't even. Until I, like,
• 1:01:31
  hit a bag or something like that, I almost forget
• 1:01:33
  that I could do it. You know? And then I
• 1:01:35
  do it.
• 1:01:36
  Speaker 2: I'm like, ooh.
• 1:01:37
  Speaker 1: Right. Still got it. I like.
• 1:01:39
  Speaker 2: I like. My kicks, I can front snap kick. I
• 1:01:43
  can't side kick. I can barely roundhouse at this point.
• 1:01:46
  But it's like.
• 1:01:47
  Speaker 1: Why not?
• 1:01:48
  Speaker 2: I got a belly. There's no real good reason other
• 1:01:55
  than I'm just, you know.
• 1:01:57
  Speaker 1: You ever thought about like starting to take classes again?
• 1:01:59
  Speaker 2: If I do think about it, I probably could.
• 1:02:03
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:02:03
  Speaker 2: You know, you're good at kicking, of pushing me to
• 1:02:06
  do stuff like that.
• 1:02:07
  Speaker 1: It'd be good for your health. Just take a class
• 1:02:09
  a couple times a week.
• 1:02:10
  Speaker 2: What would I take? If I was a black belt
• 1:02:12
  in taekwondo.
• 1:02:13
  Speaker 1: Take taekwondo. Just start taking that again.
• 1:02:15
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:02:15
  Speaker 1: Yeah. I mean you're doing it for exercise. It's not
• 1:02:17
  like you're going to fight in the UFC. No. Just
• 1:02:19
  go and start– you'd probably feel it a little bit
• 1:02:24
  and then you remember what you used to be able
• 1:02:26
  to do and so your muscle memory would kick in.
• 1:02:28
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:02:29
  Speaker 1: You'd start probably watching your diet a little bit better. Right, right, right.
• 1:02:32
  Drinking more water. Yeah. Taking vitamins and– Next thing you know,
• 1:02:37
  four or five months have gone by, and now your
• 1:02:40
  waist is thinner. Your kicks are snappier. You're going to
• 1:02:43
  three classes a week instead of two. You feel better.
• 1:02:47
  People go, Jeff, look at you. You're looking great. Like, yeah,
• 1:02:51
  I started taking taekwondo again.
• 1:02:52
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's not a bad idea. I guess I wouldn't
• 1:02:55
  wear my black belt. I would feel like I was
• 1:02:58
  disrespecting the art. So I'd have to re-earn that.
• 1:03:04
  Speaker 1: Well, you could always take a totally new style and
• 1:03:06
  start out as a white belt. You know, you take
• 1:03:08
  like Kyokushin, the shirt I'm wearing right now, George St. Pierre.
• 1:03:12
  Take something else. Just take something near you. Like Krav Maga.
• 1:03:15
  Like take anything.
• 1:03:16
  Speaker 2: My manager, Amy, told me she was your publicist when
• 1:03:19
  you were on the cover of Black Belt magazine.
• 1:03:21
  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah. A's V.
• 1:03:24
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:03:25
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Way back in the dizzay.
• 1:03:27
  Speaker 2: I love that. That's so funny.
• 1:03:29
  Speaker 1: Yeah. I mean, I never stopped working out. I just don't.
• 1:03:33
  It's too much of a part of my brain. Like
• 1:03:36
  my mind doesn't operate well if I have days. Even
• 1:03:39
  if I just take a couple days off, I don't
• 1:03:42
  feel right. I feel squirrely. I feel like I'm not balanced,
• 1:03:48
  you know?
• 1:03:48
  Speaker 2: Sometimes I just like to stand in front of a
• 1:03:50
  mirror and just throw blocks and just make sure that
• 1:03:54
  I like the way that it feels and just do it.
• 1:03:56
  Speaker 1: It's meditative. Yeah. Yeah. You know what I used to
• 1:03:59
  love doing, especially when I lived in California? I'd take
• 1:04:01
  a couple bong hits and just hit the bag. And just, like,
• 1:04:05
  feel it. Just start feeling it. Just whomp.
• 1:04:10
  Speaker 2: I remember my cod.
• 1:04:12
  Speaker 1: Do you? Do you remember all those?
• 1:04:13
  Speaker 2: I remember at least the first two, I think.
• 1:04:15
  Speaker 1: God, I used to hate those things. I didn't think.
• 1:04:18
  I was young and immature, and I didn't understand the
• 1:04:21
  value of forms. I used to think that this is pointless.
• 1:04:24
  This isn't fighting. I only wanted to practice fighting technique.
• 1:04:28
  But now I understand. It teaches you body control. Like
• 1:04:32
  you throw a sidekick and you snap it up in
• 1:04:35
  the air and you hold it and you turn and
• 1:04:37
  block and all that stuff. Like it teaches you– it's
• 1:04:40
  like almost like a form of yoga. And it teaches
• 1:04:43
  you to control your body. I do a lot of
• 1:04:45
  kicks in the air now and I do them slowly.
• 1:04:48
  And it's really good for your control and your balance.
• 1:04:54
  And I didn't think that when I was younger. I
• 1:04:56
  thought that was like a waste of time. I thought
• 1:04:58
  like really what's important is like hitting things really hard
• 1:05:01
  and being fast. And now I realize like, no, no, no, no.
• 1:05:04
  There's like a lot of value even to help your
• 1:05:07
  techniques and to be able to hit things hard. Like
• 1:05:09
  do it slowly and just have full control of your
• 1:05:12
  balance and your movement. So I like to do that.
• 1:05:15
  I like to do like slow kicks.
• 1:05:18
  Speaker 2: That's why I like yoga.
• 1:05:19
  Speaker 1: Yoga is amazing. Yeah.
• 1:05:21
  Speaker 2: I feel like that's akin to martial arts.
• 1:05:24
  Speaker 1: It makes me high. Yoga is like the best high.
• 1:05:27
  Speaker 2: You take your shoes off.
• 1:05:27
  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah.
• 1:05:28
  Speaker 2: Your phone is gone.
• 1:05:29
  Speaker 1: You're so relaxed when it's over.
• 1:05:30
  Speaker 2: It's just about your body and control.
• 1:05:31
  Speaker 1: You're so calm. Yeah. Yeah. Yoga is so good for
• 1:05:35
  your brain.
• 1:05:36
  Speaker 2: Usually on Mondays when I'm here, I would go with
• 1:05:37
  Tony to his high yoga.
• 1:05:39
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Oh, Tony loves it. Yeah. He raves about his yoga.
• 1:05:42
  Speaker 2: He told me he's been off it a little bit.
• 1:05:44
  Speaker 1: He has. Yeah. Well, you know. The thing about Tony
• 1:05:47
  is he's so focused on Kill Tony right now because
• 1:05:49
  the momentum is so extraordinary. And he realizes that. Tony's
• 1:05:54
  really aware that he's in a very rare moment in
• 1:05:56
  his life where things are going so well. So he's
• 1:05:59
  got his foot on the gas.
• 1:06:00
  Speaker 2: Yeah, of course.
• 1:06:01
  Speaker 1: And he's got his new special that he filmed that
• 1:06:04
  he's editing right now, Get Ready to Release.
• 1:06:05
  Speaker 2: I'm so proud of him, man. He's earned it. I
• 1:06:09
  always told him he would take a different path than
• 1:06:11
  a normal entertainer. He always had this kind of odd trajectory.
• 1:06:16
  Speaker 1: Well, he's an odd guy.
• 1:06:17
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:06:18
  Speaker 1: Tony, you'd swear he's gay, and he's not. But he's
• 1:06:25
  an awesome person. People who don't know Tony, they see
• 1:06:28
  the outside of him. Of course. As a friend, he's
• 1:06:31
  a great friend. Of course. He's a great guy. I
• 1:06:33
  love that guy to death.
• 1:06:34
  Speaker 2: We're always checking on each other.
• 1:06:36
  Speaker 1: He's the best.
• 1:06:36
  Speaker 2: He was so happy. He was the first one to
• 1:06:38
  text me when I knew I was coming down here.
• 1:06:40
  When I was workshopping my show, he came and saw
• 1:06:44
  it in Austin.
• 1:06:44
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:06:45
  Speaker 2: Came to the opening night on Broadway in New York.
• 1:06:48
  He's like there for his friends.
• 1:06:49
  Speaker 1: 100%. Well, that's the beautiful thing about Kill Tony is
• 1:06:53
  it's all about supporting people and giving people careers. I mean,
• 1:06:57
  he's given so many people careers and pumped so many
• 1:06:59
  people up. I mean, he's really– that thing, that Kill
• 1:07:04
  Tony thing is also– it is, in my opinion– well,
• 1:07:08
  first of all, for our club, it's the cornerstone of
• 1:07:11
  the club. It's one of the most important things about
• 1:07:13
  the mothership because– Having Kill Tony at the Mothership every
• 1:07:17
  Monday night lets all these people that are upcoming comedians
• 1:07:21
  see what it's like to have one minute that you've
• 1:07:25
  polished and worked on really well and it kills. And
• 1:07:27
  then you pop and then all of a sudden, you know,
• 1:07:30
  it's on YouTube. It's got 11 million views. And then,
• 1:07:34
  you know, maybe it's on Netflix and it's got millions
• 1:07:36
  and millions of people watching all around the world. And
• 1:07:38
  then all of a sudden people come to see you
• 1:07:40
  in the clubs. And you're selling out weekends. And you're writing.
• 1:07:43
  And then you get a golden ticket. You've got to
• 1:07:45
  do a new minute every week. You're a regular. A
• 1:07:48
  new minute.
• 1:07:50
  Speaker 2: My show comes on tonight. It's 90 minutes. It might
• 1:07:53
  be the longest stand-up special in Netflix history.
• 1:07:56
  Speaker 1: Well, your show is like a one-man show.
• 1:07:58
  Speaker 2: 90 minutes.
• 1:07:59
  Speaker 1: It's a little different, right? I haven't seen it, but
• 1:08:01
  I've heard great things. Yeah.
• 1:08:03
  Speaker 2: You're going to love it.
• 1:08:04
  Speaker 1: I'm sure I will.
• 1:08:05
  Speaker 2: I think you're going to like it because it's about us.
• 1:08:07
  It's about comedy and kids. The community of what we do.
• 1:08:12
  Speaker 1: It's an embattled community and it has its like detractors
• 1:08:16
  and it has a bunch of haters and a bunch
• 1:08:17
  of shitheads in it. But for the most part, like
• 1:08:21
  as far as creative communities, it's one of the most
• 1:08:23
  supportive communities ever. I mean it's an amazing– the community
• 1:08:28
  of comics, like real comics that are all– that when
• 1:08:31
  we meet up in clubs, it's always– hug like people
• 1:08:34
  think like we're all like angry bitter like no it's
• 1:08:38
  the opposite the tears of a clown it's not there's
• 1:08:41
  a few people like that and they always make me
• 1:08:43
  sad but the reality is like most of us are
• 1:08:46
  super happy to see each other it's always hugs and
• 1:08:49
  laughing and watching each other's sets and giving each other
• 1:08:52
  tags and and telling each other like oh that fucking
• 1:08:55
  new bit is amazing it's like it's so supportive.
• 1:08:58
  Speaker 2: I was at your club last night and it was like,
• 1:09:01
  I let comics come in to say hi. I brought
• 1:09:03
  some extra chicken wings. Jamar was there. It was just fun.
• 1:09:07
  Moses was doing Roast Battle. I sat in on that.
• 1:09:10
  Then I went outside, said hi to some people, and
• 1:09:12
  went upstairs and did a spot. It's like, it's fun.
• 1:09:17
  I don't have a wife and kids to go home to.
• 1:09:20
  This is what I do. This is the people that
• 1:09:22
  I love. The comedians are my kids, my cousins, my uncles,
• 1:09:26
  my aunts, you know?
• 1:09:27
  Speaker 1: Well, I do have a wife and kids, but it's
• 1:09:29
  still my other family. It's like the family of comedians,
• 1:09:33
  it's like a band of brothers and sisters. It's like
• 1:09:36
  a weird kind of friendship that, you know, it's like
• 1:09:40
  only they know what you do. Only they understand that
• 1:09:45
  it's like 10 years before you're even any good. 10 years.
• 1:09:50
  If you're out there and you're headlining a club and
• 1:09:53
  you're on the road, you fucking put in that work.
• 1:09:56
  There's no shortcuts. It's impossible to have a shortcut. You
• 1:09:59
  just got to grind.
• 1:10:00
  Speaker 2: I learned over time, I don't want a shortcut. I
• 1:10:04
  like the process. That's what I live for. We have
• 1:10:08
  a roast coming up May 10th. It's not about May 10th.
• 1:10:14
  It's about I can't wait to hang in the writer's
• 1:10:16
  room again. I can't wait to figure out who's coming.
