Latest / ok storytime / I PROVED my independence to my family... now they expect me to take care of them! -r/BestofRedditorUpdates | Reddit Stories | EP3121

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I PROVED my independence to my family... now they expect me to take care of them! -r/BestofRedditorUpdates | Reddit Stories | EP3121 · ok storytime

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Hey, this is Dakota.
• 0:01
  Speaker 2: And this is Riley, your favorite OK Storytime host. And
• 0:04
  Speaker 2: we got some great stories coming up.
• 0:05
  Speaker 3: But before that, we have a quick two-minute break from
• 0:07
  Speaker 3: the sponsors that keep this show alive. I proved my
• 0:11
  Speaker 3: independence to my family. Now they expect me to take
• 0:14
  Speaker 3: care of them.
• 0:15
  Speaker 4: Sounds like you need a new independence day.
• 0:18
  Speaker 3: I'm 27 female, and I have an older sister who's
• 0:21
  Speaker 3: 35 female. Growing up, my parents were always very big
• 0:23
  Speaker 3: on independence and responsibility. They made it clear that once
• 0:27
  Speaker 3: we became adults, we were expected to handle our own lives,
• 0:31
  Speaker 3: and I really.
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: Took that to heart.
• 0:33
  Speaker 3: I worked through college, lived with roommates to keep my
• 0:36
  Speaker 3: expenses down, and built everything for myself step by step
• 0:40
  Speaker 3: without asking them for help. It wasn't always easy, but
• 0:43
  Speaker 3: I'm genuinely proud of where I've ended up. I have
• 0:46
  Speaker 3: a stable career now, I'm in a good relationship, and
• 0:48
  Speaker 3: for the first time in a long time, my life
• 0:51
  Speaker 3: feels steady. My sister's path has been very different. She
• 0:55
  Speaker 3: has never really been able to get fully settled. She
• 0:57
  Speaker 3: has tried a few different jobs over the years, but
• 0:59
  Speaker 3: nothing has really stuck. There always seems to be some
• 1:02
  Speaker 3: new issue or some reason it doesn't work out.
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: My parents have stepped.
• 1:05
  Speaker 3: In over and over again, helping her with rent, paying
• 1:08
  Speaker 3: bills when she gets behind, and giving her money to
• 1:11
  Speaker 3: help her make it through the month. For a long time,
• 1:13
  Speaker 3: I told myself it wasn't worth keeping score. I figured
• 1:16
  Speaker 3: maybe that was just how families were supposed.
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: To work, helping the person. Who needed it more?
• 1:21
  Speaker 3: A few days ago, when we all got together this summer,
• 1:24
  Speaker 3: they brought up something that really threw me off. And
• 1:26
  Speaker 3: by the way, this story comes from I Like to
• 1:28
  Speaker 3: Play DMC. If you want to submit your own stories,
• 1:30
  Speaker 3: go to our subreddit.
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: I'm Dakota.
• 1:32
  Speaker 4: I'm Matt.
• 1:32
  Speaker 3: And we're going to read this story, and we're going
• 1:34
  Speaker 3: to have our thoughts. You get to have yours in
• 1:36
  Speaker 3: the comments. My parents asked to speak to both of
• 1:39
  Speaker 3: us about their future plans. They're getting older, and their
• 1:43
  Speaker 3: health hasn't been great, so they've started putting things in
• 1:46
  Speaker 3: order legally. During that conversation, they told us that most
• 1:50
  Speaker 3: of what they have, including the house and their savings,
• 1:53
  Speaker 3: will go to my sister. Their reasoning was that she
• 1:57
  Speaker 3: won't be able to manage on her own without that support.
• 2:00
  Speaker 3: And then almost immediately after saying that, they told me
• 2:02
  Speaker 3: they want me to be the one handling everything else.
• 2:05
  Speaker 3: Medical decisions, finances, paperwork, basically making sure everything is taken
• 2:09
  Speaker 3: care of if something happens to them. This is like
• 2:11
  Speaker 3: the classic case of like you overperform at your job
• 2:14
  Speaker 3: and then you don't get compensated for it.
• 2:16
  Speaker 4: This is why like unless you're getting compensated or like
• 2:19
  Speaker 4: you have a personal stake in the company, sometimes it
• 2:22
  Speaker 4: is best just to do what is asked and no more.
• 2:25
  Speaker 4: If you do go out of your way to perform better,
• 2:28
  Speaker 4: it becomes the norm. And then when you ask, like
• 2:31
  Speaker 4: you bring up the fact that you're like, I'm performing more. Well,
• 2:34
  Speaker 4: that's just what you do in this job.
• 2:35
  Speaker 5: No, no, no, no.
• 2:35
  Speaker 4: That's me doing extra. But it's now a ding against
• 2:38
  Speaker 4: you because if Like, where is there to go above that?
• 2:40
  Speaker 4: And if you can't, then it's used against you. So like, yeah,
• 2:44
  Speaker 4: it's overperforming.
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: And it's quite a sticky situation.
• 2:47
  Speaker 3: I don't think I've ever felt that kind of quiet
• 2:50
  Speaker 3: resentment before. It wasn't even really about the money. It
• 2:54
  Speaker 3: was more the feeling that I've spent my whole adult
• 2:57
  Speaker 3: life proving I can stand on my own. And somehow
• 2:59
  Speaker 3: that has turned into me being expected to carry everyone
• 3:03
  Speaker 3: else too. I tried to explain how hurtful that felt,
• 3:06
  Speaker 3: but they kept telling me, I should be more understanding.
• 3:09
  Speaker 3: Since then, something in me has shifted. I don't call
• 3:11
  Speaker 3: as often. I don't jump in to help the way
• 3:13
  Speaker 3: I used to. When my dad asked me to come
• 3:16
  Speaker 3: over and help sort through some documents last week, I
• 3:19
  Speaker 3: told him I couldn't and that maybe my sister should
• 3:21
  Speaker 3: start taking on some of that responsibility.
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: And that did not go over well.
• 3:25
  Speaker 3: My sister called me afterwards, sounding uncomfortable and apologizing, even
• 3:29
  Speaker 3: though none of this is really her fault. I told
• 3:32
  Speaker 3: her I wasn't angry at her. I was hurt by
• 3:34
  Speaker 3: the way our parents were. are treating us differently. Now
• 3:38
  Speaker 3: everything feels tense and every interaction feels careful and strained.
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: I feel guilty abandoning them, but it's unfair.
• 3:44
  Speaker 3: I take all of the responsibility while my sister gets
• 3:47
  Speaker 3: all the support.
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: Am I overreacting? And there is an update.
• 3:51
  Speaker 3: I mean, I know, I think you've done this perfectly
• 3:53
  Speaker 3: in a way. Like, I think you've made it clear
• 3:56
  Speaker 3: to your sister that it's.
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: Not her fault. You know, it's your parents.
• 3:59
  Speaker 4: And it's also like, you didn't ask or agree to
• 4:02
  Speaker 4: do any of this extra work for your parents, especially...
• 4:05
  Speaker 4: when your sister's getting all of the benefit of it
• 4:08
  Speaker 4: and none of like the care and support and the
• 4:11
  Speaker 4: financial help and any of that stuff that would be
• 4:13
  Speaker 4: left over after the parents pass on. So it's like,
• 4:16
  Speaker 4: how do you expect the sister to respond like that?
• 4:19
  Speaker 4: I'm wondering if there is like a cultural element to this,
• 4:23
  Speaker 4: like there is for so many family dynamics.
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: The eldest child, you know, could be, could be.
• 4:29
  Speaker 4: Or that it's just like expected that you do things
• 4:32
  Speaker 4: for family without, being asked or without like expecting something
• 4:36
  Speaker 4: in return right.
• 4:37
  Speaker 3: It's like well of course you're gonna have to take
• 4:39
  Speaker 3: care of all this stuff and also all of our
• 4:42
  Speaker 3: money and assets are going right to your older sister
• 4:44
  Speaker 3: because she can't take care of herself I don't think
• 4:46
  Speaker 3: that also is gonna change her station like She's not
• 4:49
  Speaker 3: really going to be able to take care of herself
• 4:50
  Speaker 3: even if she has all that money.
• 4:52
  Speaker 4: It's enabling. It's postponing the inevitable crash of the older sister.
• 4:55
  Speaker 4: Or the firstborn, yeah.
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I guess it's.
• 4:58
  Speaker 3: Like, you know, just so they can be like, well,
• 4:59
  Speaker 3: we did everything we could.
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: But we have an update.
• 5:01
  Speaker 3: After reading through all the advice and messages, I realized
• 5:04
  Speaker 3: the sooner I stepped back from this situation, the better
• 5:06
  Speaker 3: it would be for me. I called my parents today
• 5:09
  Speaker 3: and tried to explain how I felt, and part of
• 5:11
  Speaker 3: me still hoped they might understand, even though I knew
• 5:14
  Speaker 3: they probably wouldn't. I gave specific examples how I've supported
• 5:18
  Speaker 3: myself since college and never asked them for financial help
• 5:21
  Speaker 3: while they've consistently stepped in for my sister when she struggled.
• 5:24
  Speaker 3: I brought up the estate conversation, too, and it hurt
• 5:27
  Speaker 3: to hear that most of what they have will.
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: Go to her because she needs it more.
• 5:32
  Speaker 3: While I'm expected to take on all the responsibility and
• 5:35
  Speaker 3: medical decisions and finances and paperwork when things get difficult.
• 5:38
  Speaker 3: It made me feel like my role in the family
• 5:40
  Speaker 3: is based on what I can handle, not how I'm
• 5:43
  Speaker 3: valued as their child.
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: They didn't really let me finish.
• 5:45
  Speaker 3: They kept interrupting and repeating that I'm independent and capable
• 5:49
  Speaker 3: and that my sister isn't, so this is just how
• 5:51
  Speaker 3: it has to be.
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: When I said it still felt unfair.
• 5:54
  Speaker 3: They got defensive and told me not to expect anything
• 5:56
  Speaker 3: from them.
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: You can't threaten something that you've already done.
• 6:00
  Speaker 3: It's like, yeah, you told me I'm getting nothing except
• 6:02
  Speaker 3: the responsibility of taking care of all of your estate-based decisions.
• 6:07
  Speaker 3: when you're incapable of doing it. It's like, don't do
• 6:10
  Speaker 3: that or I'll fire you. I'm already been fired. I'm
• 6:12
  Speaker 3: literally packing up my office. If anything, you should be
• 6:15
  Speaker 3: getting all the money. And as you go, you need
• 6:16
  Speaker 3: to take care of your sister. And it's like, yeah,
• 6:18
  Speaker 3: I will.
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Giving her all of the money is not going
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: to help her. If like they split the.
• 6:23
  Speaker 4: Money and they just told the OP, they're like, Hey,
• 6:26
  Speaker 4: You need to manage this so that your sister gets
• 6:29
  Speaker 4: what is necessary and is able to survive and you
• 6:31
  Speaker 4: need to help her out. That makes sense.
• 6:33
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 6:34
  Speaker 4: Like you still have the responsibility, but you're getting part
• 6:36
  Speaker 4: of it. It's not, you're not being expected to do
• 6:38
  Speaker 4: it for nothing and you're not being used exclusively.
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: The price of success. You're so successful, you get nothing
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: and you have to help us with everything.
• 6:46
  Speaker 3: At one point, they even said that if I truly cared,
• 6:50
  Speaker 3: I should be helping more with my mom's care.
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: And that was the point where something clicked for me.
• 6:54
  Speaker 3: Being capable- It doesn't mean I don't have limits, and
• 6:58
  Speaker 3: it doesn't mean I should carry everything. I told them
• 7:01
  Speaker 3: I couldn't accept a situation where I'm excluded from support,
• 7:04
  Speaker 3: but I'm expected to.
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: Take on all of the responsibility.
• 7:07
  Speaker 3: I said they should completely remove me from their will
• 7:10
  Speaker 3: and any roles like executor or medical power of attorney.
• 7:13
  Speaker 3: I don't want anything from them, financially or otherwise.
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: I feel like that's the right move. You just flip
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: it back around.
• 7:19
  Speaker 3: You say, go ahead, just don't give me anything, but
• 7:22
  Speaker 3: also I'm giving you nothing.
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: How does it feel? Call the bluff.
• 7:26
  Speaker 3: See, you guys are capable adults. You guys provide for yourselves.
• 7:29
  Speaker 3: Who's to say you shouldn't be able to take care
• 7:30
  Speaker 3: of yourself in old age as well?
• 7:32
  Speaker 4: You've managed up to this point.
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: You don't need me.
• 7:35
  Speaker 6: I don't need you.
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: Maybe you can get my sister to help you. Also,
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: if the sister's getting all this, why is the sister,
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: if she feels bad, not helping? She's like, I'm incompetent.
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: I'm fully incompetent.
• 7:47
  Speaker 4: You know the concept of failing upward? This is like
• 7:50
  Speaker 4: succeeding downward.
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you succeeded downward. That's good.
• 7:55
  Speaker 3: I also told them that they should plan accordingly, whether
• 7:57
  Speaker 3: that means hiring help or making other arrangements, because I'm
• 8:00
  Speaker 3: no longer willing to take on that responsibility. The call
• 8:04
  Speaker 3: ended badly. There was a lot of yelling and crying,
• 8:06
  Speaker 3: and I eventually just hung up. But afterward, I felt
• 8:09
  Speaker 3: something I hadn't felt in a while. Relief, like a
• 8:12
  Speaker 3: weight I didn't even fully realize I was.
