Latest / Soul Salon with Ayandastood / 64: fear is a portal to your dreams 🪞

Transcript

64: fear is a portal to your dreams 🪞 · Soul Salon with Ayandastood

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  You are not separate from love.
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  You are a profound manifestation of it.
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  And your ego's fears are your soul's desires.
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  Your ego's fears of being seen, being judged,
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  taking up space, taking a risk, starting something,
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  failing, letting people down,
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  not being who people expected you to be.
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  Stepping into a part of yourself that has felt so hidden
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  and repressed for so long, it is screaming by now.
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  Your ego's fears are your soul's desires.
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  And you are here in this lifetime to release the control
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  that your ego has over the actions that you are taking
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  in order for your soul's light to shine.
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  Your soul, as it is, has a natural magnetism.
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  It is a light that when it is truly shining,
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  we'll attract everything in alignment with that light.
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  Everything that is meant for your soul will find it.
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  If you are shining the light of your soul with the world.
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  But when you hide your light, when you dim your light,
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  which you've internalized as a response to the trauma,
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  the bullying, the being told to shrink,
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  to not be so loud, to not take up so much space,
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  feeling you've had to dim your light
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  and create this protective shell around you,
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  not taking up the space that you actually long to take up.
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  But now that skin, that shell is starting to feel
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  unbearably small, because you feel yourself ready
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  to break free from this shell and into your next evolution.
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  When your soul has the space to shine,
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  it will attract all the people, opportunities,
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  the money in alignment with the light of your soul.
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  Because suddenly you are a beacon
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  and aren't we all looking for beacons?
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  So the vision that you have,
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  it's being blocked by these egoic fears.
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  It's also being blocked by egoic desires,
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  because if you have the desire, for example,
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  to be really well known, to grow your audience, to go viral,
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  that's not going to sustain and let the light of your soul shine.
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  I want to read you this quote that I encountered today
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  from Alan Watts's book, The Wisdom of Insecurity,
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  which I read last year,
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  and I was returning to some of my highlights from that book
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  and this quote stuck out to me, let me read it to you.
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  It says, lasting happiness can only be achieved
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  by giving up the ego self,
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  which is a pure illusion anyway.
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  So lasting happiness, fulfillment, alignment, purpose,
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  bliss, heaven on earth can only be achieved
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  by giving up, by renouncing,
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  by allowing to die the ego self,
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  which is a pure illusion anyway.
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  And this image came to me so vividly
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  as I was reading this quote.
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  You know sliding glass doors,
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  and you know sometimes there's the outside area
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  and then there's a sliding glass door that goes inside
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  at a restaurant in a house wherever,
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  but you know some doors, some glass doors, are so clean
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  that sometimes you don't know if it's a glass door
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  or if it's open and some children even run into glass doors
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  because they don't realize even adults this happens to,
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  they don't realize that it's actually a glass door,
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  not the air, not open.
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  And that is exactly what the ego does.
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  The ego tells you, you are running into a glass door.
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  If you post this video, if you keep sharing yourself,
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  if someone posts a hate comment and you keep going,
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  if you share your writing with the world,
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  if you write this book and then try to find a publisher for it,
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  if you share your music on Spotify and then promote that music,
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  if you have a course and then you sell the course
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  or you try to be seen sharing your offering
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  with the world in monetary terms,
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  you will run into that glass door.
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  And everything will break, you will be injured,
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  there'll be cuts and wounds all over you,
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  will be bleeding, it will be irreparable,
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  the damage that this will do.
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  So don't run through the door.
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  But remember, the ego self is a pure illusion.
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  And that glass door that your ego is so convinced is glass,
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  is actually that sensation when you think it's a door,
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  but then you do this with your hands
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  because you know by now you're older,
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  you know that this happens to people, what's happened to you
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  and you say, ah, just walk straight through.
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  I just walk straight through.
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  And so your ego thinks there is a glass door
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  where there's actually an opportunity
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  to move through something, move through the fear,
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  not see the fear as a concrete wall, but move through it.