• 1:10:19
  I can't wait to figure out the seating. Who are
• 1:10:22
  we going to make fun of? Who's going to be
• 1:10:25
  in the front? What am I going to wear? It
• 1:10:28
  is the grind that's exciting.
• 1:10:31
  Speaker 1: Yeah, there's no finish line. Right. The finish line doesn't exist.
• 1:10:34
  You'll have little finish lines like you do a special,
• 1:10:36
  like your special that's coming out. That's a finish line.
• 1:10:40
  But it's only a stop. Right. You're stopping to get water.
• 1:10:44
  Speaker 2: But where is the finish line, Joe? Like, okay, so
• 1:10:46
  I did the Broadway show. Then I shot it. Then
• 1:10:49
  I edited it. But now I'm here still talking about it.
• 1:10:52
  And then in a month from now, two months from now,
• 1:10:53
  someone will stop me at the airport and go, hey,
• 1:10:55
  I was– my kid was sick. I was in the hospital.
• 1:10:58
  I watched your thing and it made me laugh for
• 1:11:00
  five minutes when life– so all of it.
• 1:11:05
  Speaker 1: Is– there's no finish line. No. There's no finish line.
• 1:11:08
  Speaker 2: If you're sitting around going– I hope I win the Oscar.
• 1:11:12
  Tom Cruise is jealous of George Clooney and George Clooney
• 1:11:15
  is jealous of Brad Pitt. There's no finish line.
• 1:11:18
  Speaker 1: There's no finish line.
• 1:11:19
  Speaker 2: I have a big neon, like you have the neon.
• 1:11:21
  I have a big neon in my house that just says,
• 1:11:23
  enjoy the process. Yeah. That's where I'm at.
• 1:11:27
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Trust it. Trust the process and enjoy it. And
• 1:11:30
  that's the weird thing about when you release a special
• 1:11:34
  and then you have nothing. And then, you know, you
• 1:11:36
  have to like scour your brain for what you want
• 1:11:39
  to talk about. I took like a whole month off
• 1:11:42
  a stand-up after my last special. I didn't do any stand-up,
• 1:11:45
  maybe more than a month. And I just thought, I said,
• 1:11:49
  let me just think. Just like no pressure. Let me
• 1:11:51
  just think. Like what is interesting to me? What do
• 1:11:54
  I want to talk about? Instead of just rushing to
• 1:11:56
  try to put together a new hour.
• 1:11:57
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 1:11:58
  Speaker 1: Let me just think for a while. You know, and
• 1:12:00
  I'd come to the club every now and then and
• 1:12:02
  watch guys do sets. But I didn't do any sets
• 1:12:04
  for a while.
• 1:12:05
  Speaker 2: I'm in that zone right now.
• 1:12:07
  Speaker 1: It's nice.
• 1:12:08
  Speaker 2: You know what?
• 1:12:08
  Speaker 1: Scary.
• 1:12:09
  Speaker 2: When I first finished the special, it was years of
• 1:12:14
  material building with a through line and a story. And
• 1:12:18
  then when it was over, I was a little bit lost.
• 1:12:21
  Like I'd go to the comedy cellar. I was still
• 1:12:23
  in New York. I couldn't let go of some of the.
• 1:12:27
  And I was like, I need to stop doing this material.
• 1:12:29
  And then I felt like I had no purpose. Like
• 1:12:32
  I didn't want to talk about anything. And I said
• 1:12:34
  it to my buddy Kai and he goes, dude, relax.
• 1:12:37
  You're between albums. Like he put it in musical sense
• 1:12:40
  for me. He's like, you're like a musician between albums.
• 1:12:43
  Absorb some new things. See some movies. Go on a trip.
• 1:12:46
  Have some new life experiences. And then I was like, yeah,
• 1:12:49
  that's probably a break. After doing the same thing, the
• 1:12:53
  same kind of hunk for years. Your body, your brain,
• 1:12:57
  like think about something else. Absorb new things. Download new influences.
• 1:13:03
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:13:03
  Speaker 2: And that's kind of where I'm at. And then, of course,
• 1:13:06
  Kevin was like, I'll get roasted. And I was like,
• 1:13:08
  all right, I can put stand-up away for another two
• 1:13:10
  months and just write that.
• 1:13:12
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:13:13
  Speaker 2: So I go back into roast mode, which gives me–
• 1:13:15
  I'm like a dog who needs a job.
• 1:13:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. It's kind of the same thing
• 1:13:21
  as your dog. It really is. It's like you need
• 1:13:24
  a task. If you're just doing nothing, like the idea
• 1:13:26
  of like, oh, one day I'm going to retire and
• 1:13:28
  just relax. Like, bitch, you'll go crazy.
• 1:13:31
  Speaker 2: Just see we're roasting Kevin Hart.
• 1:13:33
  Speaker 1: That's what I heard. Are you supposed to say that though? Yeah.
• 1:13:36
  Are you supposed to talk about it? I am. Okay.
• 1:13:38
  You're allowed to?
• 1:13:40
  Speaker 2: My show.
• 1:13:41
  Speaker 1: Okay. Because I was told not to tell people about it.
• 1:13:44
  Speaker 2: We're doing it. May 10th, baby. Mother's Day live on Netflix.
• 1:13:48
  Speaker 1: So you're officially announcing it. Yeah. Okay, I can talk
• 1:13:51
  about it now.
• 1:13:51
  Speaker 2: At the forum.
• 1:13:52
  Speaker 1: Because I was told about it, but I was told
• 1:13:53
  I was not supposed to tell anybody about it.
• 1:13:55
  Speaker 2: I don't know who told you that.
• 1:13:56
  Speaker 1: Some people. No, dude. They said keep it under wraps.
• 1:13:59
  You like it? Oh, it's already a thing. Yeah, they
• 1:14:00
  announced it this weekend, I think. Oh, hosted by Shane Gillis.
• 1:14:04
  Let's fucking go. Nice. That's awesome. That's awesome. Sweet, right?
• 1:14:10
  Fuck yeah.
• 1:14:10
  Speaker 2: Kevin is so pumped up.
• 1:14:11
  Speaker 1: That's awesome. That's going to be fun.
• 1:14:14
  Speaker 2: Dude, he's out.
• 1:14:14
  Speaker 1: You know, he's. These Netflix fucking– the Tom Brady one
• 1:14:18
  was insane. That was so good. That was so good.
• 1:14:23
  That kind of like juiced comedy back up again because
• 1:14:26
  it was so wild. It was like the jokes were
• 1:14:29
  so wild. It was so raw. Yeah. And we had
• 1:14:32
  gone through this like weird period of like people getting
• 1:14:34
  canceled for jokes. It's like all of a sudden like, no,
• 1:14:39
  that's gone. No, no, no.
• 1:14:41
  Speaker 2: I said to him– I've been big game hunting Tom
• 1:14:44
  Brady for years. It took a couple years. He retired, unretired,
• 1:14:48
  but I kept him on the line. And finally, we
• 1:14:51
  were shooting promos, and I was like, why are you
• 1:14:54
  doing this? Because I could tell it was starting to
• 1:14:57
  heat up, and some heavy hitters were signing on. I go,
• 1:15:01
  why are you doing this? It wasn't for the money.
• 1:15:05
  And he goes, I want to bring comedy back. I'm
• 1:15:07
  sick of the woke bullshit and cancel. I want to
• 1:15:09
  make comedy fun again. He understood that. And I caught
• 1:15:14
  him on a Super Bowl Sunday. He was playing in
• 1:15:15
  the Super Bowl. And I saw him looking at some
• 1:15:18
  jokes on Instagram that I posted. And I'm like, this
• 1:15:22
  is where he goes to relax. He goes to the roast.
• 1:15:26
  And I'd heard that. So as I was like, he
• 1:15:28
  won the game. And I was like, I think it's time.
• 1:15:30
  And then we reeled him in and he did it.
• 1:15:34
  And I will admit that roast was harsher than I expect,
• 1:15:40
  even I expected vicious. I mean, it was, it was
• 1:15:43
  a bloodbath and I saw Tom the other day and
• 1:15:46
  I said, it's time to take your win. You know,
• 1:15:50
  he was like, it was so harsh. It was tough
• 1:15:52
  on my family. I go, I get all that, but
• 1:15:55
  you wanted to do it to bring comedy back. You
• 1:15:59
  did that 1.6 billion viewing minutes, Emmy nominated against the
• 1:16:04
  Oscars and the grant, like, The Super Bowl half.
• 1:16:06
  Speaker 1: It was the most watched thing in the history of Netflix. Right.
• 1:16:10
  You know how nuts that is? Think about how many
• 1:16:12
  things are on Netflix. That roast was the most watched
• 1:16:15
  thing in the history of Netflix. And it was because
• 1:16:18
  it was so funny. It wasn't just because it was
• 1:16:21
  Tom Brady, which of course made a lot. But it
• 1:16:23
  wasn't just because all these great comics were on it,
• 1:16:26
  which of course meant a lot.
• 1:16:27
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 1:16:28
  Speaker 1: It was so good. It was so good that people
• 1:16:30
  were telling people about it. Yeah.
• 1:16:33
  Speaker 2: And it's like a great Super Bowl. It's going to
• 1:16:36
  be around forever.
• 1:16:37
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 1:16:38
  Speaker 2: Netflix leaves it up.
• 1:16:39
  Speaker 1: Like the Charlie Sheen roast. We were talking about Patrice. Yeah.
• 1:16:41
  They're always going to be there. It's going to be
• 1:16:43
  there forever.
• 1:16:43
  Speaker 2: I do think, all respect to Tom, I do think
• 1:16:46
  this one with Kevin and Shane Gillis is going to
• 1:16:49
  top it. Really? I think it's not quite a sequel,
• 1:16:52
  but it's its own thing. Well- Going to be the
• 1:16:56
  greatest roast of all time.
• 1:16:57
  Speaker 1: Netflix is the place for roast now because as great
• 1:17:00
  as Comedy Central was, you had restrictions on language and content. Right.
• 1:17:04
  And it was editing. Yes. Editing. And commercials. Right. Yeah. Right.
• 1:17:10
  This is buck wild.
• 1:17:11
  Speaker 2: Buck wild.
• 1:17:12
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Netflix is fucking amazing. I mean, what an insane
• 1:17:16
  platform that you have. You could never get bored. If
• 1:17:20
  you're bored in this life, like you're bored, you don't
• 1:17:22
  have anything to watch. Like, are you crazy? Yeah. There's
• 1:17:25
  so much shit to watch.
• 1:17:26
  Speaker 2: Only boring people are bored, right?
• 1:17:27
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Or people are uninformed. But, I mean, even in
• 1:17:31
  this day and age, you could just, you know, do
• 1:17:34
  an internet search. Like, what's the best roasts on Netflix? Right.
• 1:17:38
  What are the best dramas on Netflix? Right. What are
• 1:17:40
  the best shows on Netflix? Right. There's always something. That's exciting, though.
• 1:17:44
  Speaker 2: It's going to be a big one.
• 1:17:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:17:46
  Speaker 2: Mother's Day. Motherfucker's Day.
• 1:17:49
  Speaker 1: Kevin Hart, there's a guy, like, I don't understand how
• 1:17:51
  he has the time to do all the things he does.
• 1:17:53
  I do not understand it. I'm a pretty busy person
• 1:17:56
  and I look at people like him and I feel lazy.
• 1:17:59
  I'm like, how are you doing this?
• 1:18:00
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 1:18:00
  Speaker 1: How do you have time to sleep? Right.
• 1:18:03
  Speaker 2: And I saw him out with his wife having drinks
• 1:18:05
  two nights last weekend.
• 1:18:06
  Speaker 1: He must sleep like four hours a night.
• 1:18:08
  Speaker 2: I don't know how he does it. Some people just
• 1:18:10
  built different.
• 1:18:11
  Speaker 1: Yeah. I mean, well, it's growing up poor and realizing
• 1:18:15
  that like once this is happening for you, like keep
• 1:18:17
  your foot on the gas. And that guy keeps his
• 1:18:20
  foot on the gas better than anybody. Yeah. And he's
• 1:18:23
  ambitious as fuck. He's always got like some tequila brand
• 1:18:26
  and releasing this. He had a vegan restaurant chain for
• 1:18:30
  a while. I would have talked him out of that.
• 1:18:32
  What the fuck are you doing with that?
• 1:18:35
  Speaker 2: Well, you know, he likes to branch out and be
• 1:18:37
  a businessman.
• 1:18:38
  Speaker 1: Yeah. I just don't understand the time. And then in
• 1:18:42
  the meantime, he's doing arenas at the same time.
• 1:18:44
  Speaker 2: And killing.
• 1:18:45
  Speaker 1: Yeah. I don't get it.
• 1:18:47
  Speaker 2: The roast for him is back to his.
• 1:18:50
  Speaker 1: roots.