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: Carrying, is finally gone.
• 8:16
  Speaker 3: I have a good life, I have a supportive partner,
• 8:18
  Speaker 3: a stable home, and I am preparing to start my PhD.
• 8:22
  Speaker 7: Ooh!
• 8:24
  Speaker 4: Got a doctor in the house.
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: Doctor, PhD, parent-hating degree.
• 8:28
  Speaker 3: What, what?
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: That's what you got? No, I'm just kidding.
• 8:32
  Speaker 3: We're even talking about starting a family. For the first time,
• 8:34
  Speaker 3: I feel like I can focus on my own future
• 8:36
  Speaker 3: without this constant sense of obligation hanging over me.
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: I don't know what.
• 8:40
  Speaker 3: Happens next with my parents, and I'm sure things will
• 8:43
  Speaker 3: stay tense for a while, but for now, I feel
• 8:46
  Speaker 3: at peace with the boundary I set.
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: And that is the end of that story.
• 8:50
  Speaker 4: I feel like... This is a perfect encapsulation of like
• 8:54
  Speaker 4: the full phrase. I think we talked about it before
• 8:57
  Speaker 4: when I've been on here, right? There's that idea of
• 8:59
  Speaker 4: like blood is thicker than water. But that's not the
• 9:02
  Speaker 4: full quote. The full quote is the blood of the
• 9:04
  Speaker 4: covenant is thicker than the water of the womb, which
• 9:08
  Speaker 4: means that the people you choose to associate with and
• 9:12
  Speaker 4: the people that you want to build your life around,
• 9:15
  Speaker 4: like in this case, OP's partner are more close to
• 9:19
  Speaker 4: you and should be more important than the people you
• 9:21
  Speaker 4: are related to just because you are in the same family.
• 9:24
  Speaker 4: Like these people don't, aren't acting like a family to OP.
• 9:27
  Speaker 4: They're treating OP as like the help, not to demean
• 9:32
  Speaker 4: people who do labor, but there is the tendency for
• 9:34
  Speaker 4: people who hire labor to treat people badly. And that's
• 9:38
  Speaker 4: what they're doing here. They're essentially kind of trying to
• 9:40
  Speaker 4: hire out OP, even though they're their daughter and using
• 9:43
  Speaker 4: that familial relation to To not have to pay her
• 9:46
  Speaker 4: for her work and treating her badly because of it.
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you're like, whatever. You've got it all figured out.
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: You can just take care of us at the end
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: of our life and we won't leave you a single thing.
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: It'll all go to your sister. She needs it more
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: than you.
• 9:56
  Speaker 7: Look at her.
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: She's a mess. She can't help us. You're rewarded.
• 10:00
  Speaker 4: Just the knowledge of a job well done. Yeah.
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: And that's the end of this story. Let's head to
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: the next one.
• 10:06
  Speaker 3: My sister rejected my girlfriend as a bridesmaid, so I
• 10:09
  Speaker 3: demanded answers.
• 10:10
  Speaker 4: That's not how I remember the Bridesmaids movie.
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: I have a girlfriend, but the relationship is still new.
• 10:16
  Speaker 3: My girlfriend has a prominent scar across one of her
• 10:19
  Speaker 3: cheeks from a melanoma. To me, the scar makes no difference,
• 10:22
  Speaker 3: but she has good days and bad days about it.
• 10:24
  Speaker 3: My sister's getting married soon, and I'm not taking my girlfriend...
• 10:27
  Speaker 3: Because a wedding with hundreds of guests and family is
• 10:30
  Speaker 3: a lot of pressure for a brand new relationship. Plus,
• 10:32
  Speaker 3: I've already RSVP'd that I was going alone and bought
• 10:35
  Speaker 3: my plane ticket back home before we were even serious.
• 10:37
  Speaker 3: My sister took the time to look up my girlfriend's
• 10:39
  Speaker 3: work email and sent her an email saying she's sorry
• 10:42
  Speaker 3: she didn't make her a bridesmaid, but her scar would
• 10:45
  Speaker 3: make it not possible because of photogenics? First of all,
• 10:49
  Speaker 3: my sister chose her bridesmaids when she got engaged over
• 10:51
  Speaker 3: a year ago. Second of all, she didn't even know...
• 10:54
  Speaker 3: I had a new girlfriend until after the RSVPs were
• 10:56
  Speaker 3: due back. And number three, she and my girlfriend have
• 10:59
  Speaker 3: never had contact, and my girlfriend would have never thought
• 11:03
  Speaker 3: she should be a bridesmaid for someone she's never even met.
• 11:06
  Speaker 3: And by the way, this comes from Account Throwaway.
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: If you want to submit your own stories, go to
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: our subreddit. I'm Dakota.
• 11:11
  Speaker 7: I'm Matt.
• 11:12
  Speaker 3: We're going to read this story and have our thoughts.
• 11:14
  Speaker 3: You get to have yours in the comments. Just know
• 11:16
  Speaker 3: that we're not right about everything all the time. I
• 11:18
  Speaker 3: don't know what my sister was thinking, but I hate
• 11:22
  Speaker 3: that she was so hurtful to my girlfriend for no
• 11:24
  Speaker 3: reason at all.
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: She hasn't answered my calls or texts asking why. What
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: do you guys think?
• 11:30
  Speaker 3: And there is an update from three years, 10 months
• 11:33
  Speaker 3: and 15 days later.
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: I'm going to guess this guy's no contact with his sister.
• 11:37
  Speaker 4: I feel like he doesn't go to the wedding after this.
• 11:39
  Speaker 4: I'm just like, that's a wild way to interact with
• 11:43
  Speaker 4: someone you've never met. That is hypothetically going to be
• 11:47
  Speaker 4: part of your family at some point. yeah like you're
• 11:50
  Speaker 4: gonna be connected legally through marriage at some point ideally
• 11:55
  Speaker 4: if we with these people like that's the first thing
• 11:58
  Speaker 4: you say to somebody you're looking.
• 11:59
  Speaker 3: For a fight who hurt you yeah who are you
• 12:02
  Speaker 3: truly what is going on why do we need to
• 12:04
  Speaker 3: feel good points of tearing someone else down what's going
• 12:06
  Speaker 3: on so update a lot has happened since i posted
• 12:08
  Speaker 3: firstly i am attracted to the same To say that
• 12:12
  Speaker 3: my family was unhappy when I came out would be
• 12:15
  Speaker 3: a colossal understatement, and I haven't had contact with any
• 12:18
  Speaker 3: of them in three and a half years.
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: Katie and I are still friends.
• 12:22
  Speaker 3: She's actually one of the most important people in my life,
• 12:24
  Speaker 3: and even though we aren't together anymore, I'm still angry
• 12:27
  Speaker 3: about how my sister acted.
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: And how my family supported my sister? To this day,
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: I have no idea why my sister did what she did.
• 12:35
  Speaker 3: Not that it would have excused her behavior, but Katie
• 12:38
  Speaker 3: was the same race and culture and background as my family,
• 12:41
  Speaker 3: and I can't figure out why my sister was so
• 12:42
  Speaker 3: hostile to someone.
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: She had never met. I grew up in a relatively
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: strict Jewish household.
• 12:47
  Speaker 3: My family is very old school, conservative, traditional, and I
• 12:50
  Speaker 3: knew none of them would ever accept.
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: Me being J with a G.
• 12:54
  Speaker 3: But once I stopped being in denial about it, I
• 12:57
  Speaker 3: realized there was no way I could marry a woman
• 13:00
  Speaker 3: or keep pretending to be straight. After the falling out
• 13:02
  Speaker 3: with my family, I was still in a relationship with Katie,
• 13:05
  Speaker 3: and she was the one who asked me if I
• 13:07
  Speaker 3: liked men.
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: At the time, I was so angry with her that
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: I ended things, and I didn't talk to her for
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: a while.
• 13:13
  Speaker 3: Until I realized she was right. And it wasn't just
• 13:15
  Speaker 3: her either. My friends had suspicions too. I ended up
• 13:18
  Speaker 3: apologizing to Katie for getting angry with her. Looking back,
• 13:21
  Speaker 3: I had been in denial because of how I grew up.
• 13:23
  Speaker 3: Katie is Jewish too, but she didn't grow up in
• 13:26
  Speaker 3: a family like mine and she clocked it a few
• 13:28
  Speaker 3: months into our relationship. She is one of my best
• 13:31
  Speaker 3: friends now and was the first person that I came
• 13:33
  Speaker 3: out to. I will forever be grateful that I moved
• 13:35
  Speaker 3: to another province to pursue my master's degree because if
• 13:38
  Speaker 3: I had not gotten away from my family and met
• 13:40
  Speaker 3: supportive people like Katie and my friends... I would still
• 13:43
  Speaker 3: be deep in the closet. My friends all supported me
• 13:46
  Speaker 3: when I told them. And I have been going to
• 13:47
  Speaker 3: therapy for the last three years to deal with my
• 13:49
  Speaker 3: upbringing and my family disowning me.
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: Good for you, dude.
• 13:53
  Speaker 7: Way to go.
• 13:54
  Speaker 3: We always support going to therapy for your messed up
• 13:56
  Speaker 3: family on this show.
• 13:57
  Speaker 4: Look, sometimes you just need an outside perspective to, like,
• 14:00
  Speaker 4: make you realize, oh, no, this is not normal.
• 14:02
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah.
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: Funny that also all of your friends had also clocked you.
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: They were like, we thought so.
• 14:07
  Speaker 3: I am an atheist. And I stopped being observant when
• 14:11
  Speaker 3: I came out. This year, I am going to Pride
• 14:13
  Speaker 3: for the first time. I'm nervous, but a bunch of
• 14:15
  Speaker 3: my friends, including Katie, are coming with me. I'm going
• 14:18
  Speaker 3: to dip my toe into data, because I feel ready. Anyway,
• 14:20
  Speaker 3: sorry if I rambled too much. I only remembered my
• 14:22
  Speaker 3: first post recently, and I just wanted to come back,
• 14:24
  Speaker 3: because everyone was so kind after such a horrible thing happened.
• 14:27
  Speaker 3: I appreciated people validating that I wasn't wrong about my sister.
• 14:30
  Speaker 3: And that was probably when one of the first cracks
• 14:32
  Speaker 3: started appearing in my old life. Yeah, I mean, my
• 14:35
  Speaker 3: guess would definitely be sister did that because she's insecure
• 14:39
  Speaker 3: and she needed a she needed to put somebody down
• 14:43
  Speaker 3: to lift herself up.
• 14:44
  Speaker 4: Yeah, she's just punching down because she needed a target. Like,
• 14:48
  Speaker 4: there's no other reason. Like, she didn't know this person.
• 14:51
  Speaker 4: This person's not going to the wedding. Wasn't even around
• 14:54
  Speaker 4: when wedding plans were being made.
• 14:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 14:56
  Speaker 4: It just has to be some sort of, like, ego
• 14:58
  Speaker 4: trip that I can do this. I can hurt somebody else. Because, like,
• 15:03
  Speaker 4: hurt people hurt people.
• 15:04
  Speaker 3: So I'm connecting the dots in my head right now.
• 15:06
  Speaker 3: She's scrolling social media. She comes across her brother's post.
• 15:11
  Speaker 3: Brother's got a girlfriend. She goes, oh, who's she?
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: She looks at her stuff. She's like, oh, she's hot.
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: She's hotter than me. And now I feel weird because
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: I'm looking at someone hotter than me.
• 15:19
  Speaker 3: Oh, she's got a mole scar on her face. Sorry,
• 15:22
  Speaker 3: I would have made you my bridesmaid, but you're horrifically deformed.
• 15:25
  Speaker 3: And everyone would be talking about it and looking at
• 15:27
  Speaker 3: it all the time.
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: Shut up, dude. So thanks to everyone who replied back then.
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: I appreciate it. That's the end of that story.
• 15:32
  Speaker 4: That's the end of that family relationship.
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: Yes, it is.
• 15:35
  Speaker 3: And it's for the best. And we support you. We
• 15:37
  Speaker 3: support you living your truth.
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: Here's more truth, though. That's the end of that story.
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: We got another one coming right up.
• 15:42
  Speaker 2: My sister-in-law flirted with my boyfriend all weekend right in
• 15:46
  Speaker 2: front of my brother.
• 15:47
  Speaker 4: This is flirting with disaster.
• 15:49
  Speaker 2: Sister-in-law joked about sitting on my boyfriend's lap. in front
• 15:53
  Speaker 2: of my brother and opening bananas for her. If she
• 15:55
  Speaker 2: doesn't apologize, I want to cut her off. Me, 30 female,
• 15:59
  Speaker 2: and my boyfriend, 43 male, have been dating for a
• 16:02
  Speaker 2: year and a half and live together.
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: I trust him a lot.
• 16:04
  Speaker 2: We went away for a weekend trip with my new
• 16:07
  Speaker 2: sister-in-law and brother, 33 male. This was the second time
• 16:10
  Speaker 2: my sister-in-law met my boyfriend. I've known her for five years.
