Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #798 When the Going Gets Tough

Transcript

#798 When the Going Gets Tough · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families Podcast. It's the podcast for the
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  Speaker 1: time poor parent who just once answers now.
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  Speaker 2: Hello.
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  Speaker 1: This is doctor Justin Colton, the founder of Happy Families
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  Speaker 1: dot com dot you, the parenting expert, co host on
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  Speaker 1: channel Lines hit TV show Parental Guidance, and the author
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  Speaker 1: of the brand new book The Parenting Revolution, which is
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  Speaker 1: revolutionizing families around Australia and soon around the world. Release
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  Speaker 1: for the US and the UK coming up in the
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  Speaker 1: next couple of months. Every Wednesday on the Happy Families Podcast,
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  Speaker 1: I have a conversation with somebody doing great things to
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  Speaker 1: help families to thrive to be happier. Today is no different.
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  Speaker 1: Today I'm having a chat with Brad Morgan. Brad is
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  Speaker 1: the director of Emerging Minds. Emerging Minds as a national
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  Speaker 1: organization that provides resources for children's mental health. You can
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  Speaker 1: find them at Emergingminds dot com. You Brad, first thing
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  Speaker 1: I want to start off with in this conversation is
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  Speaker 1: mental health. Just generally, I mean, people use this word,
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  Speaker 1: this term in all kinds of different ways. You're a
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  Speaker 1: resource for parents of all all stripes when it comes
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  Speaker 1: to their kids and their mental health. What do you
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  Speaker 1: mean by mental health a good point.
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  Speaker 2: I think what we mean by mental health is we
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  Speaker 2: view mental health those emotional or relational skills and capability
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  Speaker 2: that all people have that help them to function in
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  Speaker 2: their everyday lives. And quite often know that you raise
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  Speaker 2: there that it does get misused a lot to describe
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  Speaker 2: quite frequently what we would describe as mental health conditions
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  Speaker 2: or mental health disorders, all those sorts of things. So
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  Speaker 2: when we talk about mental health, we think about the
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  Speaker 2: full spectrum of human emotion and how good and functional
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  Speaker 2: it is to have different feelings and they do or
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  Speaker 2: play a really important role in everyone's lives. But the kids,
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  Speaker 2: they're really important to supporting them as they grow and develop.
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  Speaker 1: Great. So, Brad, I think that the work is really important,
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  Speaker 1: and it's quite complementary to the work that I do.
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  Speaker 1: You touch on a whole lot of things that I
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  Speaker 1: tend not to just because our audience lets us know
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  Speaker 1: what they need. But there's a whole bunch of stuff
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  Speaker 1: that I could delve into, except there are people like
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  Speaker 1: you who do it so well. For parents who are
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  Speaker 1: listening to this Emerging Minds mental health, I want my
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  Speaker 1: children to be resilient and flourishing. Why would they find
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  Speaker 1: Emerging minds dot com dot are you useful well.
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  Speaker 2: I focus is really on supporting families when they're experiencing
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  Speaker 2: obstacles to parenting and perhaps in the way they want to,
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  Speaker 2: or are experiencing some big issues that they know maybe
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  Speaker 2: having an impact on their children and their every day lives.
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  Speaker 2: So we're really there to help families when they might
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  Speaker 2: be going through some really long term issues, such as
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  Speaker 2: when a parent might be struggling with mental health issues
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  Speaker 2: and that tends to keep going for a long time
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  Speaker 2: just by the nature of them. When families might be
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  Speaker 2: going through some really tricky situations in relationships with each
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  Speaker 2: other or between partners, or there might be other issues
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  Speaker 2: such as sort of ongoing physical health concerns where you know,
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  Speaker 2: we will have to wrap around the parent or the
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  Speaker 2: sibling or a child in the family who might be
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  Speaker 2: going through some pretty tricky stuff as well. So our
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  Speaker 2: work's really on helping families navigate through those tricky situations
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  Speaker 2: that really just overwhelm them in a lot of circumstances.
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  Speaker 1: So this is the podcast for the time poor parent
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  Speaker 1: who just wants answers. Now, let's assume that there's a
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  Speaker 1: reasonable portion of families who are listening to this conversation
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  Speaker 1: and they are going through some tricky times. Resilience is waning,
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  Speaker 1: Times are tough. Maybe it's some financial challenge. I mean,
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  Speaker 1: it's getting harder and harder to pull through, especially colder weather.
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  Speaker 1: Cost of electricity and heating, food prices are high, Petrol
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  Speaker 1: prices are high, cost of living, mortgages, rent through the roof.