• 1:18:51
  Speaker 2: That's what I love about it. It's like the Philly thing,
• 1:18:54
  talking shit. Shane's from Philly, so there'll be a big
• 1:18:58
  Philly angle. And we got some of his oldest buddies
• 1:19:03
  coming on. It's going to be pretty massive, I think.
• 1:19:05
  Speaker 1: That's nice. Well, you've carved out an interesting path for
• 1:19:08
  yourself as the roast master. It's like an old school
• 1:19:13
  skill that used to be a big part of comedy,
• 1:19:17
  the Friars Club roasts.
• 1:19:19
  Speaker 2: Yeah. I miss those Friars Club roasts when they were
• 1:19:22
  just like– sometimes they weren't even on TV yet when
• 1:19:26
  I was doing them. I just bought a Leroy Neiman
• 1:19:29
  painting from– they had an auction of old Friars memorabilia
• 1:19:33
  and Leroy Neiman painted Henny Youngman. surrounded and he painted
• 1:19:37
  his punch lines like around his one-liners around Henny holding
• 1:19:41
  his violin and he used to sit in the dining
• 1:19:43
  room at the New York Friars and Henny in his
• 1:19:45
  wheelchair would sit under that painting and for some reason
• 1:19:49
  it's all up for auction so of course I had
• 1:19:51
  to grab.
• 1:19:51
  Speaker 1: It oh that's awesome that's so cool that you got
• 1:19:54
  it yeah that's amazing.
• 1:19:56
  Speaker 2: I miss some of those guys think about Buddy Hackett
• 1:19:58
  I almost wore a Buddy Hackett t-shirt today I loved
• 1:20:01
  Buddy Hackett.
• 1:20:02
  Speaker 1: He has a Buddy Hackett t-shirt?
• 1:20:03
  Speaker 2: Somebody made me a Buddy Hackett t-shirt and gave it
• 1:20:06
  to me.
• 1:20:06
  Speaker 1: Yeah, those guys are from a different time, you know?
• 1:20:09
  Different time. No television. No nothing. Doing the cat skills.
• 1:20:13
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 1:20:14
  Speaker 1: Different world.
• 1:20:15
  Speaker 2: They would do each other's acts. They would do whatever
• 1:20:18
  got a laugh.
• 1:20:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah. They were assassins on the road. It was a
• 1:20:23
  totally different life. And if you had a name, like
• 1:20:26
  you had a name back then, like if you were
• 1:20:29
  a famous comedian back then, dude, there was a rarest
• 1:20:31
  of rare things. Yeah. How many of them were there?
• 1:20:34
  There was like 10? Right. You know?
• 1:20:36
  Speaker 2: Shecky, Buddy, Nipsey.
• 1:20:38
  Speaker 1: Few of those guys. Yeah. Few of those guys.
• 1:20:40
  Speaker 2: There are not many left.
• 1:20:42
  Speaker 1: No.
• 1:20:42
  Speaker 2: They're really all gone now. Yeah.
• 1:20:45
  Speaker 1: That's what happens.
• 1:20:46
  Speaker 2: That's going to happen to us, buddy.
• 1:20:47
  Speaker 1: That's what I hear.
• 1:20:49
  Speaker 2: Better than the alternative.
• 1:20:51
  Speaker 1: What? Stay around forever? No. Either... You.
• 1:20:55
  Speaker 2: Either keep going or you saw the picture, Gilbert, Norm, Bob,
• 1:20:59
  you know, the alternative is death. So when I go,
• 1:21:01
  I don't want to get old, I go, yeah, you
• 1:21:03
  want to get old. Yeah.
• 1:21:06
  Speaker 1: As long as you keep your body moving. You just
• 1:21:09
  don't want to be an old, like, completely incapacitated person. Like, that's,
• 1:21:16
  especially if it's avoidable. Right.
• 1:21:18
  Speaker 2: You know what I mean? I went through it all year.
• 1:21:20
  I went in for a root. Three weeks after that
• 1:21:23
  Brady roast, I went in for a colonoscopy. My buddy
• 1:21:26
  Jordan had been texting our text chain. Everyone's got to get.
• 1:21:31
  He's like kind of a hypochondriac. So I kind of
• 1:21:33
  ignored it. It's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was
• 1:21:35
  too busy. I was on the road. And then finally
• 1:21:37
  I went in for a routine colonoscopy and I waited
• 1:21:41
  too long and they found a tumor in my colon.
• 1:21:46
  And immediately that, an hour, two hours later, was on
• 1:21:49
  the phone with a surgeon. And stage three. And found
• 1:21:57
  a specialist, took care of it right away, but never
• 1:22:00
  felt doomed.
• 1:22:01
  Speaker 1: Have you changed your diet after that?
• 1:22:03
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm eating a lot less red meat. Red meat?
• 1:22:06
  Now when I eat red meat, it's like going to
• 1:22:09
  be the best red meat.
• 1:22:10
  Speaker 1: Why is it red meat? I don't know.
• 1:22:12
  Speaker 2: I mean, for me, growing up in a catering hall
• 1:22:14
  in New Jersey around pastrami and prime rib, and he
• 1:22:18
  said that that was a big cause of colon cancer.
• 1:22:22
  Speaker 1: Really?
• 1:22:22
  Speaker 2: Yeah. And processed foods.
• 1:22:24
  Speaker 1: Processed foods make sense.
• 1:22:26
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:22:26
  Speaker 1: That makes sense.
• 1:22:27
  Speaker 2: So I'm eating a lot less of that.
• 1:22:28
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:22:29
  Speaker 2: I moved over to turkey and chicken and a little
• 1:22:31
  bit of fish.
• 1:22:32
  Speaker 1: And cut out the processed stuff?
• 1:22:34
  Speaker 2: As much as I can.
• 1:22:35
  Speaker 1: What about alcohol? Did you cut that out?
• 1:22:37
  Speaker 2: I've never been a big drinker.
• 1:22:38
  Speaker 1: That's good. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's a little wake-up call.
• 1:22:42
  When you have a health scare, it's a little wake-up call.
• 1:22:45
  Time to take care of yourself.
• 1:22:46
  Speaker 2: I just had the, you know, I talk about this
• 1:22:49
  on my show, like I had my chemo port on Broadway,
• 1:22:52
  on the show, and I was like, still kind of
• 1:22:56
  in it. It's like I was having a human experience
• 1:22:59
  on stage. And just two weeks ago, I had the port,
• 1:23:03
  the chemo port taken out. My sister came down to
• 1:23:06
  celebrate and hang with me and, and, uh, It's like
• 1:23:10
  a war prize. Like I hold the port where they
• 1:23:12
  put the chemo. Like I have it on my desk now.
• 1:23:15
  And let's just say they put a lot more in
• 1:23:19
  people than they take out. So I feel very lucky.
• 1:23:22
  I survived it all.
• 1:23:23
  Speaker 1: I'm glad you're alive, dude.
• 1:23:24
  Speaker 2: People die with those fucking ports in them.
• 1:23:27
  Speaker 1: They do. Well, they die with cancer. That's for damn sure.
• 1:23:30
  Colon cancer is a very common one.
• 1:23:32
  Speaker 2: This guy, James Vanderbeek, younger than me.
• 1:23:34
  Speaker 1: I know. I met him. He was a nice fucking guy, man.
• 1:23:38
  He came to the club. Hung out with his wife
• 1:23:40
  in the green room. Sweetest guy. Just such a nice guy.
• 1:23:43
  And apparently he was struggling back then. I didn't know.
• 1:23:47
  He looked real thin, you know.
• 1:23:49
  Speaker 2: So when you asked me right when you walked in,
• 1:23:51
  how are you doing? I was like, great. You know,
• 1:23:55
  like it was a it was a question and you
• 1:23:57
  asked politely and innocently.
• 1:23:59
  Speaker 1: And I was like, yeah, I didn't know that you
• 1:24:01
  had gone through that. Yeah. Yeah. God, I haven't seen
• 1:24:05
  you in when? When was the last time I saw you?
• 1:24:07
  Speaker 2: I saw you in D.C. I saw you in New
• 1:24:09
  York for Kill Tony.
• 1:24:12
  Speaker 1: Briefly. Yeah, yeah. We didn't, like, sit down and shoot
• 1:24:14
  the shit. No, no.
• 1:24:15
  Speaker 2: We had a drink. Was it your birthday in New
• 1:24:17
  York when you were doing Kill Tony? Or was it here?
• 1:24:20
  Speaker 1: New York.
• 1:24:21
  Speaker 2: I think it was in New York.
• 1:24:22
  Speaker 1: It was August. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 1:24:24
  Speaker 2: I remember that. But then I saw you in D.C.
• 1:24:26
  when you were with your family. It was quick. But, uh.
• 1:24:30
  I feel like I see you because I pop into
• 1:24:33
  the mothership, but I always pop in on the weekends
• 1:24:35
  when you're off.
• 1:24:37
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:24:37
  Speaker 2: But, yeah, it was a crazy thing, man. I've never
• 1:24:41
  been sick a day in my life. I've always had that, like,
• 1:24:43
  my grandfather used to call it world-beater energy. Like, I
• 1:24:46
  always felt invincible, never thought for a second it would
• 1:24:50
  be me. Yeah. And then I did wait too long
• 1:24:53
  to get a colonoscopy. And they're not a big deal. Like,
• 1:24:55
  guys are afraid of colonoscopies because.
• 1:24:57
  Speaker 1: Because something's up your butt.
• 1:24:58
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but in the end... It really isn't up your butt.
• 1:25:02
  It's a doctor checking you out. That's what they tell
• 1:25:05
  you when you wake up. They go up your butt, bro.
• 1:25:10
  And get the endoscopy, especially for smokers and stuff like that.
• 1:25:14
  And like for what is essentially like a one-day inconvenience.
• 1:25:21
  They can really save your life. It did save my life.
• 1:25:24
  Speaker 1: Well, I'm glad you cleaned up your diet. Yeah. You know,
• 1:25:26
  you got to do that because I know that you are,
• 1:25:28
  I mean, I've run into you at Cat's Deli before, too.
• 1:25:31
  Speaker 2: That's another thing I needed to talk to you about.
• 1:25:33
  Speaker 1: What?
• 1:25:35
  Speaker 2: I forgot all about this until you brought it up.
• 1:25:37
  Do you remember running into me at Cat's Deli with Tony?
• 1:25:42
  I guess you must have been in town doing stand-up
• 1:25:44
  or something. This was like already 10 years ago.
• 1:25:47
  Speaker 1: I don't think it was that long ago, was it?
• 1:25:48
  Speaker 2: It was, and I'll tell you how I know. One
• 1:25:53
  of the things when I When I got booked on
• 1:25:56
  this appearance, I said, I make a mental note. I
• 1:26:00
  overrode an apology. And it's not a big deal, but
• 1:26:03
  it always kind of bugged me. I came in to
• 1:26:08
  say hi, and I was self-conscious because I had something
• 1:26:15
  wrong with me, and I didn't know what it was.
• 1:26:18
  And you said, what's with your eyebrows? And I, like, I, like,
• 1:26:22
  shut up. I like kind of shoulder shrugged and you
• 1:26:25
  were like, is it for a role? And I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 1:26:27
  Speaker 1: Oh.
• 1:26:27
  Speaker 2: Do you have any recollection?
• 1:26:31
  Speaker 1: I do. And I lied. Yeah.
• 1:26:32
  Speaker 2: Because I was embarrassed.
• 1:26:34
  Speaker 1: You said I shaved him off for a role. I
• 1:26:36
  was like, oh, that's crazy. What are you playing?
• 1:26:39
  Speaker 2: I was embarrassed because I had alopecia. Didn't really understand
• 1:26:44
  what was happening to me yet. And I used to
• 1:26:46
  saw the, I had a big fro, big bushy eyebrows, like.
• 1:26:51
  I was like the Propecia Man of the Year. And
• 1:26:58
  I don't know what causes it. It's an autoimmune thing.
• 1:27:02
  It's not life-threatening. But suddenly I looked completely different. My fame,
• 1:27:10
  like if anyone ever recognized me, walking into a restaurant,
• 1:27:14
  get a good table, skip the line. It was all
• 1:27:17
  gone just suddenly and within a few weeks.
• 1:27:21
  Speaker 1: I was.
• 1:27:22
  Speaker 2: I remember being at Zany's in Nashville and just scratching
• 1:27:24
  my head and, like, a big clump of hair came out.
• 1:27:27
  And I was on a plane and I was like,
• 1:27:28
  there's no hair on my leg. What the fuck's going on?
• 1:27:31
  And then within a month, me and Adam Egatt and
• 1:27:37
  Tony went to the barbershop on Melrose. They came with
• 1:27:40
  me because I was kind of, like, shaken up. Like,
• 1:27:42
  what is happening to me?