• 16:15
  Speaker 2: which is how long they've been dating before my brother
• 16:18
  Speaker 2: and her got engaged. She has always been very sweet
• 16:21
  Speaker 2: to me and seemed very respectful and perfect for my brother.
• 16:25
  Speaker 2: My brother dated a girl who was very flirty with
• 16:27
  Speaker 2: other men and she really hurt him.
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: And they broke up.
• 16:31
  Speaker 2: This girl knows that and took a long time for
• 16:33
  Speaker 2: her to gain the trust of my brother. This was
• 16:36
  Speaker 2: the first time my brother and his wife visited me.
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: In my providence. So I was so excited to go
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: away for the weekend.
• 16:43
  Speaker 2: And we generally had a good time. My boyfriend and
• 16:45
  Speaker 2: his brother picked her up from the airport. And when
• 16:48
  Speaker 2: I got to work, my boyfriend helped her. with her
• 16:51
  Speaker 2: bags into the Airbnb. I thought nothing of it, as
• 16:54
  Speaker 2: she was now considered family, and my boyfriend is a
• 16:57
  Speaker 2: very gentlemanly kind of guy, and I would expect him
• 17:00
  Speaker 2: to do the same with an actual sister. By the way,
• 17:03
  Speaker 2: this comes from Throwaway Dashboard, and if you want to see.
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: Me on stories, you know where to go. I'm Riley.
• 17:07
  Speaker 4: I'm Matt.
• 17:08
  Speaker 2: And Matt's going to help us read some stories today.
• 17:10
  Speaker 2: He's a good friend of ours. If you have anything
• 17:12
  Speaker 2: you'd like to do, please write it down below.
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: We're going to read this goofily.
• 17:14
  Speaker 2: I didn't notice anything weird until my sister-in-law made a
• 17:18
  Speaker 2: comment to my brother about my boyfriend carrying her bags
• 17:22
  Speaker 2: from the car because she was so tired. My boyfriend
• 17:25
  Speaker 2: was inside at the time, so he didn't hear it.
• 17:27
  Speaker 2: My brother said, what? And then said, oh, can you
• 17:30
  Speaker 2: carry me from the car? In a dramatic voice. The
• 17:34
  Speaker 2: next day, she was making breakfast and started laughing, said
• 17:38
  Speaker 2: she didn't know how to open bananas. So she asked
• 17:40
  Speaker 2: my boyfriend how to do it and would do a
• 17:43
  Speaker 2: giggle and say how he knows how to do it.
• 17:46
  Speaker 2: when it's so hard.
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: To open, etc.
• 17:48
  Speaker 2: She asked him twice, and my brother was silent. I
• 17:51
  Speaker 2: was annoyed, but didn't want to jump to conclusions. The
• 17:54
  Speaker 2: next day, we waited a long time at the restaurant,
• 17:57
  Speaker 2: and when I suggested we leave for another one, she said,
• 18:00
  Speaker 2: don't worry, I can sit on my boyfriend's name's lap.
• 18:04
  Speaker 4: You know the fact that the boyfriend's silent?
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: Yeah, the husband.
• 18:07
  Speaker 4: The fact that they're just kind of going along with this,
• 18:09
  Speaker 4: the boyfriend and the husband, they could be in cahoots.
• 18:12
  Speaker 2: I was so shocked, I laughed nervously. but stopped smiling
• 18:15
  Speaker 2: because I was so mad. She noticed I wasn't smiling,
• 18:19
  Speaker 2: so she laughed even harder. My boyfriend said he got uncomfortable,
• 18:22
  Speaker 2: so we said that he would sit on the waiter's
• 18:24
  Speaker 2: lap to make room. Each time, my brother looked so uncomfortable.
• 18:27
  Speaker 2: I brought it up to my boyfriend and my brother
• 18:30
  Speaker 2: how weird it was, and they both agreed. My brother
• 18:33
  Speaker 2: said he would talk to her, but the more time
• 18:36
  Speaker 2: goes on, The more mad and disgusted I feel that
• 18:39
  Speaker 2: she would feel uncomfortable saying that. Mad for me, and
• 18:42
  Speaker 2: mad for my brother. I didn't tell my mom for
• 18:45
  Speaker 2: fear it would cause a huge family drama, but I
• 18:48
  Speaker 2: can't imagine ever saying that to someone's boyfriend. I have
• 18:53
  Speaker 2: been nothing but nice to her, and I thought we
• 18:55
  Speaker 2: had a decent relationship.
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: I was her bridesmaid at her wedding!
• 18:59
  Speaker 4: Look, the only time I've ever sat in someone else's
• 19:02
  Speaker 4: lap was as, like, One of my friends, like joking,
• 19:05
  Speaker 4: like very clearly joking.
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: Was it a guy? It was a guy. Okay.
• 19:08
  Speaker 2: Not to say anything about like- Have you ever sat
• 19:09
  Speaker 2: on a woman's lap that isn't your girlfriend's?
• 19:11
  Speaker 4: My best friend, but like as a joke, I've sat
• 19:13
  Speaker 4: on my friend Katie's lap like- Okay. As a joke,
• 19:16
  Speaker 4: but the only person who's ever sat on my lap
• 19:19
  Speaker 4: really is my girlfriend.
• 19:20
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 19:20
  Speaker 4: My question is, is like, how big is she planning
• 19:22
  Speaker 4: on going with this?
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: What's her intention? That's my question. What is she trying
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: to get out of this?
• 19:26
  Speaker 4: She's trying to get an invite to the upstairs party.
• 19:28
  Speaker 2: My brother talked to her. And she said she was
• 19:31
  Speaker 2: joking and apologized.
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: I'm done with this. I'm just joking stuff.
• 19:35
  Speaker 4: It's always a joke after you get caught.
• 19:38
  Speaker 2: Agreed.
• 19:39
  Speaker 4: It's serious until you get caught. Then it's a joke.
• 19:41
  Speaker 2: And that the joke was supposed to be so ridiculous.
• 19:44
  Speaker 2: It was funny because obviously it wouldn't have happened. But
• 19:47
  Speaker 2: it doesn't explain the banana thing or the comments she
• 19:49
  Speaker 2: made to my brother in the car. It feels like
• 19:53
  Speaker 2: she kind of gaslit my brother in her explanation, because
• 19:56
  Speaker 2: when I asked my brother how the talk went, he
• 19:59
  Speaker 2: basically said it was good with her response. then I
• 20:02
  Speaker 2: shouldn't worry because she obviously doesn't have feelings for my.
• 20:06
  Speaker 1: Boyfriend, which pissed me off.
• 20:07
  Speaker 4: Obviously? I wouldn't say that's obvious.
• 20:09
  Speaker 2: Have you not been listening to her? Are you at
• 20:10
  Speaker 2: the point of your relationship where you don't have to
• 20:12
  Speaker 2: listen to your girlfriend anymore? Oh, sorry, your wife anymore?
• 20:14
  Speaker 2: Which pissed me off even more because it doesn't matter
• 20:17
  Speaker 2: if she doesn't have feelings.
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: I wouldn't appreciate that from anyone. It's disrespectful.
• 20:22
  Speaker 2: Matt, is that disrespectful?
• 20:23
  Speaker 4: It's utterly disrespectful. I don't know how anyone could construe
• 20:26
  Speaker 4: it as respectful.
• 20:27
  Speaker 1: Super weird.
• 20:28
  Speaker 4: And it's like, you're doing this in public.
• 20:30
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah.
• 20:31
  Speaker 2: There's a totally a tone of voice with how you
• 20:33
  Speaker 2: say things. If I saw, let's put this scenario. I
• 20:37
  Speaker 2: was with my girlfriend and her sisters got all of
• 20:39
  Speaker 2: her luggage. I'd be like, oh, you can give me now.
• 20:41
  Speaker 2: Totally fine. But the restaurant comment, totally out of pocket.
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: And that's the end of this story. Let's head to
• 20:47
  Speaker 1: the next one.
• 20:48
  Speaker 3: My mother can no longer raise my nieces, so she's
• 20:51
  Speaker 3: asking me to take all three. That's a lot of nieces. I,
• 20:55
  Speaker 3: 29 female, have one kid who's 11, a girl. My sister,
• 20:58
  Speaker 3: 32 female, has three kids. 11 female, 8 female, and
• 21:02
  Speaker 3: 6 female, the oldest, is also autistic. About three years ago,
• 21:06
  Speaker 3: my sister lost custody of her kids. The girls were
• 21:09
  Speaker 3: split up in the system for a little over a
• 21:11
  Speaker 3: year before our mom, 52, female, got custody two years ago.
• 21:15
  Speaker 3: Over the last two years, the girls have been really thriving.
• 21:18
  Speaker 3: They're happy, healthy, and doing well in school. Recently, my
• 21:21
  Speaker 3: mom got some unexpected health issues that are severely impacting
• 21:25
  Speaker 3: her mobility and energy.
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: There is no cure.
• 21:27
  Speaker 3: She called me last week to ask if I would
• 21:29
  Speaker 3: take the girls so they aren't split up in the
• 21:31
  Speaker 3: system again, and my heart sank. I love my nieces.
• 21:35
  Speaker 3: There is no denying that. And my daughter loves her cousins.
• 21:38
  Speaker 3: The kids all get along great. They live on the
• 21:40
  Speaker 3: opposite side of the country, but I visit whenever possible.
• 21:43
  Speaker 3: I'm always planning all sorts of activities and experiences for
• 21:46
  Speaker 3: them and encouraging them to pursue the things they love.
• 21:49
  Speaker 3: The oldest loves art. The middle child loves gymnastics. And
• 21:52
  Speaker 3: the youngest loves Pokemon and video games. I plan things
• 21:55
  Speaker 3: we can all do together and I make sure they
• 21:57
  Speaker 3: each get.
• 21:58
  Speaker 1: One on one time.
• 22:01
  Speaker 3: I would give anything for these girls, but I just
• 22:04
  Speaker 3: don't have the means to care for them full time.
• 22:07
  Speaker 3: And by the way, this comes from Viseria127. Submit your
• 22:11
  Speaker 3: own stories on our subreddit.
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: I'm Dakota.
• 22:13
  Speaker 4: I'm Matt.
• 22:14
  Speaker 3: And let's see what OP says. My husband and I
• 22:17
  Speaker 3: are considered a low-income family. After a decade of saving,
• 22:21
  Speaker 3: we finally bought a small two-bed townhouse. But there's barely
• 22:24
  Speaker 3: enough room for the three of us, let alone another
• 22:27
  Speaker 3: three kids too.
• 22:28
  Speaker 4: A townhouse is really, really small.
• 22:30
  Speaker 3: It is definitely not enough space for six people, four
• 22:34
  Speaker 3: of them children. I suggested my mom move closer so
• 22:37
  Speaker 3: I can help more day to.
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: Day, but she kind of.
• 22:41
  Speaker 3: Nipped that one in the bud rather quickly. Her reasons
• 22:43
  Speaker 3: were that she didn't want to pull the kids out
• 22:45
  Speaker 3: of their current school, but I guess it's okay if
• 22:47
  Speaker 3: I do. And with her health issues, she didn't want
• 22:50
  Speaker 3: to have to find a new doctor, and that one
• 22:52
  Speaker 3: is pretty valid. There's a serious healthcare crisis in my country.
• 22:56
  Speaker 3: Us moving closer to them is not an option. We
• 22:58
  Speaker 3: would both have to find new jobs. My husband's current
• 23:00
  Speaker 3: job has really good benefits that we can't afford to lose.
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: My mom is retired, so the.
• 23:05
  Speaker 3: Only thing tying her to her current location is her doctor.
• 23:08
  Speaker 3: My heart is breaking. I don't want to lose my nieces.
• 23:11
  Speaker 3: I love the relationship we have, but I don't see
• 23:14
  Speaker 3: how I could sustainably take on the three of them
• 23:17
  Speaker 3: full time. My mom and my sister have been calling
• 23:19
  Speaker 3: me heartless and that I haven't fully thought it through, but.
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: I have.
• 23:23
  Speaker 3: I've been thinking about it every day for three years
• 23:26
  Speaker 3: when my sister first lost custody.
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I got to say, it feels like it would
• 23:29
  Speaker 1: just be.
• 23:30
  Speaker 3: Easier for your mom to find a new doctor closer
• 23:33
  Speaker 3: on your side of the country than it would be
• 23:35
  Speaker 3: to figure out new careers, new jobs, new health care,
• 23:38
  Speaker 3: new house for you and the three kids.
• 23:40
  Speaker 4: Also, another option is like how frequent are these doctor
• 23:43
  Speaker 4: visits and how far would they have to travel to
• 23:46
  Speaker 4: get to the doctor? Because like if potentially the mom
• 23:49
  Speaker 4: moved to where OP is, they could go to the
• 23:52
  Speaker 4: doctor when necessary. If it's not like an urgent... has
• 23:55
  Speaker 4: to be weekly thing. Like it's a hassle, but also
• 23:59
  Speaker 4: if the onus is the children here, there's going to
• 24:02
  Speaker 4: have to be sacrifices made at some point. Like someone
• 24:05
  Speaker 4: is sacrificing for these kids. It's going to have to,
• 24:07
  Speaker 4: no matter what.