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  And of course, it's not just stepping through a door.
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  The air is more dense, it's more scary,
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  so it feels a little bit like it could be a door,
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  but that's how it feels, right?
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  You know when you push your hand, it's like,
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  I mean, you kind of do it, it's like, is this,
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  what's happening?
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  And then sometimes you do it again.
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  The next time you walk through, you're like, okay,
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  I'm just making sure,
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  because I don't wanna walk through a glass door,
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  this glass is very clean.
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  So that density that we are asked to move through,
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  that's what I call the portal.
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  That fear is your portal to purpose.
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  The fear being seen is your portal.
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  It's not here as a block.
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  That's what we perceived it as.
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  We've perceived it as opaque, as is something concrete
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  and something that we cannot move through,
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  it's blocking us, a block is a block, right?
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  Like a block is something you can't penetrate or go through.
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  But it's actually a portal, it's not a block, it's a portal.
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  Let me continue this quote,
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  and I read this quote from Alan Watts' book,
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  but across so many spiritual traditions,
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  there is this notion of the ego,
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  of the shadow of darkness and finding the light and so on.
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  The ego self constantly pushes reality away.
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  It constructs a future out of empty expectations
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  and a past out of regretful memories.
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  The ego self constantly pushes reality away.
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  So I want you to imagine that your dream is a room.
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  So your dream is taking place in some room
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  and for you this could be true,
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  or your dream could be in the forest, in the oceans,
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  but let us assume your dream is represented by this dream room.
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  And in that dream room is everything that you desire,
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  not only for yourself, but for all the people you are here to serve.
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  So in that room, maybe your music is playing
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  and there's this beautiful candle lit,
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  there's this amber feeling,
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  and people who are currently your idols are your friends.
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  And they're in this room with you.
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  Your dream collaborator sends you a text on a Sunday like,
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  hey, I have the song that I've been writing
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  and I'd love to have you on it.
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  Would you like to come record on Tuesday?
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  You're like, wait, is this my life?
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  Maybe your dream room is a podcast studio
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  and people who you used to watch and idolize,
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  oh my word, look at their show,
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  look at how many people view it, look at how amazing the guests
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  they have now suddenly, that's your reality.
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  Now suddenly, you're being invited to that show.
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  Now suddenly, you are being able to invite the guests
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  that you always dreamed of having.
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  And now you're in that dream room.
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  Maybe your dream room, you've been dreaming of writing a book
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  and this dream room is just filled with all the readers
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  who love your writing and they're underlining it
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  in cafes all over the world.
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  It's been translated into every single language
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  and they're just like, oh my word, look at this writing.
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  I'm obsessed with the story or this essay.
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  This literally is everything I didn't even know I needed
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  and they're pouring over the book
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  and at conversations with friends the next day,
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  they're like, oh my word, you have to read this book
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  but I mean you have to.
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  Don't just put it on your TBR, read this book instantly.
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  That's your book, okay?
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  That's your dream room, okay?
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  Maybe your dream room is everyone who feels healed
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  by your coaching, everyone who feels so much more free
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  in their lives and then suddenly they're able to bring
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  that sense of healing into their families
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  and so children have more healed parents
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  and so they grow up more balanced and more loved
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  and they spread that love to their peers
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  and then love just grows through your work.
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  So that's your dream room.
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  Maybe your dream room is liberation
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  for all people suffering oppression.
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  That is your room and part of your room in that space
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  was that you lent your voice to the causes
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  that mattered most to you.
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  Maybe your dream room is full of all the lives you've touched
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  who are so grateful that you did.
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  Maybe your dream room is speaking on a stage.
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  Maybe your room is finally quitting your nine to five
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  that drains you makes it so much more difficult
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  for you to find time to take care of yourself and create
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  that doesn't give you spaciousness
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  and this feeling of a liveliness.