• 1:27:44
  Speaker 1: Am I dying? So it happened really quickly?
• 1:27:46
  Speaker 2: It happens all within a few weeks.
• 1:27:48
  Speaker 1: All your hair fell off within a few weeks.
• 1:27:50
  Speaker 2: And then... When I thought it was done, eyebrows started going.
• 1:27:55
  And then eyelashes. So sweat, salt. I was like, what
• 1:28:01
  the fuck? I didn't even recognize myself.
• 1:28:05
  Speaker 1: Is there anything they do that reverses that?
• 1:28:08
  Speaker 2: There's some medications. Dr. Drew actually hooked me up with
• 1:28:12
  a research doctor, Brett King. He was at Yale at
• 1:28:17
  the time in Connecticut. And I did have... Some restoration
• 1:28:21
  of eyelashes and eyebrows. But the side effects were a
• 1:28:26
  little bit scary. And they lower your immune system a
• 1:28:32
  little bit. So I did that for years. And then
• 1:28:37
  when I got cancer, I was like, fuck those.
• 1:28:40
  Speaker 1: Meds.
• 1:28:40
  Speaker 2: I can't do it anymore.
• 1:28:41
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 1:28:42
  Speaker 2: And the chemo eyebrows, eyelashes gone again.
• 1:28:45
  Speaker 1: Wow.
• 1:28:47
  Speaker 2: And now I'm literally like hairless. Like I have no hair. And,
• 1:28:52
  you know, you learn to live with it. You know,
• 1:28:55
  you got to channel your inner rock star.
• 1:28:57
  Speaker 1: Listen, there's worse things that can happen.
• 1:28:58
  Speaker 2: Believe me.
• 1:28:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:29:00
  Speaker 2: I get it.
• 1:29:00
  Speaker 1: You know. Right. More than anybody.
• 1:29:03
  Speaker 2: But it always dinged me because you and I have
• 1:29:06
  been friends a long time. We have an honest friendship, comics,
• 1:29:12
  brutal honesty, truth. And I looked you right in the
• 1:29:16
  eyes and I was like, yeah, I went with it.
• 1:29:18
  Speaker 1: I found out. slightly after that, that you had alopecia
• 1:29:23
  from other people because someone else brought it up and
• 1:29:25
  someone said, oh, he's got alopecia. And I'm like, oh,
• 1:29:28
  I asked him at Cat's Deli. And he said he
• 1:29:31
  shaved his eyebrows off for a while. But I just
• 1:29:32
  felt like you're probably embarrassed. And I totally understood. Like,
• 1:29:35
  it's weird.
• 1:29:36
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 1:29:37
  Speaker 1: They say a lot of these autoimmune issues come from inflammation.
• 1:29:41
  And a lot of inflammation comes from what you eat. Right.
• 1:29:45
  You know.
• 1:29:45
  Speaker 2: The doctor would tell me that wasn't true.
• 1:29:47
  Speaker 1: So. Yeah, doctors aren't always right. And one of the
• 1:29:49
  things they're not always right about is nutrition and the
• 1:29:52
  impact that nutrition has, particularly on autoimmune issues. Very few
• 1:29:56
  doctors have any knowledge or any education in nutrition and
• 1:30:01
  the impact it has. I mean your entire body is
• 1:30:03
  built out of and reconstructed from what you consume. It's
• 1:30:07
  the only thing that your body has. In order to–
• 1:30:09
  your body makes new cells. Your body replenishes cells, recreates
• 1:30:14
  all the tissue. There's only one way to do it.
• 1:30:16
  It's got to be what you eat. It's the only thing.
• 1:30:19
  What you drink, what you eat. That's it. And if
• 1:30:21
  you're eating a bunch of processed stuff that has a
• 1:30:24
  bunch of bullshit and preservatives.
• 1:30:26
  Speaker 2: And dealing with inflammation, well, a.
• 1:30:28
  Speaker 1: Lot of things. Allergies cause inflammation. Processed food causes inflammation.
• 1:30:33
  Excess sugar causes inflammation. Alcohol. There's a lot of things
• 1:30:36
  that people eat that cause inflammation. But it's really genuinely
• 1:30:41
  a thing of a balance of your diet. And, you know,
• 1:30:46
  what your body has to work with. You know, if
• 1:30:49
  your body doesn't have any nutrients to work with, no vitamins,
• 1:30:52
  no minerals, you know, you're dehydrated, you're drinking too much sugar,
• 1:30:56
  you know, things start malfunctioning and misfiring. And then, you know,
• 1:31:03
  there's a bunch of different consequences for having a high
• 1:31:06
  inflammation diet. And for a lot of people, it's sugar.
• 1:31:11
  Sugar is one of the leading causes of inflammation, especially
• 1:31:14
  in the standard American diet because the standard American diet
• 1:31:18
  is just riddled with excess sugar. Corn syrup and bullshit
• 1:31:22
  and preservatives and your body just after a while just
• 1:31:25
  gets tired of processing that stuff. And then you start
• 1:31:29
  encountering a bunch of issues. And I know there's a
• 1:31:33
  lot of autoimmune issues that people have had success in reversing.
• 1:31:38
  By completely cutting out everything other than whole foods. Just
• 1:31:42
  eating chicken and meat and vegetables and drinking water and
• 1:31:46
  that's it. Cutting out all the bullshit.
• 1:31:50
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I got to do better.
• 1:31:51
  Speaker 1: Have you ever gotten blood work done?
• 1:31:52
  Speaker 2: Well, now I have to do it all the time.
• 1:31:54
  Speaker 1: Do you? Do you ever get blood work done from
• 1:31:56
  like a comprehensive laboratory that's looking at your nutrient levels
• 1:31:59
  and all those different things?
• 1:32:00
  Speaker 2: I don't know if I've done that.
• 1:32:01
  Speaker 1: Well, you should do that. There's a place in town, Wastewell.
• 1:32:04
  I'll send you there. Yeah. Yeah, they're really good. I mean,
• 1:32:07
  they do. They take a shitload of blood, and they
• 1:32:09
  do these really comprehensive blood panels. They can scan for cancer, too,
• 1:32:13
  by the way.
• 1:32:13
  Speaker 2: Yeah, well, that I've done.
• 1:32:14
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's a big one, you know, because they can
• 1:32:16
  check for any kind of cancer in your body.
• 1:32:19
  Speaker 2: Well, now that I'm through all that, I'm much more
• 1:32:21
  open to taking care of myself and staying on it.
• 1:32:26
  Speaker 1: The first time I did that one, I was like,
• 1:32:29
  cancer's a scary one.
• 1:32:30
  Speaker 2: And I was like, boy, I hope I don't have
• 1:32:31
  cancer and I don't know about it.
• 1:32:32
  Speaker 1: When it came out, zero. I was like, But I
• 1:32:35
  do so much to take care of myself. I do
• 1:32:38
  the sauna every day, cold plunge. I take a ton
• 1:32:42
  of vitamins. I'm always exercising. I eat probably like 99% clean.
• 1:32:47
  Every now and then I'll fuck off. Or if my
• 1:32:49
  daughter makes cookies, I'll eat cookies. But for the most part,
• 1:32:53
  I give my body– What kind of cookies? She's really good.
• 1:32:55
  She makes a bunch of different stuff. Today was white
• 1:32:57
  chocolate chip cookies. They were really good. I had one
• 1:33:00
  this morning. But for the most part, it's– your body–
• 1:33:04
  You can only use what you put in it. There's
• 1:33:07
  no other building blocks. It doesn't have anything else. There's
• 1:33:11
  nothing else it can draw from. And that's one of
• 1:33:13
  the problems is when you don't give your body what
• 1:33:15
  it needs, it starts taking things out of the tissue.
• 1:33:18
  It starts taking things and that's where osteoporosis comes from.
• 1:33:20
  Your body starts literally taking calcium out of your bones.
• 1:33:25
  You got to give your body the building blocks. Without that,
• 1:33:28
  it doesn't know what the fuck to do. And slowly
• 1:33:30
  but surely, you start to deteriorate. And there's a giant
• 1:33:34
  difference between giving your body a nutrient-dense, healthy diet and not.
• 1:33:39
  And taking care of yourself and exercising and not. And
• 1:33:43
  drinking much water and electrolytes and not. There's a giant difference.
• 1:33:46
  And it's all– your body just cannot recreate itself correctly.
• 1:33:50
  It cannot build itself and repair itself correctly unless it
• 1:33:54
  gets the proper nutrients. That's where a lot of people's
• 1:33:58
  issues come from. And doctors don't tell you that. Like–
• 1:34:02
  I had a family member that got real sick and
• 1:34:04
  the doctor said they got cancer and the doctor said
• 1:34:06
  it doesn't matter what you eat. I go, well, fuck
• 1:34:08
  that doctor.
• 1:34:09
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 1:34:09
  Speaker 1: That's not true. I don't believe that at all. This
• 1:34:11
  doctor is telling you you could eat cake and just
• 1:34:13
  take chemo and you'll be fine. That's horseshit. That's not true.
• 1:34:16
  That's not true because they should– one of the things
• 1:34:18
  they should tell you immediately is get on a ketogenic
• 1:34:20
  diet because one of the things that has been proven
• 1:34:23
  is that cancer uses glucose to survive and autophagy, which
• 1:34:28
  comes from diabetes. Fasting is one of the best ways
• 1:34:31
  that people can get rid of errant cells and cells
• 1:34:35
  that are misfiring. Make your body burn off fat. Use
• 1:34:40
  ketones for energy and just get rid of all the
• 1:34:43
  dead cells. Get rid of all the shit that your
• 1:34:45
  body doesn't need. And if you want to do that,
• 1:34:48
  do intermittent fasting where you only have a period of
• 1:34:52
  time where you eat. Like give yourself like a 16-hour
• 1:34:56
  window with no food. And then start eating after that.
• 1:34:59
  Speaker 2: But how do you keep your– how do you not
• 1:35:03
  be cranky and lose your mind doing that?
• 1:35:05
  Speaker 1: Because your body is relying on carbohydrates, right? So when
• 1:35:08
  your body is not relying on carbohydrates and your body
• 1:35:11
  is burning off ketones, you don't have that problem. You
• 1:35:13
  don't have that crashing problem. The crashing problem is from
• 1:35:16
  a high-carbohydrate diet. And I've had that before. Look, I'm Italian.
• 1:35:20
  So carbohydrates was my thing. It was all about pasta
• 1:35:24
  and pizza. I love that stuff. I just love it.
• 1:35:28
  And that's my cheat food. If I'm going to cheat,
• 1:35:30
  I'm going to eat Italian subs and that kind of shit.
• 1:35:32
  But when your body gets accustomed to that, first of all,
• 1:35:35
  you get a big insulin spike. You crash. You get exhausted.
• 1:35:39
  The way to avoid that is to get your body
• 1:35:41
  to start using fats. And the way your body uses
• 1:35:45
  fats is that's what you give it for fuel and
• 1:35:47
  your body adjusts. And then your body does something called
• 1:35:50
  gluconeogenesis where it starts using meat and protein and turning
• 1:35:55
  that into glucose. And when you go through this process,
• 1:35:59
  it's a shaky process at first. Like you get what
• 1:36:01
  they call the keto flu initially where you get tired
• 1:36:06
  all the time. You're like, oh, this is exhausting. And
• 1:36:08
  your workouts suffer. It's like you have no energy. But
• 1:36:11
  eventually your body adapts and your body just gets accustomed
• 1:36:15
  to using fats. And when your body gets fat adapted,
• 1:36:19
  first of all, your brain works better. You get an
• 1:36:21
  extra gear in terms of like your ability to think
• 1:36:24
  and communicate and It just feels like you have more energy.
• 1:36:27
  You don't need naps. And you don't crash after you eat.
• 1:36:30
  That's why when you're saying you shouldn't eat red meat,
• 1:36:33
  I eat mostly red meat. That's like most of my diet.
• 1:36:36
  That's like 80% of.
• 1:36:38
  Speaker 2: My diet is meat. I mean it's an addiction for me.
• 1:36:40
  Speaker 1: I don't think it's an addiction. I think it's the
• 1:36:43
  most nutrient-dense food in the world. The problem is processed
• 1:36:47
  red meat, right? So if you're eating a bunch of
• 1:36:49
  processed shit that has a bunch of preservatives in it, yeah,
• 1:36:52
  that's not good for you. But like a ribeye steak?
• 1:36:54
  a grilled ribeye steak, there is nothing wrong with that.
• 1:36:57
  It's one of the most healthy foods you can eat.
• 1:37:00
  And it has everything you need. It has plenty of vitamins.