• 24:08
  Speaker 3: There is an edit going to address a couple of
• 24:10
  Speaker 3: quick questions. The dad is not in the picture. He
• 24:12
  Speaker 3: has two other kids from two other women that he
• 24:15
  Speaker 3: also walked out on. My sister is currently abusing substances,
• 24:20
  Speaker 3: living in a tent, but Hey, it's got a great
• 24:22
  Speaker 3: view of the lake. There's no other family that could help.
• 24:25
  Speaker 3: My mother is also low income and her retirement funds
• 24:28
  Speaker 3: barely cover their costs of living as it is. But
• 24:30
  Speaker 3: I will definitely be looking more into other resources and
• 24:33
  Speaker 3: government funding. Thank you to those providing actual helpful advice
• 24:36
  Speaker 3: and suggestions. I am not in the United States. And
• 24:39
  Speaker 3: we do have some comments here. But yeah, I think
• 24:41
  Speaker 3: I like your idea.
• 24:42
  Speaker 1: At this point, I was thinking they're in the US.
• 24:44
  Speaker 3: Maybe they're in a smaller country where the other side
• 24:46
  Speaker 3: of the country isn't, you know, seven hour flight or
• 24:49
  Speaker 3: like a.
• 24:50
  Speaker 1: three or four days drive like but yeesh like.
• 24:54
  Speaker 4: It would be a hassle but like i don't know
• 24:56
  Speaker 4: how else to do it if if you really want
• 24:58
  Speaker 4: op to take care of the kids you're gonna have
• 25:01
  Speaker 4: to give them something like you can't just ask them
• 25:03
  Speaker 4: to uproot their entire life as much as they love
• 25:06
  Speaker 4: the kids it's not feasible also you've got to also
• 25:09
  Speaker 4: think about op's husband yeah he's part of the conversation
• 25:11
  Speaker 4: too he's not being considered in this by op's mom
• 25:15
  Speaker 4: and like i as much as the kid's probably love
• 25:18
  Speaker 4: the school that they're currently in and love their friends
• 25:20
  Speaker 4: like they probably realize that if you talk to them
• 25:23
  Speaker 4: like mature children adults or however old they are if
• 25:26
  Speaker 4: you talk to them properly i would hope that they
• 25:27
  Speaker 4: understand it would still be the best for them and
• 25:30
  Speaker 4: it's like the internet exists you can still keep in
• 25:32
  Speaker 4: contact with your friends if you would like to and
• 25:34
  Speaker 4: like you can come visit it's not the end of
• 25:37
  Speaker 4: the world but i don't feel like anyone is anyone
• 25:39
  Speaker 4: on the mom's side is really considering opie's feelings or
• 25:42
  Speaker 4: opie's husband's feelings.
• 25:43
  Speaker 3: Clues Lost Help says, what's your husband's view on this?
• 25:46
  Speaker 3: Because his opinion matters too. Opie says he works 60
• 25:50
  Speaker 3: hours a week with an hour long commute. He's barely
• 25:52
  Speaker 3: home unless it's just to sleep. At the end of
• 25:54
  Speaker 3: the day, he supports whatever I decide, but I think
• 25:56
  Speaker 3: that's because he knows it'll be me doing the vast
• 25:58
  Speaker 3: majority of the heavy lifting. Sooner Palmetto says, yeah, this
• 26:02
  Speaker 3: is what family is for. I would happily donate a
• 26:05
  Speaker 3: kidney or a piece of my liver to anyone who asked,
• 26:07
  Speaker 3: even a stranger. In both life and the afterlife, we
• 26:11
  Speaker 3: get what we give. Opie says, I would happily take
• 26:13
  Speaker 3: them in in a heartbeat, but where would they sleep?
• 26:15
  Speaker 1: The closet?
• 26:16
  Speaker 3: Ice Pop says, do the kids have godparents you could
• 26:19
  Speaker 3: get in contact with, or is that you? Opie says,
• 26:21
  Speaker 3: the godfather, which is their uncle, is... But we all
• 26:24
  Speaker 3: went no contact with the godmother, our cousin. My sister's
• 26:28
  Speaker 3: only friends are just as reliable as my sister.
• 26:31
  Speaker 4: I'm not a fan of that comment that said, it's
• 26:33
  Speaker 4: just what family does. No, there have to be limits because, yeah,
• 26:37
  Speaker 4: you take the kids in, but where are they going
• 26:39
  Speaker 4: to sleep? How are you going to feed them? Also, like, yeah,
• 26:41
  Speaker 4: literally the situations he... or where they'd be like, I'd
• 26:45
  Speaker 4: give my kidney. It's like, yeah, that'd be way more
• 26:47
  Speaker 4: doable than this. This is way harder to figure out
• 26:50
  Speaker 4: than organ donation.
• 26:52
  Speaker 3: Kidney, you do it once, you're done. Yeah, you don't
• 26:54
  Speaker 3: even have to go across the country for that. You
• 26:55
  Speaker 3: can get it taken out on one side of the country.
• 26:58
  Speaker 3: They'll put it in an icebox and fly it.
• 27:00
  Speaker 1: To wherever they are. But that's not what's happening. It's
• 27:02
  Speaker 1: way more complicated.
• 27:04
  Speaker 3: 26 days later, I have spoken to the kid's caseworker.
• 27:07
  Speaker 3: She interviewed me when my mother was first trying to
• 27:10
  Speaker 3: get custody to ask about my upbringing. and ensure it
• 27:13
  Speaker 3: would be a good environment for the kids. I reached
• 27:15
  Speaker 3: out more recently to go over logistics if I were
• 27:18
  Speaker 3: to take them in. The caseworker told me she thinks
• 27:20
  Speaker 3: I would be a great fit to give them a
• 27:21
  Speaker 3: stable home, but I lack the adequate space needed to
• 27:25
  Speaker 3: be approved as their guardian.
• 27:27
  Speaker 1: She offered to look.
• 27:28
  Speaker 3: Into low-income housing options in my area that would be
• 27:31
  Speaker 3: big enough... But the wait lists are unbelievably long. And
• 27:35
  Speaker 3: when it comes to finances, yes, we would receive a
• 27:37
  Speaker 3: decent chunk of funding per child and twice as much
• 27:40
  Speaker 3: for the eldest on the spectrum to help cover their
• 27:43
  Speaker 3: kids costs. But it's money I would be spending on food,
• 27:45
  Speaker 3: clothes and other day to day necessities, not money. I
• 27:48
  Speaker 3: could put towards a down payment on the bigger house,
• 27:51
  Speaker 3: we would need to do this. That financial assistance also
• 27:55
  Speaker 3: wouldn't be considered income as far as my mortgage approval
• 27:58
  Speaker 3: goes because it's money for the kids and not me.
• 28:00
  Speaker 3: And when I say we just bought a small townhouse,
• 28:04
  Speaker 3: I mean we closed a little over a month ago.
• 28:07
  Speaker 3: and haven't even finished getting settled yet. We are financially
• 28:10
  Speaker 3: sitting back at square one again, breaking our brand new mortgage,
• 28:14
  Speaker 3: not to mention the legal cost and realtor fees of
• 28:17
  Speaker 3: that is not financially feasible.
• 28:19
  Speaker 1: We also received first.
• 28:20
  Speaker 3: Time home buyer rebates in our closing costs and land
• 28:23
  Speaker 3: transfer tax, which was thousands of dollars. that we would
• 28:26
  Speaker 3: have to pay back if we don't live in our
• 28:28
  Speaker 3: new house as our primary residence for at least a year.
• 28:31
  Speaker 3: The rent prices where I live are about twice the
• 28:34
  Speaker 3: cost of my mortgage, so even putting aside all those
• 28:37
  Speaker 3: other factors, renting again still just doesn't make sense.
• 28:39
  Speaker 1: The math is not mathing. If I could just win
• 28:41
  Speaker 1: the lottery, my problems would be solved.
• 28:43
  Speaker 3: Luckily, my husband has an amazing benefits plan through his work,
• 28:46
  Speaker 3: so dental glasses, meds, and even therapy are all covered
• 28:49
  Speaker 3: and would extend to the kids if we got custody.
• 28:52
  Speaker 3: All three need glasses, and the youngest has a nasty
• 28:55
  Speaker 3: little habit of losing or breaking hers. In caring for
• 28:57
  Speaker 3: special needs, I mentioned the eldest on the spectrum struggles
• 29:01
  Speaker 3: socially and with emotional regulation. She's also incredibly bright and
• 29:04
  Speaker 3: appreciates her space and independence. I spent a lot of
• 29:07
  Speaker 3: time volunteering with special needs kids when I was in
• 29:09
  Speaker 3: high school, and I know how difficult it can be.
• 29:13
  Speaker 3: My niece is not what I would consider difficult. She
• 29:15
  Speaker 3: might operate a little differently, but it's nothing out of
• 29:17
  Speaker 3: my scope. My daughter is actually very similar to my
• 29:20
  Speaker 3: niece in all of these aspects. And as I said before,
• 29:24
  Speaker 3: my patience knows no bounds when it comes to these kids.
• 29:28
  Speaker 3: I'm also fortunate enough to have the opportunity to work
• 29:30
  Speaker 3: from home when needed. I do have to go into
• 29:32
  Speaker 3: the office a couple days a week for some tasks
• 29:34
  Speaker 3: that can't be handled remotely, but it's flexible enough that
• 29:38
  Speaker 3: I can be home for emergencies or sick days.
• 29:30
  Speaker 1: Thank you for watching. very demanding job.
• 29:46
  Speaker 3: It's impossible to do remote, and it's not something he
• 29:49
  Speaker 3: can easily call in sick from. Even if I had
• 29:51
  Speaker 3: a huge emergency, he would have to wait for his
• 29:53
  Speaker 3: replacement to enter the control room before he could leave.
• 29:55
  Speaker 1: Building resentment in my husband and daughter.
• 29:58
  Speaker 3: I've talked about this with my husband extensively since my
• 30:00
  Speaker 3: sister first lost custody. He knows how much I love
• 30:03
  Speaker 3: those girls and would support my decision to take them
• 30:05
  Speaker 3: in if we.
• 30:06
  Speaker 1: Could swing it.
• 30:06
  Speaker 3: While I haven't talked to my daughter about it, because
• 30:09
  Speaker 3: I don't want her to get her hopes up over
• 30:11
  Speaker 3: something that likely won't happen. I can say that she's
• 30:14
  Speaker 3: begged me for a sibling every year since she was
• 30:16
  Speaker 3: a toddler. She's had a really hard time with bullies
• 30:19
  Speaker 3: at school, and her cousins are her best friends. She
• 30:21
  Speaker 3: would happily welcome them all with open arms, even if
• 30:24
  Speaker 3: it meant being cramped.
• 30:25
  Speaker 1: In one room.
• 30:26
  Speaker 4: I feel tense because I don't see how this can
• 30:29
  Speaker 4: really resolve favorably for really anybody.
• 30:33
  Speaker 3: You're going to have to find like the equivalent of
• 30:35
  Speaker 3: like an angel investor to take the kids in because
• 30:38
  Speaker 3: it doesn't sound like it's possible to do it.
• 30:40
  Speaker 1: Your mom's too sick. She can't take care of them.
• 30:42
  Speaker 1: Anyone related to them is off the table.
• 30:44
  Speaker 3: My mom and nieces are currently visiting me. We are
• 30:47
  Speaker 3: camping just outside my city, and we seem to have
• 30:50
  Speaker 3: found our compromise. My mom is going to take the
• 30:52
  Speaker 3: year to scrape together what money she can for a
• 30:54
  Speaker 3: down payment to move closer to me. She's also going
• 30:56
  Speaker 3: to ask her doctor about referrals to a doctor in
• 30:58
  Speaker 3: my city. In the meantime, I've offered to take the
• 31:00
  Speaker 3: girls during major school breaks like summer and spring break
• 31:03
  Speaker 3: and Christmas.
• 31:04
  Speaker 1: The house will still.
• 31:05
  Speaker 3: Be very cramped during those weeks, but we spend the
• 31:07
  Speaker 3: majority of the summer camping anyway, so the tight quarters
• 31:10
  Speaker 3: aren't for very long periods of time. My husband, who
• 31:13
  Speaker 3: I truly don't know what I did to deserve him,
• 31:15
  Speaker 3: has offered to work as much overtime as he's allowed
• 31:18
  Speaker 3: to help us replenish our savings and hopefully get a
• 31:21
  Speaker 3: bigger place when it's time to renew the mortgage. My
• 31:23
  Speaker 3: work won't let me do any overtime.
• 31:25
  Speaker 1: On a totally.
• 31:26
  Speaker 3: Unrelated note, does anyone have any advice or insight on
• 31:30
  Speaker 3: how to get into selling feet pics asking for a friend?
• 31:33
  Speaker 1: Thank God. That was the only compromise that was ever
• 31:35
  Speaker 1: going to work. I said I don't know how this
• 31:37
  Speaker 1: could resolve favorably. And look, it resolves favorably. So what
• 31:40
  Speaker 1: do I know?
• 31:41
  Speaker 4: Like we say, we don't have all the answers.
• 31:43
  Speaker 3: The answer was just mom being like, all right, I
• 31:46
  Speaker 3: guess I will figure out how to move closer to
• 31:48
  Speaker 3: you and get a doctor there because if I don't,
• 31:51
  Speaker 3: all the kids' worlds will explode. My sister found my
• 31:54
  Speaker 3: original post and has been blowing up my phone with
• 31:57
  Speaker 3: nasty text and voice messages. She even made some wild
• 32:00
  Speaker 3: Facebook posts about what a traitor of a sister I am.