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  Speaker 1: I mean, it's really it's tough. Many of the families
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  Speaker 1: that are struggling, and probably listening to this podcast, they're
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  Speaker 1: not just struggling financially, but also, as you said, with
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  Speaker 1: mental health challenges or maybe there's some alcohol abuse. I
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  Speaker 1: had to chat with a dad just the other day
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  Speaker 1: who went overseas to get away from life. His family
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  Speaker 1: is not in a good way at all. But he
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  Speaker 1: found that while he was overseas his alcohol problems because
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  Speaker 1: he didn't have the same structures in place over there
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  Speaker 1: that he had right here that could help him. So,
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  Speaker 1: when you're talking to families who are going through these
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  Speaker 1: challenges financial, drug related, mental health issues, what are the answers,
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  Speaker 1: What are the things that they can do? If you
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  Speaker 1: were to give me maybe your top three, and obviously
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  Speaker 1: every context changes, but what are the most important things
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  Speaker 1: that you think families need to be equipped with to
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  Speaker 1: get through these times?
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  Speaker 2: You know, I think something we really focus on is
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  Speaker 2: family developing a dead understanding of what the issue is
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  Speaker 2: that they're experiencing and actually having an open way of
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  Speaker 2: communicating about that. So, for example, we know, you know,
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  Speaker 2: many parents struggle with depression. For example, what that means is,
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  Speaker 2: you know, it slightly varies for every person experiences it,
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  Speaker 2: but some of the things they might experience it is
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  Speaker 2: quite a lot of tiredness, They might add a short
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  Speaker 2: few so the anger might be more abrupt at times.
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  Speaker 2: And what we really encourage is for families to have
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  Speaker 2: some communication about what that means for everyone in the family.
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  Speaker 2: So for kids in particular, what do they notice about that?
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  Speaker 2: So I've noticed that's not getting out of bed that
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  Speaker 2: much these days, or it seems to we really cross
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  Speaker 2: every time I do something really small one that wasn't
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  Speaker 2: like that in the past. And what you're seeking to
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  Speaker 2: do in that space is for parents to feel confident
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  Speaker 2: to actually explain to their children what might be going
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  Speaker 2: on for them. That there's a language that they have,
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  Speaker 2: but we really don't encourage it to be one conversation.
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  Speaker 2: That's sort of this idea of how do you help
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  Speaker 2: families make meaning of these situations over time, and by
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  Speaker 2: creating a space for that to happen, what we find
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  Speaker 2: is that it actually helps children children make sense of
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  Speaker 2: that because quite often children often blame themselves or feel
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  Speaker 2: like they're responsible for causing those issues that others experience
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  Speaker 2: in the family, but sometimes also think they're responsible for
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  Speaker 2: fixing them, so they might change the way they relate
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  Speaker 2: to their parents or other family members if that's an issue.
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  Speaker 2: So helping them make sense that making sense together, I
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  Speaker 2: guess it's a team is something that's really important in
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  Speaker 2: that area as well.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, I love that, it's practical, so important. The other
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  Speaker 1: thing is, Brad, it's so hard, right, I mean, if
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  Speaker 1: you're dealing with depression, you're feeling all the stress and
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  Speaker 1: all the horrible stuff. How hard is it to sit
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  Speaker 1: down and say to the kids, we've got to get
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  Speaker 1: clear on what's actually going on here. And yet that's
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  Speaker 1: exactly what's needed. I mean, I love it, and yet
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  Speaker 1: I'm struggling with it. But you're so right having the
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  Speaker 1: conversation it requires the adults to be the adults.
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  Speaker 2: And in circumstances where maybe you can't feel like you're
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  Speaker 2: you can have that conversation with kids is knowing things
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  Speaker 2: like depression exists for quite some time, and there's periods
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  Speaker 2: of wellness where you become a bit better, and then
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  Speaker 2: you have periods of quite being unwell again. We really
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  Speaker 2: encourage you having conversations some of those key other adults
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  Speaker 2: in your children's lives as well and you trust as well,
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  Speaker 2: but to help them actually shape up the story for
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  Speaker 2: children as well. So it might be you know, a
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  Speaker 2: grand parent or a partner, or it might be an
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  Speaker 2: auntie that you go Actually when this is happening, I
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  Speaker 2: do find it hard to talk to my kids about this.
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  Speaker 2: But here's some things that would be messages that would
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  Speaker 2: be great for you to share with our children if
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  Speaker 2: you come in contact with them, just to help them
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  Speaker 2: make sense so they're not feeling like they're responsible for
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  Speaker 2: this as well.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's a powerful idea, creating the village, bringing in
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  Speaker 1: those additional adult resources that are potentially going to hold
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  Speaker 1: the thought together while part of it is crumbling underneath.