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  Maybe your room is looking back and being like,
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  I'm so grateful that I was able to quit my job
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  and now look at this flourishing life that I have
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  which is really hand-made and heart-made for me.
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  Okay, I invite you to take a few moments
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  to sort of think about what your dream room could be.
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  Hmm.
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  Hmm.
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  Hmm.
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  Hmm.
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  We're using the word room conceptually.
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  So for you, it could actually be a room
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  or it could be, as I said, somewhere in nature.
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  So that's your dream room.
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  Okay, now there's where we are now, right now.
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  And it'd be one thing if I said to you,
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  oh, all you have to do to get your dream room
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  is walk through this door.
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  That our ego thinks is a glass door
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  but is actually not a glass door.
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  Is actually transparent
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  or a little bit more dense and transparent,
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  but transparent, okay?
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  If that were the case, most of us would walk through.
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  A lot of us wouldn't because of the blocks
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  that we have to actually living our dreams,
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  the fears that we have around the success.
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  A lot of us would feel like, oh my God,
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  that's so much pressure.
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  And actually, if we walk straight into that room,
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  our nervous systems probably couldn't handle it.
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  Like, we think being on a stage,
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  let's say if you wanna be a singer
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  and everyone singing along, that's beautiful,
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  but your nervous system has to be able to handle
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  the fact that you're on a stage,
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  like you're on a stage singing,
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  people have come there for you
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  and there's hundreds of thousands of people
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  in the stadium.
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  We think if I just told you like,
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  you're in that reality, walk through this door,
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  there's part of your nervous system
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  that would be like, what?
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  You mean I have to go out there?
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  Like they're waiting for me, you know?
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  So again, we have these blocks,
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  but most of us, the problem is not that we simply have
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  to walk through the door and be in that reality, right?
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  We're not one door away from that reality.
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  There's a room before the dream room
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  and there's a room before that
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  and there's a room before that
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  and each time we have this portal,
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  this portal of possibility, asking us,
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  step through, I know you're afraid,
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  I know you've built up the glass door in your mind
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  that thinks everything is gonna shatter and break,
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  but trust, trust in this portal,
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  trust in the expansion it's inviting you into.
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  But what do we do?
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  We don't trust.
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  So not only do we never get to the dream room,
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  we don't have the faith, remember fear,
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  is a type of faith,
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  but it is a faith in the wrong direction.
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  I love this quote, I'm not sure who said it,
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  but it's so powerful that we think we lack faith,
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  but we do have faith,
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  we just have faith in the worst case scenario.
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  We have faith in being canceled.
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  We have faith in losing all our money, losing everything.
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  We have faith in losing all our friends,
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  being judged and humiliated by everyone.
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  We have faith in I won't be able to handle this.
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  We have faith in all the negative stories and beliefs,
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  not in the dream, the vision, the possibility.
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  So in order to get to that dream room,
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  can you imagine how many portals we would have to step through?
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  And then just trust that even though this room
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  kind of looks the same,
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  let's say you dream of sharing yourself on YouTube,
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  it's just the vision is clear,
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  I need to share myself on YouTube.
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  So now posting the first video,
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  you're being invited to stay up through a portal,
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  it's uncomfortable,
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  it's gonna ask you to sit with fear and discomfort
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  and fear of being seen.
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  And now you're in another room,
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  but this room doesn't magically suddenly look like
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  the dream room, it doesn't seem like,
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  oh yes, I'm on the path.
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  It seems like, oh my God, 13 views,
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  oh my word, a hate comment, oh my word,
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  crickets, silence, nothing.
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  So now the question, what do you have faith in?
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  Because now another portal emerges,
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  you need to post your next video.
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  Are you gonna choose fear?
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  Or are you going to choose love?
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  Here's the portal.
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  And I believe as we walk through these portals,
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  it becomes easier and easier such that
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  when we get to that portal into the dream room,
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  it might even not even feel like we stepped through anything
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  at all because it's now a natural extension of our being.
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  We've become the room,
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  we've become the energy of the room.