• 32:03
  Speaker 3: I simply do not have the energy to listen to
• 32:05
  Speaker 3: her two cents on the matter, so I'm ignoring her entirely.
• 32:09
  Speaker 3: We definitely can't take custody anytime soon, but we haven't
• 32:12
  Speaker 3: shut down the possibility of taking them in in the future,
• 32:15
  Speaker 3: when it makes more sense. I think this possibility is
• 32:17
  Speaker 3: what's keeping my mother cooperative for the time being. This
• 32:20
  Speaker 3: will likely be the last update, unless the plan for
• 32:22
  Speaker 3: my mom's move next year craps out, knock on wood.
• 32:25
  Speaker 3: Thank you to everyone that gave genuinely helpful advice and support,
• 32:28
  Speaker 3: and it's time to go swimming.
• 32:30
  Speaker 1: Mm-mm-mm, gotta swim in that lake. Say hello to your sister.
• 32:33
  Speaker 1: That is the end of that story.
• 32:35
  Speaker 2: Hey, this is Riley, the host that can't really read
• 32:37
  Speaker 2: that well. We're going to get back to the stories,
• 32:39
  Speaker 2: but here's three minutes worth of ads from our sponsors.
• 32:42
  Speaker 6: My wife's own sister exposed her affair, so I took
• 32:46
  Speaker 6: a paternity test. Oh boy, that sounds like a lot.
• 32:50
  Speaker 6: A couple of weeks ago, I, 32 male, found out
• 32:53
  Speaker 6: that my wife, 33 female, cheated on me six years ago.
• 32:57
  Speaker 6: The way I found out is that her sister told me.
• 33:00
  Speaker 6: After we went to visit her to see how the
• 33:02
  Speaker 6: delivery of her first child went, she confessed that six
• 33:04
  Speaker 6: years ago, my wife had told her she slept with
• 33:07
  Speaker 6: her best friend while wasted. In her words, my wife
• 33:10
  Speaker 6: was very sorry. At the time, she told me I
• 33:13
  Speaker 6: was with my son, five male, and immediately after leaving
• 33:16
  Speaker 6: her house, I went to take a paternity test with him,
• 33:19
  Speaker 6: fearing the worst. A week later, I got the results
• 33:21
  Speaker 6: and my fears came true. My son is not mine.
• 33:25
  Speaker 6: For some reason, I began to see the boy differently,
• 33:27
  Speaker 6: more as an acquaintance than a son. With proof in hand,
• 33:31
  Speaker 6: I confronted my wife at night while the child was sleeping.
• 33:34
  Speaker 6: She asked me who told me and I simply said
• 33:37
  Speaker 6: it was none of her business, although obviously it won't
• 33:39
  Speaker 6: take her long to connect the dots that it was
• 33:40
  Speaker 6: her sister. That's not my problem now. By the way,
• 33:44
  Speaker 6: this comes from Deleted, and if you want to submit
• 33:45
  Speaker 6: your own stories, go to the r slash okay story
• 33:47
  Speaker 6: time subreddit. I'm Savannah. I'm Sophia.
• 33:49
  Speaker 7: I'm Keon.
• 33:50
  Speaker 6: And we are here to give some good advice, Goofly,
• 33:52
  Speaker 6: but we don't have all your answers. We'd only tell
• 33:54
  Speaker 6: you what we would do, but let us know what
• 33:55
  Speaker 6: you would do down in those comments. As OP says,
• 33:59
  Speaker 6: I asked her for a divorce, which is now in process.
• 34:02
  Speaker 6: She was devastated and swore to me more than once
• 34:05
  Speaker 6: that nothing happened with anyone again. that she has been
• 34:09
  Speaker 6: faithful to me in body and soul since then. I
• 34:11
  Speaker 6: held back the urge to insult her to avoid complications
• 34:15
  Speaker 6: during the divorce, not believing a word she said, mostly
• 34:17
  Speaker 6: because she blamed the booze instead of taking the blame herself.
• 34:21
  Speaker 6: After talking about it, she threatened me, saying she would
• 34:24
  Speaker 6: demand full custody of the child. I was so annoyed
• 34:27
  Speaker 6: at that moment that I told her, okay, I don't
• 34:29
  Speaker 6: want anything to do with something that is not mine.
• 34:31
  Speaker 6: She could keep the child and I'll keep the dogs.
• 34:34
  Speaker 6: We have two dogs that we adopted as puppies, currently
• 34:36
  Speaker 6: eight years old each. After that, she tried to convince
• 34:39
  Speaker 6: me to take care of the child with her, saying
• 34:41
  Speaker 6: that I am his father. At that moment, I exploded
• 34:44
  Speaker 6: and I just yelled at her to go and take
• 34:47
  Speaker 6: her kid with her. A week has passed since then.
• 34:49
  Speaker 6: I'm at home. It is in my name because it
• 34:52
  Speaker 6: is a gift from my parents. And she went to
• 34:55
  Speaker 6: her parents' house with the kid. She has not called
• 34:57
  Speaker 6: me since. She left with everything and the half-asleep child
• 35:01
  Speaker 6: when I yelled at her, especially since it was the
• 35:03
  Speaker 6: first time I had really yelled at her, which surely
• 35:05
  Speaker 6: affected her. I talked to my parents, and my dad
• 35:08
  Speaker 6: told me I did the right thing and that I
• 35:09
  Speaker 6: shouldn't be raising something that is not of my blood.
• 35:12
  Speaker 6: I agree with him. However, the pain is still there.
• 35:15
  Speaker 6: My younger brother told me to write here to entertain myself.
• 35:18
  Speaker 6: I am currently seeing a therapist three times a week
• 35:21
  Speaker 6: who told me I have already taken the first step.
• 35:24
  Speaker 6: which was to leave behind what causes me pain. It
• 35:27
  Speaker 6: just hurts to know that my family no longer exists.
• 35:30
  Speaker 5: That's like, you could have had your son still.
• 35:34
  Speaker 7: Nah, but I think it's already, like, OP wants that
• 35:38
  Speaker 7: truth bombed. I think he cut that connection immediately, which
• 35:43
  Speaker 7: I don't know how you can, but he did.
• 35:45
  Speaker 6: Well, the thing is, if I can commend him for
• 35:49
  Speaker 6: cutting himself off if he believes now he's going to
• 35:51
  Speaker 6: treat the child differently and it's going to... give that
• 35:55
  Speaker 6: child some sort.
• 35:56
  Speaker 7: Of, you know, trauma.
• 35:57
  Speaker 6: That child is traumatized for life.
• 35:59
  Speaker 8: Yeah.
• 36:00
  Speaker 5: Imagine, imagine you think that this person is your dad
• 36:06
  Speaker 5: and they just up and leave out of nowhere.
• 36:09
  Speaker 6: Your dad's gone.
• 36:10
  Speaker 7: Yeah, that happens.
• 36:11
  Speaker 5: And like for the, for the, it's, it's the wife's
• 36:13
  Speaker 5: fault for his feelings. I absolutely agree. The wife sucks.
• 36:17
  Speaker 5: I don't even care about her. I'm talking about the kid.
• 36:19
  Speaker 7: It's not the kid's fault.
• 36:20
  Speaker 6: It's not the kid's fault. I don't care. The wife
• 36:23
  Speaker 6: should get everything that's coming to her. She's the worst.
• 36:26
  Speaker 6: Divorce her. Hate her. But to drop your child like
• 36:30
  Speaker 6: that is wild to me. Yeah. As for why my
• 36:34
  Speaker 6: sister-in-law told me everything, according to her, she felt guilty
• 36:37
  Speaker 6: seeing me always happy with my son, knowing that he
• 36:40
  Speaker 6: may not be mine. and seeing us visit her in
• 36:43
  Speaker 6: a moment of weakness caused her to completely break down
• 36:46
  Speaker 6: with guilt. I don't know how true that is. I
• 36:49
  Speaker 6: just know that right now I feel tremendous hatred for
• 36:52
  Speaker 6: my wife and a feeling between pain and resentment for
• 36:55
  Speaker 6: the child. I just hope the divorce goes smoothly. We
• 36:58
  Speaker 6: have separate finances and properties, and if she really asks
• 37:01
  Speaker 6: for child support, I have proof that he's not mine.
• 37:04
  Speaker 6: According to the lawyer, that's more than enough if she
• 37:06
  Speaker 6: tries a legal process. My therapist also recommended that I
• 37:10
  Speaker 6: not see him or her, that regardless of the child's feelings,
• 37:13
  Speaker 6: I should focus on my own first, and that the
• 37:15
  Speaker 6: child is no longer my problem, and the sooner I
• 37:17
  Speaker 6: accept it, the better. Any advice? Yeah, I've seen a
• 37:22
  Speaker 6: lot of disagreement in the chat.
• 37:24
  Speaker 2: I can't.
• 37:25
  Speaker 6: I'm sorry. I can't.
• 37:26
  Speaker 7: That's just a harsh reality.
• 37:29
  Speaker 6: I just can't imagine being like, peace.
• 37:32
  Speaker 1: Out, not my problem.
• 37:33
  Speaker 6: Damn.
• 37:34
  Speaker 7: Some people are different.
• 37:36
  Speaker 6: That's wild. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. I think everyone
• 37:39
  Speaker 6: sucks here. I agree with Good Morning Petty Potatoes. Yeah. Truthfully,
• 37:43
  Speaker 6: because you don't know, like, was... I don't know. I
• 37:46
  Speaker 6: think the sister's kind of crummy for saying it. Well,
• 37:49
  Speaker 6: keeping it a secret until then. Yes, keeping it a secret. Yeah,
• 37:53
  Speaker 6: I mean, the whole thing is effed.
• 37:55
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 37:55
  Speaker 6: But I also am trying to, like, figure out how... How? Yeah,
• 38:00
  Speaker 6: it could work because I don't I don't think like
• 38:04
  Speaker 6: Ronan says, y'all don't understand how expensive kids are. I
• 38:07
  Speaker 6: don't know if that's like the point here. I I
• 38:11
  Speaker 6: agree with the therapist in saying, OK, you need to
• 38:14
  Speaker 6: focus on yourself rather than focusing on what's best for
• 38:18
  Speaker 6: everyone in this situation.
• 38:19
  Speaker 2: Sure.
• 38:19
  Speaker 1: I agree.
• 38:21
  Speaker 6: I just, it's so hard to just turn that off.
• 38:24
  Speaker 6: But I could see, you know, from your perspective, like
• 38:27
  Speaker 6: that's a huge betrayal thinking that this is your child.
• 38:30
  Speaker 6: Now it's not. And now it's like my whole life
• 38:32
  Speaker 6: is flipped. What do I do? And the first thing
• 38:34
  Speaker 6: you do is distance yourself. I think that was smart
• 38:36
  Speaker 6: because you don't want to start taking things out on
• 38:39
  Speaker 6: your kid or, you know, doing like a huge argument
• 38:44
  Speaker 6: in front of it. Yeah. So it's like, I think
• 38:47
  Speaker 6: it was good to separate. I think now maybe talk
• 38:50
  Speaker 6: it over and see if you could co-parent. But also,
• 38:53
  Speaker 6: it's not his kid. It's not his kid. So he
• 38:56
  Speaker 6: really doesn't owe the kid anything. Like, truthfully, he doesn't.
• 38:59
  Speaker 6: It is sad. It's not his kid. Yeah, I don't
• 39:05
  Speaker 6: know if I think that you do. I kind of
• 39:08
  Speaker 6: think he does owe the kid something.
• 39:10
  Speaker 7: I don't think he owes anything.
• 39:11
  Speaker 6: I don't think he owes the kid anything.
• 39:13
  Speaker 7: He gave the kid five years of being a father.
• 39:15
  Speaker 7: That's so sad.
• 39:16
  Speaker 1: It is sad.
• 39:16
  Speaker 6: That's crazy.
• 39:19
  Speaker 7: But that's a reality. It's horrible, but that's like... We're
• 39:22
  Speaker 7: not in that position.
• 39:23
  Speaker 2: Yeah, sorry.
• 39:24
  Speaker 6: I got to disagree.
• 39:25
  Speaker 5: I think, I think OP was wronged and I think
• 39:28
  Speaker 5: I agree.
• 39:28
  Speaker 6: Distance is good. until you can get, like, work through it.
• 39:32
  Speaker 6: But I think... I mean, but the thing is, he
• 39:35
  Speaker 6: doesn't have an obligation to do that. He doesn't have to...
• 39:38
  Speaker 6: Not legally, no. Yeah, legally, it's like, I'm not, like,
• 39:42
  Speaker 6: I don't want to co-parent because you told me this.
• 39:44
  Speaker 6: Our entire relationship is built on a lie. For six years,
• 39:48
  Speaker 6: you never told me this. That child is not mine.
• 39:50
  Speaker 6: I don't want to be a part of you anymore.
• 39:53
  Speaker 6: And that also now includes the child.
• 39:55
  Speaker 7: And I guarantee, yeah, he resents the child now, which
• 39:58
  Speaker 7: he shouldn't. I don't know how he can, but he is.
• 40:02
  Speaker 6: There is an update, though. Well, two weeks have passed
• 40:05
  Speaker 6: since my first post and three weeks since everything happened.