• 1:37:02
  It has fat. It has all the things that your
• 1:37:05
  body naturally knows how to process. And people have been
• 1:37:08
  eating that food from the beginning of time. Yeah, you
• 1:37:14
  just got to get educated in it. And it's like
• 1:37:16
  most people, especially particularly most doctors, I've had conversations with
• 1:37:21
  doctors where they've said, You get everything you need from
• 1:37:23
  a balanced diet. And I'm like, fuck you. You don't
• 1:37:26
  know anything. Like how much time did you spend in
• 1:37:29
  medical school learning nutrition? Was it even an hour? Was
• 1:37:33
  it a day? Like it takes a long time. And
• 1:37:36
  there's real researchers who have spent decades understanding the balance
• 1:37:42
  of nutrient-dense foods and vitamin supplementation and what vitamin supplementation
• 1:37:47
  can cure and fix and what it's good for. And
• 1:37:50
  how to balance it out and what vitamins work synergistically
• 1:37:53
  with other vitamins. Like if you're taking vitamin D3, which
• 1:37:56
  is fantastic for your immune system, you have to take
• 1:37:58
  it with K2. You should take it with magnesium as well.
• 1:38:01
  Like you got to know these things. And most doctors,
• 1:38:04
  they just– they talk out of a voice of authority
• 1:38:08
  about something they're not educated in. They're educated in getting
• 1:38:11
  people in and out of their office as quick as
• 1:38:13
  possible and getting that insurance money. And that's what they do.
• 1:38:17
  And most of them, they talk like they're authorities. Meanwhile,
• 1:38:19
  they have a gut. You're sitting there looking at this
• 1:38:21
  guy who looks like shit and he's telling you about health. Like, no,
• 1:38:24
  you're not healthy. Don't talk to me about health. This
• 1:38:27
  is angry. It makes me angry. It really does.
• 1:38:30
  Speaker 2: I get it.
• 1:38:31
  Speaker 1: It's infuriating because it's like these people, you count on
• 1:38:34
  them as authorities and really they're just paying off their
• 1:38:37
  student debt. They're paying off their fucking loans. They have
• 1:38:40
  insane malpractice insurance they have to cover. They have a
• 1:38:44
  giant monthly nut and they're trying to push pharmaceutical drugs
• 1:38:46
  on you as much as they can because they get
• 1:38:48
  compensated for that. And that's what they do. And this
• 1:38:51
  is the standard American health system. It's a real problem.
• 1:38:53
  It's a real problem. And it leaves us sicker. This
• 1:38:57
  is the thing that RFK Jr. is trying to balance.
• 1:39:00
  We spend more money on health care than anyone in
• 1:39:02
  the world. We make more money than anyone in the world.
• 1:39:05
  And we're sicker than anyone in the world. We spend
• 1:39:08
  more money than we ever have on health care. We're
• 1:39:10
  sicker than we've ever been.
• 1:39:12
  Speaker 2: We're living the life. We're eating well.
• 1:39:15
  Speaker 1: It's not it. We're eating shit. If we're just eating healthy.
• 1:39:19
  The people that are just eating healthy have way less problems,
• 1:39:23
  way less health consequences, way less issues, way more energy,
• 1:39:27
  way more mental acuity, all those things. Because that's how
• 1:39:30
  your body is supposed to live. For thousands and thousands
• 1:39:34
  of years, what did we do? We ate fruit. We
• 1:39:36
  ate vegetables. We ate meat and chicken and fish and eggs.
• 1:39:39
  And that's what you're supposed to eat. That's real food.
• 1:39:42
  Most of these things that sit on a shelf, you're
• 1:39:45
  not supposed to eat those. Just like your dog. Your
• 1:39:47
  dog is not supposed to be eating kibble. Feed your
• 1:39:50
  dog raw food, your dog is going to go bonkers.
• 1:39:53
  Feed your dog human-grade food like farmer's dog, your dog
• 1:39:55
  will go crazy. Watch how she eats it. Watch the
• 1:39:59
  difference in the way.
• 1:40:00
  Speaker 2: I'll try it.
• 1:40:01
  Speaker 1: My dog can't wait. He's dripping. Water is dripping off
• 1:40:05
  of his mouth before I feed him. He's like sitting
• 1:40:07
  there waiting. I'm like, stay. And I'm putting it in
• 1:40:09
  the bowl. Okay. He like attacks it. Jamie, you were
• 1:40:15
  saying that about your dog, right? Carl, when he was
• 1:40:18
  eating kibble, he wasn't even interested. Yeah. I never had
• 1:40:23
  a chance to even give it to him.
• 1:40:23
  Speaker 2: He never ate it.
• 1:40:25
  Speaker 1: He would just sit there. I'm like, well, how do you?
• 1:40:30
  Who's been feeding you?
• 1:40:31
  Speaker 2: How did they get.
• 1:40:32
  Speaker 1: In your body?
• 1:40:33
  Speaker 2: I always give my dog, when I give her turkey,
• 1:40:37
  sometimes if I have turkey or chicken around, I'll put
• 1:40:39
  it in her bowl. I always give her, you know,
• 1:40:42
  like at Katz's Deli when you order the sandwich, they
• 1:40:44
  give you a little piece before.
• 1:40:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:40:46
  Speaker 2: I always give her a little piece to get her salivating.
• 1:40:49
  Speaker 1: And she snaps it. Oh, yeah. Yeah, because it's real food. Right.
• 1:40:53
  That's what people are supposed to be eating too, man.
• 1:40:55
  We're supposed to be eating real food, you know. We
• 1:40:59
  got tricked because things have to stay in the supermarket.
• 1:41:01
  You got to be able to sit it on the
• 1:41:02
  shelf and it's got to be able to stay there
• 1:41:04
  for a few months. That's how you make your profit.
• 1:41:06
  That's why milk is homogenized and pasteurized. They'll try to
• 1:41:09
  scare you off raw milk. Bitch, I drink raw milk
• 1:41:12
  every week. There's nothing wrong with raw milk. You just
• 1:41:14
  can't get it from a shitty farm. Just like you
• 1:41:16
  can't get meat that's rotten. Just like you can't get
• 1:41:19
  sushi that's rotten. I eat ice.
• 1:41:21
  Speaker 2: Cream every day. How bad is that for me?
• 1:41:23
  Speaker 1: Ice cream is actually not that bad. Ice cream, when
• 1:41:27
  you think about bad things to eat, ice cream is
• 1:41:31
  probably one of the best desserts to eat because ice
• 1:41:35
  cream has fats from the cream. It has protein from
• 1:41:39
  the milk. And it does have sugar. So you got
• 1:41:42
  a little bit of sugar. But you're absorbing that sugar
• 1:41:45
  along with all the fat and all the cream. And
• 1:41:49
  it probably is way better for you. It's way better
• 1:41:52
  for you than sugar. Like drinking like a soda. Like
• 1:41:56
  a soda is the most alien form of sugar your
• 1:42:00
  body absorbs. Your body doesn't know what the fuck this is.
• 1:42:04
  Because sugar in nature comes from like an orange. It
• 1:42:07
  has all this fiber in it. You know, and you're
• 1:42:10
  eating it and it's a slow digestive process. That's why
• 1:42:14
  you don't get this crazy spike. But orange juice is
• 1:42:17
  fucking nuts. Like you take all the fiber out and
• 1:42:20
  now you just have just pure sugar water and you
• 1:42:23
  think you're being healthy. Well, you're not. Okay, look, you
• 1:42:26
  get a little bit of vitamins from the vitamin C
• 1:42:28
  that's from the oranges. But you're not supposed to eat
• 1:42:30
  it that way. You're supposed to eat an orange juice. Right.
• 1:42:33
  Like apple juice. Right. Like my daughter's like very conscious
• 1:42:37
  of like food and like what's in it. And she,
• 1:42:39
  she put, we went to the supermarket and she was
• 1:42:41
  going to get an apple juice. She's like, this has
• 1:42:44
  30 grams of sugar. This little thing at 30 grams
• 1:42:48
  of sugar. Like that's crazy. That's just, you're just, you
• 1:42:51
  might as well have a Coca-Cola. Right. It's kind of
• 1:42:53
  the same thing. Yeah. Your body, like, I think there's a,
• 1:42:58
  there was some paper that was written recently about ice
• 1:43:01
  cream actually being good for you. And by far the
• 1:43:04
  best of desserts that you can eat because it's milk
• 1:43:09
  and cream. It's like there's actual food in ice cream.
• 1:43:14
  Speaker 2: I crave it every night.
• 1:43:15
  Speaker 1: Ice cream, not that bad. Look at this. Can ice
• 1:43:17
  cream be healthy? What recent studies actually show. Recent research
• 1:43:20
  has sparked debate about ice cream's place in a balanced diet.
• 1:43:23
  By examining long-term health studies, scientists are exploring whether moderate
• 1:43:27
  consumption may have unexpected links to certain health outcomes. So
• 1:43:33
  ice cream has long been regarded as classic indulgence rather
• 1:43:35
  than a healthy food. The discussion largely emerged. However, in
• 1:43:40
  recent times, some surprising research has sparked a debate among
• 1:43:43
  nutrition scientists by saying that consumption of ice cream may
• 1:43:47
  be related to certain unpredictable health outcomes. The discussion largely
• 1:43:51
  emerged from data analyzed in long-running research projects such as
• 1:43:54
  Nurses' Health Study and Health Professional Follow-Up Study, two major
• 1:43:58
  epidemiological studies that track diet and health outcomes over decades.
• 1:44:02
  Research examined dietary patterns among participants with type 2 diabetes.
• 1:44:06
  Notice unusual pattern related to ice cream consumption. Discussion earned. Okay,
• 1:44:10
  what is the discussion? Consuming ice cream more regularly sometimes
• 1:44:17
  appear to have lower risks of certain health conditions, especially
• 1:44:21
  cardiovascular disease amongst individuals of type 2 diabetes. The problem
• 1:44:25
  is with epidemiological studies, you're just basically like filling out
• 1:44:30
  a form as to what you ate. And they track
• 1:44:32
  that with like large study groups of people and they
• 1:44:35
  try to figure out, okay, that's one of the ways
• 1:44:37
  they find out like, oh, the people that eat red
• 1:44:39
  meat more are sicker. But that's also like what are
• 1:44:42
  you eating? You eating burgers that you call red meat
• 1:44:45
  with sugar, with a Coca-Cola and some fries because that's
• 1:44:50
  what a lot of people are eating. So it's not
• 1:44:52
  like grass-fed steak with a salad. That's not the problem.
• 1:44:57
  Speaker 2: Remember Craig who came in here? Craig from Craig's. He
• 1:45:00
  told me to say hi.
• 1:45:01
  Speaker 1: I love Craig.
• 1:45:01
  Speaker 2: He said steak and I thought about steak.
• 1:45:03
  Speaker 1: Oh, he makes a great steak.
• 1:45:04
  Speaker 2: That was my joke when I got colon cancer. I
• 1:45:06
  told Craig, you're going to go out of business if
• 1:45:08
  I'm not eating your steak.
• 1:45:10
  Speaker 1: I don't think you have to stop eating steak. I mean,
• 1:45:12
  I'm no doctor, but I don't think steak's the problem.
• 1:45:15
  I think all the other shit's the problem. I think
• 1:45:18
  it's preservatives and bullshit and processed food. It's just not
• 1:45:22
  good for you, man. None of it's good for you.
• 1:45:24
  If you could sit on a shelf... Like that has
• 1:45:26
  all these preservatives. That stuff wrecks havoc on your gut bacteria.
• 1:45:30
  When you're consuming things that are filled with preservatives, those
• 1:45:34
  preservatives are essentially killing life. That's what they do. That's
• 1:45:39
  how it keeps bacteria and mold from growing on the food.
• 1:45:42
  It's a life killer. And then you eat it, go, oh, yum, yum, yum. Oh,
• 1:45:47
  it's preserved so I can eat it. I mean your
• 1:45:51
  healthy gut bacteria just gets fucking nuked. Yeah, I don't
• 1:45:56
  think it's meat is the problem.
• 1:46:00
  Speaker 2: You know, I was on a USO Christmas tour, and
• 1:46:05
  I ate worse on that than I would. And I go,
• 1:46:11
  how are they?
• 1:46:14
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:46:14
  Speaker 2: That's something they should fix.
• 1:46:15
  Speaker 1: That is something. They're trying to fix that. RFK Jr.
• 1:46:18
  is trying to fix that.
• 1:46:19
  Speaker 2: I was like eating ice cream and shakes and burgers
• 1:46:22
  and pizza at every base.
• 1:46:24
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's a lot of processed food. Yeah, it's terrible
• 1:46:26
  food for those soldiers. It's terrible. And then you're asking
• 1:46:29
  them to go to perform in the most fucking scary
• 1:46:32
  thing on earth, combat.
• 1:46:35
  Speaker 2: So it made me think, well, maybe it's all bullshit.