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  Like what version of us could really be
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  in the energy of my dream collaborator is reaching out to me
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  and I'm saying fuck yes.
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  And then I'm going on with my day.
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  My nervous system is not dysregulated,
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  my body's not like, oh my God,
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  I'm being attacked by a lion, what if I mess up?
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  I'm like, I'm in the room,
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  I've been in the room so often that now I'm in the room.
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  And I wanna say that I had my first in-person
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  podcast interview in September,
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  I was interviewing the person.
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  And that's the dream that I had for a long time
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  because I've been in the room so often,
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  when I was in the room,
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  it felt like I'd already been in the room.
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  I was not, I was nervous in the sense of like,
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  I'm alive and I'm a human and I'm here to be alive
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  to the feelings of that nervous excitement within me,
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  but I was not debilitatingly nervous.
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  I was not dysregulated.
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  I was not like,
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  this is gonna go so like, what if I,
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  I was like, oh my word, I'm a perfect match for this.
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  I am this, this is a natural extension of my being.
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  Everything in my life has led me to this moment.
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  I'm in the room because I've been in the room.
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  So that is an example of carrying the energy of the room now
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  so that you're in the room before you're in the room.
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  And when you feel cold to be seen,
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  you're gonna be asked to be seen in small ways
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  and then in bigger and bigger ways.
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  So we need to build up the skill to walk through
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  that portal of purpose, to honor our soul's desires
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  and let go of the ego's illusion
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  of what it thinks is certain to happen,
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  which is a illusion, which is a fairy tale,
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  which is pushing reality away.
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  Okay, so your soul really wants to be in that room.
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  It really wants to be in that room,
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  but your ego has to collaborate by being willing to die
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  in order for your soul to get to that room.
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  Your ego needs to loosen its grip on you
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  so that you can make the steps and move through the portals
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  that will get you into that room.
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  And a little song came, actually why do we call it little?
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  Just call it a song.
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  A soul song came to me, but it's not finished.
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  In fact, only two lines emerged,
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  but I felt like you needed to hear it, okay?
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  Okay, okay.
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  Released the ego, embrace the soul,
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  release the fear, love is your home.
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  Turn down the ego who turned up the soul,
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  step through the portal to bring you home.
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  The words came to me, turn down the ego, turn up the soul,
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  but I'm not sure what comes next.
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  Turn down the ego, turn up the soul.
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  Come home to love, our only true goal.
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  So my darling, my love, that concludes today's transmission.
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  That is what I felt cool to share with you.
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  I want to remind you that if you are stepping into more visibility
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  this year, let it be from the soul, let it be from the heart.
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  I have this ebook called the soulful visibility guide.
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  I'm already getting such beautiful messages and feedback
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  about some of the shifts that people are having in this ebook
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  with this guide, which is free on my website, I understood.com.
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  And some people have said that the journaling prompts
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  have made them weep, have just felt like they opened something,
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  they shifted something.
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  There's a music playlist that people are journaling with
• 16:20
  or listening to before they create.
• 16:22
  When you're on my newsletter list,
• 16:24
  you'll be able to receive guidance inside
• 16:26
  from some of the love letters that I send out there.
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  So I love you so much.
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  I'm sending you so much love.
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  And part of why I teach on the fear of being seen
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  is because I believe so much love, so much light
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  of the world of the collective is being blocked
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  by the shame and the fear that social conditioning
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  and oppression and trauma have imposed on us.
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  And this is all by design to keep us from expanding
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  into the collective that is free.
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  The collective that is living in bliss,
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  that is living in heaven on earth.
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  And I truly believe you are a piece of that puzzle.
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  You are a portal.
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  Just as we step through portals, artists are portals,
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  visionaries are portals.
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  I call this system creative portals
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  that we don't consume art that actually in a sense
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  art consumes us.
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  That art is something that transports us.
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  We see the world differently.
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  We feel ourselves differently.
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  We feel and relate to each other
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  and the world differently from art that truly moves us.