• 40:08
  Speaker 6: Not many relevant things have really happened, but here's a
• 40:11
  Speaker 6: short summary. About three days after my post, my ex
• 40:14
  Speaker 6: came to my house and asked to come in. I
• 40:17
  Speaker 6: met her at the door and told her she is
• 40:19
  Speaker 6: not going to set foot in my house while I
• 40:22
  Speaker 6: am here. If she is going to say anything, it
• 40:24
  Speaker 6: would be at the door. She practically begged me to
• 40:27
  Speaker 6: take her son back, saying that if I want to
• 40:29
  Speaker 6: cut off all contact with her, that's fine, that she
• 40:32
  Speaker 6: deserves it, but that she can't raise a child alone.
• 40:34
  Speaker 6: She said raising him alone is going to destroy her
• 40:37
  Speaker 6: dream of being a notary. She works in public records
• 40:40
  Speaker 6: and is two years away from running for the judiciary
• 40:42
  Speaker 6: to get her own notary. I tried to explain to
• 40:45
  Speaker 6: her as calmly as I could that my therapist is
• 40:48
  Speaker 6: the one who recommended I cut off all contact with
• 40:50
  Speaker 6: the two of them and to please leave before I
• 40:53
  Speaker 6: lost my mind. I love the child, but I don't
• 40:56
  Speaker 6: want to take out my anger on an innocent. I
• 40:58
  Speaker 6: told her the child deserves better and that she's currently
• 41:01
  Speaker 6: responsible for giving it to him. I don't know how,
• 41:04
  Speaker 6: but that's not my problem anymore. She resisted the urge
• 41:06
  Speaker 6: to cry and make a scene because once again, we
• 41:09
  Speaker 6: were on the street and she always took into account
• 41:12
  Speaker 6: what people said about her. The last thing she asked
• 41:14
  Speaker 6: was to at least let her see the dogs. I
• 41:17
  Speaker 6: told her no, that the best thing is for them
• 41:19
  Speaker 6: to get used to her absence. After that, she just
• 41:22
  Speaker 6: nodded and left. Two days later, she called me when
• 41:25
  Speaker 6: she received the divorce papers. My mistake was answering the
• 41:28
  Speaker 6: phone because after about 30 minutes of her yelling, I
• 41:31
  Speaker 6: managed to say that the papers have the number of
• 41:33
  Speaker 6: my civil lawyer so she can call her if she
• 41:37
  Speaker 6: has any questions. After that, I silenced her number. She
• 41:40
  Speaker 6: has not come to my house since then or tried
• 41:42
  Speaker 6: to call again. That same day, I contacted a friend
• 41:46
  Speaker 6: I made during my master's degree and asked her to
• 41:48
  Speaker 6: go out.
• 41:49
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 41:50
  Speaker 2: What are you doing?
• 41:51
  Speaker 6: Moving a little quick here, but if that's what you
• 41:56
  Speaker 6: feel is right. I genuinely think that OP is in
• 41:59
  Speaker 6: such a horrible state of mind.
• 42:01
  Speaker 7: And he's going scorched earth, like I said.
• 42:03
  Speaker 5: I genuinely think that in a couple months, he's going
• 42:06
  Speaker 5: to be like, oh, oh, I've kind of.
• 42:10
  Speaker 6: Been going on this... maybe not best. I don't know. Like,
• 42:13
  Speaker 6: I think he might realize I miss that kid.
• 42:16
  Speaker 7: I mean, he did say he loves the kid, but.
• 42:18
  Speaker 6: I think he's going to realize they could reconnect and
• 42:22
  Speaker 6: like get that, you know, I think he's in a
• 42:24
  Speaker 6: terrible state of mind, which makes sense.
• 42:26
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah.
• 42:26
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 42:27
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 42:28
  Speaker 6: She accepted and we've been going out since then. Last Friday,
• 42:31
  Speaker 6: I asked her to be an exclusive couple and she accepted.
• 42:34
  Speaker 6: She has stayed at my house for a few days
• 42:36
  Speaker 6: now and she already knows my dogs and adores them,
• 42:38
  Speaker 6: which I appreciate because I couldn't start something with someone
• 42:41
  Speaker 6: who doesn't accept my pets. We are currently taking things easy.
• 42:45
  Speaker 6: She knows the drama I am having with my ex
• 42:47
  Speaker 6: and the child and she respects my decision. She asked
• 42:51
  Speaker 6: if I will ever have contact with the child again.
• 42:54
  Speaker 6: And I told her maybe when he is old enough
• 42:56
  Speaker 6: to understand my decisions, but that I don't expect it
• 42:59
  Speaker 6: to interfere with my life in the future. She just
• 43:02
  Speaker 6: nodded and was okay that I take myself as a
• 43:04
  Speaker 6: priority during this process. Maybe this took a little longer
• 43:07
  Speaker 6: than I expected, but this is the summary of what
• 43:09
  Speaker 6: happened and many people have been asking me for an update,
• 43:12
  Speaker 6: so here it is. Oh, update two a month later.
• 43:16
  Speaker 6: Oh boy. What do we think?
• 43:19
  Speaker 7: I think Opie.
• 43:20
  Speaker 1: You think he married this girl? She's pregnant? I don't know.
• 43:23
  Speaker 7: I think Opie's taking life pretty day by day right now.
• 43:27
  Speaker 6: Kelsey J says, you need a different therapist. I agree.
• 43:30
  Speaker 1: I agree.
• 43:31
  Speaker 7: But the situation all in all is, I think, again,
• 43:35
  Speaker 7: everyone sucks here, but Opie is allowed to make his
• 43:38
  Speaker 7: decision and do it. Oh, yeah.
• 43:40
  Speaker 1: Legally.
• 43:41
  Speaker 6: He has every right.
• 43:42
  Speaker 7: Yeah, exactly.
• 43:43
  Speaker 6: Don't agree that it was the best decision?
• 43:45
  Speaker 7: But, yeah, we're not OP. We're not in that decision.
• 43:48
  Speaker 6: Thank God I'm not in this situation. I mean, I'd
• 43:52
  Speaker 6: be going on, off.
• 43:53
  Speaker 7: On, off. I would be spiraling. I'd be like a
• 43:56
  Speaker 7: little coil.
• 43:56
  Speaker 1: And that's what he's doing, literally.
• 43:58
  Speaker 7: Can't blame him. You can't really, like, his decisions, sure, but, like,
• 44:02
  Speaker 7: the way he's thinking, the way he's going about life.
• 44:03
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 44:05
  Speaker 7: There's no way you can navigate this easily.
• 44:07
  Speaker 5: I know, it's impossible. It's such a hard situation. I
• 44:10
  Speaker 5: do not like... Blame him for having all of these feelings.
• 44:14
  Speaker 5: Just probably wouldn't be how I went about that if
• 44:17
  Speaker 5: I had a kid for six years.
• 44:18
  Speaker 6: Well, how to say it? I'm officially a divorced man.
• 44:23
  Speaker 6: In my country, there is a type of divorce called
• 44:25
  Speaker 6: a quick divorce in which there are no common assets,
• 44:28
  Speaker 6: joint finances, or children involved. The divorce can be carried
• 44:32
  Speaker 6: out municipally and not judicially, avoiding the entire process that
• 44:37
  Speaker 6: would have included conciliation, distribution of assets, etc. Uh, based
• 44:42
  Speaker 6: on what I've mentioned, you can guess that the only
• 44:45
  Speaker 6: problem was the issue of the son. There came the
• 44:48
  Speaker 6: issue of the paternity test, which verified that the child
• 44:50
  Speaker 6: is not mine, and my name was successfully taken from
• 44:53
  Speaker 6: his birth certificate along with my last name. The child
• 44:57
  Speaker 6: currently has both of his mother's last names. As for
• 45:00
  Speaker 6: how the divorce went, it was not easy. My ex-wife
• 45:03
  Speaker 6: tried more than once to use the child's mental state
• 45:06
  Speaker 6: to make me return to her, and although I thought
• 45:08
  Speaker 6: about it more than once... It was remembering everything that
• 45:11
  Speaker 6: happened that allowed me to stay focused. I must also
• 45:14
  Speaker 6: thank my current partner who supported me at all times
• 45:18
  Speaker 6: and always supported my decisions. I already knew none of
• 45:21
  Speaker 6: this is my fault, but having her tell me also
• 45:25
  Speaker 6: somehow helped. After many discussions with our lawyers involved, I
• 45:28
  Speaker 6: told her I can pay her half of what a
• 45:30
  Speaker 6: nanny's salary costs for her son while she fixes her life,
• 45:34
  Speaker 6: but that she will have to pay the other half
• 45:37
  Speaker 6: and whatever comes after, entirely on her own. Thank God
• 45:41
  Speaker 6: she agreed, but I told her not to expect me
• 45:44
  Speaker 6: to take care of her son for her, to which
• 45:46
  Speaker 6: she also agreed. She has always been a person very
• 45:49
  Speaker 6: dedicated to her work, so I suppose having to be
• 45:51
  Speaker 6: a single mother has shocked her a lot. Out of
• 45:54
  Speaker 6: mere curiosity, I asked her if she spoke with the
• 45:56
  Speaker 6: child's father. She said she tried, that he even lived
• 46:00
  Speaker 6: with them for two weeks at her parents' house, but
• 46:02
  Speaker 6: that he and his son simply have nothing in common,
• 46:05
  Speaker 6: and there is no way they can get along. She
• 46:08
  Speaker 6: even had to intervene so that he and the child
• 46:11
  Speaker 6: didn't end up screaming at each other. So after a
• 46:14
  Speaker 6: couple of weeks, the guy just left. Although it is
• 46:17
  Speaker 6: somewhat sad, she is a woman with a good job,
• 46:20
  Speaker 6: and in a year when she has the help of
• 46:22
  Speaker 6: a nanny, that is more than enough time for her
• 46:24
  Speaker 6: to find a suitable stepfather for her son. In the meantime,
• 46:28
  Speaker 6: I don't plan to talk to the child yet. Maybe
• 46:31
  Speaker 6: I will do in a couple of years, or when
• 46:33
  Speaker 6: he's a teenager. But if the child doesn't want to
• 46:36
  Speaker 6: talk to me, I'm simply not going to insist. I
• 46:38
  Speaker 6: understand if he hates me, so I won't try to
• 46:41
  Speaker 6: have a relationship with him if he doesn't want to.
• 46:43
  Speaker 6: After everything we talked about regarding the child, she told
• 46:46
  Speaker 6: me that she hated me, and even more that I
• 46:49
  Speaker 6: got a partner so quickly, which I thought was very
• 46:51
  Speaker 6: rude because my current partner was there with us, and
• 46:54
  Speaker 6: I had to intervene before an argument between the two occurred.
• 46:58
  Speaker 6: Even though she ended up signing the divorce papers and
• 47:01
  Speaker 6: said she appreciated my help, she couldn't stand that throughout
• 47:04
  Speaker 6: the conversation I looked down at her as if I
• 47:06
  Speaker 6: felt compassion for her. She has always been a fairly
• 47:10
  Speaker 6: proud person because everything she has achieved has been on
• 47:13
  Speaker 6: her own merit, so me looking down on her making
• 47:16
  Speaker 6: her feel less than me made her feel hurt and angry.
• 47:19
  Speaker 6: I was told I have the same look as always,
• 47:21
  Speaker 6: and I seriously think she has some paranoia problem, but
• 47:23
  Speaker 6: that's not my problem either. She's got a lot of problems.
• 47:25
  Speaker 6: She has a lot of problems, and I really hope
• 47:27
  Speaker 6: that she gets her son into therapy. If she can
• 47:30
  Speaker 6: just do that.
• 47:31
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Ooh, this lady.
• 47:34
  Speaker 7: Yeah.
• 47:35
  Speaker 3: She sucks.
• 47:36
  Speaker 6: She's not good. Yeah, this is not great. But I
• 47:44
  Speaker 6: commend him for trying to help out. In some sort
• 47:49
  Speaker 6: of way.
• 47:49
  Speaker 7: Yeah.
• 47:50
  Speaker 5: Of the things that he did, like again, legally has
• 47:53
  Speaker 5: no obligation to the kid.
• 47:54
  Speaker 6: I think it's good that he, you know, obviously still
• 47:57
  Speaker 6: has feelings for this.
• 47:58
  Speaker 5: You know, like parental feelings for this kid.
• 48:00
  Speaker 8: If he was like, well, I'm going to help you
• 48:02
  Speaker 8: get a nanny. I, well, I think he's trying to
• 48:05
  Speaker 8: do the thing where he's like, I'm keeping two arms distance,
• 48:08
  Speaker 8: but I'm here for the kid in, in a mindset
• 48:12
  Speaker 8: that's like going to help be, you know, be okay
• 48:14
  Speaker 8: for me.
• 48:15
  Speaker 7: And that's it. Like, yeah. Yeah.
• 48:19
  Speaker 6: It's just, it's, it's hard. Truthfully. I don't know what,
• 48:24
  Speaker 6: I don't think there's a right answer. Cause I think,
• 48:26
  Speaker 6: I mean, clearly not.
