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THE COURAGE TO BE LOVED · The Karen Kenney Show

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Karen Kenney: Hey, you guys! Welcome to the Karen Kenney
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Show. I'm super duper excited to be here together with you. So,
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thank you for tuning in and listening. Like many of you, I'm
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sure I've been thinking so much about Dolly Parton and her
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passing at 80 years old recently, and so I've had a lot
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of Dolly Dolly Parton on the mind and in my heart. And one of
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the things I wanted to talk to you about, I mean, clearly, if
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you've paid attention and you've done any research, you know, not
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everybody knows what an incredible humanitarian she was.
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I mean, of course, she was well known for, you know, around the
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world for being a brilliant singer and songwriter and
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entertainer and all those things, but there was so much
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more to Dolly. There was so much more to her, and she's one of
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those people that she was like. I think she was fierce. I think
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she was fiery. I think she was funny. I think she was. I think
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she was a lot of things. I think she was like she was a musical
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prodigy. I mean, she was creative beyond all get out. But
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there's something else about Dolly that I want to talk about
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today that I think can really benefit all of us. It's such a
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great reminder, and we're going to get into that. So buckle up
1:23
for safety. Stay tuned for that. But how I want to start is this.
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Now, if you're a loyalist, now if you've been around the block
1:30
with me a few times, you might know that I have a bookcase. I
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mean, I have bookcases everywhere. Take a look around.
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That's one of the things I have the most of in my house. But I
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also have a bookcase in my bathroom, and while I've been
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thinking about Dolly, like on repeat, I was also like in the
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bathroom and I was looking at my bookcase. And this book, like
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this book title, jumped off the shelf at me. I'm gonna hold up
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this book that I'm talking about. It's called "The Courage
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to Be Disliked, right? The courage to be disliked. The
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subtitle is the Japanese phenomenon that shows you how to
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change your life and achieve real happiness, and it's by
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Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitaki Koga. It's a really really
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fascinating book, and so it sold over like 3 million copies, and
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so it's it's really about here's the happy of this sucker on the
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back. So it says, discover why unhappiness is something you
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choose for yourself. Life is not a competition. Admitting fault
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is not defeat. What real freedom is, how to exist in the present,
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how you can be happy now and so much more. So while I was
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looking at this book and thinking about Dolly, I had a
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thought in my head. So this concept, this idea of the
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courage to be disliked-I've talked about this before on
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other episodes. Like wicked long time ago, I did an episode, and
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I said, I think the title of the episode was like, "If everybody
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likes you, you're doing it wrong. And that might seem like
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it's in conflict with what I'm about to say now, but it's not.
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It's kind of like what I would say: seems different, because
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here's the thing that Dolly Patton did that. I think is
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amazing. She didn't just have the courage to be disliked.
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Dolly had the courage to be loved. Let me say that again. In
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my mind, in my opinion, as humble as it may be, my belief,
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I think Dolly Patton had the courage to be loved, and what I
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mean by that is she lived like full out. She put on no airs. I
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mean, she was just like this is me, this is who I am. She spoke
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her mind. Now you would think that it would be wicked hard to
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be loved, kind of universally by being opinionated, by taking a
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stand, by saying what you think, saying what you believe. Because
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of course, certain people might disagree with you, etc. But
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Dolly Patton had the ability to take a stand, use her voice. Be
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authentic. Be genuine. Be who she was. To give a shit. To be
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passionate about things. To let her enthusiasm show. Right? She
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wasn't neutral. She wasn't quiet. She was a person. I mean,
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take a look at Dolly.
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I mean, Dolly always has talked about and joked about the way
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that she appeared. You know, even the thing about like dumb
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blonde jokes, she would say, "Oh, dumb blonde jokes don't
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bother me because a, I know I'm not dumb, and b, I know I'm not
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blonde, right? I just thought it was like everything about Dolly.