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  It's a portal that's transported us into deeper
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  understanding, connection, beauty, thrill, wisdom.
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  That's why it feels like if someone who you love
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  hasn't read your favorite book
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  or hasn't watched your favorite movie,
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  it's like they won't understand a part of you.
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  They haven't stepped through that portal
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  and been transported by it.
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  And so just as each artwork is a portal or can be,
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  you are a portal.
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  Your consciousness can shift us into more of the energy
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  that you bring.
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  So if you bring the world more curiosity, more love,
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  if you bring the world more wisdom,
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  if you bring the world more healing,
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  you are a portal to that place, to more of that energy.
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  So if you are blocked,
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  we can't step through the portal of your being
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  that is your artistry.
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  So if you are not sharing yourself,
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  how do we step through the portal of your understanding,
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  your lessons, everything you've learned,
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  everything you are, everything you create?
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  So so many of us,
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  instead of being this inviting door,
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  we are shut.
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  This poison ivy, it feels like there's not even an open door
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  and therefore we don't get to experience
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  the light of your being, the love of your being,
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  the generosity that you are here to share.
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  So I believe in you, I believe in us,
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  I believe in your vision,
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  and I believe in you being seen
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  in the spaces that you truly feel called to be seen.
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  I don't believe in imposing any site of visibility on anyone,
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  but I do believe we all have places on earth
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  that we are like, I would love to be seen
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  sharing my magic there.
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  Some people it's a small tiny room,
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  some people it's a stadium,
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  but we have spaces where we want to be more seen
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  than we currently are,
• 18:54
  and I am here to support you and guide you
• 18:57
  and be with you as you step through those portals,
• 19:00
  knowing that some of these portals are so potent
• 19:02
  that they do quantum leap us closer to that dream room.
• 19:05
  And the more fear we're able to hold,
• 19:07
  the bigger steps we can take,
• 19:09
  the more we can step into that dream room
• 19:11
  in a way that feels almost accelerated.
• 19:13
  But it's really because we're willing to sit in the discomfort
• 19:16
  that we're being invited into and through to again,
• 19:18
  shed the ego self that we just spoke about in this quote
• 19:22
  and step into the soul self,
• 19:23
  step into the eternal essence and love of the soul
• 19:27
  so that we can truly attract what is meant for us to us.
• 19:31
  I love you, I'm sending you so much love.
• 19:33
  My darling, my love, my soul sibling, thank you
• 19:36
  for stepping into the soul salon.
• 19:39
  If you are still hearing or watching this,
• 19:41
  we are soul siblings.
• 19:42
  We are resonating on the same frequency.
• 19:44
  And so something you may struggle with
• 19:46
  that I struggle with is the fear of being seen.
• 19:49
  You know that visibility is involved in you
• 19:52
  living your creative purpose and being in your power,
• 19:55
  serving the collective through your gifts,
• 19:57
  through your magic, through your medicine.
• 20:00
  In order to do that, you know you need to be more seen
• 20:03
  than you are allowing yourself to be right now.
• 20:06
  I have a gift just for you,
• 20:08
  heart made for us on this frequency
• 20:11
  and it is a free ebook called The Soulful Visibility Guide.
• 20:15
  That is soulful visibility.
• 20:17
  Like we don't just want to be seen,
• 20:18
  we want to be felt, we want to be heard,
• 20:21
  we want to move and be moved.
• 20:23
  So I do have a free gift for you
• 20:25
  and all you need to do is go to my website
• 20:27
  I understand.com
• 20:29
  and there you will be able to input your email address
• 20:33
  and receive this directly to your inbox.
• 20:35
  This is such a juicy and delicious guide
• 20:38
  and I change the free offering every few months.
• 20:41
  So you know, get it while you can.
• 20:43
  All the links are in the show notes.
• 20:45
  So thank you so much.
• 20:46
  I love you and I will see you on the next sole session.
• 20:48
  Okay, I love you.
• 20:50
  Bye.