• 1:46:37
  If the military is eating the same pizza and pepperoni
• 1:46:40
  that I'm eating at home, then they should be more.
• 1:46:44
  Speaker 1: No, what's bullshit is the way they treat those people.
• 1:46:47
  That's what's bullshit. What's bullshit is the way they take
• 1:46:50
  care of them. That's what's bullshit. What's bullshit is the
• 1:46:54
  consideration they give to the diet of these people. Right.
• 1:46:56
  You're asking these people to make the ultimate sacrifice. That's
• 1:46:59
  what I'm saying. You're giving them prison food. That's what's bullshit.
• 1:47:01
  Speaker 2: Right. Yeah.
• 1:47:03
  Speaker 1: It's not– diet is not bullshit. Diet is everything. It
• 1:47:06
  is literally everything. Like I said, your body has nothing else,
• 1:47:11
  nothing else that it can build itself up with other
• 1:47:14
  than nutrients. That's all it has. You consume it. If
• 1:47:18
  you don't, you starve to death, right? If you don't eat,
• 1:47:21
  you starve to death. So– In order for your body
• 1:47:23
  to take care of itself, what are you giving it?
• 1:47:26
  It's that simple.
• 1:47:27
  Speaker 2: You drink a lot of water?
• 1:47:28
  Speaker 1: A lot of water, yeah.
• 1:47:29
  Speaker 2: You still drink a lot of coffee?
• 1:47:31
  Speaker 1: I drink less. I've been drinking coffee later in the
• 1:47:35
  day now. I've been going through my day and not
• 1:47:38
  drinking my first cup of coffee until noon now. I've
• 1:47:41
  been doing that a lot lately.
• 1:47:44
  Speaker 2: You don't need it in the morning to get going?
• 1:47:46
  Speaker 1: Sometimes I feel like I do. I enjoy it. I
• 1:47:49
  indulge if I enjoy it. But I don't like relying
• 1:47:51
  on things. having to do things. I don't ever want
• 1:47:55
  to have that feeling. So lately I've been like, and
• 1:47:58
  I've gone days without coffee just to see what that
• 1:48:00
  feels like. Sometimes I feel a little sluggish, but there's
• 1:48:03
  ways you can avoid that too. Like I'll take nootropics,
• 1:48:06
  which is a brain nutrients, you know, theanine and acetylcholine
• 1:48:12
  and a bunch of different things. Like there's alpha brain,
• 1:48:15
  that stuff pumps my brain up and fires it up.
• 1:48:18
  It's just, you get addicted to caffeine Caffeine is very,
• 1:48:21
  very addictive. And, uh, I feel like if I can
• 1:48:24
  get my day going without it, it's probably better. Yeah.
• 1:48:27
  Speaker 2: I drink a lot less, but I see what you're saying.
• 1:48:29
  Speaker 1: I love it though. Oh, that's great. I love a
• 1:48:31
  cup of coffee. I love it. I love it.
• 1:48:34
  Speaker 2: Uh, when I landed yesterday, Austin airport, like, I needed
• 1:48:38
  a coffee so bad I'd been out partying the night before,
• 1:48:41
  early flight. I land, and you just want a cup
• 1:48:43
  of coffee before you even start seeing your texts because
• 1:48:46
  you don't want a deal. And it's like the first
• 1:48:48
  place I go to, it's like there's a long line.
• 1:48:51
  I finally get there, and it's like it's a kiosk.
• 1:48:54
  And I'm like, I can't kiosk. I need to just
• 1:48:56
  tell someone to put coffee in a cup and hand
• 1:48:59
  it to me. And I go to another place, and
• 1:49:01
  it's like they charge me, and then they hand me
• 1:49:04
  a cup and go fill it. And I walk away.
• 1:49:06
  I just can't. I get so freaking cranky. And I
• 1:49:10
  go to the third place finally. It's just like they
• 1:49:12
  give you a cup of coffee.
• 1:49:15
  Speaker 1: The kiosk and the.
• 1:49:17
  Speaker 2: No employees, it all makes me so mad. I want
• 1:49:20
  to talk to somebody.
• 1:49:21
  Speaker 1: Oh, okay.
• 1:49:22
  Speaker 2: I don't like filling out a computer when I want something.
• 1:49:26
  Speaker 1: I rarely go to coffee places because I drink black coffee.
• 1:49:30
  And black coffee at Starbucks tastes like dog shit. Right.
• 1:49:34
  It's all burnt and tastes terrible. It's just not good.
• 1:49:37
  Speaker 2: I could drink any coffee. You could take old coffee,
• 1:49:40
  put it in the microwave, and it's the same to
• 1:49:41
  me as.
• 1:49:42
  Speaker 1: Really?
• 1:49:42
  Speaker 2: Yeah, an espresso that you're making.
• 1:49:45
  Speaker 1: Oh, I like this. See, this is French press. Black
• 1:49:49
  Rifle Coffee. You want some? Yeah. Get in there, dog.
• 1:49:52
  That's good coffee.
• 1:49:54
  Speaker 2: That's real coffee, son. Thank you, brother. That's coffee. Cheers.
• 1:50:00
  Speaker 1: Taste that. Cheers. Here's another problem.
• 1:50:05
  Speaker 2: That's good.
• 1:50:05
  Speaker 1: That's not bad, right? If you get coffee from Starbucks,
• 1:50:08
  you're getting it in a paper cup. And if you
• 1:50:10
  get it in a paper cup, it's not paper you're
• 1:50:12
  drinking out of. It's plastic because the inner lining of
• 1:50:15
  those paper cups is basically like a condom. Right. Ever
• 1:50:18
  seen when they break it down?
• 1:50:20
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:50:20
  Speaker 1: Well, if you add hot liquid to plastic, that plastic
• 1:50:25
  leaches chemicals into your body that are not good for you.
• 1:50:29
  They're called forever chemicals. It's terrible for you. So like
• 1:50:33
  every time you drink a hot liquid that's in a
• 1:50:36
  paper cup, you're sucking on plastic residue.
• 1:50:40
  Speaker 2: That's gross.
• 1:50:41
  Speaker 1: We're gross. There's a lot of things that are gross
• 1:50:43
  about the American lifestyle. I mean if you get coffee
• 1:50:48
  from Starbucks or something like that, ideally you should bring
• 1:50:51
  your own cup. Bring a mug. Bring like a little–
• 1:50:55
  one of those little Yetis. So it's like pouring right
• 1:50:58
  into stainless steel. That's how you're supposed to drink it.
• 1:51:02
  But who does that? Who brings a little stainless steel?
• 1:51:04
  Speaker 2: Not me.
• 1:51:05
  Speaker 1: Yeti with them everywhere. Not me. Nobody. But if you
• 1:51:07
  did that, you'd get a lot less of these fucking
• 1:51:11
  microplastics in your gut. It'd also wreak havoc on your body,
• 1:51:14
  destroy your immune system, destroy your endocrine system. They're endocrine disruptors,
• 1:51:20
  so it stops your body from producing hormones naturally, which
• 1:51:23
  also can lead to a host of different diseases.
• 1:51:27
  Speaker 2: Makes me think maybe Charlie Sheen was right after all.
• 1:51:30
  Speaker 1: Crack.
• 1:51:30
  Speaker 2: Smoking crack while getting a blowjob.
• 1:51:32
  Speaker 1: Yeah. That's how to do it.
• 1:51:33
  Speaker 2: You don't think he was worried about the plastics in
• 1:51:35
  the pipe?
• 1:51:36
  Speaker 1: Well, there's certain dudes that are built different. I mean,
• 1:51:39
  a lot of people that did what Charlie did would
• 1:51:41
  have already been dead a long time ago. He's resilient.
• 1:51:47
  I do hope somebody puts him in a big movie.
• 1:51:51
  Speaker 2: I like your idea.
• 1:51:51
  Speaker 1: I like a good comeback story.
• 1:51:54
  Speaker 2: Maybe he's due for another roast.
• 1:51:55
  Speaker 1: I don't know. It'll be hard now. He's all clean, sober.
• 1:52:01
  It's like, what did you do 20 years ago? It's like, eh.
• 1:52:04
  But now he's kind of doing all right. He looks good.
• 1:52:08
  He looks healthy. He looked a lot better than I
• 1:52:10
  thought he was going to look. It doesn't look like
• 1:52:13
  a guy who's went through 25 years of crack.
• 1:52:16
  Speaker 2: And he was sick?
• 1:52:17
  Speaker 1: Mm-hmm. And what did he have?
• 1:52:20
  Speaker 2: HIV.
• 1:52:21
  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah. HIV is weird. That's a weird one. Because
• 1:52:26
  with the medication they have now, You don't really– you're
• 1:52:30
  not even testing positive. But they just tell you you
• 1:52:32
  have it no matter what. It's dormant. It just doesn't
• 1:52:35
  totally make sense. There was a guy named Peter Duesberg
• 1:52:38
  that I had on my show a long time ago.
• 1:52:41
  And he was a professor out of the University of California, Berkeley.
• 1:52:45
  And just brilliant, brilliant guy. Groundbreaking work on cancer. But
• 1:52:51
  he had a very controversial take on HIV. And his
• 1:52:55
  take was he didn't believe that HIV is what caused AIDS.
• 1:52:58
  He said the fact that you have HIV is because
• 1:53:01
  your immune system is so severely compromised that HIV shows up.
• 1:53:05
  That was his take on it. And he was ostracized.
• 1:53:08
  You got to realize like during the AIDS crisis, do
• 1:53:12
  you know who was the guy that was in charge
• 1:53:14
  of the medical establishment in this country? Anthony motherfucking Fauci.
• 1:53:19
  Same guy. And that guy had everybody convinced that we're
• 1:53:23
  all going to get AIDS, that we're all going to die,
• 1:53:25
  and y'all have to take this medication. And one of
• 1:53:27
  the medications they gave people was AZT. The problem with
• 1:53:30
  AZT was AZT was a chemotherapy medication, and it was
• 1:53:35
  killing people quicker than cancer was, so they stopped using it.
• 1:53:37
  They repurposed it when AIDS came along, and they started
• 1:53:40
  giving it to AIDS people because they didn't have to
• 1:53:44
  go through this whole process of, like, getting– A drug certified,
• 1:53:49
  getting a drug to go through the FDA. They already
• 1:53:52
  had a drug. So they said, well, this drug, this
• 1:53:54
  will be the drug we use for AIDS. They fucking
• 1:53:56
  killed everybody they put on it. Killed tons and tons
• 1:53:59
  of people. When they stopped using AZT, people stopped dying.
• 1:54:03
  That's what Dallas Buyers Club was all about. It was
• 1:54:05
  all about them trying– that movie with Matthew McConaughey? It
• 1:54:08
  was all about them trying to find alternative cures, alternative
• 1:54:12
  medications and being able to access alternative medications. He wanted
• 1:54:16
  everybody to use AZT. And he was like, AZT, the
• 1:54:19
  reason why they use it, it's the only drug that
• 1:54:22
  is both safe and effective. It's literally what he said
• 1:54:25
  back then in the fucking 80s. And that's the same
• 1:54:30
  guy that sold us his bag of bullshit with the
• 1:54:33
  COVID origins and whether or not it was gain-of-function research
• 1:54:38
  that caused it. He's just a creepy fucking guy.
• 1:54:43
  Speaker 2: We never really got answers on any of this.
• 1:54:45
  Speaker 1: We will. It'll take time, but we will, and he'll
• 1:54:48
  probably be gone by the time it's publicly understood. But
• 1:54:52
  if you read RFK Jr. 's book, The Real Anthony Fauci,
• 1:54:55
  it'll open your mind. It'll open your eyes. He talks
• 1:54:57
  about how they were testing out in the 1980s. They
• 1:55:01
  were testing out HIV vaccines on foster kids in New
• 1:55:05
  York and killing them. Jesus. Yeah. They tested it on
• 1:55:10
  foster kids. Yeah, it's real. If it wasn't real, he
• 1:55:13
  would have been sued. He hasn't been sued for it. Wow.
• 1:55:17
  It's a dark book, dude. The real Anthony Fauci, I
• 1:55:20
  can't recommend it enough. It's a fucking terrifying book. But
• 1:55:22
  that's the same guy that was a part of the.
• 1:55:25
  Speaker 2: Whole AIDS thing.
• 1:55:27
  Speaker 1: The movie's going to be weird. Who would play Anthony
• 1:55:31
  Fauci in a movie? Maybe Martin Short.
• 1:55:34
  Speaker 2: I think it's another Sean Penn tour de force.
• 1:55:38
  Speaker 1: Sean Penn was all about the vaccine.
• 1:55:39
  Speaker 2: Do you miss acting?
• 1:55:41
  Speaker 1: Not even a little.
• 1:55:42
  Speaker 2: I was thinking about that the other day. You really...
• 1:55:45
  We're in this whole other world, Joe. Call times, makeup, lines, blocking.