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She just had this really incredible way, and even though
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she was incredibly public, right, she was out there. All
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the time, she had this whole other part of her life and
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herself. Like a lot of people don't even know that she was
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married, that she had a husband, Kyle, and she was with Kyle for
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like 60 years. Like they had this incredible love story, you
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know. But I love this idea of the courage to be loved by being
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fully yourself, I mean it's an extraordinary thing what she was
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able, and I don't even want to say to pull off because it's not
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like I think that she was trying. I think what she did is
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she just really trusted in who she was, and she was a woman of
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faith, right? So she believed in God. She talked about church on
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Sunday. She talked about you know she used the word God
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unabashedly, and it's a beautiful thing to to to see the
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way though that she represented her faith through her acts and
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through what she did. That she was actually a woman who kind of
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followed up on that, if you want to call it. I I'm not I'm not
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sure like I don't know if Dolly would call herself a Christian
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or whatever, but Dolly certainly lived I would say like on this
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path of love where she loved all kinds of people, and by doing
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that she also had the courage to be loved, and so here's here's
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the thing I want I'm going to show you this. So, I saw this
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online. I thought it was so fantastic. So, at UMass Lowell
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in April 2026, they did a poll about popularity and who's liked
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and stuff like that. Okay, and so I'll just hold this up for
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you, like really quickly, so you can see it. Just you can see
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what it looks like. For those of you who are listening, this is
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like a little graph, and it's got a line down the middle, and
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on the left side is the don't like, and on the right side is
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the like, right? So the little lines will dictate, right, if
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you're a positive or a negative. So Barack Obama on the like
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side, if you're thinking about from zero to 100, right? He's
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like a plus 14. Like people like like Barack Obama, like plus 14.
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Taylor Swift is like a plus three. Now I'm just reading
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what's on the paper. Don't get your panties in a bunch, right?
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If you're like Taylor should have more, or so and so should
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have less, right? Donald Trump negative 18. Okay, Dolly Parton
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was a plus 65, a plus 65. That is like a crazy high number, and
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I'm showing you this, and I'm telling you this because it just
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goes to prove this is a person who, again, she wasn't a
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wallflower. She wasn't like soup of vanilla. She wasn't trying to
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get quote unquote everybody to like her. She just showed up in
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the world and said what she thought, shared what she
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believed, and she wasn't a pushover. I mean, I use the word
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broad in a very positive term to me. This was like a ballsy
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broad. Like she said what she thought, and she wasn't there to
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tiptoe around a thing if she really believed it, you know.
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And a couple of examples. So back in the day when she was
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being she was being interviewed by Billboard magazine, and they
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were talking to her about the protest movements, about this
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push also for racial justice. And I'm sure you've heard this
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quote. And if you hadn't, like, listen to this. It was so
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fantastic. Dolly says, "I understand when she's talking
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about the protest movement and racial justice. She says, "I
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understand people having to make themselves known and felt and
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seen. And she says, and of course, Black Lives Matter. Do
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we think our little white asses are the only ones that matter?
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No. Now, when you think about, first of all, how fantastic.
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But when you think about her genre of music, and how it's
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traditionally associated, right these days. When you think about
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like country music and all this stuff, you can imagine, right?
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Like, let's be honest with ourselves. You can imagine that
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there's a bunch of white people, a bunch of white people who love
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their, you know, their country music, who might disagree like
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with that statement, and yet she remains beloved. Dolly did so
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many things. We already know about the Imagination Library,
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right? So her her daddy couldn't read or write, and so she
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created the Imagination Library in 1995 as like an in honor for
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him, like right as a as a way to like you know honor him, and
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this is one of the things that she stood for, right? Dolly
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stood for things like medical research. She stood for things
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like education and literacy. She stood. She would do things for
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emergency relief, but her imagination library over 300
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million books. So people who sign up for the imagination.
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Library, their kids from ages like zero to five, they get sent
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books all throughout that time. So over, like I think the number
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is like 40, like 43 million kids have gotten over 335 million
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books, and what an incredible thing to want to empower people
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to be able to be literate, to be able to read and write, to be
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able to see themselves represented in stories. Do you
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know what a powerful thing it is for kids to get books with their
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names on it? It comes in the mail. Oh my God! Like you can
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tell if you're watching this, you can see my face right now.
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I'm like, oh! I get so wicked excited. I just think it's such
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a beautiful thing, right? She donated to vaccine research,
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right? When COVID came out again, could be totally
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unpopular depending on who you're talking to, right? She's
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donated to to Tennessee wildfires. She has helped ban
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like kids in high school with with scholarships. She's helped
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put kids in high school music in their band uniforms. She's
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invested so many of the royalties. You know, she wrote
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that famous song "I Will Always Love You" that Whitney Houston
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made. You know, Wicked famous, but Dolly wrote it, and she
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wrote it for an old, an old let's call it work colleague.