• 48:28
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 48:28
  Speaker 6: Any answer you give, there's going to be downsides to
• 48:31
  Speaker 6: each there, you know? So would you rather, you know,
• 48:36
  Speaker 6: sacrifice your happiness or would you rather keep that? And
• 48:40
  Speaker 6: I think that, I think that he is choosing right
• 48:43
  Speaker 6: per se in, a way that he's still kind of helping,
• 48:47
  Speaker 6: but he's like, I'm done with that. And he gave
• 48:50
  Speaker 6: it a deadline. He's like, after this, I'm done, whatever.
• 48:54
  Speaker 6: But I am going to at least give you something
• 48:57
  Speaker 6: to have since I'm not there.
• 48:59
  Speaker 7: We said it earlier, too. It's the idea of lighting
• 49:03
  Speaker 7: yourself on fire. And again, in this case, that's what
• 49:07
  Speaker 7: it is. And it does suck because that was your family.
• 49:11
  Speaker 7: And then the next day, it's not.
• 49:13
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I don't know if it necessarily would be lighting
• 49:16
  Speaker 5: himself on fire to have a relationship with this kid,
• 49:19
  Speaker 5: but I do think that he needs a lot of
• 49:20
  Speaker 5: help before he could even manage that.
• 49:23
  Speaker 7: Yeah.
• 49:24
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 49:25
  Speaker 6: I think I just feel real bad for this kid.
• 49:29
  Speaker 2: Oh, boy.
• 49:30
  Speaker 6: Someone get this kid into therapy.
• 49:31
  Speaker 1: Yeah. He's going to need it. My, oh, my.
• 49:34
  Speaker 6: All right. Let's finish it up. The important thing is
• 49:37
  Speaker 6: that she ended up signing the papers and that I
• 49:39
  Speaker 6: can finally have my life again. Although for a year
• 49:42
  Speaker 6: I will be paying half the minimum wage for a nanny.
• 49:45
  Speaker 6: It is a fair price for peace, I suppose. I
• 49:48
  Speaker 6: had bad feelings for her too, but during this month
• 49:51
  Speaker 6: I ended up accepting it and moving forward. Yes, I
• 49:54
  Speaker 6: hate her too, but not enough to say it directly
• 49:56
  Speaker 6: or wish her bad karma. I suppose she has enough
• 49:59
  Speaker 6: with her own problems. I thank my current partner for
• 50:01
  Speaker 6: having to put up with all this. More than once
• 50:03
  Speaker 6: I told her she didn't have to accompany me to meetings,
• 50:06
  Speaker 6: or worry about it, that they are my problems, but
• 50:10
  Speaker 6: she said that my problems are hers too, and that
• 50:12
  Speaker 6: I shouldn't carry all that alone. The truth is, it
• 50:15
  Speaker 6: has helped me a lot to take a load off
• 50:17
  Speaker 6: my shoulders. She also understands that I am in no
• 50:20
  Speaker 6: hurry to get married, not this year and possibly not
• 50:22
  Speaker 6: the next, and she understands it. At least this chapter
• 50:25
  Speaker 6: of my life is about to close without long-term consequences
• 50:28
  Speaker 6: for me.
• 50:29
  Speaker 1: Well, you don't know that.
• 50:30
  Speaker 6: He said, yep, that kid doesn't exist anymore.
• 50:33
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 50:34
  Speaker 6: He's gone.
• 50:35
  Speaker 5: And my last thought is, if we reverse this situation,
• 50:41
  Speaker 5: I would still say.
• 50:41
  Speaker 6: It'd be a little crazy if a woman.
• 50:44
  Speaker 5: I mean, I don't know how that would work, because
• 50:46
  Speaker 5: a woman would know that the kid wasn't hers. But
• 50:49
  Speaker 5: in the situation where there's an empreg, I think after
• 50:53
  Speaker 5: raising a kid for six years, I personally would have
• 50:56
  Speaker 5: bonded with him.
• 50:57
  Speaker 6: I don't know if I would be able to get
• 50:58
  Speaker 6: that child out. Chris, he's here! Okay, now that I'm
• 51:01
  Speaker 6: in my driveway... Here's the thing. She lied to him
• 51:04
  Speaker 6: the whole time about the kid. Maybe had she not lied,
• 51:07
  Speaker 6: he may have been willing to try, but he couldn't.
• 51:10
  Speaker 6: But he shouldn't have to be reminded. I mean, we
• 51:14
  Speaker 6: have a different... Of her lies for five years.
• 51:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah, we've had.
• 51:17
  Speaker 6: Other lies for five years.
• 51:18
  Speaker 1: Sorry.
• 51:18
  Speaker 6: I was like, reminded of what?
• 51:20
  Speaker 5: No, I think it's fine to be like, we have
• 51:23
  Speaker 5: different takes on how we would react to that situation.
• 51:25
  Speaker 5: I think just for me personally, I would have too
• 51:29
  Speaker 5: much of a bond to that kid to be like,
• 51:31
  Speaker 5: I'm gone.
• 51:32
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 51:33
  Speaker 6: If I were, if I were an OP situation. Yeah.
• 51:35
  Speaker 6: It was just, the thing is, I think people who
• 51:38
  Speaker 6: do that, I think would definitely, you know, you would,
• 51:43
  Speaker 6: you would be reminded every single time you go over
• 51:45
  Speaker 6: there and you don't want to resent the child. Like that's,
• 51:49
  Speaker 6: I think he did the right thing in distancing himself
• 51:51
  Speaker 6: because I think like even that night was like, not
• 51:54
  Speaker 6: my kid.
• 51:55
  Speaker 5: Like get, get out of the, definitely don't like, if
• 51:57
  Speaker 5: you feel like you're going to yell at the child
• 51:59
  Speaker 5: or blame the child, separate.
• 52:00
  Speaker 7: Like i said he's like the child didn't do anything
• 52:03
  Speaker 7: but he's gonna look at the child and just be
• 52:04
  Speaker 7: like okay you are not mine i think it's gonna
• 52:07
  Speaker 7: make him angry and then get upset.
• 52:09
  Speaker 5: I think it's also a different scenario if you're like
• 52:12
  Speaker 5: let's say you're in a world where op had found
• 52:16
  Speaker 5: out immediately that the kid wasn't his i wouldn't if
• 52:19
  Speaker 5: he found like if baby like if she's like oh
• 52:22
  Speaker 5: i'm pregnant he finds out oh this is not my
• 52:23
  Speaker 5: kid i would that would be crazy to be like
• 52:26
  Speaker 5: yeah he should raise that kid I think just the
• 52:28
  Speaker 5: five years.
• 52:29
  Speaker 7: Truly, I think it's the worst part too. And because
• 52:32
  Speaker 7: of what his ex-wife, I guess it's sister-in-law in this case,
• 52:35
  Speaker 7: sister-in-law said was, one, I couldn't bear with it anymore
• 52:39
  Speaker 7: because you seem so happy with your son. And I
• 52:42
  Speaker 7: had just the grief and guilt that's putting on me.
• 52:45
  Speaker 7: And then I've known about like this. I have to
• 52:48
  Speaker 7: tell you, which is just like, yeah.
• 52:49
  Speaker 6: I think truthfully, we would all do different things. And
• 52:52
  Speaker 6: whatever you believe is right is what you believe. And
• 52:54
  Speaker 6: who cares?
• 52:55
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 52:55
  Speaker 7: Yeah, at the end of the day.
• 52:56
  Speaker 6: We're just here to give a little bit of advice.
• 52:58
  Speaker 5: Yeah, we haven't experienced this situation, and I'm sure most
• 53:01
  Speaker 5: of you also have not experienced this situation, so we're
• 53:04
  Speaker 5: all allowed to.
• 53:05
  Speaker 7: We couldn't be goofy on that one.
• 53:07
  Speaker 3: And that's the end of this story. Let's head to
• 53:09
  Speaker 3: the next one. Hey, it's Dakota, your favorite goofball host here.
• 53:14
  Speaker 3: And we're going to get back to the stories, but
• 53:15
  Speaker 3: here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors.
• 53:18
  Speaker 2: My husband never stops talking. His own mother warned me
• 53:22
  Speaker 2: about it.
• 53:22
  Speaker 1: Uh-oh, yapper.
• 53:24
  Speaker 6: We got a yapper on the loose.
• 53:26
  Speaker 2: My husband, 30 male, talks so incessantly that I, 29 female,
• 53:31
  Speaker 2: am tired of listening to him. This makes it hard
• 53:34
  Speaker 2: for me to respond to his sincere bids for attention,
• 53:38
  Speaker 2: and I would like advice on how to fix this
• 53:41
  Speaker 2: other than ignoring him.
• 53:43
  Speaker 1: And losing my patience.
• 53:44
  Speaker 2: So this is pretty lighthearted and not the biggest deal
• 53:47
  Speaker 2: in the world, but it is something I am struggling
• 53:50
  Speaker 2: with all the time in my relationship. How much does
• 53:53
  Speaker 2: he talk? My husband loves to talk. He is full
• 53:56
  Speaker 2: of ideas, very smart, funny, And he is knowledgeable. He
• 54:00
  Speaker 2: has been a talker his whole life. As a teen,
• 54:03
  Speaker 2: he has had problems with cornering people and trapping them
• 54:05
  Speaker 2: in a conversation. But he has improved and doesn't do
• 54:09
  Speaker 2: that anymore. When I met his parents, his mom caught
• 54:12
  Speaker 2: me alone and said, how do you deal with it?
• 54:15
  Speaker 2: You know, the talking. I said, I tell him lovingly
• 54:19
  Speaker 2: to shut up sometimes.
• 54:21
  Speaker 1: And we laughed.
• 54:22
  Speaker 2: She told me he started talking at two and has
• 54:24
  Speaker 2: never stopped.
• 54:25
  Speaker 7: Aw.
• 54:26
  Speaker 1: By the way, this comes from Aster6000.
• 54:27
  Speaker 2: And if you want to see my old stories, you
• 54:31
  Speaker 2: know where to go.
• 54:32
  Speaker 1: I'm Riley.
• 54:33
  Speaker 6: I'm Savannah.
• 54:34
  Speaker 7: I'm Keon.
• 54:34
  Speaker 2: And we're going to read Aster6000' s story, Funny. And if
• 54:39
  Speaker 2: you don't like it, please put some comments down below.
• 54:41
  Speaker 2: If you like it.
• 54:43
  Speaker 1: Be goofy with us.
• 54:43
  Speaker 7: Yeah, please put some comments below if you do like it.
• 54:46
  Speaker 2: As Opie says, it has been suggested to me that
• 54:49
  Speaker 2: my husband may be a touch on the autism spectrum before.
• 54:53
  Speaker 2: He and his dad could be a hair autistic, but
• 54:56
  Speaker 2: the traits they have are mild compared to other autistic
• 54:59
  Speaker 2: people I have met.
• 55:01
  Speaker 1: So, what's the problem?
• 55:03
  Speaker 2: I feel bad that I can't listen to my husband
• 55:06
  Speaker 2: all the time. He talks so much about things that
• 55:08
  Speaker 2: bore me that it fatigues me. By the time he
• 55:11
  Speaker 2: has something important he wants to share with me, I
• 55:14
  Speaker 2: have very little patience to listen. I have started ignoring
• 55:18
  Speaker 2: him and pretending to listen. I didn't do this intentionally.
• 55:22
  Speaker 2: It's just a coping mechanism that developed organically. My in-laws
• 55:26
  Speaker 2: have been married for 30 years, and my father-in-law talks
• 55:30
  Speaker 2: as much as my husband, and my mother-in-law has been
• 55:32
  Speaker 2: ignoring him for most of their marriage. They're happy and
• 55:36
  Speaker 2: in love, so it must work, but it makes me
• 55:38
  Speaker 2: feel guilty. I also will have to punt him out
• 55:41
  Speaker 2: of the house lovingly for the weekend and make him
• 55:43
  Speaker 2: go spend time with his family or one or two
• 55:47
  Speaker 2: of his friends, but it's only once a month or so.
• 55:51
  Speaker 2: Husband is not very social. My husband says he doesn't
• 55:54
  Speaker 2: mind that I ignore him because he wishes he could
• 55:56
  Speaker 2: ignore his own brain too sometimes. He's very understanding, but
• 56:00
  Speaker 2: I really want to be able to be more patient
• 56:02
  Speaker 2: with him and respond in a better, kinder way to
• 56:05
  Speaker 2: his bids for attention. My husband spends quite a lot
• 56:09
  Speaker 2: of time being gentle with me, and helping me deal
• 56:11
  Speaker 2: with my baggage, daily struggles, and past trauma with patience
• 56:15
  Speaker 2: and grace. I wish I could act as kindly to
• 56:18
  Speaker 2: him as he does to me, but I keep failing.
• 56:21
  Speaker 2: I wear my heart on my face and have poor
• 56:24
  Speaker 2: control over my facial expressions, and he reads my face
• 56:27
  Speaker 2: all the time, and he can tell when I'm upset
• 56:30
  Speaker 2: when listening to him. I have a short attention span
• 56:33
  Speaker 2: due to a learning disability. I really struggle.
• 56:36
  Speaker 7: Wow.
• 56:36
  Speaker 2: I'm not worried about a relationship lasting or not, We
• 56:39
  Speaker 2: have a rock solid foundation.
• 56:41
  Speaker 7: It's just two opposites.
• 56:43
  Speaker 6: They're like kind of making it work.
