Latest / The Difficult Boss Podcast with Fexingo: Managing Up, Toxic Managers, and Workplace Survival / How to Manage a Boss Who Hides Behind Email
Transcript
- Lucas: Luna, I want to talk about a boss type we haven't really covered yet: the boss who communicates almost exclusively through email. You know the one—sends a long message at 10pm, copies half the department, but won't walk over to your desk or pick up the phone. Luna: Oh, I know that boss. It's exhausting. You end up writing these elaborate emails trying to anticipate every possible follow-up question, and then you wait days for a one-line answer. Lucas: Exactly. And the cost is real. I was talking to a friend who works in marketing at a regional bank—let's call her Sarah. She was trying to launch a digital ad campaign for a new savings product. Her boss, a VP, would only respond to her requests via email, and each round took three to five days. A campaign that should have taken two weeks stretched into six. Luna: And in the meantime, the product launch date slipped. Yeah, I've seen that play out. So what do you do when your boss uses email as a shield? Lucas: If this show has helped you think through a career move or a tricky workplace situation, listener support is what keeps it ad-free. You can buy us a coffee at buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. No pressure, just if it's been useful. Luna: Yeah, honestly, it helps us keep doing deep dives like this without sponsors. So if you're in a spot to chip in, we appreciate it. Lucas: Okay, back to Sarah. Her first move was to schedule a recurring 15-minute check-in with her boss every Monday morning. No agenda, no email thread—just a quick verbal sync. The idea is to create a low-stakes space where the boss can't hide behind the inbox. Luna: Did the VP actually show up? I've seen those get cancelled constantly. Lucas: In Sarah's case, yes—because she framed it as 'I want to make sure I'm aligned with your priorities so I don't waste your time with email chains.' That appealed to the boss's sense of efficiency. And once they had a standing 15-minute call, the email volume dropped by maybe 70 percent. Luna: That's smart. It reframes the conversation from 'you're avoiding me' to 'I want to help you save time.' Luna: I like that—it's reframing the interaction. And if the boss still says 'just email me,' then you have a clearer signal that this is a pattern, not a preference. Lucas: Exactly. And the third tactic is a structural one: add a deadline tag to your email subject lines. Something like '' or ''. It forces a binary response—yes or no—rather than an open-ended discussion. Sarah started doing that, and her boss would reply with a single sentence within 24 hours. Luna: So it's about reducing the cognitive load for the boss. They see a clear action item with a deadline, and it's easier to just say 'approved' than to compose a paragraph. Lucas: Right. But here's the thing: sometimes the email-only behavior isn't just a quirk—it's a symptom. Your boss might be overwhelmed, conflict-avoidant, or even trying to create a paper trail to protect themselves. If you've tried these tactics and nothing changes, you need to assess whether the relationship is salvageable. Luna: When would you escalate to HR? Or start looking for a new job? Lucas: I'd say if the email delays are actively harming your performance reviews or your team's ability to deliver, it's worth a conversation with HR framed as 'I'm trying to improve communication efficiency.' Don't frame it as 'my boss won't talk to me.' Frame it as 'I want to reduce bottlenecks.' And if HR does nothing, or if the boss retaliates, that's your cue to update your resume. Luna: It's a fine line. You don't want to seem like you're complaining about your boss, but you also need to protect your own career trajectory. Lucas: Exactly. And one more thing: if you're the boss listening to this, consider that your team might be craving a real conversation. An email chain can stretch a 30-second decision into a three-day ordeal. Sometimes the fastest way to communicate is to close your laptop and walk over to someone's desk. Luna: Or just pick up the phone. It's old-school, but it works. Lucas: So to sum up: three tactics—recurring verbal check-in, reframe the ask as a time-saver, and use deadline tags. And if none of that works, know when to loop in HR and when to walk. For Sarah, the check-in and deadline tags were enough. She got the campaign launched, and her boss actually started coming to her with questions verbally within a month. Luna: That's a win. And it shows that sometimes the boss's behavior is a habit, not a character flaw. You just have to find the right workaround. Lucas: Right. And if you've got your own story about a boss who hides behind email, we'd love to hear it. Send us a note—we read every one. Luna: Yeah, and in the meantime, good luck out there. We'll be back with another episode soon.