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  Speaker 2: And I guess the other bit we really encourage within
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  Speaker 2: families is actually to recognize the strength that they do have.
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  Speaker 2: I think quite often there's a lot of stigma and
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  Speaker 2: shame that sits in families when they're experiencing these challenges,
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  Speaker 2: and that in itself can actually be a barrier to
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  Speaker 2: communicating about that and navigating that together. So hence that
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  Speaker 2: open communication is something that's really important. But the other
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  Speaker 2: thing that communication can help is it provides permission to
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  Speaker 2: navigate and problem solve together. So it's not just talking
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  Speaker 2: about what the problem is, but it's also actually having
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  Speaker 2: a way to connect and go, oh, well, we can't
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  Speaker 2: get that done today. How else are we going to
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  Speaker 2: get that done? And it might not be the parent
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  Speaker 2: that's done well, that's navigating that. It might be the
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  Speaker 2: other soundly members, But it just helped to create a
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  Speaker 2: gets the space and navigating and problem solving. And as
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  Speaker 2: I said, humans are very relational in the way we
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  Speaker 2: navigate our situations, and those skills and feelings that we
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  Speaker 2: have can help us navigate some of these pretty tricky situations.
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  Speaker 1: Really appreciate the practical advice that you're sharing. Brad Morgan
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  Speaker 1: is the director of Merging Minds. You can find them
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  Speaker 1: at mergingminds dot com dot au. Right now, having a
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  Speaker 1: look at the website, Practical strategies for childhood bullying and
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  Speaker 1: helping your kids through that, how to engage the well
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  Speaker 1: being of the whole child. There's also a couple of
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  Speaker 1: things that caught my mind that I thought were really
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  Speaker 1: valuable here in terms of guiding principles for child mental health,
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  Speaker 1: the importance of cultural and spiritual identity, trauma informed ideas
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  Speaker 1: to help prevention and early intervention, really understanding relationships, strengths, vulnerabilities, resilience.
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  Speaker 1: There's resources for practitioners, there's resources for families, there's resources,
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  Speaker 1: resources for researchers, and even organizations really really great to
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  Speaker 1: talk to you about this. And Brad, like I said,
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  Speaker 1: I wanted you to be here on the Happy Families
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  Speaker 1: podcast because you've got resources that we at Happy Families
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  Speaker 1: just haven't had the capacity to develop and create, and
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  Speaker 1: you're doing great things. I've actually just clicked on a
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  Speaker 1: one more page here, the Family's page itself, and I
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  Speaker 1: love what you've got here. A resources for parents with
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  Speaker 1: mental illness, resources for families going through natural disasters, anxiety,
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  Speaker 1: supporting your babies well being. I mean, this stuff is
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  Speaker 1: it's the everyday things that parents struggle with when resilience
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  Speaker 1: is at stake, so really appreciate the conversation. Is there
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  Speaker 1: anything that you want parents to know about that we
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  Speaker 1: haven't covered off as we've chatted about Emerging Minds dot
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  Speaker 1: com dot AU and the resources that you have for
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  Speaker 1: children's mental health, I.
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  Speaker 2: Think just to highlight all those different topics you said there,
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  Speaker 2: and our real goal is we've really learned from families
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  Speaker 2: going through some pretty tricky stuff alongside the professional really
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  Speaker 2: how they navigate through these really tricky times and the
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  Speaker 2: resources that they're really voice of parents in many circumstances
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  Speaker 2: actually helping those that have been there, how they've navigated
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  Speaker 2: and what they've learned through that that they like to
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  Speaker 2: share with other families. So yes, definitely have a look
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  Speaker 2: at those resources and see what might be useful for
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  Speaker 2: your family, and to say there's always more coming because
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  Speaker 2: there's always new things and new challenges that families are facing.
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  Speaker 1: Okay, Emerging Minds dot com dot you. Brad Morgan is
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  Speaker 1: the director of Emerging Minds. Thanks for joining me on
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  Speaker 1: the Happy.
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  Speaker 2: Family Podcast, No Worries, Thank you for having me.
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  Speaker 1: The Happy Families podcast is produced by Justin Ruland from
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: Bridge Media. Craig Bruce is our executive producer, and more
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  Speaker 1: information about making your family stronger, happier, more resilient. Obviously,
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  Speaker 1: there's all the resources at Happy Families dot com dot you,
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  Speaker 1: but it's definitely worth having a look at the great
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  Speaker 1: work that is happening at Emerging Minds dot com dot
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  Speaker 1: au as well