• 56:46
  Speaker 7: Yeah.
• 56:46
  Speaker 6: Look at them go.
• 56:47
  Speaker 2: I'm worried about the quality of our relationship and how
• 56:50
  Speaker 2: I can improve it.
• 56:51
  Speaker 1: So he is happier.
• 56:52
  Speaker 2: How can I pay more attention to my husband when
• 56:54
  Speaker 2: it matters? How can I help him to feel heard
• 56:57
  Speaker 2: by me? How can I help him to be able
• 56:59
  Speaker 2: to talk to me without showing signs of my impatience
• 57:04
  Speaker 2: or frustration?
• 57:06
  Speaker 6: Oh, this is hard.
• 57:08
  Speaker 1: I feel like there's got to be... Okay. Levels.
• 57:12
  Speaker 7: Levels.
• 57:13
  Speaker 6: Yeah. What about it?
• 57:14
  Speaker 1: General talking. You just talk. Oh.
• 57:17
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 57:17
  Speaker 1: Something that's important to say. Wait, I'm talking. I have
• 57:20
  Speaker 1: something to say. Yeah.
• 57:21
  Speaker 6: All right.
• 57:22
  Speaker 1: Here's the second thing.
• 57:22
  Speaker 5: Ready?
• 57:23
  Speaker 7: Yeah.
• 57:23
  Speaker 1: Ring your bell.
• 57:24
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 57:25
  Speaker 1: Level two importance. Level three, do a little air horn.
• 57:29
  Speaker 6: Samuel, I did an air horn at Tahoe.
• 57:32
  Speaker 1: Scared Sophia. She jumped like a cat. It was so funny.
• 57:34
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 57:34
  Speaker 1: Well, don't lose me now. Don't lose me now.
• 57:38
  Speaker 2: Number four, I think if it's super important to him,
• 57:41
  Speaker 2: he can write you an email. Like, hey, this is important.
• 57:43
  Speaker 1: I want to talk about it. Here are the things
• 57:45
  Speaker 1: I want to talk about.
• 57:46
  Speaker 2: Keep it concise so then we can focus on that
• 57:49
  Speaker 2: slice of the cake. I've been saying slice of the
• 57:51
  Speaker 2: cake a lot recently. Sometimes, like almost here, we almost
• 57:55
  Speaker 2: went to a rabbit hole, but I got us back
• 57:56
  Speaker 2: to the slice of cake we were on. Thoughts on that?
• 57:59
  Speaker 2: What do we think about that? We get it on
• 58:01
  Speaker 2: different levels.
• 58:02
  Speaker 7: Is this like a tier one conversation to have? Is
• 58:05
  Speaker 7: this like what you want to talk about?
• 58:06
  Speaker 2: Yes, because this is a two-way street. Conversations are just
• 58:09
  Speaker 2: not one person. If one person knows they talk all
• 58:12
  Speaker 2: the time and it's just.
• 58:15
  Speaker 2: They have the responsibility of breaking up the sound of
• 58:18
  Speaker 2: that into something that is more direct. For further reading
• 58:22
  Speaker 2: on this topic, example of things he likes to talk about.
• 58:25
  Speaker 2: What price silver is today and how silver is a
• 58:28
  Speaker 2: stable currency today. that will hold its buying power over time.
• 58:32
  Speaker 2: How the world economy market is headed for a crash.
• 58:35
  Speaker 2: This honestly stresses me out and upsets me and I've
• 58:38
  Speaker 2: told him. His project of the month. This month it
• 58:41
  Speaker 2: is learning to solder. Sometimes his projects are too ambitious
• 58:44
  Speaker 2: and I have to put my foot down and insist
• 58:46
  Speaker 2: that he scales them back a bit. His money making schemes.
• 58:50
  Speaker 2: Very dry technical stuff like the pathway substances take through
• 58:54
  Speaker 2: the brain or the finer points of cereal crops and
• 58:58
  Speaker 2: their production.
• 59:00
  Speaker 7: You know, he needs like a boyfriend that he can
• 59:02
  Speaker 7: just like talk to people about this stuff who will
• 59:05
  Speaker 7: actually reciprocate what he wants to talk about.
• 59:08
  Speaker 1: No, I agree.
• 59:09
  Speaker 2: I think he does need a friend to just kind
• 59:11
  Speaker 2: of spit this stuff out all the time.
• 59:13
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 59:13
  Speaker 1: I mean, low key, sounds like a bunch of nonsense.
• 59:17
  Speaker 6: These, it sounds like a bros night. It sounds like
• 59:21
  Speaker 6: you're just going to sit and talk about God knows what.
• 59:24
  Speaker 6: And like, you know, but that's what guys do. I feel,
• 59:28
  Speaker 6: I mean, I don't know.
• 59:29
  Speaker 7: I think it's, he's not sociable. He, he does get
• 59:32
  Speaker 7: to see his friends maybe once in a blue moon. Yeah.
• 59:36
  Speaker 1: Here we go.
• 59:37
  Speaker 6: Maybe calling.
• 59:38
  Speaker 2: Can we suggest an information diet? Sometimes whenever you're going
• 59:42
  Speaker 2: low contact with someone, you put them on an information diet.
• 59:45
  Speaker 8: What?
• 59:45
  Speaker 7: Trim like the fat, you know?
• 59:47
  Speaker 1: Trim the fat.
• 59:49
  Speaker 2: Like, babe, this sounds really interesting. What is something that
• 59:52
  Speaker 2: I can take away? Because with my learning of communication,
• 59:55
  Speaker 2: a lot of things that I've learned is like usually 20%
• 59:59
  Speaker 2: of what you say stick with people. So you have
• 1:00:01
  Speaker 2: to put a really big emphasis on what you want
• 1:00:04
  Speaker 2: to stick with other people. And that's why I repeat
• 1:00:07
  Speaker 2: myself or that's why I say certain things all the time.
• 1:00:10
  Speaker 2: So then that sticks with people because a lot of
• 1:00:12
  Speaker 2: this other fluff is going to be like shop down.
• 1:00:14
  Speaker 2: The only thing you're going to remember about this is
• 1:00:16
  Speaker 2: people remember 20% of what I say, all the other
• 1:00:18
  Speaker 2: stuff's gone because our brains can only handle so much stuff.
• 1:00:21
  Speaker 2: And you're constantly like overloaded, overloaded, overloaded, overloaded, overloaded. Then
• 1:00:25
  Speaker 2: you can, you break down.
• 1:00:28
  Speaker 6: Well, specifically for me, I have a really hard time. Like,
• 1:00:32
  Speaker 6: summarizing a story like I could not TLDR I couldn't
• 1:00:36
  Speaker 6: I'm horrible at doing it because I can't do this
• 1:00:38
  Speaker 6: one I can't not I don't know I would say
• 1:00:41
  Speaker 6: yeah well I mean this one yeah he talks too
• 1:00:43
  Speaker 6: much and OP is trying to find a way how
• 1:00:47
  Speaker 6: they can work around that.
• 1:00:48
  Speaker 1: Like, that's... That was brilliant. What are you talking about?
• 1:00:50
  Speaker 6: But no, but sometimes when there's more... This doesn't really
• 1:00:53
  Speaker 6: have a lot of information. It's just him talking, you know,
• 1:00:56
  Speaker 6: about nonsense.
• 1:00:57
  Speaker 1: If there's more players in the game, it probably would
• 1:00:59
  Speaker 1: take a little longer.
• 1:00:59
  Speaker 6: Yeah, like, I don't know, especially... Obviously, longer stories are
• 1:01:03
  Speaker 6: going to have, like, longer TLDRs, but it's just... I
• 1:01:05
  Speaker 6: can't leave out a detail. That's, like, hard for me.
• 1:01:08
  Speaker 6: It's like, I have to... I feel like if I
• 1:01:10
  Speaker 6: leave out the detail, then I'm like, oh, but then
• 1:01:13
  Speaker 6: when I... do say the details, then it goes off
• 1:01:15
  Speaker 6: on the tangent of how I felt in that moment
• 1:01:18
  Speaker 6: and the details that happened.
• 1:01:19
  Speaker 1: Then you're thinking about a.
• 1:01:20
  Speaker 2: Bowl of noodles.
• 1:01:22
  Speaker 7: It's another tangent. It's like a grapevine.
• 1:01:23
  Speaker 6: And then I'm like, okay, wait, back to the story.
• 1:01:25
  Speaker 6: It's really hard. I have to tell every single detail.
• 1:01:29
  Speaker 7: I know how Savannah's brain works now.
• 1:01:31
  Speaker 6: It's hard.
• 1:01:32
  Speaker 2: I want to talk about bowls of noodles and waffles
• 1:01:35
  Speaker 2: after this.
• 1:01:36
  Speaker 6: Yum.
• 1:01:36
  Speaker 7: Food.
• 1:01:37
  Speaker 1: You know what I'm talking about?
• 1:01:38
  Speaker 7: Okay.
• 1:01:38
  Speaker 1: Anyways, update.
• 1:01:40
  Speaker 2: Guys, you've all been super nice and supportive. I think
• 1:01:44
  Speaker 2: my biggest takeaway so far as follows. One, I need
• 1:01:48
  Speaker 2: to work on my feelings of guilt at being incapable
• 1:01:50
  Speaker 2: of listening to everything my husband says. No one can
• 1:01:54
  Speaker 2: listen to another person that much. I have some internal
• 1:01:58
  Speaker 2: work to do. Two, I need to set boundaries and
• 1:02:01
  Speaker 2: make some signal that I need quiet time, be it
• 1:02:04
  Speaker 2: removing myself physically, making a funny quiet hat, etc. Three,
• 1:02:10
  Speaker 2: I could try establishing a rule that if I don't
• 1:02:12
  Speaker 2: have eye contact, I am not listening. Four, my husband
• 1:02:16
  Speaker 2: could start journaling, posting to hobby groups online, filming himself,
• 1:02:20
  Speaker 2: make a podcast, etc. He needs a creative outlet for
• 1:02:23
  Speaker 2: his ideas. I agree with that big time because he's
• 1:02:26
  Speaker 2: always talking about how things are processed, his new money schemes.
• 1:02:29
  Speaker 7: The financial world, yeah.
• 1:02:31
  Speaker 1: Like all these things, I agree with that.
• 1:02:33
  Speaker 7: This guy's got a million things on his mind and
• 1:02:34
  Speaker 7: he wants to just speak about it.
• 1:02:35
  Speaker 1: That's me.
• 1:02:36
  Speaker 6: I think also, maybe.
• 1:02:40
  Speaker 6: Like, I don't know if this is maybe too much,
• 1:02:42
  Speaker 6: but if he likes to play video games, like, you know,
• 1:02:45
  Speaker 6: talking to other people online, I think would be a
• 1:02:48
  Speaker 6: great thing for him. So then it's like less social anxiety.
• 1:02:51
  Speaker 6: You don't like see the person you don't see, you know, Oh,
• 1:02:54
  Speaker 6: they're fading out or whatever. And like, usually when you're
• 1:02:57
  Speaker 6: like playing a video game, you like, I don't know
• 1:02:59
  Speaker 6: for me, I'll listen, but also I'm in the video game.
• 1:03:01
  Speaker 2: So I feel like being in a social world instead
• 1:03:04
  Speaker 2: of just, you should, if taking someone out of the
• 1:03:07
  Speaker 2: social element, I feel like.
• 1:03:09
  Speaker 1: Everyone should go to a pub. Or like a bar.
• 1:03:11
  Speaker 1: Or like meet other people.
• 1:03:12
  Speaker 6: But it's not for everyone though.
• 1:03:14
  Speaker 2: A lot of you agree that he seems a bit
• 1:03:16
  Speaker 2: autistic or that he has ADHD. But I think it's
• 1:03:19
  Speaker 2: clear that he isn't neurotypical. I have ADHD myself. My
• 1:03:23
  Speaker 2: husband likely has anxiety and needs to address it somehow.
• 1:03:27
  Speaker 2: My husband needs to get my attention before he starts
• 1:03:30
  Speaker 2: talking so he can be sure he's not interrupting me.
• 1:03:33
  Speaker 2: We as a couple need to communicate better. I need
• 1:03:36
  Speaker 2: to verbally tell him when I am done and he
• 1:03:38
  Speaker 2: needs to verbally get my attention and eye contact when talking.
• 1:03:43
  Speaker 1: I think this is going to be well.
• 1:03:44
  Speaker 2: It is nice to hear that there are a few
• 1:03:46
  Speaker 2: other weirdos out there who would listen to my husband's
• 1:03:49
  Speaker 2: rambling and I'll let him know what you said.
• 1:03:51
  Speaker 1: Yeah. My mom had to create a boundary with my dad.
• 1:03:55
  Speaker 2: My dad kept talking about how the world's flat, how
• 1:03:58
  Speaker 2: this is happening, how everything's evil, blah, blah, blah.
• 1:04:00
  Speaker 1: Mom's like, you got to stop. Yeah.
• 1:04:03
  Speaker 2: Putting a damper on things. Things you say in this house.
• 1:04:06
  Speaker 1: Have weight. And that weight is bringing me down.
• 1:04:09
  Speaker 7: Yeah.
• 1:04:10
  Speaker 1: She's 5'5. She can't go down any lower. Aww. And
• 1:04:14
  Speaker 1: that's the end of this story.