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And those royalties, she invested in a historic black
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neighborhood in in Nashville. She's created. She has an
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American Eagle Sanctuary. You guys, like, come on! You know,
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Dolly did not shy away from politics, people, programs, and
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she did it all by being authentically her. Now you might
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be like, "Who gives a shit? I don't care about Dolly. Well,
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you don't have to keep listening. Number one is you
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could always tune out right now. You could just like leave. But
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listen to this. This is a really great example for us because I
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think so many people these days really feel like they have to be
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something other than themselves, especially in the age of the
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internet and the online culture and social media. And so many
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people are afraid to be themselves because they think
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I'll be misunderstood. People won't like me. People will, you
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know, like hate me. People will say mean things. All these
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things, which is yeah, possibly true, right? But here's the
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thing. You know how when people go on a first date, or when
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they're just you know starting a new job, or they're starting
12:34
something new, whether it's a friendship, a romantic
12:36
relationship, a gig, whatever it is, and a lot of times people
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show up and they're on their quote unquote best behavior,
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right? They try to quote unquote put their best foot forward.
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They try to show up and appear a particular way. And I have
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always-I don't know, should I say-always for a wicked long
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time. I think I feel comfortable saying that. For a wicked long
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time, I have come to the place in myself, and maybe it's an age
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thing, whatever. But I would rather be disliked for being
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myself than putting on some airs or putting on some performance
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and having people think I'm the bee's knees when I'm really just
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acting.
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And number two, I would rather be loved for fully being myself
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than having people fall in love with some made-up version of me,
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some performance of me, some bullshit thing that I'm doing,
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whether it's to fool people or to please people or to impress
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people. If somebody's going to love me, I want them to love me
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because they know me. They've been around me. They've seen me
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in action. You know what I mean? They've seen me. And look, none
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of us are perfect. We are gonna blow it. We are gonna suck
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sometimes. And you sometimes you gotta let people suck, right?
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Because this is how we learn and grow, and we make mistakes.
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Okay, but I would rather be loved for the things that I
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stand for, the things that I believe, how I am in the world,
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who I help, like what I do, right? Who I am and how I
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be-that is what I would rather be loved for than some idealized
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version or some performance, or me trying to circusalay myself
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into some palatable thing, you know. And I have another episode
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coming out that it kind of jumps off of this concept, which is
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like this whole idea of niching. And I'm not going to get into
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that right now. But the thing I really want to say to you is, I
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wanted this is like a little love letter from my heart to
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yours to really encourage you, to encourage you, to have the
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courage to be loved by because you are fully being yourself,
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and the thing is, is that in order to do that, in order. To
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be loved, we have to be willing to be vulnerable enough to be
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seen and to be heard and to take a stand and to live by our code
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and to let people see that shit in action. You know what I'm
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saying? Rather than trying to be, like I said, some other
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vanilla, palatable like virgin that people can easily just
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swallow, like just like, oh yeah, she she goes down easy. Do
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you know what I mean? Like she's just easy to take. She doesn't
15:30
ruffle any feathers. She never says anything. She's just very
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Switzerland. She's very neutral, right? Like that's just not how
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I am. And I know that I have. I'm not everybody's cup of tea,
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and I can already probably think off the top of my head at least
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three or four people who don't care for me at all. It's not
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hard. It's not hard, but that's okay. You know that's okay. I
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mean I've made choices in the past. I didn't always you know
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make the best. Oh God, I'm rubbing my face right now didn't
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always make maybe some of the best choices or decisions, but
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you know, back then, back then I was, you know, I I've forgiven
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myself. I've forgiven myself. You know, when I think about the
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word regret, and we've talked about this before. You know,
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I've done a whole podcast on regret, and this this quote that
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I love that said, you know, regrets. Regret is paying too
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much attention to the mistakes you made while you were still
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learning, and that's how I feel. Right there are times in my
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life, of course, I can look back on and say, "Jesus, man, I wish
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I had done that differently, or said that differently, or made a
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different choice, or was kinder or more compassionate. But you
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know you can't build a better pass, as they say in a lot of
16:43
recovery programs or 12 step programs. So here's where we
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are, you guys. How do you feel about this? Inquiring minds
16:50
would want to know, but you know, yeah, I think it's
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important. I'll hold up the book again. I think it's important to
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have the courage to be disliked, but I think even more so have
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the courage to be loved, you know, be who you are. I mean, of
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course, of course. I'm always like use your noggin, like don't
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just be prattling off things to be, don't be cruel or unkind on
17:13
purpose, right? But sometimes we're going to say some things
17:16
that are unpopular or people don't agree with, and that's
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fine. I would rather be known for who I am. I don't think that
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I'm a hard person to know.