• 1:55:53
  Speaker 1: Well, I enjoyed working on news radio. And it was very,
• 1:55:55
  I felt insanely fortunate to be able to work with
• 1:55:59
  Phil Hartman and Dave Foley and all those people on
• 1:56:01
  that show. Steven Root, Maura Tierney, Vicki Lewis, Andy Dick.
• 1:56:06
  It was incredible. Candy Alexander. It was an incredible cast
• 1:56:10
  of people. I mean, I felt super, super lucky. But
• 1:56:13
  once it was over, I'm like, I don't think I'll
• 1:56:14
  ever be able to recreate that because that was like optimal.
• 1:56:18
  And I had been on a couple other shows as
• 1:56:20
  a guest. I didn't like it. And I was like,
• 1:56:24
  this is not what I like. I only did it
• 1:56:27
  for money, you know. It's not my thing. And it's
• 1:56:31
  a long process, dude. Sitcom hours are, you know, especially
• 1:56:34
  in the beginning days. It was like 12, 16-hour days.
• 1:56:38
  Speaker 2: Who wrote that show?
• 1:56:39
  Speaker 1: Paul Sims and a bunch of other writers. But he
• 1:56:41
  was from the Larry Sanders show. And he did Bardwalk
• 1:56:46
  Empire after that and a bunch of other stuff. Brilliant guy.
• 1:56:50
  But that show was just like they caught lightning in
• 1:56:53
  a bottle. I got so lucky to be a part
• 1:56:56
  of that show. And I'm like, I could never be
• 1:56:59
  on a shitty sitcom after that. I couldn't be on
• 1:57:02
  some fucking– sloppy canned horse shit.
• 1:57:08
  Speaker 2: You went highbrow with fear factor.
• 1:57:11
  Speaker 1: Well, I took that because there was no actors. I,
• 1:57:14
  first of all, I took fear factor cause I thought
• 1:57:15
  it was going to be canceled. I thought this is
• 1:57:17
  going to be giving me a lot of material.
• 1:57:18
  Speaker 2: It was like rad forever.
• 1:57:20
  Speaker 1: 148 episodes. Yeah, it was nuts.
• 1:57:23
  Speaker 2: Have you seen the new one?
• 1:57:24
  Speaker 1: No, I haven't. But, uh, Johnny came on, Johnny Knoxville
• 1:57:27
  came on to do it. I didn't see the ludicrous
• 1:57:28
  one either, but, uh, How long did Ludacris do it for?
• 1:57:33
  Speaker 2: I don't know. I didn't even know that till now.
• 1:57:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Ludacris did it. I think, was it on MTV, Jamie?
• 1:57:38
  I think he did it on MTV. MTV did it
• 1:57:41
  for a little while. I think he did it for,
• 1:57:42
  I don't know how long, but I love Johnny. Johnny Knoxville.
• 1:57:47
  He's the best.
• 1:57:48
  Speaker 2: A true gentleman.
• 1:57:49
  Speaker 1: Sweetheart of a guy.
• 1:57:50
  Speaker 2: And I love him so much.
• 1:57:52
  Speaker 1: I hope it does well. You know, I hope they
• 1:57:55
  don't hurt anybody. That's the problem. Like when fear factor
• 1:57:58
  came back on NBC, um, When we came back in
• 1:58:01
  2011 and we only did six episodes, they were really
• 1:58:04
  trying to make it bigger and better. I was like,
• 1:58:05
  Jesus Christ, we're going to fucking kill somebody. It felt
• 1:58:08
  like it. It felt like it. when it was canceled,
• 1:58:10
  I was happy. I was like, fuck this.
• 1:58:15
  Speaker 2: You were done. Yeah.
• 1:58:16
  Speaker 1: Well, it got canceled because they had a drink come.
• 1:58:19
  Do you know that? No. You don't know that? What? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah.
• 1:58:24
  They played horseshoes to drink donkey cum.
• 1:58:28
  Speaker 2: We still talking about Andy Dick at news radio?
• 1:58:30
  Speaker 1: No, no, no. We're talking about Fear Factor now. Andy
• 1:58:33
  only drank people cum. He's a gentleman. But yeah, that happened.
• 1:58:40
  That's what got the show canceled. But that's because they
• 1:58:43
  were just trying to make it as outrageous as possible.
• 1:58:46
  Speaker 2: It's like the early, you were right at the beginning
• 1:58:48
  of that crazy.
• 1:58:50
  Speaker 1: This is it. Fear Factor. Donkey Juice. This is it.
• 1:58:54
  They had to play horseshoes. and they drank donkey piss
• 1:58:57
  and donkey cum. There was three sets of twins, and
• 1:59:00
  one twin had to drink the cum. Look at that.
• 1:59:02
  That's a mug-o-cum. Oh, my gosh. It's so foul. Wow. Yeah,
• 1:59:08
  so TMZ, I think, got a hold of the clip
• 1:59:12
  or images and said that Fear Factor was doing this,
• 1:59:15
  and it never aired in the United States, but it
• 1:59:17
  aired overseas. It aired somewhere in Europe. I want to
• 1:59:20
  say the Netherlands or Denmark or some shit. Wow. Yeah.
• 1:59:25
  Speaker 2: Now you survived.
• 1:59:26
  Speaker 1: Good times. Good times.
• 1:59:27
  Speaker 2: Now you're drinking delicious coffee and you're palatial.
• 1:59:30
  Speaker 1: Hanging out with you, Jeff Ross. I love it, man. Dude,
• 1:59:32
  I've known you since you were Jeff Lipschitz.
• 1:59:35
  Speaker 2: I've known you since your best joke, which was never
• 1:59:39
  trust a hooker with a walkie-talkie. You were like 25,
• 1:59:44
  but you were like, I've learned a lot of things
• 1:59:46
  in my life. I never trust a hooker with a walkie-talkie.
• 1:59:50
  Was that the joke?
• 1:59:52
  Speaker 1: No, it was I went to college for three years.
• 1:59:54
  You know what I learned? Where'd it go? Don't trust
• 1:59:58
  hookers with walkie-talkies? I don't know.
• 2:00:01
  Speaker 2: You know me since Jeff Lipschultz. By the way, I'm
• 2:00:04
  still Jeff Lipschultz. My ID, my passport.
• 2:00:08
  Speaker 1: Maybe you shouldn't tell everybody.
• 2:00:09
  Speaker 2: It's all right.
• 2:00:10
  Speaker 1: We should have hid that.
• 2:00:12
  Speaker 2: Why did you change it to Ross?
• 2:00:14
  Speaker 1: What year was that?
• 2:00:14
  Speaker 2: Oh, I could tell you. What happened was I got
• 2:00:19
  booked on Star Search down in Florida. Like my first
• 2:00:22
  time on TV. You know, we were all starting to
• 2:00:24
  get like on MTV and Star Search. Those shows were
• 2:00:27
  coming around. And I go down to Orlando where they
• 2:00:31
  were shooting it back then. And Ed McMahon was the host.
• 2:00:38
  And he kept introducing me by fucking up my, Arch,
• 2:00:41
  this week's challenger, Jeff Lipschitz. And I'd walk out. And
• 2:00:47
  it would screw me up, you know. Then the next,
• 2:00:49
  I'd won. And then the next day it's like, This
• 2:00:51
  week's challenger, you know, life shots. You know, he would
• 2:00:55
  just screw it up every time. And on the flight home,
• 2:01:00
  I was like, I either have to– I really love comedy.
• 2:01:03
  I was like two years in. I go, let me
• 2:01:07
  think about this. Ross is my middle name. Jon Stewart
• 2:01:11
  was Jon Leibovitz, and he had told me he did
• 2:01:14
  it for the similar reasons of like no one can–
• 2:01:16
  if I asked you to spell Lipschultz right now, even
• 2:01:18
  you couldn't, and you'd know me 35 years.
• 2:01:20
  Speaker 1: Right, right.
• 2:01:22
  Speaker 2: So I was like, all right, either I'm going to
• 2:01:24
  have to change my name or my whole family is
• 2:01:26
  going to– I don't know what to do. So Ross,
• 2:01:28
  it just made sense.
• 2:01:29
  Speaker 1: It's easy. Yeah. Yeah, it's easy.
• 2:01:31
  Speaker 2: Jeff Ross.
• 2:01:32
  Speaker 1: What was Ed McMahon like? You know– Did you ever
• 2:01:35
  hang out with him?
• 2:01:36
  Speaker 2: I shook his hand and that was the end of it.
• 2:01:39
  I didn't get to know him very well.
• 2:01:40
  Speaker 1: I heard he was an animal.
• 2:01:41
  Speaker 2: I heard he drank a lot.
• 2:01:43
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 2:01:43
  Speaker 2: But then I made some joke like that and people
• 2:01:46
  got mad at me online going, don't disrespect Ed McMahon.
• 2:01:49
  Speaker 1: Was he gone? Gone. By the time you made that joke?
• 2:01:51
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it was recently because they rebooted Star Search just now.
• 2:01:55
  Speaker 1: Fuck people online. You can't listen to them.
• 2:01:57
  Speaker 2: Dude, that's another thing Saget taught me, Bob Saget. Like,
• 2:02:00
  block the haters. Like, you know, we would argue about
• 2:02:04
  this because, like, he would block people. And I go, well,
• 2:02:07
  then they know you saw it. Just ignore them. Let
• 2:02:11
  them float out to sea. He goes, no. He goes, no.
• 2:02:14
  I want them to know that they're blocked. He goes,
• 2:02:17
  and I don't want them following me.
• 2:02:18
  Speaker 1: I don't want.
• 2:02:19
  Speaker 2: I don't want to say funny things to people who
• 2:02:21
  say mean things. He valued himself.
• 2:02:26
  Speaker 1: I say don't read the comments. I say don't even
• 2:02:29
  pay attention. Let them exist in the ether.
• 2:02:31
  Speaker 2: Well, you're off social right now.
• 2:02:33
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 2:02:34
  Speaker 2: You told me.
• 2:02:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I post things, but I post and ghost. That's
• 2:02:38
  what I tell people. Post and ghost. Just post things.
• 2:02:41
  It's like people know about stuff or something's interesting. Someone
• 2:02:44
  sends you something interesting. Like, oh, people should know about this. Right.
• 2:02:48
  That's it. Get out.
• 2:02:49
  Speaker 2: I got better instead of using social media. Seth Green
• 2:02:54
  is my neighbor, a good buddy of mine, the actor.
• 2:02:57
  And he started doing this during the pandemic. Instead of
• 2:03:00
  texting or liking people's stuff, he FaceTimes. It takes longer,
• 2:03:05
  but he's like, it's a real connection.
• 2:03:07
  Speaker 1: Oh, okay.
• 2:03:07
  Speaker 2: So he'll FaceTime me and talk to me, just even
• 2:03:11
  if it's for a minute.
• 2:03:12
  Speaker 1: What if you have an Android phone?
• 2:03:13
  Speaker 2: Then you're fucked. And my friend Benji Aflalo goes... He
• 2:03:17
  quotes Brody all the time. He'll text me emojis, a
• 2:03:23
  positive and a check. Positive check-in like Brody used to do.
• 2:03:27
  He would just positive check-in.
• 2:03:28
  Speaker 1: Positive energy.
• 2:03:30
  Speaker 2: Positive check-in.
• 2:03:31
  Speaker 1: God, he was so fun. Here's another guy. He's on
• 2:03:34
  my fucking contact list that's gone that I miss.
• 2:03:37
  Speaker 2: I almost wore my Brody... t-shirt today I was thinking
• 2:03:40
  about him a lot lately I don't know why enjoy
• 2:03:43
  it enjoy it has there ever been a comedian who's
• 2:03:46
  been less famous but more his his cadence has been
• 2:03:50
  more like remembered it's almost like him and Dangerfield have
• 2:03:53
  the most memorable deliveries.
• 2:03:55
  Speaker 1: Of all time especially for us for the guys Brody
• 2:03:57
  Stevens I don't know if people know yeah for the
• 2:03:59
  guys who were around him he was so he was
• 2:04:02
  just such a unique dude he would show up at
• 2:04:05
  the comedy store and pull into the lot everybody would smile.
• 2:04:09
  Speaker 2: When I first met him I really truly hated him
• 2:04:13
  I really hated him it was literally like the mid
• 2:04:17
  90's Joe like in New York and I can't believe
• 2:04:21
  I haven't thought about this in so long the show
• 2:04:24
  that it's so funny the show that's coming out tonight
• 2:04:29
  I started developing 30 years ago my grandfather died I
• 2:04:33
  live with my grandfather and it was like a way
• 2:04:35
  to like process it and it was emotional And I
• 2:04:40
  was doing it at little alternative comedy spaces in New York.
• 2:04:44
  And I didn't know Brody. And Brody would sit in
• 2:04:46
  the front. He was obsessed with it. Because I was
• 2:04:49
  like talking about stuff that hit for him somehow. And
• 2:04:53
  he would sit in the front. But he would like
• 2:04:57
  over laugh or twitch around at a seat. So then,
• 2:05:01
  you know, I'm developing this like one-man show. It's like
• 2:05:04
  different than stand-up. And he's like. He would want to
• 2:05:07
  talk to me about it and he would say like
• 2:05:09
  weird things that kind of threw me off. You know,
• 2:05:11
  he would notice the differences. And I said, listen, man,
• 2:05:17
  HBO is coming to see it next week. Could you
• 2:05:20
  just not be in the audience? He goes, oh, OK.
• 2:05:24
  Speaker 1: I understand.
• 2:05:25
  Speaker 2: I'm the guy who bothers you. You don't like me.
• 2:05:28
  I get that. I go, no, it's not that, man.
• 2:05:30
  It's just that like you're like.
• 2:05:33
  Speaker 1: Brody, 818 till I die.
• 2:05:35
  Speaker 2: You're distracting me and I'm not like– I was only
• 2:05:38
  doing comedy a few years. So then HBO comes. And
• 2:05:43
  Brody– I walk on stage and Brody's in the front row.
• 2:05:48
  So afterwards I go, dude, what the fuck is your problem?
• 2:05:51
  I told you not to be– he's like, there were
• 2:05:52
  no other seats. I couldn't miss it. And our friendship
• 2:05:56
  grew where we both moved out to L.A. and we
• 2:05:58
  became such good friends that– I had a Comedy Central show.
• 2:06:01
  He was the warm-up. I had to have him around
• 2:06:04
  me all the time. I felt safer and better. I
• 2:06:07
  think we both grew from like.
• 2:06:10
  Speaker 1: I was a model in Pakistan. Cover of Camel Beat magazine.
• 2:06:17
  Speaker 2: I dated an amputee. We met on StubHub. What was
• 2:06:23
  the one about the Nickelback tour jacket? I was at
• 2:06:27
  the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. I saw the
• 2:06:29
  Nickelback tour. It was in the Lost and Found, but still.
• 2:06:33
  I love Brody. Look up Brody Stevens.
• 2:06:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 2:06:36
  Speaker 2: I heard you talking about him the other day, about
• 2:06:39
  his friendship with Zach Galifianakis.
• 2:06:41
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 2:06:44
  Speaker 2: Were you there when they did the memorial at the
• 2:06:46
  Comedy Store?
• 2:06:47
  Speaker 1: No. No.
• 2:06:49
  Speaker 2: That's a good line.
• 2:06:50
  Speaker 1: I don't like those things.
• 2:06:51
  Speaker 2: I was backstage, and Brody's like, College baseball coach, high
• 2:06:57
  school baseball coach, and all his friends all spoke for
• 2:07:00
  like an hour. And then they bring me out and
• 2:07:02
  I go, after hearing all Brody's friends talk for an hour,
• 2:07:05
  I'm starting to understand why he killed himself.
• 2:07:11
  Speaker 1: That's why I don't like those things.
• 2:07:13
  Speaker 2: It was beautiful.
• 2:07:13
  Speaker 1: I prefer to mourn people solo.
• 2:07:17
  Speaker 2: It was beautiful, actually.
• 2:07:18
  Speaker 1: Well, Brody was a beautiful guy.
• 2:07:21
  Speaker 2: That's our world. We got to remember these guys.
• 2:07:23
  Speaker 1: I know. We do. Well, one of the good things
• 2:07:25
  about podcasts is like the world gets to understand a
• 2:07:28
  lot of these people and hear us talk about all
• 2:07:30
  these people. I think our world is more understood now
• 2:07:34
  in this day and age with a podcast world than
• 2:07:37
  I think it's ever been known before. More criticized, but
• 2:07:40
  that's part of the– I mean that's part of the
• 2:07:42
  process of it. That's normal. But also more understood. Like
• 2:07:46
  people get it. They get it.
• 2:07:47
  Speaker 2: It's a weird art form. Remember when you had Gilbert
• 2:07:50
  Gottfried on? That was great.
• 2:07:51
  Speaker 1: Gilbert was awesome.
• 2:07:52
  Speaker 2: I don't think he fully understood what was happening here,
• 2:07:56
  but I remember really enjoying your interview with Gilbert.
• 2:08:00
  Speaker 1: What do you mean you don't think he understood he'd
• 2:08:02
  done stern.
• 2:08:03
  Speaker 2: He'd done right but but he he this is stern
• 2:08:09
  is fast and jumping in and joe you know like Impressions.
• 2:08:12
  This is more of a conversation, which Gilbert, in his
• 2:08:15
  spectrum-y thing, you know, it's tough. A lot of yes
• 2:08:19
  and no answers.
• 2:08:20
  Speaker 1: I thought he was great. Yeah. But I loved him,
• 2:08:22
  you know, and he knew I loved him. I was
• 2:08:24
  always a giant fan of his, so it was like,
• 2:08:26
  I think it was pretty easy.
• 2:08:27
  Speaker 2: I wear a Gilbert Gottfried shirt in the special.
• 2:08:29
  Speaker 1: That's cool.
• 2:08:30
  Speaker 2: Ultimate tribute.
• 2:08:31
  Speaker 1: He was a sweetheart. He was a sweet guy. So
• 2:08:35
  fucking funny, too. God damn, that guy was funny. I
• 2:08:37
  used to love watching his sets in New York.
• 2:08:40
  Speaker 2: The best.
• 2:08:41
  Speaker 1: Especially, like, in the 90s when no one knew who
• 2:08:43
  he was. Like, oh, my God. He's such a killer.
• 2:08:48
  Speaker 2: One of his last times on stage, I was at
• 2:08:51
  an improv in Florida, and he came with his family,
• 2:08:56
  and he came on as a surprise guest. He walked out,
• 2:08:58
  and he told this long, crazy joke about skull-fucking his
• 2:09:02
  dead grandma. So at his funeral, at his funeral, like
• 2:09:09
  a year and a half later, I said, Gilbert's comedy
• 2:09:12
  was fearless and ruthless and subversive, yet he was so
• 2:09:15
  lovable that he could get us to laugh at a
• 2:09:18
  joke about skull-fucking a dead person. And then I looked
• 2:09:21
  at his coffin and I said, not so funny now, huh, Gilbert? So,
• 2:09:27
  I love Gilbert.
• 2:09:28
  Speaker 1: We've had the very unique opportunity to be around some really,
• 2:09:32
  truly exceptional people. Rare, rare human beings. You know, and
• 2:09:36
  so many of them. You know, we're so rich in our...
• 2:09:40
  associations with so many completely unusual people you.
• 2:09:44
  Speaker 2: Know there's one more Gilbert story okay one time we
• 2:09:48
  were roasting Joan Rivers I was producing it and I
• 2:09:51
  booked Gilbert and I'm on the phone I'm smoking a
• 2:09:55
  joint and I go I got one joke I like
• 2:09:57
  but I can't do it he goes what is it
• 2:10:00
  I go well you know like Kanye West's mom had
• 2:10:04
  recently died during a plastic surgery procedure it was the
• 2:10:07
  background and and uh I go, Joan Rivers, Gilbert, you know,
• 2:10:13
  Joan Rivers, Kanye's mom has a better plastic surgeon than you.
• 2:10:17
  And I go, but I can't do that. And Gilbert goes,
• 2:10:22
  I'll do it. And that's when I realized I was
• 2:10:25
  being a pussy and I had to do it. So
• 2:10:27
  I did it. So he pushed me.
• 2:10:29
  Speaker 1: That's awesome. That's awesome.
• 2:10:31
  Speaker 2: He's a really special, special guy.
• 2:10:34
  Speaker 1: We're lucky dudes, Jeff. We really are. We're lucky. We're lucky.
• 2:10:37
  And especially now that we know all these people that
• 2:10:39
  we just talked about that were amazing that are gone.
• 2:10:41
  We're lucky we're still here.
• 2:10:42
  Speaker 2: Being a comedian is like a backstage pass to the world.
• 2:10:46
  You get to see things you never would see as
• 2:10:49
  a civilian.
• 2:10:50
  Speaker 1: It's true.
• 2:10:51
  Speaker 2: I just went to Qatar, Djibouti, Africa.
• 2:10:56
  Speaker 1: You went to Djibouti? What were you doing in Djibouti?
• 2:10:58
  You did stand-up there?
• 2:10:59
  Speaker 2: For the troops. Christmas with the vice chairman of the
• 2:11:02
  Joint Chiefs. Saw the Patriot missiles that they're using now.
• 2:11:06
  I was in two of the bases that just got
• 2:11:08
  hit just a few months ago.
• 2:11:11
  Speaker 1: Wow. That's nuts.
• 2:11:14
  Speaker 2: You get to see. And when you're with the vice chairman,
• 2:11:17
  sometimes you're on FOBs, they call them, forward operating bases.
• 2:11:21
  They don't even tell you where you are exactly. Oh, wow.
• 2:11:24
  You're like 80 miles from the Iranian border somewhere in
• 2:11:28
  Kuwait or Qatar or Jordan. It's so cool.
• 2:11:32
  Speaker 1: Wild. Wild. You've always done a lot of stuff with
• 2:11:35
  the troops. You've been doing that from way back, from
• 2:11:39
  like the early 2000s.
• 2:11:40
  Speaker 2: 2003, my first trip to Iraq with Drew Carey. Wow. Yeah,
• 2:11:46
  he took me in 2003. Saddam was still alive. I
• 2:11:50
  went back in 05. I've done probably 100 of those
• 2:11:54
  shows all over the world. Wow. It's the best, man.
• 2:11:57
  That's why I'm a comedian. That's the best feeling. That's
• 2:12:01
  the best feeling. They say, oh, thanks for coming. And
• 2:12:04
  I'm like, thank you, man. Just forget that I'm, like, entertaining.
• 2:12:08
  You know, you're doing a show for people who are
• 2:12:10
  starved for entertainment. It fills me up. Like, it invigorates me.
• 2:12:17
  It's just they're not drinking. They're the best crowds. Right.
• 2:12:22
  I highly recommend it.
• 2:12:23
  Speaker 1: That's awesome. All right, dude. Your special isn't out yet? Tonight. Tonight.
• 2:12:30
  Look at you. A Netflix comedy special. Longest special Netflix
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  ever did. You got the Bobby Brown microphone on? I sing.
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  Speaker 2: I sing a song in the show.
• 2:12:42
  Speaker 1: A perfect salty, sweet, sour mix. Look at that outfit.
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  Speaker 2: It's a suit of armor, this guy. This guy, poor guy,
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  lost his hands in an explosion.
• 2:12:53
  Speaker 1: Oh, jeez.
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  Speaker 2: I asked him why his wife never got finger banged.
• 2:12:59
  Speaker 1: Jesus.
• 2:13:00
  Speaker 2: It's a multimedia show. About my family, about resilience, about
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  bouncing back.
• 2:13:06
  Speaker 1: Are those screens on the back wall, a bunch of
• 2:13:08
  different screens? Yeah. And they show different things on them?
• 2:13:11
  Speaker 2: Yeah, the dogs.
• 2:13:12
  Speaker 1: Oh, that's cool.
• 2:13:13
  Speaker 2: You're going to love this show.
• 2:13:14
  Speaker 1: I'm sure I'll love it.
• 2:13:15
  Speaker 2: It's about some of the stuff we were talking about,
• 2:13:17
  like when you take a hit, getting back up.
• 2:13:21
  Speaker 1: That's awesome. And what's it called again?
• 2:13:23
  Speaker 2: It's called Take a Banana for the Ride. When I
• 2:13:25
  was an open mic-er, I would take my grandfather to
• 2:13:28
  his doctor appointments and And then at night I would
• 2:13:31
  go in New York and try to get on stage
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  at the open mics, and my grandfather would give me
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  a few dollars for the bus and tolls and a banana,
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  take a banana for the ride. Kind of his way
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  of saying, I can't go with you, but I'm there
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  with you on the ride. I just tattooed a banana
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  with my mom's, would write I love you or I
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  miss you and put them in my school lunches. So
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  I found an old letter with her handwriting and made
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  a tattoo. So now I always have a banana. This one,
• 2:14:01
  Eddie Vedder drew. It says, born to roast.
• 2:14:04
  Speaker 1: Oh, that's cool. All right. It's out now. Ladies and gentlemen,
• 2:14:09
  go watch it. Jeff Ross. I love you, buddy.
• 2:14:12
  Speaker 2: Love you, Rogan.
• 2:14:12
  Speaker 1: Thank you.
• 2:14:13
  Speaker 2: Good to see you.
• 2:14:13
  Speaker 1: Bye, everybody.