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In that I'm pretty transparent about what I think and what I
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feel and what I believe. And if you don't know, you can always
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ask me. You know what I mean. And obviously, if it's
17:31
appropriate, I'll share it with you. Meaning, it might not
17:34
always be the right time or place. But I, again, I I would
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rather be loved for who I'm being for who I really am, and
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if some people don't like me because of that, I'm really okay
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with it. The older that I get, of course, of course, we all
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like people to like us. The ego loves that stroke, right? The
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ego loves that sense of, and the nervous system too. That nervous
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system loves that sense of safety. But I'd rather people,
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you know, care for me or appreciate me, or you know, come
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to my yoga classes or join the nest or come to Write Club or
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get a Thai yoga massage from me, you know, because they know me,
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not because they got some idea or illusion of who I think they
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are. And and so if you're still here and you're still listening
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right now, thank you for liking me enough to stick around.
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You're still here, hearing the sound of my voice, and I hope
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that you can take away something from this episode and from you
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know Dolly's example is that you know again she wasn't quiet. She
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wasn't neutral. She she had a say in things, and she had a lot
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to say, and she had plenty to say, and she didn't shy away
18:47
from it. You know, I mean, you could just Google. I was like,
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oh man, I could just read off a list of like some of her
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greatest quotes, and she's pretty fantastic, and she's
18:57
pretty direct, and she said and did a lot of things that could
19:00
have been wicked unpopular, and yet here she is. I'm holding it
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up again, plus 65. She's like universally loved, which is a
19:08
pretty incredible thing. So you know, may we all may we all get
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to be loved. Like what a gift that would be to get to be loved
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for being exactly who we are. And then let people decide, man.
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Let people decide if the if you are for them or not for them.
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That's that's their business. That's up to them. And you're
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certainly not going to be every, as they say, you're not going to
19:28
be everybody's cup of tea. You're not going to float
19:31
everybody's boat. But wouldn't life be boring if you did?
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Right. We need a little bit of that. We need a little bit. We
19:39
need a lot of variety, man. We need a little variety. So, so
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thank you for sticking around, you guys. I hope this was
19:45
helpful in some way. And if you're grieving this loss like I
19:49
am, man, ah, I feel you. I feel you on such a deep level. You
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know, one of the things that I've been commenting on people
19:57
who have been posting about it is, you know, she was the best
19:59
of us. You know, she really showed us. She was a living
20:02
example. She's, you know, definitely going to be on my
20:06
spiritual team, and she's always been there. You know, but I have
20:11
such a deeper. I think because of revisiting and really kind of
20:15
diving into and remembering all the things that she's done. I
20:18
watched. I've watched a few interviews and stuff of her, and
20:22
I share them with my sweetie, and and you know he said he's
20:24
like wow I I didn't know there's so much about her I didn't know
20:27
and I said yeah she's something else she was a little
20:29
firecracker man she was a firecracker and I just love her
20:33
spirit and I love what she stood for and I love the things that
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she stood for I love that she put books in the hands of so
20:39
many kids and you know, said and did things that were unpopular
20:44
and could have made a lot of people mad, and that's okay. You
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know, Dolly went out doing Dolly, and you know, she even
20:50
wrote a book and also did put something.
20:53
I think it was on Broadway, and one of the things she said that
20:55
I really appreciated, and then I'll wrap this up, is she was
20:59
talking about how you know over the course of her life of 80
21:02
years, you know people are going to have a lot of things to say
21:04
about her, and she's like, but I wanted to, I wanted to put my
21:09
story in my words. I wanted to tell my story myself and do it
21:14
in my own way and in my own words, and I just love that
21:18
about her. That she, even though you know we lost her, she's left
21:22
behind. She has left behind a legacy, and she did it her way.
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You know, let's talk about you know I did it my way. That old
21:29
song, right? She did it her way, and she helped so many people.
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She helped so many animals. She helped so many humans. It's a
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beautiful example that she has set for us. So, you guys, thanks
21:46
for tuning in. Again, as usual, if you want to find out anything
21:49
that I have going on this month, I have Write Club coming up in
21:52
September. I have some workshops with my friend Emily Aborn about
21:56
starting a podcast, how to be a better guest and host of a
21:59
podcast, etc. I have my yoga class, of course, which is but
22:04
it's sold out. But I'm always open for Thai yoga massage, Thai
22:09
yoga body work clients, and I always have shenanigans going
22:14
on. You can find all that stuff at KarenKenney.com. Just look up
22:17
in the header, go right across. You'll see all the stuff right
22:20
there, coaching, mentoring, the nest, all of it. Okay, wherever
22:25
you go, may you leave the animals and the other humans and
22:30
yourself and the planet and the environment better than how you
22:35
found it. Wherever you go, may you a have the courage to be
22:40
loved by being fully yourself, but may your presence, may your
22:45
energy, may your love, may you just be in there, right with the
22:50
people, with the animals, with the environment. May you being
22:54
there be a blessing. Bye.